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What Is The Funniest Post On DL That You Have Ever Read?

Seriously, the funniest post. The one that made you completely lose it. I'll go first.

The funniest post I ever read was of a woman here who recounted her memory of losing her virginity. It was her Quinceanera, the Hispanic party celebrating a girl's 15th birthday. Her mother made her wear an elaborate dress. However, she failed to mention one important detail prior to diving into her sexcapade. She proceeded to tell of how the boy and her snuck away and how they made out. Then she said he slipped his hand down her diaper and began to finger her. Yep. She just nonchalantly stated that she was wearing a diaper and the guy reached his hand into it and fingered her pussy. She forgot to mention that she was forced to wear a diaper because of the dress. I lost it. I spit my drink. I was laughing so hard I started seeing stars and got dizzy. I didn't stop laughing until maybe 30-40 minutes later, with repeat rounds of laughter every time I thought about the diaper for days afterwards.

by Anonymousreply 394Last Monday at 6:25 PM

I kind of got a kick out of the guy who took a video with his Razr phone of himself jacking off, and then accidentallysent it to everyone in his phone book.

The thing that kind of ruined it for me is that I had a Razr phone and figured out that accidentally sending a video involved about seven specific steps.

Though, if the story was real, it would have been especially funny.

by Anonymousreply 109/24/2014

The posts weren't intentionally funny, but I loved the vengeful GG posts.

After his threads and posts were deleted by the webmaster, or maybe he was banned, he would go into other threads claiming he was posting from Belgium and the webmaster would never stop him from using various IPs.

by Anonymousreply 209/24/2014

I was pretty new here when I read "I'm Not Running a B&B Here." The combination of helpful advice (where to find affordable towels, essential food items to keep in the home) mixed with vicious and withering condemnation still makes me laugh today.

by Anonymousreply 309/24/2014

The Whitney Houston Funeral thread was fucking funny as hell.

by Anonymousreply 409/24/2014

I don't remember the exact details, but I laughed hardest at some guy who claimed he and his partner had a restaurant with a salad bar: something about the Autumn Harvest vs. Once 'Round the Garden options.

by Anonymousreply 509/24/2014

The African Baby Catalogue thread, which appeared when Madonna adopted her first kid in Africa.

by Anonymousreply 609/24/2014

Hands down the possum in a drawer thread.

by Anonymousreply 709/24/2014

The Homosex Troll's review of "Brokeback Mountain" will never be topped.

by Anonymousreply 809/24/2014

R1, same here. I had the same phone, and IIRC it wasn't hard to accidentally "send to all", as the technology wasn't as smart as it is now.

by Anonymousreply 909/24/2014

IIRC, the sequence of sending the video on the Razr was something like accidentally navigating to the "send" option, then, when it's time to type in the name of the recipient, accidentally selecting to choose the recipients from your phone book, then accidentally navigating to "all," accidentally choosing "all," and accidentally selecting "ok."

Which made me picture the poor guy accidentally navigating to the "send" option and then frantically trying to not accidentally selecting the recipients from the phone book.

by Anonymousreply 1009/24/2014

Once during one of the many Rosie O'Donnell debacles someone posted pretending to be here, angrily insisting that her "mill-yuns and mill-yuns!" justified her in doing whatever she had done. For some reason that really made me laugh.

by Anonymousreply 1109/24/2014

[quote] someone posted pretending to be here

That's the definition of Prime Time.

by Anonymousreply 1209/24/2014

The one that caused the most primordial chuckles--I don't even know why it was funny--was the poor person who went to a party where there was nothing to eat, non event toast.

by Anonymousreply 1309/24/2014

[quote] Funniest post I've ever read on DL.

Whose Male Nudes Would You Like to Leak?

Fyvush Finkel

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 1409/24/2014

old timey tv shows.

by Anonymousreply 1509/24/2014

"Famous JonBenets Throughout History"

by Anonymousreply 1609/24/2014

I was new to DL and didn't realize that most people could spot a made-up thread instantly.

This thread was about some gay man whose boyfriend had been killed in a car accident and the family wouldn't let him attend the funeral.

The first reply, far from expressing the sympathy I expected, was "Oh, for God's sakes".

After I figured it out, I giggled for days.

by Anonymousreply 1709/24/2014

I can't remember what the thread title was but someone posted they walked to Sears at the mall. One of the responses was "Where do you live? The foodcourt?"

I know, I know!!

by Anonymousreply 1809/24/2014

Oh God, R16, "Famous JonBenets Throughout History" was priceless. It had the best DL attributes--endless cleverness plus snark, but none of the vileness that wrecks so many other threads. I hope someone saved that thread.

The possum in a drawer thread (R6) definitely gets honorable mention because it was so goofy--a DL poster found a possum nesting in his dresser drawer and was totally freaking out. So of course he turned to DL for humane removal advice and therapy. And neither thread led itself to freeper hijacking. Sigh.

by Anonymousreply 1909/24/2014

The original "Let me tell you about Debra Messing" post, where she gives iPods to African orphans with eye cancer. The post ended with one of the blind orphans asking "who was that cunt?"

by Anonymousreply 2009/24/2014

ANYTIME SOMEONE SAYS A REPUBLICAN IS RIGHT HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OR FOX NEWS SAID SOMETHING SMART AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH OR A STRAIGHT GUY WHO LIKES GUYSSSS !!!!!! AAAAAAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!

by Anonymousreply 2109/24/2014

There was a thread about most embarrassing experiences a few years ago that had quite a few howlers, but my favorite was the guy who told the story of being at a friend's pool party, getting too drunk, dancing around like a loon to Hootie and the Blowfish and then knocking the grill into the pool.

Also, the My Neighbor Is A Gargoyle thread.

by Anonymousreply 2209/24/2014

The neighbor/gargoyle thread was hilarious!

by Anonymousreply 2309/24/2014

R10 from the linked thread is the single funniest response, bar none. I have saved a version of it to send to friends to cheer them up.

[quote]He never calls, he never writes...

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 2409/24/2014

There was a post on here a couple of weeks ago about this high school guy who wanted to take his senior photo with his cat. And the OP started off by warning everyone about the flames coming from the picture. Then you click on the pic. For some reason I just found that the funniest thing. I literally laughed out loud, it was that good.

by Anonymousreply 2509/24/2014

The "Damn, Teresa Giudice has some ugly kids" thread. I smile & laugh just thinking about it! I cried many tears of laughter thanks to that thing. Unfortunately the fucking webmaster deleted the original.

by Anonymousreply 2609/24/2014

I hate to say this because it was a serious thread, but the "Worst Thing Anyone Has Ever Said to you" thread had me howling.

by Anonymousreply 2709/24/2014

[quote]non event toast

made with boring bread

by Anonymousreply 2809/24/2014

R24 I missed that thread first time round but damn that is the funniest thing I've read on here for a long time.

I've loved some of the Tasteful Friends threads, too many to list.

by Anonymousreply 2909/24/2014

Surreal TV Moments:

Years ago, during the ACT-UP era, a local station did a remote interview with an activist who called himself "Luke Sissyfag."

I don't remember the gist of the interview, just the caption that said "LUKE SISSYFAG: AIDS ACTIVIST," and the very conservative anchorman who looked like he was going to throw up. The funniest was at the interview: "All right. Thank you, Luke Sissyfag."

by Anonymousreply 3009/24/2014

Sows at the Trough

by Anonymousreply 3109/24/2014

R30 is looking for the Surreal TV Moments thread.

by Anonymousreply 3209/24/2014

The guy going to New York, intending to carry his luggage all over the place

by Anonymousreply 3309/24/2014

"Dialling a phone with a pencil." Some of the stories were so hilarious and rang so true, such as the guy who as a teenager did a baton twirling routine to the theme song from "Dallas" he would perform for his bewildered immigrant parents.

My favorite moment of all, though, was from the guy who admitted as a little boy in 1971 he went up to a group of his father's friends in the living room, carrying a pad of paper and a pencil, and said to them, "I'm taking a poll. Who do you think is prettier: Florence Henderson on 'The Brady Bunch,' or Shirley Jones on 'The Partridge Family'?"

by Anonymousreply 3409/24/2014

I say this one whenever the topic arises:

The Aunt Diane posts (the Taconic Wrong-Way Driver).

Not a funny topic, but the "nephew" was a hoot!

by Anonymousreply 3509/24/2014

Tipping with Jam poster deserves a gold medal.

by Anonymousreply 3609/24/2014

The Rainbow Express Michfest thread. What was her name? Jan?

by Anonymousreply 3709/24/2014

Michfest, without question some of the funniest shit I've ever seen on the DL.

by Anonymousreply 3809/24/2014

Thank you, baby, R4.

by Anonymousreply 3909/24/2014

Denise, R37, it's Denise.

by Anonymousreply 4009/24/2014

[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4109/24/2014

Damn, R20 stole my response, hee-hee! Along with that Debra Messing thread R20 mentioned, I always crack up at the office fraus - potluck - Ginny in Accounting threads - more, please!

by Anonymousreply 4209/24/2014

I always got a kick out of the creepy uncle troll getting horny about his nephew, "Traylor."

by Anonymousreply 4309/24/2014

[quote]"Dialling a phone with a pencil." Some of the stories were so hilarious and rang so true, such as the guy who as a teenager did a baton twirling routine to the theme song from "Dallas" he would perform for his bewildered immigrant parents.

For you, r34...

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 4409/24/2014

R11, I MAKE THOUSANDS!!

by Anonymousreply 4509/24/2014

There was a very funny, crazy thread started by one half of the Boston-Philly couple. He was asking the DL for tips on how he could get his boyfriend to give him tens of thousands of dollars as a kind of back-dated wages, for having blown him, and put up with him. The thread mixed out at 600, and went into a second thread. I've never seen an OP so reviled on the DL.

by Anonymousreply 4609/25/2014

The guy who wrote:

DIE, grammar bitches, DIE.

by Anonymousreply 4709/25/2014

The grandmother who could identify gay men by the eye patches they wore.

by Anonymousreply 4809/25/2014

Gayle Grinds

by Anonymousreply 4909/25/2014

After a blackout someone posted a 'fank you' post that really got to me. Something like:

Oh, fank you webmaster, you have fiksed my datalounge

by Anonymousreply 5009/25/2014

The thread where OP asked for other options to use for lube (I think he was too embarrassed to buy it) brought me to DL. The "Queen Helene's Hair Butter" response made me laugh hysterically.

The Michfest threads keep me here. I'm already counting down to the "midway" threads.

by Anonymousreply 5109/25/2014

You bitches are slipping.

by Anonymousreply 5209/25/2014

R50 that comes from a blog or something someone posted to, written by a frau with an autistic 5 year old. The child was upset because the cheeseburger he ordered in a restaurant was "broken" (cut in two). So the Frau ordered a new one and when the waitress brought it he alledgely reacted by repeatedly say "fank you!!!" for fixing his "broken" cheeseburger. The blogger transcribe each "fank you!!!'"

The blog post was off-the-charts with entitled mommydom and spoiled child coddling, so it was quite the hit on DL.

by Anonymousreply 5309/25/2014

Anyone remember the Red Dragon thread?

The OP told this incredibly looong story (all in the same goddamn paragraph, too) about trying to purchase some unusual cheese at a deli, and the woman behind the counter wouldn't sell him all of that cheese. Why? Because she didn't know him!

