Your favorite single reply on a DL thread

I'll start, as I just saw this one yesterday.

The thread was "Amy Winehouse died 8 years ago today. What does DL think of her?"

And reply 2 nailed it:

"Congrats on 8 years of sobriety, Amy!"

Thread: "Were you close to someone who was murdered?"

"Yes. But, to be honest, we weren't that close." -- Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO

That was the first post by Patsy on DL.

R2 We could probably have an entire thread with just Mrs. Patsy Ramsey replies!

No.

Don't open this can of worms. You'll have all the old queens and bitches who think they're witty and clever recounting their lame cunty nastiness.

Mrs. Patsy Ramsey was funny the first time but it's usually not all that funny.

Here is my favorite, in response to the query "How do you know if you have worms?"

[quote] Hard boil a doxen eggs and buy eleven lemon cookies. Each day shove a hard boiled egg up your ass, wait a few minutes and shove alemon cookie up your butt. On the twelfth day shove the last egg up your ass and when the worm comes out and says "Hey where's my lemon cookie" hit it on the head with a hmmer.

Let's refocus and answer OP's call.

LOL R7

I will forever love this one, from the "The thread where we try an summon David Ehrenstein" from 2013.

Someone in the thread asked "Is/was he hot? What is his job? How did his name ever mean anything? Was he on Dynasty?"

Reply 64 made me laugh until I cried.

[quote] Yes, he had a long stint playing Dominique Devereaux, the most fabulous lounge chanteuse in all of Denver. He was, in a word, spectacular.

Many of the replies in "Teresa Giudice sure has some ugly kids" brought me to tears. Sadly that thread was deleted a while back.

"Was his anus clean?"

--Anne L. Lingus, MD

That joke's been funny since sixth grade and it's even funnier when it's made by an elderly gay man on Datalounge revisiting the humor of his childhood.

Right up there with "Did you present hole?" in terms of wit!

This one's probably 15 or more years old, and I have no memory of the thread or its subject. But at that time the "as I type" siggy had really taken off.

I was in bed Datalounging myself to sleep, and saw this signature:

[quote]Bill Clinton, fucking as I type.

I. Lost. It. It's not even the most clever thing I've ever seen here, but I guess it was the mental image that did me in.

The sky was so blue that day.

Years ago, a New Yorker was going on about the cutest waiter they'd ever seen, AD NAUSEUM, until someone finally snapped,

"Mary, please. I'm not going all the way to the UES to look at some queen in an apron."

!!!!!

I think Jaclyn Smith needs an MRI!

[quote] My first cat was a shelter cat . I named her Bootsie Gum Drops.

From a 2013 thread about A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2.

I'll tell you how gay that fucking movie is. Prior to seeing that movie in November of 1985, I was a butch, rough, tough, pussy pounding, mean mother-fucking son of a bitch. 90 minutes later I was skipping through the lobby, lisping like Cindy Brady and I was sucking 14 dicks in a row in the parking lot. The Birdcage was Terminator 2 in comparison to Nightmare 2.

—Lance, formerly str8

"Wolves and otters, theys my favorite"

!!!!!

[italic]Fat Whores, Rejoice !

Meanwhile, R5 remains as dull and witless as ever, as hall monitor for a grey private voucher school in Omaha.

Jackie On Assistance (Yes, I know it was inadvertent.)

Whoever posted about Danny Thomas and referred to his show as "Make Boom for Daddy"

Somebody wrote on “Celebrities Being Shoved Down Our Throats By the Entertainment Industry,” ... This title goes to Chalameh he can’t act and is homely but his team will market him as the next DiCaprio till the day they die.

That sums it up perfectly!

I like to leave a little 'gift' in the elevator.

r15- Was that the waiter in the bodega? He was Dominican or Cuban or Puerto Rican wasn't he? That was a great thread.

Basically every post in the African Baby Catalogue thread.

Saw this one today - Chet is the Hunter Biden of the Hanks family.

Thread title: I LOVE MONSTER COCK

Reply: me flattered but me straight

Signed: Cookie

I knew a girl who told me her favorite single reply. But then she died.

It goes back years to a thread on detective novels. Someone posted something like "Of course Rita Mae Brown writes murder mysteries that are solved by a cat--she's the world's biggest lesbian! If she could get away with it, she'd give the cat a little cane to carry."

I lost it completely.

Impacted bu coronavirus: cock sluts

Qui état cette cunt?

None of these are remotely funny. I guess you had to be there.

OP, there are far too many to list.

There’s rarely a time I don’t get a good belly laugh out of DL when I read. We have some of the funniest, wittiest posters of any board I’ve ever seen.

R4 The first few Let Me Tell You About Deb Messing threads were classic, for sure!

sorry that should have been R34

Would it have killed you to have at least posted a picture or link OP? Would it? I mean would that have really been that hard? Would it? Why don’t you try to think more of others next time before you post? Can you give us a straight answer? At least be honest for once in your life and tell us why you were so inconsiderate?

On a thread about the best Agatha Christie's, someone posted that they bought a load of them in a Paris(?) Airport during a layover.

The next post calmly remarked:

How long before you realised they were all in French?

In the "What is your SHORT example of how you grew up poor", r30 wrote:

"A neighbor ripped the antenna off of our car to beat a bill collector, we replaced it with a bent wire hanger. Our second hand radio goit stolen from the car and we kept the hanger where it was until we had to use it to open the car door because we locked the keys in it when we were at Kmart. "

I eat old people's excrement.

What, nothing about the World Trade Center being a great bottom?

That’s my most memorable comment.

One I remember: Someone said they went to a brunch or something with a friend, and some queen was over-filling his plate. His friend purred, "She just wants more and more".

[quote]...His face has a beautiful kind of Modigliani-esque quality to it. I've never seen such small eyes that could be so entrancing!

This post is so fucking MARY that three Portuguese peasant children fell to their knees in adoration upon reading it.

