Walked out on a date last night

Well, I never in all my life.

∞ / 10

Wait, so what happened to the men?

Wait, so what happened to the men?

Is her name Azmodeus?

You both sound pretty bad.

Very funny and amusing post , but yeah, no you are dodging a huge bullet

Was she ((( I look around to see if the coast is clear))) um.... black?

Don't despair. You will find someone else to have hate sex with. And whatever else you do, don't have any more contact with her unless you want to replay the last act of Fatal Attraction.

[quote]Am I the asshole?

Yes.

[quote]Do I sound supremely uptight?

No. You just sound like a gay man who likes to pretend to be a lesbian online and create ESTs.

Now THAT'S just weird.

[quote]"I wanna take you upstairs and get me some cervix."

I stopped reading after this and the 24 drinks part.

If someone is too crude/loud for you to feel comfortable with them in public, that's plenty of reason to break things off. I think that in a relationship you should be eager to spend time with the person you're dating, not dreading it.

You are the asshole for asking if you are the asshole. DL is not Reddit!

She sounds like fun. You on the other hand.........

lmao! She's a little too wild for you gurl. Go let her find somebody fun. Too funny.

This is either made up, or you are in recovery.

Either way, not a good match.

You did the right thing - crass behavior is hard to tolerate. If it was indeed once, that would be one thing. But it's not.

She doesn't consider the people around her or does it just to get a rise out of them. Either one is wrong.

Move on - don't contact her.

You're on the wrong site, babe.

You want the MichFest Advisory Website for lifestyle suggestions for today's modern age lesbians.

OP here. I'm certainly a woman. No, she isn't black. It isn't a fake EST post. My friends, after the first few WTF moments with her, thought perhaps I was being too rough on her, too harsh, too elitist. She IS from Florida, and the white trash flares up now and again. I saw huge moments of hope with her, but mostly because I love the way she presents and looks. But then get a couple of drinks in her and the Florida comes out.

Yeah, R16, R17, this is what I'm truly wondering. Have I lost my sense of humor? A year ago, I got out of a long-term relationship with a very serious-minded academic and her elitist attitude definitely wore off on me. I'm wondering if I just need to let loose and be a little more accepting with future dates. I tried, even when I knew I only wanted sex with her, I tried. It's gnarly out there.

Why do you have do date her? Can't she just be a fuck buddy?

lmao! She's a little too wild for you gurl. Go let her find somebody fun.

You can be wild and fun without being an asshole. I can't stand inconsiderate trash who don't GAF about other people.

R22, I tried. God did I try. Women are supremely bad at just being fuck buddies.

^^Oops, first sentence above is a quote from R17

Izzard's tour doesn't start until the 15th, though?

No you have not lost your sense of humor. The fact that everyone looks at her like she’s a freak when she’s acting up in public just shows that her behavior is irritating and not normal to most other people. And let’s be honest - to be acting like that in her mid-40’s is ridiculous and embarrassing.

She already did you a favor and blocked you on Instagram (more proof of immature behavior), so let this mess go and move on to the next.

The OP

I'm sorry, but my sensibilities are just far too tender to listen to this lesbian drama. I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!

R26, Izzard was here in Seattle at the Moore in July, I believe it was. Maybe late June, can't quite remember.

R30 The OP claims this happened "last night" ( as evidenced by the thread title). Not two months ago.

Okay, thank you -- I've been following his tour dates and that detail was confusing me.

Shoot, Izzard was at The Paramount, not the Moore. Anyhow, he was here, and I tried to see him (my third time) but couldn't hear half his damn show because of the braying next to me.

R21 haha. I think so babe. Of course it's different if someone is being an asshole to others and inconsiderate of the surroundings. BUT you mentioned behaviour at a concert, movies. and party. Those are all social activities where fun and drinks are to be had. Your last relationship most definitely changed your attitude. It happens. I had an older boyfriend who was rubbing off on me in this way and it took a while to find the balance. I did like the maturity that was rubbing off on me but I didn't wanna lose my sense of humor he obviously didn't get. Yea people say behaviour should be a certain way at a certain age, according to who? That's how your soul/spirit shrivels up and dies. You are always never the same after a relationship. It depends on who you are now. R26 haha

R16 here, OP....

