The median number of lifetime sexual partners for gay men in the USA is just 11

No one wants to admit to being a whore.

It sounds like fake propaganda to me.

This has to be wrong. Those sound like hetero women numbers.

What's the average? 500?

[quote]No one wants to admit to being a whore.

EVERYONE on the Datalounge wants to admit to being a whore.

Brits are such sluts.

We would guess about 6000 so far but fortunately most of them paid us!

I have no idea, I lost count in 1990 😏

I think this came out to counter all the negative press regarding the spread of monkey pox. I tend to be skeptical regarding these results But then I fall on the more whorish side of the scale. Certainly when looking at the pictures from the gay cruise with thousands of half naked men roiling around, or some of the sex parties at resorts, it paints a different picture. But I suppose if there are 10 million or so gay men in the US even if the ones who've had hundreds of sex partners are only 1 or 2 percent of that , that would still mean that anywhere from 100,000 to 200,000 gay men are having (or have had) quite a lot of sex. (Which also means that when I was more active, I had sex with 1-2% of THAT total!) But this is a self-reporting poll, so I think many people are just bad at math. If you quizzed people randomly and said how many people did you have sex with last year, most would report a couple. But if you asked how many people they had picked up in the past month, they might also say, a couple. Well, a couple a month X 12 months is already 24. 24 X 10 years is 240, or X 20 years is 480. On the other hand, some of my friends are serial monogamists. So they generally stay with one sex partner while the relationship lasts. Their totals are smaller - but many of those have had perhaps 10 relationships in their lives and then they have periods of months or even years between relationships during which they are more promiscuous. So again, I would question their math. I don't think I'm going out on a limb to say that gay men who found their one and only sex partners at age 20 and stayed faithful to them the rest of their lives are as rare as hens' teeth. But you'd need a fair amount of those to make the number in these studies work out the way they claim.

^ Damn, you broke out the good coffee this morning

I have only been with 3 I want more now

I’m American and I’ve only been with 20 guys (I’m 40). Sadly, I’ve never in my entire life had good sex. It’s not even worth pursuing anymore.

^ Yeah, it is 😜

[quote]Sadly, I’ve never in my entire life had good sex.

Even on your own? How are your orgasms?

R7, yeah I done lost count some time in the late 1980's. My guesstimate is maybe a thousand and some, maybe two thousand

^ I also realized that there are different levels of sex, which do you count? Quickie BJs right on up to all night orgies

A few years ago, I had to count my sexual partners as part of a 12-step program. There were more than 300 I could remember. Meaning the real count must have been close to 500. That’s what 10 years in London do to you!

Are we counting blowjobs as sex?

I'm guessing slightly over 100.

I've been in a LTR for twenty years now, but I went through a lot of mins in my party-boy days. That's when I lost count (and not just b/c of the drugs).

"Are we counting blowjobs as sex? "

Bill Clinton has entered the chat

[quote] anywhere from 100,000 to 200,000 gay men are having (or have had) quite a lot of sex. (Which also means that when I was more active, I had sex with 1-2% of THAT total!)

wow menluvingguy really got given all my libido huh😂

[quote] Brits are such sluts.

R5 oim here whenevah you fancy it bab!!🤤💸🥅💭

Fake grealush accent CUNT.

"Brits are such sluts."

Well, today they're really sweaty and kind of smelly, so probably not all that slutty

Oh we like sweaty and smelly sluts. Squeaky clean sex is a snore.

Well, I fall into the 0-5 category, but I don't believe that "study" for a second.

@r24 🤮

Less than 5. Of course I’m an ugly gay and the cost of escorts is way too high these days.

Oh, my.

Certainly over several thousand, but I date back to the hedonistic 1970s, too.

I would like to see the average birth date for the super whores. It probably IS 70s adults. Those of us who came of age during AIDS had less fun I think.

Gay men, just like straight men, lie about their conquests. Some gay men are the whores you think they are. The vast majority are not.

[quote]I also realized that there are different levels of sex, which do you count?

All of them.

[quote]Are we counting blowjobs as sex?

Only if you came.

@r29, "Those of us who came of age during AIDS had less fun I think. "

Not really, just fewer and well vetted partners, but still had lots of fun 🙂

R30 I don't lie about my sexual conquests. I'm not pleased i wasted so much time chasing ass and dick. Datalounge is the only place where i admit my number.

It put more of a scare into me, even though all we really heard about out in the boonies was Ryan White.

@r33, Agree, why lie?

“Why would I lie? Top shagger, me.”

^ I don't get it 🙄

I actually think these numbers are right for str8 and gay men if it's only counting intercourse. BJs are not considered sex by most men even though it is probably the preferred sex activity for most men - gay and str8. If BJs were included the stats would be MUCH higher.

