Happy New Year from me, Bea Benederet
Not my usual high-profile party this year. Just me, Kaye Ballard, Mary Wickes, Shirley Booth and a select few others, sitting around shootin' the shit with half a dozen cases of Schlitz and a gross of deviled eggs.
Marjorie Main is at the piano (not singing, thank god) and Agnes Moorehead has been telling scathing stories about Loretta Young. Fun night.
Kathleen Freeman says to say Happy New Year to all the eldergays...
|by Anonymous||reply 445||Last Sunday at 10:41 AM|
Has Miss Barbara Stanwyck arrived?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||12/31/2012|
Stanwyck arrived at 5:30, and within 10 minutes had locked herself in the master bath with the coral pink princess phone. She won't come out or say who she's talking to.
Oh, shit -- my prescriptions are in there.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||12/31/2012|
Let us know when Hope Emerson shows up.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||12/31/2012|
That's very insensitive of you, R3 -- you well know that poor Hope died three years ago. Of course, she may still make an appearance when Thelma Ritter gets out the ouija board, later.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||12/31/2012|
Did Hepburn make the deviled eggs?
|by Anonymous||reply 5||12/31/2012|
And of course, as usual, Judy didn't show. That really pissed me off because she was supposed to bring the picked sausages. And then when Lucille found out Judy wasn't coming, all of the sudden she had a "wig tape emergency" and couldn't make it. But what Lucille didn't know was that Irma Kusely was sitting right next to me when she called to cancel, so I know for a fact that she made up that story.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||12/31/2012|
Can someone please explain just one tiny thing this 24-year-old gay guy: Who the fuck are these people? TIA.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||12/31/2012|
Hepburn DID make the deviled eggs (they were 30% celery, but the way -- cheap bitch). but of course La Katherine wouldn't deign to actually attend the party, so she sent the platter over with George Cukor. Uhg.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||12/31/2012|
Is that Uncle Joe? He's a movin' kinda slow!
|by Anonymous||reply 9||12/31/2012|
A drunk Zasu Pitts made a pass at a server...
|by Anonymous||reply 10||12/31/2012|
Spring Byington and Beulah Bondi getting blotto in the corner.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||12/31/2012|
Elvia Allman is in the kitchen, washing up plates and emptying ashtrays. She gets so shy at these things.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||12/31/2012|
Thanks to this thread, I think we may need to come up with a term for those posters who are too old to be classified as "eldergay." What do you bitches think of "homofossil"?
|by Anonymous||reply 13||12/31/2012|
What say we drive out to Helen Hayes' place and moon her in her own back yard? We'll throw pebbles at her bedroom window first. Alice Pearce says she knows which one it is.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||12/31/2012|
If I get too drunk, Rose Marie offered to drive me home.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||12/31/2012|
At the stroke of midnight, Fran Ryan flashed her cooch on top of the baby grand while singing "Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive".
|by Anonymous||reply 16||12/31/2012|
Isadora left early with some young stud. I tried to tell her that scarf clashed with her outfit...
|by Anonymous||reply 17||12/31/2012|
Shirley Booth ran out the door the minute the deviled eggs were finished, farting with every step.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||12/31/2012|
Bea, you DID invite Elsa Maxwell, didn't you?
|by Anonymous||reply 19||12/31/2012|
Kaye Ballard and Rose Marie? Last I heard, they were still here.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||01/01/2013|
While his wife went to the bathroom Adolphe Menjou was flirting with Anne Shirley...
|by Anonymous||reply 21||01/01/2013|
Coral Browne brought the most delightful hors d'oeuvres. Lord, that Vincent can cook!
|by Anonymous||reply 22||01/01/2013|
OP, are you telling us something about Shirley Booth most of us don't know?
|by Anonymous||reply 23||01/01/2013|
Is Joan Blondell still there? Still passed out?
|by Anonymous||reply 24||01/01/2013|
Oh, look! Nancy Kulp arrived in her bird-watching outfit with Katleen Freeman in tow.
Kathleen always looks so fetching with her hair wrapped up in concentric braids.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||01/01/2013|
Norma Varden, here.
Has anyone seen my tiara?
|by Anonymous||reply 26||01/01/2013|
Damn it, Bea! Charlotte Greenwood just kicked me in the head! Again!
|by Anonymous||reply 27||01/01/2013|
Now, wait a minute....is that Doris Singleton or Doris Packer?
|by Anonymous||reply 28||01/01/2013|
That drunk, slovenly Barbara Pepper was chatting with me, then belched so violently chunks of that awful Jell-o Aspic flew all over my new dress. I knew I shouldn't have come!
|by Anonymous||reply 29||01/01/2013|
By midnight Charlotte Greenwood was doing that stupid dance of hers and kicked Agnes Moorehead's Golden Globe off the mantel.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||01/01/2013|
I think it was totally unfair to make Hattie McDaniel and Butterfly McQueen to stay in the kitchen washing dishes.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||01/01/2013|
Old ladies + Schlitz + deviled eggs = a whole ness of methane. No open flames, ladies!
|by Anonymous||reply 33||01/01/2013|
yes, R32, it is. And far funnier than anything you babygays have posted lately.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||01/01/2013|
Alice Ghostly, Pauly Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly just showed up. Damn I know I am stoned, but it is confusing to identify which one them is talking.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||01/01/2013|
I'm not one of these guys who yells eldergay at everythread, but come on. I had to Google everyone in OP's post.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||01/01/2013|
Then you're an idiot, R36.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||01/01/2013|
My invitation must've gotten lost in the mail.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||01/01/2013|
No, you're the idiot R36. Cultural literacy is knowing the great painters, the great musicians, the great architects. Everyone you've mentioned is some supporting character in some 1950s sitcom. Learn the difference.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||01/01/2013|
Fuck you, R39. I have a Best Actress Oscar, Tony and Emmy. I WAS NEVER SUPPORTING.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||01/01/2013|
Whoa, Reta, go easy on the rumaki! Take some and leave some!
|by Anonymous||reply 41||01/01/2013|
Would someone please get Tyrone Power off the coffee table? And get the maid in here with some Lysol!
|by Anonymous||reply 42||01/01/2013|
R40 Unfortunately, neither was your bra, dear.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||01/01/2013|
Franklin, dear, Maria Ouspenskaya's bathtub vodka doubles marvelously as a disinfectant. I should know -- I just used some to clean up the trail of sick Patsy Kelly left on the patio.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||01/01/2013|
R2, I think she was talking to Shirley Eder...
Where's Thelma Ritter?
|by Anonymous||reply 45||01/01/2013|
Was that Hattie sneaking up the back kitchen stairs, who was that woman with her.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||01/01/2013|
Bumming a Salem from Iris Adrian in the kitchen.
Marian Martin just put a call out for some Chop Suey.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||01/01/2013|
Can you believe it?
46 posts and nobody has even noticed I'm here!
|by Anonymous||reply 48||01/01/2013|
Viv! How's tricks? Cop a squat and have a mai tai!
|by Anonymous||reply 49||01/01/2013|
Will someone tell Glenda Farrell to stop leaving her goddamn chewed up Wrigley's on the coffee table?
|by Anonymous||reply 50||01/01/2013|
R48 Hey, Viv! Join us over here! We're having a "Lucy's Sidekicks Club" meeting.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||01/01/2013|
Louise Beavers need to quit with the Bogartin', yo. Puff-puff-give!
|by Anonymous||reply 52||01/01/2013|
Does anyone under the age of 95 know who these people are? Is there a gay board I can go to that discusses entertainment relevant to those of us under 25?
|by Anonymous||reply 54||01/01/2013|
R54, don't you have some new Grindr pics to post?
|by Anonymous||reply 56||01/01/2013|
OK, r55, maybe this is the time for gaylings like me and borderline eldergays like you to form an alliance to keep out the rocking chair and denture set.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||01/01/2013|
I love going to parties. Nobody knows me...until I open my mouth!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 58||01/01/2013|
And why should they be kept out, R54/R57? I'm sure that more of them pay their annual membership fees here than your ilk does.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||01/01/2013|
R54, is this the only thread that appears when you visit DL?
|by Anonymous||reply 60||01/01/2013|
According to trolldar, R54/R57 is the creator of this awful thread, a pathetic EST about a drunk nephew:
|by Anonymous||reply 61||01/01/2013|
R51 Sorry we were late. We had to rescue Lucy from another disaster.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||01/01/2013|
R61, R54/R57 is to busy trying to get his nephew's armpit sweat out of his upholstery. And yet he still wants us to believe he is "under 25".
|by Anonymous||reply 63||01/01/2013|
Bea, darling, if Maria O. is swilling the vodka and bummin' ciggies, I hope you have plenty of fire extinguishers on hand. Girl gets REALLY careless!
|by Anonymous||reply 64||01/01/2013|
Maxene Andrews just pedaled up. Why does she need that cane for - I saw her cutting wood last week. Ohhhhh - she's pissed Nancy Kulp didn't take that ride in her rumble seat, like she offered.
