I cannot take anymore death

Are you tender to the touch?

I too have noticed that so many of the stars we grew up with are dying now. Christine McVie from Fleetwood Mac died and I took that one especially hard.

My friend just told me two of his close friends died in quick succession.

I guess we’re getting to that dying age

MARY!!!

Then live, OP! LIVE!

So many beautiful French chickens had to die to feed me in 2022. J'en peux plus!

The choking death sounds really scary and unusual. Sorry for your losses. Can you tell us more of what happened with that choking death?

I was going to list Christine McVie R2 too. That was a death I was shocked by. I am 47 years old and I am sure when I was younger people were dying left and right as well but I took no notice. Now everyone dying is around my parent's age and that has me stressed out and more aware of the limited time I have left with them. It's shocking when you get to the point when you say twenty more years with them would be a good outcome.

Choking to death while home alone.

The bachelor's biggest fear.

There does seem to be a lot of death of the well known, which would compound your own feelings of loss and grief. It's just a coincidence and, in part, a consequence of getting older. It is not in your control, so don't dwell on it. Focus on maximizing your time and what you can control.

I'm sorry about your friend, OP, but as long as we're alive it's a fact of life. Our peers and others will die around us and someday it will be us. Yes, it has been several years of death due to COVID and last year (and the new), many celebrities.

Be happy in the day, in the moment, in the comfort we have, and the here and now. Find peace where you can.

OP, the actual deaths close to you and your life that you experienced--your grandfather's, your FIL's, your friend's--are certainly things to mourn.

But it sounds like the others--your friends' fathers' deaths (unless they were themselves friends of yours, but you did not describe them as such) and especially the celebrities' death--have very little to do with you, and yet for some reason you are centering yourself in these situations, so that the whole universe is now becoming about you. When you said, "As the Lisa Marie Presley story unfolded, I said please let me not wake up to hearing she has died. It just felt like another blow, another end," it sounded like you think the universe killed her to punish you. You realize not only how ridiculous that sounds but how obnoxious that sounds.

What O would do were I you is work through the grief you have genuinely experienced, perhaps in therapy if you can afford it, but also think about why you're making everything about yourself right now. It's the response you're having, so you cannot wholly disown it, but you have to realize it is a very illogical and self-centered response. The real way to get over this is to confront your feelings about the actual deaths that affected your life, and not whine that every other death means the universe is somehow out to get you (it is not). Everyone dies: that's just the way of things.

tl; dr: Get your shit together.

Let's leave Oprah out of it.

She's actually pretty crap.

Take me away from all this death!

O, dear.

I'm sorry about the loses of your friends and loved ones. Its hard not to get depressed also. I wish I had some good advice for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts, though.❤🙏

Sorry for your losses. Your reaction to celebrity deaths seems a bit odd, though. Do you form a lot of parasocial relationships with celebrities?

Will you be upset if Johnny Depp dies?

[quote]Get your shit together.

Have some fucking compassion r11. I know you were trying to impart some wisdom but you could do it in a way without being a complete dick.

Anyway, I am not self centred about it at all. I know these deaths are not about me. The deaths close to me have hurt me. I've tried to be a source of comfort to those directly affected while still processing my own grief over their deaths. It has been emotionally draining and sad for quite some time now. My younger friend's death was a shock. My father in-laws-death was a shock. The other deaths just highlight the finiteness of life - which we all can understand intellectually, but when you're are literally processing it in your body, it is quite different.

It has just been a lot. When I went to bed last night, I know I would be waking up to Lisa Marie's death. I just knew it. Again it had nothing to do with me. But her death at such a young age is sad. She seemed like a good enough person with her own personal struggles just like the rest of us. She is someone whom I have know about my entire life. It's just sad her life seemed filled with tragedy from the beginning and in the end dying from a broken heart herself - whether genetically predisposed to it or not. And my heart goes out to Priscilla who has had to deal with the death of a love, a daughter and grandson. I don't know these people, but the human tragedy and sadness of it all, we all can relate to.

I am not afraid of dying myself. I think I will be ready when it happens. Everyone close in my life is older than me. I just want to go after them and be quite ready to do so.

