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Since 1995

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Moo With Pride!

Welcome to the new and improved Monday Morning Moo! We’re working overtime to improve your barnyard experience. Your moos are important to us. Let us know how we’re doing!

At the link, some deadly cows. Told you we were hardcore!

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by Gertiereply 23614 hours ago

A cow in the farm behind my house would visit my fence when I played outside. I named her Oprah. True story.

by Gertiereply 106/08/2020

Cows are docile by nature but like horses they fear dogs and will stomp a bitch if it gets too close.

by Gertiereply 206/08/2020

Hi, moo cows. Why yet another new thread?

by Gertiereply 306/08/2020


by Gertiereply 406/08/2020

I thought this was a Mother Pence thread.

by Gertiereply 506/08/2020

Never mind the woman, who trampled the edelweiss?

by Gertiereply 606/09/2020

I thought you moo cows might enjoy this Instamoo account, The Gentle Barn. It’s for a farm animal sanctuary in California, and the account features many cows.

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by Gertiereply 706/11/2020

[quote] R1: A cow in the farm behind my house would visit my fence when I played outside. I named her Oprah. True story.

That’s not an approved name, R1. Btw, what did she name you?

by Gertiereply 806/11/2020

R3, I hear we get paywalled after 50 posts, so to allow everycow to post, we have to create new threads after 50.

by Gertiereply 906/11/2020

Taking notes for referral to my legal team.

by Gertiereply 1006/11/2020

Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?

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by Gertiereply 1106/11/2020

Good day, steers and queers, and cows! Welcome to Monday Morning Moos! Feeling blue? Did you forget to moo? Well, hop to it!

I’m heading down to the gate. The stream is still running and I’m going for a swim before it runs dry for the Summer. I’ve no masks left, so I’m wearing my caftan over my head. It’s just us gals, so I can’t see anyone calling Barnyard Security.

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by Gertiereply 1206/15/2020

Moo on Monday Eve.

Behold the Longhorn Cowfish, now stocked in the west gate pond.

Welcome, cowfish, and a Dinah Shore MWAH right back at you.

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by Gertiereply 1306/21/2020


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by Gertiereply 1406/21/2020


A little gassy.

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by Gertiereply 1506/21/2020

Do Cowfish have approved names?

by Gertiereply 1606/21/2020

Photograph me ONLY from the right. Moo.

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by Gertiereply 1706/21/2020

In the water I’m a very skinny lady.

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by Gertiereply 1806/21/2020

R16, there’s an addendum to the Big Book of Cow names (unabridged) that has been circulating for peer review.

by Gertiereply 1906/21/2020

We’re gonna need a fresh copy, Gertie.

by Gertiereply 2006/21/2020

Speaking of circulation, do any of you like steak so rare the blood almost seems to still be moo-ving?

by Gertiereply 2106/21/2020


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by Gertiereply 2206/21/2020

Got it, R20.

Her are traditional names for cows. Please do not use new hip names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you.



Betty Sue













by Gertiereply 2306/21/2020

The Registration Desk has been overwhelmed with requests for manly bull names. These do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you. Hydro













by Gertiereply 2406/21/2020

Why do so many names at R23 end with "t"?

by Gertiereply 2506/21/2020

Second, I don't see any pain reliever names. Why aren't there more pain reliever names/

by Gertiereply 2606/21/2020

Darn you, R25! I think you wrote that same thing three years agoL. I thought I fixed it, . I think the trailing ‘T” was originally a “tab” spacer that got misinterpreted by the computers as the list was copied from one site to another,

by Gertiereply 2706/21/2020

[quote] Darn you, R25! I think you wrote that same thing three years agoL.

I don't remember doing so, but I may have. I'm no Evening Punctuationist, but I do notice those sorts of things.

by Gertiereply 2806/21/2020

Plus, all the name-additions over the three years. My Big Book copy is malfunctioning. I’ll find the other names soon!

by Gertiereply 2906/21/2020

I believe there was approval for certain 19th century whore names, Gertie.


by Gertiereply 3006/21/2020

R26 is toying with us.

We gained entry by acclimation several years ago. Hmph.

by Gertiereply 3106/21/2020


That whore...was me.

by Gertiereply 3206/21/2020

[bold] Big Book of Cow Name. These names for your cow do not require pre-approval.