And Ethel Merman called and wants to know why the fuck she keeps getting invited to these parties. She said if she wanted to eat tuna she'd open a can.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||01/01/2013|
Good heavens, ladies! Crack a window! This joint stinks to the high heavens!
|by Anonymous||reply 66||01/01/2013|
And just WHOSE bright idea was it to invite Flo Foster Jenkins? Sounds like cats fuckin'!
|by Anonymous||reply 67||01/01/2013|
I'll just sit here in the corner nursing my Brandy Alexander. Has anyone seen Lynette Winter or Marge Redmond?
|by Anonymous||reply 68||01/01/2013|
Thank goodness Ann B. Davis is (still) around to clean up after everyone.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||01/01/2013|
[quote] Thank goodness Ann B. Davis is (still) around to clean up after everyone.
She won't leave the convent!
|by Anonymous||reply 70||01/01/2013|
Would anyone like any of this delicious bread pudding I brought?
|by Anonymous||reply 71||01/01/2013|
Who wants to tell Jinx Falkenburg there's no alcohol in Downey fabric softener?
|by Anonymous||reply 72||01/01/2013|
I see Cindy Lou Fucking Who showed up.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||01/01/2013|
Mary Wickes and Marjorie Main have been in the bathroom together for a very long time. Maybe I should go check on them?
|by Anonymous||reply 74||01/01/2013|
Gaaaary....Gaaaary! Get off your dead ass and go out to the car and get me another pack of Chesterfields. And hurry the fuck up, I haven't had one in almost 10 minutes! Useless bum.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||01/01/2013|
Can I get you girls anything?
|by Anonymous||reply 76||01/01/2013|
Frances Farmer is leaving and will drop anyone off who's brave enough to ride with her.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||01/01/2013|
[quote] Frances Farmer is leaving and will drop anyone off who's brave enough to ride with her.
Is she driving the Edsel again?
|by Anonymous||reply 78||01/01/2013|
It's DAME Judith Anderson, if you don't mind. And, YES, it is denim. Now, kiss me. And, yes, DAME Flora Robson shall watch.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||01/01/2013|
Mary and I are leaving now, but I hope Charlie's not driving again.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||01/01/2013|
There are only a few of these people I haven't heard of, but I was there when fire was created...
|by Anonymous||reply 81||01/01/2013|
Well, Bea, we're the people! And tell Connie Gilchrist to stop shouting "BINGO!"
|by Anonymous||reply 82||01/01/2013|
Oh shit. Is Judy Anderson going on with that Dame crap again?
|by Anonymous||reply 84||01/01/2013|
This is the most DELIGHTFUL party I've been to since my dear Flo shed the earthly coil!
|by Anonymous||reply 85||01/01/2013|
Shall I sing another aria, dears? How about the Queen of the Night's aria from The Magic Flute?
|by Anonymous||reply 87||01/01/2013|
Gather "round the piano everybody. Bea benaderet, Bea Arthur and Bea Lillie are going to sing. Ira Gershwin is going to play for them. Marvin Hamlish wanted to, but hey, it's Gershwin. Oh come on Marvin, stop sulking.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||01/01/2013|
Does anyone else find all these references to eldergays tiresome?
|by Anonymous||reply 90||01/01/2013|
I caught Frances Bavier tootin' up a storm over at the punchbowl a little while ago and let me tell you, it smelled like something had crawled up inside of her and died. I offered her the last of my Di-gel tablets I had in my purse but I guess that upset her and she told me where to go then stormed off fighting tears.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||01/01/2013|
Darlings! Thank goodness I found you. Was just at this tiresome shindig at Ida Lupino's place. Just horrible mood, but how could it not be? First of all--it's at IDA LUPINO's. A dreadful place if ever there was one. Secondly, she had to tell her story. You know--THAT one. The one about how she was raped as a child. In her driveway. She got all pissy with me when I said, "Ida, how horrible for you. That must have been quite painful. All that gravel. . ."
|by Anonymous||reply 92||01/01/2013|
I'd love a cocktail, thank you dear! I've just come from the most AWFUL party! They were serving daiquiris made with HONEY!
|by Anonymous||reply 93||01/01/2013|
Oh, good Lord. Maudie Prickett and Irene Tedrow are scissoring in the guest bedroom.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||01/01/2013|
Who is that woman fisting Spring Byington's cooze?
|by Anonymous||reply 95||01/01/2013|
Is that dear, dear Louella up on a stepladder, peering over the hedge into our garden?
|by Anonymous||reply 96||01/01/2013|
Peeing, not peering ROSE!
|by Anonymous||reply 97||01/01/2013|
Sorry I'm late, dears. Cary and Randy wanted to show me their new beach house...
|by Anonymous||reply 98||01/01/2013|
OK I'll play along. Sharon Lawrence and Sherry Stringfield are in the kitchen hurling candy corn into Megan Mullaley's cleavage. Will they suffice? I'm to young to have watched these actresses in their shows during the first run, so I only know them from the reruns.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||01/01/2013|
Ran into Peg Entwhistle in front of Musso & Frank. Said she try and stop by after she dropped something off near the Hollywood sign.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||01/01/2013|
Catering was provided by Mary Grace Canfield Catering and Drywall Services.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||01/01/2013|
There's one man here. Katherine Hepburn
|by Anonymous||reply 102||01/01/2013|
R99, the adults are here, you can go down to your home in the basement.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||01/01/2013|
Eve Arden better put a cork in it! She's not as wry as she thinks! Or is that stinks?
|by Anonymous||reply 104||01/01/2013|
Fatty asked me for a ride home I said NO thank you very much...
|by Anonymous||reply 106||01/01/2013|
Marjorie Bennett and Minerva Urecal are doing Jello shots on the patio? Do they have a designated driver?
|by Anonymous||reply 107||01/01/2013|
Betty Lynn, Hope Summers, Elinor Donahue anI just got back from Andy Griffith's memorial service.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||01/01/2013|
-Fatty Arbuckle did in Virginia Rappe, not the Black Dahlia. I know that and I'm a Frau from Oklahoma City.
|by Anonymous||reply 109||01/01/2013|
Who do I have to fuck to get a drink around here?
|by Anonymous||reply 110||01/01/2013|
Elsa Lancaster here, does anyone care?
|by Anonymous||reply 111||01/01/2013|
I'm up for a showtune or two!
|by Anonymous||reply 112||01/01/2013|
Will someone please rub my sore tootsies?
|by Anonymous||reply 113||01/01/2013|
I thought we agreed beforehand no one would ask Margaret Truman to sing!
|by Anonymous||reply 114||01/01/2013|
Edna May Oliver is telling that "I banged Clark Gable" story again. I'll bet he sat on her face just so he wouldn't have to look at it.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||01/01/2013|
Has anyone seen my date Cosmo McMoon? Last I saw he was headed into the garden with Jules Munshin.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||01/01/2013|
Is Hattie McDaniel coming?
Yes, I know she is here. I asked if she is coming. It was that or an earthquake.
And why are all these non-Sapphic interlopers standing around? You'd thing they never saw plush carpets matched with short drapes before.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||01/01/2013|
You know, I blame this all on my high school World History teacher, Mr. W. I left his class the only 13 year old boy who knew who Mary Miles Minter was. What kind of a chance for a decent life did I have after that!
|by Anonymous||reply 118||01/01/2013|
Hey! Judy Canova says they're out of cigs out under the carport!
|by Anonymous||reply 119||01/01/2013|
Wouldn't Ethel Merman fit in at such a bash? Busy? Not invited?
|by Anonymous||reply 120||01/01/2013|
Claire Trevor wants to know if Lizabeth Scott made it before midnight....
|by Anonymous||reply 121||01/01/2013|
The Merm spoke at R65. She simply does not get our tastes, and the only sure way to shut her up is to call her "mannish."
|by Anonymous||reply 122||01/01/2013|
I am ready for my strip tease. No, I don't belong here as a guest, but I accepted the gig as my first paid job in 74 years.
But if you want to see the skin come off, too, you have to pay extra.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||01/01/2013|
Mercedes De Acosta just took the dump of the century in the second floor powder. Apparently when she eats pussy she really eats pussy.
|by Anonymous||reply 124||01/01/2013|
Wut about Mary Martin? She seemed so ... lipstick to me. Or is that another get-together?
|by Anonymous||reply 125||01/01/2013|
Mary was accounted for at r80.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||01/01/2013|
I ain't missin' out on NO free booze!
|by Anonymous||reply 128||01/01/2013|
But Charlie Farrell wasn't driving, r80. They were in a taxi cab.
|by Anonymous||reply 129||01/01/2013|
Damn you people are fucking lame.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||01/01/2013|
And R129 Janet was married to the divine designer Adrian.
