I want to be underwhelmed—Feel the Heat—Summer 2022

Past underwhelms.

the heat makes muh cooter itch somethin fierce

Mosquitoes hover

Sweat glistening on taut skin

Gun smoke in the air

I don't see how I'm gonna make it through the summah.

The heat makes me wander into the backyard and curl my toes into the grass and turn on the garden hose until the water runs icy cold onto my bare feet. Ahhh …. Maybe I’ll be near a swimming pool next year ….

I'm out of Mr. Clean Magic Eraser sheets and running low on Dawn and Lysol Wipes. I'll have to make a Target run. Last time I had them bring my order out to the car but I think I'll actually go inside this time.

Sweat glistens on my taint

I want fast food that isn’t healthy and it’s just as fast walking twelve blocks as waiting for a bus.

However, there’s a Seattle stuttering rain and I’m in sweatpants. We don’t do umbrellas. Greasy chicken smeared across my face ….

It looks like I'll be getting two new cats next week. I'm not whelmed, but I'm happy. 😊

^yay!

I made a carrot cake in a blender. It was surprisingly good and incredibly easy.

Full recipe is at emmafontanella.com

I love carrot cake.

I recently visited St Augustine, FL and stopped into a bar for a drink after walking around for a few hours.

It looks like my crotch n ass are fresh for June.

I wanted *this* new link to be called, "I Want to be Underwhelmed - Smell the Cookies..." Mildly overwhelmed, but at least I can post on this thread for a while, until Muriel works her accustomed magic.

My French Bulldog rolled around in the grass yesterday. Later that same day, a flea jumped off of her onto my arm. She has taken her flea medication, now I’m wondering if it’s something I need.

I watched My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (even though everyone else apparently discovered it back in 2020) and cried an embarrassing amount at the end.

I had a burrito and cheap glass of wine on Monday and it was so good I can’t stop thinking about it. I may have another tomorrow night.

I gave my Boston Terrier a bath and when we were outside he rolled in some deer shit.

It was a whelming day. Thank goodness we have dogs rolling in shit.

I’m going off weed for the month to clear my head.

You all stink.

I vacuumed.

-The End

Why the tears for the octopus, R17? Sushi?

I received a text from my dental office reminding me of an upcoming appointment for August.

I sprayed roundup on the weeds around my drive way and now I’m indoors listening to my France Joli playlist with my Boston Terrier and miniature Dachshund.

I’m next in line at the barbershop. After, I’m going on a small grocery store run.

I bought a yellow calla lily for my garden.

R24 I'm not that person but the octopus is a lovely, intelligent, social creature. Smarter than dogs, possibly smarter than some apes. I like watching videos about them on YouTube.

I transplanted some potted plants into larger pots on the patio then went inside and took a nap.

I want a window box so I can torture bulbs.

[quote]the octopus is a lovely, intelligent, social creature

R29 When I was a kid, I confused the word tentacles with testicles. Your post made me giggle at the memory.

Honda had a recall on the starter switch for my 2014 Fit and replaced it at no cost.

Why do you like Mr. Clean Magic Eraser sheets, r6. I couldn't stand all the soap they kick out. How do you rinse with them or do you just use them to wash dishes?

R24, I have never eaten sushi, and after that documentary I'm glad I haven't.

There was a creepy insect crawling out of my sink. I used the sprayed to wash it into the drain and then turned on the waste disposal. I feel bad.

I'm bored! I hope the weather stays nice so that I can go out for a walk later this afternoon. Maybe I need some sun rays and exercise to improve my mood.

Went to the dermatologist for a skin cancer check this morning. Results were thankfully underwhelming. Then I went to Target and bought only two things.

Were they two underwhelming things?

Going to Target and buying only 2 things is underwhelming no matter what the 2 things were.

Just washed my mask off. Got a zit on my chin area.

Benzoyl peroxide will kill it. Just wear sunscreen while you use it.

Yes, r39. I purchased A) ketchup with no added sugar and B) lubricant rewetting eye drops. I had wanted to also purchase C) natural peanut butter, but they were out of the kind I like. This, of course, left me feeling underwhelmed.

I bought a lawnmower a couple of weeks ago in a momentary burst of energy but then decided to keep paying someone else to do it. I had to schlep the thing back to Lowes. I had opened the box, so there was some risk of their refusing to take it back, but they did. Then I bought some plants.

I like how you think r44!

