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Monday Morning Moos, Part Trois

Oh, Gosh, Dear Sir, Dear Madam! We’ve got a new thread! Please join us on Mondays with a hearty “Moo” to start your week right!

Ring in the new year, Cows, Bulls, Steers, and Queers. Moo, I say!

Part Deux, at the link.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 394Last Tuesday at 6:10 AM

Well this is spectacular! BaGAWK and Merry Christmas everyone! From my brother Auntie Taco, too!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 112/24/2018

Moink

by Penelope, Moo! reply 212/24/2018

^^ oh I think I know who that was! Happy Christmas, Carl, you beautiful beautiful pig.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 312/24/2018

Isn't Carl supposed to be doing his Christmas show at the Follies in Paris right now?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 412/24/2018

Moo. Last year he caught a ride with Santa's sleigh, (no hijacking?) So it's hard to say, Lilith.

That pig really gets around.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 512/24/2018

Yoda lay hee moo

by Penelope, Moo! reply 612/24/2018

For your consideration, moo cows:

by Penelope, Moo! reply 712/24/2018

Yes, R7, and you’ve already been noted and recorded.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 812/24/2018

Oh, R600 of the prior thread, I love you too!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 912/24/2018

Mooo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1012/24/2018

[quote] Oh, R600 of the prior thread, I love you too!

Back at you, Christmas Moo-se!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1112/24/2018

Here’s another greeting from Carl. Merry Christmas!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1212/25/2018

Imagine! Pigs speaking French!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1312/25/2018

Pigs can be very smart. I wouldn’t be surprised if some know many languages.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1412/26/2018

Great pic from r12! Aye, he's a handsome lad.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1512/31/2018

Moooo! Get your last moos in for the year, barn friends, or "barnies," as they say down at the Gate. Moooooooo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1612/31/2018

Moooooooooooooooooo!

I pass [italic] The Big Book of Cow Names (unabridged) [/italic] to Penelope at the 11 pm Masonic service tonight for the 2019 year. It is hard to let go, I must confess!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1712/31/2018

Moo! moo! moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1812/31/2018

Mooooo! Happy Moo Year!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 1912/31/2018

Moo ! And thank you for your service this year, Gertie.

Do you know if Jeanne will report from that ceremony live on CNN?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2012/31/2018

Thank you, but, oh, Lord no, R20. Masonic rituals are double-secret!

Moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2112/31/2018

Happy New Year, moo cows.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2212/31/2018

Happy New Year, dear cows and barnyard friends!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2312/31/2018

Happy New Year, mooo, moOo, mMMooO!

Penelope is a fantastic choice, enjoy your retirement, Gertie.

MMMoOO

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2412/31/2018

She's not going anywhere, Di'Jon. She'll just be walking around the barn in circles, happy as a clam.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2512/31/2018

Jeanne? Who's Jeanne, and is that name approved, Penelope?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2612/31/2018

What is a traditional New Year’s feast in your neck of the pasture?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2712/31/2018

That Masonic thing is just a coverstory for Dulcinea to shoot fireworks from her udders for bulls of questionable reputation.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2812/31/2018

R26 you don’t know Jeanne Moos? a bit tipsy myself - happy moo year !

by Penelope, Moo! reply 2912/31/2018

She's kind of a god.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3012/31/2018

Are there any other cows out there?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3112/31/2018

Moooooooo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3212/31/2018

Mooooooooooo

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3301/01/2019

Moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3401/01/2019

Dear Sir, Dear Madam, I bid you a happy new year and a hearty “Moo”!

What’s for lunch today? Someone left me a big ol’ bale of hay.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3501/07/2019

aCHOO! Oh forgive me, I seem to have the moo flu. But don't worry about me, mooers, I'm eating Phyllis soup.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3601/07/2019

Mortimer, might you have “Hoof & Mouth Disease?” Or maybe “Cow Pox?”, or “Mad Cow Disease?” Then there’s distemper, hydrophobia, consumption, and halitosis. Well, can we at least ask whether Phyllis is preparing the soup, or serving in it?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3701/07/2019

Good morning and mooooooo! Start your day, the right way! Mooo!

Looks like we’re not getting out of the barn today. Would anyone like to play a board game?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3801/14/2019

Correction: Looks like you’re not getting out of the barn alive today.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 3901/14/2019

Good Monday moo-ning. It's cold. I'm up for a board game.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4001/14/2019

R39, if that is your real name; you really should let your inner “moo” out. You’ll feel much better and perhaps you won’t be so grouchy.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4101/14/2019

This one cracks me up every time. Moo to y’all!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4201/14/2019

Is that Carl again, in the video at R42? I wouldn’t put it past him.

And who are you, R42, Sir or Madam? We have standards here, don’t ya know?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4301/14/2019

Oh my I'm late, baGAWK everybody! I was chasing around LaFitte, he loves a good game of Tag.

It is too cold! BaGAWK!!! (That's twice for emphasis.)

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4401/14/2019

I feel the need to say that Petunia is doing a bang-up job since Gertie left her position, brava.

That said, we're starting a game of Twister in minutes. Or you could opt to play canasta with Mortimer, but where's the fun in that. Moo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4501/14/2019

Carl in a cow costume? I could believe that, Petunia.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4601/14/2019

I am the masta, of Canasta.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4701/14/2019

Sorry, all, I'm not playing. I'm in a fowl moood.

Get it??

