I just popped over to my neighbour to give his children Christmas cookies.

They were doing coke around the coffee table, OP. You're lucky he was just rude to you.

[quote] The kicker? He’s a psychiatrist.

That's not a 'kicker' in any sense of word. It's actually a totally unremarkable fact about your story and you sound like a nosey ass trifling bitch that can't tell when your neighbors don't want to be bothered.

Try again on New Year's and be considerate of the sleeping baby.

Try what again? He took the cookies before slamming the door in my face.

You need to send a written apology.

No one needs your shitty cookies. Get a life.

You heard some hissing?

No good deed goes unpunished.

OP, your instinct was right to pretend he doesn't exist.

As for him being a psychiatrist, people tend to go into psychiatry and social work to deal with their own shit.

Why is OP creeping around a neighbor's house at night, trying to seduce a new dad?

Nobody wants to deal with a crying baby all night once they finally get to sleep and that's what you almost caused, and why he was so annoyed.

hissing?

Sheboygan Conservatory of purple gay prose.

They were rude and they should apologize to you. I would wait for a week or so to see if they do. If they don't, pretend that they don't exist in the future.

Now you can stop trying to win him over. He doesn't want to be friends with the neighborhood fag. as much as that hurts, you're not twelve years old, and this isn't the blacktop at recess. walk away and stay on your side of the fence and don't bother any longer.

I'm betting those "fag cookies" went straight into the garbage disposal.

You knocked three times? Honey, take a hint after the first time they don’t answer.

He probably thought you were trying to convert them all with your gay cookies. Keep your gay cookies to yourself, OP. Nobody wants them.

These were the gay cookies in question. Nobody wants penis shaped cookies, especially on Xmas.

Yeah, if you knock once and can see someone is sitting right there staring at you rather than coming to the door, pick up the hint and walk away.

The cookies were a nice idea, but you really should have let them alone when they indicated that was what they wanted. Not everybody is thrilled to see a stranger at the door.

Someone needs to write a parody post from the neighbors’ point of view.

Here's what I would do. Just wait. If he comes to you or you see him at any time and he actually speaks to you, especially if he mentions you bringing over the cookies, just stand there and stare at him with no expression on your face at all. Punish him with your silence. When he's done just say "yeah" then turn and walk away.

You don't want to associate with people like that. Nice one time cold fish the next. They're not to be trusted. But now you need to let him know without saying the words, "I don't want to know you so don't bother".

[quote]Finally the figure steps forward and opens the door. “Be quiet baby is asleep,” he hisses. [bold]Behind him I see 4 adults seated around the coffee table.[/bold]

How did you not see them earlier? Did they just materialize? You saw a silhouette 5m away “looking at” you, but missed 4 people sitting around a table?

How does a “silhouette” look at someone? Why did you knock 3 times? What time of night did this happen? You show up unannouced and pound on a door (3 times!) in the dead of night just to give away some stupid cookies that no one asked for?

Seems like the sort of thing you knock once for and then leave on the door step with a nice note. A christmas card would have been a nice touch. Gestures like these only work when they’re executed humbly and quietly. OP knocked three times because the whole thing was a ploy to get invited in and fawned over for his “ thoughtfulness.”

I misread the thread title as "I just pooped over my neighbour and his children's Christmas cookies."

Now I'm disappointed...

[quote]I just popped over to my neighbour to give his children Christmas cookies.[quote]

While the impulse to give a holiday gift to your neighbors is very nice, "Just popping over" is an imposition. Sorry to say but you can't use a gift to mask your desire to walk into someone's house uninvited and unexpected . That is basically what it comes down to.

You wanted some kind of reaction or interaction and you gave yourself permission to "pop over there" because you were giving a gift. Do people do this in other parts of the country? Just "pop in" ? Even in decades when people felt socially obliged to be polite to drop ins or people who appear at their door unannounced demanding attention or seeking information, there were jokes an memes about busybodys and nosy parkers who just can't resist barging their way into others home unannounced while holding some small gift as a pretext.

Also, cookies for kids can be a complicated gift. Giving food to someone's kids needs to go through the parent.

The neighbor was definitely a cunt not thanking you (manners) but really op, you shouldn't "pop over" to anyones door unnanounced or uninvited unless it is some kind of emergency. It always looks like you have an agenda. Cookies can be left wrapped with a card if you are so inclined.

Call first if you must "pop over" but better yet, don't pop over. Socialize with your neighbors when you happen to run into them in public but don't show up at the door unnanounced.

The neighbor is a psychiatrist, so it's a given that he's a mental case. I've never met a shrink who wasn't as crazy (or more so) than any of his patients.

There was a living room full of five adults sitting around staring at each other in silence because the baby was asleep?

Hahahhaha, so let me get this straight. Nosy neighbor knocks on door. Hears hissing and sees people in the house pretending they're not there. It doesn't occur to him that they don't want to open the door. CONTINUES TO KNOCK. Is amazed at the lack of cordiality and gratitude.

This has got to be an EST. Or a joke. Nobody is that stupid.

I wondered about that too, R25. Did they plan to sit together quietly while the baby slept? Weird. Were they having a seance? OP, stay away from Crazy House.

Oh god, they said that about the baby to be polite and to hide the truth which was that they didn't want to deal with OP.

Somebody needs to do a parody post about this ridiculous EST. Considering people have life and death allergies these days, plus the danger of children eating pot cookies, giving cookies is a huge faux pas. OP is a total cunt for thinking this shit up.

even if it is a troll post, r29 it is a good to have the reminder that people should not show up at someone's door without warning or invitation.

OP said they had kids so I assumed there was an actual baby, but the idea of them lying about a baby being asleep just to get rid of Creepy Uncle Cookies is hilarious.

R30 what if that family was black and the neighbor called the cops, every one of them would have been shot dead. Calling the cops is the perfect way to kill people. Especially in Texas. My fucking GOD.

I would be pissed too, if a neighbor just randomly popped over. You could have just given him a call or sent an email that you made some cookies for them. If someone is trying to sit down and have dinner with their family, entertain some guests, etc... don't just pop over and interrupt them.

Is this a family of snakes? Brits sound very rude.

[Quote]Call first if you must "pop over" but better yet, don't pop over

Did you not read that the main door was open and OP was looking through the screen door? That's telling the world "yes, we're home". I leave my front wooden door open with a locked glass security door so that the front hall/living room can get more light and my cats can look outside. Yesterday my neighbor popped by with a gift basket and though I looked like 10 miles of bad road with my stained, holey pajamas on and hair sticking out, too bad, my door was open and I had to answer it. And with no hissing.

I'm willing to bet this wasn't the first time OP invited himself to something. Clearly, he knew the neighbors were having a dinner party and dug out some stale cookies as an excuse to crash it. Because, let's be honest, who brings cookies for children at night?!

The exasperated neighbors heard him and sighed:

"Oh no, here comes Aunt Lenard again! Now he's gonna burst in in a whirlwind of caftan skirts and cooing and will RUIN our dinner!"

So they froze in whatever positions the first knock happened to catch them - some sitting, and the poor host standing with one foot in the air.

"Nobody breathe!", someone hissed. But there was banging again, this time louder. The party could hear angry huffing and puffing outside. A becaftaned figure cupped his hands on the window and tried to peep inside. Thank god, the drapes are down! - sighed the hostess audibly. "SHHHHHH!", hissed her husband. A loud bang on the door answered his hiss. This time the wooden door rattled dangerously and nearly fell down.

"That's it. I'm getting rid of him once and for all," decided the host and swung the door open. The becaftaned silhouette in the dark suddenly sprang in a flurry of cordiality.

"I brought cookies for the children, dear!", it cooed while desperately trying to peer over the man's shoulder at the dinner party. "Ooooh, I see you're having a little get-together! How lovely! I..."

"The baby is asleep! We would appreciate you being quiet at this time of the night." BANG! And the door slammed in Aunt Lenard's stunned face.

"Well, I NEVER!", he hissed, while reaching under his caftan to produce a large smartphone with Datalounge open on the start page.

"He will be back tomorrow," sighed the hostess and the company sat in sombre silence, contemplating life.

[quote] You could have just given him a call or sent an email that you made some cookies for them.

Are you for real R33?

Why works you think OP would have either of those? The world doesn’t work that way anymore.

