My next door neighbour's son Joel recently broke his leg.

Not funny anymore.

Will he be needing spong baths?

Why can’t Joel stay in his own house?

1/10

Joel?

This won't end happy.

A young man needs to be milked twice a day. If he's not, he can suffer a dangerous buildup of dark humors and go mad.

He will require an extension sexual awakening! Go get him!

OP, haven't you been lurking around (i.e.) stalking Joel enough to know how to provide for his basic needs. I mean you've been working this angle for years now, isn't it high time you have some basic knowledge of Joel's likes and dislikes.

Get him the latest Xbox and gaming laptop. He will be too busy playing to even take a moment to speak to you (other than a brief grunt of acknowledgement when you enter his bedroom).

his third leg?

DFA.

How did he break his leg? Did you pour olive oil on his front steps to induce his "accident " so that he could recover at your home? Be truthful.

Teach him to wash under his foreskin for Chrissakes!!

Does Joel realize that his parents have sold him to Uncle Bottom, or will there be a terrifying reveal once he realizes that none of the doors have inside handles?

This is as funny as that fucking Darfur Orphan. Shoot both these fuckers in the head, bishes.

OP is an impostor. Joel is a sophomore at Colgate, accomplished athlete if not scholar, and has a big BB game against Bucknell Tuesday night. Almost everyone know's he bi, now, too, and a bottom for latin dick.

OP, you must be DISTRAUGHT!

Didn’t Joel go to college?

Picturing soon a naked, ugly nerd in a leg cast shuffling away from OP’s lair as fast as he can whilst being trailed by an Orson Welles lookalike in a mauve caftan on a Rascal with a matted-up old Lhasa Apso in the front basket.....trailed by the FBI, alerted by an alarmed DL frau.

I spit out my latte @R20

Whatever you do provide him with either cotton or linen bedsheets. None of that microfiber crap.

R20 I love 'whilst' --- it's so very too-too.

How will his injury affect his athleticism? Did the doctors say if Joel will ever ski and swim as well as he did before?

If there is a real Joel, he will stay in his own home, with his girlfriend.

R25 I wouldn't be too sure about that. OP sounds very determined to make this happen.

R26 Yes, 'determined' -- Joel will be lucky to make it out alive.

R1 - My post isn't meant to be funny.

R3 - He broke his leg and is in a cast up to his hip so he needs constant care and attention.

R10 - I don't have an X Box, but I do have an Atari. Do you think he will enjoy it?

R13 - Joel was at one of those indoor adventure parks that young people are so fond of. The mishap occurred on the rock climbing wall.

R18 - I am! You know how I worry so.

R20 - You are vile.

R22 - Of course. Microfiber would be so gauche.

R24 - We don't know at this point.

R25 - There is a real Joel and he does not have a girlfriend.

Be sure to sprinkle the words "No homo" into the conversation just to reassure him.

Train you I will, young Joel

They liked to be called "Bro."

Make that 'Brah'

[quote]Be sure to sprinkle the words "No homo" into the conversation just to reassure him.

Use 'dude' as much as possible. And puhlease stop winking and licking your lips.

My dear, once Joel sees you naked when you try to shower with him, his leg will heal itself and he will be running back to his own house or the local police precinct pronto.

OP, don't try to force him to eat the fancy recipes you've been dying to try out but that are too much trouble to cook for one. Let him eat pizza 3 meals a day, if that's what he wants.

But you could offer him a nice sorbet for dessert. We're not savages...

Listening to pleasant music can ease pain and speed recovery. Have music playing softly at all times.

“I don't have an X Box”

When you offer him the ‘box’ you do have (“I need to put my tail between your legs”), it will be as awkward as a cow on a crutch.

“ Make that 'Brah'”

Clarification: He doesn’t want to see you in your bra, brah.

Millions of topics like this were posted here before. It’s getting really really really boring

Here's a photo of OP and Joel.

[post redacted because independent.co.uk thinks that links to their ridiculous rag are a bad thing. Somebody might want to tell them how the internet works. Or not. We don't really care. They do suck though. Our advice is that you should not click on the link and whatever you do, don't read their truly terrible articles.]

OP, what sort of people are Joel's parents that neither of them felt the need to come home to take care of their son in a time of great need? A cast to the hip sounds a like a broken femur. That's a long, long recovery time. What the hell is wrong with his mother? What kind of mother wouldn't want to be there helping her son, rather than gallivanting around the world?

I can't imagine what would take priority over caring for your child, even a college-age young man, when his need is this great.

I'm surprised Mitzi doesn't sleep in your room. I imagine she has her reasons.

kid is from a dysfunctional family allowing this perverted and sick neighbor to worm his way into this young man's life....so sad

Joel is ready for his sponge bath

Uncle Bottom, you are indeed an angel. Thank you and Mitzi for taking care of Joel for us all.

Can Joel still wear his undies with that up-to-the-hip cast?

[quote]Can Joel still wear his undies with that up-to-the-hip cast?

Perhaps this would be a good time to introduce Joel to the joys of wearing Caftans.

What types of Caftan pattern and fabrics would be most appealing to a young man?

You sound like Herbert from family guy. Plagiarism.

OP is delusional with nostalgia, still can't let go of her past insane obsession. Joel has left that shithole village some time ago. SAD! Oh and her mangy Lhada Apso had been dead for years!!! Crazy Norman Bates we have here.

