This Just In: Lizzo Quits!

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Now she has more time to focus on her legal issues.

Waffle Houses everywhere are flying their flags at half mast.

She exhausts me.

Translation: Feel sorry for me and gimme more attention

She should try Ozempic.

A musical flash in the pan.

Or deep fryer

'My character being picked apart by people who don't know me and disrespecting my name.'

She has a point. But very thin-skinned. Also she's fallen into stereotyped tropes: 'My character being picked apart by people who don't know me and disrespecting my name.'

Sounds like something that dumb junkie cunt Teacake would write, R8. And we all know how much he lies.

I'm all for body positivity but she's simply too fat. It's not healthy. I'm sure she gets a scary lecture every time she goes to the doctor.

She uses an LP as a tortilla chip.

If she's not serious and is only saying it because she wants the world to beg her not to quit, it's going to be awkward:

She can now focus on what she does best. Eating.

Good bye, get out!

And she just performed for the Joe Biden fundraiser last night!

I bet Bill Clinton tried to feel her up.

The retirement will be brief, she'll soon be recording again with a new album, "Ol' Brown Eyes Is Back".

Oh, honey, she's only got one brown eye, and it's extremely brown due to the limitation of her reach.

But if she quits music, who will delight audiences everywhere with the sounds of the jazz flute?

"yazz floot"

She quilts? Figures she'd choose a hobby that doesn't burn calories.

Liza has said that she will step in and fulfill all the remaining music commitments.

Maybe she’s going back to college to earn her degree in flauting.

She's going back to her one true love - HVAC maintenance and air conditioner repair.

"I'm starting to feel like the world doesn't want me in it."

You performed for the most powerful man on earth mere HOURS ago, but it's still not enough. What an egomaniacal monster.

Beware of ham samiches.

[quote] "I'm starting to feel like the world doesn't want me in it."

Because you have your own orbit.

R26 = Al Bundy

She wants to concentrate on her next film project:

MAMMY: The Hattie McDaniel Story

And sales of the Wendy’s triple just plummeted.

It’s because of the new fast food worker minimum wage, OP. She found out she can make more money as a fry cook in California, at least until the robots take over.

You all need to try harder. None of your posts are funny so far. Try again.

R31- a fat enby

Hi Lizzo @ R31. Thanks for confirming you’re a lesbian.

She’s sensitive, insecure, and constantly a victim. This isn’t the first time she’s said this, I don’t know why it’s being picked up by the news.

[quote] She’s sensitive, insecure, and constantly a victim.

So pathetic.

She's probably going to try her hand at acting, or become a talk show host.

L’eggo my E’ggo!

For someone who clearly appreciates your privacy and regular girl ways... You're sending mixed messages, Miss L

How can anyone write that Lizzo showed off her abs with a straight face? And I'm sure the pay isn't great. So many jobs I'd do before allowing myself to write blatant trash like that just because the "celebrity" said it. Pathetic!

Like a trussed turkey on Thanksgiving.

She's last year's black heffa!

What is this person famous for? Seriously. I've heard her name but have no clue what she does except be fat.

Did she quit eatin? Oops… why do I do that?

Good. Now get thee to a desert island and stop talking about yourself, you conceited, self-important and harassing bitch.

35 years old and her tits are as saggy as a woman twice her age.

r45 = Cloris Leachman

I hope she gets appropriately medicated.

We all know it’s Ozempic + surgeries to remove excess skin. She’ll be back in a year or so, depending on how hungry for attention she is.

[quote]I bet Bill Clinton tried to feel her up.

R15, unless he had a foam hand like the one below, I doubt he could have done so.

Also, Lizzo is 20 years too old for him. 😏

R41 is that her?! Lol

[quote] Lol

LoL! :)

She is so fat you guys.

Beg mE! - Lizzo

Lizzo says 𝐈 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 !

I'm not giving up music. ‘I quit giving any negative energy attention’

What a relief

Ive ust started writing my classic American novel...Moby Lizzo. Her blubber can fuel a city like Provincetown for a month.

I thought she'd quit showing us her saggy tits.