I’ve lived in the same apartment building for over 20 years and I barely know my neighbors’ faces let alone have email addresses or phone numbers.

Gifts for the neighbors is nice. The proper way to give them is to leave them in front of the door, with a note.

R36. J’adore

The baby was sleeping, yet he slammed the door?

Something just doesn’t add up.

Shut this thread down, R36 said everything that needs to be said.

Children do not need more sugar, OP. And your cookies could contain poisonous materials.

Thanks for a much-needed laugh, R36.

R36 I am dying. And then what happened?

And then rinse and repeat, the next time some neighbor was having a party. Aunt Lenard is not to be deterred!

Your mention that he's a psychiatrist suggests to me you think he's homophobic but shouldn't be because of his medical knowledge and subsequent knowledge of human nature.

"becaftaned". Brilliant.

OP, thanks to the NRA and GOP, we can no longer just "pop" over to our neighbors' homes.

You must now call first or you're gonna get your head blown off.

I agree that OP was trying to seduce the hot dad next door.

OP's story reminds me of something...

I’ve never known a psychiatrist, psychologist, or “therapist” who wasn’t batshit crazy themselves.

One of my oldest acquaintances is the daughter of a prominent Manhattan psychiatrist. She is an absolutely batshit emotional cripple. The more functional (and possibly more dangerous because they’re smarter) go the distance and get that doctorate. The messier ones just get the LCSW.

Of course there must be exceptions.

OP came here looking for empathy and support (mistake number1) and all we've done is help her realise that she's the annoying neighborhood outcast that no one likes. She's probably topped herself.

Ugh. I wish I could top myself. How much simpler my dating life would be.

I’ve never known a psychiatrist, psychologist, or “therapist” who wasn’t batshit crazy themselves.

But, the question has to be asked, were you their friend, acquaintance, or PATIENT?

R36, New York edition. "Shut up, don't move. Here comes that faggot that keeps trynaw suck my dick"

Shove the shitty Christmas cookies in the mailbox next time. I hate when people show up uninvited.

I had a neighbour once who was a psychiatrist. Kind, down to earth man with a great sense of humour. I think he had to, to be in his line of work.

Jnr, do NOT touch those cookies or you'll get AIDs or end up gay

Bewilders me why anyone would want to know their neighbours ,let alone interact with them and bake them cookies.

OP, how did you know he was a psychiatrist? Had you met him before?

r61 Yes, professionally

OP- You sound nice and don't deserve to be ripped to shreds. He/they have issues with you. Forget him.

More importantly, What kind of cookies?

So what!?

The daddy neighbor. Now OP's story makes sense.

Fun thread, OP. Thank you. Merry Christmas everyone. I will be alone this year, thank God; so I'm depending on DLers to show up with vim and vigor.

More likely, R25, there was a house full of people visiting with each other while a baby slept, probably keeping the noise to a conversational level. Then, a strange knock came at the door, and rather than risk waking the baby by opening the door to god-knows-what, they kept quiet and waited for the interloper to go away, assuming (correctly) it was something stupid that could be ignored. And we all know the rest...

The British shouldn't attempt to be Especially Silly Trollops.

Got that, OP?

[quote]Because, let's be honest, who brings cookies for children at night?!

This, times 9 million. Dropping a gift off for neighbors? That’s nice, but the emphasis is on “dropping off a gift,” not “let me in, I brought a thing for you!!” As others said, you should have left it on the doorstep. If you have something for someone’s kids, don’t wait until night time to give it. Kids go to bed early. Parents like their evening down time, if they even get any. No one cares that you made cookies.

But rapping away on someones door repeatedly, after the sun has set, with something “for the children?” Seeing “silhouettes” and hearing “hissing?” Excuse me? Are you an old witch who lives in the woods? Who the fuck does this??

[quote]Because, let's be honest, who brings cookies for children at night?!

This, times 9 million. Dropping a gift off for neighbors? That’s nice, but the emphasis is on “dropping off a gift,” not “let me in, I brought a thing for you!!” As others said, you should have left it on the doorstep. If you have something for someone’s kids, don’t wait until night time to give it. Kids go to bed early. Parents like their evening down time, if they even get any. No one cares that you made cookies.

But rapping away on someones door repeatedly, after the sun has set, with something “for the children?” Seeing “silhouettes” and hearing “hissing?” Excuse me? Are you an old witch who lives in the woods? Who the fuck does this??

OP, what you did was very sweet, but the DL is not the place to come for understanding because you'll be bitched into oblivion. It isn't 1962 anymore, although I wish it was. I would've loved a box of cookies, but it's attitudes like the ones above that have ruined neighborly behavior. This is why we can't have nice things. So don't take it to heart. Just be as bitchy to them as they were to you. Fuck em! Happy holidays, OP!

I never bake cookies for hissers or their spawn.

I have the sneaking suspicion that OP is replying to himself with compassionate and understanding comments because I cannot comprehend how anyone can interpret his behavior as "nice" and the neighbors as rude and crazy. Nobody owes anyone to let them in. Banging on someone's door repeatedly isn't "nice", it's obnoxious and crazy. That's why Hyacinth Bucket's neighbours avoided her, OP dear. It's obvious to the blind that you had an agenda behind your "nice gesture".

R31-Uncle Cookies is my new favorite DL nickname. It's right up there with the legendary Pooh Shoes.

Now what OP needs to do is harass them continuously for the plate the cookies were on. Even if it is from the dollar store. Every time I saw hissing neighbor Id ask "Can I get that plate back ? " Im sure they immediately threw it away,so it'd be fun to watch them hem and haw ! 3 months later Id still be asking for it . People are so rude these days . If they didnt want anyone to invade their privacy,close the fucking door.

Becaftaned, Uncle Cookies or B.U.C. in the vernacular.

For example:

-Removing an earring to press his ear against the wall, BUC waited to hear his sexy neighbor's shower shut off before casually sashaying over with his platter of confections.-

I could go on but you know how it ends.

DUMBEST AND MOST BORING THREAD EVER.

OP his reaction doesn't matter because you don't have to answer for him, ever. You only have to answer for yourself and you did a nice thing, he didn't. let it go.

I can’t believe Joel goes to bed so early.

If he's a psychiatrist, then he should be able to afford a house that doesn't require total silence in all corners when the baby is asleep.

I appreciate all the DL snark, but this thread makes me sad. If the shrink has a kid that young, then he's of that generation who didn't grow up with real neighbors. They only had Mr. Rogers or neighbors in books. Their parents were too busy making millions or driing carpool. When I take cookies to my neighbors, the older ones are thrilled. The younger ones look at me as if I've forced them into giving me something. An old lady in my neighborhood told me how there was a loud banging on her door one night. She hid until it was safe to peer out. "My homosexual neighbors left me a bottle of wine and invited me to a holiday party," she told me -- terrified. I like her less now, but I made her promise she would consider going to the party with another neighbor friend. There is so much selfishness and fear in our world, why not accept a few cookies, people? Fuck the psychiatrist.

Uncle Bottom’s Christmas check-in.

Leave the cookies at the doorstep? Are you guys fucking insane? Who would eat cookies that someone just left in front of your door? OP can just throw them in the trash right away. OP is probably British and maybe Brits and people in Europe are not insane, think it is strange and will shoot someone for just knocking on a neighbor's door.

But do Brits have screen doors? Hmm, probably an EST. Explain yourself, OP.

OP=Gladys Kravitz

OP , You sound like a boorish asshole . Hi Go put on your 3way poncho and go to Walmart.

Secondly, your neighbors sound like A bunch of Hassidic Hebrews.

Happy Holidays

My point exactly , R85, OP left out the neighbors were the Goldbergs or Hamid Al- Something-or-other and his family.

Oh, R86. Please. So only give cookies to people who believe exactly as you do. That's absurd. The whole point of being a good neighbor is recognizing that we're all flawed and piss each other off at times, but we have to compromise to live in peace. OP is my hero. If a Jew or Muslim or Hindu refuses to eat my cookies, so be it-- but they might appreciate the gesture.

LOL, OP here.

No, it wasn’t the middle of the night! Why the fuck would I do that? It was 5:15pm in the afternoon in Australia. Most people were out on the street doing last minute house and yard stuff before Christmas. I had visited 3 long time residents on the street handing off gifts.

