Goodbye to my friends here at Datalounge

Joe I love you

I’m sorry to hear this, friend. I wish you well on your voyage.

I'm so sorry.

Can I have your stuff?

This is very sad news and I want to hug you right now. Kisses, doll.

[quote]I will be around for only a short time

How long have they given you?

I hope the best for you, Joe. Take care.

I'd like to think that you're headed to a better place where loved ones (this includes pets) are waiting to greet you. Wishing you comfort and peace.

A hug from me to you and Mark.

Sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and Mark.

Dear Joe, I wish you and Mark all the best.

Chin Up and God Bless.

To die the great death is to live the great life - Buddhism

Godspeed to you on your next act.

Wow, so sorry Joe.

Much love to you Joe.

And much love to Mark. I have been in his shoes.

Hey Joe, where ‘ya goin’ with that grace and love in your hand?

And heart?

Sorry to see you go, Joe. I'm sad for you and Mark.

Is Mark hot?

I've been in Mark's shoes, also, but my partner and I didn't get to enjoy 50 years together before cancer took him from me. I wish I had what you have. Much love to you both.

What's on your ipod?

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis, at a time of remarkable celebration for you and Mark. Sending all positives for whatever keeps you comfortable, and hopefully here for a much longer period of time than you anticipate.

Love to you.

THIS NEVER HAPPENED!! (I sincerely hope)

Is Op Poo Shoes?

Sorry to hear, Joe.

Say it ain't so, Joe!

Thank you for sharing with us. Love and respect to you.

R16...As a matter of fact. Mark has always been a 10. God knows I've heard it countless times over the decades.

R5...3 to 6 months.

So very sorry to hear that, Joe.

We will certainly miss you as well.

Love to you and mark.

Sending you so much love. Very sorry to hear this.

Joe, thank you for your friendship over the years. Let us know which have been your favorite threads.

Here are my stats. R28... So many favorites over the years. ( Thug Duck,) I can't even remember the context, but the responses were hysterical.

My stats.. You have started 72 threads which have received 1418 replies. You have received 4049 WW votes and have posted 1589 replies to threads.

Be well Joe. Everything happens for a reason. You may very well beat this. Be grateful that you have a companion to share your life with and battle this ordeal. You will beat this. Think it, into existence.

If you don't, can I have your stuff 😉. God bless.

Noooooo, Joe! I'm so sorry to hear this diagnosis for you. You don't have to answer this, but had you ever had a bout or bouts with pancreatitis?

I'm so happy you've had so much love for so long with one person, and that you have him by your side during what's happening now.

Believe it or not, some of the people on here care about you and your presence will be missed. :(

I've been here for 15 years...OMG! and have never come across you before. I don't think we mix in the same circles. These days you'll generally find me on the dollface threads (yes, I'm an animal lover).

Anyway, sounds like you have lots of friends here, Joe...and will have just as many where you're going. You have nothing to fear. It's all good, this much I know.

Sorry to hear, Joe.

"Thug Duck" was a great thread, you're right.

So sorry to hear this. Sending you every good thought!

Sending you healthy and positive energy. Peace to you, Joe.

So sorry to read this, Joe. Wishing you peace and freedom from pain. Condolences to your family and loved ones.

See ya on the other side, ya filthy animal.

The sky is so blue today.

Can I have your AND MARK's stuff?? (wink)

Sending you all the love and positivity I can muster.

So sorry to hear this, Joe. Best wishes to you and Mark.

[quote]As a matter of fact. Mark has always been a 10.

As in inches?

The Thug Duck thread for OP:

Sorry to hear, Joe. 50 years is a long time. Beautiful. Know that your DL family loves you, except the trolls and ugly people, but they don't count.

r43 ^^^^^^^that is both funny and endearing

Do you have a great ass, OP/Joe?

r47 he must have, something kept Mark around for 50 years..... In fact, it must be smokin!!!

Sorry to hear it.

DL will always miss long-standing members.

Love and peace.

And one for the road…can we have your stuff and, of course, what’s on your iPod, inquiring minds want to know.

Best wishes to you Joe, on your journey and to Mark as well.

Thinking of you Joe. It's hardly going to be a comfort to you, but your post has aroused the sympathy, prayers and positive thoughts of people from around the world.

Sphere all your lights around, above

Sleep, gentle heavens, before the prow

Sleep, gentle winds, as he sleeps now

My friend, the brother of my love

Miss, with all due respect, I have problems of my own.

(❤ 😉)

In the spirit of DL and R52, dear Joe, if there's anything I can do to help.

I admire the manner in which you are facing death, with grace, humor and practicality.

R47…I did for decades. Ballet study provided it.

I know someone who had gotten a pancreatic cancer diagnosis.

And then he died.

So sorry to read this, Joe.

Sending love to you and Mark.

May your love for each other soar in the coming months.

Say hello to Pierre (aka Friend of Christmas Moose, the Evening Punctuationist).

OP, if I may ask, how old are you ? And are you considering any treatment ?

😭😭😢 I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Nothing but love and positive vibes for the both of you.

R59…71. And no treatment planned. Quality vs. quantity. Ca. Has excellent EOL laws and programs.

Though I don't know you, Joe, just the fact that we've apparently both been kicking around the DL for 20+ years (!) endears you to me and gives me that kindred-spirit vibe. Sending you and Mark much love.

Also, it's threads like these -- and the genuine love/support that posters share -- that have kept me coming back to this site for, literally, decades.

Only good things for your journey…

Wow, you met Mark at 21 Joe. This is very sweet. Where are you?

Thanks for sharing your diagnosis with us Joe. And in the words of Dylan Thomas:

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

When Newsom threw open Sf to same sex marriage in 2004 we were near the front of the line. I posted about it and received hundreds of positive responses. I still have them. I treasure them.

OP had a great ass but he couldn't live forever...

Love and light to you and yours, handsome. Be easy. <3

OP, please go DIAGF.

Sending my love to you and Mark.

Sending you loving thoughts, Joe. We are all right behind you. Safe travels.

R67, apparently he actually did.

Wishing you peace and love, Joe.

This makes me sad. Counting on you, Joe, to haunt Trump from the great beyond.

Why couldn't it have been Trump or Putin instead?

Sending you much love, Joe and Mark. This thread is bound to be one of my favorites, despite its sad reason for being. These responses, all of them - from the truly loving and sincere to the sweetly humorous and even snarky are quintessential DL. It's why I come back again and again, daily. Good wishes to all who engage here. And thank you, Joe. What a classy way to sign-off.

Hoping for many more posts in the coming months. Please keep us updated.

How is Mark holding up?

God bless you OP X

God Bless you, Joe. Nothing to fear, whatsoever. Spirit is consciousness. The things you're about to experience with all your senses! All mysteries revealed finally at the speed of thought. God Bless you, Joe!

R77…Mark is bereft an in a panic. My family adore him. They will be there for him to a degree. I will post updates as long as I am able.

❤️

🤍

💙

Will Mark be posting on DL?

Obviously I don’t know you Joe, but I’m very moved by this post. I’ll think good thoughts for you and Mark. If you have the energy I’d love to know more about your life-or your DL life on here. Only if you feel up to it of course! Love and strength.

Everything I could say has been said. Know that there's another DLer who appreciates you and will miss you.

Peace to you both.

Same here, R84.

Hearts and minds with you, and you are blessed in your long union.

Godspeed friend. You are loved - from near and afar.

Joe, sending you love and light for your next part of the journey, and to Mark.

Leave the light on for us here at Datalounge.

Awww, Joe we'll miss you. See you on the other side eventually.

Big virtual hug 🤗

(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Actually crying as I type. Enjoy what time you have left. Love you!

Joe, I'm really sorry to hear this. Love to you

I have written about our first year together. My writing is lean and the stories are brief. Perhaps I will share a couple. You all are the best. Thank you

Sending you love, OP. If I had a heart, it would be very warm knowing that you and Mark got married in SF in 2004. It was truly a joyful time. Also I bet that you look 51.

Please stay in contact while you can Joe.

And when you eventually arrive on the other side at the gates of heaven or its equivalent - you will likely hear the faint sound of collective HISSING and wonder "MARY! what is that noise..." just know it's your DL family in XL black caftans sending you our final salute (I'm sure some of the family will present hole out of habit - you know how they are).

xoxo

Thank you for reaching out, Joe. I can tell you are a mensch. I will be thinking of you and Mark.

make halloween xmas or death day or something...

Get fucked really good one last time.

Take care. Good luck.

We had joy. We had fun. We had seasons in the sun.

Sweet Joe, sending you my love and see you on DL in other world.

Oh, Joe. We’ll be with you until you transition to your next great adventure. Think of the thrill you get when you get to tell Vivian Vance how much she’s admired on DL!

I believe strongly that leaving this world isn’t the end. Suggest you read/watch about multiverses. There is serious scientific study that suggests our current reality is running parallel to other realities. Stephen Hawking was studying it before he died. I think you might take comfort in it.

Take care, sweet Joe.

Are you an organ donor?

[quote]My husband Mark and I just celebrated 50yrs

But you look like it’s only been 35.

Seriously though…much love, Joe.

Joe, the age gap between you and me is more than forty years and I am always in awe of the gay men who went before me when it WASN'T easy. A lot of them are too tough to admit that it was hard but I'm grateful anyway. If it weren't for stalwarts like you and Mark, then people like me (who aren't made of such stern stuff) wouldn't be able to live freely.

That is why I love DL. Nowhere else is there such a concentration of the wit and wisdom of an irreplaceable generation of gay men. Thank you and all the best.

So sorry to read this Joe. I was hoping the OP was GREG.

[Quote]you will likely hear the faint sound of collective HISSING and wonder "MARY! what is that noise..."

Finally a glimpse of Gay Heaven. I'd been wondering.

Joe I had a couple of relatives who had pancreatic cancer and I wish you the best. One of them had the Whipple Procedure and lived for some time after that. I truly hope the rest of your days are fulfilling. Congratulations on 50 years with Mark. In a time where relationships don't last 5 weeks!

I don’t recall seeing your posts Joe but this one hurts. Please take care. 💗

A haiku for Mark:

[quote]If life transcends death

[quote]Then I will seek for you there.

[quote]If not, then there too.

Jo, you sound like you will be reborn as the beloved puppy of a beautiful and nice gay couple.

Big hugs Joe! Be brave, and think positive. Enjoy your lovely partner, and life.

It sounds like you have lived a full and wonderful life. Thanks for sharing it with us and wishing you all the best.

Joe, thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you and Mark have shared a beautiful life together. Sending you all the love and light as you prepare for your next adventure.

You sound like you’ve accepted your diagnosis with a huge amount of clearsighted grace, but if you are struggling (or start to, as things progress), may I suggest looking into psilocybin therapy to help ease your transition?

Write and stage a short ballet as your final act. You are an artiste, love, don't let them forget!

Really though, thanks for your courageous honesty, and Godsspeed into Annwn. Ffarwel i ddyn da.

Peace, love, and empathy to you, Joe.

Joe, before you go, do you have any words of wisdom for this miserable lot?

BYE!

Come again!

Make him give me your stuff! He doesn't need it!

Toodles!

Joe, do everything you have to to remain comfortable right now. Share about your journey here, as long as it amuses you. Know that even if we’ve never physically touched, that you are loved by countless people here and elsewhere.

You are a beautiful soul, I’m so glad you chose to share this news here, we can call this the “big boy” section of DL (and girls! And theys!). This thread is for the adults. This thread is for the real shite of life.

I would love to say something witty or precious, but all I have for you can’t be conveyed with words. Love, love, love, for sweet Joe.

Our friend, Joe, passed from AIDS-related complications in 2004 but he'd moved back home years before and lost touch. We didn't learn he was gone until a year after he died. We sometimes sing or recite the words of this Nancy Wilson song in remembrance -- still doing it 18 years later.

well, cancer is slimming

I hope there’s no pain

Sending love to you 💝

Hey Joe, feel free to post here, the ups and the downs. I'll bookmark this thread and check in. Also, I respect your decision to not take treatment. I'm sure others here on DL feel the same way. I hope you do take advantage of palliative care, though. Nothing wrong with that.

My dad stopped the pan. chemo. I would have too with the diagnosis.

Die on halloween for the drama!