So after finally getting through the huuuuge opening post, the very first reply was "What kind of cheese was it?"

And the fucking OP wouldn't reply, for days!

Until finally, someone pretended to be the OP, and said that the special cheese was white velveeta. All that, over white Velveeta!

I was reading the thread in a library and was actually kicked out because I just could not stop laughing.

by Anonymousreply 5409/25/2014

Fank you for the backstory, R54. Love it!

by Anonymousreply 5509/25/2014

Wasn't the idea of using Queen Helene Cholesterol for lube stolen by Augusten Burroughs for RUNNING WITH SCISSORS? Or does his book pre-date the sage DL advice?

by Anonymousreply 5609/25/2014

Good question R56, I'll have to research that.

by Anonymousreply 5709/25/2014

There's a thread on here about plane crashes, and the Lockerbie bombing came up and it was mentioned that a child, still buckled in their seat and found hanging from a tree. An OP said it was a good thing it wasn't in Guadalajara because they'd be praising God and having a pinata party

Totally inappropriate but made me laugh so hard I peed a little

by Anonymousreply 5809/25/2014

Also, the Dates From Hell thread on the Archive had a few chuckles

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by Anonymousreply 5909/25/2014

I was in a deep depression and new to Datalounge when I opened a thread with an innocuous title, "Should You Refrigerate Bread?" Before I finished reading the OP, I was laughing so hard that I was crying.

It only got better.

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by Anonymousreply 6009/25/2014

I was going to post about the Red Dragon Cheese thread. So hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 6109/25/2014

[quote]vengeful GG posts

Gossip Girl?

Gone Girl?

by Anonymousreply 6209/25/2014

There have been many laughs in the couple of years I've been coming here, but the MichFest threads are so good...but the post that has made me laugh the most contained this gem that I've added it to my personal vocabulary:

FIBER-MYALGIC ARTIST.

I was on vacation and was reading some of the Michfest threads to a friend, and when I got to that play on "fiber artist", she and I both laughed so hard we almost passed out.

by Anonymousreply 6309/25/2014

The one where Michael wasn't allowed to sit with his husband at the husband's brother's wedding to Jody, and then the response by some DLers to the comments section of the wedsite of a different woman named Jodi, who had the same last name.

"When do the tears stop?" became the tagline.

by Anonymousreply 6409/25/2014

R53 the best part of all is the kid's MOM posted to that thread (at 49). It must have taken her a hell of a lot of internet sleuthing to find the DL connection.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 6509/25/2014

[quote] I spit my drink. I was laughing so hard I started seeing stars and got dizzy. I didn't stop laughing until maybe 30-40 minutes later, with repeat rounds of laughter every time I thought about the diaper for days afterwards.

[quote]After I figured it out, I giggled for days.

Both of you are easily amused.

by Anonymousreply 6609/25/2014

Many thanks to the poster who linked to all those hilarious old threads.

I'm so pleased to have been around for most of this great stuff.

by Anonymousreply 6709/25/2014

OMG thank you for posting that link, r65.

Wait, what am I saying?

FANK YOU R65!

by Anonymousreply 6809/25/2014

The thread about a TV movie of the week focusing on a heroine with fibromyalgia. Hilarious, wish I'd saved it.

by Anonymousreply 6909/25/2014

R3, can you link the "I'm not running a B&B here" thread?

by Anonymousreply 7009/25/2014

The thread to summon David Ehrenstein had lots of funny things in it, but this one, for some reason, cracked my shit up. Glasses off my face, tears in my eyes, sides hurt I have to pee, laughing my ass off.

[quote] Is/was he hot? What is his job? How did his name ever mean anything? Was he on Dynasty?

[quote] Yes, he had a long stint playing Dominique Devereaux, the most fabulous lounge chanteuse in all of Denver. He was, in a word, spectacular.

by Anonymousreply 7109/25/2014

The thread I mentioned at R71:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 7209/25/2014

Once Around The Garden was pretty damn funny (ok, so it wasn't a post, it was a thread.. but still).

by Anonymousreply 7309/25/2014

Also.. there was a thread that was supposed to be serious, but turned into a mess and it was so hilarious. So many funny posts and replies. Too bad I can't remember what thread it was (or even the topic). It was just a couple of weeks ago. I remember it so clearly because I read it while I was on the train and I had to work really hard to hold the laughter in and not laugh out loud.

by Anonymousreply 7409/25/2014

The story of the bedazzled bra given to Mom at Christmas on a childhood indicators of eventual gayness thread. Those are some of my favorite threads.

by Anonymousreply 7509/25/2014

We used to write stories with each poster contributing one sentence at a time.

My favorite was the epic tale of Star Jones' and Al Reynolds' nuptial day, "The Marriage of Bigaro."

Also when we went into the future and contributed excerpts to Vivi and Parker O'Donnell's memoir, "Rosie Dearest."

by Anonymousreply 7609/25/2014

Brit here, but I love the Larry King threads following some momentous event. If I'm lucky enough to find one that's already say thirty posts in, the cumulative inventive stupidity can be blissful. I usually join in to keep the idiocy alive.

Also some hapless OP once said he/she was 'Feeling quite hungary', and a pack of witty bitches in fact fed off of him or her for many many funny posts.

I too love the Ginny in Billing threads (surely due a revival soon).

The second quote @ R71 must be high on the list for the ultimate 'Mary!' award in the history of DL. Flawless.

by Anonymousreply 7709/25/2014

Thank you so much for that, R71/R72. It references an old old thread where David E demanded a copy of a documentary to verify that someone claimed Paul Newman was gay, and I swear I was this close to sending him the movie myself. He and I are in the same, er, circles, let's say, and I could have sent it, but I don't want him to know I post here.

by Anonymousreply 7809/25/2014

[quote] I too love the Ginny in Billing threads (surely due a revival soon)

Wasn't there a whole thread where the storyline was that Ginny had died?

by Anonymousreply 7909/25/2014

All those post about shitting in public places, like someone took a dump in l.v bag and put it back on shelf

by Anonymousreply 8009/25/2014

Does anyone remember the thread created by a DLer whose female co-worker was pretending that Nick Carter from The Backstreet Boys was having an affair with her? She'd create fake posts from "Nick" on her facebook page. That was so hilarious.

"The Marriage of Bigaro" was one of the funniest thread TITLES

by Anonymousreply 8109/25/2014

The cagemeat posts. Nothing like hot murderers looking for love.

The Bondage Queen sentenced to 6 years in North Korea thread.

by Anonymousreply 8209/25/2014

[quote]The thing that kind of ruined it for me is that I had a Razr phone and figured out that accidentally sending a video involved about seven specific steps.

Yeah, that poster admitted much later that it was all an Elaborate Scenario Thread.

[quote]Does anyone remember the thread created by a DLer whose female co-worker was pretending that Nick Carter from The Backstreet Boys was having an affair with her? She'd create fake posts from "Nick" on her facebook page. That was so hilarious.

I've seen that woman posting on Facebook! When BSB were on a recent comeback tour she posted to Barnes & Noble's brand page to ask if/when they'd be appearing. I couldn't believe she was real. Completely insane.

My funniest DL post: someone started a thread asking how to get rid of an annoying, lingering cough. Someone suggested sitting on Debra Winger's knee in a steamy bathroom.

by Anonymousreply 8309/25/2014

The Ben-Matt rehab thread was flawless.

by Anonymousreply 8409/25/2014

The whole thread about the woman and the Bellagio where all the poop water flooded the bathroom floor on got on her precious shoes and cloth bag. I couldn't stop laughing all the way to the end of the thread.

by Anonymousreply 8509/25/2014

The "I'm not running a bed and breakfast here!" thread. I can just picture this angry little queen logging onto datalounge looking for sympathy, and instead we all thought he was out of his mind. CLASSIC DL, and I've been here almost 15 years.

by Anonymousreply 8609/25/2014

So many funny ones here. Dialing the Phone with a Pencil is one of my favorites. There was also one about a possessed, crabwalking lesbian girlfriend that had me in stitches. One guy posted a "well, my bf is a vampire and when he gets pissy he levitates near the ceiling. I just hand him a duster and tell him to dust the ceiling fan" or something like that. For some reason that had me cracking up. The Michfest threads of course.

by Anonymousreply 8709/25/2014

Ginny rose, Stenbecklike, from the dead about a month ago. I don't remember which thread, but it was a believable BFTD.

by Anonymousreply 8809/25/2014

The poster who described Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa cake as a hate crime.

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by Anonymousreply 8909/25/2014

In the late 90s and into the new century, David Ehrenstein had fights and meltdowns all the time. Some amusing, some really funny. I got a laugh at his "pencil" accusation.

In April 2001, Ehrenstein was demanding info from someone at DL who replied,"The sources are confidential and will remain that way. You should find that easy to understand, David."

He replied with:

[italic]No, I don't find that easy to understand at all.

And neither should anyone who's a serious journalist.

Unnamed sources mean one thing only -- you're not a writer, you're a pencil. [/italic]

by Anonymousreply 9009/25/2014

David's feud with SS Terri was hilarious, as was SS Terri's feud with Libby.

by Anonymousreply 9109/25/2014

R89 I believe it was an "edible hate crime," and I think that maybe it was originally said by Anthony Bourdain (but I could be wrong.)

by Anonymousreply 9209/25/2014

Some twink was bemoaning the fact that his waist size had ballooned up to 28 or 30 inches or so, and he was devastated, just devastated. Whatever could he do to get back to his former pencil-thin self?

Someone here chimed in:

"You done had a baby, Miss Scarlett. And you ain't never going to be no eighteen and a half inches again. Never. And there ain't nothing to do about it."

by Anonymousreply 9309/25/2014

R92, I read the post here first, many years ago. Anthony Bourdain had nothing to do with it, unless he was posting anonymously on DL.

by Anonymousreply 9409/25/2014

There's no way Bourdain would have called that hate crime "edible."

by Anonymousreply 9509/25/2014

My two favorites are two very small threads that seemed to occupy only a few of us.

The one was the "Pete Burns Has Low Hangers" thread. Someone had posted a photo of ol' Pete in a torn up wedding dress (I believe). He was crooning away on what looked like a picnic table with the dress hiked up to his hips and that fruit just a dangling to his knees. One horrified poster stated, "I don't know what bothers me more - the bored look of the audience or the turd laying under him!" (it was a cigar butt that truly resembled a turd).

The second was "If Nostradamus Was a Vampire, Why Didn't He Live Forever?" or some such nonsense. Fury commenced and one helpful poster wondered if maybe the OP had confused Nostradamus with the Cosa Nostra. That still makes me laugh.

by Anonymousreply 9609/25/2014

The thread where a guy asked what he should name his gay bowling team. After a good number of replies, one guy wrote:

"How about 'The Faggots!' "

I even told my mother about it and she cracked up!

by Anonymousreply 9709/25/2014

Maybe ten years ago when DL fave Lisa Whelchel made the news for dispensing parenting advice suggesting that if your child told a lie, to pour hot sauce in his/her mouth as a punishment, someone came up with alternate lyrics to the Facts of Life theme to go along with it. I've forgotten most of them but the parts that stuck with me were "You take the good/You take the bad/You take them both/And douse them in Tabasco sauce/Tabasco sauce" and (this part always killed me) "When the kids never seem/to be liiiiiiiiiiving up to your dreams."

