Eurovision Song Contest 2019, Part Tres

Link to the second thread:

Thank you

“Tell Them” or whatever the fuck it’s called is a good song and that bitch can SANG.

r3 It's clearly engineered to tug on people's heartstrings AND it's a good song with a badass singer. That's pretty fucking rare.

Assi totally fucked up that bit with the Czech boys.

R3 Don't you find it a bit sleep-inducing?

Swedish song-totally derivative. Sounds like a million other songs. Dude wrote that thing at lunch.

r5 Blessed be those who don't mute those green room bits out of cringe, for they shall inherit the earth. Or something.

Sweden might be on top 3

The Swedish guy should stop working out because his muscles are making his head look really small and disproportionate. He's starting to look like one of those shrunken head zika babies.

No, R5, I think it’s compelling. Didn’t like the self-conscious projections. And the singer is fabulous. Best vocals by far.

r6 Oh yeah, it's totally boring and I'll never listen to it again after this.

If he ends up in the top 3 with the juries we'll all know that thing is fixed, because apparently he didn't sound his best at the jury show last night.

This is pretty meh, and they are going to flop on televote

Swedish dude was second last year at the national competition. I don't hate this song.

Oh God, Zombicouple.

I like Slovenia, weird but beautiful, I like her voice

LOL at R16 thats pretty fitting!

The truth is i like their song

Repetitive hipster trash that I need to have on mute. Hearing shit in my own language on Eurovision is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

One hour later and we're ten songs in.

Love the guy.

the definition of anti Eurovision song!

R20 Are you also triggered by the sound of Serbo-Croatian?

r6 You said sleepy?

Slovenian boy looks like Robbie off EastEnders if he had been cute.

R22 Is that a good or a bad thing?

Cyprus next, omg!

r23 No, that's fine because they're so different.

This is a bedtime song....

Tamta is not my cup of tea

The song is catchy, but her vocals are far from good

I'm glad they got rid of Tamta's wet hair look. She just looked greasy in the semi final.

KYLIE!!

I thought Madonna would be later on.

r29 I love the sheer THIRST of her.

[quote] The song is catchy, but her vocals are far from good

This is still the best she's sounded in the last two weeks (though that's not saying much).

Those roots are tragic-or are they trendy?

r36 Definitely on trend.

Toothy bisexual next! Possible winner?

R32 Now that you mentioned Kylie, her baby sis tweeted this in support of Kate Miller Heidke:

The Netherlands! Will it win after over 40 years?

Loving the Czech Republic!

Netherlands now. Its a good song and it will probably win - but isn't it a bit boring??

Eww, creepy Duncan.

I love these stage changing videos. But they didn't have anything complicated to do in this one - all they had to do was to hang up Duncan's IKEA lamp.

Mahmood will win easy

He wobbled on that one note but the public won't notice it.

AT last someone who sings in tune. For me the best song by far

I think I've finally solved that "Is Duncan cute or not" dilemma: the answer would be a big NO! He's not ugly or anything but he looks super creepy each time he stares into the camera. One of the biggest complaints about his rehearsals was that he doesn't connect with the camera enough but I think that performance would actually work better without those unsettling stares of his. Not big fan of his buck teeth either.

But I wouldn't mind if we head to Holland next year. I think cloggies would put together a great show, with their quirky sense of humour and gay-friendliness. And Arcade would definitely be a much more deserving winner than that abomination last year was.

R40 It was a long time ago!

Not bad, but not a winner.

I think that the Eurovision Song Contest may be heading to Sydney, Australia next year.

His voice was cracking in parts. He needs vocal rest, stat.

r51 No, that would be against the rules even if she won.

Greece has the most beautiful staging this year. It's like watching a Vogue fashion spread in motion.

R50 In that case the winner is still to come because he was miles better than any of the ones who came before

R51 Australia's song is crap. And she even said that London will host if she wins which means UK is going to give her a big fat zero

This one, Greece, is my boyfriends favorite. We will vote Greece and Azerbaijan here.

R51 No it would be hosted in EBU country

Does the Greek singer have a cold or is it just her voice?

i'm liking greece

Greece's vocals are an acquired taste. She just sounds pitchy to me all the time even though I understand it's just a singing style.

R52 We'd better get ready to welcome Eurovision to London then, on Australia's behalf.

Rumor is it will be in Berlin if Australia wins.

The Netherlands’ song was boring. Not a winner in my book. I’d even rate North Macedonia’s over it.

*cancels holiday to Mykonos*

R61 Now that is interesting!