I'm surprised OP didn't consider bulimia or suicide in 1997, when "The People's Princess" died.

Is this you, OP?

[quote] She is someone whom I have know about my entire life. It's just sad her life seemed filled with tragedy from the beginning and in the end dying from a broken heart herself - whether genetically predisposed to it or not.

Are you kidding us with this nonsense, OP? You did not know this woman. You never met this woman. You were not a part of her life, and she was not part of yours in an actual, three-dimensional way. Dying of cardiac arrest or a chronic heart disease is NOT "dying of a broken heart." And just because her father died when she was a child doesn't mean she had a sad life or wanted your pity. She probably had a lot that made her happy. I wouldn't know, or care, though. She was a stranger to me.

I heard it helps if you go to funerals of strangers collect sympathy for your great suffering.

This is a brilliant sad little pony troll by OP. Or OP needs to be locked in an attic.

Thank you for your words people. But this is really not a "woe is me" thread. And no I don't form attachments to celebrities or people I don't know. It is just that my experiences recently with people in my life has been heightened the seemingly endless barrage of celebrity deaths of people I have known or heard of my entire life. I am at a point where I am emotionally drained and the constant news of deaths has an affect.

I was just asking if anyone else felt like there were a larger than usual number of people dying this year or if I was just particularly sensitive to it from my personal experiences. I do think Covid hit a lot of people harder than people know.

So maybe you should focus your energy on moving beyond grief. People are dead and gone, but you are not.

If it's tiresome and draining to think so hard about death, then let it go. Find something else to occupy your afternoons. Take that stone out of your pocket, put it down, and start walking.

R21 Lisa Marie was very vocal about how destroyed she was by the suicide of her son in 2020. She said she would never recover from it and was struggle with going on because to the heart ache she was suffering under. People do die of broken hearts - Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher, ie. And I would imagine in LMP case she was using anti-depressants and self-medicating to get through. The personal need to promote this Elvis film and needing to be out in public probably prompted her to over medicate just to be a smile on her face. That probably did her genetically weak heart in. She looked frail and barely holding on for her age recently.

And no I don't know her personally. I have no attachment to her. But her public story as told, as we know it, is a sad one - no matter what her actual life story was. I am relating to the public sad story. Again, I don't know the woman.

Jesus; there are some nasty posters in this thread. Of all topics that bring out the fangs in people, this wasn’t one I would expect.

[quote]So maybe you should focus your energy on moving beyond grief. People are dead and gone, but you are not. If it's tiresome and draining to think so hard about death, then let it go. Find something else to occupy your afternoons. Take that stone out of your pocket, put it down, and start walking.

Sure enough chief. Just as soon as I deal with my husband who is still devastated over the sudden death of his father just a little over a month ago. Between the crying jags and moments of manic happiness, I'll search for the stones dragging me down in my pockets. We just need to get the death certificates, trust set up for his house and figure out what we are going to do with his mother 3,000 miles away who cannot drive or shop for herself but is now living alone in a big house where her husband basically shit himself to death all over the floor from sepsis before he passed out and died. I'll make sure to put on that happy face and "let it go" as soon as I can.

I just wanted to know if there has been an inordinate amount of death recently or if I am being overly sensitive. Hearing other people say ye or nay will help me regulate my emotions - like snap the fuck out of it or give yourself a break.

OP, whatever you do, don't read up on the Holocaust.

R28, it definitely feels like that. My dad had a knee infection and now is being held in the hospital with failing kidneys. My mom is convinced she is fully competent and wants her car, but forgets what happened ten minutes ago or how my dad got in the hospital. My sweet dog has dementia, which is agitated when I am gone.

I don’t have answers. There seemed to be a lot of deaths at the end of 2016, just after Trump was elected. Hope you can take this in manageable, still horrible chunks.

Tell us more about your friend who choked to death. I worry about this myself.

This is the price you pay for living a long life. Everyone around you falls away, sooner or later.

Op, my condolences for your losses.