There was also one of our regular special snowflake with food allergies thread where some "concerned parent" stated "I hope his mom doesn't use dryer sheets, or little Timmy will DIE DIE DIE!"

by Anonymousreply 9809/25/2014

[quote] Eleanor Parker was a pro, except when she shot up. Once the heroin kicked in, she was a monster. She used to slap around Gretl and Marta, and seduced Rolf, who was underage. Then she made anti-Semitic jokes. It was disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 9909/25/2014

The thread about the guy who had a straight fuck buddy who didn't want to look at him, so he erected a "glory hole" made out of a sheet. OP was okay with that arrangement, but wondered if he was being used when the FB started asking him to bring roast beef sandwiches to their hook ups.

by Anonymousreply 10009/25/2014

The magical insanity that was found in the goofy replies to the "Meet Me in St. Louis family responds to the the Ferguson Missouri riots" thread was like being young again!

by Anonymousreply 10109/25/2014

I loved it where the straight fuckbuddy wanted to call the gay guy "Megan" while "Megan" did the deed.

by Anonymousreply 10209/25/2014

What was the thread about the photo studio where the trashy people took various glamour shots. It was called something like Don Drysdale Photography or something. It was hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 10309/25/2014

No one will ever top the great spirited "Dialing The Phone With A Pencil" thread.

Dark humor but "Let's Roll Cinnammon Rolls" also provided a lot of much needed humor at the time.

And who can forget the (strange/creepy?) little girl next door thread?

All hilarious in different ways.

by Anonymousreply 10409/25/2014

Denny Scott, r103. It was glorious.

by Anonymousreply 10509/25/2014

r96, here's your low hanging delight(NSFW):t

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 10609/25/2014

One of the more important Denny Scott works:

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by Anonymousreply 10709/25/2014

I felt evil for laughing but when Jennifer Hudson's ft nephew was murdered right before Halloween the posts on one thread were black comedy at its finest

by Anonymousreply 10809/25/2014

Another from the Denny Scott Ass Explosion collection:

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by Anonymousreply 10909/25/2014

After using a sheet with a hole in it to have sex, R100, they'd be more likely to eat corned beef sandwiches afterwards.

by Anonymousreply 11009/25/2014

It wasn't shared sandwiches. The guy giving the blow job just gave the b.j. and handed over the roast beef sandwich. He came back about six months later and was still making weekly sandwich deliveries in order to suck the guy.

by Anonymousreply 11109/25/2014

Could someone post links to these please?

by Anonymousreply 11209/25/2014

Was anyone else surprised at the hottie-nerd gay sex scene? I thought he was just playing him, but he ended up fucking him. (And it was not exactly subtle.)

by Anonymousreply 11309/25/2014

Oops! Wrong thread.

by Anonymousreply 11409/25/2014

OMFG, r106 That's it!!! Thank you! Thank you!

by Anonymousreply 11509/26/2014

[quote]The second was "If Nostradamus Was a Vampire, Why Didn't He Live Forever?" or some such nonsense

It was "What Did Nosferatu Say About 9/11?"

by Anonymousreply 11609/26/2014

"Once Around the Garden/Autumn Harvest"

The original Helen Lawson thread

Bonnie Mace's "I Just Had a Lesbian Fling with Dolly Parton"

"Damn! I Wanna Fuck Vicki Lawrence Up the Ass!"

The Liza on HSN live-blog

by Anonymousreply 11709/26/2014

"One of the more important Denny Scott works"

Irving Penn, eat your heart out

by Anonymousreply 11809/26/2014

There was a funny one where a guy was vacuuming and found a piece of dried cat poop on the floor that he put in his pocket (not sure why) and then forgot about it. I think his dilemma was that when he washed the pants, the cat shit melted and stained his clothes. Something like that. He was mocked and tortured without mercy for days.

by Anonymousreply 11909/26/2014

"My lesbian lover used our PedEgg to grate cheese for our dinner guests' pasta"

by Anonymousreply 12009/26/2014

The Anubis cane post from the Telephone? thread.

Azmodeus crab walking lesbian girlfriend thread.

Poor schmo walking all over NY looking for a hook up with his luggage thread.

The Indian food incident from Dates from Hell thread.

The aforementioned Razr phone thread and Autumn Harvest threads.

by Anonymousreply 12109/26/2014

1) I wish I had saved the whole post, but someone in a "worst tricks you've ever had" thread described bringing home a good-looking guy who turned out to be a crossdressing crackhead ...

"Hairy drag boy is smoking crack in my living room! Lucky me! Lucky, lucky me!"

2) Price Leatherbarrow putting on a tard helmet to ride the bus to beauty school was classic.

by Anonymousreply 12209/26/2014

Weren't Denny and his rolling suitcase and the Once Around the Garden drama the work of the same person?

by Anonymousreply 12309/26/2014

I miss Price Leatherbarrow. Yes, that is his real name.

by Anonymousreply 12409/26/2014

Someone claimed as such, VotN, but I'm not sure if it was true. Someone showed up and said they were responsible for a whole bunch of the better EST threads, including Denny.

I remember checking back in on the thread where the EST writer "confessed" later that day and it was gone, as were all those ESTs he claimed to have written. People were up in arms and ranting, but their rants were deleted quickly, then we had PT for days and days. I have NO idea what happened but it must have been epic.

by Anonymousreply 12509/26/2014

The Muse and her Lovelorn Swain (who begged for kisses) was epic.

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by Anonymousreply 12609/26/2014

[quote] There was a funny one where a guy was vacuuming and found a piece of dried cat poop on the floor that he put in his pocket (not sure why) and then forgot about it. I think his dilemma was that when he washed the pants, the cat shit melted and stained his clothes. Something like that. He was mocked and tortured without mercy for days.

THE POOP WAS DRY!

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by Anonymousreply 12709/26/2014

The history of DL never ceases to amaze me.

by Anonymousreply 12809/26/2014

Any of the posts where freepers attempt to tell us that America is the greatest country in the world, far superior to any other country, and that those who don't like it should go home and that libertarians and republicans will bring endless prosperity and freedom to America. I die laughing.

by Anonymousreply 12909/26/2014

The Jennifer Aniston film suggestions

by Anonymousreply 13009/26/2014

Field-trip threads, such as this post by "Gayle Grinds" in a food-allergy thread at a mommy board:

[quote]Everytime I eat Sugar-Free Oreos I get a severe case of the trots like you wouldn't believe. I'm not talking no loose turd here or there, I get full-on Aunt Jemima Maple Syrup diarrhea! Luckily a block of Cabot Xtra Sharp Cheddar binds me up real good.

by Anonymousreply 13109/26/2014

"As I mentioned in a previous post, Lily (age 6) sleeps in the dining room. Well, it's a dining room that's been converted into a bedroom. Something quite common in space-deficient NY apartments. She loves her little room and frankly, I do to. I thought I'd give you a detailed tour today. (Click on any photos to enlarge them.)

We finally have the doors up that separate her space from the family room. Thank goodness! I highly suggest having doors to your six year old's room unless you are the type that enjoys high levels of drama on a daily basis."

Lawd..

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by Anonymousreply 13209/26/2014

Someone took Margaret White's "sin never dies" monologue (from "Carrie") and attributed it to Mrs. Rick Santorum, describing her wedding night:

[quote]I should've killed myself when he put it in me. After the first time, before we were married, Rick promised never again. He promised, and I believed him. But sin never dies. Sin never dies. At first, it was all right. We lived sinlessly. We slept in the same bed, but we never did it. And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me. I should've given you to God when you were born, but I was weak and backsliding, and now the devil has come home. We'll pray.

by Anonymousreply 13309/26/2014

Quite a few years ago someone started a thread asking for suggestions on what to get his very religious, ultra-depressed mother for her birthday. Someone said, “Why don’t you send her home to Jesus?”

It STILL makes me laugh!

by Anonymousreply 13409/26/2014

Speaking of field trips — does anyone else remember the group field trip to the comments section of some British newspaper where Britfraus were cluck-clucking about the Madeleine McCann case? Mrs. Patsy Ramsey was in there, and there were a few comments from worthies like "Brendad Ickson" saying things like "I've seen little girls like that Maddie! Who knows what she did to provoke it!"

The Britfraus, unused to DL satire, proceeded to take it all seriously and freak out. By the time they figured it out, it was the weekend, so increasingly hysterical shrieks for a moderator went ignored for quite a while.

by Anonymousreply 13509/26/2014

"Claire and the Bread Pudding" made me laugh as it was told so well.

Any "Dialing the Phone with a Pencil" thread.

The Michfest Thanksgiving Thread a few years back. (CPap machines on the ready, men and boys eat in the unheated garage)

The weepy lesbian vegan who ate her food on the porch for Thanksgiving so she wouldn't have to watch her gf's family eat meat.

The lesbian gf who kept siccing her dog on her gf.

Any fibromyalgia "Tender to the Touch" thread.

by Anonymousreply 13609/26/2014

r133 Years ago Mario Cantone did part of that speech in one of his hour-long shows, it was hysterical.

by Anonymousreply 13709/26/2014

I never could laugh at the Denny Scott posts, because they are just too important culturally, and frightening from a human perspective. John Waters has spent his life reflecting what Denny presents in a horrible seriousness.

I love(d) Helen Lawson.

by Anonymousreply 13809/26/2014

[quote] Speaking of field trips — does anyone else remember the group field trip to the comments section of some British newspaper where Britfraus were cluck-clucking about the Madeleine McCann case? Mrs. Patsy Ramsey was in there, and there were a few comments from worthies like "Brendad Ickson" saying things like "I've seen little girls like that Maddie! Who knows what she did to provoke it!"

I posted a link to a PR site over some anti-gay thing some company did a few months back - cannot remember it for the life of me now but One Million Moms was involved, I think - and several DL regulars showed up and shared some brilliance on that thread. The straights didn't know what hit 'em.

by Anonymousreply 13909/26/2014

This one really cracked me up:

[quote] Rosie O'Donnell used to hire homeless men to come to her house. Once there, their clothing was removed, they were bathed and then fed nothing but buttermilk and baked beans. Afterwards, they were led to a small room where Ro was seated in the center snacking on Ring Dings. The men were instructed to break wind as much as possible while Ro took in deep breaths.

by Anonymousreply 14009/26/2014

Someone started a thread about how depressed and hopeless they felt and everyone was trying to help this person put things in perspective by reminding them that someone out there had it much worse. However, someone posted as a legless, armless, one eyed, possible hermaphrodite with a host of medical problems who had to roll everywhere he/she went ( up and down stairs) and had to type with his/her tongue. I think the possible hermaphrodite also had a deadly form of cancer. Anyway he/she felt great about his or her life because he/she always reminded his or herself that someone out there had it much worse. I'm not sure if I'm recounting it correctly but it was pretty hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 14109/26/2014

It was, r126, it was.

by Anonymousreply 14209/26/2014

Someone found the personal website of a Midwestern couple named Rob and Heidi (last name omitted here) who were the most normcore people ever, and the thread just went nuts with hundreds of responses.

There is no way to convey how funny it was — they were just so NORMAL in every way that it became surreal, and DL went to town on it. Rob later discovered the thread and responded.

Does anyone else remember this? Obviously I'm not describing it well.

by Anonymousreply 14309/26/2014

R141 I hope someone remembers the name of that thread - did the possible hermaphrodite do a one time or repeated posts?

