Let's be things found in the home of an Eldergay

I'm the DVC collection on the bookshelf. There are a few video cassettes, forgotten in a drawer, too.

↑ DVD Collection

I'm the landline

I'm the pencil placed directly next to the rotary phone.

I'm all of these things, yes, indeed, ALL of them

I'm the half gallon of Smirnoff vodka in the freezer, next to the carton of Marlboro Lights 100's

I’m the colander, I’ve never been used.

I am 60 watt bulbs in the living areas and even lower wattage in the bedroom area when coitus is about to occur .

I am compressive under garments by Spanx for those rare excursions to a gay bar

I am the secondary secret laptop with a different Google Acct login I use for "sexy time "

I am the ninety day bottle of Wellbutrin and Cilias usually taken in tandem

I am the AARP membership card that he refuses to carry in his wallet

An finally I am the sense for loneliness and isolation that brings me to this site to commensurate with my fellow Eldergays

I'm the mirrored tray on the bedroom dresser. I hold an array of the finest colognes found at Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus and Sephora.

I'"m Judy and Sparkles, the two siamese cats

Red bathroom, with Architectural Digests stacked neatly nearby.

R11 I like that grab bar over the toilet !!! I That would come in handy !!!!

Im the 3 sets of silver and 6 sets of fine china ,some inherited,some purchased , that I cant bear to part with though I last had people over for dinner in 1978 . Im the rolodex on the desk .98% of the names in it are dead.

I'm the variety of prepackaged cookies in the cupboard.

Can I offer you a Lorna Doone, Fig Newton, hard oatmeal, or windmill-shaped cookie with your tea?

These are amazing. Keep going...

I'm the glass shelved lighted china cabinet filled with Lalique.

(I just love Lalique!)

Im the naked pictures of men all over the wall from 1979… And penis statues everywhere. Groundbreaking for 1979!

I am the enema kits under the bathroom sink, which are administered twice weekly as Mother and Grandmother instructed me to do so long ago.

I am the complete collection of Barbra Streisand's films, concerts and tv specials, arranged in chronological order in a place of honor in the entertainment center.

I'm the whip hanging on a hook on the bedroom door.

I am the Ritts and Mapplethorpe coffee table books. They may find their way to the bedroom from time to time.

I’m the half used tube of Preparation H ointment on the windowsill next to the toilet. The suppositories are kept cold in the fridge door.

I'm the old kitchen spice containers made of tin, sitting next to the empty jars of Vicks Vaporub and Noxzema skin cream made of deep blue glass, sitting in an out-of-the-way corner cupboard.

I'm the stocked cigarette box on the living room coffee table, right next to the matching Art Deco glass ashtray and figurine lighter.

I'm the claustrophobic effect (a long ago summer project) of upholstering, window draping, and wallpapering the guest room in all matching chintz.

One guest has stayed there, but the cat likes it.

At R11, I'm not understanding the placement of that grab bar, unless you're using the toilet head-in.

[quote]I'm the stocked cigarette box on the living room coffee table, right next to the matching Art Deco glass ashtray and figurine lighter.

.....and each cigarette is smoked with a "Bette Davis" flair.

I’m the photographs of friends lost to HIV.

We're the two yappy toy dogs that dictate every moment of our eldergays' lives. We're named after either long-dead actors and actresses, or fashion design houses.

I am the well-worn copy of The Front Runner on the shelf, next to The Joy of Gay Sex.

I'm the fully-stocked bar, with four types of vodka!

No gay man has bought Vanity Fair since Rasida took over. Who wants to read a style-free woke rag about grubby looking z-graders? The readership now is college age women.

I'm the rose chintz sofa. I smell of spilled gin, cigarette smoke and cat piss.

[quote]No gay man has bought Vanity Fair since Rasida took over. Who wants to read a style-free woke rag about grubby looking z-graders? The readership now is college age women.

Okay this is something every gay man can agree with, regardless of age or generation.

I'm the framed Patrick Nagel.

I'm the framed Follies poster.

Original cast ONLY, thank you very much.

I'm the mid-century, baby blue soda stream on the fully (FULLY) stocked bar.

I'm the closet full of these...

I'm the old framed photo of Mother in her 30s or 40s, looking well-groomed with a slightly faraway look in her eyes.

I’m the little feather duster used to keep the tchotchkes, which can be found on almost every flat surface in the house, looking like new. I flutter to the soundtrack of “Hello Dolly” every Sunday afternoon.

I'm rough trade, still debating whether to kill him.

"No gay man has bought Vanity Fair since Rasida took over. Who wants to read a style-free woke rag about grubby looking z-graders? The readership now is college age women."

Err, no one is reading Vanity Fair these days.

The Erte print, there since the 80’s.

I'm the must have curio cabinet just filled with the finest collectables from my many world travels...

I'm the Bette Midler CDs, stacked next to the Bose from 90s.

I'm the Marlin Beach Hotel poster that every Gay man had in the 80s now tucked away in a back room closet...

I'm the China cabinet, always pointed out to guests who are told "that was Mother's."

I am the double headed dildo.

I'm an original copy of Straight From The Heart: A Love Story by Rod and Bob Jackson-Paris.

These are all amusing but way off the mark. Thanks for playing, though.

I’m the concealer in the bathroom..

An eldergay who has been dead for two weeks because his nephews and nieces never call!!!!!

I'm the upright piano, inherited from Mother, on which I play my favorite showtunes.

I'm this elegant piece of machinery tucked away in the garage of my Miami Beach condo...

I’ve been in quite a few “eldergay” homes and have never seen anything like as described here.

Appearance aids

R45 only, so far.

R55, yes.

I'm the large collection of kitschy Mammy themed items all around the kitchen.

"I’ve been in quite a few “eldergay” homes and have never seen anything like as described here. "

I'm an ElderGay and own half the shit mentioned here

Learn to quote^.

Maybe off the mark for you r51

I'm the Palmer Guide To Cursive Handwriting, which is still strictly adhered to

I'm the checkbook. I'm still used regularly.

I am the fabulous Le Chat Noir and Folies Bergère prints that complement the Erte at R44.

I'm the Gump's catalog in the magazine holder in the guest bathroom.

I'm the Rigaud candle on the glass coffee table.

I'm the newspaper that is delivered every morning.

One of these

I'm the kimono that is worn while reading the newspaper every morning.

I am the Barbie doll collection; each Barbie is wearing a haute couture gown.

I am the unused exercise equipment gathering dust in some abandoned corner of the house.

The 20 something twink Thai boyfriend/fiancé.

We call them 'houseboys', dear.

Stacks of books

I cringe in horror at how accurate some of these are. As I stare at my kimono hanging on the back of the door while glancing at my Erte prints and Lalique glass.

Some variation/version of me can be found in many an eldergay home.

"Learn to quote^. "

Kiss my wrinkled, crusty butthole

I’m the reading glasses…on the nightstand, end tables, in the bathrooms, by the phones and tucked between the pages of a crossword puzzle book.

I'm Judy at Carnegie Hall.

I'm the framed ticket stub from a long-ago Liza Minnelli concert.

[quote] I'm the upright piano, inherited from Mother, on which I play my favorite showtunes.

And Mother’s favorites too!

I'm the collection of Playbills from the last 50 years.

[quote]I’m the reading glasses…on the nightstand, end tables, in the bathrooms, by the phones and tucked between the pages of a crossword puzzle book.

This one hurts (says the poster who buys reading glasses by the 5-pack from Amazon and has a pair in every room, along with one looped over my shirt collar at all times).

No worries, r84. That's not an eldergay thing at all. That's an everybody over 50 thing.

I'm the towel turban and Clinique moisturizing face mask

I'm the Tom of Finland coffee table book.

I'm the leftover cod with prunes.

Left over because for some strange reason, about 3/4 of the invitees never show up for dinner, and none of those that do show want to take any leftovers home.

And her dream yacht.

I'm the well worn VHS copy ...

I'm the bottle of Jovan Must cologne sitting on the vanity.

We are the pink light bulbs..

I’m the carved jade whatnots.

*musk

I'm the Ralph Lauren embroidered polo player logos on the shirts in the closets.

I'm the Christopher Radio collection of Christmas tree ornaments individually wrapped in tissue paper in the attic.

Jovan musk will make me drop my undies quicker than you can say Jack Robinson ! Something about that scent has always driven me mad with lust. .

Commiserate, R8.

I'm the lanai.

I used to be called just the backyard patio, until...well, you know.

^ Was that before or after it's "veranda" phase?

I'm the custom-framed 'Ice Capades 1975' poster.

I’m the new feather duster which seems hard to find out shopping…none at ikea!

I'm the Crane's stationery, embossed with my cypher and hand-bordered in ecru; everyone loves to receive me.

Elegance

I'm the T-shirt and shorts that are two sizes too small, hurriedly thrown on when the cute UPS guy pulls into the driveway.

R84 & r85, I posted the ‘I’m the reading glasses’ from experience! I normally wear bifocals, but I still keep readers all over just in case, even in the car! I can fake-it-until-I-make-it with distance but not reading.

