"At 60 years old, I became invisible. Getting old as a gay man stinks."

Link is here, BTW - I am cut/pasting text

That’s not intended to say that gay men do not value and support intellectual pursuits, close friendships and other matters of substance. They do. But decades of having the core of your being outlawed, degraded and subjected to violent attack has a way of twisting your priorities and the perception you have of yourself.

My public obsolescence has given me a new appreciation for women, who have struggled against social pressure that often links their value to their appearance – which can rise and fall based on fluctuating considerations like age, weight and plastic surgery budget.

There are celebrity exceptions to the “get older and disappear” rule. But for every Daniel Craig (53) and Helen Mirren (76), there are millions of us who have been handed our new parking tags, at the edge of the shopping mall, next to Denny’s.

Initially, I felt my exile was unique. After all, two of my closest friends recently posted a series of Facebook pics of their vacation to Mexico, in which they are smiling, hugging and goofing off with friends. One is 59, and his husband is 68. They both look great and appear to be living their best lives.

A few weeks ago, my partner and I went to their house for dinner. I swear I did not raise the issue, but the 59-year-old asked if we feel like we’ve lost our “mojo,” as he recounted a recent evening in which he was literally pushed aside, as the younger men moved past him in a crowded bar. We all agreed that would never have happened to us 10 years ago. And there you have it; we were four older gay men reliving our glory days and complaining about the baby gays who were not giving us the respect we deserved – or at least to which we’d become accustomed.

I know, life is filled with countless problems that are far worse; it’s not the end of the world. But if that were the standard we had to meet before we could be unhappy about something, we’d never be allowed to be unhappy about anything.

I’m fortunate in many ways, despite my current pity party. I have a partner whom I adore, and my reflection in his eyes is frozen on the version of me that piqued his interest almost 11 years ago.

I get that as long as sexual attraction exists, there will be benefits that are derived from it. If I’m being honest, during my dating years I was guilty of the offense I’m currently complaining about. I placed a premium on physical attraction – though only for my romantic interests, never for my friendships.

Lately, I’ve been telling myself that if I want an extra chicken wing, I can afford to buy it for myself. Still, I cannot escape a sense of loss as I move into this new stage of life.

Only straight men live in a world that allows them a graceful transition to old age. It’s not that they age better, it’s that few people diminish them for their balding heads, expanding guts and fur-filled ears. And like so many default benefits that are inherited by straight men, their value has never primarily been based on their appearance – so they have never internalized the loss that comes when their youth abandons them.

There’s a lesson here: The unhappiness we feel about our aging appearance is not innate. It’s based on how others treat us, and how we use that treatment as a baseline for how we treat ourselves. It’s time we commit to doing better on both accounts.

My 80-year-old father has no cartilage in one knee, uses two canes to walk, and just got hearing aids in both ears. I recently complained to him that getting old stinks. He had the perfect response: “The alternative is worse.

If I had a God damned dime for every time some sad sack queen posted bullshit like this, I'd be a millionaire.

There's already a thread, Gramps OP...

He tries to claim he's not an A gay but this reeks of a status fucking Mary who thinks only of appearance.

This week in The Huffington Post:

"I Turned Sixty And Was Literally Pushed Aside By A Young Man In A Crowded Bar. Here's What Happened Next."

What a superficial old queen. How sad that "life is over" because skin has aged, etc.

Hey dumb cunt at R4 - the article was published this morning. That thread is from 12/15. Learn to read, you fat whore!

The guy at R1 (photo) looks like Bryan Singer.

The guy is fug, and fat, but his skin looks good for 60. Lots of dermatology and skin maintenance there.

There is nothing to do about the situation he reports. It is what it is.

And just like that I realized: I was now a vapid old queen, but I was really going to miss the old version.

As a 60 yr old "divorced, gay white man" with 6 grown children, do yourself a favor. Stop worrying about it. Who the fuck cares what the baby gays think about you? Seriously, Fuck that shit.

If that picture is any indication he's been in denial at least a decade.

I wonder how he behaved towards 60 year old gay men when he was 20?

“Only straight men live in a world that allows them a graceful transition to old age. It’s not that they age better, it’s that few people diminish them for their balding heads, expanding guts and fur-filled ears.”

This fag must not know any older straight guys. They are obsessed with hair (or not having it). And my gym is mobbed with older straight guys fighting time. As for fur-filled ears, I have never heard anyone - gay or straight - worry about that. But then a 30 second trim every other week solves that problem.

And the winner of this year's Bob Bergeron Award for What Goes Around Coming Around is...

I’m in my 60s and I like being invisible. I had a good run when I was younger and now I’m enjoying peace and quiet in my life with no need to be the center of attention or the object of anyone’s desire. Embrace your golden years, darlings. Not as awful as you think.

Straight men can bitch about each others' looks. I was in an elevator at work. The elevator doors closed and a guy inside the elevator (I'm assuming straight) immediately started talking about how "fat" another guy was. (The fat guy had been standing right outside the elevator when the doors closed. I think the 2 guys had prior beefs, possibly. But I thought it was hilarious that he started insulting him as soon as the elevator doors closed.

Getting older may not be a picnic (my grandmother always used to say “old age never comes alone”), but it is a privilege. The only alternative to getting older is …well, dying.

I had a mini midlife crisis when I turned 40, and felt like I was dead in gay years (even though I’d always been blessed by youthful looks). Then, last year, I turned 41 and was diagnosed with cancer in not one but three organs (colon, lungs, liver). I live from scan to scan and am absurdly hopeful I can still beat this, even if I can tell the doctors don’t hold out much hope. I just started on more chemo, yesterday I buzzed my hair off because it’ll probably fall out anyway and whatever looks I had are gone thanks to skin rashes on my face and looking pale and sick due to low blood levels. Its far easier when looks fade over time than overnight. I don’t mean to complain. It is what it is. Try not to sweat the wrinkles that come with age. Yeah, it sucks, but life is never owed to any one of us so we should try to make the best of it.

