Monday Morning Moos, Part Deux!

Hi, future steaks!

Hrumph, R1!

Here’s Rosy! We went out for milk and she had to show off! Moo!

Happy anniversary to all my cowgal and cowboy friends. You too, Carl & Phylis!

Moo. Moo, moo, moo.

It’s time to conga! C’mon, Carl!

Let’s get things rolling with a little polka! This ones for the Holstein Friesians out there!

Margaret hurt herself in the limbo contest. I told her she couldn’t beat Phyllis. How could a cow beat a chicken in a limbo contest?

[quote] How could a cow beat a chicken in a limbo contest?

Ground?

Oww! Moo! My head hurts! Did I see you at the barn dance? I don’t remember much.

Good morning, Sir! Good morning, Madam! Moo and happy anniversary from Monday Morning Moos.

May you meet some cuddly cows today!

Mooo to all, but softly, as I am hungover. Oh God, my head...

Moo and Good Morgan! It’s a fine day, cows, so get up, get out there, and let the wind blow the stink off you. You need some sun, hun.

R11, are you in Oz-tralia?

London, R12. There’s an International DataLounge Convention for board members only, at Nigel’s flat in Kensington this weekend. It’s a bank holiday. Moo.

Moo? What happened to the original thread, it appears to be gone.

It’s the Deep Steak at work, Thor! Fake Moos! I’m not kidding!

Send complaints to Muriel, I just Moo here.

Abbreviate Moo - have to dash!

I am SO angry they killed our first thread, there was alot of funny stuff there.

MURDERING MURDERERS!

The whole slowboat fiasco and sinking was beautifully documented, our history has been erased!

R17, R18, you made me ascared! I was able to find the first thread, at the link here. (I also found navigating this site yesterday was clunky.) I’m so happy, I don’t have to reassemble a list of preappoved first cow names from scratch!.

Thanks, Beulah, mooo! Girls, we can put away the pitchforks now.

Good day Sir! Good day Madam!

Oh, dear, that was a misfire.

Moo to all who:welcome it. May you all have kindness and joy today!

This bison was in the NYC Zoo. When he died, he was cut up for steaks! Not a cow, but a steak. This is a $50 gold coin.

I like a cow who wasn’t captured.

Oh my God, is that Clarabellet? Someone help her! Moooooo! Mooooo I say!

It's Monday, I am here to moo, MOOO to all! MOooo.

Oh no not Clarabelle! I can't look, I can't.

Bad cow bad cow, whatcha gonna moo,

Whatcha gonna moo when they come for you.

Nitrous, nobody got time for that! Do something!

Me and the bulls are on it, don't you worry. That copper will rue the day. Poor Carl is inconsolable.

Rhoda Scott shot that gif, by the way. Thanks, Rhoda.

[quote] This bison was in the NYC Zoo. When he died, he was cut up for steaks! Not a cow, but a steak.

When you’re young, it’s all filet-steak, but as the years go by you have to move on to the cheaper cuts, which is fine with me because I like those. More flavorful, or so they say,

J’accusé! Cow puncher!

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam!

Moo, and may your Monday be filled with milk chocolate and ice cream!

What adorable cows at, R34. Thanks for posting that. I almost makes me want to make that sound cows make.

Let out your inner-cow, R35.

It's Monday already? I almost missed this! Moooooo.

Joffrey will blame his Alexa but we all know it is his TCM addiction that is keeping him up late.

I am powerless.

James Mason was a fool I tell you, Judy was doomed from the start.

Hey, you! Moo!

Moo!

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

I bid you good afternoon. I have left you my calling card.

Have any of bovines engaged in a cow lick?

What the heck is [italic] that, [/italic] R44?

Too hot to moo, sorry.

Take it easy, Mortimer. I will moo for you!

Moooooo!

I am thinking of declaring next Monday as a competitive mooing day. Please save the date.

This weather calls for a beach visit.

What’s a moo cow doing on the beach?

I am on holiday. All the Gals at the Gate are here! Moo!

[quote] The Japanese are familiar with cattle (Wagyu beef), but never developed a dairy culture.

Moo

OMG, fellas! He’s gonna sell Sally!

Why, he’s just fed up, that’s what he is. Fed up, I tell ya!

She had the diarrhea last time, that’s all that is. Poor Sally. She was spooked by the new cow delivery to the farm, and she ran away. She came back though. Doesn’t seem to count for much. Poor gal.

[quote] OMG, fellas! He’s gonna sell Sally!

The farmer calls Sally a psychopath. Seems like a stretch for a cow.

Here’s a dog that is visiting with the Gals at the Gate Guild.

Here is an impressive snout.

Is there an official naming board for guilds as there is for cattle names?

Not yet, R60. Maybe you should create one? We shouldn’t wait until these things go pear-shaped, I don’t think.

OMG, Molly has a blanket! I don’t have a blanket! Moo, btw.

It seems that Muriel is determined to delete our previous thread.

Muriel, I summon thee! Get my darn thread back. A good moooooning to you, btw.

I copied this from the previous thread, before it was forbidden.

[bold] Here are traditional names for cows. Please do not use hip new names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you. [/bold]

Bessie

Clarabelle

Betty Sue

Emma

Penelope

Henrietta

Ella

Nettie

Anna

Bella

Annabelle

Dorothy

Molly

Gertie

Annie

Melissa

"Cupcake" for your dairy cows, only

[bold]The following do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you. [/bold]

Hydro

Homer

Earl

Ferdinand

Diesel

Horns

Armor

Sampson

Tank

Kristof

Angus

Midnight

Nitrous

Melrose

Why would such an innocuous thread be “disappeared”?

Some people are cow-haters, R65. I’m sorry to relate this, but it’s true. Ah, innocent youth. Sad moo, here.

Oh, dear, it’s [bold] “Gals at the Gate Guild”. [/bold] I almost had my pass pulled!

Frankly, R65, I think it is because there isn’t a lot of traffic down at the Gate these days. Even with four legs! Sorry, Phyllis, but you’re not helping. Not that I know for sure, but it’s this cow’s sense that I have.

Here’s Carl and, hmm, I think this is Sophie.

R69, why don’t you mention the other animals in the video? Isn’t that speciesist of you?

Oh, heaving, now my link is no good! What did you do, R70?

It works for me, R71. Perhaps you’re being punished for being speciesist?

Betty just got a job down at the factory.

And who are you, R72?

So, just maybe. Did Phyllis have a spot in that? She’s good in everything she does, like Meryl, or Elsie. I’ll watch her in anything.

Moo, btw. I do have manners, you know.

I love the clip at R73. There should be more cows in the world.

[quote] There should be more cows in the world.

Why? I understand that the methane from cows ended life on the moon Titan.

Cows are needed for the war effort, R76. It took 250,000 cows to make one zeppelin.

If Mars had more cows, it would still have surface water and life.

Which war, R77?

Why, the Great War, of course!

Günther, your side lost the Great War. Give it up.

Good Morning, Sir! Good morning, Madam!

In honor of Günther, who has deigned to visiit us this fine month, we feature some German cows.

My God, you need to love cow bells, do you not?

Also, leave it to the Germans to apply eugenics to their cows, for Pete’s sake! (Do non-Christian cows say “for Pete’s sake!”? Please substitute ‘crap’, if desired. Ty.). Anyway, Günther and his cows. “We build strong cows by raising them in the Alps” is where we left off. What is that cow crap, (which, I think, everybody understands?)

Moo, from Melanie! Oh, it’s my first MMM greeting! I’m so happy!

Deutschland, Deutschland moober alles!

R 82, But where are the cows? It can’t be so great without cows, really. We all know that.

(And who are you, Sweetie? Günther? Herr Bratwurst? Mooing is optional but always appreciated, like a big penis.)

Oh, I’m sorry, Moober. May I call you Moober, R82? I missed your moo. It’s my eyesight, you see. Don’t tell your maters, I’ll be groundbeef by pi ahhh!

Melanie,

You did supurb! Moo and Good Day!

Well done, Melanie! Muhen!

Here are common German names for girly cows:

Brunhilde

Lore

Lotte

Rosa

Thilde

Lisa

Marla

And Henrietta

Common male, or trans, names are:

Peppo

Maxi

Moriz

Otto, in honor of Günther‘s syphlic Grandpa

And Günther! Ta-Da! We have made an exception to honor our addled visitor, who didn’t offer a curtesy Muhen!

