I’ve Lost All interest in Gay Men After Realizing Most are “Nelly” Bottoms

[quote]The problem is that SO FEW gay dudes fit this profile.

Actually there are tons, you're just not attracting them.

Really? Where are they? How do you meet them?

Troll.

They find you, darling.

And Voila! You are forever single as you stated you wanted to be in your post. Hooray for you!

OP, and I would imagine that you rate as "extremely masc" yourself?

I don't mind the femminess. I just can't stand the sluttiness.

I don’t think I sound, look, or act gay. Many are surprised when they find out, though some have clocked me. I never talk about women or date women which is obviously a giveaway.

[quote]The problem is that SO FEW gay dudes fit this profile.

Where is you, gurl?

Tops are generally the chasers not the chased. If you aren't finding any tops it's because you either have made yourself invisible or tops just aren't into you because of what R1 mentioned. You don't look and/or act like someone they want to fuck. You also don't seem to want anything other than someone who is manly to fuck you rather than someone that you actually get along with or that you can just hang out with, so your desperation could be putting people off.

[quote]After Realizing Most are “Nelly” Bottoms

Only a bitchy bottom would post this on a gay website - intentionally insulting hundreds of people here.

Now - YOU do the math.

Austin, R9.

But even the few tops there are really are not very masculine, R10. I just can’t help it that I lose all interest at any signs of effeminacy. I don’t think that’s being self hating either. Woe is me lol

When I was 30, I had masculine tops all over me and, usually, inside of me. Granted, I am masculine too and was smoking hot (still ok, but being 40 has its drawbacks!).

It's you, not them OP.

OP Most certainly isn't ALL. I'm a top, and I agree we do seem to be running scarce, but keep your spirits up; nothing attracts more than confidence and a winsome smile. Do not succumb to becoming a defeatist. All the best wishes you find a good mate!

[quote]This is not a troll thread.

Butcha are, Blanche! You are a troll!

OP, you are the very embodiment of a self-loathing gay.

R16 Not necessarily so... IMHO, he sounds young, and lacks the ability to put a finer point on things.... He comes off a bit brash or insensitive. However, may very well enjoy the company of other sorts of gay blokes, they simply don't get him all boned up for them. I appreciate femmes and butch, (currently with a more masculine younger bottom) but get the type... and such criticism. Don't necessarily write him off, or put a wall up. Too easy, and not very fair unless he shares otherwise.

I've had well meaning friends attempt to set me up when I was much younger, and have taken a tonne of flack for not finding someone sexually appealing... The accusations against my character have run the gamut from racist, to classist.

All of which BTW were unfounded and simply untrue. I don't get turned on easily by blondes, stupid people, most Black men, or most Asian men. We cannot help what we do or do not like sexually speaking. It doesn't mean the discerning person in question is anything negative toward those individuals he doesn't care to get it on with.

R16, I can't believe it took 16 posts for someone to say that! Bravo.

OP, it sounds as if you are more femme than you realize. Record your voice, and play it back. How does it sound?

OP, I'm not trying to slam you but I agree with R16. You type like your that donkey from Winnie the Pooh. Nothing is hotter than getting your ass packed by a masc top that knows what he's doing. But you gotta be what your attracted to. I dont know what the hell you look like but If your not getting approached by tops your attracted to, then you have to be really honest with yourself about why ??

Unfortunately the things we hate in others are more than likely the things we see and hate in ourselves. I suspect you're more fem than you realize and thus reject other fem guys so you're not confronted with your own similar behavior. Sorry gurl!

Maybe you are too nellie to attract butch men. Some men feel that if they wanted to be with a lady they would be with a real one.

For all those who take umbrage with the OP's post, simply replace trans or women and see how faulty your logic is. I don't particularly care for pejorative adjectives being used to describe certain femme bottoms, but they are a lingua franca of a sort to get his point across. The problem is I do think more in-the-middle, or femme bottoms have things a bit easier. That's my take from sucking the air for fifty- two years as a top. In my honest estimation, the more well-balanced or femme bottoms seem to be more aggressive and artful in their pursuits. I cannot say I haven't enjoyed being chased by them myself.

