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How did your dad handle you being gay?

How did he react when he found out?

by Anonymousreply 155September 16, 2021 9:58 AM

I got a handjob out of it.

by Anonymousreply 1September 8, 2021 4:49 PM

It wasn't pretty. For years. My mother dealt better with it in time, although that also took years. My father took longer and accepted it less. But the years after I came out (which I did i 1976) were challenging for me.

by Anonymousreply 2September 8, 2021 4:53 PM

He was fine but they kinda knew and I was a bit older.

by Anonymousreply 3September 8, 2021 4:54 PM

My father and I were never super close, but to his benefit, when I came out (at 21, in college) he told me he loved me and that I was still his son no matter what.

And then: "Just go make some money and stop borrowing so much from me."

by Anonymousreply 4September 8, 2021 4:54 PM

Much better than my mother, who made it her own personal tragedy.

by Anonymousreply 5September 8, 2021 4:58 PM

When I told my father, he said "It's not my fault. "

by Anonymousreply 6September 8, 2021 5:01 PM

It was the first time I recall him saying 'I love you'. Although his conception of 'GAY' at the time seemed to be about cruising T rooms for sex.

by Anonymousreply 7September 8, 2021 5:04 PM

He was supportive. I came out to them at 25 and he said he'd first suspected it might be possible when I was a teenager. He was pretty low-drama about the whole thing. My mom was accepting too but then went on a bit of spiel about how "I'm just afraid you're going to have a lonely life" which kind of scared the hell out of me, tbh.

by Anonymousreply 8September 8, 2021 5:05 PM

I grew up the kid of burnt-out middle class hippies (think less annoying Big Chill types) and they were always very liberal towards gay people. My father's exact words when I told him (I told my mom a month prior) "what took you so long to tell me?" He seemed almost hurt I didn't say anything to him until I was almost in college.

by Anonymousreply 9September 8, 2021 5:07 PM

I think the moment my very Italian-American dad knew was when he caught me watching "Oz" on cable one late night, it was a shower scene with naked prisoners, and he asked me 'why the hell are you watching this show about men in prison?'

by Anonymousreply 10September 8, 2021 5:10 PM

He ignored it but he ignored me unless something directly impacted his life.

by Anonymousreply 11September 8, 2021 5:13 PM

He was more OK with it than I thought.

by Anonymousreply 12September 8, 2021 5:14 PM

[quote]How did your dad handle you being gay?

He picked up a copy of Time magazine and set it on top of my porn right before my mom walked into the room.

by Anonymousreply 13September 8, 2021 5:17 PM

I think fathers tend to handle it better, mothers either make it all about them, or try and turn their sons into their little companion

by Anonymousreply 14September 8, 2021 5:21 PM

I took my parents to restaurant, came out, my Mom said we know and my dad kept eating.

by Anonymousreply 15September 8, 2021 5:25 PM

he put his hands down my pants

by Anonymousreply 16September 8, 2021 5:26 PM

I'll never know -- he died when I was nine. I'm guessing since he'd been athletic and liked to hunt and fish and build things and tried to get me to like all those things when I was much happier to sit in the corner and read my coming out probably wouldn't have gone well. But maybe I'm wrong.

by Anonymousreply 17September 8, 2021 5:31 PM

He was fine with it, better than my mum. It was one of the few times he hugged me in fact.

by Anonymousreply 18September 8, 2021 5:34 PM

He already knew, as did my mum. Gave me a big hug, told me he loved me and then asked if I was seeing “anyone special”.

I was & we all had dinner a week or so later.

Love my Dad.

by Anonymousreply 19September 8, 2021 5:48 PM

“I love you, no matter what”. After smoking half a joint.

Then to the surprise of my mother, who was in the other room pretending not to listen, he continues,

“I was gay too when I was young, I was a bouncer at a club in NYC and the guys would hit on me all the time.”

Both my mom and dad looked like celebrities when they were young, I heard stories they could silence a room upon entering.

by Anonymousreply 20September 8, 2021 5:49 PM

I don't know how he handled it because I never asked, and I was 18 when I told my mom. I never gave a shit - why would I? I wasn't a child.

by Anonymousreply 21September 8, 2021 5:52 PM

Not well.

by Anonymousreply 22September 8, 2021 6:24 PM

No idea. When I got married, he never gave me a gift. But he once insisted upon paying for a water-heater to replace my broken one. Took me years to figure out why he did that....

by Anonymousreply 23September 8, 2021 6:28 PM

[quote]How did he react when he found out?

