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Let's be things found in the home of an Eldergay - Part 2

Liink to Part 1 below:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 94September 16, 2021 10:23 AM

Hi, it's R1 here!

by Anonymousreply 1September 2, 2021 6:32 AM

I'm the Filipino houseboy. I am here illegally.

by Anonymousreply 2September 2, 2021 6:35 AM

How did you two fabulous bitches find this so quickly?

Who cares...enjoy!

by Anonymousreply 3September 2, 2021 6:37 AM

I’m the house mother will leave me in her will, despite having 2 siblings, because, you know, I “never married”.

by Anonymousreply 4September 2, 2021 9:01 AM

I'm a glass jar of individually wrapped candies from 1978. You will never be able to unwrap any of these.

by Anonymousreply 5September 2, 2021 6:10 PM

R5 are they butterscotch?

by Anonymousreply 6September 3, 2021 12:04 AM

I'm the 9-and-a-half-inch cock that is still hard as a rock that all the young guys want to play with.

by Anonymousreply 7September 3, 2021 12:17 AM

I am the land line and cable TV that will never be cut. Even if it costs me 4 times what the rest of you are paying. I want my 500 useless channels and tons of commercials.

by Anonymousreply 8September 3, 2021 11:29 AM

I am Windows 95.

by Anonymousreply 9September 3, 2021 11:31 AM

I am DOS

by Anonymousreply 10September 3, 2021 12:22 PM

I am Basic

by Anonymousreply 11September 3, 2021 12:30 PM

I am the stationary placed in the TV parlor for when I feel like being a lady. I have stationary letters in many tasteful pastel colors.

by Anonymousreply 12September 3, 2021 12:38 PM

I'm the Architectural Digests from 1978.

by Anonymousreply 13September 3, 2021 12:39 PM

[quote] I am the stationary placed in the TV parlor for when I feel like being a lady. I have stationary letters in many tasteful pastel colors.

No wonder it’s not moving.

by Anonymousreply 14September 3, 2021 1:01 PM

I must be somewhere around here; maybe on a coffee table or framed on the wall on the stairs?

by Anonymousreply 15September 3, 2021 3:50 PM

W&W for R14.

by Anonymousreply 16September 3, 2021 10:49 PM

I am the giant printer / fax machine combo from 1995. No Boomer is every without a fax machine!

by Anonymousreply 17September 4, 2021 5:41 AM

I'm the dusty Splash bar NYC chip that offers two drinks for the price of one that I've kept since my heyday of being cruised in 1995.

by Anonymousreply 18September 4, 2021 12:33 PM

Mine are from Rawhide R18

by Anonymousreply 19September 5, 2021 10:41 AM

Reminder, Part 2

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 20September 5, 2021 1:30 PM

Levi's Jean with a waist size of 32- which hasn't fit me since 1980 and NEVER will again.

I noticed that teenagers don't wear jeans anymore. Forty years ago almost ALL teenagers wore jeans, although my friend and I wore Levi's corduroys every day to school.

by Anonymousreply 21September 5, 2021 1:46 PM

I'm the Will that hasn't been written yet. Seems so morbid.

Anybody want my stuff?

by Anonymousreply 22September 5, 2021 1:46 PM

I'm the gin and tonic being made just before the afternoon "stories" start.

by Anonymousreply 23September 5, 2021 4:34 PM

R18 Mine is a wooden nickle from a divinely trashy day laborer bar. The hot trade was like shooting fish in a barrel . Never walked out alone in my many years of patronage. Le Sigh .

by Anonymousreply 24September 5, 2021 7:32 PM

I'm the assortment of La Croix waters to let everyone know I am a recovering addict in a non self righteous, low key way.

by Anonymousreply 25September 5, 2021 8:30 PM

I am the small glass bottles of Perrier for the same purpose as r25, I have far more class and taste than that chemical shit he swigs.

by Anonymousreply 26September 6, 2021 9:13 AM

I am tub Country Crock spreadable margarine. I leaned 40 years ago that butter was bad for you and so I haven't updated my knowledge to realize it's really the other way around. I also feel the same way about salt, eggs and avocados. All evil is what I was taught and I am sticking to it. 1970's food gurus pushing a health book on Dinah Shore can't be wrong.

