And now...Sumerian Housewives!

Hey, today in the square, I watched these odd women in burkas, covered from head to toe! going to get money out of the ATM. I got such a weird feeling. It kinda creeped me out!

by: Gunga Din! reply 26 03/11/06 @19:43

LOL. Best thread.

by: Anonymous reply 27 03/11/06 @19:43

Good Baal, I've had it up to here with little Hamurabi! Always claiming that locusts ate his tablets, and then locked up all day in that dark ziggurat, playing that infernal zither!

by: Anonymous reply 28 03/11/06 @19:44

Why don't Amorites and Elamites breed?

Because their children would be too lazy to steal!

by: Anonymous reply 29 03/11/06 @20:01

You know I don't like to gossip in the fields or by the well, but what's the deal with Oholibah?

Her harlotry was discovered and her shame was revealed, and I became disgusted with her as I had become disgusted with her sister. But she played the harlot all the more, recalling the days of her girlhood, when she had been a harlot in the land of Egypt. She lusted for the lechers of Egypt, whose penises are like that of donkeys, and whose ejaculations were like that of stallions. She yearned for the lewdness of her girlhood, when the Egyptians fondled her breasts, caressing her bosom.

And before any of you gals call me xenophobic, I'm not saying this just because her forks are from Assyria and Babylonia

by: Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian reply 30 03/11/06 @20:07

Forks? What are those? I meant "folks" of course.

by: Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian reply 31 03/11/06 @20:08

it's neither a chick, nor a pea.

by: Anonymous reply 32 03/11/06 @20:09

r29 = racist troll!!!

by: Offended Amorite reply 33 03/11/06 @20:14

Don't kill, don't steal!? Where does Hammurabi get this crap! How's a man supposed to live?!

by: Anonymous reply 34 03/11/06 @20:16

My stylus is bigger than yours.

by: Anonymous reply 35 03/11/06 @20:16

Abraham left because he was too embarrassed to admit he couldn't read cuneiform

by: Seen on a bathroom wall reply 36 03/11/06 @20:17

Good riddance that Abrahim, or whatever! He was so totally OCD! now, that Isaac, he's one hot little hunk!

by: Anonymous reply 37 03/11/06 @20:21

Those multicolored clay pots by Fiestus are sooooo 3570s! We're getting the tastefully matching glazed ones soon.

by: Anonymous reply 38 03/11/06 @20:24

who is this sorceress that speaks of something called 'America' and being a 'christian?'

by: Anonymous reply 39 03/11/06 @20:25

Just smoke copious amounts of the green plant, foolish one.

by: Anonymous reply 40 03/11/06 @20:37

It's getting hotter here...I love this time of year. All the man-childs wearing their wooden sandals!!!!!

by: Roger-kehl reply 41 03/11/06 @20:41

As the Golden Calf is my witness, if I catch one of those worthless Babylonian harlots in my balanos or myrrh salves again, my dear husband is going to be minus a few concubines!

by: Anonymous reply 42 03/11/06 @20:46

My husband did promise that we would prosper and move to Ur, but we are still here among the hut trash. I want to move to the city!

I am so sad, I am crying as I press my stylus into my clay tablet.

by: Anonymous reply 43 03/11/06 @20:48

The male priests of the great goddess Inanna defile the temple!

by: Nan Sumeriawomyn reply 44 03/11/06 @20:50

Gals, I don't mean to rain the wrath of the gods on anyone's orgiastic parade of pagan worship, but this Bronze Age thing? So far, it just isn't living up to all the hoopla and expectations.

I'm keeping an open mind, but, so far, I'm yet to be impressed.

by: Anonymous reply 45 03/11/06 @20:53

Thank Marduck we don't have to attend temple so much anymore. My Sargon got us clay figurines to send in our place. Really, the high priest was always inventing reasons for everyone to attend (and donate grain!). I say enough!

(Ture fact. The Sumerians had clay figurines made in their likeness. When they didn't want to attend temple, they sent the figurine instead. No wonder they invented civilization.)

by: Anonymous reply 46 03/11/06 @20:55

r45=typical sumerian bitch!

by: the hot girls are in Babylon! reply 47 03/11/06 @20:56

r45 = Deborah Downer

by: Anonymous reply 48 03/11/06 @20:57

Thank Marduck that we don't have to attend temple so much anymore. My Sargon got us clay figurines to put in our place. Really, the high priest was always inventing reasons for everyone to attend (and donate grain!). I say enough!

(Ture fact. The Sumerians had clay figurines made in their likeness to take their place at temple when they didn't want to go. No wonder they invented civilization.)

by: Anonymous reply 49 03/11/06 @20:57

Ashusikildigir finally gave me her recipe for caper buds and offal of ass! She bakes it over human dung, clever little hovel maiden!

Praise Gilgamesh!

by: Anonymous reply 50 03/11/06 @21:01

Yes, R49, and some of those cool statuettes with the BIG eyes where looted from the Bagdad Historical Museum after the beginning of "operation Keystone Cops".

by: disembodied voice from 5000 years in the future reply 51 03/11/06 @21:03

I like this couple.

see link

by: Anonymous reply 52 03/11/06 @21:05

Many people say my husband stole the 6- and 10-based number system idea. But they are just jealous of the great wealth it has brought us. Meskalamdug has had the wisdom to license (intead of sell) usage of these systems for creating calendars and other creations using this intellectual property.

by: Mrs. Meskalamdug Gates reply 53 03/11/06 @21:05

Everyone up to the ziggurat..it's time to praise Anu! They're having a baked-potato bar after.

by: Anonymous reply 54 03/11/06 @21:06

It's so difficult shelling these chick-peas, it's almost impossible not to include a few pubic hairs in the process. No one seems to notice unless they're used for humus. I guess that's why, Selene, goddess of the Starlit Heaven, calls them bush-peas.

by: bc (authenticated) reply 55 03/11/06 @21:12

R54, SIlly! you mean baked millet balls! Potato? what's a Potato?

by: Anonymous reply 56 03/11/06 @21:14

When she had the nerve to say that I was lazy and had picked far fewer chickpeas than she, I slapped her in the face and chipped her name off my tablet of friends!

by: Anonymous reply 57 03/11/06 @21:22

Hey, have you heard of the new cult that rivals even that of our most revered Baal?