This is truly sad. I am 46 now and I actually love getting older. If you are still pining for attention at gay bars and from young gay men at 60 years old, it's just proof positive you never grew as a human being when you had the chance. Any time I see a guy in the gym my age or older still trying to get a super ripped lean body of a 28 yo, it's a red flag as to what they value. I am not saying to let yourself go. I still go to the gym. But it's a relief NOT having to achieve those ridiculous standards anymore. And I get younger cute guys hitting on me more in my healthy, fit dad bod than I ever did when I was in the best shape of my life. I am not looking for them, but I do notice their attention when I am out. Confidence and a comfortability in yourself goes a long way to making you sexy. I value time with friends, the remaining time I have with my parents, not the attention of some kid, some stranger with less than 10 years of adulthood under their wings. And I would suggest stepping out of the Gay Ghetto. Take a vacation to places other than Provincetown or Fire Island, by yourself maybe and not 10 other queens who look exactly like you. Get out of the gay bars, gay clubs, gay neighborhoods. It wasn't until I started doing this did I realize how boring and homogenous a large swath of gay men can actually be.

R19 I’m thinking of you and rooting for you. Big hugs.

🙏 4 r19

R21, R22 thanks guys, I always appreciate the positive vibes! Happy new year to you x

It’s LITERAL violence.

I was A-list now I'm C-list. Who gives a fuck? Let the gaylings have their day. I had mine and my older age has been grand sometimes. Am not looking forward to the inevitable failure of heart, hips, knees, brain but I've been through worse: sexual abuse, addiction, and clinical depression.

OP: settle down, give up the me-me-me view of the world, and try to stop focusing on what you've lost versus what you can still have.

R20 totally agree, the way older guys behave totally reveals their values, and someone, say, over 48 trying to look and behave like they are still 18 is very off putting to me. I think one of the things that should come with age, ideally, is feeling more comfortable in your own skin and less inclined to preen and pose for outer scraps of validation. I’m actually super attracted to older guys with an inherent self-assuredness (not arrogance, though).

R19 same thing; rooting for you. Something like that really makes you reconsider your approach to life. Wishing you all the best with treatment. Keep that fighting attitude too! For whatever reason, people do better when battling cancer when they have a positive outlook.

If you want to, there's info online about using citrus seeds and other parts to help with cancer. Just Google that and there's a ton about it.

I don't understand the problem.

Just die already!

When you're 60 and you don't want to be pushed aside, you should stop frequenting bars known for a younger clientele. It seems pretty simple to me.

I’m 68 and very happy to be alive and healthy. Yes I am not the handsome younger man I once was. But I’m fit, healthy and for the most part still enjoying life. Aging is a universal fact of life- if you are lucky. When I feel sorry for myself or get frightened I remind myself that virtually all of us die and if we live past middle age, we do so with diminished physical attributes. Frankly, I don’t get guys like the OP. I still befriend younger people gay and straight. It’s a function of being interested, interesting and kind for the most part-

r30 or move overseas to stretch out your pension instead of settling down into a nice retirement villa.

I love your attitude, R31. Spot on.

hasbian pride

“THE RESPECT THAT I DESERVE!”

The thing is, there's an interesting essay somewhere in that topic. This was NOT it.

As I age, it's harder to make new friends and I've outgrown many of my previous ones. And while I love and appreciate my "chosen family" - I know, frau cliche but it describes it best - I still feel disconnected from some people and some communities.

And it's not just gay men who feel this. I remember a Humans of New York post from an actress I loved, who's now a speech therapist (I think?) and in a relationship with a woman, and it was the same: after a certain point, invisibility sets in. It's probably regardless of gender, or sexuality, when we're in this relentless youth culture. I mean, our TV and YouTube stars are teenagers and the parents on CW shows are 35.

This article just made him look as shallow as is humanly possible. He said he'd probably live to regret it and he's right.

But I can't imagine being so concerned about appearance. I've never been and never will be, and apparently, to put on a pound or have nose hair is the biggest sin imaginable to this guy.

First off, Tom Ford owns this thread.

Second, if the guy in the photo at R1 is the author, he's employed an army of plastic surgeons and colorists to fight off aging.

Third, WTF is with the extra chicken wing? The guy at the takeout was gay and had a crush on him?

Fourth, how much does he sound like a Datalounger with the bragging about how hot he allegedly was when younger and "A-gay" mention

Older people of all sexualities who based their self-worth on their looks feel invisible as they get older and old rich straight guys are only visible when they flash their wallets, sort of like old rich gay guys (Geffen).

Life is not over at this stage, but unless you're rich, you're generally no longer fuckable. Same for straight women of a certain ago. I did not want to fuck old guys when I was young and much better looking.

Check out his Twitter feed... if he isn't a DLer he could be. And not for his wit or wisdom.

Hmmm R38

Much in the way older women find older men, I suspect older gay men can find other Eldergays

The problem is that all DL's Eldergays feel that the Right to Fuck Hot 28 Year Olds is written into the Constitution or something.

And here's the link R39 meant to post (Mr. Stern appears to be a lawyer who dabbles in writing, not a journalist)

I highly doubt that anyone ever gave an extra chicken wing to that lard face.

He also has OCD (self-reported)

Here he is in the past before he got his work done.

I enjoy being anonymous outside my environs but, even at my age, can obtain the attention I want when I want it.

The invisible are the invisible ones. However, the attention I want is not the same as when I was 20. One must be reasonable to be happy.

Aging muscle Mary

He was…never an A-gay.

If he is a bottom he should move to Egypt. The men will be all over him.

Desperation is never pretty.

I thought it was New Delhi, R47

He actually looks better now than he did at R43. He seems like a big old crybaby.

(R19) God bless you and best wishes on your battle.

Welcome to my world!

I remember when I was 32 and someone in their 20's thought 32 was 82.

R36 is so right.

This is way worse for woman. My friend, when she was 60, had a good body and was slim. Guys would check her out from behind but when she turned around, they’d sort of look in horror. Not that she was homely but that they couldn’t be attracted to an older woman.

And he should have put an exception in the article. If you have a big dick, you can still get laid. Thank goodness.

Having been hideous all my life, I've never had to face up to Fading Beauty Syndrome. Lucky me!

Graying temples, eye wrinkles and extra padding are all fetishes that some younger guys love, Google inter-generational gay dating.

He didn’t become invisible at 60. He became invisible at 45.

He looks great to me, in that pic at R45

Michael Stern, another whiny Jew.

Madonna is 63.

He looks far better in his newer pics than the older one. However, you can see the insecurity in his face, and that’s never a good look. He needs to break through the societal conditioning and derive his self-worth from being a decent, loving human being and not based on how his body looks.