I'm the Just for Men hair dye to hide that tell tale gray.

I'm the eldergay's husband. We've been together for 25 years. We laugh at each other's foibles and have a glass of wine each night, toasting a life well-lived.

I'm the electric heating pad.

I am the dour designer cat staring down at its owner with disdain.

A Bootleg VHS of Looking for Mr. Goodbar

I'm the small, fluffy cream/white/beige purebred dog who my owner loves more than any human.

I'm the pile of diet books recently bought in anticipation of the new diet - and new LIFE - being started on Monday.

[quote] I'm the Gump's catalog

Gumps! I forgot they existed. I still have some items from them.

I'm the premium subscription to Datalounge.

I’m the Soloflex machine, here only for the grace of that ad. I’m in mint condition.

I'm the fax machine.

[quote] Gumps! I forgot they existed. I still have some items from them.

Of course you do, dear.

I'm the 50 year-old neighbors, who are derided as "Millennials."

I'm the paid off mortgage, the monthly pensions and returns on investments, the zero debt, and mounting bank balance.

I'm the semi-permanant pile of Cruise Ship brochures on the kitchen table, ever ready for dreamy perusals over morning coffee.

Oh please, r120, all that's going to be blown on some manipulative, rapacious twink with massive sizemeat and a drug problem in no time.

I am the unopened 12-pack box of Magnum Large Ribbed and Lubricated Condoms sitting on-top of the fridge.

[quote] even in the car! I can fake-it-until-I-make-it with distance but not reading.

R106, please get rx glasses for distance for driving purposes. I wear rx glasses for driving, but held off for a couple of years. It’s so much more relaxing to drive when you can see everything clearly.

I'm the unopened copy of Madonna's "Sex" book. Someday it'll be worth a fortune!

I couldn't figure out if R1 meant DVD or QVC until he clarified at r2, either would have been appropriate.

R123 Who the fuck keeps condoms on top of the fridge?

I'm the vintage late 1960s mineral oil rain lamp, but instead of a goddess, I contain a figure of Apollo.

"Oh please, [R120], all that's going to be blown on some manipulative, rapacious twink with massive sizemeat and a drug problem in no time. "

Oh, please! I'm too old and have come too far to blow everything on some twink stud-muffin. A new car, maybe, but he's not getting all my stuff

We consider an eldergay to be over 35, yes?

In that case: A PlayStation, iPod or CD of any kind.

Startlingly familiar, many of these, at least for moi. I feel…what do the kids say….SEEN.

I'm the mirrored tray on the bedroom dresser. I hold an array of the finest colognes found at Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus and Sephora.

I’ve also featured bumps and lines of coke, K, Tina and even a combination of “trail mix” back in my more adventurous days.

This thread needs a filter so we can weed out "things found in the home of someone over 50" from the actual title of the thread.

I'm heart and blood pressure medication. And poppers.

AT 62, I have none of these except a checkbook, and husband. Checks are still necessary in NH. I cannot pay most tradespeople without them. I may be splitting hairs on two. I have a library, so the books are on shelves, not stacked; and; my reading glasses are on a chain around my neck.

I am not saying that the list is inaccurate, but it does describe a very specific older gay man of a certain economic level and geographic location.

I’m the closet stacked with Depends. I’ll need to be restocked in another month.

"I'm the mirrored tray on the bedroom dresser."

Because even us eldergays like to do a few lines of blow now and then :)

This thread describes why I love eldergays.

I am the matching nightstands in the bedroom with matching reading lights and matching fake flowers. I have a book carefully placed at an angle to break up the look. On the other side is a big box of Kleenex, and a bottle of Jergens lotion. My hands get so dry.

I’m the box of bank statements and other financial documents that never get opened, but will need to be shredded; unable to make the switch to paperless to save the planet.

[quote] I'm the Christopher Radio collection of Christmas tree ornaments

Radko.

THIS book.

I am the tarnished metal cock ring in the drawer of the nightstand in case I get lucky. So edgy and radical is how I like to think of myself.

I'm the antique clock that has a place of pride in the foyer. The eldergay who lives here tells everyone I've been in his family since they crossed over on the Mayflower but he really found me in another eldergay's estate sale and purchased me for $50. He tends to stretch the truth like that.

I am the above ground outdoor Jacuzzi I always wanted since the 80's but couldn't afford until retirement. Never mind they are not a thing anymore but in my mind they are.

Hot tubs are passe? Who knew.

I am the set of napkin rings and wine charms in case I have company and want them to know I have class even though I am too lazy to fold and stuck in a retro world of tablescapes.

[quote]Hot tubs are passe? Who knew.

Very passe, the only way people use them now is if they are built in as part of a fancy pool. The above ground ones or plastic ones sunk into the ground are tacky, tacky, tacky.

Well, R148 my sciatica and aching back will put up with the tackiness of my hot tub in exchange for some relief.

Why so much hatred for the people who fought hard for your rights and endured stuff you can't imagine? Do you think you won't get old one day?

Carry on.

Get a sense of humor and quit taking everything so seriously, R150.

R150 I actually think is gentle ribbing. I am 53 and can totally relate to some of these things.

I am the Charles Hix Workout book , well thumbed and “The Gay book of Days”

R150, as an elder gay, I assure you that most of the men who live as described did not fight for your rights. They safely played court favorite to a bunch of women playing queen bees. They thought those of us on the streets were vulgar and should learn some manners (e.g., our place.)

I've had my copy since 1977.

I'm a stack of old Playbills on the book shelf.

This is terrifyingly accurate.

I'm the large coffee table book on Michelangelo.

I'm the small individual aspic molds for my grandmothers handed-down recipe for Tomato aspic.

I was last used on Thanksgiving day ,1978.

I'm the assortment of Fiestaware.

r158: But only VINTAGE from the '30s - '50s. All the post '86 Fiesta is strictly frau.

I'm the matted and framed collection of Claudette Colbert memorabilia.

[quote]All the post '86 Fiesta is strictly frau.

I have post '86 turquoise, chartreuse, and cobalt Fiestaware, and I am strictly non-frau.

[quote]I have post '86 turquoise, chartreuse, and cobalt Fiestaware, and I am strictly non-frau.

Uhhhhhh.... No. Just no.

If you have a collection of Homer Laughlin Fiestaware from the 1930's and 40's, then you're a savvy collector.

But post 1986? Pure frau.

I'm a little disappointed that although being a card carrying eldergay, I miss on most of these things except for the old DVD collection of movies and the china / silver for 80. But, the later was inherited and is too valuable to give away. But, it's carefully locked away in a vault and not displayed in a vitrine as a point of pride.

^^Sorry the two 'buts'. I'm typing while stuck in traffic.

I'm the framed autograph from Anton Walbrook.

I'm the living room full of my own abstract oil paintings, a hobby I took up just two years ago.

Post 86 is for everyday use and most of those colors have been discontinued anyway.

I’m the jugs of distilled water for the CPAP humidifier.

I'm Mother.

I am 88 and Hisstopher has been taking care of me for the last ten years. He moved back from San Francisco for me because his brother and sister have actual families and are too busy with my grandchildren and their very important jobs.

I talk about how successful they are and how wonderful my grandchildren are all the time and I make Hissy take out his phone and show people the new pictures that they put on the Facebook.

Hissy and I always watch the soaps together and then all the reality shows on TV. I know my stuck up daughter in law thinks she is too good for those kinds of shows, but I put up with it because her kids are so cute and because she buys my Christmas and birthday presents at the Nordstroms when she goes to Chicago.

Tonight we are going to sing show tunes again. Hissy's the only one whoever bothered to learn how to play the piano, which is good because he can make some extra money now giving lessons.

I mean it's not like that design job in San Francisco was a career like his brother has.

R3- I have a landline and I still have my VCR ( which still works by the way) I still have my Sony Wega tv I bought at the WIZ in November 2000.

And she's gonna die with that Sony tv. Mark my words.

R171- My Sony tube tv still works perfect even after TWENTY years of use. So don't knock it.

Perfectly. It works perfectly.

But it doesn't. Televisions are one of the devices that really have been dramatically improved since you bought your Sony television. The improvement in picture quality is immense.

Your Sony is limited. Extremely limited. And far from perfect.

I'm the flip phone

I have a FULL SIZE desktop computer at home. None of those MODERN new fangled laptops for me.

r162 r159 I took a look at some Fiesta IG pages and, you know what, you're right. Post '86 Fiestaware does have a large contingent of frau fans. Nevertheless, and although I am an eldergay, I like my post '86 Fiestaware. Most of it is Turquoise, my favorite color.

r167 is also right. Homer Laughlin deletes and adds colors every year. At this time, Turquoise is the oldest color still available new except for White. Many colors don't last long. They have had too many variations on Crayola Yellow-Orange, which they retire after only a year. I hope they don't retire Turquoise. I believe it is still one of the most popular colors.

I feel a dish thread coming on.

r176, No problem. Always happy to educate a fellow Dish Queen. Black and Lilac used to be "hot" post-86 colors. But if you like the post-86 Turqouise, check out the original Fiesta Turquoise. It's a little lighter in color and was made all through the original 30s-50s run and it's still really plentiful and very reasonable. I love the ring-handled cups. ...and they are super cheap. Nobody wants teacups and saucers anymore.

r177: Sounds good to me!

