Boss a potential danger?

It would help if you mentioned what you do for work.

OP, you should have left when she paid Gypsies to curse you. Or stole from you.

This is ridiculous. Don't give her any notice. Have another job set up and go.

This is the plot to some movie.

If you really fear her, notify police, lockup your apartment and stay somewhere else for a while.

Does your boss throw staplers? Does she eat salad with a comb?

R4 is right. Now if you don't want to notify the police, then yes, have people you can count on check on you during the day. But really OP> This is bullshit, OK? This person seems so unhinged, why bother with all this. Just call her and tell her you're through.

If she has done all that you say, then you owe her nothing. Get the fuck out of there. Don't even bother going in. And if it's about your money, hey, go in, pretend to work until you get your money and then just leave. LEAVE.

This doesn't sound like a typical job situation if everything you say is true....or only half true, so it's not about job etiquette. Just leave. Stop wringing your hands and agonizing over something that is not worth it.

There is no way in HELL I'd stay in any environment that threatened my safety either implicitly or in fact. Now stop with the fucking drama, get your coat and leave.

Why do we allow crazy people to intimidate us so much that we risk our mental and physical well-being because we're afraid.

-3/10. Hysterical queen is going to notify the police ahead of time about the drama of quitting her Hot Topic job?

OP is obviously a total submissive bottom and bosslady is his dom

I worked with (not for, thank God) a woman who had many of these qualities. Over the 10 years I worked alongside her, she caused serious trauma (I am being serious.) to about 60 people who came and went. She was eventually fired.

A couple of specific anecdotes, both true accounts:

—Through flattery and months of calling to petition her, lured an accomplished woman from a job she loved to sell her house and move to DC, and convinced her to move into an apartment building across the street from the office. Once locked into a one-year contract, she proceeded to berate her (as she did to everyone) and tell her she was a failure at everything she did. The woman had a major health scare and took sick leave for medical tests. The boss lady called her cell and home phone a dozen times that day and then talked the security people at her apartment building’s front desk into calling 911 because she was “unresponsive.” When she found out, she gave the security people her boss’s photo and told them never to admit her to the building, and she also filed a police report for harassment or stalking. I don’t think she got a restraining order, but she lodged a formal complaint because she felt her personal space had been invaded. She quit on her one-year anniversary, and she told me the prior year was the worst experience of her life, worse even than the death of her mother. In her view, her life had been ruined. She was very happy at her prior position and in her prior home, but she relented and took this job because she had been so heaped with flattery and ultimately bought into the sales pitch that it would be a great professional opportunity to move to DC and take a job with national notoriety and influence.

—About a half dozen other coworkers who reported to this woman, very interestingly, said that their mothers had serious mental illnesses and that they behaved similarly to the boss. Some said borderline personality, some said bipolar, some just said their mothers were physically and emotionally abusive. She seemed to be able to identify personality types of people whose mothers were like her and she hired those people. Those people always lasted the longest working under her. One of them quit and then shortly thereafter her mother, who had borderline personality disorder, killed herself and left a suicide note blaming her ex-husband and her children for making life unbearable.

We all expected her to retaliate in crazy ways when she was finally fired (for behavioral reasons) but she didn’t. An HR person told me that there was some kind of clause in her termination agreement saying if she retaliated in any way against any person or the organization, she would forfeit and have to return her severance.

I assume you are her personal assistant? That bitch is crazy, screenshot some evidence or whatever call the police

R1 shopbottom (well, the lesbian subspecies).

R2 Wish I had but it’s too late for that kind of thinking now. I didn’t take the cursing seriously (still don’t), just though it was pretty discourteous and sneaky putting it down to dementia-brain. I do have somewhere else to go (hence why I said I was giving notice), but unfortunately where I’m from it’s basically unwritten law that you give 2-3 weeks notice before you leave any job no matter how awful. It’s a business deeply in debt (I only discovered this a few weeks ago after much research) and I’m the only employee as I mentioned, so if I leave within a day she’ll probably try to kill either me or herself. I’m looking to minimise harm to myself or others.

R3 again, I wish. I’d laugh my arse off were I watching this happen to anyone else.

R4 I live with my dad who’s an unemployed hillbilly ex-military man who tends to answer our front door so I’m not too worried about her causing trouble at my home. As for going back in to work I’m tempted to just call my local police station and just notify someone just in case and have someone on standby, but I think I might get laughed off the phone.

R6 I know you’re right and need that courage. As far as my money is concerned I have a lawyer ready to go and have notified the National employment rights department ahead of time, but unfortunately I can’t action anything until my Boss refuses a mediation (I just sent her a formal letter, awaiting a response). It’s a waiting game right now.

R7 be nice to know why we do these things to ourselves. Believe me I get how absurd this all seems and that it’s my fault, but I’ve come to my senses now so why should I suffer anymore? It’s like snapping out of an abuse mindset.