Matt Carpenter is HOT HOT HOT on the Yankees line up. Sporting the stache with a mash!,

I played “Fuck, Marry, Kill” on my evening bus commute: two random fucks, one father for my ass babies, and eight homicides.

I'm dog sitting for my brother this weekend. Not much of a pet person.

Just curious, R47, are there any real rules to that game, or do you just assign everyone to 3 categories? I've never heard of this game before. It sounds like fun.

I don’t think “kill” should be applied to people just based on looks. Well, in extreme cases, perhaps.

I was just going to plant some marigolds and I find myself having to dig out a huge rock. Grrr.

It’s a beautiful early summer day. I’m sitting here with my legs spread wide open.

Rock is out, but it was so big I gotta go get some top soil to fill in the hole.

I just watered my potted patio plants with the rain water that I collect.

Plants like rainwater better than chlorinated water I have found.

I put a 7-gallon bucket at the edge of the eaves and can fill it up, easily, with the runoff from a fairly brief shower. Usually lasts a week or more, and I use it to refill a birdbath too.

Two years ago I grew some Bhut Jalokia chili peppers and dehydrated them completely, then finely pulverized them, and lastly put the chili dust in a repurposed spice jar with a shaker top.

When using them, I just have to **show** the food or dish I am preparing the spice jar and somehow the heat travels through the air. Powerful stuff!

It's grey out. I'm doing laundry and paying bills and balancing my accounts.

I got stung by a weed!

[quote]Plants like rainwater better than chlorinated water I have found.

Fun fact, r54: chlorine dissipates from tap water after sitting out for 24 hours.

Urban myth or scientific fact, r59?

[quote]Urban myth or scientific fact, [R59]?

Fact. Have I ever steered you wrong, r60?

Your nose knows.

I add peanut butter to the pan when I stir fry vegetables. Chunky, of course.

Excellent, r61. Thanks.

A couple of weeks ago I had left over cooked ground beef from tacos I made and I unwisely froze it in a re-purposed Locatelli grated Romano cheese plastic container.

Last night when I retrieved this ground beef from the freezer all the ground beef crumbles splattered all over the freezer as I lifted the container. The bottom of the container had disintegrated.

Note to Self: Do not use plastic containers for purposes they are not intended.

R65, I get it. I have a bad habit of putting wine, champagne, or prosecco in the freezer to quick chill it.

One day, I put a bottle of prosecco in the freezer and completely forgot about it. Around 3 am I hear this strange sound. I go into the kitchen and suddenly remember the prosecco! The bottle had burst into about 6 big pieces. It was easy to get the glass out but the prosecco was a slushy mess. If I decide to quick-freeze any alcohol, I set the timer on my iPhone.

P. S. I've also frozen a beer; a Coronita that, once it got closer to room temperature, was absolutely delicious!

I’ve got tits from taking prednisone for 8 months.

[quote]I’ve got tits from taking prednisone for 8 months.

Pics please.

I'm having a sofa and chair and a half delivered this afternoon between 2:30 and 6:30 pm. I also have Got Junk coming between 11:30 am and 1:30 pm to remove my old sofa and lounge chair. Cosmo will NOT be happy with me today!

Well, the Got Junk guys just left. They were both well over 6' tall. They both had to duck going in and out of my condo. I tipped them $20 in total and told them lunch was on me. I'm now sitting on the floor on a pillow. I'm glad the weather cleared up this morning. I wasn't looking forward to having the new furniture delivered in the rain.

Unfortunately, I can now see the discoloration in my carpet.

Carpet? Oh my.

Were either one fuckable, R70?

The last time I had movers it would have been hot but they sounded like they were giving birth moving stuff upstairs. Men giving birth grunts and wails = not that hot. As one might expect.

I just finished reading the last few posts. I'm never moving or having furniture delivered. I will live in squalor forever.

I had a very loud cricket in my house all day and night. I couldn't find him. I finally dug everything out of a box and found him at the bottom. I killed that sucker! Mission accomplished.

Are we expected to be underwhelmed by your bloodlust r75?

R72, absolutely! Both very handsome and one was a bit flirty. I'm only 5'2". When I mentioned how tall they both were one, I said it wasn't fair that I'm so short. The cuter one then said, 'No! No! You're just the right height." Anyway, they left around 12:30 pm. The furniture delivery guys arrived around 4 pm. Neither of them was fuckable.

