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Mooooo, I say!

by Clarabellereply 60006/04/2018


by Clarabellereply 105/20/2017

Her are traditional names for cows. Please do not use new hip names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you.



Betty Sue













by Clarabellereply 205/20/2017

Addendum: By popular demand, you may also use "Cupcake" as a name for your dairy cows, only. Thank you.

by Clarabellereply 305/20/2017

The Registration Desk has been overwhelmed with requests for manly bull names. These do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you. t Hydro













by Clarabellereply 405/20/2017

Thank you for your input, Dolly, if that[italic] is [/italic]your real name.

by Clarabellereply 505/20/2017

Melissa(f) and Melrose(m).

by Clarabellereply 605/21/2017

I like Melrose!

by Clarabellereply 705/21/2017

Don't try to milk him.

by Clarabellereply 805/21/2017

Maybe if she had Carnation instead of a martini...

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by Clarabellereply 905/21/2017

Bitch you forgot about me.

Don't let it happen again.

This will be your final warning.

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by Clarabellereply 1005/21/2017


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by Clarabellereply 1105/21/2017


by Clarabellereply 1205/21/2017

Hrumph. 400,000 visitors, and no response?

by Clarabellereply 1305/21/2017

Moo. Moo! MOOOOOO!

by Clarabellereply 1405/21/2017

I knew I could rely on you, R14! You always come through! Thank you!

by Clarabellereply 1505/21/2017

r8 Ah, a Robert Mitchum fan?

by Clarabellereply 1605/21/2017

Bull name nomination: Max Von Essen

by Clarabellereply 1705/21/2017

Confusing the kids.

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by Clarabellereply 1805/21/2017

Bulls must have multiple tits, right?

by Clarabellereply 1905/21/2017

The last lines of THE KILLING OF SISTER GEORGE (68), in fact.

by Clarabellereply 2005/21/2017


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by Clarabellereply 2105/21/2017

Aww, I love Belle!

by Clarabellereply 2205/21/2017

Mooooo! I say Sir!

by Clarabellereply 2305/22/2017

I've never actually seen the end. Is it true George runs around the set of the kiddies' show destroying the set?

by Clarabellereply 2405/22/2017


Watch out for that bull's semen.

by Clarabellereply 2505/22/2017

R2, why so many names that end in "t".

by Clarabellereply 2605/22/2017

R26, I think that was used for a "tab" in the source I grabbed it from. Ignore the trailing "t", please.

by Clarabellereply 2705/22/2017

Otay, R27

by Clarabellereply 2805/22/2017

Mooooooooo I say...I say MOOOOOOO !

by Clarabellereply 2905/22/2017

[quote] Mooooooooo I say...I say MOOOOOOO !

Mooooooooo I say...I say MOOOOOOOSE! Not affiliated with

by Clarabellereply 3005/22/2017

I completely agree, OP!

by Clarabellereply 3105/22/2017

Who is "Sister George"? That's not a pre-approved name, btw.

by Clarabellereply 3205/22/2017
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by Clarabellereply 3305/22/2017

The best part is when Sister George gets drunk and feels up those nuns in the taxi.

But that causes her character to get killed off as she rides her bicycle, singing, "all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small." Then we hear the ominous music, and see the panel van aiming for her......

can always play that cow on the kiddies' show.

And the big lez, Coral Browne, who demotes her also steals her pretty girlfriend Susannah York.

Moooo mooo moooooooooo!

The end

by Clarabellereply 3405/22/2017

I had to play Caroline and moo every fucking night for my little bratty sister, Slutty June. It was humiliating.

by Clarabellereply 3505/22/2017

Thank you, Moo-lover.

by Clarabellereply 3605/22/2017

You have exposed yourself, R30! Haha! I shall have a filet mignon to celebrate.

by Clarabellereply 3705/22/2017

[quote] And the big lez, Coral Browne,

That's my wife, the actress, Coral Browne.

by Clarabellereply 3805/22/2017

She played a lesbian in that particular movie, Mr. Price

by Clarabellereply 3905/22/2017

I have a Vincent Price autograph around here somewhere. He addressed the envelope himself. It has this "old man" chicken-scratch handwriting on it. I was pretty moved to get it.

by Clarabellereply 4005/22/2017

[quote] She played a lesbian in that particular movie, Mr. Price

She's still my wife, the actress, Coral Browne.

by Clarabellereply 4105/22/2017

Good Lord, aren't you both dead?

by Clarabellereply 4205/22/2017

Vincent Price and Coral Browne were a lavender couple. Coral Browne got to play with Susannah York's snapper on film, thus the X rating. Vincent Price never got to play with my parts. On film.

by Clarabellereply 4305/22/2017

[quote] Good Lord, aren't you both dead?

Yes and with the funk of forty thousand years.

by Clarabellereply 4405/22/2017


by Clarabellereply 4506/05/2017

Tony Curtis is dead too. At least he got to be on The Flintstones.

by Clarabellereply 4606/05/2017

Monday morning Moo.

by Clarabellereply 4706/11/2017

More Moos for your morning commute.

by Clarabellereply 4806/18/2017

It's a moo point. Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion...

by Clarabellereply 4906/19/2017


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by Clarabellereply 5006/19/2017

I am early this week with your Monday morning "Moo" because I wanted to give you all advance notice that Tuesday, 7/11, is Cow Appreciation Day, in case you needed advanced notice.

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by Clarabellereply 5107/08/2017

OP has stated her Bov-oundaries.

by Clarabellereply 5207/08/2017

Diesel is a great name and may i just add


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by Clarabellereply 5307/08/2017

Your fascination with other mammalian species fascinates me!

A former boyfriend grew up on a dairy farm in Kentucky, and shared with me the alarming anecdote that the barn cats often slept on the backs of the cows during the winter, to benefit from the shared heat. But they had no defense when a cow would roll onto its side while sleeping, and there were times that, during the morning milking, one of the cows would arrive with a flattened kitty stuck to its side.

by Clarabellereply 5407/08/2017

R51 OH i love that bone player and ALL the beautiful moo's that came for the concert!!

The Moo Fest rules.


by Clarabellereply 5507/08/2017

R54, I will have my fascination with other mammals until the cows come home.

Do you know why they say that? Because cows don't ever come home. You have to go out and get them. Or maybe, train them with a tuba.

by Clarabellereply 5607/08/2017

This thread gets 56 responses? My fucking god this site is filled with nothing but braindead Hillbots.

by Clarabellereply 5707/08/2017

[quote}This thread gets 56 responses? My fucking god this site is filled with nothing but braindead Hillbots.

Fuck off with your political obsessions! This thread is for tetrapod lovers of all persuasions.

by Clarabellereply 5807/08/2017

Thank you, R58, and Moo to you, good sir!

by Clarabellereply 5907/08/2017

Hello. I'm noo to this moo, may i moo with yoo?


by Clarabellereply 6007/08/2017

Growing up my dad did his own slaughtering of beef cows (Angus). Every year he'd buy two calves at auction. We were discouraged from giving them names, but being younger children we did: Uno and Dos.

My dad said if we were to have given them traditional names, names that had emotional attachment for us, it would have been PTSD big time in later years.

To this day I don't eat red meat.

by Clarabellereply 6107/08/2017

R60, I would be honored if you would Moo with me. And I don't mean honored in the sense that I'd be honored to meet with a murdering Russian dictator or play host in DC to an enslaving North Korean despot.

by Clarabellereply 6207/08/2017

And a good Moo to you, Sir.

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by Clarabellereply 6307/08/2017

If "Sister George" was a bar in Vermont, they'd be forced to change the name.

by Clarabellereply 6407/08/2017


by Clarabellereply 6507/08/2017

Moo moo gai pan

by Clarabellereply 6607/08/2017

"Oink, oink I say"

by Clarabellereply 6707/08/2017

Move along little piggy, nothing to see here.

by Clarabellereply 6807/08/2017

All bound for Moo Moo Land!

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by Clarabellereply 6907/08/2017

R68 sir or madame you stand corrected, there is always something to see on the Datalounge.!

by Clarabellereply 7007/08/2017

The pig should maybe stay.

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by Clarabellereply 7107/08/2017

But I say, why take the pig when all you want is a little sausage.

by Clarabellereply 7207/08/2017

KLF rocks!! and not to be a buzz kill but it is MU MU Land but hey close enough!!


by Clarabellereply 7307/09/2017

This thread is NOT FUNNY

I'll be that fairy, Craig, started this whole thing.

by Clarabellereply 7407/09/2017

It's here, it's here, it Cow Appreciation Day!

July 11th! Happy Cow Appreciation Day, everybody!

by Clarabellereply 7507/10/2017

What are you all doing to express your appreciation for the cow in your life?

I'm going to cook a pound of bacon.

by Clarabellereply 7607/11/2017

A good moo to you, too, sir! Cows are daring. Cows are brave. Today I will kiss and hug a cow. Mooo.

by Clarabellereply 7707/11/2017

And a happy Moo to you, too, R77!

by Clarabellereply 7807/11/2017

R78, amoung the DL, there seems to be not enough cow appreciation today.

I snub them. And I snuggle each and every cow I meet in return. Carry on.

by Clarabellereply 7907/11/2017


by Clarabellereply 8007/11/2017


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by Clarabellereply 8107/11/2017

Well said, Sir, R79. I have been congratulating and thanking cows all day. I've shaken many a hoof this fine afternoon.

by Clarabellereply 8207/11/2017

Good day to you, R82. I believe I may be a recipient of your hoofshake this fine afternoon.

Moo to you, too, sir, and Good Moo to all.

by Clarabellereply 8307/11/2017

With nine minutes remaining, I wish to thank you, Sir. It's been a most auspicious day. I have felt the love of a thousand cows straining, and i return your Moo with a heartfelt Moooo.

by Clarabellereply 8407/11/2017

Cows produce a lot of methane without which I am quite sure we would surely be sorry.

by Clarabellereply 8507/11/2017


by Clarabellereply 8607/11/2017

So long, farewell cows. Aufweidersein good moo.

by Clarabellereply 8707/11/2017

And the clock strikes midnight. Goodnight, cows!

by Clarabellereply 8807/11/2017

I didn't eat any red meat today.

by Clarabellereply 8907/11/2017

In flyover land - second largest moo juice source in the country, behind California - it is only eleventy o'clock.

