Monday Morning Moos, Part Trois

Well this is spectacular! BaGAWK and Merry Christmas everyone! From my brother Auntie Taco, too!

Moink

^^ oh I think I know who that was! Happy Christmas, Carl, you beautiful beautiful pig.

Isn't Carl supposed to be doing his Christmas show at the Follies in Paris right now?

Moo. Last year he caught a ride with Santa's sleigh, (no hijacking?) So it's hard to say, Lilith.

That pig really gets around.

Yoda lay hee moo

For your consideration, moo cows:

Yes, R7, and you’ve already been noted and recorded.

Oh, R600 of the prior thread, I love you too!

Mooo!

[quote] Oh, R600 of the prior thread, I love you too!

Back at you, Christmas Moo-se!

Here’s another greeting from Carl. Merry Christmas!

Imagine! Pigs speaking French!

Pigs can be very smart. I wouldn’t be surprised if some know many languages.

Great pic from r12! Aye, he's a handsome lad.

Moooo! Get your last moos in for the year, barn friends, or "barnies," as they say down at the Gate. Moooooooo!

Moooooooooooooooooo!

I pass [italic] The Big Book of Cow Names (unabridged) [/italic] to Penelope at the 11 pm Masonic service tonight for the 2019 year. It is hard to let go, I must confess!

Moo! moo! moo!

Mooooo! Happy Moo Year!

Moo ! And thank you for your service this year, Gertie.

Do you know if Jeanne will report from that ceremony live on CNN?

Thank you, but, oh, Lord no, R20. Masonic rituals are double-secret!

Moo!

Happy New Year, moo cows.

Happy New Year, dear cows and barnyard friends!

Happy New Year, mooo, moOo, mMMooO!

Penelope is a fantastic choice, enjoy your retirement, Gertie.

MMMoOO

She's not going anywhere, Di'Jon. She'll just be walking around the barn in circles, happy as a clam.

Jeanne? Who's Jeanne, and is that name approved, Penelope?

What is a traditional New Year’s feast in your neck of the pasture?

That Masonic thing is just a coverstory for Dulcinea to shoot fireworks from her udders for bulls of questionable reputation.

R26 you don’t know Jeanne Moos? a bit tipsy myself - happy moo year !

She's kind of a god.

Are there any other cows out there?

Moooooooo!

Mooooooooooo

Moo!

Dear Sir, Dear Madam, I bid you a happy new year and a hearty “Moo”!

What’s for lunch today? Someone left me a big ol’ bale of hay.

aCHOO! Oh forgive me, I seem to have the moo flu. But don't worry about me, mooers, I'm eating Phyllis soup.

Mortimer, might you have “Hoof & Mouth Disease?” Or maybe “Cow Pox?”, or “Mad Cow Disease?” Then there’s distemper, hydrophobia, consumption, and halitosis. Well, can we at least ask whether Phyllis is preparing the soup, or serving in it?

Good morning and mooooooo! Start your day, the right way! Mooo!

Looks like we’re not getting out of the barn today. Would anyone like to play a board game?

Correction: Looks like you’re not getting out of the barn alive today.

Good Monday moo-ning. It's cold. I'm up for a board game.

R39, if that is your real name; you really should let your inner “moo” out. You’ll feel much better and perhaps you won’t be so grouchy.

This one cracks me up every time. Moo to y’all!

Is that Carl again, in the video at R42? I wouldn’t put it past him.

And who are you, R42, Sir or Madam? We have standards here, don’t ya know?

Oh my I'm late, baGAWK everybody! I was chasing around LaFitte, he loves a good game of Tag.

It is too cold! BaGAWK!!! (That's twice for emphasis.)

I feel the need to say that Petunia is doing a bang-up job since Gertie left her position, brava.

That said, we're starting a game of Twister in minutes. Or you could opt to play canasta with Mortimer, but where's the fun in that. Moo.

Carl in a cow costume? I could believe that, Petunia.

I am the masta, of Canasta.

Sorry, all, I'm not playing. I'm in a fowl moood.

Get it??

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, Auntie Taco! Did you catch Phyllis’ flu? Bird flu is the worst! Moo-choo!

Attention mooers!

Roy just set up a Hot Toddy bar at the west wall. Hens are serving. Who's got the banjo?

I would partake, boys, but I'm in a FOWL MoOOD.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!

[quote] Hens are serving

Shouldn’t it be “Hens are being served”?

Actually, hems are being crushed on the Twister mat. Midnight you simply must do something about that fat ass.

Yoda lay hee moo!

Twisted your mind has become, Gunther.

In lieu of a banjo, how about my old 8-track tape of Carl on ukelele? It's a little Don Ho and a little rock and roll, and he does an amazing cover of Helen Reddy/Angie Baby.