What do you mean? I can guarantee every single one of your fathers knew when you were six and demanded a Barbie birthday cake for your birthday paty.

by Anonymousreply 24September 8, 2021 6:35 PM

Why did he do that, R23?

by Anonymousreply 25September 8, 2021 6:38 PM

Never actually told him; he was in denial anyway.

by Anonymousreply 26September 8, 2021 6:46 PM

He died before I came out.

by Anonymousreply 27September 8, 2021 7:05 PM

Most of you guys’ stories are surprisingly heartwarming. Lucky for you.

by Anonymousreply 28September 8, 2021 7:34 PM

He was very angry. Love never entered the picture.

by Anonymousreply 29September 8, 2021 8:30 PM

I still have a 22 page letter he wrote me, outlining the mistakes I was making in "deciding to be gay", and the ways in which they would negatively impact my life. There were never any knock-down, drag-out fights...it was all very civilized and honorable but there was underlying tension at times. He gradually mellowed with age, and we were able to enjoy chats over dinner and drinks up until he died several years ago. I'm sure it was my mom who helped him understand the actuality of the situation...they were married for 72 years.

by Anonymousreply 30September 8, 2021 8:34 PM

offered to get me help, I declined

by Anonymousreply 31September 8, 2021 8:36 PM

[quote] Much better than my mother, who made it her own personal tragedy.

That kinda sums up my experience too. I told them when I was 17. Screaming, yelling. Awful. Left the next day and never saw either of them again.

But it was 1972 so a different time and place. I’ve forgiven them. Life moved on. I see a sister every 15 years or so for lunch but the rest of the family want nothing to do with the pervert. That’s why I wasn’t allowed to both parental funerals. Honestly, not that I would have gone and upset everyone.

by Anonymousreply 32September 8, 2021 8:41 PM

Asked me what he did wrong. Blamed himself for not raising me on how to man up. Eventually my brother talked sense to him and he has accepted it. He still has moments of cluelessness, but he has gotten better about it.

by Anonymousreply 33September 8, 2021 8:43 PM

1975. I told my military guy father. He glared at me, snuffed out his filterless Pall Mall, and stormed out of the room. Went to my mother and ordered her to "take care of it." She told me this later and laughed.

by Anonymousreply 34September 8, 2021 8:51 PM

Wow some of those old Greatest Generation dads sounded frightful

by Anonymousreply 35September 8, 2021 9:00 PM

We never actually discussed it. I came out to my sister and she told my dad. And life went on. I found a partner whom I take with me to all family gatherings and he's accepted just fine.

by Anonymousreply 36September 8, 2021 9:21 PM

[quote]I still have a 22 page letter he wrote me

And you think he's the only problem here?

by Anonymousreply 37September 8, 2021 9:39 PM

He took it better than my mom. My mom blamed too much Oprah, cried for a minute, and then was fine. I was fortunate.

by Anonymousreply 38September 8, 2021 9:51 PM

I growed up in a ranch in Montana in the 70s. My daddy was a violent abusive drunk. 6’4” and built like a shit brickhouse on steroids. Massive pecs. Colossal thighs and buttox. When I came out to him when I was 17 he brutally assaulted me. He beat me shitless with the butt of a gun and a bike chain and fucked me up the ass to punish me for being gay . He branded me with a branding iron.

Then he called his brothers to tell him that his boy was queer and needed to be sorted out. My uncles came, beat me, fucked my ass and pissed on me. I was chubby and effete and just had tos icky up the degrading punishment inflicted by these built masc straight men. When I got hard from all the masc pheromones in the air they degraded my inferior puny cocklet: I’m less than three inches hard!

by Anonymousreply 39September 8, 2021 9:57 PM

I was assaulted

by Anonymousreply 40September 8, 2021 10:52 PM

R40 … peanut

by Anonymousreply 41September 8, 2021 11:07 PM

My father was fine with it. I think he reckoned I deserved a break knowing the kind of hell my mother would bring down upon me when she found out.

by Anonymousreply 42September 8, 2021 11:09 PM

I didn't tell my family until I was in my 30s (I had moved away at 18). I told my brother first and he told my dad, who told him I must have been molested as a kid (I wasn't). When I finally saw my dad he said, "I heard your news" and I grunted and we never have mentioned it again (like in twenty years).

by Anonymousreply 43September 8, 2021 11:57 PM

He made light of it because he didn’t care. He said I was probably better off the way women were in those days. This was in 1983.

by Anonymousreply 44September 9, 2021 12:17 AM

He pretended to not care, but it bothered him. I had other brothers to take the focus away from me. My mom told me after he died, he was disgusted by me. Mom never minced words. I was not surprised.

by Anonymousreply 45September 9, 2021 12:50 AM

I went home one weekend when I was 23 to tell my parents. I told my mom first and the reaction was really bad, worse than I expected, and she said I shouldn’t tell my dad because “it would kill him”. Ouch. So I didn’t and the rest of the 90s were a really uncomfortable game of don’t ask don’t tell and passive aggression from my mother. Eventually she told me he’d asked her if she thought I was gay she said “I think so”. So, there wasn’t any real moment I experienced with him. He was really chill about it and never said anything. Mom eventually came around and they even supported HRC and had a = sticker on their car for a while.

by Anonymousreply 46September 9, 2021 1:50 AM

He berated and made fun of me. "I told him I didn't give a shit what he said. I'm happy with my life. You think your life is so great? Fuck you, what makes you think your life is so great?"

