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Have you ever been obsessed with another person?

Was it a famous person or somebody you know in real life?

How did the obsession start and how did it end? Did it ever develop into stalking?

by Anonymousreply 180June 4, 2023 3:18 PM

I had a crush on the big, beefy blond wrestling captain at my high school. I used to get to see his big ass every day in the showers. I've been following him ever since (for 40 years). I have all his pictures saved from his wife's Facebook account. He's still dreamy.

by Anonymousreply 1March 12, 2023 11:33 PM

Yes. Real life. No stalking, but definitely inappropriate. BPD started it. Finding the right medication ended it.

by Anonymousreply 2March 12, 2023 11:48 PM

I stalk all of you!

by Anonymousreply 3March 12, 2023 11:53 PM

Talk to the Klan Grannies OP.

by Anonymousreply 4March 12, 2023 11:56 PM

Hell, yazzzz!

by Anonymousreply 5March 13, 2023 12:42 AM

Back in undergrad, I crushed hard on a guy in my major year, consequently in almost all my classes. We first had a class together sophomore year. By junior year, I was obsessed. He was in a different concentration in our common major – and in different fraternity – but I saw him every day, every week, in at least one class.

As fall semester junior year turned cold, he started wearing an LL Bean blue/white wool sweater (fuck off; it was 1984). He looked adorable in it, with his scruffy facial hair and glasses. So I bit the proverbial bullet and sent him a letter. I told him that I had been admiring him at a distance for over a year, that I thought he was clever and intelligent, and that he was beautiful. Alas, I confessed that I was also a guy and that if he were in any way interested in meeting, he should wear the blue/white LL Bean sweater to class the following Thursday.

That Thursday came and my heart fell into my stomach when he showed up in class wearing a red sweatshirt that I had never seen before. As a matter of fact, I did not see him wear that sweater again the rest of the school year.

After all these years, I understand how creepy that must have been for him and feel bad. As I was composing this message, I googled him (forgot how to spell his first name!) and see that he is mostly bald with a salt and pepper beard. The kernel of handsomeness is still there, but he's not at all what turns my head these days.

by Anonymousreply 6March 13, 2023 1:09 AM

[quote] I crushed hard on a guy in my major year

Was he in your program?

by Anonymousreply 7March 13, 2023 1:12 AM

Oops a guy in my major and year!

by Anonymousreply 8March 13, 2023 1:13 AM

Talk to a therapist R4.

by Anonymousreply 9March 13, 2023 1:41 AM

[quote]Talk to the Klan Grannies OP.

The one main Klan Granny loser is mentally ill. A few years ago he gleefully posted his Meghan & Harry Stalking Schedule on DataLounge. He told how he got up every morning and checks The Daily Mail, The Sun and some other tabloid sites and then had lunch (he can't hold down a job) and he'd check all those sites again and check YouTube and Twitter, then he'd circle around again to the Daily Mail, the Sun, The Express and some other shitty sites. He does this every single day.

It was truly pathetic and he was just so proud of himself. He talked about all his "research" that he did on Meghan and Harry. He keeps charts, spreadsheet & files on them and the rest of the royal family.

by Anonymousreply 10March 13, 2023 2:15 AM

R10 Link?

by Anonymousreply 11March 13, 2023 2:24 AM

r10 is making things up. This never happened.

by Anonymousreply 12March 13, 2023 2:27 AM


by Anonymousreply 13March 13, 2023 2:44 AM


by Anonymousreply 14March 13, 2023 2:45 AM

ANOTHER person?


by Anonymousreply 15March 13, 2023 2:46 AM

I was obsessed with an older, successful and very handsome man I had a couple hook ups with when I was twenty (he was thirty-seven). I semi-stalked him for about a decade. I was a depressed nut job.

It occurred to me one day around thirty that I was bonkers and he didn't mean anything to me, it was just an obsession. It was incredibly painful, but eventually it wore off. Yikes.

by Anonymousreply 16March 13, 2023 3:10 AM

I don't know if I'd qualify it as a proper obsession, but definite infatuation—when I was in college, I worked in a restaurant that was frequented by a family who had several sons, all of them extremely handsome. One was a college rugby player and he'd occasionally accompany his family there during holiday/vacation breaks. To this day, he is one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen in my life—tall, dark curly hair, warm smile, and built like a brick shithouse. He was also charming and affable, which made it even worse. I knew his name because I would have to card him for beer, and for several years after that I'd occasionally peruse his social media just to see what few pictures I could. He was/is definitely straight and thought nothing of me, but he was one of those people who is so attractive that it stops you in your tracks. The first few times I had to help him, I thought I was going to die. In an alternate universe, alas...

by Anonymousreply 17March 13, 2023 3:32 AM

His name was Palo. We were both in the Legislative Youth Program. He was a few years older than I: very cute, dark curly hair, dreamy eyes.

by Anonymousreply 18March 13, 2023 3:40 AM

fuck off R11 & R12. It did happen. I'm not going to wade through 1,200 klan granny threads. It was truly pathetic, just like the losers that start those threads.

by Anonymousreply 19March 13, 2023 4:45 AM

Yes, an actor and I don't even want to say who it was because it was someone from a cheesy teen show and I know people will laugh. Had a monster crush on him as a gayling. Crush ended when he lost his looks and turned out to be a right-wing conspiracy theorist (I've heard he actually is gay in real life, though)

by Anonymousreply 20March 13, 2023 4:58 AM

Oh just name him, R20. It's an anonymous board. I know I've had cheesy and embarrassing crushes in my life on celebrities, perhaps the same actor as you.

by Anonymousreply 21March 13, 2023 5:03 AM

R29 - you mean Ricky Schroeder?

by Anonymousreply 22March 13, 2023 5:05 AM

I stalk a very hot waiter I had on a cruise 15 years ago. Luckily, the trend of blessing children with a unique spelling of the name makes it much easier to find them online.

by Anonymousreply 23March 13, 2023 5:08 AM

Oops. I meant R20

by Anonymousreply 24March 13, 2023 5:09 AM

[quote] I had on a cruise

You were on a cruise where he served you, or you cruised on him?

by Anonymousreply 25March 13, 2023 5:12 AM

1). Yes.

2). I snapped out of it.

by Anonymousreply 26March 13, 2023 5:24 AM

I'm still obsessed with someone. It started two years ago and I can't get him out of my head. I want to quit but I can't. And, no, he isn't aware of it.

by Anonymousreply 27March 13, 2023 6:36 AM

I’m obsessed with Dan Abrams

by Anonymousreply 28March 13, 2023 7:02 AM


by Anonymousreply 29March 13, 2023 7:11 AM


by Anonymousreply 30March 13, 2023 7:11 AM

I knew I was gay in high school, but I became infatuated with a popular girl who was a couple years older than me. I would send roses to her house anonymously, and drive past her house at night. I hadn't thought of her in years. I searched online for her and found absolutely nothing.

by Anonymousreply 31March 13, 2023 9:14 AM

R10 is right, there was someone who went on at length about what websites they checked and search terms they used every day. I think it was in response to someone asking "how do you keep up with all this?" and they took the question seriously, rather than rhetorically. Then they got mad when people would tease them about it, so they started accusing OTHERS of keeping a spreadsheet.

The person r10 is referring to is redtagged, I think. They're the one in this thread saying it's really the person who calls others "Klan Granny" who keep spreadsheets of information.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 32March 13, 2023 9:36 AM

"Have you ever been obsessed with another person?"

All the time.

"Was it a famous person or somebody you know in real life?"

Well, it was both. But let's just say, the more famous somebody, the more likely you are to run into Anthony Pellicano. Or someone like him.

You don't want to do that. That just interferes with the important stuff.

"How did the obsession start and how did it end?"

Well, it usually starts when they send me a subliminal symbol that they want me to fuck them to death.

And it usually ends with rape and/or murder. Plus a dog bite that one time. That was a multiple homicide evening.