He may be butch, but comes off as a bit more passive than many of the more feminine types I've known and loved over the years. I do believe he's quite young.

OP is Russell Tovey.

Has that gurl Russell complained about this, R24?

Russell found his butch.

Tops are drawn to a great ass on a seemingly friendly, open and clean-looking guy. A mopey needy desperate bottom like OP is just not attractive.

[quote]Tops are drawn to a great ass on a seemingly friendly, open and clean-looking guy.

I think that's YOUR taste.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Tovey's rugby playing dildo should do porn !!

OP HOW green are you, if you don't mind my prodding? I do agree with a certain portion of R13, & R10, it may very well be you, or what you're putting forth.

I do however particularly disagree with R10 that only the top pursues. We may take charge after the clothes come off, but we are definitely amenable to a bottom who understands the art of flirtation, and makes his intentions known... Sometimes we're oblivious to certain blokes, especially those we meet casually who seem shy and butch. Many times we make the assumption you're straight. It's a silly myth that tops, cannot be seduced by an artful and charming bottom. From my perspective, it's a two-way street. You have to take chances, even possibly putting yourself at risk at times if you're attempting to meet a partner socially, and not on an app.

Dear OP,

first, I think you are a troll.

Second, the reason we tend to hate others is we see something in them we hate about ourselves.

Guys, like OP described, need to feel better about themselves, so they go "well, I may be gay (aka a bottom), but I am not THAT gay (aka femme bottom) so I am still somewhat better than the rest of them and deserve some respect from my judgmental peers!".

I̶’̶v̶e̶ ̶L̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶A̶l̶l̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶G̶a̶y̶ ̶M̶e̶n̶ ̶A̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶R̶e̶a̶l̶i̶z̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶M̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶“̶N̶e̶l̶l̶y̶”̶ ̶B̶o̶t̶t̶o̶m̶s̶

I'm not getting laid! - HELP!

I found Op's oic!

OP, I think maybe your issue solution is above the DL pay grade. Have you considered transitioning ??

Not all gay men are into swishy effeminate queens. Get over it. It's the nelly nancy's that like to throw around the "self loathing" argument (projecting much?). Ever notice why none of the "pit crew" on RPDR look nothing like any of the contestants?

Most of us are bottoms. All of us are nellies. Truth. And nothing wrong with either. I am both.

[quote]This is not a troll thread.

Well, you’re a liar, darlin’!

I find it best not to let them speak. Their mouths are to be used for sucking my dick only.

I get what OP is saying because I'm not into effeminate types either. However, unlike OP, I see no shortage of masculine, non-flaming, straight-conforming tops. Admittedly, many don't explicitly identify as gay, are the 'no labels' type, bi or just plain closeted, but as r1, r4 and r10 say, they tend to find you. Two things, OP - 1. You're giving off a negative vibe that's turning them off 2. Effeminate types seem everywhere to you because they don't have the option of closeting or not being open.

The "straight" bro at the gym could be into freaky NSA sex with guys but OP will never find out because he's not his type.

R41 Yes, and OP quite possibly could be more outgoing, and positive... in addition to getting straight back to us with a few answers and more details regarding his dickless "predicament".

“Nelly Nancy’s?” Really, R36?

Good grammar IS sexy.

The reason you are not getting any OP, two words = Pushy Bottom

[quote]This is not a troll thread.

No, I don't think I am "projecting much," R36. OP, troll of not, is free to fancy whomever he chooses, but his derogatory labeling is both offensive and self-revealing. As an historically marginalised and persecuted group, gays do themselves and others no favours by belittling any sub-groups.

OP should just go back into the closet and stay there.

I agree with OP.

As a partner preference ,I can't stomach gay men who exhibit any feminine type mannerisms.

I like a masculine and, dare I say, a straight acting MAN.

I don't belittle feminine leaning type guys, hate them or whatever. They just don't float my boat and that's fine.

If I can't have that masculine Jock type, then I am also fine remaining single. Am happy in my own skin and at peace with the possibility of being alone.

Professional psychotherapy might help, ya?