It's called the Almiqui.

by: Anonymous reply 58 03/11/06 @21:26

Lindus Evangalishtamesh save us!

by: Anonymous reply 59 03/11/06 @21:32

Now that Abraham & his friends have left, it's almost impossible to find a doctor. Or ,a lawyer. I don't care what you say about them always carrying on about the Law, they made the best attorneys.

by: Anonymous reply 60 03/11/06 @21:37

LOL! R60

by: Anonymous reply 61 03/11/06 @21:38

Almiqui..is this the temple priest?

see link

by: Anonymous reply 62 03/11/06 @21:39

Hows about you and me ditch these losers and go for a wander around the fertile crescent?

by: if you know what I mean reply 63 03/11/06 @21:40

Abrahim & His Friends got ME 2 million shekels!

by: Anonymous reply 64 03/11/06 @21:41

No one knows what the Almiqui god looks like.

It is rumored that drawing him will lead to madness and riots among his followers, who will then burn down the temples of other cults!!!

Praise Be Unto Him.

by: Anonymous reply 65 03/11/06 @21:44

Why the hell do we live in the desert? This place is worthless. In five thousand years do you think anyone will be fighting over this arid piece of land? Noooo!

by: Anonymous reply 66 03/11/06 @21:44

Asmar has sizemeat

see link

by: Anonymous reply 67 03/11/06 @21:48

My ram's caught in the thicket again.

by: Anonymous reply 68 03/11/06 @21:49

Untrue. Tiglathpilamenesser taught Abraham everything he knew.

by: Anonymous reply 69 03/11/06 @21:49

The stupid woman at the marketplace would not sell me any Red Dragon fermented curds...

by: Clairumathalassaterian reply 70 03/11/06 @22:55

Hey, Mithraka, that herbal potion you gave me didn't do a thing for my bloat. But I did get these strange visions of all these women folk working somewhere strange and far away. they all had odd names too

by: Mendetha reply 71 03/11/06 @23:43

my WORD, this IS an elaborate window display! That Schaparelli's really done it again. Although It's probably to sophisticated for the clientle. Ug, I should really call Ruth over from sundries to clear away some of this sand... Why it's absoluely Everywhere! Two weeks in the Catskills and the store falls to pieces!

by: A slightly bewildered Mr. Beasley reply 72 03/11/06 @23:50

Good job, R66.

by: Anonymous reply 73 03/12/06 @00:00

The fertile crescent was more fertile then. Much more fertile. Average temperatures were probably 20 degrees lower than today.

by: Anonymous reply 74 03/12/06 @00:05

The Tower of Babel is an unsatiable bottom.

by: I Am Who Am reply 75 03/12/06 @00:11

Ninbanda, did you see that singer Madonna during the harvest festival? She has now reincarnated herself as a temple prostitute. Didn't she do that back in 3515? I don't care how much pigmented wax she coats her brow with, she is starting to look like that Israelite Methuselah

by: Anonymous reply 76 03/12/06 @00:13

r74: I think I saw your ass. Go catch it.

by: Anonymous reply 77 03/12/06 @00:24

Did anyone watch Dick Clark on Babaloynian Bandstand?

by: Anonymous reply 78 03/12/06 @00:41

R74 is correct. All of the Middle-east, Anatolia and Greece was likewise covered with forrests. Mainly Cypress. Gazelle grazed on grass in between the trees. Man indelibly changed this enviroment, forever it seems.

by: Anonymous reply 79 03/12/06 @02:22

Did anyone see Desperate Assat's last night?

by: Anonymous reply 80 03/12/06 @02:47

no I missed that r80..damned digitemeh recordeses was broken again! what happened?

by: Anonymous reply 81 03/12/06 @03:24

'Asmar has sizemeat'

Asmar stuffs his loincloth..it's a teeny tiny thing

by: Anonymous reply 82 03/12/06 @03:28

Once again I am digging trenches into the city to irrigate HIS feilds to grow HIS crops and keep HIS child-hordes alive, and for all the wheat chaff I burn to Inana he STILL can't do the damn dishes...

by: Anonymous reply 83 03/12/06 @07:02

I'd bust my husband's onions if he acted like that, R83.

by: Anonymous reply 84 03/12/06 @07:34

Don't get me started on "Sumerian Idol", which was presented in the temple last evening...did anyone else attend? No one will convince me that Gayiken had more sticks in his basket than the others.

by: Anonymous reply 85 03/12/06 @07:49

5000 shekels, due every new moon for THIS!?! Methinks I will be forced to live in less elaborate surroundings.

see link

by: Anonymous reply 86 03/12/06 @07:54

We're going to see "Gilgamesh and the Bull of Heaven" performed at the ampitheatre tonight. I just don't know whether to wear my hyena outfit or my burlap sack. I dyed it with chick pea chavings so it is a fetching green. I just know that Joanuku Rivers will be there chiseling on her tablet..

by: Anonymous + reply 87 03/12/06 @07:59

ugga hagga, buga thun ick bah ug, ba hooga uh ooonduh baga kah lugga.

by: Kreg uhga reply 88 03/12/06 @08:00

r84 - oh i've busted, but he just goes 'ekth' and shrugs his yeti-like shoulders when I start to say anything. I am thinking about hiding a viper in his loin-cloth pile...

by: Anonymous reply 89 03/12/06 @08:43

I have gathered many tiny white pebbles from the sands and spent many days with the leather strips putting the pebbles together. I shall hold these to my breasts in times of duress for comfort and solace.

by: Anonymous reply 90 03/12/06 @09:56

A messenger has arrived from the captital -- Kholmes has birthed a calf! It seems that her love god, that lazy cruise boy, has used another's ejaculate.