I actually thought his wife would be home, because we exchange mild pleasantries with her pretty frequently, and ran out to buy nappies (diapers) for one time at her request. But he was at home with some other people whose cars were there so I thought it would be ok. When he opened the screen door I could see and smell them smoking around the coffee table.

Here are the cookies I delivered, they double as Christmas ornaments. I didn’t bake them and didn’t plan on dumping them on the door stoop, people typically don’t leave shit with notes on doorsteps here when people are home with their front doors open. Nor did I want to come in, just to hand them over. The children eat sugar and gluten etc as they came here for Halloween - again, why would I give children stuff I knew they wouldn’t be allowed to eat?

I mention him being a psychiatrist because those it fits with the pattern I have noticed that those who enter into the professional at either of being wise and coolheaded and patient or extremely neurotic and egotistical with a family history of mental illness.

Yum r88, I love that kind of cookie. Won't you be my neighbor?

[quote] You knocked three times?

On the ceiling, because he wanted him.

OP - that was VERY ungracious of him. Obviously a parental dope if he can't get his kid to go to sleep on time.

Bought cookies? I call that very feeble.

New on Lifetime "Pooping Over - The Farah Fawcett Story".

"Popped over"? "The little ones"?

OP, you're Hyacinth Bucket, aren't you?

Creepy Uncle Cookies is my new favorite DLism. I wonder if he knows Uncle Bottom. I imagine they’re a couple and both are probably The Nephew Troll, too. [shudder]

I thought Australians call them BISCUITS like their British cousins.

OP, you should NEVER just "pop over"--for all you know, your neighbors could have been having sex. As it is, you interrupted, and now you're sulking and claiming THEY were in the wrong.

Always ask by calling or texting first.

“My wife bettah now, much bettah”. It's started.

HISSSSSSSSSSS!!!

You were making more noise than you realize and they tried to get your attention to be quiet, and then got annoyed when you ignored their signals.

R96 OP's spelling of ' apologise' 'practise' and 'neighbour' is consistent with his alleged Australianness. He also felt the need to translate 'nappies' in R88 as meaning diapers so he probably just wanted to clarify for DL's dumb American audience that he meant cookies, not pillsbury.

[quote] he probably just wanted to clarify for DL's dumb American audience that he meant cookies, not pillsbury.

What the fuck is "pillsbury" and what is its difference from "cookies"?

[quote] I mention him being a psychiatrist because those it fits with the pattern I have noticed that those who enter into the professional at either of being wise and coolheaded and patient or extremely neurotic and egotistical with a family history of mental illness.

First of all, this makes no sense grammatically.

Second, how do you expect us all to have recognized this pattern you have noticed before you posted so we would know what you were talking about?

R97 if they neighbors were having sex with the front door open, presumably they welcomed an audience. Perhaps the Psychiatrist’s protestations were part of their kink.

R102 Pillsbury is the company that 99% of Americans buy their premade biscuit dough from.

[quote] Gifts for the neighbors is nice. The proper way to give them is to leave them in front of the door, with a note.

In what universe do you leave food for a neighbor in front of the door with a fucking note? Gross and suspicious.

If the screen door was open I'm guessing they weren't too concerned about sounds. They sound like total cunts.

I hope your cookies gave them the shits, OP!

[quote] Pillsbury is the company that 99% of Americans buy their premade biscuit dough from.

No one says "pillsbury" to mean store-bought cookies and "pillsbury" are not the opposite of "cookies."

^Yes, I would never eat something someone just left in front of my door. Fucking Americans also think it is rude to just knock on a neighbor's door and you need a fucking invitation and prearranged plans to knock on a door.

[quote] Then, a strange knock came at the door...

Sweet Jesus, such melodrama. A STRANGE KNOCK CAME AT THE DOOR!

R108 Every American who read my post knew what I meant by contrasting cookies and pillsbury grands (you would pronounce them "Grawwndss"). Bye.

OP / R88, your neighbor was rude. Normally, I don't advocate for dropping by without an invitation; however, this instance seemed OK and neighborly. I try to stay on good terms with all of my neighbors. They can make your life miserable or pleasant. Point is: I don't know why this psychiatrist guy would want to alienate a neighbor. Fuck him; ignore him for now on.

[quote] Fucking Americans also think it is rude to just knock on a neighbor's door and you need a fucking invitation and prearranged plans to knock on a door.

Yes, we do.

And I hope you don't kiss your neighbor's little ones with that filthy mouth.

I'm an American, not the previous poster, and I had no idea what you meant by Pillsbury. And yes I know what Pillsbury cookies are and enjoy them from time to time, but they are not the opposite of cookies and I have never once heard someone use the word Pillsbury that way.

You're a fucking moron R114

To Americans, "biscuits" are something akin to scones. Pillsbury is mentioned because they make this frozen biscuit dough product that you can bake at home.

Peeking all through the screen door and shit. Nobody asked for your cookies and fuck your plate it was on.

About the "Heard some hissing?" Maybe they were secretly handling snakes, r5.

People with small children, especially babies, are often stressed out. Ergo, they are also very often assholes. I stay away from people with small kids and/or babies. They’re seldom any fun.

R117

The poster who is obviously not American, doesn't realize that Pillsbury also makes very popular cookie dough! When he said Pillsbury that's what I immediately thought of, as did the previous poster. So he was completely wrong in saying Pillsbury is the opposite of cookies. Pillsbury makes "biscuits" by both the American and UK definitions and rather than taking responsibility for his confusing post and realizing he is being a snobby, incorrect know it all about a culture that isn't even his , he attacks those that are understandably confused by it.

^^^ Oh, I think someone has had his feelings hurt!

Did your neighbor ever apologize for being rude, OP? Definitely would not ever bring them another gift or run any errands for them in the future. Just ignore them when you see them outside until he apologizes. You did nothing wrong and he was wrong. Really not a big deal to knock on a door, especially when the front door is open and the tenants are obviously home.

Why are people triggered by hearing a knock in the afternoon when your front door is open? Are you all members of Gen Z?

Knocking three times in a row on someone's door is the height of obnoxiousness. Learn to take a damn hint.

I was on OP's side until I got a look at those cookies. 525 calories each. 15 grams of saturated fat. AND 31 grams of sugar. Why not buy the kids their own caftans while you're at it, OP!

^It is not. Sometimes people just don't hear a knock when they're in a different room. If you dont want to be disturbed, you don't leave your front door open. Open front doors are an invitation in lots of cultures. Close your front door if you're afraid of neighbors/people.

R121 It's not my fault you lack basic contextual reading skills. Were you in possession of those, you'd realize quite quickly that PILLSBURY COOKIE DOUGH was not being discussed at all in R101 but rather the BISCUIT DOUGH MIX. Context clues were the fact that COOKIES were being CONTRASTED with the product mentioned.

WILL THE PILLSBURY CUCKOO JUST GO AWAY ALREADY???

Anyone that posts in all caps is unhinged. All over a cute little doughboy.

You seem to be new here, R130

The husband will probably bitch to the wife and the wife will apologized, citing Dad as being tired etc.

IS THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY WHAT YOU GAYS CALL FIT-FAT?

Lol Pillsbury doesn't even make "BISCUIT DOUGH MIX" they make refrigerated ready made dough . You can't even get your facts straight and clear, let alone your assumptions. It's not our responsibility to go all Nancy Drew on your posts to figure out what the hell you mean.

Girls, [bold]girls, GIRLS!!![/bold]

The many delicious treats offered for purchase by the Pillsbury Corporation are tearing you apart!

It’s not normal to bang on someone’s door 3 damn times, unless it’s an emergency. Not in Australia or anywhere else. People have the right to be present in their own home and not be forced to interact with random door-knockers.

I think we are all aware that Pilsbury makes readymade dough. The point is that NO ONE uses "pilsbury" as a shorthand for store-bought cookies/dough, much less in contrast to "cookies, which apparently the retard believes means "homemade cookies."

OP should be thrown into a wood chipper. Ten times at least.

So we are all in agreement that the neighbors were Snake Handler holy rollers who were in the middle of some sort of religious ceremony and the snake was wrapped around the alleged sleeping baby at the time of the knock?

