Welcome to the new and improved Monday Morning Moo! We’re working overtime to improve your barnyard experience. Your moos are important to us. Let us know how we’re doing!
At the link, some deadly cows. Told you we were hardcore!
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Welcome to the new and improved Monday Morning Moo! We’re working overtime to improve your barnyard experience. Your moos are important to us. Let us know how we’re doing!
At the link, some deadly cows. Told you we were hardcore!
|by Gertie||reply 236||14 hours ago|
A cow in the farm behind my house would visit my fence when I played outside. I named her Oprah. True story.
|by Gertie||reply 1||06/08/2020|
Cows are docile by nature but like horses they fear dogs and will stomp a bitch if it gets too close.
|by Gertie||reply 2||06/08/2020|
Hi, moo cows. Why yet another new thread?
|by Gertie||reply 3||06/08/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 4||06/08/2020|
I thought this was a Mother Pence thread.
|by Gertie||reply 5||06/08/2020|
Never mind the woman, who trampled the edelweiss?
|by Gertie||reply 6||06/09/2020|
I thought you moo cows might enjoy this Instamoo account, The Gentle Barn. It’s for a farm animal sanctuary in California, and the account features many cows.
|by Gertie||reply 7||06/11/2020|
[quote] R1: A cow in the farm behind my house would visit my fence when I played outside. I named her Oprah. True story.
That’s not an approved name, R1. Btw, what did she name you?
|by Gertie||reply 8||06/11/2020|
R3, I hear we get paywalled after 50 posts, so to allow everycow to post, we have to create new threads after 50.
|by Gertie||reply 9||06/11/2020|
Taking notes for referral to my legal team.
|by Gertie||reply 10||06/11/2020|
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
|by Gertie||reply 11||06/11/2020|
Good day, steers and queers, and cows! Welcome to Monday Morning Moos! Feeling blue? Did you forget to moo? Well, hop to it!
I’m heading down to the gate. The stream is still running and I’m going for a swim before it runs dry for the Summer. I’ve no masks left, so I’m wearing my caftan over my head. It’s just us gals, so I can’t see anyone calling Barnyard Security.
|by Gertie||reply 12||06/15/2020|
Moo on Monday Eve.
Behold the Longhorn Cowfish, now stocked in the west gate pond.
Welcome, cowfish, and a Dinah Shore MWAH right back at you.
|by Gertie||reply 13||06/21/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 14||06/21/2020|
A little gassy.
|by Gertie||reply 15||06/21/2020|
Do Cowfish have approved names?
|by Gertie||reply 16||06/21/2020|
Photograph me ONLY from the right. Moo.
|by Gertie||reply 17||06/21/2020|
In the water I’m a very skinny lady.
|by Gertie||reply 18||06/21/2020|
R16, there’s an addendum to the Big Book of Cow names (unabridged) that has been circulating for peer review.
|by Gertie||reply 19||06/21/2020|
We’re gonna need a fresh copy, Gertie.
|by Gertie||reply 20||06/21/2020|
Speaking of circulation, do any of you like steak so rare the blood almost seems to still be moo-ving?
|by Gertie||reply 21||06/21/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 22||06/21/2020|
Got it, R20.
Her are traditional names for cows. Please do not use new hip names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you.
|by Gertie||reply 23||06/21/2020|
The Registration Desk has been overwhelmed with requests for manly bull names. These do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you. Hydro
|by Gertie||reply 24||06/21/2020|
Why do so many names at R23 end with "t"?
|by Gertie||reply 25||06/21/2020|
Second, I don't see any pain reliever names. Why aren't there more pain reliever names/
|by Gertie||reply 26||06/21/2020|
Darn you, R25! I think you wrote that same thing three years agoL. I thought I fixed it, . I think the trailing ‘T” was originally a “tab” spacer that got misinterpreted by the computers as the list was copied from one site to another,
|by Gertie||reply 27||06/21/2020|
[quote] Darn you, R25! I think you wrote that same thing three years agoL.
I don't remember doing so, but I may have. I'm no Evening Punctuationist, but I do notice those sorts of things.
|by Gertie||reply 28||06/21/2020|
Plus, all the name-additions over the three years. My Big Book copy is malfunctioning. I’ll find the other names soon!
|by Gertie||reply 29||06/21/2020|
I believe there was approval for certain 19th century whore names, Gertie.
|by Gertie||reply 30||06/21/2020|
R26 is toying with us.
We gained entry by acclimation several years ago. Hmph.
|by Gertie||reply 31||06/21/2020|
That whore...was me.
|by Gertie||reply 32||06/21/2020|
[bold] Big Book of Cow Name. These names for your cow do not require pre-approval.