[quote] Lore

Does Peter precede that?

[quote] Lore

Does Peter precede that?

I’m sure that must be true, R87, R88.

Muhen! That’s how we say it up in the Alps, btw.

Here is an article on the Estonian Animal Recording Centre, for those interested.

Oh, a belated Muhen to you all. I don’t know how I missed this but wanted to send it out. Günther is touring Bavaria in in.

Phyllis here, sorry I've been away a few weeks.

What's this about our first thread being vaporized? I do not approve of this, no I do not.

A chicken can't take a vacation for even a moment without all hell breaking loose.

Well, no more vacations for me, then, no more. I spoil you.

Phyllis, welcome Home, sister!

Peppo! You still owe me that five bucks, mister, don't you try sweet talking me, Mister Moo, you hear?

Harumph.

How did Peppo's name get approved?

You people gave me such a hard time, this is an injustice. Moo.

Phyllis, how voluminous is your dairy air?

Well muhen, R95! Peppo is an approved name under registration appendix 7, saying that names approved by recognized, foreign registration organizations are approved in the USA. You question the German registration system? See R86.

Are the Germans efficient at slaughtering cows?

Advil R95, are you sure your name isn’t Anvil? That sounds more likely.

[quote] Advil [R95], are you sure your name isn’t Anvil? That sounds more likely.

Cows can help ease pain like Advil.

My friend Anacin wants to know if he can join us.

Gertie? What do you say.

I believe the name Anacin might be trademarked, mooo.

So Bufferin is out, too? Mooooo.

Nein! R101, whatever your name is, not unless he goes by “Annabelle”.

How about Mydoll or Midol?

I’m sorry, Buffy, no. You may name your bull “Buffalo”, though a lifetime of confusion will follow, I promise. That’s why the name is grayed-out in the Big Book of Names (unabridged).

So many questions tonight! And Phyllis just got back and all! Plus Günther’s month is up in only a few days.

R98, you are being actively ignored, btw. Don’t think otherwise.

Phyllis k where were you?

i went to Roy for a feather fluffing, Bathazar, but since he's off the wagon (again,) he messed it all up and I had to hide out in Milwaukee for awhile.

Thanks alot, Roy.

I really am sorry, Miss Phyllis.

That's alright, Roy, it all grew back as you can see.

All is forgiven.

Phyllis,

I’ve been looking for a hat like that! Ostrich feathers, right?

Are any of you moo cows lactose intolerant?

This is why I tell Alphonso to slow down.

Is there an Isabella to your Ferdinand?

I like Hydro. But he has that gassy problem in the morning.

Haha, Phyllis, is this how you fly? They look like they fell off the back of the KFC corporate jet.

Some of them chickens gave up on flying entirely and are running down the mountain on their little feet. So cute!

Muhen, dear cows, bulls, and steers! With the close of July, so ends our hommage to Günther and his Bavarian bovines. New week, we are back to the Gate, Gals!

Farewell, Günther, off you go in your beautiful cow balloon, suspended under a twilight canopy.

Send a postcard from your next stop!

Check your basket before lift-off, though. There's a certain little piggy who is known to stowaway, then pirate the ship. Yes, Carl, I mean you, don't look so surprised.

Goodbye, Günther, goodbye!

Muhen, und Auf Wiedersehen, meine Frau, Dulcinea! I think I’ll miss you most of all!

Wait! Did he go yet?? The hens have a special send-off for him!

Is that Phyllis Diller at R122?

Well of course it is, dear.

Here's the hens, they took such a liking to Günther that they gussied themselves up for the big goodbye.

Nicely done, Roy.

Thank you, Phyllis, it was an honor.

I'll miss you too, Günther, come back soon, buddy. Your next perm's on me.

Did someone say nitrous?!

Carl loves his Nitrous.

Günther left a clover bouquet beneath the pillow of every dairy cow. He is one classy Bavarian, I'll say.

I think I just heard Günther yodel! He sounded very far away 🧐

Yoda lay hee moooo...

R130, when 900 years you reach, moo as well you will not.

R130, That’s it! That’s what I heard!

Phyllis, your chicken friends are adorable. Your efforts were not wasted. You should all go out clubbing tonight.

Btw, I am curious if anyone clicked the link in R119, and played to hear the proper pronunciation of “hommage” in German?

I can't click it, Beauregard, what am I missing, I hate being out of the loop.

Oh, dear, I think I’ve stepped in it now. There sees to be quite a dispute on the pronunciation of this one.

Stepped in what, R134?

IT WAS COW POOP, OKAY? Sue got nervous when she saw the air balloon. So she got diarrhea, again.

I just think it’s funny the enthusiasm with which some Europeans say certain words. He’s the link again, if it works this time.

The urban dictionary has a good entry, but no audible pronunciation.

R136, I call bullshit on that!

Yes, it certainly sounds... determined .

Is it wrong that I have been counting down the minutes to our Monday morning moo?

Is it wrong that my Monday morning moo is nothing without you?

No, Lottie, it’s irresistible, we know. Do you know Günther?

Good day Sir, Good day, Madam. And Moo!

Moo!

Oh this heat today, heavens! What I wouldn't give for a cool dip in the pond, which appears to have evaporated. Moo to Moriz and all. And of course I know Günther, he is magnificent.

Carl just set up a sprinkler, Lotte, good news for all!

This is also lovely, all cow friends welcome.

Is Auntie Taco an approved name?

I'm not Gertie but it seems to me that the Big Book of Names (unabridged,) is meant for cows and bulls only, not our feathered friends. Or pigs, for that matter. Is this correct?

Thank you, Maxi, yes. I was in the lower 40. It’s cooler there, but there’s no WiFi. Oh, wait, don’t forget them Steers, dear!

Besides, that looks suspiciously like Phyllis.

Thank you, Carl.

He’s quite an engineer, that Carl.

I shall oink, this one time, in appreciation.

Quite an engineer. The progenitor and creator of Mookind?

Let’s not get carried away, R152. Was this book written by a cow?

Auntie Taco is my twin brother, Gertie. Good eye! He doesn't want to be called Uncle Taco, he says it doesn't "flow," whatever that means.

Your parents named you Phylis and Taco? Something smells fishy around here, and it’s not Carl.

Carl does smell, but not fishy. If that wasn’t clear.

Why did Muriel delete the other Moo thread?

I always thought she was so nice. Now, I'm not sure...

Right about the end of May. We should strike. A few days without buttermilk and Muriel will come begging to us.

It's an unfathomable cruelty, r157.

But you really should sign your name, and a courtesy moo is always appreciated. It's still Monday!

Oh and look, I forgot to moo, too!

Bountiful moos,

Cow Down! Cow Down!

(An urgent message from the Critical Cow Care Committee.)

We come to you on a very humid Tuesday of all days, to remind you all to stay hydrated this summer season.

Questions? Ask Hydro, for real! In an emergency, call us at 1-800-COW-DOWN for emergency advice and a free electrolyte delivery with sprinkler hook-up, courtesy of Carl and his deep-pocketed Parisian friends.

Viva la France, enjoy your summer (moo implied.)

I could almost swear I saw a tv commercial for this starring Sally Struthers.

No, it was Carrie Fisher and she was so real I could have touched her spleen.

Thank you, Homer, for your concern for your fellow cows. Yes, the French are very nice, too.

Hydro, today I noticed my hooves are dry and flaky. Is this a sign that I'm going to die?

Oops, let me sign that thus:

Hi, this is Hydro's voicemail, for an emergency please press 911.

*If you pressed 911, you are going to die. Please hang up and die again.

If you would like a free electrolyte replacement and a free sprinkler, please press 2. If you think you will die before we get to you, please press 911 and die again.

Moo! It bears repeating.

Good morning, dear cows. It’s still too darn hot. Who’s in charge of these thing? I’ll be at the beach!

Well hello there mooers, and a glorious hoo to you, since I don't moo. Hoo!

Moo, Titus. How is our lovely mouser?

My go-to farm in Ptown has raised their rates, finally, into the stratosphere, and now I have to find a new farm. I just cant afford the old place anymore. I’ve stayed there most years since 1984, at least for a little bit.

Max, is it perhaps time you were put to pasture?

For your mooing pleasure.

I’ll never stop not being put to pasture, vows Max!