I guess the very first time I saw someone reply that a poster had stated her boundaries.

Commenting on Ryan Melchers looks (Doris Days grandson)

- He looks like a rehydrated Egyptian Mummy

In the thread ‘Roles Actors Turned Down’ someone mentioned Sigourney Weaver turned down the lead in The Piano.

Someone replied that they couldn’t imagine the six foot Weaver in the role.

And then r3 replied, “The original title was ‘The Grand Piano’.”

I’m still laughing. That definitely deserved a W&W

Love it R48

In the thread "Why did Demi Moore's Career Go Straight Down the Shitter?"...

[quote]It was discovered that she couldn't act and was no longer married to Willis. She's acceptable in A Few Good Men and Ghost because her leading men were feminine. Oh, and she was a ginormous asshole. Almost as stupid as Mel Griffith. She demanded private planes for takeout deliveries, nannies for her nannies, assistants to watch her assistants and the best hair, makeup and wardrobe in the world. Then she forgot to be on time or give a performance.

[quote]Her voice was attractive for one half of a movie before it started to grate and she had one pretty eye that the other one didn't know about.

Great thread. Mining gold here.

The thread was by the friend of Danny/Denny who was planning to visit NYC for the time with little money, no place to stay, and sporting a rolling suitcase. He planned on depending on the kindness of strangers aka tricks to get him through.

I have two favorites from this thread:

“that’s what Madonna does when she’s in town”

“We look forward to welcoming his corpse as it washes up on our shore. —- New Jersey “

A couple of years ago there was another interminable thread detailing the virtues (apparently few) and the vices (many) of life in Palm Springs. One poster was raving on and on about how they enjoyed the occasional Palm Springs spa weekend getaway as an antidote to the exhaustion of constantly jetting back and forth from New York to LA where they had a "winter base" working on "projects" in the '"industry" when someone else chimed in:

"Who the fuck are you, Michael Feinstein?"

R53

It took you ten minutes to get to THAT??!!!

R52 evoked one of my favourites. Under the heading "Suitcase full of body parts found in SF"...

You know, I thought I left my heart in San Francisco.

I really liked this plea, during a thread about evangelism:

Why is it that those who are Born Again are always the ones you wish hadn't been born even once?

We wouldn't have to do this if we had a Wit & Wisdom hall of fame.

On the linked DL thread, Poster # 290 said:

[quote] I typically get a bonus of six figures and I'm not even a rich person.

Poster # 291 said:

[quote] The ones after the decimal point don’t count.

From the "Are You Related to Anyone Famous" Thread...

I am Mrs. Norman Maine.

Much more of a group effort, but the Elite Thanksgiving thread had some pretty funny material.

More a shared short story than a series of replies, though.

A while ago someone wrote that Tori Spelling still looks like a mudskipper, despite having all of that work performed on her face. I had no idea what a mudskipper was back then but when I googled it I almost fell out of my chair laughing: it totally looks like Tori, with those weird bulging eyes.

(From the active thread linked [all I can remember!]):

Coronavirus is not a bad people’s disease Rose!

—Blanche

The Butt-hurt Redundant Thread Copycat @ r39 who cuts and pastes his screed was never funny and never will be. He just proves us right that he’s pollution on this site.

I hope the toxic turd dies in a vat of sarcastic Vivian Vances who also think they’re hilarious.

You’re welcome, r47.

The rehydrated mummy was mine! 😁

Following up from R62, in one of the GG threads, someone commented in reference to Dorothy's wedding gown:

"Wardrobe by Georgia-Pacific."

The person who measured someone's insufferableness in units of Paltrows, something like "it could be worse; she's only 7 Paltrows out of a possible 10."

Ah hell, I already mentioned that back on a thread about this very topic a little over a year ago.

Whoever coined snack purse. Or the get out of the sweep of my caftan. Or anything Morgellons.

On one of the older housewives threads, the prospect of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner joining the show had several posters coining an opening catchphrase for him. My favorite was: I'm shopping for a cunt. Looks like I've come to the right place.

Thank you all. We need the laughs right now.

I laugh from cold maw of SPACE!

Ok. Who came up with "snack purse"?

The first time I remember seeing it - and laughing like crazy - was in a post that was partially titled "Not Without My Snack Purse".

But I assume someone wrote it earlier.

Our snack purse hero makes an appearance on this thread. I think it started in late 2018?

R54 in that thread said it. He wins all the WWs

I can't remember the exact thread but some militant person was chiding dataloungers for not doing enough to stop some anti- gay marriage bill, telling them they should be out in the streets protesting "in bulletproof caftans".

One of my favorites was in a thread about Jennifer Lien, the troubled former [italic]Star Trek: Voyager[/italic] actress with a string of arrests, when someone said her mugshot looked like a forensic sculpture.

R76 !!! omg it does

I confess to having kept favourite quotes over the years, so I now have a big collection. Here are some more favourites:

Things parents tell their kids to make them feel better - "Of course you're not adopted. We wouldn't pick you on purpose."

From a thread called I Just Had Hot Fireman Sex, where OP noted "Me and the firestud were just staring each other down", the killer reply was "He was probably in awe that in all his years as a firefighter, he'd never seen anything that flaming."

And this eulogy for the [then] recently departed Michael Jackson: "Seemed to me he lived his life like a candle in the wind: all waxy and melty and slowly deformed."

R78 Bwah!

I Aretha (Hateretha) replies were some of my faves. Like the "Etta James is Dead to Me" thread. She appears at r3 with a simple "At Last!"

I’m so proud I made one person’s list. And with not even one I would consider my “better ones.”

It really does make you feel good.

(OK, I have no life.)

When Miss Warwick said Diana Ross owed her entire solo career to the five words, "Oh, Berry! It's too big!"

R75 Someone once made the same comment about Huckabee Sanders. I can't unsee it now.

