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I think I might actually die of loneliness

How do you fucks do it? Spend decades of your life lonely, single and unloved. What is the point of such a worthless existence?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 268Last Thursday at 2:04 AM

I would rather be by myself

by Without love, it ain't much reply 103/11/2019

Hey, OP I am listening to Eleanor Rigby sang by Aretha and your post came up. Our thoughts must have crossed. You're not alone.

Ah look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice

In the church where a wedding has been

Lives in a dream

Waits at the window, wearing the face

That she keeps in a jar by the door

Who is it for

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?

.

.

.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 203/11/2019

Because the single life isn't nearly as bleak and pointless as YOU make it out to be, O Queen Of The Drama Queens.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 303/11/2019

good question, OP.

I posted the thread about my buddy who committed suicide last year and I can't stop thinking about him.

I felt he treated better than anyone else in my life ever did in terms of being a good friend but then he left all of us.

I don't want to ever open myself up again to anyone.

Worse yet, I'll pick another ass-hole to befriend, which is what I usually do.

All I can say is hang in there and keep trying; I will if you will

by Without love, it ain't much reply 403/11/2019

No body wants you anyway, R1. Not here.

- Pelosi: NO IMPEACHMENT

[quote]Translation... Pelosi got a heads up on the Mueller report and it's an epic FAIL

by Without love, it ain't much reply 503/11/2019

I'm sorry for your loss, r4.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 603/11/2019

At one point I thought I was going to die of being smothered by the constant company of other people. I think I've actually lost the ability to feel loneliness thanks to that. Still, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and going through a very difficult time, OP. Wish I could help.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 703/11/2019

I agree that a loveless life isn't much, but it doesn't have to be worthless. I haven't been in a relationship for decades, and don't have a happy life, but I help people a lot through my job and give to charities that help the needy. Find ways to give your life some meaning outside a relationship, and see if that helps a bit.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 803/11/2019

One piece of advice I'd give to my younger self might be, Don't be so OVERLY choosy. I mean, if someone expresses a real interest in you, as a person, you may as well give them a chance. Because ... who knows?

Life is short - -

by Without love, it ain't much reply 903/11/2019

R8 you sound like a champ.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1003/11/2019

I'm happily partnered, OP. But being happy has nothing to do with being partnered--being happy has to do with liking yourself.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1103/11/2019

OP, I'm assuming you're a gay man. I'm a lesbian, and, for me, the hardest thing about being gay is the loneliness. The numbers are not in our favor. There are days when I feel hopeful that I might eventually meet someone to share the rest of my life with (I'm in my late 30s), but most days I have a sinking feeling that it's never going to happen, no matter how many things I do right: joining the lesbian Meetups, taking dance and art classes to meet other adults, exercising and eating well, etc.

I agree with R9 that we should be open to people who show a genuine interest in us, and seem to genuinely like us, regardless of whether they fit our preconceived notions of our "type." If any such woman appeared in my life, I would absolutely give her a chance.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1203/11/2019

R5, the trolls post so often in regular threads that it's almost impossible to tell at first glance who is even a troll. Of course the WM complained today that we "always fall for" trolls like r1, but there's no way NOT to. No trolldar, no redtags except the automated ones that tell us nothing (and are usually given out to fangurls rather than trolls), everybody games the system anyway.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1303/11/2019

You’re not alone. You have us.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1403/11/2019

Start drinking heavily, then join AA and attend gay meetings. You'll have a bf in a few weeks. You're welcome.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1503/11/2019

I like the single life. No headaches and no worries.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1603/11/2019

I was going to say something profound about being single after leaving a long relationship...but then this happened.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1703/11/2019

Get a rescue dog. I’m one hundred percent serious

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1803/11/2019

[quote]How do you fucks do it? Spend decades of your life lonely, single and unloved. What is the point of such a worthless existence?

Why do you assume everyone else is lonely like you?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 1903/11/2019

There's lonely and then there's alone. They're not the same.

OP is just having a pity party.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2003/11/2019

Did you have to bring Kate Spade into this?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2103/11/2019

I'm single, too, OP--but lesbo.

Though I'm desperate to meet someone, I have derived so much joy from just going to lesctures and film fests and things that interested me (even if I didn't meet any ladies). Just because you're single doesn't mean that a romantic relationship is the only type of fulfilling relationship.

Try to get out to things that sound fun--and a dog is always a good idea.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2203/11/2019

^^^lectures, goddamnit

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2303/11/2019

(Also, I am noticing that the specimens on match are of a better quality than on okcupid, in my area. )

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2403/11/2019

[quote]r17 I was going to say something profound about being single after leaving a long relationship...but then this happened.

In all seriousness, I kind of hate that song's message. Maybe if she HAD "been to me" she'd have been disappointed with what she saw. There's no guarantee that if you get to "know yourself" you'll be blissed out. Not everyone's a solid gold prize, inside. I mean, at least she had some fun on that yacht.

It's like when people say money doesn't make one happy. That's true. But, being poor doesn't make one happy, either. if you had to choose between being rich and poor, rich is certainly better. At least your Earthly needs will be taken care of.

What IS true, and puts things in perspective, is everyone goes through heartbreak and disappointment. Marilyn Monroe killed herself, she was so lonely and fucked up. So, at least when we're sad we can take comfort in the fact it's just part of the universal experience. Hopefully, it doesn't go on for YEARS, though!!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2503/11/2019

OP did you really have to quote Sheila E?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2603/11/2019

Peggy Lee, not Sheila E...

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2703/11/2019

OP, plenty of coupled people feel lonely and unloved too. It's their nature. You too would feel the same, single or married. Do you love yourself? Love life?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2803/11/2019

I might die from lack of energy.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 2903/11/2019

I have cats. A dog would mean I would have to interact with other people on a daily basis, fuck that. My cats are something to look forward to coming home to after a shitty day at work. Get a cat/kitten.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3003/11/2019

Cats give you all the love and affection you could ever need.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3103/11/2019

It depends which one you get - -

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3203/11/2019

I condole op on their loneliness (but remember you always have us.)

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3303/11/2019

Why is being alone considered a quicker way to die? If you can fill your life with friends, travel, work,books and cinema but if you find someone and keep with them for the very reason of fear of being alone then won't you die quicker? Won't you wish for death to come and claim you? Is the OP naive a child or a hetrosexual?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3403/11/2019

R34 without love or affection or people to care about you the body and brain rots away immediately.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3503/11/2019

It's better than having people use you then treat you like scat. Unfortunately, that's the way it is in this society for most people........

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3603/11/2019

r34 you cannot get affection from love or friends. You cannot get fulfillment from helping others and spending time travelling and doing what you want?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3703/11/2019

R37 you can be a single cunt all you want, lady. I doubt anyone cares or will refute that.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3803/11/2019

Take an online test and see if you are depressed, OP. And if you are, get treatment, both psychiatric and psychotherapy. I recommend Wellbutrin for medication. Make a decision to free yourself of any habits that are pulling you down, eg alcohol, smoking, overeating, drugs. You have plenty of time - use it to make yourself your own project. At the very least, you will feel better physically and less helpless.