R124 Samhain/Hallowe'en/Nos Calan Gaeaf would be a lovely time to cross over, as it is traditionally when the spirit world and ours are thought to converge.

Sending peace and love to the two of you.

Well if this isn't just a huge flood of DARK BROWN FECES, I don't know what is.

May the rest of your days be filled with love.

I've only been on DL a short time and don't think we've ever spoken before, but I want to wish you a lot of love and many hugs going forward. You sound like an absolute sweetheart.

R104 said it all better than I ever could, so I may co-sign onto that if that's ok. Actually, he said it perfectly. xx

Goodbye Joe. We will make your journey some day too. Thank you for having shared your time with us. I wish you a pain free transition. Farewell and we will join you soon.

R11. I wish that epigram had some meaning and was in any way useful.

Aww Joe, I’m so sad to hear this. Good spirits in your remaining days. Feel all the love from your brothers here at Datalounge,

I’m so sorry Joe. ❤️ Love to you to Mark.

Joe raped me.

So sorry to hear this, Joe. Sending you and your husband peaceful, positive vibes... FOR REASONS THAT ARE WELL KNOWN TO YOU.

Joe, I hope your prognosis is incorrect but regardless, I send you love and strength and congratulations on 50 years! Peace and blessings to you.

We know by now that Time knows how to flyyyy....

So here's Goodybe, so soon, we'll find our separate way/Though it hurts, I'll try to smile, and say Goodbye, so soon, goodbye....

So sorry Joe. My partner had PC. My heart goes out to you.

I heard you were an insatiable bottom.

Can I bring you some bread pudding?

See you in our next lives!

Peace and love to you and Mark.

🤗❤️🤗

Fuck cancer! Much love to you and your family, and like I've always said, better to know how much time you have left than to go unexpectedly.

A fiftieth anniversary is amazing accomplishment. And at mg age, likely one I'll never reach. My very best to you. I too hope your prognosis is incorrect. I'll keep a candle lit on my altar for you both. Godspeed, sir.

I would love to read anything, Joe, that you care to share about your time with Mark, your reflections on life, your life as a young gay man.

^seconded. You would've been in your 20s in the 70s yes? Must have some great stories to tell!

(((Hugs))) Joe.

Sending peaceful thoughts to you 💟❤️💟

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

At which decade of marriage did the sex dry up ?

The branch of Paganism I try to follow celebrates deaths as a release from the trials of mortal life, and mourns birth as the beginning of those trials.

Wishing you as much ease as possible, Joe. Big hugs to you and Mark, and here's to the amazing 50 years you enjoyed together.

Love and light to you and Mark. I am in a similar situation in that my husband is in year two of his battle with metastatic esophageal cancer, now stage 4 and incurable. He is he love of my life, and I am beyond terrified. Fuck cancer.

I'm so sorry.

I wish you all the Best.

Love and Peace

This will end in tears..

Much love and light to you and Mark

God bless you, Joe. Thank you for being here.

Take care and go with grace Joe. :heart:

Joe! We all love you here at DL. Godspeed to you.

And we will be thinking of Mark, too, during this difficult time. Encourage him to come by DL whenever his spirits are down. (I mean it!)

I've been here under various pseudonyms since 2004, and I am so glad I got to spend those years with you on DL. Here's hoping Mark is strong for you and gives you all the support you've doubtless had all these years, and I wish you both peace.

Here's the only sonnet I've ever memorized (although I've cheated, and cut and pasted it); may you and Mark take some comfort from it.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.

Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well

And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

R147…Never did! R150…I’m sorry.

Perhaps you will get some surprise anal before you go.

But seriously, I’ve been with my husband for 30 years and I can’t imagine what you are both going through. Love and hugs.

Sad news indeed. I wish you all the best.

Spend Mark’s inheritance on whore boys and liquor while you’re still kicking, Joe!

Just because one sad and tired old Queen got a lot of attention these last couple of weeks by dying doesn’t mean the same thing will happen to you, Joe.

Further, I don’t have any more vacation days from the IHOP- Montecito to attend another funeral. My tip jar is way empty!

Every eldergay is precious here (except for trolls and racists). I’m so sorry your number is up early, Joe. Life is full of cruelty, but I hope you’ve found the beauty in it with your partner. I hope you seek comfort in having him by your side, not everyone has that. I hope you don’t mind me asking, I’m curious if you have any regrets in life? Any sage advice to leave us with?

Joe, it's impossible to say anything helpful or meaningful to you at this time, beyond that we all love you and hope you are able to do some things you've always wanted to do, and enjoy every moment that remains. We're here if you need us.

Joe are you a well hung dom top?

If so: NOOOO! Too soon.

If not: Eh. Good luck and all.

Sorry I'll never meet you, Joe.

Thank you for being here too. Sending so much love

Get up, Joe! We Love you!

[quote] As a matter of fact. Mark has always been a 10.

How extremely touching!

I'm so sorry! Savor and enjoy every single moment, my friend. Sending you love and good thoughts.

I’m very sorry to hear that. Hope thing turns out to be ok. ❤️❤️

J’adore Joe. I wish we would have met. I like thinking we both laughed about the same silly posts. (((hugs))) to Mark.

Sending my love to you and to Mark. All the best to you.

I’m very sad to hear this. Wishing you comfort and peace.

I'm so sorry to hear this, Joe. I wish you both peace and love.

You'll be going where all breathes peace and freedom from all of life's sad turmoils, ( that quote from " The Queen"). Sending you and you're family and friends, love and prayers.

sorry Joe, just remember though that we all will be not far behind you! I just wish you could be here to see the party the planet is going to have when Orange Satan kicks the bucket. I wish it could be him instead of you.

The way home is a lonely but very short journey. It only lasts a couple of seconds Joe.

It will be quick, and once you are on the other side you be like "this was it?" You have quite the big family on the other side and I mean a ton of souls are waiting for you one the other side.

I've "known" you for over 20 years, dear friend, and will miss you. I hope Mark will be Ok until you're together again.

It has been a pleasure.

Maybe Mark can adopt me when you're gone? I don't eat much.

Are you going to end your life the way you want to? If you have a note from doctor that you're terminal, I think it's legal to end your life in some states. Like Vermont, OR.

What about imparting us with some of your wisdom? we could learn a lot from you.

any advice, life lessons etc? regrets?

Goodbye, Joe. In a sense, whether one’s life is shorter or longer, it will always seem short at the end, even if as old as Queen Elizabeth or Betty White was. My mom died when she was 87 and she had said that inside her aged body she felt like the same person as when she was in her 30’s.

Sorry you got a cruel diagnosis. I hope you can have some happy times with Mark and your loved ones in this interval. As others have observed, we’ll be coming along behind you soon enough (or sooner if we’re unlucky.)

No matter how much time you have left together, the days remaining will be incredibly special to you both. You will find joy in the smallest of things, just because, at that moment, you are still together. You will truly understand what it means to live in the moment, and to cherish every moment.

One thing I appreciate so much about this place is that we're able to gather together all our good wishes so you can take them along with you on your journey, Joe. Truly, pack a few sandwiches and all our love in your backpack for the trip ahead.

It’s too bad they can’t make a mRNA vaccine for pancreatic cancer….

I was sad to read about your diagnosis, and even sadder to read about your prognosis - but doctors don't know everything. There's an old saying that the best revenge is to outlive your doctor. You didn't say whether you're opting for treatment of any kind, or just planning on doing palliative stuff when the time comes for that. I know two people that have been diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic within the past year. Both are still living, but they know the treatments they are receiving are not curative. One, a widower, had just reconnected with a high-school sweetheart when he was diagnosed in late February, and darned if he didn't go ahead and get married to her this summer. I say more power to him and more power to you. It's not over until it's over. You have a lot of people sending positive thoughts in your direction here at DL.

All the love to you Joe!! 😘

And please keep on posting so we can brighten up whatever time you have left with our dirty humor!

G'Day from Downunder. Rob and I are thinking of you and Mark and sending our love.

Hugs Joe, Til we meet again...

Can you please try and give us some kind of sign if you find that heaven is full of cock. It will give the rest of us eldergays something to look forward to in the not too distant future.

It’s wonderful that you’ve had such a long and happy time with the same partner, probably only Queen Elizabeth II could have identified with what you are going through. On a positive note maybe you will meet her on the other side and can have a chat about it.

I’m a firm believer in the afterlife. I’d like to think you’ll come visit us in the next life. Try not to laugh too hard, okay?

I wish I could give you a hug.

Having been to sit with many family members in palliative care, know that the nurses and doctors there are the best. They will make you very comfortable, and ensure your discomforts are minimal. Peace be with you.

Hi Joe…I’ve been on here as long as you have and am surprised at what a huge chunk of my life it has taken up. It is a meaningful group of friends, even though anon. And we will be lessened by your absence. Thanks for sharing a big portion of your time on earth with us. Godspeed in whatever is to come, miracle or peace. Much love.

I'm so sorry and may God Bless You.

So sad, I hate that we still can't figure out cancer. I was at the oncology institute on Tuesday getting my own mass in the neck punctured (results pending) and there were just hundreds upon hundreds of people there waiting in the hallways. It struck me just what a plague this disease is.

🙏 .. on a side note, who would you most like to haunt?

(((((Hugs))))

Joe, do you like classical music? What’s your favorite piece?

I'm so sorry, Joe.

I wish people here were kinder generally. There are real human beings connected through this site despite anonymity and so many trolls.

If you are anxious about what's coming, do consider psilocybin. It has very high efficacy at helping people embrace the end of life with a sense of wonder and acceptance.

I wish this were an EST post. I’m sorry you are facing this, Joe. Sending you love and strength in the days ahead.

What’s on the funeral playlist, lad?

Though still young, I have a list of preferred burial songs on my Spotify, just in case. While there are a few weepy spooky cuts, much of it is anti-folk anarchic punky music; I want people to get the rave on and smash the gaff up when I go, MOPI style.

Aw, sorry to hear that, DL is a great release for many of us.

On the bright side, at least you know you wont be riding to the great beyond on a grease fire.

50 years together! What a wonderful gift. How lucky the two of you have been.

Sending you both a virtual hug.

R199- I don’t think that psilocybin enables people to embrace the end of their life. It does usually enable people to not fear death anymore.

Joe, I am sending you love and hope for the best. ❤️

[quote] I wish people here were kinder generally. There are real human beings connected through this site despite anonymity and so many trolls.

LOL! If Joe has been coming here since 2000, the mild irreverence of this thread must seem like grace to him. Datalounge is no place to find humanity. Around 87% of the posters are viciously jealous of Joe because (1) he's been in a relationship for 50 years, and (2) his imminent death will be without shame.

[quote]Datalounge is no place to find humanity.

And yet the posts on this thread have been positive and overwhelmingly supportive.

May you be surrounded by love and light. 🙏🏼

Joe, I don't know you but this thread has made me a little weepy. Take comfort knowing that you brought out the best in DL.

Well, I woke up this morning. Yay! Thank you all for your wonderful messages. I don't mind the snark, I expect it. It is part of the fun. Someone asked if I am receiving treatment. No. Just one day at a time living life as full as I can. Lots of work preparing Mark for his life without me. Unfortunately, I am techy. I have to teach him how to use it all. Anyway, I will keep you posted since you asked. Mark gets his hearing aids next week. Another story altogether. Again, DL is providing medicine for me. Love, laughter, and support. You are the best.

For you, Joe.

Hi, Joe. Love and light to you. You sound like a great guy.

Joe, many of has wondered about this for ourselves--but what do your feel is the legacy you're leaving to the world?

Marriage Equality has been our goal since we were married in 1972. Our enduring marriage has been an example for all of my numerous family members and people we worked for over the decades. We presented as a fairly well-adjusted couple. Sort of boring actually. We have changed minds. We are happy about that.

Joe, I am a young whippersnapper (25) who can't imagine what this must be like for you -- but I send my warmest thoughts and wishes. Thank you for letting us all know. Sending healing energy to you and your obviously wonderful spouse. I appreciate you as a part of this DL community. ♥

The bravest journey. Please keep us updated. There is so much to learn about the final journey - and so much that could never be expected. Though hard not to be filtered through sadness and loss, maybe there will be a few moments of clarity and insight you could share with us along the way.

Does Mark post on DL?

Hey Mark, don't be shy and ask all the tech questions! I ask for reviews of ipads, iphones, laptops all the time and I'm not even 40!

