Let’s be Datalounge 180 AD

I'm a newly born, Erna.

DLXXX=580, not 180.

CLXXX=180

I’m LIIII but look XXIX!

DL = Datalounge.

Marcus Aurelius had a hot ass but he couldn’t live fory

My neighbor’s slave Joel is such a fine young man.

Does this toga make me look fat?

I found this shroud in a cave but for the life of me, can't get these stains out. Anyone have any tips?

Partying with Caligula! Who's with me?!

The Veiled Virgin

Or

The Miss Lindsey of the Era

Anyone going to see Cher's farewell tour at the Parthenon?

Mitchfest 180 AD

Check out the threesome I had last weekend. Dude had tiny meat, and smelled like he hadn’t bathed in years.

I can’t stand those clueless bicentennials walking around with their eyes glued to their fancy schmancy abacuses.

I'm Cheryl. I just had my first period. And now my pussy stinks.

Toga

Earrings

Just took my kids to a birthday party A few caves over . Cute kid, her name is....

I totally fucked Julius Caesar at the bathhouse. Jealous, bitches?

Marcus Aurelius - - - who’s had him?

Thread: My partner just screamed at me viciously because I bought barley instead of wheat!

I can't believe Caligula didn't invite me to his orgy

Well MY partner says you’re not supposed to drain the barley! What’s that all about?

That should be: CLXXX. DLXXX = 580.

I had sex with my best friend's husband?

Are romans from Hispania and Italia considered white?

r24, see r2, and do try to keep up.

[R25] not a problem

can someone explain to me why we don't like Cleo. I think she fabulous.

Anyone with me? Plutarch?

Gladiators: Gay, straight, or bi?

Between the heteros and the barbarian horde, i just can't.

Someone get me MY FAN.

Tasteful friends: What do you think of this villa?

DL Epicure: what is your go-to Garum recipe?

La Senatrice

Eldergays, tell me about Ptolemy

what's up with all these religious nutjobs burning scrolls?

I'm the dish thread.

I only ever use Duke’s brand Garum. And you should too if you have good taste.

Jesus Christ.

No really, do you know him?

Small oil lamps are so tacky and low class. It’s all about torchiers.

Madonna gerit siccis senex cunnus.

Ptah.

[quote]Mitchfest 180 AD

I need a ride. Anyone have room in their chariot? I'll pay for oats.

Commodus sure likes them butch.

My Orgy Menu:

Roasted Tomatoes

Of course, with all the accoutrements.

served on a Pewter Platter.

What could go wrong?

I was at the bath this afternoon and a gladiator asked me to hold his short sword.

Was he flirting?

You mean Michfest 180, R42.

Mitchfest 180 is when are taking care of an old corrupt murderous senator and dumping his rotting body into the Tiber!

Get a load of these hawt frescoe-hoes.

Do they have an only-infames?

Tasteful Friends, what do we think of this humble abode?

I'm inviting my neighbor's son Iohel over this weekend to view my risqué mosaics! I'm hoping the scenarios depicted therein will "give him ideas," if you know what I mean.

I'm doing Caesar

His wife and daughter going to get with a gladiator.

What are you doing this Saturday?

Eldergays- how was the nightlife in Pompeii?

Looks like ANY crackpot with connections can become a Senator these days....

Zoroastrianism - worth converting to or just the latest cult?

My healer said he’d put me on one dram of Nepenthe for melancholia. What’s working for you meretrixes?

[r50]

I am going to explore the healing vapors of Pompeii. Jealous Bitches.

How many of Jesus's Twelve Disciples were gay?

Anyone have any nude carvings?

Use very good Silphium

Why to the Sodomites like Judith Garland so much?

Hadrian had me over to the villa... meh

My straight friend Decimus asked what a blowjob feels like when we were at the baths together last week.

Do you think he wants to have sex with me?

These newfangled Christians keep chastising me for going to the baths for homosex. Can I feed them to the lions?

Is you straight friend a woman? What are you talking about?