I, BTW, was married to the divine designer Jean Louis, but I wouldn't be caught dead at this party....
|by Anonymous||reply 131||01/01/2013|
Meh. This might turn me off the datalounge permanently and I'm no spring chicken myself.
|by Anonymous||reply 132||01/01/2013|
Don't go in the pool house. Mary Treen and Margaret Hamilton are having a three-way with the new cabana boy.
|by Anonymous||reply 133||01/01/2013|
When is that stinkfish Lana Turner getting here? We have heard that Tyrone Power has sizemeat and must ask her for verificatia.
|by Anonymous||reply 134||01/01/2013|
OK, ladies--who's up for one of my famous Tuna Tacos?
|by Anonymous||reply 135||01/01/2013|
It looks like Minna Gombell and Ruth Hussey carpooled again this year. But Nedra Volz and Judith Lowry had to take the shortbus from the "home." Did Arlene Francis make it?
|by Anonymous||reply 136||01/01/2013|
Arlene shared a cab with Dorothy Kilgallen.
Has anyone seen Elizabeth Allan?
|by Anonymous||reply 137||01/01/2013|
R135 Bitch, you stole my recipe!
|by Anonymous||reply 138||01/01/2013|
Did anyone remember to invite Peggy Wood and Cuntface?
|by Anonymous||reply 139||01/01/2013|
[quote]if Maria O. is swilling the vodka and bummin' ciggies, I hope you have plenty of fire extinguishers on hand. Girl gets REALLY careless!
For God's sake, keep her away from me!
|by Anonymous||reply 140||01/01/2013|
[quote]We have heard that Tyrone Power has sizemeat and must ask her for verificatia.
Lana wouldn't know. Check with Errol Flynn - he can confirm it for you.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||01/01/2013|
I can't believe Linda, Lori, Merideth, Jeannine, Pat AND Gunilla showed up. Bea was all class and didn't say a word about that biTch June not showing up...
|by Anonymous||reply 142||01/01/2013|
FYI ladies, Kate Smith was just in the bathroom for 20 minutes. You DON'T want to go in there for a while, if you know what I mean.
|by Anonymous||reply 143||01/01/2013|
Frances Farmer just ate a sofa cushion. And I'm the cunt to broadcast it.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||01/01/2013|
[quote]And I'm the cunt to broadcast it.
You won't get an argument from me on that point, dear.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||01/01/2013|
Well, ain't this a kick in the cunt! All the ladies have a party and don't invite me!
Good thing I don't think anything about crashing a good party.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||01/02/2013|
The slight was deliberate, Connie.
|by Anonymous||reply 148||01/02/2013|
Jack Carson and Robert Wagner were in the bathroom together for a long time. Hmmm...
|by Anonymous||reply 149||01/02/2013|
I saw Natalie Wood show up but the moment she saw Kirk Douglas, she fled the party. I wonder why???
|by Anonymous||reply 150||01/02/2013|
Rosemary DeCamp is sitting in the corner, dozing. She had enough of Shirley Mitchell doing the cha cha.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||01/02/2013|
Crawford! Either shit or get off the pot..you can't still be in there cleaning the damn floor with Dutch cleanser!1
|by Anonymous||reply 152||01/02/2013|
Is someone strangling cats? Oh, it's just Jean Carson and Iris Adrian trying to sing "Auld Lang Syne."
But do I hear someone sucking on helium balloons? Oops! Sorry, it's just Mae Questel.
Oh, and Margaret D.? Please don't EVER wear Spanx again.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||01/02/2013|
Jane Withers kept staring at my stumpy little arm. I demand a girl look me in the eyes when I'm fisting her with it! Otherwise, where's the magic?
|by Anonymous||reply 155||01/02/2013|
Mickey Rooney tried to crash the party in drag, but Bea noticed that unlike the invited guests here there was no stubble on that chin.
I heard from Lana that he can't get it up unless he uses a gas station rest room first. I don't understand that. Do you?
|by Anonymous||reply 156||01/02/2013|
This party is LADIES ONLY. Well, except for Grady Sutton, Edward Everett Horton, and Franklin Pangborn.
|by Anonymous||reply 157||01/02/2013|
Oh, dear dear dear dear dear dear dear!
|by Anonymous||reply 158||01/02/2013|
I just don't understand why so many men are going in pairs to the bathroom for the longest time. Clifton Webb and Monty Clift have been in there for almost a hour! I have to tinkle! Oh,dear!
|by Anonymous||reply 159||01/02/2013|
Watch where you step, Spring!
|by Anonymous||reply 160||01/02/2013|
I'm here to bring some glamour to this party!
|by Anonymous||reply 161||01/02/2013|
The young Shirley Booth (who, like most in this thread, was probably straight).
|by Anonymous||reply 162||01/02/2013|
Didja bring your karn cob holders, Annie?
|by Anonymous||reply 163||01/02/2013|
Jesus Mary n' Joseph Bea, don't bother me right now while Polly Bergen is making eyes at me. I swear the next time you sneak up on me and poke me in the ribs while doing your Betty Rubble laugh I'm a gonna give ya a knuckle sandwich.
|by Anonymous||reply 164||01/02/2013|
Patti Page sneaked in while no one was watching...
|by Anonymous||reply 165||01/02/2013|
Just pretend there's an apple in it and start bobbing.
|by Anonymous||reply 166||01/02/2013|
Oh look-- it's Penny Singleton and Arthur Lake! How about a nice Dagwood sandwich, guys?
|by Anonymous||reply 167||01/02/2013|
[R157] - Wally Cox is out by the pool talking philosophy with Eartha. I could swear she was saying something about "pure trash" but her hoisting a Schlitz was a real "If my fans could see me now!" moment (not in a good way either).
|by Anonymous||reply 168||01/02/2013|
Oh, thank God. Maudie Prickett is going in to clean up the bedroom.
|by Anonymous||reply 169||01/02/2013|
OP is a 58 year, 310lb queen living in a small apartment with 3 cats...each with 3 word names. Really pathetic.
|by Anonymous||reply 170||01/02/2013|
I'll take "What enrages babygays?" for 310, Alex.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||01/03/2013|
LOL at R170. Probably hit a nerve.
|by Anonymous||reply 173||01/03/2013|
[quote] I offered her the last of my Di-gel tablets I had in my purse but I guess that upset her and she told me where to go then stormed off fighting tears.
[quote]by: Ann Miller
At least she kept her hands off of your CARN cob holders!
|by Anonymous||reply 174||01/03/2013|
Oh, Christ. Once she's had a few, we'll hear that Doggie In the Window...again and again...
|by Anonymous||reply 176||01/03/2013|
Any of you gals seen my golf balls?
|by Anonymous||reply 177||01/03/2013|
I saw that poor poor Gail Russell sitting all by herself looking so sad. I tried to hug her but she became very uncomfortable. Oh well. I did all I could do. I'm tired of this kid's stuff. I want whiskey! Where is that waiter?
|by Anonymous||reply 178||01/03/2013|
Which one of you bitches copped my cigarette holder?
|by Anonymous||reply 179||01/03/2013|
R170, with his "cool and slimming" facial hair.
|by Anonymous||reply 180||01/03/2013|
I said, Elsa, if you keep making that face I can't concentrate on what I'm doing. And I could hurt you. And then she made that face.
And I hurt her.
|by Anonymous||reply 181||01/03/2013|
She's my maid.
She's my mother!
She's my maid!!!
She's my mother!!!!!!
SHE'S MY MAID AND MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 182||01/03/2013|
Peggy Cass and Kitty Carlisle just arrived! Looks like Peggy's not gonna start that diet 'til tomorrow.
Will someone tell Cathleen Nesbitt to stop playing on the automated stair lift?
|by Anonymous||reply 183||01/03/2013|
Some of these hot dogs taste like they found an interesting route to the table.
I love them!
|by Anonymous||reply 184||01/03/2013|
If you'll excuse me, I need to use the powder room. Oh, wait, all done...
|by Anonymous||reply 185||01/03/2013|
Bea, darling, can you put out some more deviled eggs? Marion Lorne grabbed the last one and is doing a, um, "parlor trick" with it.
|by Anonymous||reply 186||01/03/2013|
God, even Rod Serling would read this thread with a sense of awe.
|by Anonymous||reply 187||01/03/2013|
Well dahlings, I am here so let the party really begin! And yes, I am going "commando" tonight!
|by Anonymous||reply 188||01/03/2013|
Love this thread!! And to bitch twink that doesn't know who these people are: LEARN!!!! This is your heritage! Not fucking Lady Gaga!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 189||01/03/2013|
I'm driving Jud-eh home tonight. She's had too many of those damn pills again! If LB Mayer were here I would hit him on the head with a pot!
|by Anonymous||reply 190||01/03/2013|
Phew! Lil Tashman kissed me hello and good gravy, does her breath stink! I suspect she's been doing the lickey-split with Kay Francis again.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||01/03/2013|
God, just 2 more hours til 4pm here on the east coast. That's when the Shady Pines set are wheeled into the dining hall and then lifted into their beds, and this thread comes to a crashing halt.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||01/03/2013|
R193, feeling "youthful" and "sassy"
|by Anonymous||reply 194||01/03/2013|
Rudy was lovely. Like an athletic girl with a slight prolapse. But, no, we never. Of course not.
|by Anonymous||reply 195||01/03/2013|
Johnny tried to kiss me, and he had to pay.