[bold] Animal Non-Bovine [bold] Name Species
Alasandro Alexander the duck X Alphonso Anacin Angus Anna Annabelle Annie Anvil Armor Auntie Taco X Axel Balthazar Barnabus Bull Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport Beauregard Von Holstein Bella Benedictus, Cow of the Vatican Bernadette Bertha Bertrand Bessie Betty BettySue, Junior Librarian and Keeper of The Big Book of Names (unabridged.) Beulah Bossy Brunhilde Bufferin Carl X Carlotta, The Argentinian chick X Charlemagne Christmas Goose X Christmas Moose X Clarabelle Constance Cupcake Daisy Diesel Di'Jon, Secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport. Dolly Dorothy Dulcinea Earl Edelweiss Ella Elsie Emma Excedrin Fabiola, The flute-playing Peruvian cow Fanny Federico the photographer Ferdinand Fjällko “Gracie”, Swedish exchange cow Fromage General Montgomery Bull Gerhard Gertie Glinda, Farm Sprite X Günther Hadassah Hans the Friesian horse X Henrietta Homer Hormel Horns Hydro Koning is a Ster Friesian X Kristof LaDonna Lafitte, barn mouse X Larry the Farm Snake Lash laundress Zelda X Lieutenant Colonel Carlisle Lilith Lisa Lore Lotte the Bavarian Margaret Marla Marybelle Maxi, Gemini and a Bavarian Maxi Maybelline Melissa Melrose Midnight Mistletoe Molly Moriz Mortimer Mydoll or Midol Nettie Nitrous Norma Otto, Günther‘s syphlic Grandpa Pedro Penelope Peppo Percy Phyllis Pointsettia Rolf Rosa Roy Sally Sampson Schlomo Sextus, official timekeeper Simplicio the Alpaca X Sophie Susie Tank Thanksgiving Otter X The Evening Punctuationist X The hens X Thilde Thor, Author of The Tao of Cow Titus Titus the barn owl X Tommy the Bull Muriel, Webmistress
19th Century whore names (e.g., “Dolly” are pre-approved.
|by Gertie||reply 33||06/21/2020|
[quote] Big Book of Cow Name
Just the one, dear?
|by Gertie||reply 34||06/21/2020|
Yes, R34, but it’s a very long name.
|by Gertie||reply 35||06/22/2020|
[qupte]Why aren't there more pain reliever names?
Do you mean like Datril? Those were such 1970s black names.
|by Gertie||reply 36||06/23/2020|
[quote] Do you mean like Datril? Those were such 1970s black names.
What about piebald cows?
|by Gertie||reply 37||06/23/2020|
Do not discriminate. The only cow color that matters is on the inside. Think pink!
|by Gertie||reply 38||06/23/2020|
Gertie, holy crap. You’ve kept all the names over all these years?
That is impressive.
|by Gertie||reply 39||06/23/2020|
Gertie, I’m writing my thesis and can’t sleep. What was the first Monday Morning Moo, and when?
And to whom does one address questions of history such as, Carl: WTF?
Look what I just turned up from old posts at MMM. It’s a treasure trove I tell you:
Click even if it appears blank (Mooriel’s asleep at the switch again.)
The things I put up with.
|by Gertie||reply 40||06/23/2020|
Dear me! Think of it - cows writing theses!
|by Gertie||reply 41||06/23/2020|
It takes a light hoof to swirl that pen, r41.
|by Gertie||reply 42||06/23/2020|
Sextus at R42, I suspect many of the cows here are light in the hoofers.
|by Gertie||reply 43||06/23/2020|
Incoming alert, MMM is under strict PrimeTime lockdown.
Repeat: Mooo. Moo moo moooo.
All those locked down, click W/W, that’s our mark. . Rolf will ping your location and dig you out.
Phyllis and the hens are ready with warm towels and appetizers.
|by Gertie||reply 44||06/23/2020|
Homer, you have me laughing and laughing! I think I just had mike come out my nose.
|by Gertie||reply 45||06/23/2020|
[quote] I think I just had mike come out my nose.
Is Mike an approved name?
|by Gertie||reply 46||06/23/2020|
Apparently, Mike is shy.
|by Gertie||reply 47||06/23/2020|
My shy Uncle Titus senior, a loner for sure, used to nest in the nostrils of the kind FDR.
|by Gertie||reply 48||06/23/2020|
His mustache looks cozier.
|by Gertie||reply 49||06/23/2020|
[quote] My shy Uncle Titus senior, a loner for sure, used to nest in the nostrils of the kind FDR.
FDR? You're obviously not writing a thesis.
|by Gertie||reply 50||06/23/2020|
So sorry. I meant President Burt Reynolds.
|by Gertie||reply 51||06/23/2020|
I was his first lady.
Ah HA HA HA HA HA!
|by Gertie||reply 52||06/23/2020|
I’ll create a new thread next week. I’m getting my hooves done today.
|by Gertie||reply 53||06/24/2020|
Cow hooves are considered a delicacy in some cultures. Yuuuuuummmmmm. Hooves.
|by Gertie||reply 54||06/24/2020|
Great. Now we have Murder Cows.
|by Gertie||reply 55||06/24/2020|
Sextus, R40, sorry, dear, I missed your missive until now. Attached is the first OFFICIAL moo thread. It’s been three years already! But I defer to your judgement on the matter of time.