Moo! Good night, cows!

It's Monday morning in Paris,

Bon-moo, good friends, bon-moo!

Moo, M. Fromage!

Good morning, Dear Sir and Madam! Here are Hope and Love on a very special Monday Morning Moo.

Moriz,

Have you been to a speech therapist? Your lisp is improved today, good moo sir.

Good day to you four-leggers, it's finally cooled off a bit here, so consider joining me, Auntie, Taco and the hens for an afternoon competitive chicken dance party. Titus is our MC. There will be pie.

As always, I don't moo so, baGAWK.

Hello, Homer. Why thank you good Sir! But no. Moriz is a fine German Bull name. With a zed. Moo.

I made some beautiful cow pie this morning, Phyllis. I'll bring you some.

Lovely, Earl. Moo.

Thank you, Phyllis, but when and where?

Moo!

Bossy my dear, I'm glad you found the chicken dance party on your own, Sorry to have missed your post.

This is a good time to congratulate you, too! Bossy came in second out of a competition of eleven! He is the only bull to score in the top five. All else were feathered.

Thanks to Titus for keeping the momentum going, and for those of you writing in, NO. There is no leftover pie.

Try us again in a few months. BaGAWK

My twin sister didn't mention that I came in first. Blue ribbons for ME!

[quote] There is no leftover pie.

Were they mincemeat pies?

I wish I could spend all my days amongst the cows, owls, pigs, and chickens. Moo and BaGAWKOOOO to all!

“Frank” is not an approved name, btw.

MmmmmoooOOOOOOoo!

*phew

I've been holding that in since Tuesday...

Good morning everyone.

Mooo, Tommy. You shouldn't hold in your moos, though. Gas. Exploding udders. It's just not a good idea, buddy.

Moo! Good morning, cows. Be safe out there!

Love that snapshot, Beauregard. I'm not positive but I think Carl is taking the picture. He still uses that old polaroid camera from the sixties and damn, it still works. Who's the hot llama? MOoo moo mooo.

Ewwwwww, Fabiola. Attraction to other species.

Carl’s very tech savvy. Moo, of course.

I saw Carl hitchhiking the other day, he was carrying his ukelele, an overnight bag and a sign that read "Havana." On a cigar excursion, probably.

He’s a wanderer. That’s for sure. I hope he reads DataLounge, or his Mom educated him about not accepting rides from creeps. More people die from politeness and embarrassment than from any other cause.

“Thank you for stopping to offer a ride on this otherwise deserted farmhouse road, but I can smell a slaughterhouse from 1000 meters away.”

“No, I’m not choking, but thank you for offering the Heimlich.”

“No, I haven’t had too much to drink, I schlur can drive per-perfectly well.”

Who was that poster at r197, no signature and not even a moo?

Courtesies are dying around here, muhen.

Melrose you are right of course, but I share the anonymooos' concern for Carl.

WE KNOW Carl took a hit to the head back in the nineties (rumour has it that it was an airborne coconut on some storm-ravaged island, but we can't check, Muriel, CAN WE? Because that thread was deleted.)

Carl's decision-making is not the best. Besides, how is he getting to Havana by car, he's not in Cuba.

I noticed he took his fedora.

I am further vexed because I can't remember the name of my secretary! It began with a J I think.

Juh... Juh... Juh something...

These frustrations are ceaseless. Can somebody help me with this one?

Beauchamp I don't remember the name of your secretary, who remembers the help, not me. But I do think you spelled your own name wrong.

Hieronymous? That looks right.

Where's Gertie? Gertie, we need your help!

This is Simplicio and I pee on Fabiola!

I'm an Alpaca, not a goddamned llama. Educate yourself!

Gertie, we have problems on this MMM. Come in, Gertie. Come in.

Just everybody calm down one second, calm, calm.

Let's remember why we're here. Moo, cluck, baGAWK, hoo and moink, let's take a breath.

what the FUCK is this?

Just the best thread on the net, r206.

And you forgot to Moo, r206. You will also need a name, "Anonymous" doesn't cut it around here.

Moooooo.

Happy Moo Day. I was just absentmindedly massaging my udders.

A male WHAT.

Oh shut up, Not Gertie, that could have been Carl.

We love you Carl!

((He gets confused))

R208 does sound alot like Carl.

I’m here! I had gas, you understand,

What’s up?

Barnabas, for shame, dear. “alot”? Surely that will be a word in 30 years, but not yet! I think you were tipped by too many coeds.

Did I miss the party?

Gertie dear, yes! You did miss the party. Didn't you see us calling out for you last night? We sure could have used your wisdom. For a minute it seemed there could have been blood shed.

But no matter now, just keep mooing. All seems well at the Farm.

Oh, I should have signed that,

Ah-moo.

Benedictus has wimples in her hair.

I even heard him singing in the abbey!

... The abbey?

From the looks of it, Carl's been snuffed. The letter C.

Hopefully it's just somebody insignificant like Charlamagne, who never writes/never calls. I rather dislike that cow.

Carl doesn't die, dear. Carl never dies.

I heard there are murderous blobfish going around... Let's just be careful, folks

I love the people who exclaime “what the fuck is this”, and similar. As if it’s not self explanatory.

Merrily I Moo.

Bertrand is my spirit animal. I kind of love you, Bertrand.

I love you too, Hydro! 💕

Oh my gosh! Sorry for the late greeting! I didn’t know it was my shift today! All the gals are down at the gate, in labor, I understand! What a fine day! But honestly, sorry for the delayed Moooo!

Here is a doggo getting a head moossage.

Cheers!

Well I was here early this morning but I didn't want to wake you all up with my thunderous moo, so MOOOOOO! I do love Mondays.

Great video, Cupcake, delightful, mooOOO!

Hi there, moo cows.

Oh, moo everybody.

We’ve sponsored a Swedish exchange cow for the month of September. Her name is Fjällko. Please do not call her “Flako”. Her name means “graze” in English so you may call her Grace or Gracie. She has a winning personality and makes friends easily.

Gracie appears to have melanoma, oh my.

She’s Swedish, Phyllis. Be nice. She needs a sponsor, btw. You don’t seem to be too busy. How ‘bout it?

Ingrid Bergman was Swedish, and for that fact alone I'll do it!

Great! Introduce her around. Don’t expect her to was your car, though.

I still miss Günther...

I’m sure he misses you, too, Dulcinea.

Cows are still at the gate with labor pains.

[quote] Fjällko

Is she future IKEA meatballs?

[quote] She needs a sponsor, btw.

Hormel?

Leave Fjällko alone! She hasn’t hurt anybody!

Angus beef

He’ll fuck you up, R240. He has friends in high places.

R241, I wasn’t referring to Angus. I was referring to the remains.

Okay, ... if that’s your story.

The oh-so-yummy remains.

Angus plays cards with Muriel once a week, so go ahead, make fun. While you can, I mean.

Well that's a fast friendship. I just saw Phyllis riding on Gracie's back down by the creek, squawking with glee. And for her part, Gracie seemed entirely besotted with Phyllis, batting her eyes and giggling. I do see why Gracie was selected for sponsorship, what an enchanting gal. Well done, Molly.

J'adore Fjällko/Gracie. It's the freckles of course, but also she offered tango lessons free of charge!

Who does that? Nobody does that. I'm going to say yes.

Carl can play a stunning tango on his ukelele, oh yes, yes he can.

Who else here is musical? It would be nice to have a MMM band...

Guffaw over r237, though I shouldn't.

[quote] she offered tango lessons free of charge!

I take it she does not have four left hooves.

Ha Ha Ha, oh how we Ha.

Ha!

Fjällko moves like a tall reed in a gentle breeze. Breathtaking.

Mookail Baryshnikov

I know for a fact it was Misha's wish to dance with a cow, a Swedish cow, speckled and lithe and bewitching.

[quote] R225: So only now do I learn that none of the Gals at the Gate were actually in labor yesterday, despite an entire day set aside for that purpose. False labor, apparently. Mass hysteria. Something like that.

It felt real to me.

I even bought him his first housecoat, Molly.

I still believe it.

Molly, are you a prickly pear? You seem prickly, and it's giving me the nerves. How about some therapeutic tango lessons, hmm?

Beef with Prickly Pear and Port Sauce recipe

I refuse to be triggered, r260 you cowering coward. Sign your name! Reveal yourself.

