Why doesn't the squirrel in my backyard like me?

Because you won't let him have your nuts.

Peanut allergy

OP, squirrels are wild animals, he or she is supposed to be afraid of humans. You sound like a sweetheart, just keep feeding the squirrel & don't the snub personally.

You need to do some behavior modification with a .22.

Mr. Squirrel is allergic to queers!

He likes you, and he's staying away on purpose. He doesn't want to infect you with plague.

Oh, and he wants you to get your gun out of your car and shoot the goddamn pigeons, but you never take the hint.

You mske him feel very small

Not so fast r5. Squirrel hasn't stated its preferred gender. Typical.

Squirrels. Death.

The OP is an obvious troll. Wild animals are supposed to act like they don't like potential predators.

Squirrel knows that you posted too many duplicate threads on the DL.

With his high pitched trill, he is warning the other squirrels that you are worse than Hitler.

I had a squirrel stew once. It wasn't great but tasted different.

Don't be jealous but we have a squirrel that comes on the porch and peeks in the window to let us know it's hungry. He(she) then runs next to me when I'm walking to put the peanuts on the ground.

It's obvious that the squirrel is skeeved out by your untucked Natasha Fatale drag with the saggy nuts, dahling.

[quote]Don't be jealous but we have a squirrel that comes on the porch and peeks in the window to let us know it's hungry.

Me too, when I was a kid. Drove my mom crazy.

OP, try making "clicking" noises at the squirrel the same way you would gee up a horse. It's always worked for me all over the country. They take interest and of course they want some food. Could your squirrel be so angry because it's nesting and thinks you're a threat to its babies?

What does the squirrel say?

The squirrel has set its boundaries!

You need to add some of these to his food.

Give it some time and slowly work on the little fella's trust.

PMBT, you're too nuts, even for me.

My neighbor used to put out shelled nuts (i.e., shell removed) for the squirrels but she quickly found out that they won't touch them. Apparently they only like nuts still in the shell. Talk about boundaries!

'The OP is an obvious troll'

You are an obvious newcomer. OP is very much a typical datalounger and no doubt entirely genuine in his squirrel related neurosis.

[quote]Apparently they only like nuts still in the shell.

What's wrong with a squirrel wanting to open his own nuts?

My father "trained" his "pet" squirrel to eat out of his hand. Squirrel's favourite food was peanut butter on a cracker.

I work near battery park and I am amazed at the fascination that the tourists have with the squirrels. They are quite tame and will eat out of your hand and they attract the tourists like crazy. Also, the pigeons are pretty tame, too. A few days ago, I was a pigeon land on someone's arm to eat.

Perhaps you come across as too needy, OP. Even squirrels can spot a doormat personality a mile away. Play hard to get and only put nuts out randomly.

OP should't get too close to it anyway, it's probably crawling with fleas and maybe ticks. Be Lyme Disease aware, OP.

Squirrels - rats with fluffy tails.

It's common knowledge that squirrels are very racist.

[R24] In my distant youth I , as well, fed the squirrels peanut butter on saltines. They'd always scrape the peanut butter off with their teeth and toss the saltines. There was also a magpie (one of my favorite birds) that would eat grapes from my hand.

You're so immature, OP. Here's how it's done. You write a note that says "Dear Squirrel, I like you. Do you like me? Please check yes or no on the box below." It helps if you have another squirrel friend to deliver the note (and probable a pen in this case) but if not just drop it on the squirrel's "desk."

You want the squirrel to like you why though?

They ate my dad's crackers, R29, but he used Ritz.

Look in the mirror, check you have nothing that Squirrels fear:

caftans

frosted tips

crocs

too much concealer

the following scents: Kouros, White Diamonds, desperation, Suave hairspray, day old Jungle Juice vapour

This is the squirrel we've been feeding for the past few years. We named him Slappy. On hot days (like when this pic was taken) he splays out to eat his feast.

r33 is what my wedding night is going to look like.

Well R34, I hope you have a round fluffy tail

The squirrel at R33 looks fat.

He is, R36. Because of all of the peanuts we've fed him the past 3 years. Still, he's managed to survive dodging traffic and other things on a very busy street, whilst his progeny has not.

R33 is presenting!