7/11 - a day we shall never regret!

by Clarabellereply 9007/11/2017

That was all very exciting and satisfying. A special shout-out to Wisconsin. Until next year - MOO!

by Clarabellereply 9107/12/2017

Every day doin' a MOO is a fabulous day!

by Clarabellereply 9207/12/2017

R92, I couldn't agree more. I think every day should be Cow Appreciation Day. Moo!

by Clarabellereply 9307/13/2017

Moo Means Moo

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by Clarabellereply 9407/13/2017

Autocorrect Moo!

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by Clarabellereply 9507/15/2017

Best Wishes from the Lost Continent of Mu!

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by Clarabellereply 9607/15/2017

Thank you for your contribution, R96.

by Clarabellereply 9707/15/2017

A good Saturday night Moo to you all. I hope the day has treated you well!

by Clarabellereply 9807/15/2017

Thank you ever so, I have had a completely Moovelous day and evening. Moo Moo Moo.

by Clarabellereply 9907/16/2017

A late night sad Moo to you all, in rememberance of a casualty of a Ram vs. Cow dispute.

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by Clarabellereply 10007/18/2017

See, we can all get along.

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by Clarabellereply 10107/20/2017

Good Moo to you all! Have a nice week! Moo!

by Clarabellereply 10207/24/2017

This is a limited edition Monday Moo.

by Clarabellereply 10307/24/2017

Blue Moo, I knew just what you were there for......

by Clarabellereply 10407/24/2017

Good Moo everyone! Happy Moooday.

I'm in the moood for love, winkwink.

by Clarabellereply 10507/24/2017

I wish Moo Monday could be every day. I'm stressed!

by Clarabellereply 10607/24/2017

Pussy Cow, Pussy Cow, Pussy Cow!

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by Clarabellereply 10707/24/2017

There's no need to be vulgar, R107.

by Clarabellereply 10807/24/2017


by Clarabellereply 10907/24/2017

Well, the "Moos" did pick me up, thank God.

I hope you have all had an outstanding day and it's not too late to do so! If all else fails, go to a drive in movie!

by Clarabellereply 11007/24/2017

Do bulls "Moo"?

by Clarabellereply 11107/24/2017

We've no time to sit and dither while her withers wither with her.

by Clarabellereply 11207/24/2017


by Clarabellereply 11307/24/2017

I will ponder that, R112, while I Moo. Thank you for your contribution!

by Clarabellereply 11407/24/2017

That's lovely, R113.

by Clarabellereply 11507/24/2017

Good day to you, DataLounge! Here is your Monday "Moo". It's all the "Moos" you should need to see you through your week.


Here is a bonus "Moo" for the ladies:


Good day!

by Clarabellereply 11608/07/2017

Good day, good day! I almost forgot to wish you all a good "Moo" Monday! Consider it done!


by Clarabellereply 11708/14/2017

Neigh, neigh I say to such nonsense.

by Clarabellereply 11808/14/2017

Moo and hello, Buttercup, so good to see you back.

by Clarabellereply 11908/14/2017

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

I am mooevd to wish you all a happy moo-Monday.

by Clarabellereply 12008/21/2017

They're killing themselves!

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by Clarabellereply 12108/21/2017

Alpenhorn for Moo Monday!

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by Clarabellereply 12208/21/2017

I adore Monday Moos, OP, and you as well. This moo is for you. Mooooo!

by Clarabellereply 12308/21/2017


by Clarabellereply 12408/21/2017

Better save room for popcorn! We're going to the Mooooovies!

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by Clarabellereply 12508/21/2017

Happy moo Monday.

Here are some cows and a hula-hoop.

Good night, Sir and Madam!

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by Clarabellereply 12609/04/2017


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by Clarabellereply 12709/09/2017

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! Here for your Monday morning Moo, are Cows With Their Heads Caught in Things.

And now, I shall take my leave! Moo!

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by Clarabellereply 12809/11/2017

Please visit the heifer in R127. I suspect she is under appreciated and you don't know what you're missing.

by Clarabellereply 12909/11/2017

Good day, kind Sir and Madam!


by Clarabellereply 13009/18/2017

Premature moo.

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by Clarabellereply 13109/23/2017


by Clarabellereply 13209/25/2017

Annual cow conclave elicits joy, onlookers.

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by Clarabellereply 13309/27/2017


That's what Op's mother said.

by Clarabellereply 13409/27/2017


by Clarabellereply 13510/02/2017

This is a window cow.

I think I missed a Moo last Monday. My apologies, good sir and madam!

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by Clarabellereply 13610/06/2017

Express Monday Mooo!

by Clarabellereply 13710/09/2017

Don’t be fooled!

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by Clarabellereply 13810/13/2017

Here’s another cow.

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by Clarabellereply 13910/13/2017


by Clarabellereply 14010/13/2017


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by Clarabellereply 14110/13/2017

Poo accuser strikes!

by Clarabellereply 14210/14/2017

Abbreviated moo.

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by Clarabellereply 14310/16/2017

"Poo accuser strikes!

—I have arrived!"

Sorry, but no. No one has been accused of anything. You are clearly too new here to realize that to be accused of being Poo, the accuser has to type "J'ACCUSE POO!."

Try again.

by Clarabellereply 14410/16/2017

Some day, I will arrive!

by Clarabellereply 14510/16/2017

For those of you who don’t like Moo Mondays.

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by Clarabellereply 14610/18/2017

What a lovely contribution, R143, thank you.

And OP? This is my favorite thread. Mooo.

by Clarabellereply 14710/26/2017

R147, he registration desk has approved “Lilith”. You are in!

by Clarabellereply 14810/27/2017

Tuuu! Because Monday Moos were sadly overlooked yesterday.

Happy Tuesday to all and best of luck in your trick-or-treating tonight.

Just stay away from Farmer John's place because last year he gave out jerky and his breath smelled alot like my lost dad.


by Clarabellereply 14910/31/2017

Announcement from the Monday Moo Steering Committee:

In reference to Delilah's post, cows are revered in India. Slow boat leaving tonight. Assemble at the north gate. Pack a lunch. No pushing, no shoving. Tap dance lessons provided free of charge on the promenade. Beginners welcome. Complimentary corsages for the ladies. You know who you are.

by Clarabellereply 15010/31/2017


by Clarabellereply 15110/31/2017


by Clarabellereply 15210/31/2017

Thank you Mooers, I needed some levity.

by Clarabellereply 15310/31/2017

Good evening and a hearty moo from the slow boat. I would like to thank whoever provided the fingerbowls at tonight's buffet, how very thoughtful.

My question is for housekeeping: while my room is lovely and I do think your accomodations are tops, I was a bit put off to find a pig in my blanket, is that standard? He seems to be a fine fellow and even friendly to a fault, but he is still, you know, a pig.

Thank you. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 15410/31/2017

A Boo Moo to Yoo All.

by Clarabellereply 15510/31/2017

Ah yes, Melrose, it seems you've met Carl. Short, pink, ruddy complexion? Used to sell insurance door to door? Plays the ukele?

He's harmless overall and a good chap. Took a hit to the head back in '93, something about high wind and coconuts. He'll wander off soon enough. I wouldn't worry.


by Clarabellereply 15610/31/2017

There are rumours circulating that there is a moose onboard who has stowed-away disguised as a Guernsey. If you see a particularly tall, thin Guernsey, do not approach on your own as said moose may have distemper and particularly bad breath. Please advise your steward. Thank you.

by Clarabellereply 15711/02/2017

Aww, Salvador!

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by Clarabellereply 15811/02/2017

I met a svelte, sour-breathed cow just last night, kisses like a chicken.

by Clarabellereply 15911/02/2017

Dammit, Ferdinand, stepping out on me again, are you? You think I don't read these posts?? Well, mister man, there will be no wheat grass for YOU tonight. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not for the rest of your life. I hope you die! I hope you die soon! I'll be waiting for you to die!

by Clarabellereply 16011/02/2017

^ Well, I see the Bickerson's have boarded. Gin is a terrible thing. How long til we reach port? Mooo.

by Clarabellereply 16111/02/2017

Meow—I mean, woof!

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by Clarabellereply 16211/02/2017

R154, Didn't you mean "acowmodations"?

by Clarabellereply 16311/02/2017

[quote] R159: I met a svelte, sour-breathed cow just last night, kisses like a chicken.

That’s him! Grab him!

by Clarabellereply 16411/03/2017

When once opening my locker at the gym, I thought this stranger was a bit too close. After showering, I put my pants on, and my wallet was in the wrong pocket. Obviously I had a credit card stolen. I immediately called. They asked, “Did you buy three scarfs at Prada?”. No, so I called the Prada store a mile away. The thrives had charged the items literally in the last minute. Reflexively I said, “He’s still in the store, grab him!” Of course they did not grab him.

by Clarabellereply 16511/03/2017

Oh, here’s a gratuitous moo: moo!

by Clarabellereply 16611/03/2017

Hello...I have lost my dear Bossie, Bossie the cow. If you see a Holstein with pearls and smoking Ports...tell her I miss her! Thank you, and good night!

by Clarabellereply 16711/03/2017

R167, was she wearing her bell?

by Clarabellereply 16811/04/2017

Good evening Sir! Good evening Madam! May you have a fine night, and Moo!

by Clarabellereply 16911/06/2017

Good Sir, please enjoy this surprisingly good cow art, and moo!

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by Clarabellereply 17011/06/2017

tap tap tap... Is this thing on? ... Greetings from third class on the slow boat.

Yes, we"re Irish.

No, we haven't measured. Yes, orange is a thing.

Oh shit, was that you, Roy? Roy?


by Clarabellereply 17111/06/2017

Moo to you, R171.

by Clarabellereply 17211/06/2017

And a warm moo back to you, Miss Melissa, I am sorry about my Roy.

by Clarabellereply 17311/06/2017

Oh so we're blaming me now, are we?


Randolf, I loved you, I truly did, but now it's over. FINISHED.

I am in in love with Carly Simon now. Dear God I always have been. I know nothing stays the same, but if you're willing to play the game..

by Clarabellereply 17411/06/2017

I believe in love!

by Clarabellereply 17511/06/2017

Will someone tell the steward there’s a methane buildup below the lido deck?

by Clarabellereply 17611/07/2017

Hello Moo, r167 here. She was of course wearing her rings C#. Thank You for looking r168. You are a gentle cow and a scholar!

by Clarabellereply 17711/12/2017

Did she make boat, R177? I’m very concerned. My neighbor is a gargoyle and BBQs steaks on the weekends.

by Clarabellereply 17811/12/2017

Good day Sir, Good day Madam, I bid you an early morning Moooo! For those of you on the slow boat, we’ll be docking in short order!

by Clarabellereply 17911/12/2017

"The Christmas Moose," my ass -

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by Clarabellereply 18011/12/2017

R180, the Christmas Moose is only 4. I think your Polaroid is older than that. And you’re off topic! Only Monday morning Moos here, please!

by Clarabellereply 18111/12/2017

Guten moorgen from Austria

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by Clarabellereply 18211/12/2017

Why didn't we dock yet? We thought we were docking yesterday.