by Anonymousreply 27September 6, 2021 9:37 AM

I am the silver tray used for the calling cards our gentlemen used to announce their visit

by Anonymousreply 28September 6, 2021 12:32 PM

I'm a silk Hermès scarf folded neatly in a drawer. I was the treat my Eldergay bought himself when he was promoted all those years ago. He was 41 then, and that was his last promotion. He never felt comfortable wearing me; it was as if the rest of his outlet-mall wardrobe couldn't live up to me. Nowadays he looks at me and touches me wistfully sometimes, but I never leave the drawer.

by Anonymousreply 29September 6, 2021 8:22 PM

I am a vintage paperback copy of "The Celluloid Closet." I reside next to my good friend, "Hollywood Babylon."

by Anonymousreply 30September 6, 2021 8:46 PM

I’m r31 just here to say r29 had me crying with laughter.

by Anonymousreply 31September 6, 2021 9:07 PM

R31 There's a lot of sadness behind so many of the posts on DL.

by Anonymousreply 32September 6, 2021 9:16 PM

R29 wow

by Anonymousreply 33September 6, 2021 10:52 PM

I am "the stench".

by Anonymousreply 34September 7, 2021 3:25 PM

I’m Mother’s vintage perfume bottles with the atomizer bulbs. The beloved fragrances of yesteryear still linger about the vanity like sweetbriars along the lane.

by Anonymousreply 35September 7, 2021 11:44 PM

R29, that's so sad. You need to get dressed up, and take that scarf to dinner. Do it for your birthday or something special.

by Anonymousreply 36September 8, 2021 7:45 AM

I'm the CD walkman with matching yellow headphones

by Anonymousreply 37September 8, 2021 8:59 AM

I am videos my owner took 10 or 20 years ago on his last road trip he still talks about editing into a short movie some day. I dont know what his problem is, he's download the software to do it 3 or 4 times over the years but never gets past setting it up.

by Anonymousreply 38September 8, 2021 10:16 AM

R38 it’s just smoke and mirrors—just like when he has his gin and tonic before his “afternoon stories”.

by Anonymousreply 39September 8, 2021 12:24 PM

I'm the Nixon in '68 campaign buttons.

Got them off a former boyfriend (who of course I broke up with because of his politics) and hoping to sell them to make big megabucks.

by Anonymousreply 40September 9, 2021 12:26 PM

I’m the canister of Senka.

by Anonymousreply 41September 9, 2021 12:29 PM

A canister of what?

by Anonymousreply 42September 9, 2021 12:36 PM

I’m the faded Polaroids, beer-stained and tear-stained with illegible captions on the back documenting what fun times were had in the 80s. Marvel at our distressed Levi 501s and teased hair! Be shocked at prevalence of cigarettes and is that a line of coke on the table?

Many pictured are now dead.

by Anonymousreply 43September 9, 2021 12:37 PM

I'm one of the snapshots mentioned by R43. Those were the days!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 44September 9, 2021 12:46 PM

I’m the former Thai houseboy now “life partner”. I love lording it over the Filipino houseboy Ferdinand while keeping my eye on him. I’ve replaced the blood pressure pills with sugar pills to speed things along.

Unknown to me Ferdy is being lined up to take my place and busy applying for family visas for his Mom and sis.

by Anonymousreply 45September 9, 2021 1:06 PM

I’m the thick, rock hard… toenails.

by Anonymousreply 46September 9, 2021 2:52 PM

A large absence of fucks.

by Anonymousreply 47September 9, 2021 3:06 PM

R44 I'm the closeted SCOTUS on the left.

by Anonymousreply 48September 9, 2021 3:06 PM

Yes, R29, take that scarf to a wonderful French Meal, then, post a Fat Whores Rejoice play by play, please.

by Anonymousreply 49September 9, 2021 3:09 PM

Wizard of Oz commemorative plates hung on the wall. I e actually seen this.

by Anonymousreply 50September 9, 2021 3:17 PM

The filled medicine cabinet.

by Anonymousreply 51September 9, 2021 3:27 PM

Im the sobbing drunken mess sitting in my living room wailing along to "Empty chairs at empty tables" while spending yet another lonely night wondering what happened to my once full life.

by Anonymousreply 52September 9, 2021 3:45 PM

I'm the bowl on the dresser in which Elle DeGay places his AA anniversary chips every year. There are 32 of them now. He got sober after playing "Bring Him Home" and "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" on repeat for a few months after seeing Les Mis.