This is a great thread - thanks everyone.

by Anonymousreply 14409/26/2014

Lol "Rob" responded? Ha let me see if I can find and post that thread.

by Anonymousreply 14509/26/2014

I think it was just one time, R144. I wish I remembered the name of the thread.

by Anonymousreply 14609/26/2014

Jill Gets Her Period was hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 14709/26/2014

Without context, possibly funnier:

Bonnie Tyler was the Queen of the power ballad, until she was totally eclipsed by Heart.

Damien: Omen 2 Electric Boogaloo

Hulk smash puny grammar troll

by Anonymousreply 14809/26/2014

The single DL line that cracked me up most was on a thread about Jerry Lewis's illegitimate daughter suing him; someone wrote something like, "She should get the money because her mom had to see Jerry's o-face."

by Anonymousreply 14909/26/2014

Link to Jill Learns About Periods thread, www.datalounge.com/cgi-bin/iowa/ajax.html?t=11264308

by Anonymousreply 15009/26/2014

Does anyone remember a post about a paraplegic on a jet ski in one of those 'Strange Deaths of People You've Known' sort of threads that was popular six or eight months ago?

by Anonymousreply 15109/26/2014

Anyone else remember the thread about the girl whose feet were lopped off when a roller coaster malfunctioned? Every reply was morbidly funnier than the last, until someone mentioned that EMTs had found her severed feet on the ground, and some DL Edith Bunker wrote "But how did they know those were HER feet?"

by Anonymousreply 15209/26/2014

"Freaks you work with" had some hilarious anecdotes

by Anonymousreply 15309/26/2014

On another one of these omnibus posts:

[quote]I was called a fascist for a very complimentary post I wrote about Deanna Durbin.

by Anonymousreply 15409/26/2014

anything by misshelenbedd

by Anonymousreply 15509/26/2014

I agree with whoever said the thread about the Star Jones/Al Reynolds nuptials "The Marriage of Bigaro" has the best title ever. It still makes me laugh.

Also, whoever adapted "The Trolley Song" for the situation in Ferguson deserved an award.

by Anonymousreply 15609/26/2014

When Mickey Rooney died, someone started a thread entitled "Death Finds Andy Hardy".

by Anonymousreply 15709/26/2014

Every thread about Larry king was hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 15809/26/2014

[quote]When Mickey Rooney died, someone started a thread entitled "Death Finds Andy Hardy".

Whoa! Mickey Rooney died???? You should have warned us with "Spoiler ahead." I'm crying as I type. Please show some regard for those with delicate sensibilities. Don't just hit us over the head with a dead movie star.

by Anonymousreply 15909/26/2014

The current SHOULD YOU REFRIGERATE BREAD? thread. Get on it while it's hot.

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by Anonymousreply 16009/26/2014

Really R155? I can't think of anything more tedious. Done to death, resurrected and killed all over again...many times over. Same with M & G, Mama, Cheryl, Helen Lawson, Mimi….on and on. All the old timey DL memes are boring.

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by Anonymousreply 16109/26/2014

Still waiting for it...

by Anonymousreply 16209/26/2014

R143 - was it Rob Beer, the most normal man in the world?

by Anonymousreply 16309/26/2014

That was him. He and the wife were The Most Boring People in the World. It was rather amazing.

by Anonymousreply 16409/26/2014

Around the time Carol Channing and corn were discussed endlessly, there was a thread asking "What's the strangest thing you ever had up your ass?"

For one guy, it was his sister's Barbie Doll, who went up his ass feet first, with her shoes on. (Is that even possible?) Barbie came out, he said, but her shoes didn't.

The next post was:

[quote]SHOES?! When did I eat SHOES?

by Anonymousreply 16509/26/2014

What I remember about the Rob and Heidi Beer thread was that the OP included one of the hilariously banal claims on their website, that they owned 'a fairly new hot tub.'

by Anonymousreply 16609/27/2014

There was a great thread where posters ganged up on Kirker for being a total dick to his date by leaving him standing in line for some music festival (hosted by none other than Perez Hilon, PEREZ HILTON!) while using his VIP ticket to get in without having to wait.

The unravelling of the thread was so great with Kirker digging himself deeper into a hole with each new post.

The Michfest threads are my Christmas holiday.

by Anonymousreply 16709/27/2014

R152, that comment had me rolling on the floor laughing!

I've also enjoyed how, over the years, when someone dies, Footless Girl in Kentucky will ask if she can have the person's feet!

by Anonymousreply 16809/27/2014

Oh, that reminds me of Danmotherfuck, the idiot teen whose head smashed into a poor innocent bridge!

[Footless girl really could've used his feets, dammit!]

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by Anonymousreply 16909/27/2014

I'm up early - (or perhaps I've been up all NIGHT; bwaaaa...!); at any rate, laughing my ASS off reading these; more recollections, please!

by Anonymousreply 17009/27/2014

The poster who asked about the famous guide for Lewis and Clark: Sasquatch. "Did Lewis and Clark have sex with each other, or did they get it on with Sasquatch?"

by Anonymousreply 17109/27/2014

these are priceless

by Anonymousreply 17209/27/2014

[quote]I agree with whoever said the thread about the Star Jones/Al Reynolds nuptials "The Marriage of Bigaro" has the best title ever. It still makes me laugh.

I still have a soft spot for the thread title (wish I could remember it exactly) "I'm watching Dynasty and all the saggy tits are distracting!"

by Anonymousreply 17309/27/2014

R165 .... Your post just made me laugh with full on tears

by Anonymousreply 17409/27/2014

[quote]There was a great thread where posters ganged up on Kirker for being a total dick to his date by leaving him standing in line for some music festival (hosted by none other than Perez Hilton, PEREZ HILTON!) while using his VIP ticket to get in without having to wait.

It was more than just leaving the guy standing in line for five hours, the temperature was in the 30s that night!!!! And kirker thought that was okay. He probably got the VIP ticket by telling Perez Hilton's people that he, a failed travel writer, was a newpaper reporter.

by Anonymousreply 17509/27/2014

And then there was the post about Kirker stinking up the bathroom at some party.

Kirker was all " What party? Where? Who told you that? Do I know you?"

by Anonymousreply 17609/27/2014

I liked ole "Koika" and wish he'd post as an authenticated again. That guy knows about cars, I'll say.

by Anonymousreply 17709/27/2014

[quote]And then there was the post about Kirker stinking up the bathroom at some party.

Didn't it go beyond stink? Someone said he clogged up the toilet and they needed a plumber. That's a lot of shit!

by Anonymousreply 17809/27/2014

[quote]Does anyone remember the thread created by a DLer whose female co-worker was pretending that Nick Carter from The Backstreet Boys was having an affair with her? She'd create fake posts from "Nick" on her facebook page. That was so hilarious.

That was great. People were so amused that they demanded the co-worker's name... the OP wasn't up for that but eventually posted some screenshots with the names blurred out.

by Anonymousreply 17909/27/2014

Yes, I think that was it r178.

by Anonymousreply 18009/27/2014

The "What's Your Favorite Helen Lawson Musical" thread was genius.

And "Dialing the Phone with a Pencil".

Miss Warwick's threads always make me laugh, too.

by Anonymousreply 18109/27/2014

Oh Lord, Kirker.

Haven't thought about him in a along time. He was always good for a few laughs, usually at his expense.

by Anonymousreply 18209/27/2014

I am not a comedienne, R181. I am a transcendent diva, an icon of dignity, and a matchless interpetrix of the American pop oeuvre.

Meaning, you got a match, baby? This doobie ain't going to bogart itself.

by Anonymousreply 18309/27/2014

Still, by Christopher Reeve

by Anonymousreply 18409/27/2014

[quote]My first cat was a shelter cat . I named her Bootsie Gum Drops. 10 minutes ago

[quote]My first cat was a shelter cat. I named her 'Bootsie Gum Drops'. 31 Mar

[quote]My first pet was a shelter can named Bootsie Gumdrop and was gorgeous. 7 Jan

[quote]My first pet was a shelter cat named Bootsie Gumdrop. 21 Dec

[quote]My first cat was Bootsie Gumdrops. But now my husband is allergic to cats. 3 Dec

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by Anonymousreply 18509/27/2014

My favourite DL thread title of all time is "Do Women sit on their snatches or are they in front of them?"

The "Let's Pretend We're Lesbian Drama" thread was hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 18609/27/2014

Not too long ago there was an epic thread linking to the blog of self involved hipster woman who walked around with a plexiglass cube on her head to express how she felt "boxed in" and cut off from people. She billed herself as a performance artist and begged for money to take her one woman show on the road. The comments on that thread were scathing (and by that I mean hilarious). I wonder what happened to her.

by Anonymousreply 18709/27/2014

First time I discovered DL: Patti Lupone is Sally Bowles' mother. I fell on the floor laughing.

by Anonymousreply 18809/27/2014

R139, I still love the epic OMM thread where Joanna Eberhart, Gertrude Snoddy, Norma May Bates, and Cheryl Bexton shared their handiwork.

by Anonymousreply 18909/27/2014

Careful. The OP here is a bit loony on the subject of chicken wings, insisting that no one ate them until the last 50 years. Don't challenge her. She'll flap at you, and that underskin could slap you in the face.

by Anonymousreply 19009/27/2014

My Neighbor Is a Gargoyle. The OP posted a photo of t he smoking gargoyle. Then he posted a picture of a Teletubby in his window looking out at the gargoyle. It was so random and unexpected. I still crack up thinking about it.

by Anonymousreply 19109/27/2014

I always thought the post about questioning why we don't have "prettier" naval vessels was a hoot. It was all done so seriously and many readers thought it was a serious post.

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by Anonymousreply 19209/27/2014

[quote]Price Leatherbarrow putting on a tard helmet to ride the bus to beauty school was classic.

One of my favorites too!

by Anonymousreply 19309/28/2014

This one was a hoot. In a thread about the McConnaissance one poster wrote that he was so in awe of Mathew's performance in True Detective, that he had decided he had to stop referring to him on DL as McBongo, as a mark of his respect!

by Anonymousreply 19409/28/2014

The "Naked Pasta" thread, and "Do you back into or pull straight into a parking space?" Both were pretty hysterical. The also brought out the rabid pit bull in so many posters. Such Passion!

by Anonymousreply 19509/28/2014

I remember a poster complaining of a gopher or squirrel in his front yard that he was battling with. He even got his rifle out, it was hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 19609/28/2014

Tasteful Friends thread, especially when the thread is about how tasteful a very teeny tiny apartment in NYC is decorated and it's just a bunch of books stacked a certain way.

by Anonymousreply 19709/28/2014

Naked Pasta was great.

by Anonymousreply 19809/28/2014

Not a post, but the title of 'Murderous Fatty On The Lam'in recent weeks had me speechless with laughter.

by Anonymousreply 19909/28/2014

No mention of Free Soda Refills or Melissa Gilbert's Shitbra????

by Anonymousreply 20009/28/2014

It gets worse. If you google FKA Twigs Racist Tweets you see she's been called 'monkey'. Pattinson needs to pay for her to get some lawyers to shut these people's accounts down.

by Anonymousreply 20109/28/2014

r2

[quote]The posts weren't intentionally funny, but I loved the vengeful GG posts.