Plus Mama had to use all that makeup to cover up the bruises. And you know I'm allergic to the smell of makeup.
Oh! Crab cakes!
|by Anonymous||reply 196||01/03/2013|
Anyone for tennis?
And anyone know where we can find some balls around here? We don't have any at home, heaven knows.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||01/03/2013|
[quote]OP is a 58 year, 310lb queen living in a small apartment with 3 cats...each with 3 word names. Really pathetic.
Nope! I'm 42, about 175 lbs (which would be an appropriate weight if I was three inches taller), living in a medium-sized apartment with no pets. Pathetic is your own opinion, so I'll leave you with that.
This party has gone on much longer than I anticipated. I'm gonna make a quick Costco run for pork rinds, toilet paper and Parliaments. And I'm bringing Dressler with me because a) she's the perfect donkey, and b) if she's not watched closely, she'll drag her ass all over my wall-to-wall carpeting.
|by Anonymous||reply 198||01/03/2013|
This is for you, Greta. So you know I haven't forgotten. As much as I've tried, Gott knows.
|by Anonymous||reply 199||01/03/2013|
Well, all I can say is a threeway with those Gishes was more like watching a tennis game and being close enough to the court to occasionally get smacked by the ball.
If you know what I mean.
|by Anonymous||reply 200||01/03/2013|
Laudy, what a mess! But as I likes to say, I'd rather play a maid than be one.
Bea, who's gonna tidy up in here?
|by Anonymous||reply 201||01/03/2013|
What the fuck kind of name is Jinx Falkenburg, and who invited that bitch to the party?
|by Anonymous||reply 202||01/03/2013|
This thread had promise, but it's devolved quickly and is no longer amusing.
|by Anonymous||reply 203||01/03/2013|
Gott im Himmel, I had to go in the bathroom after Kate Smith got through with it! Scheizer! Maria, go to the car and get the Ajax. I can't stand to use that toilet until it's sterile.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||01/03/2013|
We are Here! We are Queer! We know who Gladys Cooper and Bonita Granville are and we ARE proud of it!
|by Anonymous||reply 205||01/03/2013|
Look at Alexander Woolcott in banana curls over at R203.
A party doesn't need a social critic, you ass. It needs more ice! Why don't you roll out to the tavern on the corner and get some? We won't miss you. We promise.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||01/03/2013|
Jesslyn Fax is running around telling everyone she's "post-menopausal." Sure, if your definition of "post" extends to 40 years!
|by Anonymous||reply 207||01/03/2013|
R207, she's referring to the size and shape of the "Lady Helper" she requires since her lovepouch turned 40.
|by Anonymous||reply 208||01/03/2013|
Anyone have some Summer's Eve? I'm fresh out.
|by Anonymous||reply 209||01/03/2013|
Lordy, the only saving grace about this thread is that is proves that homosexuality existed since ancient times.
|by Anonymous||reply 210||01/03/2013|
Why, I was missing my dear friend Dorothy Arzner, only to find I've been sitting on her face all along!
|by Anonymous||reply 211||01/03/2013|
Oh dear have I missed the party?
|by Anonymous||reply 212||01/03/2013|
I sho do likes dese partiez wit all dese pretty white ladiez! Does anybody know where Tallulah done run off to? Isa gots ta axe huh somefin'.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||01/03/2013|
Goodness gracious Bea. How did all of these A listers find out about your little wing ding? Just so you know, Tallulah, Merle, Irene Ryan, and Janis Page are taking the pot out in the garage. Tallulah offered me a shotgun and I shot her an eye roll.
|by Anonymous||reply 214||01/03/2013|
Dear, I know Hattie. Hattie is a friend of mine. You are NOT Hattie...
|by Anonymous||reply 215||01/03/2013|
214 = Mary Wickes (hastily forgot to sign my post)
|by Anonymous||reply 216||01/03/2013|
Is the party still going on?
If so, I'll be right over.
|by Anonymous||reply 217||01/04/2013|
Goddam it -- what day is it? Did I --? Fuck. I missed my own goddam party.
That's the last time I bum muscle relaxers off of Rosie Clooney.
Does anyone know how long 25 trays of pickled herring and rouladen can safely sit at room temperature?
|by Anonymous||reply 218||01/02/2014|
...and Barbara Billingley as The Beaver.
|by Anonymous||reply 219||01/02/2014|
Betty Bacall needs a cigarette.
|by Anonymous||reply 220||01/02/2014|
Wow ...this thread was a CLASSIC last year, but it was deleted! How did it get resurrected?
|by Anonymous||reply 221||01/02/2014|
[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]
|by Anonymous||reply 222||01/02/2014|
We thought you had left us, Bea.
As another happy new year came and went, has your neverending house party managed to keep the fun going? And isn't it swell that all your guests are of sufficient age that there has been no embarrassing spotting of that white rug in your powder room, since of course you have no ladyplugs to provide them? After all, you're not running a bus station.
Eva Gabor did ask why you wore three wigs at a time on PETTICOAT JUNCTION.
|by Anonymous||reply 223||01/02/2014|
Anne Francis was supposed to pick up Joanna Barnes at the airport and then come directly to Bea's. Anne got lost, but luckily Salome Jens lives near by and picked up Joanna and found Anne, so they all arrived on time
Lois Nettleton is on her way but is stuck in traffic. Mary Jo Catlett said she is also on her way, she finally got a cab. Beverly Sanders and Marian Mercer are waiting for Nancy Kovacks to pick them up
|by Anonymous||reply 224||01/02/2014|
Carol Wayne and Audrey Landers had to go home and change clothes ,,, they showed up wearing the same dress.
Helen Gallagher is dying for someone to ask her to sing "Danny Boy."
|by Anonymous||reply 225||01/02/2014|
Jan Smithers said she will be there, but if you-know-who shows up, she is out of there
|by Anonymous||reply 226||01/02/2014|
Arlene Francis showed up wearing a blindfold and tried to guess who showed up.
|by Anonymous||reply 227||01/02/2014|
Kitty Carlisle arrived in a ball gown, as usual.
|by Anonymous||reply 228||01/02/2014|
To Tell The Truth, Peggy Cass was a hoot!
|by Anonymous||reply 229||01/02/2014|
Dinah Manoff just walked in, and said that Kristy McNichol sends her regrets
|by Anonymous||reply 230||01/02/2014|
Is Lady Peele aka Bea Lillie there yet??
|by Anonymous||reply 231||01/02/2014|
[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]
|by Anonymous||reply 232||01/02/2014|
I don' t think Marjorie Lord and Jean Hagan like Bea's new glass coffee table
Shelley Farbares and Prisciila Morrill are playing bridge with Sue Ane Langdon and Mary Louise Wilson
|by Anonymous||reply 233||01/02/2014|
[all posts by tedious, racist idiot removed.]
|by Anonymous||reply 234||01/02/2014|
Why weren't Marjorie Reynolds, Betty Furness, or Marjorie Lord invited? I know that Phyllis Kirk and Gale Storm had prior engagements.
|by Anonymous||reply 235||01/02/2014|
I'm 44 and this shit is ridiculous. I picture the queens participating in this to be upper middle class, white, and extremely self absorbed and sad and lonely. Add racist, sexist and self loathing. They unfortunately think this is how all gays should be. So so sad.
|by Anonymous||reply 236||01/02/2014|
R236 is an insufferable bore.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||01/02/2014|
Some stragglers have showed up a little late, but they brought some primo pot.
Verna Felton drove with Patsy Kelly and Zazu Pitts and Beulah Bondi and Jane Darwell filling up the car. They are a fun crowd.
|by Anonymous||reply 238||01/03/2014|
I need a drink, a smoke and some ass. Just came from my bitch sister's place, and you all know what THAT means? Aline McMahon's out there, parkin' the car.
|by Anonymous||reply 239||01/03/2014|
r236, any 44-year-old who goes around referring to himself as "Punk dude, hung and inked" is WAY more pathetic than some campy old queens having fun.
|by Anonymous||reply 240||01/03/2014|
I took to google for some of the references, but so fucking what...once I took the time to learn a bit about a few of the main characters in this collaborative fiction I got the humor and am enjoying the thread.
Those of you complaining...the world existed long before we did and Bea Benederet was a very popular actress in her time. I just u tubed my first Petticoat Junction.
|by Anonymous||reply 241||01/03/2014|
Hey! I'm here too, and I'm really not as much of a dyke as I played on TV
|by Anonymous||reply 242||01/03/2014|
Hey, will some you gals help me pull Arlene Francis away from the air conditioner on that window sill?
|by Anonymous||reply 243||01/03/2014|
Anita Gillette just walked in. Guess we forgot to pick her up.
|by Anonymous||reply 244||01/03/2014|
Nancy Dussault arrived with Anita Gillette. I always get those two confused! There's Marjorie Bennett, Ruth McDevitt and Cheerio Meredith. Love all of them, but keep Cheerio away from the gin.
|by Anonymous||reply 245||01/03/2014|
How odd that people should take the time to announce their disinterest. If I feel a scenario has nothing to offer me, I simply don't involve myself.