R76. pardon

R82 yes, that was a classic

You want some more? (Please note that "R1" does not necessarily denote the right number the reply was on the original thread.)

This OP posted a photo labelled "Male Perfection" and followed up with, "I challenge you to find even ONE flaw." The response was quick: "Please... this is Datalounge... you may as well challenge any of us to breathe."

NYC - 14 People Shot In A Single Day R1: Give us a break OP. It was the first warm day of the year. Many of us haven't even taken our guns out of winter storage yet.

The Beatles Were Bi R1: Paul was/is too much of a pussy hound to have ever been bi. It's a known fact that, especially in the early days, he was pretty much fucking everything on two legs with a vagina. R2: Then eventually moved on to anything with ONE leg and a vagina.

Double Life - Do you have one? R1: Two lives? Most of the people here don't even have ONE.

Body of Bikini Model Found Stuffed in Suitcase R1: Son of Samsonite did it.

In a similar vein: Murder at the Dog Show! OP said "Someone's been feeding the Irish Setter poisoned meat cubes at the world's most prestigious dog show Crufts. The Kennel Club is looking into reports that six dogs may have been poisoned at Crufts, as owners suggested more than one poisoner may have been on the loose.” R1: There's a serial killer on the loose! by: The Yorkshire Terrier Ripper

In a thread in which someone said he baked a cake, someone answered "I like cak"

I responded, "Cak? What are you, three years old?"

and someone else responded, "Liza, is that you?"

Also, I don't remember the original post, probably something about a man doing or saying something dumb, but the response was, "Why are me so stupid?" Which became a DL staple for years.

In the thread for post-WH employment options for Sarah Sanders, someone said the NRA should hire her; they could make good use of her... for target practice.

[quote] Also, I don't remember the original post, probably something about a man doing or saying something dumb, but the response was, "Why are me so stupid?" Which became a DL staple for years.

It was "Why are straight me so stupid?"

Sometimes I go into threads I have absolutely no interest in the topic just to read some of the responses.

One of my favorites was on the Cruise Ship Tot Drop Pop. When discussing the funeral someone chimed in with “please don’t let him be a pallbearer!”

My favorites are in the Frau threads because the guys who complain about them inevitably reveal that they, themselves, are Karens - which often leads to hilarity. “The Hallmark channel is their porn.” Such projection.

One of those Sumerian threads was about their film industry, and someone posted, "In discussing Sumerian films, "pre-Code" means "before Hammurabi."

This was many years ago.

The thread was entitled: "The Anniversary of the Death of the People's Princess is the SADDEST DAY EVER!!!"

Tequila Mockingbird was R1: "Crying as I type . . . ."

One that always cracked me up:

"Lesbianism MOST FOUL!"

Remember the person fleeing New Orleans in a car during Hurricane Katrina who posted, "I'm evacuating as I type."

[quote]"I'm evacuating as I type."

One of Mrs Patrick Campbell's tricks posted that.

Not Erna's?

Or are they the same person?

[quote]"I'm evacuating as I type."

Didn't Tommi DiDario post that as he was taking one of his innumerable selfies whilst perched atop his toilet?

R98 Mrs Patrick Campbell was the name of that poster for well over a decade.

But, apparently, it was a play on his real name, so he changed it to "Erna."

Oh my god some of these are gold! Thank you all for posting. I needed the laughs after the last week.

Why didn't Karen Carpenter Get Cast in Grease?

Someone posted a picture of her days before death with a fro and a hideous outfit captioning "Tell me about it, stud." I laughed the ENTIRE day.

I always love the posts on any Karen Carpenter thread from Anna Wintour: "She could afford to lose a few."

R102 that is SO awful and SO mean!!!!!!!

Ugh, I just searched that thread and some troll got rid of that post! It was R31.

BYE FUGLICIA

Spaz Troll on the thread.

[quote]hit it on the head with a hmmer.

A very late Oh Dear.

On the Chris Cuomo thread just recently was this beauty after someone said he had kids that were on the internet all the time;

[quote] Well, then, Chris Cuomo's kids: YOUR DAD IS A SWEET PIECE OF ASS WITH A BIG FAT FUCKIN' COCK AND WE'D ALL SEED HIS JUICY MANCUNT.

Now go to bed, kids!

This one:

[quote]Picturing soon a naked, ugly nerd in a leg cast shuffling away from OP’s lair as fast as he can whilst being trailed by an Orson Welles lookalike in a mauve caftan on a Rascal with a matted-up old Lhasa Apso in the front basket.....trailed by the FBI, alerted by an alarmed DL frau.

Just this morning, in the thread about someone being fucked by an immigrant convenience store cashier and then asked to pay for subsequent hookups, one poster replied "No free refills!" I badly needed that laugh.

R80, I'm an Etta James fan and that is awful, but even I have to admit it's also hilarious.

It was a comment in the "Damn, Teresa Guidice has some ugly kids" thread.

[quote]The female stares quizzically back at the camera surrounded by her young. Her mate, the old silverback, has just left her for another female".

The picture they captioned was a mag cover of Teresa, staring quizzically, surrounded by her simian looking kids. I busted a gut over that one with tears streaming.

There was another in the Crabwalking lesbians thread where someone posted something like "you think that's bad? My bf insists he's a vampire and levitates. I just hand him a swiffer and tell him to dust the chandelier. He might as well be useful"...for some reason that one hit my funny bone because it's something that I would do in that situation.

The Dialing the Phone with a Pencil thread had some truly hilarious replies.

Re; 32 did it for me.

From the Bradley Cooper made Irina Shayk cry at Wimbledon thread: Apparently, she was seen wiping away tears after he whispered something in her ear. He looked happy as a clam, but she was pretty dour. What could he have said to her?

reply 9 quoting Hannibal Lecter will always be my favourite:

"You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from collective farm trash, are you, Irina? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure Ukranian steppe. What is your father, dear? Is he a ploughman? Does he stink of the wheat? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of Moskvitches... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to Wimbledon."

