Things I Wish Someone Told Me

I wish someone had told me what a disappointment my remaining family (my sister, her daughter, and her daughter’s children) would be.

I have tried so hard to be close to them and pass on my wisdom, but they reject it and then insult me. They have no respect for me and I honestly don’t like them very much.

R1 details?

You will never, ever be happy where you are living, so it's OK to leave. Forget being pragmatic, pack your stuff and get out before its too late.

When you start a new job, don't trust the well meaning employee who feels the need to "warn" you about other employees.

* Some people thrive on chaos. You cannot help them until they genuinely want to change.

* Being a good student does not equal success in life. In fact, the opposite is often true. Good students learn to think critically, while the vast majority of businesses want employees to toe the company line. Adjust expectations accordingly.

* Not having all of your goals fulfilled by a certain age is OK. As long as you keep working toward them, you have not failed.

* Comparing yourself to others is generally unhelpful.

* It’s not your fault, what happened to you when you were just a little kid. At the same time, your parents probably did the best they could.

* Life is not a sprint but a marathon.

* No one is happy all of the time.

* Not having something you want is not the same as having a problem.

* “Failure is a feeling long before it’s an actual result. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear.” - Michelle Obama

R2, my sister and I had wonderful parents. They have long since passed, but my sister has made it her mission to badmouth them to no end to her adult daughter, who is too young to have known them.

To hear my sister tell it, our father was an alcoholic and our mother was a controlling pill popper who is to blame for everything that has gone wrong in my sister’s life.

I’ve tried to impart the little life lessons, rules of etiquette, and good breeding that our mother instilled in me. My attempts are scoffed at continually.

My sister’s daughter is a brute amazon who is raising her two daughters to be two-bit trollops.

It's ok to be boring as long as you're not bored.

[quote]To hear my sister tell it, our father was an alcoholic and our mother was a controlling pill popper who is to blame for everything that has gone wrong in my sister’s life. I’ve tried to impart the little life lessons, rules of etiquette, and good breeding that our mother instilled in me. My attempts are scoffed at continually.

R7 = Suellen O’Hara

There is a lid to every pot; do not try to be anybody other than who you are.

Tell the truth, even when it seems very bad.

You're not fat. This nearly cost me my life more than once.

-Keep your ambitions to yourself. Naysayers will always try to keep you down.

-Take calcium.

-When you realize that your friends are awful people, get away from them ASAP.

-Graduate college as quickly as possible, it'll save you a fortune in the long run.

Never burn bridges.

-Stop trying to impress others. If you are constantly putting on a fake persona to please people, eventually they are going to believe you. Then later on when you want to be yourself, it will be too late. Quit trying to gain their approval. Don't TRY to be, just be.

-Quit comparing yourself to others. Everyone's life is their own business, including yours. No two people live the same life. What is right for others may not be right for you because you aren't them.

Pay taxes on time.

Marry for money. Love never lasts , but a nice fat bank account helps you fill your life in other ways.

R5 thank you for a meaningful and insightful response. You are truly wise.

Life moves on and in unexpected ways. Nothing is permanent.

-You may not be as popular, attractive, or as rich as others, or have the good grades they do, but you have gifts they don't. Don't ever let them go to waste.

-Your parents are going to let you down and say and do things they shouldn't many, many times. But they are human and all humans are flawed. Some just hide it better than others. Although they make bad mistakes and can be crass and vulgar, never doubt their love for you.

-When you are worried about what COULD go wrong, you are living in the future. When you constantly dwell on terrible decisions you regret and bad things that have happened to you, you are living in the past. The past is a memory, the future is a fantasy. Right now is the only moment that is real. Quit wasting it away.

Don't pay attention to what people say; pay attention to what they do. And when, in this process, they show you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. This applies just as much in your personal life as it does in business.

You are not responsible for someone else's alcoholism or addiction. You cannot fix it and if you try it will increase your stress immeasurably and your feelings and efforts will most likely be used by them to manipulate you.

Never hang around toxic people, even if you're related to them. Be around people who will build you up, not those who will tear you down.

The people you see at a party, at the store, at a club, on the sidewalk, aren't looking at you or thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.

Never accept abuse, particularly physical abuse, from anyone. The first time that anyone hits you should be the last time they see you unless they're prepared to get counseling.

Never work for a bad manager unless you have absolutely no choice. If the manager is terrible, the job will be, too, even if on paper it's your dream job. If you have to accept the job for financial reasons, begin looking around immediately as soon as you recognize the signs. And document everything while you're working there; you may need that.

The people on Facebook and Instagram are never as happy as their posts seem to indicate. Many of them, possibly even most of them, are more miserable than you are but are horribly afraid of publicly admitting it. It's all a facade.