[bold] Animal Non-Bovine [bold] Name Species

Alasandro Alexander the duck X Alphonso Anacin Angus Anna Annabelle Annie Anvil Armor Auntie Taco X Axel Balthazar Barnabus Bull Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport Beauregard Von Holstein Bella Benedictus, Cow of the Vatican Bernadette Bertha Bertrand Bessie Betty BettySue, Junior Librarian and Keeper of The Big Book of Names (unabridged.) Beulah Bossy Brunhilde Bufferin Carl X Carlotta, The Argentinian chick X Charlemagne Christmas Goose X Christmas Moose X Clarabelle Constance Cupcake Daisy Diesel Di'Jon, Secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport. Dolly Dorothy Dulcinea Earl Edelweiss Ella Elsie Emma Excedrin Fabiola, The flute-playing Peruvian cow Fanny Federico the photographer Ferdinand Fjällko “Gracie”, Swedish exchange cow Fromage General Montgomery Bull Gerhard Gertie Glinda, Farm Sprite X Günther Hadassah Hans the Friesian horse X Henrietta Homer Hormel Horns Hydro Koning is a Ster Friesian X Kristof LaDonna Lafitte, barn mouse X Larry the Farm Snake Lash laundress Zelda X Lieutenant Colonel Carlisle Lilith Lisa Lore Lotte the Bavarian Margaret Marla Marybelle Maxi, Gemini and a Bavarian Maxi Maybelline Melissa Melrose Midnight Mistletoe Molly Moriz Mortimer Mydoll or Midol Nettie Nitrous Norma Otto, Günther‘s syphlic Grandpa Pedro Penelope Peppo Percy Phyllis Pointsettia Rolf Rosa Roy Sally Sampson Schlomo Sextus, official timekeeper Simplicio the Alpaca X Sophie Susie Tank Thanksgiving Otter X The Evening Punctuationist X The hens X Thilde Thor, Author of The Tao of Cow Titus Titus the barn owl X Tommy the Bull Muriel, Webmistress

19th Century whore names (e.g., “Dolly” are pre-approved.

by Gertiereply 3306/21/2020

[quote] Big Book of Cow Name

Just the one, dear?

by Gertiereply 3406/21/2020

Yes, R34, but it’s a very long name.

by Gertiereply 3506/22/2020

[qupte]Why aren't there more pain reliever names?

Do you mean like Datril? Those were such 1970s black names.

by Gertiereply 3606/23/2020

[quote] Do you mean like Datril? Those were such 1970s black names.

What about piebald cows?

by Gertiereply 3706/23/2020

Do not discriminate. The only cow color that matters is on the inside. Think pink!

by Gertiereply 3806/23/2020

Gertie, holy crap. You’ve kept all the names over all these years?

That is impressive.

by Gertiereply 3906/23/2020

Gertie, I’m writing my thesis and can’t sleep. What was the first Monday Morning Moo, and when?

And to whom does one address questions of history such as, Carl: WTF?

Look what I just turned up from old posts at MMM. It’s a treasure trove I tell you:

Click even if it appears blank (Mooriel’s asleep at the switch again.)

The things I put up with.

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by Gertiereply 4006/23/2020

Dear me! Think of it - cows writing theses!

by Gertiereply 4106/23/2020

It takes a light hoof to swirl that pen, r41.

by Gertiereply 4206/23/2020

Sextus at R42, I suspect many of the cows here are light in the hoofers.

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by Gertiereply 4306/23/2020

Incoming alert, MMM is under strict PrimeTime lockdown.

Repeat: Mooo. Moo moo moooo.

All those locked down, click W/W, that’s our mark. . Rolf will ping your location and dig you out.

Phyllis and the hens are ready with warm towels and appetizers.

by Gertiereply 4406/23/2020

Homer, you have me laughing and laughing! I think I just had mike come out my nose.

by Gertiereply 4506/23/2020

[quote] I think I just had mike come out my nose.

Is Mike an approved name?

by Gertiereply 4606/23/2020

Apparently, Mike is shy.

by Gertiereply 4706/23/2020

My shy Uncle Titus senior, a loner for sure, used to nest in the nostrils of the kind FDR.

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by Gertiereply 4806/23/2020

His mustache looks cozier.

by Gertiereply 4906/23/2020

[quote] My shy Uncle Titus senior, a loner for sure, used to nest in the nostrils of the kind FDR.

FDR? You're obviously not writing a thesis.

by Gertiereply 5006/23/2020

So sorry. I meant President Burt Reynolds.

by Gertiereply 5106/23/2020

I was his first lady.


by Gertiereply 5206/23/2020

I’ll create a new thread next week. I’m getting my hooves done today.

by Gertiereply 5306/24/2020

Cow hooves are considered a delicacy in some cultures. Yuuuuuummmmmm. Hooves.

by Gertiereply 5406/24/2020

Great. Now we have Murder Cows.

by Gertiereply 5506/24/2020

Sextus, R40, sorry, dear, I missed your missive until now. Attached is the first OFFICIAL moo thread. It’s been three years already! But I defer to your judgement on the matter of time.