Boy, this question just makes you want to go down the rabbit hole, you know?

" Did it ever develop into stalking?"

Yeah, I like the whole hunting in the wild aspect of it.

I forget what kind of psychological classification that makes me.

I've heard it's some kind of thing.

by Anonymousreply 33March 13, 2023 10:54 AM

Senator Chris Murphy 🍀

by Anonymousreply 34March 13, 2023 10:56 AM

No, but I have a friend who spent nearly a decade venting to me about his pain over his unrequited crush on a married man. I wish I knew what it's like to be that infatuated with somebody. It sounds exciting in a way.

by Anonymousreply 35March 13, 2023 11:16 AM

I got really obsessed with Russell Tovey when I first saw him on stage in 2005 as Tintin. It got stupidly out of control. I didn’t do anything weird like actually stalk him but I’d think about him all the time. That would may be have been understandable if I was a teenager but I was in my early 30s. It’s only embarrassingly recently I’ve managed to get over it.

by Anonymousreply 36March 13, 2023 11:20 AM


Obsessed, I have no idea what you even mean, and neither does my girlfriend Jody Foster.

by Anonymousreply 37March 13, 2023 11:35 AM

When I was a teenager I was obsessed with my best friend who I was in love with. To this day I’ve never found chemistry quite like his and mine, but I quickly realized he was an asshole and a sex addict.

He lost his looks.

by Anonymousreply 38March 13, 2023 11:41 AM

Oh, It's always such a relief when they lose their looks, R38

by Anonymousreply 39March 13, 2023 11:44 AM

Mrjakemitchell on twitter

by Anonymousreply 40March 13, 2023 11:46 AM

I Goggled him, r40. Fortunately, by the looks of it he’ll not be around relatively soon.

by Anonymousreply 41March 13, 2023 11:52 AM

Then let him die with his cock in my ass

by Anonymousreply 42March 13, 2023 11:57 AM


by Anonymousreply 43March 13, 2023 11:59 AM


by Anonymousreply 44March 13, 2023 12:00 PM

I am currently obsessed with a semi-famous person I don’t know. I found his address online and booked an Airbnb right around the corner. I would never actually approach him or speak to him but I want to see him.

I know this is creepy. It is scary for semi-famous people whose info is online and yet they aren’t famous enough to have security people. I would pretend not to recognize him if I saw him.

by Anonymousreply 45March 13, 2023 12:37 PM

R38 well, we could have had something if he had found me attractive hut he said I wasn’t good enough. I guess he’s not good enough now.

by Anonymousreply 46March 13, 2023 12:37 PM

I've never been obsessed with someone I don't actually know. I do have my favorite famous people, though.

Andrew Garfield is number one. Then male supermodel Garrett Neff. In addition, I like actors Julian Morris, Aaron Tveit, Topher Grace, and instaho Max Emerson. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with them, just a normal fan.

Muriel did redtag me once for liking Tim O'Tay. She named me fanboy #2. This was in the CMBYN days.

I think that's it.

by Anonymousreply 47March 13, 2023 5:33 PM

Darkmingelord is very hostile toward bi men. Fuck off, nerd.

by Anonymousreply 48March 13, 2023 5:46 PM

R47, I've Googled Julian Morris waaaay too many times

by Anonymousreply 49March 13, 2023 8:33 PM

R45 Who's that semi-famous person? Kornacki?

by Anonymousreply 50March 13, 2023 9:05 PM

R45 Why did you move near him? What's the actual plan here?

by Anonymousreply 51March 13, 2023 9:10 PM

I was obsessed with a teacher as a teenager. I was so cringe. He coincidentally lived right round the corner from my house, which I found out a little later after my obsession began. It lasted about 3 years and he must have hated it & me. I bet he celebrated when I left school 😳 I don’t have a clue why I was so obsessed, I was going through a lot of sexuality confusion & I think it was just something else to think about!

by Anonymousreply 52March 13, 2023 9:16 PM

Why do you think he must have hated you, r52?

by Anonymousreply 53March 13, 2023 9:18 PM

In at least the short term, I guess. When young I dated a guy for just a few months max. He wasn't attractive to me, nor did we sync up particularly well, but I was in a vulnerable position and he turned up the charm incredibly high towards me. I was poor (but with more potential than I gave myself credit for) while he was more well off (though maybe not nearly as much as he gave at first appearance). He kept reinforcing everything you'd say to totally woo someone, and after a little time, I believed him that he wanted to live in a place with me. Then a series of events occurred: I lost my (already low pay and hours) job, my roommate I was subletting from scooted me out (probably due to his own lack of ability to pay rent), and then this boyfriend told me he had to go an airplane ride away to his parents to get treated for a mental crisis, as he dumped me in text. This text was super verbose, so poetic and romantic as if he was a hero needing recovery after a long battle.

I freaked out about it. He had just been *maximally* smooth talking me just days before, and now he dropped it all out of nowhere. And I can't remember if losing the job/rental was before or after the dumping so that may be irrelevant to his motivations about me. I tried to be supportive but I still demanded some kind of answer - not because we were in a relationship but because of how absolutely aggressive he was about it. Bad choice of mine already, but then I went too far. I called him a lot, I sent some at least slightly unhinged messages, and I went to his apartment and knocked and knocked. I was losing it because I felt I had no real answers and I wasn't mature enough to drop it. However, I was losing it in the face of noticing smoke before the fire. His responses were not just phrased in a way to get me to fuck off, but instead appeared (to this day) to have been crafted to instigate me more and more. They waxed about how much he was suffering and needs this help. Then I slightly alluded to pre-suicidal thoughts (no statement of anything like doing it, just enough sadness), my final mistake. He made a wellness call on me, police came to the place I still lived at and checked, but I wasn't admitted anywhere. So far, so 'OP is nutso', right? Well I was, but not *that* much....

by Anonymousreply 54March 13, 2023 10:03 PM

I noticed that he should have left by then to get that treatment elsewhere, but he still seemed to be around. One of my last actions was to do some Facebook stalking, seeing any connections and posts that might have suggested something else was up. I found some information that he was getting back together with his ex that he was still sharing his apartment with (should have been a red flag but I was very young). He never went to his family, he never got some treatment for a crisis, or at least to this day, it seems that was all made up shit to tell me. He did take meds and had conditions, but there was no indication he was actually telling the truth. I had seen other red flags when dating him. He was completely full of himself about everything, he got into the news for an anti-free speech stunt on campus, he had a dictator-like hat in the apt and there was a punched hole in a door or wall that I should have been alarmed by. He was the actual far-left radical that some posters here pretend the whole college-left to be. When replying to me post-break up, I know that while was I was being weird and obviously too much, he outright made me an enemy of his and threatened ruining my life, expressing how he absolutely would. This didn't match with the wellness call... unless you include the call as part of starting to ruin my life, instead of actually caring for my safety.

So the lightbulb went off - he was in a tumultuous relationship, decided to date around and fluff his ego, then when he got what he wanted, he had no issue with blatantly lying to me about a most serious matter, and then I either back off or I get to be part of his narcissistic play. I was losing my mind, but he already lost some of his, enough to be absolutely fine with what was happening to me.

And how do I know this? Because a year or so later, he contacted me. He wanted to apologize for his treatment of me! Aww! But now all the sickeningly sweet expressions did nothing. He wanted to meet up! But not just meet up, he expressed it more like a casual date. I realized I was just a victim of his, and I wouldn't be again, so that's the last I spoke to him. Some people see others with more innocence, empathy, general basic care of others and they only see a mark, and I'm just glad my experience didn't go further than it did.

by Anonymousreply 55March 13, 2023 10:04 PM

(cont. final)

My last long term ex had heard the whole story of this guy and he's been more angry about him than me. I still have embarrassment of my own behavior, and pity for him for being such a shit, so I'm more tempered. And since that weird breakup, I heard many stories from people that knew him, of how basically up his own ass he was. It seems everyone was more of a resource than a person to him, and that checked with how he treated me. So did I obsess? Stalk? Unfortunately yes, even if it was for no more than weeks. But since, I've clearly understood that if anything, I fed into his own fucked up sense of self even more than if I didn't do anything. And I've been a better detector for this kind of person since.

by Anonymousreply 56March 13, 2023 10:07 PM

R54 with my second easier story and then I'll be done.