And why is a pig steering the boat?

And who stole my blanket?

by Clarabellereply 18311/14/2017

Somebody told Carl that ham is a delicacy in India. NOT true, and NOT funny, Roy!

by Clarabellereply 18411/14/2017

Do they eat ham in India? The people who don’t eat beef, I mean. The Muslims there obviously don’t eat ham. Carl, rest easy about that.

There’s a theory that Julius Caesar’s seizures resulted from brain worms he got from eating pork in Eqypt when wooing Cleopatra. Worms were endemic there at the time. I think he might have been the most interesting man in history.

by Clarabellereply 18511/14/2017

If I were a cow in R182, those bells would drive me crazy. Doesn’t anyone think of the cows? Sheesh!

by Clarabellereply 18611/14/2017

R186, You can get a decent pork vindaloo in Goa, and a few other areas too, but for the most part, the majority of the Indian populi don't eat it. Pork is considered unclean, if not downright filthy. And true about the brain worms! Sorry, Carl. Really I am.

by Clarabellereply 18711/14/2017

Terrific. Meanwhile, he's steering us around in circles. At least the gulls are amused.

by Clarabellereply 18811/14/2017

I have a crush on Carl. I’ll marry him and take him back to America. Do you think he’ll get fat?

by Clarabellereply 18911/14/2017

Ahoy, Herschel. You are right to have a crush on Carl, I can't imagine who wouldn't. Such a gentleman.

I slow-danced with him the other night at the Simply Red Social. He has a winsome, buoyant sincerity in his eyes, with just a hint of frailty. If I weren't wired to love heifers I would scoop him up myself.

I hope you make him happy, Herschel. He's a sweet little piggy. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 19011/15/2017

Cupcake, Are you sure we’re writing about the same Carl?

Moo to you, too!

by Clarabellereply 19111/15/2017

Herschel, maybe you need to get to know Carl better.

After the slow-dance, he busted some moves to Sylvester that left us flabbergasted. This piggy has moves.

Aside from that, what exactly are you suggesting?

by Clarabellereply 19211/15/2017

OOo, Ooo I saw that, too, Cupcake! Spinning on the dance floor to Mighty Real, not once losing his fedora.

I must say I was impressed.

by Clarabellereply 19311/15/2017

Suggesting nothing! I just thought that coconut might have done a little more damage. But I don’t care! I love him! That’s all that matters!

by Clarabellereply 19411/15/2017

Oh Herschel, don't you worry. I hardly know him myself. All is well.

Meanwhile, I have an idea to float out to the cows and bulls:

I can't believe I'm suggesting this, but would you all consider changing our destination? Is anyone really heart-set on Cowcutta? I personally am having the time of my life with all of you right here. Those smirking gulls piss me off a little but I could overcome.

Maybe Sampson would consider moderating the discussion?

Thanks, and mooo

by Clarabellereply 19511/15/2017

I am okay with a discussion, but will there be doughnuts? These discussions tend to go on...

by Clarabellereply 19611/15/2017

“Buttercup” is now officially approved as a name for all cows, by acclamation.

by Clarabellereply 19711/15/2017

That's my mom's name. Will you please approve me?

by Clarabellereply 19811/15/2017


You can resubmit your request if you’re a little clearer.

by Clarabellereply 19911/15/2017



BeeChum HerONimus Bull

Like it's my fault you didn't grow up in Newport.

by Clarabellereply 20011/15/2017

Oh, ok, R200. Whatever.


by Clarabellereply 20111/15/2017

Now what?! A number of turkeys have been found stowed away in the engine room. No wonder we’re listing. What’s next, turnips in the map room?

by Clarabellereply 20211/15/2017

Hello, Mooo, this is Sampson. Tap tap tap.

I would be delighted to moderate any discussion of a destination change.

First order of business is there WILL be doughnuts, and every recommendation will be addressed, be it doughnut, destination or otherwise.

Second order of business is firing our drunken registrar, please vote yes or no.

Third order of business, and perhaps the most important, is what do we do with Carl.

I now yield the floor.

by Clarabellereply 20311/15/2017

On this moomentous occasion, the opening of the new dairy, the third largest dairy in Judy Garland, Iowa, let me just say that I speak for all of us when I say we all offer you an Ioway welcome: a Mootacular cheddar and a Muscatine Muscatel. May your business prosper and your teats never give out.

by Clarabellereply 20411/15/2017

Oh ffs, Roy.

by Clarabellereply 20511/15/2017

Moderator? I propose throwing Roy overboard, and send Ferdinand with him.

I also propose jelly donuts, and an end to this speculation about ticketless turkeys. Every engine room turkey I've met has been hardworking and kind. Extremely stupid, but hardworking and kind.

by Clarabellereply 20611/15/2017

I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights. Is Carl okay to steer us northward?

by Clarabellereply 20711/15/2017

R206 = ticketless Turkey

by Clarabellereply 20811/15/2017

I'd like to read more about the Simply Red Social, and how come I never knew about this in advance.

Do you have to be red?

by Clarabellereply 20911/15/2017

Clarabelle! Why are we greying out?

by Clarabellereply 21011/15/2017


by Clarabellereply 21111/15/2017

But what will become of Carl?!

by Clarabellereply 21211/15/2017

No! Not Carl!

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by Clarabellereply 21311/15/2017

R211 is a false flag. She’s just afraid of Thanksgiving. In India, no less.

by Clarabellereply 21411/15/2017

False flag or not, Bessie, we are greying out. We are greying out!

by Clarabellereply 21511/15/2017

Hmm, a little help, please. “Greying out”? I can’t find a meaning that makes sense in this context.

by Clarabellereply 21611/15/2017

Carl! Calm down! All this circling is giving me Vertigo!

On TCM, now, incidentially.

by Clarabellereply 21711/15/2017

To whom shall we moo, R216? An introduction, please.

"Greying out" means there is a cruel, passive-aggressive line running through Clarabelle's original post and her words are disappearing. For godssake look at it!

A slow leak is opening in our boat and we're threatened with sinking.

Imagine dead, Speedo-less cows strewn through the ocean. And a lone pig. That is what we're facing. That is why we're fighting.

by Clarabellereply 21811/15/2017

Hi Mister Stewart, I always loved your poetry on the Johnny Carson.

Would you have a poem to share with those of us facing an imminent watery grave?

by Clarabellereply 21911/15/2017

Oh, I noticed that, too, Bertram. Who could do such a thing? I mean that, who? Now I’m frightened. Thank God I’ve got my bell on.

by Clarabellereply 22011/15/2017

Ooo! It's Jimmy! Jimmy's here! Hi Jimmy!

by Clarabellereply 22111/15/2017

R219, I saw Jimmy Stewart’s last poetry reading on Carson, live. It was cute. He looked like he was gonna keel over.

Moo to all of you. Best of luck getting to shore!

by Clarabellereply 22211/15/2017

Thank yo, R222! May we have an introduction? I am Sampson.

Considering our imminent drowning, perhaps you would distract us with a Jimmy Stewart poem or two? We would also accept an anecdote of your experience at Carson Studios, both real or imagined.

Good day, sir! Thank you sir! Please save Carl.

by Clarabellereply 22311/15/2017

Miss Leah, just remember your cowbell while floating on a board. It worked for me. Blessings.

by Clarabellereply 22411/15/2017

R223, it’s me, John.

by Clarabellereply 22511/15/2017

Our "DL Moooo Spokesperson" and the "DL Christmas Moose" are so jealous of me; this is the only gig they can book. Tragic. Whereas, me -- I'm laughing all the way to the bank!

Do you like my earrings?

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by Clarabellereply 22611/15/2017

IMPOSTER! R225 is not me! I’m R223. I’m Maud. The Registration Desk won’t approve my name because it doesn’t end with a vowel. What’s with that? Did you notice? I noticed.

I can’t come up with a Stewart poem at the moment. Can you postpone drowning until tomorrow?

by Clarabellereply 22711/15/2017

Oh, John. Our dear John. How are things on the other side?

Do address me as Sampson.

I remember you best in your light-colored jackets, you remain my inspiration. Once you died, celebrity tennis died. It's burned into my brain.

by Clarabellereply 22811/15/2017

Wait. John is not Johnny Carson?

This is a cruel death indeed. Frowny face.

by Clarabellereply 22911/15/2017

All I want for Christmas is bacon.

It just fitting, some how.

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by Clarabellereply 23011/15/2017

I think John was the PMBT.

Johnny is too mean to come back and say “hello”. I have that on good authority.

Do any of you know why Leah got a waiver from the Registration Desk? Look it up. My great aunt was named Leah. She travelled the world on a boat, too, spreading the Gospel to France, South Africa, and Melbourne. True fact.


by Clarabellereply 23111/15/2017

Maud, I am a little bristled that you would say you were me at R227. Please state your porpoise.

by Clarabellereply 23211/15/2017

R226, I don’t think you needed to drag the Christmas Moose into this. He’s on the other side of the world. But yes, I do love your earrings.


by Clarabellereply 23311/15/2017

Ahem. Has our Carl been forgotten? Sampson, I am disappointed with you. You are supposed to be our Moderator and our Voice of Reason. And now look at you with your jokes, while the clock ticks and time runs out. You were salmon special to me. Still, I really caribou you.

Save Carl!

by Clarabellereply 23411/15/2017


by Clarabellereply 23511/16/2017

Get your moo on, cows!

It's Monday!

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by Clarabellereply 23611/20/2017

Really it wasn't so bad.

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by Clarabellereply 23711/20/2017

Thank you R236. I would have “Mooed” earlier, but I was tied up at the barn.

by Clarabellereply 23811/20/2017

Oh, dear, that boat excursion did not end well. Where’s Carl?

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by Clarabellereply 23911/20/2017

“Suggestions”? How about, “save them!”

by Clarabellereply 24011/20/2017

The last I saw Carl, a seabird was directing him eastward, yet he kept heading south.

Oh, Carl, how like you. Godspeed, friend.