On one of the threads, I was able to collect all the previous threads in order. If you come upon that, would you please repost it? I’ll save it this time.

As for questions, I suggest you just post them and we’ll see who answers.

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by Gertiereply 5606/24/2020

R55, maybe it’s just manslaughter? Hahahhhaaaaaaaa!

by Gertiereply 5706/24/2020

Cows love music. They really do.

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by Gertiereply 5806/24/2020

Bossy...Bossy..BOSSY, would you please put your damn bell on mute? Heaven’s sake!

by Gertiereply 5906/24/2020

Ghost + Cow Films

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by Gertiereply 6006/24/2020

Well, that was scary, R60. Thank you very much and moo.

by Gertiereply 6106/25/2020

I liked it. But I wasn’t scared, not like Bertrand.

Am I implying something? Am I?

by Gertiereply 6206/25/2020

Can’t you at least give a curtesy moo, Tommy?

by Gertiereply 6306/25/2020

I’ll moo you in Paris, Bertrand. Mmooo.

by Gertiereply 6406/25/2020

Tommy (R64), do you love to moo in the summer when the steak sizzles? Or in the winter when the spit drizzles?

by Gertiereply 6506/25/2020

Cole, you asked about seasons...

If ever I would leave you

It wouldn't be in summer.

Seeing you in summer

I never would go.

Your hair streaked with sunlight,

Your lips red as flame,

Your face with a luster

That puts gold to shame!

But if I'd ever leave you,

It couldn't be in autumn.

How I'd leave in autumn

I never will know.

I've seen how you sparkle

When fall nips the air.

I know you in autumn

And I must be there.

If ever I would leave you,

How could it be in springtime?

Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?

Oh, no! not in springtime,

Summer, winter or fall,

No, never could I leave you at all

by Gertiereply 6606/25/2020

Anyway, that’s my song to Bertrand, I declare, let the cards fall where they may.

by Gertiereply 6706/25/2020

Tommy, are you flirting with me? I declare!

by Gertiereply 6806/25/2020

I am., Bertrand. Yes. Moo.

I don’t quote Robert Goulet randomly, you know.

by Gertiereply 6906/25/2020

Well, moo, Tommy, but I have to go wash my hair.

by Gertiereply 7006/25/2020

You know, I wanted you to kiss me but I just wiped my mouth. Wiped my mouth.

by Gertiereply 7106/25/2020

This thread is not at the gates of death yet. Why a new one?

by Gertiereply 7206/29/2020

Have yoo girls been fitted for your costumes yet? Moo.

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by Gertiereply 7306/29/2020

Where are those cows at R73? New Orleans?

by Gertiereply 7406/29/2020

Gosh, that’s purty, r73.

by Gertiereply 7506/29/2020

R75, do you visualize scenarios, exchanges, fucking?

by Gertiereply 7606/29/2020

The lengths those gals in R73 go to find a man is sad, but I understand it, if they don't, they'll go dry.

by Gertiereply 7706/29/2020

[quote] they'll go dry

Lactose intolerant?

by Gertiereply 7806/29/2020

R73 is Hopfgarten, Austria during the annual festival to celebrate bringing the girls down from the mountain pastures for winter. Its magnificent and good fun. Moo.

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by Gertiereply 7906/29/2020

Hark! We are live again on this thread? You cows keep me spinning.

First we’re here, then we’re there, or over here...

I’m introducing a new Monday Moo Power Breakfast.

The menu consists of the greenest grass, high-protein clover and bacon.

Line up, no pushing, no shoving. Moo!

by Gertiereply 8006/29/2020

[quote[ Monday Moo Power Breakfast.

Piebald power?

by Gertiereply 8106/29/2020

[quote] Monday Moo Power Breakfast.

Piebald power?

by Gertiereply 8206/29/2020

[quote] The menu consists of the greenest grass, high-protein clover and bacon.

Mmmmm bacon. Even better than beef.

by Gertiereply 8306/29/2020

Precisely, you non-mooing mooer, r81.

by Gertiereply 8406/29/2020

The calves are brewing! Good hot de-calf! Ha! Get it?

Ah hahahahaha!

by Gertiereply 8506/29/2020

[quote] Precisely, you non-mooing mooer

I am not a bovine. How can I do what I cannot do? To try to do so would be a mockery of what bovines can so readily do.

by Gertiereply 8606/29/2020

R86 is Sheridan’s no-good nephew Woolfred, beware.

by Gertiereply 8706/29/2020

I’m proud proud proud to be a cow. I’m glad that I say “moo” and not “meow”!

by Gertiereply 8806/29/2020

Is Woolfred an approved name?

by Gertiereply 8906/29/2020

Why new-comers to this thread are left confused, I’ll never know.

