advice on good neighbouring please

…and I thought today's "cum near my anus" EST was bad…

the nasty neighbor troll returns

Dutchie that was not nice

It wasn't. But it had to be said.

Believe me, it pains me to do so.

Don't you feel awful when people do that ? it's totally discriminatory. Something like that would never happen to a woman

Just offer to suck on his feet, you cookie-cupcake making whore.

This sounds like the first few scenes of a horror movie starring the OP.

R6 I would to be honest, but I don't know what to do now. Was he like that because he felt I wasn't being honest ? Some people challenge you like that. They push for honesty, they don't like masks. I feel he would be the kind

He finds you gross OP. New to the block & the eldergay is coming on to him (but i look so good! But my boyfriend doesn’t)!). So you blew it & made everyone uncomfortable with your sexual harassment.

[quote] To cut a long story short,

Sorry, OP, you didn't cut a long story short.

OP is 59 but looks 12 years old. Which is gross.

[quote]a new family is renting the house across the driveway, and it's the main event in my life

You need to find some new hobbies, or get a part-time job.

Did Joel’s parents finally flee? Still, it’s a step in the right direction that you’re finally acknowledging that Mitzi is actually your more obese, more geriatric partner.

This is why they hate us.

It had to be said.

Rein it back in, OP. You were way over the top. Leave him and them alone. See if he makes any overtires to you, but I'm betting he won't. You blew it, and not in the good way, big time.

[quote] the eldergay is coming on to him

joking aside that's my fear. It was not so much that he closed the door to my face, it was the vibe. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't "come on" to him. I was nice. The last thing I want is gossip, and my partner thinking I did anything weird or wrong, which I didn't. It was a friendly gesture and a nice compliment, and he's a grown man. There must be something else. Maybe he's shy ?

[quote] My partner is older, always been very quiet, and has let himself go way too much during lockdown. I trained at home with an online coach. There hasn't been any action between us for some time now, and I am still feeling young, and looking young (I know, but it's true).

This immediately showed us a glimpse into your true character and not only do we not care about your neighborhood, we all want you to die in a grease fire.

So no, it was wrong and predatory. I’m guessing you can’t hide your emotions well or had a hardon and the wife caught a whiff of your desperation. Don’t shit where you eat, even if he was hot, next door neighbors are off limits.

[quote]advice please

Don't be so niggardly with the return key.

[quote]perhaps he was ill or something

Perhaps he doesn't like old men flirting with him.

This is the kind of OP that makes me long for the days of the Danny/ Denny and chocolate frosting threads. Seriously, the quality of the ESTs around here has really gone down.

I'm not old. I'm not even 51 yet . And I'm not bad looking at all. I know it might have come accross as , perhaps, clumsy, but it was quite benin. Can't a man take a compliment from another man ? He's always half naked in the garden or the garage with his crack and belly hanging out of his shorts, and he was barefoot, he can't be all that prudish. This is a sensual, experienced man in his lates 30's, what's the big deal ? Not one of you supporting me ? really ? So what do I do now?

Gays should never initiate friendship with straight neighbors. You should wait and see what they're demeanor and attitude is. Find a way to innocently make it apparent you're gay, and sit back and let them come to you if they're of a mind to. If they don't, you're out nothing and you know to keep your distance.

[quote] what THEIR demeanor.

My brain really is addled today.

[quote] Gays should never initiate friendship with straight neighbors.

Wow really ? is it that bad ? Should I go and apologize once she's away, or just let him forget the whole thing , I wonder if he'll tell her. I wouldn't like that AT ALL; sHE LOOKS TOUGH

She told him after your first meeting to stay away from you because you want to get in his pants. She saw the lust in your eyes.

How do you know he's always half naked in the garden?

Queen you are out of line.

Trying to flirt with mr. Str8 married man thinking he would find it cute. You grossed him out and he has likely told her, so now she will dislike/distrust you.

You are a horny whore. If you need to get some find a bathhouse or abs and gets some dick. Leave the neighbors along other than a wave or “hi.”

They’re not letting you NEAR their kids, LOL.

(I mean, if this were a real story…)

You brought them a welcome to the neighborhood basket, and your homo-ness smacked them in the face like Joan Crawford. They might be religious Trumpers or he might have been caught eyeing other men, or, or, or! You reach out ONCE and then let them take it from there. Your second visit really creeped them out. Don't try and "correct" this. Just let them reach out to you if and when they decide. Don't be surprise if your basket ends up in their trash and you don't get friendly waves when you see each other coming and going. You took it way to far. Leave it alone.

You were too pushy.

Rather than in a grease fire, one would prefer that Mary OP die in a bonfire of copies of her failed fictions and their responses.

[quote]it was quite benin

Maybe it was a bit too far Togo.

They're bigots. I guarantee. They rent, with two kids? What does that mean? It either means they're poor, they have bad credit, something happened, etc etc.

Unattractive, BLONDE, German wife? Who goes out of their way to pick a German who is not hot? What's the ultimate attraction there given the political tenor of the last ten years?

PAY THEM DUST. Cold shoulder. Just because a poor white person looks like a hippie, never ever presume they're liberal.

Pull out your troops and promise not to invade again, ever, for any reason.

[quote] I'm not old. I'm not even 51 yet .

Oh, Sweetie. You're over 30, YOU ARE OLD.

This is a total rewrite of a similar thread a couple of years back.

Gay man brings cookies to new neighbors, ogles the husband, and they brush him off.

I don't believe a word of it, and OP, if it's true, your social skills are atrocious.

Knock on their door again and tell them you forgot to mention you have a makeshift glory hole set up in your living room and anyone's welcome-day or night. Add that it's no limits fun and that you'll do things you're sure his wife would never do. You'll feel better and end up their favorite neighbor.

I think he's just shy. You know what mother always said - if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

[quote] And they still have my basket.

Trust me Nancy, that guy will never get anywhere near your basket. Other than to kick you in it if you don't learn to know your role.

OP. next time put strychnine in the cookies.

Too much too soon, OP.

The first time you went " ... they were not particularly welcoming". You didn't read the room and you shouldn't have gone back the next day.

The welcome basket, fine. They probably think they owe you something now. Please leave them alone. A friendly wave across the drive will be more than enough unless they reach out to you.

Note to the homo wise: MEN DON'T MAKE WELCOME BASKETS FULL OF HOMEMADE MUFFINS AND SHIT AND TAKE IT TO NEW NEIGHBORS! MEN INVITE NEW NEIGHBORS OVER FOR A BACK YARD BBQ WITH LOTS OF BEER.

When I imagine OP's story as legit, I can only say, What were you thinking, you dumb whore?

When I imagine it as cooked up, I can only say, The plot is full of holes, the characters are cliched, and the prose is utterly boring.

R26, I'm not spying or anything, but I confess to peeping (a little)

I agree with R42, I would’ve had them over for beer and pulled pork.

[quote] They might be religious Trumpers

I really don't think so. She always wearing floating floral hippie dresses with her enormous tits almost bursting out, and he's a total hipster. I bet he's always commando too.

A lot of posts are completely homophobc. Why wouldn't men prepare nice baskets ? I don't like that. It's just nice friendly behaviour, regardless of "gender". Also "predatory is quite strong a word. He's well over 6ft, I'm tiny. he could wreck me with one arm tied behind his back . Surely anyone can see that I was quite vulnerable on the contrary, and put myself out on a limb in an endearing way.

Fuuuuuck this thread creeps me out just reading it. I can't imagine how your neighbors must feel, OP. 🥴

The posts aren't homophobic, however your neighbors probably are. Tread easy tiny dancer.

wHAT ?? WHY??? ok I was a bit pushy, but it came from a good place. Why couldn't a guy do that kind of things, women do it all the time. What's wrong about admiring a guy, even if he's straight ? who would take offense in that ? OK, I'll go and apologize tomorrow, I'll say that I might have given the wrong idea and am sorry

I'll say that my dad was an orthopedist or something, and I just meant it from a medical point of view

Oh good lord, OP DO NOT GO OVER THERE AND APOLOGIZE!! WTH? Leave them totally alone. If they desire any interaction with you LET THEM COME TO YOU.