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by Clarabellereply 24111/20/2017

R238, The name “Kirsten” is NOT approved. Good Lord almighty! I will call you Dolly, recently approved by acclimation at the cow conclave. Generally, names for 19th century whores are pre-approved unless otherwise prohibited. Thank-you.

by Clarabellereply 24211/20/2017

Dolly is a lovely name.

by Clarabellereply 24311/20/2017

Sarah! Go back to the barn!

by Clarabellereply 24411/20/2017

[quote] R157: ...There are rumours circulating that there is a moose onboard who has stowed-away disguised as a Guernsey.

I found him! It’s Moosifer! Somebody grab him before he wrecks Thanksgiving!

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by Clarabellereply 24511/21/2017

Moink, indeed.

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by Clarabellereply 24611/23/2017

Best Thanksgiving Ever.

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by Clarabellereply 24711/23/2017


Just because I felt like it.

by Clarabellereply 24811/23/2017

All I want for Christmas, is “Moo”.

by Clarabellereply 24911/24/2017


by Clarabellereply 25011/26/2017

[quote] he registration desk

I demand equality. I demand justice.

by Clarabellereply 25111/26/2017

Good Sir, I demand satisfaction!

by Clarabellereply 25211/26/2017

It’s, Zir, R252. That is my preferred pronoun.

by Clarabellereply 25311/26/2017

[quote] Hello...I have lost my dear Bossie, Bossie the cow.

R167 = Oscow Wilde

by Clarabellereply 25411/26/2017

We bought a moo!

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by Clarabellereply 25511/26/2017

Moo, moo, moo! I’ll say.

by Clarabellereply 25611/26/2017

Moooo, to you too, Judy!

Are you performing at the Cow Palace, by any chance? I imagine it’s dreamy and filled with jewels that adorn the ceiling like stars in the sky. I bet they have solid gold food troughs. I’d love to visit there sometime, as soon as I can find a spot here with no barbed wire.

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by Clarabellereply 25711/27/2017

No Monday morning moos?

by Clarabellereply 25811/27/2017

Oh, Good Zir, R258, by gosh, there were early morning Monday Moos from Japan at R250!

Consider this compensation:

Moo, moo, mooooo!

by Clarabellereply 25911/27/2017

Not anyone I know.

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by Clarabellereply 26012/01/2017

Moo! Moo! Moo!

by Clarabellereply 26112/04/2017

Moo! Moo! Moo!

by Clarabellereply 26212/04/2017

Moo! Moo! Moo!

by Clarabellereply 26312/04/2017

The super-mooon party was spectacular. Many thanks to Cupcake for hosting. I loved the roof-top deck, sorry for the collapse.

by Clarabellereply 26412/04/2017

Is Mooo related to DOOL?

by Clarabellereply 26512/04/2017

Not likely, R265.

Love you, R264!

Oh, Moo to you both, and all!

by Clarabellereply 26612/04/2017

Please enjoy your Monday Morning Moos through the end of the year as they will be going on hiatus afterward.

by Clarabellereply 26712/04/2017

Why, Margaret?

by Clarabellereply 26812/04/2017

R268, I’m thinking of taking a clue from Game of Thrones.

What would you think of a rebranding as:

Game of Moos?

Who’s Afraid of Monday Morning Moos?

The Christmas Cow?

Suggestions welcome.


by Clarabellereply 26912/04/2017


Well, Margaret, I am a devotee and if you feel you need a change-up I'm with you.

But since these days may be numbered and tomorrow being Monday, I decided to freshen up so I might look my best. What do you think? Roy was gratifyingly sober when he fluffed me, so to speak.

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by Clarabellereply 27012/10/2017

Bovine beautiful!

by Clarabellereply 27112/10/2017

Thank you. I did Phyllis, too.

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by Clarabellereply 27212/10/2017

Phyllis, you look lovely.

by Clarabellereply 27312/10/2017

Good night Sir, Good night Madam! This is your early morning Monday Moo!

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by Clarabellereply 27412/10/2017

Such fun~! Moooo!

This is a good afternoon as I just now fit into the Dockers I've not worn since, oh I don't know, 1997? I feel young again. Even Tommy the Bull gave me a second look!

Many thanks also to Roy for my new 'do. You really should keep off the sauce, Roy, you're quite talented.

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by Clarabellereply 27512/11/2017

You’re butiful, Beauchamp Heronimus! What a lovely do!

by Clarabellereply 27612/11/2017

This is Beauchamp's secretary, Di'Jon. I do all the typing for him, and I erred in the spelling of his name.

It is Hieronymous, not Heronimous. Heronimus is a poseur's name and I can assure you that Beauchamp's pedigree is top drawer.

Please make a note of it. Thank you. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 27712/11/2017

Beauchamp Hieronymous is still butiful. Even if he’s gone “Hollywood”.

by Clarabellereply 27812/11/2017

Oops, I meant to Moo. So, Moo.

by Clarabellereply 27912/11/2017

Good! And a Christmas to you all! Especially to the ladies. Have a great!

Please see the gift from Farmer Derik.

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by Clarabellereply 28012/18/2017

Moo to you as well, sir. Excellent video.

by Clarabellereply 28112/18/2017

Here’s a message from Carl. He got to Paris somehow.

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by Clarabellereply 28212/20/2017

It’s a pig in Paris, people!


by Clarabellereply 28312/20/2017


by Clarabellereply 28412/20/2017

Carl’s nostrils are bigger than his mouth, somehow.

by Clarabellereply 28512/21/2017

Carl is in Paris? This is wonderful! As I recall he had a very devoted following among the Parisians. Particularly in the discos. That was back in the 70's if I recall correctly.

Well, Joyeaux Noel, Carl! Happy for you.

by Clarabellereply 28612/21/2017

Oui, in Pigalle, as noted by R284.

by Clarabellereply 28712/21/2017

In one of the Pigalle clubs you can see a monument to Carl hanging from the ceiling! I saw it myself!

by Clarabellereply 28812/21/2017

Nope, you're thinking of Denmark. Carl gets around.

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by Clarabellereply 28912/21/2017

Are you thinking of the Folies Pigalle in Paris, Thor?

Carl does a Christmas show there every year. For the most part he just dances, but when he sings, it is a revelation, much like Jim Nabors. We should go.

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by Clarabellereply 29012/21/2017

He is quite the piggy!

by Clarabellereply 29112/21/2017

He's been sending the same Christmas photo for twelve years, and I save every one of them.

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by Clarabellereply 29212/21/2017

Marco Rubio has Carl’s ears.

by Clarabellereply 29312/21/2017

Well tell him to give them back!!

by Clarabellereply 29412/21/2017


by Clarabellereply 29512/21/2017

That’s not what I meant.

by Clarabellereply 29612/21/2017


by Clarabellereply 29712/21/2017

Carl was cute when he was young.

by Clarabellereply 29812/22/2017

“Max Von Essen” has been approved by the registration desk as a manly bull name. “Otto” has as well.

by Clarabellereply 29912/23/2017

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

I bid you “Mooooo”.

Due to the holiday, the planned cessation of the Mooo programme will be extended into the new year. I hope you had a moooving Christmas!

From all of us at Monday Morning Moos.

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by Clarabellereply 30012/25/2017

The cows are miffed with your planned cessation, OP. Furious and suspicious, actually.

(He's trying to kill Carl, isn't he.) (Moo.)

by Clarabellereply 30112/27/2017

Dear Messr. Beauchamp Hieronymos Bull du Newport,


Carl is safe with the hipster grass-grazing vegans of the Great Pacific Northwest. And they have truffles there! Still, he misses Paris! But he’s fine, he sends his love.

I’m the only on in the office this week. I’d like to wish you a new year with as much mooing as your heart desires, and I’ll pass along your “moo” to the staff on Monday. They will be working the holiday. It’s our biggest day of the year, after July 11th, of course.

by Clarabellereply 30212/27/2017

Why July 11th?

by Clarabellereply 30312/27/2017

Mais monsieur,

Surly you have Cow Appreciation Day on your yearly planner? I bet you have the gassiest cows on the planet, if you forget to give them gifts on 7/11.

Moo, indeed!

by Clarabellereply 30412/27/2017

Madam, This "Gals of the Gate Moo Guild" intrigues me. I like titles and I like sashes. How do I apply?

by Clarabellereply 30512/27/2017

Somebody spelled Beauchamp's name wrong. Again.

It's Hieronymous. See the 'U'? There's a 'U'.

Di'Jon, U are a terrible secretary.

by Clarabellereply 30612/27/2017

I, too, would like to be a Gal at the Gate.

Is there a uniform? I'm thinking of something not-too-clingy, perhaps in a robin's egg blue? A soft rose is also good.

Thank you for not killing Carl. Moooo.

by Clarabellereply 30712/27/2017


by Clarabellereply 30812/27/2017

[quote] moink

Is that a hybrid?

by Clarabellereply 30912/27/2017

Oh, dear. Elsie referred this conundrum to me. We haven’t had bulls apply before to be in the Galls at the Gate Guild. Mostly we get together to discuss a book, and have cocktails; and Moo together, of course. I’ll have to refer this to the Steering Committee. Did you see what I did there? Haha, I’m a hoot! Will you sue? How exciting!

We do have sashes. That damn moose started [italic]that [/italic] whole thing and now every quadruped has to have a sash. I’m old school, but I’m trying to keep up. R307, we should put you on the Fabric and Accessories Committee. It’s been moribund lately and needs some bulls with a good eye to shake it up. Not that I’m saying you’re Gay or anything. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Ahhhh! I take it all back! I don’t know the modern lingo! Moo! Oh, I Moo when I get upset. Don’t sue for that!

But we’ll have to wait to see what the committee says.

by Clarabellereply 31012/27/2017

[quote] Will you sue?

Speaking of sue, is Sue an approved cow name?

by Clarabellereply 31112/27/2017

Dear Sir or Madam R311,

“Susie” is certainy approved! Please use with the most loving affection. It’s a pretty name.. “Sue” is most certainly NOT approved. Appeals may be heard by the Dairy Council.

I stayed late to research this, you know. I’m just one cow, I can’t do everything.

by Clarabellereply 31212/27/2017

I think I am all moooed-out for the year. There! I said it. Moo!

by Clarabellereply 31312/28/2017

Beach cow.

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by Clarabellereply 31412/28/2017

R314, does it have any beach friends?

by Clarabellereply 31512/28/2017

Just you, R315.

by Clarabellereply 31612/28/2017

I don’t believe in species mixing.