Start saving early, even if it's just a few bucks a week. Every time you receive a raise, allocate a certain percentage of that income increase into that savings pool. When you have enough, begin investing in low-cost index funds. The earlier you begin preparing for your retirement, the more likely it is that it will be trouble-free.

Brush your teeth regularly if you want to hang onto them later in life. (Now if this only worked for hair!)

Sun damage is real!

There are no such things unconditional love, level playing fields, rewards for ethical behavior, or, least of all, altruism. Everyone always has an angle.

Don't bother going to college, learn a trade. Find a specific skill and learn. Forget the "communications" degree.

Use eye cream and facial moisturizer starting early

Don't quit jobs

These people are not your friends, when shit goes down they will NOT be there for you. They're just acquaintances you sometimes party with, don't stay where you are because you think you have friends there. You don't.

Get a haircut. You look ridiculous. Years from now you'll be looking at these photos embarrassed by how silly you look.

Never take love for granted. You think it comes around all the time and easily. It doesn't. Love is precious and you must nurture it and protect it at all costs.

have someone to talk to about finances. don't spend money to impress people.

I’m older and pretty much ok with myself these days, but I grew up with a massive lack of self-esteem. In particular, through my teens and twenties and beyond, I was pretty sure I was both ugly and unlovable. How did I get that way? I don’t know. My dad was always super critical of me and I was forever being picked on at school. What’s crazy is that I look at pictures of myself from back then and see I was not half bad looking.

To get to the point... I wish someone had told me not to listen to people who attack you, ridicule you and shoot you down. I thought all of those people were right and it would have made a world of difference if someone had taught me to ignore all of that negativity.

If you feel a man looking at you "that way," move on that like a bitch in heat. You most likely will get cock

Never badmouth your spouse to your side of the family. You may forgive him, but they never will.

Take care of your teeth, and don’t get too much sun.

Don’t take up smoking.

Don’t waste your time being a “people pleaser”. People will use you, and when they’ve bled you dry, they’ll move on.

If a life situation — a friend, a partner, a job — seems fine but not "quite right" for reasons you can't articulate, work on figuring it out.

One helpful way to do this is to imagine the situation happening to someone you love, and figure out the advice you would give them.

Never befriend a coworker. They will always betray your trust when doing becomes beneficial politically or financially. Yes, even the nicest ones.

Agree R32. Which sucks - we send the majority of our lives with people with whom we are not friends. What a shift life capitalism has created. Not hungry or homeless I guess - but forced to live like a cog in a wheel with no deep relationships with the people we spend most of our waking lives with

Everything in life is about money.

And when someone says "it's not about the money," it's REALLY about the money.

Money is the most important thing in the world. The more of it you have the better off your life will be. Get as much of it as you can.

Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option.

Never use a credit card unless you plan on paying the entire balance each month.

Don't take out Student Loans.

Don't go into film unless you know someone who can get you in the door. Also, understand that just because you think making movies might be fun, the reality is, it's a shit business. You will work surgeons hours for far less $$ and you won't ever have health insurance.

Love is important, but keep in mind that people change and you may get your heart crushed.

I disagree R34 / 35. Money is important only to a point - and only for safety. Very few people, when given a fatal diagnosis, say I wish I had spent more time making money. There is a minimum you need to make to pay basic housing and food and save for emergencies and retirement. The rest is a trade off between time and money. And time is more valuable.

More important - don’t spend money frivolously. Possessions will never bring happiness. The big house and fancy car are things that youve been trained to see as important and life changing by capitalism. Save - the security of money in the bank will protect you against SOME of life’s calamities. But don’t make money the focus of your life.

Floss !!!

Have fun. It could all end tomorrow.

Be kind to yourself.

Never settle in relationships. Have high standards, you're not noble standing by an idiot, abuser, adict, or poor person with no ambition. Have deal breakers and stand by them, not your man.

[quote]Never hang around toxic people, even if you're related to them.

is greater than

[quote]Although they make bad mistakes and can be crass and vulgar, never doubt their love for you.

Trump has been arrested? Or did you mean something else?

I have nieces and nephews who have turned into ridiculous Republicans. I don't wish to speak to them.

Pee Pads for Small dogs are great for cleaning your oven. They really get rid of the grease.

Money is power. Preserve capital, grow it.

Preach it, r36

If your family treats you like crap, move on. They are NOT going to suddenly change and show you love and respect. It may suck and feel bad for a while, but you will get over it.

Most guys prefer your big tits, over your college education.

You will never feel like an adult

^^ until both parents are dead.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Stay away from social media. You can call people, text people, or E-mail them. But Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are absolutely poisonous.