Help! I'm a slave and my master won't stop hitting on me!

R44 is too ignarus historiae to know that tomatoes did not arrive in Rome until the 15th century CE.

But the ample vinegar on the greens on that pewter....

Help! I'm a slave and my master won't start hitting on me!

[r64]

Come, we are all friends here. Let us drink wine and feast.

(unbeknown to r64 his wine was stored in a vessel of pewter.)

An historically accurate poisoning

OK, they’re doing a revival of Paul’s Letter To Timothy and it’s the good version because it was staged way before they came out with the sequel. Once they split it into Paul’s Letter To Timothy I and Paul’s Letter To Timothy II, dragged on way too long.

ANYWAY and so, get this, Gina has scored an acting role. Yes, they’re letting her out of the house for it. It was her height and her left tit, obviously not her neck. Oh, so I thought she’d be so happy she’d be swinging slaves around by the feet the way she usually does. No. She was crying.

The problem? Gina has to shut her fat whore mouth the entire show because Paul Hates Women. You’d think they’d edit that part out by now.

Don't tell Hadrian but Antinous is out there sucking every dick in sight!

can nero play anything other than a fiddle? LOSER.

Speaking of Hadrian and dicks, will the person responsible for scraping and defacing Hadrian’s wall please step forward so that he may be killed. Anyone? Anyone?

The work lacks a certain something that I have yet to invent.

[R60]

What is straight?

Socrates was an overrated hack. There, I said it!

My uncouth, rustic pater is constructed like a shit Colosseum.

And wee birds fly out of his mouth when he orates.

Most of you are busy fat-shaming Venus of Willendorf!

Marcus Aurelius?

Marcus YouRailHisAss, I heard.

Did you hear about Saturnalia on the island of Lesbos?!

Does anyone know a work around for the 9,000 [italic]Bolinus brandaris [/italic] sea snails needed for purple dye?

I just can’t...

Should I go travel? I know that the bubonic plague is getting pretty bad but I havnt been to the baths in ages!

Trust: You haven’t been fucked until you’ve been fucked by a Macedonian. They’re savages.

Ah, R81... you’re referring to the Delphic prophecy, “Once you go Mac, you never go back”.

I have a very dear friend named Bigus Dickus.

Marcus Aurelius is DEAD TO ME!!!

The Erin baby catalogue arrived - two of the blue eyed with black hair and they throw in three assorted red heads for free!

Pasta? When did I invent pasta?

Emperor Nero

when did his career go right down the shitter?

DL I'm thinking about moving. Rome is too expensive, crowded, corrupt and yuppized. Which of these cities in the empire is better? Which has the best bathhouses?

A) Palmyra

B) Carthage

C) Leptis Magna

Veni, vidi, vici my ass.

That villa has good bones, r32, but those pompeiian red panels are SO AD 79. And those tufted triclinia -- I just can't!

It needs to be vaporized in volcanic fire.

Verificatia Sizusmeatus Julius Caesar

[quote]Marcus Aurelius is DEAD TO ME!!!

What's on his cithara?

I know it's plebeian but gods help me, I am addicted to The Real Vestal Virgins of Rome!

Ego Senatrice, ama os calcaribus fungus virgam virens dulcis et delectamentum filium asinæ.

He can grab my pussy.

[quote]The Real Vestal Virgins of Rome

I told you societas was going to infernus in a qualus when they built permanent theaters.

Nero is a fat! There I said it!

Plebes, the hubby wants to put in an aqueduct on the heredium we just inherited from his nightmare dead bitch of a mother. (She was a TOTAL Cleo. Bye, Flavia!)

Anyway, is free flowing water safe? I really want to commit to the Mediterranean Diet and I feel having water that isn't stagnant too tempting - this is MY year CLXXX! Fat be GONE! LOL!

Plus, I think I'd rather just erect another Ara Maxima to Athena, you know? Maybe sacrifice one of the little ones if we don't have any goats on it. I don't know. Thinking out loud here.