I’m expired lube.

R173 is BRUTAL.

I like that in a R173.

I'm the autographed 8x10 headshot of Patti Lupone, framed and hanging in the bathroom.

I do have turquoise in my post-86 Fiesta, which is for everyday use. Some breakage but mostly bowls, not plates. I also have Buffalo china for everyday, the green and white diner stuff. It will be in great shape and unbreakable through the next Ice Age/

I am the fumbling around in the gunt trying to find the cock around which I might place said cockring (r143).

I am the complete DVD collections of

Maude

Golden Girls

Designing Women

Mary Tyler Moore

Soap

and

The West Wing

I'm the rack with cassettes of 175 Old-Time Radio shows.

I'm the full set of old diner mugs that I picked up for .50 a piece and that some schmuck is selling for 22.

I actually do want to get maybe 2-3 pieces of Fiestaware but only the true MCM era stuff, since I'm in a (sort of) MCM home now.

It seems like lots of young fraus are collecting.....is it the Corningware baking crocks?

I’m hairless shins and calves.

I'm the gin and tonic that is mixed just before Days Of Our Lives starts.

I'm the full set of Le Creuset in Royal Blue that was purchased in1978 and is still chip- and stain-free. The three Dutch Ovens are never loneiy.

I'm the brittle stretch fibers in 40 year old jockstraps and speedos, which are kept for nostalgia's sake in an Alden shoebox on a high shelf next to mother's wedding album from the mid 50s.

R191 along with the tank tops. So many tank tops……

I’m a collection of twenty mini bottles of the Glenlivet nestled in a little basket atop the first edition of Trader Vic’s Bartender Guide.

I’m the soundtrack of Sirius Big Band Swing alternating with TCM. I’m the swoosh of fabric and yipping dog when the boys who mow the lawn come to the door. They keep asking for more money and I give it to them.

I'm a copy of Damron Accommodations that we reused when we went to Italy in 2019. Maybe the world changed? Maybe Damron didn't? But we got virtually no action this time around.

I'm the recipe for Prunes and cod

[quote] So many tank tops……

.....used now as dusting rags, since none of them still fit

I'm the chinoiserie!

I can outdo EVERY ONE on this thread. I still have a record player and a bunch of LP's in my house.

I’m the foul stench of decay that every person over 50 emits.

There is such a thing as Dish Queens?

Wow. Live and learn.

I don't even know what Fiesta Ware is.

Ditto R200.

Well I didn't know what it was BD (Before Datalounge)

It comes up quite often on here as a think Eldergays remember fondly from their childhoods and want to collect.

I'm cat hair. I'll never leave every piece of fabric I touch, but Daddy likes it that way.

I'm the fanny pack caressing the gunt underneath the caftan.

I'm the Dell desktop computer open to Datalounge.

I guess I'm "Eldergay adjacent" because I do have some of these things, but I also actually *want* others. Time is a harsh mistress.

This thread makes me want to go to Palm Springs and tour the stately manors, so I can witness this in person.

I'm the miniature poodle.

[quote] Televisions are one of the devices that really have been dramatically improved since you bought your Sony television. The improvement in picture quality is immense. Your Sony is limited. Extremely limited. And far from perfect.

I had a cathode ray TV (forgot the brand) that would not die. I cut my cable subscription down to just internet and got rid of the TV. My brother said they're also not very energy-efficient (old TVs).

I'm the hair plugs and rings on every finger.

Oh fuck ! I wear rings on every finger ! Its the Cuban in me.

r210: "Its the Cuban in me."

We would also have accepted "I'm Italian".

I'm this:

Those are for my bead collection, R212!

Thanks, r178. As I'm now an ancientgay, I'm no longer taking in any new dinnerware. I got rid of two sets prior to covid, and have two sets left, neither anything formal. I use my post '86 Fiestaware every day. I looked at the website r201 linked us to, and saw that the vintage Turquoise is more blue than what I have now. If I were to buy anything, I'd want it to be more green than more blue, even if only slightly.

Thanks for responding.

"My brother said they're also not very energy-efficient (old TVs). "

No, but in the winter they'll keep your apartment nice and toasty

There were some late 90s SONY tvs that were just about perfect. I lost mine in a breakup but that ex still has it for watching movies on VHS. The technologies go together well. I don't have that nostalgia but some people do. Old electronics are collectors items for a few young tech nerds. They are also sought after for small tech museums, and universities have collections, too.

I am the Smythson bespoke stationery , size A4, in pale Nile blue with dark brown embossed and engraved “BROWMOR HEATH” at the top of the page (additionally engraved and embossed on the flap of the matching envelopes) ……envelopes that have tissue lining matching EXACTLY the ink color of the engraving……..cost for 200 sheets and 200 matching envelopes……$1685.00 usd

I am the Klipsch Corner Horn speakers bought in 1964 for $888/pair ……..same speakers easily approach $20,000 pair now in tiger eye maple ……….driven of course by McIntosh vacuum tube amps and a Thorens turntable……..

disintegrating condoms on the dusty floor of the wine cellar. From when Edward was presenting hole to Jorge the gardener in the late 80s. Thomas knew all along and never said a word. It hurt a little bit but Eddie was only human and had needs. Thomas leaves them there to remember Edward and what a naive shit he could be.

[quote]I’m the soundtrack of Sirius Big Band Swing alternating with TCM

[quote]I'm the Dell desktop computer open to Datalounge.

I don't think I'm eldergay, but you totally clocked me with these.

I’m the track lighting.

I'm the Tiffany lamp on the end table next to the liquor cart. I was always Mother's favorite.

I’m Mother’s beloved breakfront that has been repurposed to display the urn containing her cremains.

I’m the dimmer switches for the track lighting.

"I’m the track lighting. "

In the refrigerator

I'm the Vitabath.

I'm the CALGON bath salts I use to unwind

CALGON take me away!

I'm the "Get Ready for Medicare" booklet lying on the coffee table. I've been read through thoroughly. Twice.

Ooooo, R228. I got approved for Medicare just last week.

I’m the Werther’s Originals caramels in the candy dish on the Davenport.

[quote] Checks are still necessary in NH. I cannot pay most tradespeople without them

Are you telling us, R135, that New Hampshire has not yet adapted to the new-fangled debit and credit cards? I’m not aware of any business that doesn’t accept cards, and I wouldn’t patronize them if I was.

New Hampshire doesn't even have trash pick up.

Closets filled with CAFTANS

New Hampshire is the Alabama of the Northeast.

We're the other guys with track lighting.

[quote]Well, [R148] my sciatica and aching back will put up with the tackiness of my hot tub in exchange for some relief.

Talking about your aches and pains like it's an important topic to other people is very Eldergay.

We're the bar soaps and whimsical scrub brushes which will later scrub a traumatized prostitution whore raw while a glass fish fixes a dead black eye on the ceiling and waits for it to be over.

I’m the collection of Hummel.

I'm the coterie of faggoty poodles, the 17 bottles of meds in the cabinet, some of which I need an oven mitt to open (the rest are hidden, dear), and the painful Hemorrhoids.

It was worth it. At least what I can remember of it, at least I tell myself that.

I am the shower shot permanently attached to the shower plumbing in hopes that some day someone will want to fuck me and I will be clean and ready to go. I dont care what my house guests think, it sends the message that I am still sexually active, or was in the 80's.

Poodles are great dogs and hemorrhoids does not need to be capitalized.

R231 - lots of tradespeople want to avoid credit cards like crazy, as they have to pay an extortionate fee to use them. So they prefer checks or cash.

R242, that is correct, and I did say tradesmen. It is not like I am using checks at Home Depot, but yes, for plumbing, septic, painter, chimney maintenance, etc., checks are required. And, FYI, many of these are guys in their 20s. They don#t want to fork over

+1 on R242

Most of them prefer to be paid in cash so they don't have to report it, but checks are also preferred.

I usually have no idea where my checkbook is and need to do a search for it the day prior.

R244 - a good tip in Western Europe if you feel like taking a cab is to offer cash at a lower fee than the fare. We got to Paris from Beauvais for about 1/2 of the price. Bus was fu of unvaccinated Eastern Europeans with masks under their noses or eating and coughing like Doc Holiday.

We are original network broadcasts of [italic]The Golden Girls[/italic] on Betamax.

R245, I have been in many shitty and dangerous cabs in Philly. But nothing was worse than, when in Germany, I needed to pay for a cab with a card. The cab driver - full blown Germany guy - was red-faced screaming at me inches from my face and demanding that I go to an ATM to get cash.

Don't most companies/independent contractors add the credit card service fee to the overall bill? I could understand paying in cash, but not check.

The last time I was working with a lot of different contractors, none of them wanted checks, and surprisingly most didn't want cash because they had to report all that money somehow if it was going in a bank at any point and they had legitimate business. And I am talking little guys like painters, electricians, carpenters, plumbers, cabinet makers etc. Unless it was a really small job under $600 dollars.

