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Moo With Pride!

Welcome to the new and improved Monday Morning Moo! We’re working overtime to improve your barnyard experience. Your moos are important to us. Let us know how we’re doing!

At the link, some deadly cows. Told you we were hardcore!

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by Gertiereply 107Last Monday at 9:51 PM

A cow in the farm behind my house would visit my fence when I played outside. I named her Oprah. True story.

by Gertiereply 106/08/2020

Cows are docile by nature but like horses they fear dogs and will stomp a bitch if it gets too close.

by Gertiereply 206/08/2020

Hi, moo cows. Why yet another new thread?

by Gertiereply 306/08/2020


by Gertiereply 406/08/2020

I thought this was a Mother Pence thread.

by Gertiereply 506/08/2020

Never mind the woman, who trampled the edelweiss?

by Gertiereply 606/09/2020

I thought you moo cows might enjoy this Instamoo account, The Gentle Barn. It’s for a farm animal sanctuary in California, and the account features many cows.

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by Gertiereply 706/11/2020

[quote] R1: A cow in the farm behind my house would visit my fence when I played outside. I named her Oprah. True story.

That’s not an approved name, R1. Btw, what did she name you?

by Gertiereply 806/11/2020

R3, I hear we get paywalled after 50 posts, so to allow everycow to post, we have to create new threads after 50.

by Gertiereply 906/11/2020

Taking notes for referral to my legal team.

by Gertiereply 1006/11/2020

Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?

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by Gertiereply 1106/11/2020

Good day, steers and queers, and cows! Welcome to Monday Morning Moos! Feeling blue? Did you forget to moo? Well, hop to it!

I’m heading down to the gate. The stream is still running and I’m going for a swim before it runs dry for the Summer. I’ve no masks left, so I’m wearing my caftan over my head. It’s just us gals, so I can’t see anyone calling Barnyard Security.

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by Gertiereply 1206/15/2020

Moo on Monday Eve.

Behold the Longhorn Cowfish, now stocked in the west gate pond.

Welcome, cowfish, and a Dinah Shore MWAH right back at you.

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by Gertiereply 1306/21/2020


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by Gertiereply 1406/21/2020


A little gassy.

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by Gertiereply 1506/21/2020

Do Cowfish have approved names?

by Gertiereply 1606/21/2020

Photograph me ONLY from the right. Moo.

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by Gertiereply 1706/21/2020

In the water I’m a very skinny lady.

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by Gertiereply 1806/21/2020

R16, there’s an addendum to the Big Book of Cow names (unabridged) that has been circulating for peer review.

by Gertiereply 1906/21/2020

We’re gonna need a fresh copy, Gertie.

by Gertiereply 2006/21/2020

Speaking of circulation, do any of you like steak so rare the blood almost seems to still be moo-ving?

by Gertiereply 2106/21/2020


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by Gertiereply 2206/21/2020

Got it, R20.

Her are traditional names for cows. Please do not use new hip names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you.



Betty Sue













by Gertiereply 2306/21/2020

The Registration Desk has been overwhelmed with requests for manly bull names. These do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you. Hydro













by Gertiereply 2406/21/2020

Why do so many names at R23 end with "t"?

by Gertiereply 2506/21/2020

Second, I don't see any pain reliever names. Why aren't there more pain reliever names/

by Gertiereply 2606/21/2020

Darn you, R25! I think you wrote that same thing three years agoL. I thought I fixed it, . I think the trailing ‘T” was originally a “tab” spacer that got misinterpreted by the computers as the list was copied from one site to another,

by Gertiereply 2706/21/2020

[quote] Darn you, R25! I think you wrote that same thing three years agoL.

I don't remember doing so, but I may have. I'm no Evening Punctuationist, but I do notice those sorts of things.

by Gertiereply 2806/21/2020

Plus, all the name-additions over the three years. My Big Book copy is malfunctioning. I’ll find the other names soon!

by Gertiereply 2906/21/2020

I believe there was approval for certain 19th century whore names, Gertie.


by Gertiereply 3006/21/2020

R26 is toying with us.

We gained entry by acclimation several years ago. Hmph.

by Gertiereply 3106/21/2020


That whore...was me.

by Gertiereply 3206/21/2020

[bold] Big Book of Cow Name. These names for your cow do not require pre-approval.

