The Datalounge Channel

Lessons Learned from a Life in Lasagne, by Lina Librandi.

Riveting original programming!

Crossfire: International Punctuationist Debates

Fat Frau For a Day

Oh, Dear: the game show where good grammar wins.

The Hideous Lamp Report

Name That Womanly Ass

Everyone Hates Erna

Parenting Beat with Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, CO

Cold Case.

Now for a brief commercial interruption

Sunday afternoon tearjerkers...

"Seriously, with Julianne Moore" -- Talk for Our Times

The Great Datalounge Bakeoff with cak and canned frosting

Jailhouse Cookery with Betty Broderick.

Betty shows how to create simple, but tasty food using what's available from the commissary using what you have in your cell. Ep 1. Food to make you forget the Shithead and the Cunt.

Sunday Worship Hour with with the Reverend Pazuzu

Anal Cleansing By Bryanboy

The Surprise Anal Hour a weekly show.

The 6:00 news.

WWBD: What Would Buck Do?

A fast-paced afternoon game show hosted by the incandescent Beth Jarrett.

Two contestants will compete to see who can guess what Beth's late son and golden child Buck would do in dozens of wacky and wild real life situations.

Sponsored by Mediopolis Ladies' Golfwear Inc.

The Cheryl Hour with Smellovision. Sponsored by Summer's Eve.

"My Three Nephews"

Golden Girls at 7:00 a.m., 2:00 p.m., 10:00 p.m., and 2:00 a.m. This will cover the office workers, retirees, shift workers, and insomniacs.

Wire Hangers with Christina Crawford and Rutanya Alda

Household and lifestyle dos and don'ts from Hollywood royalty.

A channel that plays “As Seen on TV” commercials on a regular basis.

Bringing Up Joel

The Ingratitude of Nieces, an ongoing family drama

25 comments and not one about "The Vivian Vance Hour?" You're slipping, DL!

Also, a TV adaptation of We Bought A Zoo.

"Welcome to My World, starring Brenda Dickson"

"Broadway Chitchat"--now in its 70th year!!!

Lifestyles of the Rich and Tasteless

My Diva, My Self: The Selfish-Self-Help Show starring Miss Dunaway

Brought to you by Gucci

Tasteful Friends, a home decor and lifestyle extravaganza!

"My Narcissistic Mother"

brought to you by Anonymous

The Connie Francis Music Hour.

Award shows and Anderson’s NYE special will be shown with the related official thread’s content in a lower third ticker.

The funny thing is, if you really think about it, this would actually be an excellent idea. Particularly if programming decisions were inspired by this board.

A Pole and Two Holes. A gay update of Three's Company. The story of a thrupple featuring one top and two bottoms.

Queen Andy Cohen and Blanderson Blooper Hour. Both of these unfunny queens get to embarrass themselves one a week at midnight.

I Was Molested: My Life in the Shadows of My Mother and My Sister Liza: the Lorna Luft Story

Datalounge's Funniest Home Videos

Tonight: Princess Diana Screamer

Reruns of every wedding involving the British royal family would air every weekend from 12am - 5am.

Law and Order: Average White Guys Kill Fraus edition

What For Dinner DL?

Travel Show: Best Rentboys Edition

DL Afterschool Special Diary of a Pointlessly Bitchy Kid

Hollywood Squares: Gay cable news personality edition

The People's Court with Miss Lindsay Graham presiding

Saturday Night Movie Classics, with wrap-around segments discussing the camp and relevence to the audience. Possibly shot in some old fabulously restored movie palace lobby.

Friday Night Drinkie Poos, featuring classic musicals and how to make a classic libation somehow linked to the movie. Could be shot at The Townhouse or some other elegant piano bar, with live music going to-from commercial.

The Datalounge Movie of the Week

Always the Bridesmaid: The G Story

Starring G as G

Featuring Mamie Gummer as M

With the original song "I Will Not Be Ignored" recorded by Patti LuPone

Reruns of “The Sally Field Programme”

Name That Porn Whore, the sexy late night game show!