Well I tried a different tactic this morning to see if the squirrel would have a better reaction to my presence. I got up a little earlier than usual and instead of putting the peanuts into the feeder right away, I stood quietly in the yard for a few moments.

Sure enough, the squirrel (whom I call Darryl) came and assumed his position on the fence and began to chatter at me. I talked softly to him and put the peanuts in the feeder. As soon as I made a move though, he raced away and scampered up the telephone pole where he proceeded to run back and forth along the telephone wires, chattering away and making that high-pitched trill.

I went back to the house and watched from the kitchen window as he ran down and collected his breakfast. I am finding that Darryl seems to be somewhat passive - aggressive but I still enjoy feeding the little guy.

Oh, one more thing. Darryl is a red squirrel. Do you think that red squirrels may be more neurotic than other squirrel species?

Thanks for the advice all!

Well your first mistake is naming him Darryl. A red squirrel then the name should be Lucy.

Are you THAT desperate for approval OP?

A squirrel?

Did you have the wrong color handkerchief in your back pocket? Maybe the squirrel is into fisting and you didn't properly indicate that you are a total bottom.

I visited a friend's grandparents after they retired to the country. My friend had her two young kids in the car. The grandparents had enough time on their hands to tame every squirrel and chipmunk in the area, to the point that the little buggers expect if from every human they see. When we arrived more than a dozen of them rushed us as we got out of the of the car and we had no idea what was happening until the grandmother came out to the porch and let us know.

The minute they heard Grandma they all ran to her, all happy, climbing all over her expecting treats. Then the grandad came out and they were all over him as well.

But that wasn't enough for the two kids. They were terrified, screaming, crying, begging to go home. I admit I enjoyed seeing them scared shitless. They'd been horrid brats during the trip. Their mother, my friend, had tried to put a bit of a scare into them, threatening to leave them outside if they didn't behave, with all the wild animals in the woods. The little brats laughed in her face.

They were pretty quiet on the way home but the car smelled of piss and shit.

You're triggering me!

r43 made up this story.

R43 is the MTV version of a Hallmark Moment.

Sounds like a real story to me @R43. Tree squirrels are highly territorial OP and, like the others have said, they have wild instincts since they are on the menu of predators like hawks and Mike Huckabee. He/she will become used to you but unlikely completely tame.

Like most people, most squirrels are really stupid. I feed squirrels in my back yard, most of them find the food I put out, but they don't comprehend that it comes from me. It is just there like all the other food they find, most of them can't conceive of the idea of another being putting food out for them. Occasionally you will find that rare squirrel that manages to realize that you are there feeding them, I had one squirrel that would come right up next to me if I drop peanuts near my leg. He would grab the peanuts run up the privacy fence and eat the peanut and then come back for more. I never attempted to get it to eat out of my hand, because even smarter squirrels don't comprehend the difference between skin and peanuts and I didn't want to get bit.

r39 Picture or it didn't happen

Ungrateful squirrels are what BB guns were invented for.

Red squirrel. They are European and that explains a lot.

Red squirrels are much more solitary than other squirrels, such as the North American gray squirrel. In fact the introduction of the gray squirrel to Europe is a direct threat to the red squirrel's survival as they can't compete for food with the more aggressive grays.

Red squirrels unlike others do not eat eggs and meat. They love hazelnuts and pine nuts but they cannot digest acorns.

I prefer Japanese squirrels

My squirrels are transparent.

I once lived in an apartment of an old couple, they were french. The husband, Yves, had a stroke and spent a great deal of time sitting in the backyard. He patiently managed to coax a squirrel to eat out of his hand, it would perch on his knee and delicately take a peanut from him. He was sitting in the yard at a neighbor's home one day and spied the squirrel up on a telephone pole. It had followed him. He said to the neighbors "there's my squirrel". He made a kissing sound and the squirrel came down and ran right up to him and perched on his knee. That squirrel would only take nuts from him.

Awwww

He's just nut that into you.

Canadian squirrel

How do I tell this needy fag, that I'm just not that into him?

Wait until his other brother Darryl shows up and you've got two of these neurotic little fuckers to deal with.

Why feed them at all? Just appreciate them when you see them, if you like animal watching.