Years ago I "rescued" a dog who was by himself taking a walk around the block. I made a leash of sorts, ran after him and brought him home. He had muddy paws so i gave him a bath. I made up posters and hung them up and down the block. I got a call about 2 hours later. It turned out that the dog, named Berry (he was a short reddish retriever), often went out of the gate and walked himself around the block. I had interrupted his walk with my dognapping. Anyway, the next day I opened the front door and there was a large strawberry cheesecake on the porch with a note thanking me. It was from a very good bakery and yes, I ate a slice.

R140 it was made from dog turds

[R94] took the exact words out of my mouth...."Popped over"? "Little ones"? The vocabulary of a nosy old lady who just LOVES to be helpful and invasive.

R142 it's British, not American.

Good for your neighbor

Meh. Take a dump on his front porch, and be done with it.

Our neighbor jut dropped by with homemade muffins and a box of chocolates for Christmas. I gave her the gifts we had for her. It was a lovely start to Christmas for us. Op, aka Uncle Cookies, you sound like a lovely person who would fit right in on our block. Those cookies were adorable, and you are very thoughtful.

I'm going to side with the OP on this one. No need to get you're panties in a twist for someone dropping over a PRESENT. If I was the OP, I'd have nothing to do with my neighbors until I get an apology. If I never do, better for me.

I'm also siding with the OP. You don't shush your neighbour who is bringing a gift to your place. How ill-mannered.

I had a neighbor who was gay in a LTR and he would always knock on my door for random reasons, which I couldn't figure out what his motivation was. I guess he wanted to become friends, but I wasn't into it and gave him no indications that I was interested in being friends with him.

One day he knocked on my door asked me if I could help him move a dresser in his master bedroom. I'm thinking why don't you wait for your husband to come home from work to move furniture, but I obliged. We go up to his unit and I walk into the master, and I am SLAMMED with the worst odor I have ever smelled! I couldn't believe how putrid and gross the smell was in their room. It was like sour stale sweaty balls, mixed with blue cheese farts, mixed with cum, mixed with pepper, mixed with Montezuma's Revenge! I literally couldn't breathe. I thought, "men are so disgusting and you put two of them in one bedroom... ugh. So, gross". I stopped answering my door after that. He left Xmas cookies, on my porch. I tossed them. I didn't want any food item that was made in that apartment. I should've called the Health Department.

I had a neighbor who was gay in a LTR and he would always knock on my door for random reasons, which I couldn't figure out what his motivation was. I guess he wanted to become friends, but I wasn't into it and gave him no indications that I was interested in being friends with him.

One day he knocked on my door asked me if I could help him move a dresser in his master bedroom. I'm thinking why don't you wait for your husband to come home from work to move furniture, but I obliged. We go up to his unit and I walk into the master, and I am SLAMMED with the worst odor I have ever smelled! I couldn't believe how putrid and gross the smell was in their room. It was like sour stale sweaty balls, mixed with blue cheese farts, mixed with cum, mixed with pepper, mixed with Montezuma's Revenge! I literally couldn't breathe. I thought, "men are so disgusting and you put two of them in one bedroom... ugh. So, gross". I stopped answering my door after that. He left Xmas cookies, on my porch. I tossed them. I didn't want any food item that was made in that apartment. I should've called the Health Department.

I can’t believe you shut-ins believe it’s acceptable that when you are clearly home and entertaining and someone you know is knocking to hide in the shadows and eventually accept a gift with a door slam.

R149 = Frau

R152 I'm a dude, you dunce. And men are gross, including you and me. (Well, not me. I Fabreeze EVERYTHING! Including my ass crack!

that dresser contained the remains of his MOTHER!

R153 = Frau

[quote] No need to get you're panties in a twist for someone dropping over a PRESENT.

So ANYONE can drop by your house and you will welcome him in if he says he is bringing you or your children cookies?

I hope the BTK Killer is taking notes.

Cool, OP.

R156 OP is his goddamn next door neighbor who once helped out his his wife and gave his fucking spawn Halloween candy. Not a stranger.

I think it sucks out loud that he slammed the door before you could spit on the cookies. Fuck this good neighbour shit, I'd put him on some sexual catalogue mailing lists if I were you, you suck-ass.

What is wrong with you all? The neighbor didn't ask for the fucking cookies and probably doesn't like OP.

R149 is a vicious homophobe. Why are people W&W it?

R149, you're clearly projecting your own experiences and prejudices on OP even though he sounds nothing like your neighbor, who, you apparently seem to believe, fancies you.

[quote]Did your neighbor ever apologize for being rude, OP? Definitely would not ever bring them another gift or run any errands for them in the future. Just ignore them when you see them outside until he apologizes. You did nothing wrong and he was wrong. Really not a big deal to knock on a door, especially when the front door is open and the tenants are obviously home.

This, a hundred times. Unless they apologize forget they even exist. Stop being nice to the wifey as well since it sounds like the husband doesn't like you, and it's very well possible the wife shares the opinion. I mean, why the hell would he be so rude unless there's something behind it?

[quote]What is wrong with you all? The neighbor didn't ask for the fucking cookies and probably doesn't like OP.

What is wrong with YOU? OP has been on good terms with the wife, even running an errand for her, so dropping by to give them a Christmas present doesn't sound that weird at all. Yes it's obvious the husband apparently doesn't like OP but he had no idea about it before the incident.

R162 And if OP is running errands then THEY should be bringing HIM the cookies as a thank you. Stop looking in my screen door, knocking three times when I am CLEARLY ignoring you. LEAVE.

I nominate this for DL thread of the year. I haven’t been this entertained in weeks.

R163, what's with the ignoring thing? If I was in OP's position I'd think they probably didn't hear me since judging by his posts he thought there was a small party going on. You don't just knock once on the door and if no one answers in 5 seconds think "oh they must be ignoring me".

Same R22. Same.

R165 OP said he saw them standing and sitting in the shadows looking at him like bitch leave. But he kept a knockin! haha. Fine, knock twice, but if I see someone just standing there I would just take my cookies and leave and pretend I never went over there. Wait for them to say something. And then you also will know where they stand. He's such good friends with the wife, leave and call her cell and say, "Hey! I wanna bring some cookies over for the kids!".

R34 What goes 'hith hith, hith, hith?' A snake with a lisp.

The evidence of antisocial aspies on this thread is mind boggling ... and I’m not talking about OP.

I bet any money you like this psychiatrist hangs onto his patients for 2 consultations, tops.

This is not the behaviour of a sane adult, not is anyone defending him.

What if there had been a carbon monoxide leak in the house and these 4 adults plus the child were all in a stupor? What if all 5 of them had all died of carbon monoxide poisoning? Then people would say, "What the hell kind of neighbor sees 4 adults in a stupor and goes back home?" Prior to this incident, OP didn't know his neighbor apparently disliked him. Now, OP knows he is persona non grata and can act accordingly.

OP probably wanted to finish out this gift-giving errand. What the fuck kind of neighbor and guests sit at a table in silence like that?

R169, again, in English!

A gay adult man bringing Christmas cookies for the children?

Sorry, OP, but some people would be suspect as to your motive.

Might I suggest you embellish your story, a kitchen orgy, perhaps, with whipped cream and champagne, and sell it to Penthouse Forum?

Let off fireworks at midnight

No two ways about it, OP, your shrink neighbor is an asshole.

If I were inside with a sleeping baby and quiet guests and I saw my neighbor through my screen door holding something I'd quickly and quietly get to the door, open it, and say, "Sorry the baby is asleep we're trying to be quiet." Then you would say a few quiet words, hand him the cookies, he'd thank you, you'd leave, and all would be right with the world. But no, he's a weirdo and an asshole and you sound like a delightful person.

Next time take him some misfortune cookies.

R172 Go fuck yourself you stupid cunt

Some of you are really way too invested in this EST. It’s not even believable.

Is Pillsbury DOUGHBOY the husband of STRÜDEL ?

So what R176? It's fun. OP needs to plot revenge on the asshole shrink. He's probably traumatized many patients during his career.

OP, what are the circumstances of knowing him professionally? Were you a patient or a colleague?

[quote][R165] OP said he saw them standing and sitting in the shadows looking at him like bitch leave. But he kept a knockin! haha. Fine, knock twice, but if I see someone just standing there I would just take my cookies and leave and pretend I never went over there. Wait for them to say something. And then you also will know where they stand. He's such good friends with the wife, leave and call her cell and say, "Hey! I wanna bring some cookies over for the kids!".

