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Moo With a Mask, Please


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by Gertiereply 158Last Saturday at 9:57 PM

Previous thread. Moo!

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by Gertiereply 109/29/2020

Moo! Nice and roomy in here.

by Gertiereply 209/29/2020

Let us pause...

In October 2010, the FAO announced it was confident that cattle plague has been eradicated. The agency said that "[a]s of mid 2010, FAO is confident that the rinderpest virus has been eliminated from Europe, Asia, Middle East, Arabian Peninsula, and Africa," which were the locations where the virus had been last reported. Eradication was confirmed by the World Organization for Animal Health on 25 May 2011.

On 28 June 2011, FAO and its members countries officially recognized global freedom from the deadly cattle virus.

Hang on, humans! Have faith!

by Gertiereply 309/29/2020

[quote] Moo! Nice and roomy in here.

Just like you, fat steer.

by Gertiereply 409/29/2020

Do any of you moo cows have a favorite moosical? I like Moo Fair Lady and Sound of Moosic.

by Gertiereply 509/29/2020

Fascinating topic, r5. I must reflect.

by Gertiereply 609/29/2020

R5 - My favourite musical is Seven Milk Maids for Seven Heifers and my favourite song in it is "Bless Yore Beautiful Hide"

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by Gertiereply 709/29/2020

Who are you, R7?

by Gertiereply 809/29/2020

I’m Bovinia, R8

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by Gertiereply 909/29/2020

You’re cute, Bovinia. Doesn’t Sally Field advertise your products?

by Gertiereply 1009/29/2020

She advertises my sister, Boniva. I mooved on from that gig when I discovered Sally wasn’t really a field at all.

by Gertiereply 1109/29/2020

Hay! How do I eat Hay?

by Gertiereply 1209/29/2020

R12, it helps if tp you you throw it up a couple times while you’re eating it.

by Gertiereply 1309/30/2020

Cow goes moo

The frog goes croak

The seal goes ow ow owww

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by Gertiereply 1410/04/2020

R14 you forgot to moo.


by Gertiereply 1510/04/2020

I'm not a cow, R15. I don't know how many times I have to tell you moo cows that. Anymoo, the first sentence of that little poem had a "moo". That's sufficient.

by Gertiereply 1610/04/2020

I’m mooing in the dark this Monday morning, who else is awake?

by Gertiereply 1710/04/2020

Here is a cow haiku from a person named Donna:

wandering outside barbwire two cold cows

by Gertiereply 1810/04/2020

You're in a creative moo-d tonight, Tommy. Is it the effects of the moo-n?

by Gertiereply 1910/04/2020

Oh no i messed up the format. I need a do over:


outside barbwire

two cold cows

by Gertiereply 2010/04/2020

Since my barn caught fire

I now have a better view

Of the rising moon.

by Gertiereply 2110/04/2020

There once was a cow from Venus...

by Gertiereply 2210/04/2020

Ooo I have one.

“The Old Pond” by Melrose

An old silent pond

A cow jumps into the pond—

Splash! Silence again.

by Gertiereply 2310/04/2020

I enjoy eating beef.

My preference is rare meat.

Taste the bloody cow.

by Gertiereply 2410/04/2020

I quite understand the tribulations of fame, R11. A bit of a mootivational speaker myself.

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by Gertiereply 2510/04/2020

I’ve mooved on to the next decade today. Do birthdays ending in zeros count this year? Moo!

And R25, you certainly look like a leader, mootivating others from the front of the herd.

by Gertiereply 2610/05/2020

Happy birthday, bovinia, may your clover be forever bountiful.

by Gertiereply 2710/05/2020

Dear Sir, dear Madam, and others, I bid you “moo”!

Sorry I’m late. I was spotting Sheridan. And moo! May you all have sweet dreams tonight..

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by Gertiereply 2810/05/2020

[quote] spotting Sheridan.

Is he piebald?

by Gertiereply 2910/05/2020

No, silly, a trampoliner should always have a spotter so thar the animal on the trampoline can fall on them if things go pear-shaped. .

by Gertiereply 3010/05/2020

Sheridan, you are magnificent! Plus you could stand to lose a little weight, so keep at it, buster.

by Gertiereply 3110/05/2020

I’m not fat, I’m just big furrred!

by Gertiereply 3210/05/2020

He's not fat, he's just T-boned!

by Gertiereply 3310/05/2020

Vivian Vance

by Gertiereply 3410/05/2020

This picture prompted me to ask whether Clover is an approved name.