My father died months after Princess Diana was killed in 1997. This may sound strange but I was comforted that he would be joining her spirit in the great beyond.

Since I'm not religious I've decided to create my own reality about what happens after death. Rationally and scientifically, we go back to where we came from before birth, a great dark void, but that does not sound like any fun. From dust to dust.

Believing in an afterlife can be a comfort, especially as one grows older. So I decided in my Church of One, when I die I will first get to greet all my loved ones before spending eternity zooming around the universe watching the goings on of my family, their descendants and anyone else who interests me. I'll check out all the natural and creature made beauty on earth and in the heavens, find interesting other dead people to talk to; relatives, friends, and people like Mark Twain and Salvador Dali. Maybe I'll help Santa out in his workshop and see if I can find Jesus and other prophets.

People seem to believe all sorts of ridiculous things these days (sorry trump, you lost fucker). I have a lot to look forward to when I croak.

Aging is all about loss management. Learning to deal with the losses is critical because it never ends.

[quote] I just wanted to know if there has been an inordinate amount of death recently or if I am being overly sensitive.

You have your answer based on this thread, no?

It sounds like you didn't really want an honest answer, though, since you reacted so strongly when we told it to you. If you're going to put yourself out there, then you have to take your lumps--but I guess that's part of your being overly sensitive (which is as any therapist will tell you a clear symptom of narcissism).

I can see grieving over the death of a grandfather, a close friend, and a father-in-law.

But parents of friends and celebrity deaths are not something to get overwhelmed by.

If you don't bring down the pain and release the grief, OP, you're going to end up with Morgellons. Which you do NOT want on top of your fibromyalgia. Trust me! The wife of my nephew's 6th grade teacher has both and while her grit is amazing, we're often in tears at the prognosis.

@ r1 , I howled, lol

*

[quote]It sounds like you didn't really want an honest answer, though, since you reacted so strongly when we told it to you.

R35, Where was the answer given to my question?

R28 So here it is from cunty ol' R21:

No, you're not being wholly irrational. Your mind is simply having a stress reaction, and you are unconsciously (or consciously) focusing on the tragedy of dead celebrities and their hard lives to distract yourself from the stress and sadness in your real life. Psychologists call it "displacement," and people do it all the time without even realizing it. We don't want to focus on things we don't enjoy, so our minds will find any reason to think about anything else.

Your husband has lost a family member, and now has emotional and practical issues to sort through. This is unpleasant, and actually touches your life. Maybe your mind feels it's easier if you focus your grief onto a dead celebrity instead, so you can say "How sad" without the emotional investment of touching your spouse's grief.

R28, there has been no inordinate amount of deaths. Before my father died suddenly, 24 years ago, I'd never even noticed deaths around me. Once you are made aware of it by close personal loss you cannot "unsee" that death has been surrounding you all along. It is the circle of life. What you and your partner are dealing with now is a profoundly saddening and incredibly stressful experience, and also a part of life that many people will have to endure at some point. You can only walk through it and get to the other side, there is no other way.

Yes OP…Lisa Marie’s death was all about you.

🙄

You’re a fat middle aged woman, right?

This thread was hilarious.

r44 "Was"? Is the thread . . . dead?

[quote]My father died months after Princess Diana was killed in 1997. This may sound strange but I was comforted that he would be joining her spirit in the great beyond.

MARY!

[quote] Have some fucking compassion r11.

Honey, no one has any compassion for you whatsoever because [italic]Lisa Marie Presley[/italic] died.

Besides: you're already extending so much pity to yourself you certainly don't need any more.

Daredevil Robbie Knievel Dead At 60!!!!!! It's TOO MUCH!!!! They are taking all the greats. And my hairdresser's maiden auntie Gertie died. I simply cannot with all this death!

Well there does seems to be a lot of death around lately and I wish it would just stop.

OP, if you're over 50 this is going to be your life from now on. People are dying. Our parents, and then us.

I would recommend you find a way to get more comfortable with something that's a part of our existence. Therapy is one way, but a few books on acceptance/death/stages of life would also be just as good.

[quote] Well there does seems to be a lot of death around lately and I wish it would just stop.

