Let's be the original "Star Wars"

[quote] I'm that short woman with the cinnamon buns on her ears.

I'm the kid from the small midwestern town that had to wait for three months before the movie played at our small theater. And when I finally saw it after experiencing all the hype during summer 1977, I was completely underwhelmed.

I am Ginny in billing - who made the whole Death Star possible in the first place.

R2 Happily, My Dinner with Andre came to the Hooterville Odeon and you found a film you could really connect with!

I’m Luke’s as yet unnamed father, who was NOT Darth Vader.

I am the incest hovering over Leah and Luke.

I'm Luke, seemingly more distraught over the death of a man I barely knew than finding the skeletal remains of the aunt and uncle who raised me.

We're the droids they're not looking for.

Pew Pew Pew

I had the action figures, OP.

LOL R10!

I'm Chewbacca's cock. I've got to be in there somewhere right?

Don't bother, r12. Chewbacca is a massive pussyhound. Big Mon Mothma supporter.

I'm the sexiest man alive at this point of my career

I'm Greedo. I did NOT shoot first.

I'm Han, about to take a shower on the Millenium Falcon and asking Luke if he wants to join me.

I'm Governor Tarkin, Grand Moff in the book. I'm actually the main villain of this movie and even tell Vader to stand down at times, but Palpatine will replace me wholesale in the next movie. My British upper class mannerisms set the standard for all Empire characters in this movie and this movie alone.

I'm Princess Leia's on-again, off-again English accent.

I'm an Empire protocol droid on the Death Star.

After that shit explodes, I'm tumbling forever through empty space, talking to myself in any number of the 6 million languages I speak. When I'm bored I make puns in Bocce and conjure up filthy sex poems in the binary language of moisture vaporators

[quote] Palpatine will replace me wholesale in the next movie.

Because you died!

[quote] filthy sex poems in the binary language of moisture vaporators

Moisture vaparators have sex?

I'm the weird circular chess thing with holographic monsters

I'm Leia's home world of Aldera...

I'm C-3P0's circuits and gears.

I’m the little droid that turns and runs when Chewbacca growls at me.

I'm sand. I'm never mentioned, but I'm everywhere!

I am the loud explosions in empty space.

I’m the initial release before it got cluttered with cgi crap

I'm a Modal Node

Where can you find that R28?

I'm the disturbance in the force the moment Kathleen Kennedy was born.

[quote]R30: Where can you find that [R28]?

A fair approximation can be found in 'Harmy's Despecialized Edition,' available through downloads from unofficial sites.

More like Wookieepedia. Amirite?

[quote]R20 (in reply to R17): Because you died!

Not just. Grand Moff Tarkin had already given a shout-out to the Emperor:

[quote]The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the Council permanently.

R20 and R34: The original book makes it clear the Emperor was just a figure head, with militarists and other fascistic elements being in control of the Empire. It's not till Empire that Lucas decides that The Emperor is an actual threat.

[quote]R35: The original book makes it clear the Emperor was just a figure head, with militarists and other fascistic elements being in control of the Empire. It's not till Empire that Lucas decides that The Emperor is an actual threat.

Hmm. That might mean something if the 'original book' hadn't been ghostwritten by Alan Dean Foster, based upon George Lucas' screenplay. Ideas that appeared in it that were not expressed in the 1977 film were essentially expansions by Foster, and not Lucas himself. Foster made his concept of the Emperor clearer in his 1978 sequel novel, 'Splinter of the Mind's Eye.' If I recall, (it's been decades since I read it), his idea of the Emperor was of a spoiled, decadent teenager, something like Roman Emperor Nero, or Elagabalus, with Vader being the real power behind the throne. Episode V made it clear that Lucas was not going in that direction at all.

A good thing, too, 'cuz 'Splinter of the Mind's Eye' sucked ass.

I’m the American voices dubbed in for the minor characters played by British actors.

General Kenobi. Years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father’s request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack, and I’m afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.

Didn't Luke and Leia fuck in that one? R36

[quote] The original book makes it clear the Emperor was just a figure head, with militarists and other fascistic elements being in control of the Empire.

That’s correct. Something like he was “controlled by the very bootlickers he put in positions of power”. The bookalso said he was the most recent in a long line of emperors.

[quote]I’m the initial release before it got cluttered with cgi crap

The CGI update had to happen, the original trilogy would look dated without it. Star Wars wouldn't have the same popularity it does today without the CGI retooling.

I don't recall, R39. Maybe (but too gross to imagine). I know Foster basically discarded Han and focused on the Luke/Leia relationship.

There was also a scene where Vader 'interrogated' Leia and it was implied that he sexually assaulted her.

[Quote] A good thing, too, 'cuz 'Splinter of the Mind's Eye' sucked ass.

Can I have his number?

I’m Princess Liah’s hair styled like 2 cinnamon buns. I look stupid.

Sorry, Leia’s

I'm the big ceremony at the end of the film that the Rebels had on Yavin. Since the Empire knew that's where the Rebel base was, wouldn't 10,000 Star Destroyers have shown up in just a few hours to blast it into oblivion? Shouldn't the Rebels have evacuated immediately after the Death Star blew up?

Anyway, it's still a great film and still wildly entertaining after nearly 50 years.

I’m the super slutty inviting pose that Leia assumes whenever another random stormtrooper enters her cell.