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4801/14/2019

Oh, Auntie Taco! Did you catch Phyllis’ flu? Bird flu is the worst! Moo-choo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 4901/14/2019

Attention mooers!

Roy just set up a Hot Toddy bar at the west wall. Hens are serving. Who's got the banjo?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5001/14/2019

I would partake, boys, but I'm in a FOWL MoOOD.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5101/14/2019

[quote] Hens are serving

Shouldn’t it be “Hens are being served”?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5201/14/2019

Actually, hems are being crushed on the Twister mat. Midnight you simply must do something about that fat ass.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5301/14/2019

Yoda lay hee moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5401/14/2019

Twisted your mind has become, Gunther.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5501/14/2019

In lieu of a banjo, how about my old 8-track tape of Carl on ukelele? It's a little Don Ho and a little rock and roll, and he does an amazing cover of Helen Reddy/Angie Baby.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5601/14/2019

I'm plastered.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5701/14/2019

Wait, wait, I've got one....

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to go the mooovies.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5801/14/2019

O.h. M.y. G.o.d. Auntie!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 5901/14/2019

Wait, is better.

Why chicken cross road?

I have not seen chicken since I was very young, with parents on farm. This is because the Cossacks slaughtered them.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6001/14/2019

This is a hoax.

No chicken, NO ROAD.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6101/14/2019

Penelope, may I ask for a body count, please. We have crushed hens, inebriated chickens AND cows, with more cold weather due tomorrow.

Once we have the Cow From Ipanema lip-synch contest (tonight at 6, Eastern,) I would suspect we'll need a good number of set-ups for cow I.V.

Eat your bananas, cows. Moooo! Potassium is your magic clover. And you better know the words to that classic song!!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6201/14/2019

Dulcinea you really screwed that up.

Attention cows! Youhave an hour and eight minutes til the competition.

This is the video. These are the words. Get it right and win, win, win.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6301/14/2019

Jeanne Moos?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6401/14/2019

I don’t get it.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6501/14/2019

She is kind of a god, r65.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6601/14/2019

Moo goo gai pan?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6701/14/2019

In the mood.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6801/14/2019

I love this Monday.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 6901/14/2019

Oh, I was napping, and I missed everything! Gosh darn it!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7001/14/2019

Thank you, Di'Jon, secretary to Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport, R45. It’s very complicated.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7101/14/2019

I pronounce Penelope like envelope.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7201/14/2019

Toot! Toot!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7301/15/2019

Who are you tooting at, r73? Mostly we Moo around here. Try it. It’s good for your health.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7401/15/2019

-13.7/10

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7501/15/2019

it's Toosday

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7601/15/2019

if you Moo on Monday . . .

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7701/15/2019

A helpful hint about Monday Morning Moos...

Generally, we identify ourselves here. If you’ve forgotten your name, or your name is not on the approved list, we can assign you a temporary name. See R584 on the attached.

Thank you and moooooo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7801/15/2019

Tuesday moos? Sure, why not. R75, give up the grimace, toots.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 7901/15/2019

R78, I am not bovine and thus do not moo. I doo post on this thread often. Apologies for my species limitation.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8001/15/2019

R75 is a math equation and I’m a cow, not a mathematician. I think it comes to -1.37 Moos.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8101/15/2019

Dairy Farm and Animal Hospice. Does that mean anyone who is not a cow is terminally ill? Sounds grim.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8201/15/2019

Is goat milk considered dairy?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8301/15/2019

Penelope, they’re not signing with their names!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8401/15/2019

I'm with Frédérique. These anonymoos give me a headache.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8501/15/2019

Well it's just uncivilized! Were these cows raised in a house??

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8601/15/2019

Nobody's asked yet but yes, I'm hungover and it was grand.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8701/15/2019

Who said we're cows? If this is an exclusively bovine establishment and you can't tolerate the occasional stray wandering in, looking around and realizing the specialized nature of the clientele and mooving on, there ought to be some kind of sign

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8801/15/2019

The?

Thelma Ritter's cow is named The??

by Penelope, Moo! reply 8901/15/2019

R80 = Carlotta, from Argentina.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9001/15/2019

It's pronounced Tay, R89, you thug.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9101/15/2019

R88 you classless barbarian, of course all farm animals are welcome.

I demand you read all three parts to this thread, immediately. We are a jovial and welcoming menage.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9201/15/2019

I'm a mule, you fule. I don't take to "demands."

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9301/15/2019

Well, then, Mule. We shall call you Reticence.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9401/15/2019

Moo all, who's freezing? I saw Dulcinea and she has icicles on her udders, say what??

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9501/21/2019

Yes it's true about the icicles, mooo.

It's kind of a thrill, though. Shh...

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9601/21/2019

The Northeast got its first snow of the season yesterday. Then the temp dropped to a high of 15°F today, brrrr! My car is frozen-in, snowed-in, and since I don’t need it until Friday when I pick-up my moose, I’m going to just leave the car. Apparently, we’re getting 50°F rain on Wednesday or so, so I’m going to hang in there. That will wipe the snow away, I understand.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9701/21/2019

It’s 6°F now! Ouch! That shouldn’t be allowed! I want to speak with the manager!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9801/21/2019

We need another movie night tonight, Gertie. We'll huddle up en masse, what do you say? I want the collective body warmth. Is there a movie about corn and heat? Or clover and heat? Or cows in speedos on a summer day? Moooo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 9901/21/2019

That Moose has never stopped by or said hello. What's that about?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10001/21/2019

I've always fancied him.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10101/21/2019

There’s a short called [italic] “Hot Corn” [/italic] hmm, what do you think?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10201/21/2019

[quote] when I pick-up my moose

You “own” this moose? How speciesist.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10301/21/2019

I've picked up a moose more times than I can count.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10401/21/2019

Yep, moose are loose for my caboose. Bring it.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10501/21/2019

Gertie, start the movie, figure 5 minutes. We exchanged all the hay for popcorn, cows! Carl set up recliners, beverage holders and a pile of wool blankets. Gertie, what do you say? Five minutes!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10601/21/2019

[quote] I want the collective body warmth. Is there a movie about corn and heat? Or clover and heat? Or cows in speedos on a summer day?