Penelope, have you considered publishing a syllabus? Gertie was working on one, when she was found doing circles around the barn, complaining about syphilis and empirical data. We gave her tea and a taser.

by Gertiereply 9006/29/2020

[quote] We gave her tea and a taser

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by Gertiereply 9106/29/2020

High on good grass and clover, may I remind you why we’re all here...

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by Gertiereply 9206/29/2020

[quote] may I remind you why we’re all here...

I am here because of a diet of beef.

by Gertiereply 9306/29/2020

R90, nothing kills a deal for new membership than actually telling them what goes on here. I think we need a cover story.

by Gertiereply 9406/29/2020

Gertie, you can look to Carl for that.

by Gertiereply 9506/29/2020

[quote[ He’s like James Bond, with a head injury

So he's a George Lazenby?

by Gertiereply 9606/29/2020

[quote] He’s like James Bond, with a head injury

So he's a George Lazenby?

by Gertiereply 9706/29/2020

And he we are, 98 replies to this thread and not shut down. It’s usually 50. Mooo.

by Gertiereply 9806/29/2020

R90, syphilis? She should be more worried about mastitis if she wants to keep her udder in good shape!

by Gertiereply 9906/29/2020

The thread is a go, but Mooriel is starving us of replies with her subscriber paywall.

The paywall is still in effect. Is there no way out? Is there no way through?

Mooriel is a bitter hostess.

by Gertiereply 10006/29/2020

[quote] Is there no way out? Is there no way through?

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by Gertiereply 10106/29/2020

Won’t someone please hand me my ThunderShirt.

by Gertiereply 10206/29/2020

A few years ago, my uncle had 4 cows on his farm. And he had two pet goats. The goats were playful and liked to antagonize the cows. One day, I watched as the two goats approached the four cows who were grazing in the field. The cows kept eating grass, ignoring the goats. One goat walked right up to one of the cows and got directly in front of her. Then he stood up on his hind legs and started swinging his front legs towards the goat...just like a boxer! He didn't actually hit the cow, but the second time he did it, the cow got annoyed. She put her head down and stamped her foot like she was going to charge the goat. The two goats ran away. The cow didn't chase, but instead went back to eating grass.

by Gertiereply 10306/29/2020

Temple Grandin with her “Forcing Gate” and “Crush/Squeeze?”

Yeah, I have an eye on that one.

by Gertiereply 10406/29/2020

We’re patient to a fault, r103.

We were ever kind and patient with the goats’ bereaved.

by Gertiereply 10506/29/2020

[quote] Melose

by Gertiereply 10606/29/2020

I’m flattered that you caught that, r106.

Wanna make out?

by Gertiereply 10706/29/2020

R103, those cows are not to be underestimated.

by Gertiereply 10807/03/2020

They say stripes are slimming, mooo!

Happy Independence Day, America. Hang in there.

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by Gertiereply 10907/04/2020

Fank you, Fabiola, Fjälko and Hans!

by Gertiereply 11007/04/2020

I am proud to moo and I don’t care who hears me!

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by Gertiereply 11107/04/2020

Is Fabiola Belgian?

by Gertiereply 11207/04/2020

Fabiola is probably down at the Gate where internet is spotty. She’s a flute playing Peruvian Heifer. At least, that’s what it says on her tinder profile.

by Gertiereply 11307/04/2020

Where are you moo cows today?

Anymoo, here is mOOO architecture competitions:

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by Gertiereply 11407/06/2020

Moo, R114!

There has been a rash of mooerders lately, or so I have seen on the dubious deaths thread, and I’m wondering if some cows are laying low until it blows over? Personally, I think if a cow has killed someone, it’s probably for a pretty good reason.

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by Gertiereply 11507/06/2020

Mercy! I forgot to moo, MOOOoo.

I killed a guy once. Tasted like chicken.

by Gertiereply 11607/06/2020

Homer, Earl and I have been snorkeling down at the pond.

Thanks for the picnic lunches, Phyllis.

On a sad note, Sheridan fell in the water and shrunk.

I think Tank pushed him.

by Gertiereply 11707/06/2020

Yes, but to be fair, Tommy the Bull told me there was an underwater dry cleaner down there, and Sheridan was smelling a little funky.

by Gertiereply 11807/06/2020

Sheridan dear,

For you and your boyfriend Wooly,

Come see me. I’ve worked out a style for your sudden shrinkage. Call LaFitte and he’ll arrange our appointment post haste.