It went downhill from there. It was not a great relationship. He got over it when he got sick a few years before he died. We tried to have a civil relationship. It was okay, not great, but I never forgot how he treated me. But he was old school and didn't know any better. I got to the point I didn't care. Still don't.

by Anonymousreply 47September 9, 2021 2:37 AM

Not well, but he came around pretty quick. He still thinks it's a phase I'll outgrow. I'm 67 and he's 94

by Anonymousreply 48September 9, 2021 2:58 AM

My 3rd grade teacher to him I was a future homosexual. I had no idea what that was. He started beating me (occasionally), but terrorized me regularly. He believed he could make sure I wouldn't end up gay. Instead, he turned me into a fragile, scared, shy little boy with a broken spirit, who wished to die. He died when I was a teenager. I was relieved. I still carry the invisible scars to this day.

by Anonymousreply 49September 9, 2021 4:09 AM

Not an issue. They basically knew I had a BF at 13 (who was also 13). We broke up (it was brutal) and I cried for 3 months. We gave each other hickeys but they didn’t fully let themselves know until I came out in my 20s ten years ago. They were told by my BFs super macho stepfather that boys “play” at our age and that he had done that, too!

by Anonymousreply 50September 9, 2021 4:15 AM

[quote] They were told by my BFs super macho stepfather that boys “play” at our age and that he had done that, too!

R50, that's hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 51September 9, 2021 4:16 AM

What's a "dad"?

by Anonymousreply 52September 9, 2021 4:17 AM

by the ears.

by Anonymousreply 53September 9, 2021 4:17 AM

I was daddy's little boy of course he was going to be ok with me being gay or whatever. It was one my siblings that anticipated my demise. They couldn't wait for me to be dethroned as dad & mom's sweet little angel.

Years later I am still dad's fave.

by Anonymousreply 54September 9, 2021 4:25 AM

He didn't take it very well. He even said he must not have been a very good father. I told him that he wasn't but that had nothing to do with my being Gay.

by Anonymousreply 55September 9, 2021 4:27 AM

Took me out to lunch at an Italian restaurant. The exchange went something like, "Your mother and I don't know if you're gay." "Yeah, I am." "We think it's vulgar." "I'm sorry you feel that way." "We think you should see a psychiatrist." "I think YOU should see a psychiatrist." Of course I prevailed. What was odd to me was that he NEVER suspected? Jesus Christ! Talk about denial!

by Anonymousreply 56September 9, 2021 5:23 AM

R49 I'm very sorry to hear that. My partner had a similar experience with his father and left home when he was 17. Despite years of therapy, my partner still has nightmares about his father (and we're elder gays, so it's been a long time since my partner was 17).

by Anonymousreply 57September 9, 2021 6:24 AM

No reaction at all. Didn’t speak about it. No change in our relationship.

Because he was dead.

by Anonymousreply 58September 9, 2021 6:39 AM

[quote]He still thinks it's a phase I'll outgrow. I'm 67 and he's 94

Pitter patter, let's get at 'er

by Anonymousreply 59September 9, 2021 8:25 AM

I always had a little bit of sugar in my tank, both were disgusted/dissppointed visibily by it but we never talked about it. They grew out of it when I was In my early 20's and we have a good relationship now, but the damage is done lol.

by Anonymousreply 60September 9, 2021 8:30 AM

Very poorly. Awful man. He's dead so that's good.

by Anonymousreply 61September 9, 2021 8:31 AM

My birth father didn’t care. It just meant more pussy for him.

I never told my stepfather. He would have killed me. I’ve never met anyone who hated gay people as much as he did. He was ex-military and a gun nut, too.

by Anonymousreply 62September 9, 2021 8:37 AM

My parents make a joke out of the fact they 'knew' from my birth as it was apparently that obvious. They're both fine with me being gay, being fairly Liberal.

They're both sad that they suspect they won't get grandchildren as my straight brother has zero interest in settling down. If I ever find anyone, the chances of another gay man wanting children has, in my experience, been very remote.

I suspect my Dad thinks of me as much more vulnerable than my brother, even though I'm older, independent, a successful business owner etc. He worries about men taking advantage, and as a teen he bought me a rape alarm! He's never treated my brother like that.

by Anonymousreply 63September 9, 2021 9:25 AM

^ Your parents sound great. You're very lucky

by Anonymousreply 64September 9, 2021 9:45 AM

R19, that's great.

R44, so funny.

by Anonymousreply 65September 9, 2021 10:04 AM

Dad was silent about and and very disapproving. Worshiped my other two brothers and I was kind of left to fend for myself, for better or worse. Time moved on and both brothers married awful women who basically wanted their husbands to have nothing to do with our family. Mother died. Father is now old and very lonely, calls me up all the time just to chat about nothing because he knows I will pick up the phone. Other brothers call him maybe once a month, rarely return his calls and only visit every couple of years. Father continues to talk to me about what great men and providers my brothers are.

by Anonymousreply 66September 9, 2021 10:38 AM

R51 It was but I was horrified at the time because I didn’t want my BF to think it was normal and we weren’t actually a couple which is what happened. He was an athlete and our relationship happened fast, but it never developed into anything sexual just hickeys, kissing on the cheek and neck with on peck on the lips. His parents, including super macho step father were very liberal. His uncle was gay, but his mother told me she didn’t want my BF to end up like her brother because it was a scary life. He then moved away that summer.