He couldn't get over how convenient it was to repeat a song on a CD player, but eventually he decided he'd had it with the hangovers, both emotionally and from the vin rouge. He stopped drinking and playing that CD in 1987. No one has died in his life since 1992.

by Anonymousreply 53September 9, 2021 4:03 PM

I am the EG’s cat. No one is a better friend to him than I. I routinely vomit on his carpet and long to go outside but one can only do so much without opposable thumbs.

by Anonymousreply 54September 9, 2021 5:18 PM

I'm Mom's urn in the corner. He tries not to look at me.

by Anonymousreply 55September 9, 2021 5:51 PM

I'm several boxes of Christmas decorations and lights. I've been accumulated over the years, back when my owner had a bigger house. My owner now lives in a one-bedroom condo and never puts up a Christmas tree (no space in the living room), so we boxes sit here in the linen closet, year after year after year.

by Anonymousreply 56September 9, 2021 5:55 PM

I'm the album of happy smiling childhood photos. I'm up on the closet shelf next to the high school annuals filled with good wishes for a great future from his classmates.

He can't bear to look at us any more. But he can't bear to throw us out, either.

by Anonymousreply 57September 9, 2021 6:05 PM

I’m mother’s good china, her everyday china and full set of sterling silver cutlery for 12. I’m stored in an armoire with Aunt Jane’s Lalique wine glasses and grandmother’s hand-embroidered linen and silk tablecloth from the East.

The thick layer of dust is testament to the 20 years I’ve spent untouched by human hands. TV dinners do not require any effort and dinner parties are a distant memory.

by Anonymousreply 58September 9, 2021 6:09 PM

Cooking For Compliments- yes I have this in my house. My mother bought it ca. 1975 and that is the title of the cookbook.

by Anonymousreply 59September 9, 2021 7:36 PM

Is it any good? Ca. 1975 doesn’t inspire confidence.

by Anonymousreply 60September 10, 2021 2:09 AM

I'm the most valuable thing in the house: his Medicare card.

by Anonymousreply 61September 10, 2021 2:56 AM

No wall-to-wall carpeting for the prosperous EG: wood floors covered with Oriental rugs instead.

by Anonymousreply 62September 10, 2021 9:33 AM

R60- The recipes in the book don't seem like anything special, although I haven't made any of them. My favorite cookbooks are my mothers old set of Woman's Day Encyclopedia Of Cookery- Banana Cream Pie, Almond Torte-Fabulous , delicious and high calories.

by Anonymousreply 63September 10, 2021 2:30 PM

We are the various bottles of cologne that remain on the bathroom counter since the last century. Halston, Farenheight, Brut.... don't have much smell anymore, just memories.

by Anonymousreply 64September 10, 2021 2:51 PM

I'm the After Dinner Mints, made from toothpaste droppings in the sink, left to dry and cut into circles.

by Anonymousreply 65September 10, 2021 3:20 PM

A dried up half used bottle of Astroglide with a 1997 expiration date. Alongside a tattered and stained centerfold of Jeff Stryker.

by Anonymousreply 66September 10, 2021 4:06 PM

r64, that bottle of Fahrenheit will still reek, if you can bring yourself to open it.

by Anonymousreply 67September 10, 2021 4:16 PM

My first boyfriend wore Fahrenheit; it smells like being in gay heat, 1989, to me. It's true, an almost empty bottle will retain the scent (or, reek, as R67 put it). Every once in awhile I open it, breathe it in, and sweaty, frantic frottage with Erasure on the stereo comes back to me for a moment.

I close it, and return to my 2021 life, where AIDS won't kill us, and my true love and I have the joy of celebrating our 5th legal wedding anniversary- being an Elder is a privilege, and we can laugh at ourselves, thank the gods.

by Anonymousreply 68September 10, 2021 6:41 PM

Seems like an old bottle of Fahrenheit is like poppers for Eldergays!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 69September 10, 2021 8:38 PM

Was it sold as Celsius outside the USA?

by Anonymousreply 70September 11, 2021 12:33 PM

Bump!

by Anonymousreply 71September 13, 2021 9:52 PM

I've reported both of these threads to Homeland Security as hate speech.