You're reading way too much into the situation. Like OP mentioned he saw cars on the driveway and knew they had guests. I'd totally wait for someone to come answer the door if I was the one knocking and seeing someone standing inside. I'd probably assume they are talking with someone and wouldn't hear me. Obviously the weirdest thing is to just stand inside and not answer the door AND shush the person knocking on the door, but then again OP had no idea that was exactly what that asshole was doing. The husband is the one who acted strangely, not OP.

[quote] The evidence of antisocial aspies on this thread is mind boggling ... and I’m not talking about OP.

You're absolutely correct, R169. It sounds like standing silently in the dark and hissing while someone is at the door AND blaming the knocker for intruding their busy lives is business as usual for these guys. But this is Datalounge so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

The hissing should have been a clear giveaway this was an Especially Special Tale, but the detail about the neighbor being a psychiatrist was so weird it threw everyone off. So hats off for that. It's been a long time we've had such an Extremely Sad Traiuma recounted in such a way it got everyone posting, and I agree this has been one of the funniest threads in a long time.

Christmas came a little early this year. :-)

OP, it sounds to me like this was an honest mistake initially.

The guy thought you understood he was telling you to be quiet and you weren't.

You thought he simply wasn't hearing you although I don't know how if you could see him looking at you?

You and the wife might be cool but that doesn't mean you and the husband are. I actually would have asked for the wife.

But then again, if their door was open and you could see someone looking at you -- why didn't you just whisper, "Hi it's so and so!" instead of knocking two more times? It seems to me if they know you and the door was open they may have been waiting for you to speak which is why he was just standing there looking at you?

Team people minding their own business, dealing with an annoying neighbor bearing cookies.

You all saying we are antisocial are the weird ones. I don't care if I had a line of cars down the block at my house, even more reason not to bring your ass over. YOU WEREN'T INVITED. Stop trying to impose your lonely ass into my life. FREAK.

R183 = aspie

The thing that puzzles me most is that there are apparently Woolworths in Australia. I think they went out of business in the US decades ago.

[quote]Seems like the sort of thing you knock once for and then leave on the door step with a nice note.

I once had neighbors do that and unfortunately the roaches that lived in the apartment complex's lawn found the plate of cookies well before I did. It was a nice thought, though.

R184 Yeah, you're so sane. Going around accusing people of having asperger's because they don't want your nasty cookies. Please get help.

[bold]Popovers[/bold]

Popovers begin with essentially the same batter as Yorkshire pudding. Purists will tell you that what makes Yorkshire pudding so great is that it’s cooked in beef drippings. But butter isn’t a bad stand-in, and popovers are pretty easy. You can buy special popover pans, with deeper, narrower cups which force the tops up in a more pronounced fashion, but I wouldn’t bother. Any muffin pan will produce a perfect popover if the butter is hot, the batter is rich and smooth and the baker is patient. But the patience ends when the popovers are done: they must be eaten right away.

5 tablespoons melted butter

2 eggs

1 cup milk

1 teaspoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon fresh thyme (or 1/2 teaspoon dried), optional

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Drizzle a teaspoon or so of melted butter in each cup of a 12-cup muffin pan or a popover tin and put it in oven while you make batter. Beat together the eggs, milk, 1 tablespoon butter, sugar and salt. Beat in the flour a little bit at a time and add thyme if using; mixture should be smooth. Carefully remove muffin tin from oven and fill each cup about halfway. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, then reduce heat to 350 degrees and continue baking for 15 minutes more, or until popovers are puffed and browned. Do not check popovers until they have baked for a total of 30 minutes. Remove from pan immediately and serve hot.

Why the hell are you talking about popovers? It's Yorkshire pudding! And biscuits, not cookies.

YOU SHOULD have shrieked in response. That will learn them breeders some manners!

OP if you came over to my house with your fag cookies I'd beat your fucking face in. You're a lousy piece of rude shit. You could have woken their fucking baby up but all you cared about was trying to make yourself look good. I hate you OP. I hope your neighbors burn your fucking house down.

[Quote]Definitely would not ever bring them another gift or run any errands for them in the future. Just ignore them

OP's neighbors would thank their lucky stars if he actually followed this.

Quit being a nosy busybody. They didn't ask for any damn cookies, they didn't ask for you to come banging endlessly on their door interrupting their get together.

You aren't their friend, you are just their neighbor.

OP this story just infuriates me the more I think about it. Are you a fat old queen? Can't you tell the neighbors hate your guts and don't want you around their kids?? I mean what more is it going to take to get this through your head. They don't want you coming over and trying to turn their kids into gays. Just leave them the fuck alone. And another thing, I'm sure your cookies sucked. I'm sure they are so bad that people run from you. Just keep your busy body ass in your own damn house Gladys Kravits.

This is the funniest thread in a long w. The bickering about Pillsbury just put it over the top. Fucking hysterical.

I can’t believe you bitches got into an argument over the parsing of “Pillsbury.”

I bet they don't even have a baby.

Make an appointment before you knock on my door.

If OP ever sees a burglar entering this psychiatrist's house, OP should mind his own business & not call 911. Tough shit for psychiatrist neighbor.

OP here! An update!

Now it’s 7pm here. We went out today today to buy seafood, dashed home and then to queue up at the post office. Got back at 5pm, opened some drinks and there’s a knock our (closed) door and my neighbour’s wife is there with her two oldest children plus the baby on her hip.

She is extremely apologetic and said her husband didn’t recognise us and thought we were trying to sell something. My boyfriend, who was with me I’m the background while this went down, looks very much like a Pacific Islander. When the psychiatrist told her of the incident, the penny dropped when he described us. She said he was extremely embarrassed and that she had been over 3 times today to explain.

In retrospect, I think when he saw my boyfrind, he took one look and thought “Christian” (He’s actually an atheist and a mathematics professor).

The husband didn’t come, though, but she said he was home, but the children were lovely. We stood talking on the veranda and the children were lovely, one kept opening the door and running into a house and helped himself to the chocolate e

R198 go to bed, jump off a bridge. You delusional cunt.

Hi OP / R198 , the psychiatrist can't apologize in person? It's OK to act rude to a Pacific Islander? Wife sounds like an enabler, apologizing profusely on rude husband's behalf & dropping by 3X uninvited. Geez.

You guys, an update!

We were in and out of the house all day, buying seafood at the fish market, going to the post office and the bottle shop etc.

We were back at 5pm to wash and change before heading out to my in-laws for dinner , there was a knock on our (closed!) front door and it was my female neighbour with her 2 older kids and the baby of her hip. This is the same time we went over yesterday.

She was extremely apologetic and said she has been over twice earlier in the day. She said her husband was really embarrassed and implied he didn’t recognise us as he assumed we were assumed we were selling something and didn’t get a good look at our faces. When he described it to her later that night, the penny dropped.

We chatted on the front veranda for a while. The kids were lovely and kept darting in and out of The house, helping themselves to chocolates we have in a bowl in the hallway. I didn’t say much, to be honest, because she didn’t do anything, her husband did. She said he was at home at the time and smiled awkwardly.

In retrospect, I think he took one look at us and more specifically my Pacific Islander boyfriend who was standing behind me at the time and thought CHRISTIANS. (My boyfriend is actually an atheist and a mathematics lecturer). And in his tizzy with the people over and the hissing and so on he didn’t actually look at us.

Anyway. That happened.

Also r185 Australian Woolworths is a local entity that way way back when stole its name from the now defunct American company.

It’s now one of the two big supermarket chains.

Sorry for the incomplete /double post. I am OP at R202/r201/r198.

R203, you type like Poo Shoes

Soooo, OP, when the neighbor actually opened the door, told you about the baby, took the cookies and slammed the door in your face, he thought you and your "Pacific islander" boyfriend whom you didn't mention before were trying to sell Christianity via cookies, what?? Your EST doesn't make any sense.

R205, most Pacific Islanders here are quite religious, they’re famous for it, and for their church choirs. I think my neighbour opened the door, he was in a bad mood and when seeing two people of different races didn’t think “couple” but his wife implied he thought “they’re trying to get me to buy something”, and I think that something he assumed was God.

The cookies I gave out had Santas.

Anyway, he should have taken responsibility and had a word with us if he felt bad.

OP, he’s a psychiatrist, which means he’s very into encouraging others to have a good think about themselves, but he is obviously immune because of the god complex.