On one of the threads, I was able to collect all the previous threads in order. If you come upon that, would you please repost it? I’ll save it this time.
As for questions, I suggest you just post them and we’ll see who answers.
|by Gertie||reply 56||06/24/2020|
R55, maybe it’s just manslaughter? Hahahhhaaaaaaaa!
|by Gertie||reply 57||06/24/2020|
Cows love music. They really do.
|by Gertie||reply 58||06/24/2020|
Bossy...Bossy..BOSSY, would you please put your damn bell on mute? Heaven’s sake!
|by Gertie||reply 59||06/24/2020|
Ghost + Cow Films
|by Gertie||reply 60||06/24/2020|
Well, that was scary, R60. Thank you very much and moo.
|by Gertie||reply 61||06/25/2020|
I liked it. But I wasn’t scared, not like Bertrand.
Am I implying something? Am I?
|by Gertie||reply 62||06/25/2020|
Can’t you at least give a curtesy moo, Tommy?
|by Gertie||reply 63||06/25/2020|
I’ll moo you in Paris, Bertrand. Mmooo.
|by Gertie||reply 64||06/25/2020|
Tommy (R64), do you love to moo in the summer when the steak sizzles? Or in the winter when the spit drizzles?
|by Gertie||reply 65||06/25/2020|
Cole, you asked about seasons...
If ever I would leave you
It wouldn't be in summer.
Seeing you in summer
I never would go.
Your hair streaked with sunlight,
Your lips red as flame,
Your face with a luster
That puts gold to shame!
But if I'd ever leave you,
It couldn't be in autumn.
How I'd leave in autumn
I never will know.
I've seen how you sparkle
When fall nips the air.
I know you in autumn
And I must be there.
If ever I would leave you,
How could it be in springtime?
Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?
Oh, no! not in springtime,
Summer, winter or fall,
No, never could I leave you at all
|by Gertie||reply 66||06/25/2020|
Anyway, that’s my song to Bertrand, I declare, let the cards fall where they may.
|by Gertie||reply 67||06/25/2020|
Tommy, are you flirting with me? I declare!
|by Gertie||reply 68||06/25/2020|
I am., Bertrand. Yes. Moo.
I don’t quote Robert Goulet randomly, you know.
|by Gertie||reply 69||06/25/2020|
Well, moo, Tommy, but I have to go wash my hair.
|by Gertie||reply 70||06/25/2020|
You know, I wanted you to kiss me but I just wiped my mouth. Wiped my mouth.
|by Gertie||reply 71||06/25/2020|
This thread is not at the gates of death yet. Why a new one?
|by Gertie||reply 72||06/29/2020|
Have yoo girls been fitted for your costumes yet? Moo.
|by Gertie||reply 73||06/29/2020|
Where are those cows at R73? New Orleans?
|by Gertie||reply 74||06/29/2020|
Gosh, that’s purty, r73.
|by Gertie||reply 75||06/29/2020|
R75, do you visualize scenarios, exchanges, fucking?
|by Gertie||reply 76||06/29/2020|
The lengths those gals in R73 go to find a man is sad, but I understand it, if they don't, they'll go dry.
|by Gertie||reply 77||06/29/2020|
[quote] they'll go dry
|by Gertie||reply 78||06/29/2020|
R73 is Hopfgarten, Austria during the annual festival to celebrate bringing the girls down from the mountain pastures for winter. Its magnificent and good fun. Moo.
|by Gertie||reply 79||06/29/2020|
Hark! We are live again on this thread? You cows keep me spinning.
First we’re here, then we’re there, or over here...
I’m introducing a new Monday Moo Power Breakfast.
The menu consists of the greenest grass, high-protein clover and bacon.
Line up, no pushing, no shoving. Moo!
|by Gertie||reply 80||06/29/2020|
[quote[ Monday Moo Power Breakfast.
|by Gertie||reply 81||06/29/2020|
[quote] Monday Moo Power Breakfast.
|by Gertie||reply 82||06/29/2020|
[quote] The menu consists of the greenest grass, high-protein clover and bacon.
Mmmmm bacon. Even better than beef.
|by Gertie||reply 83||06/29/2020|
Precisely, you non-mooing mooer, r81.
|by Gertie||reply 84||06/29/2020|
The calves are brewing! Good hot de-calf! Ha! Get it?
|by Gertie||reply 85||06/29/2020|
[quote] Precisely, you non-mooing mooer
I am not a bovine. How can I do what I cannot do? To try to do so would be a mockery of what bovines can so readily do.
|by Gertie||reply 86||06/29/2020|
R86 is Sheridan’s no-good nephew Woolfred, beware.
|by Gertie||reply 87||06/29/2020|
I’m proud proud proud to be a cow. I’m glad that I say “moo” and not “meow”!
|by Gertie||reply 88||06/29/2020|
Is Woolfred an approved name?
|by Gertie||reply 89||06/29/2020|
Why new-comers to this thread are left confused, I’ll never know.