All this will be a launching pad for the rest of your life.

And last but not least - get a couple of kittens. They will bring you joy and love

by Without love, it ain't much reply 3903/12/2019

(The Mueller report is a waste of time and will not prove collusion.)

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4003/12/2019

r22. What women currently pique your fantasy? Can be either non/fiction.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4103/12/2019

Are you lost, R40?

Here is something more your taste:

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4203/12/2019

R39 Worst advice ever, stupid cunt. You say the same tired crap in every post.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4303/12/2019

You know I am a cunt but a good cunt if I was being honest, which being drunk I am. I love people but I lovie being alone more. I would love to have a boyfriend, but more in an intellectual fantasy way than a reality way . I love being alone . Did I say that ? I think I did . You know love yourself and make other people you meet happy and be who you really are.

If relationships were not about physical but only about what you liked we would have all been in relationships for decades now. It is because we are so choosy that we eventually think fuck it . But you know what , fill your life up with what you love and you will never be lonely.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4403/12/2019

A friend of mine, a 40-year-old newlywed mother of a four-year-old died yesterday. For her, life with all its joys and struggles is over, but you and I are still here OP and neither of us can know what lies ahead.

I’ve never been in a long-term relationship but the possibility is still there. And even if it never happens, I still choose to enjoy my simple good fortune at having enough cash in my pocket and at being alive and reasonably healthy. It’s more than most people have.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4503/12/2019

R21 /23, I liked it better as 'lesctures'. Lesbian lectures!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4603/12/2019

MARY!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4703/12/2019

Being single doesn’t need to mean being lonely. It’s a way of life that has its own joys. If a relationship is a goal for you, however, you need to focus on enriching your own life rather than being depressed about being single. I wish you the best of luck.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4803/12/2019

Me too, loneliness is a killer but then your are in a group and you can’t stand people’s silliness :/

by Without love, it ain't much reply 4903/12/2019

As my mother said, 'You can bitch, cry and moan about something OR you can DO something about it.'

Two guesses which this Yahoo will choose

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5003/12/2019

Sadly, R43, those really are the best methods for dealing with depression, which I suspect is OP's problem, because having a partner is not essential for happiness. And given the high rate of divorce and failed relationships, most partnerships aren't necessarily fulfilling, even ones that last. But if you know of better strategies for OP, knock me out.

(Volunteer? Join a gay choir?)

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5103/12/2019

I can deal with people when I have to but I much prefer to be alone. No one has ever annoyed the fuck out of me when I am alone. I think you have to like yourself OP, like yourself more than you like other people.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5203/12/2019

I keep waiting for loneliness to hit - but still,prefer being alone at 50. I remember what a great feeling it was moving out of my family home at 18. Strangely I am still so glad to live alone and not deal with people. Thought maybe I’d age into loneliness but I still prefer being alone. Maybe it depends on the person.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5303/12/2019

Try Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. It, and meditation generally, have been really helpful in dealing with loneliness and adversity generally.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5403/12/2019

Vodka, blowjobs, and the gym help me cope with my loneliness.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5503/12/2019

Join Post Crossing. Send and receive postcards from all over the world.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5603/12/2019

I think interpersonal relationships can be difficult because so many of us weren't really taught what they even ARE. We don't get classes in it in school. You just do the best you can in life, and hopefully learn as you go. But, speaking for myself, I had a significantly fucked up family ... and if that's your training ground for how to get along with others, and how to give and take in a balanced way, emotionally, [italic]good luck![/italic]

Growing up gay and inevitably starting out feeling like an outsider also throws up some early road blocks.

What I've been thinking about lately is how my own insecurities made me desperate to feel loved as an adult, and how that might be the wrong way to approach it. Of course that's a very human, buuilt-in need, but I've been trying to express the love I myself feel for the people I feel close to in the present, and that seems to be allowing me to see how they also love me.

It's a start.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5703/12/2019

This made me laugh:

SO TRUE!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5803/12/2019

We also must examine our pasts to make sure we aren't secretly MARNIE.

Hypnosis may be required - -

by Without love, it ain't much reply 5903/12/2019

Can the asshat stating cunt over and over again gas themselves to death please.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6003/12/2019

Because most of us don't require an external locus of validation to feel good about ourselves.

Because we've cultivated interests.

Because we don't have the voices screaming in our heads about how worthless we are.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6103/12/2019

r61 Yes..Those who need someone else in their existence to be something well good for them.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6203/12/2019

[quote]r61 Because most of us don't require an external locus of validation to feel good about ourselves.

surely you mean [bold]locust[/bold] ?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6303/12/2019

I hate just about everyone. So it’s easy for me to avoid people without guilt. Most people are self serving assholes anyway. Me included. People suck.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6403/12/2019

[quote]r61 Because we don't have the voices screaming in our heads about how worthless we are.

If people had voices "screaming in their head," it would be easier to address. It's more like a sneaking suspicion that trips them up in ways they don't even realize.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6503/12/2019

Cultivating friendships is hard work - so if you are lonely I think you have to ask yourself why. Are you not putting yourself out there? Are you reticent to speak to people - at work, at the gym, in the grocery store? I worry about becoming lonely as I age but intellectually I realize if I am it is my own fault - I fear I won't have the confidence or energy to do anything about it. I currently have a decent amount of friends - but I get tired of always being the one to organize things. How I love to see a large group of friends in a restaurant or on Instagram on vacation together. Anything is possible with the realization it will take work. I also envy people who are happy by themselves - to be able to go on vacation or to dinner or to sit at a bar and have a drink. I would consider getting a dog vs a cat - a dog will always be happy to see you and you can meet people walking it. A cat you never know WTF they are thinking - they could be plotting to kill you....

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6603/12/2019

I hear you OP, but unfortunately I never really mastered how to form or maintain relationships with other people.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6703/12/2019

This dream of “spending the rest of my life” with someone is such bullshit. Even long-term relationships end, or your partner dies, etc. Make your peace with being alone because the existentialists had it right; in the end we’re all alone. It’s how you live that makes a difference. Maybe some good relationships will spice up your life for parts of it, but humans are not “halves” waiting to be made whole. We are whole unto our selves. And if you’re always sad, get some damn antidepressants, they make a world of difference.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6803/12/2019

R68 fuck you Americans and your antidepressants. Not an option for most of the world. And you are a 'hole' alright - an asshole.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 6903/12/2019

What country doesn’t have antidepressants? Or the ability to buy hem from India or the dark web?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7003/12/2019

Yeah I know several single gay men around 50 with everything going for them whove offed themselves recently, and it hurts to think about their deaths.

