The dating apps (or, as I call them, the "sex apps") have, in my opinion, have done nothing but created unhappiness for young gays today. I came of age in the 70's and 80's, when guys mainly met in bars. Sure, there were bathhouses, but no one with any sense went to a bathhouse in hopes of finding Mr. Right. Pure, unadulterated sex were what the bathhouses were about, a far cry from romance.
My story: It was a damp, rainy, gloomy afternoon in San Francisco shortly after New Years and I was in a bar called The Badlands off Castro St. I must say I was considered very hot stuff in those years and pretty much had my pick (usually) of whoever I wanted, so I was not lacking for sex. However, AIDS was in the process of devastastating the gay male community at that time, so smart men had become much more cautious. Others still fucked around like they always had and most ended up in the obituaries.
So there I was, leaning against the pool table, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette, really not looking for sex, just a bit of social activity. My eyes wandered to my left and suddenly I saw what I determined to be the most handsome man I'd ever seen in real life. Same as me, he was drinking a beer and smoking. I think I might have stared a little longer than I realized and he suddenly turned at saw me and smiled. I smiled back.
Long story short: We talked for about an hour or so and, frankly, we both fell in love right then and then. It was by then early evening, neither of us had eaten, so we left and went to the Spaghetti Factory on Castro for dinner, where we lingered quite awhile. I asked if he'd like to come over, he did and we were both so excited that we 69'd right on the living room carpet. (We came in each other's mouth almost at the same instant...and, yes, we both swallowed.)
That was the first night we slept together and we recently celebrated 35 years as a couple. We moved from SF in 1990 to Madison, WI and are still here.
My reason for relating all this is to 1) Meeting guys on Grinder is OK, I guess, but the chances of finding long-term are slim, I would say; 2) Meeting a guy face to face and observing his mannerisms, his speech pattern, his background, hopes and aspirations are, I think, paramount in letting you know if he's "the one".
True, not all men who met in bars ended up like us. But now there are " Meet-Up" groups focusing on just making new friends or sharing common interests (reading, hiking, softball, hockey, cooking...you name it.)
As my dear old granny used to say: "There's a lid for every pot." And I believe that. Just forge your own path...you'll find it!