Beef? When did I eat beef?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10701/21/2019

Hop to it you mean? Gosh, no good deed, indeed!

Besides, we need to wait for dark.

East side of the barn, cows! 5 pm!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10801/21/2019

Oh, Gosh! Dear Sir! Dear Madam! We weren’t told it was a Monday! Mooooooo! Oh dear! Where is Sextus?!

Mooo! My Goodness, has this happened before? I don’t think So!

Sorry cows and fellow barnies!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 10901/21/2019

Well, that short was certainly short.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11001/21/2019

[quote] Well, that short was certainly short.

Much like the cock Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11101/21/2019

[quote] Well, that short was certainly short.

Much like the cock of Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11201/21/2019

[quote] That Moose has never stopped by or said hello. What's that about? .... Phyllis and The Hens

Simply not true, Phyllis! He stopped in on his big day to drop off gifts! See r100. So sorry if you and the hens didn’t get anything. Not even socks? Well, maybe next year.

Join the club, Bubbie!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11301/21/2019

Be nice, r111/r112. Tempers are short whilst this cold weather lay upon us.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11401/21/2019

[quote] Tempers are short

Much like the cock of Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport!

Oh and by “cock” you do realize I mean his pet rooster?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11501/21/2019

R103, I think you keep saying this to troll me, but I shall not fall for it. My moose is mine in the sense that he is my friend. Capeesh? Oh, and he just took a big dump on your front doorstep, so, there’s that.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11601/21/2019

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Jane Pauley.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11701/21/2019

Roy! I have a date, can you fluff me up, please.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11801/25/2019

Horns! Yes of course I will fluff you handsomely. Is this a blow dry or a dippity doo? A cut, a trim, or a life-changing super-style?

Show me a picture of what you want and we'll go from there. Oh this will be fun.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 11901/26/2019

I'm Roy's shampoo-boy now, Horns. He even gave me a smock.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12001/26/2019

Yes, his hands are pretty darn small so it will take awhile, but LaFitte is thorough and has ALL the gossip.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12101/26/2019

Perfect. I had a great shampoo-boy only once.

Anyway, are you boys busy, can I get in, ohhh, now? I’m messy.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12201/26/2019

I can do that, Horns. Lafitte has donned his smock. Are you ready?

Would you also like a pedicure? The Hens do that collectively. You can only choose yellow, though. Or Orangey-Yellow, for your nails.

Post a pic of what you're going for, I will not fail you!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12301/26/2019

Ahem.

The Hens have agreed to incorporate a little red, Horns, just for you. But glitter is extra.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12401/26/2019

I want to hear about his "date."

Spill it, Horns.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12501/26/2019

Thank you Roy, and Hens! I look fabulous! Do they still say that? Well, here I go! On a date, me! Who would think?!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12601/26/2019

[quote] Yes, his hands are pretty darn small so it will take awhile

Much like the cock of Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12701/26/2019

Goodbye! Goodbye! Good Luck! Bon chance!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12801/26/2019

I'm getting a little hurt over here.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 12901/26/2019

Who is Horns' mystery date??

Does he have a mustache? A big twirly one?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13001/26/2019

Where are the pictures??????

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13101/26/2019

I just want one bite of LaFitte, is that so bad?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13201/26/2019

We’re at the amusement park! They won’t let us up on the Ferris wheel. No pictures yet, Penelope.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13301/26/2019

Is Bufferin an approved name?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13401/26/2019

Yes! Bufferin was approved by acclimation at the last cow conclave. Didn’t you get the flyer?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13501/26/2019

[quote] Bufferin was approved by acclimation at the last cow conclave.

Cowclave. The white smoke rising from the chimney is cow carcasses being cremated.

Cow - it’s what’s for dinner.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13601/26/2019

Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum:

HABEMUS NOMINE!

Eminentissimum ac reverendissimum Dominum,

Dominum Bello Sanctæ Romanæ Ecclesiæ Cardinalem Heronimus,

Qui sibi nomen imposuit Bulla Novi Portus.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13701/26/2019

Would someone kindly sit in R136? Thank you.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13801/28/2019

Sit on, I mean.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 13901/28/2019

Moo and good morning! Start your week right! Say “Moo” to someone you love this morning!

Look, we have our own channel now!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14001/28/2019

Titus, I have some peanuts for you. Leave LaFitte alone, he’s working for Roy now.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14101/28/2019

Mooooo! It's Monday!

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, and advice?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14201/28/2019

R152, I thought they were called “brands” among bovine kind?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14301/28/2019

Mortimer is a non-conformist, anonymoo at r143.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14401/28/2019

That's right, I am a trailblazer!

I was thinking maybe something small on my calf.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14501/28/2019

Calf??