Maybe you should go over, ring the doorbell and present hole. If you are lucky the Frau will fumigate your hole with the garden hose.

"Hi, just want to say how sorry I am for coming off as creepy and intruding. I really didn't mean to come off as creepy and needy and intruding. Please give me another chance, I promise I won't ogle your husband and I won't stare at your bare feet and let my mouth water. Can we just start over please. I'm not weird at all I promise you I'm not and you'll see if you'd just give me another chance. See I think I'm pretty hot and I was thinking you'd think so to but I guess it did come across as too forward and creepy. Please give me another chance?" '

OP, yes, I think you overdid it. HOWEVER, we are all guilty of that at times - every one of us. Especially if we have too much time on our hands - and bc of COVID, many of us childless gays have just that. I agree with the above posters: definitely leave it alone for a while, don't go back over. In the meantime, don't sit around obsessively ruminating. Keep yourself busy - and get out of the house if being home and bored is a trigger. Find something new to keep your mind busy. Social gaffes aren't the end of the world - without them, there'd be no comedy. Good news is, if that family is renting they won't be there forever. Just breathe...

R54 well I say this is rather touching. of course i won't say that, but I want my basket anyway. It's a souvenir from a trip to The Dalles some 20years ago, first time on a plane ever, and last time I saw my step father, it means a lot to me, it's hand made from an arts and crafts fair and I think it has value

You gave them the basket. Why would you ask for it back? Did you tell them when you handed to them that you are only giving the contents and they must return the basket? You should have put the cookies in something else then.

Mail HIM your used cummed on panties

Thank you kindly R55. I have been bored out of my mind it's true. However, I highly recommend my coach, Nathan McCallum, he's very good, and he saved me from going crazy during Lockdown, also I'm in a terrific shape, and I wouldn't mind a compliment from time to time, which I do't get from my SO

R57 Of course I didn't mean to give the basket, only the content. Isn't it obvious ? this is only getting worse

Also it's not cookies, it's cookie-cupcakes, they look like cookies, tiny cookies, but they're really cupcakes in disguise, and it's my specialite

I agree R48. If I were in a relationship and the neighbor came over and starting hitting on me I would thing they were a creep and didn't know their boundaries. Not everyone thinks it is OK to cheat on your partner/spouse.

I'm sure you told them that, right? That they're not cookies, please don't call them cookies, they're actually cupcakes and they're your specialty? And that the basket has HUGE sentimental value to you and it must be returned? Did you mention all that to them?

Just a terrible EST, OP. You must be new here or really bad at creative writing.

It doesn't hit any mark whatsoever.

Shame.

Shame.

Shame.

wooow I didn't mean to CHEAT . Just be a little flirt. I'm a cute guy

You need to force his foot in your mouth and ass. Do not give up.

I wish your old bf knew what was going on. He needs to oust you from the home ASAP.

It's wonderful that you have good self esteem and think you're a cute guy. And I'm not one to judge if you're not shy about flirting. But why with the new neighbors who are straight? Are there not better "targets" for you to work you cuteness on? Perhaps someone who'd appreciate it rather than be creeped out by it.

I agree, R64. The original Aussie cookie EST had psychiatrists slamming doors in faces, cookies that doubled as tree ornaments, Pacific Islanders being mistaken for missionaries, groveling wives, and so much more.

straight men do not find gay flirting cute. you will never be able to make amends because he will always think you are after him.

My son learned to hate gays. When he was in college they wouldn't leave him alone. He would end up screaming at them that he wasn't gay, he wasn't interested and if they didn't leave him alone.........

There are boundaries whether you are gay or straight.

OK you want saucy stuff ? I can see through their bedroom window, from the bull's eye window in the attic. I'm not a perv, so I don't do it on purpose, but I definitely saw his big hairy ass once or twice. I didn't mention it before because this is DL and I know I'll get a lot of hate, so, knock yourselves out. I went there a couple of times

R70, I understand that, but he's no college boy, he must be at least 37

his age doesn't matter. If he is straight he isn't interested and will continue to steer clear of you.

Jesus. I have new neighbors that will be moving in this weekend. I intend to run over with a plate of chocolate chip cookies while they're moving in. Introduce myself, give them the cookies for when they need to take a break, and head back to my house. That's it.

Anything more than that is too much.

Save your cookies, gays. Nobody wants to eat strange food!

Doubtful your cookies will be eaten R74. Unless you know the person and their cleaning habits why would you take food from a total stranger?

What happened to hospitality ? and flirting doesn't mean you want to score. Flirting is harmless, it's a compliment.

r77 not if you're straight and the flirting is coming from someone that is gay.

The neighbour looks a little like Krasinsky the actor, same kind of built, lots of hair everywhere, very hot, and he wears clogs FFS, it's so sexy. My partner is a big guy too. Our friends joke that he looks just like Vic Rocco, without the tattoos, and he did, until COVID. Now he's just a big fat whale.

[quote] not if you're straight and the flirting is coming from someone that is gay.

That's homophobic to me. or he feels threatened= he's closeted

do you want women pawing all over you? do you want them hanging all over you? do you want them flirting with you? are you interested in them?

R81 no. But they certainly did when I was young, and it didn't feel bad at all. It's nice when you're appreciated. Mrs frumpy kraut doesn't strike me as warm and giving

Move on and get over it. Next!!

OP, in your own words, "A little innocent flirting seemed harmless so, I prepared a welcome basket like in the movie "what lies beneath", a nice bottle of wine, my famous cookie-cupcakes, and a bouquet."

You went over there with the intent to flirt with the husband. When your visit was not well received you ". . . figured it would be better to speak with him alone when she was out, so I waited for a good moment, and I went back, offered a tour of the neighbourhood. He was alone, so I gave him a little naughty twinkle, nothing inappropriate, all in good fun . . "

They just moved in and already you're stalking them with the intent to intrude into fuck the husband. What the fuck is wrong with you? You made it all up anyway. If you're truly in a sexless relationship find some hot dude at the gym and leave your neighbors alone.

R84 I think it's a harsh way of seeing it. I just thought he was more sophisticated, and all those nights in the attic with my binoculars , trying to catch a glimpse of his ass in the dark might have impaired my judgement, I see that now. Perhaps I thought/hoped he knew I was there and he was OK with that

It's too late for you to salvage this situation, but for future reference, the best way to get in with a straight, married neighbor is to barely acknowledge his existence for at least a few months after meeting. However, do acknowledge his wife's existence. Strike up conversations with her, but do nothing more than smile and wave at him. If he's there while you're talking, say a sentence or two to him to avoid being rude, but keep your attention focused on her. Once she's satisfied that you're the harmless gay neighbor, the husband will be easy to get to, if he's interested.

R86 but you say it's too late

Hes not shy, OP. Hes straight and doesnt want 50 year old queers hitting on him, bringing over multiple "welcome baskets" with the intent to flirt, offering to watch and help with the kids (WTF?? They dont know you so thats just odd...), and commenting on his goddamn feet.

And then blaming the poor sod by saying "he walks in the yard shirtless! He must not be a prude!". As if being shirtless suddenly means this German hunk wants to gobble cock. Did it ever occur to you to just be normal to your neighbour?

As far as your relationship, you clearly cant find your husband sexy or attractive anymore so that is a whole other issue you need to deal with.

[quote]and it's the main event in my life

If this is real, this was the first problem.

You're obviously bored and you saw this new family as a project.

R84 nailed it.

The basket was fine, especially since you're directly across the street from them. Everything else was far too pushy.

And R86 nailed it with the smiling and waving at the wife. That should have been the extent of your contact with them.

Personally, I wouldn't have even sent the basket until I knew them better. I would have stuck to waving and introduced myself if they were near me at some point in the future because it's good to be cordial with neighbors that close in case something happens in the neighborhood or there's a burgular and they may have seen something.