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by Gertiereply 11907/07/2020

Oh Roy, you are positively madcap and I love my new look.

(Thanks for the cut and color.)

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by Gertiereply 12007/07/2020

You’re welcome, Sheridan!

Here’s Wooly and his little brothers after I got through with them.

It’s good, right?

Sheridan told me to butch it up for Wooly.

-Roy, mooo

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by Gertiereply 12107/07/2020

Save the date! Cow Appreciation Day is July 14th. I know today’s not Monday, but this is important.

by Gertiereply 12207/08/2020

What are you doing for Cow Appreciation Day? And it is [italic] not [/italic] cancelled this year.

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by Gertiereply 12307/08/2020

Very excited, Bertrand, we’re discussing ribbon colors right now.

Moo and SWAK,

by Gertiereply 12407/08/2020

We’ll need extra clover.

by Gertiereply 12507/08/2020


I just found this restaurant for cows in Boston. About time, as bovines are still an underserved community here. Did you know that Boston Common used to be a cow pasture? I have an ancestor who was one of the first cows to graze there. I’m mooved because I’m old enough to remember those signs in front of most retail businesses, stating “No Irish or Cows”. I’ve met a lot of Irish people. They’re not all rapists and murderers. Some of them, I assume, are good people. ☘️

I see Jenny had a birthday party at Mooo, which is confusing because that is definitely not an approved cow name. There have been complaints, is all I’m authorized to say on the matter.

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by Gertiereply 12607/08/2020


Best thread-master ever.

by Gertiereply 12707/08/2020

[quote] R79: [R73] is Hopfgarten, Austria during the annual festival to celebrate bringing the girls down from the mountain pastures for winter. Its magnificent and good fun. Moo

That’s interesting because, some of you may recall, the story behind Brokeback Mountain was that the sheep were seasonally quartered in mountain pastures, too, and brought down the mountain as the season changed. I guess it’s a “thing”.

by Gertiereply 12807/09/2020

The O'Leary Legend

Late one night, when we were all in bed,

Mrs. O'Leary lit a lantern in the shed.

Her cow kicked it over,

Then winked her eye and said,

"There'll be a hot time in the

old town tonight!"

Ok, which one of you is this?

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by Gertiereply 12907/12/2020

Bad cows

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by Gertiereply 13007/12/2020

O’Leary was a drunk and a Trump supporter!

by Gertiereply 13107/13/2020


A Message from MMM Social Committee:

We have extra snorkels down by the pond if any of you want to cool off.

Carl has assumed lifeguard duties so it really is in your best interest not to get in any trouble, if you know what I mean.

Later after sundown,

It’s Double Feature Movie Night at the barn! We’re playing “Cloverfield,” followed by “Scent of a Heifer.” Free popcorn! Mooyah!

by Gertiereply 13207/13/2020

And here’s Carl getting good hydration for all the lives he’ll save today. What a fine fellow. Well-meaning, certainly.

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by Gertiereply 13307/13/2020

Moo, bitches!

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by Gertiereply 13407/13/2020

Excellent, Melrose!

by Gertiereply 13507/13/2020


That his all.

by Gertiereply 13607/13/2020

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos.

by Gertiereply 13707/13/2020

OMG, Gals! It’s today! Today is Cow Appreciation Day! What are you doing? I’m going to the Mooo restaurant from R126. I’ve been saving for weeks. It’s very sophisticated dining!

by Gertiereply 13807/14/2020

Moo cows (aka future steaks), the Gentle Barn is love on Instagram.

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by Gertiereply 13907/15/2020

Live not love.

by Gertiereply 14007/15/2020

Well, that Mooo restaurant was a bit of a disappointment. Cocktails were fine, though pricy. As for appetizer, just the standard iceberg lettuce or arugula. Asparagus, which is not date food, if you know what I mean. Eight varieties of potatoes. Sea food, but what kind of cow eats lobster? And cadavers, which I didn’t understand at all. I suppose it was supposed to be “art” of some kind. Hrumph. Ferdinand wanted to walk out, but I used to work in the biz, you know, so I insisted we at leave a dandelion as a tip. I gave them one hoof.

We went to the zoo after and Mother Moose made us peanut butter and lichen sandwiches which was just perfect. Five hooves for her!

by Gertiereply 14107/16/2020

So how was the sex?

by Gertiereply 14207/16/2020

None of your beeswax, R142! If that Is your real name!

by Gertiereply 14307/20/2020

Oh, moo, for Cow’s sake!

