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Things people have said on DL that make you love them (& remember them)

I love the guy who said he went to stay with a friend in New York and took a "hostess gift" (of Starbucks coffee) - it was the hostess gift expression that I loved especially (maybe because I'm English).

Also, the guy who admitted he went to a Christina Crawford evening in New York - just the thought of him booking tickets weeks ahead and going along to such an event...on his own. LOL.

by Anonymousreply 100November 6, 2018 8:56 PM

The guy who had a theme song for his dog (I think it was named Scooter).

by Anonymousreply 1November 2, 2018 2:47 AM

The guy who fed his backyard squirrel, which he named 'Darryl'. I wasn't able to find the original thread, but we always remember Darryl when anyone talks about squirrels. What kind of sweet fellow gives names to tiny wild animals? A DLer, that's who!

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by Anonymousreply 2November 2, 2018 2:57 AM

Here, R2.

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by Anonymousreply 3November 2, 2018 3:01 AM

R3, Thank you so much!

by Anonymousreply 4November 2, 2018 3:02 AM

I recall a huffy Datalounger typing: 'Why don't you take a nice , long munch on Phylicia Rashad's high-falutin' cunt?!"

by Anonymousreply 5November 2, 2018 3:11 AM

Oh, shit. I didn't know Darryl's dead, R2.

by Anonymousreply 6November 2, 2018 3:14 AM

The poster who came up with the phrase (when talking about an actress).

Whatever "it" is, she doesn't have it.

by Anonymousreply 7November 2, 2018 3:33 AM

The See's Candy-loving poster who ranted about Lauren Bacall's favorite chocolate.

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by Anonymousreply 8November 2, 2018 3:36 AM

1. The decade+ ago poster who, apropos of what, I can't remember, signed his post with

[quote]Bill Clinton, fucking as I type

It was sometime after 9pm, and I remember HOWLING until tears ran down my face and my nose got stuffy.

2. The Maine Coon/"pillow" owner from the early 2012 thread, "Tell us about your cat" thread. S/he talked about him never being a lap cat, but always came into their bedroom every morning so the poster could use him as a"pillow." Even when he was old and ill, and a bag of bones, in he came every morning. Made me tear up (and fall in love with them both).

by Anonymousreply 9November 2, 2018 3:51 AM

Thread Question: "Were You Ever Close to Someone Who Died?"

Answer: "Yes. But, to be honest, we weren't that close."

It was Datalounge's first Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO post. And it was ages ago, when Patsy was still alive.

by Anonymousreply 10November 2, 2018 3:56 AM

in the What Do You Look Like With Your Shirt Off thread:

"Have you ever made a bread dough, put it in a bowl to rise, and then turned it out onto a floured surface and watched it just sort of spread over the worktop?

Yeah, that.”

by Anonymousreply 11November 2, 2018 3:56 AM

"He has Momma's mussy writhing like a salted slug."

by Anonymousreply 12November 2, 2018 4:02 AM

[quote]He is jacking off ferociously while I'm rubbing lotion into his feet and I can see by his face he is absolutely wild about this! And then, somehow I knew---I just figured it out all by myself: He wants me to suck his feet and toes. And of course I'm still thinking, FUCKING A---I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT TWO GRAMS OF COKE!!

This!

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by Anonymousreply 13November 2, 2018 4:03 AM

"Martha Stewart couldn't be a bigger lesbian if she did her entire show with a lady sitting on her face."

by Anonymousreply 14November 2, 2018 4:04 AM

"Hairy Drag Boy is smoking crack in my living room. Lucky me! Lucky, lucky me!"

by Anonymousreply 15November 2, 2018 4:06 AM

From the "Damn, Teresa Giudice Has Some Ugly Kids" thread:

"The youngest one looks like a bookie in Bayonne I once owed money to."

by Anonymousreply 16November 2, 2018 4:08 AM

[quote] My girl mayo flew out of my HAM faster than you can say, "I wanna finger-fuck a hick singer".

by Anonymousreply 17November 2, 2018 4:08 AM

R17, OMG! Bonnie Mace!

by Anonymousreply 18November 2, 2018 4:09 AM

[quote]Raw tits, flush with milk, a small goat follows at her scent.