I'm plastered.

Wait, wait, I've got one....

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to go the mooovies.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

O.h. M.y. G.o.d. Auntie!

Wait, is better.

Why chicken cross road?

I have not seen chicken since I was very young, with parents on farm. This is because the Cossacks slaughtered them.

This is a hoax.

No chicken, NO ROAD.

Penelope, may I ask for a body count, please. We have crushed hens, inebriated chickens AND cows, with more cold weather due tomorrow.

Once we have the Cow From Ipanema lip-synch contest (tonight at 6, Eastern,) I would suspect we'll need a good number of set-ups for cow I.V.

Eat your bananas, cows. Moooo! Potassium is your magic clover. And you better know the words to that classic song!!

Dulcinea you really screwed that up.

Attention cows! Youhave an hour and eight minutes til the competition.

This is the video. These are the words. Get it right and win, win, win.

Jeanne Moos?

I don’t get it.

She is kind of a god, r65.

Moo goo gai pan?

In the mood.

I love this Monday.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, I was napping, and I missed everything! Gosh darn it!

Thank you, Di'Jon, secretary to Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport, R45. It’s very complicated.

I pronounce Penelope like envelope.

Toot! Toot!

Who are you tooting at, r73? Mostly we Moo around here. Try it. It’s good for your health.

-13.7/10

it's Toosday

if you Moo on Monday . . .

A helpful hint about Monday Morning Moos...

Generally, we identify ourselves here. If you’ve forgotten your name, or your name is not on the approved list, we can assign you a temporary name. See R584 on the attached.

Thank you and moooooo.

Tuesday moos? Sure, why not. R75, give up the grimace, toots.

R78, I am not bovine and thus do not moo. I doo post on this thread often. Apologies for my species limitation.

R75 is a math equation and I’m a cow, not a mathematician. I think it comes to -1.37 Moos.

Dairy Farm and Animal Hospice. Does that mean anyone who is not a cow is terminally ill? Sounds grim.

Is goat milk considered dairy?

Penelope, they’re not signing with their names!

I'm with Frédérique. These anonymoos give me a headache.

Well it's just uncivilized! Were these cows raised in a house??

Nobody's asked yet but yes, I'm hungover and it was grand.

Who said we're cows? If this is an exclusively bovine establishment and you can't tolerate the occasional stray wandering in, looking around and realizing the specialized nature of the clientele and mooving on, there ought to be some kind of sign

The?

Thelma Ritter's cow is named The??

R80 = Carlotta, from Argentina.

It's pronounced Tay, R89, you thug.

R88 you classless barbarian, of course all farm animals are welcome.

I demand you read all three parts to this thread, immediately. We are a jovial and welcoming menage.

I'm a mule, you fule. I don't take to "demands."

Well, then, Mule. We shall call you Reticence.

Moo all, who's freezing? I saw Dulcinea and she has icicles on her udders, say what??

Yes it's true about the icicles, mooo.

It's kind of a thrill, though. Shh...

The Northeast got its first snow of the season yesterday. Then the temp dropped to a high of 15°F today, brrrr! My car is frozen-in, snowed-in, and since I don’t need it until Friday when I pick-up my moose, I’m going to just leave the car. Apparently, we’re getting 50°F rain on Wednesday or so, so I’m going to hang in there. That will wipe the snow away, I understand.

It’s 6°F now! Ouch! That shouldn’t be allowed! I want to speak with the manager!

We need another movie night tonight, Gertie. We'll huddle up en masse, what do you say? I want the collective body warmth. Is there a movie about corn and heat? Or clover and heat? Or cows in speedos on a summer day? Moooo.

That Moose has never stopped by or said hello. What's that about?

I've always fancied him.

There’s a short called [italic] “Hot Corn” [/italic] hmm, what do you think?

[quote] when I pick-up my moose

You “own” this moose? How speciesist.

I've picked up a moose more times than I can count.

Yep, moose are loose for my caboose. Bring it.

Gertie, start the movie, figure 5 minutes. We exchanged all the hay for popcorn, cows! Carl set up recliners, beverage holders and a pile of wool blankets. Gertie, what do you say? Five minutes!

[quote] I want the collective body warmth. Is there a movie about corn and heat? Or clover and heat? Or cows in speedos on a summer day?

Beef? When did I eat beef?

Hop to it you mean? Gosh, no good deed, indeed!

Besides, we need to wait for dark.

East side of the barn, cows! 5 pm!

Oh, Gosh! Dear Sir! Dear Madam! We weren’t told it was a Monday! Mooooooo! Oh dear! Where is Sextus?!