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by Clarabellereply 31712/28/2017

R317 = Trump voter

by Clarabellereply 31812/29/2017

Please, no second-hand mooing. Or second hoof, I might say. There have been complaints.

I moo only for myself.

Happy New Year, you old cows!

And [bold] Moo! [/bold]

by Clarabellereply 31912/29/2017

Happy Moo-Year, from

by Clarabellereply 32012/31/2017

Jingle-Moo, y’all!

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by Clarabellereply 32101/01/2018

From the bottom of my heart!

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by Clarabellereply 32201/01/2018

We’re not just for eatin’!


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by Clarabellereply 32301/01/2018

Carl the pig wishes everybody a nice New Year.

It’s raining in Vancouver today, but there’s sun in my heart, and a spring in my step.


by Clarabellereply 32401/01/2018

Carl weren't you just in Paris? Commandeered another boat, did you?

Thank you for the best wishes and I wish the same for you, and all! Moooo.

by Clarabellereply 32501/02/2018

Dear Mr. Winston,

Good day, Sir.

Carl’s out looking for truffles...again. But yes, he was just in Paris. The Frenchies kept asking about his feet and it creeped him out. He did a ride-along with Santa from Paris to Vancouver. It was very dramatic. It wasn't a direct route as Santa traveled from Greenland to Antartica back and forth across the continents. All according to NORAD. One the plus side, he got about a trillion frequent flyer miles on British Airlines because they’re a partner airline in Santa’s network. No more slow boats for Carl! He can fly first class!

I will pass your Moo along to Carl and here is a return moo just for you: Moooooo!

by Clarabellereply 32601/02/2018

Pierre, as per R319, second hand mooing is prohibited. I know you mean well, but we do have standards. Thank you.

by Clarabellereply 32701/03/2018

Morning Mooooo! Good morning, all.

Thank you for the update on Carl's whereabouts, Pierre. I laughed, I cried. Moooooo.

by Clarabellereply 32801/07/2018


Good day, Sir!

You beat me to the Monday Morning Moo, and I congratulate you!

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by Clarabellereply 32901/08/2018

Oh, Dear Sir,

I forgot to Moo properly! Please excuse my forgetfulness!

Many Moos to you, Thor, Carl, his new “friend’, and all the dear readers!

by Clarabellereply 33001/08/2018

Are any of the names cows here gay?

by Clarabellereply 33101/08/2018

Are any of the named cows here gay?

by Clarabellereply 33201/08/2018

I believe you will find that is mostly the case, R332, but I am not with Registration, so you will have to wait for official word. Meanwhile, and again this is above my station, "Anonymous" is a terrible name for a cow, and may in fact be prohibited. I'm sure Registration will be along shortly to help you. Registration is very helpful, very swift. Best wishes on a fine day!


by Clarabellereply 33301/08/2018

Dear Sir or Madam,

“Anonymous” is most certainly NOT an approved name! I will call you “Gertie”, because I think you’re sassy. Is that copacetic? Would you like to apply to join the “Gals at the Gate Guild”? There’s a waiting list.

As to your question, do you really have to ask? Mooo!

by Clarabellereply 33401/08/2018

Is it still Monday?


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by Clarabellereply 33501/08/2018

Is “anonymous” a male, female, or mooueter name?

by Clarabellereply 33601/08/2018

I did not post this on imgur. Moo.

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by Clarabellereply 33701/08/2018

Gertie, we can’t tell what it is, here at the Registratuon Desk. If you want to appeal to the Dairy Council you can, but there’s a $5 fee for that. Frankly I can’t see that happening. The last time they overruled the Registration Desk was for “Hieronymous”, but she’s got that big ol’ farm down over Lockjaw Creek.

Especially if you can’t be bothered to Moo in closing, I might add. Were you raised outside of a barn, for heavens sake?

How about “Daisy” if you don’t like Gertie? Isn’t that a pretty name for a cow like you? It’s slimming, too. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 33801/09/2018

Sir/Madam at Registration,

I am a gentleman cow, not a "she."

I am not at all offended, why would I be? Ladies are lovely of course. I just want to clear that up so as not to lose any potential gentleman callers of my own.

Carry on and buddy up, it's a cold day in Rhode Island. Moooo.

by Clarabellereply 33901/09/2018

A GENTLEMEN COW!? (To be said in the voice of “the star” Audrey Meadows, playing Alice Kramden)

by Clarabellereply 34001/09/2018

Are cows fans of DL fave Temple Grandin?

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by Clarabellereply 34101/09/2018

She likes to snuggle a little close, but overall, yes we'd say. Yes.

by Clarabellereply 34201/09/2018

Even cows don’t plunk their behinds down on prime-pooping territory, without a plan B, I mean.

by Clarabellereply 34301/09/2018

Like horses, cows see in black and white, plus have color receptors for the colors blue and yellow. That is why they are partial to those colors. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 34401/09/2018

Dear heifers and other assorted cow-kind,

Can the spots on cows be removed? I’m giving some thought to rubbing one out if possible. For scientific reasons of course.

Second, do bovines play patty cake?

Thank you in advance most kindly. “Moooo” as they say in the language of your people.

by Clarabellereply 34501/10/2018

R345, Spots can be dyed. I know Melissa does it. Sorry, Melissa, but he’s cow curious. As to the second question, we’re cows, not morons, heavens! Though, yes, I have seen it done,

Moo, also.

by Clarabellereply 34601/10/2018

Who are the friends of MOOd-kind?

by Clarabellereply 34701/10/2018


Sir, I have googled you, and I don’t know you. Are you friend or foe? I moo as a courtesy, not out of affection, you understand.


by Clarabellereply 34801/10/2018

Hold me, Horns, I'm frightened. Mooo.

by Clarabellereply 34901/10/2018

Oh, well, ok. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 35001/10/2018

But you aren't wearing your breast plate, Horns. Please come back with your breast plate?

by Clarabellereply 35101/10/2018

Breast plates? Shouldn’t they be “udder plates”?

by Clarabellereply 35201/10/2018

I am following the language of OPERA, mister anonymous who shall not name himself. Anonymous is NOT A NAME.

by Clarabellereply 35301/10/2018

Mosly I just lurk on this thread, but I do find it indecent that poster after poster won't identifythemselves.

by Clarabellereply 35401/10/2018

I am not a cow, just cow-adjacent and interested in bovines. This I do not have approved name. You may call me “Anon” if you wish or, moo-re appropriately “Anon-y-MOOs”.

by Clarabellereply 35501/10/2018

This = Thus

by Clarabellereply 35601/10/2018

Cow D.A.R., here. With the exception of Beauchamp Hierymous Bull, you are all below pedigree and will be eaten.

by Clarabellereply 35701/10/2018

* Hieronymous

by Clarabellereply 35801/10/2018

Hoof model?

by Clarabellereply 35901/10/2018

Yes, but "in the biz" you learn to walk the walk and speak the speak. On certain auditions I've even cloaked my horns. One time Ray Stark draped his overcoat right on my head.

by Clarabellereply 36001/10/2018

You should get your hoofs done by those Vietnamese girls downtown. Get a price over the phone first, though. I still have sparkles from last May!

by Clarabellereply 36101/10/2018

Downtown Stoneham?

by Clarabellereply 36201/10/2018

Where is the Cow and Bull Social Committee these days? Last I heard from them was on the slow boat, the Simply Red Social, and every song was a slow dance. Drowned?

by Clarabellereply 36301/10/2018

R362, oh no, I was at the DataLounge Convention at the Jacob Javits Center in NYC. I took the Acela. There’s a thread on it somewhere. So, I got my hoofs done there. They’re the best.

by Clarabellereply 36401/10/2018 fat sow!!!

by Clarabellereply 36501/10/2018

Thanks, CM.

By the way is it hoofs or hooves? I know you’re young, but I was hoping you could enlighten me.

by Clarabellereply 36601/10/2018

I'll go with drowned.

by Clarabellereply 36701/10/2018

World-class mooing by the Gals at the Gate Guild, at the link. Happy Monday Morning Moos!

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by Clarabellereply 36801/14/2018

Why do cows moo?

“One of their demands is a punctual milking schedule. Researchers have found that cows could choose their trips to the milk barn; they would like to be milked about 3.5 times per day. If you are a few hours late, they get cranky, and will send out some moos telling you to hurry up.”

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by Clarabellereply 36901/15/2018

I am so glad I don't have that problem.


by Clarabellereply 37001/15/2018

Tommy the Bull = Misogynist Pig, err, Cow

by Clarabellereply 37101/15/2018

Beautiful moos in Midnight's video. Tell me, does the Gate Guild take requests? Perhaps they will moo at a wedding? I am currently betrothed.

Squee and Mooooo.

by Clarabellereply 37201/15/2018

Is calling an all black cow a “heifer” considered derogatory or is it acceptable, even preferred? Perhaps if there is a Political Cowrectness Committee the question can be referred to them.

Expressly yours,

by Clarabellereply 37301/15/2018

I don’t know about being called a “heifer” these days, but I do know that the worst thing you can say to a cow is “What, were you raised in a barn?” It’s not a nice thing to say. Also, don’t call a cow a “pig”. That’s very confusing for most of them.

by Clarabellereply 37401/15/2018

Oh, I forgot to Moo. I dedicate these Moos to all the men I’ve loved before.


by Clarabellereply 37501/15/2018

[quote] R372: Beautiful moos in Midnight's video. Tell me, does the Gate Guild take requests? Perhaps they will moo at a wedding? I am currently betrothed.

The Gals do take requests. I understand they find them to be delicious. But since you asked, here’s what Hollywood types do. Give the cows plenty of water, and then don’t milk them until they’re begging and mooing to be milked. Though, that can break your cow if you’re not careful.

by Clarabellereply 37601/15/2018

Oh, heck, I forgot to Moo, again.

by Clarabellereply 37701/15/2018

[quote] I understand they find them to be delicious

As we do cows.

by Clarabellereply 37801/15/2018


Take your potty mouth over to manvox.

by Clarabellereply 37901/15/2018

I lost my Manvox code. And Manvox is a Russian site. If it weren’t for vodka and other liquor they’d devour cows more than the West.

by Clarabellereply 38001/15/2018

Cows are responsible for global warming.

by Clarabellereply 38101/15/2018

Ok, R381. Next you’ll be telling me that a cow killed the Christmas Mouse by sitting on him, in his lair.

Moderator! Moderator! We have an anti-cow hate crime going down right now in R381!