He writes mid-level partisan pieces. I wish I had low enough standards to have gotten on that gravy train.

[quote] He writes mid-level partisan pieces. [italic]that appear in USA Today where they are no doubt read by that publication's countless intellectuals[/italic] wish I had low enough standards to have gotten on that gravy train.

If we're really going to get catty......

He only wrote this rubbish in hopes of getting the 'no, you look hot!' comments...

I'm three years from that age. I'm not invisible in fact I get the boys who want daddy types all the time. It's incredible.

Poor delusional shit. He became invisible once he hit 25.

I was lucky enough to have an older friend ,George as my mentor when I was a hawt gayling in WeHo. My BF talked George into going out with us to the Abbey. We were really surprised when he agreed to come with us. Place was packed per usual. We were having a gay ole time watching the drag queens and sipping our Cosmos. We thought George was enjoying his outing. He was perched elegant and gentile on his barstool very much George Sanders.. After about 30 minutes George tapped me on the shoulder and said he was leaving. A bit surprised I said 'Why George? Aren't you enjoying yourself? He flipped his scarf over his shoulder , looked me in the eye and said. " I don't belong here." Ramrod straight he strode out. George was 63.Same age I am now. Of course he was right. Per usual.

Sending you love R19.

Great story, R67. What happened to him?

R1 She looks scary!

I'm lucky

I'm turning 60 next year but my skin is fine.

R69 I think the “I miss him” bit in the poster’s signature should give us a hint :-(

R67 Woops should be "elegant and genteel" George was Jewish.

The Skin Troll is back!

R17, I agree. I'm 80 and have no reason to wallow in self-pity like OP. He should seek Cognitive Therapy, a short-term system where he can be taught to re-think his situation "We Are What We Think."

I think part of the issue is as Gay people we don’t have the role models that many of the Straight people have. Part of that is due to so many dying during AIDS , so that many who were older than me ( 53 ) are gone. Another issue we have is the Gay community never really discusses ageing. It is all about coming out and living your best life when you are young and supposedly gorgeous, never when you get to your 50s.

I don’t blame the Gay community for that, but it reinforces that Peter Pan belief until you find out your “ Neverland” happened the day you turned 21 lol.

Luckily I have always loved my own company, I love Travel and have a great set of friends.

To r19 God bless. You are strong and have the right attitude.

Imagine getting home and not finding an extra chicken wing in your takeout. I just can’t even imagine what that must feel like, to so abruptly be shown that you are now dead to other gays. Poor OP. I condole her.

You’re not invisible because of your age. Nobody wants to around you because you exhausting to be around.

GIVE HER THE WING! GIVE HER THE WINNNNNGGGGGGGGG!

60? If you are a bottom, you are already invisible at 40. Let’s not talk about 60

Glad you had George, R67, but I suspect you might have figured that out on your own.

I remember being in my late 20s and seeing guys in their late 40s 50s who were not bad looking but clearly too old for the bar, chatting up the bartenders and everyone in sight and my friends and I saying "if we are doing this when we're 55, someone please shoot us."

Straight friends have reported similar--being in a bar full of 25 year olds and wondering what the 45 year was doing there.

Also, just out of curiosity-- how many of you have actually ever counted the number of chicken wings in your bag when you got home?

The author is dreadful. Inside and out.

Women are invisible by age forty, especially if they’ve had a couple of kids.

R82, I found that to be a disturbing detail. He received fantasy validation when someone carelessly gave him an extra chicken wing? I can’t begin to unpack that.

[quote]Poor delusional shit. He became invisible once he hit 25.

He was a prosecuting attorney with status and money (and possibly the ability to let charges slide), so I imagine the wannabe houseboys and such contributed to the fiction of desirability decades past his actual sell-by date.

Even straight men are invisible after 60 unless they're famous or captains of industry. In our community a relatively small sample blessed with good genes draw attention past 30.

"Nothing's wrong with being fifty, unless you're acting twenty."

Gain 50 pounds, grow a mustache, and move to Turkey. They LOVE to fuck fat, hairy, old men.

Best wishes to you, R19.

You know why straight men are able to transition into a dignified old age? They prioritize family and children. So when they become old they have a support system of people that care. The silly gay men who never grow out of meaningless sex, the party scene, and being seen as “hot” will have the worst time at all of this.

I will be 40 next year. I am still hot and fuckable. I still have fun. Yet I know the days are numbered for this life, and I’m actively plotting out the next stages. Slowing down the hookups. Wanting to have a family. Making myself useful to my actual family. Building a legacy. These are things that are important.

We have so many sad sack gay men who are bad at aging because we spend too much of our time prioritizing wrong, silly, and very superficial things.

Also, stop hanging around only gay men. Get some straight friends. Be engaged in the community - and not the GAY community the ACTUAL community around you.

We have a friend who is bald, fat, 59, and a bottom, he puts all of that on Grindr and gets laid by way younger guys quite a lot. Maybe it's because he doesn't lie about it, and will meet anybody at a moments notice.

He's looks OK for 60 ( looks like a deep plane facelift, upper and lower eyelids, and laser resurfacing ) Seems like he would have a bitchy high-pitched voice and copies of Architectural Digest on his coffee table . NOT my type

I don’t believe this is exclusively for gay men. I think it’s everyone. So many older straight people are upset because they’re not attractive anymore. They’ve spent their whole lives relying on their looks to be paid attention to and never developed a real personality. Now that they only have to use their personalities to get attention, they feel shunned because they’re shallow and old.

I didn't read the whole thread but I'm 61 in NYC and get more ass and dick than ever. Dates, fuck buds and just plain old hook ups with guys of all ages, I saw this article earlier today and thought, you poor guy, get over it. I confess I'm not some gym bod prize but I'm nice and try to make a connection and it works. To be honest, I could have a date every night but who has time for that with work and life commitments?

Hey R94, wanna meet up later?

The only 60yo+ guys I know who get regular pickup action and frequent calls from fuckbuddies are fit and HUNG big.

I'm really struggling with this, albeit from a different angle. I'm a woman who just turned 49. I was never concerned about the "male gaze," so I never had anything to lose there. It's not being invisible---I wish. It's that look in everyone's eye when I'm waited on or God forbid, ask a question. You can just see them dreading having to interact with an old woman. I promise you I am polite, even deferential, and it makes no difference. I told myself just this week I am not going to interact with anyone again if I can help it. But it's messing me up. Am I never going to meet anyone new ever again?