I said much the same to Charles when he suggested celebrating the new year in Mykonos.
|by Anonymous||reply 246||01/03/2014|
Gail Fisher, Rosalind Cash and Lynne Thigpen are coming up the walkway, while Janet MacLachian parks the car
|by Anonymous||reply 247||01/03/2014|
Frances Reid just showed up in leather.
|by Anonymous||reply 248||01/03/2014|
Playing charades are June Lockhart, Jane Dulo, Inger Stevens, Joyce Bulifant, Angela Cartwright, Ann Morgan Guilbert, Sada Thompson, Kathleen Nolan, Sheila James, Naomi Stevens, Merry Anders and Joyce Van Patten
|by Anonymous||reply 249||01/03/2014|
[quote]Frances Reid just showed up in leather.
... walkin' Lois Kibbee on a leash!
|by Anonymous||reply 250||01/03/2014|
Hope Lange, Claudette Nevins, Louise Sorel and Carmen Zapata are playing ping pong in Bea's rumpus room
|by Anonymous||reply 251||01/03/2014|
Sue Ane Langdon is doing the Frug on the pool table while Josephine Hull makes it rain! Go, Miss Cougar Thing!
|by Anonymous||reply 252||01/03/2014|
Sheree North, there you are, you ol hooker.
|by Anonymous||reply 253||01/03/2014|
Una O'Connor just motorboated Mamie Van Doren!
|by Anonymous||reply 254||01/03/2014|
I'm glad no one invited Constance Ford this year. Such a Debbie Downer!
|by Anonymous||reply 255||01/03/2014|
For some real fun, put Barbara Bel Geddes and Kim Stanley in the same room and ask them who Tennessee Williams thought was the better actress. Better bring some iodine to patch up the wounds. Of course, Kim will bring the alcohol.
|by Anonymous||reply 256||01/03/2014|
...and Dorothy Malone as Constance MacKenzie.
|by Anonymous||reply 257||01/03/2014|
I need some earplugs! I have to ride home with Mae Questel, Iris Adrian, and Jean Carson. And Florence Stanley is driving!
|by Anonymous||reply 258||01/03/2014|
r112, Hildy wasn't magnificent, she was Incomparable, on stage and under the sheets.
|by Anonymous||reply 259||01/03/2014|
Is Bruce here? I'm his Aunt Harriet.
|by Anonymous||reply 260||01/03/2014|
Harriet Nelson, Gale Storm and Dale Evans just rode in bareback on Trigger.
|by Anonymous||reply 261||01/03/2014|
Ann Sothern is going to be a little late. The Boss kept her overtime.
|by Anonymous||reply 262||01/03/2014|
Thelma Todd just pulled down her pink panties after too many Pink Panty Pulldowns. I can confirm she's only "The Ice Cream Blonde" up top!
|by Anonymous||reply 263||01/03/2014|
Bess Myerson wore her crown. Was that really necessary?
|by Anonymous||reply 264||01/03/2014|
Ethel Merman? Ethel FUCKING Merman? I'LL tell you about Ethel fucking Merman! What a cunt-tease she is.
|by Anonymous||reply 265||01/03/2014|
What the FUCK is going on here!?!
I didn't get an invitation to the party again this year. That's a kick in the cunt and a stab in the back.
This is fucking fucked up!
Well, I'm here girls! And I'm feeling horny tonight. Who wants the best lay of their lives?
|by Anonymous||reply 266||01/03/2014|
Wow! Lupe Velez just let me taste her ragout and boy, was it spicy! I'm going back for seconds!
|by Anonymous||reply 267||01/03/2014|
Why does Connie Ford's breath smell like Irene Dailey's balls?
|by Anonymous||reply 268||01/03/2014|
Mercy! I do believe Olive Thomas has slipped some laudanum into the sarsaparilla!
|by Anonymous||reply 269||01/03/2014|
Margaret Wycherly and I had to stop for some smokes and Rock and Rye. Bea is a dear, but never has Herbert Tareyton in her house.
|by Anonymous||reply 270||01/03/2014|
I'm terribly sorry I'm late! Do sit. Oh Moira, give over! G&T please!
|by Anonymous||reply 272||01/04/2014|
Damn that Dwayne Hickman! He told me this party was at Kristen Stewart's place. Now I've got Marjorie Main giving me "the squint".
|by Anonymous||reply 273||01/04/2014|
If any of these old bags says they love Forever Spring I'm gonna hurl!
|by Anonymous||reply 274||01/04/2014|
What the fuck is an Itay Hod? Sounds like pig latin for a suppository.
Hey Connie! Over here. My pussy's warm.
|by Anonymous||reply 275||01/04/2014|
When Barbara Colby saw that her ex-mother-in-law was present, she did a quick 180 to exit the room. On her way out, she almost knocked over Reva Rose; luckily for Reva, Joan Hotchkiss and Gail Strickland were able to steady her/
Driving away, Barbara almost struck Amzie Strickland and Lucille Benson as they were crossing the street. Barbara's car almost sideswipe Sandra Gould's auto in which Marion Lorne and Kasey Rogers were passengers
|by Anonymous||reply 276||01/05/2014|
Anne B. Davis is she still supposedly dating Sam, that butcher guy?
|by Anonymous||reply 277||01/05/2014|
Awaiting WaWa Walters for her "Most Fascinating Females Dead or Alive of the Past Century" telecast.
|by Anonymous||reply 278||01/05/2014|
You should have seen the dirty look Lana Wood gave Jill St. John when they ran into each other at the powder room. Stefanie Powers just giggled.
Shooting craps were Dina Merrill, Anne Revere, Ann Doran, Ann Rutherford, Karen Valentine and Sandy Duncan
|by Anonymous||reply 279||01/05/2014|
Estelle Winwood is not Tallulah's best friend! I am! And I've got the scars to prove it!
|by Anonymous||reply 280||01/05/2014|
OP - are you just listing your neighbors or something? Who the fuck are those people and why should we care about them being at your hovel?
|by Anonymous||reply 281||01/05/2014|
Where's the booze? And the pills?
|by Anonymous||reply 282||01/05/2014|
R281 = Broke her finger when her mother punched her in the nose for not cleaning the basement.
|by Anonymous||reply 283||01/05/2014|
Gloria Grahame just took her bra off.
|by Anonymous||reply 284||01/05/2014|
That cunt Frances Bavier keeps harassing me about my tasteful nude scene in "Rosemary's Baby."
|by Anonymous||reply 285||01/05/2014|
[quote]Gloria Grahame just took her bra off.
When she gets to her panties, someone track me down. I love a dinner of week-old fish.
|by Anonymous||reply 286||01/05/2014|
Give connie a 40 and a root vegetable. She'll entertain herself for hours.
|by Anonymous||reply 287||01/07/2014|
Christ. Barbara Hale brought hors d'ourves again. She uses that ancient Radarange to nuke em.
|by Anonymous||reply 288||01/07/2014|
Minerva Urecal and Frances Langford are bobbing for dildoes!
|by Anonymous||reply 289||01/07/2014|
Stevie Nicks kicked my daughter in the bug!
|by Anonymous||reply 290||01/07/2014|
Pasty Cline is standing in the middle of the living room wobbling "Crazy." Goddammit, she's become that annoying song.
|by Anonymous||reply 291||01/07/2014|
Anyone want the Ronnie Reagan dildo? I need a rest!
|by Anonymous||reply 292||01/07/2014|
Oh, me sainted mither! Did oye miss the parity AGAIN?
|by Anonymous||reply 293||01/07/2014|
Why, oh why, wasn't Rosemary DeCamp invited? She feels so bad, she's crying over Bob Cummings picture.
|by Anonymous||reply 294||01/07/2014|
Who the hell let Pamelyn Ferdin in here? We don't need any problems with jailbait! Get her out of here before Nancy Kulp sees her!
|by Anonymous||reply 295||01/07/2014|
Marlene @ R204 tell her to use Bon Ami!
|by Anonymous||reply 296||01/07/2014|
Totie Fields just took a shit in the backyard.
|by Anonymous||reply 297||01/07/2014|
Earlier, Juliet Prowse kept floating through the room scissor-kicking and singing, "Nothing beats a great pair of L'eggs". Totie was shooting daggers across the room at her. I have a very uneasy feeling about what's about to go down.
|by Anonymous||reply 298||01/07/2014|
Elder gay stuff. Nobody under 40 knows who Bea Bernadaret was, nor do they care because the 1950s and 1960s were decades before their birth and considered to be like silent movie times to the elder gays in comparison. All the 80s and 90s crowd cares about is dick and dope. They don't like or watch black & white shows of yesteryear. They don't know much about history or old movies or old TV shows. So don't waste your time trying to start up talk about old timey stars.
|by Anonymous||reply 299||01/07/2014|
Arlene Dahl isn't wearing any panties.
|by Anonymous||reply 300||01/07/2014|
Just caught Elizabeth Ashley rifling through my upstairs bathroom medicine cabinet. Don't believe a word that woman says, she's a LIAR.
|by Anonymous||reply 301||01/07/2014|
r295 We were having a nice conversation here before you got here. Thanks for your input, but we'll continue our chat.