The most important DL tech question: “What was on his iPod?”

Warn Mark that the casserole baking queens are already lining up in their best caftans, waiting. They are like a Venus Flytrap, and he should keep away!

Love you, Joe.

Wish there was a way us DL'ers could band together and do something for Joe and Mark.

Aww, Joe. I’m verklempt and I’m not even Jewish. I started coming here around 2000, too, and have probably checked in at least once a day since then. I’m sure our paths have *virtually* crossed. I wish you well, and I wish you peace ❤️

Dang.

:(

Well there isn’t, r220.

Except this thread.

Damn. So sorry, Joe. Live what you have left to the fullest!

[Quote]Wish there was a way us DL'ers could band together and do something for Joe and Mark.

In this spirit, Joe, would you like DL to help you design your tomb/headstone? There are a lot of talented guys here.

The husbear and I have been discussing this very thing.

R18 This is on his ipod as it says to both

of them what I wanted to say =

R214 is one of the loveliest things I've read in all of my life. I hope my partner and I, 25 years, have as long.

Thank you, brother, for helping pave the way, this world will not be the same without you.

Joe, you’ve been in my thoughts since you posted. You’re a cool dude. Happy trails, friend.

MAiD. Medical Assistance in Dying. Don't take no for an answer. Get lots of pain medication. Take too much when you've had enough. Suffering is meaningless.

Never heard of you. Suddenly there's a Joe?

May your leaving be joyful. Never return.

Joe, I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. A relative of mine was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2020 and given 3 to 6 months and she is still with us. She’s weakening but can still enjoy life. I hope you beat the odds too.

I wish you happy days ahead with your husband. When the end in sight, many of the daily worries in life can fall away. I hope you spend your time laughing and behaving fearlessly.

Your spirit and light will shine on...

Wishing you lots of EARRINGS! CAFTANS! on the next step of your journey.

I have bookmarked this thread so that I can appreciate the beauty of life. All of my love to you, Mark, your families and friends and know that, while sometimes prayer is ridiculed for good reason, a little bit of it is headed your way from someone who does believe that there is something bigger and greater out there.

Another day. Yay! Trying to teach Mark about techy stuff. I feel good today and not at all like being sick. Drugs help enormously. Thanks again for all of your loving support and messages. We really appreciate it.

My heartfelt, teary-eyed condolences to you, Joe, and to your loving husband, Mark. Peace be upon you, our friend. May flights of Angels sing thee to thy rest.

Joe, in what part of the country/world are you? Some of us might like to bring a covered dish.

We live in Sonoma Count California. Near the coast in the redwoods. Same tiny house 40 years.

Joe, I live in Sonoma County too! Santa Rosa area, but I have family who live in Guerneville and Sebastopol. I could definitely bring you a covered dish!

that's after he's gone.

What's with all the ancient old lady talk? Datalounge thinks these antiquated comments about can I have your stuff & what's on your ipod (what's that?) I'll bring a covered dish and wear a caftan are somehow warm, amusing and/or comforting??? WTF. It's just brainless rambling of ancient drunk white gays who have stayed too long in the same place IMO. The world has passed you all by.

Good Luck OP. You're on a fast moving train out of town. I'm glad you're not alone. All will be well. ❤

Joe, I know this isn't a big deal but I hope it brings a small smile to your face realizing that your original post is probably one of the most liked (WW'd) posts in DL, ever.

Just think, Joe, of all the times you could have lived it happened to have been at exactly the right time - the first time in human history - for you to be able to marry the love of your life.

Not only am I glad that you lived, I am glad you lived NOW.

May every day from now be comfortable , however many there are.

Love to you and Mark ❤️❤️❤️

Is Gred organising the covered dish caravan?

Doubtful, r243. Greg’s wife Jenn took a new job out of state and so he’s managing the school runs and activities for the kids during the week. Not as much cooking as usual.

Joe, since you live in Sonoma, do you ever go to the V. Sattui winery? When I lived in the Bay Area, we'd go there, get some sandwiches or whatever, and eat outside on the picnic tables. Just an idea ...

R241…Wow! I didn’t know that. You are all a bunch of big hearted softies. R238…you are very sweet. We live not far from Guerneville. Closer to the coast. R245, never been there. Sadly alcohol is no longer on my menu. Night all.

I’m sitting here, at my moonlighting gig, trying very hard not to cry as I type.

Sleep well, Joe.

Here's to you, kiddo.

I'm mean, aren't we ALL dying but just at different rates?

Big hugs, Joe

Hun, thank YOU for sticking around this old joint for so long! I've been around about that long too and its been quite a ride! I wish you the best in your final stage and I wish your husband the strength he will need. Bless you both ❤

Since many seem to want a story or two I have decided to share. At this point, criticism seems irrelevant. I hope you enjoy. I wrote this and other brief stories about our first year.

We suddenly realized that in a few days it would be our first anniversary. We had, like many couples celebrated minor anniversaries. Our first month anniversary etc. but this first year kind of snuck up on us. We decided to go out for dinner on our anniversary to Gold Street in the financial district of San Francisco. The show which came later was highly recommended. The headliner was Charles Pierce, a well known female impersonator. His opening act was a puppeteer named Wayland Flowers. The dinner was forgettable but Charles Pierce was not. His Bette Davis was side-splitting. He was funny and campy and irreverent.

We had a delightful time and decided to walk home. It was dark, but the lights of downtown and the Barbary Coast area were dazzling. When you exit Gold Street you come face to face with the Transamerica Pyramid which rises to a sharp point where it intersects the sky. We were almost alone. The area is just below the SF Broadway scene which was all topless joints and strip clubs. But where we were was quiet and traffic-free. Or else,there was traffic and all I could see was Mark. We walked arm in arm and occasionally Mark would rest his head on my shoulder. I loved this man so much it hurt. The best part was that I knew he felt the same about me. Even after all these years, he still makes my heart beat faster and my mouth get dry with nervous anticipation when we are becoming intimate. I still see the beautiful boy who walked into the Gay House meeting forty-one years ago I am sure I always will. We were just kids when we met. This is not an exaggeration I was a late bloomer. Puberty came at 18 years old for me. Three years later I was married to Mark. We knew very little about life and the perils it held. We grew up together and matured into men. Now, we are in our senior years. During our first years, we would fantasize about being old men together. For us, it was a fantasy because we both suffered from anxiety disorders and never really expected to survive long enough to be old together. Yet, here we are. Not exactly old men yet but then it depends on who you ask. The years are screaming by us. We can now see the finish line. It is still a long way off I hope, but it is clearly in view. When I started writing this story I hoped to tell the story in a timeline fashion. I didn't know if I could remember enough to even tell the story. What I discovered is that the memories are solid and undimmed. I also discovered that writing about it was a very emotional experience. It has really been like living it over again. It has been fun but it has been tempered by sorrow. We desperately miss our friends from that era who did not survive. A life time of love was just beginning.

Love that Joe - beautiful.

What a beautiful love story.

Were you panicked when you were almost 18 and your balls hadn’t dropped yet?

Keep writing, Joe. It's good for you and for us and it is beautifully evocative. Big hug.

How did you do it, Joe? I don't know one couple that's been together since their 20s. I was 40 when I met my husband -(during intermission at the Opera which is kind of fabulous).

I am 55 and have yet to meet my husband.

R254...Funny! No panic. I clearly remember my first wet dream though. Sure took me by surprise.

Were you ever unfaithful ?

R259...No. In the beginning, when we first arrived at SF, we had a slightly open marriage. We would have an occasional 3-way, but not after It became a health hazard. Monogomous ever since. We definitely had our wild moments. These relationships never threatened our commitment for the long term.

I remember Charles Pierce, too, Joe. We are the same age and moved to “the City” around the same time. We walked the same streets at the same time. What a life it has been, for you and for me. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

R261…SF was a magical place when we lived there. I’m sure we crossed paths. I had to go there for a test and I barely recognized it. It was kind of sad.

I went to SF for the first time in 2015, and really felt good there. It reminded me of the best bits of Melbourne and Sydney, although I'll be hones that the homeless situation could be frightening.

We did go to the Castro too and ate there and I remember the gorgeous gay southern waiter who served us still.

I bet it was seriously amazing years ago though.

R257- I'm 57 years old and have still not met Mr. Right.

Joe?

345 WWs.

That's gotta be a record. Y'all bitches have a heart, after all.

Joe, I don’t think we traveled much in the same threads even though we are both old DL timers, but I’d like to add my best wishes for you and Mark at this transitional time. May you leave this life in peace and without pain or regret when the time comes.

Sill here! Today was a good day. We found ourselves at a small gathering of neighbors. Small town and all many we aware of our situation. We decided to step outside our comfort zone a bit and were rewarded by lots of love and kindness. Mark gets his new hearing aids tomorrow after a long wait. He will be able to use a phone for the first time in decades. Mostly I want him to hear the birds. He is near me and his lovely face feeds my soul. I have been blessed.

Joe, I loved the story you shared with us.

You might be on your way out, but you did it: You attained the one thing every movie, book, dating app, murder, poem, heartbreak is usually about: Love.

Damn you Joe. Every one of us is going to die. But not many of us get a Mark to hold or get to be Joe for a Mark to rest his head on.

Joe, these little updates from you are touching me deeply. Do you believe in the afterlife? I did not until I read “Journey of Souls” by Michael Newton. (Nor did I believe in Creation) You may want to read it before your own journey. Much love.

R184- You sound like a Hallmark card- that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Joe, I hope you are having a nice day today with good weather and not much pain.

When we were at the gathering yesterday, caring neighbors kept trying to get me to eat. I wanted to be gracious so I had small samples. They sent us home with plates of food. I nibbled. It seems my gut prefers my cooking. Tonight back to a nice salad. Mark got his new hearing aids. They are a success. He can make and receive phone calls. This is vital for his survival in the future.

Are you dead yet?

Excellent news, Joe, about the hearing aids. Yeah, I can understand preferring your own cooking.

MARY!

That you are so full of love for Mark and concern for him at this point in your life is inspirational.

R274...Don't hold your breath. Oh, wait, on second thought, please do. (wink)

My Aunt who moved to France passed away a couple years ago of pancreatic cancer. I don't know if it's their top ranking medical system or doctors but while the US gives someone like that a few months to live, she got 4 more years!

Hi Joe. Visiting DL since 2003 and don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Well we are now. Wishing you well from Australia.

Hi Joe! My best to both you and Mark. I know this is a very personal decision, but have you considered clinical trials as an option? It might be an opportunity for improved quality of life and more time for you.

Joe, I hope you are enjoying every day. I hope Mark knows he can come to us.

We are there for you both.

Is he dead yet?

R283 = Viceroy Nute Gunray of the galactic Trade Federation.

How will Mark cope ?

PanCan is a good org. Sibling diagnosed 4 years ago with liver Mets - still alive thanks to advances in treatment, But do whatever you think - if treatment isn’t worth it, totally understand. But depends on type, hospital and genetics.

I don’t know you, but you sound worthy of a tip of the hat.

And marry me R24❤️

I'm not familiar with your posts, Joe, but I wish you well and hope the best for you and your husband. You sound like a person I would have liked to have met, for what very little I know that to be worth.

Is he dead yet?

Datalpunge.

I remember reading your story before, Joe. Thanks for sharing it with us, and I wish for many good days ahead for you and Mark.

Hi all …r290. Not yet. It was another good day. I am grateful for each day. I breathe the air, gaze at my love and enjoy life. I know things will go south eventually, just not today or tomorrow. I have asked Mark if he has anything to say to you. I’ll let you know what he says. I suggested “why would I want to say anything to those bitches.” Just joshing!

Joe,

Years ago I had an online friend from a newslist who found himself in a similar situation to you. When he died his online friends checked in with his husband and son every few days for the first six months or so. Hubby didn't feel much like replying, but did send us a group message saying how much it meant to him to hear from friends who cared. We can be there for Mark, too, if you wish. If it in anyway makes things easier for either of you, we'll do it. :)

what r294 said ^^

OP, can I have you stuffed?

[quote] Just retreading DL memes.

Which has been retreaded four times in this thread alone.

I think I can convince him to check in. He is the kindest and sweetest man in the world. Snark and bitchiness are not in his wheelhouse. He puts bugs outside rather than killing them. He grieves for a day when he finds a dead critter in the woods. Most of all, he tolerated me for 50 years.