This dick was too much of a pussy to show his face. His wife was overcompensating on his behalf.

Everyone ignore OP's lame-ass update and just savor the first half of the thread for its entertainment value

Once, I pooped over at a neighbors house and spilled my Christmas cookies.

The wife came over with three kids, including a baby on her hip, to apologize while the husband just chilled next door? He thought you were missionaries even after you handed him cookies? He didn't get a good look at your face even when he took the cookies from you?

I thought the first part of the story was poorly planned, but the update was worse. Should've quit while you were ahead, OP.

Won’t somebody think of the Pacific Islander atheists?!

Who said this happened at night? Babies sleep at all hours.

Husband is your next door neighbour and does not know what you look like and has never seen you with your Pacific Islander boyfriend? Hard to believe, OP. Also hard to believe your neighbours would not gossip about the gay couple next door, especially since interracial couples seem to be a novelty in Oz from your last post.

^ Do you not realize that other people think, act and live differently than you do? I'm not unfriendly and I've had the same neighbor for 6 years. Recently, she came to the door for my husband. When she left I had to ask him who she was. I know that she showers at 7am but I didn't know her face. I still don't know who her son is and my husband tells me he's hot. So, I should have noticed him by now. A psychiatrist has to be an expert at tunnel vision, especially at home. Related Datalounge Thread- Stupid Americans.

Australians are notoriously racist against Pacific Islanders or any Asians.

I don't ever just "pop in" on someone without being invited. If I want to stop by, even just to drop something off, I always call first to make sure it's convenient.

You're behaving like a spoiled brat who was scolded for his bad behavior. Learn a lesson, OP. Grow up. Clearly you were not invited. Nor were you welcome.

Maybe Santa will bring you a big box of manners for Christmas.

Then go have dinner with the guy whose husband expects him to cook a gourmet meal for his friends.

BUC's Christmas soiree quickly went down under after the boorish American asked if Pacific Islanders were white. "New Zealand is an island in the Pacific. Why don't white New Zealanders get special rights too? I'm not trying to start anything, I'm just wondering", he said before inhaling his ninth canape.

I once worked at a company where a Pillsbury heiress had once worked, though sadly it was before my time. I wonder if she gets free biscuits. I hope she sees this thread.

After a brief history of colonialism for our American guest, he has a Master's degree yet he's oblivious to world history and geography. He thought Vanuatu was a dance! Glynnis calls him the "Uncivil Engineer".

Kieren, who already had too many, made a joke about Jasmine's ass. She jokingly said that he could sleep at BUC's, forgetting briefly that the whole room knew that BUC had sucked Kieren's dick a few times in college. Of course, Kieren had to make it worse by announcing that at least he'd get his first blowjob in a year. Jasmine, burst in to tears, Kieren felt awful, but the damage was done.

I knew in the first post that this would end in tears. I didn't know it was just the beginning.

I've read this entire thread and I have no idea what's going on in r218 and r219.

[quote]My boyfriend, who was with me I’m the background while this went down, looks very much like a Pacific Islander.

What does that have to do with anything. What a weird, a revealing, non sequitur.

[quote]In retrospect, I think when he saw my boyfrind, he took one look and thought “Christian” (He’s actually an atheist and a mathematics professor).

What the fuck? You’re just trolling now. Just throwing everything out to see what sticks.

[bold] This.

Never.

Happened.

Op is a crazy queen who thinks the psychiatrist dad is obsessing on him.

I see why they refused you at their door.

R222. You ignorant slut. I had a friend who baked cookies and now she's dead.

It happens every day, you just don't hear about it much, because of the gay agenda.

Be very careful with these people OP.

The adults siiting in silence around a sleeping baby seems very "Rosemary's baby ".

R224 Had a friend who baked cookies and now she's dead?

Now he has no friends. Let's all bake him some cookies for Christmas !

Ahem ..........

I 💟 Christmas Cookies !

I once used Poppin' Fresh as a celebrity in the Celebrity Game. Nobody ever guessed him.

OP you’re so full of shit. I hope your neighbor comes over to your house and sticks a shotgun up your ass while you’re asleep and blows you’re ass away. Then I hope he and the rest of his family come over and beat your filthy Asian boyfriend with bamboo sticks.

Update, you guys! I was going through the neighbor's trash, like I do every week, and the husband gave me a dirty look. Can you imagine!

R226, I'd say the baby is the one to really keep an eye on. In no time at all little Damien will be setting things on fire and teaching the neighborhood cats to erase people's DVR recordings!

Well, tell them it's too damned late. They've been torn to shreds, chewed up and spit out by Data Loungers.

No Merry Christmas for the Crazy Neighbours!

if there's ONE thing I can apply to my life in the next year is that when people tell you who they are BELIEVE them.

R230 I love you! That made me laugh so fucking hard.

Update. They never had a baby. It was just a pillow under a blanket. They did have a baby once though but they ate it. I will never bring them cookies again.

They do, however, have a dog.

So many nasty people here and comments for a guy who brought his neighbours cookies. It's Christmas eve for God's sake. Try to restrain your nastiness a bit at least on this day.

If this wasn't one of the most badly written ESTs maybe we'd be more lenient. But we all want blood and bones stomped.

See, I did it all for the Little One!

You jumped to so many conclusions, OP. But you're self absorbed and wanted praise for bringing cookies. Jesus, help me.

While (in my opinion) the neighbors should put a sign on the door "NO KNOCK/RING BELL. BABY SLEEPING". They didn't.

The discreet thing to do is to leave the goddamn cookies with a note. If I saw a group around a table like that with a newborn, they're quite likely the family who have come to see the baby.

You never had a baby, did you?

He “slammed the door in your face” while the baby was sleeping, OP?

WTF? I hit FF on one post and now FF is greyed out on every single post. Does that mean all the posts are from one person? Is this a bizarre one woman show? Like Patrick Stewart's A Christmas Carol but quasi-Aussie and really fucking stupid? Jesus am I even real?!

^No, you can only FF a couple of posrs and then have to wait 24h for the next.

Also, SHUT THE FUCK UP r240, PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MISERABLE CUNT.

R237. We are taking out our hostility here so that we don't take it out on our family. The more ridiculous this thread is the better. R230 is probably a critical care nurse or something. Relax, imbibe and FF the racists. and Merry Christmas.

famlies

R243: Triggered: The Christmas Reckoning

Instead of Boxing Day, on DL we celebrated "Blocking Day".

When you die you the curtains go up and you get the whole picture.

You and he do some sort of understanding mind meld and you do that with all life.

Merry Christmas!

OP knows him "Professionally?" Methinks she has a bit of a transference crush and wanted to seduce her serotonin dealer with cookies!

Everyone mystified by why the neighbors would ignore the Pillsbury dough bitch and how they could ever dislike her, you are forgetting that OP may be a fundamentally unlikable person.

I never knew so many DLers were raised in barns. OP did a thoughtful, neighborly thing. It is NIRMAL to be cordial, if not "nice," to neighbors. It is reciprocal ly normal and WELL-MANNERED not to hide in plain sight from your neighbor who thought to bring a thoughtful gift all the way to your door for no reason other than neighborly niceness and the season. Nevermind scolding them for not magically knowing that you are so bad at managing your baby you can't even be courteous to said kind neighbor. If there was truly a baby issue (not triggered by 4 adults sitting around and talking...), then you open your fucking door, step outside, apologize for your rudeness in doing so, and then thank him profusely for the kind thought. You then wish him a wonderful day and everyone feels a bit warmer toward their fellow man that night.

R240, my eyes just rolled out of my head.

I give the wife credit for coming up with such a creative explanation for why her husband acted so atrociously toward a stranger. This guy is a mental health specialist???? WTF! He needs to write himself a prescription, and make an appointment for some shock therapy!

That said, the apology means zero unless it comes directly from him! I would consider them enemies until a proper apology happens so keep your distance! (And when Halloween comes around next year? Porch light off! No treats for their crotch fruit!)

And don't forget to take a dump on their porch.

This is why I'd rather have a pumpkin roll.

Good grief I need new glasses - I thought you were giving the kids Christmas cooties.

OP thinks he's all that and a bag of chocolate chips.

[quote] It is NIRMAL to be cordial, if not "nice," to neighbors.

I'm Nermal, and I'm nice to everyone!