Turkey Meatballs and More, the quick recipe tips infomercial

Tell Me, Eldergays, the grammar, punctuation and old movie trivia show for millennios

Instaho Interventions with Professional Therapist Matthew "JiffyPop" Dempsey

DL Biography: The Helen Lawson Story

Trolls: Live Television Event

"I Rage With Pussy Power!" Lesbian Spoken Word and Poetry Slam, hosted by pussylips.

Could also call it Sapphic Sundays. Run it late Sunday morning while the boys are out to brunch.

"Coming up next after "I Rage With Pussy Power" on Sapphic Sunday, 'Stated Boundaries: The Herstory of Michfest'."

Datalounge Original Programming:

Sit-Com: The Slow Roll. Nick Jonas taking one step out of the closet and immediately five steps back. The show will go on forever.

Costume Drama: Earrings & Caftans. The early days of the Earrings & Caftans Society (around the 70s) of closet gays meeting other guys in each others' basements. The contrast between straight, fake life and expressing your true, gay nature in the most flamboyant ways amongst your true peers.

Special Music Event: Björk Does The Barbra Steisand Classics (cue to promo with Björk singing The Way We Were accompanied by pan flute and scratchy dubstep beats).

Reality TV: It's Porn, Darling!: Porn Stars (Helix Studios, CockyBoys, Sean Cody) coming up with all kinds of lame excuses to get together and have drama bitch fights.

Docu Series: Worse Than Hitler - Who DRAINS Their Pasta? Reality Crime Mystery of the worst crimes committed in your home.

Docu Series: For Shame! How to let go of shame and self loathing in five easy steps (she show lasts 50 seasons and still only revealed three of the five steps).

Drama Series: PRESENT. It's like Murphy's Pose but with Instahos presenting hole (you don't actually see them presenting hole, it's not porn, you guys!).

Behind the Music: The Story of the Rise and Fall of Michfest. Voiceover done by Nan Michiganwomyn

Showgirls

I’m going to imagine it would feature some Nazi inspired programming — but about Trans not Jews.

SELF HELP CHAT with Colton Haynes

Each week Colton sits down with a famed analyst to get to the root of this week's problem/drama.

Brought to you by McDonalds and FTD Florists!

So You Think You Can Present Hole?.. cash-strapped young guys drop pants and present hole, live on camera, to a panel of eldergays who rate them on a 1 to 10 scale. Winner each episode gets $1,000.

"SAUCE OR GRAVY?"

Italian Moms (and DL) forever battle it out ...literally!

Sundays at 8pm Ch1595 hd

"SAY YES TO MY BIG FAT AMERICAN GYPSY PROM DRESS" WEST VIRGINIA EDITION

Please check you local cable guide

I feel like there should be a self-help day: "The Eyes Have It", "Welcome To My Home', 'I Hate To Exercise, I Love To Tap", and the original 'Queer Eye".

Behind the scene: The Golden Girls.

Also a transwomen talk show that would be taken off the air in the middle of each chapter.

America's Next Great Gay Porn Star. Mentored by a burned-out porn performers, young guys compete for a chance to appear in a production.

Name that Hole. A panel of judges try to identify guests based on the guests displaying just their butts.

10/10. Contestants describe their fantasies, which are acted out. Then the judges vote. Winner gets to act out his fantasy wit the actor(s) who appeared in the reenactment.

Tasteful Friends. Contestants actually tour the physical properties with the owners present. Winner is the one who delivers the most devastating put-down criticisms and/or embarrasses/angers the owner.

Have You Ever Been to? . . . . . .

A show about moving from a major metro area to a smaller boring city.

Original sitcom: "Mamma's Mussy." A gentle, young otter is embarrassed by his M to F trans parent who is a public defender that has sex with her hot cage-meat clients. Mama's trans sister gets a spin off "Earrings and Caftans," which is the name of her resale shop where most of the action takes place.