Have to wonder if these men were suffering because they were lonely and struggling romantically or what.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7103/12/2019

Get over yourself, Mary. Suicide is never a bad thing except to the religious nutjobs. Killing yourself is the best solution. In Japan it is considered the right thing to do.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7203/12/2019

Volunteer. do something working with people. they get something out of it, you get something out of it and it's free. You never know who you might meet too.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7303/12/2019

I'd rather be alone than in a loveless marriage.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7403/12/2019

Mid-40's lesbian here. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone with a dog, than in another unfulfilling relationship. I haven't given up hope that I will one day find someone I am compatible with again but if I don't, no biggie. I refuse to settle for fear of being alone ever again.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7503/12/2019

I also think you should get a pet, OP, that might be a good distraction. We're all wired differently. Personally, I enjoy being alone, but still need to see friends or family once or twice a month. Since I see people at work the whole day, I just want peace and quiet when I come home.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7603/12/2019

You can definitely die of loneliness but you can also literally die from having an abusive or out of control crazy partner. I would have loved to have had a long-term partner but I ended up single out of self-preservation.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7703/12/2019

R45 LOL. No, bitch. You are wrong, you are destined to die alone.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7803/12/2019

Volunteer!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 7903/12/2019

R45, I'm very sorry for your loss.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8003/12/2019

My relationships always seemed to be 70/30 or 80/20. When I finally realized that I gave too much for the sake of companionship/love, I decided to give 100% to myself. I've never been happier, having the freedom to do what I choose without feeling guilty or pressure. I've enjoyed traveling and exploring new interests and hobbies. I'm far more active, and take better care of myself. And my two cats are excellent companions.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8103/12/2019

That’s a pity, OP.

Can I have your stuff?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8203/12/2019

R46, I wish they were lesbian lectures. They never are...

I have been silently thinking to myself...you know what, I'll keep this to myself.

To the poster (I can't find your original post) who asked about my lesbian fantasy girl, really, I just want a nice lady who likes to read and enjoys old movies and wants a normal family life. (Also, I would like to have or adopt one kid.)

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8303/12/2019

Natalie Wynn wants a word with you.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8403/12/2019

Volunteer to help others, including animals. You'll meet nice people. I volunteer at my local animal shelter and I've met some really nice people.

I think the point of living is to alleviate the suffering of others. You can do that, OP.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8503/12/2019

why should someone else determine whether your life has worth? what does "worth" mean anyway?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8603/12/2019

Join some sort of social group. Doing courses in the hope of meeting people with shared interests is a waste of time because people immediately stare into their phones during any breaks. At least in a social group you know the people are their because they want company.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8703/12/2019

I was talking to a therapist about this yesterday. (She is newly treating a relative of mine that I drive to appointments.) Anyway, most of her patients are people with chronic illnesses, sometimes that started in childhood, who have no social lives and some live completely alone and don't have any interaction other than therapists and their doctors. (She was telling me this one man she has has to pay a retired old lady he found on craigslist to have coffee with him once per week so that someone will speak to him. And that he suffers from terrible loneliness.)

This is very real guys. Try to get out as much as you can.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8803/12/2019

R87, what do you mean by "social group"?

Also, how does one find a social group for gay men that isn't oriented toward hooking up or LTRs?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 8903/12/2019

R89, go to your local pride center. Look on Facebook and match.com. Start a bookclub at your library or bookstores and make a page for it on FB so other people can find it.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9003/12/2019

Not match! I meat meetup.com

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9103/12/2019

I'd like to follow up on what R74 said. Having been in a loveless relationship, and felt alone and also trapped, it wasn't until we broke up that my world changed for the better. I also see straight guys with wife and kids who look like the life has been sucked out of them. They are just going through the steps until the kids are grown or the wife leaves them. My point is, you can be lonely and isolated even when you are in a relationship.

You have to get out and be among people OP. You have been given some good input from a few of the posters. Volunteering is probably the best recommendation.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9203/12/2019

And also--try to do things that are new to you. Check out the local colleges and bookstores--there are always free lectures and free readings. Some of the hotels have free events; also go to the little movie theatres, film fests. Try to meet some of your local gays. Go to museums--BUT more importantly, go to EVENTS (especially sit down ones). You'll start to see the same people showing up at these things again and again, and you make friends that way.

Meetup.com is mostly great--in my experience--for sports (hiking, kayaking, etc) type stuff.

Try different things. Don't be afraid. Whenever I get in my car and I don't feel like going, I make a little pact, "Go for five minutes. If you don't like it, leave." I have never left anything.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9303/12/2019

Usually people are unhappy when they are passive in their own lives. You can be passive alone or in a relationship just like being active. Once you take action you feel better so DO something.

If you expect life or love to come to you like a drive thru hamburger you will be expecting, forever. You gotta do something.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9403/12/2019

Get married and have children.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9503/12/2019

We're here to give love. There's no other point in living. Whether it's to a dog, a child, a stranger, a spouse.

Keep giving and it will come back.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9603/12/2019

There's a lot of shitty things in life OP, but being alone isn't one of them.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9703/12/2019

Also, I'd like to say one more thing.

For those of you on this thread who are lonely, you've got us. Try some of the things we mentioned (social groups, etc). If you don't have a good time, come back and bitch to us. We'll bitch back, and tell you to keep trying.

DL can be a wonderful resource.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9803/12/2019

I'll be your friend, OP.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 9903/12/2019

Go sit in McDonalds or Starbucks. Anything to be in the presence of people.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10003/12/2019

I don't know if I WILL make it, OP.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10103/12/2019

R96, But I've never had a dog (or cat, etc.), so at my old age the thought of learning about the care, and having the requisite energy, is daunting.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10203/12/2019

OP you can be in a relationship and be lonely. You can have “friends” and still be lonely. Go out there and find at least one person with a common interest. You have to do 50% of the work. Don’t put people off and then wonder why no one will come to you. Be a real friend to a couple of people and expect the same from them. Then you’ll be happier.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10303/12/2019

I’ve always thought I was strange or flawed about enjoying being alone, but reading this thread makes me feel better. I don’t like social situations; I dine alone, attend concerts and movies alone, and travel alone. I feel like I’m “forcing it” when I’m in necessary social situations. I’m now 49 years old and content. I see people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s dying and feel lucky to still be alive and healthy.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10403/12/2019

OP, I've had friends and I have been without friends and I have to tell you, life is better without friends if you are the type that can handle it. I couldn't tell you the last time I was pissed or upset or disappointed with someone, because there isn't anyone to feel that way about. No other peoples drama at all.

You just need to look at the benefits of no friends rather than the drawbacks. No one asking for favors, no one to get annoyed with, since I live alone I get to have everything exactly the way I want it. From the house temperature to how clean or dirty the house is, I get to have it all my way. If I clean the house up no one makes a mess except for me, if the house is dirty no one complains about it. Sorry but friends are way over rated.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10503/12/2019

R105 - beautifully stated. When I do embark on a friendship or relationship I quickly regret it and wish I was alone again!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10603/12/2019

To those who have suggested that OP and others get a pet to alleviate loneliness - PLEASE make sure you have a plan in place should your pet outlive you or you can no longer care for it. It is heartbreaking to see a once-treasured cat or dog in a shelter because their owner has died or gone into care. They suffer dreadfully.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10703/12/2019

Some boutique foster home rescues help with that r197. I’m president of one in Illinois.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10803/12/2019

Kudos and hugs to you, R108! I bet you're not dying of loneliness. But it's a challenge. We kept our 2 cats going for 2 long years with end stage illnesses and without my husband's strength and skill, it would have been beyond me. Treatments 2-3 times a night after midnight, IV fluid, syringe feeding, injections, litter tray help. He had advanced vet tech skills by the end of it. The emotional cost on us was brutal as well as the massive financial cost

by Without love, it ain't much reply 10903/12/2019

major solo que mal acompanado.

palabras de fe

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11003/12/2019

Having other people around (or one person) doesn't cure loneliness. You have to MAKE your life (or, as the Mother Superior said in The Sound of Music, "You have to LOOK for your life.") . And you won't find it home alone on the interwebs whining about being lonely.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11103/12/2019

America said it best...