Awww, Joe. I hope he does check in, but more than that, one would hope that no one would subject him to pointless bitchery.

It has been suggested that I might offer some advice about sustaining a relationship over a long period of time. I don't really think there is a secret bit of advice which can assure a successful relationship, but I will make an attempt. Tomorrow. Night all.

Joe, it's not fucking fair. That the universe is so damn cold is one of the reasons I can't bring myself to believe in God.

If you're half as elegant and graceful as your post, I assume you're a great guy. 50 years with the same partner is amazing, especially in our world. I'm sure you understand how lucky you've been on that count.

Wishing nothing but peace for you and Mark. And your family and friend. Godspeed.

When you get to whereever it is we go, if you see Brian give him a big hug from us.

🙏 love you,Joe. Best wishes to you, mark and your families and friends. I hope you're doing well.

Chin up and God Bless.

R148 My Westrrn Civ teacher Reverend Coffee at Emerson told us he liked thos old Chinese philosophy of death the best. It's along the lines of yours.

"Life is a miserable interlude between two blissful states of non-existence."

[quote]When you get to whereever it is we go, if you see Brian give him a big hug from us.

Ah, Brian. Another wonderful, thoughtful former poster, who shared his struggles with cancer here, and whose impending death also brought out the best in the DL.

Joe, I wish you nothing but peace and happiness during the time you have left. Enjoy your time with Mark, family, friends, pets…whoever and whatever brings light into your life.

I’m just a frau with cunty tendencies but hearing that you’ve been with your husband for 50 years is solid goals and brought tears to my eyes…please enjoy every moment together that you can muster and know that strangers wish you both nothing but the best that life can offer you in your current circumstances.

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

R297 cannot read.

Is he dead yet?

r310 please stop. you're not funny.

Dear Joe, if you tell us Mark’s interests we could check in on him and try to make him laugh if he comes to visit DL. Judging by the love for you both on this thread, we should be able to keep pointless bitchery to a minimum.

Good morning! Before you ask, I'm not dead yet. For those who asked, I am posting a few suggestions on maintaining a 50 yr relationship. These are not hard and fast but have helped us get through the tough times 1 .Always! Always! Put the relationship first! Put it ahead of career, where you live, friends, and yes, family. The relationship must take priority. This can be difficult, but it is the key to success. Don't bother to commit unless you intend to stick it out through "better or WORSE". Anything worth attaining requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice. People don't want to hear that, but the payback is well worth the sacrifice required.

He is yet alive.

I’m glad you’re still with us Joe.

R311 is triggered and humorless. Clutch those pearls.

I'm with r311. We don't need the "still alive" troll to ask every day because one day, he won't be. Imagine how funny that's going to be?

R315 one day, none of us will still be here. That absurdity of that is bewildering and amusing.

[quote]I’m glad you’re still with us Joe.

Whereas no-one's glad that you're still on this thread, R314.

Funny, OP. I miss you most when you're still here.

That's a tribute, even if some can't see it.

It will be a joyous day when Joe makes his transition to whatever the next stage on his journey r315

It is inevitable. We all will face death on day. Do you want to confront it with joy or with terror and regret?

Joe is a role model on how to face death with grace.

Try to be less afraid, emotionally barren, small minded and middle class r315

or is he seeking "fame" as defined on the thread about that?

we all die.

we all know that.

Is he dead troll is now blocked. that way i don't have to see his inane daily posts on this otherwise stellar thread about a very wise and wonderful OP Joe, who I've previously wished the very best to on this thread. I love this thread for OP gracing us with his wisdom and for all the other posters who have posted such inspiring well-wishes.

I’ve been coming here about that long too. You got to be here for some of the best years. I’m really sorry for you and your husband. I’ll miss you

Joe, I am so sorry to hear about your illness and the prognosis. I lost 2 family members to cancer and my 88-year old Dad was recently diagnosed with Myeloma.

You have my deepest respect and sympathies for what you and Mark are going through. Kudos to you both for having enjoyed such a long and wonderful relationship. I am hoping for the best for you; in whatever form that takes.

R320...Right, I posted for fame? I posted to thank DL for being a uniquely wonderful source of news, entertainment, and pointless bitchery. I had no idea it would get a reaction like this. It is gratifying and touching. So, Thanks again!

Sending you my very best wishes, OP!

I'm still keeping you and your Husband in my thoughts and prayers, Joe.🙏❤

This is no time for Pre-Raphaelite Yeats.

Better to think on Adam's Curse,

We sat grown quiet at the name of love;

We saw the last embers of daylight die,

And in the trembling blue-green of the sky

A moon, worn as if it had been a shell

Washed by time’s waters as they rose and fell

About the stars and broke in days and years.

😭 🙏 🤲

Good morning! Still here. I am noticing a bit more pain. Since I am on palliative care, they are a little more generous with pain meds. I can feel myself getting a little weaker. Still mobile and trying to enjoy life. Begging for pain meds is somewhat demeaning, but Kaiser has strict protocols. Mark is doing his best. That is all that can be expected. Hopefully, today will be better. Thanks for caring.

"Joe"

Hang in there Joe, we're checking in on you here and thinking of you. Best to Mark.

Here is another little story from my blog.

Because we worked opposite schedules, Mark and I were suffering from a certain amount of separation anxiety. The fact was and is that we enjoy each other's company more than just about anything. I was working days and Mark was working evenings. I was usually home by six and Mark started work at about 4 in the afternoon. We were very much like ships passing in the night. We hated this. Even our days off were different. We would do everything we could to spend time with each other. Anyone who works in the theater knows that Mondays are usually dark (no performances). Mark came down to spend lunch with me at the theater one Monday. He met me at the Box office door with a snack and we went into the auditorium. We climbed our way up to the very top of the second balcony and sat side by side on the steps in the aisle. The theater was dark. The Broadway tradition is to leave a single bulb illuminating the center of the stage. This is frequently referred to as the "ghost light". The exit signs were visible but they did not illuminate. It was magical and kind of eerie. It was very quiet. We sat and shared a joint. I looked around and thought I must be dreaming. Just a scant year ago I was so alone. Now the love of my life was sitting by my side. Then I put my arm around him and we kissed. We were swept away by the moment and right there we made love in the quiet darkness. We left the theater and Mark made his way home. I must admit we felt a little naughty. Life was good. Love was everything.

Love reading your tidbits, joe. R332

[quote] I must be dreaming. Just a scant year ago I was so alone. Now the love of my life was sitting by my side.

How wonderful. It gives me hope.

Keep documenting your experiences for as long as you can. Your writing is full of grace and it seems your life is, too.

Your love for Mark is inspiring ❤️

I feel so bad for Mark. I’m so sorry that you have to leave him. Then again, you guys have a love that most of us will never experience…I guess the pain at the end is worth it.

Joe, I'm not moved by much romantically, but your chwedl at R332 was so lovely. It makes me so glad that you got to experience that, and makes me want to share the tale with my sibling & friends (with your permission, of course). I adore the immediatism of it, and how it gives much to consider. Maybe it's worth taking a risk on people like Mark, if one comes across them.

Physical discomfort notwithstanding, you & Mark have had a pleasant and happy weekend so far.

Hello Joe. I wonder if you speak Spanish. I hope so because I'm linking the last interview of my all-time fave Diva, Rocio Jurado. She was dying of pancreatic cancer at the time. It's a lovely interview. I hope it gives you some comfort or perhaps it will touch others who speak Spanish.

Thinking of you, pal. Hope our paths cross on the other side.

I’ve never been in love like Joe and Mark, but I would imagine those who are lucky enough to have something so magical for so many years have to wonder who will go first and what it will be like. I don’t know if it’s better to die before the love of your life or be left behind.

Either way - I’m a real jaded bitch and the love story of Joe and Mark is making me 😭😭😭

Keep sharing Joe ❤️ And if there’s an “other side” - I hope you and Mark are reunited there and never have to go through this shit again.

Holding you close, Joe.

We're here with you Joe and Mark!! Big hugs from Australia!!

It’s late. Mark is sleeping thank god. Sometimes when I am alone and the lights are off and I am forced to look inward, fear rears its ugly head. It retreats eventually but it is hard to stay strong. You all help. Thank you yet again.

This seems to be our fate, OP. You know, fear and a sense of powerlessness sometimes throughout our lives, but we all die, OP, so it must be a good thing. This is how I see it.

Has your doctor given you any calming meds like diazepam or the like for moments like this? Diazepam is available in a nasal spray now as well. Nothing wrong with taking off the edge a bit when needed.

Big hug to you Mark from India, convey my regards to Jesus, my brother and my father when you are in heaven.

Almost all of us will be told at some point that we're dying. (We all imagine that we'll be taken painlessly in a middle-of-the-night heart attack, but that's not the norm, alas ). Somehow, it's the solitary nature of the process (from diagnosis onward) that seems the hardest to bear. I could be wrong, but I suspect that when people know they are all dying together (World Trade Center, the Titanic), there probably a less lonely aspect to it. Plus, it's our human nature to believe that we're the center of the universe, so how dare it continue onward past our own existence, as though we hadn't mattered at all. I hope that it's some consolation to you to know that you've made a difference in the world, to DL, and of course to your husband, who will keep you alive in his memory until it's his own time. And my wish for you is that if there is serious pain involved, that it come late in the process and not be prolonged.

Joe, you seem pretty at peace with everything and I don't know exactly how far along you are in the process, so this may not apply to your life at all—but if I were in your position, I would seek out psilocybin mushrooms and/or ayahuasca.

Psilocybin has been the subject of many recent studies, almost in terminally ill cancer patients, and the vast majority of them report that their experiences took away all the anxiety they had previously felt about the end of life and instead led them to look forward to it with wonder and awe.

My own experiences, only with ayahuasca, have varied, but they likewise did not lead me to become religious in the sense of organized religion, but they absolutely convinced me that this life isn't only temporary, but it's transitional, and we go from here to elsewhere to keep on going once we shed our animal vehicles.

Even if you aren't interested in psychedelic therapy, I will pushily tell you that I do believe, not only because I want to but because I just experienced certain things in a way that fully convinced me, we emerge elsewhere when we leave this place. And if you had a good childhood, recall the excitement and wonder of everything being new and bright and shiny, a whole world to discover. I believe you're going to get to experience that all again—all of us will, but you may get to do it a little sooner.

I believe this deeply enough that it was a major solace when my mother died. I'm the one who rambled above about losing her to ulcerative colitis and medical incompetence. She was in so much pain here, and she actually begged my sister and me separately to suffocate her with a pillow. I laughed it off. I realized during this crisis she really wanted us to. When she died, I went into an entirely surreal state of mind as I had to make sense of myself living in this world without ever seeing my mother and best friend again. My brain couldn't understand that. But I had some solace in knowing she was elsewhere, not no longer existing, and she was going to have opportunities to reexperience the joy and wonder and excitement of a new life in a new place and that is something she only had in early childhood here. I am happy for her and I still feel her presence all the time. She's not gone forever and you won't be, either.

Wonderful post r346, of value to us all and not just Joe.

I too have the same belief re existence after death, only I was luckily raised with mine from childhood and didn't discover it later as an adult (my parents were early proponents of Buddhism and eastern philosophies, before my birth). It's been the foundational core of values that I've based my entire life on, many of my decisions and life path/choices were informed by these beliefs. I'm so grateful to my parents at this stage of my life, for giving me this gift.

I wish everyone here the peace of knowing there is a plan and purpose for us all, emanating before our current incarnation and continuing thereafter. It's a blessing in tough times, like those discussed in this thread.

R343, that's how I see it as well. We're born and we die one day. It's nature's way. Back to our Earth's crust and some other form of live starts again.

Not sure if this helps Joe, but I don't think you have to be afraid of what comes after.

What a lovely life you and Mark had/have. I don't want to be a downer, but may I ask if you have an assistant or nurse who will be with you eventually? There will be a time where you will need to be cleaned up from involuntary fluid leakage.

[quote] It’s late. Mark is sleeping thank god. Sometimes when I am alone and the lights are off and I am forced to look inward, fear rears its ugly head. It retreats eventually but it is hard to stay strong. You all help. Thank you yet again.

Joe, is your fear for you or Mark? Do you worry about leaving him and how he will fare without you?