Joan Crawford hosts a reboot of "Supermarket Sweep."

LMAO!

Documentaries - one year of the '70s at a time - on constant rotation

(leaving out stuff like war and politics, of course)

What Is It, You Cuntface? - The Bitter, Backstabbing Stories Behind Our Most Loved Musicals

Hosted by Patti Lupone

Presenting the Datalounge Sports Channel

"This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things!". Comedy variety show mocking stereotypes and those who believe in them.

Movie of the Week: Mother, May I Sleep With Colby Keller?

Game Show: Where Are My Gays? Kathy Griffin having to guess which contestans are gay and which are not. Careful Kathy, some of the contestans are Deplorables!

Celebrity Profile: Lemon Squeeze. Don Lemon interviewing LGBTs of note. Like Ian McKellen, RuPaul, Ellen, Rosie, Tim Gunn, etc.

Dark Comedy Series: Grease Fire. A group of members of the LGBT community band together and go rogue to take revenge on their enemies. Hilarity, and horror, ensues.

"The Q-Team". It's like the A-Team but with distinct members of the LGBT community solving all kinds of crimes and life threatening challenges. With the message being that each member has something useful to contribute to get the group to glorious victory.

Around the World with the Wrigleyville Cumdump

KJ Apa presents: KJ Apa. Who the fuck cares what's it supposed to be about? It's KJ Apa ... shirtless and looking cute!

Game Show: How to Get Away from Erna? Solve and win all kinds of challenges or Erna is getting closer each time you lose!

Dyke Eye for the Queer Guy: Lesbians teach gay men how to butch it up.

The "This is It!" Aerobics Hour with Yvonne. Weekdays at 6 a.m.

Golden girls WWHL Anal/enema hour Cumdump report Real rentboys Corelle infomercials Tasteful friends decorating How to survive on only 150k

Sports channel Diving, gymnastics, tennis, wrestling, weightlifting.

Sequel to HBOs hookers at the point: The whores of HK

Cooking Show: Pasta 101 To rinse or not rinse (that is the question).

Gay Dunk Tank with Andy and Anderson as the perpetual targets. Special guest dunkees include NPH and Mr. Burtka

WHET: Anthology series of celebrities no one’s ever heard of.

Lens Dunham: Roundtable discussion on why she’s so fat and untalented.

The David Pevsner Variety Hour

" '70s House"

12 gay contestants go back in time to live '70s style.

Hilarity ensues.

Those Marvelous Midwestern Towns: P&G soaps of the 80s broadcast in rotation in the 3:00am - 6:00am slot.

r94. You simply must pitch that to Netflix. I so want to watch that.

r95 What about the '70s?

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night: Anti-aging tips from celebrities, hosted by Madonna

"He's Gay And I Don't Like Him" - a compilation show of the most popular gay VLOGS on YouTube.

- followed by an interview show with Andy Cohen entitled "I Hate Andy Cohen (more than words can say)"

"Looking for Tadzio" -- Twink-obsessed Dataloungers chat endlessly about their latest celebrity obsessions. Hosted by Timothée Chalamet (safely kept away from the discussants behind Plexiglass)

"Where Are They Now?" - fascinating interviews with Playgirl Centerfolds Of The '70s.

Fabulous Felons. Stories of dreamy murderers killing frau. First episode-- The Chris Watts story, hosted by Dan Peterson.

Shit Just Got Real!: Ricki Lake returns to host this talk show about hot-button topics that cause Dataloungers to completely lose it. Today's topic: "I'm Only Feeding My Cat Dry Food!"

"Captain And Tennille - The Truth At Last!" '90s style TV Movie.

"Ambiguously Gay Duos" Hosted by celebs Alex Pettyfer and Julian Morris. Guest star panel decides which male-male friendships are straight, gay, FWBs, or just fake!

I'd watch many of these, in fact.

Weekly showings of Auntie Mame, Mommie Dearest, and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. After each movie, a panel of fans would discuss what they liked and disliked. The panel would be rotated weekly so the conversation would be fresh and interesting. This would likely be the first regular program to be cancelled.