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11203/12/2019

When I was a teenager, I’d say to my mother, “But I’m so lonely!”

And she’d respond, “You’re not lonely. You’re solitary.”

Concentrate on living your own life, whatever that will mean. Everything else will fall into place.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11303/12/2019

I'm 43. Good job, own a home in Seattle, tomorrow I'm getting a prestigious award in my field. I have a wonderful son, a lovely dog. My partner of 10 years recently left us.

Things are really, painfully difficult right now. I'm in a fog and my last six months have been a suck of boredom, sadness and therapy that seems to go nowhere. I'm miserable.

But I won't always be. I exercise w the dog, go to work, parent the hell out of my son, make meals and shower daily. That's about it. And it's enough.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11403/12/2019

R114, I didn't recall your having a son.

(You're the guy whose Boston Brahmin guy up and left one day, right?)

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11503/12/2019

R114 You are sad for all the wrong reasons. My mother had six children and never parented any of us. We were left to fend for ourselves. It is not hard to have children.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11603/12/2019

Yep, R115, it is I. I have an 11 yo I adopted the year before I met Brahmin.

BTW, he texts that he misses me/us and I haven't responded.

Thanks for that cogently useless advice, R116.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11703/12/2019

R117, oh no! And we were all so worried that he would try to take the dog from you. How sad for your son as well.

He's moved out of town, right? Have you guys finished with the paperwork of the separation? Is the only contact about him missing you both? (I seem to recall you had a very business-like split between--like you owned the house 50/50. Actually, I don't remember. I just remember that it wasn't going to go to litigation because you were careful with your paperwork.)

Oh, I'm sorry for you three. At least you're together; he's the one on the outside.

Congratulations on your award, BTW! Some things come at strange times in life.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11803/12/2019

R115 - He misses you...maybe he regrets the split. Perhaps it can be repaired?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 11903/12/2019

Great memory, R118!

The litigation is working out in my favor. Turns out it ain't good to abandon a home when you're trying to get half of it.

R119, the split was a big surprise to me. He didn't feel his career was thriving in Seattle so he moved back east. Announced it on Thanksgiving, was gone during the holidays, came back, packed up and moved.

I have no idea what I'd do if he wanted to come back. I have major doubts about someone who can up and leave a family.

It's oddly calming talking w some of you tonight. Thank you, it really helps.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12003/12/2019

R120, thanks! And, you're right, it wasn't smart of him.

But when he texts you, is it just little cryptic messages, like the "I miss you"? Does he mention moving back there? Or anything about re-starting his career there?

(I recall that it was something like he had a big time career that went on the wane, whilst yours was on the ascendant.)

Has he texted you that he has a plan or thoughts about getting together again? If not, it's just psychological manipulation. Unless he's testing the waters before he comes up with a plan, in which case he's a coward.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12103/12/2019

I am 55 years old gay man who knows the feeling of loving and being loved. If you don't know it than it must be your own fault. However, for the past several years I have been alone ... either losing people who meant a lot to me or giving up those who did not give shit about anything but themselves. 3 weeks ago I have lost someone who was my joy, my happiness, my everything for the past 7 years. A little cat named Nina who changed my life for the better and there is no way to express how much I miss her. At this point of life there's only one thing that keeps me going - the passion for music. I write my own songs inspired by artists like Leonard Cohen, Jacques Brel and alike. It is something that brings a sense of self-fullfiment in a way that no occupaton, wealth, nor relationship ever could for me. So this is the only advise I have got - find your own voice, bring out your own passion, make your own world. If your life sucks, get away from it .... but rope is not the only choice.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12203/12/2019

R122 sorry for your loss.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12303/12/2019

Thank you R123 ... that's very kind of you ...

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12403/12/2019

R124, you're welcome. Losing a companion animal is very hard.

I'm glad that your creative spark is pulling your through.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12503/12/2019

R121, it's just been two short bursts of "I miss you" and "I'm sending you an embrace" (which is odd, I don't think I've ever heard him use that phrase) and that's it. We've talked on the phone once to get some bills transferred into my name, but there was nothing personal. At the end of the conversation, he asked how I was doing and I said I had to get to a meeting, which was a lie.

Oh, and there was a short email last month of "I thought this would be getting easier, but it's only getting harder." At this point, I have no response, so I didn't respond to that, either.

I do my best to ignore and move on.

Anyhow, the last year of that relationship, he withdrew and communication broke down. He wouldn't address it when asked. It was an incredibly lonely place for me, and I no longer feel that.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12603/12/2019

R126, did you ever discuss moving back east with him to make him happy? Was that ever a possibility? I say this because my husband did this for me. His career suffered badly but he knows we are a family.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12703/12/2019

R127 it wasn't just the career. The partner said something really shirty and then packed and disappeared.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12803/12/2019

R128 yeah we all care about your stupid melodramas, bitch.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 12903/12/2019

I’m sorry to hear of your loneliness, OP. Big moose smooches to you. Make this year the best year, ever!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13003/12/2019

R129, learn to read the room. There's a lovely conversation going on here.

R128 is correct, R127. We were standing in the kitchen and I asked him if he was okay bc he was being distant, which I'd grown accustomed to. He told me he wasn't in love with me anymore, with no emotion. And I think it was as simple as that; I believed him.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13103/13/2019

At least you're not trans. Hold onto that.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13203/13/2019

After being in an abusive relationship for a couple of years, being by myself is paradise. I'd rather be lonely than having a boyfriend who cheats, steals, and breaks my jaw.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13303/13/2019

Most gay women are in the closet (the desirable ones anyway). And gay men only want hookups for sex

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13403/13/2019

I'm alone, but I don't feel loneliness. I'm not worried by it.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13503/13/2019

- Jackson: "Mr. Manafort, I don’t want to belititle or minimize the discomfort of prison for you. It is hard on everyone, young and old, rich and poor."

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13603/13/2019

^^^ sorry, wrong thread!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13703/13/2019

R134, are you posting from 1954?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13803/13/2019

I'm 55 and feel time just speeding past. I still look kinda young, have all my hair and it's still 90 % brown. And few wrinkles (oily skin). But it won't be like this in 5 years. And then what? Older, older and older. And then dead.