Just ignore it, dear Angus. WWGD?

Well this is getting ugly. I'm folding tent and I'll see you next week.

I'm out, too. This is a terrible welcome to our Swedes.

Günther would not approve. No.

I AM NOT A PRICKLY PEAR, Angus!

Why is there consternation on this thread?

Because people like you, R267, post your message without a courtesy “Moo”, or signature!

R268, what if I’m not a cow? Is a moo still appropriate?

Of course it’s still appropriate! Do you think no one noticed?

I definitely noticed.

Moo.

Never EVER should there be consternation on this thread,

Carl has provided this lovely ambrosia for all, kindly line up, have a sip and feel the love.

Everything is spinning...

I feel so close to you all, all of you, what?

What. That's spelled funny. Whaaat.

[quote] Carl has provided this lovely ambrosia for all, kindly line up, have a sip and feel the love.

Kow kum?

I feel love.

Carl, what did you do.

What?

Spinning... Love... It's so good... I am not a pear... What...

I feel love you guys

Carl is a witch, I'm telling you.

Dear God, Carl, what did you do.

R281, why don’t you attempt to drown Carl to confirm whether or not he’s a witch (and/or warlock)?

He called me r281, what. Spinning...

To r283, Carl doesn't die, dear. Carl never dies.

Moo and Good day Sir, Good day Madam! May all the cows in your life be grass-fed!

Carl is a good swimmer, btw. That’s already been established.

Moo.

Has anyone taken Gracie swimming yet? That would be a nice thing to do.

Are you saying Gracie is a witch too?

Å nej, R289! She’s a charmer, that’s for sure, but not a witch! Carl’s not a witch, either. He’s a bit of a pig, though.

Moo, everyone! Happy Monday. Gracie/Fjallko is cordially invited to come swimming with me and the Bulls anytime. We found a secret spring!

Also, I noticed an impossibly tall, handsome Friesen waiting by the Gate the other day. Anyone know who that is?

Yes, Thor, that's Hans. He's Gracie's ballroom dance coach. Gertie wouldn't let him in because his name is not approved... I mean, an exception once in a while wouldn't be so bad, don't you think?

Thor you spelled Friesian wrong, and he is a horse, not a bull, to be clear.

Pigs? Horses? Are you moo cows into mating between species? That’s obscene.

Gosh, is this him? Dreamy!

Open the gate, Titus!

I have this theory that Advil actually gives you a headache.

You cows just looove to make fun of me, hmmph.

Yes, that's him! He's very tall and swarthy, yet so light on his feet, so debonair. So elegant.

I saw a video of him running but i cant link to it. It's just astonishing, if you'd like to search. It's title is Fresian meets cows, on youtube. Molly posted it, I think.

Can cows mate with horses? What about chickens?

[quote] Can cows mate with...chickens?

Hmm, Hans is a bit of a prancer, it seems.

Can Friesians mate with chickens?? I am IN LOVE.

How do you think they make split chickens, Auntie Taco? Yes. By all means.

You’ve all been so niece, that I an very flatulent to be treated so well! Moo!

If you didn't feel a need to pickle your grass, Fjällkot, I think this would not be an issue. Also, I like your swedish name best and I am using it.

Kringla and glögg at Gracie's tonight! 7:30 sharp, all invited, dress smart/casual.

Gracie and Hans have prepared a special dance performance to thank us for hosting them. There will be tapping.

Gracie at r303, the word you're looking for is flattering, dear, not flatulence. Ha!

Where’s the best place to buy a cow of my own? I’d prefer one that doesn’t grow much so I can keep it as a pet. Are there Shetland Island cows for example?

Moo!

R307, have you tried the farmer’s market?

I want to buy a cow not a farmer, R309.

If we had a chicken thread, I wouldn’t have to post this here.

Do chickens moo or is that unique to bovine kind?

Not usually, R312. In this case, I am mooing for them.

I like the chickens in R311 that are running down the hill.

That's some good flapping, Horns, at r311.

Coupla things:

Chickens are bad mooers, but cockatoos nail it eveytime. Parrots too.

Tiny cows are real! Tiny cows make great pets for chickens! Even people!

Will The Gals at the Gate consider sponsoring a tiny cow next month? Although we love Fjällkot and Hans forever, of course.

I saw these at Walmart and they're each full grown. You'll have to wrestle them through check-out, but from there it's nothing but love love love.

And they do like chickens, I've heard.

That one on the left? I call her Lash.

Ewwwwww, you moo - you shop at Walmart?

Adorable. Cows are adorable.

Yes, you moo-less contrarian at r318, Whatever your name is.

I buy my mini-moo cows and my Q-Tips there. I need lots of Q-Tips for their dainty ears.

Moo! Moo, everycow! This is an Annabelle Alert!

Cows in the Carolinas are ordered back to their barn, tomorrow. Cows in Virginia and Georgia are to be on alert for additional messages, later. Please do not use this emergency as an excuse to drink. Walmart cows may hunker down in the Garden Department. Thank you.

Ah God we're all gonna die!

[quote] Do we store future moos in a zip-loc bag?

A styrofoam tray usually suffices.

Gracie, you and Hans- Quickly! Go to the gate and sandbag all night.

I saw it! I saw it!

Pointsettia was about to thank the immigrants from sweden for sandbagging our motherland, when WHOOOOSH,

Pointsettia was gone. Just GONE like that. I didnt even hear a moo.

I never liked her name anway.

Totally overrated.

Pointsettia is fine, she sends her love.

Stop being overly dramatic, Bertram. Bertram? As in, Bert-Tram? I have no idea how that one slipped by. I will call you Bernadette. Bernadette, Pointsettia just went to a farm, where she can make new friends, and frolic, and so forth.

Does anyone need a blue tarp? I have some extra. IM me.

My bathtub is filled with clover now. Should the worst happen, youre all invited.

Bertie (shall i call you Gertie?) gets a little tense in wind. Like Pointsettia, I'm sure she'll be fine.

[quote] Henrietta and the cows of tomorrow

You read like a Marvel Comic Superhero. Are you?

My bathtub is filled with crimson. I just finished chopping a nice juicy shank in there. Of course you’re all invited.

I'd prefer a yellow tarp, BerGertie, do you have something sunshiny?

Melrose, can I nestle beneath you through the storm? Hold me, I'm frightened.

I only have blue! I can’t do everything, you know!

Has someone wrapped the Big Book of Cow Names? I can’t find my copy. Can someone double bag it?

How exciting for Gracie!

^ Still Bertram, still here

[quote] Can someone double bag it?

I have plenty of experience double bagging.

Yes, someone wrapped the Big Book of Cow Names, but they wrapped it in McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese paper. This is offensive.

Did you get fries with that, Maxi?

But it’s recyclable, R337. Doesn’t that count for something?

Begone, GoopCow. Hisss.

This is very confusing.

I’m doing a roll call later.

Can one tip over a cow during a storm?

I thought your name was Laurencio, Larry. I'm with Gertie. Roll call!

Eye of the Storm

Or

Ribeye?

Take my “pole” please.

Is anyone here who isn’t supposed to be?

me?

No, you’re good. Just listen for the emergency horn.

Emergency horn! 📢

Everycow to the barn! Now! No excuses! You too, Bertram, Melrose, Maxi, and Gracie! Then, hunker down! Hunker! You, too, Lafitte.

This is not a drill!

Did someone turn off the gas before heading to the barn?

You moo cows are late today. Hungover?

Moooo everybody!

SOS, will r347, r348 and r349 please mooo immediately. I accidentally blocked you and need to reverse that immediately! Every cow counts! I am distraught and embarassed and I need a proper secretary. Come back, cows.

Beulah, will you help?

Thank you, Melrose! A heartfelt Mooo to you!

Aghh! Misfire! I wanted to moo-on, but my hoof got snagged on the sofa throw. More Moos later, probably.

Gertie dear, thanks. I often get tangled in my comforter and trip. Can you believe how many people and cows don't believe we use comforters? Ha. My laundress Zelda is pretty accomodating, though.

I still haven't heard from the accidental blocks. Hurry, cows! And pigs and owls and chickens and now apparently mice? The more the merrier, mooo.

No Gertie, you aren't r348. I see you just fine.

I'm very small, and probably delicious so, I stay away from Titus. But I would love to join your society.