R71, yes I have wall to wall carpeting in my condo. I'm on the second floor so it's quieter for my downstairs neighbors plus I like to walk around bare foot as much as possible. I also like being able to vacuum the whole house in less that 30 minutes. I've thought about hard wood floors but Cos likes to run through the house. I can't imagine him trying to run around on a hardwood floor. When he runs through the kitchen, he looks like a cartoon character. Feet are moving but he can't get traction. It's hysterical!

I was able to get my afternoon walk in which was nice. It was gorgeous outside yesterday, With crappy weather forecast for the weekend, I will go for another walk today.

Happy Friday everyone!

I had minor surgery this morning for an arthritic toe. Went well. Is it wrong that I enjoy anesthesia so much? It’s such a wonderful deep nap. Now I’m laid up comfortably at home, about to watch “45 years,” a movie starring Charlotte Rampling. My partner just brought me a lovely turkey sandwich. Is there anything more delicious than a sandwich someone else has made for you? I think not.

I had a tangerine popsicle today.

There's a small garter snake living in my garage and not paying me rent.

My percolator arrives tomorrow. Mr Coffee takes a half hour to brew, so I’m going old school. No paper filters!

I can't like any posts about snaaakes. Whelming!!

[quote]My percolator arrives tomorrow. Mr Coffee takes a half hour to brew, so I’m going old school. No paper filters!

I LOVE my percolator r81! Makes rich, HOT coffee. I have a small percolator for me and a large one I use for company. I do use filters. I buy the Melitta disc filters for percolators on amazon in bulk.

I brushed out my long-haired cat and snipped two matts on her belly. Then I ate some hummus with carrots and radishes.

A bus just passed by that said "Be a top"

R84

Then I ate some humans with carrots and radishes.

My boyfriend and I went to dinner very early. Too early. Afterward we went back to his place and did the usual-sex, cuddle, talk. I’m talking about a documentary and I pause, and he says “Texaco station?” He’s falling asleep and says random things like this all the time when he’s drifting off. So I get dressed, kiss him on the forehead, and quietly slip out of his apartment. I do this all the time, it’s no big deal.

But it’s midnight, I’m wide awake, and I’m starving, so I head to a drive through. The lights at the drive through are so bright the entire inside of my car is lit up like Christmas and I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Hair is crazy (usually is) but the side is sticking out in all sorts of funky directions and I try to comb it with my fingers and it won’t lay flat.

Dude CAME in my hair.

And I’m at a drive through looking like a fifty cent hooker at midnight in the not so nice part of town.

I get home, wait quietly at the back door for a neighbor to go into her apartment because she’s exactly the kInd of girl that would loudly say “OH MY GOD, DID SOMEONE SPLOOGE IN YOUR HAIR? THAT IS HI-LARIOUS!!’” She steps inside, I sneak into my apartment and pull the hamburger, fries, and ketchup out of the bag onto the coffee table and run into the kitchen to get a water. As I come out of the kitchen, my cat is holding the hamburger by the corner of the wrapper, makes eye contact with me and then just as quickly disappears behind the sofa.

So it’s after midnight, I have jizz hair, and my cat stole my only hamburger and I’m not about to move the sofa to fight her for it.

You should all be grateful I didn’t start a thread to post this.

100% true story.

It’s “spooge.”

Are you Fabio? How did you not know there was cum in your hair, whore?

[quote]It’s “spooge.”

I’ve never heard “spooge”. Splooge is a an accepted term.

[quote]Are you Fabio? How did you not know there was cum in your hair, whore?

Because I thought it was all in my MOUTH. What does Fabio have to do with this?

Fabio has or had long hair so might not feel/notice spooge overflow as it occurs or immediately after. FWIW I have also seen spoog along with sploog. But my preference is spooge!

Well. I have fairly short hair and still didn’t notice. And I’m not mad about it.

I’m mad about the hamburger.

You’re doung it right if you feel like a used tissue.

While Guilt is a wonderful motivator, you simply must tell your neighbor you support her abortion healthcare. Every time you see her, let her know you’re a cunt’s ally in vaginal selfcare

Is your hamburgler farting now r92? She will dutch oven you in your sleep for sure.

[quote]The last time I had movers it would have been hot but they sounded like they were giving birth moving stuff upstairs. Men giving birth grunts and wails = not that hot. As one might expect.

I hired movers in DC for a 4 story walk up that were all deaf students from Gallaudet University. They were all hot as fuck and very fast. They were also very quiet, until one got his hand pinned agains the wall in the stairwell, and then it sounded like someone was killing a puppy in the hallway. We asked the foreman (the only one who could read lips) if the guy needed to go to the hospital and he said “nah, he’s fine”. 😳

Didn’t sound fine.