[quote] I had no idea what a mudskipper was back then but when I googled it I almost fell out of my chair laughing: it totally looks like Tori, with those weird bulging eyes.

A similar thing happened to me when someone likened princess beatrice to a tarsier 😂😂

[quote] I had no idea what a mudskipper was back then but when I googled it I almost fell out of my chair laughing: it totally looks like Tori, with those weird bulging eyes.

A similar thing happened to me when someone likened princess beatrice to a tarsier 😂😂

On the thread today about Sam Smith having a breakdown in isolation...

'He is such a theyby'.

Response to a newbie on a thread about Sunset Boulevard: *sigh*. If we really have to explain it to you you might as well start fucking women.

From an old thread about Lisa Whelchel's use of hot sauce as "creative correction":

[quote]She put some on my wectum. I scweamed!

[quote]—B. Walters

LOL AT R120 now I'm sore from laughing

Bumpitybumpbump

I don't remember the exact thread title, but it had something to do with "My Biggest Regret In Life." One response was "Carrying to term" and it was signed "Blythe Danner."

LOL R123 I remember that. That one landed on the W&W wall.

When Ariel Castro's victims were found in his basement someone wrote:

"When they see what's become of Cleveland they'll want to go back in."

From one of the innumerable threads savaging Sarah Sanders's looks:

[quote]It's like her face got tired of being a face.

From "Damn, Teresa Giudice has some ugly kids":

[quote]The youngest one looks like a bookie in Bayonne I once owed money to.

From some thread about costume design in Golden Age Hollywood:

[quote]My neighbor just banged on my wall and yelled at me to turn down the gay.

"Martha Stewart couldn't be a bigger lesbian if she did her entire show with a lady sitting on her face!"

Another funny Martha-related DL post happened when someone complained that some other DL poster called him a fat yeast-infected cunt, because he admitted to using a lemon extract instead of lemon peel in some recipe.

Someone replied to him: "Martha never talked like that before prison"

How did I miss this thread .......

too much social distancing from my tablet.

There was a thread dealing with proper table manners. Someone complained that his friend would casually reach over and snatch tidbits off other diners' plates at family-and-friend meals. One DLer suggested, "Wait until he does it again, and very loudly say, 'oh, look, everyone, Miss Helen Keller has joined us!' "

Thanks for this thread.

I've needed the LOLs.

I love that people are providing context too and not just saying the line.

Without a setup it could fall flat.

"The Sound of Music Live" thread had some hilarious replies. DLers were eviscerating Carrie Underwood's performance only minutes after the broadcast started. Someone wrote "How can you judge an acting performance in only 12 minutes?" to which someone replied:

"Honey, it's Datalounge! We can judge an acting performance AND hand out the awards in 12 seconds and still have time to light a cigarette."

This is really why I miss when WW's were on the "front page" or had their own "wall."

So fun to read those.

My favourite reply from the Sound of Music thread:

"Have you SEEN what the real Maria Von Trapp looked like? Let's just say I can believe schnitzel with noodles were some of her favorite things."

From 'Queen to have a "quiet word" with Meghan to "help her avoid further PR blunders“ - What do we think THE QUEEN will say, DL?'. Impious but brilliant:

[quote] “It would upset one so if there were to be another tragedy as what befell poor Harry’s mother.”

In one of the countless monster cock threads there was this absolute gem of raging horniness conveyed through flowery imagery:

[quote] That's a WHOLE LOTTA NOODLE going on down there. I would love to have my nose buried in his fragrant bush while I nursed on his noodle. —HEAVEN!

But my all-time favorite was this one. I don't remember the topic of the thread, and I have no idea who Marlo Thomas is, but it made me cry with laughter for half an hour straight.

[quote]Marlo Thomas' pussy queefs constantly as she walks, so she's learned to toss her head back and laugh randomly - in that way she has... Which comes out sounding like some kind of crunching styrofoam noise, because of her compulsive comestic nose surgeries she's had over the years to reduce the size of her honker and that have damaged her sinus cavities and her voice... All in an attempt to cover the queefing noise....

Oftentimes it's not the particularly well-phrased replies that crack me up, but the completely absurd ones; those that make me wonder, 'How the hell did someone come up with THAT?!'

Just today, in a thread about an Arizona deplorable who died after drinking fish tank cleaner because he thought it contained a coronavirus antidote, a DLer asked, "What was on his banjo?" I damn near peed myself.

This just happened yesterday and already ranks as one of my favorites.

While discussing the economic stimulus package, people were saying they would get this, they wouldn’t get that, etc. etc. Then came this response which made me bust a gut from laughing:

[quote]I got a rock.

[quote]—Charlie Brown

I still laugh when I just think of it.

I don’t get it R137...

Are you new here, r139?

I’m not being snarky, but the only way you wouldn’t get that is if you were new here.

Another Miss Warwick comment to someone who was hassling her about her language.

"Sure, bitch. You're one of those people who wouldn't say "shit" if you didn't have mouthful."

Way too many to list.

But this one from March 2019 : **BREAKING** Cruise ship evacuated off the coast of Norway"

"I'd be shoving crab legs and desserts into my pie hole."

caused tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

For a priceless thread title:

Chrissy Metz part 4: The Wrath of Pon

When commenting on Sara Sander's new makeup someone noted her "smokey eye looked more like a burning tire"

THREAD "Coronavirus is Spread by Feces."

R1: "RIP, Erna"

In the new thread about Mayor Pete having a beard:

"Big deal! I've had a beard for 35 yrs."

Signed - Mike Pence

In an early coronavirus thread:

The ban only applies to gatherings of 250 or more, so Janet Jackson remains unaffected.

A thread where people posted audio tracks.