No, I was kidding.. she sounds like a lunatic if this is a real story. She clearly cannot read a room, and that is her best quality.

There are women on this site???? REALLY????

GET OUT.....

LOL!!!!!

Yeah I suppose women gay or straight get clingy real fast.

OP, May I suggest you identify in your profile “If Melissa McCarthy is your spirit animal, I’m not your dog mommy”

R34 - there’s a difference between having fun at a cocktail party and getting blind drunk; and being obnoxiously rude to other people sitting near you at a movie or a performance is inexcusably juvenile behavior

OP here again. I've been here since my late twenties, I love it. I was here through the Janie Lane thread and the My Neighbor is a Gargoyle and some of the other classics. I've never posted, only comment now and again.

It's just all so disappointing. It's been ages since I've melded with someone. I loved the way she looked but just couldn't overlook her behavior. I tend to like very femme women who look like women, and identify as women, and are driven and successful and behave as if they weren't raised on a hyena reservation. It's hard out there for me.

R40 CUNT ^

No R41 you're the CUNT!

R41, really? Wow. WTF?

OP, you will meet someone. She may be hot, but she's a disaster. Makes her not hot....

We are ALL cunts down here!

OP, your ex is crazy. I can only assume the sex was stupendous or you were feeling lonley for this to have gone on this long. Next time, go for the saner one! The se might be a bit boring but at least you'll be together.

1. Fortunately gay men don't need to be taken to the movies in order to fuck them

2. "One time after sex, she slapped my on the ass and said, "YEAH, I just tore that pussy UP."

On a side note, Lyft and all those other companies don't treat their workers right. I wouldn't patronize them but then that's up to your judgement I guess. The people driving those cars are paid less than the hourly minimum wage.

OP, please please tell me your ex isn’t a 69 year old woman from Dallas? She sounds a lot like my ex wife. Yes, I am a gay man. Yes, she tore that shit up. Hey, it was the 70s. It was a horrible mistake.

Most people that appear exciting, or are "outgong" are, in the end, assholes (no pun intended). Extroverts are fucked up.

Geez, R41, I'm just trying to gauge a situation amongst friends. Gay men, in my experience, know how to nail a personality better than most, so I stopped by for advice. I was walking in to work this morning, wondering if I'd been too hard on my date last night, and thought, "I need to bring this to Datalounge."

Anyhow, if anyone in Seattle was at the Izzard show, the Blondie/Elvis Costello show, or at Once Upon a Time in Hollywood last night, god, I'm really sorry. I tried to shut her up.

[quote]I can only assume the sex was stupendous

[quote], "YEAH, I just tore that pussy UP."

WHEW! That was SO hot! And, I'm a gay man!!!!

Someone who drinks two bottles of wine in the space of 80 minutes has a drinking problem. That drunken date would have been the last time we saw each other.

Someone who drinks two bottles of wine in the space of 80 minutes has a drinking problem. That drunken date would have been the last time we saw each other.

R103 calls everyone a 'cunt.'

OP, good luck though. I'm sure you're both very attractive, but she's crazy so she needs to be super-hot to have anyone merely talk to her, let alone fuck her.

It's obviously two very different personalities. You don't like it. Leave her alone. Move on. Case closed. R44 YES! 😂

OP sorry for your problems. Move on, you'll meet and find someone else eventually who will meet your needs but with less hassle. Patience and all that.

But thanks for a huge laugh today, I'm sitting in my office holding my sides while reading your plight. A very good amusing post. Please come back again with details of your other quandaries, we will enjoy reading them.

Did she crabwalk and spill Dr. Pepper?

Your personalities are different, which makes you incompatible. This isn’t some great mystery for most people.

You do sound elitist (“white trash?” Really?) and she does sound like a bit much. You win the prize for being worse since you strung her along for sex long past the point that you knew you weren’t compatible.

For some reason I am not attracted to women who are "driven" professionally. I find it tacky and vulgar. Maybe that is the root of all your problems OP! Find a woman who goes to the Seattle Philharmonic, at least she'll know when to be silent.