Thanks for reassuring me that I exist. Existence precedes ennui ya know.

R258, et si tu n'existais pas dis-moi pour qui j'existairais?

*existerais, merde

R260 subjunctive is a bitch.

To those that are being critical of the cunts on here try to remember you are on Datalounge. OP deserves everything he’s getting and more.

The hissing neighbour is Joel's father who has asked OP to stay away from his son before.

Another update, y'all! I was polishing my collection of binoculars when the husband came over to demand to know why I said the treats were for the kiddos and not the whole family. It was like he thought I was a bloody predator! This is the thanks I get for letting his kids use my pool without swimsuits.

If OP has run errands for this neighbor, then he most likely has their phone number. He should have shot a quick text to let them know he was popping over. I've lived most of my life in North Carolina and it was once very common place to drop in on friends and family around the holidays. Over the last couple of decades, people have been isolating themselves more and social media is not helping. People should not be so mentally stunted that they can't handle unexpectedly having to speak to a neighbor for a minute or two.

Omg R265 I thought you said something about shooting them.

OP Don't you ever watch Criminal Minds or Special Victims Unit?

Be very,very grateful to have made it out of there with all of your body organs and accessories still attached and functioning.

^^^ OP's agonizing ordeal could have been the subject of a " Ripped From The Headlines" Episode : Revenge of the Cookie Monster !

r261, that's not subjunctive, it's conditional.

OP, if you believed that BS you posted at r202, or worse, expected us to believe it, I can get you a great deal on the Golden Gate Bridge for around $20,000. Just send all $100 bills in a plain manilla envelope to:

Atty. J. Doe

P.O. Box 1798

San Francisco, CA 99919

I'll send you the Deed of Ownership within ten days.

This seems to be a subplot in a low-budget indie gay movie written by some homo who thinks he's Harper Lee.

I keep reading the thread title as "I pooped on my neighbor"

OMG - IT WAS BABY JESUS ASLEEP IN THE HOUSE!!! Op almost woke Baby Jesus! They were expecting the Three Wise Men when this cookie bearing gay popped over! It was not

We three kings of orient are,

Bearing caftans we traverse afar

Field and fountain, tiara and mountain,

following yonder star.

Oh, star of wonder, star of night,

Star with royal rainbow bright.

Westward leading, still proceeding,

Guide with thy perfect light.

Born a Gay on Bethlehem's plain,

Gold I bring to crown him again

King for ever, ceasing never

Over us all to gayly reign

Admit it, OP---you just wanted to fuck the shrink, a big bespectacled "intellectual" hairy daddy type. When you found a "Buy 2 and get 1 Free" deal for tacky Santa cookies , you thought you saw your window of opportunity. You actually thought you were going to sweeten him up (so to speak) with those fucking cheap cookies for his kids. In your excitement, as you sashayed over there in your sweat-stained caftan, cha cha heels and all with seduction on your mind, you failed to process that he had company and ---so he was NOT alone.

That didn't stop you. Like an elephant in heat (which I'm sure you resembled), you go to the door and bother everyone with your incessant banging. They were appalled at your rudeness.

As you were in full heat with your caftan sticking to your fat stinky body, it is no wonder he hissed in horror when he saw you and slammed the door in your face. You did not have any bf with you either---who are you kidding? Your convoluted story about missionaries or whatever fuck it was about was stupid. Missionaries don't hand out cookies!

Now you are angry or at least peeved--- not so much for the door being slammed in your face by your hairy (and straight) crush---it was because the shrink clearly saw through your cheap and tawdry ploy---you were using his children and a handful of nasty marked-down cookies to get your aged and liver-spotted claws on his cock and balls!

btw, your update was lame. I think you went over to the wife instead when she left the house with the kids, and to get rid of you, she blurted out that bullshit--- as she wants more favors for her re errand-running. She doesn't want you to hate her or her husband.

R36, Please write more---I laughed my ass off at that post.

OP, I suggest that you eat the cookies and have yourself a wank or two. And stop bothering the neighbors!

This never happened.

OP wrote an alternate version of this story where he claims to have fucked the shrink.

Psychiatrist here. I was minding my own business the other night when some nosy asshole kept interrupting our snake dance party. We hid ourselves, hoping the interloper would get near enough so we could strike with our venomous fangs. But he kept hanging back and threw cookies at us. At least we enjoyed our baby sacrifice. Hissss.

DON'T BUMP THIS THREAD ANYMORE!

[quote]r25 There was a living room full of five adults sitting around staring at each other in silence because the baby was asleep?

It was a seance, perhaps.

Brisbane has no Shubert Theater. You've never been to Brisbane! That was a stupid lie, easy to expose, not worthy of you.

Example of homophobic Christian Pacific Islander Australian:

OP, have you hung out with your neighbors before? Are you friends? Have they been to your home? Did they invite you over? I own a condominium. And even though I like my neighbors, have had dinner with a couple of them and we've volunteered together, I would never just 'POP' over.

I don't mean to be rude / harsh, but If you've not spent time hanging out and you're not friends and you've not been to their homes, it's a little "off" to just 'POP' over to bring your neighbor's children some cookies. Move on, forget about it and don't force yourself on them.

Just because you're available to 'POP' over to bring cookies to your neighbor's kids some cookies, doesn't mean your neighbors are lounging around waiting for unexpected guests. I'd have to agree with one of the responses which said those cookies went in the garbage.,

OP, why did you take a plate of sugar, fat and carbs to innocent children?

[Quote]Move on, forget about it and don't force yourself on them.

What planet are you fuckers from? I mean really? OP did not force himself on anyone and you do not need a fucking invitation to knock on someone's door to drop off a Christmas present. Maybe you guys should talk to your grandparents and parents and ask why they didn't teach you good manners, kindness or any social skills. The number of people on this thread irritated about someone knocking on their door (uninvited lol) is disturbing.

So this thread will keep getting bumped until EVERY SINGLE DATALOUNGE USER IN EXISTENCE has thrown their 2 cents in.

And R283 is right. Humanity is FUCKED!

"The kicker? He’s a psychiatrist."

OP sounds like she needs one herself. It's his time off work.

OP = single white shemale

R133, no, it's what we call fat fingered bitches on here

Merry Christmas, Uncle Cookies! Merry Christmas to one and all!

[quote]I don't mean to be rude / harsh, but If you've not spent time hanging out and you're not friends and you've not been to their homes, it's a little "off" to just 'POP' over to bring your neighbor's children some cookies.

What if you pop over because your neighbor didn't put his handbrake on and his car has rolled down the hill?

Ohh my god I hate that term "popped over". The British use that term as well (and I love them, but HATE that fucking saying)

This thread is brilliant because I still cannot tell if it is true or not.

It screams troll because it hits every single awkward note that could trigger everyone on this site in a different way.

I say troll.

You couldn't PAY ME to "pop by" anyone's home unannounced, for any reason, EVER. Not my closest friend- no one. There is nothing more weird and awkward.

I

The responses have me howling!!! This OP cannot be real.

What is so funny is the sincere advice being given.

This troll OP, touches on EVERYTHING!!! Love how the neighbor is a psychiatrist!!!!! (He knew that detail would set this story into the stratosphere)

DL Catnip.

The only thing missing is that the folks around the seance table were real life gargoyles!!!!!

My new word is "hissers"!

I walked over to the table and it was full of HISSERS!!!!

Hissing cunts!!!

And don't eat the creepy man's fagbiscuits!!!!!

I am not even drinking but this thread is giving me a holiday buzz!

Were they gluten free?

And the "Pacific Islander" boyfriend.

This has GOT to be a troll.

What's next, there was "Make America Great Again" poster in the Australian living room and also a shrine to Janet Jackson?

I have not laughed so much in a long time.

OP, Thank you for the best Christmas gift ever, and to the repliers- Fucking hell you guys are funny motherfuckers.

☘️ I CALL SHENANIGANS !

Do you pop out at parties?

Neighbor is certified asshole. I’ll place a sharp pin for him in my voodoo doll.

It works. I placed one for EX and he ended up in Intensive Care. If you can snag a small possession of his (like Hutch’s glove in Rsmy Baby) it works faster.

Get back at your neighbors OP. Go back tomorrow, and under their front door slip some movie tickets to see CATS!

Best EST for us Xmas cunts. No doubt.

