Let’s Be a Lesbian Halloween Autumn Soirée! 🧙‍♀️ 🎃 🧛‍♂️ 👻

I’m the bags of “fun size”nut-loaf bars for the Trick or Treaters

I’m the five plus size gals dressed as Thelma from Scooby Doo

I’m the Subaru Forester parked haphazardly on the street with the headlamps covered by fang decals.

I’m a pumpkunt.

I'm the gall dressed as Shane Mccutcheon who everyone is trying to hit on. This will all stop tomorrow when I wash my face and the world sees that I'm more of a Martina Navratilova.

I’m the hilarity that ensues when the guests think a group of gals is dressed as The Lost Boys—but then find out that this is what they always look like when they dress up and go out!

I'm the ear-splitting scandal that ensues when the question who is doing the barbecue is raised. Blood and tears are copiously shed.

Let’s be the day the soulless OP blows his brains out instead of playing into Boris’s latest, misogynist, “divide-and-conquer the queers” thread.

No Thank You!

I’m the moon cups arranged in a pentagram

I’m doing the limbo with a cane

The lesbians would not be gathering on Halloween, OP. They'd either be at a gay Halloween party or watching scary movies and handing out candy.

Im the lesbian gatekeeper, trying to shut down all DL threads on lesbians! This is NOT FUNNY!

I'm nutloaf -- finally being consumed at the appropriate time of year.

R13 You want to start a thread on lesbians? Meet some, know some. These imaginary obese moony heifers only exist in your imagination.

I'll be the self-appointed sheriff, telling other people what they are allowed to think and say!

OH WAIT... it looks like that position has already been taken on this thread!

I’m Swedish Fish given out to trick or treaters. Because it’s all about the fish in this household!

I'm the candy being given to little girls.

Boys (aka future rapists) get nothing.

I’m pumpkin spice nutloaf, bitches.

I’m humorless Dykes who love to lecture gay men on misogyny and the patriarchy, to make sure they feel shame for the dick swinging between their legs, on a gay male chat board. I’ll then rage on about female superiority and how horrible EVERY man is, even pulling out rape statistics. Fuck off.

I’m the boundaries being stated NOW so I DON’T have to tell you THEN.

I’m the costumes in size XXXL.

I'm the hormone-addled trannies on this thread who haven't seen a lesbian in person since 1994.

I'm R23, determined to prove the humorless lesbian stereotype.

i'm the costume made out of tofu

I'm the ex-girlfriend. Everyone in the room is me to someone else in the room.

I’m the drunken discussion of “The one man who could turn me straight!”

I’m Fran. I fell asleep on the front porch waiting for Kris, the lady I met last night at the bar, to come back with her stuff in a U-Haul. Somebody put the jack o’lantern on my head and now I’m scaring all the kiddies trick or treating.

I fart myself awake every hour or so.

I'm the squash.

My phallic shape has triggered Bev.

There's a person I have blocked who, I've noticed, posts obsessively and with passionate hatred on EVERY lesbian thread. So far, he has posted 7 times on this one (not one funny, btw). I'm dying to know the trauma that is beneath this, lmao! Must be a juicy story.

I'm the one constantly explaining the pagan festival of Samhain and the importance it has to Wiccan traditions as a radical decentering of patriarchal structures of heterosexist notions of authority.

I'm the new late-in-life lesbian who asks what's planned for Christmas at the party's end.

I am met with an icy silence.

Everything about Christmas -- celebrating the birth of a male to a man entering womyn's houses uninvited -- makes it problematic.

I’m the vagina cupcakes. Only take one, children!

I'm 4 different grills in the backyard. Vegan Only, Organic Local Free Range, Fish, and Anything Goes. We're the crowd of aging party chics at the Anything Goes grill burning Sabretts, cheap greasy hamburgers and S'mores.

I’m the mysterious disappearance of all the phallic-shaped vegetables from the horn of plenty centerpiece. Someone at the party is either very hungry or very lonely.

I'm the Ruark Audio radiogram in walnut, which that low-class Georgina has mistaken for a flea-market mid-century commode and set up as a pumpkin carving station for her aspie trash kids.

I am the unflattering, but easy to care for, hair on many of the attendees heads.

I'm the unfortunate joke about lesbians being vampires during "that time of the month".

I’m their ultra-masculine & homophobic (but only towards gay men) fathers; who they worship and emulate, evident through their demeanor & wardrobe as they age. I’ll make sure they always see gay men as lower than them and they’ll “hate men” due to lesbian societal pressure, but it’s always be some general & faceless “man” that’s the subject of their hatred. This leads them to only take out their hatred on gay, effeminate or weak men and never the real predatory monsters: macho straight men.

I’m cool seasonal gay Halloween t-shirts

R39 WTF is your damage? For crissakes shut your blowhole and FUCK OFF. Do you not know how to have fun with our friends, the Lesbians. You're horrible. Probably dangerous. Certainly unloved.

I'm the cooler full of Coors Light on the deck out back.