Goof day, Sir! Good Day Madam! Good day, you intersexed wonders! Have a happy day, and remember to hug a cow on your way about town! It will do you both wonders, I promise!

by Gertiereply 14407/20/2020

Mooo, bitches! Mooo!

by Gertiereply 14507/20/2020

It’s too hot to moo, sorry.

by Gertiereply 14607/20/2020

Condolences, Mortimer, that shouldn’t happen to a dog! No offenses Rolf.

by Gertiereply 14707/20/2020

Ahem. Moo.

by Gertiereply 14807/27/2020

Moo! Sorry to be late, it’s been complicated.

by Gertiereply 14907/28/2020

Thanks to this thread, I had a salad today.

by Gertiereply 15007/28/2020

Not bad, r150.

The sloppy joe thread has given me hives. Moo.

by Gertiereply 15107/28/2020


by Gertiereply 15208/03/2020

Moo, Tank! Glad to have you onboard!

by Gertiereply 15308/03/2020

You moo cows are getting lazy and forgetful.

by Gertiereply 15408/04/2020

MOO! Where the heck has Gertie been?

by Gertiereply 15508/04/2020

Gertie’s vet has been trying to kill her since March. She went in there and “🔥Moooooed 🔥“ like a cow with distemper last Monday. She’s had pneumonia for 4 and 1/4 months during a deadly global pulmonary pandemic for Cow’s sake!

I really want to moo but it comes out like “Moo/cough/cough/wheeze/choke/cough/wheeze/cough/cough”. I may need a surrogate this month. Please submit your CV to the Christmas Moose at his office on Gramercy Park. Moosie has full power of attorney, though Lafitte is doing all the work, natch.

by Gertiereply 15608/04/2020

Sending out a moo to Gertie, feel better, old girl. If you aren't up to it, I volunteer to lead the mooing for you tomorrow.

I don't moo, of course, but my bagawk always gets a reply from one of you cows.

by Gertiereply 15708/09/2020

I'm up early anyway, I'll help!

by Gertiereply 15808/09/2020

I saw the headline and thought it was YET ANOTHER Chrissy Metz thread.

by Gertiereply 15908/09/2020

How can the Christmas Moose have an office on Gramercy Park on a docent's salary which is paid in peanuts? As we all know, being a DL/Mediapolis mascot isn't a high-paying gig and Santa pays slave wages at best for pulling his sleigh (although he pays more for pulling other things).

by Gertiereply 16008/09/2020

Moosie is a grand master high stakes whist player and dabbles in bitcoin. He is also a spokesmoose for Florsheim shoes and is really popular in Japan. They love him there.

by Gertiereply 16108/09/2020

It’s Monday so get crackin’, cows! Gertie, I made you chicken soup, feel better.

by Gertiereply 16208/10/2020

Moo, Phyllis. The power in our barn went out last Tuesday and we still don’t have it back, so a quick moo and I’m gone.

by Gertiereply 16308/10/2020

So, what is my name? Chopped liver?

by Gertiereply 16408/10/2020

Thank you, Phyllis and my barnyard friends. I’m feeling much better today. I can even “moo”, which I will get to in a moment.

It’s a good time to be a cow. I’m grateful for that. Moo!

by Gertiereply 16508/17/2020

Moo! Join us for gin and clover down at the gate, we’re welcoming back Gertie.

by Gertiereply 16608/17/2020

Except Gertie hasn’t shown up yet. Do you think she’s lost again?

by Gertiereply 16708/17/2020

She’s at the gate.

by Gertiereply 16808/17/2020

Am I too late?

I went to visit my friends the night Donkeys and their gal-pal the dwarf horse. I brought carrots, but ate them on the way. I could use a gin and clover, those girls are sober you know.

Nice house, though,

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by Gertiereply 16908/17/2020

I woke up this morning too early, stretched, mooed and went back to sleep.

by Gertiereply 17008/23/2020

Mooo! Moo to all and please come back to the Gate to pick up your barn keys, Roy. No more gin and clover for you.

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by Gertiereply 17108/24/2020

Moo, moo, moo! It’s so good to moo again. I see the ear, snout, and throat vet this week, Followed by the Pulmonologist, to see if I’ve finally cleared hoof and mouth disease from my system. I’ve had it since March, and I really want to speak with the manager about this because it shouldn’t have taken 5 months to diagnose and fix this.

It can make you susceptible to cowpox so I’ve had to be really careful about socializing this year. I completely missed the Newport yachting season. Well, there are better times to come.


by Gertiereply 17208/31/2020

You have been missed, Gertie. Glad to hear you’re finally on the mend, I worried that someone had “taken you behind the barn,” so to speak. Moo to all, and thanks to those who chipped in to bail me out.

by Gertiereply 17308/31/2020

Let’s have a welcome-back-Gertie film fest down by the barn tonight.