"I don’t think I sound, look, or act gay. "

You don't think, therefore you don't are.

I think that's Shakespeare.

Or maybe John Philip Sousa.

Take your pick.

I mean, it's not like you're having sex or anything.

I always thought Nelly was spelled Nellie ! Humph, my bad.

What r16 and r21 said.

Your ass is triggered by any sign of gay behavior for a reason. Pity.

Enjoy being alone. RuPaul has said one smart thing in her career: if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?

As a bi guy, i concur OP.

Why would you be attracted to a feminine bottom when you can just have the real deal and fuck a woman. You're a man, act like one.

"Why would you be attracted to a feminine bottom "

Why wouldn't you be if you liked men and women?

I don't think you're really bisexual.

I THINK YOU'RE A LYING LIAR WHO LIES!

TEMP!

SLUT!

TEMP SLUT!

Many, many gay and bisexual men feel like OP. It’s reflected in all the “no-fem” ads and profiles seeking “straight dudes only.“

I like gay dudes who never set off anyone’s gaydar, who everyone thinks are Straight, and who hand out with and blend in with their straight bros. They are hot

All of the guys that I've hooked up with that were like actual guys never had the no fems etc stuff in their profiles whenever it was an online hookup. It's always the no fems guys that end up being femme after you finally meet them.

R54. I'm bisexual. You might be thinking of pansexual who dont give a fuck if its gender non-conforming, gender fluid or trans or whatever the fuck as long as it has a hole or a dick.

Gay men are sexually attracted to men. Is this too difficult for you trans and hetero women trolling this forum to understand? If you "tuck", wear pounds of makeup and wigs, and pad yourself to be womanly - that's not attractive to a gay man. I don't want to fuck a woman, nor a trans guy that tries their best to become a woman. Get over it. Fuck you for telling me I'm not being myself when you're fake as shit from the get go.

OP, you never mentioned where you live. That makes a huge difference.

If you live in West Hollywood or Hell's Kitchen and came here to bitch about nelly bottoms, then you should be slapped mercilessly. There are gay bars in Alaska. Go there and find yourself a Lumberjack Prince.

I don't like extremes on any side of things - over-the-top "hey bro" masc guys? No, thank you. Super fem swishy "heyyyyy girl" queens? God no.

How about just in between, normal, no need for attention types. You can be obviously gay, that's cool. You can be not on the radar at all, and that's cool.

It's any guy who seems over the top in either direction that just seems gross and desperate for attention.

Hmm, I'm a gay man. By definition, I like MEN. If you're womanly acting, that would be a huge turnoff, because - surprise - I am not the least bit attracted to women.

Exactly r57. The only people obsessed about this shit are the self loathers.

People who are confident in their skin just live their life.

R57 never once happened like that in my experience

It’s okay to only be into conventionally masculine mainstream dudes. The problem is when you mistreat people because they aren’t attractive or masculine to you. Be Kind to all

R63 every person I've ever met that uses the phrase "self loathing" is actually the most self-loathing. Every single time it's a queenie, lonely, bitter person that wants everyone else to be as unhappy as they are. So, clearly THEY are "self loathing."

People can truly, genuinely like and love themselves without running around with a non-stop rainbow flag, swishing into the restaurant, screaming heyyyyyyyy OMG DID YOU SEE RUPAUL?!

It's ok. We're all different, and we can like certain things and dislike certain things without being "self loathing."

Exactly what R65 said.

Very few are self loathing most of us loathe others.

I have observed in general life experience, that when a lot of effeminate leaning gays decide to they are tired of their outward appearance mirroring their inner gurl. They decide to devote themselves to body masculating pursuits like muscle building, The more gains they achieve the more masc transformative they become. Then their clothes change, their friends change, their hair becomes more military inspired. The self confidence they acquire in their look and sense of accomplishment can sometimes affect a 180 change. NOT ALL! I know. Some will have a threshold of masc they attain but cant take it further even though their bodies continue to transform. However, I've seen some that consciously or unconsciously transform their mannerisms to reflect their body image. I guess what I'm saying is , sometimes effeminate mannerisms are exaggerated by choice. They can be quashed to an extent by simple behavior awareness and body self image.