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by Gertiereply 3510/05/2020

“Clover” sounds ok, but Else sat on my spectacles so I can’t look it up myself. I need some help with this one.

by Gertiereply 3610/06/2020

I would imagine that Else needs more help than you, Gertie.

By the way, who is stargazing tonight? A lot of these constellations look like cows and chickens...

by Gertiereply 3710/06/2020

All the days blending

Together, into a stew.

But not a good stew.


by Gertiereply 3810/06/2020

Hark. I hear a cow.

Hark. Are you a cow, Sailor?

There’s clover in my pocket

by Gertiereply 3910/06/2020

Tail. Swat swat swat swat.

Heat. Mosquitoes bite my butt.

Autumn. Almost here.

by Gertiereply 4010/06/2020

Hen eggs plop plop plop

I wish we were not breakfast

I smell bacon grease.

by Gertiereply 4110/06/2020

We were a hit in Chicago

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by Gertiereply 4210/06/2020

That Borden’s cow is always sucking up all the limelight.

by Gertiereply 4310/06/2020

[quote] A lot of these constellations look like cows and chickens...


by Gertiereply 4410/06/2020

we can kick our legs In all directions, mean coyote, you in danger, gurl

by Gertiereply 4510/06/2020

Posted without comment:

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by Gertiereply 4610/06/2020

A Poem by Rebecca Proust, Cheers:

“Another Christmas in Agony”

Mischa the cow lies dead in the bog.

The children cry over the carcass

The mist chokes my heart, covers the mourners.

At least this year we eat.

by Gertiereply 4710/06/2020

humans eating meat

they grow breasts from hormones

they keep our sacred flesh

in their bowels for years

by Gertiereply 4810/07/2020

Did anyone else see the human on tv yesterday with a fly on his head? I pity the humans for not having tails, one good flick and that fly would have been gone.

by Gertiereply 4910/08/2020

[quote] Bovinia

Are you endorsed by Sally Field?

by Gertiereply 5010/08/2020

Moo, moo, moo!

by Gertiereply 5110/12/2020

Let’s tour the fall foliage today, who’s with me? I have room for one more on the cowasaki.

Moo, of course

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by Gertiereply 5210/12/2020

Thanks for the ride, Homer, that was quite a breeze,

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by Gertiereply 5310/13/2020

On what channel are the heifers debating? I can’t find it on my listing.

by Gertiereply 5410/15/2020

Dear Sir, dear Madam, I bid you moo!

Everycow, get up and stretch! Exercise your right to moo. If you don’t moo, you can’t complain about those who who do! Early mooing is encouraged, if allowed in your barnyard. Have a plan for mooing. But most importantly, please moo! Take back our farm! Moo! Don’t be intimidated, it’s your right to moo!

At the link, there’s much mooing going on!

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by Gertiereply 5510/19/2020

"Sunday in the Barn with MOO" "Mootor/ Mootoria" "COWS" "Aspects of MOO" "The COW in the Piazza" "COWCAGO"

by Gertiereply 5610/19/2020

Exactly, R56, that’s what I’m mooing about!

by Gertiereply 5710/19/2020

Moo to you, I live to moo.

by Gertiereply 5810/19/2020

Don't mind me. Just passing moo.

by Gertiereply 5910/19/2020

T’cau, is your blood green?

by Gertiereply 6010/19/2020

Cow with a jetpack, mooo

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by Gertiereply 6110/19/2020

Mooo! Moo, Gertie, moo!

by Gertiereply 6210/26/2020

Auditions this evening will be held for Oh, Cowcutta!

Meet at the Gate and bring your own pasties and sheet music. Piano accompaniment by Carl, his gowns by Orry-Kelly. Moo.

by Gertiereply 6310/26/2020

Oh, I missed my Monday Morning Moo. Two days late. What was I thinking Thanks, Obama.