The Porn Club. It's like Book club, but a group discusses the deeper meanings of current or past porn scenes or movies.

Scene from a Mall

Each week series regulars and a special guest star fashion a striking tableau depicting an imagined scene in one of the shops in Barbra's mall.

Tonight: "Security to the Deli", in which guest star Lainie Kazan is shown being arrested for shoplifting a side of beef.

I would never miss an episode of r105.

Neither would I, r110.

woman, Actress, SAINT

Broadcasting live from his basement, the Jessica Lange troll documents J's acting miracles to make the case for her canonization.

The game show block will feature "Quien Es Mas Macho?" and an updated version of "What's My Line."

Lifestyle: Living La Vida Loca with Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin visiting the hot and famous in their wild and crazy habitat. Parties, dance, sex, drugs and heart-to-heart confessions.

:) :) :) This kind of self-aware thread is why I can’t leave the DL. :) :) :)

Cut vs. Uncut. It's like Game of Thrones, but for real!

LARRY KING DEAD!!!

Host Larry King and co-host John Edward discuss the issues of the day with dead celebrities.

Vipers' Pit. It's like The View but with shady, gay bitches running their mouths about the latest entertainment news.

Trigglypuff 'n Stuff: A Spoof of Woke Millennials

Hosted by Erna

I'd like to see a modern day Scared Straight featuring Momma.

Just me, nonstop.

"First You Take a Dump" - Cathy Mitchell hosts a new cooking show!

"I Like Blue," a decorating show hosted by Joey Luft.

DL classic: Drinkie-poos !

The Connie Francis Lack of Variety Hour.

Every week, Connie finds herself pushed aside by superstar guests who went on to become much more successful than her.

"I've Got Problems of My Own," with Mariah Carey

Weekly show featuring guests facing challenges in their lives, all of which are eclipsed by the diva's issues.

Food for Frauen: Office Potlucks

Disgusting casseroles and jello molds from the '60s and '70s

Excuse me! Excuse me!

As you know, we depend on advertising. And our channel would be what some would call a "mesothelioma" channel. But none of our audience members have been exposed to asbestos. And we've been told by Ginny in Ad Sales that we cannot advertise legal ads about "transvaginal mesh" lest we offend our trans sisters, who prefer "front hole" and "back hole."

So I'm calling upon all employees to be team players and submit ideas for future clients and ads we should solicit for The Datalounge Channel!

Best!

[quote] Hosted by Erna

Fetid shit eating Nazi cunt!

I hear she's already booked hosting the game show "Flora, Fauna or Feces?"

Sure, Jan - with host Christine Taylor as "Marcia"

The popular DL meme comes to life in an updated version of To Tell the Truth. Contestants tell outrageous stories and then wait for Marcia's dramatic ruling: "True" or "Sure, Jan"????

GEMMA CHAN is GORGEOUS!

Bump

THE BEST THREAD EVA!

Dollar Tree will be sure to make some big ad buys, R128.

The Dollar Tree Shopping Channel

24 hr Ch 1282 hd

Desperate Sumerian Housewives

Exciting new comedy-drama explores the trials and tribulations of chickpea-growing housewives in anicient Sumer. Cote De Pablo stars as Enkidu.

Real Husbears of Datalounge

Back for its second season! RHOD breakout star Big Steve continues his all-out war on fellow husbears Ray and Vito, and this week it looks like things could get physical.

I feel the whole idea of this channel is cheap & tawdry & trashy!

Merch or No Merch: Celebrity panel analyzes photos from the Daily Mail to determine whether the subject guilty of merching. Hosted by some cunt.

The Buffets of Vegas. A tour of the highs and lows of all-you-can-eat buffets in Vegas, hosted by Sarah Ferguson.

Moving over from Food Network will be an all-boy version of "Kids Baking Championship," with celebrity mentors Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer.

You're Going Down, Bitch!