Cum circum hortum or autumnus messis?

Fuck! It’s the vagina cape nuts. OK, seat them at table 10 next to the Christians. Yes, FOLKS! it’s pig. It’s a Germanic cuisine type of thing and scoop up that beer.

You must be new; your sandals look like shit. I’m Gina and I’m your waitress for gold and give me some now or leave.

I knew someone who became a gladiator.

And then he died.

Don't engage in turpitudinem with me! This isn't my first time at the Colosseum!

I am orating now so I don't have to orate then:

Don't call me Etruscan. It wounds.

You chisel fat, OP

Is it true that Commodus is part Æthiopian?

Forget about Carthage, r88. It’s full of weirdos practicing some bizarre new cult called “Christianity.” They actually believe that there is only one god, that he got a woman pregnant without fucking her, and that this person died and then came back to life.

Fortunately our Emperor is keeping a lid on that nonsense, but people are so gullible these days. I blame the spread of papyrus scrolls.

Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you.

Stop talking about pussy, R95!

has anyone had Numidian dick?

Summerians ain't got shit on me!

Why do all the drag queens do Cleopatra imitations? So tiresome

My least favorite episode of "Golden Girls" is the one where Dorothyius and Blanchius fight over the gladiator at the Rusty Forum. But Sophia's "Picture it Sicily CIVV" story made me laugh out loud. And Rosius accidently giving Cleoptra an asp instead of aspirin was true Viking mirth!

My husband gave me a BARBARIAN to keep me company while he's fighting in Gaul! What a guy!

[quote]Marcus Aurelius is DEAD TO ME!!!

[quote][italic]—RIP M Aurelius, 121-180[/italic]

What was on his papyrus?

What's the deal with Poo Sandals? Is she touched by Manea or just Celtic?

Sat habeo.

R3 I think you mean LIV not LIII.

I hate the citizens of Gaul. They're so high and mighty with their wine, their cheese, their attitudes.

Whoops : LIIII

Caesar was murdered by a cabal of pedophiles!

That lucky little Ganymede, R120.

The men of Britannica are all pasty and lousy in bed

I was invited to a party, but they did not have the vestal virgins sing it, so I am NOT going.

What say you? Discuss

HELP:

Eldergays, how do you get blue paint out of linens? Yes, I opened the gates. Don't Judge me.

Who is the lustiest Ganymede in Rome?

I'm going on a mini break to explore the mysterious vapors of Pompeii, JEALOUS BITCHES?

So many were named Anonymous. Muriellina the elder was their leader.

I'm a Ganymede looking for an older man to "tutor" me!

I am 2 hot 2 be believed

The best threads are these threads.

Am I speaking of OP's thread

OR

Am I speaking of my fabulous high greek gown for Saturnalia, BITCHES.

R CXIX: In fact I meant to write “LIII”, but somehow my scribe heard “LIV” and wrote “LIIII”. Oh well, he’s from Germania and hung like a horse, so I only whipped him 20 times before taking my pleasure with him.

Anonymus

Anonymum

Anonymi

Anonymo

Anonymo

Helen? I've seen that bitch up close. I don't know what they call beautiful in Troy, but she's a Carthage 5 and that is being generous, and gurl needs to lay off the fillers. Plus, you know she bearding for Paris. He always looks like he sniffing enkythoi.

Conversation overhead between the Empress Livia and Lady Violet, the wife of Senator Granthamous.

Livia: Green! I've never seen green before!

Violet: Such a difficult color, green.

The Jewish queen Herodias would have joined them, but she was too busy planning the decapitation of John the Baptist.

Livia was a descendent of Greek queen Cassiopeia, and Violet was said to resemble the Greek goddess Thetis who once told Cassiopeia off for mocking her in her own sacred sanctuary.

[quote]Great thread OP

I was thinking it would be a bust because I had “DL” for Datalounge in the XXX. I saw CL when I googled but changed to DL. I didn’t know. I should have noted. Too bad you can’t edit.

