Moooo!

Baaaaaaaaaah!!!

Her are traditional names for cows. Please do not use new hip names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you.

Bessiet

Clarabellet

Betty Sue

Emmat

Henriettat

Ella

Penelopet

Nettiet

Anna

Bellat

Annabellet

Dorothy

Mollyt

Gertiet

Annie

Addendum: By popular demand, you may also use "Cupcake" as a name for your dairy cows, only. Thank you.

The Registration Desk has been overwhelmed with requests for manly bull names. These do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you. t Hydro

Homer

Earl

Ferdinand

Diesel

Horns

Armor

Sampson

Tank

Kristof

Angus

Midnight

Nitrous

Thank you for your input, Dolly, if that[italic] is [/italic]your real name.

Melissa(f) and Melrose(m).

I like Melrose!

Don't try to milk him.

Maybe if she had Carnation instead of a martini...

Bitch you forgot about me.

Don't let it happen again.

This will be your final warning.

Fazooool!!

Mooooo!

Hrumph. 400,000 visitors, and no response?

Moo. Moo! MOOOOOO!

I knew I could rely on you, R14! You always come through! Thank you!

r8 Ah, a Robert Mitchum fan?

Bull name nomination: Max Von Essen

Confusing the kids.

Bulls must have multiple tits, right?

The last lines of THE KILLING OF SISTER GEORGE (68), in fact.

Moo-MOOOOOOOO ...

Aww, I love Belle!

Mooooo! I say Sir!

I've never actually seen the end. Is it true George runs around the set of the kiddies' show destroying the set?

"Nitrous"

Watch out for that bull's semen.

R2, why so many names that end in "t".

R26, I think that was used for a "tab" in the source I grabbed it from. Ignore the trailing "t", please.

Otay, R27

Mooooooooo I say...I say MOOOOOOO !

[quote] Mooooooooo I say...I say MOOOOOOO !

Mooooooooo I say...I say MOOOOOOOSE! Not affiliated with

I completely agree, OP!

Who is "Sister George"? That's not a pre-approved name, btw.

The best part is when Sister George gets drunk and feels up those nuns in the taxi.

But that causes her character to get killed off as she rides her bicycle, singing, "all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small." Then we hear the ominous music, and see the panel van aiming for her......

can always play that cow on the kiddies' show.

And the big lez, Coral Browne, who demotes her also steals her pretty girlfriend Susannah York.

Moooo mooo moooooooooo!

The end

I had to play Caroline and moo every fucking night for my little bratty sister, Slutty June. It was humiliating.

Thank you, Moo-lover.

You have exposed yourself, R30! Haha! I shall have a filet mignon to celebrate.

[quote] And the big lez, Coral Browne,

That's my wife, the actress, Coral Browne.

She played a lesbian in that particular movie, Mr. Price

I have a Vincent Price autograph around here somewhere. He addressed the envelope himself. It has this "old man" chicken-scratch handwriting on it. I was pretty moved to get it.

[quote] She played a lesbian in that particular movie, Mr. Price

She's still my wife, the actress, Coral Browne.

Good Lord, aren't you both dead?

Vincent Price and Coral Browne were a lavender couple. Coral Browne got to play with Susannah York's snapper on film, thus the X rating. Vincent Price never got to play with my parts. On film.

[quote] Good Lord, aren't you both dead?

Yes and with the funk of forty thousand years.

Mu!

Tony Curtis is dead too. At least he got to be on The Flintstones.

Monday morning Moo.

More Moos for your morning commute.

It's a moo point. Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion...

.......

I am early this week with your Monday morning "Moo" because I wanted to give you all advance notice that Tuesday, 7/11, is Cow Appreciation Day, in case you needed advanced notice.

OP has stated her Bov-oundaries.

Diesel is a great name and may i just add

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Your fascination with other mammalian species fascinates me!

A former boyfriend grew up on a dairy farm in Kentucky, and shared with me the alarming anecdote that the barn cats often slept on the backs of the cows during the winter, to benefit from the shared heat. But they had no defense when a cow would roll onto its side while sleeping, and there were times that, during the morning milking, one of the cows would arrive with a flattened kitty stuck to its side.

R51 OH i love that bone player and ALL the beautiful moo's that came for the concert!!

The Moo Fest rules.

MOOOOO.

R54, I will have my fascination with other mammals until the cows come home.

Do you know why they say that? Because cows don't ever come home. You have to go out and get them. Or maybe, train them with a tuba.

This thread gets 56 responses? My fucking god this site is filled with nothing but braindead Hillbots.

[quote}This thread gets 56 responses? My fucking god this site is filled with nothing but braindead Hillbots.

Fuck off with your political obsessions! This thread is for tetrapod lovers of all persuasions.

Thank you, R58, and Moo to you, good sir!

Hello. I'm noo to this moo, may i moo with yoo?

MOOOOOooo.

Growing up my dad did his own slaughtering of beef cows (Angus). Every year he'd buy two calves at auction. We were discouraged from giving them names, but being younger children we did: Uno and Dos.

My dad said if we were to have given them traditional names, names that had emotional attachment for us, it would have been PTSD big time in later years.

To this day I don't eat red meat.

R60, I would be honored if you would Moo with me. And I don't mean honored in the sense that I'd be honored to meet with a murdering Russian dictator or play host in DC to an enslaving North Korean despot.

And a good Moo to you, Sir.

If "Sister George" was a bar in Vermont, they'd be forced to change the name.

MuMu.

Moo moo gai pan

"Oink, oink I say"

Move along little piggy, nothing to see here.

All bound for Moo Moo Land!

R68 sir or madame you stand corrected, there is always something to see on the Datalounge.!

The pig should maybe stay.

But I say, why take the pig when all you want is a little sausage.

KLF rocks!! and not to be a buzz kill but it is MU MU Land but hey close enough!!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This thread is NOT FUNNY

I'll be that fairy, Craig, started this whole thing.

It's here, it's here, it Cow Appreciation Day!

July 11th! Happy Cow Appreciation Day, everybody!

What are you all doing to express your appreciation for the cow in your life?

I'm going to cook a pound of bacon.

A good moo to you, too, sir! Cows are daring. Cows are brave. Today I will kiss and hug a cow. Mooo.

And a happy Moo to you, too, R77!

R78, amoung the DL, there seems to be not enough cow appreciation today.

I snub them. And I snuggle each and every cow I meet in return. Carry on.

^ooo

Mooooo!

Well said, Sir, R79. I have been congratulating and thanking cows all day. I've shaken many a hoof this fine afternoon.

Good day to you, R82. I believe I may be a recipient of your hoofshake this fine afternoon.

Moo to you, too, sir, and Good Moo to all.

With nine minutes remaining, I wish to thank you, Sir. It's been a most auspicious day. I have felt the love of a thousand cows straining, and i return your Moo with a heartfelt Moooo.

Cows produce a lot of methane without which I am quite sure we would surely be sorry.

Moooo.

So long, farewell cows. Aufweidersein good moo.

And the clock strikes midnight. Goodnight, cows!

I didn't eat any red meat today.

In flyover land - second largest moo juice source in the country, behind California - it is only eleventy o'clock.

7/11 - a day we shall never regret!

That was all very exciting and satisfying. A special shout-out to Wisconsin. Until next year - MOO!

Every day doin' a MOO is a fabulous day!

R92, I couldn't agree more. I think every day should be Cow Appreciation Day. Moo!

Moo Means Moo

Autocorrect Moo!

Best Wishes from the Lost Continent of Mu!

Thank you for your contribution, R96.