Ha ha ha ha ha!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14601/28/2019

Ha ha ha! I’ll say, R145.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14701/28/2019

I had a brand, and an ear thingie, those were enough for me!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14801/28/2019

And thus endith another episode of Monday Morning Moos. Someone queue Jane Pauley...I can’t do this all by myself, cows! Paging Jane Pauley!

Oh, sheesh, have somecow art instead....

by Penelope, Moo! reply 14901/28/2019

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Jane Pauley.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15001/28/2019

Thank You, Jane!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15101/28/2019

Good Morning Cows!

Everybody up in Adam! And Moo! You’re all late for school! Get going! You too, Carl!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15202/04/2019

Is Adaman approved name?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15302/04/2019

Hey cows, who took my floss? I need my floss back right now, do you hear me? This instant!

And moo, of course.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15402/04/2019

I saw LaFitte using it for some sort of mouse rigging, Melrose. But Imcouldn't tell you what exactly he's constructing. Good morning, all.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15502/04/2019

R153, No, Adaman is not an approved name. What is that, a prescription name? I new the nsaids would be a slippery slope. It’s not in the Big Book of Names, though I only checked the paperback, pocket edition. You can apply for an exception, though I hurt myself rolling my eyes. What’s wrong with Homer? Or Horns?

Thank you for checking, moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15602/04/2019

Gertie is on “Executive Time”, don't bother her, please. She doesn’t know she’s watching herself on TV!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15702/04/2019

Help.

I've been shot.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15802/05/2019

What the moo?? What happened?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 15902/05/2019

Oh, Titus!

Hoof and mouth vaccine, or lead?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16002/05/2019

Damn right, I learned it on Google, Titus. A popsicle stick, some floss, a poisoned Q-Tip. I'm armed.

I'm watching you.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16102/05/2019

Moo! Moo! I'm in a whirl!!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16202/05/2019

But it's hot.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16302/05/2019

[quote] I've been shot.

Tetanus shot for Titus?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16402/05/2019

I don't speak up often, but really we should approve the name "Tetanus," by acclamation.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16502/05/2019

Ka-pleh, pleh! Ack ack.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16602/05/2019

What's the damn problem.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16702/05/2019

[quote] Ka-pleh

Is that an approved name?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16802/05/2019

Titus is milking this. Milking this! Get it? Ah ha ha haha ha!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 16902/05/2019

I am so not involved in this.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17002/05/2019

I’m having trouble following all of this.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17102/05/2019

Is this Hans? He’s a handsome lad.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17202/06/2019

Burp...

Oh my goodness, I’m sorry.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17302/10/2019

Oh my.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17402/10/2019

Yes! That's Hans!! Ah God what I wouldn't give to be introduced.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17502/10/2019

Earl, I can introduce you tomorrow morning. He’s coming by to bring some Chilean flowers to Girtie. She has the cow pox. He’s actually a good egg, you might be surprised.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17602/10/2019

He's coming tomorrow?! Why that hardly gives me any time at all!

Help, Roy! I need you!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17702/10/2019

Gertie's been hurling for days, poor demented cow.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17802/10/2019

Leave Gertie alone! She hasn’t hurt anybody!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 17902/10/2019

Good morning, cows! Moo, everycow!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18002/11/2019

Earl, did you meet Hans? He’s gone already.

(I can’t ever say “He’s gone!” Without hearing Rudolph in my head, exclaiming when Yukon Jack, or whomever, goes over the cliff with the bumble.)

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18102/11/2019

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Somebody cleared our cookies, we couldn't moo this morning.

It was terrible, just tragic. MoooooOOOo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18202/11/2019

^That's supposed to read Melrose, a moo of thanksgiving to you.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18302/11/2019

I was locked out too!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18402/11/2019

I told you all to enjoy a martini and wait it out. No fluffed feathers over here.

*hic

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18502/11/2019

So of course I couldn't get my introduction to Hans. This may go down as my very worst day.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18602/11/2019

Well, a soft moo to you boys over at the Cattle Canteen. You too, Phyllis. I know you rattle around the whole place.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18702/11/2019

Did Gertie trip a wire or something? That girl is blind.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18802/11/2019

We just made bets with our bookies all day.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 18902/11/2019

We object, collectively.

Please note that, Penelope.

Moo moo and once again moo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19002/11/2019

Yoda lay hee moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19102/11/2019

R191, that should be “Lay her moo Yoda!” if one is to imitate Yoda-speech.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19202/11/2019

R192, Günther is yodeling. In his own special way.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19302/11/2019

Thanks, Berta. Is Günther a youngling or just a not-so-bright Gungan?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19402/11/2019

You ought to watch it, Nerf.

Günther is so badass he beats his food AFTER it's dead.

Don't mess with the Bavarians, they'll shnitzel your ass till the... Cows come home.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19502/11/2019

[quote] Günther is so badass he beats his food

So he beats his meat?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19602/11/2019

I'm cornered in bad metaphors! Help!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19702/11/2019

Yoda Screw Those Guys!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19802/11/2019

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Charles Osgood, in for Jane Pauley.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 19902/11/2019

You did fine, Thor, just fine!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20002/11/2019

There is an udder Sky...walker.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20102/11/2019

Good day, Sir. Good day, Madam. Please joint me in a heartfelt Monday morning Moo.