How many denarii is your chariot worth? Is it over ten M, or are you a poor?

Messala and Ben-Hur.....buddies, or buggers?

“Our guests don’t know it, but we’ve secretly replaced the coffee with royal baby blood. Let’s see if they find out!”

Eldergays - Tell me about Sappho (of Lesbos) did she ping for you?

r138 Is she the one in the flannel toga?

We’ve been working on a book of the teachings of that Hebrew Pontius Pilate executed nearly 200 years ago. He was married, but we’re leaning to leaving that out... makes him appear more holy.... Not sure this will go anywhere, but you never now

R66 is Crassus Perfidius, or "Slave-Ass-Breath," as he is known in the alleys of Pathogena Minor.

Always wrong, and yet always demanding the last word.

Avoid his table. AND his kiss.

I like lapis lazuli.

The other night, at the orgy, I cracked wise about the crucifixions.

How was I supposed to know it's "too soon!"

I'm Bea Arthur, and I pay unemployment wages to everyone but bullshitters. I don't care if you couldn't bullshit last week. It's not justified employment even if you were known for bullshitting at Caesar's palace.

Happy birthday to Rome's favorite performer, Catherine Zeta-Jonicus. She just turned 34.

I'm a Jesus freak about to be feed to the lions.

Let's feed Rickus Santorum to the lions!!!

Hey, Assholes! I’m heading off for the weekend and I’m leaving these jars of wine over there and I don’t want you all fucked up shitting in the middle of the street.Think of that wine as precious as your savior’s blood. Don’t fuck with it.

Also, I’ve left a bunch of crackers/unleavened bread because fuck yeah so anyway that can be the body of your savior. Don’t fuck with it.

We were at the theater the other night and saw a fresh young face that goes by the name of Olivius De Havillandius.

Do you like snails?

Friends, Romans, countrymen—let’s be Sumerian farmwives!

My Tata was a hardened cattleman from the Plain of Latium...

The Scythians have their paid spies all over this forum. We see you, Marthax.

A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum.

Carthage: Is It Really Over?

Yeah, that Spartacus might sound reasonable but behind him are the real extremists. And they won't even stand to salute the Emperor!

Finally in Cleopatra we have a strong proud woman of color ready for national office

Great Caesar’s ghost! Some of you plebes have no sense of history.

Don't let Mark Antony corner you at a party. Talk, talk, talk, talk talk. It's best not to lend him an ear.

Jesus Jesus Jesus. I’m so sick of these Christians. They’re just Jews with better marketing. No. I do not want to hear the “good news.”

Why did Theodora's career go straight down the shitter?

Romulus is such a wolf fucker. The hairier the better. The puppy never strays far from the pack.

Gross.

not sure what these two are doing...

Still claiming he's your brother, Remus? Everyone knows you two were the original Latin husbears.

I don’t care what the Emporer’s physician is saying about hygiene and prevention of disease, the GOVERNMENT is not going to tell me that I MUST WASH MY HANDS. This is still a free empire!!!

Some of you fatties are so lazy, going to the market. It takes no time at all to make unleavened bread and farm-fresh butter!

I may be a bit older, but everyone tells me I look XXIX!

[quote]but you never now

O, cara!

[quote]I'm a Jesus freak about to be feed to the lions.

'Fed,' not 'feed,' R146.

It never happened.

We feed the lions CHITLINS, not Christians. CHITLINS. Ain’t nobody else gonna eat that shit.

[quote]R110: Summerians ain't got shit on me!

[quote]R151: Friends, Romans, countrymen—let’s be Sumerian farmwives!

Romans wouldn't have known what those were. 'Sumer' was buried and lost over two millennia before the time we're talking about.

Petrus Bosellius is a catamitus, right? I mean, he's not spending practically the whole summer on that Palmyrene merchant's pleasure boat in Baiae for nothing. Where there's fumus there's ignis, say I.

I look forward to the day the Christians will be in charge and we can stop hearing them whine about being victims.