Hahahaha. You Lesbians sure know how to tell a good dinner table story.

Dear U-Haul Magazine:

You’ll never believe this, but . . .

I don't think anything good can come of seeing her again OP, she's fifty shades of cray.

"I wanna take you upstairs and get me some cervix."

Warning: I'm probably going to be using this frequently here on DL for awhile.

OP, I predict you will meet your one true love in the first weeks of 2020 after going to...

It's a great line.

4/10 but only because OP gave us a little variety. We don't get much lesbionic bad behavior around her.

OP, maybe you could continue to see her, but just go to events and gatherings that don't serve alcohol?

[quote] She had approximately 24 drinks, smoked a bunch of weed (legal here) ... We went to a concert at a winery and she went through two bottles of pinot gris by herself. In about 80 minutes.

I guess feminine-looking lesbians are such a hot commodity that people put up with the entire package.

[quote]For some reason I am not attracted to women who are "driven" professionally. I find it tacky and vulgar.

This is hilariously tone-deaf. Are you serious? Are you a man or a woman? How old? Super rich or filthy-fucking rich? It’s rare to encounter someone so completely out of touch.

The woman described is alcoholic, histrionic, and maybe borderline. No crazy is hot enough to put up with all that.

Why is it always the crazies who are the best sex ???? I love the fact OP based all on how the woman looked ! How very gay male of her.You dodged a bullet honey,weve ALL been there.

This thread + the class markers thread really point out how money does not buy class. And the thing with class, is that if you lose the money, you still have the class.

[quote] Why is it always the crazies who are the best sex ????

I really don't think this is true. I wish this myth would stop being perpetuated. There are a lot of sane people out there who are good in bed.

OP, you said at least 3 times that despite her incredibly worrisome drinking and crass behavior that you loved the way she looked/presented. Sad to say she showed you who she really was and you ignored it for her hotness. 24 drinks at one party? Two bottles of wine in 80 minutes? How is the woman's liver working?

OP - I’m an attractive 50yo gay guy - Blondie/Elvis; Izzard; OPTH - I’d date you in a heartbeat. ;).

I would love to see a picture of the lover (don't do it OP!) because I am sure this woman is not that hot. How can she be, being a raging alcoholic in her mid-forties? Even if she is supposedly hot, her looks will be going downhill fast, sooner rather than later.

ESTer, you need to stop writing these silly stories. And WTF is an "opthal"?

Ophthalmologist R78

OP you are funny! I know a few women like this, and they all have drinking problems. Does she have that gravely, sitting on a barstool voice? Anyway, you sure know how to spin a yarn. Drop by the ole DL and tell some more soon!

OP, how are you going to fix your dating problem? What is your next cray-cray going to be like? Are you willing to deal with b.o.r.i.n.g.? Because the sane, safe ones usually are at least a little bit.

No one with a drinking problem looks great in their 40s.

[quote] I am sure this woman is not that hot. How can she be, being a raging alcoholic in her mid-forties? Even if she is supposedly hot, her looks will be going downhill fast, sooner rather than later.

But, BUT.... she can TEAR the pussy up!!!!!

Who cares about anything else?

EAT ME, R82!

I'm hot as fuck.

Is it me, or does this story read as a lesbian episode of Seinfeld?

R85 may have cracked the code.

Also, what does this hot professional lover do? Is she a lawyer? A doctor? Is she in banking? Anything technical at all? An art historian she most likely isn't.

See r79 please, r87

Let's get real, OP, you're not here for "advice" ....

You like to argue, and you find this the perfect home because you can rebuff any wisdom and experience that DL offers. It's just your nature, and we see here every day. Now move along quietly, please, so we can get back to the business of what we do best.

OP, I do not believe your story is true. I suspect you're a great fiction writer who does not like women, gay women especially.

Referring to a woman as a fuckbuddy is your first mistake.

Those raging hormones will not take verbal abuse.

Perhaps you should try 😍 [italic] Part-Time Lover.