Gertie’s choice, what do you say old girl?

by Gertiereply 17408/31/2020

Oh I forgot to moo at r174.

Moo and moo, to you and you and you

by Gertiereply 17508/31/2020

Ha! You expect me to believe that, Gertie?

Everyone knows you’ve been carrying on and floating around with Günther In his big balloon for weeks. AND you have hickeys.

Bad cow, Gertie, bad cow.

by Gertiereply 17608/31/2020

[quote] Leisl the Austrian

Is Leisl an approved name?

by Gertiereply 17708/31/2020

Thank you and moo, everyone.

R177 there are exceptions for foreign cow names. It can be very complicated. She seems nice enough, so I’m not going to fuss about it.

R174, how about either [italic] “Cloverfield“, [/italic] or perhaps [italic] “Children of the Corn”. [/italic]

And r176, I didn’t have any hickeys. I did have some ticks, I must confess, and that may have led to some confusion. That’s all cleared up now, too. Lyme test negative! Moo-moo!

by Gertiereply 17808/31/2020

My dentist asked me to postpone my routine visit until I get the “all clear” from the pulmonologist. My hairstylist, not Roy, he was in the hoosegow at the time, took my temperature before cutting my hair, and she wore a full facial shield. I had to cancel my Rolfer, just in case. This is the worst year ever.

by Gertiereply 17908/31/2020

[quote] hoosegow

Did you mean “house cow”?

by Gertiereply 18008/31/2020

Was Roy confined to barn-arrest?

by Gertiereply 18108/31/2020

I’m confined to the barn, yes, with a nose bracelet to track my wanderings.

I just feel bad for LaFitte who is stuck in his smock with no one to do. Sorry, buddy. Moo.

by Gertiereply 18208/31/2020

A couple of times a year I have to get my arm up a cow's vag.

Worth the tyke that comes out.

by Gertiereply 18308/31/2020

Roy, we like you just as you are. I’ve been your victim multiple times, yet many other times you’ve made me look just like a hot Phyllis Diller, and for that I thank you.

by Gertiereply 18408/31/2020

R183, it’s amazing that cows tolerate all that. Don’t vets stick their arms up their poopers too, to feel for a developing calf?

by Gertiereply 18508/31/2020

[quote] hot Phyllis Diller

Isn't that an oxy-mooron?

by Gertiereply 18608/31/2020

Moo cows, I think you can weigh in on the below-linked thread, and weigh you do.

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by Gertiereply 18709/01/2020

Is T-Bone an approved name?

by Gertiereply 18809/01/2020

R188, are you a rapper? We’re trying to keep up with calfsters. If so, it will half to be debated at the next quarterly meeting. No promises, though.

by Gertiereply 18909/01/2020

***BREAKING NEWS*** Moo, Mooo

Though this edition of MMMs is not paywalled every second, it is paywalled multiple times a day.

***REPEAT: Moooo, moomoo mooooo.

If you are a locked out, please click the W/W button and Homer and Jane will come rescue you. Our rescue dog Rolf is away at the Westminster Dog Show, so we’re awaiting your ping. Hovering...hovering...

by Gertiereply 19009/02/2020

Heavens, three day weekends always muck me up.

Moo to all, and to Gertie, I’ve sent you a handsome clover arrangement suitable for health building.

by Gertiereply 19109/07/2020

I snorkeled all day and I caught a glimpse of Tank in his Speedo. A good day indeed.

by Gertiereply 19209/07/2020

And a belated thanks to Homer and Jane for the rescue. I noticed Carl riding atop the copter facing headwind, tell me he’s all right.

by Gertiereply 19309/07/2020

Carl insisted we needed a weathervane, Fabiola, and who’s to stop him anyway? Moooo.

by Gertiereply 19409/07/2020

A beautiful rescue by Homer and Jane. This looks like Thor, conformation?

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by Gertiereply 19509/07/2020

Those paywalls are a bitch. Yes, comfirmed r195.

by Gertiereply 19609/07/2020

[quote] I’ve sent you a handsome clover arrangement suitable for health building.

[quote] conformation?

I’ve heard arguments against this, but I need “conformation” - is beef suitable for health building?

by Gertiereply 19709/07/2020

Confirmation, confirmed, we all know what we went, and NO.

No bouef.

by Gertiereply 19809/07/2020

Moo and thanks to Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport for the clover arrangement.

by Gertiereply 19909/08/2020

OMG, I forgot to moo this morning. Publicly, anyway. So, Moo! Is everybody ok? Stretch and moo, you’ll feel much better.