In one, "Julie Andrews" sang selections from her banned album "Julie, the Racist Years."

"A boy in the field gives me a look that's not rude -- but bold!

Next day, his mother discovers: He's sold!

Theres are a few of my slavery things!

Bull whips and shackles as they flee lynch mobs,

The woebegotten pickin' cotton -- for free! -- as their jobs!

Theses are a few of my slavery things.

When segregation ends.

When the Voting Rights Act is passed,

I simply remember my slavery things,

And then I knoooooooooooow

Jim Crow will laaaaaaaaaaaast!"

Also on that audio threat, Cheryl sang this song:

"My pussy stinks.

It really do.

My boyfriend thinks,

It smells like poo.

It's hard to get cock,

When the seagulls flock."

You're "special" aren't you r148, r149?

ahem

From the deleted [italic] Things Patsy Ramsey Said to the Police That Morning[/italic] thread:

Can we have ONE conversation in this house that doesn't become all about HER?

Don’t be clearing your throat on THIS thread, r151. Spreadin your germs and whatnot all over some of DL’s classics.

Go get yourself and tissue dammit.

"It's WATER, Helen."

The proposed title of the musical version of "Miracle Worker" and it still makes me giggle.

"Oh, please do and take pictures. Don't forget the Aloe Vera for the inevitable burns." - when an OP asked if he should have a Margarine Fountain at a cookout. Still my favorite thread and the one that got me to DL in the first place somehow.

"Well, that didn't go well." - another OP who had just Had Sex with Jani Layne and was giving us live updates post-coital. The rocker was passed out asleep and we encouraged OP to wake him up. Which he did -- to screams of "GET OUUUUT!"

[quote]"It's WATER, Helen."

The proposed title of the musical version of "Miracle Worker" and it still makes me giggle.

Thanks R154 that was me!

On the Kobe death thread, someone commented: "I feel so broken right now."

Someone responded: "Well, so does Kobe."

In the same vein, R157, there's this:

Steve Jobs Movie Flops

R23: But wasn't Jobs a cold person?

R 24: Not sure but you can bet he is now.

If you could go back in history and help one person, who would it be? What would you say?

R1. I'd go back and help Anne Frank. I'd tell her that hairstyle really doesn't work for her.

I loved the various Constance McCashin comments, where she was always snacking.

My all time favorite appeared in this thread...

It's the final comments on this page...

Thanks for a lot of laughs, R156. I hope you have or are pursuing a comedy writing career. Hollywood needs you.

R154's contribution makes me think of another DL game we could play. It's from the book The Art of Course Acting, which recounts an amateur production in which the Messenger ran on one night during the Scottish Play and shouted, "The Queen, my Lord, is not dead!"

The game is how pithily, and preferably how early in the plot, can you foil the entire plot of a play, novel or movie by distorting or interpolating a line. (Another example from the same book is, "Thank you, Professor Higgins. I find that after one lesson I can speak perfectly.")

Is that worth a thread?

[R164] Yes!

"Funny, you don't look like a policeman."

"Put the key back under the rug before you leave." "I think I'd rather replace it before I ENTER."

"I see dead people, GET IT?!"

Go jump in the toilet

My favorite Sinead O' Connor song, [R167]!

WTF?

How did a great thread get derailed?

Create your own thread for that stupid “game.”

TOPIC "Ways people you know have killed themselves."

RESPONSE: "By talking back to her mother." -- Patsy Ramsey

"Welcome to Datalounge-- where the weak are killed and eaten like a child at Disney."

In response to someone complaining about the irreverent jokes about the Disney Alligator incident.

On the thread about "DL's Favorite Detective Novels" - "The Murders in the Rue McClanahan.

I can't remember the reply but someone on the Theatre Gossip thread signed their post "Steve [Sondheim], winking but you can't tell."

Someone wrote, re: Oprah: "It seems like she gained a lot of weight, but then she lost it."

The reply: "I think you just summarized Oprah's life story in one sentence."

It made me sad, but it also made me laugh.

OK, I've tried not to respond to this thread because I wanted to quote a few replies from a certain classic DL thread but I couldn't find just one or two or three or four I wanted to repeat. And the topic is single reply. But finally I just decided to link the entire thread. "Dog Fucks Baby Up the Ass!"

At first, there is snark, but disbelief at the news article OP posted from the small local family paper OP quoted, since there is no detail. And it gets hysterical. No one believes the original news article OP posted nor do the commenters at the original article. But as the thread goes on, other papers finally publish the details that make the the original story believable. The thread explodes.

First reply: That's why they call it doggie style.

Total DL classic. Start and just keep reading:

Oh, God, r175. That was one of my favorites. Was it really 13 years ago? I was Cesar Millan:

[quote]No, ju must take control! Ju can't let the dog just decides when he gonna fuck the baby! Ju got to be the pack leader and give him PERMISSION!

[quote]Ju make him sit...and siiiittt...and siiiiitttt. That's a good boy. All right! NOW you can fuck the baby!

[quote]That's how ju teach a dog to fuck a baby!

OMG SO AWFUL

Shouldn’t the boy & his mother be exploited once more by appearing on Dr Philth.

Someone on here said that Fred Armisen looked like a frog receiving surprise anal, and I’ve been hooked ever since. I think that was 2015?

R30 love it

The water Helen bit was done by South Park in 2001 or so. They did a musical and the opening song was “Water Helen, water!” So no, R156, you most likely did not come up with that....unless you’re Trey Parker of Matt Stone.

R181 Does Helen actually sing in this musical?

THREAD: "Things Mrs. Patsy Ramsey Said to the Police That Morning"

POST: "The bad news: My precious angel has been viciously murdered. The good news: Everyone in our sister act can now do a kick-ball-change."

In a thread about chopsticks R15 was all in favour, but I whooped at the rejoinder:

R15: I've watched too many people chasing a pea around a plate with a fork.