While in my next relationship after this shit, I returned to college. Met a guy who came out to me as bi and we hit it off. This started two years of more or less dancing around attraction for each other. I had him over and tried to kiss him, to which he stepped back and tried to explain himself. He'd have me involved in stuff with him where we'd find excuses to graze hands, etc. We would either keep looking at each other in *that* way in class, or find ways to sit with each other and maybe get to touch legs a little. Very high school stuff, but years after high school. He eventually got a (short term) girlfriend in the second year and I stepped back some, but the broad pattern continued. My boyfriend knew and we were open, but he didn't love that I was crushing on the guy for a while.

After that was several years where I always held something for him in my heart. It wasn't extreme or anything, but he was kind of playing with me. One to a few times a year, I'd be invited to things with him, whether a house party or movies or summer stuff. Called out as a great friend in a Friendgiving. Tight hugs all the time that were more. I became obvious with my attraction towards him, but he held back... kind of. I was much the outlet of his bisexuality without actual sex happening. And I never knew how into me he was. So I had obsession with him that came and went.

He met a woman, they got engaged and I was invited to a summer holiday gathering. I arrived late and so it was just the three of us hanging outside. She went to bed and he got wasted. Pulled me out to a nearby sports field and poured his heart out to me, like he was the one who was obsessing over ME for so long. Gave me the impression that while my interest in him was periodic, his was ongoing and intense and he was always looking to distract it. I turned him back as gentle as I could and brought him back home. I did make the 'mistake' of asking for clarification afterwards, not getting it, then finally being done with all this shit so I 'unfriended' him, and common friends. Drastic but I think I was finally done with this teasing shit, just as I was done with insincerity from that previous guy.

These experiences keep teaching me that I'm much more normal than I give myself credit for, and that I need to treat myself with more respect.

Hit me with your best shot DL.

by Anonymousreply 57March 13, 2023 10:20 PM

I like how you handled your 2nd relationship at r57, kudos! If he was as into you as he said he was, wtf was he engaged to a woman?...always make sure they treat you with the same courtesy as you would them. Respect is the foundation of everything, no matter how lusty things get (unless of course you're just totally down for the uncommitted sex, with no expectations of friendship or a relationship).

by Anonymousreply 58March 13, 2023 10:26 PM

R58 Yeah. Basically it was a few years college/post-college where he only dated a girl a bit, then a few years he was single, then a few years into dating and engagement with that woman. But he always tried to keep up a connection to me, which I tried very hard to just interpret as friendly, but there were too many smaller signs of otherwise.

I think he wished for some things. That I'd break up with my boyfriend first (again we were open but I think he didn't have the courage to push through that, as one near-innocent to anything homo). That we actually did some things early on, and maybe that he didn't deny me that one time. That he didn't want a child so much. That his social groups were not sooo hetero that it'd always be a big task to deal with them. He was in the trades.

So I was probably seen as the forbidden one that maybe one day he does something with. A back pocket item that he could dream of being more. And while I appreciated his drunken candor, it clarified enough for me that I became very okay with being finished with him. I thought I was obsessing when maybe I was just off-and-on crushing. I thought he was mostly disinterested in me but he was likely having me frequently on his mind.

And like others said earlier, it does help when they lose their looks. Mine hasn't drastically lost it, but he's went from being downright beautiful to me (with unique facial features that DLers might pick apart, but it worked for me), to just maintaining some looks today. I went from barely being able to handle myself around him, to being quite sober and collected around him on that last day. He actually couldn't handle that. At the field, he kept holding my arm sides tightly to steady himself and stare into me, and acted like he wished I would lose control like he might have let himself do at that time. He was marrying just months later... you can guess what was going on inside him.

by Anonymousreply 59March 13, 2023 10:36 PM

I was obsessed with my roommate in the army. He was Cuban and a soccer player. I stole his underwear and would sniff it and jerk off

by Anonymousreply 60March 15, 2023 8:39 AM

^it was in the 90s during don’t ask don’t tell. I would have offered to suck him off

by Anonymousreply 61March 15, 2023 8:42 AM

The captain of our basketball team in high school who was also my classmate. Popular among the girls and hang around with other jocks but not full of himself. I wasn’t out then and got his number— I forgot how— but I remember calling him just to ask about our homework just so I could hear his voice and talk to me. Saw him again at our 25th HS reunion. Still hot as ever— married to a plain Jane with 2 kids. Got to talking to him for a good 20 minutes catching up. I still stalk him on FB

by Anonymousreply 62March 15, 2023 8:51 AM

To kill celebrity crushes, DL has been a lifesaver. Just do a search and you will soon find out what complete twats most famous people are. If they're not of interest to DL, Lipstick Alley also does the trick.

For "real" people, I just imagine having to share a bathroom with them and all the smells it entails - instant turn off.

by Anonymousreply 63March 15, 2023 10:27 AM

Celebrity crushes that I obsessed— In my teens, Tom Cruise in Top Gun, Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire.

by Anonymousreply 64March 15, 2023 10:32 AM

What's the difference between being obsessed with someone, and having a massive crush on them?

I had a huge crush on a guy who was in the year above me when I was at sixth form college (16-18 years old in the UK) and he was probably the first real life guy I'd had a crush on who wasn't a teacher (I had hot teachers at my secondary school). As he was in the year above, we weren't in the same academic classes or friendship circles, but I took an extra sport and fitness class to fill up my timetable and he was in it, I would always try to be on his team or his doubles partner in badminton etc. He was so fucking hot to me I could barely talk to him. I was legitimately gutted when he left and I still had another year there without him!

by Anonymousreply 65March 15, 2023 11:01 AM

I'm mildly obsessed with this guy I dated 8 years ago. I think of him as the person who derailed my life and then skipped away scott-free. On an intellectual level I know that I am responsible for my own failures but I still despise him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to hate him for the rest of my life. I look him up on FB recently and he has a bunch of crude neck tattoos that look like a child drew them on with a Crayola marker. Goddamn I wish I could forget him.

by Anonymousreply 66March 15, 2023 11:25 AM

R4 Get help.

by Anonymousreply 67March 15, 2023 11:51 AM

NO! why?

by Anonymousreply 68March 15, 2023 12:00 PM

Yes, both (semi-)celeb and an everyday person. I never stalked or harassed anyone. In case #1 I just grew out of it a little, I guess, even though I still like the celeb very much. In the latter case (a boy I had a massive crush on when we were in school). A couple of years after we graduated, I visited him and took it as an excuse to spend a couple of days in a European capital. Visually he was/is sort of a Hugh Grant type. Everything that was so special and desirable to me when we were 18 suddenly wasn't so great anymore when we were 21 - the contrarianism, the indecisiveness, the snark, the inability to just let go, go out and have a good time, or enjoy a movie without salting everything with social criticism. It taught me a lot of things, mostly that we desire what we seem to be lacking and to see love and myself with a lot more sense of humour.

by Anonymousreply 69March 15, 2023 12:01 PM

Where do I begin? The title of my memoirs is UNREQUITED: THE STALKER DIARIES.

