Statements That Are Never, Ever True

"No offence"

There's nothing I hate more than DRAMA!

"This is the first time this has happened."

"Next time it will be different."

"You can trust me."

I'm sorry that you feel that way.

"I can pass for 22."

"I can eat whatever I want and don't gain weight".

"No, I don't mind you smoking."

"With all due respect..."

"We have to have lunch sometime."

"I won't tell a soul."

"Let's keep in touch."

Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

R10 - love that one. Only one I can believe is an ex from the 1990's who was 30 years older than me back then. When I tell the old coot something he says "hell, I won't tell anyone because by tomorrow, I will have forgotten EVERYTHING you said".

I won't cum in your mouth/hole.

“Speaking frankly,”

The check's in the mail

I won, bigly

To be perfectly honest...

I‘m masc.

I’m hung 8 in.

I believe you are actually non-binary.

It was good.

(said to a poor cook about their soup, casserole, cookies...)

"I voted for Biden/Clinton/Obama, but ..."

"Don't take this personally . . ."

"I'll pay you back tomorrow."

"Asking for a friend . . . "

"Not that I'm saying..."

"That couldn't have been me you saw there. I was home and in bed by ten last night."

My own personal favorite: "I would never do that!"

Every time I've said it, guess what happened.

Sending thoughts and prayers....

I'll stop if it hurts...

"Don't take this wrong way"

No, those jeans don't make your ass look big

At least on DL, "I'm a progressive, liberal Democrat, but I..."

I believe kindness is everything.

"No, I haven't had any work done"

I'm a Christian Patriot

"Why I nevah in all ma life..."

I'm only a fiscal conservative, that's why I voted for Trump.

"Well, bless your heart"

I’m low maintenance.

Answering a question: "Correct." "Right."

"That's not who I am".

"To be perfectly honest..."

"Long story short."

“Yeah, right.”

"I don't have AIDS."

"I never touched her/him..."

I don’t need to shower. I don’t smell.

"I read every response on this thread before posting but didn't notice yours!"

"I've never done this before."

We can peacefully co-exist.

You're antisemitic if you don’t like Israel.

This will be the last time Daddy touches your no-no...

Transwomen ARE women

[quote]You're antisemitic if you don’t like Israel.

How is this "never, ever" true?

Trump won both times, fair and square.

In my humble opinion

I'm married, but I'm in the process of getting a divorce, honest

"Great thread OP, how insightful."

It's not personal, it's a business decision.

Till death do us part...

You look good!

Sure!

I'm not racist but....

In fairness, r51, that statement is always true once.

"He looked 18."

"I'm a lifelong Liberal BUT..."

Looks don't matter, it's what's inside that counts.

No, don't be silly. I don't mind at all.

"I'll be a clean roommate."

I only had a couple of beers, officer.

I'm a total top.

Oh, I didn't mean you, honey. You're fabulous.

There's a story of John Gielguld saying a version of that one, R74. Lunching with Dame Athene Seyler, she asked how he was. 'Oh, my dear, terrible! I'm doing nothing but wine and dine the old bags of stage and screen! Monday, Sybil Thorndyke, Tuesday Faye Compton, Wednesday Athene Seyler...but of course, I don't mean you, Athene'.

Lifetime warranty

I won’t eat the whole bag.

I can stop any time I want.

I don't think I can fit it all in my mouth.

You haven’t aged a bit.

[Quote] How is this "never, ever" true?

Because one is a racist and the other a geopolitical term. However, start a different thread to continue if you like so we don't change this thread.

I'm only living with my mother because she needs me.

"Just sayin'." Ugh, passive-aggressive. I hate it.

"Long story short," as mentioned above. I had a friend who could not be concise. One time, she told a rambling story, then said, "Long story short ..." I said: "Too late."

Oddly enough, "I'm asking for a friend" is almost always true.

I'll pull out.

"You haven't changed a bit!"

At a wake (funeral): "He looks so peaceful."

"I never eat that crap."

"He (or she) is in a better place."

You look really good

"The memo's almost finished -- I'm on the last paragraph now."

You've put on some weight but you wear it well.

"Why didn't you ask? I would have helped you out."