Let’s feed r CLXXI to the lions while he burns in a grease fire.

I fear the day the Christians will be in charge, will shut down everything that is fun, will kill us all, and make us all miserable all although they are firmly convinced that the end of times is nigh.

[quote] Romans wouldn't have known what those were. 'Sumer' was buried and lost over two millennia before the time we're talking about.

But they’d have Datalounge?

R174 must be a Christian. They're always bitter, and they want to murder anyone who disagrees with them.

[quote]But they’d have Datalounge?

To do a parody on 180 CE, one must strive for at least a modicum of accuracy. Otherwise, what's the point of setting the date?

If I was in 180AD, I’d want to pretend I was a Sumerian housewife and I’d have Cher to correct any misconceptions, so maybe you could fuck up somebody else’s storytime, fat shit face.

R179, you're doing a pretty good job of fucking it up all on your own. ;D

Meam cattus-cunnus foetet.

Phew.

At least the DL thread where the whole 'Sumerian Housewives' thing was celebrated knew the ballpark date in which to set it.

Publius Clodius Pulcher isn't even a real Plebeian Tribune. He has four villas and they cost two million denarii each! And his wife was mixed up in that sham school of philosophy!

Is Cher's farewell tour coming to the Coliseum?

Livia knew everything about governing the empire! The patrician fratelli just hate her because she is a strong woman who gets shit done.

[quote] Hadrian had me over to the villa... meh

Ah, but did you at least catch a glimpse of Antinous?

Girl! How about last night's Real Housewives of Pompeii? What do you mean, its not real? Just because they're on a stage doesn't make it staged. Anyway, that Cecilia and her fake leg! And don't you tell me her husband, Festus, isn't a tad light in his sandals! Ooh, how I love this show! I hope nothing happens to them next week, when the smoking mountain starts rumbling!

Tasteful friends...

Look who rolled in off a couch! R182, please have a seat on my father’s father’s favorite chair:

R188, this is not Rome but Alexandria.

R157 for the win.

When is the next troll-burning? I hear they’re going to eviscerate the AD 175 Troll and I don’t want to miss it.

[quote] this is not Rome but Alexandria

I was wondering.

I'm Marcus Aurelius, succeeding to the throne in 161AD (all right, what are 20 years between aristocrats?). I actually ascended into the Heavens to join my ancestors in 180AD.

The point being, in that year, the last of the Five Good Emperors (that would be yours truly) passed away.

My relationship with the Senate should be a model for contemporary Parliaments.

But, no - they're too ignorant to read history.

I shang at the funeral of Shaeshar Marcush Aureliush Antoninush Augustush.

Shorry there'sh no more ticketsh to my shold-out show at the Colossheum!

I'm Commodus, Marcus Aurelieus' heir.

Typically, I ruined myself in short order after Dad kicked the bucket in 180 AD, and was assassinated shortly afterward.

^by a Gladiator?

Bears are all the rage these days, thank goodness

R190 — so the video title is wrong?

I'm Alaric the Visigoth

It's true that I sacked Rome, and occupied the Senate, but I only did it to Make the Empire Great Again! I'm sick of being called an ignorant barbarian from the sticks ! The Emperor told me to do it!

Emperor Hadrian (rip) likes boys 11-16 ONLY, like me!

Draco Venenatus must suffer from tinypeen, correct? Intolerance of anachronism is a diagnostic symptom of that unfortunate malady. I prescribe a night's vigil in the temple of Priapus to atone for whatever grievous offense he made against the god.

Well I hear Marcus Aurelius is into women. Like ONLY. Can you imagine?

I've opened the new Temple of Priupus in Pompeii. Young men are welcome to come join us, any night of the week! Bring your own ideas for rituals!

Kevinicus Lanflisius was seduced and abandoned by our favorite gladiator, Aaron Rodgericus!

GLAAAAADIATOR!!!!!