He is now in a death cult (House of Yahweh), married to his third wife. Never had kids. When we finally caught up with each other he said something was trying to pull him to the “dark side” which he fought against. IOW he’s a closeted asshole suppressing his homo feelings.

by Anonymousreply 67September 9, 2021 10:47 AM

I always remember one guy who I wanted to bed whispering to me: "Don't tell my fiancee that John is my boyfriend: she thinks he's my father."

by Anonymousreply 68September 9, 2021 10:50 AM

I know some Gay guys can be a bit of a drama queen, but there are some sad stories here, my heart goes out to you :(

by Anonymousreply 69September 9, 2021 10:58 AM


But within weeks he was asking me if I wanted the topless photo of JFK Jr. from his newspaper.

by Anonymousreply 70September 9, 2021 11:07 AM

My dad took it pretty rough at first. I also have a gay brother, which was a double whammy. However once he saw we were productive, successful men, he realized our orientation is just a small part of who we are. On one occasion, in the midst of straight sibling drama he made the comment, “All my kids should have been gay. You guys give us no problems.” Another time in the 90s, he was at lunch which about 10 friends who didn’t know he had gay children. Some jerk was making derogatory gay comments, and my dad said to this group, “I have two sons who are gay. They are successful, happy and two of the best men I know. So until you know what you are talking about, shut up.” I thought that was incredibly strong for him to do, a man of his generation coming out to his lunch bunch.

by Anonymousreply 71September 9, 2021 11:09 AM

When I told him, he asked me how I could I look at a naked woman and not be interested and I said I prefer looking at naked men. He then said I was making a foolish choice and that I was choosing a lonely life. He really thought that it was a choice and I was being influenced by trends. It took many years for him to become comfortable about asking about my life.

30 years later and he is totally fine with it and loves my husband, maybe even more than he loves me.

by Anonymousreply 72September 9, 2021 12:10 PM

These tales of coming out to fathers makes my laugh, cry, smile, and sigh. Many of them talk of eventual acceptance, but it's painful to think of the journey that many took to get there.

by Anonymousreply 73September 9, 2021 12:52 PM

^ Parents reject kids for a lot of reasons, being Gay is just one of them. There are a lot of straights who probably have similar stories of parents who didn't think their children were smart/pretty/successful/athletic enough for them

by Anonymousreply 74September 9, 2021 1:27 PM

I've told this story on DL before, but in a nutshell- my father was so ashamed he tried to kill himself, slit his throat in front of me, i saved his life. It was in 2003, a week after I finished high school. I had a complete mental breakdown, lost the will to live and ended up in hospital on my 18th birthday having 20 rounds of shock therapy. It took many years of therapy to deal with the pain. I'm ok now.

by Anonymousreply 75September 9, 2021 1:33 PM

I was a femmy, fat boy who's best friend since age 5 was a girl. She was not a tomboy in any way so it was obvious to the world that I was a gayling.

Dad was an abusive alcoholic and if he'd wanted to put an end to the friendship, he could have. He didn't. He beat me up for other things--including being feminine--but not for being homosexual.

At 15 he found my porno mags. He sat me down and told me that my "wires are crossed" because I'm friends with girls and want to kiss boys when I should be friends with boys and want to kiss girls. He and my mom both told me that a homosexual life was an unhappy one. I forgot what my reaction was--I'm sure I was mortified by embarrassment and said "yeah, yeah" to it all just to get out of that room.

And that was it. Not another word was spoken about it. I cut off contact with him as soon as I graduated college (1994) and he died in 2009 so he never knew the adult version of me. I'm ok with that since he was an abusive alcoholic who hated himself and everything else in this world.

by Anonymousreply 76September 9, 2021 1:46 PM

R7 here Yeah my dad said 'I love you' when I came out but then when he died I got a letter from my stepmother saying the fact I came out to him is what killed him. I wrote back, pointing out that he died eight years after telling him and that she could go fuck herself

by Anonymousreply 77September 9, 2021 2:06 PM

R75, Were you his only son?

by Anonymousreply 78September 9, 2021 2:08 PM

Some of these accounts are heartbreaking, some are heartwarming.

by Anonymousreply 79September 9, 2021 2:13 PM

r78 no, i have two brothers

by Anonymousreply 80September 9, 2021 2:13 PM

R25 I'm so sorry that happened to you

by Anonymousreply 81September 9, 2021 2:17 PM

My father was never interested in my life. To him, my life was exactly that, mine.

by Anonymousreply 82September 9, 2021 2:21 PM

^^same for me. My dad took it well since we aren’t close, it didn’t affect him personally, plus he’s New Age & not religious, so he couldn’t use that as an excuse. When I told him over the phone, he told me his psychic had already told him. I thought, jeez, you didn’t have a clue before that? It kinda showed me that he didn’t really take any interest in me, he always favored my sister over me, I overheard him once saying he loves her more, because everyone else in the family favored me! Now they’ve been estranged for 5 yrs, plus another 5 yrs in the ‘90s, so he put all his eggs in the wrong basket.

by Anonymousreply 83September 9, 2021 2:33 PM

"Every family tree bears the occasional fruit"

by Anonymousreply 84September 9, 2021 3:13 PM

If your father is a pig, and telling him might result in harm, why tell him at all?