I promise on my shank, Melrose, that I am R348, Gertie. I had to disguise myself because some anticow people on another thread scared me. Who else would blow the big horn?

Lafitte, are you related to or otherwise affiliated with the late Christmas Mouse?

I just saw this on my pager.

Lafitte, I'll tell you what. You take this Monday Morning Moo, I'll take the next, and we'll keep switching off until we get used to each other. Once i know you my pounce mechanism will drop off and all will be well.

Deal? No, for real, i mean it.

We can account for the sincerity of Titus, Lafitte. And a barn mouse is a delightful addition to our group. If Gertie approves, of course.

I believe you, r358, but I just can't see any of those posts. Oh well, it's good to see you now. Who the heck are you, anyway?

Oh cancel the above, Gertie! It's you. The nail polish remover makes me just a little off.

I’m still Gertie, numskull! I had to clear my cookies because of the antimeat brigade. They hate us! Anybody made of meat, I understand!

Oh, never mind, Melrose! Love, moo!

I forgive you, Gertie, you beautiful, magnificent mooer.

I am Lafitte!

I accept your offer, Titus, thank you, big bird. Though I am not related to the Christmas Mouse, I did help in the office of the Christmas Moose. Mostly catalogue entries and public relations, if that matters.

Merci!

He sounds...spicy. Maybe with a sweet sour cream finish?

The Christmas Moose has an office?

Gramercy Park, r369., seventh floor. Barbara Feldon stops by for lunch at least once a week.

But contact the Christmas Moose through the William Morris Agency of Beverly Hills, please, for professional services.

Speaking of which, he will be appearing in the Salem, MA, town square on Oct 1 as [italic] “The Ghost of Christmas Moose!” [/italic] Ooooo, scary! Boo! It opens on Broadway December 1. Staring Barbara Feldon. Don’t miss it!

Oh, heck, I can’t wait 3 hours.

Here’s our Swedish exchange cow, Gracie. She’s sassy.

Can someone see if we can keep her? I think we can keep her.

Keep her, R372? You make her seem like property.

R373, whoever you are, no, no, no. Gracie is a Swedish exchange cow. She’s got to go back to Sweden, where ever that is, at the end of the month. So, “keep her” just means...oh heck, “nuts to you”, buster! I “moo” right in your face. Right in your face!

I suppose we could all board a slowboat to Sweden for a visit, hmm?

Moo, by the way.

Unbelievable, Gracie has been grabbed by ICE! She’s being held in a CAGE (that’s “bur”, btw) can you believe that! How cruel and unusual! It’s deflection, that’s what it is. Grab the headlines with Rob Rosenstein’s potential removal, and then the really big news happens.

I can’t type further, I’m so horrified.

Mu, btw.

Are you heifers like great, big fat cows?

[quote] heifer, defined: (in farming) a cow that has not borne a calf, or has borne only one calf

But we use the word informality here.

I’ll overlook your missing “Mu””.

Moo! Good moorning cows, geldings, etc.! Shake the dust off you! Margaret, you need to lose a little weight. Why not do this thingy?

Crank the sound up, boys and girl! She’s a keeper! Moo! She wants in!

I just learned that the Maasai gave Charles the title “Keepsr of the cows”. That’s lovely, but where’s my exercise ball, Charles?

It's Monday already? Mooo, then. I'm going back to bed. A bull with a chest cold is sad, indeed. I might not make it.

Yes, I think it’s Monday. I don’t really know, I’m a cow! I don’t have a calandar, like a judge might. Where’s Titus? He knows everything.

Morning, mooers.

[quote] I just learned that the Maasai gave Charles the title “Keepsr of the cows”. That’s lovely, but where’s my exercise ball, Charles?

Is Charles an approved name?

No, R385. Charlemagne is an approved name, but not Charles. Charles is ok as an informal diminutive, but I don’t want to see it on paper. I just don’t.

Here is the original thread, at the link. It’s got the whole “slow boat” debacle. Also, the list of approved names (abridged), for reference.

I’m only on the Registation Desk until Friday. Then I’m off, I really am. I’ll be down at the gate, but don’t come looking for me! I mean it this time!

Moo, everybody! Good morning! Cheer up! There’s a holiday coming!

Our original thread is back? Really? Oh thank you, Gertie, thank you. I wonder how this happened...

Ferdinand, I don’t think it’s “back”, so much as reachable via the URL.

What is the “slow boat debacle”?

R391, Check the link at R387. I think it’s around R300, in the other link, IIRC.

It’s customary to “moo” here, and post your name, if you’re a farm animal.

Thanks, R392. To paraphrase the Elephant Man, “I am not a farm animal.”

Mooooo! From the Holy Heifer, Schlomo to Mama,

Must we think of a final solution to the red heifer problem?

She has a nice snout, R394!

Dear Signore e Signora,

In honor of our Italian Cow cousins, on the anniversary of their arrival in America, I bid you [italic] muuuuuu! [/italic] That’s not [italic] muumuu, [/italic] Phylis. I know you have that problem with lazy eye and all.

I got a post card from Gracie. After a brief stay in ICE detention and an unfortunate but temporary diversion to a “summer camp” in Chicago, she escaped into Canada and is now back in Sweden. She says “mu, keep in touch, bff, etc.” and we’re all invited there for Midsommardagen.

You fucking moo cows have been lazy of late. What the fuck gives?

You forgot to “moo”, Thanksgiving Otter.

[quote] NATIONAL FARMER'S DAY: A day of honor is very much deserved to all of the hard-working farmers. National Farmer's Day is observed annually on October 12th as a day for them and to pay tribute to all farmers throughout American history.

I don’t know why this isn’t on a Monday, but whatever.

What are you doing today to honor our farmers? I’m going to eat a bale of hay.

I’m going to leave the farming to them, R400.

[quote] You forgot to “moo”, Thanksgiving Otter.

I'm not a cunting cow.

Dear Mr. T. Otter,

I’ve made a raspberry-salmon pie, but it’s only for mooers. Are you sure you don’t moo? I’d hate to throw it out. Maybe Carl will eat it. He eats everything.

R403, I don’t understand this business with the silent “p” and silent “l”.

Bertrand at R403, does that pie have liquor in it? If it does, I'll moo until the cows come home to roost.

No, TO, but for Thanksgiving, I'll use Raspberry liquore and herring, your favorite. Carl already ate the Salmon pie. Unauthorized, I might add.

Gertie politely informs me that I mean liqueur.

That Carl. What a pig.

Well, Moo and good morning!

We should have a separate thread for cows and their pet dogs, but we don’t. Here is a bulldog we cloned from Mary-bell. Or was it Penelope? I have it right here, ...somewhere...let me get back to you on that.

GERTIE? Gertie! Get over here, I have a question.

I don’t work the registration desk that often, but Gertie will know.

Wake up, cows!

BaGAWK-a-doodle-doo, let's get this Monday started!

Moo, all! Dolly I can't believe you fell for it. You don't recognize Carl in a dog costume? Hahahaha.

I demand we name him Advil and I won't hear another word about it, Gertie, not one more word.

Oh, Gosh, I love you guys.

A ball, a dog, and a cow.

[quote] A ball, a dog, and a cow.

walk into a bar...

I can attest that Carl is here in Mall of America, doing pre-Christmas photo ops with the peoples.

That cow-dog you have pictured is the real thing. Moof.

He simply doesn't age.

Never mind he's been sending the same Chritmas card now for thirteen years.

He keeps his yawning nostrils so clean, and look at his grin. Even his eyes signal a confection of joy and mischief. .

He is someone I would want to be around at the end of days. Hail, Carl. Wherever you are.

Here’s a site devoted to otters, and other critters.

R419, are you a fan of the Thanksgiving Otter?

Of course, R 420.

I also bake him pies, and leave them to cool on the window sill. He takes them when he thinks I’m not looking, the poor thing. I don’t think he’s ever learned to cook. And he’s never learned to moo, can you imagine? The poor dear.

R421, I’m surprised he’s sober enough to eat much of anything. Don’t be too hard on him for not “mooing”. After, like me, is not of bovine kind. He also apparently has atrocious manners and language.

I even heard him singing in the abbey.

THE ABBEY DAMMIT. The ABBEY. You all, all you, for godssaske, is that not enough?

I am giving up. Above, that was mine. Ll

So many cows in harms way...too much wind

The TO is probably over on the Dollface thread, swiping left.