This is only a thing if you’re running after twinks.

R97 I am sorry to hear that. This whole “Karen” notion is doing exactly what it was intended to do, which is to shut women up and put them in their place. Try not to give in. Take up as much space as you desire.

r99 shutup karen

R 19: Sending you love and light. You write beautifully .I printed out your post to remind me that it is possible to find inner strength and thrive no matter what.

And you, R101, are a kind soul 🤗

His ugliness comes from the inside. He’s not bad to look at, but that personality…

It's funny to hear people lamenting about finally having to give up going into gay bars where younger men are coveted. Being older I look at those places with the same desire I would having to go to a high school pep rally - with absolutely no desire to participate. It's not a feeling of giving up anything or that I don't belong there anymore. I just have absolutely no desire to go. I find them off-putting now. They are good for kids finding their way into adulthood and meeting other people. They serve a purpose. But I no longer have a desire to be a part of that scene. It was like when I was a kid, I lived and breathed Saturday morning cartoons - 5am until noon, non stop. They were my life. Then one weekend I just wanted to sleep in, and that was it. Never again.

And when I was in my twenties, I was very attracted to older men, 40s, 50s. I slept with a handful of them. And now I see those same types of guys everywhere now that I am older. Younger men like the confidence and security older men can offer. I remember marvelling walking into a nice apartment, clean sheets, matching towels, food in the fridge - no tv propped up on a milk carton, no roommate in the other room. It's funny when I think about it now. But I was turned on by a man who looked like they had their life together, at least on a surface level, at a time when I was still trying to figure everything out myself. And those types of young men, like I was, will always be and will always seek out the comfort of older men. I have found this to be the case being older. Just put Daddy in your profile when you are feeling low, and see how many younger guys want to come by and bounce on your dick.

"I became invisible - to hot, younger me but there's no way I'm going anywhere near someone as old as me".

And this is just an observation being and older guy now myself. And this is because I felt the same when I was younger. When you're younger sex with someone your age always seemed like a performance. I was more concerned with how I looked, how I was coming across to my partner. Certain positions showed off your stomach, or thoughts that I wasn't as fit as I wanted to be always filtered in. I always wondered what I looked like while having sex. Younger guys seem to enjoy sex with older men more, it's a different dynamic. It is obvious who the younger physically desirable one is and as an older man I enjoy the opportunity to sleep with someone younger, fit and sexy. Younger men seem to real enjoy being the object of desire because of their youth and enjoy being taken because of it. There is no feeling of competition. Each person is getting something they want from their partner - each desiring what the other has to offer.

Then you got an extra ten or so years over women 45+.

[quote] You know why straight men are able to transition into a dignified old age? They prioritize family and children.

Lol. They do no such thing. They just are attracted to people who have a much shorter shelf life for having children, so they have the upper hand. Plus, women outnumber men, so they can always count on finding someone. Marriage and family life is much easier for them than anyone else. They certainly don't prioritize it. That's for sure.

I got a real chuckle out of the "straight men prioritize family and children" line. You're aware that middle-aged straight guys dump their wives and kids all the time and start over, right? Get out of here with that straights are "dignified" nonsense.

R97, I have a friend who has had numerous service workers call her a Karen for no reason over the last two or three years. She's a year younger than me so 49 like you, and younger people just assume she's going to be a piece of shit to them and pre-emptively attack her first. I thought she was exaggerating until she sent me a copy of a Hy-Vee online receipt she got with a note that had been added to it saying "another karen lol."

What wrong with being invisible at his point in our lives? We had our chance to shine. Now it's time to step back and let others get the attention...it's only going to get worse as we age.

The only people you are invisible to are young hot gays looking to top.

But let’s be honest: your nasty skank ass was worthless, even in your prime.

OP, Women experience this too, but not backwards or in high heels. Face it; getting old is not for sissies, nor for those who still....yearn.

R108, they may not prioritize it but they are surrounded by it. As I age, the one thing I do find to be more true than not, is that you can count on family. It doesn't have to be The Waltons but most people have family around them. If you are a reasonably together person with a reasonable brain you will be far less lonely and far more connected with a family structure around you.

I think the benefit of family is that it is a signifier that your time as a young person has past and you begin to embrace your middleagedom. You are not out there trying to interact with people the same age as your kids. You sooner embrace the next stage of your life without feeling the need to hold on to your youth.

Why do I suspect R90's idea of him being hot and fuckable if because he can still find some married men to use him like a fleshlight? I bet the phrase "leave the lights off" rings loudly in his ears.

The rest of your post is just embarrassing. You're essentially admitting you've done nothing with your life so far and are only now trying to achieve something since the cock is slowing down. You sound beyond pitiful. And that's without even mentioning the straight worship.

I am 66, found my new honey bear during the last few years, dine and travel lavishly at no expense to me, hook with escorts as needed,, and am on TV almost daily showing my charm and declared expertise. Life is good, but I am not gay.

That’s your dementia talking, Barbara

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, for ere long you’ll be an eldergay.

well, be glad you're not a woman I started feeling invisible at 38.

As we've discussed on DL before, there are a couple of scenarios where younger guys will fuck an older guy:

* They're not very attractive and/or overweight and so have no luck with guys their age, but a 60 yr old will be thrilled that ANY 24 yr old wants to fuck him.

* They are closeted and figure there is no way they will know any people in common with the 60 year old

* They are closeted and live with roommates or family and the 60 year old can host as he has his own place

If you’re fat, bald, disabled, or not racially desirable this invisibility can start at much younger than 60.

R121 You're missing being paid.

LOL, yes R123-- I should have said "will fuck an older guy for free"

What if you have a big dick that can still perform? Will aging make you invisible?

Verified sizemeat can always get it, r125.

I have no problem.