R88 easy to say, I have no income, only the money my parents left me, I can't leave; Also I have to do something about the neighbour situation, because down the road, we have a real couple of jerks, who falsely claim that I repeatedly exposed myself to him 2 years ago when he was driving by, which is totally slanderous,but you know how homophobic people are, and I don't want these two to meet before the matter is settled

OP, you have a bulls eye window in your attic? That's so cute! It's obvious to me and all the others on this thread that he wants you. He's just playing a crazy game. Disregard his coolness, it's just his bitch wife who has been dealing with his bicuriousness since he moved across the street. She knows he wants you too. Don't let her impinge upon your happiness OP, and DON'T GIVE UP!! It's your job to bring him to the other side. All of us here are counting on you.

You sound like a demented weirdo.

Can you please get a job so that when your partner drops you--and you find out you're NOT practically married--we don't have to answer your desperate thread about how to get your life back together?

R91 I think that you might have a point. Some closeted guys DO play weird games don't they ? TBH I think he saw me once , the windows are not so far apart, I'd say no more than 16 yards

Have you considered they are homophobic and found out you were a gay couple from the other neighbors and now your constant returning seems desperate?

R93 a job ? at my age ? as what ? barista? My partner is never going to "drop " me, he's not that kind, he wouldn't let anybody down

Only bring treats when the wife is out. Bring them over in disposable container like a shoebox. Then you can casually bring up the value of the basket you got in The Dalles and ask for it back. When he hands it to you, look him in the eye, look down, look up again, bite your lip, look at his feet, back at his face, turn to leave, and wink at him over your shoulder. This should work. Let us know.

He's just not into you, OP.

They're not homophobic, the kids are in one of the alternative schools, he's seen dick before, I'm sure. He's so sensual

Mind your own business and don't force yourself on a married neighbor. They tossed your cupcakes. Anyway, this looks like an EST and a poor one at that.

r99 They have rebuffed your advances, treated you like shit but you still lust after him? What exactly do you want to happen?

[quote] a job ? at my age ? as what ? barista?

You ought to try to find a good answer to this question sooner rather than later.

It's a neighborly gesture, R76. Plus, seems like no one can resist a still-warm chocolate chip cookie.

Even so, if they toss them after I leave, that's fine. Doing this shows myself to be friendly (without being nosy or pushy), and that's what counts. After all, whenever someone moves in, they worry about what the neighbors are like (and vice-versa).

I'm just praying they don't have a dog. The previous owners got themselves a big dog, then let it run on my property, because their yard is way too small. Their dog got territorial with me on MY property due to them letting him run. I talked to them about it several times to no avail. So I quit talking to them, and when they moved out, I paid no attention.

Too old for a barista. Maybe a Walmart Greeter. This is also a good way to meet your other neighbors.

[quote]What exactly do you want to happen?

Honestly? I would like him to show me his dick at night, willingly, when both our partners are asleep, and maybe wank a little

I’ve never seen a 50 yr old working? Lol are you mental?

[quote] . Doing this shows myself to be friendly (without being nosy or pushy), and that's what counts. After all, whenever someone moves in, they worry about what the neighbors are like (and vice-versa).

THANK THE LORD! why is it so hard to understand ? I wonder where you guys live. Surely NYC or LA or some big, anonymous city

This is the shittiest DL thread ever

Lots of people get office jobs, or editing/writing of some kind, marketing, stuff you can do online from home. Or sell shit online on FB marketplace or Etsy - what about your cookie cupcakes? [Side note: do you have a recipe?]

As far as the hunky German, nothing you can do but smile, nod, the occasional wave. Just be normal. He isnt going to fuck you. And you cant do anything about the other neighbours gossip but just act normal so you dont creep out the whole block.

You seem stuck in a dead end relationship which is causing this restlessness and glancing around. Deep down you want to meet a new hot guy and run off with him. That fantasy is strong in your head. Work on your financial independence so you can move on instead of trying to bang straight dudes.

Maybe I'm just lonely

I’m surprised Op knows how to use the internet. She is so ancient and backwards thinking.

Nice homos keep their cookies in a jar, in their own home.

I feel like this fake post is written by a straight man. It’s the creepy entitlement and overall cluelessness. If it is real, OP you need therapy. A lot of it. Also you come off as a 70+ year old not a 50 year old.

Lol R104!

[quote] As far as the hunky German,

I had never seen a german so dark before, I thought they were all blond and blue-eyed

I don't want to fuck him, but maybe, something sexy, like a BJ from time to time, would be fantastic. just casual, silent, don't-mention-it BJ

R113 if that's the best you can do, thanks, but no thanks. AND some people HATE houseplants

Does the "welcome wagon" exist anymore...? You're lucky if anyone says hello to you today.

Three words OP: Casserole.

Taking fresh baked cookies to a new neighbor and introducing yourself is very 1950’s.

OK now, seriously please. Should I go and apologize, or not ?

This is OP's thread about "To those still unpartnered after 40: is life lonely for you?"

I've never been in a relationship (with a man) . It was very clear from an early age (~~14yo...ish) looking at my reflection in the mirror, or judging by people's reactions, that there would always been someone for me. I never even bothered to have a driving license. There is literally ALWAYS someone willing to drive me where I want to go. Over the decades, I've learned to use this power I have, that was very scary when I was young, and now I am comfortably entering my fifties. I am still incredibly fit, incredibly charming when I need to be, and very, very handsome. When I"m horny, I call a fb, or I go cruising, and I always score, mostly with young men, who are massively into daddies. Unfair ? perhaps. But all my life I've been targeted with insane jealousy, so it's nice to have this place, DL, to take it out on people anonimously, and be a cunt.

R121, this is not my thread

Boo hiss R121. Leave OP alone. Can't you see he's impaled on the horns of a conundrum.

Thanks R123

Yes OP, by all means go back and apologize, because what they want is to see more of you.

Leave him the fuck alone!

R125, not to HER. just to him. Just be very honest and say, look, I obviously went overboard, you're very attractive, I have this thing for feet, truly sorry, no harm done, please don't mention it to your wife or my husband. Maybe I could cry a little ?

This cant be real or you are a creep. People just wave to neighbors or say good morning.

128 replies to an obvious EST in six hours. I'm jealous OP.

[quote] People just wave to neighbors or say good morning.

where do you live ? big city or small community ?

The less said and done, the better. Let it alone. It would only make it more awkward and creepy.

So, can I get the cupcake recipe or not?

R132 yes, I was just thinking about that, I forgot to answer . I don't want to give MY recipe, but the general idea is, first you bake normal cookies, but tiny, when they 're rigid enough you take them out of the oven, and let them sit to cool. Then you prepare the cupcakes and you have to watch like a hawk, when they're still soft, you just cut off the upper part and put your cookies on top, and they will blend in. The idea is that they look like adorable little mushrooms.

R127. Please, no. The hardest thing to do when you commit a faux pas is to refrain from making it worse. You dug yourself a little hole, fill it up with silence.

R134 this feels so awkard. and sad

[quote] You dug yourself a little hole, fill it up with silence.

I can't help thinking he could have made it easy and fun for us as neighbours, just by cracking a joke, like "oh really, maybe you'll suck on them sometimes then" or something like that? why did he have to be so damn rude ?

An apology isn’t enough, OP. You need to hand-deliver a huge bouquet of spring flowers as an apology and invitation to begin your relationship anew.

So you got off on the wrong foot. So what? You still have one perfectly good foot left. (I hope I’m not being presumptuous.) And we know that he has two perfect feet, which you’ve also gotten off on, so go buy some flowers.

If you want to show him how much you care, get them in colors to match your brightest, sexiest caftan and deliver them wearing that and nothing else.

[quote]Historically, flowers have a great deal of symbolism in both variety and color and some flowers are more appropriate than others when saying I'm sorry.