A good Saturday night Moo to you all. I hope the day has treated you well!

Thank you ever so, I have had a completely Moovelous day and evening. Moo Moo Moo.

A late night sad Moo to you all, in rememberance of a casualty of a Ram vs. Cow dispute.

See, we can all get along.

Good Moo to you all! Have a nice week! Moo!

This is a limited edition Monday Moo.

Blue Moo, I knew just what you were there for......

Good Moo everyone! Happy Moooday.

I'm in the moood for love, winkwink.

I wish Moo Monday could be every day. I'm stressed!

Pussy Cow, Pussy Cow, Pussy Cow!

There's no need to be vulgar, R107.

Quack!

Well, the "Moos" did pick me up, thank God.

I hope you have all had an outstanding day and it's not too late to do so! If all else fails, go to a drive in movie!

Do bulls "Moo"?

We've no time to sit and dither while her withers wither with her.

Oom.

I will ponder that, R112, while I Moo. Thank you for your contribution!

That's lovely, R113.

Good day to you, DataLounge! Here is your Monday "Moo". It's all the "Moos" you should need to see you through your week.

Mooooo!

Here is a bonus "Moo" for the ladies:

Moooooooooo!

Good day!

Good day, good day! I almost forgot to wish you all a good "Moo" Monday! Consider it done!

Moo!

Neigh, neigh I say to such nonsense.

Moo and hello, Buttercup, so good to see you back.

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

I am mooevd to wish you all a happy moo-Monday.

They're killing themselves!

Alpenhorn for Moo Monday!

I adore Monday Moos, OP, and you as well. This moo is for you. Mooooo!

Mooooooo!

Better save room for popcorn! We're going to the Mooooovies!

Happy moo Monday.

Here are some cows and a hula-hoop.

Good night, Sir and Madam!

Moo.

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! Here for your Monday morning Moo, are Cows With Their Heads Caught in Things.

And now, I shall take my leave! Moo!

Please visit the heifer in R127. I suspect she is under appreciated and you don't know what you're missing.

Good day, kind Sir and Madam!

Mooo!

Premature moo.

Moo!

Annual cow conclave elicits joy, onlookers.

Moo!

That's what Op's mother said.

Moo!

This is a window cow.

I think I missed a Moo last Monday. My apologies, good sir and madam!

Express Monday Mooo!

Don’t be fooled!

Here’s another cow.

MOOOOO

POO!

Poo accuser strikes!

Abbreviated moo.

"Poo accuser strikes!

—I have arrived!"

Sorry, but no. No one has been accused of anything. You are clearly too new here to realize that to be accused of being Poo, the accuser has to type "J'ACCUSE POO!."

Try again.

Some day, I will arrive!

For those of you who don’t like Moo Mondays.

What a lovely contribution, R143, thank you.

And OP? This is my favorite thread. Mooo.

R147, he registration desk has approved “Lilith”. You are in!

Tuuu! Because Monday Moos were sadly overlooked yesterday.

Happy Tuesday to all and best of luck in your trick-or-treating tonight.

Just stay away from Farmer John's place because last year he gave out jerky and his breath smelled alot like my lost dad.

Moooo!

Announcement from the Monday Moo Steering Committee:

In reference to Delilah's post, cows are revered in India. Slow boat leaving tonight. Assemble at the north gate. Pack a lunch. No pushing, no shoving. Tap dance lessons provided free of charge on the promenade. Beginners welcome. Complimentary corsages for the ladies. You know who you are.

moink

Cowcutta?

Thank you Mooers, I needed some levity.

Good evening and a hearty moo from the slow boat. I would like to thank whoever provided the fingerbowls at tonight's buffet, how very thoughtful.

My question is for housekeeping: while my room is lovely and I do think your accomodations are tops, I was a bit put off to find a pig in my blanket, is that standard? He seems to be a fine fellow and even friendly to a fault, but he is still, you know, a pig.

Thank you. Moo.

A Boo Moo to Yoo All.

Ah yes, Melrose, it seems you've met Carl. Short, pink, ruddy complexion? Used to sell insurance door to door? Plays the ukele?

He's harmless overall and a good chap. Took a hit to the head back in '93, something about high wind and coconuts. He'll wander off soon enough. I wouldn't worry.

Moo.

There are rumours circulating that there is a moose onboard who has stowed-away disguised as a Guernsey. If you see a particularly tall, thin Guernsey, do not approach on your own as said moose may have distemper and particularly bad breath. Please advise your steward. Thank you.

Aww, Salvador!

I met a svelte, sour-breathed cow just last night, kisses like a chicken.

Dammit, Ferdinand, stepping out on me again, are you? You think I don't read these posts?? Well, mister man, there will be no wheat grass for YOU tonight. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not for the rest of your life. I hope you die! I hope you die soon! I'll be waiting for you to die!

^ Well, I see the Bickerson's have boarded. Gin is a terrible thing. How long til we reach port? Mooo.

Meow—I mean, woof!

R154, Didn't you mean "acowmodations"?

[quote] R159: I met a svelte, sour-breathed cow just last night, kisses like a chicken.

That’s him! Grab him!

When once opening my locker at the gym, I thought this stranger was a bit too close. After showering, I put my pants on, and my wallet was in the wrong pocket. Obviously I had a credit card stolen. I immediately called. They asked, “Did you buy three scarfs at Prada?”. No, so I called the Prada store a mile away. The thrives had charged the items literally in the last minute. Reflexively I said, “He’s still in the store, grab him!” Of course they did not grab him.

Oh, here’s a gratuitous moo: moo!

Hello...I have lost my dear Bossie, Bossie the cow. If you see a Holstein with pearls and smoking Ports...tell her I miss her! Thank you, and good night!

R167, was she wearing her bell?

Good evening Sir! Good evening Madam! May you have a fine night, and Moo!

Good Sir, please enjoy this surprisingly good cow art, and moo!

tap tap tap... Is this thing on? ... Greetings from third class on the slow boat.

Yes, we"re Irish.

No, we haven't measured. Yes, orange is a thing.

Oh shit, was that you, Roy? Roy?

.

Moo to you, R171.

And a warm moo back to you, Miss Melissa, I am sorry about my Roy.

Oh so we're blaming me now, are we?

*Hic

Randolf, I loved you, I truly did, but now it's over. FINISHED.

I am in in love with Carly Simon now. Dear God I always have been. I know nothing stays the same, but if you're willing to play the game..

I believe in love!

Will someone tell the steward there’s a methane buildup below the lido deck?

Hello Moo, r167 here. She was of course wearing her bell...it rings C#. Thank You for looking r168. You are a gentle cow and a scholar!

Did she make boat, R177? I’m very concerned. My neighbor is a gargoyle and BBQs steaks on the weekends.

Good day Sir, Good day Madam, I bid you an early morning Moooo! For those of you on the slow boat, we’ll be docking in short order!

"The Christmas Moose," my ass -

R180, the Christmas Moose is only 4. I think your Polaroid is older than that. And you’re off topic! Only Monday morning Moos here, please!

Guten moorgen from Austria

Why didn't we dock yet? We thought we were docking yesterday.

And why is a pig steering the boat?

And who stole my blanket?

Somebody told Carl that ham is a delicacy in India. NOT true, and NOT funny, Roy!

Do they eat ham in India? The people who don’t eat beef, I mean. The Muslims there obviously don’t eat ham. Carl, rest easy about that.

There’s a theory that Julius Caesar’s seizures resulted from brain worms he got from eating pork in Eqypt when wooing Cleopatra. Worms were endemic there at the time. I think he might have been the most interesting man in history.