Oh, Happy Moo Year, moderator, btw.

by Clarabellereply 38201/15/2018

Good day, Sir; good day, Madam!

Every Monday is a good day if you start off with a hardy “Moo!” I bid you “Moo”, then! Let the Mooing be done though the heavens fall.

by Clarabellereply 38301/22/2018

Good morning, Duke, moooo to you and everyone. It's a warmer day in Connecticut, and I see grass beneath the melting snow. I just love that, who wouldn't love that. Moooo.

by Clarabellereply 38401/22/2018

[quote] Let the Mooing be done though the heavens fall.

Do cows also do mooning?

by Clarabellereply 38501/22/2018

I don’t think that’s in their charter, R385.

by Clarabellereply 38601/22/2018

There’s more mooing at link.

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by Clarabellereply 38701/22/2018

Moo Master,

It's Monday night.

Are you dead?

by Clarabellereply 38801/29/2018

No, Bertram, I’m still here!

Moo, moo I say! Moo, moo, moo! Moos for everyone!

by Clarabellereply 38901/29/2018

Oh! Well, then.

A happy and relieved mooo to you, sir! My Monday is much much better now.

by Clarabellereply 39001/29/2018

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! I have been waiting all week for this opportunity to bid you, “Moo”. Fear not! If you start your week with a hearty “Moo”, the rest of the week will fall into place.

by Clarabellereply 39102/05/2018

Cupcake, are you still out there? Don’t fret dear, it’ll always be a bull market in my eyes!

by Clarabellereply 39202/05/2018

Miss Ella Mae......

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by Clarabellereply 39302/05/2018

Miss Dorothy.....

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by Clarabellereply 39402/05/2018

Thank you, cow cow. You should have a proper name before the registration desk hears of you, btw.

by Clarabellereply 39502/05/2018

cow cow is a delightful name! I hope registration admits you. And yes, Tank, I am here! Enjoying the boogie on a chilly Tuesday evening... MOo!

by Clarabellereply 39602/06/2018

Sometimes I “moo”, and it’s not even a Monday.

Hello, Cupcake. Best wishes. I would never fart in your face, if you were wondering. Never!

by Clarabellereply 39702/06/2018

I won't fall for that again Tank, you precocious beast.

Meanwhile, Lilith, Tommy the Bull, Beauchamp and I are still toe tapping to the cow cow boogie. I wish Carl were here with his ukelele. Phyllis is not very good with the kazoo.


by Clarabellereply 39802/06/2018

Is Kazoo affiliated with the Stone Zoo in Stoneham, MA?

by Clarabellereply 39902/06/2018

No, R399, this is a moose free thread. So far, anyway.

You didn’t “moo”, btw; or sign your name.

Moo. There! I said it!

by Clarabellereply 40002/07/2018

Mondays are Fun Days,


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by Clarabellereply 40102/12/2018


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by Clarabellereply 40202/12/2018

[quote] No, R399, this is a moose free thread. So far, anyway. You didn’t “moo”, btw; or sign your name.

R400 aka Clarabelle, there were 11 posts mentioning moose before yours, and I didn’t even mention moose in mine. Why then get your udders in a knot over my post? I didn’t “moo” because I’m not a cow, as much as I respect and love them (in a variety of ways). Cheesy at it may be, you can call me R399 if you wish.

by Clarabellereply 40302/12/2018

Dear Clarabelle,

You seem to be in charge. This morning I am feeling TRIGGERED and VERY UNSAFE. Moo.

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by Clarabellereply 40402/12/2018

Well, now there is discord. This is precisely what the registration desk was set-up to avoid. And of course there is a moose at the center of it, as usual. I saw Clarabelle in the lower 40 and her makeup’s been running like she’s been crying. And, no, “Mary” is NOT an approved name! Marybelle is fine; and Maybelline somehow slipped through; also MarieClare for French cheese cows, yes that’s a thing, but not Mary. Oh, she has such pretty cow-eyes, too. Now, where was I? Oh, discord! Just STOP IT, before they hear about it in the front office.

A friendly reminder, if you don’t “Moo” in your posts, you must post a cow chip in the pasture, or else...see the link.

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by Clarabellereply 40502/12/2018

I once saw the Christmas Moose at a Cafe in Glendale. and I asked him to “Moo” and he said he didn’t do impressions. I think he was coming from the zoo. I was going to post this to the “celebs being assholes thread”, but then I thought I might just not get cross-species humor.

by Clarabellereply 40602/12/2018

[quote] you must post a cow chip in the pasture, or else

I read that as “cow chop”. That reminded me of what I wrote at R403: I love cows in a variety of ways.

by Clarabellereply 40702/12/2018

Love it, R402. Good moo to you!

by Clarabellereply 40802/12/2018

Cow accused of having high intelligence.

Moo. Have a nice holiday weekend. I’m working.

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by Clarabellereply 40902/16/2018

Is Anvil an approved name?

by Clarabellereply 41002/16/2018

Good catch, R410. I tried to sneak it by. It’s not like it’s “Advil” or something. It’s currently under consideration. I think it will fly through next week. What do you think are my chances of getting it through without an override?

by Clarabellereply 41102/16/2018

[quote] I think it will fly through next week. What do you think are my chances of getting it through without an override?

When cows fly.

by Clarabellereply 41202/16/2018

No Monday moos? You future steaks are losing your edge.

by Clarabellereply 41302/19/2018


Moo, if I must.

by Clarabellereply 41402/19/2018

I know, R413, the stakes are high. I’ve been told.

by Clarabellereply 41502/19/2018

Don’t ask for who the cow Moos, R412! It Moos for YOU! Mooooo!

by Clarabellereply 41602/19/2018

Sorry I’m late. I was having my hair done. There’s a “Gals at the Gate” Gala by Moonlight tonight. It’s an old fashioned barn dance! Wear your tu-tu, Melissa! You look purty in that. Moo!

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by Clarabellereply 41702/20/2018

Tank, Armor, are you coming to the Barn Dance? I’m not supposed to tell you, but’s your initiation into the Guild tonight! Wear your best nose ring, but make sure it’s a clip-on, because these things can get a little rough sometimes, once the buttermilk gets flowing.

by Clarabellereply 41802/20/2018

Tank and Armor, beware! “Barn Dance” is a euphemism for the slaughter pen! The Gertie welcome wagon is trying to trick you and entice you with buttermilk to literally lead you to slaughter. She is a paid traitor to the Beef Council.

by Clarabellereply 41902/20/2018

This is why your application to the Guild was “administratively dismissed”, Mr. Anonymous, if that is your real name.

Ignore her, Tank and Armor. Come early for dance lessons! You don’t want to be a wall flower on your initiation night.

by Clarabellereply 42002/20/2018

Barn Dance, c. 1616. Period clothing optional.

Oh, moo! There will be a lot of that going on tonight, I bet.

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by Clarabellereply 42102/20/2018

wall flower = hanging from a hook by a wall in a freezer

by Clarabellereply 42202/20/2018

Gertie is a cow slaughterer. We saw Goodfellas, Gertie, and we know what you did to Tommy the Bull.

Murdering murderer.

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by Clarabellereply 42302/20/2018

Boooo! I fully expected this thread to be about today's White House Daily Press Briefing, starring Sarah Huckleberry "Mooooooooooooooooooo" Sanders.

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by Clarabellereply 42402/20/2018

She is an old cow, isn’t she, R242?

by Clarabellereply 42502/20/2018

Good day, Sir. Good day, Madam! Happy Mooooo-nday!

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by Clarabellereply 42602/26/2018

Happy Monday all, moooo. Has Anvil been admitted? I think he's sexy.

by Clarabellereply 42702/26/2018

Yes, Todd. Anvil was hanging from the chandelier by the end of the night. He’s officially in the “Girls at the Gate Guild”.

by Clarabellereply 42802/26/2018

Clarabelle got 380 views on Imgur. 8 up votes, that’s kinda lame. 3 downvotes. Who could downvote that face? Besides maybe Moosifer. I hate him.

Well, a hearty “Moo” to you all before the day is over.

by Clarabellereply 42902/26/2018

Moosifer hates cows too?


by Clarabellereply 43002/27/2018

Moosifer hates everybody. He’s a bad egg.

by Clarabellereply 43102/28/2018

Here’s something to cheer you up:


If your Monday has you unglued, haha!

by Clarabellereply 43203/05/2018


by Clarabellereply 43303/05/2018

Question: rare or medium rare?

by Clarabellereply 43403/07/2018

R434, that’s obscene. You’re not a good egg, at all!

I moo, but not for you. Moo!

by Clarabellereply 43503/09/2018

R435, I referred to the population levels of European Bison which are considered threatened but increasing. Thus rare or medium rare. What did you think I meant?

by Clarabellereply 43603/09/2018

I have a name. It’s Behula, you dumb ox.

Now, tell, me, you waited two days for that!?

Mooingly yours,

by Clarabellereply 43703/09/2018

R437, aka Behula (is that name approved by the way?), it is you who posted two days after I did, and when you did you defamed me with nary an inquiry as to the nature of my question. And I’m not even a bovine. Perhaps you are a bovine supremacist? But I, unlike you, will not jump to conclusions.

by Clarabellereply 43803/09/2018

Of course Behula is an approved name. You have to get the blue pages of the 2017 registry index, until the 2018 registry index comes out.

And you are, R434/436?

by Clarabellereply 43903/09/2018

Behula, I am divine! I am oblivion!

I am the god who saves the world

I descend from heaven and make this earth

A heaven! Ah!

I am love, love, love.

by Clarabellereply 44003/09/2018

Attention, cows. In two short months it will be the first anniversary of Monday Moos! How will we be celebrating?


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by Clarabellereply 44103/10/2018

[quote] How will we be celebrating?

By eating a nice, juicy steak.

Or perhaps veal. Yeah, veal.

by Clarabellereply 44203/10/2018

That’s a handsome bow, Anvil’s A.A. sponsor.

by Clarabellereply 44303/10/2018

May’s a good month for fresh grass. Yum! I still remember 2014, that was a good year, ahhh.

by Clarabellereply 44403/10/2018


If I were to imagine what you look like on a Monday morning, it would look something like this.

Thank you, sir. Moo, madame.

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by Clarabellereply 44503/12/2018

Good day Sir! Good day Madam! Am I doing this right? It’s my first time here on Monday Morning Moos! Moo! I know I’m late, but I was down at the gate with the other gals. Armor and Tank were there, so of course there was much mooing.