by: Anonymous reply 91 03/12/06 @10:00

I am most curious about this cloaked stranger in the village with the strange face -- he claims to be a man sort, but speaks with a womany voice, and asks our progeny to go for walks with him.

by: Anonymous reply 92 03/12/06 @10:03

I'll say a prayer to Enki to compose a nam-shub that'll make your husband tend his duties.

by: Anonymous reply 93 03/12/06 @10:03

R86, you're paying for the view.

by: Anonymous reply 94 03/12/06 @10:03

R90, I burn with jealousy for your comfort charm. I must find a blunt object...

by: Anonymous reply 95 03/12/06 @10:08

DL GET TOGETHER BELOW THE MESOPOTAMIAN AQUEDUCT on 3/14

RSVP in cuneiform no later than 3/13.

by: Anonymous reply 96 03/12/06 @10:18

r83 here - thank you r93, may your womb be eternally moistened by the tigris!

by: Anonymous reply 97 03/12/06 @10:20

/*}'*]6~ ^~~*/*}'!!

Jealous, biches?

by: Anonymous reply 98 03/12/06 @10:26

It's like my mother used to say, if you can't stand the Glagamentamugetanek, get out of the Uranagulam.

by: Anonymous reply 99 03/12/06 @10:28

(You all are completely out of control)

by: giggling hysterically as I type reply 100 03/12/06 @10:33

Chickpeas? When did I eat chickpeas?

by: Car-ul Chann-eng reply 101 03/12/06 @11:04

My beloved husband has not been attending to his husbandly duty to me of late. It is all very worrisome because when he goes off to herd the sheep high on the mountain with his most close friend, he says he must "pre-lube" with yak oil. What is this "pre lube", sisters? And that smellsome tunic hanging in our hut is troubling also.

by: Anonymous reply 102 03/12/06 @12:19

"Chickpeaface".

"MesoSumerhusbear".

by: Anonymous reply 103 03/12/06 @12:29

Takea's paku stinks!

by: Anonymous reply 104 03/12/06 @12:31

Mother, may I sleep with Tammuz?

by: Anonymous reply 105 03/12/06 @13:09

This is why the Hittites hate us.

by: Anonymous reply 106 03/12/06 @13:12

for those of you who are cuneiformically challenged

see link

by: Anonymous reply 107 03/12/06 @13:22

Well, I am outta here. Thinking of going north to Arrata or maybe east to Persia.

You know what just happened, don't you? The king's wife died in childbirth ... yes, the new one ... and he wants another funeral like the one he had for Pubai.

OH YES! Remember how all those attendants went into the tomb with her body and NEVER CAME OUT. Well he's looking for more "attendants." So I am taking a trip on Tigris or the Euphrates until this dies down.

Would you forget about the drugs. Yes, the drugs were great ... but after the attendants got wasted they were given Kool-aid. We gotta go NOW.

by: Anonymous reply 108 03/12/06 @13:22

I'm thinking on going to Assyria for a two day getaway. Too stressed out over the famine

I'm counting on my fellow Sumerian Housewives to recommend any great places to eat, orgy and sacrifice to the golden calf!

TIA!

by: ArrozConPollo (authenticated) + reply 109 03/12/06 @13:34

I had a friend who went to Tigris and then she died.

by: Anonymous reply 110 03/12/06 @13:40

Look at that sabre tooth she-dog. She is 25 years old and she still has all her teeth. And her breath smells likegoose-berries. She thinks she is betetr than us.

She dont even have the Gommorah yet. Luck sabre tooth she-dog!

by: Anonymous reply 111 03/12/06 @13:46

Look at that sabre tooth she-dog. She is 25 years old and she still has all her teeth. And her breath smells likegoose-berries. She thinks she is betetr than us.

She dont even have the Gommorah yet. Lucky sabre tooth she-dog!

by: Anonymous reply 112 03/12/06 @13:46

R45=Sumerian Hausfrau,copper hat

by: Anonymous reply 113 03/12/06 @13:50

My friend Agdkor is a total cunt.

by: IncuntliaButtock (authenticated) + reply 114 03/12/06 @14:07

Here's how I do it: I grind up the chick peas really smooth, add a little garlic and lemon, and presto! I call it Hummus. Now, Pita, what should I serve it on? How bout those clever little bread things that you make?

by: Anonymous + reply 115 03/12/06 @14:11

"We're going to see 'Gilgamesh and the Bull of Heaven'"

Saw it. Meh. Watch for the ingénue. It's a nothing role, but she has a great song when she gives up her virginity to become a temple whore. Holds a high G through six bars of a gang rape. Helen Lawson. I think the girl has a future.

by: Moosto reply 116 03/12/06 @14:22

Takea's pussy stinks.

by: Anonymous reply 117 03/12/06 @14:25

I went to the CuniformLounge today - what bitches! When I started going many moons ago it was a gathering of wit and gossip. But alas, the tabletmaster now spends much time kinahnu-tagging tablets to alert potential readers to their offensive content, and sometimes he smashes tablets completely.

by: Anonymous reply 118 03/12/06 @14:25

OMG, have you heard?!