I live in the moment. I enjoy everything; I'm at the amusement park called Life and I want to ride all the rides before we go... 'home'.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 13903/13/2019

Yeah... rescue dog for sure OP!!!!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14003/13/2019

I am 55 and don't look a minute younger, unlike some delusional DL queens. These false perceptions are the Twilight Zone of gay male and straight female brains ... greatfully, I refuse to enter such territory under any circumstance. When I look in the mirror, I see and elderly gentleman that I like. Wish you all the same.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14103/13/2019

[quote]r96 We're here to give love. There's no other point in living.

Well, that's a rather broad statement.

Is this law written in hieroglyphs on an ancient stone wall, somewhere?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14203/13/2019

I read something recently that might help. When you are feeling extreme emotional pain - despair, grief - some research showed that taking an analgesic such as paracetamol relieves this pain in the same way it does for headaches. Worth a try.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14303/13/2019

R143 STFU. Know what would help me? If you found a guillotine and chopped your stupid head off. That would make me happy.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14403/13/2019

Your happiness shouldn't depend on another person, R144, including me. Take matters into your own hands - use the IGNORE function. Happiness guaranteed.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14503/14/2019

^nothing to say to that, fucktard.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14603/14/2019

How are you doing, OP? Does any of this resonate with you?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14703/14/2019

Hell no.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14803/15/2019

If I can’t have a partner, I wish I had one other cool, single kid-free friend who is up for adventure, traveling, dining, discussing news, anything really - who isn’t crazy or an alcoholic or a sloth and where there is no chance of attraction/drama. I look around and I can’t seem to find like minded people who are available or open and I’m really not that picky. It’s difficult when you are older, nobody makes much effort to reach out beyond casual pleasantries.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 14903/15/2019

R149 - infeel exactly the same it’s more Important for me if I had more of a companion - someone who is childless and is free to do fun stuff and travel.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15003/15/2019

Do you two live in cities? Suburbs?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15103/15/2019

Contact R150 here: Cumfuckmyassraw @ gmail dot com

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15203/15/2019

I live in a medium sized city in the midwest. I honestly can't find a good concert buddy, hiking partner, or travel companion. I don't feel that comfortable going to a "Meet up" event alone, either.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15303/22/2019

Have you watched the hokey, but lovable lesbian movie, "Traveling Companion"? It's like ten minutes long and conveniently on youtube.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15403/22/2019

[quote]Having been in a loveless relationship, and felt alone and also trapped, it wasn't until we broke up that my world changed for the better. I also see straight guys with wife and kids who look like the life has been sucked out of them. They are just going through the steps until the kids are grown or the wife leaves them. My point is, you can be lonely and isolated even when you are in a relationship.

It's true that people shouldn't stay in a bad relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

But I think what the OP and some of the others are saying is that it's a normal human need to want to find love or find a special someone, if possible.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15503/23/2019

I'm very sorry for your loss of little Nina, r122. I've lost 3 little guys myself and one in particular sent me into a deep funk that lasted a year or two. That's the price one pays for loving so much but I'm so grateful I had them in my life.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15603/23/2019

I'm sorry too, R122. I know how much it hurts.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15703/23/2019

Springfield IL in need of travel and concert buddy

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15803/23/2019

Will someone create a way for us to get in touch with each other?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 15903/26/2019

We can't fix you, OP. I assume you're up in years (40s, 50s?) and set in your ways. You want us to give you reasons for living and tips and recommendations. And you won't follow any of it. And you'll be back here next week with "I just don't want to go on".

This is a gossip/humor site we come to for info and entertainment. Stop trying to turn it into Ask Beth.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16003/26/2019

R160=mean gay

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16103/26/2019

As a middle-aged guy in a big city who was pretty closeted, then came out as bi, and now pretty much into guys, I had several close friends, mostly women. As it is harder to make new friends as one gets older, I decided to follow the lead of one of my old boyfriends who was a nudist. Nudists are pretty open and generally really nice. Since it's kind of a thing you don't talk about to your family, and it's a little risque (though doesn't have to be sexual), nudists are pretty open to meeting new people and becoming friends. If you've never done it, in about 10 seconds after you take your clothes off, you'll notice everyone isn't looking at your junk, but talking to each other and perhaps you as well and for the most part looking at your face. Give it a try, perhaps.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16203/26/2019

That's a nifty, unexpected idea, r162. Ty for the suggestion, although I'm probably too self-conscious and shy to try it.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16303/26/2019

R163 It has really opened me up to a lot of new guys, a lot of them are really very nice people, and some of them are really cute, too. I've gone to other clothed events with them, since a lot of socializing is talking, plus all of us like to talk about movies, old and new. My therapist actually is happy that me, who used to be so buttoned up, talks about being without buttons (or anything). Give it a try -- you've probably been naked in a locker room at some point in your life, so it's not that foreign.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16403/26/2019

Gotta admit, joining a nudist club is a unique suggestion, compared to volunteering or a gay choir.

Volunteering can have some unexpected negative consequences. Sadly, volunteering with animal rescue can expose you to some seriously fucked-up people.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16503/27/2019

sadly, volunteering with people can expose you to some seriously fucked up people. it's called society.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16603/27/2019

There are naked movie nights, naked nightclubs nights, even naked Super Bowl parties in NY. Wherever you are there, check out "Meet Up" which lists different of this types of groups.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16703/28/2019

Not reading all the replies, but what has happened to you that you think you need someone ELSE to make your life complete? Wow, too many Disney movies as a child?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16803/28/2019

Somehow I don't think OP wants to go to a nude Superbowl party.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 16903/28/2019

Maybe not the OP, but maybe someone else might find some new friends.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17003/28/2019

R169, lol.

Not the op, but was just thinking this thread has gotten pretty damn weird.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17103/28/2019

I'm not reading all the replies in this thread either. In every thread on the topic of relationships, especially wanting them, there is always a troll like R168 who tries his hardest to make it seem as if wanting love and affection is dysfunctional. When in fact, it is well understood at this point in the history of sociological and psychological research and lived experience that humans are a social species; humans are at their best when in close, meaningful affiliation with others; and people who have partners are overall happier, healthier and wealthier than those who are alone.

It is conversely understood that self-isolation and rejection of other people and relationships is a strong indication of psychological distress, even mental illness. I'm aware that there is an older generation of gay men out there who are slavishly attached to their singleness, mostly out of a vehemently crass loathing to share their resources with anybody else. These same men have made a virtue of hiring prostitutes, because they attach a dollar value to everything they have and do.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17203/28/2019

[quote]R172 It is conversely understood that self-isolation and rejection of other people and relationships is a strong indication of psychological distress, even mental illness.

Yes. And also, OP described himself as "lonely, single, and unloved." 2 out of 3 of those things don't HAVE to be fulfilled by a romantic partner. One can work on building love and closeness/intimacy with friends and family ... even if between partners, or dates, or whatever.

If OP (or anyone) can try to deepen their relationships with those around them, or those coming down the pike, it would hopefully make their life feel more full ... less "lonely and unloved".

That would be a significant change from where they describe being, now.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17303/28/2019

[quote]Thanks for that cogently useless advice, R116.