Penelope, have you considered publishing a syllabus? Gertie was working on one, when she was found doing circles around the barn, complaining about syphilis and empirical data. We gave her tea and a taser.
|by Gertie||reply 90||06/29/2020|
[quote] We gave her tea and a taser
|by Gertie||reply 91||06/29/2020|
High on good grass and clover, may I remind you why we’re all here...
|by Gertie||reply 92||06/29/2020|
[quote] may I remind you why we’re all here...
I am here because of a diet of beef.
|by Gertie||reply 93||06/29/2020|
R90, nothing kills a deal for new membership than actually telling them what goes on here. I think we need a cover story.
|by Gertie||reply 94||06/29/2020|
Gertie, you can look to Carl for that.
|by Gertie||reply 95||06/29/2020|
[quote[ He’s like James Bond, with a head injury
So he's a George Lazenby?
|by Gertie||reply 96||06/29/2020|
[quote] He’s like James Bond, with a head injury
So he's a George Lazenby?
|by Gertie||reply 97||06/29/2020|
And he we are, 98 replies to this thread and not shut down. It’s usually 50. Mooo.
|by Gertie||reply 98||06/29/2020|
R90, syphilis? She should be more worried about mastitis if she wants to keep her udder in good shape!
|by Gertie||reply 99||06/29/2020|
The thread is a go, but Mooriel is starving us of replies with her subscriber paywall.
The paywall is still in effect. Is there no way out? Is there no way through?
Mooriel is a bitter hostess.
|by Gertie||reply 100||06/29/2020|
[quote] Is there no way out? Is there no way through?
|by Gertie||reply 101||06/29/2020|
Won’t someone please hand me my ThunderShirt.
|by Gertie||reply 102||06/29/2020|
A few years ago, my uncle had 4 cows on his farm. And he had two pet goats. The goats were playful and liked to antagonize the cows. One day, I watched as the two goats approached the four cows who were grazing in the field. The cows kept eating grass, ignoring the goats. One goat walked right up to one of the cows and got directly in front of her. Then he stood up on his hind legs and started swinging his front legs towards the goat...just like a boxer! He didn't actually hit the cow, but the second time he did it, the cow got annoyed. She put her head down and stamped her foot like she was going to charge the goat. The two goats ran away. The cow didn't chase, but instead went back to eating grass.
|by Gertie||reply 103||06/29/2020|
Temple Grandin with her “Forcing Gate” and “Crush/Squeeze?”
Yeah, I have an eye on that one.
|by Gertie||reply 104||06/29/2020|
We’re patient to a fault, r103.
We were ever kind and patient with the goats’ bereaved.
|by Gertie||reply 105||06/29/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 106||06/29/2020|
I’m flattered that you caught that, r106.
Wanna make out?
|by Gertie||reply 107||06/29/2020|
R103, those cows are not to be underestimated.
|by Gertie||reply 108||07/03/2020|
They say stripes are slimming, mooo!
Happy Independence Day, America. Hang in there.
|by Gertie||reply 109||07/04/2020|
Fank you, Fabiola, Fjälko and Hans!
|by Gertie||reply 110||07/04/2020|
I am proud to moo and I don’t care who hears me!
|by Gertie||reply 111||07/04/2020|
Is Fabiola Belgian?
|by Gertie||reply 112||07/04/2020|
Fabiola is probably down at the Gate where internet is spotty. She’s a flute playing Peruvian Heifer. At least, that’s what it says on her tinder profile.
|by Gertie||reply 113||07/04/2020|
Where are you moo cows today?
Anymoo, here is mOOO architecture competitions:
|by Gertie||reply 114||07/06/2020|
There has been a rash of mooerders lately, or so I have seen on the dubious deaths thread, and I’m wondering if some cows are laying low until it blows over? Personally, I think if a cow has killed someone, it’s probably for a pretty good reason.
|by Gertie||reply 115||07/06/2020|
Mercy! I forgot to moo, MOOOoo.
I killed a guy once. Tasted like chicken.
|by Gertie||reply 116||07/06/2020|
Homer, Earl and I have been snorkeling down at the pond.
Thanks for the picnic lunches, Phyllis.
On a sad note, Sheridan fell in the water and shrunk.
I think Tank pushed him.
|by Gertie||reply 117||07/06/2020|
Yes, but to be fair, Tommy the Bull told me there was an underwater dry cleaner down there, and Sheridan was smelling a little funky.
|by Gertie||reply 118||07/06/2020|
For you and your boyfriend Wooly,
Come see me. I’ve worked out a style for your sudden shrinkage. Call LaFitte and he’ll arrange our appointment post haste.
|by Gertie||reply 119||07/07/2020|
Oh Roy, you are positively madcap and I love my new look.