Masturbate every day. It keeps everything working down there, especially as you age.

Keep your work life and your sex life separate. Don't regale coworkers of your wild weekends, and don't fuck around with coworkers or clients. Every jilted workplace lover is a sexual harassment claim waiting to happen.

Mentors are a good thing throughout your life. Others have dealt with problems similar to yours, and advice on a lived experience can be helpful. Don't forget to mentor others.

Fancy cars (and trips to circuit parties) are a waste of money.

Study what you're good at, not necessarily what fascinates you on a theoretical level. You can pursue your interests in your spare time.

Deal with your issues as soon as possible, otherwise they will build up and you'll waste precious years.

Also, it's fine to be who you are.

While it's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice.

You should have listened to your own instincts all along. Always follow them.

You knew better at 16 what you needed to do than your well-meaning but fearful family. The place you need to be is not with them.

You can love people and yet make different choices in your life than they did. AND your choice isn't a comment or judgment on theirs. It's simply that: your choice.

Be proud of who you are no matter what. Never listen to the negative things that people have to say about you. One becomes a hypocrite of some sort at the moment he opens his mouth to speak against another. Generally, what people hate about you, they also hate about themselves.

You’re not fat. You will look at photos of yourself 20 years from now and realize you were not fat, and wish someone had told you that.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it. (By the hour, or overnight.)

[quote]R62 "You’re not fat. You will look at photos of yourself 20 years from now and realize you were not fat, and wish someone had told you that."

I wish someone had told me the opposite when I was young....to exercise more, to be more active, etc., because the longer you wait to be active, the harder it is to get into shape and to maintain it. Plus, a stronger self-confidence would have been helpful.

That despite how important you think your job position and importance to it are, in actuality you're just a number and nothing more.

R62 = Karen Carpenter

Your metabolism stops around age 40. Whatever you are doing for exercise, you will need to double it.

Not to give up my virginity so easily

The universe is beyond our capability to perceive. Who are you to limit yourself as a part of it? Carpe Diem!

funny, my therapist and I had this same conversation

Have as much sex as you can!

Lower your expectations.

Don't waste your money on college unless you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. Employers only care that you can do the job, not what degree you have.

High school isn’t how life is.

R73 absolutely. We could see so much improvement in American society if we were to invest in QUALITY vocational schools but too many people are invested in the college for everyone insanity. Sad to say liberals, who I usually agree with, have been the worst in pushing the mandatory college silliness, at the cost of many Americans finances and quality of life.

R17 slow classes, huh?

WW R25

R42, bring it the fuck down! Yeah, son. WW. You earned it more than you'll ever know.

This comment has great reach. Thank you.♡

R65, where the hell have you worked?

The toxic people will work energetically to tell you they're fine and reasonable, and that you shouldn't cut them out of your life. You know who's decent and having a bad time, and who's fundamentally rancid. Get rid of the shitheads.

Your high school friend Matt Conners was gay, and hung, and liked you as more than friends.

I wish someone told me that ALL the straight girl friends I had in school would ditch me the minute they had husbands & kids.

They only get back in touch with LGBTs when they are divorced, separated from abusers or bored in their marriages (want to cry on your shoulder or complain about their lives).

I learned about this phenomenon on the DL but I needed to hear this back in the 70s & 80s. I would've cut back on how much time that I spent with them & saved myself plenty of headaches/heartaches in the long run).

One of the biggest eye openers of my life.

That being gay was common, fun and full of hot guys willing to have sex.

Love is overrated

That there’s always room for pie.

Never think that you can get your "friends" to treat you better if you buy them things or do favors for them. If they treat you like crap, it won't matter how much you give them, they'll always treat you like crap.

If you like to write with an eye on getting published, never show your work to friends or family. They'll either provide suggestions that aren't helpful or they'll be resentful and discourage you from writing.

i echo the poster who said to marry for money.

Twinks will always leave you

Don't make decisions in anger. Give things time to cool down, and sleep on it if possible.

-Have high standards, you're not noble standing by an idiot, abuser, adict, or poor person with no ambition. "

A golddigger type myself, you had me at POOR PERSON.

There's a lot of wise comments on this thread. I'm an elder and could learn from some of you, thank you.

You can waste an incredible amount of time giving thoughtful consideration to the ideas of idiots who doubt you.

R86, I'm not that kind of family or friend . I'm actually a pure, good soul. However, people try to take advantage. What they miscalculate sometimes is my self preservation instinct for myself and dependents. Following orders from R42😅gave my tenant a time line for when we have to be out of here. Next day we were talking and he said "i wasn't mad about it". Hand to god. Shot back "what you think doesn't matter. This house, myself and dependents come 1st. You don't count."