She’s locked out of the bedroom for the night, r94. She’s going to puke it up later and it’s not going to be on me. I’ve already been violated once by stray bodily fluids this evening. There won’t be a second time.

French fries and dick isn’t a terrible Saturday night.

Did you search his pockets while his pants were ankle level?

[quote]Did you search his pockets while his pants were ankle level?

To be clear, this was my BOYFRIEND, not some trick I picked up on the street and let come in my hair. I can just search his pants pockets when he’s in the shower if I want to.

If I do decide to blow some rando off the street, then yes, I’ll search his pockets while he’s distracted.

There's quite a bit of whelm creeping into this "underwhelmed" thread.

R98, did you put anything in the pockets such as a linty mint, a sliver of raw carrot, or a Canadian quarter?

R100, no, but I’m intrigued by the question. Why would I do that? Just so he’d ask “did you put a carrot in my pocket?”

I could probably get away with a mint or a Canadian quarter, but he’d definitely know it was me if I slipped a carrot in.

This has gotten very whelming.

I’m sorry r102. I got us off track. Let me fix things.

Before he came in my hair, we shared a fro-yo.

Ben & Jerry's was BOGO at the supermarket yesterday.

I wanted Strawberry Cheesecake and Mint Chocolate Cookie but they were out of the Mint Chocolate Cookie so I got two Strawberry Cheesecake.

C'est la vie.

Mint chocolate cookie sounds so good. I have a new favorite Haagen Dazs flavor: caramel cone, omg it's ambrosia.

Love Caramel Cone. Haagen Dazs is BOGO next week....

My yard used to be dominated by a group of squirrels. They vanished and now it’s bunnies and chipmunks.

[quote]My yard used to be dominated by a group of squirrels. They vanished and now it’s bunnies and chipmunks.

Yard gentrification.

SPOON!!!!!

It means CUM!

I got Haagen Daaz BOGO last weekend. Swiss almond vanilla and French vanilla. No chocolate varieties of any kind! Just some raspberry or these vanillas. Underwhelming selection. Altho now I am pondering what is the difference btwn Swiss and French vanilla. Will have to google.

French vanilla is traditionally made with egg yolks, R110. I have no idea what makes Swiss vanilla different from regular vanilla.

Does Swiss vanilla have holes in it?

It’s not the vanilla that’s Swiss; it’s the almonds. They are coated in chocolate.

Yeah, "Swiss" is describing the almonds, not the vanilla. Swiss almond vanilla is my go-to Haagen Dazs flavor. I don't know what makes the almonds "Swiss," though. It's just pieces of almond covered in dark chocolate.

The chocolate makes them Swiss.

That makes sense, R115.

BOGO? Buy one, of course you get one 😂

My stomach was feeling upset.

I had some Celestial Seasonings Peppermint Tea and now I feel better.

R118, MARY!

On the advice of an idiot, not an MD, I took 1,000 mg of Niacin (vitamin B3). If you’ve never done this, google “niacin flush”. Within 15 minutes I turned beet red, my skin is burning and tingling and I feel like I should probably go to the ER. But google says it’s normal and will pass in 1-2 hours.

You're betting your life on Google, R120?

I was prescribed B3 because it lowers the risk of skin cancer for those with a history of basal cell carcinomas. There is a form that can be taken in high doses without causing flush. It’s called niacinamide. There are also products sold as “no-flush “ niacin.

My cat is wet-nosing me. I hate that.

I’m over here finger fucking my own ass!

I will not ask to borrow your keyboard of mouse r124.

Lesson learned r120? Or will you OD on more vitamins like menopausal sage tablets?

I haven't seen that little garter snake that was living in my garage, rent-free, for a couple of days.

Truly, I'm not afraid of it. It won't chase me or bite me.

I slam the walk-in garage door a couple of times to startle it before it startles me. It likes to hide out between the walk-in door and the drive-in door.

I wonder where it is.

Summer technically doesn't start until June 21 in the northern hemisphere. That being said, I always figured it starts unofficially with Memorial Day weekend.

Underwhelmed: going dry in June. The days are really long.

Is anybody else going to be overwhelmed by the Strawberry Moon tonight and tomorrow night?

Record set here in St. Louis for earliest date at 100 degrees.

Della, that little garter snake gives me the shudders. Ugh, just reading about it overwhelms me.