Mooo! My Goodness, has this happened before? I don’t think So!

Sorry cows and fellow barnies!

Well, that short was certainly short.

[quote] Well, that short was certainly short.

Much like the cock Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport.

[quote] Well, that short was certainly short.

Much like the cock of Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport.

[quote] That Moose has never stopped by or said hello. What's that about? .... Phyllis and The Hens

Simply not true, Phyllis! He stopped in on his big day to drop off gifts! See r100. So sorry if you and the hens didn’t get anything. Not even socks? Well, maybe next year.

Join the club, Bubbie!

Be nice, r111/r112. Tempers are short whilst this cold weather lay upon us.

[quote] Tempers are short

Much like the cock of Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport!

Oh and by “cock” you do realize I mean his pet rooster?

R103, I think you keep saying this to troll me, but I shall not fall for it. My moose is mine in the sense that he is my friend. Capeesh? Oh, and he just took a big dump on your front doorstep, so, there’s that.

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Jane Pauley.

Roy! I have a date, can you fluff me up, please.

Horns! Yes of course I will fluff you handsomely. Is this a blow dry or a dippity doo? A cut, a trim, or a life-changing super-style?

Show me a picture of what you want and we'll go from there. Oh this will be fun.

I'm Roy's shampoo-boy now, Horns. He even gave me a smock.

Yes, his hands are pretty darn small so it will take awhile, but LaFitte is thorough and has ALL the gossip.

Perfect. I had a great shampoo-boy only once.

Anyway, are you boys busy, can I get in, ohhh, now? I’m messy.

I can do that, Horns. Lafitte has donned his smock. Are you ready?

Would you also like a pedicure? The Hens do that collectively. You can only choose yellow, though. Or Orangey-Yellow, for your nails.

Post a pic of what you're going for, I will not fail you!

Ahem.

The Hens have agreed to incorporate a little red, Horns, just for you. But glitter is extra.

I want to hear about his "date."

Spill it, Horns.

Thank you Roy, and Hens! I look fabulous! Do they still say that? Well, here I go! On a date, me! Who would think?!

[quote] Yes, his hands are pretty darn small so it will take awhile

Much like the cock of Beauchamp Heronimus Bull of Newport.

Goodbye! Goodbye! Good Luck! Bon chance!

I'm getting a little hurt over here.

Who is Horns' mystery date??

Does he have a mustache? A big twirly one?

Where are the pictures??????

I just want one bite of LaFitte, is that so bad?

We’re at the amusement park! They won’t let us up on the Ferris wheel. No pictures yet, Penelope.

Is Bufferin an approved name?

Yes! Bufferin was approved by acclimation at the last cow conclave. Didn’t you get the flyer?

[quote] Bufferin was approved by acclimation at the last cow conclave.

Cowclave. The white smoke rising from the chimney is cow carcasses being cremated.

Cow - it’s what’s for dinner.

Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum:

HABEMUS NOMINE!

Eminentissimum ac reverendissimum Dominum,

Dominum Bello Sanctæ Romanæ Ecclesiæ Cardinalem Heronimus,

Qui sibi nomen imposuit Bulla Novi Portus.

Would someone kindly sit in R136? Thank you.

Sit on, I mean.

Moo and good morning! Start your week right! Say “Moo” to someone you love this morning!

Look, we have our own channel now!

Titus, I have some peanuts for you. Leave LaFitte alone, he’s working for Roy now.

Mooooo! It's Monday!

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, and advice?

R152, I thought they were called “brands” among bovine kind?

Mortimer is a non-conformist, anonymoo at r143.

That's right, I am a trailblazer!

I was thinking maybe something small on my calf.

Calf??

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! I’ll say, R145.

I had a brand, and an ear thingie, those were enough for me!

And thus endith another episode of Monday Morning Moos. Someone queue Jane Pauley...I can’t do this all by myself, cows! Paging Jane Pauley!

Oh, sheesh, have somecow art instead....

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Jane Pauley.

Thank You, Jane!

Good Morning Cows!

Everybody up in Adam! And Moo! You’re all late for school! Get going! You too, Carl!

Is Adaman approved name?

Hey cows, who took my floss? I need my floss back right now, do you hear me? This instant!

And moo, of course.

I saw LaFitte using it for some sort of mouse rigging, Melrose. But Imcouldn't tell you what exactly he's constructing. Good morning, all.

R153, No, Adaman is not an approved name. What is that, a prescription name? I new the nsaids would be a slippery slope. It’s not in the Big Book of Names, though I only checked the paperback, pocket edition. You can apply for an exception, though I hurt myself rolling my eyes. What’s wrong with Homer? Or Horns?

