Let’s be Things Straight Men do to not look Gay

I am not saying thank you

Keep their hands in their pockets.

Folding their arms and sneering.

Leaving an empty seat between them at the movies.

Not growing a mustache

I’m that weird baby duck walk they do behind their woman at stores, you know the really stiff and stilted one where they look like they’ve shit their pants. They have their hands in their pockets too R2

I’m not looking another man no matter how amazingly good looking he is and how jealous I am with him

Call another man faggot

Don't shave balls

R7 “I don’t know if another man is handsome. He’s just another guy. I’ve never thought of a guy that way.”

This is an actual quote from a guy who would act like he didn’t know if Brad Pitt was more attractive than Joe Pesci.

Blow snot rockets.

R10 Wow that person has some seriously fragile ego

mein fuhrer

R12 I think he was Bi but the gay side was super repressed like if both had some beers and blew him, he’d probably murder you after he came.

R13 we’re good. The title in that confuses people

R14 hot

Don't wipe ass

Skipping a urinal

Use the word "bro"

Avoiding sucking cock at all costs.

Wear boxer shorts.

1. The use of low quality bed linens and bathroom towels

2. Using paper plates

3. Poor housekeeping

4. No use of skin care products

5. No scented candles

6. Eating mainly TV dinners

7. Using off brand laundry detergents

Plenty of current generations Z and millennial gay and bi guys do these things

my downststairs neighbor is a case study in this behavior / the aforementioned attributes. They try to convey that they are unaware of their appearance and how the world perceives them, yet that is precisely what consumes them!

1-baseball cap 2-never smile 3-never carry an umbrella 4-cargo shorts 5- a kind of stiff walk, very careful not to be relaxed/or swing their arms/or move their hips when walking

I'm the basketball shorts they wear in sub-zero temperatures!

Will never get a poodle.

I’m “no homo.”

No masculine man does that

Avoid wearing a scarf.

Avoid "that"area in the shower

That’s the whole reason you take a shower

They wrestle!

R1 I noticed straight men will say THANKS but not THANK YOU, there's a big difference between the two

Spit. A lot. Everywhere.

Who says “thank you?” That's so formal and starchy

I'm the act of grabbing their girlfriend's hand when a gay guy walks by.

I’m the WAG of a star footballer. I’ve known my fella since he was a chavvy little schoolboy from next door running around the local park with a ball. He was a nice boyfriend when we was growing up together, to be fair; didn’t ever pressure me into sex or pester me for it or nothing. And he was always pretty clean and into his grooming for a young man, which I appreciated. Now he’s rich and he’s marrying me so my patience paid off. Now I can buy all the designer clothes and go on all the holidays I want, and give up working to have a few babies! I don’t see my lad much, if I’m honest, but he’s always training or playing matches or out doing social things with the other blokes on his team, so it can’t be helped. His masseur and his nutritionist and his stylist see him more than I do! And our new house is so massive that we basically live in different wings, can go days without bumping into each other. Oh, well, it don’t matter, off to Chanel!

They wipe the come out of the corners of their mouths before leaving the restroom.

Not kissing while sucking off or fucking a guy.

I think R37 is lost.

They don't look the guy in the eyes when they're fucking him missionary.

Deliberately not sucking your best bro’s dick.

r40 I think r37 is in the land of the lost.........

Not go to therapy.

Man spread their legs while sitting.

Stand as a group around recreational tables, like pool or poker or table football. More hetero-manly if there's possibly been a competitive game involved.

Drives a monster truck while wearing baseball cap backwards and never waves hello, just sternly nods the head in a perfunctory greeting, steps on the gas really hard, and away he goes!

I'm putting straight porn on in the hotel room while sucking dick or taking it up the ass.

Stuff everything into pockets, lose keys and wallet, walk around with wads of receipts and spare change in their pants, and never carry a bag of any sort because purses are for fags and ladies.

R49 some lesbians do this too...

Take a shop class instead of home ec.

Have male adult friends who aren't the spouses and partners of their wife/gf's friends.

Suck on a drinking straw!

Do loud farts

I'm not shopping for my own clothes.

I’m the untucked shirt.

I'm the underwear the wife buys for him. It comes 7 to a pack and they sell it at Costco.

I'm embarrassed to admit, but I buy the Costco 7 to a pack underwear.