I have had an experience that, for me, confirmed something similar to what [r346] desribes. I don't care to share with specificity because I don't want it flamed. You dont know me but I am sober and pragmatic, and not terribly spiritual, my relationship to organized religion having frayed long ago. However, about 8 years ago, something -- metaphysical -- happened as my mother lay dying in hospice that has convinced me death is not our end. I have thought of it many times since and marvel at the arrogance of those who still believe there are no things beyond their comprehension. Of course, I still laugh at the dullards who think they're going to see Jesus but now I also recognize that those brilliant minds who believe we go forth into nothing are similarly limited.

The thing about dying is that we simply cannot know what, if anything, happens next. Since it's unknowable, why worry about it? It is simply something that is going to happen. We practice for it every night when we go to sleep. What matters is doing what you need to do for the people you leave behind, and it sounds like you've done that already, Joe. It's time to live in the moment, and take whatever joy you can find in those moments. No fear. No regrets. Only the love you are surrounded with right now.

Just stop R350, this is all bullshit!!

Joe,

Is there a particular cause or charity that you support that we could contribute to in honor of your and Mark's 50 years together?

Also, if you feel like it, could you say a little bit about what you did in the theater? What did Mark do, if you two don't mind my asking?

(I don't mean to intrude on your time.)

50 years with the one you love is a blessing you have all your days and beyond. Safe passage

We've had bullshit fake cancer and death threads, r352, but I don't think this is one. Maybe some of the afterlife woo on here is a bit much but I really think Joe is genuine.

You know there's a bunch of people who died, clinically proven. They swear up and down it was better than anything ever.

Critics say it was some type of oxygen starved high. I mean if that's true, why aren't people trying to get to bring of death for that high like a dopesick junkie?

Nah, there's something else going on. Of course not all of them are true. Some are flakes and attention seekers. But I do believe these people went somewhere incomprehensible to human intelligence. Not even necessarily saying it's god, just something we don't yet understand.

Building on what R396 posted, the YT channel "The Other Side NDE" might help make your process easier.

It has plenty of videos =

Whoops that's R356 not R396. Sorry about that.

Joe, it's your experience. Do you want to see all this afterlife chatter?

^ Sounds like someone is getting uncomfortable...

No, just a usual, you fools lack any boundaries. This isn't about you or your views or hopes or fears about what is next. It was nicely centred on a unique circumstance but now we're into the usual, bad taste DL drift.

People DO try to get to the brink of death through oxygen starvation. It's called autoerotic asphyxiation.

[quote]Not even necessarily saying it's god, just something we don't yet understand.

If you don't understand it, stop speculating, or worse, come up with some esoteric bullshit that lacks any evidence whatsoever.

Please stop with all the bullshit posts.

We're here to support Joe as he moves through this challenging time. Our turn will come soon as well. Joe just got a head start.

Peace and love, Joe.

All of your posts and suggestions are appreciated. I am open minded. Thank you. It’s been a tough day. Better tomorrow.

Joe, hang in there. Sending lots of love on behalf of your countless DL friends.

Have a good night, Joe. I hope you sleep well and dream a wonderful dream.

Um excuse me, but you ever died? No? Then shh.

I'll believe they diers and come back alivers thank you.

Now now, play nice.

A few years ago I had a health crisis, and for months I was misdiagnosed and sent to the wrong places for the wrong tests. Meanwhile the pain and suffering got worse. At night I couldn’t sleep because the fear was so bad. I watched my husband beside me and sometimes would go outside to stare at the lights across the valley, trying to get through the next moment. My heart goes out to you Joe and I wish you peace.

[Quote]sometimes would go outside to stare at the lights across the valley,

The San Fernando Valley, hun? The Valle de Aosta?

R370…I’m sorry you had to go through that. My experience is that the medical system is messed up. The nurses, aids, lower level workers are mostly wonderful. The doctors, not so much. They don’t listen. Not all, but it seems to be a trend.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Thank you for sharing with us. Could you do something nice for yourself to celebrate you?

The world is, for certain, a better place because you are here.

Sending you love and light, peace and comfort...and for Mark too.

Sending you love, Mark.

Joe, the post about mushrooms is referencing that there is a ton of research on cancer patients and alternative therapies.

I not currently dying, I am just dealing with my C-PTSD with ketamine therapy. It is wonderful!!!!! It’s like I’ve done ten years of therapy in one session. I highly recommend it for you Joe, if you use Mindbloom, you can do it at home and pick out an awesome Guide for your integration. I cannot emphasize enough how much it is transforming my life, and I believe people receiving palliative care, depending on their situation, could be completely blessed by ketamine therapy. It is a medicine for healing when it is used with the proper intention and purpose.

Joe, if you’ve ever done psychedelics, you will be totally fine on the K. I would encourage you to pursue K, shrooms, and THC solely to keep your appetite up as much as possible.

R375…You crossed the line asshole. For future reference Mark has never posted. I suggest F/F for you. Turd!

RIP Joe

R375 must be a right bugger because I've got it blocked. Can't see that mierda.

Here's wishing you a better day tommorrow, Joe.

Death is a fascinating paradox. I firmly believe when you die, that's it. It's like switching off a light. Think about all the time before you were born. You had no consciousness of anything. We return to that state when we die. And, it's no big deal once it's happened. You no longer exist, so you're not sad about being gone, you're not suffering. But, still to most of us, the thought of it is terrifying.

The thing that is the biggest fear for most of us suddenly is utterly inconsequential to us the second it actually occurs. Yes, there are those who are left behind, but they'll be fine. Or they won't. You'll never be able to know or care!

R378 Sorry about that scumbag posting Joe. People baffle me. Imagine being so devoid of anything resembling human feeling that you could type something like that? Ugh.

I hope your day is filled with happiness and light today, Joe.

Also, I hope that asshole who posted as Mark gets karma'd in the face.

I hope Muriel is closely monitoring this thread and promptly crossing out sociopaths like r375.

Sending love to you Joe. I’m sorry you had a bad day yesterday.

If I might suggest something (and feel free to ignore if unwanted advice,) maybe you could have the real Mark get an authenticated account and post once on this thread where you are able to indicate that that’s really him. It might discourage the awful people from posting on this thread. Or if Mark doesn’t want to do that someone else you trust in real life.

Wishing you only good days.

I also already had r375 blocked, so he’s been a turd long before this thread. I suggest everyone block and FF the asshole. People like r375 don’t even know how useless they are. It’s actually sad, except… well, I feel no sadness for a turd.

Please do FF 375. Nobody who works on the website will even know about the problem unless they get a bunch of FFs.

Sorry you had a rough day yesterday Joe, but you'll have good ones ahead, too.

Joe, I think I remember you from here some years back. Did you participate in the Dustin DeWind thread? Wishing you all the best…

I just don't think we know but since my friends and family have had NDEs I'm inclined to believe that there's something beyond the physical.

Remember guys, we're in ball floating in space. Things are not as they appear.

[quote]If I might suggest something (and feel free to ignore if unwanted advice,) maybe you could have the real Mark get an authenticated account and post once on this thread where you are able to indicate that that’s really him. It might discourage the awful people from posting on this thread. Or if Mark doesn’t want to do that someone else you trust in real life.

Good idea, r385/elderlez. Another option is for Joe to give Mark his log in info. That would erase any doubt about who was posting, and Mark needn't set up anything.

-stargazer

Yes absolutely Stargazer and just let people know that’s the plan so we don’t get any more fake Marks.

fwiw, 375 is now missing for me even when I change my settings to asbestos eyeballs.

I, too, already had r375 so he was indeed already deemed an Assholian. Fuck off, loser r375 and leave this sweet man and uplifting/encouraging thread alone.

God Bless you...if there is a God, or something greater and more wonderful than here in this life. I think there is, but I don't what it is. We will all know in due time. All the best to you, Joe....and your next journey.

Good morning friends. Mark will never see that post. I like the suggestion about having Mark post with my login. That will avoid confusion. I swore I wasn't going to allow trolls to get to me. However, if you try to mess around with Mark, I will eat you alive. Thanks to all of you for coming to my defense DL.

I had r375 blocked as well. Good day Joe, how are you and Mark today?

Greetings all. Kind of grim today. Calls to enroll in hospice. Also heard from the EOL department. Then I used an incorrect pin and froze an account. On the other hand it is a gorgeous day. We are OK.♥️

Love to you both ❤️

Sorry to hear that, and about your situation in general Joe. May your remaining days be as peaceful and painless as possible, and filled with love from Mark and your other loved ones.

Bye bye

I heard this song today and thought about you guys. Your love story has really touched me.

He holds her hand as she says goodbye Fifty years in the blink of an eye As close to forever as you'll ever get The trouble with forever is it always ends

My heart's breaking for you two, sweet men. Thank you for allowing us to know you.

If this helps, when it is time for you to go you will be ready, so don't worry about it now. You have everyone here to go thru this with which most people don't get.

Oracle said in the beginning of this thread: It will be quick, and once you are on the other side you be like "this was it?" You have quite the big family on the other side and I mean a ton of souls are waiting for you one the other side.

He is absolutely correct so you can be at peace going thru this.

All I can say Joe, is again to wish you and yours all the peace in the world.

And, Joe, if you decide you'd rather do, or think about other things than posting here, we'll understand.

I can’t follow this thread any longer, I’m very sorry. The whole concept of death just seems so cruel. It’s like a punchline.

Death makes a joke of life.

R407

R406…it is a source of comfort for me. i will back off the daily updates. I don’t mean to be tedious. Not much else to do. But, I get it.♥️

Joe, hospice is a good thing. A friend , a big beautiful gay cowboy, kept putting it off, but once he had hospice care in place he said he was sorry he'd waited so long.

Apart from providing effective pain management and other care hospice workers also counsel loved ones so this will be good for Mark, too.

Here's wishing you a lovely evening. Sending good thoughts out in your direction.

Joe, re: R409, I'm checking in for your updates and not the "wit" and banter from the rest of them. Please keep updating us!

Joe, it’s not tedious - if it helps you in the slightest - check in with us.

If people don’t want to read the thread anymore - they will drop off. You have a core group here that will stick around.

And seriously - do not feel like you’re being tedious when there are about 5 different threads happening right now on Billy Eichner and Bros.

morphine out...goodbye!

Sending peace and love to you!

I just registered with DL today, but have been a lurker for quite awhile. A lot of inquiries that I made via Google led me here! Thus, I am likely a DL sort of person. The interactions here are often reminiscent of those of close friends. Sending you and Mark wishes for a smooth transition!

Joe, you have such a strong connection with Mark, I wonder if you will tell him you're OK in the after life in some way? Someone I used to know came into my dream to let me know he was OK shortly after he died. It was very real and I have similar dreams from different relatives.

Joe, don't ever worry about being tedious. You aren't. There are lots of us here supporting you. If you want to vent or simply tell us how your day is going, feel free!

This would be as much for the rest of us as it is for you. Many of us will someday face a situation like yours and we hope there will be people supporting us. And many of us can find comfort in just holding up another human in their time of distress.

Take care and don't worry.

Joe, you and Mark have been so lucky to have found each other so early in life, and so fortunate to have lived in such beautiful places. I'm sorry the Kaiser docs are being shitty to you. I bookmarked this thread when I first saw it, but haven't had the strength to read it all until now. I'll be thinking about the both of you with love.

Meet you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely

We're all going there eventually 😢 where Patrick Swayze is.

Joe, I don’t find your posts tedious at all, I’m checking in here regularly.

It is so fun to see more people use their real handles here! It does indeed create community. I know it can’t be that way most of the time, it is a sweet treat I am enjoying, cautiously optimistic it will encourage this behavior in other places?

I use mushrooms too and I dig it.

Joe, hospice care will take a lot of pressure off both of you. They do amazing work. Please post, or don't post, whenever you feel like it. You're never tedious.

I loved the article below on the use of humor as an aid to people who are dying. I share it for anyone who wants to read it. I hope you'll enjoy this one:

Two men were playing golf when a hearse drove down the road near the 14th hole. One of the men put down his club, folded his hands in front of him and bowed his head as it passed. Afterwards, when they had resumed the game, his friend said, "I'm impressed!! I didn’t know you were so tender-hearted and respectful!"

"Well," said the first man, " I was married to her for over thirty years..."

