Tell us some things that you''ve used to fuck yourself with that wasn''t a penis or a dildo. Its anonymous, so please be honest.%0D\
I''ll start, the top of a bowling pin.
One of those little souvenir baseball bats I bought at an Atlanta Braves game.
A thermometer when I was a baby.
The handle of a ball peen hammer, and the handle of a screwdriver (rotate it and the ridges give you a vibrator-like feeling).\
Home Depot sells the best sex toys.
OP, are you the hole troll? We need a new hole presentation thread STAT. The second one is full!
toothbrush travel case
[quote] Its anonymous, so please be honest.%0D\
Actually, thanks to troll-dar, it''s NOT anonymous.%0D\
Next time you have a grudge against someone, you can follow them around the board and mock them by saying, "hey, it''s the guy who shoved a bowling pin up his ass!"%0D\
Isn''t troll-dar great?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
I have BIG hopes for this thread...
The Only DL Top
Two turtle doves
We were double-penetrated by the Eiffel Tower and the Leaning Tower of Pisa in our recent travels.
Mrs Patrick Campbell
The national touring company of "Chu Chin Chow".
Next, a didgeridoo
The handles of a toothbruth and a hairbrush(not at the same time)%0D\
My boyfriend''s iPod. \
The Nano. Ahem.
Tucker Carlson''s hair rollers.
A Stretch Armstrong doll
[quote}A Stretch Armstrong doll%0D\
Well, Taylor, that''s one way to research your roles.
Gumby! Pokey was too....uh, pokey.
Your daddy''s dick.%0D\
Tinymeat, by the way.
[quote]My boyfriend''s iPod. \
So, what was on his iPod?
oh wait ... nevermind
The BOTTOM of a bowling pin.
1967 Volkswagon Beetle
Bea Arthur''s beer can cock.
A candlestick that looks like two faces
A set of portable computer speakers.
CBC weathertwink Ryan Snoddon. All of him.
lots and lots of toys, a number of dicks and a stray cucumber.
cucumber was GREAT!
This thread is hilarious already.
The DL Lives!
Oscar statuette. I never realized what broad shoulders it had. And cold.
B.D. Wong''s cock.
R31 = Gwyneth
The United States Constitution
Sorry, I misread the OP''s post. Other than cock, nothing has been up my ass, so I will save my B.D. story for another thread.
r27, let''s move to Canada and get married!
Impaling myself on an Anne Murray CD as I type
[quote] B.D. Wong''s cock.%0D\
Please, Mary. BD Wong is the bottomiest bottom that ever bottomed.
The Colorado River
Aaron Lawrence, aka the Grand Canyon
Penises, fingers and sex toys. That''s it, counting only things that go "up".
An ionic breeze. That''s why I am so fresh.
A cooked Italian sausage.%0D\
You ask, "Why was it cooked?" %0D\
My response: So I could take a bite of the sausage and eat it when my master took the sausage out of my ass. And then after taking a bite, my master shoved the rest of the sausage back up my ass to continue fucking me with it.
Was this on Top chef? I believe I saw that one.
The 82nd Airborne Division.
Johnny Hazzard dildo. Cost me $60 bucks!
Me too, r44!
the nose of a rubber kitchen witch in a game of truth or dare in the 5th grade
R43 made me giggle.
I''ll bet most of these posts are cut and pasted from the Michfest board.
We''ve been known to host the Troups de Marines and the light and armoured calvary (all at once) in our vagine one weekend in which many cocktails and drugs were ing%C3%83%C2%A9r%C3%83%C2%A9.
Mrs. Patrick Campbell
When I was a kid, I tried using hot dogs, but they just fell apart when you tried to in and out them. I also used the round knob on the gear shift of the riding lawn mower and a bedpost.
A smarties (candy, like M&M''s) container.\
My only excuse, I was a teenager, it was the only thing I could find that seemed to be the "right" size to experiment with.
Um, you''re not MPC, R50. She is notoriously, stridently anti-drug.
Has anyone ever tried a traffic cone?
A good proportion of my weekly produce shop. I HATE zucchinis, but buy a lot of them.
aquarium heater, Brut aftershave bottle, Pantene shampoo bottle, and a Norelco electric (vibrating) shaver that secretes its own lube!
That ''70''s kid
Hotel size shampoo bottle (am I really the first to post this in our jet-set world?)\
My entire Swatch brand wrist watch.....in college....on multiple occasions.....
This thread is worthless without pictures.
OP you are gross. Most of you are so repulsive. Do you really need to stretch your hole that much. Ugh. That fisting shit I really don''t get AT ALL. Makes me sick.
go away, prisspot, you''re not welcome
Gummi worms when I was just a lad, then shampoo bottles, candles and brush handles.
Does anyone know what R66 is going on about?
she (r66) has a stick up her butt
This is a good thread title for mashups.\
Things that have been up your hole: Tucker Carlson vs Keith Olbermann
This thread reminds me of an article in the L.A. Reader (early 80''s) listing objects that one emergency room had removed from different assholes. It was an astonishing list. The one I remember cracking up about was a light bulb.
The neck of a Budweiser beer bottle when I was 17.\
I lubed it with KY first.\
Boy am I lucky I didn''t wind up with shattered glass up my ass.
the king of beers
I''ve done the beer bottle before.
cucumbers, carrots, dildos of various sizes...the usual...
Who wanted photos?\
They say this is a vibrator, but it looks more like a remote control (scroll down)\
PS: This is a medical site where they show the Xrays first and then how they got it out. Maybe not for the queasy. (but you asked!)