I had a squirrel come in my shitty college apartment, though the broken screen, and left. I had no idea how my stuff was thrown around the apartment - though, I woke up with flea bites a couple days later. Finally, I realized it was a squirrel when he returned for more food & saw how he made the tiny gap in the screen work. Ever since then, no fank you on the squirrels.

What is happening in the R33 pic? Is there a mirror or something - the face looks weird.

Just trap a raccoon and set it loose around your house. The squirrel will stick to you like glue then....if it survives.

[quote]Please DL, I implore you to help me

I think you're right about needing help, OP.

I just don't think the DL is the right place.

Op, just get a puppy. He will love you.

The little red squirrels are the cutest. And in the woods, they are easier to tame than city squirrels

The squirrel community is notorious for its homophobia, OP.

He's got eyes of the brownest skies. As if they thought of rain

I hate to look into those eyes And see an ounce of pain

His hair reminds me of a warm safe place Where as a child I'd hide

And pray for the thunder And the rain To quietly pass me by

Oh, oh, oh Sweet squirrel o' mine

Oh, oh, oh, oh Sweet squirrel of mine

Those Japanese squirrels at R52 really are pretty cute. I especially like the ones with the tufted ears.

OP, perhaps his behavior is how squirrels express their excitement and appreciation? Maybe he's saying "Thank-you, OP, you are so hawt!"

I've been feeding Blue Jays since Winter and they are ungrateful cunts, and the biggest scaredy cats I have ever seen. Ditto for this fierce-looking Cardinal named Chauncey who is actually a powder-puff. When they are hungry, usually early morning or dusk but also cloudy days, (I think the clouds confuse them), they chirp chirp chirp away until I put peanuts on the exterior window sill. They do a grab-and-go. They must have a thousand peanuts saved somewhere. If I leave the window ajar, they are afraid to grab the peanuts. Now that it's cooler out, I'm going to do that more often and when they are hungry enough, they will get past their fear. Starlings love to sit on the outside window sill in mid-Winter when I leave the window ajar. I assume it's because the heat flows out and they like that, I'm guessing.

When I come to the window to replenish the peanuts the big birds flee in horror. I don't think they understand that their peanuts are coming from me as a charitable matter. I don't blame them, they only have these tiny little bird brains.

So, my point is, your squirrel only has a tiny little squirrel brain. He will never understand you! Feed him or not, but don't expect him to appreciate you. Just like a boy friend.

In case his attitude gets the best of you, OP:

Nothing cuter than the black mohawk squirrels of Amsterdamn. You know the ones. Punk rock hair dos

Tell him you're a close personal friend of the Simon Halls Squirrel. That should impress him.

I can't decide without hearing from both sides.

How's it going with the squirrel?

Does he hiss?

It doesn't like you because it senses your evil, controlling toxic personality and is fearful of it. Animals are aware of human emotions. They have the uncanny knack for sensing someone who is hostile to them and they flee in fear. It has obviously heard you screaming and yelling in your house, for the squirrel lives near your home. It hates you because it thinks you are an untrustworthy human who may do it harm! Stop being a screaming harpie in your home. Stop shouting accusations at people caused by your insecurity. Stop being a total asshole cunt. And for God's sake, when you're getting your ass fucked, stop being so loud about it. The animals are appalled by your mimicking the sound you heard of your mother getting fucked by your father: her moaning, her shouting, her sounding like she's being murdered when she got fucked. YOUR FATHER'S DICK WASN'T THAT BIG, mmmmmkay? Now get a life, get a J-O-B and quit worrying about wildlife.

Wow, projection @r76. OP, Your squirrel is intimidated and confused because he's also a bottom, but he wants to be with you.

Like Taylor Swift and Matt Gubler.

Squirrels are very aware of territory. Even though you're bringing food, you can be perceived as a threat. That's where the warning chatter comes in. When you approach the squirrel, don't continuously look at it. Every so often, look away or shut your eyes. It's calming to the them because a predator wouldn't ever avert or close their eyes. It takes time and patience. Squirrels can be trusting with you one day and flighty the next.

Red squirrels are much crazier and more high-strung than standard grey squirrels. Even though they're smaller, they will harass and confront the larger, more sociable grey squirrels. Grey squirrels will generally flee from the scene when a red squirrel arrives, because the red ones are just so mean and aggressive. Sorta like squirrels with a Napoleon complex.