A place like DL could make anyone homophobic. Bitchiness and cuntery are the norm here now.

Just go on Grindr and look for guys who describe themselves as masculine. Duh!

[Quote]without running around with a non-stop rainbow flag, swishing into the restaurant, screaming heyyyyyyyy OMG DID YOU SEE RUPAUL?!

This post certainly speaks volumes about you.

What a loss to all gay men.

Most of the time masculine attracts masculine in the ghey world. You must not be giving off vibes the men want OP.

But people like what they like. My weakness is pretty guys with big butts. If you have a pretty face and big booty I don't care if you are fem or masc.

OP is what happens because he never left his small backwoods town. Try having a sophisticated thought once in a while. Read a book. Join the military if nessesary. Anything to escape your small world.

OP no one wants you! Your face must look like a dropped pie and you type fat. Even fems and crossdressers can find a masc man to fuck them, once in a while.

I've given up because I'm ugly. Tired of getting rejected and called ugly all the time so I just use pornhub now.

That's THE WHOLE ENTIRE POINT OF DATALOUNGE, r70. What do you mean "recently"?

Who the hell calls you ugly !!??? To your face ??? Don't stand for that shit, go woop their ass !!

Sorry, r70, you didn't actually say "recently".

I'm all riled up. LOL

[quote]Bitchiness and cuntery are the norm here now.

It's in the mission statement.

Control-F this, here in this thread:

Versatile

If I'm not attracted to you before you go into your full on drag routine, I'm not going to be attracted to you when you have to take it all off. I also wasn't attracted to you when you were wearing it.

OP saying "The problem is that SO FEW gay dudes fit this profile. "

Be comfortable in your own skin FIRST OP - and then men you like will come to you

Don't worry about it, OP. This is just the inherent tragedy of gay life.

R85 if you are unfuckable..

I think there is a lot of truth In what r85 says. I hear a lot of gay guys say they are hopelessly attracted to masculine guys who aren’t into guys, and most old mb gay guys aren’t masculine enough for them to be attracted to. We shouldn’t pretend this is a widespread dilemma.

Most openly gay guys aren’t masculine* ⬆️

Bump

R72 you are very self loathing

I lol'd at a Squirt profile last night where a guy who claims he's 58 has no other pic than one of a portion of his tattooed bicep and forearm. At the end of his profile under 'dislikes,' he says (I quote) 'Oh, and I don't like fem. Be a man.' This could have been written by the OP. I particularly enjoyed how he needed to add the 'Oh' expression, because writing 'Oh' is pretty much textbook for how to mince in writing.

On OP's playlist right now

OP, as a lifelong total top, I will say that most MEN you encounter are bottoms, nelly or not. That definitely includes married men, who are interested in what they can't get at home, which is a dick in their ass. Anal is all the rage right now. 15 years ago or more it was all blowjobs, all the time. 20 years ago or even 10 years ago, when I ate ass, guys were shocked and many had never had it done to them.

Now I can't get a blowjob and rimming is almost mainstream. Or the guys claiming to offer blowjobs are really expecting me to fuck them, and they think that offering a bj sounds safer and more tame. But they really want to get fucked. I have had 3 honest-to-goodness blowjobs without anal in the past 2 years, that's how much guys want anal these days. And I've fucked over 50 guys in that time.

You can get plenty of masculine men if you're a good top. Especially if you are friendly and unintimidating. You don't want the uptight ones who are lecturing others about their masculinity. They're terrible company and worse sex.

R192, much better version from 2005 for Gap by DL Fave, Sarah Jessica Parker!

#PrettyKhaki

[quote]I’d rather be single than date someone who isn’t totally masculine.

I'm just spitballing here, but perhaps the masculine ones share the sentiment, as well...and that's why they don't want to have anything to do with you?

I have met very few men who would rigidly define themselves as either top of bottom. Guys I've been with over the years have been pretty uniformly "versatile". And I don't think I've ever met a dude who couldn't get into a good, intense round of mutual cocksucking.

A scintillating thread, OP. I'm sure there's much to learn from a turbo-butch, my-friends-don't-even-suspect-I-am-gay gentleman such as yourself.