(Thanks for the cut and color.)
|by Gertie||reply 120||07/07/2020|
You’re welcome, Sheridan!
Here’s Wooly and his little brothers after I got through with them.
It’s good, right?
Sheridan told me to butch it up for Wooly.
|by Gertie||reply 121||07/07/2020|
Save the date! Cow Appreciation Day is July 14th. I know today’s not Monday, but this is important.
|by Gertie||reply 122||07/08/2020|
What are you doing for Cow Appreciation Day? And it is [italic] not [/italic] cancelled this year.
|by Gertie||reply 123||07/08/2020|
Very excited, Bertrand, we’re discussing ribbon colors right now.
Moo and SWAK,
|by Gertie||reply 124||07/08/2020|
We’ll need extra clover.
|by Gertie||reply 125||07/08/2020|
*** BREAKING *** MOO *** BREAKING ***
I just found this restaurant for cows in Boston. About time, as bovines are still an underserved community here. Did you know that Boston Common used to be a cow pasture? I have an ancestor who was one of the first cows to graze there. I’m mooved because I’m old enough to remember those signs in front of most retail businesses, stating “No Irish or Cows”. I’ve met a lot of Irish people. They’re not all rapists and murderers. Some of them, I assume, are good people. ☘️
I see Jenny had a birthday party at Mooo, which is confusing because that is definitely not an approved cow name. There have been complaints, is all I’m authorized to say on the matter.
|by Gertie||reply 126||07/08/2020|
Best thread-master ever.
|by Gertie||reply 127||07/08/2020|
[quote] R79: [R73] is Hopfgarten, Austria during the annual festival to celebrate bringing the girls down from the mountain pastures for winter. Its magnificent and good fun. Moo
That’s interesting because, some of you may recall, the story behind Brokeback Mountain was that the sheep were seasonally quartered in mountain pastures, too, and brought down the mountain as the season changed. I guess it’s a “thing”.
|by Gertie||reply 128||07/09/2020|
The O'Leary Legend
Late one night, when we were all in bed,
Mrs. O'Leary lit a lantern in the shed.
Her cow kicked it over,
Then winked her eye and said,
"There'll be a hot time in the
old town tonight!"
Ok, which one of you is this?
|by Gertie||reply 129||07/12/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 130||07/12/2020|
O’Leary was a drunk and a Trump supporter!
|by Gertie||reply 131||07/13/2020|
A Message from MMM Social Committee:
We have extra snorkels down by the pond if any of you want to cool off.
Carl has assumed lifeguard duties so it really is in your best interest not to get in any trouble, if you know what I mean.
Later after sundown,
It’s Double Feature Movie Night at the barn! We’re playing “Cloverfield,” followed by “Scent of a Heifer.” Free popcorn! Mooyah!
|by Gertie||reply 132||07/13/2020|
And here’s Carl getting good hydration for all the lives he’ll save today. What a fine fellow. Well-meaning, certainly.
|by Gertie||reply 133||07/13/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 134||07/13/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 135||07/13/2020|
That his all.
|by Gertie||reply 136||07/13/2020|
And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos.
|by Gertie||reply 137||07/13/2020|
OMG, Gals! It’s today! Today is Cow Appreciation Day! What are you doing? I’m going to the Mooo restaurant from R126. I’ve been saving for weeks. It’s very sophisticated dining!
|by Gertie||reply 138||07/14/2020|
Moo cows (aka future steaks), the Gentle Barn is love on Instagram.
|by Gertie||reply 139||07/15/2020|
Live not love.
|by Gertie||reply 140||07/15/2020|
Well, that Mooo restaurant was a bit of a disappointment. Cocktails were fine, though pricy. As for appetizer, just the standard iceberg lettuce or arugula. Asparagus, which is not date food, if you know what I mean. Eight varieties of potatoes. Sea food, but what kind of cow eats lobster? And cadavers, which I didn’t understand at all. I suppose it was supposed to be “art” of some kind. Hrumph. Ferdinand wanted to walk out, but I used to work in the biz, you know, so I insisted we at leave a dandelion as a tip. I gave them one hoof.
We went to the zoo after and Mother Moose made us peanut butter and lichen sandwiches which was just perfect. Five hooves for her!
|by Gertie||reply 141||07/16/2020|
So how was the sex?
|by Gertie||reply 142||07/16/2020|
None of your beeswax, R142! If that Is your real name!
|by Gertie||reply 143||07/20/2020|
Oh, moo, for Cow’s sake!