I heard something skitter across my floor and thought it might be a big mouse, but it was actually a very large lizard. Hopefully he'll eat the cricket that's been annoying me all day.

Thanks, R132. Now I have that image in my head. Just the word 'skitter' set me off again.

An old acquaintance of mine was a Miss England runner-up in her teens. Extremely girly, loved dressing up, very sociable, always seemed supremely confident. Married a handsome man, looked glamorous and incredibly happy on her wedding day, had two kids with him.

I've recently discovered via Facebook that in her late thirties, she's become a bodybuilder, had a full-blown butch makeover, and left her husband for an even butcher woman. She looks great (and very happy), but obviously nothing like her old self. I would never in a million years have expected this, but now that I look back I can see that she was always slightly androgynous, in a Kristen Stewart sort of way. I'm dying to find out how this all went down behind the scenes. Her mum (also a former beauty contestant) always revelled in having two very pretty, feminine daughters. I'm guessing she hasn't taken this turn of events too well.

I live on a lake and suddenly heard a lot of noise. Canada geese walked up onto my neighbor's lawn and she unleashed her hound. It was bedlam of honking and barking but no one was harmed.

[quote] I’m over here finger fucking my own ass!

I d going to as well but i remembered i haven't showered yet.

I fantasize about reconciling with my ex, saying we need to talk, let’s drive out to a state park we used to like to go hike in, driving us out there, getting out on the trail, looking at him and saying I left my phone in the car, be right back. Leaving him there, getting in my car, driving away, and leaving him stranded in the park. Hundreds of miles and hours away from home. I know that he’ll be safe, because there’s a visitor center. So he won’t starve or die. But he deserves it.

R137, why can’t you just wish IBS upon him like other spurned lovers?

A house fly came in through my patio door as I let the dog out. I've stalked him for two hours.

R134 / R137 You sound more vengeful than underwhelmed. I hope you find answers, but you may be posting on the wrong thread.

[quote]you may be posting on the wrong thread.

I've noticed quite a bit of that lately. This is the "I want to be underwhelmed" thread, not the "please gross me out with unpleasant details" thread.

[quote][R137], why can’t you just wish IBS upon him like other spurned lovers?

He already has IBS. That’s partly why I want to leave him in a park.

I've decided I like the scent of the Raid spray that gets rid of fruit flies. Oh, how I hate those fuckers.

[quote]I've decided I like the scent of the Raid spray that gets rid of fruit flies. Oh, how I hate those fuckers.

I left a can of Zevo spray for fruit flies sitting out in my bathroom and my housekeeper thought it was a room deodorizer. It smells absolutely awful and I dread to think that she sprayed it all over the bathroom and then still had to be in the apartment to finish cleaning around that terrible smell. I had to open all the windows for hours to get rid of it.

I use bleach and dish soap in a little.bowl for fruit flies.

I ordered some vitamins from vitacost.com this morning. I was surprised to learn they carry a few Oxo utensils and they were on sale 25% off with code. I got an Oxo ice cream scoop for 5.77 and a Turner for 5.99.

[quote]a Turner for 5.99

Were they all out of tiny Titians?

Fruit flies: In my experience, there is something exposed for them to eat in your house (and lay their eggs in), and it is usually the trash. They will move on to unrefrigerated fruit in the kitchen, but they really want the garbage to "nest" in. So, if I have them, I make sure to take the trash out *every* day, near sundown. You can get rid of them by putting a very small amount of vinegar, preferably cider, in the bottom of a little jar. Line the top with plastic wrap and a rubber band, and poke about 10 little holes in the top with a toothpick. The dumb things will go in and won't be able to figure out how to get back out again. After a day or so, throw the stuff outside. They're gone. But the main thing is not leaving your kitchen garbage exposed. I got rid of mine in this way.

Titians are much, much larger than Turners, as a general thing. You are just NOT going to find a good Titian for less than a couple hundred bucks, especially if it was one painted by the man himself (unlike the vast majority of em, which were done by his employees).

I’m you tiny turner

A turner for money

I’ll turn when you tell me to

I’m your tiny turner

A turner for money

And any D3 over 6000mg will dooooooooo

I wanted to be a private dancer as a child just like Tina.

I found a bag of Angie's Boom Chicka Pop Sweet and Salty Kettle Corn in the pantry. Don't recall when I purchased it. Must have been an impulse buy at Target. I filled up a turquoise Fiesta Gusto bowl and ate it all.

Why bother with the bowl?

^The chunkiness of Fiestaware adds fiber to your diet.