If I were a cow in R182, those bells would drive me crazy. Doesn’t anyone think of the cows? Sheesh!

R186, You can get a decent pork vindaloo in Goa, and a few other areas too, but for the most part, the majority of the Indian populi don't eat it. Pork is considered unclean, if not downright filthy. And true about the brain worms! Sorry, Carl. Really I am.

Terrific. Meanwhile, he's steering us around in circles. At least the gulls are amused.

I have a crush on Carl. I’ll marry him and take him back to America. Do you think he’ll get fat?

Ahoy, Herschel. You are right to have a crush on Carl, I can't imagine who wouldn't. Such a gentleman.

I slow-danced with him the other night at the Simply Red Social. He has a winsome, buoyant sincerity in his eyes, with just a hint of frailty. If I weren't wired to love heifers I would scoop him up myself.

I hope you make him happy, Herschel. He's a sweet little piggy. Moo.

Cupcake, Are you sure we’re writing about the same Carl?

Moo to you, too!

Herschel, maybe you need to get to know Carl better.

After the slow-dance, he busted some moves to Sylvester that left us flabbergasted. This piggy has moves.

Aside from that, what exactly are you suggesting?

OOo, Ooo I saw that, too, Cupcake! Spinning on the dance floor to Mighty Real, not once losing his fedora.

I must say I was impressed.

Suggesting nothing! I just thought that coconut might have done a little more damage. But I don’t care! I love him! That’s all that matters!

Oh Herschel, don't you worry. I hardly know him myself. All is well.

Meanwhile, I have an idea to float out to the cows and bulls:

I can't believe I'm suggesting this, but would you all consider changing our destination? Is anyone really heart-set on Cowcutta? I personally am having the time of my life with all of you right here. Those smirking gulls piss me off a little but I could overcome.

Maybe Sampson would consider moderating the discussion?

Thanks, and mooo

I am okay with a discussion, but will there be doughnuts? These discussions tend to go on...

“Buttercup” is now officially approved as a name for all cows, by acclamation.

That's my mom's name. Will you please approve me?

DENIED!

You can resubmit your request if you’re a little clearer.

Oh OUCH.

OK.

BeeChum HerONimus Bull

Like it's my fault you didn't grow up in Newport.

Oh, ok, R200. Whatever.

Approved!

Now what?! A number of turkeys have been found stowed away in the engine room. No wonder we’re listing. What’s next, turnips in the map room?

Hello, Mooo, this is Sampson. Tap tap tap.

I would be delighted to moderate any discussion of a destination change.

First order of business is there WILL be doughnuts, and every recommendation will be addressed, be it doughnut, destination or otherwise.

Second order of business is firing our drunken registrar, please vote yes or no.

Third order of business, and perhaps the most important, is what do we do with Carl.

I now yield the floor.

On this moomentous occasion, the opening of the new dairy, the third largest dairy in Judy Garland, Iowa, let me just say that I speak for all of us when I say we all offer you an Ioway welcome: a Mootacular cheddar and a Muscatine Muscatel. May your business prosper and your teats never give out.

Oh ffs, Roy.

Moderator? I propose throwing Roy overboard, and send Ferdinand with him.

I also propose jelly donuts, and an end to this speculation about ticketless turkeys. Every engine room turkey I've met has been hardworking and kind. Extremely stupid, but hardworking and kind.

I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights. Is Carl okay to steer us northward?

R206 = ticketless Turkey

I'd like to read more about the Simply Red Social, and how come I never knew about this in advance.

Do you have to be red?

Clarabelle! Why are we greying out?

PASSINGERS, ITS A COOKBOOK!

But what will become of Carl?!

No! Not Carl!

R211 is a false flag. She’s just afraid of Thanksgiving. In India, no less.

False flag or not, Bessie, we are greying out. We are greying out!

Hmm, a little help, please. “Greying out”? I can’t find a meaning that makes sense in this context.

Carl! Calm down! All this circling is giving me Vertigo!

On TCM, now, incidentially.

To whom shall we moo, R216? An introduction, please.

"Greying out" means there is a cruel, passive-aggressive line running through Clarabelle's original post and her words are disappearing. For godssake look at it!

A slow leak is opening in our boat and we're threatened with sinking.

Imagine dead, Speedo-less cows strewn through the ocean. And a lone pig. That is what we're facing. That is why we're fighting.

Hi Mister Stewart, I always loved your poetry on the Johnny Carson.

Would you have a poem to share with those of us facing an imminent watery grave?

Oh, I noticed that, too, Bertram. Who could do such a thing? I mean that, who? Now I’m frightened. Thank God I’ve got my bell on.

Ooo! It's Jimmy! Jimmy's here! Hi Jimmy!

R219, I saw Jimmy Stewart’s last poetry reading on Carson, live. It was cute. He looked like he was gonna keel over.

Moo to all of you. Best of luck getting to shore!

Thank yo, R222! May we have an introduction? I am Sampson.

Considering our imminent drowning, perhaps you would distract us with a Jimmy Stewart poem or two? We would also accept an anecdote of your experience at Carson Studios, both real or imagined.

Good day, sir! Thank you sir! Please save Carl.

Miss Leah, just remember your cowbell while floating on a board. It worked for me. Blessings.

R223, it’s me, John.

Our "DL Moooo Spokesperson" and the "DL Christmas Moose" are so jealous of me; this is the only gig they can book. Tragic. Whereas, me -- I'm laughing all the way to the bank!

Do you like my earrings?

IMPOSTER! R225 is not me! I’m R223. I’m Maud. The Registration Desk won’t approve my name because it doesn’t end with a vowel. What’s with that? Did you notice? I noticed.

I can’t come up with a Stewart poem at the moment. Can you postpone drowning until tomorrow?

Oh, John. Our dear John. How are things on the other side?

Do address me as Sampson.

I remember you best in your light-colored jackets, you remain my inspiration. Once you died, celebrity tennis died. It's burned into my brain.

Wait. John is not Johnny Carson?

This is a cruel death indeed. Frowny face.

All I want for Christmas is bacon.

It just fitting, some how.

I think John was the PMBT.

Johnny is too mean to come back and say “hello”. I have that on good authority.

Do any of you know why Leah got a waiver from the Registration Desk? Look it up. My great aunt was named Leah. She travelled the world on a boat, too, spreading the Gospel to France, South Africa, and Melbourne. True fact.

Moo.

Maud, I am a little bristled that you would say you were me at R227. Please state your porpoise.

R226, I don’t think you needed to drag the Christmas Moose into this. He’s on the other side of the world. But yes, I do love your earrings.

Moo.

Ahem. Has our Carl been forgotten? Sampson, I am disappointed with you. You are supposed to be our Moderator and our Voice of Reason. And now look at you with your jokes, while the clock ticks and time runs out. You were salmon special to me. Still, I really caribou you.

Save Carl!

Mooop!

Get your moo on, cows!

It's Monday!

Really it wasn't so bad.

Thank you R236. I would have “Mooed” earlier, but I was tied up at the barn.

Oh, dear, that boat excursion did not end well. Where’s Carl?

“Suggestions”? How about, “save them!”

The last I saw Carl, a seabird was directing him eastward, yet he kept heading south.

Oh, Carl, how like you. Godspeed, friend.

R238, The name “Kirsten” is NOT approved. Good Lord almighty! I will call you Dolly, recently approved by acclimation at the cow conclave. Generally, names for 19th century whores are pre-approved unless otherwise prohibited. Thank-you.