A weekly procedural investigating the wives of hot men we lust after. Episode One: proving that Meghan Markle is a scheming, gold digging cunt with bad fashion sense and absolutely no sense of propriety.

"You're A Fat Whore!" A weekly weight loss competition for obese DLers, live from mother's basement.

Hosted by the Darfur Orphan

Making the Best of the Basement

Design tips for dealing with concrete walls and floors, making the most of the one small window and turning the furnace into a work of art for Datalounge's subterranean denizens.

"You're a Whore, Darlin'," the DL channel's update of "Love Connection" hosted by Elizabeth Barkley.

Diamonds Are A Gurl's Best Friend. The Players have to make sure that Lindsay Lohan doesn't steal anything from the episode's host's party. If she succeeds she can keep it (so Linds WILL bring her A-Game, guys!).

His Tiny Cocklet And The Shit Brickhouse.

To Catch A EST. Each episode a panel of experts try to determine which of the three stories presented to them is completely made up. the shocker is that there is indeed only one EST and the other two are indeed true.

Fuck. Of course it should be To Catch An EST!

Sundays from 9:00AM to noon: Meet the Press, Porn Star Edition.

A different pron "star" du jour will face serious questions from a panel of DL's pron obsessed elder queens and shut-ins.

Kevin Spacey Touched My.......

Each week contestants compete with each other to see who has the worse KS experience which lead sto a non-payoff Fridays @7:30am Ch 234

^ Are they going to give this guy dolls on the witness stand or full size mannequins?

Crossfire: Caitlyn and Sophia vs Rick Santorum and guest TERF.

A daily one hour series series, airs at 12AM "Endless Porn Clips of Twinks, Bears and 'straight' pornstars" with a revolving door of hosts ranging from longtime DL eldergays to newbie hipsters critiquing cock size, oral techniques, body hair ratio and other preferences.

The series will have a very low budget, the set will resemble a Manhattan access cable show from the late 1970s, similar to Robin Byrd's old show.

For the Love of Joel. A drama about a preppy's coming of age. Kevin Spacey, in his much anticipated comeback, plays Joel's attentive uncle.

My Name is John. Dark, disturbing drama about a young man's obsessions. Colton Haynes stars.

Keeping Up Delusions. A gay version of Hyacinth Bucket struggles to maintain his standards while coping with his lowlife relatives and such horrors as mismatched silverware.

"The McPutin Group", a weekly shoutfest featuring the most divisive issues in America today. Regular panel members Boris and Natasha, plus weekly guests.

GOLDEN GIRLS 2020, no synopsis necessary.

"SORRY, I DON'T KNOW HER!" Hosts Mariah Carey and Billy Eichner accost millennials and hipsters with photos of eldergay showbiz favorites. Comedy ensues!

Datalounge's very own Black Mirror Show: Once Around The Garden. While Black Mirror deals with the dark and grim results of technology taking over our lives, OATG deals with the horrors of society losing its grip on civility, class, and proper table manners.

You Type Fat – a weekly diet and exercise show where no one loses weight and all participants gain weight.

[quote]I feel like there should be a self-help day: "The Eyes Have It", "Welcome To My Home', 'I Hate To Exercise, I Love To Tap", and the original 'Queer Eye".

Stephanie Beacham stars as Joan Crawford in the educational miniseries: "Joan Crawford's My Way Of Life". In which Joan guides us mere mortals through the pitfalls maintaining a home, a man, and your figure.

[quote]You Type Fat – a weekly diet and exercise show where no one loses weight and all participants gain weight.

ou forget the host! DL Fave, Chrissy Metz!

"Oh, FANK You, You FIXDED It!"

Lesbian handywomen travel from town to town doing needed home repairs for families with special needs children.

That's not funny, R163.

[bold]"If You Knew Muriel..." [/bold] a behind the scenes look at Datalounge head office.

But will we get a chance to see Muriel in person? Tune in and find out!

Sissyboy Slap Party, with your host Ross Matthews.