If Australia won the Eurovision would probably be held in Paris, just to annoy the Brits.

Shalom Israel!

Oh gods, the suicide song next.

the israeli is a hunk

R64 Earls Court to the Gare de Nord is only 3 hours, so Paris wouldn't worry the Aussies!

I want Kobi's babies all over my face!

Australia is not going to win. I doubt it'll be that high on juries and the televote will not be in their favour

They styled him perfectly for his body shape today, FINALLY.

My ears!

This song is so dour, you guys.

I hope the EBU changes those rules about having a maximum of six people on stage soon and raises it to at least seven. It just looks ugly and very asymmetrical when the singer is joined by all five backvocalists (like Kobi was just now) and he has three standing on one and the other two on the other side. It would look much better and pleasing to the eye with having three people on each side.

I know, I sound like an aspie right now.

you're terrible, Israel. take your meds.

Ok you can leave the stage now

The fabulous trio! Oh, how I adore them.

He had better cried because he knows he went totally flat on his big note at the end.

Norge! Next hunk on stage

Norway's entry has nipped out to do Eurovision on National Service Weekend.

r74 Yeah, I'm seeing people elsewhere not liking the choir.

He's going to be bald by 30.

r82 They usually do. Jews have notoriously bad hair genes.

Correction. They're all going to be bald by 30, even her.

Last year it was decided that if Australia win, the show would be in Berlin. This year I don't know if the arrangement is kept.

Horrible song from Norway.

If there is God we'll be heading to Oslo next year! That was AMAZING! And I loved how the entire arena sang along with them.

at least Norway is a banger

The Norwegian entrant was the ethnic minority entry

Next up, the Brexit entry.

[quote]Horrible song from Norway.

r85 Watch it win,

I LOVED Norway. Their joy was infectious.

UK one of big five usually on bottom five

They like their food in Hartlepool don't they?

Potato face from the UK-nul pointd.

Adel-o!!!

Is the Norgie with us already or is he still throwing up in the bathroom?

I'd love to know what he thought of their performance.

He’s pitchy already.

UK usually on the bottom. Period.

We love that Europe hates us.

nothing and none is bigger than you, UK guy

Nope.

I wonder if Madge realizes how ancient she's going to look tonight, with most Eurovision contestants this year being so young. She's going to look like an old harpy that's come to feast on the blood of all those kids.

Say what you want but he looks great today, even with those awful pants

R98 Haha!

for R587 (i think) from previous thread...here is Valentina's airbnb house

Primark Rick Astley

He’s singing very badly.

Too fat.

r97 Stop sending shit songs then! Although SuRie was amazing.

I have a soft spot for the knock-kneed Brit but that was such a boring performance. Whoever said it looked like something out of a 2007 episode of The X-Factor was totally right.

And he looks like shit.

I didn't want to see his ring if fire there.

Bigger Than Me. He's singing about a house.

Song was written by the Swedish guy.

Love you, R103. I think I just found my summer vacation destination. Hope it's not totally booked yet.

R107 Shit songs are our gift to Europe!

He should have laid off the Greggs Cornish pastys.

R105 and even with that it was one of the best vocal perfornances.

Frankly, apart of Duncan who was great not even Sergey brought his A game today

Will Russia interfere with the voting this year?

I disagree, R116, there have been several better vocals already.

Hard sex club coming up

I wonder how many orgies there will be in Tel Aviv tonight?

the crazy san marino guy is a dentist! LOL

Yeah, Duncan was pretty shaky tonight.

Time to pee.

Holy crap, I'm reading reviews of Valentina's house right now and you actually get to meet her majesty if you stay there:

[quote] Valentina is a very dear host. The conversations are very interesting and fun. the space is beautiful and different! I recommend :)

I'm totally booking this tomorrow.

Grindr is going to to crash tonight in Tel Aviv.

i admit the san marino daddy is quite hot. and he's turkish. mhhhh

Iceland....I’m ready!

Looking for Runar and Dr J@ke dancing away in the audience to this one

R118: Like who

R120 ESC party is longer than one night, so are orgies, there must be hundreds. But hopefully they have fun and lots of sex!

Did anyone advertise their song this year on Grindr like Israel did last year?

Voting for Iceland, idgf

I really like this Iceland tune, reminds me vaguely of early depeche mode and marlin Manson. its just the chorus that doesn't really work well but I love the vibe and performance.

Well the Icelandic crew can go straight on to an orgy with having to change tonight

*without

R134 Aren't those guys (the singers) both straight?

r136 They are, and both with kids already, I think.