I think you mean PP - Pollyanna Prisspot, School Marm.

by Anonymousreply 20209/28/2014

A thread that just recently became active again is quite funny:

Closeted celebrities: where would they be if homophobia and the closet didn't exist

I especially like R23 in this thread: Justin Bieber would be a transgendered teen, living peacefully somewhere in Saskatchewan.

by Anonymousreply 20309/28/2014

When Price was right.

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by Anonymousreply 20409/29/2014

[quote]Something with coral in it would make the couch really poop OP.

I fucking can't stop giggling over this one.

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by Anonymousreply 20509/30/2014

Another vote for the Helen Lawson Musicals thread.....I have NEVER laughed so hard in my life!

by Anonymousreply 20609/30/2014

I loved the final line in the original post of a thread where the OP's boyfriend came home drunk and smelly from a smoky bar and refused to shower before passing out on top of the bed.

"So I Febreezed him."

by Anonymousreply 20709/30/2014

The Helen Lawson musicals thread was so great but people can't understand why people no longer laugh at Lawson posts. They can't begin to compare with that humor from days gone by.

by Anonymousreply 20809/30/2014

The Butterfish disaster was pretty good.

by Anonymousreply 20909/30/2014

R25, a compromise was reached in the senior picture dustup. I don't know if it was posted in that thread(I couldn't find it), but the principal, who has a rescue dog, had her picture taken with the senior and his rescue pussy and it was a special page in the yearbook. A friend posted the link on FB.

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by Anonymousreply 21009/30/2014

I think it was the Helen Lawson Musicals Which Closed Out of Town thread, where some poster wrote of Helen's musical of "The Miracle Worker", entitled "It's WATER Helen!"

It still cracks me up!

by Anonymousreply 21109/30/2014

Only halfway through this thread, and I am laughing to the point of tears and lemme tell you, that does NOT happen so easily lately, so I just want to say for millionth time, THANK YOU to the DL for being. It's like no other place (and in spite of being "virtual" I maintain it IS a real place with more in common with a physical community than most actual physical groupings.).

For all the criticism of posts by people whose panties are forever in a twist, there is more clever joyous wit and life here than anyplace online (and I am not new to the Inter-Toobs by a longshot). This is a truncated off the cuff post but I need to get back to laughing at the memories because I swear, sometimes this site keeps me alive. To those who keep the faith, I love you (not hyperbole!) and you ARE talking to someone, regulars. Keep posting. I know you post partly because someone might just need to read your post on something at that exact moment, and you are not wrong. Keep typing in the face of snide dismissive smug responses, because someone absolutely does need to read the completely genuine thing you share.

by Anonymousreply 21209/30/2014

One of the new Ebola Is Here! threads is cracking me up.

"Do you think it's ok to eat Texas Toast?" "I hope the Secret Service isn't put in charge of Ebola."

by Anonymousreply 21309/30/2014

Thank you R205 for reminding me about the couch pooping. I was really giggling over that one a few hours ago.

R20's response to R15 in the Oktoberfest rape thread was another slayer.

by Anonymousreply 21409/30/2014

The Heath Ledger troll posted a thread asking if Heath would've made a better Harry Potter than Daniel Radcliffe. I crack up everytime I think of it.

by Anonymousreply 21509/30/2014

I don't think there is a funniest thread as such; it's individual posts that are incredible. Yesterday someone wrote, 'What do you want us to do, start a gay army?' in response to the aliens among us thread and tears were rolling down my cheeks at that.

The humour (almost) compensates for some of the gratuitous nastiness around here.

by Anonymousreply 21609/30/2014

On the "Bear the pitbull fucking a baby in the ass" thread someone was wondering why the doctors would need to take a DNA sample from the baby.

And someone replied that they need to make sure it was that specific dog's DNA. That maybe the baby gets around.

I died laughing!

by Anonymousreply 21709/30/2014

The thread titled,"someone stole my madame alexander collection." whether or not this tale of a scorned lover was true, the post and the follow up comments were freaking hillarious.

by Anonymousreply 21810/01/2014

WHEN DO THE TEARS STOP??!?!?!

by Anonymousreply 21910/01/2014

Thanks very much, R210. After Denny, I realized that these photographers tend to be consistent in their special tastes. Trinacria Photography (of Schenectady) certainly is!

Wunnerfull.

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by Anonymousreply 22010/01/2014

And the solo (by the way, since this boy's photo is in the Fun section of the studio site, it's true that to some extent the place is aware of the "specialness" of the stray-rescue-prom-high-school-yearbook series.)

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by Anonymousreply 22110/01/2014

[quote]The original "Let me tell you about Debra Messing" post, where she gives iPods to African orphans with eye cancer. The post ended with one of the blind orphans asking "who was that cunt?"

I loved the later post in which she went to help out in Haiti after the earthquake and an elderly lady asked, [italic]«Qui était cette cunt?»[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 22210/01/2014

[quote] I don't think there is a funniest thread as such; it's individual posts that are incredible.

Yep - it's a roll of the dice and the chemistry of whoever is on the board at the time. And it happens less often now, one suspects, since our board has times where access is limited. Ahem.

But it still happens!

by Anonymousreply 22310/01/2014

*threadjack*

I'm reading through the archived, "Dates From Hell" thread and while there are some funny posts, it's very shocking (and dismaying) to me how many are truly horrible- getting beaten and raped. And not reporting it...not even as an assault. Is there a stigma about that?

by Anonymousreply 22410/01/2014

"WTF is in those backpacks you all carry?" might have qualified. But I just got the "thread does not exist" window when I went to copy the link.

by Anonymousreply 22510/01/2014

And now it seems to have returned:

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by Anonymousreply 22610/01/2014

One of the Lucy threads was talking about the "Fashion Show" episode with all the star's wives, and one of the posts was signed by "Mrs. Forrest Tucker, straddling a block of ice." I chuckled for days on that one and I don't think I'll ever see the episode again without remembering that.

by Anonymousreply 22710/01/2014

"What a Queer Day I've Had", circa 2001, was one of the funniest things ever; it related a story in which the OP managed to be racially offensive in every single sentence, yet stayed on the correct side of the p.c. fence: "I'm rather niggardly with my money, but I do like to keep things spic and span, so I hired a British housekeeper who smoked fags while she was working and commented on my figurine collection, 'Such a cute little camel, jockeying for position between the two Hummels..."

by Anonymousreply 22810/01/2014

What was the tasteless post somebody wrote after Esther Rolle died?

by Anonymousreply 22910/01/2014

I guess you had to be there, R228.

by Anonymousreply 23010/01/2014

Probably, 230. It was very funny, but I don't have the original poster's style. Too bad so many of these threads are lost to the ages!

by Anonymousreply 23110/01/2014

Aw, kisses R212!

by Anonymousreply 23210/01/2014

Thanks, R212. Because I just KNOW you're talking about all MY posts!

by Anonymousreply 23310/01/2014

Should I be laughing at Witchiepoo? Sometimes I can't help it.

by Anonymousreply 23410/01/2014

No, R234. Not unless it's because her hair caught on fire and her rescue pony pissed it out.

by Anonymousreply 23510/01/2014

The Fresca thread

by Anonymousreply 23610/01/2014

Esther Rolle?

by Anonymousreply 23710/02/2014

Yes, we need alphabetization.

D. It helps us organize.

Z. It keeps our world in order.

A. It helps us prioritize things.

S. It's a basic skill everyone should be familiar with, like adding and subtracting.

M. It's convenient for making lists.

by Anonymousreply 23810/02/2014

GREAT thread! Lots of references for past fun threads and many laughs. I read this in a doctor's waiting room -- yearly physical , just routine -- and fell on the floor several times. I think some thought I was in the wrong room, should have been at a psychiatrist's office. A lady waiting, being nice, asked what I was "plotzing" about. Thinking myself still new to DL & not posting often, now I see why many have been reading here for years. Count me in. Someone asked "tell me about yourself' and I said look at DL, this thread at R41, R148 & R211. If you get it you get me. And thank you R212, I think you nailed it about why anyone stays here.

by Anonymousreply 23910/04/2014

Back several years ago, Liza's Christmas started out with

Shilver Bellsh

Shilver Bellsh

Ish Chrishmash time in the shitty

The rest of the post was about how Liza spent her Christmas. Some very funny posts, several patterned after the Judy Garland Christmas Show.

by Anonymousreply 24010/04/2014

"Lizha" has never been funny. Talk about a one-note chord.

by Anonymousreply 24110/04/2014

[quote]"Lizha" has never been funny. Talk about a one-note chord.

They are when she and Lorna are posting from Lorna's breakfast nook.

by Anonymousreply 24210/04/2014

I like blue.

by Anonymousreply 24310/04/2014

The WHOLE thread - which came up this AM, I believe - to take a film or music title, and add to it, "in that pussy". I laughed my ass off at 4:00 AM; a rare occurrence.

by Anonymousreply 24410/04/2014

Food posts are always fun. If you say carbs three times, the Dataloungers with eating disorders will come out to get you.

by Anonymousreply 24510/04/2014

I know, R245. I want to sit down next to one of the boylimics and dip potato chips in ice cream and eat them verrrrrrrrrrrry slowwwwwwwwwly, licking my lips all the while.

by Anonymousreply 24610/04/2014

R241 smacks her breasts blue and wails on June 22 every year.

Or, alternatively, she has never heard of "Flora the Red Menace."

And has never posted a funny thread ever.

by Anonymousreply 24710/04/2014

The "once around the garden" thread had me in stitches. I've been on the net since 96 and the funniest thing I've EVER read was the Pigs at the Trough thread.

by Anonymousreply 24810/04/2014

Oops. misread the title, thought it said threads!

by Anonymousreply 24910/04/2014

The one that called foreskin "stank sleeve."

by Anonymousreply 25010/04/2014

I may be the only one who remembers this, but about 10 years ago when "American Idol" was popular someone started a thread called "Words Bucky Covington Doesn't Understand."

It was mildly amusing as people chimed in with terms like "chiffonade" and "pret-a-porter," but then some queen flipped her shit and started raving about how "self-loathing" the whole thread was... which was even funnier.

There also was another contestant who referred to Southern rock as his preferred "jandra" of music. After that, "jandra" got substituted a lot for "genre" on the DL, and inevitably someone in every thread would pipe up with, "It's GENRE, not JANDRA! What kind of IDIOT are you?"

by Anonymousreply 25110/04/2014

I wish I had read the original Sows At The Trough threads. Even the pale imitations had me sore from laughing.

I remember that thread, R251. I want to get twin kitties and name them Genre and Jandra.

by Anonymousreply 25210/04/2014

The First few posts in the original Svetlana Khorkina IN SPACE thread were hysterically funny.

Someone in John Kerry threads kept referring to him throwing away his "metals" after Viet Nam, which was stupid but funny. Even funnier were the posts correcting him, increasingly angrily.

When used just right in the right kind of discussion, "this thread is making me HORNY as HELL" used to crack me up.

OP=mormon

by Anonymousreply 25310/04/2014

The replies to "Any recommendations for a Motion Picture to take a 22 year old to?" OP in that thread said he would not reveal his age, because he was "a bit" older. Hilarity ensued.

by Anonymousreply 25410/04/2014

I remember that R254!