Where is *Moo*, oh excuse me, I Moo when I’m nervous. Where is everybody?

Are you voting in next week’s *Moo* election? Carl says *Moo*, Carl says we should all be equal, but some should be more *Moo*, more equal than others. Sounds legit. Moo.

What do cattle vote on? Whose tits get milked first? Last in the electrocution line,

Oh sorry! Moo! Damn, I nearly missed it. Bigger moo now, big moo.

R430, you have to read “Animal Farm” to get the reference. We’re very asphyxiated around here.

Good day, Sir! Good day Madam! Moo to you and all the little calves in your little barns.

IMPOSTER! Besides, it’s “Monday Morning Boos” this week, “Betrand.”

Boooo!

Certified angus beef

It's Monday already? Hm. Well, moo then. I'm going back to sleep.

Dijon, where did you go on vacation?

Monte Carlo, r437, then we're grazing our way down to Nice.

But please note the apostophe in my name. The apostrophe is silent.

Boo to Bertrand.

Ohhh, I always wanted to smell Nice. It sounds nice.

I’m headed into the lion’s den to search for a lost calf momentarily at 7:30 pm. Wish me well, cows!

Bertrand, while you're at it, check for chicken bones, too. I haven't seen Phyllis in weeks.

I’m back, with the prodigal calf. Prepare the fatted hay bale. A celebration is due, because he was lost, and now he is found!

I was all horns up, no nonsense. Only minor scrapes and some fur damage with which I think Roy can do something. It wasn’t as bad as I had thought it might be, though. Now I’m taking a 2000-lb. bull-sized Xanax and watching the stars go round and round for a while..

Bertrand that is so manly and macho, give me a call when you wake up. You know, just to talk.

You were all horns up, no nonsense you say. Well.

Monday Moos has a new stud in the barn, moo.

Are mesh horn coozies still fashionable?

I'm not missing! I'm with Di'Jon, headed to Nice. He needs a navigator, you know how he tends to graze in circles.

Bertrand I am giving you my first moo ever, what bravery. I don't moo, as you know, so consider this the highest honor.

Oh I'm sorry, my moo sounds like a baGAWK. First try, sorry.

While Phyllis sleeps I'd just like to say that it is her lazy eye that makes us go 'round in circles, not me.

But let's not spoil her sense of purpose.

Boo, and a tossed rose to Bertrand.

Such travelers here! Di’jon, is notorious BHB with you?

Oh no you didn't, Penelope, you didn't!

Beauchamp Heironimus Bull of Newport can NEVER be reduced to three letters, ever. His pedigree demands you spell it out.

I really hope he doesn't see this. Oh I can just hear his outrage in my head. Well, there goes my vacation.

Di'Jon, what type of condiments do you like on your meal deal?

Di’Jon, I had no idea. Nobody tells me anything. Are the gals all laughing at me, down at the gate?

Yes, Penelope, they are. They really are.

All of them.

Di'Jon, I'm told Carl is en route to BHB (oops,) on your behalf. If anyone can broker peace it is Carl.

Besides, BHB (oops,) has been coddled too long. I say you should enjoy your graze to Nice, protect Phyllis from herself, and have a little fun for once. BHB (oops,) has never once participated in our MMM's, by the way.

Snob.

R452, Oh, the bovineity! Oh, well, worse things have happened. Perspective is important.

I just heard former President Obama say “Don’t moo, vote.” This is disturbing. I mean, what can I say about this, other than “Moo”?

Hello?! Hello! Mooooooo? I’ll be down at the Gate, if anyone asks.

Lazy moo cows.

Gertie, moo.

You're at the wrong Gate, the gals and I have been just a little south. Mooos! Grab a cab and join us while there's still time.

We vote at dawn!

Sorry, Gertie. We saved you a cucumber sandwich, though, on toast points! Really top of the line!

South! South you say!? Who am I, Christopher Columbus? Do I look like Marco Polo to you? I don’t know from South! Oh, Moo!

Oh, I’m a little cranky as I haven been milked all day. I’m going back to the barn and hoping that tomorrow’s a better day.

Welcome back, Beauchamp Heironimus Bull of Newport. Was Nice nice? Show me your pictures tomorrow!

Yoda lay hee moooo

I hear you, Günther! Ooom!

Took you cows long enough.

I could use a compass for Christmas, R463.

I'm early, I know, but I'm looking for my brother to send me Queen Helene asap. That damned Di'Jon didn't tell me there are no Walgreens in Nice, and ... Well... Look at me.

No don't look, I take it back!

Auntie Taco get your feathered butt to FedEx, I'll be back for Monday.

(So will Di'Jon, if I let him live.)

I am really better looking than this.

Phyllis, you look like Phyllis Diller.

Phyllis, this is Roy.

I want you in my salon first thing Monday morning, do you hear me? First thing. I won't even drink the night before.

Let me think... I will need an iron, some sandpaper...

Sister dear, Carl is en route in Gunther's balloon with a big fat tube of Queen Helene moisturizer and a diet Pepsi to soothe you.

Sorry about that.

Heh.

Oops, no, sorry. No heh.

Heh.

Is Taco an approved name?

Only cow names need approval, Anonymous, that is certain.

What is also certain is, "Anonymous" is never approved for any species. Ever.

Phyllis, OMG, what happened! I know you just explained, but OMG!

Roy’s working on a Monday, that’s how much of an emergency this is!

This one’s kinda nice, Phyllis. Maybe Roy could do this one?

I could do that! I could do that in one mimosa.

Mi-moo-sa

^Brilliance right there.

This is Günther, Carl and I are aloft, sailing the skies and on the way, Phyllis.

I am NOT letting him steer.

There's something wrong with the punctuation at R475.

Thank you, R476. I officially deputize you!

What is the origination of Auntie Taco’s name? I haven't figured this one out.

Mooo you beautiful bovines, moooo! It's Monday, finally.

I live for this, you know.

Tell me about it, Bufferin.

Moo, Moo, Moo!

Good Day, Sir! Good Day, Madam!

It’s a fine day here! Sunny, with clover forecast! Get you’re “Moos” in now, as Winter is coming! Start your week with a hearty “Moo”!

Thursday evening, we will resume our weekly film festival with projections on the East side of the big barn. Would someone with a compass bring Gertie with them? I’d hate for her to spend the season staring at a blank wall, like last year. This week, “The Corn is Green”, with Miss Bettie Davis. Complimentary popcorn will be served.

Bettie? Oh, Cupcake, smh...

I’m just a dairy cow! I didn’t go to university!

[quote] “The Corn is Green”, with Miss Bettie Davis.

I thought that starred Carol Channing.

It's fine, Cupcake, Melrose is in one of his mooods.

Anyway, Let's make it a double feature with my copy of Hush...Hush Sweet Cutlet, yes?

I'm baaack, thank you Roy!!

The other hen is Genevieve, from Nice. Please use the correct pronunciation, Zhawn-vee-ev. If you don't she will peck you.

I love my blue bow.

You are a handsome chicken, Phyllis. I’ve always said so.

Welcome, Genevieve! Begawk!

Moo everyone, it' Günther. Just dropping in to deliver this goft to Gertie from Carl.

He hopes it will help.

And now I'm off, up up and away!

Oh, now you’ve really confused Gertie, I know you mean well, Günther. I’ll be her guide cow. No harm done.

Going by Gertie's silence, we'll consider ourselves approved!

Make way, Gals, we've arrived! Q

Oh, and good on you, Axel, whoever you are.

Join us in a happy dance.

Not without me!

Big moo, bigger moo than you.

Gangway, girls, get off of my runway!

Advil & Bufferin, you don't need to get your names approved by Gertie. You've always had the power to name yourself. I didn’t tell you, because wouldn't have believed me. You had to learn it for yourself!

Not you, Anacin.

We represent the Lullaby League,

The Lullaby League,

The Lullaby League.

And in the name of the Lullaby League,

We welcome you to Monday Morning Moos.

(Anacin, too? Yes, Anacin too.)

Haha, R494, brilliant!

Here’s Advil on his runway. Gangway, girls!

It’s about time you moo cows posted on time.

Good Morning, Cows. Everycow, rise and shine! Last one to the Gate is a rotten egg!