Thank you for checking, moo!

Gertie is on “Executive Time”, don't bother her, please. She doesn’t know she’s watching herself on TV!

Help.

I've been shot.

What the moo?? What happened?

Oh, Titus!

Hoof and mouth vaccine, or lead?

Damn right, I learned it on Google, Titus. A popsicle stick, some floss, a poisoned Q-Tip. I'm armed.

I'm watching you.

Moo! Moo! I'm in a whirl!!

But it's hot.

[quote] I've been shot.

Tetanus shot for Titus?

I don't speak up often, but really we should approve the name "Tetanus," by acclamation.

Ka-pleh, pleh! Ack ack.

What's the damn problem.

[quote] Ka-pleh

Is that an approved name?

Titus is milking this. Milking this! Get it? Ah ha ha haha ha!

I am so not involved in this.

I’m having trouble following all of this.

Is this Hans? He’s a handsome lad.

Burp...

Oh my goodness, I’m sorry.

Oh my.

Yes! That's Hans!! Ah God what I wouldn't give to be introduced.

Earl, I can introduce you tomorrow morning. He’s coming by to bring some Chilean flowers to Girtie. She has the cow pox. He’s actually a good egg, you might be surprised.

He's coming tomorrow?! Why that hardly gives me any time at all!

Help, Roy! I need you!

Gertie's been hurling for days, poor demented cow.

Leave Gertie alone! She hasn’t hurt anybody!

Good morning, cows! Moo, everycow!

Earl, did you meet Hans? He’s gone already.

(I can’t ever say “He’s gone!” Without hearing Rudolph in my head, exclaiming when Yukon Jack, or whomever, goes over the cliff with the bumble.)

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Somebody cleared our cookies, we couldn't moo this morning.

It was terrible, just tragic. MoooooOOOo!

^That's supposed to read Melrose, a moo of thanksgiving to you.

I was locked out too!

I told you all to enjoy a martini and wait it out. No fluffed feathers over here.

*hic

So of course I couldn't get my introduction to Hans. This may go down as my very worst day.

Well, a soft moo to you boys over at the Cattle Canteen. You too, Phyllis. I know you rattle around the whole place.

Did Gertie trip a wire or something? That girl is blind.

We just made bets with our bookies all day.

We object, collectively.

Please note that, Penelope.

Moo moo and once again moo.

Yoda lay hee moo!

R191, that should be “Lay her moo Yoda!” if one is to imitate Yoda-speech.

R192, Günther is yodeling. In his own special way.

Thanks, Berta. Is Günther a youngling or just a not-so-bright Gungan?

You ought to watch it, Nerf.

Günther is so badass he beats his food AFTER it's dead.

Don't mess with the Bavarians, they'll shnitzel your ass till the... Cows come home.

[quote] Günther is so badass he beats his food

So he beats his meat?

I'm cornered in bad metaphors! Help!

Yoda Screw Those Guys!

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Charles Osgood, in for Jane Pauley.

You did fine, Thor, just fine!

There is an udder Sky...walker.

Good day, Sir. Good day, Madam. Please joint me in a heartfelt Monday morning Moo.

Let us also remember in our Moos this day, Presidents Washington and Lincoln, and their self-sacrifice and service for all American cows and their descendants. The examples they set still stand for us today.

Who is the current president of da cows?

All cows are equal, R203.

Here you go cows. Dream of imported Irish grass, until Springtime comes.

Instahoes of the bovine kind.

That was lovely, Sprite, thank you. Also I think I just saw my first boyfriend in that clip. Mooo.

Trying the instamoos, again.

The Gals at the Gate Guild has all the fun.

[quote] All cows are equal

Before the abattoir.

We must face the abattoir at some point.

Cows are not really big farters. Other than Melrose, I mean. But they are big belchers. That’s where the methane comes from. It’s their way of saying, “why, yes, that was a delicious bale of hay, thank you.”

My parents had friends who were the Belchers. They were not cows, though. German, I would guess.

Hello, cows! Did you moo this morning?

Oh, dear, sorry I’m late! I was down at the gate listening to a little girl with an accordion and lost track of time.

Start your week off right with a hearty moo! They’ll be no constipated cows in this farm! You don’t know what you’re missing, otherwise! Mooooooooo!

MOOOOOOOO!

Is Thunder an approved name?

I slept in after staying up late at the Vanity Fair party, mooo. Carl was supposed to be there.

Then i found out Madonna pig-napped him at her after- party and insisted on pictures, all night long. Poor Carl. Everybody ne wants a piece of him.

Moooo. Carl texted me this picture of himself and the Olsen Twins at last night's after party.

Who sent in that fabulous clip at r213, I love it.