If a contractor is divorced or getting divorced, he wants cash. If he is behind on child support or taxes, he wants cash.

R247 - Germany is a weird place in many ways. I was just talking to my roommate's geeky, IT engineer ex who tells similar stories. Always getting ripped off left and right (he does a lot of travelling to different parts of the country as he manages electrical plants' systems). Says in many ways, it's more fucked up than Romania. Has some odd stories about total scams at 4-star hotels, hysterical Karens in supermarkets, etc. Says the whole place has gone crazy since the pandemic and hopes his company can send him back to the office near Milan.

I'm "Mother's" tea service.

I'm the salt water aquarium.

I'm the steel bar on the wall where the bathtub is.

I’m the hemorrhoid pillow.

We’re the copious throws.

Our owner gets chilly you see.

R245/R247/R248

In The Before Times, Uber was alive and well in Europe and far more efficient. Is that not the case anymore? There were local services too, IIRC, one called Bolt that was in Central or Eastern Europe.

I'm the bones of snarky non-eldergays under the floor of the basement in the carriage house.

I'm a couple colorful, droll Jonathan Adler throw pillows arranged artfully on the blue velvet Pottery Barn sofa.

Old issues of Playgirl magazine from the 1970’s and 1980’s.

I'm the leather vest hanging on the hook on the bathroom door. I'm within easy reach so my owner can put me on to look as masculine and intimidating as possible.

I've been hanging a few feet from the handmade lavender soaps my owner has made for years, and I've taken on that lovely scent.

I'm the collection Madame Alexander dolls.

They're the loveliest.

The "yearbook" for General Hospital.

A signed photo of Miss Linda Gray.

I’m the dusty 12 year old bottle of Wet water-based lubricant still half-full.

Oh, R264. That was like a perfect short story by Guy de Maupassant.

I’m the fainting couch.

I'm a pair of size 32 Diesel jeans purchased in 2003.

Someday I may fit into them again.

I’m the size small Abercrombie & Fitch muscle shirts stored and folded in the bottom drawer. My owner squeezes his gut into me sometimes and masturbates about the good ol’ days.

[quote]hemorrhoids does not need to be capitalized.

Tell you what...you spend some time working in the medical field, and you'll understand that, in many cases, HEMORRHOIDS! absolutely needs to be in caps, and with exclamation.

I'm the collection of matchbooks.

R257 - yes, there is still Bolt in all of Europe. We took one in Paris on the way back and it was a bit of a mistake as their prices are "dynamic" and, as our flight left at 7 AM, they charged much more. We don't usually take it here in Eastern Europe because, again, "dynamic" pricing and we only need it at night when we finish getting a huge load of groceries. That money is better used as a tip to a taxi driver and taxis have to be insured and the drivers have to undergo a psychological evaluation, are tracked by the company, and have a routine medical examination. Being a cab driver here requires an investment so it's less likely they will drive unsafely. Also, the car is inspected daily. Not so much with Bolt which is like Uber.

Good to hear that Bolt is in Germany. I hated not having car sharing services, so I look forward to modern transportation when I'm back.

A magnet on the refrigerator with the number of a local car service that may or may not still be in business.

I am a rather battered copy of a 1987 International Male catalog, hidden in a filing cabinet. It's silly to keep it, heaven knows. But there's something about that man in the mesh tee on page 18. There are memories... My owner can't seem to let me go, not yet.

I'm the office of said eldergay.

And I'm the bookshelf inside that office. In addition to several aforementioned items, I also contain at least 50 different issues of Interview Magazine from the mid-80s.

There's a Keith Haring print on the wall behind me.

"I'm the mirrored tray on the bedroom dresser. I hold an array of the finest colognes..."

As well as pReP, Viagra, Fleet Enema, TUMS, ProZac, Spanish Fly oil, anal bleach, Glade Rose Garden, echinacea and dentures.

Anal bleach was not around when elder gays were young R276. It's a Millennial Zoomer thing.

I am the nearly empty canister of Malibu Musk.

My owner sprayed it between his legs for when he had that "not so fresh" feeling.

I'm the AIDS meds.

R279 is why we can't have nice things

I'm a blue glass Shirley Temple mug.

I’m Mother’s death mask hanging in the breakfast nook.

r282 WINS!

I'm the plastic container with the huge BIOHAZARD sign on the side.

I collect the sharps/needles from all the insulin shots.

R273 I’m said magnet holding many expired Domino’s coupons to the fridge

I'm the collection of After Dark magazines Doug boxed up and left in his over-the-garage apartment when he went to college. His younger brother Peter moved in and had lots of people sleep over. One was his friend Will, who discovered the cache of After Darks and assumed Peter was gay. Peter was not gay.

Will later googled the family and discovered Peter's brother Doug had been the gay one, and that he'd died of AIDS in the mid-'80s. I'm now in the possession of Will, who hasn't looked at us in years.

I'm Matt Damon.

I've been discussed in said home frequently of late, and I wish they'd stop.

I am the restored version of Judy Garland’s [italic]A Star is Born[/italic] on every video format it has been released in next to an autographed copy of the late Ron Haver’s book about the making of it. The autograph, however, is by Joey Luft. In blue ink.

I'm the bright red rotary phone that I've had for more years than I can remember.

I'm the card table, where my friends used to sit with me and play cards and shriek about news events such as the tragic death of our dear Princess Di.

WHET card tables?

I'm the replica of the statue of David. Big or small, I'm on a shelf somewhere in the house.

I'm a bookcase. With books. That have actually been read.

I'm the fluffy footy slippers, one set in each room. They used to be mother's.

I’m the bottle of Rush in the freezer AND I am this….

I am life-long BITTERNESS and RESENTMENT permeating the dark and lonely abode.

I’m the extremely well-stocked liquor cabinet kept that way by delivery boys who get generous tips.

I'm the stack of bills in a basket on the kitchen counter. Each one is paid by putting it in the mail with a check.

I'm dead.

Killed by a twink.

I’m the handgun purchased a few months ago, to be used on myself very soon.

R300, we were NOT all thinking it, you creep.

Most of us were thinking of ribbing our fellow Eldergays about how dated and 'fabulous' we are, not at all assuming that they are all Depressives.

Getting older, cheesier and weirder does not equal suicidal, darling. Sorry you can't relate.

I'm the Billy and Carlos dolls.

R300 - You obviously aren’t “elder” enough to understand. Once you hit 70 you’ll see the writing on the wall.

I'm the CD tower

[quote]I am life-long BITTERNESS and RESENTMENT permeating the dark and lonely abode.

And the facial expression to go with it: PERMA-DISAPPOINTMENT.

We're the carbs futilely destroying your last-ditch effort at physical fitness.

I’m the framed Marilyn Monroe prints, with witty quotes from the dead junkie. You just know I’m a little minx after you read it.

“If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

I'm a pack of dried wet wipes under the bathroom sink. Maybe if he kept clean "back there", he'd get more action.

But a bag of Doritos today is a better bet than the hope of random dick tomorrow.

[quote]I’m the framed Marilyn Monroe prints, with witty quotes from the dead junkie. You just know I’m a little minx after you read it. “If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” —Borderline Personality Disorder 🚩

I'm the equally old widowed str8 neighbor down the street trying to convince him that the Kennedy brothers hand Marilyn bumped off.

[quote] I'm a bookcase. With books by well-known literary figures like Danielle Steele, James Patterson, and Jackie Collins. That have actually been read. Not recently and not always by the current owner, but they have been read.

^^^ I don't know them.

Consequences

I'm a well-washed dildo molded after a retired Falcon porn star who is now fat and bald. Much like the owner of said dildo.

^But when I get drunk, sniff poppers, and shove that dildo up my ass, I'm 25 with a porn star in me!

I’m the old photographs of past lovers now dead of AIDS.

EVERY episode of Sex And The City on DVD.

We're back issues of The Advocate going back to when they actually cared about gay issues.

The complete set of The Woman's Day Encyclopedia Of Cookery- It's FABULOUS. I should know because I have my mother's set that she bought brand new in the 1960's.

I am a hardback copy, with dust jacket, first printing of "The Strumpet Wind," by Gordon Merrick.

Incandescent Christmas tree lights.

I am the crock pot from 1980. My owner never learned to cook and forced all his tricks through the years to eat that slop when he invited them over for dinner. That dump cake lady looks like she has some good recipes.

I’m the 30 year old black leather pants and harness that used to get worn on Friday nights at Chaindrive.

I'm Gwen, and I'm here to warsh yer mangina.

Mangina? I loved her in [italic]Poltergeist[/italic]!

I’m the well-worn cloth diaper in the bottom drawer. I get put on after my owner showers and dries himself, and puts baby powder on his balls and ass crack.

[quote] Incandescent Christmas tree lights.

I love incandescent lighting.

I’m the chipped vintage vanity you see moved from one end of the apartment to another. Sometimes I’m a planter, sometimes I’m a quasi bookcase, sometimes I’m by the front door to drop mail and keys on…however I’m repurposed, I never seem to work.