[bold] Animal Non-Bovine [bold] Name Species

Alasandro Alexander the duck X Alphonso Anacin Angus Anna Annabelle Annie Anvil Armor Auntie Taco X Axel Balthazar Barnabus Bull Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport Beauregard Von Holstein Bella Benedictus, Cow of the Vatican Bernadette Bertha Bertrand Bessie Betty BettySue, Junior Librarian and Keeper of The Big Book of Names (unabridged.) Beulah Bossy Brunhilde Bufferin Carl X Carlotta, The Argentinian chick X Charlemagne Christmas Goose X Christmas Moose X Clarabelle Constance Cupcake Daisy Diesel Di'Jon, Secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport. Dolly Dorothy Dulcinea Earl Edelweiss Ella Elsie Emma Excedrin Fabiola, The flute-playing Peruvian cow Fanny Federico the photographer Ferdinand Fjällko “Gracie”, Swedish exchange cow Fromage General Montgomery Bull Gerhard Gertie Glinda, Farm Sprite X Günther Hadassah Hans the Friesian horse X Henrietta Homer Hormel Horns Hydro Koning is a Ster Friesian X Kristof LaDonna Lafitte, barn mouse X Larry the Farm Snake Lash laundress Zelda X Lieutenant Colonel Carlisle Lilith Lisa Lore Lotte the Bavarian Margaret Marla Marybelle Maxi, Gemini and a Bavarian Maxi Maybelline Melissa Melrose Midnight Mistletoe Molly Moriz Mortimer Mydoll or Midol Nettie Nitrous Norma Otto, Günther‘s syphlic Grandpa Pedro Penelope Peppo Percy Phyllis Pointsettia Rolf Rosa Roy Sally Sampson Schlomo Sextus, official timekeeper Simplicio the Alpaca X Sophie Susie Tank Thanksgiving Otter X The Evening Punctuationist X The hens X Thilde Thor, Author of The Tao of Cow Titus Titus the barn owl X Tommy the Bull Muriel, Webmistress

19th Century whore names (e.g., “Dolly” are pre-approved.

by Gertiereply 3306/21/2020

[quote] Big Book of Cow Name

Just the one, dear?

by Gertiereply 3406/21/2020

Yes, R34, but it’s a very long name.

by Gertiereply 3506/22/2020

[qupte]Why aren't there more pain reliever names?

Do you mean like Datril? Those were such 1970s black names.

by Gertiereply 3606/23/2020

[quote] Do you mean like Datril? Those were such 1970s black names.

What about piebald cows?

by Gertiereply 3706/23/2020

Do not discriminate. The only cow color that matters is on the inside. Think pink!

by Gertiereply 3806/23/2020

Gertie, holy crap. You’ve kept all the names over all these years?

That is impressive.

by Gertiereply 3906/23/2020

Gertie, I’m writing my thesis and can’t sleep. What was the first Monday Morning Moo, and when?

And to whom does one address questions of history such as, Carl: WTF?

Look what I just turned up from old posts at MMM. It’s a treasure trove I tell you:

Click even if it appears blank (Mooriel’s asleep at the switch again.)

The things I put up with.

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by Gertiereply 4006/23/2020

Dear me! Think of it - cows writing theses!

by Gertiereply 4106/23/2020

It takes a light hoof to swirl that pen, r41.

by Gertiereply 4206/23/2020

Sextus at R42, I suspect many of the cows here are light in the hoofers.

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by Gertiereply 4306/23/2020

Incoming alert, MMM is under strict PrimeTime lockdown.

Repeat: Mooo. Moo moo moooo.

All those locked down, click W/W, that’s our mark. . Rolf will ping your location and dig you out.

Phyllis and the hens are ready with warm towels and appetizers.

by Gertiereply 4406/23/2020

Homer, you have me laughing and laughing! I think I just had mike come out my nose.

by Gertiereply 4506/23/2020

[quote] I think I just had mike come out my nose.

Is Mike an approved name?

by Gertiereply 4606/23/2020

Apparently, Mike is shy.

by Gertiereply 4706/23/2020

My shy Uncle Titus senior, a loner for sure, used to nest in the nostrils of the kind FDR.

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by Gertiereply 4806/23/2020

His mustache looks cozier.

by Gertiereply 4906/23/2020

[quote] My shy Uncle Titus senior, a loner for sure, used to nest in the nostrils of the kind FDR.