The Olsen twins? They really believe they can piggy-back off of Carl's infamy? Hardly.

BaGAWK!

Has anyone seen LaFitte lately?

Just asking.

Yes, Anonymous @R217, Thunder most certainly [bold] is [/bold] an approved name. And not just because we’re dating.

Thunder. Such a delicious name.

Well I'm glad you're finally coming out with the relationship, Constantine.

You know we could see you two canoodling during Movie Night awhile back. I think that was when we watched The Corn is Green? Anyway, mazel.

Thank you Jacob. Have you met Schlomo? Not that you should for any reason. I mean...mooo! Ahhh, I moo when I’m nervous.

R226, do all their spots look alike to you? If you milk their udders do they not express?

Constantine is hanging his head, R227.

ooM

Dear God in heaven, Mortimer, is that you?

Mmph ahm mmphmmph

*bgkk

Chicken down!

That has to be Auntie Taco, I'd know that fat ass anywhere.

Calm down, Phyllis, I’m fine. Thanks for thinking of me ... I guess.

Anyway, despite being completely befuddled now, it is my humble task to wish you all a hearty moo! Stretch and moo. And stay in the barn! I don’t want to hear of any snow accidents!

Late moos from Thor, hi everybody. I was down with the gals at the gate when the blizzard hit.

You should have seen the commotion, Penelope was nowhere to be found, and Earl and Homer were crying like babies and Titus had to fly over and kick them both in the nuts. Gertie was found circling about, mumbling to herself and asking which way to San Jose.

Then the Gals opened a path in the snow but the hens jumped in and slowed the e-vac. I mean, really. We need a plan. A proper evacuation plan. This could have been DEADLY!

Thor, are you named after the Norse god?

Don't change the subject, anonymoo.

All you chickens and hens clogged the exit

I'm a little perturbed myself, Thor.

Plus they were dropping eggs every which where. Disgusting.

Better than black and white shit, Clarabelle.

What have you done, Titus?

TItus! What have you done?

Are you named after Noah Syndergaard, the baseball player nicknamed Thor?

I was named after King ArTHOR, of Camelot, sir. So what if my parents couldn't spell.

Robert Goulet adored me.

When did you meet Robert Goulet, Thor?

Summer, winter or fall?

Thank you, Dulcinea, for the sincerity of you moo.

To answer your question, I'm not sure, but,

It couldn't be in Springtime.

I'm good!

Bite me, Titus, foiled again. HA!

Excuse me but, who the frick is Frank??

Why not in Springtime, Thor?

Gosh, Thor, did everybody get back to the barn ok?

I envision the ACC brand on many of these cows.

OMG, at first, I thought r241 said “moose tracks”! I was horrified!

So sorry I didn't post my MMMs yesterday. I was much too busy enjoying my Monday head scratch!

Are any of you lactose intolerant?

Cabotcheesehead has just become a temporarily approved name, r252. I don’t want to hear excuses. The word came down from On High, they’re cracking down. And I don’t mean Gertie. I mean the big guy.

R253, surly there is no such thing!

Everycow, stretch and moo! Moo!

Stretch, Advil. I can see you! You’re not stretching, dear...that’s yawning, not stretching.

Mooo to all from the great outdoors! Such a glorious day, I thought we'd never escape the barn.

Moo, Melrose! I thought I saw you down at the Gate this afternoon but I was too shy to say hello. And too fat. But hello now, sweet dreams.

I’m having a veal delight night for all my neighbors and friends. You moo cows are invited too. The moo-re the merrier as they say. The choicest bits are reserved for youse.

R260, no cows will respond, as I think they have all fainted in the north 40. Just making work for the farmer, I might add, with the cow-cart.

No, barn sprite, we collectively smite r260. Consider yourself smote, sir.

Yo, Advil. Someone is addicted to you. See linked thread.

R260 got us grayed-out.

This thread is not greyed out for me. However, I have my setting at asbestos eyeballs.

Gals, shoot, Moo, I mean.

Anyway, good morning. The Gals at the Gate Guild is sponsoring a music festival this evening at 4, down at the Gate, of course. Please wear your sashes, blue ribbons, or other indicators of status and prestige. Thank you and moo.

There’s a lot going on down at the Gate this season.

Attached are highlights from last year.

Penelope, I'd like to add that The Hens will be doing their death-defying Hundred Hen Pyramid, too.

All invited!

I bow to Mortimer, who had the finest sash EVAH.

It was the High Point of the day.

Moo from the Gate!

Who organized this festival? It was marvelous. So glad I could float by!

Yoda lay hee moo is mine, Fjällko, but glad to hear you sing out.

Carl's ukelele? Impressive. Well done, pig.

