How to tell relatives they should go home after Thanksgiving weekend

0/10. You lose me with the over the top details.

0/10 Stop wasting people's time.

I believe this is real. Either way, it's a DL classic.

It obviously isn't real.

Shitty Aunn...?

I don't get the people doubting my honest question. This is the first time I had to deal with 'sticky' guests. Most of my friends know when to leave at a reasonable time.

I'm usually the first one to say fuck off but I laughed so hard at the words "brown slurry" and "turkey meatballs" in the same story.

Bravo, OP

"Fuck, bro, it stinks like shit in here."?

sounds like your adopted son needs 2 adopt some manners

R8 my eldest is adopted from El Salvador. I am mindful in raising a your man of color and so I have nver tried to whiten him. He's a hard worker and got into Reed so that's fine by me.

I had a similar urinary problem with my mom when we took her out of her home to a hotel in Kennebeck, I had to tear out the shower curtain and jamb it under her to save the couch.

Lmfao, Op now I think you are an est. But you have entertained me.

TL/DR/EST.

THIS IS NOT REDDIT

Opie:

By chance, were you ever accosted by a group of hairy musclemen in a Whole Foods store as you were prancing around in your daisy dukes, a turquoise thong and a halter top, then brutally gang raped in the parking lot?

Anybody remember Janice the Vegan, a thread from many Thanksgivings ago?

I ain't cleanin' this shit up.

Tell them you are having the house tented and fumigated for termites on fri when its really on weds. It'll be a mercy killing.

Get the fuck out. And I don't care where you go for Christmas as long as it isn't here

R16 we recently hired a houseboy who was very obliging in helping me clean everything up. The chair had to be thrown away, but we're trying to save the carpet. Thankfully we put rubber lined sheets in her bedroom.

Is your husband's aunt Martha from Medicare?

tl:dr

FYI I checked ignoredar and OP also created this thread -

R20 not as far as we know

Jesus, OP, you wouldn't really be that rude would you?

Turkey meatballs. I knew it was an EST after seeing that term. Plus the faecal continence issues thing.

R25 I make meatballs with leftover turkey- it’s a great way to use the whole bird.

Anyone with elderly relatives will understand OP's story is perfectly plausible. Lots of estranged kweens here who are still avoiding their families.

That may be R27, but its still rude. Why invite them in the first place? Just so OP can bitch about them and be an jerk?

R28 what if your spouse invites his relatives? How do you set boundaries etc. ?

Uh huh R26...

We actually had to interrupt sex with my husband because of these unwanted guests. My husbear was fingering my filth trench and I moaned homosexually as his fingers were inhaled by my craving mancunt. Then one of my husbear’s unclean started bellowing gibberish at the top of his lungs and banging his head against the door. He was having a senior moment! Total bon3r killer.

Time for a trip, so they will have to leave. I think this is the most polite way to handle this.

Moaned homosexually.

What a dumbass.

[quote]My husbear was fingering my filth trench and I moaned homosexually as his fingers were inhaled by my craving mancunt.

This sentence alone contains three of my favorite SBT-isms.

Look up a restaurant by this person’s home, or other activity. After activity, drop them at home.

Oh my god, we have been dying to try this restaurant (or do this activity). Can we take you there, before we take you home?

Something like this.

Is r31 really the OP or a parody post.

Pour homemade boiling water on them at sunrise. How they'll thank you for waking them on time!

Reed College is a nice touch.

You sound like an uppity California dipshit that is polluting the PNW. Why don't you try Boise or Missoula.

[quote]I believe this is real. Either way, it's a DL classic.

It's not a classic; by the time he said he lived in the PNW in the third sentence, I knew it was going to be a jumble of DL current topics and old ESTs, which it is.

I suggested to OP a few weeks ago that he try harder and honestly, I appreciate that there was some effort made this time, but it was too obvious. It's basically DL Madlibs.

Scat troll

EST (on STEROIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

You had me going until "passive-aggressively homophobia". This a believable scenario because so many DLers are stingy and loathe hospitality. Nice try but less is more.

Serve everything on Paper Plates! They'll get the picture.

OP, if you didn't have such a laughably puny cocklet...

they would have more respect for you and not foul up your house

"I'm sick of that big faggot with the filthy mancunt trying to tell me when to go to the bathroom."

"Watch me wreck his fake Italian silk upholstered chair and shit all over his cheap knock-off Kashmir rug!"

Seriously these senile old psychos are fucking scary. One of my husbear’s uncles started shrieking in the middle of the night and banging his head against the fucking wall. The guest bedroom is right next to ours so when I’m about to chow down on my husbear’s taint I don’t want to hear an octogenarian nutbag screaming “Is that Beulah, where the fuck is Beulah? You there Johnson?” He bellowed and banged his head against the wall for half an hour until my husbear had to go in there and force feed him some zopiclone. I have to deal with insane senior moments every hour.

My husbear’s aunt had another attack of explosive diarrhea and started shrieking, “you ready, Jefferson, this load’s extra rank and extra special!” I have no ducking clue who the fuck Jefferson is but if this psycho hag doesn’t fuck off and die I’m going to fucking flip.

OP, less is more.

No one is convinced or amused by such overstatement without taste or discretion. No extra silly pronouncements should end with:

[bold]THE ARISTOCRATS![/bold]

R48 you obviously don’t have no elderly relatives

Are your fake adopted kids black Africans or actual races that matter?

R50 all three of my adopted sons are from Central America

Put one of those frau signs up on the wall with the Benjamin Franklin aphorism “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

R51 So your fake kids are Mayan. They never grow taller than 4 feet tall so you can shop at baby Gap for eternity.

Couldn't you pull out the outfit you wore to Whole Foods that time? Watching you parade around in that getup would certainly cause your guests to flee.

OP why are you still trying to present this as real. You and that entire family belong in a mental institution.

Did I miss the part where the OP went to Home Depot to pick up some burly El Salvadoran day laborers so they could teach his son about their shared culture but all that happened was they made him dress in a pink baby doll nightie and parade around while they made fun of his puny cocklet?

😁 Don't invite them.

Problem solved.

You're a real turkey, OP.

Get the fuck out of here!

At least these EST keep everyone engaged.

Enough ..... Get the fuck outta my flat. NOW !

If your husbear insist on hosting these relatives, OP...

you should insist on hiring some hot male nurses and male healthcare aides...

who will, no doubt, humiliate you and mock your puny cocklet

[quote]you obviously don’t have no elderly relatives

And you, OP, obviously have no understanding of standard grammar...

Perhaps you should check into a motel and entertain anonymous men with your hungry mancunt until the family leaves.

[quote]How to tell relatives they should go home after Thanksgiving weekend

I have always found that locking them out of the bathroom works wonders!

^ you may have overlooked the part about the elderly aunt with the loose bowels...

maybe she was a whore in her youth, like OP