The Aaron Hernandez Story

No straightwashing here. A four part miniseries about the life and demise of the football star with plenty of gay sex and male nudity.

[bold]THAT'S NOT FUNNY

A show devoted to new and classic lesbian stand-up (inspired by the below thread) featuring the best of Paula Poundstone, Rosie O'Donnell, and Ellen DeGeneres.

Our Sunday morning public affairs programs: Meet the Penis and Facial the Nation.

Late night infomercials featuring Instahos selling themselves.

Cher's Infomercials!

[quote]Late night infomercials featuring Instahos selling themselves.

We could call it "The Gallery".

Gay Swirl. Movie classics remade for a gay audience. Starting with the adaption of Tom Bouden's version of The Importance of Being Earnesty originally by Oscar Wilde.

Bellagio 👠 Diaries

A detective movie trying to figure out whose excrement ruined Poo's shoes. All the clues keep leading to dead ends. There must one piece of evidence to point to the culprit. Poo might not like the answer if/when she gets it.

Who Killed Lily Rose Depp?

"MY MEATBALLS AND MORE!" Cooking "Real Italian" with Chef Rocco diSpirito, and Special Guests. Many pasta recipes, techniques, and more!

Douching with Uncle Bottom

Closet Hunters and Closet Hunters International -

Each week a typical couple will search for a house, our panel of experts will have to choose which couple is actually a heterosexual couple and which couple is actually a closet hunter!

Barebacking With Ladd and Cowboy Josh

Saturday Night Alone.

The DL Network announces two new bio documentaries: "Stu" and "Brandon", the inimitable porn stars DL queens obsess over. Each documentary run for 36 hours, and will examine, in excruciating detail, the lives of these two superstars from their births to the present time. Following each presentation will be a 72 hour marathon call-in show where viewers can discuss the minutiae of Stu and Brandon's lives, ad infinitum. As if that isn't enough, all of the films in their respective repertoires will be run in a non-stop loop for your viewing pleasure for the next 6 months. All Stu and Brandon, all the time, 24/7, all for the price of a single pay-per-view subscription.

R181: That's one of the many offerings on the spin-off network "Datalounge After Dark."

R181 There's 36 hours back.

MONSTERS INSIDE ME

Men discuss the biggest dicks and other things they've stuck up their butts.

Musical Up My Butt. A show where people randomly sing musical numbers ... with their butts! It's bigger than Glee!

Mudwrestling with Beto & Avenatti

The Making of "West 40s": A six-hour documentary, featuring panel discussion with expert cunts, about what went wrong in the making of the doomed 14-minute pilot.

Dancing with the Queens

R187 And through the duration of that six hours will be a PBS style telethon to take donations for funding another 14 minute webisode.

Smell Me By Your Name. A weekly countdown show where Timothee stalkers reveal the most interesting items they found going through his trash.

r164 My WWs say otherwise

Can I Speak To Your Manager?: A reality-based series that follows the trials and tribulations of Cheesecake Factory franchises managers across the country.

Can I Speak To Your Manager?: A reality-based series that follows the trials and tribulations of Cheesecake Factory managers across the country.

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN. A roundtable mocking of DL'ers who post the same thing twice.

Do As I Say!

A weekly roundtable wherein various Dataloungers angrily insist that other posters follow firm etiquette rules they cannot possibly enforce. Moderated by Cheryl.

As the Book Re-sells

The continuing saga of a Japanese-Canadian nursing student and his travails coping with grades, tests, an unsympathetic mother, and the inferiority of Thai people.

"Royal Minutiae"

The exciting game show where Dataloungers compete to see who knows the most obscure details about the royal families of Europe and Japan. Each game concludes with a thrilling lightning round of "Name that Tiara!" Hosted by Princess Beatrice of York.

The Datalounge FOLLIES!

It's a reality show AND variety show! Watch as a cast of young hopefuls back-stab each other in their goal to land a part in this all time favorite Datalounge musical. Plus: Stars old and new sing and complete for "Best Sally", "Best Phyllis" etc,. award of the week!