Weeds. Fuck ‘em.

Just found put thereare going to be rolling blackout this summer, i am overwhelmed

Find another thread.

I ruthlessly trimmed my limelight hydrangea. I wanted a tree and it was becoming a shrubbery.

I need to dust but am very unmotivated.

I enjoy the gentle correctives, courteously administered, when this thread strays towards whelmingness. It’s like the spirit of Bob Ross lives here.

My arugula has gone to seed.

I have a lovely tropical type of plant that needs to be split in two. It's grown too big for its (already) very big planter. I’m not whelmed by this, as I’ve done this before and I have another nice planter to transfer the other half to.

But I’m fucking dreading doing it. I mean ugh….

Ugh, indeed. I really should split the irises, but [shiver]

[quote]My arugula has gone to seed.

Your arugula and I have something in common.

OMG, this again...

"You're going to bath in an inch of water, Blanche?"

With irises, it was always a “find a spot upwind of the fucking purples” dilemma. I love them, but they fuck every other plant.

I'm underwhelmed by the amount of comments on DL tonight. Like someone is making a comment about every five minutes.

Seriously, is DL dying?

May cat is lying against my outstretched leg making it sweat.

My boyfriend called me a lover and, while it was sweet, I cringed a little. Lover is like the word moist. Does anyone like hearing that?

You sound easily whelmed, R170.

R170, I agree 100%. Men who say the word "lover" really want to come running down the staircase at Tara, dressed in one of Miz Scahlett's velvet hoop dresses (dark green). It gives me the creeps.

Did he province it “lovah?”

This Crystal Light peach-mango green tea smells like cat piss!!

I changed my John Deere lawnmower's oil today at 7:30 AM. Replaced the old air filter with a new one, too.

It was a hot 'n' sweaty job even at that early hour.

Almost whelmed me, but I got it done, and then I came inside to cool off.

R175 You sound very manly. I want to ask how exactly you cooled off, but I'm afraid of being whelmed.

R175 Shove your foot in my ass then make me suck it

Napping on the couch with dog, Old Romeo shot up, growled, and is now on alert. He does it every time.

I made an appointment to have my car serviced, the earliest available slot was in 2 weeks. I was pleased because the last time to had to to this, it was a two month wait.

^Where do go? What are you having done? Two weeks or two months...insane. I'm overwhelmed.

[quote]My cat is wet-nosing me. I hate that.

My cat sticks her paw in her water then comes up behind me and touches my neck. It’s like her version of a wet willy. And she does it so frequently that i think she thinks it’s funny. I have a cat with a sense of humor.

R180, it's my regular Audi dealership, I have a sensor warning when I start the car. Last time, it was just regular servicing. They claim the backlog was due to recalls and pandemic/staff shortages.

Today I have done absolutely nothing. And it has been so wonderful.

Father’s Day 2022: put new flowers on my dad’s headstone. He’s been gone for 5 years. Took my two sweet dogs on a SUV ride and leash free roam. Sprayed for weeds, picked up tree limbs and sawed them to fit in brush pile. Did a weeks worth of laundry and watched the Cardinals lose to the Whitesox.

Both grocery stores in town were out of plain seltzer and club soda.

I’m going to have refined carbohydrates for dinner. Namely, pasta with meat sauce. I’m using pork. I will also blanch some asparagus.

I spent twenty minutes watching Nicolas Fairford. He gave himself some kind of facial treatment and after that he had tea in his garden followed by a visit to a Van Goh exhibition. He wrapped up the video by making a cold Spanish tomato soup I did not find enticing.

I then had some Beef Plov I made earlier in the Instant Pot after which I took out the trash. Neighbor said something to me as I walked back into my garage and I just nodded, smiled and waved. I don't know what he said or what I was nodding in agreement to.

R184 Sounds like a great day, not too whelming but just whelming enough.

I watch lawn mowing videos on YouTube, they're relaxing and these guys are often mowing someone's lawn for free. Some of the homeowner's reactions are really touching.

I bought this clear protector stuff for the new couch and chair to keep Cos from destroying the furniture. The "kit" came with clear tape, some weird type of tacks, and the protector sheets that I'll have to peel off and apply to the furniture. No FUCKING instructions! I mean, yes, I know what to do with the sheets but what do I do with the tacks and tape??!! Sorry to whelm anyone.

On the plus side, the chair is a chair and a half (bigger than a recliner but smaller than a loveseat). Cos loves the big pillow. He sits on it like the King of Siam.