Let us also remember in our Moos this day, Presidents Washington and Lincoln, and their self-sacrifice and service for all American cows and their descendants. The examples they set still stand for us today.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20202/18/2019

Who is the current president of da cows?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20302/18/2019

All cows are equal, R203.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20402/18/2019

Here you go cows. Dream of imported Irish grass, until Springtime comes.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20502/18/2019

Instahoes of the bovine kind.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20602/18/2019

That was lovely, Sprite, thank you. Also I think I just saw my first boyfriend in that clip. Mooo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20702/18/2019

Trying the instamoos, again.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20802/18/2019

The Gals at the Gate Guild has all the fun.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 20902/18/2019

[quote] All cows are equal

Before the abattoir.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21002/18/2019

We must face the abattoir at some point.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21102/19/2019

Cows are not really big farters. Other than Melrose, I mean. But they are big belchers. That’s where the methane comes from. It’s their way of saying, “why, yes, that was a delicious bale of hay, thank you.”

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21202/20/2019
by Penelope, Moo! reply 21302/24/2019

My parents had friends who were the Belchers. They were not cows, though. German, I would guess.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21402/24/2019

Hello, cows! Did you moo this morning?

Oh, dear, sorry I’m late! I was down at the gate listening to a little girl with an accordion and lost track of time.

Start your week off right with a hearty moo! They’ll be no constipated cows in this farm! You don’t know what you’re missing, otherwise! Mooooooooo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21502/25/2019

MOOOOOOOO!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21602/25/2019

Is Thunder an approved name?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21702/25/2019

I slept in after staying up late at the Vanity Fair party, mooo. Carl was supposed to be there.

Then i found out Madonna pig-napped him at her after- party and insisted on pictures, all night long. Poor Carl. Everybody ne wants a piece of him.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21802/25/2019

Moooo. Carl texted me this picture of himself and the Olsen Twins at last night's after party.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 21902/25/2019

Who sent in that fabulous clip at r213, I love it.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22002/25/2019

The Olsen twins? They really believe they can piggy-back off of Carl's infamy? Hardly.

BaGAWK!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22102/25/2019

Has anyone seen LaFitte lately?

Just asking.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22202/25/2019

Yes, Anonymous @R217, Thunder most certainly [bold] is [/bold] an approved name. And not just because we’re dating.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22302/25/2019

Thunder. Such a delicious name.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22402/25/2019

Well I'm glad you're finally coming out with the relationship, Constantine.

You know we could see you two canoodling during Movie Night awhile back. I think that was when we watched The Corn is Green? Anyway, mazel.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22502/25/2019

Thank you Jacob. Have you met Schlomo? Not that you should for any reason. I mean...mooo! Ahhh, I moo when I’m nervous.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22602/25/2019

R226, do all their spots look alike to you? If you milk their udders do they not express?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22702/26/2019

Constantine is hanging his head, R227.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22802/27/2019

ooM

by Penelope, Moo! reply 22903/04/2019

Dear God in heaven, Mortimer, is that you?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23003/04/2019

Mmph ahm mmphmmph

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23103/04/2019

*bgkk

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23203/04/2019

Chicken down!

That has to be Auntie Taco, I'd know that fat ass anywhere.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23303/04/2019

Calm down, Phyllis, I’m fine. Thanks for thinking of me ... I guess.

Anyway, despite being completely befuddled now, it is my humble task to wish you all a hearty moo! Stretch and moo. And stay in the barn! I don’t want to hear of any snow accidents!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23403/04/2019

Late moos from Thor, hi everybody. I was down with the gals at the gate when the blizzard hit.

You should have seen the commotion, Penelope was nowhere to be found, and Earl and Homer were crying like babies and Titus had to fly over and kick them both in the nuts. Gertie was found circling about, mumbling to herself and asking which way to San Jose.

Then the Gals opened a path in the snow but the hens jumped in and slowed the e-vac. I mean, really. We need a plan. A proper evacuation plan. This could have been DEADLY!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23503/04/2019

Thor, are you named after the Norse god?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23603/04/2019

Don't change the subject, anonymoo.

All you chickens and hens clogged the exit

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23703/04/2019

I'm a little perturbed myself, Thor.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23803/04/2019

Plus they were dropping eggs every which where. Disgusting.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 23903/04/2019

Better than black and white shit, Clarabelle.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24003/04/2019

What have you done, Titus?

TItus! What have you done?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24103/04/2019

Are you named after Noah Syndergaard, the baseball player nicknamed Thor?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24203/04/2019

I was named after King ArTHOR, of Camelot, sir. So what if my parents couldn't spell.

Robert Goulet adored me.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24303/04/2019

When did you meet Robert Goulet, Thor?

Summer, winter or fall?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24403/04/2019

Thank you, Dulcinea, for the sincerity of you moo.

To answer your question, I'm not sure, but,

It couldn't be in Springtime.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24503/04/2019

I'm good!

Bite me, Titus, foiled again. HA!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24603/04/2019

Excuse me but, who the frick is Frank??