The Brahmin left you because you were rude.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17403/28/2019

R172 as much as I hate the therapy trolls who say it is the answer for EVERY THING, it is not, I did learn after years of counselling that loving others and being loved is the main reason we are human. If you are so fucked up you cannot relate to anyone and you hate everyone, you are no longer human.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17503/28/2019

I’m dying of loneliness I just hope my death is sooner rather than later...

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17603/29/2019

We all do, dear.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17703/29/2019

Bitch Please, what makes you think being in a relationship mean never being lonely? I know many lonely people in relationships.

But to be fair, most of them are straight and dysfunctional.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17803/29/2019

[quote]There are naked movie nights, naked nightclubs nights, even naked Super Bowl parties in NY.

That bread bowl is not an extra seat, who's pubs are these in the spinach dip?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 17903/29/2019

It can be magnificent to celebrate life on your own terms. You can choose YOUR journey. Are you a top or a bottom?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18003/29/2019

Relationships (romantic) are overrated and most are co-dependent.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18103/29/2019

Count your blessings OP, I live and work with my other half. We both work from a home office, I see him literally 24 hours a day. I count the minutes I can find when I have some peace and quite to myself.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18203/29/2019

[quote] tries his hardest to make it seem as if wanting love and affection is dysfunctional

Wow, you made a HUGE leap there, R172

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18303/29/2019

Stop going around calling people fucks, for a start.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18403/29/2019

For a site that obsesses about Trump 24 7 for how many years now, calling them fucks is too kind.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18503/29/2019

[quote]what has happened to you that you think you need someone ELSE to make your life complete? Wow, too many Disney movies as a child?

A sarcastic and unhelpful response like this is why I said what I did in R172, R183. Not a leap at all. Yes, the notions of love and affection mean having other people in our lives. And if love and affection are what make life complete, then you need, to quote "someone ELSE" in order to accomplish this.

(I'm assuming it's) your comment above claims that wanting people is a consequence of media brainwashing and isn't a response to innate human needs. I can't defend your eldergay schizoid personality disorder wherein you stroke your record albums, check your retirement funds, get your weekly car wash, and plan your next weekend getaway while you wait for replies to your Adam4Adam post ambiguously offering drugs and money to "30 and under ONLY."

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18603/29/2019

You are missing the point of that quote R186. What that guy was trying to say is relationships are not all roses. If you are unhappy before you meet your partner, you will be the same way in the relationship. Its not going to cure you. Now if you are both happy, mentally fit people, then yest a relationship will make life that much better. But I have seen many people, gay and straight who whine about being single, or usually bitch about the city they live in as the problem. But after 5 minutes of talking with them you can see why they are single. Usually have very few friends as well.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18703/29/2019

The posters above make good points - that even if you do find a r'ship, there is no guarantee that it will be happy or fulfilling, and equally, that you may end up being alone anyway due to death or a break-up.

Better to invest in developing your own resources and skills, things you can rely on. You can seek out a r'ship at the same time, but you will have other strings to your bow - friends, hobbies, pets, sports, the gym, charity work, mentoring.

And also, address the fact that you may be depressed. Untreated depression makes everything so much harder.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18803/30/2019

Why is being alone worthless?

Or, why does being romantically tied to someone give a person worth? I don’t understand that principle. Parenting, maybe. But just being coupled to someone, I don’t get it.

I am chronically single and it’s alienating in social situations. It’s inconvenient given that my finances and household responsibilities aren’t shared.

But notions like “I am afraid to die alone!” and “I don’t want to grow old alone!” are implanted into us.

Think about it: Any couple can be married for decades; barring a fatal accident, one of them will always die alone. Despite that investment of time.

And people who die in car accidents, plane crashes, shootings, etc. They die alone, without romantic partners. And they leave their romantic partners alone.

There’s at least some real substance to wanting to grow old with someone because people can take care of one another and find solace in seeing that the bizarre and surreal aging process happens to everyone, not just you, and that can strengthen a bond. But reality can be devastating anyway: My father had an abdominal aortic aneurysm that could have killed him. He had a high-risk surgery and that went well. The next year he had to have a triple bypass. That went incredibly well. A year and a half later, his wife of 42 years and my mother, starved to death because of what the hospital said was an autoimmune illness (despite her never having had that until a couple of years prior). My father always thought he would go first; every man in his family died by age 65; he is now 71. A big part of the paradigm of his life was planning for my mom to be taken care of after he was gone. And now his reality has been turned inside out—trust me: even though he doesn’t ask, I know that he spends a lot of time wondering if his life has any meaning left.

Of course it does.

If you feel like you don’t have any worth without being hitched to someone else’s wagon o’life, then you need to figure out what interests and engages you and pursue that. Pardon me for getting New Age-y, but I believe this: You chose to come to this world to cowrite and to act out your own specific story, which you’ve always been a partner in authoring.

If you can’t find meaning, then that means you are off track, probably because you’ve bought into other people’s ideas that you should be other people instead of yourself. Respect your life story. Engage and appreciate it the way you did as a child. Look at things, feel them, taste them, smell them and consider how much there is to fascinate yourself with. That’s the meaning. It’s not fighting over sheets in bed.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 18903/30/2019

I wish I were single again. OP is lucky!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19003/30/2019

Don’t worry, you’ll probably die of something other than loneliness. The statistics show single folks die much quicker than couples. Funny because I’m in a couple and wish I was single again, but too intertwined to break it up. I guess the grass is always greener.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19103/30/2019

R90, not good options for lesbians...I had so many straight men who “identify” as lesbians aggressively pursued me on match. One sent a head shot where you could see the stitches from his Adam apple scraping surgery. Another was an old man dressed like a whore. Ugh. Super fucking creepy.

And the exhibit that the SF public library did about killing “terf”....no, thanks.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19203/30/2019

R143, sometimes taking an antacid helps my anxiety...

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19303/30/2019

I wish I were a lesbian, partnered with Joan Armatrading.

I see us dividing our time between tour buses and a little cabin on a lake somewhere. Maybe pied-à-terres borrowed from rich lezzie fans, when we needs travel.

I will learn to play the harmonica.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19403/30/2019

R192 yes, typo. I meant meetup.com, not match.

Match is fucking depressing.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19503/30/2019

Why, R190? Single for me is a living hell.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19603/31/2019

You won't die of loneliness but you ARE boring ME to death.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19703/31/2019

People do die of loneliness. People are wired to, part of the herd instinct. But I don't have that gene apparently.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19803/31/2019

Hi R195, Where are you from?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 19903/31/2019

What many of these commenters are getting at is that: relationships alone are not the cure. They analysed couples to figure out why married people live longer than singles. They figured out the main factor was oxytocin- a neurotransmitter that is activated when there is love, caring, and trusting attachment. Anytime you deeply love someone oxytocin and other anti-depressant effects (dopamine, serotonin) are activated. What this means is that when you have loving, caring, trusting attachments then these positive things are activated. If you have a nasty, toxic, unloving relationship then there is no health benefit at all to these toxic relationships.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20003/31/2019

Oxytocin.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20103/31/2019

We evolved to live in tight-knit groups. Families of about 15, in tribes of about 150. Getting lost, banished, or otherwise separated from the group meant almost certain death from starvation, predation, or exposure to the elements. So we evolved an automatic mechanism to warn us "this is not good" whenever we are separated from the herd. It is a deeply uncomfortable, barely-tolerable form of psychic pain that also has physical symptoms. Often it is the fundamental source of depression and anxiety. It exacerbates mental illness. Loneliness is extremely painful, and can be debilitating. Chronic loneliness makes it even more difficult to reconnect to others. We live in a very lonely, socially fractured time.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20203/31/2019

Aside from the oxytocin theory, people who are part of a couple take care of each other. It is easier to fall into habits of self-neglect if you live alone.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20303/31/2019

R203 science is not a theory, stupid fuck. It is physical fact. Some brain dead moron like you could never get it.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20403/31/2019

R203 is a religious moron. She don't believe in no science.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20503/31/2019

R204, you sound nice! I'm sure you're beloved by all who know you.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20603/31/2019

R206 you sound like a stupid religious tard.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20704/01/2019

If you're that self-centered the world is better off without you.