Poor Almu, she saw her husband Ennisu with that rotten goat herd, Gul-Enhal. And they were spilling seed together!

by: Anonymous reply 119 03/12/06 @14:30

Andamnit R116 - post a spoiler alert at the beginning of your post!

by: Lee Ann Kadung reply 120 03/12/06 @14:31

Gilgamesh. Who's his boyfriend?

by: ^^~*'=/ reply 121 03/12/06 @14:37

R116 that was nothing. When I gave up my virginity I held a High D# above middle C for 8 bars with 13 men in me!

by: Anonymous reply 122 03/12/06 @14:42

WHET King Sargon? Is he family?

by: Anonymous reply 123 03/12/06 @14:45

R118, I hear that their is a rival cuniform group somewhere else in Sumeria. Something about whips? it sounds a bit scary.

by: Anonymous reply 124 03/12/06 @14:46

Can everyone stop talking about Bahro-akka-bakkad Mountain for even a second?

by: Anonymous reply 125 03/12/06 @14:50

My neighbors daughter down at the temple has a friend who said he's a insatiable bottom, r123.

by: Anonymous reply 126 03/12/06 @14:58

Total gayface.

see link

by: Anonymous reply 127 03/12/06 @15:07

I am never going to Gulgagula's again. The server had the nerve to charge me for a refill of ass milk. It's free everywhere else.

by: Anonymous reply 128 03/12/06 @15:14

Pratesh my child, do not speak to the Akkadians lest you are destroyed in roasting fire, for they prepare their saffron cake using a pre-packaged mix!

by: Ub-Ur Baker reply 129 03/12/06 @15:25

Gilgames Schmilgamesh..when does Shakespeare get here?

by: a very befuddled Mr. Beasley reply 130 03/12/06 @15:26

Hey girls..has anyone seen Ishtar around lately? She left some vague note on the temple wall about going out for a cubit of ass milk then scribbled something about descendeing to the lower world....

by: Asu-sbu-iaamir reply 131 03/12/06 @15:44

Do you think Planet X will ever destroy Sumeria?

by: Anonymous reply 132 03/12/06 @15:54

Quit clutching your neck-stones, Maru! There ARE no other planets.

by: Anonymous reply 133 03/12/06 @16:19

Ishtar is always going on into the underworld ... does it every year.

by: Anonymous reply 134 03/12/06 @16:20

well that silly Ishtar could have at least brought the milk back first! Now how am I supposed to feed all of the ur-um around the gud?

by: Asu-sbu-iaamir reply 135 03/12/06 @16:26

Hello, I'm a kurd turd just visiting your most vacant land. Might anyone have some chickpeas for a hungry traveller?

by: Anonymous reply 136 03/12/06 @16:29

'WHET King Sargon? Is he family?'

no one's heard a word from him since he isn't around yet..it's 3500 BC, sheesh!

by: Sumerian Timekeeper reply 137 03/12/06 @16:34

Excuse me, I have probglops of my own.

by: Maruya Karee reply 138 03/12/06 @17:09

Maruya..forget YOUR problems..now get out into the field and start planting the mus before the su-bur turns into ukum!

by: Anonymous reply 139 03/12/06 @17:19

R116, I thought everyone in the know used the juices of the green fruit known as LIME. Perhaps YOUR tribe differs from the many generations of Summeria that have come before you? Don't look to Pita for the answer!!!

by: Anonymous reply 140 03/12/06 @17:29

PITAH! PITAH! PITAH!

by: Bettemesh Davi-sum reply 141 03/12/06 @17:34

Can you *believe* how uppity those Egyptians have gotten lately?

by: Anonymous reply 142 03/12/06 @17:38

oh don't even get me started on the Egyptians! Think they're SOOOO great just cuz they are building some giant pointy thing in Cheops!

by: Anonymous reply 143 03/12/06 @17:41

Maru.

by: Anonymous reply 144 03/12/06 @17:53

Monotheism--is there anything more boring? I give it another generation or two at best.

by: Anonymous reply 145 03/12/06 @18:01

Indeed, r143! They act like they are the greatest thing to hit civilazation! That hideous monstrosity wishes it was a ziggeraut.

by: Anonymous reply 146 03/12/06 @20:18

Some of those Egyptian princes ... kinda effiminate don't you think, ... thank Marduck, we have real men in Mesopotamia ... real men with religious convictions ... like our brother Abraham ... we don't like homos.

by: Anonymous reply 147 03/12/06 @20:33

Well you know they marry their own sisters! How could they NOT be a bit "different"? *shudder*

by: Anonymous reply 148 03/12/06 @20:35

In the Euphrates I'm a skinny slave girl.

by: Mrs. Rosenadezer reply 149 03/12/06 @20:42

and that's not all that goes on in the Egyptian court ... no sir-ee. Look at all the make-up the men wear, all that preoccupation with interior decorating - the frescos, the object de art, the furniture ...what about the jewelery, the clothes, ALL THE ACCESSORIES ...

Let's face it they are gay.

I am worried about our brothers, the children of Abraham, righteous people living so near to those degenerates.

(Just saw the Tut exhibit here in Ft. Laud. And, yes, ancient Egypt totally gay. I could not believe all the accessories Tut had, so ornate, and with only one function.)

by: Anonymous reply 150 03/12/06 @20:42

Their so called *civilization* will nevah last, r150! They are far too effeminate and pleasure-seeking! Not like our virile, hairy war-like men!

by: Anonymous reply 151 03/12/06 @20:49

Maidens, do not waste your gold pieces on that rude sorceress Shagshagshebana. I went down to her tent boutique in the market with gold in hand and asked her to make a new wool garment for me to wear to my daughter En-hedu-anna's betrothal to Enmebaragisi.

Shagshagshebana gave me the evil eye and said, "Praise Ninkhursag, there aren't enough sheep in Mesopotamia to cover that ass!"

by: Anonymous reply 152 03/12/06 @20:57

Yeah, R148. The men in Mesopotamia all have those long lush beards and big bellies! Those Egyptians are all smooth shaved and skinny! what a bunch of whiny twinks!

by: Anonymous reply 153 03/12/06 @21:13

OMG

ROTFLMAO

by: Anonymous reply 154 03/12/06 @21:22

OMG

ROTFLMAO

Carry On

by: Tim Gunngamesh reply 155 03/12/06 @21:22

"Lets pretend we're Sumerian farmwives"

let's so we can bump the stupider threads off the page.

by: theGreatPretender (authenticated) + reply 156 03/12/06 @21:22

You people live in a fucking desert! Nothing grows there! Move to where the food is!

by: Samir Kinisonus reply 157 03/12/06 @21:29

sorry, five thousand years ago Mesopotamia was green and lush.

by: Anonymous + reply 158 03/12/06 @21:34

would you get a load of that temple jester Samir Kinisonus? He nails a couple of temple prostitutes and thinks he's the Pharoah's Ankh

by: Jessicamesh Ha-hn reply 159 03/12/06 @21:37

He has total barley face. Temple prostitutes are all he can get.

by: Anonymous reply 160 03/12/06 @21:43

R158: JUST GO AWAY if you can't play the game! Idiot.

by: Lee Anne DeVette reply 161 03/12/06 @21:44

Writing with a stylus.