I'm sure we'll uncover new and exciting things in this thread not covered in the previous 956,439,768,302,018,278,892 threads on this SAME topic!

OP is that black Austinite who only wants to fuck white guys.

[quote]Now I can't get a blowjob and rimming is almost mainstream. Or the guys claiming to offer blowjobs are really expecting me to fuck them, and they think that offering a bj sounds safer and more tame. But they really want to get fucked.

TBH head is just so easy to get these days. Guys who really enjoy getting head usually have someone they can call for that. There are so many gay head doctors out there that just live to suck dick and are really good at it.

If a guy has gone through all the trouble to prepare to bottom, chances are he wants to spend most of your time together getting fucked up the ass.

R95, obviously your experience Is far from universal. There is nothing wrong With being strictly top or strictly bottom, or not engaging in anal or oral sex at all. Diversity

R46, yes, you are projecting. Fishy queens want masculine men, not other fishy queens. When they can't get what they want, they bitch about gay men who aren't interested in them, and accuse them of not being "real". I'm real. I'm gay. I'm a man. I'm not into you. I don't have to get into drag to be myself.

No R99, head is no longer easy to get where I am. I get a lot of action, but it's almost all anal. They say they want to give head, but they really want to get fucked, and they usually insist on it. Also, I run into more men than ever these days who are bottoms who don't suck dick at all.

The last new guy I got with right before all this covid happened has a screenname of something like "suckslut" but when we got together, his first question was, "Do you fuck?" And when I said yes, I got about 45 seconds of head and the rest of our time was spent in his well-worn ass. He had a sling in a guest room that I saw as we passed by. I said, "Why don't you tell people you want to fuck?" He replied, "It scares guys off."

Last long term fuckbuddy I had gave me one blowjob in a year. One. Another gave me a few, but after we started fucking, that's all he wanted from then on.

The only guy I know who gives blowjobs exclusively has let himself go to an unfortunate degree and I won't get with him anymore. Another guy I know cut me off a year ago because I think he was developing a crush (I posted about it on DL when it happened). Another one moved away 2 years ago.

Another website profile of mine says that bottoms who don't suck aren't desired. They still hit me up with ass selfies, begging "just this once?" Or, "I don't swallow," or "I'll suck you a little and jack you off," both strong clues that he doesn't want to suck dick at all.

I even posted to DL on this topic several days ago.

R96 anecdotal evidence is not evidence. Whom you have met is of no interest here.

Cocksuckers are dozen a dozen here in Austin. Many are super nasty and desperate because there are literally no tops or guys wanting their dick sucked. So like everything else, location is everything, R102.

No shortage of bottoms anywhere really.

[Quote]Tovey's rugby playing dildo should do porn !!

He should take your advise. Lol.

Ah yes I know this poster r98.

I remember telling him the cold truth that most white guys want to get topped by a black guy, it was going to be hard for him as a black bottom to get white tops.

He didnt want to believe me, but I guess it was true.

[quote]No shortage of bottoms anywhere really.

Miami is a top heavy city. A lot of DL Caribbean men aren't into bottoming.

Well black bottoms are at the bottom of the barrel. Sorry OP just the truth. Even the really hot ones are at the bottom of the hot barrel below the hot ( & semi hot ) white/latin bottoms.

OP is black?

Well, OP, much like you aren't into gay men that aren't masculine tops, most guys aren't into black men that aren't masculine tops and that don't have a big dick. Maybe that's your problem.

Also, have you tried being Asian? Asian-asian from the east, not "Asian" like from the south. I feel like it would be easier for you to get what you want if you were Asian.

R102, you might have bad hygiene.

R98 / R106, is this the thread?

That OP was really defensive and projected his issues onto an entire segment of people (i.e. "effeminates") as a big contributing cause of his problems, even though they had nothing to do with him.

If white guys are looking for black guys, they want masculine, confident tops. Not pathetic, self-loathing bottoms like OP.