My owner can’t get rid of me because decades ago I held the treasure trove of makeup he used in his drag days as Marjorie Moorehead (who scored a LOT of cock…. of varying qualities.)

I came here to say exactly that R326. I'm only 41. Is this how it begins? (jk I know it began at 30)

English shoes, French and Italian ties, dating from decades ago. Still in great condition.

2 or 3 antique collectible luxury watches that were only "vintage" when the eldergay bought them back in his 20s and 30s. Never stolen by rough trade, never gifted to a nephew who would have sold them. They may easily end up in the recycling center along with dozens of other treasures soon after eldergay's death. Que será, será

I'm the musty old-lady fart smell that continuously wafts through every room, due to both reduced sphincter control and not caring after decades of living alone.

I’m the ancient Siamese cat named Tallulah that hides from guests.

I'm the pictures of grandchildren that adorn the walls of the house because one of us was in married in a previous life. I make potential threesome sex partners feel particularly weird, particularly when the owners of the pictures are also nudists.

Me!

R334, I think that is a Bronze Age gay. I remember elder gays wearing tons of turquoise jewelry in the 1970s-80s.

R329/r330 has no idea how to do a “let’s be” thread.

I’m the bidet.

Apparently old people smell is real and isn't due to lifestyle or moths. Fun.

When I was younger, there was an old man across the hall who always smelled of Ivory Soap. I could never understand how he did it without actually eating Ivory Soap. Maybe he kept it in his dresser drawers as well. The sent never remained long on me.

[quote] The sent never remained long on me.

Oh, dear.

Why would the scent remain on you at all, long or otherwise?

I am the elder gays house absolutely swept through carefully for even the slightest hint of anything gay, still believing his friends and family think he’s 100 percent straight

I'm the photos, letters, and postcards, squirred away in a drawer, of Jose. The one who really mattered back in my twenties.

Books

R339 - there are fragrances that smell like soap. Old ones and new ones.

I'm the frosted-over Lean Cuisines in the freezer. My Eldergay will start his diet on Monday. It's just been so difficult to focus on eating right, what with all the stress from Covid and all.

I'm the refrigerator magnet that says INDULGE AND BULGE.

I'm the copies of Viva left stacked (and dust) on the coffee table so my visitors think I'm bi, which I think will make them more susceptible to my charms.

I forgot the counter-message represented by my coral-bell ascot, yachting cap and tiny mustache.

[quote]Why would the scent remain on you at all, long or otherwise?

Why do you think?

A kid has got to pay for college somehow.

I’m the Eldergay sheepishly representing r346.

(Good lord! Have you been to my place?!)

I'm the 8 ft Adirondack brand vintage 1930s toboggan, with peeling Yale and Colgate decals (who went to Colgate?) hanging next to a 1970's Sunfish sailboat, hanging over a 1970s Fiat 124 Spider. In a cedar chest there is a custom-made toboggan seat pad sewn from Hudson Bay blankets with horsehair stuffing. And two more Hudson Bay blankets for tailgate parties. And an Abercrombie & Fitch Co 1930s picnic basket with tin plates. In tin canister are two crusty jockstraps pinched out of wire baskets of the Hotchkiss field house locker room, and once worn by a perfect French Canadian boy.

[quote] And two more Hudson Bay blankets for tailgate parties.

You poor things haven’t been seen for a long time.

Someone read The Preppy Handbook....

[quote] I'm the copies of Viva left stacked

Why would paper towels make someone think you are straight?

I'm the six-high stacks of boxes in my owner's spare room or garage.

I'm filled with old vinyl records, cassette tapes, VHS tapes and the like.

I'm filled with music magazines like Smash Hits from my owner's Durannie and PSB fandom days.

I am boxes and boxes filled with every Pet Shop Boys record purchased 18 times - the US and UK versions, plus any other variations from around the world.

My owner never looks at me or listens to me, but every few years when he moves, I must go with him. He will never let me go in his lifetime.

I'm the embroidered Spanish shawl, dripping with fringe.

I’m the classic 1975 convertible Jaguar coupe sitting in the garage, covered in dust. I used to come out on sunny Sundays, but my owner is convinced that the other drivers on the road these days are just too dangerous.

I’m the empty handles of booze being dragged out to the curb under cover of night. Don’t want to give the neighbors the wrong impression!

I'm 8 sets of cutlery.

I'm a senior yearbook from 1972.

Tapestry was the name of the yearbook AND the theme to senior prom that year!

It was also the same year that my owner felt the EARTH! MOVE! under his feet, when Danny, the big blonde baseball player, popped his cherry.

I'm two almost identical hexagonal shiny plastic paper weights, one black, one white, cheap souvenirs bought on schoolboy trips to a state capital city and Washington D.C. I am gleaming under a mid-century J. & L. Lobmeyr Lüster in the eldergay's Vienna pied-à-terre.

I'm all the late to the party Eldergays trying desperately to make themselves sound far less need, desperate and middle class than the stereotypes found in the first 300 posts

I'm the bitter queen in her early to mid 30's who thinks sneering at older men, and mocking them for changes in styles and trends, will somehow buffer me from becoming the sadness and desperation I perceive in others.

The more I perform my role of a tart, acidic cunt, the more I believe that my life is at its cusp, just WAITING to happen, and that those hideous eldergays are NOT all my scary tomorrows.

That belief, and a copious amount of alcohol, helps my denial that for me and my pear shaped bag of bones, tomorrow is already here.

R363 - Impressive. I haven’t seen a cunt as cunty as you in some time.

363…..impressive

Y’all better back the fuck off.

I’VE got my eye on r363, so step.

I'm the Eldergay who lived a life in the 70s that snot-nosed under 30s today could only dream about. I sit in my lovely home, and laugh my ass off at Eldergay threads. Good times and bum times, I've seen them all, and my dear, I'm still here. And to the easily-triggered, I offer this advice: Life is better if you can learn to laugh at yourself sometimes.

R367 - Love you!

R367 and what are those experiences? The AIDs crisis? I still don't understand the hatred Boomers have for younger people. It's really weird.

Eldergay R367 is the one who can't laugh at himself. His post is projection. He's the one who's snot-nosed and 'easily triggered' by this thread.

The first 300 or so posts in this thread were funny, full of basic "everyone does that" foibles that kept things light.

But then you have your R363s and R367s showing up with the "How dare those young whippersnappers think we're all bitter desiccated cunts? I'll show them what a bitter desiccated cunt looks like. I will be every negative stereotype Datalounge has about Eldergays rolled up into one giant ball of angst.

R363 is the saddest though.

The post basically says "I am a profoundly unhappy and bitter man and since it is the fate of all gay men to become profoundly unhappy and bitter, once they hit 50, you kids will soon become one of us. There's no escape!!! NONE!!!!"

If that was me, I'd just shoot myself.

I'm a very happy, fulfilled person, R371, thank you for asking. But when R362 decided to be a heinous cunt, I held up a mirror and cunted right back.

You, and R369 "I still don't understand the hatred Boomers have for younger people" seem to be at a loss as to reconcile why eldergays might have a kneejerk negative response. But most younger people, particularly on this board, project a wish that anyone over 40 would just die and disappear. So yes, sometimes we fight to maintain our spots, to not be ignored.

In my country we call that an "extreme overreaction" R372

Clearly a nerve had been touched and clearly you do indeed believe that it is the fate of all gay men to wind up as bitter and unhappy as you are.

Perhaps as punishment for the sin of sodomy?

In your country you apparently can't discern social cues or a little lighthearted bitchery.

Run along now. Grown folks are talking.

"a blue glass Shirley Temple mug"

I have MANY of the things in this thread, but for some reason this one was like a stab to the heart.

Maybe because I have two.....?

R363, you nailed it.

As for R371...

So here's to the girls on the go

Everybody tries

Look into their eyes and you'll see what they know

Everybody dies

You'll be old one day, if you don't die young. And when you are, young gay men as yet to be born, will sneer at you and your quaint ways. That's life. You'll find out. And why would you care about their approval, anyway?

Thug porn.

[quote] Perhaps as punishment for the sin of sodomy?

Wait.

Sodomy is a sin?

Oh, shit!

R376 - Great post. And also on this subject of eldergays and younger gay relationships, I just wish everyone was more like me. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was always kind to older gay men, and even accepted coffee or cocktail dates. I enjoyed listening to them and stories of past days. I never accepted a dinner date because I felt that would be leading them on. I did let a few of the coffee dates blow me, but out of kindness for them. Now that I’m an eldergay, I often (not always) see that kindness coming back around. I’ve been able to do a lot more with the young ones than I had ever expected. So to the young ones reading this: please be nice to your elders, it could come back around and benefit you one day!

HIs mother's vintage Farberware and Chase XLsized hostessing items, much of it in chrome. Trays, platters, chaffing dishes, Tupperware party sized percolator, etc. The truth is, his mother was a hard-drinking layabout in his youth, then went to work at Caldors and hung out in Bingo parlors, until the disco craze hit floyoverstan. Then she became Akron's Disco Sally and saw action in the parking lot in her big brown Lincoln continental some of flame dumped on her. She never hosted anything in her life. Eldergay bought all this at junk shops in the 90s and passes it off as mother's church lady coffee party equipment.