😆 not really, though I’ve had intense crushes on guys, especially during my Navy enlistment. When I was stationed at the Coronado Naval Base, I fell in lust every other day, so many beautiful men walking around in their UDT shorts with their thighs bulging.

by Anonymousreply 70March 15, 2023 12:05 PM

Yes. My high school soccer coach- for 3 years. She paid special attention to me and looking back it does make me wonder what that was about. A member of the team died and at the funeral, she hugged me, kissed my neck and said "you're special." I was 14-17, she was early 20s. I called her house in the holidays. When I graduated and learnt to drive I would take the route past her house almost every day and craning my neck as I drove by. I never saw her again after high school, mostly out of embarrassment at my stalker drivebys and fear that maybe she saw me out a window.

She's got two kids now and just turned 40. I moved overseas but think about those days often. I've had obsessive crushes since, but these days I can temper my feelings so I don't get arrested.

by Anonymousreply 71March 19, 2023 7:15 AM

what is the definition? I don't know why but I'm am paying a little too much attention to a new person in my life. any advice on how to stop thinking about this person?

by Anonymousreply 72May 14, 2023 11:31 PM

r71 she kissed your neck at a funeral?

by Anonymousreply 73May 14, 2023 11:40 PM

I’m obsessed with Garrett. I serenade him with my guitar sometimes while he’s asleep in his house.

by Anonymousreply 74May 15, 2023 12:07 AM

R71 = Joe Biden

by Anonymousreply 75May 15, 2023 1:18 AM

Back in ‘86/‘87, I was a big General Hospital fan & instantly became obsessed with Lucy Coe/Lynn Herring when the character was introduced. I subscribed to Soap Opera Digest solely to read articles & collect pics of her. I realized I was a little in over my head when my sister yelled at me & told me that Lucy was the only thing I was interested in.

By ‘88 my obsession waned, only to be transferred to Katarina Witt. I became a figure skating fanatic, watched her programs hundreds of times over on my VCR (I even broke one), & learned all the jumps that way. The internet came along for me when I was in college, 1995 to be specific,& I first started using it to research her. Pre-EBay, I spent lots of time trying to find VHS tapes of her programs, I paid $99 for a professional recording of the 1987 World Championships. When YouTube came along it was a godsend!

I learned that Katarina was being seriously stalked, I believe her stalker wound up in jail. I felt really sorry for her, but at the same time realized, there but for the grace of god…

by Anonymousreply 76May 15, 2023 1:52 AM

I’ve had too many obsessions to count, mostly of famous dead people. The last one was of Montgomery Clift.

by Anonymousreply 77May 15, 2023 2:28 AM

Too many to name but after watching Cruising a couple of years ago I became obsessed with a relatively obscure actor who died in 1987 called Arnaldo Santana...he's the 1st victim in that movie, also plays Ernie in Scarface . He also did a bunch of gay porn. Probably the sexiest most beautiful man I've seen on screen..not exagerrating...an incredibly handsome, beautiful Chicano. I just became weirdly and deeply obsessed in finding out everything I could about him, the fact that there is very little info on him just made me obsess even more..I even shelled out my credit card to pay for a subscription to newspapers.com to find articles about him. I also watched all his pornos, several times. As a straight woman it was very educational. Anyway I still wish I knew more about him. He seemed really talented, won a scholarship of some sort to study theater in UoT, did alot of legit theatre and consistently got great reviews, he wasn't some junkie selling his ass on the streets. He also stripped in the infamous Jewel porno theater in the East Village. Seemed like a bit of an exhibitionist. Apparently he became friends with Pacino who got him the part of Ernie. He gained weight very fast at the end of his life but was still super handsome. Sadly he died young, no idea why, hope it wasn't Aids. Heard somewhere it was a heart attack. He seemed to have somuch potential.

by Anonymousreply 78May 15, 2023 2:52 AM

[quote]You've just got to let yourself obsessed and trust that in time it will fade. Nothing else really works.

R29 Thank you!

by Anonymousreply 79May 15, 2023 5:19 AM

Occasionally I do but I just indulge it and it goes away after some time. I never (knowingly at least) let them know about my obsession.

by Anonymousreply 80May 15, 2023 5:32 AM

I’ve been obsessed with Andrew Andretti, an Armenian-American straight porn star, for probably… 10 years? I’ve seen all of his 1000+ film appearances. I’ve found his social media posts from profiles long since abandoned. I have a folder of photos. I know his real name. I saw that he was recently remarried - and I checked out their wedding registry.

I would never ever try to contact him. But he’s my fantasy boyfriend :3

by Anonymousreply 81May 15, 2023 5:48 AM

Only myself because in the only one qualified to stalk such a wildly successful, sensual, moist black Queen.

by Anonymousreply 82May 15, 2023 6:02 AM

Yes, and it's a horrible, horrible thing. I regret it very much. Happened twice. I feel terrible for the guys who were the object of it. I don't think that did that much damage, but I'm greatly embarrassed by my behavior.

by Anonymousreply 83May 15, 2023 6:04 AM

R83 what did you do?

by Anonymousreply 84May 15, 2023 6:09 AM

Yes! Several times in my life. I always thought this was a gay personality flaw and felt shame about these brief obsessions. But at my age now (50’s), looking back, I realize these were milestones in my personal growth.

I’ll have to come back to this thread and tell a few of my stories. I promise not to make them too long.

by Anonymousreply 85May 15, 2023 10:22 AM

All the time. Everyone

by Anonymousreply 86May 15, 2023 10:23 AM

My “first love”. It was right after the gays in the military/don’t ask-don’t tell debacle of the Clinton administration. He was mid 30s, career in the Air Force. Tall, beautiful blue eyes. He had one of those “gay accents” in the manner he spoke. Stationed in the country that I lived in. I was the child of a retired military man, still living with his parents, working a dead-end job with no plans for the future. After a few weeks (about a month a half or so) of bliss, he started to wake up from that bliss. I was still caught up in it. He started to realize that I was a silly, shiftless child and that we had no future. He started to distance himself from me. I responded with obsessive calling. Left a couple of desperate and pathetic sounding answering machine messages. I showed up at his place without calling. Finally, after two weeks of this, he’d had enough. He told me we didn’t have anything in common and that I didn’t know what love was. After some begging over the phone he agreed to try again. Two weeks later he told me he’d only done that because I begged. He said he didn’t want to see me anymore. The grief inspired me to move to the U.S., out of my parents home, on my own 3 months after the stalking played out). The distance helped, but that thorn was left. It took me almost two years to be emotionally free of him. I did call at least three or four times over that timeframe. I can’t remember how many times he answered. Maybe once I think. Looking back now, I can’t believe how difficult it was to break that emotional obsession within me.

by Anonymousreply 87May 15, 2023 2:15 PM

I’m obsessed with Henry Cavill

by Anonymousreply 88May 15, 2023 2:19 PM

Obsession and even limerence/infatuation is just a way to avoid looking at yourself in all your flawed glory by hyperfocusing on another person. Likewise, avoidance of intimacy or the same coming at you from others is just dodging having to look at yourself.

by Anonymousreply 89May 15, 2023 2:29 PM

I started fucking a married (to a woman) man last summer. We hook up once or twice a month. I am absolutely obsessed with him. I stalk his wife’s public Facebook page to see photos of him. God, I hope I don’t show up on her ‘people you may know’ page (I don’t log in before I look). I drove past his house last week, when I knew that he was at work. I just wanted to see what his house looked like. I know that I shouldn’t be so into him. He will never come out of the closet. He loves his wife, and says that she is his best friend. He just isn’t sexually attracted to her, and has always been attracted to men. I hate myself for catching feelings for him.

by Anonymousreply 90May 15, 2023 2:32 PM

R90 you need to tell this woman the truth, and stop fucking this man. Seriously.

Have some pride and some integrity. I can promise speaking from experience you'll like yourself better when you stand up and make this right, and then over time you won't even feel the need to prop your sense of self up with obsession anymore. Though the fallout may be ugly and may hurt, deep down I think you know what must be done to salvage respect for yourself and others.

by Anonymousreply 91May 15, 2023 2:39 PM

r90, I don't about squealing to his wife (don't what good that will do, it could do more harm than good), but I agree that you need to stop getting together with him, as long as he stays closeted.