Dolly is a lovely name.

Sarah! Go back to the barn!

[quote] R157: ...There are rumours circulating that there is a moose onboard who has stowed-away disguised as a Guernsey.

I found him! It’s Moosifer! Somebody grab him before he wrecks Thanksgiving!

Moink, indeed.

Best Thanksgiving Ever.

Moo!

Just because I felt like it.

All I want for Christmas, is “Moo”.

Mooshi-Mooshi!

[quote] he registration desk

I demand equality. I demand justice.

Good Sir, I demand satisfaction!

It’s, Zir, R252. That is my preferred pronoun.

[quote] Hello...I have lost my dear Bossie, Bossie the cow.

R167 = Oscow Wilde

We bought a moo!

Moo, moo, moo! I’ll say.

Moooo, to you too, Judy!

Are you performing at the Cow Palace, by any chance? I imagine it’s dreamy and filled with jewels that adorn the ceiling like stars in the sky. I bet they have solid gold food troughs. I’d love to visit there sometime, as soon as I can find a spot here with no barbed wire.

No Monday morning moos?

Oh, Good Zir, R258, by gosh, there were early morning Monday Moos from Japan at R250!

Consider this compensation:

Moo, moo, mooooo!

Not anyone I know.

Moo! Moo! Moo!

Moo! Moo! Moo!

Moo! Moo! Moo!

The super-mooon party was spectacular. Many thanks to Cupcake for hosting. I loved the roof-top deck, sorry for the collapse.

Is Mooo related to DOOL?

Not likely, R265.

Love you, R264!

Oh, Moo to you both, and all!

Please enjoy your Monday Morning Moos through the end of the year as they will be going on hiatus afterward.

Why, Margaret?

R268, I’m thinking of taking a clue from Game of Thrones.

What would you think of a rebranding as:

Game of Moos?

Who’s Afraid of Monday Morning Moos?

The Christmas Cow?

Suggestions welcome.

Moo.

Hmm.

Well, Margaret, I am a devotee and if you feel you need a change-up I'm with you.

But since these days may be numbered and tomorrow being Monday, I decided to freshen up so I might look my best. What do you think? Roy was gratifyingly sober when he fluffed me, so to speak.

Bovine beautiful!

Thank you. I did Phyllis, too.

Phyllis, you look lovely.

Good night Sir, Good night Madam! This is your early morning Monday Moo!

Such fun~! Moooo!

This is a good afternoon as I just now fit into the Dockers I've not worn since, oh I don't know, 1997? I feel young again. Even Tommy the Bull gave me a second look!

Many thanks also to Roy for my new 'do. You really should keep off the sauce, Roy, you're quite talented.

You’re butiful, Beauchamp Heronimus! What a lovely do!

This is Beauchamp's secretary, Di'Jon. I do all the typing for him, and I erred in the spelling of his name.

It is Hieronymous, not Heronimous. Heronimus is a poseur's name and I can assure you that Beauchamp's pedigree is top drawer.

Please make a note of it. Thank you. Moo.

Beauchamp Hieronymous is still butiful. Even if he’s gone “Hollywood”.

Oops, I meant to Moo. So, Moo.

Good mo...mo...moorning! And a mo...mo..moorry Christmas to you all! Especially to the ladies. Have a great mo...mo...moonday!

Please see the gift from Farmer Derik.

Moo to you as well, sir. Excellent video.

Here’s a message from Carl. He got to Paris somehow.

It’s a pig in Paris, people!

Peace!

Pigalle

Carl’s nostrils are bigger than his mouth, somehow.

Carl is in Paris? This is wonderful! As I recall he had a very devoted following among the Parisians. Particularly in the discos. That was back in the 70's if I recall correctly.

Well, Joyeaux Noel, Carl! Happy for you.

Oui, in Pigalle, as noted by R284.

In one of the Pigalle clubs you can see a monument to Carl hanging from the ceiling! I saw it myself!

Nope, you're thinking of Denmark. Carl gets around.

Are you thinking of the Folies Pigalle in Paris, Thor?

Carl does a Christmas show there every year. For the most part he just dances, but when he sings, it is a revelation, much like Jim Nabors. We should go.

He is quite the piggy!

He's been sending the same Christmas photo for twelve years, and I save every one of them.

Marco Rubio has Carl’s ears.

Well tell him to give them back!!

Savage.

That’s not what I meant.

J'ACCUSE POO!A

Carl was cute when he was young.

“Max Von Essen” has been approved by the registration desk as a manly bull name. “Otto” has as well.

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

I bid you “Mooooo”.

Due to the holiday, the planned cessation of the Mooo programme will be extended into the new year. I hope you had a moooving Christmas!

From all of us at Monday Morning Moos.

The cows are miffed with your planned cessation, OP. Furious and suspicious, actually.

(He's trying to kill Carl, isn't he.) (Moo.)

Dear Messr. Beauchamp Hieronymos Bull du Newport,

Sir,

Carl is safe with the hipster grass-grazing vegans of the Great Pacific Northwest. And they have truffles there! Still, he misses Paris! But he’s fine, he sends his love.

I’m the only on in the office this week. I’d like to wish you a new year with as much mooing as your heart desires, and I’ll pass along your “moo” to the staff on Monday. They will be working the holiday. It’s our biggest day of the year, after July 11th, of course.

Why July 11th?

Mais monsieur,

Surly you have Cow Appreciation Day on your yearly planner? I bet you have the gassiest cows on the planet, if you forget to give them gifts on 7/11.

Moo, indeed!

Madam, This "Gals of the Gate Moo Guild" intrigues me. I like titles and I like sashes. How do I apply?

Somebody spelled Beauchamp's name wrong. Again.

It's Hieronymous. See the 'U'? There's a 'U'.

Di'Jon, U are a terrible secretary.

I, too, would like to be a Gal at the Gate.

Is there a uniform? I'm thinking of something not-too-clingy, perhaps in a robin's egg blue? A soft rose is also good.

Thank you for not killing Carl. Moooo.

moink.

[quote] moink

Is that a hybrid?

Oh, dear. Elsie referred this conundrum to me. We haven’t had bulls apply before to be in the Galls at the Gate Guild. Mostly we get together to discuss a book, and have cocktails; and Moo together, of course. I’ll have to refer this to the Steering Committee. Did you see what I did there? Haha, I’m a hoot! Will you sue? How exciting!

We do have sashes. That damn moose started [italic]that [/italic] whole thing and now every quadruped has to have a sash. I’m old school, but I’m trying to keep up. R307, we should put you on the Fabric and Accessories Committee. It’s been moribund lately and needs some bulls with a good eye to shake it up. Not that I’m saying you’re Gay or anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Ahhhh! I take it all back! I don’t know the modern lingo! Moo! Oh, I Moo when I get upset. Don’t sue for that!

But we’ll have to wait to see what the committee says.

[quote] Will you sue?

Speaking of sue, is Sue an approved cow name?

Dear Sir or Madam R311,

“Susie” is certainy approved! Please use with the most loving affection. It’s a pretty name.. “Sue” is most certainly NOT approved. Appeals may be heard by the Dairy Council.

I stayed late to research this, you know. I’m just one cow, I can’t do everything.

I think I am all moooed-out for the year. There! I said it. Moo!

Beach cow.

R314, does it have any beach friends?

Just you, R315.

I don’t believe in species mixing.

R317 = Trump voter

Please, no second-hand mooing. Or second hoof, I might say. There have been complaints.

I moo only for myself.

Happy New Year, you old cows!