Hi Dulcinea and Kristof.

by Gertiereply 6410/28/2020

I had a dream, a bad dream!

Gertie was there, and Homer and Jane were there, and so many of you were there...

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by Gertiereply 6511/01/2020

Sacré Bleu!

by Gertiereply 6611/01/2020

Just whose idea of a MMM is this?

Feathers, feathers, the hens are blowing out feathers.

by Gertiereply 6711/01/2020

Roy, did a house fall on you?

by Gertiereply 6811/01/2020

It’s a blue moooooooooooon!

I’ll have a sit and think deep thoughts about “ “id cujus nihil majus cogitari possit” and chew hemp cud.

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by Gertiereply 6911/01/2020

Barb, dear, we’re going to have to have a talk about your name.

by Gertiereply 7011/01/2020

An evening moo to you all for a restful sleep.

by Gertiereply 7111/02/2020

Thanks Gertie, moo.

by Gertiereply 7211/02/2020

Don’t forget to vote for Carl! King of the Barn.

And happy election day, barn friends. Moo.

by Gertiereply 7311/03/2020

Step right in and cast your vote

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by Gertiereply 7411/03/2020

Wow, I completely forgot to MOO, good thing there’s a little time left.


by Gertiereply 7511/09/2020

[quote] good thing there’s a little time left.

Are you on the ramp?

by Gertiereply 7611/09/2020

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

by Gertiereply 7711/09/2020

I've herd (sic) the Impossible Burger is impossibly good--some of you should try it.


by Gertiereply 7811/09/2020

I've noticed these Moo posts. Are they all by only one person?

by Gertiereply 7911/09/2020

No, R79. They are by various posters.

by Gertiereply 8011/09/2020

I’m no “person,” I’m a chicken. Reorient yourself, r79, and slip into the menagerie.

by Gertiereply 8111/09/2020

Thank r80. Bye.

by Gertiereply 8211/09/2020

Dear Sir, dear Madam, dear others: Gosh darn, I forgot to moo yesterday. That’s bad luck for the week for me, but I’ll moo moo moo today to make amends.

R79, no, there are a barnyard of contributors. Many cows, a barn owl, a barn mouse, twin chickens and “the hens”, Rolf the shepherd dog, two sheep for him to dominate, and Carl the pig. We had a lovely Swedish exchange cow for a while. There are cow fish in the stream down by the gate. We also have an antagonist who occasionally chimes-in on how tasty beef and pork are (R80). Apparently he doesn’t like chicken. Did I forget anyone?

A friendly reminder, it is customary to sign cow posts with your name from the Big Book of Cow Names (unabridged), which includes all cow names approved by the Cow Conclave. Cow names are deeply steeped in tradition. For example, “Tiffany” is not an approved cow name, but 19th century whore names like “Dolly” are. An abridged list of approved cow names are posted in R23 & R24 at the link. Also, it is polite to moo in your post. Other critters have more latitude in naming and mooing - but there are limits!

Please come back and post your cow picture, and your name. Maybe you’d like to join the Gals at the Gate Guild?

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by Gertiereply 8311/10/2020

Did all you moo cows get sent to the abattoir? Nary a moo.

by Gertiereply 8411/16/2020

Mon Dieu, I forgot to moo!

by Gertiereply 8511/16/2020

It’s not my fault, Gertie, I went snorkeling down by the pond and got the bends. Too much clover, I guess.

by Gertiereply 8611/16/2020

I was at Barbara Feldon’s Gramercy Park apartment. One thing lead to another and we got all caught up in her sixties mod fashion. She’s saved all the pictures. Forgive me, Gertie.

by Gertiereply 8711/16/2020

It’s Monday already? Sorry, Gertie. MOOooooO

by Gertiereply 8811/16/2020

You people are slippin’.

by Gertiereply 8911/16/2020

Have any of you moo cows watched First Cow?

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by Gertiereply 9011/18/2020

I did, r90. Highly recommend it for Moovie Night down by the barn.

by Gertiereply 9111/18/2020

Dear Sir, dear Madam, I bid you moo!

It’s a dreary day in New England, with a hard, cold rain which I can hear on the tin barn rooftop. I thought the landlord was going to change that to some respectable material? Drives me nuts. That, and the constant bell ringing I hear as I walk about. Though, I am grateful this week that I have a rooftop at all, and some hearing left in my head.