Most of you whores probably already sucked off 11 guys this year!

^ 13, but who's counting 😉

[quote] BJs are not considered sex by most men even though it is probably the preferred sex activity for most.

Could you explain why this is, to a female who’d like to understand the POV?

Is it because it’s so easy to get a cock out while clothed/in public etc.? Even if another girl cornered me in a bathroom and started fingering me or going down, I’d unequivocally consider that as sexual activity..

If a body part has been penetrated, it is sex.

Maybe those polled were all 16 years old?

Maybe 11 in one day…

If you're 35 and starting fucking from 18 had 2 different sex partners a week. That would get you to 34. And that is being conservative. Most of us starting getting fucked much earlier than 18. That doesn't even take into account the typical 21st birthday gangbang. I'm not sure where these numbers come from.

^ Math isn't your strength, is it? 🙄

R45.. I am an idiot. I did the math wrong.

^ That's ok, as long as you're a good fuck there won't be a math test 😛

[quote] (The British median is slightly higher, at 19.)

Almost double is not "slightly higher".

Yet there is no relationship between people fucked and your happiness level at the end of it all.

Am I the only one that has had less than 5?

^ Yes 😂

@r49, I'm pretty damn happy 😛

[quote]Am I the only one that has had less than 5?

I had clocked 5 by the time I was 14.

@r53, Family doesn't count 🙄

Younger gay men of today really aren’t having as much sex, unless they’re part of the “scene”.

i'm 38. i've had 3 sexual partners, including my husband of the last 15 years. i'm ok with that number.

one of my best friends will tell everyone he knows how much of a slut he is. he has a bit of a reputation. i know his secret though, he hasn't slept with anyone in over 2 years. makes me wonder how common that is.

R53 either I'm a prude (fine with me, 'sex positivity' is a scam to abet abuse), or female bumpkin standards must be radically different, because I find that a bit sad. You were a kid, man, couldn't legally drive or drink or buy a lottery ticket or get tried in a real court, but the most important physical risk and joy and high was available to you.

14 seems so young to me. If I had a son or daughter who just turned 14, I'd like to think they weren't doing more with a peer sexually than kissing or fondling mostly still-clothed while watching a movie. Even if they decided to progress to intercourse or a bedroom just a year or two later, that would be easier to stomach than already racking up numbers by 14. But that's so provincial and naïve to think, I suppose, especially in these days of p0rn a click away and everyone commodifying sex work so it can be packaged to developing minds...

Still, do you feel ok about it? Do you think it helped your confidence and trajectory in life? Did you come out of it with mostly/only good experiences?

I have around 20 already. And I am not even in my thirties

I have had over 500 and compared to most of my friends I would be considered a virgin.

A gay man in a big city can easily have more than 500 partners.

[quote]Still, do you feel ok about it? Do you think it helped your confidence and trajectory in life? Did you come out of it with mostly/only good experiences?

Yes, I'm okay with it.

R61

Not in this social media, internet addicted world. Interestingly enough, young gay men of today have more social anxiety and shit so they aren’t getting laid.

Are you male or female, R56?

"Less than 5. Of course I’m an ugly gay and the cost of escorts is way too high these days. "

Well, that's your problem right there. If you're ugly, but only willing to sleep with escort-level men, then I have no sympathy for you.

r65

Not every has a high enough libido to be attracted to average- or even below average-looking guys; what's the point in having sex with someone you're not attracted to?

*Not everyone

r66, I completely agree. What's the point if you can't get it up for someone?

God, you guys are shallow. I've had way better sex with average looking guys then with hot ones. Average guys are more interested in you, hot guys are only interested in themselves

You do realize a media is the middle data point? I suspect the AVERAGE is far higher with a heavy tail of whores above the median.

Median 🤦‍♂️

I'm just saying I don't have much sympathy for "I'm too poor for an escort" type shit. He could be having sex if he didn't have unrealistic expectations. Or he could work on improving his body as there is a portion of the upper tier that only cares about that. But if he's just going to whine about the price of escorts, he deserves that low number.

Anyway, re: hot vs. not, I've been with some very hot guys, and some not-so-hot guys, good and bad times in both groups.

Op the story with 11 partners was a typo. It was just recently corrected with 111 as the new average number of lifetime partners.

This is skewing Eldergay since it's about a lifetime of sex. Young people like GenZ don't have as much sex as Eldergays did when they were at their age.

R69 if you define ugly old men over 60 as average, then yikes I am declining a lot of average men.

^ It's not. If I put a jellybean in a jar for every time I had sex during the first ten years after I came out. Then took a jellybean out each time I've had sex after the first ten years...