Why would anyone want to fuck a young guy if you’re in your 50s or 60s? Arrested development much?

r128

yes.

the majority of gay men (string of one night stands) and lesbians (jumping into relationships way too early) for that matter weren't able to date in a heteronormative fashion... and even those that could have the problem - small population, persistent aspect/stereotypes of culture.

so more gays and lesbians have had relationships or hookups with people outside of their various peer groups than heterosexuals. . . it's often a matter of availability than holding out for the one. And the realities, even in more progressive times, same sex relationships aren't as valued as heterosexual relationships to society at large regardless of logical loopholes we can find to justify it or point out the hetero relationships that fall outside of this alleged value system. so, there isn't the same kind of social pressures.

which is also why so many fraus once they pass the child bearing age have no sympathy for the men here.

also, there's other variables like what age someone comes out at -- if they come out later in life, they tend to try to catch up on lost time or otherwise become consumed by mainstream gay culture. while it happens less with older women that come out as often it's more they meet a woman and realize, it does happen that way too. Though they have more apt social/sexual circles and events to find other older women, like olivia cruises aka the geriatric muff boat. Yes, there's events for older males but they seem more sparse and inevitably give way to twinks or chasers.

I digress. short: gay/lesbian have a disadvantage when it comes to relationships because of numerous societal factors and personal social development. so, in a way, comparatively, they are stunted in this regard as it's something they compromise on too frequently, habits form and is something they have to constantly rediscover/develop more on their own than by examples in the community and the support of society at large.

but your question also contains an undertone of the disdain for age, growing older... of age and sexual visibility or desire, that as if sex and yearning, longing is only for the young, and that we hit some arbitrary mark where we should be more invested in non-physical attributes lest it's perversion when perhaps the question is how does our sexuality - our physical attractions evolve? We need to see more explorations of that.

anyone remember the lemon party meme? that squicked out more people than seeing a daddy and twink.

I read the article and my only thought was who let this be published. There is nothing new in that article. At least he says that he went for the looks but he was kind towards ugly people and let them be his friends. That tells something and now he is saying that he wants attention. Someone should tell him that older people look ugly. I am 51 and I look ugly and I look in the mirror and say whoa who is that ugly guy. That is a fact of aging. I was never attractive but age made me look even uglier.

GIVE HER THE WINGGGGGGGGG!

Miss I'm Not An A Gay had some detractors on her Twitter thread last night but today they seem to all be gone, and only positive feedback remains.

MARY! I come here to be schooled on how to READ people! You queens are MERCILESS!!

I will be 60 this year and knew when my time was up……I think I saw too many friends die in their 20’s and 30’s back in the 80’s/90’s and I am aware how lucky I am to simply be alive and healthy for my age……no matter how much you exercise, how well you eat and whatever procedures you choose to have done……you are never going to be 25 or 45 again…….I think there is almost a sense of relief that the game is over…….I actually will go walk the dog in the AM straight out of bed with the most mismatched sweats-shirts-jacket-sweatshirt and it doesn’t matter who I run into…..have even been known to venture into Pavilions in my disheveled wardrobe and laughing at myself being fully aware I would not have gone out like that when I was 30…….I look at Kevin Bacon, Ralph Macchio, Chris Meloni & Jon Bon Jovi as some celeb guys that seem to be comfortable with aging and look great……after living in West Hollywood for over 30 years, there is something kind of nice about running into old friends and seeing old faces on the street or in the grocery store and looking back on those fun times at the Athletic Club, Sports Connection, Studio One, Catch One, and even a rare drop in at the Probe…….now it is about having friends that I have know for 30+ years over for dinner or going to movies or just hanging out…and you have to be open to making new friends….and if there is an occasional hook-up, I enjoy it……and one other thing, you are really invisible when you are in a box under 6 feet or dirt or have been converted to a box of ashes………

Reading through this thread and the story about George at the Abbey brought back a funny story to share…in 1994, when the sun came up in the morning after the Northridge earthquake, a group of us gravitated to the Abbey (it was much smaller and open air back then). The ATM’s didn’t work so cash and checks were the currency…it was also the most mixed up diverse group from gay boys, BH housewives/couples, young/old…most of us were wearing a version of what we woke up in (I know some of those BH ladies had never been out in public as plain and un made up in decades)…we sat for a couple of hours drinking coffee/cokes and feeling the aftershocks and wondering if any of the tall statues in the dining area/courtyard would fall over on us…..there were about 10 of us around 2 tables pushed together, we were all late 20’s/early 30’s with the exception of one guy, who I will call Sam. Sam was mid 50’s, fit, tan and was still working as a trainer at the gym. We all knew him from the gym. He never went out to the clubs or bars. He was one of those people who was comfortable in his own skin and fit in with about any group…..so this hot, chiseled, late 20’s Spanish/Italian guy sat down at a table next to us…we were all drawn to this guy as he was handsome like JFK Jr or Lucky Vanous….Sam and the hot guy just started having casual conversation about how scary the earthquake was and what it must be like being in LA by yourself thousands of miles from home….15 minutes pass and the hot dude invites Sam back to his hotel to spend the day in bed riding out the aftershocks. After they left, all we could do was sit there and laugh….the day was already about as crazy as it could get…and all of us liked Sam, so we were basically “all right daddy”….it just reminded me how physical attraction also includes the energy and vibe you give off, no matter how young or old you are…..and we are way overdue for another big earthquake!!!!!

R91- In 2019 I believe, I was at WSC in NYC. There was a portly guy at least 48 years old-average looking who was having sex with one guy after another. One of them was young, slim, good looking and cute. He went after them. I noticed NONE of them were lingering in front of his room he had to go into the hallway to cajole them to come back to his lair.

The aggressive GAY bird gets the worm.

OP's USA today article is paywalled. Can someone post the entire article here?

R138 OP already did, OP's post and R2

R139- I did not realize that was the article. Thanks.

1) If you're in a crowded bar, people pushing you aside is to be expected. I wonder if he was clogging up the bar area trying to manspread and be the center of attention. He looks the type.

2) If a 60 year old man doesn't have the appreciation to still be alive after living through 2 decades of all your fellow gay men dying horrendous deaths around you, then you really need a time-out and get some god damn appreciation.

I hope I never meet this asshole.

The whole article screams please tell me I'm worthwhile. I'd feel sorry for him if his view of gay wasn't so shallow.

And this "I miss the attention at the gym, the free drinks at the bars and the extra chicken wing I used to find in my greasy carryout bag when I got home."

Ummm....you got free drinks only because you had bought so many before. It's a custom to do that in many bars if you order enough. Or you hang out with people who buy rounds and you're too stupid to pick up that you should do the same for the next round. Cheap ass.