My boss at a job I had 20 years ago, had a 40 year old lesbian sister-in-law who was in a LT relationship with her partner. He said to me, "her parents have never discussed her sexuality or the relationship with her." I replied, WHY should it be discussed, why is it any of your business? The woman is over 40 and not looking for your approval.

by Anonymousreply 85September 9, 2021 3:25 PM

In retrospect, I was pretty obvious from childhood, though I did try dating girls in high school. Though they threatened to disown me if I was gay when I was a young teen, when I told my dad he just said "you think we're stupid?" and laughed. My family is very religious and conservative but they were all accepting. When I brought home a long term partner, my grandma was annoyed he was catholic but didn't give a shit he was fucking me. My ex was a really good influence on me. Even though we broke up long ago, they still consider him family. I found out from my siblings that my parents read books and sought help on how to deal with it, and my uncle implied there had been family discussions. I guess I was lucky their viewpoints evolved.

by Anonymousreply 86September 9, 2021 3:55 PM

I waited until he died to come out.

by Anonymousreply 87September 9, 2021 3:58 PM

[quote] I found out from my siblings that my parents read books and sought help on how to deal with it, and my uncle implied there had been family discussions.

Yet none of these "discussions" included you?

by Anonymousreply 88September 9, 2021 4:02 PM

My parents came from a generation where being gay was considered morally wrong. My father was very well read and informed, but the gay thing was still an issue. He didn't have prejudice against gays in general, but he thought there was something wrong with them. When I came out, I sent a letter to my parents. My mother of course was teary-eyed and upset.

My bother and sister-in-law, to whom I had come out a couple years before and totally accepted it, knew I was sending the letter. My parents went to talk to them. My father told my sister-in-law, "Well, I guess he can't help it. We'll have to watch him around children now." My sister-in-law was appalled and told him gay men and pedophiles were not the same thing. After she set him straight (no pun intended), she said he seemed to get better about the idea. He died about a year or so after I came out, so I never really was able to find out how he would have handled it. I lived halfway across the country from them at that point and rarely saw them. All my other family--uncles, aunts, cousins, etc., were all very accepting.

My mother got better after our family doctor, in whom she placed an enormous amount of trust, told her he could tell something was bothering her. She told him I came out. He said he'd known I was gay since I was a little boy. He told her being gay is normal, it was in his eyes biologically predetermined, and it had nothing to do with a person's character. He also told her he knew gay people and socialized with them, and some of the gay couples he knew had better relationships than married heterosexuals that he knew. He said I was not resigned to any kind of lonely life. After that, she did better. I don't think she'll ever fully accept it, but she came as far as she could. Those old scripts that my parents' generation had in their heads are strong influences and hard to overcome for that generation. I feel bad for them.

by Anonymousreply 89September 9, 2021 4:15 PM

My dad said, "At least you won't have to go to Vietnam." At that time we thought it was going to last another ten years.

by Anonymousreply 90September 9, 2021 4:17 PM

[quote]"I still have a 22 page letter he wrote me." And you think he's the only problem here?—Burn the fucking letter already. Every single fucking one of the 22 pages.

Drama Queen R37, as I indicated in my post, there was NEVER a problem there. Its not like I have the letter framed and hanging in a shrine where I weep nightly. Its in a box somewhere with other files, and its a part of the narrative of my life, which my son will eventually read and process the way he wants. Why would I burn it?

by Anonymousreply 91September 9, 2021 4:37 PM

After coming out to your parents, did anyone's father or mother show concern and say things like, Have you been unhappy? Did anyone bully you? Is there something I can do for you?

by Anonymousreply 92September 9, 2021 4:46 PM

My Dad was a champ about it. He told me he loved me, he always suspected, and if any family member had a problem with it, he'd take care of it. I was about 25 at the time. He welcomed my partners into his home and even let us sleep in my old childhood room in "my" bed, together. I had it good.

by Anonymousreply 93September 9, 2021 4:55 PM

R92, I TOLD my mother I was being severely bullied at school (not because of my sexuality, but you know it was), and she did nothing, wouldn't even talk about it. My grades plummeted, I was obnoxious and aggressive with my younger siblings - THAT she could see, and I was endlessly punished. Clearly, she didn't know how to handle the bullying and had no empathy. This was the 1960s, and children were to be seen and not heard. My father was a unemployed drunken lump, so I understand (a little) why she was overwhelmed.

by Anonymousreply 94September 9, 2021 5:06 PM

The Mom thread

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 95September 9, 2021 5:41 PM

He hated that I monopolized all the premium cock at the local video arcade glory holes.

by Anonymousreply 96September 9, 2021 6:22 PM

He died before I could tell him. Even as I visited him the night before his death, I didn't want to tell him.