Oh, I know what "she" meant, but trust me when I tell you that a doctor of ophthalmology would never have made it through school acting like that. Yet another sign this is the type of post-that-dare-not-speakits-name.

I would not patronize such an ophthalmologist.

Thanks R88, got a bit lost there with all the cervix. Yeah, ophthalmologist is mostly a technical job so I wouldn't be keeping my hopes up. All the doctors, veterinarians & biologists I know tend to be a bit gross, comes with the territory. Again, she's "technical" smart but clearly not someone I would consider for a conversation.

It seems to me, OP, you were looking for "bad girl" hot except you're not in your twenties anymore. And you got fooled by her outward appearance and whatever status you place on her job.

Well, someone is certainly 👓 OPTHOmistic.

What does anyone see in Elvis Costello? I don't get it.

Serves you right OP for not taking her to Bikini Kill.

Going down on you while driving (not doable with a vagina).

Haha R98, good point. I was so entranced by OP's writing, but yeah my mind stopped at that point. OP is a good fiction writer.

OP, this is an opportunity to plug your self-pubs!

Hair caught in the steering wheel! Hilarious, I can’t stop chuckling!

My observation - An alcoholic can look good well into into their 40’s if they manage to maintain a good weight. Once someone is a little overweight the weight + alcohol bloat kicks in and it’s a double whammy and the face turns red and gets puffy. No extra weight, no problem. I’m talking about people who are holding it together enough to maintain employment.

But, does she know how to play the harp OP? I guess not.

[Quote] No extra weight, no problem.

I agree.

OMG, poor guy.

R103 I wouldn't have recognised him if his name hadn't been in the URL. Poor guy. And poor kid. The wife I guess knows what she's in for.

He's starting to get that face that lifelong addictions have.

He looks terrible, but I’m going to argue that he doesn’t fit the criteria of “someone who is holding it together enough to maintain employment.” Doubt he could handle an easy 9-5 deal job with minimal commute, much less anything more challenging.

[quote]Yeah, ophthalmologist is mostly a technical job

Not to pick but do you mean an Optometrist here? Ophthalmologists are full MDs who've been to med school and completed residencies, its a bit more than a "technical" job.

Sounds kinda fishy.

[Quote] “someone who is holding it together enough to maintain employment.”

His IMDB page says otherwise.

R108 I do mean a technical job. Medical science-leaning, sure, but still. Not Philosopher, art historian, even economist or political scientist. This is someone who did ZERO in the field of Humanities.

OP is gone and this is no fun without OP. Why you gone, OP? Are you on another date tonight?

^ THAT PUSSY IS GETTING TORN UP!!!

Man, you sure know what lesbians like. Does she ride a motorcycle?

WE ARE DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED.

We factor in 2-3 move-in and a half dozen move-out trailer rentals for every lesbian relationship.

Fucking amazing in the sack... and bat-shit crazy in public.

They often are!

I don’t know how to interpret an IMBD page, R110. But I assume you do and he’s actually showing up on sets and putting in a day’s work. Fair enough. So yeah, maybe my theory is wrong. That’s a good contradictory example (that isn’t the term I am looking for, is it?)

But I have absolutely known mid-late 40s active alcoholics who looked great. So it happens. Most non-alcoholics don’t look great, so it’s not common. But it seems weight related to me. Take Ben Affleck and the guy from friends. They both look much worse when they are fat. And there must be dozens of examples of Hollywood alcoholics who look good. Lindsay Lohan, not so much, but she has definitely had her employability impaired.

Did your partner's hair get stuck in the steering wheel because it was sticky from you driving while eating a Nature Valley granola bar?

So many questions.

R118 I'm just amazed there's a lesbian with hair longer than two inches.

[Quote] But I have absolutely known mid-late 40s active alcoholics who looked great.

And there are lifelong chain smokers who live to age 92. Their existence doesn't mean we can make a rule out of them.

OP doesn't seem to be a lesbian. First, she's been dating this woman for four months, and they haven't u-hauled it yet? Second, she picked a woman for looks over substance. That's male (straight AND gay) behavior.

Hmm...R121 raises a very valid points.....