Blond twink San Marino dancer is booked for several-some in which he gets plowed by Victor Crone while the Tel Aviv velvet mafia circle jerks.

Estonia song writer and performer is actually Swedish.

The handsome Estonian singer has dimples for days.

I liked the San Marinoese blond dancer.

*Books holiday to the oldest Republic in the world*

Michael Lucas making a two-month supply of videos for his OnlyFans account just on this one night.

R140 He is British adopted to Sweden.

I think the San Marino dancer is actually German. His name is Johan Seil.

"A storm like THIS, can break a man like THIS."

Songwriter of this song is the laziest rhymist in history.

What does black handkerchief in right pocket mean?

Is that fister or fister?

Iceland song is very similar to a Devo song from recent times...lawsuit pending?

I am Victor’s birth father and will claim him as my own soon.

r143 Wait, so he has the exact same origin story as Lundvik, the Swedish singer?

R148 Are you the one he inherited his wonky eye from?

Will Brexit mean those two have to go back to the UK?

R149 Maybe I confused those two. But Estonian guy is Swedish

R146: S&M submissive

R150, no, but he did inherit my eminently lickable feets.

Can I have the Belarus dancers washed and scrubbed and brought to my room please?

Can the person who found Valentina's house on Airbnb also track down the Belarus' dancers insta accounts for me? Thanks in advance.

r152 Yeah, they're both Swedish but Crone is ethnically a Swede and Lundvik was adopted.

Those Brelarus dancers may get free night and take a part on several orgies

R156 Back off bitch.

I saw them first! x

Insta handles of everyone taking part should appear on screen.

Dancing shoes on for the land of fire!

During one of the rehearsals a funny thing happened with those lasers of Chingiz - they accidentally started to scan his crotch, not his heart area. It's frustrating the rehearsal footage is never leaked because it must be so entertaining to watch.

Another rehearsal mishap I'd love to see is Eleni's from last year. During the first rehearsal those CGI wings of fire were misplaced and it looked like they came out of her butt. The entire press center burst out laughing.

Truer words never typed, R160.

Azerbaijan is not my favorite but the guy is hot and he knows it

Azerbaijan is a fucker to spell!

The UK guy just looks so desperately unattractive with all these young hotties before and after.

Azerbaijan guy must throw one mean fuck.

They only do well because of all those tiny countries no one has heard of vote for them.

Except Armenia of course.

This will be top 5 for sure

Azerbrijan's good, some old school vibes

Jon Lundvik is Swedish and represents Sweden. He also wrote the song "Bigger Than Us" for the contest that represents the UK in the Eurovision festival.

Victor Fritz-Crone, also known as Vic Heart, is a Swedish singer and guitarist. He will represent Estonia in the Eurovision Song Contest 2019 in Tel Aviv with the song "Storm".

One of my favorites now, Azerbaijan - song also written by a Swede.

I love that mugham part of Azeri song but it doesn't really fit a cheap dance song like this a lot.

La France!

Only in it to remind Europe that English isn't the only language.

Is she wearing a niqab?

r171 So many Swedes with their fingers in this Eurovision pie.

Not a big fan of France. Even if I manage to forget about that manipulative staging or his average vocals the fact that his song is really dull remains. It's hard to believe it was written by Madame Monsieur because MM's song last year was a pure masterpiece and light years ahead of this one. Looks like they lost their touch somewhere in between.

France? Non.

Quelle surprise!

Singing en francais!

I don't know what's worse, the song or his wig

The dancer is a big girl!

Too many frites for her!

Oh God, Crissy Metz is probably in floods of tears now.

Parents naming their son "Çingiz ". Silly wanna be mongols.

fucking showflakes! FUCK YOU SJW!!!

I'm catching up now. The Czech boys were fun.

r178 I think 60% of the lyrics have to be in French, per their internal rules.

That Asian bitch is playing an assassin in Bond 25, right?

Is it Trans?

I don't get that "They told me I couldn't dance because I'm deaf" part. Why would deafness have anything to do with person's dancing abilities?

Those brows!

Hated the French song.

r187 No, just a gay guy in a wig.

R184 I'm having the Czech boys and the Belarus dancers brought to my room later.

MAHMOOD!

r188 Yes, it's way harder for them!

Seeing that burning money behind Mahmood is triggering me, because it reminds of that money I lost betting on Jurij fucking Veklenko.

I know, R194, I saw that Anne Ditchburn film in the 1970s.

What is it with the pics of refugees and meaningless slogans this year?

What is he wearing?

Anne Ditchburn film was Slow Dancing in the Big City, where she played a deaf dancer.