I used to think it was so glamorous when I saw Sumerian farmwives do this on the chickpea fields.

So I started doing it too.

Imagine if you will -- 10 y/o Sumerian boy writing with a stylus, being all glamorous and stuff.

********************

I also used to moisten the tips of my fingers when turning a clay tablet. Just a quick touch to the tongue. Very chic.

I used to insist that there'd be no crusts on my barleycake.

I would wear shawls at all times of the year.

People pretty much knew I was a Sumerian farmwife from the time I could walk.

by: ArrozConPollo (authenticated) + reply 162 03/12/06 @21:46

R157 = Ziggurat sweeper from Ninevah

by: Anonymous reply 163 03/12/06 @21:48

I just don't think I can take much more girls..all of this dragging the fields with pickaxes, plowing, harrowing, raking thrice, and pulverizing with a mattock and for what? Something those rich ingrates always pick out of their salads!

by: Anonymous reply 164 03/12/06 @21:56

Stop clutching your carnelian beads, R157.

by: Anonymous reply 165 03/12/06 @22:00

Oh, Baal, the seasons have come full circle once more. The farm girls are selling barley cakes in the market. 50 shekels a basket! Greedy little girls.

by: Anonymous reply 166 03/12/06 @22:15

50 shekels!!??!! Last year they were only 45 shekels a basket!

by: Anonymous reply 167 03/12/06 @22:18

You must live in UR. here in the south in Nineveh there still only 45 shekels.

by: Anonymous reply 168 03/12/06 @22:19

They didn't use shekels.

by: Anonymous reply 169 03/12/06 @22:22

Hmm -- do you guys see r8?

Less is more, OP.

Their so called *civilization* will nevah last, r150! They are far too effeminate and pleasure-seeking! Not like our virile, hairy war-like men!

by: Anonymous reply 151 03/12/06 @20:49

Maidens, do not waste your gold pieces on that rude sorceress Shagshagshebana. I went down to her tent boutique in the market with gold in hand and asked her to make a new wool garment for me to wear to my daughter En-hedu-anna's betrothal to Enmebaragisi.

Shagshagshebana gave me the evil eye and said, "Praise Ninkhursag, there aren't enough sheep in Mesopotamia to cover that ass!"

by: Anonymous reply 152 03/12/06 @20:57

Yeah, R148. The men in Mesopotamia all have those long lush beards and big bellies! Those Egyptians are all smooth shaved and skinny! what a bunch of whiny twinks!

by: Anonymous reply 153 03/12/06 @21:13

OMG

ROTFLMAO

by: Anonymous reply 154 03/12/06 @21:22

OMG

ROTFLMAO

Carry On

by: Tim Gunngamesh reply 155 03/12/06 @21:22

"Lets pretend we're Sumerian farmwives"

let's so we can bump the stupider threads off the page.

by: theGreatPretender (authenticated) + reply 156 03/12/06 @21:22

You people live in a fucking desert! Nothing grows there! Move to where the food is!

by: Samir Kinisonus reply 157 03/12/06 @21:29

sorry, five thousand years ago Mesopotamia was green and lush.

by: Anonymous + reply 158 03/12/06 @21:34

would you get a load of that temple jester Samir Kinisonus? He nails a couple of temple prostitutes and thinks he's the Pharoah's Ankh

by: Jessicamesh Ha-hn reply 159 03/12/06 @21:37

He has total barley face. Temple prostitutes are all he can get.

by: Anonymous reply 160 03/12/06 @21:43

R158: JUST GO AWAY if you can't play the game! Idiot.

by: Lee Anne DeVette reply 161 03/12/06 @21:44

Writing with a stylus.

I used to think it was so glamorous when I saw Sumerian farmwives do this on the chickpea fields.

So I started doing it too.

Imagine if you will -- 10 y/o Sumerian boy writing with a stylus, being all glamorous and stuff.

********************

I also used to moisten the tips of my fingers when turning a clay tablet. Just a quick touch to the tongue. Very chic.

I used to insist that there'd be no crusts on my barleycake.

I would wear shawls at all times of the year.

People pretty much knew I was a Sumerian farmwife from the time I could walk.

by: ArrozConPollo (authenticated) + reply 162 03/12/06 @21:46

R157 = Ziggurat sweeper from Ninevah

by: Anonymous reply 163 03/12/06 @21:48

I just don't think I can take much more girls..all of this dragging the fields with pickaxes, plowing, harrowing, raking thrice, and pulverizing with a mattock and for what? Something those rich ingrates always pick out of their salads!

by: Anonymous reply 164 03/12/06 @21:56

Stop clutching your carnelian beads, R157.

by: Anonymous reply 165 03/12/06 @22:00

Oh, Baal, the seasons have come full circle once more. The farm girls are selling barley cakes in the market. 50 shekels a basket! Greedy little girls.

by: Anonymous reply 166 03/12/06 @22:15

50 shekels!!??!! Last year they were only 45 shekels a basket!

by: Anonymous reply 167 03/12/06 @22:18

You must live in UR. here in the south in Nineveh there still only 45 shekels.

by: Anonymous reply 168 03/12/06 @22:19

They didn't use shekels.

by: Anonymous reply 169 03/12/06 @22:22

yes r169 they did!

by: Anonymous reply 170 03/12/06 @22:26

Perhaps you should visit the temple prostitutes to lighten your mood, R169.

by: Anonymous reply 171 03/12/06 @22:26

yes r169..the shekel was the monetary unit

see link

by: Anonymous reply 172 03/12/06 @22:26

perhaps that's because no decent person would set foot in Ninevah! I mean really!