PEOPLE is on this!

[quote]I cannot take anymore death

Get your mind away from death and into a good book on proper grammar and spelling.

That may help.

Boy, a lot of you fellas are mean. I implore you all

Don’t Be Cruel,

oooooohh ooooohh oooooohhh

Grief is the price we pay for love.

[quote]Well there does seems to be a lot of death around lately and I wish it would just stop.

Boomers' Last Stand.

that means you are elder because she was pronounced dead around 8pm eastern.

you should be scared.

OP I'm sorry your friend choked to death, all alone. So depressing, and if I'm being honest? My worst fear.

I'm about to turn 43 and my mom, who's nearly 70, told me around 45 is when your heroes start dying. And then it's your friends' parents. And then it's your friends.

Once the dam is broken? It never stops. So accept it, tell those you love that you value them and start living.

She's never been good at doling out advice, but she's spot on in this regard.

[quote]Anyone else have a death heavy year?

It's only January, hun.

Man up!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just drifting off like my old grandpa - not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Thank you R41 and R42. That makes a lot of sense and is probably true. In a weird way it's been a comfort in that misery loves company.

R33 I love you. What you question is something I discovered during all of this. I grew up in a religious family and everyone and everything was always "In our prayers." I am not longer religious or subscribe to any faith, but I have realized what a great comfort it can be in life to believe in something. Religious faith is not real outside of way to deal with the pain of life. I couldn't bring myself to say, "you're in my prayers" to those I was trying to comfort because it rang so false in my head. I was left questioning what do you say and why say it at all. Since no one knows what actually happens when we die - including a void - you might as well develop your own system to help you deal with the pains in life. BTW, science also tells us energy is neither created nor destroyed. We are all energy. So where do we come from and if we are not destroyed, what happens to us? I think it is very curious with all of our human advancements we still have absolutely no leads to answers to either of those questions which affects every single one of us.

OP, you are just more aware now. I truly believe that our purpose in life is to learn the spiritual lessons that are in front of us. So life, God, the Divine, Buddha, whatever you call it, is trying to teach you something in this. And as has already been said, the only way out is to go through. You have to get to the bottom of what this is REALLY about for you. If you reflect on some of your inner child stuff, I guarantee this is woven into some of your core issues. And the good news is that you can grow from this.

R27, you are very right. But that is American society today. Being biting, critical, self-righteous, judgemental or just straight up nasty means we are alive and have something to say. Actually being nice or just quiet is seen as weakness. I am guilty of that myself on here and other places as well. But if we just pulled back and looked at ourselves, we'd realize we are just being dicks.

Thank you R64. I know what it is about. It's just the pain of loss and realizing it will be a much larger part of my life going forward.

Full disclosure on the Lisa Marie thing as I think about it now...

My husband and I watched the Elvis movie a couple of weeks before his father died. We really enjoyed it. My mom was planning on visiting me for Christmas. She is a huge Elvis fan and I said we will watch it together when she comes. It was something I was really looking forward to it. Then my husband's father died and the Christmas season took on a different meaning. It became about loss. When my mother arrived we did watch the movie together, the two of us. I really enjoyed watching her enjoy it, spending time with her, hanging out - but also looking at her, taking the moment in, knowing full well I would look back on this time together with such fondness. She is 75 years old now, healthy but slower. I thought of her as I remembered her as a kid, and how much she meant to me and how now our rolls were almost reversed with me guiding and taking care of her. But the time was really beautiful, and tender. And of course Lisa Marie is part of the movie, a part of the Elvis legacy. So of course I was rooting for Austin Butler and hoping he'd win. And I was happy to see Lisa and Priscilla backed the movie. It was just a thing. So her death recently was just a reminder of the fear of loss of the beautiful memories I am building with this last chapter I have with my mother. I know my mother's death is going to cripple me. It's one of my biggest fears in life now, going through that.

[quote]My father died months after Princess Diana was killed in 1997. This may sound strange but I was comforted that he would be joining her spirit in the great beyond.

Well if your father was alive at that time it was either going to be days, months, or years after that he, too, died, wasn't it?