Not. Funny.

by Anonymousreply 72September 13, 2021 9:57 PM

I'm a fridge magnet of the old fruit crate art, "GAY COCK." I was bought at a fun, kitschy store on 7th Ave South long long ago. That was when the West Village was fun, instead of an NYU student/tourist hellhole with every other store closed and for rent.

by Anonymousreply 73September 14, 2021 3:36 PM

I'm a framed print of a J.C. Leyendecker illustration. My eldergay hopes I'll class up the place. He also hopes someday a trick will comment on the beautiful lines or the subtle homoeroticism and he'll have an opportunity to share some culture with the younger generation. This will never happen.

by Anonymousreply 74September 14, 2021 3:44 PM

I'm the framed poster of Morrissey in his prime. Even though his politics have gone to complete shit, I still can't bear to take it down.

by Anonymousreply 75September 14, 2021 7:17 PM

Hi, framed poster of Morrissey again. My eldergay worries that he may be challenged by a visitor over having a Morrissey poster, given his current politics. He's got a defense all ready to use, but he's never had to defend me. No one who comes to his house has ever recognized me.

by Anonymousreply 76September 14, 2021 7:57 PM

Tucked at the bottom of my dresser draw is my membership card to the Burger King club that I received when I was 12 year old in April 1978. It entitled me to free items at Burger King. I'm a FAT WHORE now. 56 year old FAT WHORES aren't allowed to join the Burger King Club.

by Anonymousreply 77September 14, 2021 8:05 PM

[quote] my dresser draw

Or learn proper spelling, apparently.

by Anonymousreply 78September 14, 2021 8:13 PM

I'm the silence. He doesn't turn the TV or radio on anymore. The stereo kit, once his pride and joy, is just decorative now, a conversation piece. If he had anyone to converse with.

The phone never rings. Who would call? There's usually a knock at the door every two months when the meter reader comes. Covid has ended even that.

He used to watch movies and videos on his PC. But his hearing has gotten so bad he's stopped.

The only sound is the heavy breathing when he brings in bags the Walmart guy left at the door. One day that'll stop, too.

by Anonymousreply 79September 14, 2021 10:29 PM

I’m the July 4th clambake on the beach!

by Anonymousreply 80September 14, 2021 11:09 PM

Goddamn R79 . That was sad as fuck !

by Anonymousreply 81September 15, 2021 12:02 AM

I'm the smell of his undiscovered corpse.

I'm fading. There won't be that much of me by the time the landlord comes by to see why the rent's unpaid.

by Anonymousreply 82September 15, 2021 7:50 AM

Ugh. This thread isn't funny. It's mostly a sad downer.

by Anonymousreply 83September 15, 2021 8:09 AM

I am the bitterness and regret that goes will with dry martini.

by Anonymousreply 84September 15, 2021 8:36 AM

I am Vivian Vance!

by Anonymousreply 85September 15, 2021 8:38 AM

Jesus, R79 and R82. "Let's Be" threads are supposed to be fun. Dark humor is fine, but come on. Why don't you start your own thread, call it "Let's Be Oppressive Thoughts of Doom and Existential Dread," and stop raining on our parade?

by Anonymousreply 86September 15, 2021 4:51 PM

Oh, that’s rain?

Damn.

by Anonymousreply 87September 15, 2021 5:15 PM

R78 is a sick individual.

by Anonymousreply 88September 15, 2021 5:25 PM

R79 is a sick individual to come up with twisted shit like that.

by Anonymousreply 89September 15, 2021 5:26 PM

No small number of people spend their last years precisely as set out at R79.

If you want to get upset about something, get upset about that.

by Anonymousreply 90September 15, 2021 6:55 PM

How in the fuck would you know? No I don’t want an answer from you.

by Anonymousreply 91September 15, 2021 6:59 PM

What a sad thread

The first one was funny until some EGs started posting frau shit like "I am the rich and fulfilling life full of joy and laughter"

But this is just depressing.

by Anonymousreply 92September 15, 2021 7:00 PM

I’m the Reader’s Digest Large Print edition sitting in the mailbox.

My owner will be very happy to see me.

by Anonymousreply 93September 15, 2021 7:45 PM

R92 is correct. There was an older gay man living in my building, died without any warning signs. Didnt discover his body for 3 weeks! Everyone on the same floor just ignored the bad smell and chalked it up to a dead rat in the wall.

by Anonymousreply 94September 16, 2021 10:23 AM
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