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by Anonymousreply 25510/04/2014

Also like to add the Sugarless Haribo Gummy bear reviews. My nephew and I were laughing so hard. We plan on making Holiday Popcorn of Death for our favorite relatives on Christmas.

by Anonymousreply 25610/04/2014

The "People of Walmart" threads have me practically rolling on the floor. Thank goodness my bladder muscles are still strong. The accompanying pics just make it even better.

by Anonymousreply 25710/04/2014

Princess Diana Scream

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by Anonymousreply 25810/04/2014

Does anyone know what happened to the "bizarre utterances during sex" thread? It's in the Wit&Wisdom column on the left but can't be accessed.

by Anonymousreply 25910/04/2014

I love the Miss Dionne Warwick threads.

Also, I miss and wish for the Joan Steffend Troll to come back. Truly, Joan had me in tears.

Another funny funny one is the Alfonse Curaon Troll explaining the meaning of Gravity to us all. I wish he'd come back one day.

But my favorite line of any thread was something about kids getting lured by pedophiles and of course being offered candy for a ride and one DLer chimed in:

"Mom always told me to make sure and get the candy upfront."

Truly the DL ideal

by Anonymousreply 26010/04/2014

Thanks, r260. I'm still around.

by Anonymousreply 26110/04/2014

Daddy's puduter

The thread about the narcissistic queens who had a Kickstarter (or was it Gofundme, one of those sites) to fund 4 separate weddings around the globe. People (DLers) started leaving hilarious comments on the cyberbegging page until they put it on lockdown. I'd love to know if those douches are still together.

by Anonymousreply 26210/04/2014

Two that had me in laughing hysterically:

A poster had a dinner party when he was in graduate school. Among the attendees his classmates and a well-like professor. During the meal someone running from the police opened and ran in the front door, through the dining room and out the open sliding glass door. Followed by a policeman on foot. All except the prof excused themselves very shortly afterwards.

But my favorite is the poster whose crazed ex covered his beloved Triumph Spitfire from bumper to bumper with mayonnaise.

by Anonymousreply 26310/04/2014

[quote]I may be the only one who remembers this, but about 10 years ago when "American Idol" was popular someone started a thread called "Words Bucky Covington Doesn't Understand."

That reminds me of the hilarious thread that was excerpts from Justin Guarnini's autobiography.

by Anonymousreply 26410/04/2014

The poster who was convinced his landlord was spying on him with a hidden camera, and was preparing to break into the landlord's apartment to find evidence. He was live-blogging it and DL was egging him on. It was like an Extra Special Treat Lifetime Movie.

by Anonymousreply 26510/04/2014

R251: I thought "jandra" was still de rigeuer at DL, but I admittedly don't stop by so often these days. Perhaps we should periodically remind the newbies of proper DL etiquette?

jandra

WHET

maroon

The Sally Field Programme

Which others am I forgetting?

by Anonymousreply 26610/04/2014

R266 Lens Dunham

by Anonymousreply 26710/04/2014

The very serious fan on the Walking Dead thread was screamingly funny and didn't even know it.

by Anonymousreply 26810/04/2014

R266 cak and graxy?

by Anonymousreply 26910/04/2014

[quote]Also like to add the Sugarless Haribo Gummy bear reviews.

Oh God, I'd forgotten about the gummy bears. They were hysterical.

by Anonymousreply 27010/04/2014

I loved the Freaks at work thread. Someone in the office would dress like they were at the renaissance fair iirc. Also the vegan girlfriend at Thanksgiving dinner was hysterical. And the bragging threads followed by "jealous bitches?" Was always funny to me.

by Anonymousreply 27110/04/2014

Freaks you work with! Oh man, that was a good time. I think there were a couple - but yes, I remember the Ren Fest worker who never changed his clothes.

by Anonymousreply 27210/04/2014

And the vegan girlfriend brought her vegan dog and the brother was secretly feeding it meat and the vegan girlfriend had a fit. She also brought her own food.

by Anonymousreply 27310/04/2014

The Chopped Basket was fun.

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by Anonymousreply 27410/04/2014

I loved "Lets pretend we are the Black Female Judge In Every Movie!"

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by Anonymousreply 27510/05/2014

Also: "Amy Adams and Amy Ryan are having a party" was pretty fun.

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by Anonymousreply 27610/05/2014

I'm easily amused. These are not the funniest, but they still get a rise out of me.

I don't know why, but Mr. Go Asian and Simon Hall's Bag Of Oranges would crack me up. Also the guy who keeps posting a picture of Simon Halls as a squirrel.

by Anonymousreply 27710/05/2014

There were so many. But something about the Daphne Zuniga at some event with Speilberg post saved my life.

I was working this boring miserable job, and that thread just kept me happy for days. Maybe longer.

by Anonymousreply 27810/05/2014

The 10k Run Walk Crawl for Fibromyalgia.

Sows at the Trough.

Almost every Michfest thread.

by Anonymousreply 27910/05/2014

There was one about Datalounge's favorite mystery novels or something like that.

by Anonymousreply 28010/05/2014

My favorite was Freaks you work with. One man described being in the elevator with a woman who had Tourettes. I laughed until tears ran down my face.

by Anonymousreply 28110/05/2014

Shitty Little Ann

by Anonymousreply 28210/05/2014

OP, just because I appreciate you creating this thread (which is a blast), I'm voting for you!

I know it's only one vote, but maybe others will follow suit. I hope you win!

by Anonymousreply 28310/05/2014

Homosex Troll.

by Anonymousreply 28410/05/2014

r281, my favorite anecdote from Freaks You Work With was the Ren Faire guy who wore a codpiece

by Anonymousreply 28510/05/2014

The Create a Jennifer Aniston movie thread was really fun

by Anonymousreply 28610/05/2014

It's difficult to pick one. I lose it every time I come to DL, plus I'm a newbie (five months?)

Any way, I love you all and adore the grammar lessons. Even vicious attacks are a cause for delighted gales of laughter.

Again, I love you sick bitches, lez-gals, and all the rest.

by Anonymousreply 28710/05/2014

There was a thread forever ago that parodied the toothless "gossip" items that old movie magazines used to publish. People would write a paragraph about old Hollywood stars caught in banal offenses such as forgetting to feed a parking meter or losing a coat button, then cap them with an italicized exclamation containing a related, yet horrible pun. I loved those, as I love most of our creative writing threads, like the celebrity death haikus. They've fallen out of favor today, but the Michfest threads are the best legacy of that time. "Dark Lesbians" was a nice callback as well.

I'm not a follower of the Broadway threads or a reader of the Broadway World board, but there's not much in the world that tickles me like an mlop parody post. I've even gone to Broadway world just to find and enjoy actual posts from her. Something about them makes me laugh to the point of tears. The best came from the Real Fake Mlop troll, who was often indistinguishable from the Real Mlop, but always far better than the Fake Fake Mlop troll.

by Anonymousreply 28810/05/2014

One of the first threads I read after coming to DL about brining a turkey. The OP didn't intend to be funny, but I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

by Anonymousreply 28910/05/2014

I searched for "turkey brining" to see the thread. Did you know that DL has no fewer than four turkey brining threads?

by Anonymousreply 29010/05/2014

Ben Affleck was in rehab

by Anonymousreply 29110/05/2014

From a thread about the birth of an 18-lb. Chinese baby:

"What are they doing, raising him for foie gras?"

by Anonymousreply 29210/05/2014

I hate my friend Julie, she's a count

Any Joyce DeWitt thread

Peppermint Patty I found archived here

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by Anonymousreply 29310/05/2014

julie was a cunt

The Robert Sean Leonard Nose Hair troll

baked potato bar

by Anonymousreply 29410/05/2014

There was once a fellow in a drugstore who seemed to be taking particular delight in loudly announcing to anyone who would listen that I have much more weight on my frame than he regarded as acceptable.

Heh. Wrong-o, jack.

After a minute or two of his blathering, I walked right up to him, got in his face and said: "Where the hell did you learn to whisper? A sawmill?! It's my body and my business... I suggest you get out of my sight before I decide to make you sing soprano for the rest of your miserable life. What are you waiting for fool?! I said MOVE IT!" Needless to say, he quickly scurried out of the store with his tail tucked between his legs.

The pleasantly plump check-out clerks applauded me.

The handsome man next to me shook my hand and bought me the candy bar of my choice. ;)

I went home feeling fine. I just don't play that smack.

by Anonymousreply 29510/05/2014

From a thread where OP was hassled by a homeless person: "You should key his shopping cart!"

From the thread reporting a bus of cheerleaders dying in a fiery crash: "and in one last act of school spirit, the caskets were stacked in pyramid formation."

by Anonymousreply 29610/05/2014

The cake frosting eating daughter's dad!

by Anonymousreply 29710/05/2014

[quote]There was a thread forever ago that parodied the toothless "gossip" items that old movie magazines used to publish. People would write a paragraph about old Hollywood stars caught in banal offenses such as forgetting to feed a parking meter or losing a coat button, then cap them with an italicized exclamation containing a related, yet horrible pun. I loved those, as I love most of our creative writing threads, like the celebrity death haikus.

"CONFIDENTIAL: If you get invited over to ANNE FRANCIS' house for her signature 'Eye-talian' spaghetti and meatballs -- think twice! Recently the dizzy star of HONEY WEST was cooking up a batch for dinner guests when she topped it ... with CLEANSER! 'I reached for the green can, thinking it was Parmesan cheese,' said Anne. 'Boy, was that a surprise!' Hey, Anne -- next time you have a spaghetti party -- we hope you use your NOODLE!"

by Anonymousreply 29810/05/2014

moar plz

by Anonymousreply 29910/06/2014

My gf dumped a 2 liter bottle of coke on the kitchen floor and then crab walked away.

by Anonymousreply 30010/06/2014

Hollywood Gossip Nobody Knows:

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by Anonymousreply 30110/06/2014

The replies from: "Help me convince my partner to give me money and let me leave" thread. It had it all, and dragged on. Almost hit 600 replies. OP was leaving longtime partner for drunk Ginger with Aspergers.

by Anonymousreply 30210/06/2014

the thread when the child poet Mattie Stepchanick died was hysterically funny and awful.

by Anonymousreply 30310/06/2014

Some guy wanting to know if he should go to his 40th high school reunion claims he looks 24. Oh girl!

by Anonymousreply 30410/07/2014

Does anyone have the link to the iriginal Sows at the Trough thread? I'd love to re-read it - from memory the OP was sipping an espresso as he judged.

by Anonymousreply 30510/07/2014

WHEN DO THE TEARS STOP??!?!?!

by Anonymousreply 30610/07/2014

Link to the gummi bear reviews.