Oh, who am I kidding? I ate all the jellybeans years ago 🙂

i'm guessing there is a big rural/urban split

@r75, Don't worry, you're defiantly NOT my type

r75 you have no idea what my comment was trying to convey.

I always knew the average straight man was sluttier than the average American gay man.

Gay men are just classier.

There's honor in being a slut, R80.

@r79, You are NOT r69, I am 😠

This sort of surprises me, but also doesn't. There is definitely a robust subset of the gay population that has a ton of sex, many partners, and those are the people we tend to focus on. Then there are all the people lurking in the shadows, not having a lot of sex for whatever reason - insecurity, lack of social skills, lack of looks, fear.

This is also a reminder that Twitter and the Internet are not real life. If you go on gay Twitter you would assume that everyone has over 100 sexual partners a year. That's probably not the case for the gay married rancher in Montana or the 35 year old single guy in Kansas who is working three jobs all summer instead of going to Puerto Vallarta or Fire Island.

^ This is the reality. When I was young I could have had a lot more sex, but I had to work and stuff to pay the bills ☹️

Eleven at one time?

R86 we’ve serviced more than 11 at one time. And NO RUBBERS!!

It depends on what you count as a "sexual partner"...

Number of men I've been in a relationship with is 4... that expends to 7 if you include more casual short-term flings.

The number of men who have fucked me in the ass is 3.

The number of men I've fucked in the ass is 7.

The number of men who have blown me, I can't even count, but it's in the triple digits for sure.

The number of men who I've blown I can't even count, but it's in the very high triple digits for sure.

The number of men's cock's I've fondled, handled, groped, and jerked is in the quadruple digits I'd guess.

So it makes a real difference what you call a "sexual partner". Is a guy I blew in a bar's darkened back room a "sexual partner"? Even if it was only like 10 minutes, and we never spoke? Is the stripper I gave a quick hand-job two (no orgasm) a "sexual partner"?

^ NO RUBBERS!!?

Didn't your shoes get muddy?

[quote]Is a guy I blew in a bar's darkened back room a "sexual partner"? Even if it was only like 10 minutes, and we never spoke? Is the stripper I gave a quick hand-job two (no orgasm) a "sexual partner"?

It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is.

Is the one night stand where we went back to his place and just jerked off together a "sexual partner"? I mean, we jerked each other off for a bit, but we got ourselves off, not each other.

I have a hard time calling such people "sexual partners".

Not everyone fucks strangers. That brings down your total right there.

Not every gay man feels a compulsion to validate themselves through sex, either.

[quote]God, you guys are shallow. I've had way better sex with average looking guys then with hot ones.

I'm a size queen, and most size queens will tell you that guys aren't always (and typically not) good looking when the cock is huge. It's God's little vicious joke. The cock is 10 inches, but the face is a 5. You make trade offs in life when you have a hungry hole.

I've been with a lot of guys and I only count getting fucked as "real sex" everything else is just hooking up.

R94 is a WHORE DARLING!

Does receiving a rim job with a simultaneous reach-around handy count?

I was at 100 before I hit 20. And that was before the internet, but post-HIV. Now, in my 50s, if I have 2-3 partners a year that's a lot. Sex for me is like drinking and drugs, those wild days are long past and I'm okay with that.

[quote]Does receiving a rim job with a simultaneous reach-around handy count?

Nope unless his dick is in you or your dick is in him, it doesn't count. What you described is hooking up.

All the straight guys I've been close enough with to ask have the same answer: 100. I have a feeling that's just their go-to answer, because some of these guys never get laid.

You 500 plutherth! You are all the BIGGETHT, PROLIFIC WHORETH of all the worldth in all the galaxieth in the whole UNIVERTH!!!!

R99 haha bull-fucking-shit. theyre adding a cheeky 0 there

i don't know a single straight man who could get 50 girls in his whole life let alone 100. and woman are way more selective so statistically it doesnt even make sense

If my counting is accurate, it's 23.

Let's say you're a cute young gay man who's lived in New York City for 20 years. To reach 500 sexual partners, you'd have to have sex with 25 different people every year, or about once every two weeks. Doesn't seem that ambitious to me.

R103 - That was me from late 80s to early 00s. But it was never so evenly paced. Could be 3 in one day, and then nothing for 2 weeks. And that's not counting the occasional orgy. I was [mostly] safe, and have no idea how I never caught anything worse than crabs.

What are they counting though?

For me, anal sex is 4 people and blowjobs/handjobs are about 25.

I’m in my 30s.

It seems really difficult to get an accurate count.

As of last night: 1,250

Wait, let me go check my bedpost...