May the angels hug you!

Joe - we are all here to hear whatever and whenever you want to share or vent, whether it be a few words or sentences, or a memory or whatever else you'd like to share. There is no obligation on your part, but i'm sure most of us don't believe you are becoming tedious in any way. We're your own league of humans that are wishing/hoping that we can comfort you and Mark during this time.

I hope that the care and love so many of us have been sharing and extending to you will be like the softest, warmest, all-encompassing blanket you and Mark can snuggle under and feel comforted and safe. My best wishes (again) to you and Mark. What a wonderful love story and legacy you have shared with us! Thank you so much.

I've asked my friends to promise to come to my death bed and tell me jokes. They have to be good ones, though, not average.

The guy who makes me laugh best wins " A WONDERFUL PRIZE!" which will be a plastic mini laundry basket full of crap that you win at bingo games in Europe. You know, pasta, dried sausage, biscuits. The joke will be on them. I want to go out laughing. Headstone reads "Still laughing."

Woody Allen once wrote this:

When I live my next life I want to live it backwards. You start off dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old persons’ home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go and collect your pension, and then when you start work you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous; then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school. You become a kid; you play. You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last nine months floating in luxurious, spa-like conditions with central heating and room service, on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm.

“Oh, my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts – it’s what you do with what you have left.”

-Hubert Humphrey

Ok here's humor.

R423…Thank you for that. I haven’t laughed like that in a while. I have always been a fan of dark humor. It was a frightening day. I spoke to the EOL people today. Fear is creeping up on me. Thanks again you angels.

Joe, big love and hugs to you and Mark.

Joe thank you for sharing your time with us and being the spark inspiring this amazing thread reminding us of the beauty of our community here.

Peace, love to you and Mark.

Another Story from the vault.

I had always managed to cook for myself after I left home. It came naturally to me and it was helpful for self-preservation. When we settled down into our domestic patterns I just seemed to be the one who would do the cooking. Gay couples do not have the predefined roles that straight couples have to overcome. Whoever has the talent does the job. We had almost no money whatsoever. We survived on my savings and Mark's part-time job. Rent came first. Food came next.

I had learned about smelt when visiting my brother in Wisconsin. You could buy a big bag of frozen smelt for under a buck. I would thaw, flour and fry. Tater Tots were cheap and yet strangely satisfying. For dessert, oatmeal with some brown sugar and milk. Not a very appealing menu but we were not in a position to be fussy. Sometimes I would make biscuits with Bisquick and water. We would have them with butter and honey. Today, I still do the cooking and I only just decided to try Tater Tots again. Not so good. I look back on those meals with fondness because even though we were dirt poor, our love made us feel privileged. Which of course we were.

A few years after my fave diva Rocio Jurado died her sister in law was on a chat show. She said near the end she was helping Rocio bathe.

As she helped Rocio out of the bath Rocio said as she looked at her very thin body "Look at me, I'm dying."

Her sister in law replied. "Oh for the love of god, we're all dying. Stop complaining.".

Then they both laughed.

So Spanish. This is like a scene from an Almovodar film.

Such a lovely story, Joe.

Sending you and Mark big hugs.

Speaking of food Joe, how is your appetite doing currently? I’m a big fan of increased caloric intake to fight for every pound of fat going into treatment — if possible, though it often isn’t. It is an aspirational goal.

Sorry Joe I’ve been watching this thread but haven’t weighed in yet. I really didn’t know what to say.

Hospice is great for the patient and family/loved ones. My mom was on hospice for her last year and the great thing is they keep you out of the hospital. You have more dignity at home. They can even bring imaging by if necessary. When I lost my mom I had a grief counselor for 13 months after who I talked to once a week. So, you can check with you hospice to make sure they help with Mark not only now, but in the future. I know when the time comes a lot of the suffering worry about their loved ones. “What happens to them when I’m gone?”.

Pancreatic cancer is strict diet wise. At this point, if there’s something you want to eat or drink that sounds good. GET IT.

I don’t know if you’re a music lover, but play your favorite music. Watch that movie you’ve been meaning to see.

It may seem silly what I’m trying to get across, but this is the best I can think of or suggest.

Hey Joe, I came across this song today & thought of you & your partner.

To be honest any day that you wake up with a loving partner by your side is something to enjoy =

Had 375 blocked,too

Joe, get as much pain relief as possible. JFC I can’t believe they’d be stingy when a person is dying. I’d troll the slums to get good heroin right into my veins!

We’re all here for you!

Sending prayers and so much love to you brave boys tonight.

This song might best say what all of the DL has posted in this thread guys -

Had 375 blocked too! Take that troll!

Can’t believe the actions of some people on an anonymous discussion forum. It’s almost like they want to be snarky or something.

Anyway, live, laugh, and love!!!!!!

Since we are sharing music, Joe, I stumbled on this song recently and it hasn’t left me, All that you've loved is all you own.

Joe hang onto your guy like a girl group member...

This song helped me whenever I lost a 2 legged or 4 legged love one.

I hope it gives you guys some form of comfort as well =

[quote]Had 375 blocked too! Take that troll!

You blocked yourself, R442?

Joe, feel free to post here as often as you want, someone will make a second thread for you if this one fills up.

You have every right to be scared, and I say embrace it. Let yourself be scared, so you can feel it and then move on toward acceptance and peace. Everything is going to be okay. My love to you and Mark.

r375, given the vibe of this thread, I want to acknowledge that something or someone dealt a painful blow to you and hurt you deeply.

I've been on both sides of that- dishing it out and taking it.

Also, to be lonely is a real bitch.

I wish Peace to you.

OT—R446, just a note—I am yet another person who has blocked r375 (everyone should—it’s the least we can do as humans), but I see r442’s post, so I don’t have them blocked. Is there a reason you think they’re the same person? Of course, we know people love to use sock puppets.

I don't want to help derail this thread but I don't have any accounts blocked and I still can't see R375, so at this point not being able to see that post doesn't mean you have blocked him. He must have been F&F'ed into oblivion.

And now let's get back to Joe and Mark.

R449, the post at r375 got so many FFs that the system deleted it. That means no one will see it, regardless of whether they're on ignore or not.

If you can see r442's post, or the earlier post about IHOP at r162, that means you do NOT have them on ignore.

Not to be scoldy here, but maybe we can talk about something besides the asshole troll? He wanted attention, now he's gotten a ton of it.

If you block R442 and “stalk” you can see that they are the same person. I think Muriel made that one post unviewable given the freaks and flames clicks.

[quote]If you block [R442] and “stalk” you can see that they are the same person.

Exactly. He's also the rather despicable r162. Now let's f&F them both, block him, and get back to the focus of this thread.

When my sister was in hospice in the hospital, my Dad would drive down (90 minutes each way) to sit with her. By this time, we'd already lost my Mom (Dad's 1st ex) and my brother (his first born). Dad was beside himself. The nurses attending to my sister would check on him every time he came. They helped in a lot. In fact, over 2 years later, one or two would still call him to check to see how he was doing.

I say this in hopes that you and Mark have hospices attendants like this. Someone to check on Mark as your journey moves on.

OP/Joe,

The very minute I get word of your transition, I'll play this song for you. I have loved it since I was a tot, and it's just so full of beauty and meaning.

See your fellow DLers lining along the route, stunned, weeping, and ultimately joyful?

Do you like lemon meringue pie, Joe? 6-layer coconut cake? Okra-tomato-corn-lima bean and shrimp stew? Sweet 'tater pie? Jambalaya? Oxtail soup? I'm asking now so I can put in a request to my Mama; she'll be waiting with your favorite eatables.

And just to be selfish for a sec: I have enjoyed your posts over the years (been here since 2002), and I so do wish you well and free. AND Mark.

R409 Please don't misunderstand!! You can post 100 times a day as far as I'm concerned. I was just saying- don't feel obligated or anything, if you're not feeling well one day, or busy just take care of business.

R406…understood!

Joe, if you feel comfortable talking about the EOL process, will you please share it with us? I am assuming it is an assisted exit, when you request it. Holding you close to my heart, Joe.

R458…Sure. It is pretty simple. Two physicians and several meetings over the phone or video. A legal document and witnesses. The criteria is fairly narrow. It is a drink you mix from a prescription which is brought to you. From that point on it is up to me. Medication is taken prior to prevent nausea. After ingestion you drift into a coma followed by death. The time varies but usually within 30 minutes. I know I sound clinical. Actually I’m scared shitless.

I’m sorry, Joe.

Of course you're scared, Joe -Who wouldn't be?

Just remember that the choice is always yours. You can do it, or not. You can change your mind as many times as you like along the way, too. There's no wrong choice here, as long as you are doing what you feel is right for you. We're all just wishing you as many good days as possible, and celebrating our time with you.

Wishing you and Mark strength and peace during these times. It sounds like you’ve led a worthwhile life, and I hope your memories along the way offer you a sense of fulfillment as you head towards the end.

That's the very same method Dignitas uses is Switzerland, Joe. I've witnessed this. It's very easy and peaceful. The taste is bitter so the Swiss give patients a bit of chocolate after drinking the second solution. (Not after the anti nausea meds though)

The fact that you're fearful now means you're doing quite well. At some point you will be ready and you will make the decision. It all plays out quite naturally.

I hope you'll be able to appreciate and make the most of these days you have with Mark. Peace and love, brother.

I don't believe that we are standing on a rock hanging in space without there being some kind of larger scheme of which we are a part and for which our existence has a meaning. As someone once told me, we are stardust. I am a horribly cynical human being and, for most of my life, I was "too smart" to believe in something bigger out there. Now that I'm older and realize that I don't know everything, I see that, as I have often been told in a not helpful way, death is a part of life. I think that acceptance has only come with age.

I've been with several people as they died. The worst death was my fomer MIL's. She fought death angrily and it was awful to witness. I don't know the answers, but what I know is that somehow, if we do not fight it, death is finally acceptable as we near it. Whether that is by divine intervention or some very helpful mechanism in our bodies and minds, I don't know.

I hope that you have some way to air your fears, as in a therapist or counselor. I know that you are terribly concerned for Mark's mental health and I hope that you are just as motivated to care for your own. If it helps at all, write longhand about your fears and your hopes. Typing is okay, but somehow writing out things seems to bring more clarity. Confide in us. For the most part, we hold you in our hearts ... with the occasional asshole thrown in just to keep us on our toes.

Joe, if it's any comfort to you, know that you made a difference: your post led to the discovery of humanity on DataLounge. Bravo.

Joe, for all its bitchery, Datalounge is a compassionate community. The great majority of people here wish you well and hope for a peaceful transition for you and Mark. Sending lots of love…

R463...Thanks, that is helpful. Thanks to all.

I think of you and Mark every day, Joe.

If thoughts are ever energy, there are a lot of people here sending you strength and some sense of peace for the road ahead.

Fro the vault. 1972

The flat was just a block from the California cable car line. The empty cable cars would go by our flat when they were returning to the Cable Car Barn. This was where they were kept and maintained. It was also where the main engine and wheels for the underground cables were housed. The flat was two blocks from Polk St. which was the primary gay neighborhood at the time. There were lots of good looking guys everywhere which added to the scenery. A major grocery store was also just a block away. Cala Foods was open 24/7 and very convenient. Hyde Street had the charm of the cable cars without constant noise or passengers. The empty car would turn off of California and climb up Hyde past our flat. The cable rattled under the street and sometimes the operator would have to use the bell to warn a motorist or a distracted pedestrian. Getting back and forth to work would be a snap. As I said before, the cable cars only cost a quarter. Sometimes if they were crowded I would jump on the outside and grab the last grip. I would ride on the outside of the car on one foot with the other dangling in space. Frequently the operator would not bother to collect my quarter. Sweet! Also, from that spot debarking was easy. I learned to get off while the car was still moving. Riding home hanging on the outside of the car was so invigorating and charming. Mark was very excited about the move and we were already investigating the flat. Since no one was living there we had access almost immediately. Mr. Wong was very accommodating. As we strolled through the empty space we fantasized about what we would do with it. Fantasy was the word since we had barely one room of furniture. We made our way around the empty flat toward the back and the bedrooms. We had to pick one for ourselves. I will only say that we made our choice, I won't say how. (wink!) What we didn't know was that we were entering one of the most exciting phases of our journey. Laughter and music and lots of love were coming our way. I wish we could do it all over again.