Try getting a second job and donating the money to charity.

The sooner you realize the world revolves around the sun and not you, the better off you'll be.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20804/01/2019

R208 delusional mentally ill cunt, STFU.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 20904/01/2019

R209 etc, you are one of the saddest and most screwed up posters ever to grace this board, but you sound like you are on the right track, apart from abusing everyone else who is trying to help.

>>If you are so fucked up you cannot relate to anyone and you hate everyone, you are no longer human.(R209)

. I am sorry about your bad childhood, but since you say therapy helped you, why not consider another round?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21004/01/2019

R210 shut up, cunt. Blocked.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21104/02/2019

Domestic Disputes are the number one police call on any given day. Do you ever get so angry at your self that you want to strangle your self OP?

Be happy you don't have that problem.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21204/02/2019

Well, I am not blocking you, R209 etc. Because if I catch you attacking anyone else on this sad thread where the OP has alluded to suicidal thoughts, I will be calling you out on it.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21304/02/2019

R212 bringing some reality to the thread.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21404/02/2019

R213 OP never send anything about suicide, you hysterical Mary! It is a figure of speech. "I almost died of fright." "I almost died of embarrassment." I am so lonely I could die is the same idea. Get some brains there scarecrow.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21504/02/2019

I'm not lonely or have a feeling of loneliness. I get enough interaction with people when I walk my dog. What I miss is interaction with gay/lesbian people. Sometimes I get sick and tired of the straight world.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21604/02/2019

R216, you have us.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21704/02/2019

Thank you R217

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21804/02/2019

This sounds pretty bleak, R215.

>>>>What is the point of such a worthless existence?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 21904/02/2019

R219 you really are a moron. It is an existential question! Why am I here? What is the point of living? Does life have any value or meaning?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22004/02/2019

R194. Heck, I’m a GWM and I wish I were partnered with Joan Armatrading. She’s been my favorite singer since 1980. You’re a fan? I love you.

Back to the night.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22104/02/2019

Seattle gay woman here. I just broke up w my partner. She was incredibly attractive and successful, and the most self-centered human I've ever encountered. Took me awhile to see the magnitude of her "I am very important, and above everyone" shittiness.

Loneliest, most depressing relationship of my life. Good riddance to all that.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22204/02/2019

R222, you will get a dozen of us asking for your current age/canine status...

How long were you two together? And what was the straw that broke the camel's back?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22304/02/2019

Straight woman in NYC here.

I belong to a group of women over 40, and all they do is whine about how they can't meet anybody. They blow off decent if average looking guys and constantly chase the hotter men who show no signs of ever wanting to date them seriously. They're all average looking women who think they can pass for ten years younger so they keep trying to get men in their late thirties or early forties when they should be looking at men in their fifties. they refuse because they don't want to admit they're no longer 35.

Meanwhile, I'm 50 and in the my first relationship in many years. He's fun and sweet and I love sitting around doing nothing with him. I stopped looking for tear your clothes off chemistry with a guy I could brag about on social media and gave a chance to someone who just seemed really...good. I'm attracted to him, the sex is great, and most importantly I truly enjoy his company. I've suggested to the women in my group they do the same and they bitch about how they shouldn't have to settle. Girl, whatever. You're a solid six on a good day going for sevens and eights and spending more time bitching to strangers online than on dates.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22404/02/2019

R222, I'm 41. Together about 8 years, which was five more than I should have allowed.

The last straw was in January when I had a horrific flu. She put on her eye mask and earplugs and went to bed in our bed while I slept in guest bed (a frequent occurence). I was disgustingly, insanely sick in the bathroom for most of night, curled around the toilet and calling for her, feverish yet chilled. Nothing. Zero response.

There were many, many, too many instances before that. The next morning, I woke up on the bathroom floor and she was gone to her pilates class.

That was that. She's a ridiculous human being.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22504/02/2019

R224, but wait, how did you get involved with these women? How do you know them?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22604/02/2019

She was over you, hon.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22704/02/2019

OP, just go to the baths. Talk to some guys. Suck some dick.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22804/02/2019

R225, whoa! Well, eight years is long time.

Was she/has she been upset that you left?

Did you take the pets?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 22904/02/2019

R228 wastes one third of her time.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23004/02/2019

R226. It's a private Facebook group. I only stay a member for the train wreck factor. The stuff some of these women post is jaw-dropping in its lack of self-awareness.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23104/02/2019

Another question to the Seattle lesbian, was this a narcissist-empath dynamic?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23204/02/2019

R226, gotcha. I was picturing a bowling league or a women's church group or something.

My mother was divorced from my father in my early 20s, and I'll never how embarrassing her behavior was. And then she found a group of discarded women (sounding like yours) and they used to say those sorts of ridiculous things, like, "If they can't take us at our worst, they don't deserve us at our best" or some malarkey like that.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23304/02/2019

R233 Exactly. Discarded women is the perfect description. They're that friend everybody has that constantly has drama and dates assholes and blows off friends when they're in relationships that we all eventually cut off. At least once a week one of them writes a post about how they've been ghosted by all their friends and can't figure out why. They refuse to accept that they're not attractive or interesting enough to hold out for their Dream Man.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23404/02/2019

I've just put my profile and picture up on a dating website a week and a half ago. I haven't messaged anyone yet, but I have a earmarked a few people, and am imagining what kind of relationships I would have with each. And then comparing them to each other.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23504/02/2019

R234, one thing I picked up from that process was that I was amazed by how quickly all of her married female friends dropped her when she divorced. Is that a thing with straight people? That a single woman among them is suddenly a potential husband-stealing danger?

It can be hard for women who were stay at home moms, as my mother was. She literally didn't know anyone, she had no community. So she ended up with the discarded women (and dragging me to "Latin Night" at a local dance club because she was afraid to go alone, which was also mortifying for me).