[quote]For example, any spring flower like tulips, irises and daffodils symbolize new beginnings and starting over. So they're ideal for letting the recipient know that you want to start over.

[quote]Traditionally Tulips and Hyacinths can symbolize forgiveness. However for apologizing, the idea of Spring flowers represents new beginnings and starting fresh which can make a lot of sense depending on the infraction committed and what you're saying sorry for.

[quote]In terms of color for saying sorry with this group of blooms, choose fresh tones, nothing too dark or rich in color—think Spring and new beginnings.

This may be the worst EST I’ve ever read on DL. Well done, OP.

Yes that would have been real sporty of him. The he could slowly have groomed you to murder his wife.

R139 some cool straight dudes flirt like that with gay men

OMG NOOOO .this is so embarrassing she's there!!!!

OMG OMG OMG SHE'S there with thebasket! I'm not opening!!!

The OP sounds like a 6 year old school boy that has a crush. I hope I never meet anyone like OP because you know they can't have an intelligent conversation.

The wife returned the basket?? Hahaha I like these crazy Germans.

I've found the perfect caftan to match your "new beginnings, yaaaasss!" apology bouquet.

I strongly recommend having it shortened by at least a foot and making a turban with the leftover fabric. Be sure to call, text, and email your seamstress over and over to remind her not to throw it out.

This is BS. Walking around the attic with field glasses trying to spot a guys ass.

[quote]This is OP's thread about "To those still unpartnered after 40: is life lonely for you?"

I'm still trying to figure out what OP is getting out of this with his disappearing, reappearing, non-existent partner.

If you're going to continually create fake scenarios for attention then at least make it consistent!

Its 1045pm on the East Coast, 745pm West Coast. So 50 yr old hot grandpa must be in bed with his tubby hubby after an exhausting day of staring at the neighbour through binoculars.

[quote]As if being shirtless suddenly means this German hunk wants to gobble cock.

As if OP has ever flirted with someone with the intention of having his own penis sucked.

R149 I have a nice dick, but I am a proud and total bottom. She is actually very nice . She looks like a french bulldog, but when she speaks she's very charming. It's that big square teutonic jaw. She thanked me for the cakes, explained that they don't drink wine , and that Coin (they're dutch, not german in fact, that's his name) was busy giving a bath to their youngest, heard something, and rushed to the bathroom, and went he came back I was gone. So much for the nasty queens on this thread. They're lovely

Listen, OP.....wives have their own special kind of gaydar that goes off when someone is stealthily preying on their husband. Make no mistake, she's got your number. Straight men do not bring muffins or flowers to new neighbours; that is strictly frau or misguided gay territory.

They are laughing at you.

R151 I don't think so, she was very sweet, she said they didn't eat the cakes because they don't eat sugar except natural sugar and that they try to avoid gluten or something, but they gave them away and these people were happy to have them. They know a lot about nutrition it was very interesting. Also she saw my dance routine in the garden and she said it was nice. I'm def going back to have a word with him and apologise about the feet comment. I feel bad now, because they seem to be very simple sweet people, and I don't want to be the pervy neighbour.

Thank you r36, I was certain I'd read this before.

OP has watched too many episodes of Bewhiched. He now thinks he's Gladys Kravitz with a personal trainer.

Nathan is really good. He really trimmed me down to my best bod. All the more infuriating that Mr Vic Rocco's lookalike contest winner won't touch it.

[quote]He was alone, so I gave him a little naughty twinkle, nothing inappropriate,

Dude, no straight guy or gay for that matter wants a "naughty twinkle" from their nosy unemployed middle aged sexually repressed flamboyant neighbor.

R156 maybe not everyone is as homophobic as you are

[quote], she was very sweet, she said they didn't eat the cakes because they don't eat sugar except natural sugar and that they try to avoid gluten

OP is clueless. Let me translate for you. She said (to her husband) Don't eat those, we don't know who that guy is, what a freak he might be or what's in them.

Fallow Up, day 2: See I told you, he's into feet. Told you he was a freak.

[quote]maybe not everyone is as homophobic as you are

I am gay you dipshit. Not into obnoxious queens or pushy bottoms. You sound like the latter.

OP, did you say your trainer is Vic Tanny?

OP is EST posting from 1950. No one delivers gift baskets to new neighbors theses days.

R161 maybe so but I did and people should

I wouldnt apologize to the husband. The wife essentially did that for you. They saw you being awkward as fuck, mumbling about his damn feet and apologized saying he was giving the kid a bath. Also they are clearly fitness freaks so that was a polite way of saying, "we threw out your basket of goodies".

I am glad they are nice people but now please let it go and find some hobbies. You arent going to see his dick. Go back and fix your relationship with your chubby hubby who is probably exhausted putting up with your drama. Thats the real issue.

I love how these posts are crazy enough that we haven't gotten to his flashing the neighbors comment. OP, why do your other neighbors think you flashed them? Did you deliver more cookie-brownies but in a robe?

[quote]You arent going to see his dick

I don't know about that. You obviously didn't read the part where OP Has a spyglass and a bull's eye window!!

R163 it's obvious he didn't tell her and I wonder why...they seem very mismatched. He's hot AF and she's rather cold. Not at all unpleasant, but not sexy. I learned a lot, I wasn't nosy or anything but I asked a few normal questions. He's working for some laboratory, he's studying toxic residues in plants, mushrooms, that kind of shit. The house is rented by his company, they won't say longer than 2 years

If you say niggardly to an African is that racist, LOL. It should be africannardly.

R164 I happen to be naked a lot around the house, and it's my bloody house, well, my husband's, and they said it was on purpose every time they'd drive by, which is really sick . What happened is I like to train naked and I do elevated push'ups with my arms on a cupboard and my feet on a chair, and my ass was at window level, but I didn't realize that, how could I ? and even so, it would be naughty and sexy, who makes a scandal about seeing a random cute ass ? It was so stupid. The whole shit was strictly homophobic shit /smear campaign

( I'm kind of an activist for these things)

[Quote] even so, it would be naughty and sexy, who makes a scandal about seeing a random cute ass ?

No. Not sexy to see that. Its not homophobic to say you dont want to see a 50 yr old man "training" nude in his kitchen window with no regard for anybody who may walk by. Tell hubby to buy you a damn bench, close the drapes, and stop spying on your neighbours, you voyeur perv. Fuck me you sound exhausting. No wonder fat hubby is eating his way through life.

The OP is just having fun with this thread. nothing about this is real.

"Throw these in the outside trash" is what she said to her husband the minute the door closed.

Why would anyone in this fucking crazy world eat something made by a total stranger?

When you were doing your workout routine in front of the window, by chance did your prolapse come in contact with the window?

R168, “husband?” I thought you weren't married.

She shouted it and cringed, R172. Then she ordered the kids to never talk to the pervert living across the street.

R175 no we're not married. yes I thought we would be by now. I've waited for many, many years...I wanted the normal life, I wanted the pretty house, I wanted the kids. Nothing of that happened. nothing happens anymore. So yes, when I'm horny, and mr V.Rocco the stud is on his endless business trips, instead of dragging my cute little ass to the nearest bath house ( 2 H drive) I train naked, in front of the window, hoping that the construction workers who 're busy around the corner will notice me. Pathetic ? perhaps.. what are my options at 50 ?

R177, if your posts are fake, I applaud your commitment to keeping the storyline going. It's entertaining. If they're true, I wish we were neighbors. You're a hoot.

Thank you R178, I'm very bubbly and joyful

[quote]maybe not everyone is as homophobic as you are

So "not homophobic" is the new "desperate"?

Op, at your post at R166 you said, " . . . he's studying toxic residues in plants, mushrooms, that kind of shit."

You are in danger! Beware of any sweets they may give to you, they could be poisoned!

Other than I think your tales are complete bullshit, I think you'd be a fun neighbor. Quirky for days.

R181 I didn't understand if the lab produces toxic products or fights against them

His knowledge of how it works is enough to do the trick. Beware of cookies with leafy green bits.