Goof day, Sir! Good Day Madam! Good day, you intersexed wonders! Have a happy day, and remember to hug a cow on your way about town! It will do you both wonders, I promise!
|by Gertie||reply 144||07/20/2020|
Mooo, bitches! Mooo!
|by Gertie||reply 145||07/20/2020|
It’s too hot to moo, sorry.
|by Gertie||reply 146||07/20/2020|
Condolences, Mortimer, that shouldn’t happen to a dog! No offenses Rolf.
|by Gertie||reply 147||07/20/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 148||07/27/2020|
Moo! Sorry to be late, it’s been complicated.
|by Gertie||reply 149||07/28/2020|
Thanks to this thread, I had a salad today.
|by Gertie||reply 150||07/28/2020|
Not bad, r150.
The sloppy joe thread has given me hives. Moo.
|by Gertie||reply 151||07/28/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 152||08/03/2020|
Moo, Tank! Glad to have you onboard!
|by Gertie||reply 153||08/03/2020|
You moo cows are getting lazy and forgetful.
|by Gertie||reply 154||08/04/2020|
MOO! Where the heck has Gertie been?
|by Gertie||reply 155||08/04/2020|
Gertie’s vet has been trying to kill her since March. She went in there and “🔥Moooooed 🔥“ like a cow with distemper last Monday. She’s had pneumonia for 4 and 1/4 months during a deadly global pulmonary pandemic for Cow’s sake!
I really want to moo but it comes out like “Moo/cough/cough/wheeze/choke/cough/wheeze/cough/cough”. I may need a surrogate this month. Please submit your CV to the Christmas Moose at his office on Gramercy Park. Moosie has full power of attorney, though Lafitte is doing all the work, natch.
|by Gertie||reply 156||08/04/2020|
Sending out a moo to Gertie, feel better, old girl. If you aren't up to it, I volunteer to lead the mooing for you tomorrow.
I don't moo, of course, but my bagawk always gets a reply from one of you cows.
|by Gertie||reply 157||08/09/2020|
I'm up early anyway, I'll help!
|by Gertie||reply 158||08/09/2020|
I saw the headline and thought it was YET ANOTHER Chrissy Metz thread.
|by Gertie||reply 159||08/09/2020|
How can the Christmas Moose have an office on Gramercy Park on a docent's salary which is paid in peanuts? As we all know, being a DL/Mediapolis mascot isn't a high-paying gig and Santa pays slave wages at best for pulling his sleigh (although he pays more for pulling other things).
|by Gertie||reply 160||08/09/2020|
Moosie is a grand master high stakes whist player and dabbles in bitcoin. He is also a spokesmoose for Florsheim shoes and is really popular in Japan. They love him there.
|by Gertie||reply 161||08/09/2020|
It’s Monday so get crackin’, cows! Gertie, I made you chicken soup, feel better.
|by Gertie||reply 162||08/10/2020|
Moo, Phyllis. The power in our barn went out last Tuesday and we still don’t have it back, so a quick moo and I’m gone.
|by Gertie||reply 163||08/10/2020|
So, what is my name? Chopped liver?
|by Gertie||reply 164||08/10/2020|
Thank you, Phyllis and my barnyard friends. I’m feeling much better today. I can even “moo”, which I will get to in a moment.
It’s a good time to be a cow. I’m grateful for that. Moo!
|by Gertie||reply 165||08/17/2020|
Moo! Join us for gin and clover down at the gate, we’re welcoming back Gertie.
|by Gertie||reply 166||08/17/2020|
Except Gertie hasn’t shown up yet. Do you think she’s lost again?
|by Gertie||reply 167||08/17/2020|
She’s at the gate.
|by Gertie||reply 168||08/17/2020|
Am I too late?
I went to visit my friends the night Donkeys and their gal-pal the dwarf horse. I brought carrots, but ate them on the way. I could use a gin and clover, those girls are sober you know.
Nice house, though,
|by Gertie||reply 169||08/17/2020|
I woke up this morning too early, stretched, mooed and went back to sleep.
|by Gertie||reply 170||08/23/2020|
Mooo! Moo to all and please come back to the Gate to pick up your barn keys, Roy. No more gin and clover for you.
|by Gertie||reply 171||08/24/2020|
Moo, moo, moo! It’s so good to moo again. I see the ear, snout, and throat vet this week, Followed by the Pulmonologist, to see if I’ve finally cleared hoof and mouth disease from my system. I’ve had it since March, and I really want to speak with the manager about this because it shouldn’t have taken 5 months to diagnose and fix this.
It can make you susceptible to cowpox so I’ve had to be really careful about socializing this year. I completely missed the Newport yachting season. Well, there are better times to come.
|by Gertie||reply 172||08/31/2020|
You have been missed, Gertie. Glad to hear you’re finally on the mend, I worried that someone had “taken you behind the barn,” so to speak. Moo to all, and thanks to those who chipped in to bail me out.
|by Gertie||reply 173||08/31/2020|
Let’s have a welcome-back-Gertie film fest down by the barn tonight.