R71 Is spot on. I'll add to a multi-axis diagnosis, bi-polar to boot. Many bi-polar people cannot handle drink,, as it brings on mania. She needs to be medicated (heavily, it would seem). Many bi-polars are fiercely sexually driven, which explains the super charged hot sex. They are masterful when it comes to seduction too. You make an excellent observation with the "Florida Factor" BTW. No good can come of this. Run as fast as you possibly can, without a backward glance. Wishing you all the best, and thanks for the good read!

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Wait a second...

You're trying to tell us that a woman who weighs less than 600 lbs can ingest 24 drinks and not be blackout drunk?

Women in their mid-40s with high sex drive?

Your writing style reminds me of that troll is Seattle who first told us his boyfriend had left him on Thanksgiving. Then a few months later, that he was a lesbian in a relationship with a "high femme" narcissist. He disappeared when he was called out.

That isn't you, is it?

Hehe R115

This drunk lesbian sounds like a total bro, you said she is high femme but she seems kind of masc.

The creep who writes these fake lesbian posts is R225 in this thread.

Whether true or not, I have enjoyed some of OP's comments.

R128 found it, and ya. This person is FOS. What the....

R128, it's weird.

He has an obsession with "high femme" lesbians.

Maybe he wants to be one?

Sorry, that was a reply to R130. R128 was my post.

R131, yes...very weird and creepy. What the hell????

OP is a lesbian, then a gay dude with a guy named "Brahim", then a 43 year old who was up for a "prestigious" award, then a 41 year old , then a person who was left, then a person who left, what the hell??????? Thanks, R132!

"80 minutes?" That seems like a rather specific measurement of time. Were you sitting there timing her with a stopwatch? You really are no fun.

Upthread, I said OP was either lying or in recovery. Pretty sure its both. Or needs recovery.

It's not that weird. Gays are often obsessed with "passing" (masc men, femme women etc.)

If the OP is a man (most certainly) who fantasizes about becoming a woman so he can be a fake lesbian, he is not gay.

The other interesting thing is how insistently he tells us in all his troll posts how elitist and upper crust he is--which of course points directly to him being the opposite: unemployed or menially employed, self-educated, male who has no sex with anyone.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship trouble, OP. I think it'd lift your spirits if you could join some of our Systren for Thanksgiving. It's at Nan's this year. There's a gal I think you'd hit it off with, name of Kim.

R135 I don’t think it’s that unusual to watch the clock when you’re not having a good time and ready for something to be over with.

R125 I am also having a hard time to see how a a woman in her mid-40’s could have 24 drinks (and smoke weed on top of that), and not be in a coma. And if for some bizarre reason her body could handle all that, no way would she still be a “head turner” in her mid-40’s with that kind of substance abuse problem. Whatever looks she had would be ravaged.

I think it has been established that OP is full of BS.

[quote]I think it has been established that OP is full of BS.

Huh? Even about the pussy being torn up?

She’s trashy, OP. I’m sorry things didn’t work out. Some of the hottest people are douchebags.

It’s not worth it, especially since most women need to socialize with their sexual partners.

If you were both men, there’s a chance you could just be fuck buddies once in a while with no chit chat. But most women won’t compartmentalize like that and you’re just not compatible.

I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t be, either. You’re right about everything and this chick is way, too rude to hang out with.

No, R144, because they are born torn up.

I have a bi-polar friend who acts like this. She drinks ungodly amounts of booze and sleeps with any man with a pulse. She looked good for a long time, but finally hit a wall mid-forties and now she looks like a habitué of Joe’s Bar and Shot shack. She also was a lawyer until she stopped taking medication.

We need a name for this troll. I'm thinking Seattle Creep.

Suggestions?

r147

Was she molested?

[R149] Yes how did you know ?!

There was a Seattle attorney that was hot and on the news programs all the time years ago. Apparently she had trouble with alcohol and her looks really went down the tube. She really was my fantasy woman.

Why are the dates/hookups never average-looking in these stories? Hmmm I wonder...

[quote] She IS from Florida, and the white trash flares up now and again. I saw huge moments of hope with her, but mostly because I love the way she presents and looks. But then get a couple of drinks in her and the Florida comes out.