And [bold] Moo! [/bold]

Happy Moo-Year, from

Jingle-Moo, y’all!

From the bottom of my heart!

We’re not just for eatin’!

Moo!

Carl the pig wishes everybody a nice New Year.

It’s raining in Vancouver today, but there’s sun in my heart, and a spring in my step.

Love,

Carl weren't you just in Paris? Commandeered another boat, did you?

Thank you for the best wishes and I wish the same for you, and all! Moooo.

Dear Mr. Winston,

Good day, Sir.

Carl’s out looking for truffles...again. But yes, he was just in Paris. The Frenchies kept asking about his feet and it creeped him out. He did a ride-along with Santa from Paris to Vancouver. It was very dramatic. It wasn't a direct route as Santa traveled from Greenland to Antartica back and forth across the continents. All according to NORAD. One the plus side, he got about a trillion frequent flyer miles on British Airlines because they’re a partner airline in Santa’s network. No more slow boats for Carl! He can fly first class!

I will pass your Moo along to Carl and here is a return moo just for you: Moooooo!

Pierre, as per R319, second hand mooing is prohibited. I know you mean well, but we do have standards. Thank you.

Morning Mooooo! Good morning, all.

Thank you for the update on Carl's whereabouts, Pierre. I laughed, I cried. Moooooo.

Thor,

Good day, Sir!

You beat me to the Monday Morning Moo, and I congratulate you!

Oh, Dear Sir,

I forgot to Moo properly! Please excuse my forgetfulness!

Many Moos to you, Thor, Carl, his new “friend’, and all the dear readers!

Are any of the names cows here gay?

Are any of the named cows here gay?

I believe you will find that is mostly the case, R332, but I am not with Registration, so you will have to wait for official word. Meanwhile, and again this is above my station, "Anonymous" is a terrible name for a cow, and may in fact be prohibited. I'm sure Registration will be along shortly to help you. Registration is very helpful, very swift. Best wishes on a fine day!

Moooo.

Dear Sir or Madam,

“Anonymous” is most certainly NOT an approved name! I will call you “Gertie”, because I think you’re sassy. Is that copacetic? Would you like to apply to join the “Gals at the Gate Guild”? There’s a waiting list.

As to your question, do you really have to ask? Mooo!

Is it still Monday?

Moo!

Is “anonymous” a male, female, or mooueter name?

I did not post this on imgur. Moo.

Gertie, we can’t tell what it is, here at the Registratuon Desk. If you want to appeal to the Dairy Council you can, but there’s a $5 fee for that. Frankly I can’t see that happening. The last time they overruled the Registration Desk was for “Hieronymous”, but she’s got that big ol’ farm down over Lockjaw Creek.

Especially if you can’t be bothered to Moo in closing, I might add. Were you raised outside of a barn, for heavens sake?

How about “Daisy” if you don’t like Gertie? Isn’t that a pretty name for a cow like you? It’s slimming, too. Moo.

Sir/Madam at Registration,

I am a gentleman cow, not a "she."

I am not at all offended, why would I be? Ladies are lovely of course. I just want to clear that up so as not to lose any potential gentleman callers of my own.

Carry on and buddy up, it's a cold day in Rhode Island. Moooo.

A GENTLEMEN COW!? (To be said in the voice of “the star” Audrey Meadows, playing Alice Kramden)

Are cows fans of DL fave Temple Grandin?

She likes to snuggle a little close, but overall, yes we'd say. Yes.

Even cows don’t plunk their behinds down on prime-pooping territory, without a plan B, I mean.

Like horses, cows see in black and white, plus have color receptors for the colors blue and yellow. That is why they are partial to those colors. Moo.

Dear heifers and other assorted cow-kind,

Can the spots on cows be removed? I’m giving some thought to rubbing one out if possible. For scientific reasons of course.

Second, do bovines play patty cake?

Thank you in advance most kindly. “Moooo” as they say in the language of your people.

R345, Spots can be dyed. I know Melissa does it. Sorry, Melissa, but he’s cow curious. As to the second question, we’re cows, not morons, heavens! Though, yes, I have seen it done,

Moo, also.

Who are the friends of MOOd-kind?

R347,

Sir, I have googled you, and I don’t know you. Are you friend or foe? I moo as a courtesy, not out of affection, you understand.

Moo.

Hold me, Horns, I'm frightened. Mooo.

Oh, well, ok. Moo.

But you aren't wearing your breast plate, Horns. Please come back with your breast plate?

Breast plates? Shouldn’t they be “udder plates”?

I am following the language of OPERA, mister anonymous who shall not name himself. Anonymous is NOT A NAME.

Mosly I just lurk on this thread, but I do find it indecent that poster after poster won't identifythemselves.

I am not a cow, just cow-adjacent and interested in bovines. This I do not have approved name. You may call me “Anon” if you wish or, moo-re appropriately “Anon-y-MOOs”.

This = Thus

Cow D.A.R., here. With the exception of Beauchamp Hierymous Bull, you are all below pedigree and will be eaten.

* Hieronymous

Hoof model?

Yes, but "in the biz" you learn to walk the walk and speak the speak. On certain auditions I've even cloaked my horns. One time Ray Stark draped his overcoat right on my head.

You should get your hoofs done by those Vietnamese girls downtown. Get a price over the phone first, though. I still have sparkles from last May!

Downtown Stoneham?

Where is the Cow and Bull Social Committee these days? Last I heard from them was on the slow boat, the Simply Red Social, and every song was a slow dance. Drowned?

R362, oh no, I was at the DataLounge Convention at the Jacob Javits Center in NYC. I took the Acela. There’s a thread on it somewhere. So, I got my hoofs done there. They’re the best.

OP......you fat sow!!!

Thanks, CM.

By the way is it hoofs or hooves? I know you’re young, but I was hoping you could enlighten me.

I'll go with drowned.

World-class mooing by the Gals at the Gate Guild, at the link. Happy Monday Morning Moos!

Why do cows moo?

“One of their demands is a punctual milking schedule. Researchers have found that cows could choose their trips to the milk barn; they would like to be milked about 3.5 times per day. If you are a few hours late, they get cranky, and will send out some moos telling you to hurry up.”

I am so glad I don't have that problem.

MOoo!

Tommy the Bull = Misogynist Pig, err, Cow

Beautiful moos in Midnight's video. Tell me, does the Gate Guild take requests? Perhaps they will moo at a wedding? I am currently betrothed.

Squee and Mooooo.

Is calling an all black cow a “heifer” considered derogatory or is it acceptable, even preferred? Perhaps if there is a Political Cowrectness Committee the question can be referred to them.

Expressly yours,

I don’t know about being called a “heifer” these days, but I do know that the worst thing you can say to a cow is “What, were you raised in a barn?” It’s not a nice thing to say. Also, don’t call a cow a “pig”. That’s very confusing for most of them.

Oh, I forgot to Moo. I dedicate these Moos to all the men I’ve loved before.

Moo!

[quote] R372: Beautiful moos in Midnight's video. Tell me, does the Gate Guild take requests? Perhaps they will moo at a wedding? I am currently betrothed.

The Gals do take requests. I understand they find them to be delicious. But since you asked, here’s what Hollywood types do. Give the cows plenty of water, and then don’t milk them until they’re begging and mooing to be milked. Though, that can break your cow if you’re not careful.

Oh, heck, I forgot to Moo, again.

[quote] I understand they find them to be delicious

As we do cows.

YOU’RE OUT OF LINE, R378!

Take your potty mouth over to manvox.

I lost my Manvox code. And Manvox is a Russian site. If it weren’t for vodka and other liquor they’d devour cows more than the West.