I’m personally feeling better, but am sad about the hoof and mouth pandemic, and having a hard time with it.

by Gertiereply 20009/14/2020

Moo, glad to hear you’re on the mend, Gertie.

Big moo to all the bulls and heifers, autumn is on its way!

by Gertiereply 20109/14/2020

Moo. I like how these moo cow threads have been an apolitical DataLounge refuge from all the scary stuff out there. This year has sucked, as years go.

by Gertiereply 20209/14/2020

[quote] This year has sucked

As do calves.

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by Gertiereply 20309/14/2020

Does r202 have an approved name?

by Gertiereply 20409/14/2020

Hi Tank. I’m Myrtle. How do you moo?

by Gertiereply 20509/14/2020

I like to dance, join me Myrtle

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by Gertiereply 20609/14/2020

I like the dancing, Tank, but there’s a lot of flying that looks like it took a lot of practice.

by Gertiereply 20709/14/2020

All the flying was engineered by Carl, he’s good at that stuff. Mooo,

by Gertiereply 20809/14/2020

[quote] I like to dance, join me Myrtle

Dancing with the Steers.

by Gertiereply 20909/14/2020

Ok, let’s not get carried away, Günther R208. I can’t see Carl engineering a flyby.

by Gertiereply 21009/14/2020

To fly, all it takes is a light heart and clover gas for steerage.

by Gertiereply 21109/14/2020

(Myrtle seems unaquainted with the Slow-Boat Disaster of Cowcutta.)


by Gertiereply 21209/14/2020

Hello Myrtle from the yellow hens down by the barn

by Gertiereply 21309/14/2020

Hello, Myrtle.

by Gertiereply 21409/14/2020

Aww, I love you guys.

by Gertiereply 21509/14/2020

Moo manor

The milking shed

Milk vat

by Gertiereply 21609/15/2020

Hmm, R216.

If only I knew your name.

by Gertiereply 21709/15/2020

Gertie, you’re talking to yourself again. You should have that checked.

by Gertiereply 21809/15/2020

R218, but who are you?

by Gertiereply 21909/15/2020

Sorry Myrtle, it’s me, Tommy the Bull. Moo, Myrtle, a good moo to you.

by Gertiereply 22009/15/2020

Tommy and I are going to see the meat packers tonight, we’re so excited!

by Gertiereply 22109/15/2020

Uhh, Tommy I don’t think that means what you think it means...

by Gertiereply 22209/15/2020

[quote] Tommy and I are going to see the meat packers tonight

I hope their product stays fresh until it gets to my favorite steak house. Yummy!

by Gertiereply 22309/15/2020

Here’s a pig who became friends with a calf. Whoda thunk it?

Hello, Tommy the Bull. Get your hooves sharpened by Roy before you go, and you’ll be fine.

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by Gertiereply 22409/15/2020

R224, I only thought that happened when pigs flew.

by Gertiereply 22509/15/2020

[quote] He has a voice with a weird tone nowadays, like a cow mooing in a field.

[quote] He clearly is turning into a cow. Or a pig! So it makes sense he sounds like those animals now.

I think Niall Horan may be joining this thread soon.

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by Gertiereply 22609/15/2020

Why haven’t you moo cows posted today? Are you on your periods?

by Gertiereply 22716 hours ago

Those of us with manners allow Gertie the first courtesy Moo, r227. Moo.

by Gertiereply 22815 hours ago

Quite right, Tommy. Chivalry is everything, especially toward our Gertie.

by Gertiereply 22915 hours ago

Just a reminder that Roy’s Shampoo & Blow is taking reservations for the Fall. Mooo!

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by Gertiereply 23015 hours ago
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by Gertiereply 23115 hours ago

From Yelp about Roy’s:

🔔🔔🔔🔔 Warm water, free Diet Coke. 4 cowbells.

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 excellent attention to detail and all the up to date gossip

🔔🔔 just be sure to reserve on a non-hangover day

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 excellent massage from Lafitte!! Tiny hands, mighty wonders.

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by Gertiereply 23215 hours ago

Oh shit! As soon as I saw this story I thought of a hiking experience a few years ago in Austria. I was in the Alps and the train went right by a group of cows grazing, and they weren't enclosed by a fence. Now I don't feel so stupid for being concerned and opting to go another way to avoid them.

by Gertiereply 23315 hours ago

How to shampoo your cow:

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by Gertiereply 23414 hours ago

R233, don’t a kid cows. They taste delicious!

by Gertiereply 23514 hours ago

R233, don’t avoid cows. They taste delicious!

by Gertiereply 23614 hours ago
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