You can tell our troll has never been to Florida.

R148, yes. Seattle Creephawk

This reminds me of the time that my Aunt Gert decided to grow limes in her backyard.

"Think of all the lime rickeys we'll have, " she said.

Well, sir, the man at the liquor barn told me, "If you're aunt comes in here one more time trying to trade sexual favors for gin, I'm going to have to call the police. And I don't care how many limes she can shoot out of her patoot. I gotta clean this place up every night. And when you least expect it some lime pulp will fall on a customer's head from a ceiling tile. I can't even drink lemon lime soda anymore."

Right then we knew we had to take Aunt Gert to live at the old folks home.

But she's doing fine. She's a hit at the talent show. Shoots limes out of her patoot into a tube and there's this whole Rube Goldberg contraption that gets going. Some green dominoes fall and spell out "Lime Rickey" and everything. Plus, the scent of lime does wonders to block out the old people smell.

OP, do you post at LChat (the new one, not the old one that was stolen by Tapatalk and populated with freaks)? You sound like their kinda gal. They don't like butchies (as they call them) and claim to all be lipstick lesbians.

R156, OP has posted on here as a man, as a different aged lez and as a host of others. So, probably not.

R6 is on to something. Get out now OP before she turns into a crabwaking demon.

I would like to be in a writing workshop with OP.

Well, OP/R21, apparently she's crass and you are a bigot with your automatic assumptions about Floridians. You've answered your original question - you are an asshole, and like attracts like.

OP, this is so fake I laughed all the way through your opening post. However, is even 10% isn't bullshit, you show what a total dumb asshole you are by spending more than ten minutes with this creep. That being said, don't quit your day job - you have no future in writing.

I'm pretty sure if we can pinch in OP can write their TRANS high femme novel!

It's "pitch in", you fat whore.

Precisely. That is what I meant.

Meanwhile, OP has left us to deal with their EST and no resolution in sight.

Is anyone in Seattle to check the news if there has been a murder/suicide?

Crazy lesbians!

R103 - R107

He may have something in common with OP's fictional creation: JR-M is the only person I've ever heard of to be banned from United Airlines' Red Carpet Club for life.

And not for braying loudly and banging on the back of someone's seat. He's more like the 24 drinks type...

United breaks guitars!

Wow, the crab walking lesbian is a real blast from the past. One of the greats.

Sexy ophthal numbs her pain 24x over

Fuck yeah, man

Vitreous opacities sliced and diced

Immobilized eye pleads in silence, desperate for escape

The gotten cervix shrieks betwixt caliper fingers

Blessed agony, purify me!

Dark lesbians

OP, you haven't lost your sense of humor. You've matured. Please don't get in touch with this woman again.

R167 = poor gay boy who believes the bullshit of another gay boy posing as lesbian. Or are you OP?

r171, that was one of the BEST THREADS EVER!!!!!!

OP, you lost me at 'woman'.

How do lesbians "fuck" if they can only do oral to each other?

Asking for a friend.

R176, "fucking" as you know it isn't necessary. Pass it on.

I dated a lipstick lesbian for 6 months. She'd frequently turn heads. It was a long distance relationship, or it would have ended sooner. She was a tiresome alcoholic (they all are), and would act like an idiot and embarass me to no end. After a booze- fueled verbal assault of anti-semitic slurs --I'm half Jewish-- it was clearly the last straw. What a loser.

Anyway, you still have your memories of great sex; some of us don't even have that.

R176, we really don't.

And if Seattle Creephawk were a better troll, he would know that women on the age he is and the background he pretends to don't talk like that.

R178, I am sorry. I condole you--but not like a Darfur orphan. In a different way.

**of the age he is...

Listen up here dyko! You obviously are not giving this woman the loving that only a woman can give to another woman. Please eat her out more. She may require 5 fingers instead of three.

If this is true, I agree with others that there’s some Cluster B going on here and that’s never going to end well.

Curious: the day after the dinner party, did you confront her about crudely propositioning your guests, in your home, to go upstairs and “give up cervix”? 🙄

This is way too interesting to be written by an actual lesbian.