All lives matter!

"... and there's nothing wrong with that."

I don't like to judge.

TWAW

"I love you."

I don't want any drama.

I hope we can still be friends.

"No, I just haven't found the right girl yet."

“This would not have happened if I had been there!”

“I will fully protect myself should a gang of 15-20 black men invade my house”

I'm pro-life.

My girlfriend? She lives in Canada.

"I'll never hit you again"

I’m resigning to spend more time with my family.

Yes, that's my real weight on my driver's license.

My shit doesn't stink.

"Just the tip".

[quote]Statements That Are Never, Ever True

Al Reynolds is bisexual.

It’s a honor to be included with my fellow nominees.

I'm a people person!

“He’s/She’s in a better place…”

r113, see r89

"whatever"

"I can stop whenever I want"

Typical American!

Please continue to hold and a representative will be with you shortly.

6 months same as cash, if you can’t afford your medication, AstraZeneca can help, have a blessed day.

"Money is not the issue here!"

I love all my children equally.

I am a liar.

"I hate so seem like I'm on [X person]'s side"

no bitch you're not sorry

"I hate to gossip, but ... "

Admit it. You LOVE to gossip.

“OH, I don’t mean YOU….!”

It's NOT me who Farted ...

"Mom! What a surprise. It's great to see you. I was just getting ready to tidy the place up."

"Relax, he won't bite. That's just his way of being friendly."

(Particularly watch out if this is being said of a roommate.)

I never kiss and tell.

I've got to go upstairs now and TAKE a crap.

Daily Mail? I never read the rag.

I was just getting round to doing that...

I’m not racist, but...

I love all my children equally.

Oops, sorry to repeat r120.

Oh, I’d really love to, but...

No, it isn't you, it's me.

[...]

"These must have shrunk in the wash"

Corporations are people too.

“We view our company as one big family”

“You should take your concerns to HR”

Your call is important to us...

So sorry I’m running late, I’m only 5 minutes away!

I only watch PBS.

I’ve learned to love my body, imperfections, fat rolls and all!

So sorry I didn’t respond to your email - I never saw it, it must have gone to my spam folder!

It's the principle of the matter.

I don’t watch television.

"I'd love to."

"I'm too busy to hang out/talk/etc."

Of course I'll still respect you in the morning.

"I don't draw conclusions based on appearance."

“It’s not about the money.”

Diversity is our strength.

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

"I don't care what other people think of me."

"I have zero fucks to give."

[...]

GOD has a plan for you.

"I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you"

"Yes, Ms. Ball. Our coffee is hot."

Nobody’s perfect.

I date exclusively in Europe.

Jesus died for your sins.

This won’t hurt a bit.

[...]

No, that dress doesn't make your ass look fat.

S/he has been hospitalized due to exhaustion.

That women DON'T care about the size of mans penis.

S/he died peacefully in his/her sleep

Your mother/father really loves you. He/she just can’t show it.

Love conquers all.

This may sting a bit.

And they lived happily ever after.

God is on our side.

A little hard work never hurt anyone.

My heart goes out to you.

What the FUCK does that mean , anyway?

"I am the last one to ever intentionally be classist or a snob" (© r1 from the thread about "Off the charts" airline passenger misbehavior)

"I don't see color."

[...]

I love you unconditionally.

Trump was right about ______________.

[...]

[...]

Oh, fuck off, troll at r174/ r175.

I hate to say it but….

I have lots of black (or gay) friends, but...

"Of course I can keep a secret."

"Now, you didn't hear this from me ... "

I won’t tell a soul.

This has never happened to me before.

“I just love what you’ve done with this room!”.

I'll never cheat on you.

"I can double your money in two weeks."

"No MSG."

It's just a cold sore.

No. You don't look fat in that.

Actually,

Your poetry/music/painting is very good.

I'm so happy for her/him/them.

It's a match made in heaven!

"I've never told this to anyone else before."

"What an adorable child!"

I'll never do THAT again!

"I can quit any time I want"

I use meth, but I'm not an addict.

I don’t mean to offend anyone but...

It’s not the size that matters...

[...]

Money can’t buy you happiness.

[...]