Glad you clarified he was a red one so I could add my direct knowledge of this TRUE SCIENCE FACT.

(True, not snark.)

Red squirrels are European and in the US, but numbers are dwindling in the US because of the gray ones taking over their territory. and they do not become tame. Gray squirrels are only in the US and you often see people feeding them in the park.

I can nail him in the eye with one of my arrows if you want. I'm pretty good.

It's an Evangelical squirrel, you fat poof!

[quote]Why feed them at all? Just appreciate them when you see them, if you like animal watching.

You misunderstood the OP. The OP'er WANTS the squirrel to like him. The squirrels ARE EATING the food he sets out, but he wants that AND their love. Sorry squirrels are not into cross species things.

r69

Once again you're doing it. This thread is about squirrels and you always have to take it over and make it about your blue jays or other substandard things. Please stay on topic.

THE TOPIC IS SQUIRRELS!!

Try a Gerbil, OP. They're FAAAAABULOUS!

R85 has a tiny little bird brain.

OP, you wrote in a long while back about your "backyard squirrel", didn't you? I remember now.

Do you also have a frontyard squirrel? How do you two get along? I'm wondering if there's a pattern.

The "backyard squirrel" is something my Aunt Mary, a nurse, made me swear to God I would never do, when she figured out I was a gay boy.

Is there a "Backdoor Squirrel"?

Stop trying to tame wild animals. It's a dangerous world for them and their survival instincts keep them alive. Stop trying to interfere with and change the instincts that keep them alive.

Dude, long before that squirrel becomes tame, some cat's gonna come along and eat him up. Enjoy nature.

You'll get the rabies!

Or squirrel AIDS

Or goats! Freeloaders always tell the goats!

You need to ventilate that squirrel's hide with a bazooka.

OP, eventually the squirrels will appreciate you for who you are.

Hey OP, does your squirrel look like this?

This morning the squirrel sat up on the fence post scolding me. However, he waited there while I filled his feeder. Poor Darryl looked hungry to me. Anyway, by the time I reached my deck he was already down from the fence and down to the feeder.

My cat and I happily watched from the kitchen window as Darryl ran off with his morning treat and returned time and time again for more! Poor little guy, I hope that he builds up a good sized cache for the winter.

r99, That squirrel's flames can be seen from space.

Maybe it's a female squirrel.

Darryl is offensive to her. She is not a transgender squirrel.

You are wrong, R102. She was a Gerbil born into a Squirrel's body and therefore should be allowed to use any tree to pee in.

I shall ignore the recent ugliness.

OP, where do you live? You're in the US, right?

[quote] R85: Once again you're doing it. This thread is about squirrels and you always have to take it over and make it about your blue jays or other substandard things. Please stay on topic.

I hope you are not saying that a blue jay is a "substandard" thing! They're very sensitive and now they're probably not going to eat all day. Thanks a lot, R85.

Squirrels are such acrobats and cute and amusing. Thirty years ago I lived on a street where squirrels would run up to me and others who were going or coming home from work on the sidewalk in hopes of getting a walnut. I rarely had walnuts to give them but I would see a fellow apartment dweller or two on my street who fed the squirrels often enough for them to do this. My apt. was ground level and there was a squirrel who'd perch splayed with his 4 claws dug into the screen of the screen door in the kitchen who'd watch me wash the dishes until it got bored.

R106 - 'until it got bored' 3 seconds?

No not three seconds smartass. For at least a minute or two.

Lucky you R106. I hope that the squirrel in my backyard will soon take food from my hand!

OP, the key is to get the squirrel to understand that you don't mean it any harm.

You should periodically go out in your yard and just sit quietly, while talking to it and making chattering or kissing noises. Don't make any suden movements or loud noises, just be very quiet and peaceful. If you do see the squirrel, acknowledge him but don't stare and don't make any moves towards him.

Do this a couple of times a day, and he'll soon realise he can trust you not to attack him.

SQUIRRELLY

The TV news will say something like this: An Israeli was injured today in Israel and 7 Palestinians shot ." And then go right into a story about the poor injured Israeli complete with footage of the scene of the Israeli injury and interviews with 20 witnesses.

This is equal and balanced American news.

Friends? I have sufficient.