He made it very clear where he stood on gay people. We went to see a movie once where two men kissed and he let out a very loud "ick" sound to make a big show of how disgusted he was. From that moment on, I felt like I had to keep my true identity a secret which added a lot of extra anxiety to my middle/high school years.

by Anonymousreply 97September 9, 2021 6:25 PM

R97 sounds like your dad was a homo too. Any man who makes that big of a reaction doth protest too much.

by Anonymousreply 98September 9, 2021 6:31 PM

If I were a straight parent and my son came out to me, I would ask him how long he had known he was gay. If it was longer than a few months, I would feel very bad that he hadn't felt he could trust me enough to share something so important.

by Anonymousreply 99September 9, 2021 6:35 PM

[Quote]He welcomed my partners into his home

How many whores did you bring home?

by Anonymousreply 100September 9, 2021 6:38 PM

R98, that's a terrifying thought, but maybe he was.

by Anonymousreply 101September 9, 2021 6:38 PM

My dad knew. When a school dance came around when I was 14, we discussed what time he would drop me off and pick me up. Then he asked me if a friend I was (clearly) besotted with was coming with me. I said no.

“So he’s not going…. “with” you?” he asked.

I paused. “No. He doesn’t want to”.

My dad shrugged. “His loss.” Then he kissed my forehead and went back to his newspaper.

Over the next day, my siblings came to me themselves and hugged me. My mum was a bit weepy for a week, but got over it. And that was it.

Love and miss you, daddy.

by Anonymousreply 102September 9, 2021 6:42 PM

My mother did everything she could to keep me from having a relationship with my father but I don't think he would have been too upset as one day his bf called my mom saying to basically step away from his man.

by Anonymousreply 103September 9, 2021 6:46 PM

I heard albeit second hand what I read a lot of posters here have said was told to them. That he thought it would be a sad lonely life and he wanted the best for his kids. The reason i wrote 'second hand' is because the day after my dad had committed suicide, I asked my mom if my dad had accepted that I was gay and that was her response. And no me being gay played no roll in my dad committing suicide.

by Anonymousreply 104September 9, 2021 8:10 PM

My daughter's gay and she is the greatest. She was scared at first to tell us, but no-one cares. Well, no-one cares except to make fun of her for telling WAAY too many dick jokes for a lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 105September 9, 2021 8:14 PM

News for you, R105, straight women don't do dick jokes.

by Anonymousreply 106September 9, 2021 8:21 PM

R106, touche. I thought all middle-schoolers did dick jokes.

by Anonymousreply 107September 9, 2021 8:24 PM

R104 she told me he was most disappointed by your grammar and spelling skills. It was the main reason he decided to do it.

by Anonymousreply 108September 9, 2021 8:32 PM

My dad said he would rather see me dead than "queer". I said that I would rather see him dead than alive, and we never spoke again. He lived another twenty nine years.

by Anonymousreply 109September 9, 2021 9:23 PM

He and my mom always had gay friends when I was growing up so they accepted me and nothing changed. Of course, my parents knew since I was a 4 year old asking for a doll house and a vacuum cleaner for Christmas.

My dad doesn’t really talk about it though because he doesn’t really talk about anything except small talk.

by Anonymousreply 110September 9, 2021 9:37 PM

I guess by the way he kept asking me if he could go out to the gay clubs with me on weekend nights??

by Anonymousreply 111September 9, 2021 9:52 PM

My dad worked the chemical plants, a union guy, and liberal. We lived in a racist city but I never heard him utter one racist thing. He took it in stride. My mom was a “fag hag” in high school to a guy who eventually, years later, became her step brother! They would call and gossip all the time. I particularly loved hearing them talk during the Oscars. He was hysterical! He would have been a DL legend. Sadly he died of AIDS in the late 90s.

by Anonymousreply 112September 9, 2021 9:57 PM

Wait. How did your dad get AIDS r112?

by Anonymousreply 113September 9, 2021 10:01 PM

I had what was, for the most part, an idyllic childhood. When I came out to my parents at the tender age of 20, I got a lecture from my father about "just because you aren't going to be the cause of unexpected pregnancies, it doesn't give you the excuse to sleep around", but was otherwise as emotionally distant as he had always been during my childhood. He became more emotionally available as the years went by, and in my mid-30s we had a heart to heart when he told me how proud he was of me. My mother was initially ultra-chilled about it, but she did go through a period of being faux-aggrieved about me "not carrying on the family name" (I have two older sisters). This came to a halt when my father pointed out that it was *his* family name, and as he wasn't bothered then perhaps she shouldn't be either. It's strange, I suppose, how as my father's emotions thawed over the years I became closer to him than I was to my mother, who had provided most of the emotional support in my childhood, although I was able to have a very close relationship with both of them until their deaths. I know how lucky I am.

by Anonymousreply 114September 9, 2021 10:05 PM

Nobody knows except me and Siri.

by Anonymousreply 115September 9, 2021 10:11 PM

I've told this before, but my parents were funky bohemian Manhattanites who lived in the West Village in the 60's. My dad was a brilliant artist and had friends all over that spectrum. His bestie was a little Portuguese queen named Manny. Mom's bestie was a Brazilian hairdresser named Raoul who cut all of our hair - sometimes in a speedo and jelly sandals when it was summer.