He's so big. I was really impressed when I was there.

it's not him, he has darker, longer hair, but it's close

Leave the poor neighbours alone, OP. They probably wondering what the heck kind of a place they’ve moved to. Wisteria Lane?

I would say he's 6"4

OP's dream guy

[quote]I train naked, in front of the window, hoping that the construction workers who 're busy around the corner will notice me. Pathetic ? perhaps.. what are my options at 50 ?

Options? How about showing you have some class. No one wants to see a 50 year old naked gramps in the window. You remind me of a high school French teaching I had once. She was 40 something, thought of herself as a hot sex pot and told the class there's nothing wrong with washing your vegetables in the sink facing an open window topless where students can walk by during off hours. You sound just as desperate. Only much older and saggier.

[Quote] What happened is I like to train naked and I do elevated push'ups with my arms on a cupboard and my feet on a chair, and my ass was at window level, but I didn't realize that, how could I ?

[Quote]  I train naked, in front of the window, hoping that the construction workers who 're busy around the corner will notice me.

OP, if you are going to make up lame stories about hot German bratwurst next door, at least keep your stories straight.

You are being disingenuous and dishonest, that's what it is, on top of being way too much over the line.

You are hiding your lust behind "but I'm just a friendly neighbor welcoming you to the neighborhood and being friendly!" No. You are lusting after the guy and being very fake.

You would not have acted this way if it was an ugly boring whatever. You don't even feel neighborly or welcoming about his "ugly" German wife, who is also your new next door neighbor remember?

Sad! You thought all Germans were blonde and blue-eyed?

If my neighbor came to me several times in a row after I had JUST moved in I would be creeped out, and this has nothing to do with age or sexuality.

[Quote] I wanted the normal life, I wanted the pretty house, I wanted the kids.

I want this annoying, mooching, drama queen and his shitty, dry, flavourless cookies out of my house.

Miss OP is apparently unfamiliar with the old adage about being in a hole and stopping the digging.

OP, you fucker, you!

[quote]I thought the next day would be a good moment to offer help with the kids, babysitting and all that,

I'm sure they were all for handing their kids over to someone they just met! No wonder they thought you were sketchy, op.

Do you have any friends at all? Real contacts other than your partner?

You sound so out of touch with the way normal humans act.

R188 that guy looks great and has a terrific body

[quote] I want this annoying, mooching, drama queen and his shitty, dry, flavourless cookies out of my house.

my cookies-cupcakes are GREAT

[quote] Do you have any friends at all

Not really, not anymore. When You don't work you lose that quickly, because, different rythm. Besides, it was mostly my partner's friends that we used to see, and for some reason they have never seemed to like me much. I think they felt he was a quiet, sort of boring guy, and I'm very bubbly and effervescent, very sexy, and they don't really appreciate that. Jealous I guess. When you have good looks AND brains, you're not really winning nay popularity contest

You have us OP. We support you in your quest to welcome your neighbor by bringing him cookie-cupcakes in the basket from The Dalles. Keep trying. I think you're getting through to him and it won't be long before he sees the light and gives you the strip show you so rightly deserve. I think it might be time to ask for a photo of his feet. Tell him you're taking a sculpture class. Even better, get plucky and ask him to model them himself. Good luck!

thank you R200. I once put an ad in a bodybuilding board for paid private posing sessions at my house, and was blocked by the curator, so I won't use that excuse

my husband looked a bit like that 10 years ago

now he doesn't even look like that

This thread sucks.

more like

OP sounds more like he wants to be a MILF than a DILF.

my driving instructor told me I was a DILF? I thought he meant Daddy In Lack Of Fuck, but apparently it means Daddy I'd Like to fuck , was playing making a pass at me ??

The funny part about this fake thread, the more OP opens up his mouth, the more he sounds like a desperate deluded housewife than the hot sexy man he thinks he is. I am sure if we heard him actually speak the first thing that would drop out is his purse.

Why hasn’t this thread been deleted?!?

[quote]my driving instructor told me I was a DILF? ...was playing making a pass at me ??

You were paying him to teach you something right? Complimenting old trolls is always a ticket to more work. Are you really that gullible?

R208 I am sexy. For a 50 yo, I'm incredible, and I credit my coach Nathan for it. I am in same league with this guy IMO, who's a big inspiration in my life. starts @1:05 on the right. Just a bit older looking/more grey hair

Yeah, I'm just like him too r211, just a little bit older, fatter, balder, and slightly less attractive. We could be brothers.

i THINK MY PARTNER IS UNFAITHFUL

People get mad when an EST posts twice and then abandons the thread. Now you're seeing the alternative.

Are you happy now?

R214, if you don't like my thread, why do you post in it ?

OP may claim to have looks and brains, but his posts consistently demonstrate a lack of charisma and social acumen, which is critical in the endeavor he has embarked on.

Plus, the fact that he thinks a basket he bought at an arts and crafts fair in The Dalles might have real monetary value makes me doubt the brains part.

When I first moved into my place I had a neighbor who came over at least once a day. I was 28 and he was in his 40s, fat and bald. The first time he told me some details about the neighborhood, and made sure that he told me he was going to the blackout party at the Midtowne Spa (bath house.) Then he showed up every day for a while wanting to borrow cat food, bread, a VCR so he could copy a porno he rented, etc...

He would hang out, and it was obvious that he wanted me to fuck him. If he, like OP, thought he was being coyly flirtatious, but he was wrong.

He was skeezy and creepy, and I hated him. I stopped answering the door unless I knew someone was coming, and he eventually stopped coming over. From then until he moved we were mostly "hey" neighbors, which was just what I wanted, but I would tense up every time I saw him.

On the off chance that this isn't fake, don't be that guy that makes your neighbors tense up when they see you.

R216 I could have had a career, but I chose to devote my time to my man, and it's a lonely life for a man. especially in a small town, it's not like we have a club or anything. I don't go often to big cities, or even abroad, so The Dalles was an unusual experience and a landmark and this basket is handmade and I think quite antique, it was not made then, I think it goes back at least 70 years. I do have a few friends, but they're women, housewifes and we have get togethers, to see the new NF video and such, and they could tell you that I have charisma for days

R215, I'm sticking around in hopes that you'll eventually explain your fucked-up punctuation.

[quote] On the off chance that this isn't fake, don't be that guy that makes your neighbors tense up when they see you.

I am that guy "that" is trying to make my neighbours happy to see me, as opposed to being the stupid jerks who sing "have a banana, have twoooo" the minute I enter my local store.

R214 I type with two fingers and my keyboard is broken. FYI

What's an EST? Also, who's Muriel?

[quote]I could have had a career, but I chose to devote my time to my man

So you're lazy and don't want to work.

When you mentioned your 'dance routine,' I knew for sure this was a fantasy.

Nice trolling, OP. Nevertheless, you seem like a real creep. Yuck.

I can’t believe you wanted to offer “help with the kids” after one meeting. Rather than coming off as an interested gay man, instead, you came off as a possible predator.

[quote]I could have had a career, but I chose to devote my time to my man

By lusting over your neighbor? Classy! What a catch you are.

This is genuinely one of the most entertaining threads I’ve seen on DL in ages.

Wait until Halloween or Christmas time. Prepare your famous holiday cookies, with the good margarine. Plate them on a festive paper plate and return to the neighbors. When the door opens, repeat your spiel through the screen door. In the background, there will be shadowy figures around a low coffee table, barely perceptible outside the pool of light over a bowl of hummus and a few bottles of beer that you don't recognize (it's "ar - tis - a -nal"). If you hear low hissing, it mean's you're in with Flynn. You will have noticed the screen door has not been opened to welcome you nor even to take the plate of cookies. Place them on table beside the lit jackolantern, turn, bend over, and present hole (which you will have graciously emptied, clean, and pre-lubed).

OP! I am so pissed at you.

Your tale took an interesting turn when you were doing naked elevated push ups, thus presenting to a group of construction workers (btw, where'd they come from? Remember, specifics require SPECIFICITY!).