So, move on back to talk about AnnE, Gaga and Miley and we'll talk about the people we want to talk about.
Girls, is that Jayne Mansfield over there talking with Lana. Two bleach blondes who love to show off their tits!
|by Anonymous||reply 302||01/07/2014|
WTF are you talking about R302? You have sonething against Pamelyn Ferdin?
|by Anonymous||reply 303||01/07/2014|
Opps. I meant r299, not r295.
Bea certainly makes a mean Old Fashioned! I'm feeling a bit tipsy. I typed in the wrong numbers. My apologies.
And I'm feeling a burning in my loins too. Connie, can you come help me out? And bring Susan Flannery with you.
|by Anonymous||reply 304||01/07/2014|
Will someone PLEASE tell that bitch Maria Montez that others need to tinky? Shit, I've been holding it for about an hour now! That Evelyn Ankers sure does make a killer Mai-Tai!
|by Anonymous||reply 305||01/08/2014|
Curtains don't match the carpet, if you catch my drift, Mary r302.
|by Anonymous||reply 306||01/08/2014|
If that bitch Anne "Frank Lloyd Wright Is My Grandfather" Baxter confuses me with Faye Emerson one more time, I'm going to wear her snatch like a mukluk.
|by Anonymous||reply 307||01/08/2014|
I'm here, chickens! Let's get it on! Bend over ladies, I'm here for the butt buffet!
|by Anonymous||reply 308||01/11/2014|
Bea honey, you throw a swell patty. Pass me one of them Schlitz in tub dear. I gotta show Virgy Mayo, Glynis Johns, and them snooty drips Jane Greer and Gloria Dehaven how I can belch to the tune of Bei Mier Bist du Schoen. Oh look at Debbie Reynolds and Cloris Leachman circling the piano while doing interlocked somersaults. Whatta scream!
|by Anonymous||reply 309||12/26/2014|
Nancy Kulp and Ann B. Davis went behind the hedges in the garden more than a hour ago, and nobody's seen them since!
|by Anonymous||reply 310||12/26/2014|
Wow! This was a legendary thread that I thought was long gone!
|by Anonymous||reply 311||12/26/2014|
I hope I didn't miss the buffet table.
|by Anonymous||reply 312||12/26/2014|
I do love egg salad. And beer.
|by Anonymous||reply 313||12/26/2014|
Would someone please be nice and chat with Capucine? She's looking depressed out there on the balcony.
|by Anonymous||reply 314||12/26/2014|
Mary Wickes and Marjorie Main are awfully close, aren't they?
And Faith, I agree about Evelyn's mai-tais. They go down smoother than Tyrone Power on a Filipino houseboy!
|by Anonymous||reply 315||12/26/2014|
You certainly deserve a "MARY" Mary @ 302! That's not Jayne Mansfield, its Joi Lansing. I oughta know---she came with me.
|by Anonymous||reply 316||12/26/2014|
This year's party is a little tense. Nancy Kulp and Kay Thompson were the first to arrive, but they haven't spoken since Nancy sold Kay that ride-on lawn mower that stopped running one week later.
On the bright side, I've got just enough time to clear everything out of the medicine chest before Rose Clooney gets here.
|by Anonymous||reply 317||12/31/2014|
Now that I've seen Shirley Booth re-enact Lady Godiva's horseback ride across the back lawn in nothing but the paper crown she wore as Hazel, I've seen it all.
|by Anonymous||reply 318||12/31/2014|
Looking up bull dyke in the dictionary and one will find Kathleen Freeman's picture as an example. She looked like she was with a man once and she was so unhappy with the experience she bit his dick off.
|by Anonymous||reply 319||12/31/2014|
Edie Adams called. She and Ernie are running late. Guess he was in a fender bender and hasn't even gotten home yet!
|by Anonymous||reply 320||12/31/2014|
Will someone tell Geraldine Page that getting a part on Kraft Theater does not a movie star make. God forbid she's ever on Playhouse 90.
|by Anonymous||reply 321||12/31/2014|
What larks! Eva Le Gallienne and Mary Martin are on their way over to Allison William's house to throw eggs while crowing the way Peter Pan should crow.
|by Anonymous||reply 322||12/31/2014|
Would someone please tell Theda Bara to lay off the brisket?
|by Anonymous||reply 324||03/15/2015|
Bea, dear, thank you for inviting me to your soiree. It's delightful. And everything is so clean! But, dear, I hate to tell you, Milton Berle is outside trying to crash the event---and he's in drag, no less! Oh---wait---that's Bette.
|by Anonymous||reply 325||03/15/2015|
There's somebody named Julie Andrews outside. Wants to come to the party. She certainly looks like she would fit in here.
Should we let her in?
|by Anonymous||reply 326||03/15/2015|
Okay, we're all going to sing Happy Birthday to Peggy Wood. Remember to sing "Happy Birthday, dear cunt face" instead of "dear Peggy"! She gets such a kick out of having an iconic film moment like that.
|by Anonymous||reply 327||03/15/2015|
Would someone please distract Peggy Ann Garner? She's getting ready to thrill us again with her big speech from A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN. She does this every year and she is much too old to pull it off!
|by Anonymous||reply 328||03/15/2015|
My annual NYE party is just 24 hours away and the preparations have run me BREATHLESS. It hasn't helped that Aggie Moorehead showed up a day early, drunk and tear-stained, mourning her, uh, friend, Debbie. So not only do I have dozens of jars of pickled eggs to decant and medicine cabinets to clear out, but I'm suicide watch with Endora. I sent a car for Rose Marie -- I need backup.
Calgon, take me away!
|by Anonymous||reply 329||12/30/2016|
Bea, Maudie Prickett here. I can come by and help with the preparations. Just put me to work but I'll only stay til things get rolling. You know me. Margaret (Hamilton) and I are in bed by 9:45 no matter what. I made plenty of divinity, kolaches, and rosettes for the holidays and set an allotment aside for your celebration. I sure hope to see that darling Elinor Donahue again.
|by Anonymous||reply 330||12/30/2016|
Nancy Davis is going to show us a new trick with A cucumber, she said Ronnie showed her. She said , she was the best in town. Don't think it will go over big at this party.
|by Anonymous||reply 331||12/30/2016|
I don't stand a ghost of a chance at this party.
|by Anonymous||reply 332||12/30/2016|
Why does Arlene keep asking everyone if they Are in the "Legitimate Theatre?" And why did she bring that fag hag Kitty Carlisle?
|by Anonymous||reply 333||12/30/2016|
Whew, Francis Bavier's pussy stinks!!
|by Anonymous||reply 334||12/30/2016|
You bitches have better not ask me to sing nothing - I'm only here for some drinks, and to hang out with my girl Tallulah.
And stop shaking your goddamn heads at me - these needle tracks on my arms are none of your fucking concern.
|by Anonymous||reply 335||12/30/2016|
My God, this damn party has been going on for two years.
Jesus, Bea, can't you let go and let our gal Eileen Heckart host for a while?
|by Anonymous||reply 336||12/31/2016|
Is the party still going on? You old gals are a hoot!
|by Anonymous||reply 337||12/31/2016|
R336, this party's been going on for 4 years!
|by Anonymous||reply 338||12/31/2016|
Doris Lloyd is on her twelfth Old Fashion and is doing her imitation of Merle Oberon's Can Can dance from The Lodger again.
|by Anonymous||reply 339||12/31/2016|
Poor Aggie cried herself to sleep. But once she did, the party started! Nancy Kulp -- I shit you not -- has a lampshade on her head. And I think she thinks she's at Dan Tana's -- she just stopped Edith Head and asked her for a steak tartar,a side of cream spinach and two boilermakers.
|by Anonymous||reply 340||12/31/2016|
Stay clear of the Ladies Room. Gwen Verdon just let one rip in there.
|by Anonymous||reply 341||12/31/2016|
This year's party is going to be low key -- I've got this dry, nagging cough that I can't seem to shake and I'm so low energy. Time to see Dr. Jacobson again! Judy heard about him from the President so you know he's got to be good.