Yes this is the black guy from Austin who really only likes white guys. I mistyped my age, I’m actually 33 now. Anyway, I DO NOT have difficulty attracting hot white dudes in that post from two years ago nor do I now. I still get hot, white bi tops but they won’t date a guy.

I am technically mixed. I am lighter skinned and have white features like round eyes and a long slim nose, and my skull shape is white (v shaped face, small jaw, etc).

Anyway, during quarantine I’ve been using this skin lightening soap and pills that make me even lighter and I’m looking really good. I just want to be as attractive as possible to hot white guys. I disagree that that makes me self hating.

This is actually why I can’t stand gay guys. On one hand you uphold white supremacy by stating that black guys are “bottom of the barrel”, then you admonish me for being self hating for simply adhering your own standards of beauty and wanting to make myself as appealing to this demographic as possible?

R114 not black guys , black self loathing sissy bottoms like you There is a difference!!

Whatever, R115. By the sound of your post you are the type of nelly bottom bitch that I avoid at any and all costs.

Dang son

Nah, R110. You should have signed your post Anne L. Lingus. I get lots of action and quite a bit of repeat action. My biggest problem is I don't get enough sex. Honest my life would be easier if I weren't such a horndog. I'm hot but very friendly and humble. If you are pleasant and friendly and treat me with kindness, I'd much rather fuck you, no matter how old or conventionally unattractive you are, over a hot guy. I am actually turned on by personality. I'm turned on by pretty much anything, but that's beside the point.

I fuck guys 40 years older than me gladly, and show them a great time and I don't ghost. I strongly prefer repeats, and have had fuckbuds that have lasted years. But guys are fickle now because they think their next new dick is a login and a couple clicks away. Before the apps, I had fuckbuds for over 5 years.

The one who fired me a year ago emailed me a couple weeks ago. He was tempted. But he didn't give in. I was mildly insulting, told him I was hard and he was easy (identify the quote and get 5 points) and if he said yes I'd be loading up his throat within the hour. It's all true. He replied and said, "It best if I don't anymore. Sorry!" (I found the old thread).

I really think my friend is right - it's meth making guys want it up the butt. I can tell when someone's high on meth when they're sucking me. They get lockjaw. They can't relax their jaw, and they bite my fat cock. Again, no problem getting ass, but these days, blowjobs are in short supply.

Of course, now Covfefe-19 is keeping the dick away. We all have to cross our legs for the duration.

This “Austin guy” is just some alt-right troll.

NICE TRY, PEPE!

The Austin guy's attitude is repulsive. No wonder no one wants him.

I remember going through the "masc guys only" phase when I was in my twenties. What a waste of time.

It’s not a phase for most. It’s an innate, fixed attraction to conventionally masculine males.

Fuck you, R120. This forum is so racist, I’m done with all of you.

Oh boy

R36, The contestants on Rupaul's Drag Race are DRAG QUEENS. The Pit Crew are NOT drag queens so of course they don't look like the contestants. This is not difficult to grasp.

Even though I'm gay enough, any look through dating apps or a hookup site like Doublelist shows how ridiculous many gay men are. It's all age-play, race-play, dress-up, kink, demands for nine-inch cocks, all with a dusting of crystal meth.

Why are you looking for quality dudes on Trashy sites?

R127 are there any legit dating sites left?

R126, I think you’re being hyperbolic.

If you want a diamond don't look in the trash

R118 Ever think of keeping your eye open for a cocksucking top? I'm not versatile, no desire to be buggered, EVER, but have always enjoyed oral as well... especially giving. I can't be the only one. Then when you get the urge to fuck, you simply tap one of those eager bottoms. I do however agree with you on those sorts of selfish-no-sucking bottoms. We have a tonne of them here in Chicago, and they're not all on meth... just exclusively all about getting their holes "wrecked".

Haha! Now it's "racist" to (justifiably) find OP's attitude repulsive.

The problem is there are so few naturally openly gay dudes who are masculine and athletic like this.

The problem is there are so few openly gay dudes who are naturally mainstream masculine and athletic like this.

No, OP's insecurity and defensive attitude is the problem. It chases people away. No one wants to take that on for a potential relationship.

But it's just so easy to blame gay men in general for your problems.....