by: Anonymous reply 173 03/12/06 @22:28

Why are you bitches so Babyloniacentric? There are LOTS of us in the fields elsewhere!

by: Anonymous reply 174 03/12/06 @22:34

You all would do better to haul more chickpeas and talk less.

by: Anonymous reply 175 03/12/06 @22:37

Anyone who is anyone lives in Eridu.

by: Anonymous reply 176 03/12/06 @22:39

I heard that Ziggurat sweeper from Ninevah is an insatiable bottom!

by: AAJtheoriginalAJ (authenticated) + reply 177 03/12/06 @22:39

Please..Eridu is so 3600 BC!

by: Lovey Howellamesh reply 178 03/12/06 @22:42

I was trying to drink some water from the well and enjoy some intelligent adult conversation when that bitch from Haramureth showed up and let her miserable brat kids run wild. I can NOT WAIT until the next Baal sacrifice if you know what I mean and I think you do.

by: Anonymous reply 179 03/12/06 @22:52

My husband just bought me some imported Egyptian linen, it’s purple ... oh, they make best clothes, the Egyptians do. When I was a maiden I went to Thebes, oh what splendors ... and I had my hair and makeup done by great stylist

If only we understood the finer things in life ... but don't get me wrong, we Sumerians are righteous people, I prefer our gods and life

But, they have these wonderful cats, totally precious

by: Anonymous reply 180 03/12/06 @23:06

Fertile-Cresent bump

by: Anonymous reply 181 03/12/06 @23:16

Baal knows we needed a bump after only ten lengething of shadows.

by: Anonymous reply 182 03/12/06 @23:18

Ishtar rises in the night sky. I think I see the Milky Way. or whatever those astronomer guys here call it.

by: Anonymous reply 183 03/12/06 @23:26

Does anyone know where I might find Red Yak cheese? Going to a tribe gathering tonight and it's the only one that will suffice.

Thanketh in advance.

by: Gor-Mand reply 184 03/12/06 @23:40

If I were Hamurabi of this communication scroll I would tie a red linen around each of you inscribed with "Goat fucker".

by: Anonymous reply 185 03/12/06 @23:44

Fellow slaves: check out the henna rinse on Ninbanda!

That ox looks like she dyed her hair with her monthly foul issue!

by: Enanatuma reply 186 03/12/06 @23:59

Did anyone else see the wife of Marcus Anthony at the awards of the extraterestial beings last week. Her dress was made of the greenest of sea grass, her skin rubbed with the terra cotta orange of the earth, and her hair pulled back like the 2 bit wife of a neanderthal.

And the chickpeas. Why not just put them directly on her ass!

by: Anonymous reply 187 03/13/06 @00:32

I have eaten chickpeas from the ass of Macus Anthony.

by: Anonymous reply 188 03/13/06 @00:35

I said Marcus, not his brother Macus, bitch!

by: R187 reply 189 03/13/06 @00:39

I know. You can't squeeze chickpea into the tight ass of Marcus. His brother Macus has known the pleasure of the homsex where the camel goes up into the man often. And don't call me a bitch you heardsman's whore.

by: Anonymous reply 190 03/13/06 @00:44

Yes, R180, and I shall take of the cloth and craft it into splendid garments adorned with bronze and pearl. I will sell my wares at the finest markets throughout the Fertile Crescent and call it "Purple Lable".

by: Ralphor Laurentis reply 191 03/13/06 @00:46

by: Anonymous reply 192 03/13/06 @00:48

By the great horned gods! Who pissed in the well!

by: Harabasus the Mediocre reply 193 03/13/06 @04:42

Can anyone reccomend a good oil for my husbands beard?

I bought some overpriced ivory comb at the bazaar thinking it would help, but he still looks like a stray goat.

by: Anonymous reply 194 03/13/06 @05:29

By Anu and his consorts! Have you seen the latest religious rage in the lands beyond the civilizing cities? Apparently they fret about how the end times are coming!

They are constantly trying to cast out the thralls of the demon prince Druaga; they think just any pretty boy with a taste for pleasure and wit must be possessed by the demon prince. They are chasing all the talent to the ziggurats, I can assure you that. Stupid simpletons.

And they scorn cities saying that the coming of Tiamat's revenge is nigh and there is naught even Marduk can do about it! Have they no faith in the ever vigilant statues placed at temple? Oh, the poor drecks probably can't even afford to make their own prayer statue substitutes. They probably go and stand in temple from the end of sowing 'til harvest, those desperate dung dumplings of a dispeptic donkey.

To ridicule the cities with glorious ziggurats for what? The backwards hovels they live in? With nothing but the fear of Druaga and Tiamat's childer behind every shadow to torment their fevered dreamings? Give me Ur or Ninevah anyday. Fools probably left the harvest out too long praying in person and let the chickpeas and millet rot with vision fungus. One day though, mark my words, these wayward hermits will be the death of Sumeria. Even now, in the desire to increase cities' size and influence, the temple priests and city leaders patronize these backward hill folk. This trend will be a worse mistake than wearing jet ear jewelry after Ishtar's 'return from the underworld' festival.

by: Ninebal, mud brick with vine-covered trellis out back, 3 west of ziggurat, Ur reply 195 03/13/06 @06:53

Are you the gatekeeper, r195?

by: Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer reply 196 03/13/06 @07:11

Sumerian Fraus, before I tell you my tale, I must tell you that I dwell in the region known as the "Carpet Fly-over" area.

Hammurabi (my husband) and I attended a wedding celebration this past eve. As an offering, we gave the couple a fine bundle of papyrus. I was in need of libation, as my throat was parched. Hammurabi engaged the wine merchant, who had his wares prominently displayed in the temple. He actually CHARGED Hammurabi 1 shekel for the cup of wine! At a wedding celebration!