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24703/04/2019

Why not in Springtime, Thor?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24803/04/2019

Gosh, Thor, did everybody get back to the barn ok?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 24903/04/2019

I envision the ACC brand on many of these cows.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25003/04/2019

OMG, at first, I thought r241 said “moose tracks”! I was horrified!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25103/05/2019

So sorry I didn't post my MMMs yesterday. I was much too busy enjoying my Monday head scratch!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25203/05/2019

Are any of you lactose intolerant?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25303/05/2019

Cabotcheesehead has just become a temporarily approved name, r252. I don’t want to hear excuses. The word came down from On High, they’re cracking down. And I don’t mean Gertie. I mean the big guy.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25403/05/2019

R253, surly there is no such thing!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25503/05/2019

Everycow, stretch and moo! Moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25603/11/2019

Stretch, Advil. I can see you! You’re not stretching, dear...that’s yawning, not stretching.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25703/11/2019

Mooo to all from the great outdoors! Such a glorious day, I thought we'd never escape the barn.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25803/11/2019

Moo, Melrose! I thought I saw you down at the Gate this afternoon but I was too shy to say hello. And too fat. But hello now, sweet dreams.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 25903/11/2019

I’m having a veal delight night for all my neighbors and friends. You moo cows are invited too. The moo-re the merrier as they say. The choicest bits are reserved for youse.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26003/11/2019

R260, no cows will respond, as I think they have all fainted in the north 40. Just making work for the farmer, I might add, with the cow-cart.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26103/12/2019

No, barn sprite, we collectively smite r260. Consider yourself smote, sir.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26203/12/2019

Yo, Advil. Someone is addicted to you. See linked thread.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26303/12/2019

R260 got us grayed-out.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26403/12/2019

This thread is not greyed out for me. However, I have my setting at asbestos eyeballs.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26503/13/2019

Gals, shoot, Moo, I mean.

Anyway, good morning. The Gals at the Gate Guild is sponsoring a music festival this evening at 4, down at the Gate, of course. Please wear your sashes, blue ribbons, or other indicators of status and prestige. Thank you and moo.

There’s a lot going on down at the Gate this season.

Attached are highlights from last year.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26603/18/2019

Penelope, I'd like to add that The Hens will be doing their death-defying Hundred Hen Pyramid, too.

All invited!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26703/18/2019

I bow to Mortimer, who had the finest sash EVAH.

It was the High Point of the day.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26803/18/2019

Moo from the Gate!

Who organized this festival? It was marvelous. So glad I could float by!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 26903/18/2019

Yoda lay hee moo is mine, Fjällko, but glad to hear you sing out.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27003/18/2019

Carl's ukelele? Impressive. Well done, pig.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27103/18/2019

What's the name of that Peruvian flute-playing cow?? Here's his picture, and what a sash.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27203/18/2019

[quote] Yoda lay hee moo is mine, Fjällko, but glad to hear you sing out.

Mine is lay hee moo. Glad to hear you sing it out, I am.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27303/18/2019

Tasty as he looks, LaFitte was magnificent today. I promise, from this day forward, I will never consider LaFitte a lunch item again.

Well done, sir.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27403/18/2019

[quote] Tasty as he looks

Do mice come in different cuts like cows?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27503/18/2019

Mouse feet are a delicasy at Disneyland, r275.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27603/18/2019

It's 7:11 pm Eastern Time. Is this my cue?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27703/18/2019

Dear Jane, that’s a minor conjunction, R277,

Get back to us when you have a major conjunction. The next one is at 11:11 pm, in 46 minutes.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27803/18/2019

In Ancient Rome, door mice were considered a delicacy. They’d dip them in sardine sauce.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 27903/18/2019

Garum

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28003/18/2019

Monday has arrived, Moo I say, MOOO!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28103/25/2019

Mooo?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28203/25/2019

Mortimer, this is Phyllis.

I haven't seen even one cow today, minus yourself of course.

I've never seen a Monday like it.

You can come on over to the henhouse for sherry, if you'd like.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28303/25/2019

Moophf. Mooooophfff. Moooph!

Oh, sorry, I had grass in my mouth. Moo, I say!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28403/25/2019

Anacin, your dramatic entrance has not gone unnoticed.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28503/25/2019

[quote] Oh, sorry, I had grass in my mouth.

If his history is any indication, that’s not the only thing you had in your mouth. And I’m not referrring to your mother’s udder.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28603/25/2019

[quote] Oh, sorry, I had grass in my mouth.

If history is any indication, that’s not the only thing you had in your mouth. And I’m not referrring to your mother’s udder.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28703/25/2019

Oh yeah, R287, if that is your real name. Come at me cow!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28803/25/2019

I can't stand a social media milker!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 28903/25/2019

R289, and she’s too haughty to moo, too!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29003/25/2019

Ahh good, my friends are here at last.

Penelope, you have clover in your teeth...shhh

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29103/25/2019

Fabiola at R291, are you aware of Fabiola, former queen of Belgium? If so what are your thoughts about her?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29203/25/2019

Oh, Moo! for crap sake!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29304/01/2019

Oh, Moo! I forgot, too.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29404/01/2019

You cows are going Spring-crazy. BaGAWK!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29504/01/2019

I thought it was a little quiet in here.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29604/01/2019

Sorry, friends. I was on the RHODA thread.

Mooo moo mooo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29704/01/2019

Monday moos is looking good!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29804/08/2019

Good morning, cows! Good morning, Cowtherine, and moo! Thank you for starting us off today.

Ok, places, everyone, PLACES....Spring has sprung here at the farm. Time for our annual Cavalcade of Cows and Pageant. Watch out for that guy with the stick. That monster.

Ok, ACTION!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 29904/08/2019

Here’s another one with better production values. Carl thinks it’s too “stylized”, but I haven’t seen his Oscar so I’m ignoring him.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30004/08/2019

Cowtherine thinks she's all that.

Hmmph.