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by Anonymousreply 19November 2, 2018 4:12 AM

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

by Anonymousreply 20November 2, 2018 4:17 AM

R20 Pease don't include hackneyed quips used by unoriginal posters.

by Anonymousreply 21November 2, 2018 4:19 AM

Fank you, r12 — that was me, but I think the phrase was:

"Momma's mussy is WRITHING like a SALTED SLUG!"

by Anonymousreply 22November 2, 2018 4:23 AM

“Right-thinking nellies and fruits of a certain age.” Whoever this is, I love you.

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by Anonymousreply 23November 2, 2018 4:36 AM

r22 I don't think anyone really likes "mama's mussy" quotes except a few drooling trogs

by Anonymousreply 24November 2, 2018 5:01 AM

Someone once measured a person's insufferability in Paltrow Units

by Anonymousreply 25November 2, 2018 5:08 AM

[quote]I love the guy who said he went to stay with a friend in New York and took a "hostess gift" (of Starbucks coffee) - it was the hostess gift expression that I loved especially (maybe because I'm English).

I may have been that poster. I didn't buy the Starbucks coffee until I was in NY; my friend was upset that I bought coffee from "that chain" instead of at McNulty's. He was right. McNulty's coffee was our thing, and I should have thought of it. But at the time, I didn't realize Starbucks was "that chain." I had lived in Seattle, and during my time there, Starbucks was nothing more than the McNulty's of Seattle, i.e., a place to buy beans by the pound. The word "frappucino" had yet to be invented. "Skinny" still just meant thin. I thought I was doing a right thing, if not [italic]the[/italic] right thing.

Every now and then, to this day, I send him a bag from McNulty's. He was the person who turned me on to drinking coffee, so it's a fitting gift.

by Anonymousreply 26November 2, 2018 5:34 AM

Someone compared Jared and Ivanka to characters in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. He said "I expect Jared to point and screech at any moment ". Now, that's all I think of every time I see a photo of Jared.

by Anonymousreply 27November 2, 2018 5:35 AM

The rollickingly funny thread about flop Broadway shows that closed out of town (were they Helen Lawson shows? I forget), but one was a musical version of "The Miracle Worker" titled "It's WATER, Helen!" I still think it's one of the funniest things I've ever read here.

by Anonymousreply 28November 2, 2018 6:25 AM

Dat's da suck job!

by Anonymousreply 29November 2, 2018 7:21 AM

Loved the poor guy who felt used by his "straight" FB because he started asking him to bring roast beef sandwiches to their hook ups.

by Anonymousreply 30November 2, 2018 7:24 AM

When Lisa Whelchel and "hot saucing" were a hot topic ...

[quote]She put some on my wectum. I screamed!

[quote]—B. Walters

by Anonymousreply 31November 2, 2018 7:27 AM

^ scweamed

by Anonymousreply 32November 2, 2018 7:27 AM

The guy who has the 21 x 16 inch wall safe that he installed to keep his clutch pearl collection.

by Anonymousreply 33November 2, 2018 8:57 AM

BILL TAYLOR, I wish he would come back

by Anonymousreply 34November 2, 2018 9:15 AM

Two of my favourites were when somebody started a post asking if Bodega Bay was a good place for a weekend getaway. First response was 'Fuck no!'. Tippi Hedren.