Was the Israeli a red squirrel R112? Because that would settle the context thing, at least fo me.

Ohh how i laughed and laughed Op.

I thought we established that it was a European squirrel?

TO SERVE SQUIRRELS.

Does Australia have squirrels? Have the Aussies weighed-in on this yet?

So, is the squirrel Australian? American? Israeli? Canadian? Japanese-Canadian? Did the OP rip off the squirrel by charging too much for a used text-book? What program/major is the squirrel in?

R119 is trying waaaay too hard

I Can Haz Japanese Squirrel?

R118 I am in Brisbane and no, we are squirrel free. I am desperate to meet one. I think we just have the fat possums and fruit bats.

It's not you,OP, it's the cat. Daryl sees you and the cat looking at him through the window, and now he associates you with cats. Get rid of the cat if you want Daryl to love you. Cats and squirrels don't mix.

Hello, Brisbane! I condol you for your lack in variety of adorable rodents. If it's any consolation, we have no drop bears in New England and I too am desparate to meet one. Southwest Australia is a exactly on the opposite side of the globe from me, so I can't imagine I will ever get the chance.

r123 we have cats in the house and feed 2 ferals in the back yard. The squirrels are a little wary but if we put food down they come. The feral cats stare but otherwise ignore them. We have one squirrel that peeks in the window and our indoor cat just sits there, doesn't go crazy.

Trouble uses to leave bloody squirrel tails at my backdoor.

Then she died from FHIV.

Stop feeding the squirrel, which is a wild animal, and your problems will be solved. We have a lot of squirrels in suburbia for exactly this reason--easy food source. They can fend just fine on their own. And the chattering is just an alert that a human, benefactor or not (squirrels don't distinguish), is hanging around.

Where wildlife is concerned, I don't take it personally. Humans tend to be dicks to animals.

R122 How about raccoons? Skunks?

[quote]Poor Darryl looked hungry to me.

Pic or it isn't true.

[quote]OP, where do you live? You're in the US, right?

He said it was a red squirrel. They live in Europe and in North Asia.

[quote]Does Australia have squirrels?

Not properly, there once were some introduced populations but the Australian government has reportedly wiped them out. The squirrel glider, a nocturnal, gliding possum and other gliders/possums occupy the squirrel niche in Australia, while small kangaroos, occupy the "roadkill" equivalent of squirrels there.

OP here and I live in the US. Both red and grey squirrels are common in my area.

Red squirrels are widely distributed in North America.

Those are AMERICAN Red Squirrels also known as fairydiddles. They are not the "real" red squirrels, found in North Asia and Europe.

Sorry 132, I did not realize you are a European Wildlife Biologist.

To the OP--I realize this a great headline for a thread, but if you really get upset about squirrels hating you, never go camping in grizzly country. If lesser mammals hate you, and plan their days around your schedule just to screw with you, do not tempt alpha carnivores.

Sometimes, it's best just to feed chickadees and other songbirds (which I do) and accept that the squirrels are here to fuck with you. (RED SQUIRRELS, BTW.)

Look how cute. You're worse than Hitler if you don't feed these little guys through the winter.

I have a black backyard squirrel. I thought he was a rat at first, but I've seen him a lot and no, he is indeed a squirrel. I assume he's just a different colored kind of gray squirrel. What do the squirrel experts say?

I have a lot of those tree rats stealing from my feeders. I put a live trap out and so far I've relocated four last year and three this year. I still have a couple, but I at least thinned the heard.

In my area, it's illegal to relocate them. I think you have to kill them, though it's probably illegal to trap them in the first place,

R136--melanistic squirrels abound! Some are only black, some only white. Google it (melanism). Not a new species, just inbreeding at its finest.

Japan's historic architecture being destroyed by North American garbage feeders.

We have huge golden squirrels that enjoy flashing their balls.

Mother always said, "A distant squirrel is the closest you'll ever get to love, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you pray, no matter how hard you scrub."

[quote] We have huge golden squirrels that enjoy flashing their balls.

R141, don't you mean, flashing their nuts?

R39 He's just not that in to you.

Squirrels are often put off by truckers in wigs & heels

OP, how are you getting along with your backyard squirrel?

So OP imagine you are going about your day doing the normal things you do and along comes this giant a hundred times larger than you. What would your reaction be, go check out the giant or run and hide?