Mistaken the good soul for a pushover. Poor person with no ambition can and will be replaced around here. Ignoring these standards my resentment will leak out somewhere. Got a little too comfortable there and now you're so out. This guy must hate himself and he does. Now I'm minding the hate he has for himself and hating him as well. Imagine a self important poor person with no ambition. Nothing more enraging than these types. They push people so far, end up being shown the door.

Here's one. A simple search might show a long history of residences. Pay attention if the distances are wide between say, Colorado or Illinois. Never date, hire or rent to one when you discover multiple locations not proven to be for work. More locations, higher the instability. It's really just a long line of people who became fed up and showed the barnacle the door.

That's what that means. Signifies a leeching loser. Sponge. Tick, parasite. Poor person no ambition.

I've contributed

R82, those people right there are what R42 is basically espousing.

They're users and candles in the wind. Again, losers, users and abusers. They're so pathetic. Lack personal pride, discipline and ambition. They eventually have no problem clinging way past your breaking point. Always another sucker lined up, you'll notice. This is their idea of a safety net. Bouncing and sponging. You could actually blow a blood vessel and stroke out with age or die. Dead serious. Had a normal person accepted your hospitality and favor, they'd take it up a few notches presenting as grateful. Normal people have a sense of propriety, personal pride. Not these nondisciplined leeches. They'll only step it up when they sense you're at the end of your rope. Immediately before they pushed you by overstepping bounds they didn't realize you have they'll feel comfortable displaying self important, self righteous behavior. Then they're pissed off at YOU or feel they can be.

One and only solution?

The boot!

Just found this..it's the American way, he says😅

R82, those people right there are what R42 is basically espousing.

They're users and candles in the wind. Again, losers, users and abusers. They're so pathetic. Lack personal pride, discipline and ambition. They eventually have no problem clinging way past your breaking point. Always another sucker lined up, you'll notice. This is their idea of a safety net. Bouncing and sponging. You could actually blow a blood vessel and stroke out with age or die. Dead serious. Had a normal person accepted your hospitality and favor, they'd take it up a few notches presenting as grateful. Normal people have a sense of propriety, personal pride. Not these nondisciplined leeches. They'll only step it up when they sense you're at the end of your rope. Immediately before they pushed you by overstepping bounds they didn't realize you have they'll feel comfortable displaying self important, self righteous behavior. Then they're pissed off at YOU or feel they can be.

One and only solution?

The boot!

Just found this..it's the American way, he says😅

Deserved double post^

Life will thrown things at you, one after another. Think of these trials as chapters in your life that are not related to each other. The temptation is to search for clues and explanations in the past, but that is not what will help you today. Try to deal with what is in front of you. That’s where your energy and your awareness should be. With every chapter you learn a bit more about yourself - that’s the so called “lesson”.

r95, never post a Toby Keith video here again. And if you don't know why, google what he did to the Dixie Chicks.

98 don't even know who Toby Keith is. Why would I? That would be like me recognizing a real housewife celeb that came along in the past 5 years. Why would I?

Anyway, here's some poignant sage advice traversing the land mine of life re: personality disorders. Here's how you play to win with BPD/NPD PREDATORS

Liberating and life changing. Promise.

cross-referenced thread

R98, why would I bother 'googling' anything about dixie chicks? Why would I?

THAT DWARVES CAN BE VERY WELL HUNG "TOPS'.

I had this borderline friend from work at my pt evening job while twinkish. Older than him by 3 years. I've seen him move in with so many friends for 20 years intermittingly while he burned bridge after bridge. Leaving a trail of wrecked, abused carcasses in his wake.

Classic borderline. Dodged this bullet when mutual friend alerted me on this guys old, tired programming. He would stay at friends' homes and be so helpful cleaning neurotic. First few weeks. Then he'd start moving in on the rent boy he coveted, move in on friends even family of his hosts. He'd start pitting people against each other. Talking about his host he was siphoning off of but feigning concern. Criticize their housekeeping skills ALWAYS. Saying Joe wasn't grateful for owning his home because he left dishes in the sink. Cluttered with antiques. Needs dusting! Can you imagine the dust mites? he'd tell everyone. So concerned for the dog, himself, Joe and the rent boy. He has that beautiful home loaded with pricey antiques and a rent boy because he knows how to conduct himself in a reputable manner with others. He worked for that shit! A borderline lacks this life skill so they're always wanting, pining and envying others. He actually went so far as to try and turn Joe against his loving mother. He'd remind our adopted friend "she's not really your mother, ya know". Joe's mother was accepting when he came out. Unconditional love for her handsome, hard working son. Sponge's mom threw him over for straight brother. She abandoned him. Terrible. Invested heavily in straight better looking brother. We all predicted he was gonna creep up on Joe's loving mom. He fiercely hated other adopted people since childhood. He operated off of envy. NPD, BPD overlap is envying others perceived to have what they do not. This is the exact reason why they are so dangerous and wreak havoc on innocents.