Cows are responsible for global warming.

Ok, R381. Next you’ll be telling me that a cow killed the Christmas Mouse by sitting on him, in his lair.

Moderator! Moderator! We have an anti-cow hate crime going down right now in R381!

Oh, Happy Moo Year, moderator, btw.

Good day, Sir; good day, Madam!

Every Monday is a good day if you start off with a hardy “Moo!” I bid you “Moo”, then! Let the Mooing be done though the heavens fall.

Good morning, Duke, moooo to you and everyone. It's a warmer day in Connecticut, and I see grass beneath the melting snow. I just love that, who wouldn't love that. Moooo.

[quote] Let the Mooing be done though the heavens fall.

Do cows also do mooning?

I don’t think that’s in their charter, R385.

There’s more mooing at link.

Moo Master,

It's Monday night.

Are you dead?

No, Bertram, I’m still here!

Moo, moo I say! Moo, moo, moo! Moos for everyone!

Oh! Well, then.

A happy and relieved mooo to you, sir! My Monday is much much better now.

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! I have been waiting all week for this opportunity to bid you, “Moo”. Fear not! If you start your week with a hearty “Moo”, the rest of the week will fall into place.

Cupcake, are you still out there? Don’t fret dear, it’ll always be a bull market in my eyes!

Miss Ella Mae......

Miss Dorothy.....

Thank you, cow cow. You should have a proper name before the registration desk hears of you, btw.

cow cow is a delightful name! I hope registration admits you. And yes, Tank, I am here! Enjoying the boogie on a chilly Tuesday evening... MOo!

Sometimes I “moo”, and it’s not even a Monday.

Hello, Cupcake. Best wishes. I would never fart in your face, if you were wondering. Never!

I won't fall for that again Tank, you precocious beast.

Meanwhile, Lilith, Tommy the Bull, Beauchamp and I are still toe tapping to the cow cow boogie. I wish Carl were here with his ukelele. Phyllis is not very good with the kazoo.

Mooo.

Is Kazoo affiliated with the Stone Zoo in Stoneham, MA?

No, R399, this is a moose free thread. So far, anyway.

You didn’t “moo”, btw; or sign your name.

Moo. There! I said it!

Mondays are Fun Days,

Moooo!

Moooooo!

[quote] No, R399, this is a moose free thread. So far, anyway. You didn’t “moo”, btw; or sign your name.

R400 aka Clarabelle, there were 11 posts mentioning moose before yours, and I didn’t even mention moose in mine. Why then get your udders in a knot over my post? I didn’t “moo” because I’m not a cow, as much as I respect and love them (in a variety of ways). Cheesy at it may be, you can call me R399 if you wish.

Dear Clarabelle,

You seem to be in charge. This morning I am feeling TRIGGERED and VERY UNSAFE. Moo.

Well, now there is discord. This is precisely what the registration desk was set-up to avoid. And of course there is a moose at the center of it, as usual. I saw Clarabelle in the lower 40 and her makeup’s been running like she’s been crying. And, no, “Mary” is NOT an approved name! Marybelle is fine; and Maybelline somehow slipped through; also MarieClare for French cheese cows, yes that’s a thing, but not Mary. Oh, she has such pretty cow-eyes, too. Now, where was I? Oh, discord! Just STOP IT, before they hear about it in the front office.

A friendly reminder, if you don’t “Moo” in your posts, you must post a cow chip in the pasture, or else...see the link.

I once saw the Christmas Moose at a Cafe in Glendale. and I asked him to “Moo” and he said he didn’t do impressions. I think he was coming from the zoo. I was going to post this to the “celebs being assholes thread”, but then I thought I might just not get cross-species humor.

[quote] you must post a cow chip in the pasture, or else

I read that as “cow chop”. That reminded me of what I wrote at R403: I love cows in a variety of ways.

Love it, R402. Good moo to you!

Cow accused of having high intelligence.

Moo. Have a nice holiday weekend. I’m working.

Is Anvil an approved name?

Good catch, R410. I tried to sneak it by. It’s not like it’s “Advil” or something. It’s currently under consideration. I think it will fly through next week. What do you think are my chances of getting it through without an override?

[quote] I think it will fly through next week. What do you think are my chances of getting it through without an override?

When cows fly.

No Monday moos? You future steaks are losing your edge.

Hello!

Moo, if I must.

I know, R413, the stakes are high. I’ve been told.

Don’t ask for who the cow Moos, R412! It Moos for YOU! Mooooo!

Sorry I’m late. I was having my hair done. There’s a “Gals at the Gate” Gala by Moonlight tonight. It’s an old fashioned barn dance! Wear your tu-tu, Melissa! You look purty in that. Moo!

Tank, Armor, are you coming to the Barn Dance? I’m not supposed to tell you, but’s your initiation into the Guild tonight! Wear your best nose ring, but make sure it’s a clip-on, because these things can get a little rough sometimes, once the buttermilk gets flowing.

Tank and Armor, beware! “Barn Dance” is a euphemism for the slaughter pen! The Gertie welcome wagon is trying to trick you and entice you with buttermilk to literally lead you to slaughter. She is a paid traitor to the Beef Council.

This is why your application to the Guild was “administratively dismissed”, Mr. Anonymous, if that is your real name.

Ignore her, Tank and Armor. Come early for dance lessons! You don’t want to be a wall flower on your initiation night.

Barn Dance, c. 1616. Period clothing optional.

Oh, moo! There will be a lot of that going on tonight, I bet.

wall flower = hanging from a hook by a wall in a freezer

Gertie is a cow slaughterer. We saw Goodfellas, Gertie, and we know what you did to Tommy the Bull.

Murdering murderer.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

She is an old cow, isn’t she, R242?

Good day, Sir. Good day, Madam! Happy Mooooo-nday!

Happy Monday all, moooo. Has Anvil been admitted? I think he's sexy.

Yes, Todd. Anvil was hanging from the chandelier by the end of the night. He’s officially in the “Girls at the Gate Guild”.

Clarabelle got 380 views on Imgur. 8 up votes, that’s kinda lame. 3 downvotes. Who could downvote that face? Besides maybe Moosifer. I hate him.

Well, a hearty “Moo” to you all before the day is over.

Moosifer hates cows too?

Moo-sifer.

Moosifer hates everybody. He’s a bad egg.

Here’s something to cheer you up:

Moooooooooooo!

If your Monday has you unglued, haha!

Bump

Question: rare or medium rare?

R434, that’s obscene. You’re not a good egg, at all!

I moo, but not for you. Moo!

R435, I referred to the population levels of European Bison which are considered threatened but increasing. Thus rare or medium rare. What did you think I meant?

I have a name. It’s Behula, you dumb ox.

Now, tell, me, you waited two days for that!?

Mooingly yours,

R437, aka Behula (is that name approved by the way?), it is you who posted two days after I did, and when you did you defamed me with nary an inquiry as to the nature of my question. And I’m not even a bovine. Perhaps you are a bovine supremacist? But I, unlike you, will not jump to conclusions.

Of course Behula is an approved name. You have to get the blue pages of the 2017 registry index, until the 2018 registry index comes out.

And you are, R434/436?

Behula, I am divine! I am oblivion!

I am the god who saves the world

I descend from heaven and make this earth

A heaven! Ah!

I am love, love, love.

Attention, cows. In two short months it will be the first anniversary of Monday Moos! How will we be celebrating?

Moooooooooo!

[quote] How will we be celebrating?

By eating a nice, juicy steak.

Or perhaps veal. Yeah, veal.