But it is I who will be wearing the ribbon today!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30104/08/2019

Someone wake Jane Pauley up! It won’t be Monday forever, folks.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30204/08/2019

[quote] . Time for our annual Cavalcade of Cows and Pageant

Is that to the musical accompaniment at the ABBA-ttoir?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30304/08/2019

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30404/08/2019

Thank you, Jane, and moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30504/08/2019

Ahem.

Somebody's slackin'...

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30604/15/2019

I just quit my job today. I'm so scared.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30704/15/2019

Is that Penelope who quit??

You, then, shall have the biggest MOO ever mooed, ever.

Gather 'round, girls, and a one, and a two and a three...

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30804/15/2019

I’ll step in.

R307, gal, you just be yourself, and you’ll be fine. And moo for all its worth.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 30904/15/2019

R307 = Paris bell ringer

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31004/15/2019

Carl wasn’t in Paris again, I hope.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31104/15/2019

Through some quirk in the calendar, Easter Sunday has preceded Monday Morning Moos by a day, again this year. I wish someone would fix that for next year. Do we write Zuckerberg or something?

So, Dear Sir and Dear Madam, I bid you happy belated Easter, Spring is here, the corn is green, there are dandelions at the Gate, and all is well in the dell. So let the word go forth, loud and proud: Moooooooooooo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31204/22/2019

MoooOOOOOOoooo!

The Gals stand with Gertie.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31304/22/2019

Yes this is all very nice but Carl is suffocating from dandelions up his nose, Carl!

You really must stop!

Step away from the flowers!

(I think he passed out but he looks debonair in a caftan, earrings...)

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31404/22/2019

Carl does that every spring, Phyllis, pay no mind. But caftan, earrings? His usual is to wear a Speedo, a ukelele and a jaunty fedora. Carl if you see this, Hellooooo from Me!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31504/22/2019

Remember the time that Carl dressed up like the Baby Jesus in the manger at Chrisrmas and all of Hollywood wouldn't stop calling for weeks?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31604/22/2019

He isnt't breathing.

Breathe, damn you! BREATHE.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31704/22/2019

HAM FOR EASTER MONDAY, MOOOO!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31804/22/2019

Phyllis, tap dance on his tummy until the cow cart gets there! Can you have Auntie Taco peck up his nose at the flowers?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 31904/22/2019

Good Thinking, Gertie! AuntieTacoOneNine, AuntieTacoOneNine, come in, come in!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32004/22/2019

TapTappaTapTap, TaptapTapTap,

TappateeTap, TappateeTapTap, goddammit, TappateeTapTapTapTapTap1

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32104/22/2019

Gertie, we have a visual. Auntie Taco just landed on Carl, repeat... Auntie Taco just landed on Carl, and he appears to be plucking dandelions from Carls' nose.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32204/22/2019

Hans the Friesian horse is on his way with the cow cart, just in case.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32304/22/2019

Fjällko is swift on Hans tail.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32404/22/2019

Omg these fraus.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32504/22/2019

Homer, Homer, come in CVN...

The cow carts have arrived,

Repeat

The cow carts have arrived.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32604/22/2019

OINK!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32704/22/2019

Someone put a muzzle on Carl’s snout.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32804/22/2019

He lives.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 32904/22/2019

That should read MOINK, r327

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33004/22/2019

Oh my that was too close. Thank you, brother. But that was too damn close.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33104/22/2019

Can I go home now?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33204/22/2019

Homer, is Jane Pauly reporting with you?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33304/22/2019

And so ends another episode of lablahblahblah. I'm Jane Pauley.

AND I'M HOMER, OMG! MOOOOO!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33404/23/2019

This this big Carl-shaped depression in the grass by the Gate now.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33504/23/2019

[quote] This this big Carl-shaped depression in the grass by the Gate now.

Shouldn’t that be a Carl-shaped cut, as in porterhouse or filet mignon?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33604/23/2019

Carl is a pig, you ninny. Don’t you know anything? And, he’s still recovering, you cad! Pick on someone your own size. There must me an amorous rhinoceros or sea cow somewhere you could bother.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33704/23/2019

Pork chop shape.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33804/23/2019

Moo? Anybody home?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 33904/29/2019

Hello Homer, and moo to all. I'm with Di'Jon, secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport. Did you know that today is Carl's birthday? I didn't either! So Di'Jon is helping me make a beautiful card.

Thanks, Di'Jon!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34004/29/2019

Say WHAT?! I didn't know that!

Quickly hens, quickly, we have to come up with something very special.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34104/29/2019

Would Carl like a kazoo concert from the Monday Moo Orchestra? We're actually pretty good.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34204/29/2019

Excellent idea, Armour! Hens! We will do our tap dance number from the talent show awhile back.

Oh this will be perfect.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34304/29/2019

I'm not at all sure if this is true, but Jane Pauley is rumored to be practicing her baton act from high school.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34404/29/2019

Deborah Norville said she would also do a baton act, but I told her to get lost.

It's just the right thing to do.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34504/29/2019

Moo OP guy, you ok? Please join the celebration!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34604/29/2019

Attention, Attention:

Carl is stalling the parade, kazoos and all tap-dancing until the MMM OP arrives. Not doing this without you, Gertie/Penelope.

(Translated from Pig by Di'Jon, secretary to Beauchamp Hieronimus Bull of Newport.)

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34704/29/2019

Moooo, I was shopping! But I’m here now. I bought Carl the cutest bonnet. I don’t care if he hates it, he’s gonna wear it. I think he’ll like it, though.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34804/29/2019

[quote] Carl is stalling the parade

Because he’s so overweight? People like lean beef.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 34904/29/2019

Carl just needed an Easter bonnet. He’s fine, now.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35004/29/2019

Welcome back Gertie and Penelope!