Well, he IS the King of Siam.

I need to lay off the popsicles, I’ve been eating two or three a day.

[quote]I need to lay off the popsicles, I’ve been eating two or three a day.

In the summer, I keep a package of the sugar-free variety in the freezer. 15 calories, 0 g saturated fat, 0 mg sodium, and 0 g of sugar.

I want soup.

I just had tomato soup.

In the summer, R194?

R191, absolutely! I wouldn't have it any other way, either!

I’m drinking Concord Grape Crystal Light 🍇

Because I Believe In Me

Dicks just keep on getting bigger and bigger. Assholes are being stretched to astonishing new limits.

Not to whelm, but R199’s research observations mean certain death for the average American bottom .

[quote]I need to lay off the popsicles, I’ve been eating two or three a day.

I bought a gigantic box of fla-vor-ice and popped a couple stacks in the freezer. They all froze solid except the green ones, which all remained liquid. I emailed the company and they mailed me coupons for more popsicles, but never answered my questions about what was wrong with the green ones.

A grocery cart is required.

Yes, I can carry all the bags. My fucking fingers grip up the next morning. I’m thisclose to walking around in a bathrobe with my willie peeping out at randos.

[quote]I’m thisclose to walking around in a bathrobe with my willie peeping out at randos.

In college, I had a job at a movie theater and our work uniform was black pants and a white shirt. I usually rode my bike to work, but I was sick (and sick days weren’t allowed) so I took the bus. I was wearing boxers and super baggy black work pants. As I was standing in the door waiting to get off the bus, I noticed a strange draft and I looked down. My penis had come OUT of my boxers, and my pants were unzipped and it had come OUT of my pants. So that day, on that bus, I was the crazy guy riding around on the bus with his dick hanging out.

[quote]the average American bottom

As if there even is such a thing.

I usually buy Key Lime or Tangerine La Croix. Decided to give the Limoncello flavor a try. I don't like it. Tastes like Lemon Pledge furniture polish smells.

R205, the La Croix Coconut is pretty nasty too. It reminded me of suntan lotion, similar to the way you described Pledge.

I stick to the basics now.

[quote]I usually buy Key Lime or Tangerine La Croix. Decided to give the Limoncello flavor a try. I don't like it. Tastes like Lemon Pledge furniture polish smells.

Lemony?

I just ate two Claussen pickle halves and drank a glass of iced tea. I may even have a third half later. I like pickles.

I’ve always thought that limes didn’t have seeds. Today, at almost 61 years old, I saw my first lime seed. I even took a picture.

Personalized too, R209. Nice.

I'm watching the sitcom Titus from the early 2000s on Youtube.

I don't know why.

Well yes I do know why. I'm waiting for my incompetent co-worker to get some revised info to me so I can proceed.

Nina from General Hospital is in it.

Re the LaCroix flavors: nearly all of them give me horrible, unbelievably bad and long-lasting indigestion, heartburn. Especially Raspberry and Tangerine. Lime is not so bad that I wouldn't drink it, but those others, whew. I am not a sensitive or picky eater, either. In fact, I have eaten many other things that friends said had given them "food poisoning" before, with no noticeable effect on me whatever. I wonder what those flavorings are really made of. I think I've read that the flavored LaCroix is measurably worse for the enamel on your teeth than the unflavored, too.

Today was Flowbee day, head and beard.

Results looks sharp.

[quote]Today was Flowbee day, head and beard.

Hi George Clooney! I didn't know you posted on DL. You Flowbeed your beard Amal? Is that a stipulation in her contract?

I just opened a can of blackberry Bubbly.

I’m fixin’ to pour myself a large glass of Crystal Light fruit punch with lots of ice.

[quote] I like pickles.

R208 I wish I could have posted that but I LOVE pickles - dill, sweet, bread&butter. It's overwhelming.

Generic producers are over sweetening bread&butter and sweet pickles. Or, perhaps they’re using a different sweetener.

I need to go back to Vlassic. Cheap pickles are never a bargain, folks.

I get bread and butter pickles from a farmers market that are way too expensive but also worth every penny.

I only like dill pickles. Polski Ogorki. Garlic!

I am.going to have a shower when it cools off.

Need two use dental floss but can't be bothered to get up. Can someone help?

[quote]Need two use dental floss but can't be bothered to get up. Can someone help?

If you can't even make yourself get up, how will you be able to handle the extreme physical exertion necessary to use dental floss?