FDR? You're obviously not writing a thesis.

by Gertiereply 5006/23/2020

So sorry. I meant President Burt Reynolds.

by Gertiereply 5106/23/2020

I was his first lady.


by Gertiereply 5206/23/2020

I’ll create a new thread next week. I’m getting my hooves done today.

by Gertiereply 5306/24/2020

Cow hooves are considered a delicacy in some cultures. Yuuuuuummmmmm. Hooves.

by Gertiereply 5406/24/2020

Great. Now we have Murder Cows.

by Gertiereply 5506/24/2020

Sextus, R40, sorry, dear, I missed your missive until now. Attached is the first OFFICIAL moo thread. It’s been three years already! But I defer to your judgement on the matter of time.

On one of the threads, I was able to collect all the previous threads in order. If you come upon that, would you please repost it? I’ll save it this time.

As for questions, I suggest you just post them and we’ll see who answers.

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by Gertiereply 5606/24/2020

R55, maybe it’s just manslaughter? Hahahhhaaaaaaaa!

by Gertiereply 5706/24/2020

Cows love music. They really do.

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by Gertiereply 5806/24/2020

Bossy...Bossy..BOSSY, would you please put your damn bell on mute? Heaven’s sake!

by Gertiereply 5906/24/2020

Ghost + Cow Films

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by Gertiereply 6006/24/2020

Well, that was scary, R60. Thank you very much and moo.

by Gertiereply 6106/25/2020

I liked it. But I wasn’t scared, not like Bertrand.

Am I implying something? Am I?

by Gertiereply 6206/25/2020

Can’t you at least give a curtesy moo, Tommy?

by Gertiereply 6306/25/2020

I’ll moo you in Paris, Bertrand. Mmooo.

by Gertiereply 6406/25/2020

Tommy (R64), do you love to moo in the summer when the steak sizzles? Or in the winter when the spit drizzles?

by Gertiereply 6506/25/2020

Cole, you asked about seasons...

If ever I would leave you

It wouldn't be in summer.

Seeing you in summer

I never would go.

Your hair streaked with sunlight,

Your lips red as flame,

Your face with a luster

That puts gold to shame!

But if I'd ever leave you,

It couldn't be in autumn.

How I'd leave in autumn

I never will know.

I've seen how you sparkle

When fall nips the air.

I know you in autumn

And I must be there.

If ever I would leave you,

How could it be in springtime?

Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?

Oh, no! not in springtime,

Summer, winter or fall,

No, never could I leave you at all

by Gertiereply 6606/25/2020

Anyway, that’s my song to Bertrand, I declare, let the cards fall where they may.

by Gertiereply 6706/25/2020

Tommy, are you flirting with me? I declare!

by Gertiereply 6806/25/2020

I am., Bertrand. Yes. Moo.

I don’t quote Robert Goulet randomly, you know.

by Gertiereply 6906/25/2020

Well, moo, Tommy, but I have to go wash my hair.

by Gertiereply 7006/25/2020

You know, I wanted you to kiss me but I just wiped my mouth. Wiped my mouth.

by Gertiereply 7106/25/2020

This thread is not at the gates of death yet. Why a new one?

by Gertiereply 72Last Monday at 7:31 AM

Have yoo girls been fitted for your costumes yet? Moo.

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by Gertiereply 73Last Monday at 7:53 AM

Where are those cows at R73? New Orleans?

by Gertiereply 74Last Monday at 8:38 AM

Gosh, that’s purty, r73.

by Gertiereply 75Last Monday at 6:28 PM

R75, do you visualize scenarios, exchanges, fucking?

by Gertiereply 76Last Monday at 6:34 PM

The lengths those gals in R73 go to find a man is sad, but I understand it, if they don't, they'll go dry.

by Gertiereply 77Last Monday at 6:48 PM

[quote] they'll go dry

Lactose intolerant?

by Gertiereply 78Last Monday at 6:50 PM

R73 is Hopfgarten, Austria during the annual festival to celebrate bringing the girls down from the mountain pastures for winter. Its magnificent and good fun. Moo.

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by Gertiereply 79Last Monday at 7:11 PM

Hark! We are live again on this thread? You cows keep me spinning.

First we’re here, then we’re there, or over here...

I’m introducing a new Monday Moo Power Breakfast.

The menu consists of the greenest grass, high-protein clover and bacon.