Well, I never!

by: Anonymous reply 197 03/13/06 @07:13

Anyone know any good children's beer recipes? Praise be to Sidduri, my firstborn is nearly four and it's time I started brewing for him.

by: Anonymous reply 198 03/13/06 @08:07

Bump the chickpea pickin' chicks

by: ArrozConPollo (authenticated) + reply 199 03/13/06 @09:24

I made yellow hummus from a mix because I didn't have time to shell the chickpeas from scratch. That bitch Sisygambis told me I was too hutpark trash to be believed.

by: Anonymous reply 200 03/13/06 @10:16

That's because you didn't make it with mashed fruit of the paradise tree, r200.

I would punch Sisygambis in the face and erase her from your history tablet.

by: Anonymous reply 201 03/13/06 @10:33

Who is this upstart bitch "Joan, named for the Tigris and Euphrates, called Rivers"? She who is always stopping those she deems of merit to ask who wove their garments? May Astarte curse her to ask questions of strangers for three thousand years!

by: Anonymous reply 202 03/13/06 @10:36

R197 & R200, The true sign of the decline of sumerain society are these. when wine merchants at betrothal cermonies insist upon charging guests and when good sumerian farmwives no longer have time to make yellow hummus from scratch but from those mixes, the end-times are nigh!

by: Tiamat's revenge is coming, just you wait! reply 203 03/13/06 @10:40

I curse the merchant who does not refill my vessels at his well at no charge!

by: Anonymous reply 204 03/13/06 @11:37

'If I were Hamurabi of this communication scroll I would tie a red linen around each of you inscribed with "Goat fucker".

Now dear..no reason to bring your mother into this is there?

by: Anonymous reply 205 03/13/06 @12:14

My very, very good friend and companion who styles the locks of the females with me and I are just back from Babylonia. Everyone is wearing a sorcereristic kicky new color that is made by combining yellow and red pigments! Have you ever heard of such? So garish! So vulgar! So expensive!

Naturally, we sold his mother into servitude so that we might bring back bolts of this strange colored fabric until our donkey all but collapsed from the weight!

Also: the smart set in the city are wearing their slaves two inches taller and three shades lighter this season! And I'm loving that look into the reflective surface!

by: Bruceajimi & Robsamgag reply 206 03/13/06 @12:18

Has anyone seen my husband En'nis? He spends much time in the fields with his helpmate, that nasty Jaka. He goes away thrice yearly and promises to return by the next full moon. But when he does, his satchel is empty. No rabbits as he promised. The children and I are hungry and if not for the kindly merchant in the square we would surely starve. Woe is us!

by: Almah reply 207 03/13/06 @12:22

I would not trust that Jaka, Almah! I have heard strange tales of that one! No child sacrifices to Baal as prescribed, sneaking about the Ishtar gate when all should be abed.

He's bad news, I tell you!

by: Marumesh reply 208 03/13/06 @12:52

Sisters, let us sing to make our toiling easier to bear! I'll start and you follow along:

Pack up all my care and woe

Here I go, singin' low

Bye bye blackbird

Where somebody waits for me

Sugar's sweet, so is he

Bye bye blackbird

Bilgahemshebeeb, where is that lovely alto? Please join us, sister!

by: Anonymous reply 209 03/13/06 @13:17

Prepare the Moon-hut! My lunar time is nigh, and the crops need the nourishment that floweth from my loins.

by: Mod - Ess reply 210 03/13/06 @16:27

Alas, the little donkey boy does not return from Namirabob, and I carry more than chickpeas to the market in search of him. I am heavy with the disappointment of love, and the shame of my burden.

Will you return, Asur?

by: Shastaridu reply 211 03/13/06 @16:30

R157 = Ziggurat sweeper from Ninevah

LOL!!! R163 I love you!!!

Thanks.

by: Anonymous reply 212 03/13/06 @19:12

r207, I saw En'nis with Gul-Enhal bathing in the Euphrates.

by: Anonymous reply 213 03/13/06 @23:01

"Can anyone reccomend a good oil for my husbands beard?"

But John Travolta won't even be born for 4000 years~!

by: Anonymous reply 214 03/14/06 @03:15

Why are you lip balm and prana-wearing courtesans from Dhalasia so clever in this scroll, and yet so insolent and barbaric elsewhere?

by: Anonymous reply 215 03/14/06 @04:10

May Ishtar frown upon you for your rash judgement, r215!

'Tis only fitting that we should enjoy and gossip merrily after our return from visiting the temple prostitutes!

I am of the opinion that the Hittites would be much more ameniable if THEY were to take up such practices instead of war.

by: Anonymous reply 216 03/14/06 @10:49

Life is indeed difficult out here in the fields for a purveyor of temple prostitutes.

by: Anonymous reply 217 03/14/06 @10:52

R217, and as a reward for musically interpreting the stuggles of purveying the temple harlots, you shall be bestowed with the Gilgamesh for best musical litany!

by: ArrozConPollo (authenticated) + reply 218 03/14/06 @11:01

My Mesohusbear and I are thinking of visiting the Hanging Gardens this weekend. Has anyone been there on a weekend? Are country folk truly as ill-bred as I have heard?

We do not wish to be gaped at by such low lives. Should we wait until the next new moon?

Please advise.

by: Anonymous reply 219 03/14/06 @12:47

They laid down the law

In Mes-o-pot-ami-a!

by: Fredus Schneidermesh, meet ya by the 3rd pyramid reply 220 03/14/06 @22:46

For the love of An, how much longer must we wait for this cursed ruling dynasty to end? Three more years of Dub-Yub'Ush on the throne and all our jobs will be outsourced to the seeders of Lebanon.

by: Anonymous reply 221 03/15/06 @00:03

O, please tell me why it is that everyone in this family is so thrifty as to offend the Gods? It is only for me to communicate that for this great winter celebration it is imperative I receive cha-cha sandals.

by: Anonymous reply 222 03/15/06 @00:36

Bump for Gilgamesh

by: Anonymous reply 223 03/17/06 @08:09

MesoBump

by: jonbodhi (authenticated) + reply 224 03/18/06 @06:04

Well, when traveling to the Hanging Gardens I prefer sedan over chariot. Sure it is a bit slower, but at least you don't have the rustics looking at you with their idiot gapes. And it keeps the sun away, which has been playing havoc with my skin lately. Which reminds me I need to send a servant over to the imported goods apothecary. They should have another batch of this wondrous plant extract called "aloe." Comes from a distant land called Khemet, I hear.