Today’s lesson is provided by Lottie, at the link. These names were all rejected by the Registration Desk and now she’s going to have to Winter in the pig pen with Carl. No offense, Carl, but you stink. Would someone please speak to Lottie!? We do have standards, not like Farmer Derrick down by the great Oak. It’s anarchy down there. Ty.

This is what happens to cows that try to buck the Registration Desk.

Moo everyone, moo.

Advil, you got the moves, buddy, but it's the Christmas Goose who captures my heart. What a snotty little bird-bitch. Has she been approved?

R497, Christmas is coming. You might consider giving a watch to one of the cows. We haven’t has an official timekeeper since Sextus went missing on his vacation to Chicago.

Di’Jon, would you tell the Goose that she’s not?

[quote] We haven’t has an official timekeeper since Sextus went missing on his vacation to Chicago.

I’ll do that. Would it be set to Mooniversal time? Chicago was a great city to transport cattle to the East. What fate do you think befell Sextus?

R497, What’s your name, Sweetie?

I was told Sextus was sent to a farm where he could make new friends and play all day with the other animals. But, what are we, chopped liver?

Not in a million years, Cupcake / r502 But I do happen to know that Sextus is captive in a Nasa geodome, some kind of Cows-on-Mars simulation.

His friend Timex announced it a long time ago. But Timex wasn't approved and the message got bounced.

[quote] We haven’t has an official timekeeper since Sextus went missing on his vacation to Chicago.

[quote] R497: I’ll do that. Would it be set to Mooniversal time?

Are you a rooster? I think you set it to rooster-time. Though, I congratulate you for coining a good term.

Moo and Happy Thanksgiving from the Gals at the Gate Guild!

We’re all wearing our sashes today, and thankful that beef is not a traditional meal for the holiday! Moo!

[quote] We’re all wearing our sashes today, and thankful that beef is not a traditional meal for the holiday! Moo!

We tried the veal for our meal today.

Not if I see you first!

Well, Gertie, I just saw your greeting now and want to say THANKS!

I'd have seen it earlier but the calves used me as the base for their annual holiday Cow Pyramid. We broke last years record at 15 calves and cows! I hope someone took a picture. Holding that pose for three and a half days takes some stamina.

Anyway, we're all back, ready to moo tomorrow.

Oh why not, moo for now too.

Moo, I'm early, too. I'm full of mirthful moos, I just can't stop it, I get like this around the holidays with you Gals.

Even more, I'm clinically depressed. But here I am, mooing. Mooooooooooooo.

Can't wait to get Carl's annual greeting card. This is what, the thirteenth year with the same picture?

Could be fourteen.

Tank, I take one part Zoloft to two parts Monday Moos.

Gentlecows with depression, may I recommend Phyllis's bi-weekly yoga for barn cows?

Auntie Taco dj's, and blends some calming clover-chomping sounds with traditional stomp-chomp Irish claddagh.

At the end, we hug.

We're depressive, too!

Is there room here for me?

Slide over a little, Julianna, thanks. Thanks much.

I did miss the Cow Pyramid, Thor, I’m very upset about that; but was proud to be part of the Thanksgiving Day Parade of Cows. We need to coordinate better next year. What a fun day it was,

Sorry to hear about the depressives. It’s a little early for Barn Fever, but maybe knowing that you’ll be locked-up inside for the winter is enough for an onset. I hope everycow feels better tomorrow.

Moo, everycow!

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! May your week be blessed with many “Moos”.

It got cold here, and Bertrand was having trouble with the ice!

THE CATTLE ARE LOWING! THE CATTLE ARE LOWING!

They’re gonna wake the baby!

Moo moo and another moo, to all! And now I must dash. Balthazar, you crack me up.

So, who had to look up “Lowing”?

I did.

I didn't.

Well, fancy you, Melissa Gilber.

Mooo!

I moo in your face, imposter!

What the-

Gertie! Are you sleepmooing again? Come in from this cold, there you go, moo.

Moos are on Monday, you're a bit early. DId Carl's weathervane send you into a spin again?

Oh for Pete's sake (also a delightful barbra streisand/michael sarazin comedy,)

Let Gertie moo where she wants to moo. God knows she'll wander around anyway.

R524, here you go...

Here are traditional names for cows. Please do not use new, hip names for your cows without checking with the registration desk. Thank you.

Bessie

Clarabelle

Betty Sue

Emma

Henrietta

Ella

Penelope

Nettie

Anna

Bella

Annabelle

Dorothy

Molly

Gertie

Annie

Cupcake

Melissa

Also, names of 19th century trollops are probably ok.

The Registration Desk has been overwhelmed with requests for manly bull names. These do not require pre-approval if you use them for your bull. Thank you.

Hydro

Homer

Earl

Ferdinand

Diesel

Horns

Armor

Sampson

Tank

Kristof

Angus

Midnight

Nitrous

Melrose

Nsaids are gaining acceptance because they are so cute!

Thank you, I accept.

WHET that barn mouse, LaFitte? He barely introduced himself when Boom, he was gone.

I still want to hear from Gertie about the film fest a couple of Thursdays ago.

Did you manage to see it this time? It was Bette Davis in "The Corn is Green." At first I was annoyed by the sock puppets, I thought we were getting a real movie. But once it started I have to say, this was madly entertaining. I totally believed the corn. I laughed, I cried.

[quote] It was Bette Davis in "The Corn is Green."

I like “The Beef is Pink”.

I see we have a Russian Troll at R532 *sigh*. Thank you, Boris.

Yes, Nitrous, thank you for your comment. Phyllis walked me over as I lost my compass. I love the part about the corn. 🌽

For this Thursday, what would you think about “The Sea of Grass” with Hepburn and Tracey? Or maybe “How Green Was My Valley”, with Walter Pidgeon and Maureen O’Hara? That one’s a mystery, apparently.

I’m not Russian, R533. I’m Argentinian.

Well, you’re a Frau, R534, that’s for sure, Carlotta! I pass gas in your general direction. 🐄 💨

Well, Good day Sir and Madam! There’s much to do, please excuse my tardiness!

We have a visitor at the link who needs a name. Can someone please help? I thought someone else posted this but can’t find it now.

A Merry Moo to one and all, if I don’t see you before the 25th.

Look, it’s Bertrand! Back in his Vaudeville days! He’s not making those stories up, after all! This is why they sent Bertrand to a farm. He’s too tough for those hombres in Argentina! Take [italic] that, [/italic] Carlotta!

Ok, I have to run to CVS now. You’re on your own. I’m getting chocolates for the milk man.

We’re going to need someone to manage the manger this year. Someone who isn’t Carl, I mean. I found a bottle of hooch in it last year and Mary almost lost her immaculata over it. Plus, they’re just not fond of Carl, for some reason. I think they need diversity training, but I’m just a cow, what do I know?

I’m back. I got some hoove lotion for the Christmas Moose. Also, some Peanut Clusters. He loves those. He really needs a hoovicure but he’s too cheap to spring for it. Hmm, now I think I should have gotten him a gift certificate to one of those Vietnamese places I see in Downtown Boston? This is why I shouldn’t shop too early, because I never stop buying, if I get a good idea.

R539, have you tried Piggly Wiggly?

Is there a Cowgly Moogly?

Hi R540, no, I don’t think there are any Piggly Wigglys around here. Or Cowgly Mooglys either. And the Henny Penny is off limits for anti-Moose policies. I won’t shop there, not ever! Solidarity!

How can anyone not be fond of Carl?? This is impossible.

CARL’S NOT KOSHER!

There, I said it!

[quote] ended with a magical pit of biblical goop

Does he not bleed if slaughtered?

[quote] CARL’S NOT KOSHER!

Does he not bleed if slaughtered?

R545, speaking of a bleeding prick, is Carl circumcised? Maybe if Carl was willing to meet them half-way? A little compromise, every now and then goes a long way.

[quote] Maybe if Carl was willing to meet them half-way?

Is his prick big enough to meet them half way?

Look, there are no pigs allowed in the manger. This comes from On High, direct from the front office.

Moo.

G/p

We haven’t settled on a movie for tonight. Here is the synopsis for “The Cow and I”, (that already sounds very good!)

SYNOPSIS: In 1942, a French prisonner of war in Germany decide to escape to France using a cow hold by a lunge as a decoy. He cross all Germany in this way.

It might be in French. We will need more puppets. I don’t know what the synopsis means, but I still like it.