The other was a thread about how blue the sky was on the morning of 9/11. After a few comments someone pondered 'I wonder what the sky looked like on the morning of Pearl Harbor?'. First response: Full of planes?

by Anonymousreply 35November 2, 2018 9:27 AM

A guy in the "white trash", names thread coined my current favorite, edible whore names. Any name that sounds like or is related to food and usually used by a stripper.

by Anonymousreply 36November 2, 2018 9:32 AM

Shit brickhouse threads about abuse in the boonies.

by Anonymousreply 37November 2, 2018 9:37 AM

The person who posted as Candy Crowley during one of the election cycles, talking about all the snacks she had stashed around the set. She was also wearing a wig made out of chocolate licorice, which would get shorter as the debate progressed. Whenever Candy comes up (resonates with the white trash names thread above), I think about that and laugh.

by Anonymousreply 38November 2, 2018 9:41 AM

Here is the thread. She was also wearing parachute pants with pockets full of tots.

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by Anonymousreply 39November 2, 2018 9:44 AM

"Shit brickhouse threads about abuse in the boonies."

Something tells me I'm going to save a lot of time ignoring you and your sock puppets.

by Anonymousreply 40November 2, 2018 10:10 AM

A poster was complaining about how overcrowded LA was becoming and the fact that wherever he went he was always having to maneuver around some diminutive Mexican lady and a conga line of her children.

by Anonymousreply 41November 2, 2018 10:13 AM

Some iVillage-type thread about a frau with a child who seemed to be allergic to everything...

[quote]I hope Timmy's mommy doesn't use drier sheets, or little Timmy with DIE DIE DIE!

by Anonymousreply 42November 2, 2018 10:35 AM

What happened to Bill Taylor? Is he still on DL?

by Anonymousreply 43November 2, 2018 10:57 AM

I was happy to have witnessed Jackie On Assistance in real time.

by Anonymousreply 44November 2, 2018 11:23 AM

The whole Red Dragon cheese thread. I had tears from laughing so hard.

by Anonymousreply 45November 2, 2018 11:36 AM

There was a poster who used to keep tabs on me and tell me how much I deserved love and all that jazz. It was actually really sweet. I was at a low point and going through flamewars on here.

It's one of the the things that made me into a loyal if not frequent(anymore) DL poster.

The anonymity, honesty and rare kindness you find on DL are what make it special.

by Anonymousreply 46November 2, 2018 11:47 AM

Make America FANK Again - Barron Trump is Autistic

by Anonymousreply 47November 2, 2018 12:12 PM

The poster who said “I fink I frow up” in the “you fixded my cheeseburger” thread.

by Anonymousreply 48November 2, 2018 12:25 PM

R44 that was one of my favorite threads.

by Anonymousreply 49November 2, 2018 12:33 PM

R46, Lange Fan, I'm not sure, but that may have been me. I'm one of your biggest fans, but I think you have more fans than just me. I like your brand of craziness. You are so talented and sexy. I'm quite a bit older than you, and I've really only wanted the same man for a long time, but if I met you when I was younger, you'd be beating me off with a slipper while I tried to hump you all day long.

by Anonymousreply 50November 2, 2018 2:31 PM

The mug cradler, fibro threads had me crying, loved it

by Anonymousreply 51November 2, 2018 3:06 PM

This seems to have turned into a thread about threads. It's about INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE you fell for.

I mean it doesn't MATTER, but still.

by Anonymousreply 52November 2, 2018 3:25 PM

& Hi! R26 - glad you read my post and that I remember you and your hostess gift.

by Anonymousreply 53November 2, 2018 3:26 PM

R50 It must be. Your compliments have been so kind and unexpected.

And trust me, I wouldn't be beating you off with a slipper. I'd be wrapping my arms and legs around you!

by Anonymousreply 54November 2, 2018 3:38 PM

[quote]beating you off with a slipper

You're looking for the FEETS thread, about 20 paces thataway --->

by Anonymousreply 55November 2, 2018 3:41 PM

R55 lol!

by Anonymousreply 56November 2, 2018 3:45 PM

In the “Lidia Bastianich accused of keeping a slave” thread, there was a lull for a while and someone tried to bump the thread by typing “Bump for an interesting thread” but they misspelled it “Bumb”, and the poster immediately following them wrote:

[quote]"bumb"

[quote]I would fuck me.