We know who wrote it R183

One of my friends is a possibly closeted lipstick lesbian. She drinks like a fish. She's a very attractive woman, but she's been piling on weight ever since we met when we were 25 (we're now in our early forties). She comes from a wealthy, conservative family. I mean when you're that wealthy you're always going to be conservative. She's "cool", in a sense, but the pressure for her to have kids + a partner up to her and her family's standards was intense.

24 drinks??? I'm on the floor just thinking about that.

[quote]We both have graduate degrees

[quote]People were turning around and staring and it didn’t phase her

I’m guessing that your degree wasn’t in homophones?

[quote] How do lesbians "fuck"

Strap-ons and hand held dildos. Lesbians want penetration just like anyone else. Successful sex is all about the penetration.

The person earlier was right to be suspicious because of the Eddie Izzard appearance date. The OP didn't even get the name of the theater right and they were supposedly there.

Would it kill ESTs to jot down a few notes on a post-it before typing it all out? Make it somewhat enjoyable for the rest of us.

R188 is either an idiot or joking.

Haha, R189.

I personally got suspicious after suggesting an actual venue+ event in Seattle to help with OP's dating life, and OP responded nothing. Not even something along the lines of "that's not my scene". And after that OP said something about an ophthalmologist then quickly disappeared.

I very much hope that ‘get me some cervix’ becomes a beloved DL idiom.

I think you can drink two bottles of wine in 80 minutes, but not less than 70 (minutes).

Why can you write "Fuck," but she can't say it? Does this have to do with Florida or Hypocrisy?

OP is doing some rewrites. Next up is a werewolf.

She sounds horrible so you’re smart to have dumped her. But with your comments about her “decent upbringing” and her “Florida white trash instincts” you sound equally bad.

I’m an academic snob and no fan of bad manners, but I could never write the words that you did about someone.

I’m a gay man and I was confused about how one goes down on a woman while she is driving. When I try to picture it, you would have to contort your torso and neck in a way that strains belief. Finger her, yes, but cunnilingus? You really can’t do that from the side, unless she’s driving with her feet up on the dashboard and you’re going in from below.

See, now this is a great EST. "Get me some cervix" will live forever.

r196, yeah, that's why this story is nothing more than an EST.

OP, you need to go to Al Anon before you go on another date.

OP is either an active or recovering alk.

You lost me at, "I'm a woman...."

When my boyfriend is randy and had a few in him, he'll leer at me and say, "Now I'm gonna get me some rectum!"

You need to take about 2/3 of the stick out of your ass and stand by your woman in public, defend her, and then take her to a private area and tell her off and put some of that stick in her ass. She'll comply, because you defended her honor against the eye-rollers.

R203 has a point, OP. Maybe she's acting out because she's looking for a little "discipline".

There's something about this post that reminds me of the Azmodeus EST. Especially the detail about Loud Lezzy getting her hair stuck in the steering wheel as she tried to go down on the driver. It's just too good.

It's not possible to get one's hair stuck in steering wheel.

Unless your car is so filthy that the steering wheel is tacky or something.

Anyway, where is our trollerina?

Brilliant!! Thanks for the laugh...Please write more shit....

R6, hair in the steering is little a detail that makes the ES, er, story more real. I've have ear buds around my neck and somehow I leaned down while turning and they pulled tightly around the nape of my neck . The cord got caught in the crack where the wheel attaches to the car and wrapped tighter as I turned. So, hair is very plausable.

[quote]When my boyfriend is randy and had a few in him, he'll leer at me and say, "Now I'm gonna get me some rectum!"

HOT! 🔥 🔥

Damn straight I’m cradling my fuckin’ Jack-and-Coke in this bad boy right here. Fuck yeah, I am!!

It sounds like your invisible friend is a hoot.

OP you a ho giving up your cervix like that.

Whooh, I'm in tears. This is one of the funniest DL threads in sometime.

Azmodeus! That was a fab thread. I always thought it would make a good comic monologue for auditions.

OP cut the crap and admit you are dating Rosie O.

Author of story

Fat lesbo.