R11- So tacky. A true elder would NEVER!

R367- I'm belting out "I'm Still Standing" for you!

[R379] I was bequeathed a large collection of Peggy Lee albums by an elder gay, I wonder who I will be able to pass them onto. If only there were pop up elder gay museums throughout the world for all these artifacts. Or a Datalounge Museum.

[QUOTE]I am the sense of loneliness and isolation that brings me to this site to [bold]commensurate[/bold] with my fellow Eldergays.

It's "comiserate," dear!

[quote] Then she became Akron's Disco Sally

At the Interbelt?

Wow, some of these posts are depressing, esp. the ones about having an entire car that you never drive. Sports gear that you will never use again. Maybe musical instruments that you will never play, maybe you were never that proficient, anyway.

I'd sell this stuff, free up some space in my house and my mind.

I’m a senior yearbook from 1992, which I still pull out and proudly show to the younger twinks who visit my boudoir.

I’m the drawerful of broken figurines Trixie knocked off the mantle when she was spry enough to jump up there. She wanted the catnip plant.

I keep meaning to bring them to a specialist for repair, but no one does fine work like that anymore.

[quote]I’m a senior yearbook from 1992....

WTF? You're not even in the running.

A high school senior in 1992 wouldn't even be 50 yet.

We are a small collection of Roseville pottery gathering dust on the breakfront: three vases and two jardinieres. Just as our owner was discovering the joys of the Roseville-collecting trend, the prices rose beyond his grasp. But now we're not even worth trying to sell on eBay. A snotty antiques dealer once called us "undistinguished" when my owner was trying to sell us to raise a few bucks. That word still stings. So here we sit, gathering dust.

Our owner thinks his niece will treasure us when he's gone.

The OP is full of LIES and bought the yearbook at a thrift shop!

R392 is confusing the next-to-last episode of [italic]The Golden Girls[/italic] with reality again.

A 1992 senior high yearbook is absolutely owned by an eldergay. The old geezer would be 48 or 49.

That's nowhere near old.

[italic]Especially when you look 32 ! ! !

[quote] I still don't understand the hatred Boomers have for younger people. It's really weird.

They were the generation who was catered to and spoiled and thought the world revolved around them. Then they got older and young Gen Xers burst their self-important bubble and made them feel less relevant. They've been bitter ever since.

I'm the cherished memories of many fun parties, old friends, and wild trips.

I'm the friends who still get on the phone and talk with me at least a couple times a month.

I'm the boner that still wakes me up every morning.

I'm the mixology skills that get utilized 2x a week, and some folks still come over to enjoy.

I'm the Crock Pot that DOES get used monthly to create wonderful stews, some of them old family recipes.

I'm the wonderfully written history of gay rights struggles which was very much a part of everyday life. I helped write this because I lived it.

I'm the very clean house, believe it or not, with just the important stuff being kept (I did watch the Marie Kondo series).

I'm the PRIDE that I helped life to be better for all gays, especially the younger ones, and the idea that they do not need to bother to thank me.

They are still jealous. Gen Xers are currently redefining middle age, something Boomers were unable to do. Boomers were "over the hill" by 40.

[quote]But most younger people, particularly on this board, project a wish that anyone over 40 would just die and disappear.

The Boomers basically invented that back in the 60s.

r380 I'm smelling a Netflix limited series!

R400- The saying back in ca. 1968 was - Don't trust ANYONE over 30.

Boomers act like they invented generational warfare (they didn't), then went on to treat it like a virtue only to act shocked to have the tables turned on them now that they are (quite deservedly) on the receiving end of them.

We are the veiled hat and white gloves that Mother always wore in public, so as not to appear common.

We are treasured keepsakes.

A framed picture of James Dean.

Happy birthday R398!

Fart-air.

(In every room.)

I’m the pity cast upon the youngsters who will never know the joys of owning a dear little mini Christmas plate by Royal Copenhagen. Or 50.

[quote] If only there were pop up elder gay museums throughout the world for all these artifacts. Or a Datalounge Museum.

Visit your local antique mall and you’ll find all kinds of eldergay TREASURES.

I’m the stack of $10 bills in the top drawer of the desk by the front door. I’m kept to tip the handsome delivery boys so they receive their gratuity instantly and don’t have to wait for a credit card tip on their paycheck. I serve the dual purposes of receiving excellent service, and a possible hookup at some point.

[R409] “Let’s be an antique mall” was a DL classic.

R362- I'm NOT middle class. I'm UPPER middle class.

That's the slogan of the entire American internet R412.

[quote]It's "comiserate," dear!

No, it's commiserate, Puss.

Oh, you're absolutely right, r414. Thanks a million.

Schadenfreude.

Hee hee.

Ruta Lee, or one of the Kennedys???

I'm the jewel case holding the original touring company copy of the Rent playbill

I'm the Evita original cast album signed by Miss Patti Lupone

I'm the waist-trainer corset.

[quote]I'm NOT middle class. I'm UPPER middle class.

I'm lower middle class, care to cross the tracks for a ride?

[quote]I'm the jewel case holding the original touring company copy of the Rent playbill

Playbill in a jewel case? Plus, I'm so old, I think of Rent as being for the kids.

I’m the VH1 Divas Live videotapes.

I'm the corded electric knife. For slicing the turkey.

But I haven't roasted a turkey in 15 years.

I'm a flower that his mom gave him when she returned from Woodstock, where she went over Dad's dead body. The world didn't collapse. It's a pressed gold (now amber) zinnia.

I'm my Cuisinart. The only thing I'm used for nowadays is making pesto when the tomatoes are good.

I'm the specks of silver glitter in the acoustic ceiling.

It took the owner many months, and a few extra thousand dollars, to find somebody who still did this, but the joy he feels every time he looks up at me makes it all worth it.

Ugh. Fairy dust. Several rooms in my current home have fairy dust on the ceiling. It was here when I bought it, folks. It's embarrassing. I hope to paint over it soon.

[quote] These are all amusing but way off the mark.

Yup, none of this applies to me. You'd think as a Libra I'd live in a world of exquisite decoration. Instead, I'm rather a minimalist.

As far Broadway goes, an ex and I were taken to Follies back in the day by a friend of his; he lived it, while we were just plain bored. A former musician bf is credited on the Official Cast Recording of "Sweeney Todd"; he left his union pension to me when he passed several years ago.

One can pass a pension to boyfriend?? Since when?

If you have a good union job, baby... all sorts of good things flow.

I'm the black bordered photo of Jon-Erix-Hexum.

[quote] I'm the jewel case holding the original touring company copy of the Rent playbill

Phantom, Cats, Evita, A Chorus Line or Starlight Express would have also been correct answers for this statement.

Rent would be a relatively newly minted eldergay.

I'm the DVDs that either no longer play, or cut off the edges to fit a 4:3 TV screen

I'm the 1 bedroom apartment that's so cluttered Marie Kondo would commit hara-kiri if she saw it.

I am the stench of unclean litter box that hits all visitors and makes many of them gag and gasp for air as soon as the front door opens.

My owner has three cats but thinks emptying the box twice a week is enough.

Wouldn't want to take away time from her nightly Golden Girls marathon, or the three hours of cruising on Grindr, for a task that only takes five minutes. If the box was clean, one of the numerous street tricks might actually stay for a few minut........eh, who am I kidding?

I am the endless stories about the aforementioned three cats, all archly named. "Miss Priss can't wait for her breakfast, you know. She wakes me up at 5:30 sharp every morning. If I don't bolt right out of bed, she's quick with her claws! Well, she runs the household! The other cats and I are nothing but her royal retinue!"

I am also the Instagram account for the three cats. I never had more than a couple dozen subscribers and my owner, discouraged, has all but stopped posting. He has never shown his face on a post.

I'm the 2nd nose job.

r179 I am crystalized "Deep throat" spray pleased to be in the same drawer as you! Next to the bible.

Mother.

A bottle of Angostura Bitters purchased in the mid 90s.

"I did let a few of the coffee dates blow me, but out of kindness for them. "

Aren't you a dear, r379.

I was on my knees in three minutes. Even when I a teen gay, I was crazed for silverdaddy cock. As a present eldergay, I still am.

I'm the 22 mostly empty little brown bottles lingering in the drawer of the night stands on either side of the queen sized bed.

I’m the MacBook Pro bought in 2008. I believe I am at the cutting edge of technology.

Hey, hey, hey, R444. I paid good money for that machine and there's still a lot of life left in it.

R444, I had one until lockdown. I'm still working past retirement age several days a week and used the updated office PC and then my phone for everything else. The morning of the lockdown in NYC (last March) I ran down the street to buy an iPad until my job could mail me a new Pro.

I still have it. Not sure if I can find the cord to charge it tho.

I'm the utility closet stuffed with electronic gadgets dating to the 90s. In 1997 the eldergay was told the disposal of computers and mobile phones is an enormous security risk and so he has never risked getting rid of anything.

