International Order of Satanic Witchery - Hollywood Branch: Tales from the Crypt

This makes TOTAL sense.

If Anjelica was a real witch, she would've a much better life as a retiree. She's basically broke after paying for her husband's medical bills.

I hear they meet at the International House of Satanic Pancakes.

Who do we know who comes on here and posts this stupid shit, then acts incredulous when we don’t believe her?

I'm not supposed to reveal this, but I know where Amy Adam's apples are hidden.

Warlocks are WAY more fun.

R5

Omg I can’t stop laughing

Fucking hilarious that it is supposedly a bunch of 70’s sitcom stars. Are Sandy Duncan and Marion Ross out there raising the cone of power and anointing themselves with baby fat somewhere?

I'm certain Valeria Bertinelli was a victim of this nefarious group.

I'm certain it was a FAT spell.

Abacadabra, eye of newt, make her as fat as a Christmas Goose!

Mary Wickes and Ellen Corby used to lead a special all-nude Black Mass for Satanic Hollywood lesbians of a certain age. This thread tells you all you need to know about the attendees.

^ It's clear you haven't wasted YOUR life.

It's all true, I was the child sacrifice.

R11 if anyone needs virgin’s blood, I’m soaking through my third pad of the day 📆 👍

G is a witch. A failure at that too.

I remember reading several of OP's claims on Usenet back in the 90s. They may be outlandish but they've been around for a long time.

Its scary but I want to know more!

No, you don't. This is a shit thread.

I love scary shit. OP do you have any pictures of angelica wearing a headdress of serpents or whatever it is the grand witch wears?

Here you go.

Ahem....

I guess my Instagram filter spell isn't working...

R4 This has to be someone from the Conspiracy Theory forum over at LSA who ran into a dead end and so is giving it a go here.

She's not really "Hollywood," of course, but I'm sure that Hillary Clinton must be very high up in the witch hierarchy.

[quote]Mary Wickes and Ellen Corby used to lead a special all-nude Black Mass for Satanic Hollywood lesbians of a certain age.

Witches' honor?

I remember years ago when there was rancor among the New School devotees when Bonnie Franklin was ordained High Priestess, resulting in a vicious witch war that saw the expulsion of Carol Wayne, Dana Plato, and Selma Diamond from the coven. Third Degree members Linda Lavin and Cathryn Damon had to enlist retired HPs Sada Thompson and Joan Davis in the battle.

OP, are you willing to travel on your own dime in exchange for a speaking role in the sequel to your starring vehicle, "Fart: The Movie?"

what

Is this that idiot who claimed her name was Max?

[quote]She's not really "President" of course, but I'm sure that Killary Clinton must be very high up in the Bitch hierarchy.

R23, I've fixed your message a little, so as to reflect reality.

Killary would never be part of a coven because she wouldn't be able to be on top from the onset; not to mention that if she were a witch, she wouldn't be able to blame anybody else for her lousy spellcraft, and she doesn't do personal responsibility AT ALL.

Why is the traitor trash contingency still obsessed with the Clintons?

Aren’t most American pagans Wiccan? Gullible morons fell for that shit like it was legit conjure.

This thread is like a floating turd that refuses to get flushed.

We just put a hex on you r31. Tell us about anything that happens to you hee hee! The hex is for until sundown Sunday

I really wanted to get into this because I love all Wiccan-related convos but the child sacrifice? Ruined it for me. Couldn't believe it any more.

Do better next time, please.

R34, it was for a MAJOR EVENT.

But please pardon me. I do not know English well. I meant a kid sacrifice. Of a goat.

They don't do any work with humans in anything public or well-attended. That would be foolish.

Some version of this ludicrous all-of-Hollywood-are-Satanists story has been circulating since I was a boy. There was an evangelical 'pastor' who travelled North America claiming he had been raised as a devil worshipper and worked in the rock music industry until he found Jesus, my half brother gave me a cassette tape of one of his lectures. He was later revealed to be a fraudster who fabricated the whole story (big shock!)

Interesting that the devil worship/child sacrifice story has recently been revived yet again by Qanon.

Betty White was the biggest animal lover on the planet. The idea that they'd sacrifice a goat at her funeral - ridiculous I say!

R33 oh, save your breath, annwyl. There’s nothing you can throw at me that Life’s vicissitudes or the Otherworld hasn’t thought to already, ages ago. By now, this heathen is tough as bulls’ hide and experienced as an old badger, yennow.

For context, I live with my grandmother who is a literal fampyr (no, I’m not messing). Myself, I am mostly mortal, and have been a Brythonic Pagan since I was in school, raised and watched over by the spirits of the Afon Gwy where I grew up. It’s quite possible that I have Fae blood as well as that bit of fampyr, and it is almost definite that I have some Gypsy blood (so curses don’t work terribly well on me, sori). The Cwn Annwn themselves have come rushing to my aid, before now...

But yeah, still here utterly quaking in my boots...at a ‘curse’....thrown by Sabrina cosplayers....from a land they stole from truly powerful native shamans....across a vast metaphysical ocean filled with bigger badder magic....yep....bare terrified I am....

Thanks for posting that, r36. I posted earlier that I remember first reading these outlandish stories in the 90s and r18 promptly called me a liar.

Old, stupid lies don't make them true.

OP how do the pot-bellied goblins and the baby-eating alien scum respond to this witcherel?

Who said they were true? Someone seems a little too invested. Or nuts.

R39 For what it's worth, the fake satanist grifter's name was Mike Warnke. He was outed as a fraud by a Christian magazine as I recall.

" (no, I’m not messing). Myself, "

But ya are, Blanche! Ya are messing yourself!