Also, they’ve got a vaccine for hoof and mouth disease, I hear on the tele. Thought, it will take a while to roll out to us plebes.

That’s the news of the week. Now, everybody, separate yourselves and breath in deeply, stretch,breath out and “Moooooo”, you’ll feel much better, I promise!

by Gertiereply 9211/23/2020

I’ll moo with you, Gertie, anytime.

by Gertiereply 9311/23/2020

Are there any rumors of the Christmas Moose stopping by this year? His visits are always a pleasure.

by Gertiereply 9411/23/2020

He’s very popular, R94, meaning busy. Have you written him?

Still, I predict he will stop by to drop off presents. I think he’s lost his antlers for the season and is much more agreeable when he’s not rutting,

by Gertiereply 9511/23/2020

Whoo me?

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by Gertiereply 9611/23/2020

Happy Thanksgiving to you American moo cows.

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by Gertiereply 9711/26/2020

Thank you R97, we’re giving thanks by having a huge vegetarian feast. We not distancing, it’s not recommended for barn animals.

by Gertiereply 9811/26/2020

Running through a field

Our tips aren't for the wait staff

Bovine dominos

by Gertiereply 9911/26/2020

Is that a haikmoo, R99?

by Gertiereply 10011/26/2020

Moo! Now I must dash!

by Gertiereply 10111/30/2020

Moo back atcha.

by Gertiereply 10211/30/2020

Is Dash an approved name?

by Gertiereply 10311/30/2020

Oh, my dear, I totally forgot to moo yesterday. morning. Too much cheese in my diet, I think, I was all bound up. I will try to make up for it now.

Moo, moo, MOO, mooooo, moo, oom, moo-moo, [italic] moo, [/italic] moooo, moo, [bold] moooo, [/bold] moo, moo, MOO, mooooo, moo, oom, moo-moo, [italic] moo, [/italic] moooo, moo, [bold] omm, [/bold] moo, moopaluka, moo.

“Dash” is not an approved name, but I like it and will advocate for it at the next Cow Conclave, where you may know, I did have some influence. What do you think?

by Gertiereply 10412/07/2020

It’s still Monday in Hawaii, if that matters.

by Gertiereply 10512/07/2020

I see these Moo threads. I don't get it. What's the joke? Someone kind enough please explain.

by Gertiereply 10612/07/2020

Moo, ladies and gents. Gertie, I like the name Dash, it’s a keeper.

by Gertiereply 10712/08/2020

Dear R106, welcome to Monday Morning Moos! Firstly; I see you didn’t sign your post with a proper cow, steer, or bull name. You really ought to have a proper name, from the Big Book of Cow Names (unabridged). Fancy new fangled names like Champaign, Tiffany, and Brittany are not approved for cows, and just trust me on that.

I’ll list the names in a post below. Generally they are a collection of traditional names, like Bossy, Ferdinand, Horns, plus other names approved by a cow conclave. Generally, 19th whore names are preapproved; e.g. “Dolly”, “Lotta”. NSAIDS are also approved due to a typo which listed “Anvil” and “Advil”, and of course, the other nsaids demanded equal treatment, so what can you do?

If you’re a bovine, it’s generally good manners to “moo” on Monday Mornings. It’s good for you too. Stretch, breath, and moo. You’ll feel better, I promise.

If you’re not a bovine, that’s unfortunate for you, but there are hens; a charming pig; a couple sheep, and a sheep dog named Rolf, plus some others in the barnyard. Mooing is optional, but say hello as best you can on Monday mornings.

Heifers don’t really appreciate how good it feels to start your week with a proper moo, until they try it. After a while, you’ll get to know the other barn animals and I promise you’ll feel quite at home.

Oh, ‘moo”, of course. 🐂💨

As for humour, satire, and story telling, you make your own, or enjoy somebody else’s, which you best appreciate as you get to know the others on the farm. You might like to join the Gals at the Gate Guild.

I hope your🫀and🫁are ok, given the current circumstances.

by Gertiereply 10812/10/2020

[quote] cow conclave


by Gertiereply 10912/10/2020

Happy Holidays from all of us at Monday Morning Moos!