R20: What an interesting hobby, [R15].

I don’t recall the thread and can’t find a link, but an astute DLer once commented on one of the interminable Troll-threads for Jeremy Renner stangurls that the man in question has “a face like a cat’s ass”. I’ve never forgotten it, and I can’t see his face or hear his name without thinking immediately of it.

I remember the poster whose boyfriend put a porcelain clown figurine in the bathroom.

"Can't shit. Clown will eat me."

I don't know why I thought that was so funny.

R186

That is a bit from the Simpsons where Homer made Bart a bed with a big clown face.

“Can’t sleep! Clown’ll eat me!”

R182

The episode is called The Miracle Worker. Helen doesn’t sing. She grunts wah tur wah tur. The townspeople ding:

She did it! She did it! Water! Water water!

Water Helen, water!

We can’t believe she did it! The dumb kid really did it!

Water Helen, water!

R185 That may have been me, I use that expression a lot!

There was an earthquake in Palm Springs a while back. Someone posted:

"Big earthquake here in Palm Springs. Mom was holding on for dear life, but she's 93 so she usually is."

[quote]The water Helen bit was done by South Park in 2001 or so. They did a musical and the opening song was “Water Helen, water!” So no, [R156], you most likely did not come up with that....unless you’re Trey Parker of Matt Stone.

I have no reason to doubt that they did and I'm sure you're correct. But I've never seen a complete episode of Southpark. I honestly came up with it myself. It is one of the two things I've thought of that took off here. The other is "Helenesque" which was from that same Helen Lawson thread.

Ok, done humble bragging. Have a good weekend!

Someone posted a glowing tribute to Glenn in Sunset Boulevard in 1994 LA. They praised her for carrying on during a mini-earthquake.

Someone then offered that this wasn't an earthquake, it was Rosie O'Donnell filming The Flintstones nearby and running up a hill.

I love this response for its ability to evoke a time and place. So much so that I saved it.

Thread was "Re: Tab soda and the 70’s diet craze". Response 85:

Where do I start?

My mother subsisted on Tab and Parliament cigarettes; it was the '70s. Every morning she awoke before our family awoke to prepare us for our day, every day. She wasn't a 'Coffee Drinker'; she was a 'Tab Drinker.' When we awoke to prepare for work/school/our day, we'd find her at the kitchen table (obviously already awake for hours), engrossed in her NY Times Crossword Puzzle, with her lit Parliament 100 lounging in its huge glass ashtray; her iced Tab sparkling away in its 16-ounce glass tumbler: the perfect marriage.

There she sat in her faded house dress, legs tucked under her, pink sponge rollers decorating her hair, pencil poised, while silently focusing on formulating a 14-letter synonym for 'Introspection' ('Thoughtfulness'); then she'd smile: Happiness.

Saturday mornings we'd find her enjoying/contemplating the same characteristics (introspection/thoughtfulness/ - the perfect marriage/happiness): she'd be silently tending to her precious Neon Tetras, though with three Parliament 100s glowing at once, in various locations throughout the house, with her sparkling Tab(s) nearby to keep her company. Upon our clumsy arrival into the family room for Saturday morning cartoons, she'd jump up to hug us, her faded housedress swirling about her too-thin frame, with her pink-sponge rollers dancing about her head. She'd smile, laugh aloud, while kissing us on our precious, innocent foreheads.

Happiness.

“Tom Cruise’s butt plug” In response to “Create your own ‘gayer than...’” thread.

You type fat.

Do bottoms end up in diapers?

Depends.

R3 : “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s ... well, at least it wasn’t a plane.”

[Quote] three Parliament 100s glowing at once, in various locations throughout the house,

Update: The house burned down with my mother inside.

Someone posted a video of Vanessa Redgrave recreating Isadora Duncan being choked to death by a big red scarf caught in the wheels of her car.

Some below posted "White would have brought out her eyes more".

That could have been my mom described in R193

This one tonight in the "Take Me Seriously, Dammit" roles that Failed:

First reply:

"Meghan Markle - Duchess of Sussex"

Against all expectations, "Last Airbender" is a huge hit

Well, for once that's a twist to an M. Night Shyamalan movie no one saw coming.

[quote]Many of the replies in "Teresa Giudice sure has some ugly kids" brought me to tears.

Ugly in Pink

To my surprise, I have 31 WW’s for my own response that is on a thread that is active right now, and I didn’t even know there were 31 people here! I hope it’s ok to like my own comment.

[quote] OP: What do all of you morons who were spewing “the flu is just as bad” have to say now?

[quote] Respondent 1: Does your insufferable smugness contribute anything to the situation, OP, or is it just a way for you to feel a little bit less like a nothing for a few minutes?

[quote] Me: OP’s smugness is perfectly sufferable, and I support him.

The first response in the thread "So This Quarantine We Have Going On Could Last As Long As 12 to 18 Months". You have to read the OP's entire post first.

^Here is the link for R205

I did not like Heath Ledger in his role as “Joker.”

I don’t know why I love that so much.

The first time I read - you type fat.

So funny.

"Which one is he Sherlock, Loki or the Elf King from the hobbit"? posted by someone in an old Tom Hiddleston thread.

I heard that the World Trade Center is an insatiable bottom.

And, Why are straight me so stupid?

On an I Love Lucy thread:

This thread and others make me think that Datalounge is basically a secret underground civilization of people who have never seen the actual world above. The only clues they have to it are some ancient videotapes of the complete series of "I Love Lucy" and "The Golden Girls," and they watch these over and over again, obsessing about them, going over every last detail, and wondering just how life in the sunlit world above can possibly correspond to the details of what they're seeing on the holy videotapes.

On the thread about "Celebrities You Get Confused", someone posted Morgan Fairchild and Morgan Freeman.

I was reading this my office and trying not to laugh out loud. I had tears streaming down my cheeks from trying to hold in my laughter.