Carlotta, come lets watch the movie together and let bygones be bygones.

Have any of you moo cows seen Faces of Death?

OMG, scary cow @R550, do you want to give the cows nightmares? Brrrrr.

We’ll watch Home on the Range, in TECHNICOLOR! Hurry, starts in 15 minutes! Here’s the synopsis, there are lots of cows:

[italic] SYNOPSIS When an eviction notice shows up at the gates of the Patch of Heaven dairy farm, three cows take it upon themselves to prevent their home from being taken away. To do so, they’ll need to collect the ransom on Alameda Slim, a cattle rustler with a yodel that can’t be beaten … or ignored. [/italic]

Places everyone! PLACES! Ok, in 3...2....1...

Moooooooooophopho!

Ok, that was good, but everybody stay where they are for take two...

Hopho, the lost Marx brother.

Ok, once more people! PLACES! Ok, 3...2...1...

Moooooooooooooo! Quack!

CUT! ALEXANDER! Would somebody please take Alexander for a walk?...yes, by the lake would be fine...thank you! Ok, quickly cows, places, places...and “quiet” on the sides, Oprah, thank you.

Moooooooo!

Thank you, R557, but who are you? I like giving credit where credit is due!

Oh sorry, Gertie, that was all three of us: Melrose, Homer and Earl. Earl is concerned that he had a piece of clover stuck on his teeth for that picture, though.

I'm concerned.

Ok, places everyone, PLACES! Homer, get off of Earl... Thank you. Alright...3...2...1

Mooooooooooo!

That’s a wrap! Thank you! Please return the Christmas regalia to Gertie when you’re done horsing around.

Shouldn’t it be “cowing” around?

I don’t think there should be any funny business with the decorations at all! Yeah, ha ha ha, a garland around your udder is just hilarious. Grow up cows.

SO! Earl is the “Concern Troll” after all! Oh, Earl, I thought you were reared better!

I shall decorate my udders with a string of lights as i do every year, Constance, and you will love it. You will.

What on Earth do you people do to get banned, or red tagged, or whatever? I can’t get banned for the life of me.

Oops, wrong thread. Many Moos to you all!

Was that really the Christmas Moose?? I've wanted to meet him for ages.

Dammit I'm too late. Somebody set a snare.

[quote] Somebody set a snare.

Perhaps the Thanksgiving Otter will if he’s not inebriated.

Who am I kidding? Of course he’s inebriated.

There was a rumor that the Thanksgiving Otter had a thing for Carl, but Carl had a thing for Günther, the yodeler. Then when Günther ballooned out of here, with Carl in the basket, it is said that the Thanksgiving Otter lost his mind to syphillis.

Excuse us, no. We meant to say, "he lost his heart to Phyllis."

This talk of inter species sexual relations just makes me sick to my stomach (singular).

The hens have too much goddamn time on their hands. Someone give them something to do! Maybe some embroidery or something.

Don’t they have eggs to hatch?

Moo!

Well well well, look what I found in my mail this morning, moooo!

Did anybody else get one yet?

Good morning, Tank. Oh my Gosh! It’s Monday on the third week of Advent!

That’s a very fine card, I must say. How does it taste? I’ll always curious if the blue bits taste like wedding cake icing? I have not gotten one but thought if I keep going to the mailbox throughout the day, maybe I will.

Good morning cows and others! You, too, Alexander. Moooooo!

Someone keeps snatching the hens eggs, R574. They haven’t quite noticed and no one has the heart to tell them.

Federico’s prints are in. He’s the one I selected for my cards. You know how I’m fond of ginger snouts.

[quote] Well well well, look what I found in my mail this morning, moooo! Did anybody else get one yet?

Pork! It’s whats for dinner!

Or should that be beef?

Mr. R580, be kind, it’s Christmas! And no “moo”, either. Tsk, tsk.

Who will be caroling O Holy Cow in the manger next week? Post your names on the sign-up sheet please.

As per tradition, Carl will play the baby Jesus, moo.

Did any of you hear Alexander “quacking” during the Comey interview today? It was pretty funny, considering the context.

Dear Sir, Dear Madam, I bid you a very special Monday Morning “Moo”! May your holiday be blessed with the company of many farm animals!

I am greatly humbled to have been asked by the Gals at the Gate Guild to offer its Christmas Greeting from all of us at the DataLounge Dairy Farm, Animal Hospice, and Critical Cow Care Facility to all of DataLoungeLand.

Merry Christmas!

Gertie, Recording Secretary, and...

Advil;

Alasandro;

Alexander the duck;

Alphonso;

Anacin;

Angus;

Anna;

Annabelle;

Annie;

Anvil;

Armor;

Auntie Taco, Phyllis’ twin brother;

Axel;

Balthazar;

Barnabus Bull;

Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport;

Beauregard Von Holstein;

Bella;

Benedictus, Cow of the Vatican;

Bernadette;

Bertha;

Bertrand, calf rescuer;

Bessie;

Betty;

BettySue, Junior Librarian and Keeper of The Big Book of Cow Names (unabridged.);

Beulah;

Bossy;

Brunhilde;

Bufferin;

Carlotta, The Argentinian chick;

Charlemagne;

Christmas Goose;

Christmas Moose;

Clarabelle;

Constance;

Cupcake;

Daisy;

Diesel;

Di'Jon, Secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport;

Dolly;

Dorothy;

Dulcinea;

Earl;

Edelweiss;

Ella;

Elsie;

Emma;

Fabiola, The flute-playing Peruvian cow;

Fanny;

Federico, the photographer;

Ferdinand;

Fjällko “Gracie”, Swedish exchange cow;

Fromage;

General Montgomery Bull;

Gerhard;

Gertie;

Glinda, Farm Sprite;

Günther;

Hadassah;

Hans the Friesian horse;

Henrietta;

Homer;

Hormel;

Horns;

Hydro;

Koning, the Star Friesian;

Kristof;

LaDonna;

Lafitte, the barn mouse;

Larry, the farm snake;

Lash;

Lieutenant Colonel Carlisle;

Lilith;

Lisa;

Lore;

Lotte, the Bavarian;

Margaret;

Marla;

Marybelle;

Maxi, Gemini and a Bavarian;

Maybelline;

Melissa;

Melrose;

Midnight;

Mistletoe;

Molly;

Moriz;

Mortimer;

Mydoll, also known as Midol;

Nettie;

Nitrous;

Norma;

Otto, Günther‘s syphlic Grandpa;

Pedro;

Penelope;

Peppo;

Percy;

Phyllis the Chicken;

Pointsettia;

Rolf;

Rosa;

Roy, hairdresser;

Sally;

Sampson;

Schlomo;

Sextus, official timekeeper;

Simplicio the Alpaca;

Sophie;

Susie;

Tank;

Thanksgiving Otter;

The Evening Punctuationist;

The hens;

Thilde;

Thor, Author of The Tao of Cow;

Titus the barn owl;

Tommy the Bull;

Zelda, the laundress;

Muriel, Webmistress;

And especially, Carl!t

Merry Christmas!🎄

My God, Gertie, what an undertaking! I am mooved, really. So many of us...

R584, you forgot someone.

Poor Excedrin.

Oh, R586, I was afraid if that! Do you mean Excedrin? Sorry, toots! I’ll make sure you’re in the next edition!

I didn’t see Randolf, the Evening Punctuationist’s loyal assistant, on the list.

I didn’t see Randolf commenting this year! Should I put him on the list?

What about us hens???

Gertie dear, you did an excellent job, no doubt about it. How did you ever remember practically everybody, even me? I hardly ever moo.

Cool your clucking, hens, you are indeed on the list! Look towards the bottom. And yes, Randolf cannot be forgotten, moo.

This is why we have the [italic] Big Book of Cow Names (unabridged)! [/italic] it comes in handy for more than just propping-up the milking machine, you know! Besides, Santa needs help these days. His eyesight isn't what it used to be.

I’ll be down at the Gate, ringing my jingle bells.

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

The pleasure of your “Moo” is requested at Part Trois, at the link. Non-bovines are especially invited.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from deep down in my oversized heart!

This thread isn’t even finished yet,and you moo cows are riding herd on the new one.

Last one out, shut off the lights please.

Thanks, everybody!

For your consideration, moo cows:

Oh, R598! And on Christmas Eve, too!

Hello, Christmas Moose! I love you.