If you stay away for a while, and perhaps try speaking to someone about this situation (like a therapist or counselor), you will begin to move past it eventually and move on with your life. Healthier and wiser, trust me.

by Anonymousreply 92May 15, 2023 4:02 PM

I'm going through it right now.

I have a crush on a guy from a friend group I joined last year. He looks like most Hollywood sex symbols (past and present) and is among the kindest people I've ever met. I tried hard not to develop feelings for him, but the more I got to know him, the more attracted I was.

We've flirted in private chats, and though he told me he wasn't looking to start a romantic relationship, I thought we'd at least have a Friends with Benefits situation. But then he decided to keep things platonic, and I was crushed.

I tried getting over him, and there were times when I thought I did, but then I'll see him, and those intense feelings come rushing back. Being next to him is torture for me; we'd be so close but have no physical contact, and I want to yell to him, "TOUCH SOMETHING!" He also runs hot and cold with me. Some days he's friendly, and other days he keeps his distance, and I do the same so I don't push him away.

He's since moved on to other women, while I still harbor these feelings for him. I cried after I met one of his dates. At first, I thought I was upset because of a bruised ego, but now I know it's because I haven't gotten over him.

I haven't gone full-blown stalker mode, but I have re-read our chats and masturbated to his photos. The worst thing I've done was post a semi-flirty message in his DM while he's (still?) seeing a new woman. He's read it but hasn't replied or reacted to it, and I'm convinced I fucked things up.

This is the first time I ever talked about this. I haven't talked about it with our friends because I don't want to get them involved, plus I agreed not to talk about it with our friend group. The only way for me to get over him is either for him to come around or find a guy like him who wants a romantic/sexual relationship with me. For now, I'll follow r29 's advice and ride it out.

by Anonymousreply 93May 15, 2023 4:32 PM

Dustin Lynch- country singer- never met him, saw him once in concert- unimpressed. But I still follow him every day. Some day he will say I am getting married and it will end. I am not a man who likes married men- it's an instant turn off.

by Anonymousreply 94May 15, 2023 5:37 PM

You looking at us?

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by Anonymousreply 95May 15, 2023 5:54 PM

A few crushes but I’d not call them obsessions. Also few very famous and accomplished people in their fields. But they are more heros than obsessions. Nor are they necessarily still living.

by Anonymousreply 96May 15, 2023 5:59 PM

I am amazed at the sheer number of Dataloungers who have gone through this with celebrities either major or minor. That's just never happened to me. I've had crushes on men I've known (both requited and unrequited), but no genuine erotomania.

by Anonymousreply 97May 15, 2023 6:07 PM

R91 R92 do not speak from experience. Fuck that shit.

by Anonymousreply 98May 15, 2023 6:45 PM

None of you are as down bad as I was. In highschool I wrote my intended a poetry book, then handed it to them on grad day.

by Anonymousreply 99May 16, 2023 12:28 AM

R93, are you a guy?

by Anonymousreply 100May 16, 2023 2:15 AM

R100, I'm a woman.

by Anonymousreply 101May 16, 2023 8:01 AM

The J@ck Greal!sh fan should be a case study.

by Anonymousreply 102May 16, 2023 9:29 AM

R93, you just need to start dating/fucking other men. It’s the best way to slow down the obsessive thoughts, and you will have new masturbation material.

Then again, I’m a whore.

by Anonymousreply 103May 16, 2023 1:10 PM

You're right, r90. I do need to work on myself first before dating/fucking other men.

by Anonymousreply 104May 16, 2023 2:25 PM

Several cases of extreme infatuation, one which has lasted almost 9 years now. Usually I would get over it with time, but this person follows me on social media and almost seems to stalk me back. Oh, he also lives on the other side of the world. We've met briefly (he is involved in sports) and communicated in a limited way. But I would never stalk (apart from SM) or do anything to make him uncomfortable. Yes, I understand limerence and I know it's not real. I think if I met new people I would find it easier to distract myself and move on, but since I am a total introvert who doesn't do apps or nightlife any more, I don't know how that will ever happen.

by Anonymousreply 105May 16, 2023 2:52 PM

I used to be prone to massive crushes or obsessions with people I didn't know and would never know. So I grew up in a horrible abusive environment and would escape it the only way I could, mentally, so as the hormones kicked in the fantasies began to take the form of crushes on celebrities or fictional characters, or even historical personages. This tendency faded as I got older and built a life for myself, now it's down to the occasional daydream.

I think my obsessions were different than most people's, as I never fantasized about meeting them or fucking them, I fantasized about *being* them. I didn't have a type, the people I fantasized about were weirdly varied, but there was something about each of them that I wanted to be, some power or ability that i wished I had. Was anyone else like that as a youngster?

by Anonymousreply 106May 16, 2023 3:23 PM

That's not terribly abnormal r106, especially given you home environment growing up. Fantasizing helped you to cope, it probably empowered you and helped you through. I'm glad you made it.

Occasionally daydreaming about being someone else, or having parts of their lives that you might covet, isn't atypical either imo. We all have these occasional thoughts.

by Anonymousreply 107May 16, 2023 4:18 PM

Obsession is the opposite of love

by Anonymousreply 108May 16, 2023 4:32 PM

No, indifference is the opposite of love. Things like hate and obsession are a lot closer to love than indifference.

by Anonymousreply 109May 16, 2023 4:37 PM

R109 is correct. The opposite of love is not caring.

by Anonymousreply 110May 16, 2023 5:01 PM

R103 You’re exactly right. Right after I got dumped that’s what a friend advised me to do. I didn’t do it consistently enough though. But I can see how it would work

by Anonymousreply 111May 16, 2023 6:13 PM

the worst part is you like him, you know he also likes you via comments and actions. but a fling or relationship is not possible because he's your boss or some other reason. That's my predicament

by Anonymousreply 112May 16, 2023 6:29 PM

Limerence is a way of playing small.

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by Anonymousreply 113May 16, 2023 7:43 PM

R102 AMA, I'm a pretty open book and actually more decent and down-to-Earth than I get credit. Don't believe bad press ;)

by Anonymousreply 114May 16, 2023 9:12 PM

Yes. As a teen (1968-1974) it was Miss Barbra Streisand. I knew no other person who felt the same way!

by Anonymousreply 115May 16, 2023 9:15 PM

[quote]I know that I shouldn’t be so into him. He will never come out of the closet. He loves his wife, and says that she is his best friend. He just isn’t sexually attracted to her, and has always been attracted to men. I hate myself for catching feelings for him.

R90 Please don't hate yourself. The problem is his, not yours. I agree that you need to stop obsessing about him or acting on your obsession. But please don't hate yourself.

by Anonymousreply 116May 17, 2023 12:30 AM

With a guy I was friends with in a gay men's chorus. I can't really explain the level of chemistry and attraction. I've never experienced anything close before or since. He is married and retired, and would never rock the boat. It's been 4 years. I moved to a different state and blocked him on all social media but I still think about him somewhat regularly so I guess I'm still obsessed.

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by Anonymousreply 117May 17, 2023 12:48 AM

Is OP poo shoes?

by Anonymousreply 118May 17, 2023 12:52 AM

Once, back in the mid-2000s. I had a HUGE crush on this cute bass player. I drove literally everywhere he performed with his band, just to look at him.

The infatuation lasted for several years, and he was on my mind 24/7.

Then one day I decided that I had enough, quit attending his shows, quit constantly checking his MySpace (this was back in 2006-2007), and fucked other guys. This helped quill the obsession

I saw him many years later, and he looked meh (to me), nothing special.