What's the name of that Peruvian flute-playing cow?? Here's his picture, and what a sash.

[quote] Yoda lay hee moo is mine, Fjällko, but glad to hear you sing out.

Mine is lay hee moo. Glad to hear you sing it out, I am.

Tasty as he looks, LaFitte was magnificent today. I promise, from this day forward, I will never consider LaFitte a lunch item again.

Well done, sir.

[quote] Tasty as he looks

Do mice come in different cuts like cows?

Mouse feet are a delicasy at Disneyland, r275.

It's 7:11 pm Eastern Time. Is this my cue?

Dear Jane, that’s a minor conjunction, R277,

Get back to us when you have a major conjunction. The next one is at 11:11 pm, in 46 minutes.

In Ancient Rome, door mice were considered a delicacy. They’d dip them in sardine sauce.

Garum

Monday has arrived, Moo I say, MOOO!

Mooo?

Mortimer, this is Phyllis.

I haven't seen even one cow today, minus yourself of course.

I've never seen a Monday like it.

You can come on over to the henhouse for sherry, if you'd like.

Moophf. Mooooophfff. Moooph!

Oh, sorry, I had grass in my mouth. Moo, I say!

Anacin, your dramatic entrance has not gone unnoticed.

[quote] Oh, sorry, I had grass in my mouth.

If his history is any indication, that’s not the only thing you had in your mouth. And I’m not referrring to your mother’s udder.

[quote] Oh, sorry, I had grass in my mouth.

If history is any indication, that’s not the only thing you had in your mouth. And I’m not referrring to your mother’s udder.

Oh yeah, R287, if that is your real name. Come at me cow!

I can't stand a social media milker!

R289, and she’s too haughty to moo, too!

Ahh good, my friends are here at last.

Penelope, you have clover in your teeth...shhh

Fabiola at R291, are you aware of Fabiola, former queen of Belgium? If so what are your thoughts about her?

Oh, Moo! for crap sake!

Oh, Moo! I forgot, too.

You cows are going Spring-crazy. BaGAWK!

I thought it was a little quiet in here.

Sorry, friends. I was on the RHODA thread.

Mooo moo mooo.

Monday moos is looking good!

Good morning, cows! Good morning, Cowtherine, and moo! Thank you for starting us off today.

Ok, places, everyone, PLACES....Spring has sprung here at the farm. Time for our annual Cavalcade of Cows and Pageant. Watch out for that guy with the stick. That monster.

Ok, ACTION!

Here’s another one with better production values. Carl thinks it’s too “stylized”, but I haven’t seen his Oscar so I’m ignoring him.

Cowtherine thinks she's all that.

Hmmph.

But it is I who will be wearing the ribbon today!

Someone wake Jane Pauley up! It won’t be Monday forever, folks.

[quote] . Time for our annual Cavalcade of Cows and Pageant

Is that to the musical accompaniment at the ABBA-ttoir?

And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos.

Thank you, Jane, and moo!

Ahem.

Somebody's slackin'...

I just quit my job today. I'm so scared.

Is that Penelope who quit??

You, then, shall have the biggest MOO ever mooed, ever.

Gather 'round, girls, and a one, and a two and a three...

I’ll step in.

R307, gal, you just be yourself, and you’ll be fine. And moo for all its worth.

R307 = Paris bell ringer

Carl wasn’t in Paris again, I hope.

Through some quirk in the calendar, Easter Sunday has preceded Monday Morning Moos by a day, again this year. I wish someone would fix that for next year. Do we write Zuckerberg or something?

So, Dear Sir and Dear Madam, I bid you happy belated Easter, Spring is here, the corn is green, there are dandelions at the Gate, and all is well in the dell. So let the word go forth, loud and proud: Moooooooooooo!

MoooOOOOOOoooo!

The Gals stand with Gertie.

Yes this is all very nice but Carl is suffocating from dandelions up his nose, Carl!

You really must stop!

Step away from the flowers!

(I think he passed out but he looks debonair in a caftan, earrings...)

Carl does that every spring, Phyllis, pay no mind. But caftan, earrings? His usual is to wear a Speedo, a ukelele and a jaunty fedora. Carl if you see this, Hellooooo from Me!

Remember the time that Carl dressed up like the Baby Jesus in the manger at Chrisrmas and all of Hollywood wouldn't stop calling for weeks?

He isnt't breathing.

Breathe, damn you! BREATHE.

HAM FOR EASTER MONDAY, MOOOO!

Phyllis, tap dance on his tummy until the cow cart gets there! Can you have Auntie Taco peck up his nose at the flowers?

