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The gAy List

So I am curious, more than jealous (because it's too late in life to be a A lister) but I gotta admit, the A Lists fascinate me.

On the thread about the project lead who killed himself over Penn Station, there was this observation:

[quote]People in the “a list” crowd are usually miserable despite an abundance of health wealth and looks, because in those circles, nothing is ever good enough and as popular as you may be, one wrong move and you get ostracized from those circles.

So my question is, how do they do it, these As who form the A crowd that you can get exiled from for one wrong move? Those sorts of things fascinate me. Where do they find each other? Or does one handsome hard bodied gay lawyer just befriend another, who has one friend and so on and so on and the beautiful circles self selects? How do they connect? Where? Is there a website?

It's weird because the name of the only A gay I know popped up in most of the Instagram accounts that flows from the link. This was a guy - handsome enough but not a model - who came from the midwest, did Harvard business, came to New York and is living the A gay dream, down to dating an age appropriate success in the arts. So much of it has to be by design but it fascinates me because I wouldn't know how to do it if I wanted to (and like I said, it's too late in life anyway.)

One thing I learned in my career is that people with wealth typically only have the veneer of decency... they're as shitty and vulgar as any deplorable when you see them in their natural habitat. Are the A gays just hyper bodied jerks? They always seem so fiercely happy to look at them. But the climb, the arrival in the New York, the success... it fascinates me. So tell me what you know please. It's a unique aspect of gay life the major cities... the fabled right crowd.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 1901/12/2021

[quote] Are the A gays just hyper bodied jerks?

Wait. What?

by Anonymousreply 101/10/2021

You know, tightly carved, Equinoxed, carb free monuments to the necessary (at leas the ones in their thirties and some forties) who are, underneath the beauty, jerks.

by Anonymousreply 201/10/2021

[quote]the project lead who killed himself over Penn Station

A martyr!

by Anonymousreply 301/10/2021

Many of them tend to be very shallow, superficial and classist. Not a fun group, and "average" looking people are invisible to them.

by Anonymousreply 401/10/2021

[quote] They always seem so fiercely happy to look at them.

No they don't. They just look pretty.

Pretty does not equal happy. Carved abs does not equal happiness.

If they did, so many gay porn stars would not commit suicide.

by Anonymousreply 501/10/2021

I went though it. I was hot and charming, but poor.

At first, it feels amazing. Everyone is very friendly and encouraging. All of a sudden people tell you your farts smell like heaven. You buy into it and think of yourself as enlightened and freely give out advice to others. Even if you’re unqualified, you get offered amazing career opportunities solely based on how you look. You act like a spoiled brat anyway and still get recommendations even though you got fired.

Everywhere you go people kiss your ass, and the hot ones? They’ll all sleep with you. If they don’t sleep with you, you’ll never be part of their group. The sex is hot but always leaves you feeling empty. So you have more but that makes it worse.

Drugs are everywhere and at first it’s really fun, but over time, it tears all your insecurities apart. The lifestyle itself becomes a drug. You know it’s bad for you but when you get it it feels amazing. But you always feel shame the next day no matter what.

After a year or three, you become aware how it can all end so quickly which makes you act out. All your insecurities come back. You are hot privileged and have wealth but you only see a fraud in the mirror.

I turned against a sugar daddy I had and since he had done something horrible, I thought people would take my side. I was wrong. Since he was filthy rich, he had more power than I ever could have. Now life sucked. And without the validation I used to get, I fell into a deep depression that took a long time of therapy and hard work to get over.

Some, actually do have the perfect lives you see in social media, but those are very rare. Those usually aren’t bragging on social media. The true A-list, is very much against social media.

by Anonymousreply 601/10/2021

[quote]But the climb, the arrival in the New York, the success... it fascinates me. So tell me what you know please. It's a unique aspect of gay life the major cities... the fabled right crowd.

Very interesting statement. Probably entirely true.

by Anonymousreply 701/10/2021

[quote] All of a sudden people tell you your farts smell like heaven.