Wonderful, Joe. I was born in "the city" but grew up in the burbs. When I was in junior high in the 60s my friend and I started going to the Nutcracker (Lew Christensen!) year after year when it too only cost a quarter or so. We could afford the moon and the stars back then.

Hope you have a good day today Joe ★

Sending you love today Joe.

Those early days of struggle are often among our most satisfying. Sounds like you have such fond memories!

Thank you, Joe, for sharing your beginning in Sf. I am crying at the beauty on this thread, and your generosity in sharing glimpses of your life and impending exit. I hope that before you go, you will check in with us for a final goodbye. Damnit, I'm crying like a big ol' baby.

This thread is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. Thank you and fuck cancer.

.....

I believe we have so much more to experience after this life FWIW. Be scared. That is normal. But also know many would gladly take your place if they could. If you’ve had a relatively good quality of life. (Which it sounds you have) count your lucky stars and drift into heaven. We should all be so lucky though that’s cold comfort.

Throughout our life together, countless have said “You are lucky.” I understand the heart behind this comment. However luck is only a small part. Relationships are WORK! They require constant care and nurturing. They require forgiveness and compromise. The payoff is totally worth it. Love is worth it.

I think Joe feels lucky to have had a happy life, but he’s distressed that it’s coming to an end soon. Well-wishes and expressions of a blissful hereafter can’t fix this reality. But we can certainly be supportive and kind—we all have to face this soon enough.

You have accomplished the near-impossible -- 50 years of companionship and love and a 22 year loyal relationship with all of us insufferable loons here on DL. Says a lot about the high-quality way you have conducted your business here on the earth plane. Like a boss.

I believe in the afterlife, and I wish you could post from the beyond and clue us in on all the hot goss and tea when you get there! Promise us that you will die just as you have lived. Pointless and bitchy!

But seriously, take care, Dear One. You will be remembered fondly here.

R477 Of course. I think you are lucky to have the chance to work hard on your relationship. Many never get the chance. Having a happy 50 year relationship is both lucky and a product. How gratifying you can look back and see your hard work was worth it. It’s rare and I know you know that.

Also, get the pain meds you deserve! :)

Just such a lovely thread. All my love Joe, you seem very sweet. And neat.

I loved the songs posted. Love stories are so lovely. You made me think of this. No idea who this ingenue is...

Valens. Any relation to the Roman emperor and/or to Ritchie?

I just started posting this year. I wish you comfort and peace in your last days with your love without too many distractions. Perhaps film a video of yourself smiling and talking to him so he can keep it until he meets you again. Community is so important to living a fulfilling life, and online communities come with their own benefits and drawbacks. I'm glad you found this to be positive for the most part.

Do you have pets, Joe?

Peace and love to you on your journey, and comfort to Mark until you meet again.

R483 No, I got it from Dorothy Valens, in Blue Velvet. Love a torch song.

R485…Oh yes. We have an old Cairn “Scooter “ and a rescue named “Susie”. She is a little white shih tzu mix. Two real old cats and two middle age cats. We adopted in pairs. Over 50 yrs we have had over 40 dogs and cats. We stopped adopting after the last pair because of advancing age. Mark will take good care of them.

Do the cats and dogs snuggle up to you at night, Joe?

I'm not the least bit religious - but sometimes this little poem has comforted me in especially hard circumstances. I hope it might do likewise for you, Joe - at least, it's offered in that spirit. Your quiet dignity and your generosity in sharing some of your innermost feelings as you contemplate your mortality have been an inspiration, and I thank you.

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have

And take that first step into the darkness of the unknown

You must believe that one of two things will happen

either there will be something solid for you to stand on

Or you will be taught how to fly

Patrick Overton

I think when we say lucky (at least for me), it's more about how lucky you were to meet someone to make it work. Will you please convey to Mark how much we are here for you and him?

You are on my mind today, Joe. Many of us here would have would have loved to sit with you and Mark while sipping an Irish at Buena Vista. Humanity is strange that way; missing people we will never meet. It's proof, at least to me, that there is a community of spirit binding us to each other. We should heed that call more often than we do.

Peace to you, sweet boy.

R492 That sense of community struck me too as I read through this thread.

I have lurked here for years but Joe, you (and everyone who has responded) inspired me to subscribe to DL.

It might sound stupid, but as a gay man of a certain age I know it is rare to find a place where you can just be yourself. DL isn't Shangri-la, but this thread shows that it is pretty special.

Thanks again and still fuck cancer.

William Blake wrote: "I cannot think of death as more than the going out of one room into another."

As much as I like this thought, I also hope that all the friends and lovers I have lost are in that next room waiting for me, having a fabulous cocktail party, and when I enter, they all turn to me and say, "What TOOK you so long??!"

Thought of you today, too, Joe.

Please do keep your stories from the vault coming, they something to me. Only if you can and want to, of course.

Hug

Joe and Mark, sending you some kind thoughts today. Make sure you spend time laughing and holding each other, if that's do-able. Listen to some wonderful music together and reminisce. Eat things that you both enjoy and bring you pleasure. Drink a glass of wine, if that's within your care plan and doesn't hurt either of you. Watch a silly movie you both love so you can spend time together belly laughing and maybe holding hands. Give each other kisses. Love one another today as fully as you can. Look outside and appreciate the beauty of nature. Pet and snuggle your fur babies. Maybe you guys could plant a tree or a rose bush or something perennial that you both could keep coming back to. I don't know, just suggestions based on how I would feel and act if I had a long term companion and was diagnosed as terminal.

Or, do none of those and just do what makes the both of you feel good, grateful and loved in this moment.

We love you. Be well today, and for as many days, weeks, months (or even years maybe!) that you have left. Peace, love and all the best to you both. You're both in my hearts. A true love story for the ages.

From the vault. There was a store on Union Square called Paul's Salvage. Right there next to Sax Fifth Avenue. It was a tacky storefront with all kinds of stuff that he bought from unclaimed storage and shipping. We used to go there on my lunch hour from ACT. We poked around and we found bicycles. They were the ten-speed variety and they were available for a ridiculously low price. We discussed it and decided we should take a shot. They were all bundled up in boxes and when we opened them we realized they needed to be assembled. After struggling with the assembly instructions we managed to get them together, we thought. We headed out onto Polk St and almost immediately managed to get the wheels stuck in cable car tracks. We turned around and headed toward the wharf. The street goes downhill gently at first and then becomes steeper. As we traveled downhill our speed began to accelerate. At first, we were able to slow our descent. Then as the hill dropped our speed picked up and we realized we may have a problem. There was traffic all around and tourists and locals noticed us coming and some pointed and laughed. As we approached the bottom of the hill we desperately tried to slow our descent, in vain. Those little pads which apply braking pressure to the wheels just shot off the back like bullets. We ran into each other and ended up in a pile by Ghirardelli Square. Fortunately, we were not injured. The bikes were trashed, however. We had to carry them uphill home. It wasn't a total loss though because Paul's Salvage took the bikes back and returned our money. We had learned a valuable lesson. If you ride a bike in San Francisco, YOU ARE NUTS! Oh, and Paul's Salvage is now the Apple flagship store.

Ha Joe, that is an amazing story. I remember seeing the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence screaming down the streets in their roller skates, and was flabbergasted that they didn't crash and burn.

Please keep telling us your stories. They are a comfort.

There was an entire LGBT website a few years ago that let others post there NDE on it.

I can't remember the name of it so I'll post this instead =

Joe, love your SF stories. My husband's gay uncle moved to SF when he was fairly young. He kept a journal and left it to my husbear when he died. So many great gay-themed stories.

By chance did you meet him? He was a Swiss guy named Daniel.

the last time we were in SF we visited friends and as we came out of their flat we saw two teenaged guys riding a Barker Lounger down Green Street. Funny as hell.

Sending you and Mark love today Joe.

Thinking of you and Mark and your furry family. Can you feel the love DL is sending you? PS your experience has transformed DL, if only for a moment.

R502...Oh yes, I can feel it. Checking in with crazy and wonderful people is among the highlights of my day. You are great and funny and loving companions. You always have been.

I’ve been on DL for as long as you Joe and I’ve NEVER seen an OP with as many W&W that your thread has earned!

Stay with us for as long as you can, Joe. But when it's time to go, you go.

Thanks VON…I shall old friend.♥️

Sending love to you today and every day, Joe and Mark. We're your family of a kind.

[quote] I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say.

[quote] I’ve been a journalist for more than 60 years. So after doctors delivered the news, I sat down to do what came naturally, if painfully: Write this story.

This is beautiful.

Where Love Hides...

Joe, for us who haven’t dealt with cancer, can you describe the pain?

Again, please demand you’re comfortable in these days. Get the pain meds you deserve.

[quote] Get the pain meds you deserve.

Just smoke copious amounts of pot, silly! ❤️

Order banisteriopsis caapi extract. Order psychotria viridis extract. Meditate, be calm.

Take a tiny bit of the caapi. 10 mins later take a tiny bit, pea sized amount of the second.

It should help.

^ and if you want to go to hyperspace for a few hours, take like 10x that amount.

Nothing will happen with the pea size amount. Only good vibes and clarity of thinking, peaceful sense of bliss.

What is your favorite music, books, movies, Joe?

Good morning. Still up and at em!

R513...Naturally!

R512...It is mostly stomach inflammation. It is manageable with Oxy right now.

R516...Joan Baez, I like Hollywood autobiographies and stories. Of course, I like musicals and great acting in general.

This was one of favorite songs as a kid and is my favorite Joan Baez song. It is so wistful.

I realize the premise of the song is nowhere near as profound as your situation Joe, but I think it can also be applied to the sentiment of cherishing the moments one has left with a beloved partner. And it is a beautiful duet.

These are pretty depressing songs people. I think Joe can choose his own playlist.

My partner wants Yakety Sax when he goes, which may be going too far in the other direction.

I've requested "Don't Cry for me Argentina".

A little lesser-known Joan Baez for you, Joe!

Joe, whatever you want to say, don't worry, you're not tedious. Like me, lots of people on here are thinking of you and wishing you a safe and hopefully joyful trip to the other side. When my father died, me and my mother had a couple of drinks, got tipsy and remembered, with some tears the funny times. That's how I hope I will go, with lots of jokes and a bit of gallows humor.

Big hug to you Joe, and your Mark! 😘

This ain't depressin baby! It's where I'm going!

....

When my friend had terminal cancer 10 years ago or so, we all (best friend group) told him that we were going to sing ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ at his funeral, in speedos. He found it very funny, and insisted that we do it. He didn’t want a sad funeral. He passed in his mid 40’s and it was horribly sad, but I found myself snickering at the thought that he encouraged us to make asses of ourselves at his funeral.

^So you did it, R525? That's actually incredibly sweet.

My best friend wants P!nk's "Get the Party Started" at her funeral. Because of the line: "I'm coming up, so you better get this party started". I don't even believe in an afterlife, but it does get to me a bit just thinking of it, even though it's totally intended to be celebratory.

Hope you had an okay day Joe!

I think I want boys in speedos at my funeral now.

Me too, R528!

True story:

Family lore has it that my great-grandmother on my father's side was a bit of a tyrant. Okay, she was a total cunt. She made Mother Burnside seem like the bastard love-child of Julie Andrews and Doris Day. At family gatherings she used to sit in a large chair in the center of a room, and everyone had to come in and kowtow to her...

When she finally died (not nearly soon enough, according to my parents) her funeral was a Grand Affair in the city. She belonged to a sorority of some sort that had a tradition of bringing a dozen white doves in cages. One of the sorority sisters would read a piece about the white doves representing the purity of the soul, and their flight a symbol of the soul's journey to Heaven. At that point the doves were supposed to be released from their cages and fly away. Only they didn't. They circled the funeral a couple of times, and then -to a bird- they flew down into the grave, perched on the coffin, and wouldn't come out. After the shock wore off, the entire crowd of mourners burst out laughing and couldn't stop. The birds knew what they all knew: Grandma Tillie was not in Heaven -she was in the Other Place.

Through the years I heard this story from parents, aunts, cousins, family friends, etc. The only detail that ever changed was the number of doves...

This.

Never.