I can see why they'd watch The Golden Girls over and over again, trying to get things straight in their heads. The floorplan of that house makes no sense.

From the current Andrea Bocelli thread:

[quote]I’d like to punch dear Stevie Wonder’s dresser in the cunt. A national treasure wandering about looking like Bill Cosby’s date couch.

This one, which occured on this very thread:

[quote]This post is so fucking MARY that three Portuguese peasant children fell to their knees in adoration upon reading it.

[quote]an astute DLer once commented on one of the interminable Troll-threads for Jeremy Renner stangurls that the man in question has “a face like a cat’s ass”. I’ve never forgotten it, and I can’t see his face or hear his name without thinking immediately of it.

Someone else posted that he "looks like melting bologna" and now it's the first thing that pops into my head when I hear his name.

On the thread How does Vagina affect You?

Much like St. Louis's airport. I passed through it briefly once and have no intention of going back.

Years ago I started a thread with a link to a dry legal article about a lesbian couple and a problem with the will after one died. I did not expect it to be a barn burner thread, but someone replied:

[quote]Because not even death can stop lesbian drama.

I lost it.

R218 LOLOLOL!

Right now there's a fairly new thread called "Is it ethical for people to own pets" or something of the sort. In response to a comment about a cat's natural instinct to kill, a very astute DLer replied, "Cats are natural born killers like Jeffrey Dahmer. If you released a million Jeffrey Dahmers into the wild there would be no asian boys anymore."

There was a thread that had something to do with favorite singers or song performances, and someone mentioned a song by simply "Luther", obviously meaning Vandross. But somebody couldn't resist snarking "Luther who? Luther Vandross? Martin Luther?", to which someone replied, "LEX Luthor, Rose!"

I must've been in a silly mood that day, because I laughed for a good minute.

On the legendary "Dan Motherfuck" thread, where a drunk,stunting teen stuck his head out of the emergency hatch of a moving bus at the wrong time and smacked into an overpass.

Post:This is really sad, the best part of his life was in front of him

Reply: His head?

Here you go R222

Truly a great thread.

There's a current thread about a Texas deplorable named Karen, who died of covid19 after defying orders to remain at home and sequester herself. One DL commenter summed it up nicely: "Karen finally got to talk to the manager."

On a thread started by someone bitching they have been instructed to report back to work:

“Those sweaters aren’t going to fold themselves.”

This was posted within the past couple of days (sorry—can't remember the thread), in response to someone slightly bitching about something:

Simmer down, fatso. Pudding day is tomorrow.

The other day on the Jack Mackenroth thread

[italic]"It’s been 12 years since I was on project runway and you’re still talking about me so I’m doing something right."[/italic]

We also reference the Whore of Babylon, Sondheim's basement and Babs finally doing Gypsy. What's his point?

LOL'ing at this response on the Did Jessica Fletcher Ever Take A Lover thread....

[quote] No, she had the Jeff Stryker realistic dildo that kept her fulfilled and so she had no sexual frustration interfering with her cases. She later traded it in for the Chad Hunt dildo which was ever better for her.

Not a reply, but a tip o' the wig to the queen who created a poll asking "What is life least like?"

The choices were:

- The French Riviera

- A charity ball

- A great big bed of roses

- Show biz

Raw tits, flush with milk, a small goat follows at her scent. A mass of dark ravens mane fur flowing from the heaving meaty gland between her thick thighs. a warriors braid down her muscular back. an oxen's pelt over her broad shoulders. rich menstrual blood flows down onto her viking boot. her hooves, horn, and tail greased with the cunt musk of the villages ripest, thick titted virgins. This glorious, valiant, she-huntress scouting out all of the undergounds remaining outlawed cock, each one severed another feather in her dark crown

In a thread about Rachael Ray at reply 150:

[quote] Whatever happened to Rachael Ray's neck?

[quote] Same thing that happened to your abs

From the "Why isn't Tori Spelling Filthy Rich" thread:

Why is anyone entitled to money simply because they fell out of the vagina of someone who has lots of it?

On the thread about a Karen being kicked out of Trader Joe's for refusing to wear a mask in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic:

[quote]....Now about no shirt, no shoes, no service. I'm fine with no shirt if the guy is hot. Otherwise, cover it up when shopping.

Another one from that Karen thread. She had been berating people for looking like idiots for wearing masks

[quote]They look like idiots with masks on? She looks like an idiot with that face on.

after getting fucked by a convenience store clerk in the back room after closing, the bottom returned for more the next week only to find there would be a charge .....

"No Free Refills"

From the "are you related to anybody famous?" thread;

"I am Mrs. Norman Maine."

Just today—Best. Reply. Ever.

In a new thread about a guy who was angry because his partner peed on him, response #1 was:

Urine danger, gurl!

This thread is worthless without pics.

This is why they hate us.

My love to all the Ann Miller troll clones. Keep that cahrn coming!

R238 didn’t understand the assignment.

The BDSM reply: a relentless day of shopping, Bloomingdales, Dillard’s, Saks, and Macy’s.

Is there anything a gay flight attendant can't do?

Top.

On an old thread about the hotness of Mormon Elders, some mad genius made reference to ‘ovaries clacking like castanets’.

I've read this on a couple of threads and it always makes me laugh:

Hold me David. I'm scared.

Has anyone here witnessed any horrible celebrity behavior?

I saw Patti Lupone in Sunset Boulevard

Very old thread: Celebrity Fragrances: "Over" by Sharon Stone - I laughed for days

R242 also works for gay Nurses.

The one that just happened on the "Incel blows off his hand making a bomb to blow up hot cheerleader" thread....

"His hand? Now there goes his sex life entirely."

In the thread entitled [italic]Where do farts go?[/italic], someone replied, "To the bunker under the White House."

There were two.