Love (or in my situation a horrible case of limerence) is truly blind.

by Anonymousreply 119May 17, 2023 1:15 AM

R,119 did you get to know him A bit ? How can you love someone you Harley know

by Anonymousreply 120May 17, 2023 2:06 AM

a bit tbh OP but he's famous and happily married and a dad and a Christian so I am reconciled to lusting from afar.

homewrecking and getting caned for it then having to be a stepmonster and go to church every sunday? nah mate not for me. he's gorgeous and I want him bad but I would not want the consequences if by some impossible chance I got in his bed. sounds too much like hard work

shan't ever be stalking either, cos I am simply too lazy and avoidant for that!!! don't even want to be in the same space to be perceived by him tbh, I might be caught lacking or get laughed at and that is not a risk I will take

by Anonymousreply 121May 17, 2023 2:16 AM

R119 Thank you! I tell myself that if I actually met my obsession, I'd be disappointed and sorry that I spent so much time obsessing over him.

by Anonymousreply 122May 17, 2023 2:28 AM

I feel like my entire adult (and teenage) years have been one obsessive crush after the next. The worst ones have been obviously bad news people I've been hell-bent on pursuing and it's ended very badly for me, emotionally, financially, employment-wise and reputation wise. Thankfully I found a way to leave that self-destructive behavior behind and I don't indulge obsessive crushes anymore. I have a stable relationship now for many years. I think my problems with obsessing over other people were rooted in childhood neglect but also being bullied in high school (fugly duckling). By becoming better looking in my early 20s (had my overbite fixed, acne cleared up, sorted my jewfro out, dressed better, got into fitness in a big way and moved away from my tormentors), I got romantic attention and I sought it out endlessly in a bid to prove to myself and others I was worthy and desirable after an early life of feeling the opposite.

by Anonymousreply 123May 17, 2023 9:24 AM

This thread has suddenly reminded me of the guy we had on here who was obsessed with Tony Stewart for years, until Stewart ran another driver over and killed him. That must have been well over a decade ago.

by Anonymousreply 124May 17, 2023 9:38 AM

R119 is so true. Natural wear and age and stress will take care of 90% of crushes. Wait enough years and your object (and you) shall become too fug to contemplate. Then you are free of obsession.

by Anonymousreply 125May 17, 2023 10:01 AM

Obsession stinks of old people & talc.

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by Anonymousreply 126May 17, 2023 11:26 AM

R93 Are you a great big fat person?

by Anonymousreply 127May 17, 2023 11:50 AM

R127, you're probably joking, but I am, in fact, a great big fat person. I'm working on it, though.

by Anonymousreply 128May 17, 2023 1:47 PM

R123 Your self diagnosis is pretty close to mine. I’m replies 68, 86 and some other one. Where you mentioned “neglect”, concerning your family and upbringing, I refer to it as lack of parental discipline. I lacked direction and structure. Before my obsession episode with my “first love”, I’ had other examples of attaching myself to others (mostly in a non-romantic sense) in an unhealthy way. After getting dumped, by a grown gay man, it sort of shook me awake. Some self-help books I read helped also. Helped to get me started on becoming a bit more self-sufficient young adult.

by Anonymousreply 129May 17, 2023 5:22 PM

R129 if you remember and have time, could you share the self-help books? What you say about direction and discipline resonates with me. The kind of therapy I need is beyond my financial needs atm so I could use something to tide me over.

by Anonymousreply 130May 17, 2023 5:26 PM

I had a major crush on a guy through Jr. High and into high school. When we finally had gym class together in HS I got to see him naked for the first time. Let me tell you I got the biggest hard-on in my life as he strolled past me and I saw his cock bouncing up and down off his balls. I practically had to leave school early just so I could go home and jack off.

by Anonymousreply 131May 17, 2023 6:44 PM

R130 Absolutely. My first book, “Your Erroneous Zones” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. The books that followed his first one became more spiritually focused, but this one nailed the initial premise of his beliefs. “Your thoughts create your feelings, you control your thoughts”.

A little guidance, because I don’t know how developed you are or your life. This doesn’t mean to become cold and not empathetic. This doesn’t mean you won’t experience grief. However, if you have a tendency to lose control, or perhaps be somewhat manic-depressive, this will be a start to improvement. It created a better foundation for the mind to start working from.

I hope this helps you

by Anonymousreply 132May 17, 2023 6:46 PM

Thank you R132, I am definitely checking out this book!

by Anonymousreply 133May 18, 2023 7:13 AM

^^yes me too! Thank you R132, you’re a person of honour.

[quote] A little guidance, because I don’t know how developed you are or your life.

For my age and education level, hardly at all lmao. The depressions you mentioned are definitely a main feature of my current life, hopefully not for too much longer! And I think with age I’m getting better with feeling/identifying grief and anger, but it’s still getting ‘stuck’ in my body or mind and doesn’t translate to healthy reparative action. Am hoping more insight will help.

by Anonymousreply 134May 18, 2023 12:13 PM

yes, it started right before my senior year of college. I met this guy at the cruising beach and we struck up a conversation. He was handsome in a jock kind of way, and to my delight we seemed to enjoy all the same taste in music artists, TV shows, and movies. We made out and it was amazing, we promised to meet again so we exchanged numbers. The next time we met he picked me up and we drove to his apartment and got naked and did 69 blow jobs and made out some more. I loved it. The next time we got together it was at a cruisy parking lot at night, and the police interrupted us and told us we had to move. We called it a night and he said he’d call me. Then he ghosted me. The semester started and I returned to campus and I was all upset becasue I was obsessed if he would call me. I called him and left a message and my number on his machine, but he never called me back. Time went on and I met someone else but I remember when Netscape Navigator came out I tried using their search engine to find out anything about this guy. It was meager info back then, but I kept doing it and doing it, even with better browsers as the technology developed. I thought I found him in 1995 on AOL, but didn’t send him a message becasue i assumed rightly that if he was ghosting me it was final. Finally in 2011, he came to mind again and I decided to look him up on Facebook. To my delight, I found his profile and most of it was public so there were a lot of photos to look at. It was very satisfying when I messaged him and he responded. We’ve been friends since, he’s been over my apartment met my husband and friends etc. Part of the obsession still lives inside, although i’m not sexually attracted to him in the same way.

by Anonymousreply 135May 18, 2023 12:46 PM

Yes. The hot piece of ass at my local McDonald's drive thru window.

by Anonymousreply 136May 18, 2023 12:48 PM

That story ended well r135. You can get over (mostly over) a past obsession and be friendly at some point. Shows that you can move beyond objectifying the person, and seeing them as a real human with flaws like everyone else; obsessions like the ones described in this thread are mostly the result of objectification or projection of one's needs/issues onto another.

by Anonymousreply 137May 18, 2023 7:12 PM

[quote] You can get over (mostly over) a past obsession and be friendly at some point. Shows that you can move beyond objectifying the person, and seeing them as a real human with flaws like everyone else; obsessions like the ones described in this thread are mostly the result of objectification or projection of one's needs/issues onto another.

R137 great comment.

Though I think it may only apply in cases of limerence. Have been thinking about this lately r.e. hateful, non-sexual obsessions. Someone who did me very wrong and traumatised me long ago stays somewhere on my mind pretty much constantly, though I stay far away from him and desperately try not to think about him. It's not that I don't see him as human or flawed--that's precisely why he hurt and scared me so badly--rather more that I see him as someone who got away with something he shouldn't have, and who caused a lot of damage that he's never accounted for and played with fire that burned others.

Part of the main reason for my obsession is I've never had that closure with this person and will likely never have, so it's unfinished business that haunts me. Intellectually, of course I know how unproductive and self-harming this is. I don't even know why I still hang onto the thoughts and traumatic memories, and still feel misgiving and hurt and fear over it, because it happened over a decade ago and everyone else involved has either forgotten or moved on. Even therapy work hasn't allowed me to let go emotionally. So I think that counts as an obsession, and it's one that I'd do a lot to break and leave behind if I knew how.

by Anonymousreply 138May 18, 2023 7:19 PM

[quote] All those tricky things you said/Are angel wings flying round my head//You were cheap, but I was sold/I should forget you, but I won't be told....