Oh, if only!

by Anonymousreply 801/10/2021

^ Sorry.... Wrong paste, Meant:

The true A-list, is very much against social media.

by Anonymousreply 901/10/2021

I was by no means an A-lister, but I met one once through friends and I made him laugh. He was successful in the arts so on his own he could be friendly with an “eccentric “ choice of a friend. I finally met the partner —very Boston Brahmin — and from the first hello, I felt it: the freeze-out. He was polite but it ended there. I could have made it on looks (and that’s a stretch) but I knew how to act and could mix with many people. My cardinal sin? I was an office manager and there absolutely zero cachet in that. I was tolerated for a while and I’ll bet my friend and the Brahmin had fights about my continued inclusion on their guest list. I was unceremoniously dropped but at least I saw that coming from the freeze-out. So, I wasn’t on the list but I got to observe it for a while.

As R6 said, the sex was great especially since I was single and the young guys with sugar daddies always wanted to sleep with anybody new. Even within that circle they probably thought they were slumming with me. A couple times I’d be invited to join a threesome and I thought at least the couple still enjoyed each other but things needed some livening up.

An odd period of my life, but it was fun to think about for a while. I rarely do.

by Anonymousreply 1001/10/2021

There are several A-lists and all A-lists operate differently. Only 1 A-list is about plastic beauty, sex and party traveling, and social media posturing. But there is always ONE QUALITY/SKILL/IMAGE you must have, so this varies.

by Anonymousreply 1101/10/2021

We plainly have no A listers on DL.

by Anonymousreply 1201/11/2021

I was an A-lister back in the day. Dinner parties with (usually minor) celebrities, Fire Island houses stocked with handsome men, the sense that you were far more important than you really were. I lasted about 5 years hanging with these guys, many of whose names you would know if you're, like me, an eldergay. But after a while it got tiresome, always trying to look good, spending too much money on clothes, feeling pressure at dinner parties to always be as witty as possible, only having boyfriends who were cute and convivial enough to pass muster with your very judgmental friends, etc. I lost touch with most of those guys, although I'm still friendly with a few that, like me, lost interest. The sad thing is, some of these men are still, in their 60s, living the same silly life that they were living in their 20s.

Go look at David Patrick Columbia's Social Diary and you'll see a lot of them, haggard and taut from all the plastic surgery, looking like death warmed over.

by Anonymousreply 1301/11/2021

Yes, Darling! I once fisted Roy Cohn as the Cushing sisters, Babe Paley, Betsey Whitney, and Minnie Astor looked on.

by Anonymousreply 1401/11/2021

Something tells me R13 that you’d be a gas to drink Martinis with.

by Anonymousreply 1501/11/2021

[quote]Yes, Darling! I once fisted Roy Cohn as the Cushing sisters, Babe Paley and Betsey Whitney, and Minnie Astor looked on.

Fixed that for you, darling! One 'and' can make such a difference, you know.

by Anonymousreply 1601/11/2021

Are A gays just circuit gays who can afford to vacation in nicer surroundings? And in addition to real estate agants you have members of the professional class?

by Anonymousreply 1701/11/2021

I was A List before I knew it, and then ran like hell when I realized what the nasty and claustrophobic scene was. I was young and gorgeous and didn't have a clue about it, and was getting attention for certain talents (legit, not being silly here) so I had appeal.

The pressure, the constant invitations and inevitable assumptions of after-dinner and after-party obligations, the set-ups, the meanness and ostentation and bitterness behind everything - sickening. Like being around desiccated zombies with nothing but ambition and arrogance left. It was abusive and I ended up with some serious issues from the experience, with needing to clean out from drugs, deal with trust and intimacy issues, and re-establish connections outside the pack.

I met a man completely out of these types, and have had my good life with him and a small group of friends and family whose success and happiness do not depend on being seen as au courant, better than mere humans, "cutting edge" and invulnerable.

by Anonymousreply 1801/11/2021

So it just sounds like Velvet Rage, with a good tailor.

by Anonymousreply 1901/12/2021
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