The extra chicken wing - girl, that's just an error - nobody is giving extra chicken wings as a come-on. Besides - it's a fucking chicken wing - seriously?

This guy has been delusional for a Loooooooong time.

"But I had a particular niche of mutual attraction"

Boy, would I love to know exactly what that was.

Ain’t no thing like a chicken wing.

just saw r143. I'd fuck him if his kitchen were nicer

R146 - you have higher standards for kitchens than you do men. I'd reflect on that in 2022.

Many gay men didn’t get to grow old so I don’t mind it.

LOL - when your relative youth is the ONLY thing you bring to the table, of course you fade away when that youth is gone.

So many people complain about becoming "invisible" as they get older. The reality is that those people had little else. Even looks/body can be drastically enhanced by working out and eating right. It simply gets harder to achieve and maintain good results as we age. Being slim is easy when young, but takes a lot more work as one ages. In turn, such effort says something about a person's personality and discipline that can be attractive (as well as many quite unappealing and unattractive things about their personality).

But, bottom line, the complaint is that you're "invisible" to hot young things and no longer have people flirting with you and trying to get into your pants, not that you're truly no longer welcomed. Also, creeping on and flirting with hot younger people is, well, creepy. When you give unwanted attention, of course, that person is not going to welcome you with open arms.

Sure, there are some bars, clubs, and social gatherings where your age is an impendiment. But honestly, do you really need to be going to clubs and listening to blaring house music when you're 60?

Fools like that guy conflate being sexually desirable and being welcome.

I'm 62 and most of my friends, gay and straight, have drifted away over the years. This is normal, unless you have a spouse and children. Outside of the occasional phone call from long term friends I have only two that live reasonably close enough to see a few times a year. I don't mind not seeing friends all the time because I have loads of interests that keep me occupied in my spare time, but I would like to at least have a friend or two I could see more regularly.

One of the saddest things for some gay men is that they never learn to see attractiveness in aging bodies. There are a lot of attractive older men. Yes, I think everyone hits a wall in their 70's, but being 60 isn't what it used to be.

There are many attractive men in their 60's.

I'm sure Mr. Stern wasn't so kind to older men when he was younger, but now expects the red carpet treatment.

Being an older gay man in a big city going to bars and clubs with 20 and 30 somethings is ridiculous. Hell, I started to feel old in comparison when I was 35-40.

[quote]I'm sure Mr. Stern wasn't so kind to older men when he was younger, but now expects the red carpet treatment.

To look at him, you have to wonder if he was ever in a position to be unkind to anyone, on a basis of looks.

Whether this guy was an asshole or not I can't say for certain, but he certainly seems suggestive of the warped hyper-emphasis on looks that dogs gay men. It is so fucked up.

He doesn’t want to date men his own age.

Thread closed.

Some of us relish in the invisibility. It's very overwhelming to be hit on constantly.

You all are forgetting that this degree of plastic surgery and Botox on a man is not normal and that like Ford, many people will see him and think that he's been in a bad car accident and didn't the do a good job on the reconstructive surgery, it almost looks normal.

We recently had a Christmas dinner at work and there were long tables. I arrived late as I had to complete a work task and sat at the end of one of the tables - no-one across from me and no-one to the left of me. It was definitely not the popular end of the table, with quiet/geeky employees and oldies like me. Two other young girls arrived late, took the seats from near me and went up to the "popular" end of the table and squeezed in.

It did make me reflect on how I went from the fun end of the table 15 years ago to where I am sitting now, with people actively avoiding sitting near me.

^ That's terrible manners but indicative of exactly how pointless the world has become. I was raised to make polite and enthusiastic conversation with anyone I was next to. It's just being good mannered, kind, polite and human. But these days you pick up a chair and move it.

Anyway, R156, they probably couldn't string a decent sentence together if they'd stayed. Scroll, scroll, scroll...

[quote] There are many attractive men in their 60's.

The self-assuredness that comes with age adds a lot also.

R20- I was watching a documentary called Desert Migration. It's about long term survivors of hiv living in Palm Springs. This one guy who is 58 or 59 years old says he loves going to the gym to workout and have 25 year old guys flirt with him- he looked OLD.

That queen was DELUDED and pathetic. He's acting like he's still in the first flush of youth. It's good that even with his health problems he's very active but it's not good that he still lives for 25 year old kids cruising him at the gym.

I would like to know what his particular niche was because now it's shattered I can't even guess based on the rubble.

The aches & pains will increase. Not fun.

I weep for men who ignored older people when young until they became old themselves.

If you continue to pursue the same things you did when you were younger, what do you expect? It is cruel and unfair, but so is the rest of life…

I don't weep for them, R162, but I take no particular pleasure in their bewilderment. They know what they're missing, but probably not why. I feel a sort of pity, combined with contempt. Thing is, they're probably as bitchy as old men as they were as young queens.

Isn't 50 years of fucking long enough, OP? You have all the stds by now.

He's going for antibiotic resistance, R165!

R164 I take pleasure. I'm petty that way. I only wish straight men received the same treatment as aging gay men do. But life is unfair so they don't.

Most straight men become grandpa in the good way. Mock them if you will, somebody usually loves 'em.

[quote] I only wish straight men received the same treatment as aging gay men do. But life is unfair so they don't.

The bad treatment (towards aging gays) is coming from within the gay community, though, right? So, it's a fixable problem within the gay community.

R168 what are you smoking and can I have some of it. The standards of decent behavior for straight men is rock bottom and most don't even come close to being nice when they get old.

R170, my point is most of the straight men don't wind up alone or close to it, mourning their long lost abs. Most of the straight men I know wind up as grandfathers, fairly benign figures and since men have have been increasingly allowed to have feelings nice men who are kindly to their grandchildren and generally held in good regard. But I grew up with nice people for the most part.