"You've Got Your Problems, I've Got Mine"

The Darfur Orphan hosts this call-in advice program.

Brooklyn Pizza

Picture it: Brooklyn 1990. Follow this Italian American family navigating life and coming of age in 1990 Brooklyn as they run their family pizza parlor. Based on this legendary thread:

The Real Housewives of Ancient Sumeria

Following the real lives and loves of Inanna, Shumhat, Daughter of Utu-Hengal, and Consort of Sîn-lēqi-unninni, with all the backbiting, gossip, confrontations, and chickpea recipes, all against the glamorous cosmopolitan backdrop of the mud-walled city of Uruk.

"This Old Roof." Bai Ling visit homeowners with leaks and water damage.

Stop Carding Me Already!

Each week a 40+ guest will describe the hilarity and travails of constantly being mistaken for someone half his age.

This week 48 year-old Eduardo talks about being carded whenever he ordered a pitcher of Sangria during his outrageous Spring Break in Myrtle Beach!!?!

Oh, Dear!

Grammar trolls poring over internet sites and whoever finds the most mistakes in the show's 43 minute running time wins the satisfaction of being the most uptight bitch.

Oh, dear!

*pouring, r204

YOU WIN NOTHING, r205. It's PORE OVER.

😓😢😭

There would be airings of Connie Francis movies for 24 hours on either Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years Day.

2:00 AM "Vegan Scat" with Your Hostess, Notorious Alcoholic Whore, Mrs. Patrick Campbell. (REPEAT)

Movie of the Week "Gargoyle on My Window Ledge."

Are your children out of control? Struggling to discipline them? Then call: LEZNANNY -- starring Rosie O'Donnell.

Every week Rosie visits a different family and offers the frau mother advice on how to beat some manners into the kids.

Orange is the New Black – A weekly show of twin lesbian interior decorators who are color blind. They redecorate Gay mens home in their own mismatched styles and color palettes.

HOUSECUNTERS

A lesbian property buying show. Every episode involves a lesbian couple buying a second home. They will insist it have a deck, dated cedar finishes, room for a large '90s sound system, and ample parking (for Subarus naturally) as the host attempts to ease the passive-aggressive minefield of their oncamera disagreements. They will eventually not even get to looking at the fourth house because of 'drama'.

CHEYENNE STALKERS - watch as a DL team of Theater fraus of both sexes stalk their favorited drugged-out tatted-over once-cute psycho-almost -Broadway Star all over California. Well they be spotted and arrested? Hosted by W. wong.

"Everyone Likes the Smell of Their Own" -- cooking (and more) with DL fave Ina Garten

R185 Butthole Duet - the theme song for your program

THE ACORN STAIRLIFT HOUR

A musical variety programme featuring the biggest stars of today, including Jo Ann Castle, Myron Floren, Lola Falana, and Julius LaRosa among others.

Joyce? or Joyce? -A weekly gameshow presented by Alex Trebek where contestants have to figure out if the clues are Elaine Joyce or Joyce Bulifant.

r218 Or just Joyce.

[quote]Following the real lives and loves of Inanna, Shumhat, Daughter of Utu-Hengal, and Consort of Sîn-lēqi-unninni, with all the backbiting, gossip, confrontations, and chickpea recipes, all against the glamorous cosmopolitan backdrop of the mud-walled city of Uruk.

"I SHALL NOW SEIZE YOUR SHOWY YAK HEADCOVERING!"

[italic]Concerned Team Mom:[/italic] Your favorite worried parent explores everything from gay porn to Gaga's getups.

"T.W.A.T" - which stands for "Tough Wymyns Attack Team". A group of your DL lesbian favorites, amongst them Mariska Hargitay (as "Fist") Queen Latifah (as "Ms. Big") and Rosie O'Donnell (as "Lil' Chunky") go undercover to fight crime, kick ass, and crush the patriarchy.