Be on lookout and spot this deranged sicko. Plotting your demise if they feel they can pull it off. Recognize these human pollutants and start distancing. You must remain one step ahead of them. Once this slug was exposed to Joe's wordly mom, out on his ass. Only to come sniffing around hinting for a free ride in our homes. No one took him in. He latched onto this innocent country boy he met on grindr in days. Bled that poor bastard dry for a good 3 years until the victim's family caught on. He tried to move in on my guy after a break up and sided with him over me thinking of nothing but how wealthy my ex was. And I needed a friend! That's what he did.

Classic borderline snake. Quel classique.

You've got dissociatiative memory loss. It's Your childhood was crap and you've just edited out the worst bits. It's OK but get some counselling and face the facts.

Marry someone with money.

Companies will talk a good game about their lofty mission statement and encourage your fealty, all in hopes that you'll work crazy hours to help fatten their bottom line. When push comes to shove, though, their loyalty to you will quickly dissipate and you'll be laid off mercilessly.

We cannot change other people. Internalize that.

People show you who they are through actions, do not be thrown off in plainly seeing that by their words.

If someone comes from an entire family of very cold and damaged people, they likely are too, but are hiding it because they want something from you.

If people DO change, they often want to level up for a fresh start. Move on, you will never reap the benefits.

Like attracts like, work on yourself.

Dramatic people are always dramatic. While their chaos may seem entertaining in the good times, in the bad times you will not be able to count on them.

Relationships are a bit like a teeter-totter. There must be balance. If you end up putting in 90% of the energy/effort/work, the other person will hardly be engaged at all.

A big dick is not better than a big heart. Momentary pleasure does not this life make.

Good one, R107. Character matters. A big dick is nice though!

R106 "if someone comes from an entire family of cold and damaged people they likely are too " . This is so fucking true .

Not always, R109, but I learned that one the hard way. People who are broken and empty inside are very good at mirroring. Until the mask slips.

Also, being kind to such people will blow up in your face. A friend who is an addiction counselor explained it thus:

In the early 20s, someone from an abusive family will look for the opposite and might glom onto the life of someone who is warm and caring. If they never sort themselves out, the pendulum will swing. At the end of the next decade, the shunned for years abusers will be recast as warm, loving, caring, and the person who actually HAS been those things becomes a safe repository for the anger, hurt, rage of the wounded child. At this point, it is likely that a former victim will become a victimizer.

On a lighter note, putting a damp hand towel in the drying with wrinkled clothes for a few minutes can save you from a lot of ironing.

Pursuit of money will never make you happy.

Happiness and contentedness are something you have to work for and create for yourself.

Things may be handed to you while you're young and pretty, but that will eventually change, and he behavior will change. Be ready.

Happiness and contentment are internal and can exist independently of any external circumstances. Mind blowing but true.

Don't go to law school.

R93, in case no one’s ever told you: don't make everything about yourself.

[quote] Marry someone with money.

Ha, ha, ha!!! I'll say!!!

What great advice!!!

People come in and out of your life, and that is less of a tragedy than you would have thought when you were younger.

There will likely come a time in your life when it will be taken over by caretaking for parents or for other family members. That will be a hard time in your life. Know where to get books about it when it happens, because you will need information.

It's important to like where you live.

Being kind is really important, but it is different from being nice.

It's none of your business what other people think about you.

[quote]Don’t take up smoking.

That's great advice, to which I would add:

You'll have to quit eventually, and it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. It's best not to go there in the first place.

Don't fall in love with a bisexual, especially one who hustles on the side.

The existentialists and Shakespeare were right. Your life is meaningless and random and all the terror pain and agony billions of people have gone through are for nothing.

Don't believe anything your parents, priests, school or government authority figures tell you. They are 100% full of shit.

So when anybody gives you grief tell them to go fuck themselves. You'll be glad you did.

Don't waste time on so-called friends who clearly don't care about you or what you accomplish. Run the other direction and cut your losses. Don't rationalize their behavior.

Too many good people in the world to waste a second on the rest.

Don't trust anyone. esp your own family members. It's them you gotta look out for esp if you are from a wealthy family. My own mother stole my inheritance! Needless to say, I'm no longer in contact with her and others.