Sorry, R531. It happened. My mother was there, and she would never have repeated it had it been merely a tall tale. Her only attempt to rein in my father when he repeated this story was to bring his "100 doves" down to a more reasonable number. I could believe a bit (or a lot) of exaggeration from my dad's relatives, but my mom was too down-to-earth and practical to participate in something like that. I suppose one of my father's relatives could have poured bags of bird seed into the grave -I wouldn't put it past some of them...

This morning, enjoying Orson Welles' cinematic essay 'F For Fake' (which I keep pinned to my browser homepage, and revisit periodically), I thought of Joe, and of Mark, of all the DLers & friends & family we've lost, in recent years and more distantly.

Moreso, I thought of all the incredible, profound and moving Art and inventions our kind have dreamed up and made manifest over the Millennia, in spite of all the wanton destruction and trash and waste we've also caused collectively. The way it all matters, and it doesn't. We're all marvellously unique, yet just one race. We're all miraculous, existing against the odds, and yet we're all dust from stars & spores somehow given mouths and legs and shape.

We're all impossible and divine spirits, yet at once just squalling hairless creatures. We are unimaginable. It is our voice and our impetus to reach beyond what we believe we are, grasping in a cosmic dark vacuum for meaning, for new fathoms, something, that sublimates us, rather than any objective fact of our supposed sublimity. Perhaps it's remarkable enough that, God or no, *we* were here, in some bizarre living space, and that in this space we envisioned, that we used our hands and minds and hearts to move others.

But the great man says it all better than ever I could. Here, the moment in which Orson gazes upon Chartres cathedral in the dark and mizzling mist, and waxes lyrical on authorship, purpose, and existence...

[quote] All that's left, most artists seem to feel these days, is Man. Naked, poor, forked radish. There aren't any celebrations. Ours, the scientists keep telling us, is a Universe which is disposable. You know, it might be just this one anonymous glory, of all things--this rich stone forest, this epic chant, this gaiety, this grand quiring shout of affirmation--which we choose, when all our cities are dust, to stand intact; to mark where we have been; to testify what we had it in us to accomplish.

[quote] Our works in stone, in paint, in print, are spared; some of them for a few decades, or a Millennium or two. But everything must finally fall in war, or wear away into the ultimate and Universal ash--the triumphs, and the frauds; the treasures, and the fakes.

[quote] A fact of Life: we're going to die. "Be of good heart!", cry the dead artists out of the living past. "Our songs will all be silenced. But what of it? Go on singing..." Maybe a man's name, doesn't matter all that much.

You write beautifully, r533.

How are you and Mark doing today Joe?

Joe, this is a song that I hold close to my heart, it came out not long after my younger brother took his life. It's an upbeat song that gave me hope and filled my heart with love while thinking of him.

"Dancing in moonlight I know you are free cause I can feel your star shining down on me."

Hope you are having a good day today.

R535…Thanks for asking. I am a bit depressed today. It comes and goes. I am dreading Monday. My first meeting with the doctor who will eventually write the EOL prescription. Then hospice comes for another meeting. Because of hospice masking requirements, Mark cannot hear 90 percent of the information. It was very frustrating. I put my foot down and said unless Mark can participate fully, there will be no meetings going further. I suggested clear masks. ♥️

What are hospice masking requirements, and why can't Mark hear about them?

I assume Joe means that, given the state of Mark’s hearing, he needs to read lips a bit.

Lord, you’d think they could relax the mask stuff at this point.

Sorry you are feeling down, Joe. Whatever happens Monday, well, nothing you can do about it now. In the meantime, I hope you and Mark can watch something fun or other distract yourselves.

Ugh Joe - I’m really sorry to hear that. The idea of Mark not being able to hear during the meetings is 😥

Sending you both love ❤️

It’s ridiculous for them not to have clear masks.

Is it possible to use the voice to text setting on Mark’s phone so he can follow along, kind of in a subtitled way?

Sending you the best of wishers and strength and joy for the journey.

Elderlez...Thank you! Turns out the iPhone has fantastic captioning capabilities (beta). It is applied across many apps automatically and also live. Mark is so happy! It works beautifully. He looks at the phone and it transcribes everything, with amazing accuracy and speed. This will be a game-changer for him. That makes me very happy, Thanks again DL!

Elderlez to the rescue!

Oh I am so happy for you both!!

R544 Lesbians rock. As do you, Joe.

Insufferable pontificating about Life on Joe’s goodbye thread. Typical DL bs.

I like blue.

ElderLez to the rescue! I had no idea the iphone could do that. You've been a sane, intelligent light on this site- I liked your posts during the pandemic.

Hello, how are you today Joe? Please say hello to Mark for us.

Elderlez is a treasure.

Hope today had some moments of happiness. Sending you and Mark love.

Thinking of you, Joe.

Joe - I am sending you and Mark so much love 💖. After my years at DL I am truly moved by the amount of support and kindness that are pouring your way. You have folks trying to help you in so many ways, whether recommending that Mark uses a feature in his phone so he can better understand a discussion, or music recommendations, or a hilarious story about doves at a funeral.

My humble offering to you both are love, hugs and prayers. Please keep us updated if you feel like. Your posts are a light on my day. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

God bless you and Mark. We love you 💖.

Is Mark looking for someone as replacement ?

Not much to say other than sending my love. You have some hard meetings coming up. Big hug to you and Mark.

Time for a second thread soon, joe/R542 !!

Who would’ve thought your goodbyes would soon resemble a never-ending Rolling Stones Farewell Tour?

I took 50 loads over the weekend, as a symbolic gesture for you and Mark.

R555 you wish

Hi Joe! Hope you have had just one moment today where you felt peace — just once. Sending you love, always darling.

Ok r557, that was a funny post as your signature line is classic.

Just checking in, Joe. Hope today has been a good day! :)

Thinking of you and Mark today. You are loved, Joe.

Also thought of you and Mark today ❤️

Good evening…I am still doing OK. Kind of a grim day. My first meeting with the end of life doctor. It was unsettling for sure. Only time will tell. It is good to have the option. Thanks for caring.

R558, please. I wrote that line coming out of a k-hole. Joe knows I love him, hopefully this whole thing just sort of sorts itself out.

Joseph, I just want to make sure you’re doing what you should be doing!!! Who else is making sure this is done correctly??

[quote] Good evening…I am still doing OK. Kind of a grim day. My first meeting with the end of life doctor. It was unsettling for sure. Only time will tell. It is good to have the option. Thanks for caring.

Joe, I assumed you were American. What is an "end of life" doctor and how were you referred?

I definitely want to have the option if I ever need it.

Joe, I hope the hospice people are doing their thing for you. You can talk with them about any EOL issues/questions/concerns, and they'll give you the benefit of their experience. Decisions, of course, are always up to you.

Try not to let the "grimness" get you down. Hopefully, the fact that you see things as grim means that you still have plenty of time with us. :)

Dear Joe,

The grace you show in the writing of this note to all of us here at DL says so much about you. Thanks for sharing your situation with us, and please know that so many of us bitchy, snarky DL homos are sending love and positivity your way in the face of the daunting days ahead. And Mark will be in our thoughts as well. All of us will eventually face what you are now facing; it is a sad but true part of life.

Congrats to you both on your anniversary. That's an amazing achievement.

Couldn’t agree more, try to stay humble!

R564… “The End of Life Option Act allows an adult diagnosed with a terminal disease, who meets certain qualifications, to request the aid-in-dying drugs from their attending physician.”

Hospice is coming again tomorrow. They are great but a lot to absorb. I have already spoken with a half dozen different members of the team. ♥️

Thinking of you. Thanks for continuing to share so generously.

In my state we have no End-of-Life Option or assisted suicide. But it appears that our hospice organizations are given incredible leeway in administering pain medicine in palliative and end of life care. Hospices in our state are specifically exempted from any opiate control laws which would normally control doctors’ prescriptions for pain medicines given to patients.

I had a friend with brain cancer who ended up in hospice care after she exhausted all treatments, including experimental ones. She was in great pain in hospice care, so they gave her morphine. Her pain was still substantial, so they gave her even more. The prime directive was to keep her comfortable, and the pain dictated how much pain medicine she received. Her vitals were monitored so that they could make sure she was resting comfortably. Her family understood that this treatment would eventually end her life, but they wouldn’t have wanted it any other way because they didn’t want her to suffer. After the nurse upped her medicine, she died within a day.

You could say she was effectively medicated to death in a state that has no assisted suicide laws, but no one ever talks about it that way. We have this convenient social lie about how people in her situation died, but no one cares because the most important thing is she was kept out of pain at the end of her life.

In her case, she never had to specifically request some life-ending medicine, because that wasn’t possible anyway in this state. Hospice took care of it in consultation with her and her family through pain management. This situation is often described in obituaries as “She died peacefully, surrounded by her loved ones,” which is often made possible by opiates. (Which are great and wonderful drugs when used appropriately.)

Joe, your situation may be completely different from hers in that you live in a different state and have a different diagnosis, so that the End of Life Option may be very valuable to you. I just thought that maybe the option might not have to be exercised if your hospice organizations work like ours.

R571…That has been strongly implied as an option. I am on opiates. It is a smallish dose currently. That shit does work though. I may go that route eventually. Good information, thanks.

R571 That's a brutal inhumane story. This is partly why I have been a member of Dignitas in Switzerland for almost two decades to help support an organisation that offers peaceful and humane EOL for anybody on the planet who can get to Switzerland.

I'm glad to know Joe has this option.

Nothing to offer Joe except to say you were on my mind today as I went for a jog.

Just sending extra love to you and Mark, that’s all 💖

Opiod’d to death sounds heavenly.

OD on heroin

R563, you mistook my post, sorry, it wasn’t phrased correctly. I know your signature line from many other posts, and it gave me a laugh in what is obviously a sad thread. It wasn’t meant as an insult.

No. Don't. Just don't.

I didn’t take it that way sweetie-pie at r563, I was just in character for you, trying to make you (and maybe Joe!) laugh lol. I apologize my efforts didn’t translate well. It’s all good though, this thread is filling many hearts.

Joe, we are still here for you.

Hah r580, got it! Sometimes reading into posts is difficult. Hey DL, how about a video option??

Is there a Part Two at the ready?

Peace and clarity, Joe. That's all I wish for you guys.

Hope you last many threads

Hey, Joe!

I'm stargazer, the one who suggested that Mark use your existing authenticated account to avoid interlopers such as we have already had. Seriously, I kinda feel sorry for that person's inability to read a room.

Apologies if I already should know the answer to this question, but does Mark know you post here? I would assume so. When you are both ready, perhaps you could post together?

Please start a new thread soon.

Much love!

Hoping as little pain and as much happiness as possible going forward to both of you.

Best wishes. See you in the next life. My prostate cancer a walk in the park compared to yours.

Thanks for the perspective that I needed.

We only part to meet again.

Thinking of you and Mark today Joe.

[quote] [R564]… “The End of Life Option Act allows an adult diagnosed with a terminal disease, who meets certain qualifications, to request the aid-in-dying drugs from their attending physician.”

Thank you for sharing this. I didnt know any U.S. states had such laws.

I know hospice intends to provide comfort, but I am always overwhelmed. Some scary shit. By the time she left I was shaking. Every day it gets more real and ominous. 😕

Oh, Joe - giving you the biggest spiritual hug ever! I can't even imagine what you and Mark are going through. But you are (both) going through it with so much grace and courage and strength. Sending you love <3

New thread.

Love you, Joe. And. thanks for creating the thread again.

I said it earlier, but as we're coming to the end of the thread, just will repeat: all my love to you and Mark, Joe. xx

Part 2

Thinking of you today, Joe, and hoping you and Mark are finding moments of joy (the copious amounts of pot can help with this).

Wishing you could see the gorgeous leaves here in the northeast. Brilliant yellows new oranges and bright red all around, while geese squawk overhead, discussing their winter travel plans.

Our lives are continually changing. This, for you, is the next chapter, a time to reflect back on your many blessings, and you are blessed to have Mark by your side.

Praying for no pain.

R596 I'm gonna copy and paste your lovely message on the new thread to make sure Joe gets to see it. Below is the link. See ya over there.

[quote]OP, can I have you stuffed?

You are not the first or even the second to say that. There seems to be a lot of poor bitches on this site. 🤣

599! I don’t want this thread to die like Joe is about to. Oh Joe we love you. Smooch XO

Ciao!