That’s a handsome bow, Anvil’s A.A. sponsor.

May’s a good month for fresh grass. Yum! I still remember 2014, that was a good year, ahhh.

MooMaster/OP,

If I were to imagine what you look like on a Monday morning, it would look something like this.

Thank you, sir. Moo, madame.

Good day Sir! Good day Madam! Am I doing this right? It’s my first time here on Monday Morning Moos! Moo! I know I’m late, but I was down at the gate with the other gals. Armor and Tank were there, so of course there was much mooing.

Everyone have a good day! You have been mooed!

Why, yes Spencer, that is very much what I look like. But as this, mooo, excuse me, as this is an anonymous site, I can reveal no more! Moo!

What’s “A.A.”?

You didn't know, cow at r448? Anvil is a derelict and an alcoholic, but I can't say more because it's anonymous. Shh.

Oh and, Mooo.

Lilia, please share pictures from your Gals at the Gate soiree, especially pics of Tank, he is HOT.

Aw, thank you, Phyllis.

Here’s one of the “gals at the gate”, since title IX opened the membership to bulls.

Oh! Moos x 1000!

You did great, Lilia! Moo!

Also, handsome snout in R453. Who dat?

Get your “Moos” in now, sleepyheads! Word is that everycow in New England will be barn-bound for the next week, due to the weather.

Flash frozen, R456?

I don’t see that on the Telex, R457, but I’ll look further.

Thanks, Carl. I understand the freezing process takes some of the flavor away but it is efficient.

Here’s an international group at the link. I understand it branched from the Gals at the Gate Guild, after a dust-up of some kind. They don’t wear sashes, unfortunately.

I heard on another thread that Carl is in Vancouver! I hope he'll be around for the BIG ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY on May 20th. Bring your ukelele, Carl! All is forgiven for the Great Slow-Ship Sinking of 2017. Also, I need my blanket back, k? Mooo, buddy.

Link to thread please, R461.

It was a thread by Gunther, having to do with a search for his deceased Uncle Otto and his family tree.

Without carrots I can't remember more than that, munch munch munch. And by all means, please call me Melrose. You forgot to moo.

Melrose, who are these posters demanding info without moos?

Why I never.

The nerve.

Tell me about it.

Maybe the reluctant mooer at r462 is asking for the SlowBoat info? If so, that starts here at r150.

We really have lived, Mooers. It seems like only yesterday we were swimming for our lives.

There’s a slow boat leaving from NYC at 4 pm tomorrow.

Top of the Mooooorning to you! It sounds better in Gaelic, though most things do, of course. A hearty Moo to our Irish lads and lassies.

Remember, if you vomit, you must lap it up ‘til it’s all gone. Don’t leave it for someone else to do. “Moo”, and “Good day”, Sir and Madam!

Bump

I'm not getting on any more slowboats, are you crazy??

Oh god, my head. Those gals at the gate can really drink, the milk they're expressing is minimum 80 proof.

Please moo softly today, I'm begging you.

Terrance, was it green?

(Soft) Moo

It was green, Margaret, yes, it was.

Ouch.

I'm belching clover. Delicious.

Mooomp

I applaud you, Tommy!

I’m still belching-up Raisinets from last night. That’s fine by me. They’re from my beau.

Terrance the other night...

Oops.

Terrance...

Swim big cow, swim!

The cow at R479 is a smart future steak and/or milk producer.

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! I bid you “Moo”.

Moooo! I feel spring in the air, mmm, grass will be plentiful. I can tell.

That’s not Spring! That’s Nitrous.

Gertie, get the Gals together!

These is a cattle conclave in the lower fourth, and they’re German cows, so we already can guess that they all want [italic] Lebensraum. [/italic].

Oh, moo, btw.

Caption this short video.

Good day Sir. Good day, Madam! A happy April to you all! A good Monday morning Moo to you!

At the link, excited Gals at the Gate Guild skip out to pasture. It is a fine time to be a cow! Oh, joy!

[quote] It is a fine time to be a cow!

Said the future steak. Enjoy it while you can.

I’m a dairy cow!

We’re all dairy cows!

Heavens! I missed Monday morning moos yesterday and no one noticed. I'm a little hurt. Sore, too.

R480, I noticed, but I figured the figurative silence meant that one or more of you moo cows had been eaten.

Ok, listen up, Hansel @491. Nobody is eating anybody else around here. Got it?!

And Madam Grady, thIs is how the first “Gals at the Gate Guild” was convened. We’re all Mooing for farmer Dale to get out here, now, stat. We got your back, babe! Never fear, help is on the way!

That's awful, Madame Grady! How did you escape?

Airlifted, Lilith.

Thank you for caring.

That must be one goddamned sturdy balloon to carry a heifer like R494.

Mooooooo!

Dear Sir, dear Madam, Apologies for being late! I was held up in the Special Mooooooo, oops, Special Prosecutor’s Office. Something about inappropriate udders! Mooooo, oops, sorry again. I moo when I’m upset. Mooooo!

That's quite alright, Gertie, though I was beginning to wonder. My milk backs up a little when you're late for Monday moos. But moo, moo all the same.

[quote] Something about inappropriate udders!

Did they mean inappropriate udderances?

I don’t know, R498, I’m just a dairy Moooo, I mean, a dairy cow!

Mooo! I did not have sexual relations with that cow! Mooo!

Do I, mooooooo, do I need to get a lawyer?

[quote] Do I, mooooooo, do I need to get a lawyer?

Have you tried LegalMooz?

OMG, OMG, they broke into the barn! They grabbed Gertie! OMG! It’s a disgrace! What about Hillary’s emails! Oh, moo! Gertie! Gertie! Moooooooo!

..and I love you, R502.

Well, Moo, I say!

Is Cincinnati Freedom an approved name?

Things fell apart once 'Advil' was approved.

[quote] OMG, OMG, they broke into the barn! They grabbed Gertie!

They hit Gertie! Come on, girls!

[quote] Things fell apart once 'Advil' was approved.

At least Advil puts cows in a daze before being electrocuted up the ass.

R506, Cincinnati Freedom is an approved name under the Native American Bovine Clause to the General Arcticles of Patriotic Herbivores. Section five, I believe.

I’m quite sure, it’s “Anvil”, a nice masculine name for some young buck.

Moo ... ouch!

Am I moving to myself, gosh darn it?!

Oops,

Moo & Love,

Girta meant, “Am I mooing by myself, gosh darn it?!”

No, dear, we’re all here. Just afraid of subpoenas!

Happy Monday, everyone!

Mooooourning Bar, one of the Gals at the Gate. Moooo, Bar, that’s for you.

Good morning, Sir! Good morning, Madam! This week we are up with the chickens! I bid you well! Salutations! Last week, we were busy fussing with the Boston Moo-a-thon, and Girta messed it all up. Also, there was the emergency matter of Advil’s name, and how that slipped the censors. Today, there are no distractions! It’s Monday Morning Moos!

Moo!

Mooooo! Good Morning! And speaking of chickens, Phyllis, our barn hen, is feeling much better now after her cold. That chicken soup really fixed her up, with a good handful of Vitamin C, of course!

Good morning, Phyllis!

Oh, heck, was it my day to let the cows out?

Moooo, for people coming home from work! I hope you made it through your day!

There will be more Mooing after the intermission.

Oh dear Sir, dear Madam, is it Monday? Well, Mooooo, then! I beg your forgiveness and hope your moooless morning was not too dreary! Oh dear, this should not have happened! Moooo! Please accept my apology on the part of the Gals at the Gate Guild and affiliated Guilds, Leagues, and Auxiliaries. Oh, Mooo!