If you're old enough to know anything --let alone care-- about Kirstie Alley or Lisa Marie Presley, both of whom had a heyday more than a quarter century ago, then your grandfather was likely on borrowed time and it shouldn't come as a huge shocker that he dared die in such a tragic coincidence. When I hear a proper adult weepy about a grandparent dying I think sad probably, but a shocker? Not likely. Grandparents die. Your grandparents aren't supposed to be at your funeral; it's the other way around that's very normal.

Conflating deaths of real people, people you know intimately, even people whose lives are responsible for your own with the deaths of fat, ugly, mean as cat shit Scientologists to me says someone has no sense of what anything means, no sense of relative values, hell, no sense of the human clock that ticks for us all.

Death is sad. It's not some bigger conspiracy of bad things that happen to you involving Hollywood stars, old friends, and grandfathers in some cruel personal joke on you.

Celebrities drop like flies at the end/start of a year because it's a slow news time and their deaths get more air time. Evergreen files and video clips are easily assembled and spare the harder work of digging up dirt on the living. They drop like flies the year round if you want to count everyone who was famous a quarter century ago and now isn't. You just connect the dots to suit to mood of Tragic Arc.

People in general die all the time, but yes, there is an increase during December and January. Cold/flu? Covid? Freezing temps? Holiday stress? Ask a doctor, or an actuary.

[quote]Conflating deaths of real people, people you know intimately, even people whose lives are responsible for your own with the deaths of fat, ugly, mean as cat shit Scientologists to me says someone has no sense of what anything means, no sense of relative values, hell, no sense of the human clock that ticks for us all.

No one is conflating deaths at all. I don't know where you get that from. Yes it is VERY easy to talk about death very theoretically. We could go on for hours with each us adding bon mot like "Death is Sad..." and heady thoughts about the meaning of it all. But when you go through it, like all of us have, your heart is not comforted by theory and rational thinking.

Ok OP, I hear you. I’ll call a halt for now.

Thank you God.

What a nice man!

The one that startled me this week was Tatiana Patitz. She really is of my era!

I always find it interesting when people die and a colleague, neighbor, stranger says “why me, God?!”

Sounds like OP is trying to find the answers to these 2 questions:

What is the meaning of life?

What happens after we die?

OP sounds frustrated that we are not closer to finding the answers to those 2 questions.

I've had enough of deaths recently. My dad died in the summer and my sister died on Saturday. I'm arranging her funeral at the moment. My dad was 93 and died with dementia and my sister died of a pulmonary embolism. I looked after them both and am completely lost. I don't have many people to support me. I'm doing the supporting, in fact.

[quote]Sounds like OP is trying to find the answers to these 2 questions:

The only question in my OP was is anyone else having a death heavy year.

And the only other question tied to that that I had is does there seem to be an inordinate about of deaths recently or am I being too sensitive.

Those were really my two questions. And a few nice people answered it. Others just took it and ran with their own agenda to demoralize a stranger and exalt themselves.

"Others didn't give me affirmation!"

OP/R77, who really doesn't like the idea that he's being too sensitive

I really don't know where people like R78's thinking comes from. Is there something like colorblind but for the brain and it's ability to process information?

I specifically asked DL of all places if I was being too sensitive. Obviously I don't have problems with being told that I am knowing full well I am going to have to wade through a barrel full of assholes.

[quote] Those were really my two questions. And a few nice people answered it. Others just took it and ran with their own agenda to demoralize a stranger and exalt themselves.

Translated: I whined copiously about things that had nothing to do with me, and a few people treated me nicely even though i did. other people were honest with me, and so I'm going to whine even further.

Just seems like navel-gazing.

Funny how death tends to lead to that R81.

My advice is teach yourself how to do the Heinrich maneuver. It’s very simple and you can do it on yourself. I even did it on my dog once. It really works!

Heimlich

Get used to it OP. Boomers are old now and there are a lot of us.

R83's The Heinrich Maneuver.... I guess it's when you get really really comfortable with death.

Below is a link to LifeVac, a device which could save your life if you’re alone and choking. Or you could help someone else.