I said this before and I'll say this again for the 20th time

Any White Gay Man who turns 60 and find the pickings slim - all they have to do is Go Asian

Put an ad on "plenty of fish" or "Grindr" and say you want an Asian guy - you will get HUNDREDS of responses by Gay Asian Men in a second

Not matter what age, what weight, or how you look. All that matters is that you are white and Asians guys will come flocking by the HUNDREDS

and even if some reason an Asian guys dumps you for someone else you can find a replacement Gay Asian Boyfriend within seconds - seriously you will be OVERWHELMED by the amount of Gay Asian Men that will date and fuck a 60 year old

And I say all of this as a Gay Asian Man

So to all you 60 year-olds out there - just GO ASIAN. You will NEVER be lonely again

[quote] my point is most of the straight men don't wind up alone or close to it

Um that's because they live in a world where they have the upper hand in relationships, women have a shorter shelf life for having families and will put up with a lot from them. You're deluded if you think straight men are the reasons they have supportive loving families when it's common knowledge the majority of family work is done by women.

Well, the marvellous thing about this big old world, R173, is that we all have different experiences of it, as your post suggests. All good wishes and enjoy your life.

R172- What you said reminds me of the saying- When you go BLACK you NEVER go BACK.

Yeah, the whole system is set up for a straight man's enjoyment and comfort, in a lot of ways.

Also, there are a lot of creepy old grandpas out there.

I'm no optimist but you people are at your darkest on Saturdays, especially. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you, mostly because the rest of us have to put up with it spilling over.

Op, when you were below 60, did you ignore everyone over 60?

Payback

I feel sorry for pathetic DLers who worship straight men to such a extent that they pretend straight men are deserving of the riches that have been given to them R177. What a pedestal to live on.

So happy to be invisible.

[quote] What you said reminds me of the saying- When you go BLACK you NEVER go BACK.

I have been saying this (just Go Asian) for the past 10 years on DL

But the reaction I get from white guys over 60 when I dole out this advice

Is 60 year-old White Guys would rather be alone, than be with a good-looking Asian guy

I was never an A-gay … too skinny. I just can’t build muscle. Being an old (57) skinny nerd isn’t all that different from being a young skinny nerd.

R181, no one wants to be with someone when their only criteria for a partner is being white. That level of self hatred isn’t attractive,

There are all kinds of Asians, too. I would say that a young person, male or female, coming from a poor country would be willing to "date down."

R181- I would go out with and or have sex with an Asian guy- I don't have an Asian fetish and I'm under 60. I'm just open to being attracted to different ethnicities and races.

R182- You can be an OLD as long as you aren't a POOR too.

R181- I know India is in Asia but I don't refer to people from India as Asians. I wonder if some of those OLD white queens would consider a young good looking Indian guy.

Is there a name for Asians that only date white guys?

I love Indian guys! In fact just applied for my new 5 year visa yesterday. i hope to travel when I get it.

R189- I always thought Indian guys were good looking in general.

Not interested in Asian guys.

I wouldn't say no to a threesome with these guys.

[quote] [R182]- You can be an OLD as long as you aren't a POOR too.

"Poor" is relative. I know a guy who wasn't wealthy, esp. after his divorce. Anyway, he went to the Philippines, ostensibly for discount dental work. He suddenly needs to get a divorce from his wife or 20+ years. Voila, he's back in the US with an 18 year old wife.

I haven't seen Mr. Go Asian in years. Good to see you're still at it!

R194- Once you go Asian you NEVER go back to caucASIAN.

Straight guys remain attractive to opposite sex for long time but I think 60 is cut off. You also can't ignore the fact that females over thirty are repulsive. There is always a severe shortage of females under thirty so there is fierce competition which leaves millions of young men dateless.

Gay men have it very good because they are basically all sluts. Zero competition. Complaining at sixty about not being a sex symbol is ludicrous.

I think he could improve his chances by upgrading his looks a bit. Lose some weight, get lipo on that double chin, lose the very ageing facial hair and tax accountant eyeglasses.

Listen honeys,dating over 50 sucks for many reasons,but the main one Ive found to be the most problematic is ED. I can deal with the gut,thinning hair,even dentures dont bother me .But chewing on a half hard dick is the most depressing thing going. Yes,there are viagra and what not available,but many older gents also have health issues where they cant take them. And NOBODY wants a limp dick in their mouth or ass. Most still okay looking guys over 40 that dont have erection issues will assuredly overlook men their age and chase the young bitches. Thats just the way it goes,always has,always will. Im 60 and I gave up trying about 5 years ago because all that I seemed to meet were loons ,toads or men with ed . Id rather masturbate and down a bag of fritos and bean dip now.

[quote] no one wants to be with someone when their only criteria for a partner is being white

Yeah but that is the criteria for White men as well.

[quote] Is there a name for Asians that only date white guys?

Potato Queen

[quote] I haven't seen Mr. Go Asian in years. Good to see you're still at it!

Thanks!

....

[quote]A few weeks ago, my partner and I went to their house for dinner.

Oh, the author isn't single? Then it doesn't matter. Now he just seems like a whining attention starved idiot.

You don't need to be "visible" because you already have the financial security of a relationship. That is what being "visible" is for. Obtaining a relationship. You don't need to be visible. You're old. You're going to retired soon. Shut the fuck up and get over yourself.

R198 Considering you’re an over 50 bottom, you might have more luck if you were more magnanimous about ED. News flash, your no longer tight hole and old man ass probably don’t keep a dick very hard either.

R203 Well no shit Sherlock. You think I dont know that ? At least I can still get hard. I just dont understand advertising for sex when you cant get hard. Whats the point ?

R182- I think Nerdy guys are cute.

R180- You're Ancient Of The Gays- are you into Chicken Of The Sea?

I hope Elderlez and any other older women in this joint are enjoying the hell out of this thread.

I remember going to a Different Light Bookstore in 1996 and seeing a book titled- Getting Over Getting Older. I browsed the book and even then when I was only 30 years old I found the book depressing. In 1996 another book I could not bring myself to buy even though Andrew Holleran was my favorite author was The Beauty Of Men. The book was about this older gay man ( 47 years old) which seemed so OLD back in 1996. Now that I'm 56 years old myself- 47 seems kinda youngish.

I did eventually by the book The Beauty Of Men. It was depressingly good.

I wouldn't call it "enjoyment," r207, so much as "welcome to my world."

But we all had our time in the sun. The 60s and 70s belonged to the youthful Baby Boomers.

Now, being in our personal 60s and 70s, we Aging Boomers wax nostalgic as our myriad prospects wane.

I sometimes get sad at what and whom I've lost.

And then I slap myself out of it and realize that I now have post-cataract surgery 20-20 vision; I can walk without aid; have all my teeth; take only one medication plus some Pepcid; and still have four good friends.