I'm the balls of cat hair on the counter near the hors d'oeuvres*

*And by hors d'oeuvres, I mean Chex Mix and M&Ms in plastic bowls

I'm the balls of cat hair on the counter near the hors d'oeuvres*

*And by hors d'oeuvres, I mean Chex Mix and M&Ms in plastic bowls

I'm the directions to the party which start out

"After the paved road ends, drive 5.7 miles and take a left by the burned out car...."

I’m Kit and Kat’s pre-rapist twin sons who’ve been told to stay in the Subaru during the party.

I’m Leah’s hand-dipped tallow candles for atmosphere (don’t ask how she got such a rich red sheen on the wax)

[quote](don’t ask how she got such a rich red sheen on the wax)

Stop the patriarchal oppression!

We are Womyn who celebrate our menstrual blood here!

All of the haters here did the same thing on the michfest threads.

I'm Sarge, the platinum blonde, 75 year old, self-appointed den mother of the gang. I've been occupying this chair since 2 pm (really since 1996), and wish I had a nickel for every time someone told me I could "still get it."

What about the music? What are we listening to?

R49 The Michfest thread was funny and had a basis in reality. This? Who is this about?

Well, you keep proving the humorless lesbian is real, R52.

I'm the same tired old Lesbian stereotype-mocking threads that come out on DL for every holiday. The jokes are the same stale posts which the same tired old queens think are original and funny. You'll see us again like clockwork around Thanksgiving.

This thread must have been shared on LChat or Lipstick Alley. All the girls are riled up and headin over!

I'll be the change I hope to see- better version of this thread here:

I’m a yummy ladyfingers appetizer! Because nothing hits the spot like a lady’s finger!

For r56, a special collection of fingers

I'm dressed as an orange incense candle, and Jayne is the cloth-and-twigs wreath that will (and often does) surround me!

R57 I’m Raegan’s younger brother, Chad, who tagged along because I was visiting our parents and didn’t have any other plans. All the women turn on me when I chuckle and make a subtle fingering joke about the ladyfingers dish. I’m branded a “full-blown rapist”, I will never be invited back, and if I stay too late, when the booze is really flowing and Tish gets word of this my “ass is grass”.

I’m pathological lying, an affliction of at least half of the attendees. I’ll help come up with pointless whoppers.

Kristi (who works in retail at an outdoor gear store, drives a 2003 Toyota Tacoma and lives in a garage apartment) says she has a “massive” Trust Fund... but you know she “just doesn’t like to touch it.”

Kelsey (who sells soap and other crafts on Etsy) says she lived in Brooklyn for a few years, when she was about 20, where she allegedly owned a highly successful boutique vegan bakery and claims she had a “highly secret” affair with Zooey Deschanel. “Not many people know that, so don’t say anything!”

None of this is even close to true.

What is this stupid rapist joke everyone's working? These are not funny, just mean.

I’m the Halloween appropriate art installation in the front lawn of our party host’s house. From a distance, it looks like an old, creepy, evil witch riding a broom and laughing hysterically. Upon closer inspection, it turns out to be Judith, who actually put on make up for the party. She’s had a few too many organic wine coolers and has begun having sex with a broom, once again. She isn’t laughing, but crying as she reaches organism and yells “ I fucking LOVED you Chaz, even when you grew a dyke dong.”

[quote]reaches organism

HAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m the one who is one my phone all evening, complaining on Datalounge.

I want to reach maximum orgasmism

I'm the one who looks scary.

I'm not dressed up though. I just always look scary.

I'm the not so spooky time it takes place at -- 4:00pm. All the girls here like to be home in time for Maddow then to bed at nine.

I'm the heaving deck.

I might finally give this soiree.

I'm the obsessive cuckoo who has already posted 12!!!! hateful, breathless comments in this thread (the last one is about a heaving deck). Cmon, tell us your story.

I'm Kim.

I'm snacking on Gummi Bears all evening. I think nobody knows that they're saturated with vodka. But I'm wrong.

I’m a rousing game of “Spin the Dildo”

I'm the argument about whether dressing as a witch makes light of the struggle of women accused of witchcraft.

I will ruin the party.

I’m the stalker who has turned up, turning this into a real life horror film.

I’m the cackling.

I'm the pumpkin spiced beer tucked away in Kris' 1998 Subaru Outback with a COEXIST sticker on the back. I promised I wouldn't be consumed tonight.

I'm the corner of the house reserved for CPAP machine placements while hilarity ensues on where people are sleeping tonight.

I’m Toni. I keep bringing the conversation back to the sexism in women’s Halloween costumes, and how they promote the sexual objectification of women.

If the girls only knew I secretly bought a sexy nurse costume and wear it when I’m home alone.

That humorless dyke got this one shut down, huh?

I’m Missy doing all the coke in the bathroom!

Crazy lesbian party gals!

I’m “Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.” The mere mention of me makes half the womyn in the room spontaneously orgasm.

I'm the subgroup of guests which has seemingly formed a "party within the party" and which is obvious to the other party guests.

I’m Chanté, the non-bio female lesbian pre-op demisexual friend Dot brought along who is being passive-aggressively excluded from the general conversation.

I’m Laura ordering more coke!

I’m Terri and I love any event where I can eat for free and don’t have to tip, either.

I’m the stray hairs in the dip.

I'm the ex-husband thought about when violently carving the pumpkin.