Joel is now Joelle and living in Topanga Canyon enjoying the mild winter

I'm sure young Joel is on pain medications, which can be terribly constipating. You should probably start him immediately on a regimen of twice-daily enemas, the larger volume the better.

Don't leave Mitzi out. She can lick the tender areas of where his cast meets his groin. Does Mitzi wear doggy clothes?

Where have you been? Mitzi doesn't like Joel.

Question: How does Joel handle OP's micropenis with all the metal from his braces in his mouth? He must be very careful I would imagine.

I'm here for my cameo. Make it snappy, we're loosing daylight here!

There will be inevitable itching that can be relieved with a wire under the cast....very satisfying Joel will be forever thankful!

I'm surprised the boy's parents are letting you anywhere near their son.

I’m not surprised they didn’t want you in their home with Joel...they probably didn’t want Mitzi dumping on their $100K rugs

If you had a brain, r16, you'd be dangerous.

Aren't you the creepy uncle who usually spins ludicrous tales about your NEPHEW ?

Then you morphed into the creepy neighborhood baker who bakes Christmas Cookies for the neighborhood's young children ?

And now you're the creepy neighborhood nursing assistant performing the activities of daily living for a nubile teenage boy ?

Oh, brother . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Those are all different posters, R63. Joel has been a subject here for a couple of years now.

His mother was concerned that you might enjoy prancing around in her lingerie, in front of her son.

This. Never. Happened.

OP didn't always have a micropenis.

He had an "unfortunate accident" teaching young Joel how to properly[italic] Play the Organ.

OP on Chaturbate. Please go fund her.

R53 Joelle ?

Wasn't that the title of a Dolly Parton song ?

This might be an opportunity to teach Joel about the proper care of his “prostrate” gland.

[quote] This. Never. Happened.

No shit, Sherlock.

Stop being so stupid.

It is integral that you monitor Joel's painkiller usage. You don't want him becoming an addict!

Dude Joel should be 43 years old by now.

Joel changed his name to Andy Cohen and has never felt better!

For the most tender care, try these tips:

Ask if he needs help bathing or urinating or “just taking care of things, you know, guy stuff.”

Repeat constantly that pants are “just a foolish complication” in his current state and that “most doctors say” broken limbs heal faster when naked. Remove your own pants so he “doesn’t feel self conscious.”

Tell him you can’t sleep at night because you’ll be worried sick he might fall out of bed so you might as well “bunk with” him.

Douche and pre-lube daily, in full view of him.

Offer to perform fellatio on him. If he refuses, just wait until he falls asleep.

I was thrilled to see Joel again in a thread...did you two enjoy the piano bars on your last trip to the big apole?

^Who’s big pole?

We did indeed, R76! We visited Townhouse and Don't Tell Mama and Joel loved every moment.

Thank you so much, R48, but as I do not have any nieces or nephews, I am not an uncle.

Does Joel like Mitzi, and how much if so?

I hear 2 Puerto Ricans beat the shit out of Joel while you did nothing but screech for help and sadly nobody came except 2 drag queens who joined in the gang bang. Sounds like a memorable trip for Joel. Was Joel instructed to Don't Tell Mama?

if you can’t be decent to OP just scram. He is an upstanding gent helping a neighbor family. I believe Joel appreciates his friendship with OP

R81 = Joel’s clueless mom.

r81 Joel's mom, don't you know what OP has in mind?

Bitch! Joel’s mom is well aware of the shenanigans OP has planned for her fragile little flower. Who do you think is paying for their excursion to Panama City, Florida....and who do you think broke Joel’s leg???

OMG! Why did she break Joel's leg?

[quote] OMG! Why did she break Joel's leg?

She didn’t. His leg gotten broken by some rough trade in an unfortunate gang bang accident.

What do mean my neighbour has "something in mind" for Joel, R83?

Didn’t OP catch Joel stroking a very nice size cocker spaniel on his Barca lounger in the buff?

Joel used to come over and use OP's pool, then sunbathe naked on his decking.

Joel - you in danger, gurl!

When, R89??

I remember that too, r91. I don't remember him being naked, but hopefully OP will set us straight.

Joel now has an 8 hour erection because of 500mg of Viagara this queen served him in his oatmeal this morning.

It's below freezing in Canada. Buy him some warm flannel pajamas.

I got the idea that it was apartments they lived in in Canada?

Joel now sounds gay as a goose when he speaks, thanks OP you turned him real good

this is some Boxing Helena level fantasy shit, right here!

JOel would be better off catching CDiff and bedsores in a rehab clinic.

I thought Joel was in college studying classics and philosophy and playing water polo and rugby.

Couldn't he recover at college?

r20 The mental image which your description evokes will be branded onto my brain forever. I love it!!!

I just fucked Joel good and his ass needs a warm bath to recover

Joel here. I’m hosting an afternoon gang band while my prissy stuck up ass neighbor and her stupid dog are at her weekly bridge club meeting. Come destroy my pussy! Come one come all. Bring your friends. Taking as many loads as I can get!

is OP a registered sex offender?

[quote] is OP a registered sex offender?

Yes!

Joel was recently spotted sucking a homeless man's cock in the parking lot of Ralph's grocery store in Silver Lake.

We haven't had the shrieking "pedo" accuser on a Joel thread for awhile.