There's a lot to be said for gratitude.

I'm turning 60 this year and I"m actually looking forward to it.

People will stop asking when I'll find someone. "You're SUCH a great guy."

I live in LA and there are no great guys here. Just users and takers.

The best I can hope for is to make some decent bucks over the next few years and attract some younger guys hungry for some big daddy dick.

R210- You go GURL

WTF is this queen going on about? He looks really good, even at 60.

Aside from being fat and unattractive, he looks really unpleasant.

R207, I'm not sure Elderlez can enjoy anything, unless it's being a fun sponge.

60??? Hahahha. No. He was invisible LONG before that, he just wasn’t aware that everyone thought of him as a creepy old troll.

Poor people's issues.

Age is one thing. $ex is another.

[quote]If you are still pining for attention at gay bars and from young gay men at 60 years old, it's just proof positive you never grew as a human being when you had the chance.

or, alternatively, you're fortunate to live in NYC, where, somewhere, there's a place for us

R217- He was cruised by a 32 year old guy at a 7 Eleven in Florida.

That means there's still hope for me. I'm still a SPRING CHICKEN compared to him.

[quote]He was perched elegant and gentile on his barstool

Oh Dear!

well, at least he may have had an intact cock

Oh, I'd say good odds he was gentile. You know the townhouse crowd, lots of blue blazers, brass buttons and sailor's caps.

^ And liver spots, obviously.

Lol, R219.

R188 -- Yes there is a name.

My ex is a rice queen and one of his boyfriends told him that in Japan guys who lust after white boys are called Potato queens -- because us white guys are just white and bland.

[quote]Oh, I'd say good odds he was gentile. You know the townhouse crowd, lots of blue blazers, brass buttons and sailor's caps.

lol...true, but also AMEX platinum cards, for buying drinks for young admirers

I am 59 years old. Two weeks ago Friday I was finishing up my daily walk and a young guy no more than 28 years old was totally staring at me. That was nice- especially at my age.

He was probably just wondering what the fuck you were wearing, r225. Alternatively, he might have been wondering if he could get away with a hate crime in broad daylight.

I KNEW I saw a thread like this somewhere.

Stop repeating threads.

OP you do realise any self-respecting GAY would 1) Think 60 is 32 in gay years; 2) NEVER admit their age

The Daddy thing is Huge. Guys i could never have gotten before are into me.

[quote]Elder Gay with a Big Keypad

Pics please.

R227 you linked to THIS thread. Have you taken your meds today, dear?

This sort of introspective "get a blog" post (like the article at OP) is endemic in Palm Springs. In various FB groups and elsewhere, there's always some old navel gazing queen who writes 2000 words about the most mundane, narcissistic bullshit you could possibly imagine.

All boiling down to: what happened to the steady stream of cock I feasted on for years? Woe is me!

As a 71 year old gay man, I am quite content with being invisible.

In my late 60s & got a "Damn you're fine" shouted at me in the parking lot of a big box store not too long ago. That certainly made my day ... & beyond.

[quote]I KNEW I saw a thread like this somewhere. Stop repeating threads.

Hilarious that "Elder Gay with a Big Keypad"/R227 said that but then linked to this same thread as the "repeated thread"... 😂

Ironic that the guy complaining about the gay male obsession with youth, is a gay male obsessing with youth. There is a lid for every pot, if you project confidence, self acceptance have a developed sense of humor, you can find someone. If you are a handsome fit man in his 50's 60s and even beyond, there are SOME younger men who will want to have sex with you, and some who will even fetishize you.

My neighbor is 63, tall, bright blue eyes, full head of hair, trim athletic body.. he's an architect of some sort .. friendly...this man gets plenty of action.

What really starts to repel people is desperation. I realize it's a catch-22. You start to fear rejection, so you look for it and see it everywhere.

[quote]Lately, I’ve been telling myself that if I want an extra chicken wing, I can afford to buy it for myself. Still, I cannot escape a sense of loss as I move into this new stage of life.

We cannot adequately express our sympathy for your devastating predicament.

Give up the shallowness and narcissism and do your best to age gracefully.

Age comes to us all, straight and gay.

[quote] He was probably just wondering what the fuck you were wearing... Alternatively, he might have been wondering if he could get away with a hate crime in broad daylight.

Another mean queen, making the world a more pleasant place.

60 years olds, gay or straight, are basically invisible.

Stop going after younger gays. The fact that they don’t see you is what makes you feel invisible. People of your own age will see you. Stick to them

Just tell everyone you’re 30

R239-We have to remember this is a place of POINTLESS BITCHERY

R241- This queen is bummed out because he's invisible to the HOT guys under 40. He probably would reject someone over 50 himself if he were single but in the article he mentions having a partner which makes his complaint about being invisible even more absurd. I am 59 years old and I am single for me it is important to know that there are some guys that will still find me attractive. I am not interested in someone in their 20's or 30's. 45 years old at least.

R244 - but from looking at pics and his own assessment of never being an "A" gay - were the hot guys EVER looking at him?

This guy sounds like the type who thinks any eye-contact with another man means they're cruising you. We all know these guys. Get served an extra chicken wing by mistake or because it's the last of the batch, and VOILA - this guy LIKES ME!

Getting a free drink after buying a few isn't a come-on either. It's a comp for people who tip well and who are spending money.

Some gay guys have this 13 year old girl mentality - oh my God Heather - he looked at me in the hallway between classes! You know what THAT means!

No it doesn't Jen.

Gettin’ old was always part of the deal. You got your youth, you got your midlife, and now it starts seeping in, your very own slow downward disassembly toward death.

It is pitiful that so many are so psychologically ill-prepared for it. Maintain friendships and enjoy what you still can. Seniors, just like all the twinks 50 and 60 and even 70 years younger, run a wide spectrum of mental health and happiness/unhappiness. Entire books have been written on this.

It's so freeing to reach the age where allure is no longer required.

Here's a video of him 4 years ago - same time as the when the column was written.

Was anybody ever falling over themselves for him?

There are some ridiculous pics online of him from years ago where he's more built - and he shameless pushes the biceps into every photo, which just looks desperate.

He also looks short. I just can't imagine penning this thought piece about myself. It's either brave or stupid or desperate - I can't decide.