I'm gonna lie down for a bit. Girls, can one of you put six dozen eggs on to boil? And they delivered the kegs up the road -- just roll them down the drive way and into the walk-in. Wake me at 7.
|by Anonymous||reply 342||12/31/2017|
Rose Marie was feeling a little under the weather but promises to make an appearance.
|by Anonymous||reply 343||12/31/2017|
So, I wake up from my nap, coughing up a lung (and it's my good one!) and not one of you fat, lazy bitches has lifted a finger to get things ready for this party. Fran Ryan -- for someone who finally got an invite after three years of begging, I'd think you'd be a little more helpful.
|by Anonymous||reply 344||12/31/2017|
Keely Smith just arrived. She thought she should stay away, but there was nothing else for her to do.
|by Anonymous||reply 345||12/31/2017|
Rachel Roberts got mad everyone was taking selfies at the other end of the room, jumped up on a table, pulled up her skirt and yelled, "Why don't you all take a picture of THIS?!"
|by Anonymous||reply 346||12/31/2017|
I just got a text from June Lockhart. She's on her way.
|by Anonymous||reply 347||12/31/2017|
Thelma Ritter just phoned. Not gonna make it this year, horrendous case of the shits; can't be more than 10 feet from the bowl.
|by Anonymous||reply 348||12/31/2017|
Okay, the craziest thing just happened. Babe Paley showed up on the arm of Barbara Pepper! They look like Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig, and each is more drunk than the other. Barbara, sure, but Babe? No one knows where to look. Half of us work for her.
|by Anonymous||reply 349||12/31/2017|
Waiting for Claudette Colbert to show with the molly.
|by Anonymous||reply 350||12/31/2017|
Did Coral Browne put LSD in the punch again, or am I really seeing Frank Cady in a bouffant, sheath and slingbacks in the corner talking to Cathy Lewis?
|by Anonymous||reply 351||12/31/2018|
That's Joan's new girl. Norma something.
|by Anonymous||reply 352||12/31/2018|
[quote]WTF are you talking about ? You have something against Pamelyn Ferdin?
|by Anonymous||reply 353||01/01/2019|
[quote]WTF are you talking about? You have something against Pamelyn Ferdin?
You bet your sweet ass I do!
|by Anonymous||reply 354||01/01/2019|
[quote]Best. Party. Ever.
|by Anonymous||reply 355||01/01/2019|
Crack a beer and get the deviled eggs prepped, ladies -- it's that time again!
|by Anonymous||reply 356||12/31/2019|
I’m on my way! I’m picking up Elizabeth Patterson, and you know how she can be (glug glug) so we might be a little late. Save me an egg!
|by Anonymous||reply 358||12/31/2019|
This is one of the best threads of the past decade, imho
|by Anonymous||reply 359||12/31/2019|
Oh, Bea -So sorry you've been under the weather. I'm boiling some more eggs, and I've sent Patsy Kelly to get a couple of cases of gin. Little Pammie Ferdyn will drop them off as soon as she gets back from visiting Kim Richards. Don't you worry about a thing. Marjorie, Kaye, and I will be over with the ice before the other guests arrive!
|by Anonymous||reply 362||01/01/2020|
OP -This is the best thread, ever! I sat and giggled all the way through it. I very much appreciated the subtle (and not-so-subtle) references to old scandals and legends.
|by Anonymous||reply 363||01/01/2020|
New Year’s Eve is an odd choice for gal’s night out. What were all the husbands doing?
|by Anonymous||reply 364||01/01/2020|
Shouldn't that be whom were all the husbands doing??
|by Anonymous||reply 365||01/01/2020|
[quote] with half a dozen cases of Schlitz and a gross of deviled eggs.
I hope someone cracks a window!
|by Anonymous||reply 366||01/01/2020|
Claudette arrived, drunk as ever....She thinks her shit doesn't smell!!!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 367||01/01/2020|
[quote] whom were all the husbands doing??
Barbara Eden, no doubt.
|by Anonymous||reply 368||01/01/2020|
R170, more like 68-year-old....
|by Anonymous||reply 369||01/01/2020|
Did anyone bring some goofballs for Judy?
|by Anonymous||reply 370||01/01/2020|
Yikes, Violet Carson and Ann George just showed up in housedresses and hairnets. So much for British elegance! HEY, WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES STOLE MY FUNNEL?
|by Anonymous||reply 371||01/01/2020|
Did someone say "British elegance"?
|by Anonymous||reply 372||01/01/2020|
Who invited that drunk twat Gladys George?
|by Anonymous||reply 373||01/01/2020|
Hattie McDaniel wants to know why she has to stay in the kitchen and wants to know if it’s ok to drink from the same glasses used by the white women. She also wants to know where Bea keeps the condoms.
|by Anonymous||reply 374||01/01/2020|
Frances Bouvier just stormed in. She’s demanding scotch with a vodka chaser
|by Anonymous||reply 375||01/01/2020|
Damn! That bitch, Tallulah, has locked herself in the bathroom with someone and won't come out until she gets her cock sucked. I may have to pee in the kitchen sink again like last year.
|by Anonymous||reply 376||01/01/2020|
Has anyone invitied verna felton?
|by Anonymous||reply 377||01/01/2020|
No! Leave Verna at home! The bitch always sashays around the room using that goddamned Fairy Godmother voice and offering to grant wishes to the giggly girls. How's a fellah supposed to compete?
|by Anonymous||reply 378||01/02/2020|
I loved hearing Viv's stories about all the shit that went on with that Lucy cast, especially the ones about Little Ricky always going around kicking the elders in their shins. One swift kick in the ass would have done him good. I'm just glad Bitch Bette didn't show up. Or is she here?
|by Anonymous||reply 379||01/02/2020|
Coral Browne, eyeing Lee Patrick, demands that people stop requesting daiquiris made with honey.
|by Anonymous||reply 380||01/02/2020|
Holy Christ !! JERRY HERMAN just breezed in and ran straight to the piano !! Girls, get ready for a show tune singalong !! But please make sure Lucy doesn't get there first, let Bea handle the MAME songs. Don'y worry, I'm gonna tap on that goddamn piano for all it's worth. Now THIS is a party!!
|by Anonymous||reply 381||01/02/2020|
Mary Wickes loves to take center stage, do her schtick about everybody else in the room, and when somebody asks who she is responds "Don't be so nosy!"
|by Anonymous||reply 382||01/02/2020|
Is that Jeanette Nolan with her Marge Simpson like hairstyle doing Dirty Sally spit takes and all of a sudden breaking into bad Eastern European accents?
|by Anonymous||reply 383||01/02/2020|
Someone please keep Jeanette Charles away from Bess Myserson! She's trying to grab her crown!
|by Anonymous||reply 384||01/02/2020|
God help us. Rosalyn Borden and Marilyn Borden, aka Teensy & Weensy, are at it again, trying to get Reta Shaw to do a soft shoe dance with them. Reta's tired as she's been fighting with Hermoine Baddley all day, trying to keep a fight from breaking out with Ms. Gingold. Rumor has it that Patsy Kelly is searching for ukuleles to repeat the "Take a Little One Step" number from "No No Nanette" and has volunteered to assist the Borden twins.
|by Anonymous||reply 385||01/02/2020|
Not sure it has been mentioned but had Bea B. not turned down the role of Ethel Mertz, DL might never have known the name Vivian Vance.
|by Anonymous||reply 386||01/02/2020|
If the Borden sisters sing "Ricochet Romance" one more time I'm going to kick them in the balls!
|by Anonymous||reply 387||01/02/2020|
I was just in the living room with Blanche Yurka, and that bitch is crazy. She kept insisting she had witnessed a murder and when she tells all she knows, heads will roll. I told her the only thing we’ll be rolling around here are the joints.
Say, where IS Libby Holman, anyway?
|by Anonymous||reply 389||01/02/2020|
Did Edith Head bring her famous bread pudding?
|by Anonymous||reply 390||01/02/2020|
[R390] That bread pudding was so old it had a longer beard than Patsy Kelly. Don't know why Edith is always bragging on that pudding... Just cuz some of the younger ladies like to lick out the bowl doesn't mean it tastes good. What's really moving this party along are my spicy Italian meatballs! Both my TV hubbies, Roger C. Carmel and Richard Deacon swear they're the most delicious balls they've ever tasted. And they should know!
|by Anonymous||reply 391||01/02/2020|
R389 Was Blanche clicking her knitting needles as she made this claim?
|by Anonymous||reply 392||01/03/2020|
Lucille La Verne and Edith Massey are now performing "The Patty Duke Show" theme for us in the nude! They think they are identical cousins!
|by Anonymous||reply 393||01/03/2020|
Edith just pushed Lucille off the stage. She wants to perform "Gypsy" for us. OK, enough of those eggrolls Mr. Goldstone!
|by Anonymous||reply 394||01/03/2020|
Ladies! Ladies! A little more decorum, please! And more ice!