I work for a similar person, although a man. He squirmed his way into a decent family owned business, (married the dumb daughter) basically took it over, and has turned it into a hellhole. He's nuts. He fires people, and then calls them, texts them, with nonsense. His bipolar, manic-depressive, for sure. The difference he is I'm not afraid of him, I'll take a bat to his head and relieve everyone from his horrid existence, if he plays games with me. He's nuts, but he knows not to play games with certain people.

R10, it’s very interesting that you mention these people being able to identify their targets. That happens to me. At this point in my life, I can recognize when it’s happening, and stop it.

OP, don’t be surprised if your boss lets you go without a fight and ghosts you. If she realizes you’re not a target anymore, she’ll drop you.

Team Amy.

She sounds like Kathy Bates from “Misery.” You’re dead. Even if she lets you go without incident, she’s already plotting future vengeance. When you least expect it, she’s going to fuck you up, or worse, hire some black thugs to beat you to a bloody, brain-dead pulp. If I were you, I’d move out of state.

Concepcione, put a sleeping pill in JLo's tea and call the police. Good luck!

Just keep the job, OP. All non-profit jobs are the same. So keep the one you have.

OP. I really do not care if where you're from there's an "unwritten law" that you must give 2-3 weeks notice. From all that you have written here, it is clear you are in a "special circumstance." Seriously. No one takes the kind of precautions you say you have taken, and they you are going to tell me that you're giving notice as if this is what normal people do? This is NOT NORMAL. It's like we are all treating Trump as "normal." He isn't.

You're obviously dealing with a different dynamic. And fuck waiting for a lawyer or arbitration or WTF ever. Leave. Go to a medical professional put yourself under care and sue her ass if necessary. If she attempts to mess with you take action.

Unfortunately in this country I believe someone has to actually do you harm before law enforcement can take action. By then it is usually too late and you end up playing defense. I am saying you need to leave. Period. Once you have left, you will be dealing with different situation.

You are operating in an environment that is toxic and you think you can use the normal protocols because in some twisted way you're actually used to it and feel comfortable because it is familiar. Change is hard. I'm saying upend this world. Just go and take the two weeks to get your head together.

“ I have the sinking feeling none of that matters and that on Tuesday she’s going to try some crazy shit like locking me in the office or physically confronting me somehow, maybe making up some lies or trying to get me in trouble. Should I notify the police ahead of time? Get a friend or local to periodically visit me at work during the first few days fallout? I’m the only employee she has and she’s been mistreating me, so enough is enough and I have to do this, but I’m scared she’s going to unhinge totally on me.“

You *COULD* be overreacting because of the extremity of the environment (not your fault).

If you truly believe that she could lock you in an office or “physically confront” you (the implication is physical assault), then by all means, tell the police. It is most likely that they will not care or react at all unless you have documented evidence of prior assault or stalking, but you may have the option to file a formal complaint.

You also should have the option to send written notification to your employing organization’s legal counsel, at the very least to document events that you believe are abusive and to state concerns about your welfare.

If you are willing to go to the police, then that means you are 1) very concerned about your safety and/or retaliation and 2) willing to identify your boss as a potential threat. Given that, if I were in your position and felt these extreme concerns were real, I would bring my phone into the meeting and record the conversation with an audio-recording app. If you feel EXTREMELY worried, then I would livestream the meeting with her to my Facebook account with a preface that I am aware this is unusual and perhaps an extreme measure, but being concerned for my present and future welfare and having no alternative recourse, I feel a need to document my conversation in real time in case I need evidence to support or defend my case. If you do this, you must tell her that you are doing it. It will affect her behavior, but your goal is your well being and not to “get” her.

This is why I hate working for a "small family business".

Send her an email today saying you are resigning effective immediately. You are done and that is it.

Then, drop it, leave it and let it go. Move on with your life.

But you’ll also need to dye your hair and move to the Ozarks.

Op, you are an enabler and were getting something out of this chaotic person. Even in the manner in which you contemplate closure of this situation.

I thought you were an architect when I read your post.

Thank you all who responded so far. I feel more secure knowing other people know and are encouraging me.

R20 I’m a natural worrier though not a panicker, so it could be in overestimating my enemy here. I had already considered recording her phone calls, but never followed through because the police here say it’s illegal & inadmissible in court. I don’t have Facebook or any other streaming app but I do have a basic video/sound record option on my phone I could use.

I don’t know who my employer’s lawyers are and I haven’t been able to find out. You’re correct that the two or here lazy traffic cops overseeing my tiny town will not give a shit and can’t do anything to help even if they did. We had a destructive break-in at the store last year, and they let the shambling homeless drunk guy who did it go unpunished with a warning and a shrug.

R24 willing to concede you may be right, too, though I’m not entirely conscious of what it might be that I’m enabling or enjoying about this. Feel free to expand.

R22/R23 I’m almost as rural as it gets without falling off the grid. I was considering going henna like all self-respecting crunchy-granola lesbians do at least once.

My batshit Boss is so old and useless that she doesn’t use email or text at all. Her equally-crazy abusive DH told her WiFi & modems cause all mental illness and most 21st Century physical ailments. There’s literally no email or social media account for the business (hence why it’s failing), otherwise I would have got the passwords and held them hostage as leverage by now.