I would have run with that storyline if it was my fiction. Disappointed you didn't seize the opportunity.

r152 "I don't want to be the pervy neighbour."

But you are, Blanche. You are ...

Suppose it were the reverse.

OP moves into new neighborhood. Talk, straight hippie wife brings welcome gift of handcrafted Knick Knacks in a vintage tool box.

On your second day she waits till your partner leaves, puts on her best German flower power cotton dress, and unexpectedly comes over with the thought of offering to house sit your cats; but instead looks down and blurts out a flirty comment about your big masculine toes.

“Tall, straight . . .”

Frankly, if a complete stranger rocked up and offered to babysit my kids the day after I moved in, I'd be on the phone to the police so fast his head would spin.

Actaully we had that conversation about the kids. I suspect it was the main object of her visit, even though she asked where I had bought the basket. She said thanks, but I' really don't know you at all, and something along the lines of , very demanding when it comes to baby sitting. She didn't seem freaked out.

[quote] So you're lazy and don't want to work.

again, very homophobic post. We have a very large house, it takes a lot to make it clean and comfortable, I have a very neat tight little body = hours of workout, and I am a fervent NF aficionados. I don't just makes things functional, a little doily goes a long way, I try to make everything pretty and different, including myself

Why are you wasting all that youthful beauty, sex appeal and bubbliness on the suburbs, OP? Surely OnlyFans is the place for you.

R237 thanks but no thanks, I like to think of myself as a class act. Altogether it was all a happy experience, I've met my new neighbours, they're nice and interesting, I've learned a lot. Also they have this idea that nature is a whole and shouldn't be exploited, it's what they try to teach the children, and therefore, flowers shouldn't be coloured or even plucked, and I never thought of it that way. She gave me back the bouquet and was very gracious about that too. It's very nice to have it in the house, it's like a present from THEM

So basically they rejected everything you gave them, OP. Maybe the hubby would welcome the offer of a blowjob.

R239 I wouldn't say "rejected ", they just have different notions. I didn't know that the dutch don't have flowers in the house

OP, what part of England are you in?

R241 I don't wanna say

Essex?

What makes you say that R243 ?

[Quote] So you're lazy and don't want to work.

[Quote] again, very homophobic post. We have a very large house, it takes a lot to make it clean and comfortable, I have a very neat tight little body = hours of workout, and I am a fervent NF aficionados. I don't just makes things functional, a little doily goes a long way, I try to make everything pretty and different, including myself

So calling someone lazy is homophobic... but not a made up story about a 50 year old gay man being a stereotypically fruity housewife who loves to cook and clean, who calls himself "neat, tight, pretty, i wanted pretty house and kids, I have a cute ass", (who describes their ass as cute at 50?), flashing his neighbours, hitting on the straight married guy and being a creepy predator offering to babysit the new children in the neighbourhood??

Am I only one that thinks this lame as fuck story full of gay stereotypes sounds like it was written by a 15 yr old straight teen playing fortnite?

OP I knew you were from abroad by your spelling. My guess would have been somewhere in Canada perhaps.

But anyway you gave it your best shot at being neighbourly so that’s all you can do at this point. I do admire your witticisms through out this thread which to me shows great charisma.

Next time you come in contact with the husband just wave and that’s it. Same for the wife. Also just observe their behaviour and take it from there. Best wishes.

Thank you kindly R246

(quote] old gay man being a stereotypically fruity housewife who loves to cook and clean, who calls himself "neat, tight, pretty, i wanted pretty house and kids, I have a cute ass", (who describes their ass as cute at 50?), flashing his neighbours, hitting on the straight married guy and being a creepy predator offering to babysit the new children in the neighbourhood??

and that's not homophobic at all...you're very hateful sir

This never happened. Worse, for fiction, it's not that interesting.

I think my experience is very common if you're honest. Am I the only older gay guy who's so isolated and frustrated that sometimes just want to put his ass on the window and scream "give me a dick PLEAAAAAAASE" ? I don't thnk so sir. really not.

if you're not interestedin my testimony, R249 reply is a long way to be bored, . You are welcome to leave

R251As are you.

R252 it's my thread love. You are probably one of these LA/NYC super privileged elder instahoes who look down on everyone who's not vacationing 24/24 in exotic locations. You think I don't give a good "image" of what it means to be gay. then whydo you even bother reading this thread?

[quote] somewhere in Canada perhaps.

That was very subtle sir

154 You like that….. 😃.. Just a wild guess is all.

R253, R211 - why are you posting from multiple accounts?

R256 because I was tired of the unhinged hatred and I accidentally blocked myself

Amazing. This EST is heading for 300 and people are still buying it.

If this whole thing is real ,it's beyond creepy and you are trying way too hard, OP. I would be VERY suspicious of someone acting like you did.

^ and for Pete's sake, stop with the baskets and baked goods. Everyone has some kind of food hang-up these days and they probably just threw all your hard work and good intentions straight into the trash.

It would be different if you people could see me and the house. Anonymous writing is misleading. my house is lovely, quirky and charming, and I am quite harmless. agreeable looking medum to small guy, well groomed, nice haircut, little moustache. I couldn't possibly attract that vitriol IRL

It made it to 351 last time, R258...

I just popped over to my neighbour to give his children Christmas cookies.

The door was wide open behind the screen door and I knocked softly on the door jamb. I heard some hissing, so I knew they were home and figured they were in another room. But then I noticed a silhouette 5m away looking at me. I waited for about thirty seconds and knocked again. There was nothing, then 5 seconds later a “shhh, shhh,” sound. The figure remained still . I could hear people in the house, though and knocked again.

Finally the figure steps forward and opens the door. “Be quiet baby is asleep,” he hisses. Behind him I see 4 adults seated around the coffee table.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was directed at me. These are for the little ones,” I apologise.

“Yeah,” he said, and slams the door.

The kicker? He’s a psychiatrist.

Merry fucking Christmas, See this is why I shouldn’t have broken my standard practise of pretending my neighbour ours don’t exist.

R262 I didn't write this, and I didn't even read it , that I remember

R260 I would love the baskets and baked goods!

most people would R264, but not on DL apparently

To quote Margaret White, OP, they’re all laughing at you. No, seriously- my partner has this incessant need to talk to the neighbors. We’ll be out in the yard, and next thing I know he’s down the street chatting with someone he spied. Granted, he’s not foisting baked goods on them, but I imagine some find him annoying. And I keep reminding him that every city neighborhood has crazies, and the last thing you want is for them to know you’re approachable. If you can’t read the room, OP, then there’s not much helping you.

people make fun of me because I'm friendly, my own sister does, she would point at some random stranger on the street and snap "someone you didn't say hello to"? so what ? it's a good way to be

Sorry R263. The spelling of "practice" with an s gives you away, you sneaky little cookie baker you.

My BF was also the type to talk to strangers on the street and he'd also start spilling mundane details of his life, completely unasked, resulting in confusion and quick escapes. He's on medication now.

This story is obviously fake as fuck and definitely a rewrite of that other very similar story.

OP, why? Why do you write fiction like this here? Is it some kind of sexual fantasy you want people to talk about or do you just want attention? Do you laugh at people believing it to be real? I sort of don't quite get ESTs. Fiction sure, but at least people know they're buying fiction. What's up with the trying to dupe people?

Well OP it’s nice to see you in good spirits given the vitriol on this thread. I actually love it. Keep regaling us if you please.

[quote]A lot of posts are completely homophobc.

Oh god STFU. This is an obvious troll spinning a fiction, and it's HIS post that drips with homophobia. This is why they hate us: because they think we're creepy perverts who can't act normal around families, kids and "normal" straight people. OP is clearly trolling us by playing the part of the drooling and clueless perverted neighbor.