But I keep my sedan slaves well, nothing too strenuous. In fact, I occasionally make stops at local roadside 6-60 convenience stalls and treat them all to a fermented barley slushy. They tend to like that. Though never let them overindulge lest they get careless and risk capsizing your sedan. And with roads these days it's simply unbearable to imagine what could be in the drainage ditches.

by: Ninebal, mud brick with vine-covered trellis and room for a pony reply 225 03/18/06 @06:37

What is all this nonsense these days with burnt bricks. Sure they are convenient but look past your fields fellow chick-pea farmers. Our forests are being burnt away in the brickmaker's kilns.

by: Anonymous reply 226 03/18/06 @07:14

They are trees, foolish one! They will grow back!

by: Anonymous reply 227 03/18/06 @08:11

[quote]We must sacrifice seven virgins!

[quote]From around here? Good luck with that!

This killed me EVERY TIME. Thanks for posting, OP!

Gaylings -- learn and know Sumerian Housewives!

I LOVE this topic!

Haven't laughed this hard in months!

Thanks to all.

I never read this thread when it was current so I'm glad it was reposted. So funny.

I googled it for fun

Still a classic!

When this thread was started I thought oh no, the "let's pretend" threads have jumped the shark. Then I read it and how wrong I was!

There were no Israelites in 3,500 B.C.

Abrahamic worshippers will tell you that everyone came from their tribe since Adam and Eve, but that is a myth.

The Jews emerged as a distinct, Semitic tribe between 2,000 and 1,000 B.C.E. They didn't have their own nation before that and they stole many of their genesis myths from greater civilizations that came before them (Persians, Sumerians, etc.)

R25....

If the point is to be Sumerian housewives, then STAY TRUE TO PERIOD.

The anachronistic poster "missed the point," obviously.

Enkidu's log is larger than the cedars of lebanon

Don't know if we will go to Kish this year for a holiday. Well EVERYBODY is going there these days and well it's just not the same

Did you hear they're going to reboot [italic]Gilgamesh[/italic]? There hasn't been an original idea in Uruk since the Tigris was a canal.

You speak so softly, without the force of men. Did you adjust your sundial with a stylus as a child?

LOL!

Egypt or Sumer! The rest of you are fly-over!

That whore, Bathsheba, drains her chickpeas! Peasant!

That whore, Nefertiti. When ever will Baal smite her down?

YOUR’E the philistine, heptesbah! Only a slut like you would leave out the most important part of chickpea presentation, Draining!

Oh Bathsheba, that son of yours is truly becoming the pass around bottom on the Tigris cruises.

Do not speak of the passing around! It is not depraved!

We are sharing the gifts of the gods, ourselves. And I cannot deny them. They are pendulous.

Those damned Annunaki are back again.

Hilarious!!

It's interesting, even on this classic thread, there are still the tiresome, pedantic assholes, like we see today, who try to shit on the fun.

Tasteful friends. Have you been to The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Beautiful or Trash?

[quote]Quit clutching your neck-stones, Maru! There ARE no other planets.

By the earrings of Ninbanda, my sides have split.

I thought they were pretty, r42. Except they were hanging awfully low. I was wearing this headpiece and it kept getting caught.

I adore you, R31.

R44, what kind of kaftan did you wear with that lovely piece?

Serving slave at the alehouse! See thou that chickpeas do not contaminate the food of my little Sennacherryb!

I've lain with my cousin from Kisurra last night - I hope I never get to smell anything like that again for as long as I'm alive.

A new baby Joan was born in the next village, everyone says she is fairer and sweeter than her older sister Olivia. I hope that won't cause any problems in the future!

Love you, R49.

Husband will be most angry with me. I let the chickpeas fall under the grain grinding stone. Now they are mush and no on will be able to eat them.

“Hum us!” Girin said, looking up from the grinding stone.

“What sister?” I asked, still angry about the ruined chickpeas.

“Hum us a temple tune. It will make us feel better about ruining the chickpeas.”

Suddenly, I had a felling that the day might be saved.

Oh, gods!

"For fucksake, Should we worship the common dog?"

"I don't Sphinx so!" -yelled Bootsie Gumdrops in full headdress

This cultivation fad is so done. OVAH!

I wore my dressy dress, r46.

Simply diVine

I'm really not liking the new "You Break It, You Bought It" policy at the slave store.

That's not really an enforceable policy, r57.....

The size of that new Celebrity Center ziggurat they're putting up by the Tigris is astounding! So much for the good ole pagan days.

I just gave Nintuda's daughter a stone tablet that says:

"Nintuda, you're wearing her body-coverings way too high. It's reported you've been imbibing in fermented liquids and runnin' 'round with menfolk and goin' wild And we don't believe you oughta be a bringin' up her little girl this way."

Nintuda's daughter spent New Year's in Shuruppak and the "virgins" gone wild stories will not cease.

She will end up like Ninbanda.

The companion thread.

Best Sumerian Actress.

For Paleo-Bronze gays who remember the anointed Puabi!

Anyone for Hummus & Goat Ass Smoothies?

Ooh-ooh!!! Look what I just got from the Bartered Barley Tree. Such a bargain!

Puabi, very successful of the ex-whores of Murduk.

Ur-Nungal told me that he no longer needs to throw his bottom's filth into the street like the rest of us.

Something called an "Erna."

I was too embarrassed by such frank talk to ask.

r66, Ur-nah?

Is everyone going to the new cave painting circle jerk-off tonight??

R68, is that new Jordanian towel-boy going to be oiling up the wrestlers/

If yes...yes.

Fun for the whole family