THE

SECRETS

IN

THE

LOCKED

TRUNK.

[quote] I still have it. Not sure if I can find the cord to charge it tho.

Don’t worry, hun, I’ve got about four of them.

I'm over 200,000 French francs, hidden, dating from the 90s. Worthless.

I'm the sleeveless Abercrombie & Fitch muscle tee, also dating from the 90s.

My owner believes he can still fit in me. Maybe after 10 minutes, with a shoehorn, a can of Crisco and a LOT of pulling.

I'm the handful of black bangles, bought from Claire's in the late 80s.

My owner wore me when he had spiky black hair. He still wears me from time to time, to impress a pretty young thing.

I’d prefer pudding.

I'm the skeleton keys.

I was worn at the club to show my owner's membership in the Rhythm Nation.

My parents have a bottle that must be from the 1970s, R441.

I’m a gym membership card from Bally’s Total Fitness.

It's very sad and yet very Datalounge that

(a) there are a handful of posters who need to declare "my live is wonderful and fulfilling" as if the 400+ in-jokes somehow would make that not true (see R398 for an example)

(b) these posts are being written by an army of bratty 28 year olds who suddenly showed up on DL rather than by other Eldergays with a sense of humor (see R367 for that one)

^get some sleep hon.

What R458 said: ^get some sleep hon.

What we all hear: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

R456 - Oh the memories of Bally’s!!! The open community showers and steam room were my playground.

Sir, I did hear you when you told me you are National President of the American Homosexual Fans of Janet Jackson, and that tonight the tri-state chapter is celebrating the 35 or whatever Anniversary of the release of something Janet Jackson's Rhyming Station. Oh excuse me, Janis Joplin's Pearl Necklace, what? Oh, yes Jan Joplin's Control Top Breakdown, well anyway, the point is sir I regret I cannot seat a party of one, and you're club members don't seem to be coming. I'm sorry, sir. You 2 hours of Appletini's, and 3 sides of chicken wings on the house. Have a good evening mam, I mean sir.

Taken from the thread about OLD PEOPLE candy-

Big bowls of Mary Janes and Sour Balls for when company comes over.

R457 Most of us are having lighthearted fun with this.

When we need Dr. Joyce Brothers to come analyze all the fun out of it, we will be SURE to give you a ringy dingy.

[quote] and you're club members don't seem to be coming. I'm sorry, sir. You 2 hours of Appletini's, and 3 sides of chicken wings on the house. Have a good evening mam, I mean sir.

Sad attempts at a snappy "read" might land better if, you know, there wasn't three grammar mistakes in there.......

I’m the sunken living room that’s been made level to avoid falls.

I'm the chandelier bumping into your head because that old fool who owns this place raised the floor of the sunken living room.

R7 that’s because pasta is never meant to be drained!

Rinsed, rinsed, rinsed, goddamnit!

STRAINED.

I am the desiccated corpse of Mother, kept in the basement and well-lit

[quote] Oh fuck ! I wear rings on every finger ! Its the Cuban in me.

What's his name?

I am the box containing 50 year old greeting cards from people I don't even remember

I'm the bottle of insulin in the fridge, next to the half-eaten raw cookie dough.

I'm the stack of TV guides with dog-eared articles about Dallas and Dynasty.

R389 - A senior yearbook from 1989 would mean he was about 48. That is ancient in the gay world, and I'm 54. However, a senior year book from 1972 would make your post the subject of necromancy...

I am the still used AOL account and email address

89 makes you 50

I'm 1979.

Although I am long dead everywhere else, I remain alive and well within these four walls.

I'm the Iris pattern. You can find me on all of this guy's glassware. You name it. Dusty water goblets. Little used tumblers. I'm on one of his pitchers. Serving plates. A bowl. Ice cream dishes. I'm everywhere. Clear glass. Carnival glass. He just loves the Iris pattern.

He's grand. But the poor guy has never been rich.

R477 - Yes, that's right. Math has always been an issue for me since I lost my abacus.

Why can’t you use rocks like the rest of us?

Because I'm fancy that way. My abacus was made of Lalique.

I'm the garden party held on the grounds and lanai of the Eldergay Estate.

When my owner leans out the window and yells "Mary!", 50 salt-and-pepper flecked heads turn in unison.

r450. Your 200k French Franc are worth 30.500 Euro. You can change them at any bank in the Euro region. So, this will pay for a nice trip to Europe.

40 bucks?

French francs expired in 2012. They are worthless.

We are the copies of Time, Newsweek, People plus all the tabloids with Princess Diana on the cover. We are in mint condition, carefully stored in drawers, and only are handled with white cotton gloves. Some days we will be highly collectible.

I’m the propecia and Rogaine in the medicine cabinet.

I’m the now historic newspaper from December 8, 1941. I knew my 15-year-old self was smart to save it!

r486. Wrong. They are not. All currency of the Euro region can still be changed in Euros.

There are still roundabout 10 billions Deutsche Mark somewhere out there circling. All those currencies have no expiring date.

r486. Sorry checked again, you are right. Not all former European currencies can be changed.

We are pictures of squares on the AIDS quilt representing former friends and lovers who pre-deceased him.

I’m Mother’s bridal portrait hanging over the bed in the master bedroom.

I'm the bathtub that's been hauled out and the new, tiled shower stall that stands in its place.

I'm the grab bars strategically placed in the new shower stall and next to the toilet as well.

The Ethel Merman Disco Album

I am a little black book full of phone numbers that are no longer active. Even the entrants who are still alive have moved on to cell phones.

Several tons of Eldergay clobber going under the hammer in this auction...

I’m the stationary bike that has spent the past year as a clothes valet.

And I'm the dusty Soloflex machine under piles of boxes. I was bought under the influence of the original ads featuring Scott Madsen. Unfortunately, Scott was not included with the machine, so the youngergay who'd bought me soon lost interest. And here I've sat for the last 25 years.

25 years? hahahahah

I’m the other half of the Pepperidge Farm Lemon Cake bought yesterday- calling and beckoning my elder master from the freezer-

and waiting for my utter demise today.

I get my sweet revenge by generously supplementing his already womanly hips.

I'm the Nasty Pig jockstrap, bought 15 years ago because my Eldergay bought one for his sometime trick and wanted a matching one. Size L for the Eldergay, Size S for the trick.

The Eldergay has never managed to squeeze into the size L. This year, however, will be the year he gets in shape. By New Year's Day, for sure it'll fit perfectly.

I’m the Madam Alexander dolls that will one day be bequeathed to young Joel next door.

[quote] I’m the stationary bike

I have no idea what this is.

Are you referring to my armoire?

No, you're not, R503.

I am!

R499 -

Scott Madsen did some hard time. Oh, and he was in jail too.

I’m the briefcase in the closet for when my owner worked.

My three digit combination is 323. Apparently that was Mother’s birthday because I’ve heard it told hundreds of times to anyone who will listen.

I’m the bottle of mother’s pills I kept after she passed. The whole bottle will be used on myself “when the time is right.”

I'm the array of 20-30 year-old extended family photos displayed on various shelves, end tables, and stands. They are from a more innocent time, when family hadn't distanced themselves from their "odd" (read gay, not out) relative.

To keep the memories fond, recent photos are not displayed.

[quote] I’m the stationary bike

[quote] I have no idea what this is. Are you referring to my armoire?

No, he's referring to that machine from which you took the seat off and now call Big Daddy Rideout.

I’m the Mother’s silver ravier atop her old TV tray, filled with celery, carrots and radish roses.

I'm the daily reminder pill case full of forgotten medications.

I am the skeleton of a beloved Fox Terrier buried in the backyard two decades ago.

I'm the burgundy velvet smoking jacket.

I am the never used analog converter box still sitting on a tube TV in the guest room

I'm the caftan, earrings and Virginia Slims

R516 - Is that Brenda Vaccaro?

Quick someone make a part 2 thread.

The original 1977 membership card to Studio 54- Framed and hanging over the mantelpiece.

A huge cache of Tab soda.

Fresca!

R520- I must correct you it's a HUGE cache of FRESCA.

I am the bottles of fragrance on the mirrored tray. Paco Rabanne, Aramis, and Pierre Cardin.

I'm the EBT card for SNAP.

I’m the Sony Trinitron TV set blaring at maximum volume all day and late into the night.

Will you be quiet, r525.

I’m trying to look at my program, and thanks to you I can’t hear it.

I'm the tv shows from the 70s and 80s that were crap to begin with, and are still being binge-watched.

Yes, R527. And that's why we're on that Trinitron every day. We're MeTV and COZI TV.

R385, I took my extremely closeted neighbor there for his first time somewhere in the early 1990's. He broke his toe in the foam party on the back patio. Good times.

[quote] Quick someone make a part 2 thread.

Oh honey, none of the eldergays are that technologically savvy...

[quote] I am the bottles of fragrance on the mirrored tray. Paco Rabanne, Aramis, and Pierre Cardin.

Racist asshole!

I'm the "[bold]P[/bold]aco [bold]R[/bold]abanne, for [bold]P[/bold]uerto [bold]R[/bold]icans" saying that became a cliche among New York gays in the late 1970s.