Good Thinking, Gertie! AuntieTacoOneNine, AuntieTacoOneNine, come in, come in!

TapTappaTapTap, TaptapTapTap,

TappateeTap, TappateeTapTap, goddammit, TappateeTapTapTapTapTap1

Gertie, we have a visual. Auntie Taco just landed on Carl, repeat... Auntie Taco just landed on Carl, and he appears to be plucking dandelions from Carls' nose.

Hans the Friesian horse is on his way with the cow cart, just in case.

Fjällko is swift on Hans tail.

Omg these fraus.

Homer, Homer, come in CVN...

The cow carts have arrived,

Repeat

The cow carts have arrived.

OINK!

Someone put a muzzle on Carl’s snout.

He lives.

That should read MOINK, r327

Oh my that was too close. Thank you, brother. But that was too damn close.

Can I go home now?

Homer, is Jane Pauly reporting with you?

And so ends another episode of lablahblahblah. I'm Jane Pauley.

AND I'M HOMER, OMG! MOOOOO!

This this big Carl-shaped depression in the grass by the Gate now.

[quote] This this big Carl-shaped depression in the grass by the Gate now.

Shouldn’t that be a Carl-shaped cut, as in porterhouse or filet mignon?

Carl is a pig, you ninny. Don’t you know anything? And, he’s still recovering, you cad! Pick on someone your own size. There must me an amorous rhinoceros or sea cow somewhere you could bother.

Pork chop shape.

Moo? Anybody home?

Hello Homer, and moo to all. I'm with Di'Jon, secretary to Beauchamp Hieronymous Bull of Newport. Did you know that today is Carl's birthday? I didn't either! So Di'Jon is helping me make a beautiful card.

Thanks, Di'Jon!

Say WHAT?! I didn't know that!

Quickly hens, quickly, we have to come up with something very special.

Would Carl like a kazoo concert from the Monday Moo Orchestra? We're actually pretty good.

Excellent idea, Armour! Hens! We will do our tap dance number from the talent show awhile back.

Oh this will be perfect.

I'm not at all sure if this is true, but Jane Pauley is rumored to be practicing her baton act from high school.

Deborah Norville said she would also do a baton act, but I told her to get lost.

It's just the right thing to do.

Moo OP guy, you ok? Please join the celebration!

Attention, Attention:

Carl is stalling the parade, kazoos and all tap-dancing until the MMM OP arrives. Not doing this without you, Gertie/Penelope.

(Translated from Pig by Di'Jon, secretary to Beauchamp Hieronimus Bull of Newport.)

Moooo, I was shopping! But I’m here now. I bought Carl the cutest bonnet. I don’t care if he hates it, he’s gonna wear it. I think he’ll like it, though.

[quote] Carl is stalling the parade

Because he’s so overweight? People like lean beef.

Carl just needed an Easter bonnet. He’s fine, now.

Welcome back Gertie and Penelope!

Let the parade begin.

Ready with your tap shoes, hens? Here we go...

(Carl's bonnet is stunning, btw. Love the veil.)

Who put the Gorilla Glue on the hens tap shoes? Well this is unfortunate. Oh!

That's another leg displaced! No! Not displaced, removed entirely. Oh! and there's the blood...

[quote] That's another leg displaced!

I love the dark meat.

We told you to fuck off, Deborah Norville with your baton-twirling twinkage.

Oh! Here comes Carl on the Float!

That must be one fucking sturdy float.

He. Is. Magnificent.

How does he blow bubbles out his ass?

Amazing.

Wait. It would appear that Carl is steering the float right toward the casino. Can we get a confirmation from the ground? I'm reporting upset from the booth.

Oh Bitch, really? We're really doing this?

Take my mic, Mike. I'm gonna cut a bitch.

This has been another episode of Monday Morning Moos.

Oh for godssake, Homer, we all know it's you.

Happy birthday Carl! Next year, we’ll do “A Thousand Clowns”!

Introducing Rolf. He can’t “Moo”, the poor thing, but he likes playing with the sheep and is a good boy.

Rolf looks like a sweetie. Sharp fangs though.

OMG, Rolf says there’s a new brush down by the gate! Oh, I can’t wait to try it!

Bertrand, we're standing just in front of you in that line- scoot scoot, you're a little close.

Bertrand, you have gas.

You have gas and it's permeating and you NEED TO KNOW right away.

About Rolf, we really do need sheep.

How do we go about acquiring sheep friends?

I'm still wondering if Jane Pauley won.

Talk about gassie, that dragon on [italic] “Game of Thrones” [/italic] must really be gassie to produce enough fire out of his mouth for over an hour. I mean, be serious. Do the chemistry.

WaPo recipe for something-something with buttermilk dressing.