Gertie’s choice, what do you say old girl?
|by Gertie||reply 174||08/31/2020|
Oh I forgot to moo at r174.
Moo and moo, to you and you and you
|by Gertie||reply 175||08/31/2020|
Ha! You expect me to believe that, Gertie?
Everyone knows you’ve been carrying on and floating around with Günther In his big balloon for weeks. AND you have hickeys.
Bad cow, Gertie, bad cow.
|by Gertie||reply 176||08/31/2020|
[quote] Leisl the Austrian
Is Leisl an approved name?
|by Gertie||reply 177||08/31/2020|
Thank you and moo, everyone.
R177 there are exceptions for foreign cow names. It can be very complicated. She seems nice enough, so I’m not going to fuss about it.
R174, how about either [italic] “Cloverfield“, [/italic] or perhaps [italic] “Children of the Corn”. [/italic]
And r176, I didn’t have any hickeys. I did have some ticks, I must confess, and that may have led to some confusion. That’s all cleared up now, too. Lyme test negative! Moo-moo!
|by Gertie||reply 178||08/31/2020|
My dentist asked me to postpone my routine visit until I get the “all clear” from the pulmonologist. My hairstylist, not Roy, he was in the hoosegow at the time, took my temperature before cutting my hair, and she wore a full facial shield. I had to cancel my Rolfer, just in case. This is the worst year ever.
|by Gertie||reply 179||08/31/2020|
Did you mean “house cow”?
|by Gertie||reply 180||08/31/2020|
Was Roy confined to barn-arrest?
|by Gertie||reply 181||08/31/2020|
I’m confined to the barn, yes, with a nose bracelet to track my wanderings.
I just feel bad for LaFitte who is stuck in his smock with no one to do. Sorry, buddy. Moo.
|by Gertie||reply 182||08/31/2020|
A couple of times a year I have to get my arm up a cow's vag.
Worth the tyke that comes out.
|by Gertie||reply 183||08/31/2020|
Roy, we like you just as you are. I’ve been your victim multiple times, yet many other times you’ve made me look just like a hot Phyllis Diller, and for that I thank you.
|by Gertie||reply 184||08/31/2020|
R183, it’s amazing that cows tolerate all that. Don’t vets stick their arms up their poopers too, to feel for a developing calf?
|by Gertie||reply 185||08/31/2020|
[quote] hot Phyllis Diller
Isn't that an oxy-mooron?
|by Gertie||reply 186||08/31/2020|
Moo cows, I think you can weigh in on the below-linked thread, and weigh you do.
|by Gertie||reply 187||09/01/2020|
Is T-Bone an approved name?
|by Gertie||reply 188||09/01/2020|
R188, are you a rapper? We’re trying to keep up with calfsters. If so, it will half to be debated at the next quarterly meeting. No promises, though.
|by Gertie||reply 189||09/01/2020|
***BREAKING NEWS*** Moo, Mooo
Though this edition of MMMs is not paywalled every second, it is paywalled multiple times a day.
***REPEAT: Moooo, moomoo mooooo.
If you are a locked out, please click the W/W button and Homer and Jane will come rescue you. Our rescue dog Rolf is away at the Westminster Dog Show, so we’re awaiting your ping. Hovering...hovering...
|by Gertie||reply 190||09/02/2020|
Heavens, three day weekends always muck me up.
Moo to all, and to Gertie, I’ve sent you a handsome clover arrangement suitable for health building.
|by Gertie||reply 191||09/07/2020|
I snorkeled all day and I caught a glimpse of Tank in his Speedo. A good day indeed.
|by Gertie||reply 192||09/07/2020|
And a belated thanks to Homer and Jane for the rescue. I noticed Carl riding atop the copter facing headwind, tell me he’s all right.
|by Gertie||reply 193||09/07/2020|
Carl insisted we needed a weathervane, Fabiola, and who’s to stop him anyway? Moooo.
|by Gertie||reply 194||09/07/2020|
A beautiful rescue by Homer and Jane. This looks like Thor, conformation?
|by Gertie||reply 195||09/07/2020|
Those paywalls are a bitch. Yes, comfirmed r195.
|by Gertie||reply 196||09/07/2020|
[quote] I’ve sent you a handsome clover arrangement suitable for health building.
I’ve heard arguments against this, but I need “conformation” - is beef suitable for health building?
|by Gertie||reply 197||09/07/2020|
Confirmation, confirmed, we all know what we went, and NO.
|by Gertie||reply 198||09/07/2020|
Moo and thanks to Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport for the clover arrangement.
|by Gertie||reply 199||09/08/2020|
OMG, I forgot to moo this morning. Publicly, anyway. So, Moo! Is everybody ok? Stretch and moo, you’ll feel much better.
I’m personally feeling better, but am sad about the hoof and mouth pandemic, and having a hard time with it.
|by Gertie||reply 200||09/14/2020|
Moo, glad to hear you’re on the mend, Gertie.