If Erna & Co. are to be believed, their bedposts collapsed long ago after being whittled away till they were as thin as toothpicks.

No R17 blowjobs are not sex

I'm 32 and I've been with only 15 guys, if you don't count blowjobs/handjobs.

I was a handsome guy with a nice build, pretty large dick, and a top, so...

Starting at age eighteen I slept with a couple guys a month for fifteen to eighteen years, so I'd guess just over 300. Boy, that sounds like a lot and yet I've gone two to three years without having sex at all a few times!

I certainly haven't gone without when I look at the big picture though....

If it's penetration only sex, that's incredibly heterocentric. It doesn't even make sense for straight people really.

This does seem surprisingly low but I'm brought to mind of something someone once told me - that's it's really a small group of people who whore around a lot. But that was a straight man who told me that.

An average-looking, fairly masculine gay/bi male who is toppish would have about 11 encounters a month. Though several could be the same fuckbuddies.

R115 True, but do most of them want to do that when it takes up effort and time? I'm trying to understand why the number is low. Are people not admitting to it, the question wasn't phrased well?

It's the median. What do you think the average is?

You guys didn't experience the 1970s--going to the baths on Tuesday night "dollar locker" night every week, cruising the college tea rooms, roadside rest stops, adult bookstore, glory holes everywhere. A different hookup after the bar closed, etc. etc. It's difficult even to think in terms of numbers that aren't in the thousands.

The article says: "Approximately 50% of gay men had just 0 or 1 sexual partner per year across all three studies. A minority of gay men had most of the sex."

I thought I was a slut (400ish) until I saw the DL poll results.

R64 i'm male.

Wait, I want a do-over. I didn't know I was suppose to count them 🤔

R105 as per OP's post;

[quote]("Sexual partner" includes any type of sexual encounter, not just penetrative sex.)

For me, anal sex as a top maybe a couple of dozen, blowjobs. handjobs etc well into four digits, 1000-2000. I tried bottoming once and it did not work out, lets put it that way

Oh wow. Like 30 years ago, I was working in a lab with a straight guy and we were listening to an. NPR story about the average number of sexual partners adult men and women had by their 40s. It was something like 4 for women and 7 for men. We both looked at one another and went "what?? That can't be true!" And then he said "that's gotta be wrong! That's WAY too high!" I sat quietly thinking "oh man, I'm a real slut" and finally said "yup, gotta be wrong".

I try not to have regrets, but I have to say reading threads like these really make me think. I’m 62 now and when I think of the sheer amount of time and energy I wasted in pursuit of cock, it would add up to many years. I’m not talking about fucking, just casual hook ups, blow jobs etc. If I’d put just 5% of that time and energy into trying to have a proper relationship then I wouldn’t be on my own now. Or maybe I would, who knows…

I'm going to say approx 600, I lost track about five years ago though so it's probably more.

You're not on your own, r125. You have us bitches. Don't regret all the great cock you got. Relationships suck after 5 years anyways.

The problem is guys deciding they want to be in relationships in their 20s-40s. That's prime riding season, go out and enjoy sex. Once you hit 50 then maybe think of settling down but don't fool yourself that you can get a guy a half your age. Eldergays need to realise, if you don't want to die lonely, then embrace reality. Ain't no twink got any time for some guy who can barely get out of the chair let alone get a hard-on.

Wilt Chamberlain porked over 1000 fish!

You guys are all whores and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Oral sex is sex... the word is right in the name. People who don't "count" oral sex as sex are weird.

I had 6. Mostly because I was in serial relationships and monogamous. Guys are always shocked when I tell them. I had tons of opportunities for more, but was never the type to hoe around or into anonymous or casual sex. I think my religious background and fear of STDs/HIV has a lot to do with it.

@r130, But we're not 🙂

So many fish in this thread!

Fish are not interested in sex, that is why it is so wonderful to be a sister and live in a fish-free world!

65 here. I figured i played with about 3K several years ago and have been with 100 since then but that's all the guys that I just played with one way or another, not necessarily a full fuck. One night at the baths or a sex club and I'd add another 5-10. And my numbers pale compared to some of my friends who are still adding them after 60.

Sex is easy, love is not.

R134, where are the fish? Just because a gay guy is not a slut does not make him a fish or fat/ugly.

I chose a range, but it comes with a massive "as near as I can remember".

We need to do this over with an 'I honestly don't know' option.

As Douglas Coupland said, once you separate sex and love, it's hard to put them back together.

Gosch, I'm never exactly schure!

Had you told me there was going to be a test I would have been better prepared...

I'm not saying I'm a slut, but I do have certain crowd control measures outside of my boudoir.

^ You just had to one up me, didn't you?

- r141

R129 he was an underachiever in my opinion!