R197 That's supposed to be baby Mahmood in the background (it's taken from his music video).

He’s a magnetic performer.

Are we heading to Roma next year?

his voice was not in top form

I don’t think Italy’s is the winner.

Mahmood delivered when it mattered the most - that was a great performance! There really is something about him that makes it impossible to take your eyes off him. Still not a fan of his dancers but they didn't look that bad.

If anything other than Italy, Iceland or Norway wins tonight I'll be super disappointed. Sorry Duncan, you're overrated!

Is that the Japanese suicide forest behind the Serbian performer?

Italy's is the best song on a technical level but it's just not a stage song at the end of the day.

Mahmood has beautiful face lovely eyes and smile

I think Norway deserves it so far-a true showstopper.

I was really hoping Nevena's smoke machine would cause mayhem today as well. At least that would make that boring performance fun to watch.

Just like Duncan was boring to watch right after Norway in the semi-finals, Nevena felt dull as a dishwater right after La Mahmood.

R209 is the Norwegian troll

I was feeling a distinct lack of power ballads.

Allez Suisse!

Zurich, Geneve or Bern next year?

Will always be grateful to R39 several threads ago for introducing me to SVT app-the transmission is perfect mirrored on my Apple TV here in NYC. The commentators are total Chatty Kathys, though.

Hänni! Enters and gays are sceaming

Schweitzer!

Swiss boy is Shawn Mendes to UK boy’s Sam Smith

Switzerland sucks. Italy or Iceland to win!!!

Well, he got me.

He is selling it to the audience

*books Easyjet flight to Zurich next may £575 rtn*

R211 Since when do we have a Norwegian troll? I know we have a Liv Ullmann and a "Song of Norway" troll but I never heard of that one before.

G'day!

I think Australia won't do as well as some people predict (at least not on the televote). I think in the semi-finals people were too busy admiring that crazy performance to pay any attention to the song but now that the "wow" effect has worn off most people will realize the song isn't all that. I actually don't mind the composition that much but it does totally fall apart in the last minute (after she hits that high note) and it turns into (as someone above already mentioned) into a series of random noises and he-he-he sounds.

Spain will probably also flop majestically. Spain often has these super fun songs that have everyone tapping their feet and shaking their butts to but in the end no one actually bothers to vote for them. The same thing happened to poor Suzi from Portugal a few years ago - "Quero Ser Tua" became like an unofficial anthem of the 2014 Eurovision and the entire Kobenhavn was whistling that tune but in the end she didn't even make the finals.

He’s a good performer.

R215 Im also watching Swedish tv live and my boyfriend is Swedish so he translates some of the chit chat. The stage design and choreography of this Switzerland performance was made by a swede. they talk a lot about this sort of things apparently.

New York has lost Lady Liberty for a bit

r215 You're welcome. I was reading just today about its app and the ability to cast the stream to your TV but didn't know if you were still around.

I am only the Marion Cotillard Troll. No country’s troll. I just happen to love Norway’s performance.

Australia be cray cray

Spectacular presentation though, regardless of song.

Very Baz Luhrman.

I want to know who created the staging for Australia?

Learned just today that Kate also has a male backing vocalist. Seems so obvious now.

R232 Agree

I think the Australian male backing vocalist was a bit too loud today.

R234 They were from Poland

That male back-up singer was too overpowering.

[quote][R211] Since when do we have a Norwegian troll? I know we have a Liv Ullmann and a "Song of Norway" troll but I never heard of that one before.

He's famous on the International Weather Threads.

I admit I love Spain’s song

^ and the singer

This has been staged courtesy of the old Celebrity Squares set.

r241 It's a proper fucking banger!

Rusty Lee will pop out of the middle square in a minute.

It’s very Bye Bye Birdie.

Well, last year's Dress was hard to match but Australia delivered.

More info on the crazy Spanish puppet – his name is Paco and according to the guy who created the staging he's supposed to symbolize "the pressure to conform to society's standards".

Who the fuck is Rusty Lee? Or did you mean Ruta Lee?

Guess which song will be played to death at Circuit Festival in Barcelona this year!

Spaniards as always looking like the most virile of all the contestants.

This lead singer is cute and so much energy!

Swiss kid is way more fuckable.

R249 My pleasure

The old cunt next?

Madge on next.

Time to put the kettle on whilst she's on.

NOOOOOOOO, it's over!!! Early post-Eurovision depression signs are already kicking in with me.

Rusty Lee is British, Celebrity Squares was UK version of the original Hollywood Squares.