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by Anonymousreply 30710/07/2014

* kisses doll *

Made my life better because of it.

by Anonymousreply 30810/07/2014

R305, me, too - hilarious thread!!

by Anonymousreply 30910/07/2014

I am the OP who created "Sows at the Trough"--still a paying member after all these years. I am happy to report that about 18 months ago our office closed, and most of us were reassigned to work from home. We had seen a major decrease in the amount and type of food and food gifts brought in by vendors--sign of the times. If you recall, SATT was created just because a rep brought in a couple dozen bagels and they all stampeded in to grab them. However, I can still recall the bitter fights and tears over who got "dibs" on the popcorn tins, the little jelly jars, and so on. It was ludicrous. I never thought the thread would take off the way it did--I guess it was just a testimonial to sow behavior and how universal it was, and still evidently is. I'm glad I'm out of it. I have enjoyed and participated in many, many DL threads through the years. I actually have DL fave David Ehrenstein to thank for bringing me to it. I used to love Salon.com's old "Table Talk" forums, back when they were free, and when they started charging, DE signed off by saying he would be "over at the Datalounge." So I owe him a big vote of thanks for getting me here, even though he does not appear to be much of a presence here any longer. I think DL still has the potential it always has had for creating "classic" threads, and I loved them all: the WTC, Ben and Matt, Dustin DeWind, Red Dragon cheese, Claire, and the Helen Lawson threads. I think there is a tendency to start immediate threads on so-called "hot topics" (do we really need ALL those DWTS threads?) But for all its flaws, I still feel that DL has ten times the wit, intelligence, humor, sage advice and even personal compassion than most of the chat sites out there. It is ours to make whatever we will, and if it is lacking we have no one to blame but ourselves. I'm sticking around.

by Anonymousreply 31010/07/2014

Over 300 posts and none mention two classics -- which, like an earlier poster said, saved me from a truly depressed state, thank you DL.

I thought it might've been one of those "Had to be There" things but I showed them to a friend a few months ago, long after they were posted, and we were giggling all over again. So, in my humble opinion, NOTHING tops:

The guy live posting "I Slept with Janie Lane", asking for advice about saying goodbye and then he pokes him awake and gets screamed at as he races out of the house, bumping into furniture. It makes me laugh typing this. Especially if you add in the fictional cafton flowing behind him as he runs.

But the all time champ, one I can't BELIEVE hasn't been mentioned, is the Margarine Fountain. It was my intro to DL and I haven't left. When I need a laugh, I just google "Margarine Fountain" and it takes me right where I need to go. I loved the poster who said "PLEASE do it and take photos! Have some Aloe Vera on hand for the burns".

This thread has made me laugh all over again. Not to get gushy but thanks for the wit, DL.

by Anonymousreply 31110/07/2014

Back in... I would guess 2001 or 2002, there was some thread called "Headlines You Will Never See". It had some funny (if kind of predictable) responses like "Bush Admits He Doesn't What the Hell is Going On" and "Pope Will Officiate at his Own Gay Wedding". There were certainly some better ones I don't remember.

Anyway, the one that I most certainly DO remember, and that had me spit up my coffee and make a big mess of my work desk, was this gem:

"Whitney Houston Turns 40".

by Anonymousreply 31210/07/2014

The My Neighbor is a Gargoyle thread is the funniest post to me because I can still picture the hunched over woman out on the building ledge smoking cigarettes.

by Anonymousreply 31310/07/2014

Oh wait -- that's a tie with the turkey meatballs/ using my towel trick one.

by Anonymousreply 31410/07/2014

The "Joan Crawford Goes to the Supermarket" thread was pretty funny. The "Fan Mimes Blow Job Behind Home Plate" was funny, not because of what anyone posted, but because of the video itself.

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by Anonymousreply 31510/07/2014

The post where the guy is at a Superbowl (??) get - together (alone) at a friend's house and his ex shows up with his partner. Still in love with his ex, OP is dying inside and beelines for the bathroom, where he promptly gives DL the play-by-play from his phone and wonders if he should rappel out the toilet window.

Datalounge's helpful advice givers plus OP's panicked desperate meltdown plus a mix of DL's pointless bitchery (this.never.happened.) plus the tension was altogether hilarious.

But the Lovelorn Swain thread was good too.

by Anonymousreply 31610/07/2014

A few mongs ago it got heated between janbot and a couple of posters. It was HILARIOUS. The banter was so fluid. Janbot was clearly off her meds. Anyways she was saying how flawless penny looked for her age, and someone responded, "Bitch where the fuck is she".

by Anonymousreply 31710/07/2014

One of the more recent threads that had me crying with laughter was the Gabrielle Carteris thread. All the various cracks about her age, how she played Lainie Kazan's grandmother on the show, her story lines on incontinence and osteoporosis, etc.

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by Anonymousreply 31810/07/2014

quote/There was one about Datalounge's favorite mystery novels or something like that.

I forgot all about that thread but it was hilarious.

I guess someone's favorite mystery novel had a cat protagonist that helped its detective owner solve crimes.

Posters started writing as the cat and it was fucking hysterical.

by Anonymousreply 31910/08/2014

[quote]I guess someone's favorite mystery novel had a cat protagonist that helped its detective owner solve crimes.

OMG, was it Mrs. Bundle or does some other semi-literate self-publisher write mysteries about an amateur sleuth and her crime-solving cat?

by Anonymousreply 32010/08/2014

[quote]What Is The Funniest Post On DL That You Have Ever Read?

This won.

by Anonymousreply 32110/09/2014

Aww @r310 sounds like there won't be a SATT 2, shame! Just picturing some of descriptions posted had me in tears.

--I forgot to mention the Dionne Warwick posts, those are the only ones I can point to individually that was hilarious, rather than entire threads. The posts after Whitney's tragic passing, gearing up for the funeral were hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 32210/09/2014

R320 - I think that was Rita Mae Brown and her detective cat Sneaky Pie Brown.

Rita is a DL legend because she dated both Martina Navratilova AND Judy Nelson, outed Susan Flannery, and once described seeing Fannie Flagg's crotch go up in flames.

by Anonymousreply 32310/09/2014

Movies of the Week

The one where the ditzy twink asks how to cook a turkey for thanksgiving, at like 1 pm on the day

There is no Diet Fresca

by Anonymousreply 32410/09/2014

Someone was afraid to finish off a dying mouse in a trap because their boyfriend wasn't there and someone posted as the mouse, "I'm so sorry my death throes are frightening you. I'll try to keep it down."

I still think of that and laugh.

by Anonymousreply 32510/10/2014

[quote]I guess someone's favorite mystery novel had a cat protagonist that helped its detective owner solve crimes. Posters started writing as the cat and it was fucking hysterical.

"But how can a cat solve crimes?"

"What, you've never heard of Sam Spayed?"

by Anonymousreply 32610/10/2014

Not necessarily the funniest post I've ever read but in the (current active) I HAVE MICE thread the otherwise practical responses are sprinkled with a few gems.

R32 is very creative, but R35 offered this

"Somewhere on this floor of the house" - so you have your own house, and the issue isn't coming from a restaurant on the premises, or a crazy neighbor with rodentophilia? (I had a tenant who kept mice in a metal barrel, and they kept getting out and driving the woman in the adjacent unit crazy. No one ever told me. One day she broke into his place, rolled the barrel to the sidewalk, threw in gasoline and a match, and as they shot out flaming she stood there shooting them with a pistol. THAT was a memorable call from a tenant.)

by Anonymousreply 32710/11/2014

Back in the days of the Red Tags, we had a very long thread about a guy who posted a photo that was allegedly of himself in his underwear. He had a nice body, and a bunch of posters told him so.

Then WHAM! went the Red Tag, and most of the thread was the guy talking to himself.

As soon as that happened, someone posted "OP, look back over these last few pages and ask yourself how it makes you feel."

I guess you had to be there.

by Anonymousreply 32810/11/2014

I had forgotten about this one: On one of the Michfest threads, a guy posted something to the effective of "watching them run around trying to catch moon beams in their moon cups". Of course there were instant corrections as to the purpose of the moon cup, but the thought of that poster's head exploding when he realized what those things were actually for made me laugh really hard.

by Anonymousreply 32910/21/2014

Just smoke copious amounts of POT, silly

(After pages of contentious arguments about some heated matter)

------------------------------------------------------

This thread is making me horny as hell

(In the same context)

by Anonymousreply 33012/21/2014

"I Slept with Janie Lane' was the funniest thing, I was weak from laughing at the OP's posts

by Anonymousreply 33112/21/2014

There was a strange little thread this year started an elder-gay complaining about the popularity of 'foreign cuisine'. He especially disliked 'Moslem foods'.

by Anonymousreply 33212/21/2014

[quote]I guess someone's favorite mystery novel had a cat protagonist that helped its detective owner solve crimes. Posters started writing as the cat and it was fucking hysterical.

I remember this. I lost it when someone described Rita Mae Brown outfitting the cat with a little cane.

Anither favorite along these lines were the posts in "Let's write a Patricia Cornwall mystery!" There were long pointless descriptions of elaborate gourmet meals and also of how the heroine's male lover felt like a helpless and delicate little girl in her surprisingly strong muscular arms. Both were spot-on.

by Anonymousreply 33312/21/2014

The elder gay who was raped on the cruise ship. I laughed so hard that I actually drooled. I emailed it to several friends. One said her abs ached the next day from laughing.

by Anonymousreply 33412/21/2014

R10 in this thread, so funny. "I tried to think of England although I'm an American".

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by Anonymousreply 33512/25/2014

[quote] I think Jaclyn Smith should get an MRI or something

There was an article in a tabloid saying Smith had Alzheimer's. That's why Bootsie Gum Drop kept showing up so often.

by Anonymousreply 33612/25/2014

[quote]The elder gay who was raped on the cruise ship. I laughed so hard that I actually drooled. I emailed it to several friends. One said her abs ached the next day from laughing.

I missed that...do you still have the link?

by Anonymousreply 33712/25/2014

The "I want to visit the La Brea tar pits" was a gem.

by Anonymousreply 33812/25/2014

There was a thread about most embarrassing incidents in your life which had me crying with laughter. This poor guy who got drunk at a backyard barbecue and twirled around to some Hootie and the Blowfish song until he ran into the grill and knocked it into the pool made me laugh so hard I got the hiccups.

by Anonymousreply 33912/30/2014

The embarrassing masturbation stories threads. There were two, because one got deleted, so another one was started. Then the second one magically came back.

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by Anonymousreply 34012/30/2014

Guy starts a thread about jacking off to a pop star. Another poster starts asking questions: [italic]What do you look like? What were you wearing? Were you in bed? On the couch? Did you just take your cock out of the hole in your boxers? Where did you come? How much come was there? What was Davy doing when you came? Did you press pause to come? How old are you and how big is your cock? Cut or uncut? What do your sheets look like? How did you wipe up all that copious cum? Can you post a photo of your cock or at least your boxers?[/italic]

OP not only answers questions (in a very organized fashion!), but POSTS PHOTO of his cum stained underwear as popstar looks on.

Mary! enters thread and is shocked (SHOCKED!!) at the cummy-drawers.. Yet another poster posts photo of pearl clutching madam aimed at Mary!

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by Anonymousreply 34112/30/2014

R341,Yes! That was hilarious, and I'm surprised it didn't become an epic DL thread. It had all the makings!

by Anonymousreply 34212/30/2014

Someone on DL wrote a few years ago that Cillian Murphy looks like Tom Welling after going through a pencil sharpener.

by Anonymousreply 34302/23/2015

The thread R341 is talking about, I found it!! Fucking hilarious.

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by Anonymousreply 34402/24/2015

The delicate Mary who wrote " Don't start that here please" cracked me the fuck up. So sensitive, yet so polite!

by Anonymousreply 34502/24/2015

What's been up your hole

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by Anonymousreply 34602/24/2015

The Davy Jones thread was brilliant. More like that, please.

by Anonymousreply 34702/24/2015

For me it was the "my daughter ate a can of icing!"

by Anonymousreply 34802/24/2015

13 year vet. Daughter with the Can of Icing is up there for me, along with Denny and the Samsonite.