I'm Lucius Verus. I had better hair than Marcus Aurelius, and if I hadn't died before him *I* would have been played by Alec Guinness and Richard Harris (in fabulous wigs, of course). Have you every tried to read the Meditations? BORING!

Maximus used to be my favorite gladiator, but he has been letting himself go lately

OK, who's up for some hot tea-room action?

A thousand villagers have requested Murielus ban Janboticles from partaking in any future festivities. We have been advised to mark our door with lamb's blood as it passes through town.

I'm the best little whorehouse in Mesopotamia!

I'm the lovage that was brought home instead of the parsley.

The hole of Commodus has seen more traffic than the Appian Way - believe me. And it's open all night!

[quote]Nero is a fat! There I said it!

Then thou shalt dieth in a grease fire after I sitteth upon thee!

Pompeii is for trashy plebes who wear socks with their sandals!

Last night's festivus.. Art thou jealous?

Not 180 CE but Julius Caesar was thought to be bi and a common saying was that he was every wife's husband and every husband's wife.

I’m not jealous of the poor slaves that have to wipe the Santorum off the the nacreous layer of permacum.

Caesar did NOT commit sodomy! Stop it with these lies!

Ancient Greeks and Romans didn't think of human sexuality the way we do today. To grossly over simplify, they didn't think in terms of straight and gay, they thought in terms tops and bottoms. But that got complicated when you took into account their class systems.

So a straight slave was expected to bottom for his master and there was no shame in that for him. But if a master were to bottom for a slave, that would be unacceptable.

Again, I'm greatly simplifying and it would get much more complicated in different situations.

[quote] But if a master were to bottom for a slave, that would be unacceptable.

Says who?

Lucilla, did her pussy stink like garum??

I'm sure plenty of slaves fucked their masters in the privacy of their own home.

Sullas thighs shined with golden light under his toga. His Roman soldier grabbed him and kissed

[quote]When is the next troll-burning? I hear they’re going to eviscerate the AD 175 Troll and I don’t want to miss it.

I've got tickets for the immolation of the flaxen-skin troll. Jealous, canes?

Cheryl sum. Pussy odore.

I'm having dinner with Livia should I be worried?

Green, you say? Well I've never seen green before.

Don’t touch the figs and you’ll be fine.

..... annnnnnd we're back to the Laurentius Rex Show. Expecting runners( give 'em room, boys, that's hard work) daily from all corners of the empire: Constantinople, Antioch, Memphis, Thessalonika, Ephesus, Alexandria. Everybody commenting on which Vestals have been sneaking out at night, and not tending the sacred fire. Friend of the show Lizaia Minnellia, being a virgin I'm sure you can relate. Tell us how you felt when you found out?

Lutetia, on the grapevine.....

Bye-bye, Clau-Clau.

Well - the events of I, Claudiud were from 200 to 125 years before 180 AD but I suppose people were still talking about them. Like we talk about Millard Fillmore and Rutherford B Hayes

[quote]Marcus Aurelius is DEAD TO ME!!!

What was playing on his musician's lyre?

Yeah, well it's hard to live in the years of the good emperors r232. Datalounge was so much better when Caligula was still around.

I was so hung over after Saturnalia.

Magnus valde in vaginas amans! Commodus magnus fautor!

Illegitimi non carborundum.

R235, admit it, come Lupercalia, you’ll be right back at it!

Am I the only one who loves those.red tunics the soldiers wear so hot!!

Quo usque tandem abutere, Catalina, patatentia nostra?

Cicero was executed by Marc Anthony's thugs in 43 BC, R240. His orations probably weren't widely quoted in 180 AD, though a coupla millenia later I had to memorize that one for HS Latin. Fun times.

[quote]I'm greatly simplifying

Yes, R220, you most certainly are.

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,

In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous. . . .

In short in matters vegetable, animal and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General!

Years ago, The Metropolitan Opera produced a major revival of Handel's Giulio Cesare. During rehearsals, the Stage Director shouted "All catamites, stage right!"

Half the Front Office staff rushed onstage.