R223 you may be a bit whelmed to know I did get up and get the floss. Of course now the cat thinks it's for him...

Your cat flosses, R224? I've always heard that cats are fastidious, but to this extent?

Yes he is should be a dental mascot.

He also likes the small of toothpaste. Meow!

Aw, it’s amazing that your cat flosses. Mine will brush her teeth (or I’ll hold the toothbrush and she’ll rub her front teeth against it). But I can’t get her back teeth. She’s really old (17) and I’ve been dreading the day the vet recommends she get her teeth professionally cleaned, but so far the vet always says her teeth are in great shape.

[quote] I am.going to have a shower when it cools off.

So...September? Ewww. TMI

[quote]So...September? Ewww. TMI

Whelmed!!

I bought a supermarket carrot cake. It was predictably bad. That didn’t stop me from eating half of it in a day before throwing the rest in the garbage.

R231 Did you eat the top half? The part with the cream cheese frosting? That's the best part.

I’m not convinced it was cream cheese frosting. There was a bit of tang, but it mainly tasted like sugar. I made a point of getting a two-layer cake, so there was plenty of frosting. There was an occasional nut or raisin, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say these were intentional ingredients.

[quote]There was an occasional nut or raisin, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say these were intentional ingredients.

I don’t want to tell you what those probably were.

R233 Oh my. I love carrot cake but only as a sheet cake with CC frosting. I, too, would be underwhelmed per your description (and R234's comment).

My Boston Terrier, Sprite, is a moony moony and a tootsy tootsy.

All my bowls are dirty.

I wish they were a way to choose which body part to add weight to. I don't want to get fat, but I hate having such a thin face.

[quote]I don't want to get fat, but I hate having such a thin face.

You could always get cheek implants. I understand they're all the rage in Hollywood.

[quote]I wish they were a way to choose which body part to add weight to. I don't want to get fat, but I hate having such a thin face.

I have no butt. It’s like my back just ends at my legs and there’s a crack at the bottom. I’ve always hated it. Pants fall off. I can actually take off pants and a belt without unbuckling. I’ve heard of people having fat sucked out of their asses to fill their faces, but not the other way around. Implants are a big no. Expensive and they sound painful. I’ve tried squats, leg lifts, squeezing my butt cheeks while walking upstairs and I think it got smaller! I think it’s actually concave now. I’m terrified of wearing blue jeans because they just accentuate the fact that I was born without an ass.

It’s also led to an (un)healthy obsession with guys with nice asses. I get so distracted that I’ll follow them, staring at their asses and forget where I’m going.

This all sounds whelming, but my ass is truly underwhelming, so I hope this counts.

I remember buying food and liquor before SuperStorm Sandy. I stopped at now-closed Acme and saw they had Entenmann's Banana Cake with the striped frosting. I bought one and it was as good as I remembered. It's been hard to find in my area.

Was the striped frosting cream cheese?

THERE IS NO REASON TO BE UNDERWHELMED TODAY.

Entenmann’s is a national treasure. We should have a holiday for it. The Louisiana crunch cake deserves a Nobel Prize.

If I get married, I want an Entenmann’s wedding cake.

What an underwhelming life you must lead r244!

I found a missing Costco cash card this morning. It was under some travel-related papers on my desk. I will now be able to spend it on lint rollers and frozen cod.

What vegetable will you serve it with, R246?

I fed my neighbors' cat.

I have plenty of food. I’m not prepping, cooking, cooking, or eating.

Probably spinach, r247.

I’m naked and scared

The daisys in my yard have really multipled. There's about a hundred and I love them.

[quote] about to watch “45 years,” a movie starring Charlotte Rampling

R78 Were you bored by it as much as I? I was tremendously underwhelmed.

[quote]I have plenty of food. I’m not prepping, cooking, cooking, or eating.

I'm still trying to figure out what the difference is between "cooking" and "cooking."

I play with myself because I like it!

R254, it was my sloppy edit. My verbs weren’t agreeing. Sorry. Cun

Starting at 6:30 a.m. I washed two loads of laundry and hung both outside to dry.

It's supposed to 98˚ today; both loads will be dry by noon, maybe before.

Organic strawberries were BOGO at the supermarket. I stocked up. Will freeze most of them.

Put the beasts in the house when line drying. Cats pretend to help you smooth out sheets and dogs play “Flying Nun”.

What are you going on about, r259?

Just checked -- laundry is 2/3rds dry. Wow. Gonna be a scorcher today.