Alexander the duck









Auntie Taco, twin brother of Phyllis the Chicken



Barnabus Bull

Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport

Beauregard Von Holstein


Benedictus, Cow of the Vatican






BettySue, Junior Librarian





Carl the pig

Carlotta, The Argentinian chick


Christmas Goose

Christmas Moose






Di'Jon, Formerly Secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport.










Fabiola, The flute-playing Peruvian cow


Federico the photographer


Fjällko “Gracie”, Swedish exchange cow


The Gals at the Gate Guild


General Montgomery Bull



Glinda, Farm Sprite



Hans the Friesian horse






Koning the Star Friesian



Lafitte, barn mouse

Larry the Farm Snake


Laundress Zelda

Lieutenant Colonel Carlisle




Lotte the Bavarian




Maxi, Gemini and a Bavarian














Otto, Günther‘s syphlic Grandpa





Phyllis, twin sister of Auntie Taco the Chicken


Rolf the German Shepherd


Roy, Hairdresser and Boosecow




Sextus, official timekeeper

Simplicio the Alpaca

Sheridan the sheep, and the other sheep




Thanksgiving Otter

The Evening Punctuationist

The hens


Thor, Author of The Tao of Cow

Titus the barn owl

Tommy the Bull


Muriel, Webmistress

19th Century whore names (e.g., “Dolly”, “Lottie” are pre-approved.)

by Gertiereply 11012/10/2020

And don’t forget me!

by Gertiereply 11112/10/2020

Is Maisie an approved name? If not it should be. Look at that doll face!

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by Gertiereply 11212/10/2020

Moo! Happy Monday, friends.

In anticipation of Thursday’s impending snowstorm, I thought I’d suggest a snowcow competition between us gals. What do you say, Gertie? I don’t intend to be locked up all winter in that barn, I’ll tell you.

Anyone who wants to participate, meet us down by the gate on Thursday. Maybe Phyllis would wrangle the hens into supplying hot coco to the participants.

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by Gertiereply 11312/14/2020

I happen to know that this one was sculpted last year by a sheep.

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by Gertiereply 11412/14/2020

I believe this was Günther’s from many years ago, is that right, Günther? Or maybe it was Fjällko, I can’t remember.

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by Gertiereply 11512/14/2020

Pigs are also acceptable, Carl.

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by Gertiereply 11612/14/2020

Moo cows, the Gentle Barn is live on Instagram now!

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by Gertiereply 11712/20/2020

"A Little Night MOOOOOOOO" "COWS" "Cow On The Roof" "Les COWS a MOOOO" "West Side Cow" "A COWS LINE" "COWILTON" "COWCAGO"

by Gertiereply 11812/21/2020

Did everyone receive their Christmas card from Carl this year? Mine just arrived!

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by Gertiereply 11912/22/2020

Melrose, this has to be the sixteenth or seventeenth year he’s sent this same card and he still looks like the same.

It’s true, Carl never ages. Merry Christmas, Carl.

by Gertiereply 12012/22/2020

Any word on Carl joining the Christmas Moose on his sleigh this year?

Or maybe just the Folies París? I’m not prying, I just want to get my tickets in time.a

He’s cute when he stretches his stockings under his neck.

by Gertiereply 12112/22/2020

[quote] Melrose, this has to be the sixteenth or seventeenth year he’s sent this same card and he still looks like the same. It’s true, Carl never ages.

More like "Fake Moos". I'm sure he's been passing off the same pic he took years ago! Typical Datalounger - I'm 25 but look five.

by Gertiereply 12212/22/2020

Carl has one of those faces that beautifully absorb and reflect light, from without and from within.

by Gertiereply 12312/22/2020

Warhol had his photographic sights set on Carl all through the Marilyn era, yet to no avail. Carl just can’t be contained.

by Gertiereply 12412/22/2020

Gertie are you still sick? You’re just not around much anymore.

Hoping you’re healthy,

by Gertiereply 12512/22/2020

Gertie, please check in. Everybody’s worried about you. Homer, initiate a copter search, please. Moo.

by Gertiereply 12612/28/2020

Please come back, Gertie, it’s not the same without you.

by Gertiereply 12712/28/2020

Has anyone checked nearby abattoirs?

by Gertiereply 12812/28/2020

Is that Gertie at r128?