Buttermilk marinated something-something in The NY Times.

Apparently they’ve upped our buttermilk quota to be fulfilled by 25% to aid the Chinese Trade War Effort. “Now” is not the time to be a sourpuss, Ladies! It’s [italic] WAR! [/Italic]

The recipes at R371 and R372 are missing something, namely beef.

R373! [italic] (If that is your real name.) [/italic] You’ve been out-voted, impeached, and bleached! We serve vegetarians only!

Moooo? This is Monday, am I right? Where ARE all of you spectacular bovines?

If there's a secret bovine speak-easy i better be informed. I'm looking at you, Roy.

They're late, Melrose. Let's just sit and wait.

Gertie had cowpox. She’s feeling much better now. In lieu of cards and flowers, cash gifts may be sent to Gertie via the Critical Critter Care Center, formerly the Critical Cow Care Center. The name change reflects a more inclusive approach to their healthcare services. They’re [italic] woke! [/Italic]

And... [bold] Moooooooo! [/bold] oh, it feels good to let that out!

Is there a Moomorial Day to celebrate all the cows who died for our nutrition?

Did they serve milk here?

So many questions! I’m just a cow, not the British Museum!

Nor the British Library.

Cow of the Day on Twitter. Why limit it to Monday?

Finally a Twitter account for the Monday Morning Moos thread.

Aww, she’s pretty.

Moo! A special June moo! I’m going down to the gate!

Moo! Melrose here, checking in.

Top of the morning, Gertie. It's a splendid day to swap a moo.

Hi, Melrose. See you at the Gate. There are some mushrooms that just cane up.

Random mooing throughout June is authorized. Show your pride, cows, steers, and geldings! Moo!

Moo! Sorry, I overslept.

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! I bid you a hearty Monday Morning Moo!

This day belongs to you! Go boldly throughout your day and Moo with pride!

R390, are you related to Rommel?

I don’t think Rommel is an approved name for a cow. What’s wrong with Clarabelle? Honestly, we have a Big Book of Cow Names for a reason. Use it, buster. And moo, too!

[quote] What’s wrong with Clarabelle?

Where shall I start?

You might consider mooing, out of courtesy, R393. And signing your name, because I doubt your name is really “Anonymous”. A nom de plume, perhaps? If so, it’s a crappy one. How about “Saccharin”? That seems to suit you. I just came up with that off the top of my horns. You’ll need to get it approved, though.

Dear Sir, Dear Madam, I bid you a hearty Monday Morning Moo.

I also wanted to pass along this bovine instawhore, at the link.

Good morning moos, friends!

Our Pride parade around the pasture yesterday was inspiring, such a big turnout, and so colorful.

I just love you all, so much.

Günther floating in on his balloon made our day, too, Melrose.

Me to, Melrose!

Loved your frock, btw.

Here he is.

Oh Günther, would that you could love me, too.

Jane Pauley? Jane Pauley to the Studio Floor please, 9 minutes to Adieu to Morning Moos

My heart belongs to Melrose. I shall love no other.

LaFitte, my friend, last I saw Jane Pauley she was floating away with Carl in Günther's beautiful balloon.

May I volunteer for tonight's honors?

I saw they packed sandwiches so they might be planning a real get-away this week.

LaFitte, I saw Jane Pauley floating off with Carl in Günther's balloon.

I saw they packed sandwiches, so they are clearly planning for a long retreat.

So, can I PLEASE fill in for Jane Pauley tonight?

I am Dulcinea and I am not half the whore that is Jane Pauley.

Aww , look at Jane Pauley double posting just to make me look bad.

Gertie forgive me, I'm going rogue.

"And so ends another episode of Monday Morning Moos. I'm Dulcinea, and unlike Jane Pauley, I am not a whore."

I laughed. Then I mooed.

"And then she moo'd."

The DL is a glorious place to be a cow.

Good day, Sir! Good day, Madam! Good day to you non-binary type! I bid you a zestful Monday Morning Moo!

It’s been busy lately! Happy Canada Month! 🇨🇦 Moo, eh? Happy Independence Week, Americanos! 🇺🇸 Moooo!

Please hug a cow today and tell him or her that you love him or her, or whatever! 💕 There’s not enough of that. Don’t forget to Moo, you’ll feel better. You should do that for yourself.

Don’t let anyone tell you there’s anything wrong with being a fat cow. We like that here. High fat milk is the priciest for a reason, yo!

Please continue your mooing on this thread. Thank you and moo.

Beep beep, boop, bop, bump, burp.

Tangential thread....

Moo! Now I must dash!

Melrose, dear, you missed you “moo”. You’ll get constipated again if you don’t let it out.