R256 I read somwhere she will lip sync I mean sing, three songs. I hope she will do just one

Thank you 258

r257 I can't believe it's basically over as well!

R259 yes I click the link in Hebrew and listened to the audio

Better switch the HD option on your TVs off before Madge hits the stage!

I want Norway to win this-and I am NOT the Norway troll.

Damn, KeiiNO even have the best recap clip.

R264 Are you the Lillyhammer troll instead?

I loved Australia-I just don’t think the entry should be in competition with the rest.

i always forget why Australia is allowed to compete.

R267 Should they be in the AsiaPacVision Contest?

Because Aussies just love Eurovision so much. Which is a very bad reason to have allowed them to participate.

Want to see something cringey? Here's video of the Croatian delegation driving back to their hotel on a bus after failing to qualify on Thursday night, trying just a little too hard to look happy.

Of course Jacques Houdek takes up two seats.

Conchita!

Why is Mans pronounced “Moss”? Swedish is weird.

Isn't Conchita suffering from HIV? It's sad to still hear about things like this in 2019.

r273 Because it's Måns, not Mans.

where's the fuck is madonna?

r271 Link doesn't work and I want to see it!

what the fuck is going on now?

Måns is just so hot!

My top 3: Switzerland, Australia and North Macedonia.

What’s with the A Chorus Line-type piano vamping with this segment?

r278 They're covering each other's songs.

They're making sure that she stays in the deep freeze as long as possible.

She'll melt if brought out too early!

R273 because its written with a Swedish letter å that is pronounced like an o: Måns

She'll be on when we get to Lys Assi

I want that Swedish jizz shooting down my throat so badly.

r276 Are you complaining?

Aye aye aye aye

Can I order 2 of the blonde dancer please?

All those young people having fun and relaxed. Not easy place for old cunt like Madonna who takes herself very seriously

R277 It's on Jacques Houdek's FB page.

It's been a freak show the last 15 minutes.

Madonna is disguised as Verka

This segment is NOT working. It must have looked better on paper.

This is like 1985 on acid.

total LOCURA

I realized the other day on the orange carpet that Verka Serduchka still doesn't speak a word of English.

I think is fun! Verka is ESC

R294 LOLOL!!!

Best interval entertainment since Riverdance.

Shame to spoil it with Madge.

I remember this 1979 Israeli win. It was a hit in England.

Now this IS music! Oh the memories from childhood!

is that Marlo Thomas??

Hallelujah!

Catchy, NON?

There's something about Mans' nose that has always bothered me. It's shaped almost like a beak.

Brilliant!

Further proof that sometimes the UK’s musical taste for kitsch is way out there.

That was pretty decent, actually.

Doesn't Madge usually leave her audience waiting for hours at her concerts? Maybe she'll pull the same thing tonight.

Fingers crossed Madge is cancelled!

That was a lovely segment...enjoyed it!

It was the first time Israel won....or even came close to winning.

yes, this segment had some ups and downs but overall good and the last bit was just great. also transported me to childhood memories

I hope Madge falls down on her ass like she did at the BRIT awards. She has new implants in there so it should be a soft landing for her.

My Top 3 (amended) are:

Norway

Switzerland

Northern Macedonia

Who's WW-ing every post. Gurl, you is crazy!

France sticks out so much, omg. I feel so bad for him already.

Loving the RuPaul reference!

I guess those two are TV celebs in Israel.

My top is:

1. Italy

1. Norway

3. Malta

4. Greece

5. Spain

But I have a bad feeling that buck-toothed cloggie is going to win.

Uh oh, sounds like the wicked witch is on her way

r317 I missed it, what was it?!

What the fuck is the point of Madonna turning up. How is it relevant?

She's plugging her album!

What is she wearing??

every time i see Bar Refaeli i cant' help remebering her tragic Fappening pics

In Spain the sms vote is expenssive, i want Duncan to win but he must do it without my vote

Is Madge still practicing Kabalah?

It's the Pirates of the Caribbean meets Granny look

r327 No, gurl, that was three or four albums ago.

NOT TOO CLOSE, CAMERA MAN!

cant this bitch crack a smile??

Tamta in the back looking at her future self.

Jack Black meets Heidi

At least her new album was mentioned

LOL at Madge's speech about having a dream. So patronizing. Bitch, most of these people you're addressing are already huge stars in their countries.

R330 I was thinking the same!

The BBC has switched to SD for that segment

Why is Madonna always so much fun to hatewatch? You just want to embrace and smack the living daylights out of her at the same time.

when is she singing???