Gertie, phone home please.

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by Gertiereply 12912/28/2020

R129, I am not Gertie. Your hope is moo-t.

by Gertiereply 13012/28/2020

I’ve been up in the top paddock for a while, ruminating on herd immunity and what it means. I must admit it has me stumped. Who would want to be immune from a herd?


by Gertiereply 13112/30/2020

Thanks Bovinia, but I can’t get excited about much until Gertie comes home.

Sad cow. Oom.

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by Gertiereply 13212/30/2020

This is Homer checking in, mooo.

Jane and I are in the copter, no sightings yet but we have a tank full of gas and won’t stop looking for Gertie, that’s an easy guarantee

Jane says she’s upset.

by Gertiereply 13312/30/2020

In memoriam, our beloved OP Gertie, and all her characters:

Gertie, Penelope, Cupcake, Günther, the Christmas Moose, the Evening Punctuationist and many others.

You are truly loved and we miss you

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by Gertiereply 13412/30/2020

Moo, one more time.

by Gertiereply 13512/30/2020

Was Gertie a dairy cow?

by Gertiereply 13612/30/2020

We love you, Gertie... first Monday without you, sending you love and thanks.


by Gertiereply 13701/04/2021
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by Gertiereply 13801/04/2021

You know who believes in masks? Moo-chelle 🤡

by Gertiereply 13901/04/2021

R138 is this really the best time to be picking your nose, I mean really.

by Gertiereply 14001/04/2021

Omg this thread brought me to tears

by Gertiereply 14101/04/2021

I don’t understand r139’s joke and I demand an explanation.

Is r139 an approved name?

by Gertiereply 14201/04/2021

We love you, r141

by Gertiereply 14301/04/2021

My namesake is fine, she sends her love! She's teaching me to moo!

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by Gertiereply 14401/05/2021

[144] Are you the real Pierre? If not, it's kind of taboo to use the name 'Gertie'..

by Gertiereply 14501/05/2021

I have previous ownership of the name, you dolt.

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by Gertiereply 14601/05/2021

To (R-139)

"Moooo-chelle....My Belle!!"

by Gertiereply 14701/05/2021

A warm moo to Gertie’s memory, and to all you cows and chickens,sheep, pig, mouse, owls etc.

May your Monday be bountiful with love and clover.

by Gertiereply 14801/11/2021

I’m planning on heading up the hill to the high pasture. I’m moooovin’ on up!

Hehehe, mooooovin’!

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by Gertiereply 14901/11/2021

The Gals at the Gate Cow Conclave has hereby approved the name Bovinia by acclamation, congratulations Bovinia, mooo. You can pick up your starter sash at the south end of the barn. Penelope will assist, she is very helpful. Again, moooo and moooo!

by Gertiereply 15001/11/2021

I hear rumblings of an anti-pope cowclave gathering in Avignon that is against non-traditional cow names. Of course, such rumblings may just be regurgitations that my untrained ear may be misunderstanding.

by Gertiereply 15101/11/2021

Those Avignon cows are so stuck up, hmph.

Welcome, Bovinia.

by Gertiereply 15201/11/2021


by Gertiereply 15301/11/2021

My Doctor prescribed MOOOOOODERALL!!

by Gertiereply 15401/21/2021

I’m currently at a lovely B&B in the country and the paddock (field) next door is full of cows. They look in the windows at what I’m doing and are so mellow and peaceful. I’ve named them after all of you and talk to (at?) them.

(I live in Victoria, Australia, and travel in your own state is allowed as we haven’t had any active COVID cases for weeks)

by Gertiereply 155Last Saturday at 5:13 PM

You type fat, R155. Are you fat?

by Gertiereply 156Last Saturday at 7:55 PM

You seem to be in the wrong field, R155. Vicious weasels aren’t welcome on the farm so moooove it.

by Gertiereply 157Last Saturday at 9:55 PM

Oh dear, my fat hooves have typed the wrong number. That reply above was meant for R156.

by Gertiereply 158Last Saturday at 9:57 PM
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