"...described a 50-year-old man who was seen at an emergency department for abdominal pain. (18) A physical examination revealed peritonitis and an X-ray revealed a shadow of an eel in the abdomen. After further questioning, the patient reported that he had inserted a live eel (pictured above left) into his rectum to relieve constipation. The 50 cm-long eel had perforated his rectum and was quickly removed.\
(Photo. YES, of an eel. Being extracted from an asshole.) \
- - \
Buzzard and Waxman reported the removal of a plastic vibrator from the rectum of a 65-year-old man who had had it in his rectum for 6 months and even traveled around the world with it.\
Graves et al. described a patient with a large peanut butter glass jar lodged in his rectum. The patient claimed that he was washing his dog in the shower when he slipped and fell on a glass jar, which then entered his rectum
The objects homosexuals insert into their rectum are only limited by the capacity of their rectum, not their imagination.\
For instance, Cooper described a 33-year-old homosexual patient with a 14 inch-long sand-filled bicycle tube in his rectum. He and his partners regularly inserted the sand-filled tubes into each others rectum, till one day they lost a tube beyond recovery into the patient%C3%A2%C2%80%C2%99s rectum. Stephens and Taff described a homosexual who had his partner give him an enema with a concrete mix, followed by the insertion of a ping-pong ball to retain the mix. The concrete hardened and the homosexual ended up in an emergency department. The patient refused a psychiatric consultation recommended by the physician.
"the homosexual" ??
I can''t believe we''re past 80 responses and no one has said this yet:%0D\
2 litre coke bottle
Cock. But, no tongue or finger. %0D\
I tongue and finger holes, not the other way around.
Why are people always claiming a slip and fall when something is found in their rectums? The odds of that have to be about a billion to one.
What are you? A fucking moron? \
They claim they slipped and fell on the object because of shame and embarrassment.
This would be a great category on Jeopardy.\
I''ll take Things That Have Been up Your Hole for 1000, Alex.
the WHOLE FUCKING BREAKFAST CLUB
[quote]an enema with a concrete mix, followed by the insertion of a ping-pong ball to retain the mix. The concrete hardened and the homosexual ended up in an emergency department. %0D\
No wonder we haven''t heard from mhb lately.
As funny as some of this is, there is a video on (I think) Efukt where some guy is sticking a glass jar up his ass and it shatters on him. Hilarity ensues.
It''s been posted here on the DL
"Police in Wenatchee are surprised at the amount of contraband an inmate was able to smuggle into the jail rectally. The Wenatchee World said the man internally carried a cigarette lighter, rolling papers, a baggie of tobacco the size of a golf ball, a smaller baggie of marijuana, a 1-inch smoking pipe, a bottle of tattoo ink and eight tattoo needles."
i once stuck a hammer up my butt.(not the handle)i''m dead serious.
I know a lady who works in a hospital who tells us all kinds of stories, such as this one. The police brought in this skanky druggie they nabbed after she had gone on a stealing spree because she had really bad stomach cramps. As she''s standing there in emerg, she bends over in pain and stuff starts falling our of her coin purse, among them a cellphone and set of car keys she had stolen. Can you imagine? Would you like your keys back? Uh... no. I''ll just buy a new car, thank you.
The entire male population of Worcester, MA.
It''s so common it''s ceased to be funny, but I have seen lodged in the rectum and needing to be surgically retrieved:%0D\
Vibrators (many, in males and females)%0D\
a Mrs Butterworths syrup bottle (yes she was still smiling)%0D\
a Ken doll%0D\
a whole orange (this guy has been in several times, each time claiming to have left the offending fruit in a chair, and then he "accidentally" sits on it after having a shower - OOPS!)%0D\
The penis ones are just as bad - many pencils, feathers etc stuck in the urethra.%0D\
One sad case - a guy was brought in to the ER in the middle of summer wearing a coat. He stuck his dick in a 50# weight from his barbell set and it got stuck. They had to sort of filet his dick in surgery to get it out.%0D\
I don''t know if she stayed with him.%0D\
a little light saber
Corn. On the cob of course.
Hand, foot, amputees stump ( leg and arm..poor unlucky bastard.) toip of a bald guys head, rubber baby doll ( come on girls THATS easy!) full rack of billiard balls, one steel bocci ball, bowling pin, louisv ille slugger baseball bat, half a football, half a rugby ball, in fact every regualtion sized sports ball smaller than soccer , basketball, or vollyball.
a yard of steel nautical chain, a dozen raw eggs which I later laid and served at brunch , all major vegetable and fruits, traffic pylons, a metal parking stanchion , various fuck machines, set a Russian nesting dolls, beach umbrella (unopened)
plus too many moire to count... plus I need to "attend" to something
A Rubik's cube.
Sharpie permanent markers, a pair of dice (which ultimately became lost).
My older sister's toothbrush; she was such a bitch to me growing up.
I ALWAYS LOVE CHERYL'S COMMENTS!R41
That Zak Spears video wouldn't play.
Well, one drunken night... Earrings... and two caftans....
Corn, R101? Corn? Now when did I have corn??
I am 9 and my cousins hard dick
A bottle of Goldschlager
A kilo of cocaine wrapped in little plastic bags. I made it passed security and into the state prison. The other inmates were thrilled. And I made a ton of money.
A sailor moon doll. My friend collected them in boxes. Super anal bout them. So I oppened ome and. Stuck it up my a"ss and fucked myself "raw. And my mom s.
Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge... I couldn't quite get the pear tree in, but I'm working on it.
Capitol Hill correspondent Luke Russert on the beat for the hole story.
When I was a teenager, experimenting, I would cover frozen hot dogs with Saran Wrap and lube them up with vegetable oil. Don't worry...I'd always throw the hot dog away...
r99 Why didn't somebody just blow that erstwhile body builder, to make his dick soft?
A condom filled with frozen water. You don't wanna know how that ended...
A ferret ... but [italic]only[/italic] after it was made zestfully clean via a whirl in the dishwasher.