Now, where was I? Oh, yes. As I was saying, Harpo used to use his fingers, while Groucho preferred to use his cigar. And as for Gummo...
|by Anonymous||reply 395||01/03/2020|
HI , I'M JOYCE DEWITT...AM I TOOO YOUNG FOR THIS PARTY ?
|by Anonymous||reply 396||01/03/2020|
WHY ARE VICTOR BUONO AND WALLY COX HERE ? I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A FAG PARTY .
|by Anonymous||reply 397||01/03/2020|
Come on in, Joyce. Your pal Suzanne is here somewhere, too. She’s promised to tell that ridiculous story about how she killed her father. It’s hilarious!
|by Anonymous||reply 398||01/03/2020|
Did June Lockhart and June Allyson ride together ?
|by Anonymous||reply 399||01/03/2020|
At least we can trust Susan Dey not to comment on the shenanigans.
|by Anonymous||reply 400||01/03/2020|
IS Gloria Henry coming? She always talks to Kitty Carlisle .
|by Anonymous||reply 401||01/03/2020|
Gale Sondergaard showed up just to prove that she is not Dame Judith Anderson or Margaret Hamilton or Anne Revere, even though she turned down Mrs. Danvers and the Wicked Witch of the West and was replaced by Anne Revere on "Ryan's Hope". Helen Gallagher confirms that by jumping up on the bar to sing "Danny Boy" in honor of Dame Judith.
|by Anonymous||reply 402||01/03/2020|
June Lockhart is upstairs. She plans to play her Rolling Stones and Jimi Hendrix albums to the Brady girls until Susan Olsen's head explodes. Maureen's and Eve's tongues are wagging -Getting reacquainted. When she has finished, June has promised to entertain the guests with her Jonathan Harris impressions and stories about Billy Mumy's and Mark Goddard's very long lunches together off-set.
|by Anonymous||reply 403||01/03/2020|
[quote]Maureen's and Eve's tongues are wagging
Yeah, Spring Byington and Patsy Kelly's tongues are wagging, too, if you catch my drift.
|by Anonymous||reply 404||01/03/2020|
Is Lizabeth Scott here and did she bring her book of... contacts?
|by Anonymous||reply 405||01/03/2020|
Oh, and you can talk, dear Lee? I'm surprised. It's the first time anyone has seen your tongue inside your mouth in years... Patsy and I have a deep, spiritual connection – Unlike you and the chorus of Chu Chi Chow.
|by Anonymous||reply 406||01/03/2020|
Cut off the booze. Mary Jane Croft just backed into Vanda Barra’s car. And Mitzi McCall just barfed into Mitzi Gaynor’s new cha cha heels.
|by Anonymous||reply 407||01/03/2020|
It's not Mary Jane's fault! She was in tears and practically hysterical after that fight with Vivian Vance over who was better at... "handling" Lucy. Kitty Carlisle did her best to console her -taking poor Mary Jane into the ladies room for half an hour to help her fix her face, but I saw her coming out, and her lipstick was more smeared than ever!
|by Anonymous||reply 408||01/03/2020|
So Kitty Carlisle got her hooks into Mary Jane? Peggy Cass warned me about that slippery-tongued bitch.
|by Anonymous||reply 409||01/03/2020|
Oh, the stories I could tell you about Kitty Carlisle... The bitch had more than one Night At the Opera, if you know what I mean. Poor Moss Hart had no idea what he was getting into. Or not getting into, as the case may be.
|by Anonymous||reply 410||01/03/2020|
How dare you put Bea's name in a thread title. It triggered me.
She's been dead for years and seeing her name again as an aborigine, it was awful.
I wish this was twitter so I could cancel you.
|by Anonymous||reply 411||01/03/2020|
r411, wish we could cancel YOU
|by Anonymous||reply 412||01/03/2020|
I prefer to be erased, not cancelled.
|by Anonymous||reply 413||01/03/2020|
Oh dear, oh dear! And it's been such a nice party so far... I don't know how they roughnecks managed to force their way in. Kaye, perhaps you and Tallulah could show them out? Quickly? I need to go to the... Oh. Never mind.
|by Anonymous||reply 414||01/03/2020|
Did anyone bring Spanish Fly or a French Tickler?
|by Anonymous||reply 415||01/03/2020|
Leave it to Grandma Joad to bring up such unsavory things. Don't get me started on what I saw her doing with those grapes! Pshaw!
|by Anonymous||reply 416||01/03/2020|
Oh, Aggie, what I did with them grapes was a heck more savory than what you did with Shaw...and if you don't like it, you can lump it!
|by Anonymous||reply 417||01/03/2020|
You want to step outside, Zeffie? I'll show you how to play St. Joan -The method way.
|by Anonymous||reply 418||01/03/2020|
I wouldn't wanna be anywhere near your cooch when it starts sizzlin', Aggie. What a smell of sulphur!
|by Anonymous||reply 419||01/03/2020|
Who brought that brat, Margaret O'Brien?
|by Anonymous||reply 420||01/04/2020|
Betcha anything that love-hate thing that Zeffie and Agnes have going will get played out in an upstairs bedroom before midnight. Of course they'll likely have to kick Barbara Stanwyck and Debbie Reynolds out of the room to do it. These old dykes are just too closeted to have a good, old-fashioned gang bang in the parlour like the young gals are doing.
|by Anonymous||reply 421||01/04/2020|
That little Kristy McNichol sure is a dab hand at Rock, Paper, Scissors -if you get my drift...
|by Anonymous||reply 422||01/04/2020|
Why do I feel this thread has become the private showcase for one deranged DL-er?
|by Anonymous||reply 423||01/04/2020|
Don't forget to tip the bartender generously, darlings! Scotty reminds us discretion doesn't come cheaply. xo
|by Anonymous||reply 424||01/04/2020|
Anyone seen a pig run through here?
|by Anonymous||reply 425||01/04/2020|
And just like that, the thread is ruined.
|by Anonymous||reply 426||01/04/2020|
Thanks for the reminder, Bea. Scotty really knows how to get just the right group together for a party, and you are the perfect hostess!
|by Anonymous||reply 427||01/04/2020|
Scotty? Bartender? I don't know him.
|by Anonymous||reply 428||01/04/2020|
Oh, the ridiculous shit that comes out of Charles Laughton's mouth...
|by Anonymous||reply 429||01/04/2020|
Looks like the party has come to an end for another year. Bea, thanks for inviting us into your home. It was a fabulous party! Haven't had so much fun in ages! See you next year?
|by Anonymous||reply 430||01/05/2020|
As we enter the holiday season in the midst of a pandemic, I feel I should enforce some social rules for this year's get-together, and plan a few things out in advance. EVERYONE has to bring ice.
There. I think we're all set!
|by Anonymous||reply 431||Last Friday at 5:59 PM|
Oh dear, there's an incident at the powder room door
Carol Channing has locked herself in and keeps shrieking, "Corn, when did I eat corn?"
Reta Shaw has been waiting so long she's pulled her piece and she's threatening to blow the door down,
"We're sick of you pulling this same old shtick every year, Carol, you pretentious cunt!"
|by Anonymous||reply 432||Last Friday at 6:44 PM|
[quote]Oh, the ridiculous shit that comes out of Charles Laughton's mouth...
His mouth, what about the stuff that's leaking from his ass?
|by Anonymous||reply 433||Last Friday at 6:49 PM|
R7 They're all long LONG dead actors/actresses. For anyone to remember most of them, they'd have to be well into their 70s. Your guess is as god as mine, re, why we're doing this.
|by Anonymous||reply 435||Last Friday at 7:45 PM|
ELSA DO NOT !!! LET CHARLES MAKE THOSE SANDWICHES IN MY KITCHEN !!
|by Anonymous||reply 436||Last Friday at 9:11 PM|
R7 and R435, this thread is an homage to the legendary personalities, tall tales, and vicious gossip that surrounded these celebrities of yesteryear. In their heydays they would have all found themselves the subjects of multiple DataLounge threads. Gay rumors. Stories of coprophilia. Drunkenness that would put Charlie Sheen to shame. Gather it all together in a single thread where the caftan-wearing cognoscenti can demonstrate both their bitchery and their wit -What could be more perfect for DataLounge?
Oh -And never eat a sandwich proffered by Charles Laughton. Trust me.
|by Anonymous||reply 437||Last Saturday at 8:33 AM|
R437 You can't just dangle that out there, especially after your explanation, and not give the dirt!
|by Anonymous||reply 438||Last Saturday at 8:50 AM|
You don't have to scroll back too far, R438. Legend has it that Charles Laughton was into shit. Literally. Supposedly he once ate a turd sandwich.
|by Anonymous||reply 439||Last Saturday at 1:46 PM|
Stanwyck wasn’t invited nor Hepburn. Supporting players distaff division only.
|by Anonymous||reply 440||Last Saturday at 2:47 PM|
Each time this thread is resurrected, I hold out hope that it will be somewhat witty and maybe even something like a snappy 1940s screenplay. But, sadly, it's just a lot of jokes about bodily functions but in the voice of old actors.
|by Anonymous||reply 441||Last Saturday at 3:03 PM|
And your contribution, R441, didn't change anything, did it?
|by Anonymous||reply 442||Last Saturday at 4:53 PM|
Ladies! Ladies! This is a party, not a street brawl. Now, one of you come to the kitchen and help me with the deviled eggs while the other goes to get more ice. We only have forty days left to get things ready, and you know how bitchy Miss Vance gets if we don't have sufficient...
|by Anonymous||reply 443||Last Saturday at 5:08 PM|
Miss Vance may have a big potomas in her hostess pants
but she's hardly the biggest bitch in this crowd
|by Anonymous||reply 444||Last Sunday at 7:51 AM|
How dare you look at me when you say that, Bea! What a cunt!
|by Anonymous||reply 445||Last Sunday at 10:41 AM|