Let's be the DL Membership Rewards Catalogue

How much are caftans? Peach or turquoise please!

A set of the Franklin Mint's best-selling 1977 plate set, "The Seduction of Stanley Roper," featuring Norman Fell and Audra Lindsey in awkward but compromising positions.

*Lindley

A signed copy of Madonna’s “Sex” still in the original shrink wrap.

How many WW do I need for the Madonna book? 10? 13?

I’m saving up to replace my Tina Turner wall clock which was stolen by my neighbor.

I’ve earned enough for another 12-month supply of gin and regrets.

I'm sorry, I spent all my DL Membership Rewards points on the African Baby Catalogue a few months back.

They even threw in a Ukrainian baby for free.

I've just cashed in all my points for a copy of the "Tasteful Friends 2022" coffee table book detailing some of the worst and most ugly houses which came up for sale in the US this year.

I've got my scissors ready. I'm going to run with them too.

Ooooh…if you create a vision board R9, please be sure to post a pic.

Nothing.

Not even a piece of scrap paper with nothing on it. Or a byte with a zero on it.

In fact, if you pay the "Platinum Diamond Universal Access Elite VIP Membership Lux fee, we'll probably go ahead and ban you for a week for making us work. Do you know how hard it is to process online payments with a typewriter?

I'm using my points at Kirker's Furniture Store.

Isn't she dead now R12?

She deserved that.

The premium 500,000 WWs is a free night at the “I’m not running a bed and breakfast here” Airbnb*

The African babies look delightful. Although Ukranian seems to be more popular this year.

I’m saving up my points for the Liza and Barbara duets extravaganza on vinyl.

Earrings.

how many points to go thrice around the garden?

Are we posting our stats and comparing e-penises!? Let’s.

I’m an erudite poster sitting at nearly 9k W&Ws and nearly 5k replies myself. It’s 100% not because I’m kind of lonely and fat.

[bold]No[/bold] we aren't R19.

From the DL "Dainty" line of products.

Just express an interest, R5, and it’s yours. I may even tack on another W&W.

A Botany 500 wardrobe furnished by Dicker & Dicker of Beverly Hills;

30 square yards of “Games People Play” carpeting by Broyhill;

AND a Year’s Supply of Eskimo Pies!!!

A glossy 8x10 photograph, and autographed (woohooo!) from DL's favorite actress (and former Clooney paramour): Davida Rochelle!

OOOH, the Michael C. Fina Collection!

[quote]AND a Year’s Supply of Eskimo Pies!!!

Oh, guys, please please please WW my post. I really could use those Eskimo Pies. Well, use them is a white lie, but work with me.

I might have missed them in my quick perusal of the catalogue, but what are the prices for the Celebrity Special bottle of Helenesque and /or the Red Dragon cheese?

10,000 W&Ws gets you a lock of Mary Wickes’ hair.

We'll be following the S&H green stamp model.

I'm the vintage-inspired rotary phone with bonus dialling pencil.

How much is a snow shovel for those lovely folks in Pennsylvania?

I got this apron.

500 points for a photoshoot by DL's own Denny Scott

I’m giving my points to the Darfur orphan.

Does anyone know if they accept Raleigh coupons for bumping up to a higher level?

My assistant says they never answer their Goddamn phone.

Can I pay the balance in Confederate dollars?

How much for a date with Brendad Ickson?

If you make it through a 3 hour date with Miss Ickson you COLLECT karma and special philanthropic WWs.

Work that brand!

We have a DL Membership Rewards Catalogue??

I'm still waiting for my 2 "Die in a Grease fire" t-shirts.

A wise choice R33. A Denny Scott glamour photoshoot is the gift that keeps on giving.

Kirker’s store? Texas? Austin? Dear God I am old.

For 5,000 WWs you can choose to feed the Darfur Orphan for three years, or get a grease fire emoji for your phone.

Tough call, isn't it?

I'm the silver-tiered reward of a trip to the breathtaking Dyatlov Pass! I would be gold-tiered, but return travel is not included.

I've got my eye on the Mamie Eisenhower autographed photo with a handwritten recipe for Fairy Toast on the back!

Platinum tier is a 4-day "Live the Dream" party cruise out of Bodrum on a B-list super-yacht with B-list rent boys. Don't worry, B-list rent boys are fabulous. One free full service, then all other prestations sont à la carte. Roundtrip airfare and insurance not included.

[quote] I'm the silver-tiered reward of a trip to the breathtaking Dyatlov Pass!

What is "Dyatlov Pass"?

It's an exciting adventure experiences at Ostrov Mechty (Dream Island) amusement park in Russia.

The lovely powder room ensemble at R21 is actually from the Datalounge Tacky Tells Collection.

Like anyone with exceptional taste... I would love a Christmas tree filled with Paula Deen Butter Y'all Christmas Ornaments.

I think I have enough points for the "I'm Telling You Now, So I Don't Have To Tell You Then" salt and pepper shakers.

Probably enough for the "I have sufficient" potholders.

Not interested in the Harkles hate Fleshlight.

Aren't we all R40!

How many points do I need for the "I am Not Gay; I'm just experimenting" t-shirt?

How much for an autographed copy of Greg's cookbook, "You've Had Worse Things In Your Mouth"?

In August, a single dose of the monkeypox vaccine was going for 5000 W&Ws. Now it's free.