[quote]—Jame Bumb

I love that person.

by Anonymousreply 57November 2, 2018 3:47 PM

I remember someone calling the Kardashians a tribe of itinerant whores. A nice blend of eloquence and vitriol.

by Anonymousreply 58November 2, 2018 4:18 PM

[quote]Hard boil a doxen eggs and buy eleven lemon cookies. Each day shove a hard boiled egg up your ass, wait a few minutes and shove a lemon cookie up your butt. On the twelfth day shove the last egg up your ass and when the worm comes out and says "Hey where's my lemon cookie" hit it on the head with a hammer.

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by Anonymousreply 59November 4, 2018 10:18 PM

R24, shut your filthy mouth.

by Anonymousreply 60November 4, 2018 10:26 PM

I hope R24 is raped in a dark alley by a filthy dumpster. And it's all uploaded to Twitter.

by Anonymousreply 61November 4, 2018 10:36 PM

The "My Neighbor is a Gargoyle" guy.

by Anonymousreply 62November 4, 2018 11:02 PM

Remember Todd Watcher? Did Todd ever overcome the negative energy the universe was throwing at him?

by Anonymousreply 63November 4, 2018 11:17 PM

I wish there were a way to compile all of the "Momma's mussy" quotes. Honestly, how does that person come up with so many descriptions? He (or she? yee gads if true) has made me laugh repeatedly over the years.

by Anonymousreply 64November 4, 2018 11:32 PM

I mentioned this before but it was the thread about the rapture and someone was wondering about the mechanism/pattern of how people would be beamed up, wondering if it would be anything like a malfunctioning toaster. That thread was hilarious but that particular post had me crying with laughter to the extent that I could barely speak.

by Anonymousreply 65November 4, 2018 11:37 PM

[quote]This inked *Italian* cagemeat has Momma's mussy dripping like an Easter ham!!

[quote]*this old mussy is hissing like a busted radiator!

[quote]This muscled cagemeat has Momma’s mussy hissing like a leaky gas pipe!! Yum!!!

[quote]This dark and lovely cagemeat has Momma’s mussy wriggling like a caterpillar caught in a spider web!

[quote]I'm here, honey! And my mussy is still dripping like honey off of a beehive.

And I still remember the comparison to a salted slug!

by Anonymousreply 66November 4, 2018 11:53 PM

Mama isn't one person. How can you say you've been here for years and not know this?

by Anonymousreply 67November 5, 2018 12:08 AM

R67 , I've never been a Momma, since I'm not a bottom, and it would seem insincere. As soon as I typed that, I felt sort of ashamed, but I'll stand by it. I enjoy Momma posts.

by Anonymousreply 68November 5, 2018 12:17 AM

R68 your post is one of the most adorable ever.

by Anonymousreply 69November 5, 2018 12:20 AM

[quote]BILL TAYLOR, I wish he would come back

FILTHIEST SLUT!!

by Anonymousreply 70November 5, 2018 1:12 AM

Damn, those Momma’s Mussy posts ARE fucking hilarious. I usually skip over them because I find the term “momma’s mussy”, uh, really gross, frankly. But now I think I’m going to make a point to read all of them whenever I see them.

by Anonymousreply 71November 5, 2018 3:14 AM

{R71} = Momma

by Anonymousreply 72November 5, 2018 3:33 AM

What ever happened to Mr Hollywood? Was he actually credible?

by Anonymousreply 73November 5, 2018 4:02 AM

I can't remember the thread's topic, but one poster mentioned Sarah Palin and her (ridiculously named) children - one of whom became "little Trog."

by Anonymousreply 74November 5, 2018 4:18 AM

He was, R73, and I believe he was having health problems before he stopped posting. He did start getting a little cranky and forgot to follow up on his stories sometimes, which I didn't hold against him considering his issues.