Everyone have a good day! You have been mooed!

by Clarabellereply 44603/12/2018

Why, yes Spencer, that is very much what I look like. But as this, mooo, excuse me, as this is an anonymous site, I can reveal no more! Moo!

by Clarabellereply 44703/12/2018

What’s “A.A.”?

by Clarabellereply 44803/12/2018

You didn't know, cow at r448? Anvil is a derelict and an alcoholic, but I can't say more because it's anonymous. Shh.

by Clarabellereply 44903/12/2018

Oh and, Mooo.

by Clarabellereply 45003/12/2018

Lilia, please share pictures from your Gals at the Gate soiree, especially pics of Tank, he is HOT.

by Clarabellereply 45103/12/2018

Aw, thank you, Phyllis.

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by Clarabellereply 45203/12/2018

Here’s one of the “gals at the gate”, since title IX opened the membership to bulls.

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by Clarabellereply 45303/12/2018

Oh! Moos x 1000!

by Clarabellereply 45403/12/2018

You did great, Lilia! Moo!

Also, handsome snout in R453. Who dat?

by Clarabellereply 45503/12/2018

Get your “Moos” in now, sleepyheads! Word is that everycow in New England will be barn-bound for the next week, due to the weather.

by Clarabellereply 45603/12/2018

Flash frozen, R456?

by Clarabellereply 45703/12/2018

I don’t see that on the Telex, R457, but I’ll look further.

by Clarabellereply 45803/12/2018

Thanks, Carl. I understand the freezing process takes some of the flavor away but it is efficient.

by Clarabellereply 45903/12/2018

Here’s an international group at the link. I understand it branched from the Gals at the Gate Guild, after a dust-up of some kind. They don’t wear sashes, unfortunately.

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by Clarabellereply 46003/15/2018

I heard on another thread that Carl is in Vancouver! I hope he'll be around for the BIG ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY PARTY on May 20th. Bring your ukelele, Carl! All is forgiven for the Great Slow-Ship Sinking of 2017. Also, I need my blanket back, k? Mooo, buddy.

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by Clarabellereply 46103/16/2018

Link to thread please, R461.

by Clarabellereply 46203/16/2018

It was a thread by Gunther, having to do with a search for his deceased Uncle Otto and his family tree.

Without carrots I can't remember more than that, munch munch munch. And by all means, please call me Melrose. You forgot to moo.

by Clarabellereply 46303/16/2018

Melrose, who are these posters demanding info without moos?

Why I never.

The nerve.

by Clarabellereply 46403/16/2018

Tell me about it.

by Clarabellereply 46503/16/2018

Maybe the reluctant mooer at r462 is asking for the SlowBoat info? If so, that starts here at r150.

We really have lived, Mooers. It seems like only yesterday we were swimming for our lives.

by Clarabellereply 46603/16/2018

There’s a slow boat leaving from NYC at 4 pm tomorrow.

by Clarabellereply 46703/17/2018

Top of the Mooooorning to you! It sounds better in Gaelic, though most things do, of course. A hearty Moo to our Irish lads and lassies.

by Clarabellereply 46803/19/2018

Remember, if you vomit, you must lap it up ‘til it’s all gone. Don’t leave it for someone else to do. “Moo”, and “Good day”, Sir and Madam!

by Clarabellereply 46903/19/2018


by Clarabellereply 47003/19/2018

I'm not getting on any more slowboats, are you crazy??

by Clarabellereply 47103/19/2018

Oh god, my head. Those gals at the gate can really drink, the milk they're expressing is minimum 80 proof.

Please moo softly today, I'm begging you.

by Clarabellereply 47203/19/2018

Terrance, was it green?

(Soft) Moo

by Clarabellereply 47303/19/2018

It was green, Margaret, yes, it was.


by Clarabellereply 47403/19/2018

I'm belching clover. Delicious.


by Clarabellereply 47503/19/2018

I applaud you, Tommy!

I’m still belching-up Raisinets from last night. That’s fine by me. They’re from my beau.

by Clarabellereply 47603/19/2018

Terrance the other night...

by Clarabellereply 47703/19/2018



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by Clarabellereply 47803/19/2018

Swim big cow, swim!

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by Clarabellereply 47903/20/2018

The cow at R479 is a smart future steak and/or milk producer.

by Clarabellereply 48003/20/2018

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! I bid you “Moo”.

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by Clarabellereply 48103/26/2018

Moooo! I feel spring in the air, mmm, grass will be plentiful. I can tell.

by Clarabellereply 48203/26/2018

That’s not Spring! That’s Nitrous.

by Clarabellereply 48303/26/2018

Gertie, get the Gals together!

These is a cattle conclave in the lower fourth, and they’re German cows, so we already can guess that they all want [italic] Lebensraum. [/italic].

Oh, moo, btw.

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by Clarabellereply 48403/28/2018

Caption this short video.

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by Clarabellereply 48503/29/2018

Good day Sir. Good day, Madam! A happy April to you all! A good Monday morning Moo to you!

At the link, excited Gals at the Gate Guild skip out to pasture. It is a fine time to be a cow! Oh, joy!

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by Clarabellereply 48604/02/2018

[quote] It is a fine time to be a cow!

Said the future steak. Enjoy it while you can.

by Clarabellereply 48704/02/2018

I’m a dairy cow!

by Clarabellereply 48804/03/2018

We’re all dairy cows!

by Clarabellereply 48904/03/2018

Heavens! I missed Monday morning moos yesterday and no one noticed. I'm a little hurt. Sore, too.

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by Clarabellereply 49004/04/2018

R480, I noticed, but I figured the figurative silence meant that one or more of you moo cows had been eaten.

by Clarabellereply 49104/04/2018

Ok, listen up, Hansel @491. Nobody is eating anybody else around here. Got it?!

And Madam Grady, thIs is how the first “Gals at the Gate Guild” was convened. We’re all Mooing for farmer Dale to get out here, now, stat. We got your back, babe! Never fear, help is on the way!

by Clarabellereply 49204/04/2018

That's awful, Madame Grady! How did you escape?

by Clarabellereply 49304/04/2018

Airlifted, Lilith.

Thank you for caring.

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by Clarabellereply 49404/04/2018

That must be one goddamned sturdy balloon to carry a heifer like R494.

by Clarabellereply 49504/04/2018


Dear Sir, dear Madam, Apologies for being late! I was held up in the Special Mooooooo, oops, Special Prosecutor’s Office. Something about inappropriate udders! Mooooo, oops, sorry again. I moo when I’m upset. Mooooo!

by Clarabellereply 49604/09/2018

That's quite alright, Gertie, though I was beginning to wonder. My milk backs up a little when you're late for Monday moos. But moo, moo all the same.

by Clarabellereply 49704/09/2018

[quote] Something about inappropriate udders!

Did they mean inappropriate udderances?

by Clarabellereply 49804/09/2018

I don’t know, R498, I’m just a dairy Moooo, I mean, a dairy cow!

by Clarabellereply 49904/09/2018

Mooo! I did not have sexual relations with that cow! Mooo!

by Clarabellereply 50004/09/2018

Do I, mooooooo, do I need to get a lawyer?

by Clarabellereply 50104/09/2018

[quote] Do I, mooooooo, do I need to get a lawyer?

Have you tried LegalMooz?

by Clarabellereply 50204/09/2018

OMG, OMG, they broke into the barn! They grabbed Gertie! OMG! It’s a disgrace! What about Hillary’s emails! Oh, moo! Gertie! Gertie! Moooooooo!

by Clarabellereply 50304/09/2018

..and I love you, R502.

by Clarabellereply 50404/09/2018

Well, Moo, I say!

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by Clarabellereply 50504/10/2018

Is Cincinnati Freedom an approved name?

by Clarabellereply 50604/10/2018

Things fell apart once 'Advil' was approved.

by Clarabellereply 50704/10/2018

[quote] OMG, OMG, they broke into the barn! They grabbed Gertie!

They hit Gertie! Come on, girls!

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by Clarabellereply 50804/10/2018

[quote] Things fell apart once 'Advil' was approved.

At least Advil puts cows in a daze before being electrocuted up the ass.

by Clarabellereply 50904/10/2018

R506, Cincinnati Freedom is an approved name under the Native American Bovine Clause to the General Arcticles of Patriotic Herbivores. Section five, I believe.

by Clarabellereply 51004/11/2018

I’m quite sure, it’s “Anvil”, a nice masculine name for some young buck.

by Clarabellereply 51104/11/2018

Moo ... ouch!

by Clarabellereply 51204/16/2018

Am I moving to myself, gosh darn it?!

by Clarabellereply 51304/16/2018


Moo & Love,

by Clarabellereply 51404/16/2018

Girta meant, “Am I mooing by myself, gosh darn it?!”

No, dear, we’re all here. Just afraid of subpoenas!

Happy Monday, everyone!

by Clarabellereply 51504/16/2018

Mooooourning Bar, one of the Gals at the Gate. Moooo, Bar, that’s for you.

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by Clarabellereply 51604/21/2018

Good morning, Sir! Good morning, Madam! This week we are up with the chickens! I bid you well! Salutations! Last week, we were busy fussing with the Boston Moo-a-thon, and Girta messed it all up. Also, there was the emergency matter of Advil’s name, and how that slipped the censors. Today, there are no distractions! It’s Monday Morning Moos!


by Clarabellereply 51704/22/2018

Mooooo! Good Morning! And speaking of chickens, Phyllis, our barn hen, is feeling much better now after her cold. That chicken soup really fixed her up, with a good handful of Vitamin C, of course!

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by Clarabellereply 51804/22/2018

Good morning, Phyllis!

by Clarabellereply 51904/23/2018

Oh, heck, was it my day to let the cows out?

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by Clarabellereply 52004/23/2018

Moooo, for people coming home from work! I hope you made it through your day!

by Clarabellereply 52104/23/2018

There will be more Mooing after the intermission.

by Clarabellereply 52204/23/2018

Oh dear Sir, dear Madam, is it Monday? Well, Mooooo, then! I beg your forgiveness and hope your moooless morning was not too dreary! Oh dear, this should not have happened! Moooo! Please accept my apology on the part of the Gals at the Gate Guild and affiliated Guilds, Leagues, and Auxiliaries. Oh, Mooo!

by Clarabellereply 52304/30/2018

Why Penolope was late this morning.