I’m the boxes of powder blue stationery, beautifully engraved with my owner’s name and street address.

Barely used, they now lie in the back of a drawer in a desk where their owner rarely sits.

And he doesn’t remember the year he moved from that address.

Engraved? That's pretentious.

Beautifully printed is sufficient.

Not from some crummy off-set printing house. Good stuff, only.

I’m the dusty old copy of “Art of the Deal” hidden in storage. Everyone is too embarrassed to read me.

Ancient Greek nude art of any kind.

Black and white 'art' photography nudes of young men.

Kitschy framed art posters of 1940's or 1950's films.

Glass sculptures and vases.

One piece of black-lacquered furniture that they just can't seem to part with.

Some random Asian furniture pieces (usually a chest of some kind or cabinet in a hallway) and Asian wall art.

Track lighting in every room.

Kitschy 'gay' items in a small display - like the Gay Clone Ken Doll, some artifacts from 60's TV shows (Bewitched, Lost in Space, Hazel), some random rainbow colored items, some penis shaped 'laughable' objects to amuse the visitors. We're not amused.

R536/r537 haven’t a clue as to how to do a “Let’s be” thread.

I'm the THIGHMASTER gathering dust in my broom closet since I used it briefly after buying back in 1999 watching an infomercial at 2am whiling trying to unwind after standing for two hours in a cruise bar.

I’m the Aspercreme. You'll find me in the medicine cabinet on the top shelf to the left, behind the untouched shaving cream.

I’m the jumbo display alarm clock radio on the dresser. Next to me is the cash for male callers.

I'm the battery operated nose hair trimmer!

I am QVC. I'm the Eldergay's secret shame-watch. That David Venable used to be so dishy, and lord, how he has blown up like a blimp!

But I still bought a set of acacia utensils from his show a few months ago. I put them in the darling blue ceramic crock I bought from his show last year.

*walks away whistling innocently*

I'm the living room

I'm the living room in the Florida condo.

I’m the Florida room in the Florida condo.

I’m the dozen poorly made Tiffany lamp knockoffs eagerly purchased from QVC. I’ll be put in a yard sale after my owner climbs the six foot ladder, but when I don’t sell, I’ll go to the dumpster rather than bring boxed up and taken to the Goodwill. When they find my receipts, there will be much moaning that they didn’t get the cash. .

I'm the Life magazine issue from the year I was born, given to me as a gift. I am placed in a visible location as a conversation piece.

I am the empty cans of Fabreeze my owner thinks will mask the smell him still secretly smoking.

I'm regret and Bengay -- oftentimes, located in the same places!

I am the cable box DVR choked with ancient episodes of THE GOLDEN GIRLS and KNOTS LANDING.

I am the wall phone in the kitchen that is no longer a land line. My owner cant figure out what to do with me since it would require ripping me out and patching up a big hole. He though about replacing me with an old iPad, but apparently we are not wired for such things.

I'm the stack of ancient Colt magazines sitting in a box in the closet. I'm sure I'm worth something!

Link to Part 2 at the ready. If your are on a phone and it's bogging out, head on over, otherwise let's try to close this one out first.

Great idea, OP and many fabulous contributions!

Hi, it's R1 from the part 2 thread! Just saying hi!

I'm the overeager starting of Part 2 threads by a DL'er.

R557 You are so welcome! Glad I could help. As more people post from their phones, a number of participants on continuation threads have noticed that there is a pretty big bog out factor that starts around 500 posts. It makes for a lot of frustration, especially on a popular topic, which in turn dissuades from participation. I mentioned on another thread, that the 600 post limit may need to be rethought by Muriel. In the meantime, you are more than welcome to simply ignore the fact that it exists if it bothers you so.

I'm the passive aggression practiced by the overeager starting of Part 2 threads by a DL'er.

Learned from Mother.

I’m the remote control with the gigantic buttons you need four fingers to press.

I'm this morning's Metamucil with a vodka chaser.

I'm the shelf of jigsaw puzzles, most of which have at least one piece missing. My owner hangs on to them because someday those missing pieces might turn up.

He blames the cat, Frances, for naughtily pawing pieces off of the table when a puzzle was unattended. Frances has been dead for 17 years now.

Why yes, I AM very dusty, how did you know?

I am the anger that someone thoughtfully added a part 2 before what they felt was the appropriate time.

I am that same random anger that makes me feel alive.

I am the owner of the house with a very unfortunate roommate. We have known each other since grade school. We blew each other one time when we were 13, and for me it was horrible. For 50 (yes) years, he has wanted to try again. I would rather blow the now dead Frances at r562

I am the Remote Control in R560 with a slightly greasy feel and the “F” button stuck because of - well you know why.

I am the impenetrable Roku device now being used as a paper weight.

I’m the rotary telephone on lease from the phone company.

I'm the lone bottle of kombucha. The Eldergay heard good things about me, brought me home, took one swig, threw me in the back of the fridge, and poured himself a Diet Coke.

I expect he'll soon pour my nourishing, tangy contents down the drain and toss my recyclable bottle in the trash.

I hate him so much!

I'm the prom nite photo too heavy to hang.

Some clues here

I am the Knick Knacks and random heirloom clutter that younger generations have no need for. I see myself and a skilled collector while the real world is considering a call to hoarders.

I'm the Tom of Finland collections of policemen, sailors and army with bulging crotches.

I am flatulence. I am at this age uncontrollable, and I am EVERYWHERE. in the house. I am not nearly as smelly as in his younger years, but enough for him to make sad excuses to bow out of basically every gatherings that are left. He watches The Barefoot Contessa to make him feel better about the loose sphincter situation.

I am the sound of thick toenail clippings in the morning. I like the YouTube videos teaching "older people" how to do it right, though it is still usually a bloodbath. It is as depressing as you would imagine, so I take the advice of r561 and that helps...a little.

I sold most of my 80s gay porn magazines on E-bay over the course of a couple of years. Netted about $750 cumulatively. This is before E-bay found Jesus and became a prudish old woman.

I am the assortment of presidential campaign pins stored in a dusty, faux-Asian tin. My owner likes to think of what never was: McGovern, Mondale, Dukakis, Gore, Kerry, Brown, Hart, Tsongas -- we're all here, forever.

Ahhh Tsongas 92!

I liked Tsongas and was rooting for him until Dukakis got the bid. Voted for Dukasis, but never with a full heart. Tsongas died young in 1997....

R14- I still like the aforementioned cookies in your response.

Dukakis was such a homophobe. Tsongas ran again against Clinton in ‘92.

Oh that's right. Tsongas was in 92. Who the hell am I thinking of then? It becomes all a blur after awhile...

We are the collection of the three NYC dailies, dated 9/12 - 9/27/2001 in a plastic bin under the bed. We were purchased dutifully each morning from an outdoor newsstand amid the omnipresent burnt-electrical smell. We have never actually been read, because it was, well, just all too much; but we will never be discarded.

I don't remember much from days (was it days?) past. I know my memory...what is left of it....is getting worse, but my husband just gently shushes me and holds me when I am scared, and I come back to "normal" for a little while.

I love you, Brian.

I fucked up my post at R583 didn't I? I'm sorry I didn't do it right. Have at me, bitches! It would be refreshing.

R584 No, you didn't. And even if you had, I would know what that feels like, and gently condole you.

Give my best to Brian. He sounds like a keeper.

Sleep well.

I’m the basement or spare bedroom(s) lined with dusty, mismatched and overpacked display cased filled with decades of collecting Barbies. There are all types from vintage to OOAK to Convention dolls. I’ve camped out early and trampled people at estate sales, yard sales, and doll shows to find those rare gems.

I am the Great Cornholio, I need TP for my bunghole!

I might be old, but Beavis and Butthead never get old to me.

I might not be smart but I'm happy.

OK, not happy, not smart, just trying to make it fucking through to the end with a bit of a laugh, and yes, with other shows than Golden Girls or Murder she Wrote.

I am the ghost of Frances. That I have stuck around you bores for so long embarrasses me. That said, during my time, I was ahead of the trends, I had the best taste in music, food and clubs. I also knew when a fucking jigsaw puzzle was too dumb for words (or completion) and I NEVAH! let myself go, unlike a certain old owner I used to know. While I am here, I agree Madonna is a fucking disaster now and add me to the pile of humans/cats who assumed she would have aged with some sort of grace.

And NO they don't have good food up here. The things I have to do for some pouches of Friskies Gravy you don't even want to know.

R583 - If we can elect a senile President, then certainly we can understand your own fading memory. It happens to us all. Wait, what I was talking about?

I'm the one N95 disposable mask he's been wearing for the past year because you can't be too careful and you can't be too thrifty, either.

R582- I still have the entire issue of The New York Times from September 12, 2001 in a filing cabinet that I take out once in a great while to look at.

R589- Which Senile president are you talking about? Our current president or that senile B actor who was our president from 1981 to 1989.

The current one. Stop living in the past, dear.

Reminder: Part 2

MARY!

time

to go

now

see ya

buh

bye!!!!