We used to know who it was, didn't we?

by Anonymousreply 75November 5, 2018 9:14 AM

Ha R59 that was my post. I have this wonderful friend who loses control of himself laughing whenever he hears jokes with talking animals and bugs. I don't know why but they just destroy him.

by Anonymousreply 76November 5, 2018 10:21 AM

Who was he R75? A realtor or something, right?

by Anonymousreply 77November 5, 2018 10:21 AM

[quote]Damn, those Momma’s Mussy posts ARE fucking hilarious. I usually skip over them because I find the term “momma’s mussy”, uh, really gross, frankly. But now I think I’m going to make a point to read all of them whenever I see them.

I don't understand them and don't feel inclined to work it out.

by Anonymousreply 78November 5, 2018 10:25 AM

This post, in a thread discussing Demi Moore and why her career collapsed:

[quote]It was discovered that she couldn't act and was no longer married to Willis. She's acceptable in A Few Good Men and Ghost because her leading men were feminine. Oh, and she was a ginormous asshole. Almost as stupid as Mel Griffith. She demanded private planes for takeout deliveries, nannies for her nannies, assistants to watch her assistants and the best hair, makeup and wardrobe in the world. Then she forgot to be on time or give a performance.

[quote]Her voice was attractive for one half of a movie before it started to grate and she had one pretty eye that the other one didn't know about.

by Anonymousreply 79November 5, 2018 10:57 AM

The surprise anal threads that I think were a follow-up to that bear that f*** somebody in their sleep ... a real bear by the way... used to make me laugh. And a few threads here drove me to Dollar Tree. Still haven't found the apocryphal pound cake.

by Anonymousreply 80November 5, 2018 11:05 AM

In the aftermath of the surprise anal threads, one poster commented in an air-crash thread that it was 'surprise planal'.

by Anonymousreply 81November 5, 2018 5:05 PM

I love the posts that cross reference other DL threads.

by Anonymousreply 82November 5, 2018 7:06 PM

The "Corn! When did I eat corn?" comments.

by Anonymousreply 83November 5, 2018 7:46 PM

Shitbra antics own this thread.

Yeah, I'm old

by Anonymousreply 84November 5, 2018 8:12 PM

Voice of the Night!

by Anonymousreply 85November 5, 2018 8:18 PM

Someone posted in an aspie thread (not Barron Trump Fank You) as a sympathizer to parents with autistic children saying:

Having an autistic child my worst nightmare. Your 300 pound retard eventually kills you

I would make it seem like an accidental drowning in the bathtub saying I was distracted by a phone call

Can't they hobble these kids so they can't escape? Tie their legs together with something

It was an early 2018 thread. Perhaps it was the same poster who described that blond autistic kid who escaped his father in the park. They described the kid as a "dud". So blatant that poster. Tears streaming as to the truth of how some parents just become exasperated and exhausted and the lengths they will go to. Don't judge me for finding this poster high comedy.

by Anonymousreply 86November 5, 2018 8:24 PM

Anonymous in kansas city when on a paranormal thread. Fucking riveting! He lived in his parents or grandparent's home that housed a funeral parlor.

Dead kids showing up for play in the backyard. The sealed room on the 3rd floor his protective elders banned him from entering.

Salut to you AIKC!

by Anonymousreply 87November 5, 2018 8:32 PM

[quote] R6: Oh, shit. I didn't know Darryl's dead, [R2].

Darryl’s not dead. I took him to a farm so he can make some friends to play with, and live out his life safely in the country. I swear.

by Anonymousreply 88November 5, 2018 8:58 PM

"Which one is he Sherlock, Loki or the Elf King from the hobbit"? posted by someone in an old Tom Hiddleston thread.

The poster that got hit on by David Tennant( who was dressed as 'Buttons' from 'Cinderella') at Matt Luca's civil partnership party and even got Tennant's number,but decided not to call him because he was happy with his boyfriend.