R272, Yes, you've articulated so well why I did not feel good about this story. It relies on stereotypes and.. ugh.

cookie/cupcake

Yeah, R272, it kind of hit me in the face when reading it. And seriously- OP’s husbear is getting fat, so the neglected trophy wife has to go hit on the husband across the street? Gimme a fucking break.

lots of jealousy in the posts, lots and lots

Where, R276?

OP’s story reads like the beginning of a Nifty tale. Covers a few Nifty categories. Just need to throw in sex with the neighbor’s hot underage son, and some incest when your stepbrother comes to town.

If sleeping with your stepbrother is incest I'm going to hell.

[quoter]lots of jealousy in the posts, lots and lots

What the hell are you talking about? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

What jealousy? The OP isn't getting any nookie going by his stories, only rejection.

So was Bread Loaf canceled this year? I'm sure this EST works on several levels. OP writes an EST in the "character" of a sad sack middle-aged, middle-class, low brow, unfucked and frustrated gay man, writing an EST that is deliberately unimaginative and grim.

Now who is homophobic here?

The fictional first person narrator of this autobiographical story? The fictional sad sack person making up the character in the EST? The actual writer of this thread, who is invented the sad sack writer of the sad sack character.

It's a self-hating gay man. They've done studies of trolls and found that most are literal losers in real life.

Why would anyone be jealous of OP in this story? He comes off like a desperate old slut in heat and on the prowl for someone else's husband, a state that led him to multiple and increasingly humiliating encounters with neighbors who hate him living next door.

Why would anyone envy that? What exactly would we envy? His sexless marriage to a fat husband? His needy and (literally) repulsive social presence? His extremely awkward living situation? His unfulfilled sexual needs?

What's the payoff? What am I missing?

R284 where is your home well maintained full of love and nice things ? where is your pretty good bod for your age ? where is your devoted SO ?

R285, stop pretending you have those things. Most people here know that you don't and that all of this is a fantasy. It's sad.

You're lucky that she returned the basket. I am too socially inept to know to do stuff like that. I would think it was part of the gift.

I couldn't tell if the wife was thin or fat. You mentioned big boobs and frumpy. I guess fat with big boobs?

Someone said that that you shouldn't assume hippies are liberals. Funny because I would assume that too. My mom once told me to not assume all lesbians are liberals. Anyway, I don't know what an alternative school is in the UK, but I'm in the USA. I thought you meant a charter school. This would be and bad sign here. Choosing to get away from the public school for race or some other perceived superiority, but by using the public school's money. (I don't care about private schools when people are using their own money to attend. Knock yourself out.)

EST means Elaborate Scenario Troll.

I've known plenty of crunchy fundies. It was a think in the 60s and 70s.

Its still a thing in Europe.

Why do you use the British spelling for "neighboring" but American terms for measurement?

R188, you what, there's nothing crunchy - or fundie for that matter - about this thread.

"Crunchy: Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc."

^^ Sorry, that was meant for R288.

R284 - seems the troll was the one wrote that jealous comment, since it disappears when you block him.

This thread has gotten me hungry for cookie cupcakes though, so here is a recipe:

An extremely obvious EST and not a very good one. 🥱 😴🥱 😴

NEXT!

[quote] measurement?

I didn't even use that word..anyway i didn't know what EST means until someone on DL explained it to me. The wife is kind of husky, not fat but thick, stocky. The school is a german school, I don't know too much about that, but it's kind of culty/hipstery/new age and quite expensive I'm told. the hatred and the jealousy on this thread makes me lol, it's like being taylor swift and selling millions of copies, and seeing the same 4 trolls hating on everything I do, thanks for the attention trolls. I'm not surprised. Last year there were videos here of a cute couple dancing in their yard, kind of reminded me of us, older gay guys, very handsome and fit. I thought WOW this could be us. I tried to get my partner to do that but he was not interested. The comments on DL were...vicious. Pathetic. their crime ? being cute, fit AF and positive, just like yours truly. naughty naughty R292 you found a recipe!

[quote] stop pretending you have those things.

yest I do. Sorry not sorry, you want me to describe my collections for you ? and I write poetry, and I sing too

R294, jesus, just stop already. I wonder what your real life is like for you to be doing this..

R295, virtually everyone can tell that you're making this shit up. It's extremely sad.

and yet you're still here R297

couldn't find a video of the guys I mean...but you know who they are right ?

R298, Not because I'm buying your story at all but gawping and wondering what the hell is going on with a fantasist like you.

No one (in real life) describes themselves as "cute" "handsome" "fit" "tight" "good looking" over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Every time you say shit like that (which has been in every other post), it just reinforces the doubts we have that you're anything BUT.

[quote] a fantasist like you.

wow, a compliment ! be careful you'll have a reaction... see how my charm works through ?

R310 and yet I AM, I was just told so again on Grindr YESTERDAY

How is being a fantasist a compliment? It suggests that you're mentally ill, not in touch with reality.

Don't forget "charming". Well, OP, that "charm" is somehow not making it into any of your posts. Only vapidness.

R304 doesn't it mean also"whimsical" "oddball" and "playful " ?

[Quote] their crime ? being cute, fit AF and positive, just like yours truly

Then your job/money problem is solved, start an OnlyFans and dump the fattie.

R305 yet you can't look away

[quote]start an OnlyFans and dump the fattie

I'd rather write novels, or even start a youtube chain like NF, but more about interior design, not so much "tea parties" and such I still love my man

R306, nope, not at all. I just checked and no thesaurus uses those as synonyms. From Merriam Webster:

"Definition of fantasist

: one who creates fantasias or fantasies"

R310 you then can only encourage my writing aspirations right ?

R309, stop pretending, we all know you're likely neither hot nor have a loving husband!

R311, if you admit that all of this is made up, that's a start.. Now go and submit this shit to Mills and Boon or something.

[quote] you're likely neither

what ? cute and charming ? okay, I'm ugly...feeling better ? why you still here then ? don't you have better things to do with your time, your life is so much better than mine

[quote] all of this is made up

yest...it isn't

Some people are unable to grasp that ESTs can be written in "voice". I have written LAME ESTs as my contribution to the "ESTs are lame" game.

[Quote] easy to say, I have no income, only the money my parents left me, I can't leave... [Quote] I was just told so again on Grindr YESTERDAY

[Quote] and such I still love my man

The lie detector test determined that was a lie.

I didn't MEET anyone, and if I had, it doesn't mean that I don't love my man

If you're British, why do you call them cookie cupcakes?

Cookies is an Americanism, as is cupcakes.

Canadian maybe?

R320, he appears to indicate that he's in Britain above.

Citizen of Trollland, maybe?

R321, where? I thought of Canada because they use British spelling but are still closer to the US.

[quote]Citizen of Trollland, maybe?

LOL Even that I'm attacked for ? use the term cookie-cupcake ? what am I allowed to call them ? scone-crumpets ?what about being british AND living in Canada ? with an american man , too confrontating ? what if I said my partner is ...never mind

Is OP Nicholas Fairford?

LOL R325 sometimes I look around my house, everything I do to make it warm and pretty and I wonder "am I like that? " but I think I 'm way more masculine, and also I have real class, and my taste is exquisite. If I buy antique tea cups, it's hand painted 19c minton, if I DIY some beautiful sculpted frame, I do it in a way that seams genuine, using high end paint like " ressource" from France, I have everything shipped from wherever it's the best quality. But there is a strong NF streak in me, I recognize that

seems.. (where does that come from ?) of course it's not my money, so it's easier, but I'm grateful for what I have

I hope this is an ill-advised marketing effort by the gnomelike Australian blogger who's been mentioned by name three times in this thread. I really hope it is; imagine having your name and business associated with an EST about a desperate elder with a "very neat tight little body" doing ass-in-window pushups, and offering cookie-cupcakes and free babysitting.

R328, that's him. He's lovely

[quote] gnomelike Australian blogger

Why are you haters so bitter and spiteful ? you hate me, okay, but why do you hate on Nathan ? it doesn't show you in a good light at all, in neither case

[quote] doing ass-in-window pushups

I like that's it's a thing now

So basically, you found the cookie-cupcakes recipe, you found Nathan, but everything else is a lie ?