Madonna's speech was so lame. And ending with the audience chanting "Music makes the people come together - yeah!" She used to be relevant. And now she's just pathetic.

How weird. Madonna isn’t singing after the interview.

Is Madge attempting a Sandy Duncan as Swiss Miss look?

Time to turn the volume RIGHT DOWN.

I hate that “music brings people together” platitude bullshit. Like, ENOUGH with that.

Are pantaloons making a comeback?

This is AWFUL!!!

Madge is desperate to shift some units of her latest flop.

r344 Well, doesn't it? Isn't this thread exactly the proof of that? It's just like sports in that regard.

If Madonna is getting to sing 3 songs and then votes this will be the longest ESC final ever. Move to votes already. Madonna got her spotlight.

How much drugs has this lad had?

Look at the absolute state of this American douche!

I hope the late Doris Day left Madonna her collection of vaseline-smeared camera lenses in her will. God know Madge could use them.

[quote][R344] Well, doesn't it? Isn't this thread exactly the proof of that? It's just like sports in that regard.

This is about MUSIC? It's about watching a freak show.

It's weird hearing American on Eurovision.

Why is this non-entity getting interviewed during the biggest singing event in the world?

Madge and this American guy are so ridiculous, they obviously dont give a shit while the huge arena is exploding with enthusiasm

The mentalist again haha.

and now a medium. what a shit show this is

The Israelis used to talk a British English - now they talk like Americans.

American has been to the Western Wall.

Bahahaha!

Another fucking magic trick?!

Is Madge coming on next?

I need a brew soon!

There's another almost hour of this!

[quote]When your post-apocalyptic future self appears to warn you of impending disaster

I want to punch that American guy in the face HARD.

OK...

Painful interviews are the most consistent part of Eurovision.

Netta-the millennial Carmen Miranda.

I do wa' I wanna!

I never thought I'd say this, but seeing Netta right after Madge feels almost like a relief.

I thought it was Madonna

Netta singing “Like a Virgin” would have been fabulous.

My ears are hurting.

At one point this song plagiarizes that “New York” song which was on Sex & the City.

Graham Norton just said something funny - "I'm not sure I want to hear a Netta ALBUM!"

Why does the voting take so long?

Netta just dissed lesbians. She just wanna banana.

The Czech song in the clip completely misrepresents what that song actually sounds like.

The EBU has got to pay for this nonsense somehow R376

Albania bitch looks like Judge Jeanine’s porno star daughter.

R376 I am sure everyone who wanted to use their 20 votes has had more than enough time to do so.

Funny, I saw a documentary earlier and it said 1 in 4 people in Tel Aviv is gay. This is believe after seeing this.

San Marino's Say Na Na NA is better than Nana Banana.

It's all gay men and very fat women.

and fag hags.

THe Swiss guy is a homophobic little cunt

r386 Really? Why?

Proof, R386?

The National Grid have been planning for this moment for months, as 25 million UK households put the kettle on, as Madge comes on.

I can’t be bothered to vote

"The Queen herself" LOL

Stairs are involved.

Standby by for action ladies!

Well, this is like the Oscars for euro gays so of course there would be homos left and right in the arena.

OMG

Will there be a Joey Stefano hologram in this?

French R?

Cameraman got the message to zoom out!

Bum notes already. Bitch could never sing. Just good taste in songs.

Like a prayer

madonna and the monks

she isn't lip synching it sounds

Stairs and a cape.

This will not end well.

R387 R388 Swiss guy was a german tv and was seriously homophobic

Holy shit, I can't believe she's singing this live. Why would you do this to yourself, Madge?! She's got some ovaries, that's for sure.

Out of tune.

Thirty years on and she still can’t find the notes.

OMG, she’s murdering that song.

Where's the Stannah chair lift when you need one!

lol she's as bad as the other performers

She can’t hold notes plus flat plus weird r here and their.

Are they paying her ? Millions ?

This is hilarious. Like granny trying to sing.

She's out of breath. SOmeone call ambulance.

[quote]OMG, she’s murdering that song.

This is a "song"?

She sounds so off pitch...yikes!

Is she going to do the Sugar Plum Fairy next?

The melody is not her friend.

Everyone's a Fruit and Nutcase!

She’s 60, give her a break

It's a ROCK OPERA!

This is just sad.

She changed to liy sync?

She’s blown Avenue B papis better than that.

this is quite ghastly and i'm a fan of hers

Oh dear.

[quote]She’s 60, give her a break

She's had more than her fair share of breaks.

Does she need assistance getting down those stairs?