Which is to say my dad had to drag it out of me. It was actually funny. I lived with him for about a year while in college and during that time I discovered The Ramble. I would go there after class and thought nothing of giving strange men my (my dad's) phone number. One afternoon, I came home as dad was listening to messages on his answering machine. I could hear the message playing and it was from this REALLY flamboyant (but hot) Italian flight attendant, who had sucked my dick in the bushes, asking me out for dinner.

Dad had this look on his face as I came in all sheepish and said "For chrissakes just come out already. I don't care!" I said "Ok, yeah I'm gay" - that was it. Then we went out for Chinese food.

Love and miss you daddy!

by Anonymousreply 116September 9, 2021 10:14 PM

News for you, [R105], gay women don't do dick jokes.

by Anonymousreply 117September 9, 2021 10:21 PM

R113 My step uncle died of AIDS. My mom was his “fag hag” friend in high school. They became step brother/sister years later. My dad was around gay men so he wasn’t bothered when I came out.

by Anonymousreply 118September 9, 2021 10:41 PM

My dad never said a word or changed toward me in any way. I had written a coming out letter to my mom. She returned with one asking what the hell else I was doing with my life. I miss him and I am SO glad she’s dead.

by Anonymousreply 119September 9, 2021 10:56 PM

R117 Well, she's 13 -- middle schoolers don't have the most sophisticated humor. She says she's gay and who am I (or you) to tell her that she's not?

by Anonymousreply 120September 10, 2021 2:32 AM

Disowned and cut off. My sister and brother got everything (houses, tons of money)

by Anonymousreply 121September 10, 2021 2:37 AM

R121, They could have shared with you.

by Anonymousreply 122September 10, 2021 2:41 AM

R122 Yep, they could of, but didn’t.

by Anonymousreply 123September 10, 2021 3:21 AM

He said “Not now, I’m about to cum”. Then I pulled my dick out of his ass and said “that can wait”.

by Anonymousreply 124September 10, 2021 3:40 AM

Could’ve or could have but not could of

by Anonymousreply 125September 10, 2021 6:13 AM

My dad paused and then said quietly, "I am not your father" He paused again then said a bit louder, "Your mother was a slut." We then went fishing.

by Anonymousreply 126September 10, 2021 6:29 AM

Because of stories like these, I never came out to my parents. My mother died 20 years ago at 55. My father is 75. He'll go to his grave without "official confirmation."

That's the way he wants it. Otherwise, he would have raised the subject at least once.

I'm fine with skipping the drama. I don't need the emotional scars others on this thread got from the revelation. I have sufficient.

by Anonymousreply 127September 10, 2021 6:38 AM


Seriously...shut the fuck up. Its not funny. Its stupid.

by Anonymousreply 128September 10, 2021 6:38 AM

Me and dad are not close at all but he seem ok with it . My bf however were very close with his dad who died when he still in early teen. He still kept his dad's clothes including his underwear which I think strange but hot at the same time.

by Anonymousreply 129September 10, 2021 6:48 AM

We never really talked about it but he's not an emoter. He's just happy I'm not on drugs or homeless. He was a hippy in his youth who eventually became a white collar guy so he was not judgemental. I think of I was the only son he would care a lot more.

by Anonymousreply 130September 10, 2021 6:56 AM

To be 14 years old and have had your WW II Marine father say to you out of the blue one day "I'm beginning to wonder what the hell kind of a boy you are" was a traumatic moment for me.

I managed to laugh it off, as did my mother who overheard him and came to my aid, quickly changing the subject.

It made me realize that I could never come out to him without consequences.

He died unexpectedly three years later, my mother lived another 50 years.

by Anonymousreply 131September 10, 2021 7:32 AM

R123 Do you still have a relationship with them despite them getting all the money and not sharing it with you?

by Anonymousreply 132September 10, 2021 8:03 AM

My father was a terrifying narcissist, and not in the way that term is slung around these days.

His reaction: "If I was gay, I wouldn't care who knew it."

Not long after, when my mother was on vacation with her relatives: "She's not here. We don't have to pretend to like each other" (direct quote).

He didn't care that I was gay -- because he didn't care about me. Still sorting that out.

by Anonymousreply 133September 10, 2021 8:22 AM

He looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time. He was living in denial before I came out.

by Anonymousreply 134September 10, 2021 9:05 AM

There's a sister thread now:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 135September 10, 2021 9:24 AM

He lived another 30-some years and died a happy, old man.

by Anonymousreply 136September 10, 2021 11:21 AM

[quote] I thought all middle-schoolers did dick jokes.

That would be middle school boys.

by Anonymousreply 137September 10, 2021 1:18 PM

He turned it into a revenue stream.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 138September 10, 2021 1:51 PM

Never discussed it. My dad found my gay porn and said it was a phase. That's it. My dad is rough around the edges. It is like it is a known secret but we do not discuss it.

by Anonymousreply 139September 10, 2021 2:01 PM

I told my parents I wasn't going to the high school prom. I didn't want to go through the whole elaborate farce. My father was furious. He said, 'You'll regret it one day!' I said no I won't.