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by Clarabellereply 52404/30/2018

That’s adorable, R525!

by Clarabellereply 52504/30/2018

That’s adorable, R524!

by Clarabellereply 52604/30/2018


Phew, almost missed it.

by Clarabellereply 52704/30/2018

Thank you and Moo to you, Tommy. I sent you a box of clover, did you get it?

by Clarabellereply 52804/30/2018

I did, Homer. Yes. Thank you.

by Clarabellereply 52904/30/2018

Dear Sir, dear Madam, good morning and “Moo”. I hope you start your week well, and are nice to the other cows you may come upon today.

I just saw “The 12th Man” and loved it. It was broadcast on the side of a barn. I think this reindeer is cow-adjacent and therefore might fit under the guidelines here.

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by Clarabellereply 53005/07/2018

I must confess I've always had a thing for reindeer, they're so...musky smelling. Mmmoo.

by Clarabellereply 53105/07/2018

[quote] I must confess I've always had a thing for reindeer, they're so...musky smelling. Mmmoo.

Make it rein.

- Oh, deer

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by Clarabellereply 53205/07/2018

Re r530, She’s a tough ol’ gal, too!


by Clarabellereply 53305/07/2018

13 more days till Monday Moos one year anniversary! Who's bringing a dish?

by Clarabellereply 53405/07/2018

[quote] Who's bringing a dish?

I will. Do you think medium rare filet mignon would be a hit?

by Clarabellereply 53505/07/2018

R535, I accidentally screamed out loud when I read your post. Hope the neighbors don’t complain.

Moo, for Heavens sake.

by Clarabellereply 53605/07/2018

That’s not a Monday, R534. What to do?

by Clarabellereply 53705/07/2018

Oh Desmond, you keep making these steak jokes. We all know it's you. Now go outside and play in the yard, dinner's at seven and it's Carl.

by Clarabellereply 53805/07/2018


Not as food, anyway.

by Clarabellereply 53905/07/2018

I think the best test as to whether a name is suitable for a cow is if you can imagine a ten year old boy on the front stoop of. 1940s farm house, in black-and-white, natch, calling out “Desszz-moond!” That one seems to work find.

Moo, boys!

by Clarabellereply 54005/07/2018

I concur with Petunia,

by Clarabellereply 54105/07/2018

My choice seems to pass the Petunia test.

Most days, Anthony takes his time going home, but not today.

Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day.

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by Clarabellereply 54205/07/2018

Gosh, Anthony is so cute!

But that’s not Boston’s North End in the 1970s, as there was an African American couple strolling through and that just strains credulity.

by Clarabellereply 54305/07/2018

Yes thank you, r543, clearly not a cow and probably just a rough and tumble tough guy.

Carl accepts your invitation for the One Year Blast. It will be a beautiful affair!

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by Clarabellereply 54405/07/2018

Can’t wait to see Carl again!

by Clarabellereply 54505/07/2018

I feel so close to everyone.

by Clarabellereply 54605/07/2018

Oh please, really. Carl is a pig.

by Clarabellereply 54705/07/2018

Carl is the finest fellow no matter what you say, Robert. You are jealous.

by Clarabellereply 54805/07/2018

Oh for godssake are you all still arguing over Carl?

I need help with my Alfredo Sauce, snap out if it!

by Clarabellereply 54905/07/2018

^^ That was Dandelion. Hi.

by Clarabellereply 55005/07/2018

Aww, Dandelion.

by Clarabellereply 55105/07/2018

That is the most adorable thing at R544.

by Clarabellereply 55205/07/2018

I don't believe we have r551 registered, mooo. Your name, please?


by Clarabellereply 55305/07/2018

"Anthrax is spelled with an 'H' but I said get the 'H' out of here!"

by Clarabellereply 55405/07/2018

I’m bringing clover in a gelatin mold. Everybody likes clover. I know it makes some cows gassy, but what doesn’t? Melrose, what doesn’t?

by Clarabellereply 55505/08/2018

Red Rufus was our beloved red Shorthorn bull, servicing 60 cows until he had to go when he failed a brucellosis test.

by Clarabellereply 55605/08/2018

There will be a barn dance on Sunday, May 20th, to celebrate the anniversary of Monday Morning Moos. Heifers, welcome. Smoking is not allowed in the barn. Buttermilk will be served. Pigs and chickens may attend. More to come, later. Moo.

Sponsored by The Gals at the Gate Guild

by Clarabellereply 55705/08/2018

R556, touching story, then became TMI and gross. Moo for your loss.

by Clarabellereply 55805/08/2018

Our first year anniversary means so much. Only a few months ago I was a scared young gay bull. But you bulls and cows and one chicken and a pig turned it all around, and this is home. See you at the barn dance.

by Clarabellereply 55905/10/2018

Hello it's Roy, moo to all. I am taking reservations and they're filling up fast: Anyone who wants a coiffure before our big day should sign up now. See upthread for some of my creations. I am sober.

by Clarabellereply 56005/10/2018

Where is Carl right now?

by Clarabellereply 56105/10/2018

Smoking IS ALLOWED, however. Just not in the barn around all that dry hay. There will be vapes and edibles for those inclined, and bongs for the Bob Seeger eldercrowd-cows.

by Clarabellereply 56205/10/2018

[quote] Only a few months ago I was a scared young gay bull.

You’re not scared as a future steak?

by Clarabellereply 56305/10/2018

I'm scared as a future unloved, never been kissed steak. I wanna know what love is.

by Clarabellereply 56405/10/2018

R574, I’d ask you “Do you want me to show you?”, but alas I’m not a zoophile.

by Clarabellereply 56505/10/2018

OP is fat.

by Clarabellereply 56605/10/2018

R566, I thought he had been certified 90% USDA lean beef?

by Clarabellereply 56705/10/2018

Nobody has to suffer! And with the exception of Tuppence, we shall have order here, you overrated hand-towel Helen Mirren.

by Clarabellereply 56805/10/2018

Everybody chill.

Offsite Link
by Clarabellereply 56905/10/2018

Is that Marco Rubio in R569?

by Clarabellereply 57005/14/2018

Good morning Sir! Good morning, Madam! Good Moo to you all this fine day!

Don’t forget there will be a Conga Line at the Barn Dance next Sunday, precisely at 9, so practice your moves now! No pile-ups this year!

Offsite Link
by Clarabellereply 57105/14/2018

OMG - an anonymous source tells me that gelatin is made from “prolonged boiling of skin, cartilage, and bones from animals, usually pigs and cattle”! What, was nobody going to tell me?! Quelle horreur! Moo, for the love of God! That would have been embarrassing.

Now I’m thinking of bringing. clover with a french vinaigrette dressing.

by Clarabellereply 57205/14/2018

Practice your MOOves now!

by Clarabellereply 57305/14/2018

Where is everybody? I was up with the chickens.

by Clarabellereply 57405/14/2018

I started my day with the Hispanic cow dance, and I’ve had a great day. Super Moo to yoo, or [italic] tú. [/italic]

by Clarabellereply 57505/14/2018

Given the, erm, soon-to-come status of many of you, do you think this would be an appropriate song for your dance?

Offsite Link
by Clarabellereply 57605/14/2018

R576, there is nothing “soon-to-come” for us cows to feer, they told me at registration! Stop the spooky ghost stories!

by Clarabellereply 57705/14/2018

[quote] In 2013, João Maria de Souza, 45, was crushed by a cow falling through the roof of his home in Caratinga, Brazil. The cow was unharmed.

I was reading about unusual deaths, and I saw this and thought, well thank God the cow was unharmed. But why are cows falling from the sky in Caratinga?

by Clarabellereply 57805/16/2018

Re R578, it may be due to Conga lessons. They can be dangerous if you’re a Guernsey or otherwise have no rhythm.

by Clarabellereply 57905/16/2018

Dudley & Destiny

Offsite Link
by Clarabellereply 58005/16/2018

Adorable video, but is Destiny an approved name? It sounds somewhat like an 80s teen pop singer name.

by Clarabellereply 58105/16/2018

You are correct! Destiny is NOT an approved name. Her proper name is Desdemona, which is preapprived under the 16th century fictional harlot regulation. She’s on notice, I’ll tell you that. Yes, indeed. Moo.

by Clarabellereply 58205/17/2018

Tap tap tap...

Just a brief interruption to remind you that Desdemona is not to be confused with our lovely Dulcinea, who is lovely and beloved by all.

by Clarabellereply 58305/17/2018

Does Dulcinea also come under the fictional harlot regulation, or is there a mid-20th century showtune regularion or both?

by Clarabellereply 58405/17/2018

Does Dulcinea also come under the fictional harlot regulation, or is there a mid-20th century showtune regulation or both?

by Clarabellereply 58505/17/2018

Our Dulcinea comes from a long line of whores, darlin'. Everyone knows that.

by Clarabellereply 58605/17/2018

She's right, it's true.

by Clarabellereply 58705/17/2018

I love the name Tuppence, and he's sexy, too.

by Clarabellereply 58805/17/2018

Is Guinea an approved named?

by Clarabellereply 58905/17/2018

No, “Guinea” is absolutely not an approved name. What is that, a collection of random letters?

by Clarabellereply 59005/17/2018

[quote] Does Dulcinea also come under the fictional harlot regulation, or is there a mid-20th century showtune regulation or both?

I can see you are eager for an answer so I stayed up late researching this one. Moo. The name Dulcinea originated in [italic] Don Quixote, [/italic] published between 1605 and 1615. I think we can squeez this one into the 16th Century fictional harlot regulation. Most cows aren’t good at math so I don’t think anyone will fuss about this.

by Clarabellereply 59105/17/2018

I think I can “squeez” your udders, R591, and orgasm while doing so.

by Clarabellereply 59205/17/2018

Vermont cow, uncradled mug.

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by Clarabellereply 59305/19/2018

Oh my gosh, we got to a second thread! And just in time to celebrate the first anniversary of Monday Morning Moos! Which is Sunday, for some queer reason. I wanted to create part [italic] deux [/italic] before the barn dance.

Part [italic] deux [/italic] at the link.

Offsite Link
by Clarabellereply 59405/19/2018

This thread is still not at 600.

by Clarabellereply 59506/04/2018

These cats aren’t very good at math, R595.

by Clarabellereply 59606/04/2018

R596, I thought this thread was abou cows?

by Clarabellereply 59706/04/2018

R596, I thought this thread was about cows?

by Clarabellereply 59806/04/2018

I stand corrected, Sir!

It’s the cows that aren’t good at math.

by Clarabellereply 59906/04/2018

Future steaks.

by Clarabellereply 60006/04/2018
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