No one will ever believe me, but I credit myself for being responsible for "more questions than answers" taking off. There was some thread on some movie, at least ten years ago and probably more, with some totally innocuous, normal film - nothing that could even remotely be classified as a confusing mystery. The OP posted a thread saying "I Just Saw [Whatever] And Now I Have More Questions Than Answers!" and I went off on him. Then we saw that thread everywhere, for every film from then on.

by Anonymousreply 34902/24/2015

This thread is epic

by Anonymousreply 35002/24/2015

Cummy-drawers referenced at R341,R352,R344 and R345..and R347

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by Anonymousreply 35102/24/2015

That Davy Jones / cum-stained drawers thread reminded me of another old thread where some (cute!) guy actually posted his face shot and a picture of his dick, with lots of encouragement from posters.

I remember after he put up the photos he said something like "Well, okay now that you've seen my dick I think I'll leave now", to which some other poster replied, "Story of my life."

That got a good chuckle out of me...

by Anonymousreply 35202/24/2015

The guy who just had sex with Jani Lane.

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by Anonymousreply 35302/24/2015

One of the wackier threads I remember from way back when: "My chum is MEAN about my glass eye!" The OP was posting about being made fun of by his friend for his glass eye, and for some reason an insane poster was filling the thread with random unrelated screaming replies calling him a BITCH! and a CUNT!, etc.

In the middle of this craziness, another poster asks the question: "OP, have you ever gone up to a guy in a bar, popped out your eye and put it on top of his head, given him a wink and said 'I've got my eye on you!' Well, have you?"

I ended up crying I was laughing so hard.

by Anonymousreply 35402/24/2015

[quote]The "Let's Pretend We're Lesbian Drama" thread was hilarious.

There was one reply that was something like:

"I'm the dreamcatcher swinging furiously from the rear-view mirror as the Subaru Forrester SCREECHES in reverse out of the driveway."

I was rolling.

by Anonymousreply 35502/24/2015

Star Jones Wedding, that thread was hilarious

by Anonymousreply 35602/24/2015

In the thread about the guy who poisoned his neighbor's loud dog to death by feeding it raw meatballs stuffed with Xanax, OP was panicking about what he'd done and said he was considering getting them a new dog to replace it.

That was when one of the posters said (paraphrasing): "Here's what you do. You find an old lady walking her dog down the street. You shove a Xanax-stuffed meatball down her throat, grab the log's leash, and RUN."

I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to piss my pants.

by Anonymousreply 35702/24/2015

There was a thread about two (or four) guys moving into an apartment in the OP's building. I think he was able to see them move in from his window and he was sure the hot one would be interested in him. Hijinks ensue. I actually don't remember what happened I just remember laughing until I cried because it was all so ridiculous (in a good way).

The funniest post was about Faye Dunaway driving past the entrance of blockbuster video and throwing her returns on the sidewalk and driving away, honking the horn or something. I'm laughing now just typing this.

by Anonymousreply 35802/24/2015

In the Dialing a Phone With a Pencil thread I loved the tale of the southern boy touring an old mansion with his family and a group. The guide pointed out an ornate lamp or something, and the little gay-boy busted out, "Isn't that just darling!" The entire tour group dissolved in laughter, as did I, in the mortified memory of what a little fruitcake I too had been.

by Anonymousreply 35902/24/2015

What brought me to Datalounge was the Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah's couch thread.

by Anonymousreply 36002/25/2015

Some good stuff to be found here.

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by Anonymousreply 36102/25/2015

The Jani Lane thread was pretty epic. But then he died. Jani, not the OP (I hope).

by Anonymousreply 36202/25/2015

I like R14's explanation of the lyrics to Mack the Knife. The thread was titled "I don't understand the Jack Knife song."

"It's about a knife named Jack, OP. Suki Tawdry and Jenny Diver were cooks at the palace. They were always fighting over the best knife, Jack. The King -- Louie Miller -- got tired of their bickering and gave the knife to Miss Lotte Lenya. Lotte Lenya decided to share it with Lucy Brown, so they made a rule to line up on the right to use Jack Knife."

by Anonymousreply 36308/07/2015

Shitty Little Ann!

by Anonymousreply 36408/07/2015

Sumerian Housewives!

by Anonymousreply 36508/07/2015

The "Can trees be retarded?" thread. Oh, God. So terrible. So delightfully terrible.

by Anonymousreply 36608/07/2015

Does anybody PLEASE remember an OP who wrote about how he was done with his boyfriend's alcoholism and (I think they were on a boat?) threw himself into the water and screamed dramatically? This thread gave me flashes of having read that.

by Anonymousreply 36708/08/2015

It's a tie between:

The guy who bought Claire, the sociopathic lesbian, dinner

The guy whose partner's daughter lied about stealing a container of frosting from the pantry

by Anonymousreply 36808/08/2015

"I accidentally said 'I love you' at the end of a phone call with my boss" had me doubled over laughing. The guy was freaked out because he was having a face to face meeting with said boss a couple of hours later and he hoped his boss didn't even hear the "I love you." The responses were great, including one from a queen who saw this as the further degradation of the once meaningful phrase into just a casual toss off at the end of every phone call to every friend and not something saved for our special relationships.

Like everybody else, the MichFest and pencil dialing were also my favorites.

by Anonymousreply 36908/08/2015

I've always loved the opera discussions on DataLounge. In a thread discussing Kiri Te Kanawa's intelligence (or lack of it), there was a post signed by notorious racist Dame Joan Sutherland, "posting from the other side." Joan simply observed that:

[quote]It's the Maori blood that makes her so stupid.

by Anonymousreply 37008/08/2015

I can't remember the thread name. The OP of the thread was really pissed about his things being judged, by a really bitchy queen, at the gay version of Goodwill.

by Anonymousreply 37108/08/2015

I always laugh when a certain resident formerly of Boulder, CO graces us with her presence... Especially on the most random of threads. She's always so on point.

by Anonymousreply 37208/08/2015

There was one many years ago, something to the effect of "insert Helen into any news story."

As a current example: "Apple Might Let Helen Lawson Take Control of Your Voicemails ."

by Anonymousreply 37308/08/2015

[italic]I stopped at the Y on the way home from work to swim some laps. When I was changing into my suit, I turned around and there's this old guy standing naked right next to me, staring me down. It startled me, not because he was naked but because I didn't realize anyone was there at all.

He asked me something about being a workout buddy and I said 'No thanks' and went swimming.

I ran into him in the parking lot on my way out and he hissed at me. He didn't say anything, he just hissed.[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 37408/08/2015

The whole "Making grilled cheese sandwiches" thread.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 37508/08/2015

I did some searching and finally found this post from the "Does your boyfriend ever say mean, filthy, disgusting, and hurtful things to you as he's cumming?"-thread that had me in tears. [quote]I am not into humiliation. He only does it when he's about cum. This morning he called me a "A dirty bottom cunt boy." He also said that he was going to take me down to the river and sell my hole for $25 a fuck and he was going to take pictures and send them to my parents back home, because that is what I deserved. I think he really thinks I'm a dirty whore.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 37608/08/2015

It's a series of crazy posts from that foot fetishist who was stalking that nelly TV-home shopping host a few years ago.

Anyone else remember?

by Anonymousreply 37708/08/2015

[R310] You and I both came to the DL the same way, at he same time. I remember wondering why all the vitriol toward David E. when he recommended Datalounge in TableTalk.

I loved the Possum in the Drawer. When Op bowing to demand, posted pics, I almost died!

by Anonymousreply 37808/08/2015

From the "HitchBOT Violently Murdered in Philadelphia" thread:

HitchBot hunted lions in Africa while flying a confederate flag.

—Just saying...it was long overdue

by Anonymousreply 37908/09/2015

[quote]Esther Rolle?

Starring in "Summer of My German Leg Warmers", according to the old tv movie thread.

by Anonymousreply 38008/09/2015

Classic

by Anonymousreply 38110/12/2016

A Cry For Help: The Taking of Kevin Spacey's phone

by Anonymousreply 38210/12/2016

Michfest threads, now and forever. Bonus points for those that contained nutloaf and vagina capes.

by Anonymousreply 38310/16/2016

"I tried to think of England even though I'm American. My bartender and now my rapist".

by Anonymousreply 38410/16/2016

[quote]The thread about a TV movie of the week focusing on a heroine with fibromyalgia. Hilarious, wish I'd saved it.

The funniest post in that thread was a summary of a Lifetime movie starring Randy Harrison as a tragic young male victim of fibro: [italic]Chicken Tender.[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 38511/08/2017

I love the sick comments whenever there's a thread about some porn star who just died. Invariably someone always posts, "Is it okay to still masturbate to pictures of him spreading his hole?"

by Anonymousreply 38611/08/2017

In a thread about the PBS Vietnam War series, someone casually mentioned in a longer post that he thought Ho Chi Minh pinged. I'm certain he wasn't trying to be funny, it was just meant as an observation, but it just read as the epitome of DL.

by Anonymousreply 38711/09/2017

When someone asked why Karen Carpenter wasn't cast as Sandy in Grease and someone posted a pic of Karen Carpenter at death's door saying "Tell Me About It, Stud" I laughed for three days.

by Anonymousreply 38811/09/2017

To the tune of "That's Entertainment." It was never finished but I loved the cleverness of the lyrics.

The jock, with the thirteen inch cock

In the scene with the horny Marine

See the toll that it takes on his hole

That's entertainment

The top, who is dressed as a cop

With the guy, who pretends to be bi

For a twist, he will squat on his fist

That's entertainment

The lean muscled teen who's too good to be true

A twink into kink in his porno debut

Mentored by Chi Chi LaRue

The bottom boy sensation, does double penetration

The sprite, claims his hole is too tight

Spreads his ass, soon it takes EZ Pass

First a kiss, then he'll bathe in your piss

The world is a stage

The stage is a world of entertainment

A punk full of spunk in a bottoming scene

The slut gives his butt to a skateboarding teen

You bet his asshole is clean

The first rule of producing

make sure your boys are douching.

The ditz, with the silicone tits

Chewing gum, while she's swallowing cum

It's by rote, that she's giving deep throat

That's entertainment

A rut with the slut with the glazed-over eyes

In bed she will spread her big cottage-cheese thighs

After she fucks thirty guys

Collectively they leave 'er

a jiz-encrusted beaver

by Anonymousreply 38911/09/2017

I used to love the threads by "Cindy Adams," particularly the one where Carol Channing sang to her to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain" in the next toilet stall ...

Oh, I douche and douche for hours

Till my asshole smells like flowers

And my rectum's stretched and worn

But I try to be cheerful

Even though I've got an earful—

I just can't stop shitting corn!

by Anonymousreply 39011/10/2017

Somebody posted something hilariously sick and wrong about Esther Rolle shortly after her death, but I can't remember it now.

by Anonymousreply 39111/10/2017

"A Cry For Help: The Taking of Kevin Spacey's Phone" was hilarious

by Anonymousreply 39211/10/2017

Someone hooked up with a guy obsessed with the movie Alien. The trick told him that when he's about to climax, a smaller penis comes out of his bigger one. I was on the floor.

by Anonymousreply 39311/10/2017

Bump.

To this day, one of the funniest comments to me was in the thread asking "What's the Harvard of the South?" And someone responded "Yale" - I love that person.

Makes me laugh every time.

by Anonymousreply 394Last Monday at 6:25 PM
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