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by Anonymousreply 139May 18, 2023 8:13 PM

R134 I appreciate your words, you’re too kind. Your description of yourself sounds like you may be close to the same as I was, 20. In 1995. Compared to current times, I was behind in my maturation process. And I wasn’t disciplined by my parents enough when I was a teenager. I felt very entitled and disrespectful to my mother and grandmother. I took college classes on and off without rhyme or reason. I struggled with my weight and was on antidepressants on and off. I too felt “stuck” in myself and powerless. I think the I lashed out and wasn’t empathetic to others AT ALL! I had no direction or sense of purpose. At that age, you need that direction. You need a goal. Something to keep you on a manageable path of some sort. I think the book is meant for those who are a little bit older, however, hammering the premise into my stubborn head seriously helped me. Also, now that I’m older, I’m aware that it’s easier to mold the mind differently when you’re younger.

by Anonymousreply 140May 18, 2023 8:49 PM

R135 Wow, wow, wow! That’s some outcome. Very few can say it turned out like that for them. Concerning not being attracted to him after all these years I could totally understand that. I think it was a bond formed from those early years of your being out and free. That’s just my take on it. It’s great that you could form a bond of sorts once you were older and settled. You seem to have maintained your level-headedness throughout the whole experience though.

I’m r87 originally, also r129. My obsession initially wore off after two years and I was starting to have a real life. Then, three months later, 2+ years after our interaction, I received a letter from him. It was surreal. He said he’d thought about me often and tracked me down through a friend from my hometown (in the foreign country). He was now stationed outside San Francisco. I figured this was the answer to my past prayers so I better go along with it. That was my logic. I figured I was ready now to have a relationship as a grown adult…… even though I was just getting my wings. I eventually flew out to see him. By day two I could tell my nervous, never-ending mouth was getting under his skin. I still had work to do on becoming an authentic-individual, comfortable in my own skin. By that night a few drinks prompted me to go off on him. I don’t know if someone put something in my drink or if it suppressed anger from our original experience. We ended up having to spend the rest of the weekend together. I couldn’t get an earlier flight nor find a hotel room (it was Pride Weekend). That night that it happened I just moved over to his spare bedroom. When I was laying in bed I started crying, realizing that there wouldn’t be any more chances. I think he did try to talk to me on my last day there, but I didn’t even imagine that he was trying to salvage the situation. I was young and based on my experience with him I figured it was just over. By the time I flew back home I was relieved to have that behind me. I went through something of an identity crisis and a pretty satisfying sex rampage. I realized I was happy to be single and didn’t want a boyfriend. I felt like I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. I was rid of the obsession.

by Anonymousreply 141May 19, 2023 12:37 AM

R141 wow, that's an intense catharsis you had. Profound as well, though.

Rarely do we want who or what we actually think we want, is the lesson here. It's more about how that coveted thing or person or experience makes us feel or makes us perceive ourselves that we really crave.

by Anonymousreply 142May 19, 2023 12:44 AM

Be careful in your stalking - I was just reading today that a bug in Facebook is automatically sending a friends request to anybody's page you visit.

by Anonymousreply 143May 19, 2023 12:56 AM

R142 Thank you for summarizing it like that, I think you nailed it. Recounting the events of that obsession hurts a little when I put myself back in that time period (of my life).

R143 Thank you for that information. Several years ago I visited someone’s page, the next day it showed that I sent a friend request. I rescinded it but also didn’t remember sending it in the first place.

by Anonymousreply 144May 19, 2023 12:32 PM

[quote]Rarely do we want who or what we actually think we want, is the lesson here. It's more about how that coveted thing or person or experience makes us feel or makes us perceive ourselves that we really crave.

R142 You nailed it for me. Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 145May 19, 2023 1:53 PM

Yeah I had the biggest crush on the most popular high school jock in class. Saw him again. at our 25th year ha reunion. He’s married with two kids but still hot af. I don’t think I’ll get over him

by Anonymousreply 146May 20, 2023 4:48 AM

R146 After all that time, did your obsession keep you from moving on with other relationships or were you stuck in time with him?

by Anonymousreply 147May 20, 2023 7:48 AM

No. I have enough to deal with, being "obsessed" with myself -- heading off health issues, helping out my family, staying a dependable employee, and so on. If I spent that energy on someone else, my life would be shitty because I had ignored my own needs, my loved ones needs, and the necessary time for self-improvement.

by Anonymousreply 148May 20, 2023 1:48 PM

Well that's the thing, r148, about obsessions: they keep a person from spending important time and energy on themselves. That's when you know a harmless crush has devolved into something more nefarious, when the time spent thinking about the object of affection takes away from life upkeep activities such as keeping friends, staying afloat in school or keeping a job.

I once had a serious crush-bordering-on-limerence years ago. It was on someone I worked with, he was a contractor on a project I was assigned to, so not a direct co-worker but still someone I had to spend a lot of time with. He was very efficient, really into his work, so I guess to impress him I also upped my game and began to put in a lot of hours at the office, participating in a lot more meetings and the like.

After about 6 months he was transferred out to a new project, leaving me behind. It was hard at first, it probably took me a full year to stop thinking about him every day but the good news was I had developed far more positive outlook at work as a result of his influence. My bosses took notice too, I ended up getting a promotion out of it in the end. So all's well that ends well there.

I think if you can get some positives out of an interest in a person, the takeaway doesn't always have to be negative.

by Anonymousreply 149May 20, 2023 4:04 PM

"That's when you know a harmless crush has devolved into something more nefarious, when the time spent thinking about the object of affection takes away from life upkeep activities such as keeping friends, staying afloat in school or keeping a job."

I've told this story before so click away if you've heard it: I was very prone to obsessive fantasies as a troubled teen, but it only happened once I was a fully grown adult. I was working a crap dead-end job during the day and studying accounting in night school, and one term as finals approached I became overwhelmingly obsessed with a film actor. I literally couldn't concentrate on anything, I was overwhelmed with the obsessive thoughts, and I got terrible grades on the finals and began to rethink all my plans for the future. Years later, I realized that the obsessive thoughts had literally saved me from a career as a CPA, where I would have been miserable!

As I've said before, I don't think obsessions are necessarily harmful. Usually, yes, but sometimes we can learn from them.

by Anonymousreply 150May 20, 2023 4:34 PM

My frat brother/roommate.

by Anonymousreply 151May 20, 2023 4:46 PM

I had the biggest crush on Channing Tatum after watching him in the first GI Joe film. Watched all his movies and Google for nudes during his modeling days. And the fact that he seems like a nice, down to earth guy irl even made it worse lol

by Anonymousreply 152May 20, 2023 4:51 PM

Yes. Joyce Bulifant.

by Anonymousreply 153May 22, 2023 9:08 PM

I had a crush on our downstairs neighbour. I detailed it all in a journal which my partner proceeded to read. I have no doubt that, even though this neighbour did have several attractive traits, the intensity of my feelings had more to do with me than with him.

A few years before that, I got slightly obsessed with the first guy who ever took me out for a date. I had a very hard time understanding his hints that he wasn't interested. The fact that he had expressed interest at one point meant that I have continued to think about him and had sexual fantasies about him for several years after our brief acquaintance had ended.

by Anonymousreply 154May 22, 2023 9:21 PM

When struggling to get to sleep or when feeling sick or poorly or lonely of a night, I'll imagine being held and snuggled and belly-rubbed by my celebrity crush while he rumbles away into my ear in his deep monotone ASMR. Absolutely sad and weird, I know, but it helps me feel less down and tormented.

by Anonymousreply 155May 22, 2023 10:11 PM

R70 I've been to Coronado as a tourist and watched what looked like a flock of Navy SEALs run by, and I condole you. They're all beautiful. I got so hard after seeing these godlike men run by that I almost shot in my shorts.

by Anonymousreply 156May 22, 2023 10:19 PM

R154 is a big red flag

by Anonymousreply 157May 22, 2023 10:25 PM

My female boss dated her secretary's brother in law for about two minutes. he broke up with her and she lost her mind. Constantly calling him, showing up at his house, that kind of stuff.