R21 lesson learned here for me. I’m going to go for a management role at my next gig that is thankfully with a chain..

R14 I’m hoping for the ‘ghosting’ outcome more than anything - that or her firing me and then going no-contact. Then I can sue and also don’t have to put up with her anymore. I acknowledge though that hope is the great falsifier of truth.

I am not R24, but it does sound like you're a bit drawn to the drama. I do get that she's been a monster, so maybe it doesn't feel just or a fitting end to simply walk away. But not all battles need to be fought. Consider that an anticlimactic finish is the best way out of this chaos. If she doesn't have email, then call her and hang up if she starts tearing into you. Or mail her a letter (the literal letter in an envelope type), since she insists on being old-school.

Hunny, you gotta rip that Band Aid off the second you have other means.

You don't understand how you fed her drama? This sounds like some ordinary wage job and you made your grand departure public and stretched it out over months. "Since last autumn I have kept her in the loop about my desire to leave and the interview process for other jobs". Why? Next time, you go quietly find a better job and quit. You owed that bitch nothing. Nor the company that continues to employ HER.

r10 Interesting that SO MANY coworkers had a borderline or bi-polar mother. Not a coincidence. Your average employee would see what's going on and get the fuck out of there, either quitting or immediately looking for a new job. For Someone who grew up in a household with a borderline/bipolar, it would feel normal to them. So they stayed. So over time, with high turnover, you'd end up with an entire employee base of people who were abused in childhood. sounds like a healthy workplace.

R24 here, Op. you’re enabling by not having strong boundaries and putting up with not just controlling behavior from another but borderline or outright psychotic behavior. You quit by phone and cut off all contact. Not before talking with police about your fears about this person so that they can’t manipulate made-up stories about you.

[quote] She has forced me to take care of her schizophrenic daughter or her grandkids during working days.

Nobody can force you to do that. Was there a gun to your head?

[quote] I’m going to go for a management role at my next gig that is thankfully with a chain.

Are you sure you're ready for a management role?

[quote] Who is her Old Hollywood equivalent?

Why even bother posting this^^^ when you're also going to post this:

[quote] She has paid gypsies to curse me (I cringe in embarrassment even typing that).

SHAME on the idiots here who took you seriously.

Put a little “Skinny and Sweet” in her coffee.

R33 thanks for the detective work but I didn’t write the ‘Who is her Old Hollywood equivalent?’ reply. Your trolldar & block button are broken, maybe talk to Muriel about that.

R32 I’m not saying I haven’t been too passive and stuck in a victim mentality, or that there isn’t a lot of work for me to do in therapy or whatever. I cop to it all. I just don’t want to get boiled in hot water before I get chance to fix it. Thanks for the concern.

R30 as far as I know my mother isn’t mentally ill beyond smothering/Empty Nest Syndrome. I get on well with her and value her guidance though I worry we are codependent sometimes. It’s my Dad that has the issues that look like BPD (moods swings, dependency and refusing to work, Trumpian manipulation style). I can’t stand him.

Your take on her psychological state is not going to move the police. If you feel you are in danger, do not go into work. If she contacts you or threatens you, document it and go to the police. This is not complicated. I also don't understand why you've "kept her in the loop" about leaving for half a year.

William and Kate will be the King and Queen.

They're the losers, you insufferably trolling little cunts?

Meg's lip reduction surgery is still too fresh. But I can see it will settle in nicely.

VERY Disney-appropriate and on-brand for the People's Brand.

For fuck's sake, this is the same shopbottom EST who started the 'Tips & tricks for the erstwhile Sales Clerk' thread from a couple of years ago. Supposedly stuck in a temp job managing a shoe store, non-stop boss drama, pretending to be American (or is it pretending to be British?) until they were called on it, all sorts of excuses why they can't just fucking quit, blah blah blah. Kept bumping that thread, claiming they were going to get various employees' rights agencies involved (but couldn't keep the whole American/British thing straight) but nothing ever changed and still hasn't:

R39, I remember that one.

How fucking long have you dealt with this, OP?

Why would it take a year and a half to move on from that job?

Because it's an EST, R42.

OP, so what happened? Did you get killed or maimed? Has someone burned down your house or poured sugar in your gas tank? Do you have a dog that got poisoned recently? C'mon, man. If this is an EST they're really dull. No imagination. OP, is your Boss related to the Butch Sous Chef?

Dear Cerished Custumers - Hot Topic be closed for 2 weeks do to Corona Beer Sicknees and Staff Training. We look farward to serve you with our Hot NEW Prodicks for Spring soon!

What’s an EST?

OP is dead.

I've got his stuff.

An EST is an Elaborate Scenario Troll. It is a classic DL feature. From time to time someone will start a thread describing a dilemma, or a problem seeking advice or suggestions or a solution. Often they're in avery dire situation. 99% of the time the person is a troll and just made everything up. Sometimes the threads are real, but this is DL so we are snarky and mean and occasionally cruel and vicious. We sometimes grade the threads. If this is an EST I give this a 4.