Line up, no pushing, no shoving. Moo!

by Gertiereply 80Last Monday at 7:20 PM

[quote[ Monday Moo Power Breakfast.

Piebald power?

by Gertiereply 81Last Monday at 7:22 PM

[quote] Monday Moo Power Breakfast.

Piebald power?

by Gertiereply 82Last Monday at 7:22 PM

[quote] The menu consists of the greenest grass, high-protein clover and bacon.

Mmmmm bacon. Even better than beef.

by Gertiereply 83Last Monday at 7:23 PM

Precisely, you non-mooing mooer, r81.

by Gertiereply 84Last Monday at 7:24 PM

The calves are brewing! Good hot de-calf! Ha! Get it?

Ah hahahahaha!

by Gertiereply 85Last Monday at 7:26 PM

[quote] Precisely, you non-mooing mooer

I am not a bovine. How can I do what I cannot do? To try to do so would be a mockery of what bovines can so readily do.

by Gertiereply 86Last Monday at 7:27 PM

R86 is Sheridan’s no-good nephew Woolfred, beware.

by Gertiereply 87Last Monday at 7:31 PM

I’m proud proud proud to be a cow. I’m glad that I say “moo” and not “meow”!

by Gertiereply 88Last Monday at 7:35 PM

Is Woolfred an approved name?

by Gertiereply 89Last Monday at 7:40 PM

Why new-comers to this thread are left confused, I’ll never know.

Penelope, have you considered publishing a syllabus? Gertie was working on one, when she was found doing circles around the barn, complaining about syphilis and empirical data. We gave her tea and a taser.

by Gertiereply 90Last Monday at 7:40 PM

[quote] We gave her tea and a taser

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by Gertiereply 91Last Monday at 7:47 PM

High on good grass and clover, may I remind you why we’re all here...

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by Gertiereply 92Last Monday at 7:47 PM

[quote] may I remind you why we’re all here...

I am here because of a diet of beef.

by Gertiereply 93Last Monday at 7:52 PM

R90, nothing kills a deal for new membership than actually telling them what goes on here. I think we need a cover story.

by Gertiereply 94Last Monday at 7:54 PM

Gertie, you can look to Carl for that.

by Gertiereply 95Last Monday at 7:57 PM

[quote[ He’s like James Bond, with a head injury

So he's a George Lazenby?

by Gertiereply 96Last Monday at 8:00 PM

[quote] He’s like James Bond, with a head injury

So he's a George Lazenby?

by Gertiereply 97Last Monday at 8:00 PM

And he we are, 98 replies to this thread and not shut down. It’s usually 50. Mooo.

by Gertiereply 98Last Monday at 8:15 PM

R90, syphilis? She should be more worried about mastitis if she wants to keep her udder in good shape!

by Gertiereply 99Last Monday at 8:21 PM

The thread is a go, but Mooriel is starving us of replies with her subscriber paywall.

The paywall is still in effect. Is there no way out? Is there no way through?

Mooriel is a bitter hostess.

by Gertiereply 100Last Monday at 8:32 PM

[quote] Is there no way out? Is there no way through?

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by Gertiereply 101Last Monday at 8:44 PM

Won’t someone please hand me my ThunderShirt.

by Gertiereply 102Last Monday at 8:52 PM

A few years ago, my uncle had 4 cows on his farm. And he had two pet goats. The goats were playful and liked to antagonize the cows. One day, I watched as the two goats approached the four cows who were grazing in the field. The cows kept eating grass, ignoring the goats. One goat walked right up to one of the cows and got directly in front of her. Then he stood up on his hind legs and started swinging his front legs towards the goat...just like a boxer! He didn't actually hit the cow, but the second time he did it, the cow got annoyed. She put her head down and stamped her foot like she was going to charge the goat. The two goats ran away. The cow didn't chase, but instead went back to eating grass.

by Gertiereply 103Last Monday at 8:54 PM

Temple Grandin with her “Forcing Gate” and “Crush/Squeeze?”

Yeah, I have an eye on that one.

by Gertiereply 104Last Monday at 8:56 PM

We’re patient to a fault, r103.

We were ever kind and patient with the goats’ bereaved.

by Gertiereply 105Last Monday at 9:01 PM

[quote] Melose

by Gertiereply 106Last Monday at 9:45 PM

I’m flattered that you caught that, r106.

Wanna make out?

by Gertiereply 107Last Monday at 9:51 PM
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