Looks matter more than your mother ever told you they do. They matter at work too, it's not just because people are good at whatever. Some of the dumbest people get where they are 90% on looks and the rest on determination. You can look bad in your sick bed or when you're dead. If you go out of the house undone you are guaranteed to run into the person or people you want to see the least. Don't take your friends' advice on your marriage or relationship. They will revel in your being alone and out of a husband and then you're left alone. Only the 2 people in the marriage know really what's going on. Also don't confide in his family, or yours, if you're unhappy. Only a neutral party (counseling) can help. You're lucky if you have as many good, true friends as you can count on one hand. Not every day has to be a good day. You don't have to be happy all of the time. Don't undersell yourself because you're different than others. Your differences are probably what make you more interesting. Trust your first instincts. When people show you who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM. Exercise 4-5 times a week to keep your cholesterol and triglycerides down. Wear sunscreen, drink water, and get enough sleep. If you drink too much your face is gonna pay for it eventually. And, maybe your liver. In relationships, and in business, people vote with their feet. If they're not there, or if they are not interested enough, they won't be around. (or will move on) Sex in a long term relationship isn't as important as it may have once been, but if it's not existent and there's no medical problems, you're in danger. Buy quality, not quantity. Don't try to keep up with fashion trends. Wear good quality, classic, well fitting clothes and keep yourself very well groomed. People will notice a bad haircut, dirty nails, cheap shoes, bulges from tight clothing, saggy breasts, and cheap fabrics before they notice trendy. Your parents didn't, and don't know everything. If they failed you, they probably did the best they could. Or, they could be assholes. Life's too short to be miserable all of the time. If you can change something to make yourself happier, or make peace with someone or something, DO IT.

People like r122 are extremely shallow and not worth your time.

Use paragraphs when writing a long post. ^^^

Agree R123. R122 is either 23 years old - or has failed to gain any insight or wisdom about life in his years on this planet. Lesson: don’t take advice from people under the age of 40. Wisdom does come with age - for most

"Go to the gym. You can read all those novels later, but no one will care. Go to the gym. All of gay life is about looks and physical beauty. Go to the gym. Save money, visit the dentist, and go to the gym."

Being passionate is good, being emotional is not. Being logical is good, not boring. It's OK to be an atheist.

Don't argue with people in ad hominem fashion. Stick to the subject of the argument.

Gosh you DLers are so wise. Why not make this a book.

Sell your ass until you can get into a position to marry rich.

If a salesman, such as a car salesman, but anyone, really, tells you something is a time limited offer, walk away. Remind yourself that there will be other cars, or whatever. You probably don’t have to buy that exact one.

(Unless the item is unique, in which case you should choose wisely!)

A corollary to R130: if you can do so, bring someone with you when you buy a car or go to a critical doctor’s appointment. It helps to have a second set of ears.

I wish someone had told me that it's better to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I have heard, an alligator’s jaw muscles are such that it has a strong ability to close its mouth, but is very weak when trying to open its mouth. So, if you’re up against one, hold it’s mouth closed.

If only someone had told me to be best.

Or that sometimes the bad guys win because they are more evil .

Almost nothing anyone says or does has anything to do with you at all.

R83. YES! All the years I wasted being closeted ... if only I internalized this in my teen years ....

r122 made excellent observations and gave good advice.

Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.

The other corollary to R130 is to never make a decision on a major purchase without thinking about it overnight.

I wish someone would have told R99 how to reference another post.

Don't eat yellow snow.

R110, you're creeping me out mirroring my identity. A little too flattering.

But that WAS a damned good post. I approve!

R108, R110, it's really getting creepy.

Coining my phrases right down to my dual citizenship experience. My education, travels. You're getting bolder. Usually I don't mind so much but I did have to call it out in the Prediction 2018 Part Trois thread.

I wouldn't be alarmed so much if you didn't follow me around here ATTACKING me on a different browser.

Get help. I asked you to knock it off @ R286, R289.

So I guess my comment @ R391 is true.

I wish i could go back to 18 and shake myself silly while yelling " You idiot, stop devoting yourself to this shit job. This is not what you should expect out of life, focus on school dipshit. Your Co workers are awful, your managers are awful, the customers are terrible, just quit. Staying here is going to ruin your life . You're not accomplishing anything or proving anything by staying here. Go to college or vocational school NOW "

You're blocked on the other browser R145 aka R110, 108

Malade

Uh, I'm not sure who you're confusing me with. I'm not 110 or 108.

“The one” is a myth and monogamy is generally unsatisfying for most men.

Well at least we know R116 can't possibly be me. Books?😂

Being kind and helpful does not make you a good person. It makes you someone's victim.

Lust is real. Love is a Hallmark construct.

The one I truly wish someone had told me: Actions speak louder than words, judge people by what they DO, not say.

[quote]A corollary to [R130]: if you can do so, bring someone with you when you buy a car or go to a critical doctor’s appointment. It helps to have a second set of ears.

