Let’s Be STAR WARS (The Original Trilogy)

I'm that short woman with the cinnamon buns on her ears.

I'm Koo Stark, and my scenes were cut.

I'm the sadness that Alec Guinness appeared in this movie for the money.

And I'm the sadness that millions of Americans don't know who Alec Guinness is outside this movie.

I'm the footage that had to be removed for unstated reasons from the revised version.

I'm the first TV screening and the dithery Scotsman who didn't know whether he would watch it in the living room or go upstairs to have sex.

I’m the jarring jumpscare first appearance of the sand people in Episode 4.

I'm the unsophisticated kids SF serial this movie is supposed to be celebrating.

I'm George Lucas' insufferable ego. I just get worse as the years go on. And I have yet to give you The Phantom Menace and Jar Jar Binks.

I am Mr. Peter Cushing. Please do not call me Sir, it is dreadfully uncalled for and brings unwanted attention to me.

Although I play a villain, the cast, crew, and production considered me a perfect gentlemen. I very much disagree with that sentiment. I just want to treat everyone with dignity and respect.

I'm that pulsating orifice in the desert that swallows men whole.

Am I a metaphorical anus, or a metaphorical vajeen?

I’m the music.

I'm the fact that Luke seems equally distressed by the death of Obi Wan (whom he's known for about two days) and those of his own aunt and uncle, who raised him.

I'm the planet Alderaan. Just watch as Darth Vader's throbbing missile splits me six ways from Sunday!

I'm the poppered-up disco version of the theme song.

We're Hostess Honey Buns, and we want royalties for inspiring Princess Leia's 'do.

I’m Carrie Fisher’s accent, changing from scene to scene.

I'm the blue milk. Yummy!

I'm "The Empire Strikes Back," and I'm overrated as fuck.

I'm one of the elderly Tea Ladies pushing carts around the Death Star laden with cakes, chocolates, biscuits, and of course freshly brewed tea. It's a lot of work for us with over a million lads on the ship but it's worth it to see their smiles as we appear.

They're such nice boys, mostly civilian construction workers. They're like our family as they show us holograms of their wives and children. They tell us how they will take their loved ones on holiday when they rotate home. Such good folk deserve long and happy lives.

Pity the thread went no further. I rather liked my r19

I’m Lucas’s dismemberment fetish.

I'm Salacious B. Crumb!

I am disco Star Wars.

I'm the latent S&M torture, endangerment fetish hidden in the scenes where hot as fuck Han Solo is strapped in a torture device, then chained up and marched into a hellish room where he will be torn from the woman he loves, lowered into a pit and encased in a liquid metal substance. I'm also the look of helplessness on his face as he watches the demonic little pig like creatures unshackle him and prepare his body for the pit, as he tries to look strong even though tears are rolling down his face.

I am also the thirty pounds Han apparently gained due to being in hibernation while encased for a year. (How else do you explain Ford's beer gut?).

Trying again.

I'm Carrie Fisher, fucking pissed off Ford and the director went into Ford's trailer and planned out the entire carbon freeze scene, including the famous "I love you/ I know" lines, and didn't include me in the discussion like I'm just a fucking piece of scenery!

I'm the "Binary Sunset " scene, and I'm beautiful.

I'm Han Solo and I shot first.

R25 is not a new hope. In fact he’s ‘opeless.

I'm the weird veggies that Aunt Beru is steaming, boiling, vaporizing in the below-ground kitchen. Whatever appliance she's putting me in is making the type of sounds you'd expect from a Star Wars appliance.

I'm gruff and DILF hot Uncle Owen - always so cranky. I need more sexual outlets. Aunt Beru is frigid and I live too far from Mos Eisley to go get various alien snatch/dick/ass regularly.

I'm Boba Fett and I'm already a fan favorite (they think I'm badass), even though I don't really do much and my skills are fairly shaky. I followed Han to Cloud City, but big deal, anyone could have done that. And, I fell into that anus in the sand thing.

I get why people love me later, after the later movies and TV series, but now? Is it the cool armor? Because at this point I'm pretty lame.

I'm Harrison Ford at peak hotness.

R19, R20 tea ladies were useful.

I'm the Ewoks at the end of "The Return of the Jedi" looking like teddy bears with someone holding them from behind and moving them back and forth in a little dance to show their celebration.

I'm The Force, and I won't always be with you.

I'm no moon.

I'm the Death Star design flaw. I'm small in physical size, but quite the flaw.

I'm the discordant technology of The Empire. I include a space station that can destroy planets, but the little scanner droid thing on wheels can't even detect lifeforms in the floor chambers of the Millennium Falcon.

I'm a gay stormtrooper. I'm naked under my armor.

You can just day "I'm a stormtrooper."

[quote] I'm a gay stormtrooper

That would explain why they can't shoot straight

[quote] I'm the Death Star design flaw. I'm small in physical size, but quite the flaw.

I carried you. I gave birth. I raised you. I can explain what happened.

R26 we couldn’t include you because you’re off on the acid planet.

I'm the weird looking aliens playing instruments in the tavern.

We're not helping to do anything but give the movie a low-budget look.

I'm the black ichor sloshing in between the Emperor Palpatine's teeth.

I'm the massive amounts of coke Carrie has just snorted before singing on "The Star Wars Holiday Soecial."

I'm Jabba's inexplicable sexual attraction to female humanoids even though he is a Hutt

I'm the Empire We have developed a multi-species galaxy wide civilization with faster than light travel and sentient droids but we can't quite figure out how to make underwear.

I’m Zuckuss.

I'm 70s Mark Hamill. So cute and fuckable.

I'm Carrie Fisher, railing lines of coke on the set of The Empire Strikes Back. Don't tell George!

I’m all the DL posts 40 plus years from now about Carrie Fisher’s come habit.

Hey, it was the 70s. We all had a come habit.

Oops. Coke. Though come may be just as applicable.

George knew R52 !

Carrie, Mark, and Harrison all probably had "come" habits.

We had a Mark Hamill thread with stories of how he was bi in the 70s

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Sorry, I forgot about the Daily Fail rule. R58. Was just posting a picture.

I'm the mouthy queen who gives Darth Vadar a monologue on how great the Death Star is and how lame The Force is, only to have Vadar choke me out using said Force.

I'm a total bitch - and a total whore who has slept my way around the Death Star.

My title/name is Admiral Conan Antonio Motti, which is super gay. I'm sometimes called "Cam" informally - an acronym nickname, but people/beings started calling me Cum jokingly.

Maybe this pic will work