This is fantastically shit in the way only Euroivison can be.

Who’s this fucking obnoxious guy?

This bit is very Michael Jackson.

This can't be live!

No reaction from the audience. This song is sooooo bad.

How many 60yo you know perform like that ?

Look how stunned the audience is - and they’ve seen things.

This is more Kander & Ebb than Jackson.

@TerribleMaps

European countries that still have not won the Eurovision Song Contest

Madonna, you're a mediocre piece of shit. YOU'RE FLAT, YOU SUCK! YOU'RE A DISGRACE. HOW DARE YOU?

The next time an American makes fun of the singing or the songs in general at the Eurovision, we now have this very much American clip to respond with. I'm quite speechless.

I like the reggae beat

FALL, MADONNA, FALL!

Most 60 year olds have more dignity R433

who's the black guy? he's atrociously bad, like they pushed someone on the stage at the last minute

This song is autotuned to the gods!

R403: If that was true we'll know it from the very beginning. Mans spend a lot of time apologizing for some homophobic comment, and one of these years german entries quit after his homophobic comments resurfaced.

There's no way Luca Hanni is a prominent homophobe and we don't know it

0 point. My ear's bleeding from auto-tune.

The audience was silent

Graham Norton "That's a MUTED response, I'd say".

Is this section finally over? Did this help Madonna to sell one more cd or concert ticket?

Written by a cliche generator.

Quevo is the rapper on the stage.

I liked Madge.

Where’s Maluma ?

Tel Aviv plug.

I want to punch Quevo in the face HARD.

Has anyone been ? Worth going ?

Gal's face is so beat, she looks CG.

in 3 minutes you can be blown up by a bomb in Tel Aviv

Who is she ?

She's gone round the fucking twist. She's off her nut. She's let her mind. It's the only reasonable explanation .

Tel Aviv-Like Rio but without carjacking.

Here we go, globetrotting around European capitals.

That's Wonder Woman.

The gay presenter's okay looking for a 39 year old bottom.

Juries first

We had a winner. I go cry now.

R463, he’s cute but his Spanish husband Albert Escola is GORGEOUS.

I guess this is the gayest night of the year.

They're gonna make 41 phone calls for the results. We'll be here until Tuesday

Did Assi just greet her with "Good night"?

Azerbaijan brought a member of a family

12 for Italy here

I like Ben in Malta. A LOT.

Cyprus 12 for Greece and Greece give Cyprus 12

Let's get that out of the way

San Marino votes for Italy.

Quelke surprise!

Madonna wasn't even the scariest creature we've seen tonight. That would be the guy who gave us the points from Azerbaijan.

whatever happens I just hope its not russia that wins

UK - ZERO

LOL

UK doing better than I expected

Omg, can a producer please whisper to Assi that "good night" is not how you greet people in English in the evening. Otherwise, he'll just keep repeating this until the end.

Google maps should help with the votes...stick to the borders.

Oh my, Polish guy is living this!

R472 Unfortunately Ben Camille in Malta is Straight (as straight as any Maltese guy anyhow) and married.

Of course the homophobic Poland has a flaming queen deliver their results.

R470 It's even in his name: Faiq Agayev

Cutie Ryback!

Alexander Rybak's got even gayer.

I take back what I said about the Norway troll.

Thank you Norway for the 2 points!

[quote]Unfortunately Ben Camille in Malta is Straight (as straight as any Maltese guy anyhow) and married.

Trust me to find the only straight guy of the whole evening.

Austria = gay

Cutie Austrian. Surely family.

I'm not liking that russia is getting so many points

North Macedonia! Wow!

North Macedonia?

Really UK?

No f-bombs from the Austrian guy tonight. If he dropped one they would probably introduce a 30-second broadcast delay next year (like the one they have at the Oscars).

Look at her tats!

How did the UK get 2 votes?

Albanian guy has a BDF.

That wouldn't be an issue in Europe, R494.

R496 It was the Norwegian Troll that organised those 2 for us

Kein Punkt für uns. :)

Hungary guy is cute.

They like a Gregg's in Hungary

Israel = ZERO.

Pretty funny.

Hungarian guy is very easy on the eyes, no?

No.

This voting is happening too fast. You can't even process what's going on.

I prefer Ben from Malta.

Israel FINALLY.

Are those Christmas lights blinking on the streets of Minsk?

r506 It has to. We're only halfway there as it is.

What?? Belarus jury didn’t give one point to Russia.

Ireland hate the UK

Belarus giving us 5 from outside the EU

Armenia we love you!