Fuck you r283 OP is an offensive piece of shit. OP deserves to have his house burned down. It is totally inappropriate to go to someone's house unannounced. OP should have called first and asked if she could stop by to drop something off stating she would have her dirty filthy ass there for 30 seconds. She should have also stated that she would not even need to step her skankness in their abode. So fuck you r283. You were obviously raised in a fucking dog cage with no manners.

I mean this with all the love in the world, [R300], but seriously, fuck off.

I think someone's forgotten to take her anti-psychotic medicines again.

Orderlies! Please bring a restraining jacket to r300's room. That is all.

Update, you guys! OMG! I was wondering if the kids had enjoyed my thoughtful gift, so I sent a drone on a simple reconnaissance flight around their house. I could find no evidence of a baby! Shocked, I decided to do a second circuit of the house and this time all the shades had been drawn. Does this mean they hate my blasian husbogan?!

Fuck you again r283. You have ruined this entire thread with your Pollyanna attitude. OP is a piece of lying shit.

^You are a bit unhinged, honey. Didn't your psychiatrist prescribe you enough meds for the holidays? Hope you get an appointment soon, otherwise maybe visited an ER for a psychiatric evaluation. I'm worried about you. Seems like kind, good-mannered people like OP have really triggered you.

I have a nosy gossipy neighbor who comes over unannounced. Brings something you don't want. Fake sweet. Ugh. So everybody stay home unless invited. Please.

A man baking cookies for a family is just too gay. It's pushing it way too far. You don't have to be gay in their fucking face. You don't have to play the lady frau neighbor. It's ridiculous. No family wants to have the unknown gay neighbor baking cookies for their kids. You need a reality check OP.

Next time, bring pop-overs...

R307 has a point and calling children 'the little ones' is taking it a tad far also.

R307 is an illiterate fuck and r309 a weirdo. OP never said he baked those cookies. OP bought them at the store and put them on a plate like the lazy rest of us.

Clearly the faggoty stereotype of a queen baked those cookies. Get real, fuckstick.

Why are gay men now mimicking the worst of fraus stupid behavior? MAKE. IT. STOP.

R312 AS others mentioned, it is DL catnip. It is fucking hilarious. Not believable one bit.

Think of the children.

Hissers and fagbiscuits, the lot of you!

Are the neighbors millennials? Because as a group, they are very startled by any face-to-face contact.

R316 when you have every personality disorder/mental illness known to man, as Millennials do, that will happen.

I think the solution is just to live a life one's not ashamed of. If someone drops by, big deal.

I like dropping in on people because it lets me plan my day more freely.

Not selfish at all R318

Hellllloooooooo!! Anyone home?

I blame OP's fucktard neighbors. Don't leave your door open in the middle of the fucking day if you are not entertaining visitors! Have they never heard of solicitors? Jehovah's witnesses? Verizon Fios salespeople? WTF? These people go door to door!

Furthermore, when you have a baby (whether OP's neighbors have one is suspect at this point) you cannot expect the world to silence in the middle of the day just because your precious one is sleeping. Babies can sleep through thunderstorms if you let them get used to such things.

Therefore, I believe OP's cunty male "psychiatrist " neighbor is just cunty and possibly an alien.

OP needs to find out what lies beneath...

I just laughed more at a post in this thread than I've laughed at anything for 6+ months. I must be fucked in the head because openly wishing for someone's murder and the violent racist abuse of their bereaved partner - as fitting punishment for OP's mild upset over a rude neighbour - is legit the funniest shit ever.

Oh my god, I can't even find the response where the unmedicated poster threatened to murder OP's Laotian/Tahitian boyfriend.

But this is my 2nd favorite!

dmit it, OP---you just wanted to fuck the shrink, a big bespectacled "intellectual" hairy daddy type. When you found a "Buy 2 and get 1 Free" deal for tacky Santa cookies , you thought you saw your window of opportunity. You actually thought you were going to sweeten him up (so to speak) with those fucking cheap cookies for his kids. In your excitement, as you sashayed over there in your sweat-stained caftan, cha cha heels and all with seduction on your mind, you failed to process that he had company and ---so he was NOT alone.

That didn't stop you. Like an elephant in heat (which I'm sure you resembled), you go to the door and bother everyone with your incessant banging. They were appalled at your rudeness.

As you were in full heat with your caftan sticking to your fat stinky body, it is no wonder he hissed in horror when he saw you and slammed the door in your face. You did not have any bf with you either---who are you kidding? Your convoluted story about missionaries or whatever fuck it was about was stupid. Missionaries don't hand out cookies!

Now you are angry or at least peeved--- not so much for the door being slammed in your face by your hairy (and straight) crush---it was because the shrink clearly saw through your cheap and tawdry ploy---you were using his children and a handful of nasty marked-down cookies to get your aged and liver-spotted claws on his cock and balls!

btw, your update was lame. I think you went over to the wife instead when she left the house with the kids, and to get rid of you, she blurted out that bullshit--- as she wants more favors for her re errand-running. She doesn't want you to hate her or her husband.

[R36], Please write more---I laughed my ass off at that post.

OP, I suggest that you eat the cookies and have yourself a wank or two. And stop bothering the neighbors!

There should be a term for when annoying effete neighbors try to intrude on your peaceful evening. Barbara, the neighbors here again with his fookies again! Fag + cookies = fookies.

All I know is that anyone who drops by unannounced to my house is going to get a violent hiss, cookies or no cookies!

R324 it was this one that made me lose it (although the one you posted also elicited many chuckles):

"OP you’re so full of shit. I hope your neighbor comes over to your house and sticks a shotgun up your ass while you’re asleep and blows you’re ass away. Then I hope he and the rest of his family come over and beat your filthy Asian boyfriend with bamboo sticks."

I have no idea if these responses are meant to be funny or are instead seriously posted but the latter does make them even funnier. I still can't read that without cracking up.

For the record, I am firmly on the side of those brave souls advocating for OP and for civility in general. And I'm now convinced 95% of posters on this board are uptight, deeply antisocial anglospherians whose profound self-hatred finds outlet only in attacking strangers online. And this is coming from an uptight, deeply anticsocial anglo suffering from self-hatred. The only difference is my self-hatred is rightly and properly expressed as actual self-hatred.

You know when a thread has run its course when all the responses are about other responses and not the original stimulus.

Nobody should be giving cookies to children EVER. Sounds like something only a pedo would do. You never accept food from strangers.

R328 yes, it's become very meta. I think everyone has said whatever was needed to be said. It was a fun thread. A classic.

R330 Yes, best thread ever. I almost had a seizure from laughing.

R325

What about a bunch of pussy willows for easter;Dottie?

I would toss lit firecrackers under their bedroom windows every few nights at 2:00 am until they move.

I'm thinking OP is forgetting to mention he was dressed in a Santa outfit, and had a bloody axe in his other hand...

Some people get cranky when they do coke. You should have called the cops.

Some people get cranky when they do coke. You should have called the cops.

The guy across the hall from me is hot, but married. If he were single I would definitely bring him cookies.

Will OP bring a plate of Christmas cookies (Woolworth's, not Pillsbury) to his psychiatrist snake-handler's house again this year?? DL awaits further updates with 'bated breath!

This year deliver the cookies and say "I brought you some cookies to pound up your ass" Then hiss and walk away. That'll learn em.

Don’t think that would work unless the cookies were stale, r339. Maybe Nonni’s biscotti.

Le scandale!

I imagine OP to be Ross Mathews queening out on the porch with a plate of cookies.

[quote] I heard some hissing,

Girl, I would’ve sped out of there so quickly. Hell no.

Sorry. My sister is an invalid, and therefore unfit to receive visitors.

8/10, OP! You will go down in EST history for tricking so many people into believing your nonsense.

Really hoping for an update from Uncle Cookies.

R346 I was, too.

Sorry I haven't posted any updates in a while, I've been super busy baking cookies! Yes, I decided to turn the other cheek for my stern neighbor and try to find out what kind of cookies he prefers. I've tried dozens of different recipes, but when I bring a fresh plate down to the padded cell in my basement, is he grateful? If you ask me, Stockholm Syndrome is a myth.

Really good to hear from you, Uncle Cookies! It's hard when one's captives are ungrateful, isn't it? But after all, this is a season of forgiveness, so we must rise above.

Smooches!

And now it talks to itself...

However, it does amuse.