Let the parade begin.

Ready with your tap shoes, hens? Here we go...

(Carl's bonnet is stunning, btw. Love the veil.)

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35104/29/2019

Who put the Gorilla Glue on the hens tap shoes? Well this is unfortunate. Oh!

That's another leg displaced! No! Not displaced, removed entirely. Oh! and there's the blood...

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35204/29/2019

[quote] That's another leg displaced!

I love the dark meat.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35304/29/2019

We told you to fuck off, Deborah Norville with your baton-twirling twinkage.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35404/29/2019

Oh! Here comes Carl on the Float!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35504/29/2019

That must be one fucking sturdy float.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35604/29/2019

He. Is. Magnificent.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35704/29/2019

How does he blow bubbles out his ass?

Amazing.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35804/29/2019

Wait. It would appear that Carl is steering the float right toward the casino. Can we get a confirmation from the ground? I'm reporting upset from the booth.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 35904/29/2019

Oh Bitch, really? We're really doing this?

Take my mic, Mike. I'm gonna cut a bitch.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36004/29/2019

This has been another episode of Monday Morning Moos.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36104/29/2019

Oh for godssake, Homer, we all know it's you.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36204/29/2019

Happy birthday Carl! Next year, we’ll do “A Thousand Clowns”!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36304/29/2019

Introducing Rolf. He can’t “Moo”, the poor thing, but he likes playing with the sheep and is a good boy.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36405/06/2019

Rolf looks like a sweetie. Sharp fangs though.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36505/06/2019

OMG, Rolf says there’s a new brush down by the gate! Oh, I can’t wait to try it!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36605/06/2019

Bertrand, we're standing just in front of you in that line- scoot scoot, you're a little close.

Bertrand, you have gas.

You have gas and it's permeating and you NEED TO KNOW right away.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36705/06/2019

About Rolf, we really do need sheep.

How do we go about acquiring sheep friends?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36805/06/2019

I'm still wondering if Jane Pauley won.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 36905/06/2019

Talk about gassie, that dragon on [italic] “Game of Thrones” [/italic] must really be gassie to produce enough fire out of his mouth for over an hour. I mean, be serious. Do the chemistry.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37005/12/2019

WaPo recipe for something-something with buttermilk dressing.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37105/13/2019

Buttermilk marinated something-something in The NY Times.

Apparently they’ve upped our buttermilk quota to be fulfilled by 25% to aid the Chinese Trade War Effort. “Now” is not the time to be a sourpuss, Ladies! It’s [italic] WAR! [/Italic]

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37205/13/2019

The recipes at R371 and R372 are missing something, namely beef.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37305/13/2019

R373! [italic] (If that is your real name.) [/italic] You’ve been out-voted, impeached, and bleached! We serve vegetarians only!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37405/13/2019

Moooo? This is Monday, am I right? Where ARE all of you spectacular bovines?

If there's a secret bovine speak-easy i better be informed. I'm looking at you, Roy.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37505/20/2019

They're late, Melrose. Let's just sit and wait.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37605/20/2019

Gertie had cowpox. She’s feeling much better now. In lieu of cards and flowers, cash gifts may be sent to Gertie via the Critical Critter Care Center, formerly the Critical Cow Care Center. The name change reflects a more inclusive approach to their healthcare services. They’re [italic] woke! [/Italic]

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37705/24/2019

And... [bold] Moooooooo! [/bold] oh, it feels good to let that out!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37805/27/2019

Is there a Moomorial Day to celebrate all the cows who died for our nutrition?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 37905/27/2019

Did they serve milk here?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38005/27/2019

So many questions! I’m just a cow, not the British Museum!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38105/27/2019

Nor the British Library.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38205/27/2019

Cow of the Day on Twitter. Why limit it to Monday?

Finally a Twitter account for the Monday Morning Moos thread.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38305/28/2019

Aww, she’s pretty.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38405/29/2019

Moo! A special June moo! I’m going down to the gate!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38506/03/2019

Moo! Melrose here, checking in.

Top of the morning, Gertie. It's a splendid day to swap a moo.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38606/03/2019

Hi, Melrose. See you at the Gate. There are some mushrooms that just cane up.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38706/03/2019

Random mooing throughout June is authorized. Show your pride, cows, steers, and geldings! Moo!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38806/06/2019

Moo! Sorry, I overslept.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 38906/10/2019

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! I bid you a hearty Monday Morning Moo!

This day belongs to you! Go boldly throughout your day and Moo with pride!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 390Last Monday at 5:57 AM

R390, are you related to Rommel?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 391Last Monday at 6:07 PM

I don’t think Rommel is an approved name for a cow. What’s wrong with Clarabelle? Honestly, we have a Big Book of Cow Names for a reason. Use it, buster. And moo, too!

by Penelope, Moo! reply 392Last Tuesday at 5:40 AM

[quote] What’s wrong with Clarabelle?

Where shall I start?

by Penelope, Moo! reply 393Last Tuesday at 5:54 AM

You might consider mooing, out of courtesy, R393. And signing your name, because I doubt your name is really “Anonymous”. A nom de plume, perhaps? If so, it’s a crappy one. How about “Saccharin”? That seems to suit you. I just came up with that off the top of my horns. You’ll need to get it approved, though.

by Penelope, Moo! reply 394Last Tuesday at 6:10 AM
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