Hate the Armenian guy. Couldn't stand his overrated song back in 2014.

Zika baby from Sweden has the jury vote in the bag, doesn't he?

r511 It was an aggregate result as they were banned from taking part today.

I miss the drawn out voting process in the old days

I do too. R516

People booing those 12 points to Greece from Cyprus.

Who gave Israel 12 points again?

r519 Albania, I think?

R519 Bielorusse

Be prepared for the kitsch and the noise when they announce the winner.

R519 Belarus, no points to Russia.lol

The Swedish singer is African American?

R523 That IS a shock.

Putin will be on the phone to Minsk now!

No, it was Belarus. Which is the only country that voted for Spain too. Fuck you Portugal

The former Soviet republics hate Russia.

What’s an aggregate result r515

r525 As has been mentioned, those WEREN'T the results from the Belarus jury because they were banned from taking part today as they leaked the points from Tuesday.

The Swedish singer has a 100% American accent, not a hint of Swedish.

I knew Northern Macedonia would do well.

this is not only the gayest eurovision ever, it's the gayest THING ever. I look in the mirror every morning and see less gayness.

Do those Russkies always have to be so dramatic?

Russia milking it

Russkies are such show-offs.

No surprise there. Azeri singer was actually born in Moscow.

The Reeperbahn is busy tonight

R524, Why would an American be representing Sweden? You know there are black people living in Sweden? Unless he has duel citizenship...

[quote]The Belarusian jury voting has been revealed in an interview contravening Eurovision Song Contest rules. In order to be compliant with the ESC voting regulations, the EBU has taken action and has dismissed the Belarusian jury from the Grand Final on Saturday.

[quote]An aggregated result approved by the auditors will be used in order to determine to whom the Belarusian votes will be allocated.

Germany always gives points from crowded festival

David in Belgium is straight!

Going to Hamburg in September-can’t wait.

~It's a tight race. Exciting.

R488 Never say never with a Maltese guy! Even if they are married to a woman.

Ben Camille hosts The X Factor Malta.

He’s family

Erik Saade, another Swedish cutie

That Saade guy has aged quite a bit since we've last seen him.

Swedish guy is a cute bottom.

Oh, how handsome is the Swedish guy?

Hi Eric cutie

*cancels weekend in Zagreb*

Croatian Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Why do so many countries have ugly old fraus giving their votes? Don't they know who the target audience for this show is? We want to see young male flesh!

Oh hello Lithuania!

Holland is rising. Tight

I didn't like the Macedonian dirge but it's nice to see such a tiny country doing so well with the juries. Of course they'll flop on the televote hard.

Another BDF, this time from Georgia.

Holland is done. The jury lead is not high enough to compensate expected low points from the televote.

Cyprus 12 here from greece

It's embarrassing for Israel...2nd to last.

R559 It's become a tradition for host countries to do badly - like Portugal last year or Austria in 2015 (which actually got the infamous nul points).

Don’t forget to start part 4

Graham Norton is so shady...

I think Sweden will win.

Yeah, host countries usually bomb in these votes.

R562 What's he saying?

Is that Paris?

The beautiful Eiffel

Are you getting Graham Norton in the USA?

I was expecting the Notre Damn

There've been bottoms everywhere tonight.

You could land a helicopter on the Finnish guy's forehead.

Finnish guy is family

R568 He snogged me in Heaven years ago.

Toothy Tile is going to win this shit, isn't he?

I can't believe Sweden is doing so well.

Howard Stern?!

[quote]There've been bottoms everywhere tonight.

Is it usually like this?

r575 You actually had me going there for a couple of seconds!

It's bottom heavy.

Does Sweden have any nuclear power plants? I wish them a nice little meltdown right now.

More voting!

Pretty much R576. Tel Aviv's five tops will be in demand.

Jon Ola Sand looks a bit worn out this year. Those Hatari guys have really sucked the life out of him with their stunts.

Televotes. Might be very tight run.

remember that the televote can change this results completely. not sure yet for anyone on the top now.

Pray for Mahmood!

Poor Miki. He deserved to do better.

r585 the self loathing closet case? Stuff him

UK 3 pts.

UK HUMILIATED.

0 for Germany lol

Germany 0. That’s something.

NULL PUNKTE

We get that Europe hates us!

More votes for the Brexit party on Thursday

WOW! NORWAY!

wow Norway

YAAAAS, happy KeiiNO got so much love.

Yikes...Germany and the UK.

Wow!

Norway troll been busy!

Part 4:

Graham Norton is not happy...

Palestinian flag is out!

Muriel, close down this thread!