Man up, dude. None of your friends wants to go with you to buy a car or see a doctor. They've got their own shit to deal with. And the sales person/doctor won't appreciate it either. Are you an adult?

Don't mind him, R147, he's a troll.

I'm sorry, R150, but most of that is nonsense. If it's true that you've never had real love from any source, I'm sorry for you. But just because romantic love hasn't worked out - and let's face it, it hasn't for many of us - it doesn't invalidate the love you've had in the past or present from parents, siblings and friends. That's life-sustaining.

Also, anyone can be a victim. Wherever you go in life, don't buy into the idea that cynicism will protect you.

Money like land is the only thing that matters. You most likely in life will not find love or satisfying relationships. Unless you are one of those very lucky few you can have a home or car or audio system to love. Preferably all of them. People treat you better as well if they think or know you have money. Find a rent boy or masseur you find attractive. They'll probably be there for you when you need them unless it is a medical emergency.

Be used for your money, you're probably not doing much else anyway.

The 10 minute mark. The user looking for living quarters.

So is everyone a borderline or a narcissist, R155? Or is hate and cynicism the only true currency?

Actually, never mind.

Wish someone told me this in my 20s

Who's the damaged, Toby Keith video posting , mess on here? You sound really unhinged and pathetic. Gets some help, it's only your fault that you're a door mat.

R148 nails it.

That Mark Twain was a hack.

Follow some of this advice...and all you've sacrificed is your humanity.

Don't whiz on an electric fence!

Pretty much everything is bullshit and lies. The two party system is broke, and there is no such thing as a "gay community". You can trust very few people and you are mostly alone in a cold, uncaring universe. Above all this, you can still find beauty and happiness in the world.

Better safe than sorry.

Not to waste time.

Not too spend too much time on heartache--whether that is the end of a romantic relationship, the end of a business venture, or the end of the life of someone close to you.

Always open your mail.

"If in doubt, say no."

Maggie Smith

Actually, do you guys remember the Sunscreen Song that came out in the 90s?

I just listened to it recently after not having heard it since I was a teen. Great advice there.

R167, and always open your male.

The concept of 'career' is an invention to keep you doing the crap work and or being overworked.

Most jobs are glorified administration jobs.

Women rule the world (well, the West, anyway), but they'll tell you otherwise.

LOL, R173.

That straight men are absolute garbage

This thread is suicidal. Ugh!

Wisdom gained from experience does not bring confidence or peace of mind. It only produces fear, anger and despair.

1.) "One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming that other people think the way we think."- this is huge. Always try to imagine others complexly. Even if you're a Randian , a cynic or just lacking in curiosity- understand that cultivating empathy for others is in YOUR best interest because it is a tool that allows you to understand the world better.

2.) Building off of #1- Stay curious. In general. It's good for your brain and good for your soul.

3.) "80% of life is just showing up." This old chestnut. As an only child and raging perfectionist this one took a long time get. It's weird but shockingly you often get more social currency from people if you go to the stupid bake sale and they can see you "trying", rather than, say, if you just emerged alone from your room, with the manuscript for Great American Novel. I guess what I'm saying is....get out more? Even if you feel lame and inauthentic in whatever group activity you're participating.

4.) Probiotics.

Money is important and can buy you happiness. Don't be fooled.

Someone else said it and I'll say it too. Your straight female friends, the ones you spend so much time and energy with will marry and you will become an afterthought, if that. However, your straight male friends will always be around. Try and make friends with a few straight guys when you are young, just don't fall in love with them.

It doesn't get said much, but having and developing a career is a hugely satisfying thing and will give you a happy life from middle age onwards.

R178's #3 is so true.

I'm the oldest child (by 20 years) also of a raging perfectionist and vicious social climber.

R179, we lesbos exist and are loyal.

My father and I were estranged for most of our lives. My parents divorced he re-married. Nonetheless, he left a mark on me (1) don't get caught in a trap- so I was fearful of failure and overly cautious, you cannot learn or succeed if you don't fail at something some time in your life (did you ever see , I believe it was an old film called the Snake Pit with Olivia de Havilland) she is terrified of being discovered as mentally ill...she walks cautiously and says to herself, "Watch it, be careful don't let them see.".; well, that's how I spent a good portion of my life...being afraid to fail in front of people,

Secondly I wish I had not been afraid or reluctant to seek out my own for companionship and possibly a love interest - being young and dumb, I thought if I engaged another black man, he could possibly go back to my community and tell everyone...real stupid. Now I find Black men beautiful and nearly impossible not to look at with lust. Unfortunately, I'm aging, so the potential fades everyday to find a beautiful black man as a potential partner. So you do the best you can after your mistakes and move on.