Why Penolope was late this morning.

That’s adorable, R525!

That’s adorable, R524!

Moooo!

Phew, almost missed it.

Thank you and Moo to you, Tommy. I sent you a box of clover, did you get it?

I did, Homer. Yes. Thank you.

Dear Sir, dear Madam, good morning and “Moo”. I hope you start your week well, and are nice to the other cows you may come upon today.

I just saw “The 12th Man” and loved it. It was broadcast on the side of a barn. I think this reindeer is cow-adjacent and therefore might fit under the guidelines here.

I must confess I've always had a thing for reindeer, they're so...musky smelling. Mmmoo.

[quote] I must confess I've always had a thing for reindeer, they're so...musky smelling. Mmmoo.

Make it rein.

- Oh, deer

Re r530, She’s a tough ol’ gal, too!

Moooooooo.

13 more days till Monday Moos one year anniversary! Who's bringing a dish?

[quote] Who's bringing a dish?

I will. Do you think medium rare filet mignon would be a hit?

R535, I accidentally screamed out loud when I read your post. Hope the neighbors don’t complain.

Moo, for Heavens sake.

That’s not a Monday, R534. What to do?

Oh Desmond, you keep making these steak jokes. We all know it's you. Now go outside and play in the yard, dinner's at seven and it's Carl.

NO CARL JOKES.

Not as food, anyway.

I think the best test as to whether a name is suitable for a cow is if you can imagine a ten year old boy on the front stoop of. 1940s farm house, in black-and-white, natch, calling out “Desszz-moond!” That one seems to work find.

Moo, boys!

I concur with Petunia,

My choice seems to pass the Petunia test.

Most days, Anthony takes his time going home, but not today.

Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day.

Gosh, Anthony is so cute!

But that’s not Boston’s North End in the 1970s, as there was an African American couple strolling through and that just strains credulity.

Yes thank you, r543, clearly not a cow and probably just a rough and tumble tough guy.

Carl accepts your invitation for the One Year Blast. It will be a beautiful affair!

Can’t wait to see Carl again!

I feel so close to everyone.

Oh please, really. Carl is a pig.

Carl is the finest fellow no matter what you say, Robert. You are jealous.

Oh for godssake are you all still arguing over Carl?

I need help with my Alfredo Sauce, snap out if it!

^^ That was Dandelion. Hi.

Aww, Dandelion.

That is the most adorable thing at R544.

I don't believe we have r551 registered, mooo. Your name, please?

Welcome!

"Anthrax is spelled with an 'H' but I said get the 'H' out of here!"

I’m bringing clover in a gelatin mold. Everybody likes clover. I know it makes some cows gassy, but what doesn’t? Melrose, what doesn’t?

Red Rufus was our beloved red Shorthorn bull, servicing 60 cows until he had to go when he failed a brucellosis test.

There will be a barn dance on Sunday, May 20th, to celebrate the anniversary of Monday Morning Moos. Heifers, welcome. Smoking is not allowed in the barn. Buttermilk will be served. Pigs and chickens may attend. More to come, later. Moo.

Sponsored by The Gals at the Gate Guild

R556, touching story, then became TMI and gross. Moo for your loss.

Our first year anniversary means so much. Only a few months ago I was a scared young gay bull. But you bulls and cows and one chicken and a pig turned it all around, and this is home. See you at the barn dance.

Hello it's Roy, moo to all. I am taking reservations and they're filling up fast: Anyone who wants a coiffure before our big day should sign up now. See upthread for some of my creations. I am sober.

Where is Carl right now?

Smoking IS ALLOWED, however. Just not in the barn around all that dry hay. There will be vapes and edibles for those inclined, and bongs for the Bob Seeger eldercrowd-cows.

[quote] Only a few months ago I was a scared young gay bull.

You’re not scared as a future steak?

I'm scared as a future unloved, never been kissed steak. I wanna know what love is.

R574, I’d ask you “Do you want me to show you?”, but alas I’m not a zoophile.

OP is fat.

R566, I thought he had been certified 90% USDA lean beef?

Nobody has to suffer! And with the exception of Tuppence, we shall have order here, you overrated hand-towel Helen Mirren.

Everybody chill.

Is that Marco Rubio in R569?

Good morning Sir! Good morning, Madam! Good Moo to you all this fine day!

Don’t forget there will be a Conga Line at the Barn Dance next Sunday, precisely at 9, so practice your moves now! No pile-ups this year!

OMG - an anonymous source tells me that gelatin is made from “prolonged boiling of skin, cartilage, and bones from animals, usually pigs and cattle”! What, was nobody going to tell me?! Quelle horreur! Moo, for the love of God! That would have been embarrassing.

Now I’m thinking of bringing. clover with a french vinaigrette dressing.

Practice your MOOves now!

Where is everybody? I was up with the chickens.

I started my day with the Hispanic cow dance, and I’ve had a great day. Super Moo to yoo, or [italic] tú. [/italic]

Given the, erm, soon-to-come status of many of you, do you think this would be an appropriate song for your dance?

R576, there is nothing “soon-to-come” for us cows to feer, they told me at registration! Stop the spooky ghost stories!

[quote] In 2013, João Maria de Souza, 45, was crushed by a cow falling through the roof of his home in Caratinga, Brazil. The cow was unharmed.

I was reading about unusual deaths, and I saw this and thought, well thank God the cow was unharmed. But why are cows falling from the sky in Caratinga?

Re R578, it may be due to Conga lessons. They can be dangerous if you’re a Guernsey or otherwise have no rhythm.

Dudley & Destiny

Adorable video, but is Destiny an approved name? It sounds somewhat like an 80s teen pop singer name.

You are correct! Destiny is NOT an approved name. Her proper name is Desdemona, which is preapprived under the 16th century fictional harlot regulation. She’s on notice, I’ll tell you that. Yes, indeed. Moo.

Tap tap tap...

Just a brief interruption to remind you that Desdemona is not to be confused with our lovely Dulcinea, who is lovely and beloved by all.

Does Dulcinea also come under the fictional harlot regulation, or is there a mid-20th century showtune regularion or both?

Does Dulcinea also come under the fictional harlot regulation, or is there a mid-20th century showtune regulation or both?

Our Dulcinea comes from a long line of whores, darlin'. Everyone knows that.

She's right, it's true.

I love the name Tuppence, and he's sexy, too.

Is Guinea an approved named?

No, “Guinea” is absolutely not an approved name. What is that, a collection of random letters?

[quote] Does Dulcinea also come under the fictional harlot regulation, or is there a mid-20th century showtune regulation or both?

I can see you are eager for an answer so I stayed up late researching this one. Moo. The name Dulcinea originated in [italic] Don Quixote, [/italic] published between 1605 and 1615. I think we can squeez this one into the 16th Century fictional harlot regulation. Most cows aren’t good at math so I don’t think anyone will fuss about this.

I think I can “squeez” your udders, R591, and orgasm while doing so.

Vermont cow, uncradled mug.

Oh my gosh, we got to a second thread! And just in time to celebrate the first anniversary of Monday Morning Moos! Which is Sunday, for some queer reason. I wanted to create part [italic] deux [/italic] before the barn dance.

Part [italic] deux [/italic] at the link.

This thread is still not at 600.

These cats aren’t very good at math, R595.

R596, I thought this thread was abou cows?

R596, I thought this thread was about cows?

I stand corrected, Sir!

It’s the cows that aren’t good at math.

Future steaks.