Big moo to all the bulls and heifers, autumn is on its way!
|by Gertie||reply 201||09/14/2020|
Moo. I like how these moo cow threads have been an apolitical DataLounge refuge from all the scary stuff out there. This year has sucked, as years go.
|by Gertie||reply 202||09/14/2020|
[quote] This year has sucked
As do calves.
|by Gertie||reply 203||09/14/2020|
Does r202 have an approved name?
|by Gertie||reply 204||09/14/2020|
Hi Tank. I’m Myrtle. How do you moo?
|by Gertie||reply 205||09/14/2020|
I like to dance, join me Myrtle
|by Gertie||reply 206||09/14/2020|
I like the dancing, Tank, but there’s a lot of flying that looks like it took a lot of practice.
|by Gertie||reply 207||09/14/2020|
All the flying was engineered by Carl, he’s good at that stuff. Mooo,
|by Gertie||reply 208||09/14/2020|
[quote] I like to dance, join me Myrtle
Dancing with the Steers.
|by Gertie||reply 209||09/14/2020|
Ok, let’s not get carried away, Günther R208. I can’t see Carl engineering a flyby.
|by Gertie||reply 210||09/14/2020|
To fly, all it takes is a light heart and clover gas for steerage.
|by Gertie||reply 211||09/14/2020|
(Myrtle seems unaquainted with the Slow-Boat Disaster of Cowcutta.)
|by Gertie||reply 212||09/14/2020|
Hello Myrtle from the yellow hens down by the barn
|by Gertie||reply 213||09/14/2020|
|by Gertie||reply 214||09/14/2020|
Aww, I love you guys.
|by Gertie||reply 215||09/14/2020|
The milking shed
|by Gertie||reply 216||09/15/2020|
If only I knew your name.
|by Gertie||reply 217||09/15/2020|
Gertie, you’re talking to yourself again. You should have that checked.
|by Gertie||reply 218||09/15/2020|
R218, but who are you?
|by Gertie||reply 219||09/15/2020|
Sorry Myrtle, it’s me, Tommy the Bull. Moo, Myrtle, a good moo to you.
|by Gertie||reply 220||09/15/2020|
Tommy and I are going to see the meat packers tonight, we’re so excited!
|by Gertie||reply 221||09/15/2020|
Uhh, Tommy I don’t think that means what you think it means...
|by Gertie||reply 222||09/15/2020|
[quote] Tommy and I are going to see the meat packers tonight
I hope their product stays fresh until it gets to my favorite steak house. Yummy!
|by Gertie||reply 223||09/15/2020|
Here’s a pig who became friends with a calf. Whoda thunk it?
Hello, Tommy the Bull. Get your hooves sharpened by Roy before you go, and you’ll be fine.
|by Gertie||reply 224||09/15/2020|
R224, I only thought that happened when pigs flew.
|by Gertie||reply 225||09/15/2020|
[quote] He has a voice with a weird tone nowadays, like a cow mooing in a field.
[quote] He clearly is turning into a cow. Or a pig! So it makes sense he sounds like those animals now.
I think Niall Horan may be joining this thread soon.
|by Gertie||reply 226||09/15/2020|
Why haven’t you moo cows posted today? Are you on your periods?
|by Gertie||reply 227||16 hours ago|
Those of us with manners allow Gertie the first courtesy Moo, r227. Moo.
|by Gertie||reply 228||15 hours ago|
Quite right, Tommy. Chivalry is everything, especially toward our Gertie.
|by Gertie||reply 229||15 hours ago|
Just a reminder that Roy’s Shampoo & Blow is taking reservations for the Fall. Mooo!
|by Gertie||reply 230||15 hours ago|
|by Gertie||reply 231||15 hours ago|
From Yelp about Roy’s:
🔔🔔🔔🔔 Warm water, free Diet Coke. 4 cowbells.
🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 excellent attention to detail and all the up to date gossip
🔔🔔 just be sure to reserve on a non-hangover day
🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔 excellent massage from Lafitte!! Tiny hands, mighty wonders.
|by Gertie||reply 232||15 hours ago|
Oh shit! As soon as I saw this story I thought of a hiking experience a few years ago in Austria. I was in the Alps and the train went right by a group of cows grazing, and they weren't enclosed by a fence. Now I don't feel so stupid for being concerned and opting to go another way to avoid them.
|by Gertie||reply 233||15 hours ago|
How to shampoo your cow:
|by Gertie||reply 234||14 hours ago|
R233, don’t a kid cows. They taste delicious!
|by Gertie||reply 235||14 hours ago|
R233, don’t avoid cows. They taste delicious!
|by Gertie||reply 236||14 hours ago|
Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Don't you just LOVE clicking on these things on every single site you visit? I know we do! You can thank the EU parliament for making everyone in the world click on these pointless things while changing absolutely nothing. If you are interested you can take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT and we'll set a dreaded cookie to make it go away. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.
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