On real estate: Location, location, location!

On work: Dress for the station you want to be, not where you currently are.

On saving: Start saving immediately in your 20’s, from your first job, even if it’s twenty bucks a month — you have a high probability of being a millionaire in retirement even if it’s a little per month because of interest.

On the stock market: You will make money. Don’t get spooked.

On religion: Live and let live. But call out bigotry too.

On emotion: Never, ever make a decision or take action when you’re angry or upset.

On relationships: Be slow to anger and quick to apologize.

On politics: Fuck Trump. Fuck Republicans. Fuck Conservatives.

On news: Always read multiple sources with various bias.

On drama: Professional or personal — document everything, keep a notepad with dates and times describing every incident.

On your first appointment with any professional (doctor, lawyer, CPA, etc.): Dress sharp. They’ll take you much more seriously. Take notes if needed.

On food: Quality, quality, quality. Particularly your butter and cheeses.

On furniture: Read “Good Bones, Great Pieces,” it’s everything you need to know.

On drugs: Don’t do them unless you’re with someone who is an Epicurean with high quality.

On art in the home: Originals please, no framed prints.

On joy: Be in nature as frequently as you can.

On conversation: Listen. People are starving to be heard. Look them in the eye and just listen.

Project confidence, even if you don't always feel it.

Seek out people who can laugh at themselves, and tread lightly around those who can't.

Good looks, like intelligence, are a bonus, not a necessity.

Identify which people love you and which don't. Let go of the ones that don't.

Not sure what kind of interest you're getting R183 on your savings, but it's probably less than inflation. Bad suggestion.

Learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them. You paid once; don't pay twice.

The only real definition of love is altruism, when someone else's happiness is more important to you than your own, and when you would rather suffer yourself than see your loved one suffer.

My mother said if you live long enough, you'll see everything but I didn't believe her. I wish my parents had made understand me that there was every possibility that I too would endure a major economic depression or a world war.

bump

Never call a cast album a "soundtrack". You will be shunned like an Amish caught diddling a sheep.

You’re going to make a lot of choices. Some of them you’re going to regret - a lot. Realize that anything you do that results in compromising your integrity is unrecoverable. Cheating on your partner will never end well. Cheating, period, will never end well. In the end, your relationship will survive a lack of sex - but it won’t survive a lack of respect.

Take good care of your teeth. Brush, floss, use mouthwash. Go to the dentist on a regular basis for check ups.

But be careful with the mouthwash! There are some brands that actually stain your teeth.

A good one I heard--but this is for people under 18--make sure you drink fluoridated water. My dentist was telling me that she's starting to see adults who drank nothing but bottled water with the most horrible decay she's ever seen in that age. And if you don't get fluoride into the teeth (by ingestion) before a certain age, you're screwed.

Without love it ain't much.

Don’t have children. Don’t smoke. Embrace your individuality. If someone dumps you, it’s their loss. Be kind to animals. And don’t ever vote Republican.

Being gay is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever receive. It pushes you to embrace yourself even harder when people around you reject you for who you are. Otherwise you just let yourself get conditioned to jump though hoops for other people's approval and one day you are just too damn exhausted to be other people's dance monkey and that day, and the days after, will be the very definition of hell on earth for you, because you will feel lost, abandoned and betrayed.

Chlorhexidene is the ingredient to avoid in mouthwashes, as it stains teeth dark. It is prescribed to people with gum disease. The tooth staining can be reversed with professional whitening.

Holy shit, R22. That's exactly me, complete with useless communications degree.

I would say on a personal level, don't be so picky and get out and socialize more. Take more chances and procrastinate less.

There are some GREAT comments here. Awesome thread. Datalounge never ceases to amaze me.

Don't visit Paris in December.

[quote]Don't visit Paris in December.

...or when they're rioting.

I remember a episode of community were Jeff fantasy about telling him this:

"Jeff's Mom: [Jeff creates a fake flashback] Jeff, you're a normal person. There's nothing very special about you at all. You're going to be great at a few things, but really crappy at more. And that takes a lot of the pressure off, so you can live a full, happy life. Oh, and sorry it took me so long to tell you that. And it was only in your imagination. My bad. I'm kind of a sloppy mom"

I have a similar fantasy about my parents telling me that is perfectly normal make mistakes in life, is just part of being human, you can always start again, that you don't need to be exceptional on everything, and that they just want me to be happy with myself.

Don't visit paris with any expectations.

Put down the Doritos and soda, and go for a walk. 100 pushups and sit-ups each day.

Practice the piano, and ask your teacher for more legit pieces.

Don’t quote lines from Melrose Place as if you really mean them.