OP, how are you getting on with your backyard squirrel? It's not a secret is it?

Thank God this thread's been bumped. I'd been wondering if the squirrel enjoyed Christmas.

"Hey squirrrrrul..."

Is this thread just code for those creepy people who endlessly post about that British guy?

Nothing has changed. Darryl still waits on the fence, scolding me with that rapid, high-pitched trill while I fill his feeder every morning. I have accepted the fact that he will never be tame enough to take food from my hand, but at least he still visits my yard!

Squirrels are major homophobes!

I think you should try to cultivate a relationship with your frontyard squirrel.

Consider yourself lucky if that's all the squirrel does. On the campus of the college I attended, the squirrels were literally chasing people for food. It was a riot!

I'd bet Darryl thinks you are stealing his food. The problem is you have a retarded squirrel. Get a relationship going with your frontyard squirrel, and Darryl might get jelious and come around.

I'm glad we got the update about Darryl.

Back in fall I was anxious to see what happenend, and hoped for the best for you two. Alas...wasn't to be.

(Maybe Darryl reads DL and sees you aren't trustworthy because you gossip and divulge intimacies with strangers. Red flag, perhaps? Unfortunately, all signs point to you dying alone, unloved. Happy New Year, OP!)

It sounds like this backyard squirrel is a lost cause. Never going to happen. Through no fault of your own. The best way to get over a squirrel, OP is to get under another one.

R156, time to turn on SpellCheck.

I'll just leave this here.

No more of this Luke Evans squirrel shit. Don't even know who or what that is.

DL could dump that nonsense.

Had a Southern Flying Squirrel when I was a kid. I loved that little guy. The softest fur you can imagine. He would sleep in my front pocket, which is how you tame them down. They are kept warm and enveloped by your scent and the beat of you heart.

Red squirrels are too flighty.

We have sugar gliders in Australia. Much cooler.

When I was maybe 8 to 10 years old, my twin and I were watching my Dad chase a mouse with a broom. The little guy climbed to the top of the curtains, ran along the top, then JUMPED and spread his limbs. Apparently he was a flying squirrel, not a mouse. He coasted right between my twin and I. That's all I remember. I'm sure we both screamed and ran.

A mouse looks nothing like a squirrel.

How are things going with your squirrel?

OP, have you tried to make friends with your frontyard squirrel? Sometimes you just have to move on.

Wait, is the OP John the PMT?

I grew up in a small town where all of the squirrels were white, an albino variety. They had lived there for many years and were semi-tame, having lost much of their natural fear of humans. It was interesting because they would actually approach people for food.

When I was a kid, I was standing on the sidewalk in front of our house with a friend. A white squirrel ran up one side of me, over the top of my head, and down the other side. He probably thought he was being clever, and he was.

....

OP should dress as a squirrel to gain Daryl's trust.

Are you the one with the chattering cat? Maybe to him, you smell like your cat. If it's not that, he's just a little snob.

The World is waved under your nose: What do you do?

R174 Wrong thread! Sorry!

I think that the squirrel believes that OP is stealing food from the feeder, not filling it. He only has a tiny little squirrel brain, after all. It's a natural thing to think, as he gets food there.

OP, I wonder if you should let the feeder run dry between fillings? Maybe then Darryl will associate you with new food? I know my Blue Jays know that if they make a racket outside my window, food appears. They have me well trained.

Funny, OP; I was about to ask you the same thing.

How's it going with the squirrel?

And how are your substandard Blue Jays, R176?

Any updates on this?

I need to know how it's going with the squirrel?

Bump.

The cat ate him.

I always feel bad for OP when I see this thread. But is implies he has a front yard squirrel,which is more than I have.

I feel for anyone who has a squirrel who does not love him. Especially a backyard squirrel, among the most loving of all the neighborhood squirrels.

bump

perhaps if you stopped grabbing at his nasty bits he'd like you

Because nobody likes you.

I have a squirrel who stares at me longingly through my living room window.

Befriend a crow OP, they are smarter.

bump for a hilarious, old-school thread

What's the life expectancy of a squirrel? As this thread is nearly three years old, I sometimes wonder if Daryl is even still alive.

Darryl's dead, R192.