I was out of the loop about all of this until a coworker came up to me crying about the situation. All I could say is what do you want me to do?

My boss eventually stopped contacting him but it was so bizarre hearing about a grown woman chasing after a man who didnt want her anymore.

by Anonymousreply 158May 22, 2023 10:31 PM

I've never been obsessed with a celebrity, ever. I've shot a few loads to a few of them, but they never took up so much rent-free space in my mind.

The closest I can say I've been to obsession was a few years in my 20s I spent with someone I was in love with and also very much infatuated by....we had, in the start, a lovely friendship, perhaps the first friend I'd made that wasn't a result of "oh we grew up in the same area" but genuinely liked me for me. Unfortunately I fell for him, things got complicated by sex (explosive, incendiary hot fucking sex). He wasn't as into me as I was to him and furthermore, he couldn't decide if he was gay, straight, celibate or vegan at any given moment. We tried living together on and off but I was tormented when/if he was with some other guy. So yeah, after a few years of that mess I realized how dumb I was and got away from him. Sadly, we no longer speak (he's bipolar and not treating any of his loved ones well).

As I get closer to Eldergay territory I have occasionally wondered about old tricks. And there's a few really beautiful men I went to HS with that over the years, I've sneaked a look at on Facebook. One turned out to be a fat MAGAt, but the one I remember most is still handsome. Bald and gray, but still with the same beautiful eyes. But I don't see that as "obsessed" to randomly check someone out like that. If I was looking for someone every day on line and building a shrine to them, then sure. LOL

by Anonymousreply 159May 22, 2023 10:45 PM

R157, how am I a "red flag"? Also, as overused as that term is, I've only ever heard it used to refer to individuals' characteristics/behaviour, never the individuals themselves.

by Anonymousreply 160May 22, 2023 11:42 PM

When I was young. My first big gay crush. Couple of years later I wouldn't have noticed him if he passed me on the sidewalk. Think at that age it's a trick your hormones play on you. Glamourizing the most average people. Must have to do with the need to procreate the species.

by Anonymousreply 161May 22, 2023 11:48 PM

R157 I agree. I don't get the 'red flag' reference to your post.

by Anonymousreply 162May 22, 2023 11:51 PM

R160 now you have. Let it sink in that you’re an undesirable.

by Anonymousreply 163May 22, 2023 11:55 PM

[quote] I don't see that as "obsessed" to randomly check someone out like that. If I was looking for someone every day on line and building a shrine to them, then sure. LOL

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by Anonymousreply 164May 23, 2023 12:01 AM

If you don't stop that right know I will fucking block you !

by Anonymousreply 165May 23, 2023 12:05 AM

R154 I don't get the red flag reference either.

by Anonymousreply 166May 23, 2023 12:24 AM

R166 What red flag reference?

by Anonymousreply 167May 23, 2023 12:54 PM

As a child and adult - Olivia Newton-John. I cried for 8 hrs straight when I learned she died last summer.

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by Anonymousreply 168May 23, 2023 8:19 PM

8 hours? MARY!

by Anonymousreply 169May 23, 2023 11:49 PM

Back in my early 20s one of my straight male friends would go to his local In N Out and was obsessed with one of the employees there. She'd clean tables next to him and he would never even speak to her. It was a bit maddening to hear about.

by Anonymousreply 170May 23, 2023 11:52 PM

R154, did it upset you when you saw the neighbor you had a crush on bring home dates?

Someone mentioned childhood trauma, these people are more prone to this?

by Anonymousreply 171May 24, 2023 12:46 AM

R171, he lived with his boyfriend of whom I was somewhat jealous, yes. The boyfriend scowled and looked like a bitchy bottom but I think he may have been wearing a social anxiety "mask" - a tough expression that would protect him.

I know your second paragraph was more broadly addressed but I can say that my childhood included some physical deprivation and quite a bit of emotional deprivation.

by Anonymousreply 172May 24, 2023 5:10 AM

I was 20-ish in the mid ‘90s and worked retail, and I was obsessed with a co-worker. I’ll say it was a crush. A HUGE one. He had long red hair that he kept in a ponytail and a cute face with blue eyes, and big hands. I loved his hands. Back then, I looked up his address and would circle the block where he used to live. I would even cry sometimes just thinking about him because I knew that I couldn’t have him. After I left the job, I lost touch with him for years, but thanks to social media I was able to find and friend him. He (and his wife) have invited me to several of their parties (they’re big on Halloween) and to see their amateur band play. He’s picked up some weight and no longer has the long hair, but I still get tingly whenever I see him.

by Anonymousreply 173May 24, 2023 5:30 AM

R45 Here. Just returned from my vacation which included staying in an AirBnB on the same block as the man with whom I am obsessed. I didn’t see him. I did see the interiors of his dining room and his yard. I also identified the car he drives. I had a nightmare that I went into his house without permission.

by Anonymousreply 174May 31, 2023 8:32 PM

I was obsessed back in my early 90s film school days with a fellow student. He was hip, cool, funny and a cineaste. He had floppy, just so hair. He was in a cool band. He toyed with me. Such a flirt, with no intention.

I was desperately obsessed.

Now he is a pretty successful horror director and I am a mostly happy hobbyist filmmaker/musician.

We follow each other on social media.

I get flair ups of obsession and still dream about him. And although I have a good life, I wonder if I’ll always be a little haunted by him. It’s creepy.

I did have a lot of childhood neglect/trauma.

by Anonymousreply 175May 31, 2023 9:44 PM

I was diagnosed with BPD approximately 30 years ago. To give some of you some insight most individuals with BPD have what is referred to as a ' favorite person' who is both adored and vilified by the individual with BPD. Since my twenties I have had five intense scenarios where I was obsessed with men as my favorite person. Luckily they did not cross the line into stalking but came precipitously close. With therapy and a full understanding of my triggers including my maladaptive behaviors I engaged in ,I was finally able to work through the feelings of abandonment and what part of my core content prompted this. I am happy to say that I am now friends with these men now and I was able to re-engineer the relationships into something sane. I am 64 unlikely that I will find my significant other before I die, but one fact that I am proud of is I sought help for this and I did not hurt myself or more importantly others in the process of my recovery and treatment. I have heard situations mentioned by my therapist where people do cross the line over into stalking and do engage in self-harm which luckily I didn't do. I am grateful everyday.

by Anonymousreply 176May 31, 2023 11:12 PM

Fuck no. I’m not a fucking sociopath

by Anonymousreply 177May 31, 2023 11:14 PM

This one has a happy ending (not that kind).

I was semi-obsessed with a very handsome and charismatic local sportscaster. One day I was asked to join a trivia team because they were sports-heavy and they needed an English/arts specialist. My sportscaster was on the team. It didn't last long but we did become friends — and we've stayed close friends for 15 years, going to dinner and the movies together. I've even spent holidays with his extended family.

No idea if he knows I had (and still have) a crush on him. But I wouldn't risk ruining the friendship now by ever bringing it up.

by Anonymousreply 178May 31, 2023 11:22 PM

yes, I'm in contact with this man quite regularly through work and I cannot avoid him. So I keep thinking of him in negative terms to make me like him less.

by Anonymousreply 179June 4, 2023 5:37 AM

I have tried that before, r179. It’s actually kind of comical when you go out of your way to focus on the negative aspects of a person. I once had a crush on a guy with a slightly clubbed foot. I would imagine him dragging his foot behind him, in an effort to stop liking him.

by Anonymousreply 180June 4, 2023 3:18 PM
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