We know she prefers them big.

I’m the exclusive use of males in any and all combat forces as a set basic rule in the world building for the authentic, original, unalterable Star Wars universe.

I am the stupid ovoid white helmets the rebels had to wear.

I am the discussion they must have had about Ewoks.

R50, Lucas actually pushed his people to design the Ewoks. He told them something like “Don’t be afraid of cute.”

The original home VHS release in the late 80s or early 90s were the original non-specialized editions.

Even as a child I thought the Ewoks were shit and ruined an otherwise good movie. Instead of the Ewoks they should've had a Rebels vs. Empire land battle on Endor or something. Anything but those fucking Ewoks.

[quote] Instead of the Ewoks they should've had a Rebels vs. Empire land battle

Originally the Ewoks were going to be Wookiees, and Endor was going to be their home planet (now called Kashyyyk but originally called Kasshook or Kazzook in Lucas’ drafts).

[bold]There was also a scene where Vader 'interrogated' Leia and it was implied that he sexually assaulted her.[/bold]

R42 I can't believe that! Wouldn't the force tell Vader and Leia about their situation at such a moment? The Force (regardless of all metaphysical musing of the fandom) appears only when a plot device is needed.

I am an elegant weapon for a more civilized time.

I'm Carrie Fisher's slight British accent picked up after school in London (and I'm high as a kite.)

R57, you can't be Carrie Fisher's accent. R18 is her accent!

I've never seen and don't have a desire to.

R41 When I watch YouTube reactions, it's the original, practical effects that seem to blow people's minds. The CGI inserts look, for the most part, horribly dated and even worse in HD.

I'm the lead singer of Missing Persons who actually got pretty far in the Leia auditions.

I’m the piles of coke hoovered by Carrie to try and get the weight down

I’m the opening Bang! At the beginning of the score.

I made you freak-out because you were higher than a kite off that strong weed you and your friend smoked in the car before you entered the theatre and bought popcorn, milk duds, licorice…

[quote] I’m the opening Bang! At the beginning of the score.

I'm the 20th Century Fox fanfare the precedes the opening "Bang!" at the beginning of the score. I'll be greatly missed when Disney takes over.

Not really r60

I'm the first post comparing the empire to Donald Trump. Being shocked that it took 66 posts.

R65 yes, when first-time watchers see A New Hope, they giggle with embarrassment at the badly rendered introduction to Mos Isley scene, or they are like WTF at Jabba being "a wonderful human being".

When CGI is used subtly to make the X-Wings unfold more gracefully during the battle of Yavin, or to expand and enhance the backgrounds in Cloud City I would say the results are passable, but not necessary.

Who came up with the idea of the opening crawl?? Had this been done before?

R68, Lucas took it from the old Flash Gordon serial short films from the 30s if I recall.

I'm the blue milk.

I like blue milk!

I'm Alec Guinness and frankly, I have no idea what the words I'm saying mean, but I'm a savvy businessman and got a heft percentage of the box office profits.

I am the virginity of Luke Skywalker. Because who is he going to fuck out there?

Biggs Darklighter.

I'm Toshi Station. I sell the finest power converters in all of Tatooine.

I was molested by Jabba the Hutt first. YOU KNEW LEAI . YOU KNEW!

I am the Leia-Jabba copulation scene that was cut because the animatronics overheated.

[quote]R55: I can't believe that! Wouldn't the force tell Vader and Leia about their situation at such a moment? The Force (regardless of all metaphysical musing of the fandom) appears only when a plot device is needed.

What "situation"? At R42, I was discussing a scene from Alan Dean Foster's sequel novel 'Splinter of the Mind's Eye' (1978) (see also R36). All that stuff about Luke and Leia being siblings and Darth Vader being their father - none of that had been written yet. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back subsequently killed off the 'Splinter' storyline.

R72: You then also grew to hate the role because you did so much more and all the damn kids remember you for is this wizard bollocks.

I am Bea Arthur, among the stars of the Star Wars Holiday Special!

I am the Devil 😈 with the devilish grin in the Mos Eisley cantina.

I recall reading or seeing on a YouTube video that the devil to which R81 refers was a reused mask from another movie. I’ll try to find which one.

I am the rows of cough drops on Tarkin’s uniform.

I am the somewhat weird profile of Mark Hamill. That part between his nose and mouth. He was a very cute twink when photographed from the front, but sideways…OK.

A little reptilian.

I am the “Triumph of the Will” inspiration of the final celebration scene.

Many of the soldiers in that final celebration scene were on a matte drawing. Relatively few of them were real people.

I am the orgasm Luke had after he drops his final shot.

[quote] I am the orgasm Luke had after he drops his final shot.

Thinking of Leia.

R87, it’s 100% Albert Speer/Leni Riefenstahl, including the “Light Dome”.

I am the beautiful shots of Tikal.

Leni Riefenstahl influenced countless filmmakers but they can't openly admit to it for obvious reasons.

I'm Luke on the Millenium Falcon, whining about feeling bad about losing the old man he only met two days ago to Princess Leia, completely ignoring the fact that she just lost her (adoptive) parents, all of her friends and her entire homeworld along with the deaths of billions of people.

[quote] Millenium

[quote] feeling bad about

I have a bad feeling about this.

Deal with it r94. This isn't English class.