My mother said to me in my 20s, 'Don't you look at women's ring finger?' I then realized that I looked at men's ring finger.

My father asked me when I was 30 if I were gay and I said yes. It turned out he wanted me to lie. I paid heavily for the truth.

by Anonymousreply 140September 10, 2021 6:00 PM

Something along the lines of “it’s ok we’re living in an MTV generation”.

I only learned years later it affected him negatively, he never let me know but he said a gay man worked at his job and opened his eyes and he was ok with it.

I remember him being upset I had broken up with my boyfriend and got a new one. He was confused as if I was going to stick with the same guy forever or something. Like he could handle me being with one guy but moving from one guy to the other shocked him lol.

I think he said he knew or could tell when I was young.

by Anonymousreply 141September 10, 2021 6:17 PM

And my stepfather, I told him during a fight.

This is off topic but school was the hardest. People asked negatively as if they were going to make fun of you. Then one day my friend Deena genuinely asked me when we were walking up the stairs in between classes and for the first time I said “yes”. And she was just like “oh ok” and there was no discussion about it. It was awesome.

by Anonymousreply 142September 10, 2021 6:24 PM

It’s good for another week. Safely use up at your convenience.

by Anonymousreply 143September 14, 2021 10:50 PM

I knew gay guys had a sell-by date, I just didn’t realize it came so quickly

by Anonymousreply 144September 14, 2021 10:54 PM

R132 no, not really. We pretty much just ignore each other.

They were all rabid Trump supporters too (even with my sister having a gay son).

by Anonymousreply 145September 14, 2021 11:45 PM

Dad was okay with it.. Mom wasn't.

by Anonymousreply 146September 14, 2021 11:57 PM

1978. The day after I graduated high school. He could not have been more supportive. It was a complete non-issue. He said 'Oscar Wilde, Leonardo DaVinci, Truman Capote and Walt Whitman. Did you know they were all gay? You're in good company, and I love my son. You're gonna be fine."

by Anonymousreply 147September 15, 2021 12:27 AM

As this is largely stories of eldergays, which are both charming and sad, I guess my tale is worth something.

My father has always turned a cheek to my effeminate ways and homosexual endeavours. In not a good way. When I was 14 and starting to date boys online in a more public way, my dad told me “Cut out that gay shit, son.” And to think, this was the day after Christmas. I was trying to be happy thru it by falling in love. He took my spirit and turned it sullen. Being only child, I have to be good to them no matter what. The game of family is rigged for me — they always win!

Only a week ago, my dad was telling me to date multiple women. Just because he’s on painkillers for cancer he’s become angry about my mother, and is going further into the stubbornness. He’s a sweet loving man somewhere, but he’s given up obviously. He was never there for me as a child and I believe that’s largely why I accepted myself as gay. I desire the compassion of another man.

by Anonymousreply 148September 15, 2021 4:32 PM

Took off his shoes and socks and let me suck his toes and feet while I masturbated

by Anonymousreply 149September 15, 2021 5:08 PM

R148, he was a sweet loving man somewhere but was never there for you as a child???

by Anonymousreply 150September 15, 2021 7:00 PM

R150 — He is a nice person overall, but definitely doesn’t consider others. He just believes he could only spawn a straight son.

by Anonymousreply 151September 15, 2021 10:58 PM

It wasn’t nearly as sexual as the scenarios in Family Dick had led me to anticipate.

by Anonymousreply 152September 15, 2021 11:22 PM

"How did your dad handle you being gay?" Being gay, my dad handled me with care.

by Anonymousreply 153September 16, 2021 1:09 AM

Usually he'd just reach under my arms and massage my chest while he fucked me. My favorite part was when he'd go balls deep and hold there and letting his dick throb when I squeezed it with my ass.

by Anonymousreply 154September 16, 2021 2:31 AM

My dad was hypercritical of all his children, and some of my siblings say that he abused me in not-so-subtle ways about not being masculine, but strangely, I don't really remember much about that. Although we never sat down and had "the talk", I was out to the rest of my family by my late 20s and he knew the score. We didn't talk about my sexual orientation much, but in his last years, he leaned most heavily on me of all his children, partly because I was living in the same town. He did appreciate my gay friends, who have always been, by and large, loyal, intelligent, and verbally adept, unlike the friends of many of my siblings. He recognized their qualities. I have a friend who always claimed to have a very good relationship with his father, and I always said that my relationship with mine was not good, but he overheard a phone conversation once between us, and said, "wow, you actually have a very close relationship with your dad". Since I didn't then, and still don't believe I had a good relationship with my dad, I had to wonder about HIS relationship with his father. I respected my dad's intelligence, and he could be very funny and quick-witted when he wanted to be charming, but he could also be a real ass - hot tempered, opinionated, and intolerant. He's been dead for 12 years, but I see him in the mirror every single day, because I'm the spitting image of him, much to my chagrin.

by Anonymousreply 155September 16, 2021 9:58 AM
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