[quote]I've got my eye on the Mamie Eisenhower autographed photo with a handwritten recipe for Fairy Toast on the back!

Don't forget the 24K-gold-plated cans of parslied potatoes!

I want the special Mamie Eisenhower Edition of the Roscoe 12" black dildo.

A mink stole - from Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills

The latest fashions from The Sam Smith Collections

20 points for a Cameo message of your choice by Jason Dottley.

50 points for a Cameo message of your choice by Tommy DiDario.

100 points for a Cameo message of your choice by Jack Mackenroth.

Bargain basement, bloated George Michael R59

I'm saving up to get enough for an Anal Bleaching Kit. It will make a nice holiday gift for the Cockgobbler.

How many WWs for a comment from Susan Dey?

The WWs you give yourself don’t count, you know.

r63 If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Only 1 WW for a comment from Susan Olsen.

How is Jack Mackenroth more expensive than Tommy DiDario?

"Muriel's 2023 Boudoir Men Calendar" is the perfect stocking stuffer!

R67 Jack's folie de grandeur.

[quote]"Muriel's 2023 Boudoir Men Calendar" is the perfect stocking stuffer!

And the men are the perfect Muriel stuffer.

Chris Burrous Memorial Disco Lights Package

After all the years I've been posting here, and all I have the points for is a plastic pink pasta strainer. Only a few points more would have gotten me the Darfur Orphan T- shirt, or an autographed photo of Muriel, feet propped up on desk drinking scotch from the bottle while moderating this forum

I'm the "I'm With Elderghey" t-shirts only available in size small.

I have my eye on that Sarah Coventry *Midnight Magic* parure.

I just booked the 1 on 1 Up-Close & Personal Darfur Guided Tour led by you know who!

Jealous, Bitches?

I have 13,755 WWs. Is that enough for a jar of Duke's? We don't have that here in Northern California.

75 WWs get you Rice-a-Roni, That San Fransisco treat.

Four rooms of shag carpeting.

Chafing dish from Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills

1,000 WWs buys your own personalized pair of poo shoes!

1000 will get you a whiff of my cunt. 2000 will get you some smelling sauce to wake you up after smelling my cunt.

I'm the [italic]Fanny Cradock Cooks for Christmas Behind the Scenes Tour[/italic]. 100,000 points, but worth every one - just ask Sarah, she's still shaking.

I'm the Vivian Vance duvet cover.

[quote]some smelling sauce

Smelling sauce?

Limited Edition, numbered reproduction on velvet with electronic fragrance diffuser, Bea Arthur Naked by John Currin

I'm only 4000 points away from my Faye Dunaway cameo. I emailed and asked if she would use profanity, and she replied "When haven't I ?".

I’ll take a case of Helenesque.

New for the season: Cameo greetings!

With 5,000 WW points, you can get a personal video greeting from BILL TAYLOR, Drunk Joan Steffend, or the Brokened Cheeseburger girl.

[quote]I’ll take a case of Helenesque.

We'll pay YOU to take that off our hands. The hazardous materials disposal fees were gonna bankrupt us!

100,000 WW points: a personally autographed photo of 1977 Miss West Virginia Pageant winner, Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, Colorado.

For 150,000 WW points you get the AIDS ribbon that was NOT worn by Deidre Hall.

50 WW points gets you two on the aisle to a performance of ‘Ain’t No Mo’!

I'm donating my points to charity.

I can't decide between the Darfur Orphan Food Insecurity Fund or the Recovering Pasta Strainers Foundation.

A Shaeffer Snorkel Pen

r95: Fred's response on receiving the snorkel pen: "But I wanted a butt plug!"

The Datalounge Pasta-of-the-Month subscription for all you fat whores!

I got an adwable blanket.

For every F&F point earned, you'll receive one Trump NFT.

No, you're not allowed to opt out.

7500 WWs will get you White Go-Go boots just like those worn by Ronnie DeSantis.

Not to be outdone by Trump's digital trading cards, the DL Membership Rewards Catalogue has come out with its own. The first batch includes Tony Dow, Mary Wickes, Sara Porkalob, Helen Lawson, Timothée Chalamet, and Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO.

An all paid trip luxury to Sicily, hosted by the gays! And please watch your step exiting the yacht.

🕺🏿I'm saving my rewards for a pair of Doc Marten's, and an outfit just like John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever.

How much for Linda Lavin's Greatest Hits on Vinyl, autographed by Linda? Polly Holliday is banned from bidding on this item.

A signed cast recording of "Mame." Sadly, Lucy didn't sign. Gary talked her out of it.

Are they still offering a kick to the cunt bone by Miss Stevie Nicks?

^They were, but Will Smith bought them all out and is distributing them as Christmas gifts.

I am the festive holiday nut loaf sent out to everyone with 1000 WWs, as long as they have clearly stated their boundaries in advance.

r108 I'll go for it as long as you throw in a 2023 "Womyn of Michfest" calendar.

R108, I have a nut allergy. How will I be accommodated?

R110, you'll just have to loaf without your nuts.

I'm a 12-oz container of High Point decaffeinated coffee.

For 100 FFs, I am the olive oil cake custom-baked by Kevin Sessums himself, mailed directly to you from Small-Town London.

For 1000 WWs, I can be mailed to your worst enemy instead.

I'm pretty sure this DL Membership Rewards Catalogue is what put Service Merchandise out of business.

How about a bearking plushie?