The poster claiming that Anthony Hopkins was a regular at fisting parties in L.A in the 1990s.

by Anonymousreply 89November 5, 2018 9:12 PM

Directed to a right-wing troll years and years before 2016:

"So are you about to go play the banjo, cousin-fuck, and masturbate?"

by Anonymousreply 90November 5, 2018 9:16 PM

I keep track of funny stuff - stuff that really, really makes me laugh, which is rare. Anyway, I have a notepad/memo thing on my phone I save them in. From DL alone, there are at least 5 or 6 out of a total of 15 or so I’ve added in the last 2 years. Including such hits as: “Nacreous layer of perma-cum” “Fascist milkmaid” (Kellyann Conway) “Autistic honking” (Barron Trump, I think) Calling Stevie Wonder Della Reese and him gaining weight and needing a wig (Dionne Warwick at Aretha Franklin’s funeral thread) “Shut your pompous vortex of overlapping fangs”

by Anonymousreply 91November 5, 2018 10:57 PM

There was a thread asking why Karen Carpenter wasn't cast in Grease. Someone posted a horrible picture of her in an ugly outfit almost near death and wrote "Tell Me About It Stud" on it. I was howling for days.

by Anonymousreply 92November 5, 2018 11:30 PM

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

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by Anonymousreply 93November 6, 2018 1:41 AM

[quote]Shitbra antics own this thread.

The "shitbra" was the first thing I remember that made me think that otherwise witty Datalounge could be really stupid, too.

by Anonymousreply 94November 6, 2018 1:55 AM

More on Momma's mussy (I did not create these):

Momma's mussy is bubbling like a hot pot of Louisiana gumbo.....

Momma's mussy is dripping like a 72 Pinto

Momma's mussy misses married men

Momma's mussy is STEAMING like a hot POTATO!!

Momma's mussy is hissing like a pressure cooker on the verge of combustion!

Momma's mussy is HISSING like a trapped CAT!

Mamma's mussy is as messy as a burst boil on a young girl's thigh!

Momma's mussy is as moist as a snack cake.

Momma’s mussy is HISSING like a radiator in August!

Momma's mussy is chirping like a nest full of baby robins!

Momma's mussy is flowing like the Ohio in the spring thaw!

Momma's mussy is mewing like a basket of newborn kittens!

Momma's mussy is heaving and swelling like the Yellowstone caldera!

Momma's mussy is huffing like a FREIGHT train!

Momma's mussy is hotter and smokier and eruptier than the Olympic torch in the middle of a live volcano!

Momma's mussy is frothing like the hot chocolate he is!

Momma's mussy is leaking like a busted radiator!!

Momma's mussy is FLARING like a horse's NOSE!

Momma's mussy is as wet as a young man's hair on a humid night in Havana!

Momma's mussy is slowly drip drip dripping, like freshly cut sugar cane!

Momma's mussy is wetter than Niagara Falls!

Momma's mussy is shivering like a chihuahua in a snow drift!

Momma's mussy is wetter than Rick Santorum's dog pee drenched pants!

Momma's mussy is moister than a dog's drooling muzzle!

Momma’s mussy is wriggling like a caterpillar caught in a spider web!

by Anonymousreply 95November 6, 2018 1:55 AM

"The last time I saw Karen [Carpenter] I told her she could afford to lose a few."

-- Ann Wintour

by Anonymousreply 96November 6, 2018 1:56 AM

When Dick Clark died, someone named "God" posted a message that said, "CLARK?!! I selected Cheney. Stupid little I-pad, stupid little keyboard!"

by Anonymousreply 97November 6, 2018 2:00 AM

r71 = Insatiable bottom

by Anonymousreply 98November 6, 2018 8:53 PM

r63 no, Todd never became a thing, despite the author's repeated attempts to get it there. He was like that person that pops up in post 20 in a thread saying "This will be a DL classic!"

by Anonymousreply 99November 6, 2018 8:55 PM

The "Mussy" poster(s) are quite aggressive.

by Anonymousreply 100November 6, 2018 8:56 PM
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