On the revival of Another World thread, someone claiming to be D. Hall said she'd play Ada only if she could have in her contract that she perform every scene with a "dishrag over her shoulder, the technique perfected by the late Connie Ford." Something about the word 'perfected.'

The other was a soap thread; KKL's son had done a porno and one poster wrote: "Well, what do you expect when he's got a mother with no morals, no sense of decency, no self-respect."

At first I thought WHOA; mean! And then I saw that it was signed "Stephanie Forrester."

R250 — I guess you would have had to have been there.

[quote] “Those sweaters aren’t going to fold themselves.”

That was me!

Trust me R251. I was there. It was hilarious. I need to get off of this meth stuff.

R250 Knowing both of those shows, those are a riot.

Another one from the celebrity fragrance thread —

Still, by Christopher Reeve

I also cried laughing at all the Terri Schiavo album covers.

i need to look for those two threads R255! sounds hysterical

R254, thanks

Oh, R251, you're a cunt!

This on the "What will you be cancelled for ?" thread

| In high school I was a "Blind Man" for Halloween. I had the shades, the cane, a cup of pencils, even a stuffed dog on a leash.

Did you swing the dog around on the leash while saying “Pardon me... I’m just looking around” ?

Another funny celebrity fragrance was "0/7" by G, signed by you-know-who.

The entire Someone Stole My Tina Turner Wall Clock is a fucking gold mine.

On some thread about how terrible a song with Debbie Harry and a bunch of drag queens is:

"Tragic is right, this is why Van Gogh cut off his ear and had to be stopped from taking the other one."

[quote] Your favorite single reply on a DL thread

"mein fuhrer" said no one.

Mein Furher isn't supposed to be funny.

It's an admonishment for people who were too stupid to do a search before posting a new thread.

Thread Title: "I was born in 71".

OP: "so come folk name a famour track from the year you was bron and the year you was born?"

R 1: "I guess they weren't giving oxygen to new borns in 71."

This still cracks me up.

Thread: “What are the Early Signs of Alzheimer’s?”

Reply: We already told you once!

R15 probably is dead from the rona by now, but illiteracy extends beyond mortality.

It's "ad nauseam."

Bitch was walking in front of my house today (on the sidewalk) and I started snorting like a pig so she could know I’m onto her.

—Op

The Tina Turner Wall Clock Thread saved my life.

R267, that’s so homestyle hilarious! I love it!

L'Wren Scott hangs herself

L'sphyxiation!

--Anonymous

How did Datalounge exist in 1995?

I remember the first day that Datalounge came on-line. May 6, 1995. I was the very first poster. I complained about Primetime. I was my own [R1] and called myself as OP a cunt.

On May 7 I started the second thread, in which I noted that the DL was a lot better the day before.

On the third day Mediapolis put me to sleep and took one of my ribs. It created the first Frau poster with it. She posted a thread about cats and vegetarianism and complained about all the queers on the site.

The fourth thread was all about big cocks. By then a few other posters had arrived. They started attacking each other on the third post. The thread went to 23,340 posts without ever going back to the original point of the thread. Of course at that time you couldn't post links to things. You had to fax photos to the DL and they would then post text descriptions of the photos. (They asserted a detached, independent description was necessary.)

By the end of the fifth day of the Datalounge I noticed that the inhouse editors were mixing up the descriptions of the hot big cocks and the Frau's pussies. I posted a complaint.

And then I was banned.

Good times.

-- The Very First Datalounge Poster

Why are you eating so many pies fattie?

R95 Surely 'LESBIANISM MOST FOWL'

I can't believe two of my posts were mentioned here -Better than an Oscar! Gotta say this thread made me laugh so hard, and for so long, that my stomach is aching now. For the record, I was pleased with my posts at the time I made them (I'm a right smug bastard), but they are hardly in the league of the true classics here. Some of you people are fucking brilliant.

R273 The art of the Humble Brag in its most elevated form xx

On the "Dyson or Shark - which vacuum do you prefer?" thread

Miele vacuums were mentioned and someone shared: "I had Miele kitchen appliances in my last place and they were simply divine."

The reply, quoting "they were simply divine":

"This is like the written equivalent of wearing a magenta caftan with rhinestones."

Olivia De Havilland dead

Yes, R276, we know.

We've been talking about it for a while now. In complete sentences, even.

No R277....that was her favorite DL reply. Apparently Miss Joan Crawford R276 holds a long grudge.

My favorite is anyone who thinks someone who they disagree with is automatically a Boris Russian Farm Troll. Y'all are so paranoid.

Back to Moscow, R279. We see through you!

Okay, let's focus on the original thread topic, please.

On the Mary Kay Letourneau death thread, someone wrote:

Wait, is this the bitch I shot in the face?

-Amy Fisher

Every time I thought about that line I laughed out loud.

R282 LOL!

a Family Secrets thread—

[quote]Me nan killed me mum.

This has likely been Muriel'd and I won't force a Part 2 on you all, but thanks for the laughs.

I think this was my most popular post, and I didn’t sign it, *sigh*!

The OP:”Life coach about gettin’ up at 5 am and making your bed every day”

Me: “Getting up at 5 am every day will teach you that most stores aren’t open until 10 am at the earliest.” (43 W&W)

My second most popular post, in the same thread, also unsigned, *sigh*!!

R18: The guy I knew who bragged about making his bed every day, went to graduate school, couldn't get work, became a male prostitute, and died of natural causes or killed himself

Me: Yes, but I’ll bet he died with a made bed. (35 W &W).

R 10 on today's "What is it like to get fucked by big, brawny, burly bros, who are built like shit brick houses?" thread:

"It feels good. Real good."

Am I the only one who finds it a little off-putting that r286 and r287 found his own his favorites?

Just a little, R289?

In an ancient thread "Let's be Elizabethan Datalounge" someone was posting on and one about how hot (someone like) Sir Francis Drake was, which elicited the reply:

"This thread is useless without portrait miniatures."