I live alone and it’s a great fear.

OP, I’m so sad that this happened to your friend.

I’m sad about everything you’ve mentioned.

plotz over a chair.

Everyone crabbing about OP needs to zip it. Between COVID, celebrity deaths, access to information about all of this shit combined with the immediacy of the news online, it has been A LOT.

I have had the worst 3 years of my life and lost my dad last fall. Mom is coming up next and I broke down in every way possible trying to care for them. Was away from my partner for 2.5 years, my son about half that time and now I’m caring for him full-time trying to keep him comfortable after brain tumor surgery and going through chemo.

I don’t even feel human anymore. I’m so tired of it all. There is too much death and I’ve had enough already. The reaper needs to just skulk on by this house because he can’t have my sweet boy. Fuck that shit

[quote]Sure enough chief. Just as soon as I deal with my husband who is still devastated over the sudden death of his father just a little over a month ago. Between the crying jags and moments of manic happiness, I'll search for the stones dragging me down in my pockets.

This is awfully rich coming from a guy who insisted this was not a "woe is me" thread.

I commiserate. If it's not one thing (silly oversharing of details of D-List celebrity deaths) it's another (30 million kids starving to death). Lisa Marie's Death was THE. LAST. STRAW. And I lost my zinnias to mold last summer. IT'S TOO MUCH.

Can you not take "anymore" death or "any more" death?

Yes, it does make a difference.

We can't take ANY MORE You, r92. Your absence would be the difference.

What joy can be found in sitting around, reading datalounge, looking for errors like some schoolmarm grading term papers? It's sad to think that these tiny ejaculates of power bring enough happiness to some sad life to continue on for the next couple of hours.

R89, I am so sorry. People who have not been in this kind of situation, having to manage the unmanageable, do not understand. It’s very human that the shittiness in the world outside starts blending in with your own struggles. Thoughts and prayers and goodwill are not what you need, but it’s all we can give online.

OP, maybe you are too sensitive for this world. I think I am too. But it’s okay.

'I cannot take anymore death' to me sounds fine. Where is the grammatical error?

for anyone that is alone and choking, you can do the Heimlich maneuver on yourself by 1. Make a fist with one hand. Place the thumb of that hand below your rib cage and above your navel. 2.Grasp your fist with your other hand. Press your fist forcibly into the upper abdominal area with a quick upward movement.

R97, I am actually the OP. He is correct, I think. You can write "I Can't take Death Anymore," but it should be "I Can't take Any More Death." Anymore is an adverb and refers to time where as Any More refers to quantity.

[quote]We can't take ANY MORE You, [R92]. Your absence would be the difference.

The plaintive warcry of all those who are grammatically impaired.

Don't hate the messager. If no one points this out, how will you ever learn?

So it sounds grammatically correct but it is written incorrectly.

I have empathy for human loss, but for someone all weepy about the death of Lisa Marie Presley or Kirstie Alley? The last straws indeed.

Sort out your tragedies. Some are real, some are not.

R102, they are all real tragedies. Whether they are all tragedies to me is the question. And I have already stated the death of those two women were not tragedies to me personally but compounded the grief I was already dealing with over this long death filled year. I am not sure what people don't understand about that. And why they have to be so nasty about it. And if you scroll up I explain the psychological connection and why it affected me more than it usually would.

But again thank you for the people who have been understanding. And my heart goes out to you R89. I am really sorry for your loss. You have had it much worse than I have had it. That is my biggest fear dealing with an ailing parent. My father in law died from an injury. There was no lingering sickness.

This was the thread from the day it happened. It was good to know then that Dataloungers could genuinely be kind and helpful.

And as pat, and trite and obvious and theoretically comprehensible as it is - we are struggling right now with the finality of it all.

When John Lennon was murdered my boyfriend sneered at me for crying. I should have realized then what a piece of shit he was.

I'm so old I remember people crying when Elvis died. I was incredulous. People you didn't know him, he wasn't a relative!

But now I get it. The sadness and loss.

That’s rough, R76. I’m sorry for your troubles.