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23604/02/2019

R236 more like they don't want reminders that the divorced woman has their freedom and they don't. Once they've been married for a few years they can't relate to single women.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23704/02/2019

Seattle Lesbian here. R229, yes, she was floored when I matter-of-factly invited her to leave my home by X date before contacting my lawyer. Acted like she had no idea, no inkling of how she's belittled and ignored my requests and feelings over the years. I'm not one for drama, and when I'm done, I'm done. She's tried several times to connect, and I've ignored her entirely. I'd so much rather be alone and happy. I AM alone and I'm so relieved. No pets to speak of. She's a resolute cat hater, and dogs are a nuisance. I'm getting a puppy in a few weeks.

R232, I'm going to Google narcissistic/empath relationship. The armchair psychologist in me thinks you're exactly right. She's what others have called "rigid" and "controlling" but she's wildly charming. She had no use for those she deemed beneath her--which meant anything from fat to ugly to black to less-educated to low-wage earners. She somehow acted 70 but is my age. Has no truly close friends, but has some of the most impressive, sophisticated social skills I've ever witnessed. She's meticulous, routined, regimented, a perfectionist. I "made" her go on a rollercoaster in Sweden once and she screamed at me afterward and wouldn't talk to me; it was too out of control for her. By all accounts, I'm fun-loving, laid-back, kind and open. I could do nothing right in her eyes. I made the bed, she'd remake it. I wasn't allowed to do laundry. I didn't clean the microwave properly. I LEFT CRUMBS IN THE TOASTER OVEN. I drove like a maniac. You name it, I fucked it up.

Whew, sorry, that turned into a venting jag.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23804/02/2019

It sounds like you may want to examine your own reasons for staying with someone like your ex, R238. The way you describe her, even her positive characteristics don't sound so positive.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 23904/02/2019

You're absolutely right, R239. I'm closing the curtains for awhile and devoting a lot of time to my overall self-care and healing. I'll be honest, there were about two-three years of insatiable attraction and ignition before her real self showed up, and I didn't want to see it when it did. I just kept trying to hit the rewind button, hanging on, waiting for The Woman I Met to reappear. So, well, here we are and I'll never do that shit again.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24004/02/2019

I'm sorry for you, OP. I'm almost never lonely even though I've always been single and am middle aged now. Even though I'm terrible at making friends, I'm excellent at having acquaintances, and actually enjoy them more. You do have to quit relying on other people to fix you. As a gay kid I was always my own friend first and did fun things by myself all the time just because I liked them. It has carried over into adulthood, but luckily I'm thought of as good company because I WORK AT IT a lot!

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24104/02/2019

Remember it’s better to die from loneliness than to die in prison because you murdered one of the insufferable cunts on DL! There’s hope always.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24204/02/2019

Three bills every two weeks for a shrink. That's how.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24304/02/2019

R220, calling anonymous posters on an internet board fucks, fucktards, morons etc and telling them they should stfu does not exactly enhance your credibility or likeability. I suggest you sit back and watch the show.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24404/02/2019

The loneliest person I know is a woman who lives in a million dollar penthouse, has two beautiful kids, looks 20 years younger than her actual age, face has been on the cover of magazines, and in excellent physical health. Most people would be content just to have one of those things going for them. But, she is a narcissist and single. She pushes everyone away who truly cares for her including her kids. She finds some flaw and dwells on it. Then creates some kind of drama around it for attention. When people leave tired of her BS, she then becomes "the victim". Cycle repeats itself every few months.

I feel that is what a lot of people like the OP are doing. It's never actually their fault for driving people away. Its always "the type" of guy they meet, or the city they live in or the gay community or some external factor other than themselves.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24504/03/2019

R245 of course you are right, Ms I'm With Her. You guys are always right.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24604/03/2019

Seattle lesbian, I just read your response because I'm on the east coast and had to retire last night right after I posted. I'll write you back tonight.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24704/03/2019

R245, I know a couple of people like that. Miserable at every job they've had. Miserable in every city and state they've lived. Miserable with every person they've dated or are around.

It's sad, but if they hate everything and everyone around them, the problem is THEM. It will be THEM no matter where they go, what job they have or who they're fucking. That's why they're alone, the miserable bastards.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24804/03/2019

R238, hi there! It's me--both the posters you were answering are me.

Anyway, I have only recently discovered and been researching the narcissistic-empath dynamic. I have never been in this kind of relationship before though I certainly had girlfriends who were selfish and controlling, but not to the true narcissistic degree. And I'm not an empath to the degree required, either. But I know this lesbian couple that sounds so much like the webpages describe and the one of them sounds very much like your super charismatic ex.

It's very strange. Her partner looks so terrible, like she's had the life sucked out of her. The charming one looks so healthy and vibrant.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 24904/03/2019

Oh my gosh...

Um...Seattle Lesbian, Ignoredar tells us you are both a lesbian AND a gay man.

You have hurt my faith in DL.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25004/03/2019

Well that's disappointing R250.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25104/03/2019

R251, I started a thread about this called, "How much do you lie on DL?"

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25204/03/2019

I saw that R252.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25304/03/2019

I think I may die of heart failure.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25404/03/2019

Wise old lesbian here. It is better to be alone than to wish you were. Trust me.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25504/03/2019

A person in a relationship can always choose to end it a lonely person has no choice in the matter. We’re just alone. I don’t even know what it’s like to meet someone have mutual attraction/interest and bam we’re in a relationship. I’m in my mid 30s and have literally never experienced this.. What’s worse I can’t remember the last time someone called me on a regular basis to ask me how my day was or if I’m just doing okay...

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25604/03/2019

R256 to be fair no one wants to chat on the phone these days. It is all texting.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25704/03/2019

I use call/text interchangely

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25804/04/2019

Who cares about the dinosaurs. Their dollar means nothing. Anyone under 40 is texting.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 25904/04/2019

[quote]r221 Heck, I’m a GWM and I wish I were partnered with Joan Armatrading, r191. She’s been my favorite singer since 1980. You’re a fan? I love you.

OP clearly just needs to listen to this 50 times, and they'll be fine.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26004/04/2019

Op, if you've lived life like this and hate it, why don't you change everything about you.

Obviously doing what you have isn't working. You have absolutely nothing to lose by approaching the guys you're attracted to but were too shy to approach before.

Become a new, more confident person. Sure, you'll get rejected sometimes, but you shouldn't care.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26104/04/2019

R261 most worthless advice ever, you piece of shit.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26204/04/2019

The first one made me think of OP.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26304/04/2019

What is wrong with what R261 wrote?

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26404/04/2019

R264, I think it’s good advice except it’s not practical. Nobody who is trapped in happiness can change everything at once. You might as well advise “choose to be happy”, which is great advice, really, for every problem. Seriously, the best advice is something that a person can do, and which yield results, like, join a free walking group, or something like that.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26504/04/2019

R261 reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where George decided to do everything opposite of his normal behaviour. He started getting good results from this.

A friend once said to me, about something that wasn't working for me, but I was reluctant to change, 'You're in pain now. Why not try a new kind of pain?'

by Without love, it ain't much reply 26604/04/2019

Omg as if.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 267Last Thursday at 1:40 AM

[quote] What is the point of such a worthless existence?

New seasons on Netflix.

by Without love, it ain't much reply 268Last Thursday at 2:04 AM
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