We've also found your clog-wearing neighbor.

R334 thanks ! isn't it the sexiest thing ever ?

splish slpash I was taking a bath ! tank top, my green adidas short shorts, flip-flops and there went....Mr Grizzly bear was in the garage, I popped in and said, hello, he looked at me like I had just landed from Mars, I said thanks again for the basket, I explained where it came from, I apologized briefly for the comment on his feet, said it was just health issue, showed mylittle footsie, he didn't seem to remember , so I just gracefully jogged back home and waved g'bye! problem solved

Even if OP's bullshit EST happens to be somewhat true. why is he bothering with a boring married couple?!

Why are gay men on DL always slobbering over straight married men? Is it some sort of challenge for them? How incredibly boring and extremely tedious.

He reminds me of Mr Right that's all. When I met my partner, he was a somewhat dull , big oaf of a businessman, but I saw the potential . two oak trunks for legs! the broad back! I sent him to the gym 24/7 and in no time he was the hunk of all time. With my pepsy, happy-go-lucky pscchhhiitt personality and sexuality, yes, sexuality, I changed him around in a whirlpool. he's always been on the depressed side though. Now he's given up. I love to have a big guy to give attention to. And I mentioned that the kids must see my sylvanian families collection, so we have something to look forward to

WHY do we care OP? zzzzzzz

Why ? I don't mr reply 339

Sylvanian families collection?

What fresh hell is this?

it's very cute little figurines, rabbits, mice and whatnot, who live in pretty houses with all the furnishing and everything, it's lovely, I have a entire village of them complete with a phone booth, café, tramway, marketplace everything

I think we found the successor to the Shit Brickhouse Troll.

I only opened this thread now to see whether Miss OP was continuing to dig her hole deeper (double entendre intended). Sure enough, she just can't let go and move on or admit defeat.

So you don't like the added wrinkle of Sylvanian Communities?

R344 never have never will

OP's Sylvanian hoard brings all the boys to the yard.

yep my collection is a bit like that

I thought you said you had masculine good taste.

Sylvanian Families collection!!!! I'm dead.

R349, I do, but there is also a child in me

It's just one room in the house

R351, cooked or uncooked?

OK, I don't care anymore, I 'm in for a good lynching, so knock yourselves out, my sylvanian village is in the same room as the framed card from BP saying " KP, The Duke and Dutchess of Sussex hope you will understand, that due to the enormous volume of correspondance received in the last few months, it has not been possible to reply to you until now" + the beautiful postcard. I'll always be english at heart, and fuck the haters

This is officially the 'Neighbour Troll' now isn't it. Tedious and weird.

Never get involved with your neighbors...a "Hi" is enough

R356 their house and mine used to be on the same lot. The property has been sold in parcels and they've built a driveway that 's litterally less than 50 ft wide

"Sir"

You're the old man, aren't you the "sir"?

It doesnt matter OP..I lived in a gated development in Fl. There was less than 50ft between houses. When I was "friendly" with the people there, I ended up with them wanting me to watch their motley kids, groom their dogs, show up at my door so their kids could use my pool. Once I said no enough, they stopped asking and basically ignored me.

People in general are pain in the asses.

I wouldn't mind having them around R359

Maybe your neighbors have read Datalounge.

LOL R361, Even if, I think it would make me look rather good

#96, your partner will drop you when he sees you on the neighbor's security camera footage , sashaying over in your bestest caftan, six inch Carrie Bradshaw fuck me pumps, and your face "smelling the cookie" cupcakes.

R359, maybe try not telling people you're a dog groomer?

It never ends well OP. And the neighbor's kids always want to use your pool. First day after I moved in, the lady across the street came over, no treats, and asked if her kids could still use the pool since the last owners let them. I said sure. We started a small friendship. One day I asked her how she felt about an oil painting I was fond of. She told me "I don't like pink. I think it's faggy. . ." Then she stopped, looked at my husband and back at me, and couldn't think of a thing to say. And I still let that bitch's kids use the goddamn pool.

So, nothing to do with the NY Dolls Sylvan Sylvan?

R365 thay haven't asked to use the pool, and the kids must be ill anyways, they've kept the blids lowered on our side all day

blinds sorry

R367, awww, you wrecked it.

No one is that fucking self-unaware.

of course you're implying it's because of us, it's not

Go back again and this time take a peach cobbler. Offer to mow the lawns for free and do so shirtless.

In London most of us live in terrace houses and it's de rigueur to completely ignore your neighbours. We all have 7 foot fences and never go round with welcome baskets etc. It's ideal.

I don't want to seem pushy. The kids are not well. I'll let a day or two pass before I go back

The kids are dead.

Who killed them ? the neighbour's mistress's ghost ?

I'm sorry I let the thread die, but I don't know how to say it..they're dead. I have no words. They were antivax and they both died of covid. The children are with relatives somewhere in Germany. The past few weeks have been a nightmare

Wow, what an unexpected turn to the story.

I'm sorry I don't really want to talk about it more than that.

Cute is a wicker basket lined with an old Hudson Bay blanket and spilling over with Labrador puppies.

Cute is in no way, shape, or form a ridiculous 50-something gay man flirting shamelessly with his patented faggy cookie-muffins, and a bad EST to boot.

How tragic.

the children got it first and the school didn't want to take them back unless they were vaccinated, that's why they shut the house, then they both got it, and it was a hard one. I can't

Surely a situation like that would have made the news? Maybe DL's sleuths can do their thing.....

Did you manage to get any dick from the husband before he expired?

R383 you know me by now, even if the talibans took my little small town , I would still try to present hole and get some good talib dicking before I go over that roof..

would it be terribly disrepectful to tell ? is it too soon ?

You’re a creep, OP. I WOULDNT LET YOU BABYSIT MY DOG.

R199 you are dumb as hell. When people have brains and looks, they ARE popular. When people have shit personalities, like you, then they are shunned, like you. No one is jealous of you.

I'm a little jealous that OP has managed to keep this EST thread going upwards of 387 responses.

thank you R387, just what I need at the moment. Some people here are just very nice

Does OP live in the UK, why is he spelling "neighboring" with a U?

The offer to help with the kids was a spectacular touch to this little story.

[quote] Did you manage to get any dick from the husband before he expired?

Feeling better enough today. I obviously never had any dick from that lovely man and you seem to forget that I am partened. I want to share this for what it is. As I said before, I could see through their bathroom windows from my house and I did go there once in a while. I caught him pissing at least three times, and the last time was tragic. He was just standing there, with his tool in hand , I had a full view of his body. it was a long golden stream and as per usual he didn't wipe his cock, but rather licked his fingers and ran his hand through his long hair which I found very sexy. then he just stood there, staggering a bit , leaned over (to cough?) ans stayed like that for a while. Then he shook his head and flipped his hand as if too say " I just feel so bad right now", and I'm convinced it was for me. He knew I was there. I shall never forget this. It's the last time I saw him, and I will probably take this to my grave. I wish I could say that I was not wanking, but I was.

R390 no I don't live in the UK anymore

At least the family is at peace now, from the OP.

the children are alive, bless their little heart

This thread has made me chuckle. I love a good EST death

R253 Not that it matters at this point, but you were replying to me when you meant another poster. I'm not the one who talked about your image as a gay man and the rest of it.

I've taken a beautiful bouquet, in my basket from The Dalles, to the front yard of the house. It's so sad. I just stood there crying for 15 minutes. Some indigenous jerks from the village drove by and started singing "have a banana, have two" when they saw me; I didn't even care

Ugh, OP’s a racist :(

R398 I am not a racist. I did a funny dance/song number a few years back at the town fair, and It's been haunting me ever since. I have a ton of indigenous friends, lots of them are two-spirits and the community is very open minded and sweet, but I wish people would forget my Carmen Miranda impersonation now. it's not just them, it's everybody, white or coloured.