In tonights episode, the T.W.A.T go undercover at Michfest to discover what Trans-penised person has been lacing the nut loaf with cilantro , peanuts and cyanide.

Michfest Memories with Denise. Climb aboard the Rainbow Express one last time and share pictures, videos and stories.

Penised persons, including formerly penised persons, are respectfully requested not to watch.

[italic]RuPaul's Frau Race:[/italic] A cast of America's most annoying women in the workplace shows off their Grating, Uniquely Nasty Temperaments.

Signature challenges include Speaking to the Manager, Bad-Girl Binge Drinking, She Done Already Done Had Herses and Then Had Some Mo (creative leftover theft), and the culmination of each episode, Passive-Aggressive Emailing for Your Life, resulting in the triumphant "Shantay, Mary Kay" or the dreaded "Pack Your Cube, Becky Rae."

Sponsored by Skinnygirl, Pajama Jeans, and The Cheesecake Factory.

Sunday morning worship, featuring the music of the Faith Tones.

Sorry ... forgot the link!

[bold]A DATALOUNGE CHANNEL PAY-PER-VIEW HOLE PRESENTATION[/bold]

[bold][italic]Jake Orion's Cavernous Innards[/italic][/bold]

For a down payment of just $899.99, Datalounge's favorite grifting gayish headcase offers an up-close-and-personal view of the gooey pink walls of his rectosigmoid colon. Special-guest-starring the Thai Cave Soccer Boys.

That's great, R224.

The Stephen Miller Hour, The Trump Administrations own Nosferatu makes like The Yule Log. He glares into a camera for one hour.

Dear God, Joyce @ R219 looks like Tootsie

Marge From Accounting, a drag queen giving financial and tax advice geared to the Gay and Lesbian community. Topics: Are sex toys considered medical devices and a tax deduction?

^ Ginny from Billing cutta bitch!

I was just about to say something, r232.

Wow. The Datalounge Channel has some great programming. Remember the old days where it was just Netflix recommendations?

We need reruns of Rosie's talk show.

Hollywood classics edited a la Showgirls bra style with Lucille Ball's face replacing actors in all the roles Gary talked her out of.

You just made me laugh really hard, r236.

....

The Real World: Palm Springs, over 40 edition. Watch what happens when 7 eldergay friends stop being polite, and they start getting real.

The Great Drag Queen Bake Off Contest, It's not really about baking great food but about who can create the most drama while looking fabulous standing in the test kitchen.

For the first time in 37 years, "Bonnie and the Franklins" will air as a prime time special presentation

The Cunt-Off. Each week, two bickering assholes who have hijacked a thread with a personal feud bicker in front of a live studio audience. The loser is torn to shreds.

My Cousin Vinny's Teeny Weenie

What Vinny lacks in endowment, he more than makes up for with a handsome face, tight bod, and magnetic personality. When he gets drunk his inhibitions go out the window, along with his clothes. He also has no qualms about where he sticks his cock. His nudity and constant flirtations might prove to be too much for his younger gay cousin Tony to handle.

*note to prudes* they aren't real cousins, they've known each other all their lives, and their families are really close.

This Wheel's On Fire. Three down to their luck musicians (dead ringers for Tori Amos, Björk & PJ Harvey) decide to go on a tour together but manage to stumble into murder and mayhem wherever they stop. Sure, they seem to find the murderer fairly quickly, but people are starting to get suspicious. Does America have another Jessica Fletcher run wild? Jessica Fletcher times three? Or is it just one of them? Is there some supernatural element to this story?

Queer Eye for 70 year old who looks 25

Travel Planning with Mike

Explore the ways to plan your next group vacation with as much teeth gritting anxiety and passive aggressive anger that only Mike knows how to give!

Network Standards has objected to the title of the show described in R242. It will be called “Rip Her to Shreds.”

Suits you, Sir! A makeover show for gaylings in which sartorially savvy eldergays take them shopping for business and formal wear.

The Datalounge Sunday afternoon matinee proudly presents.. unseen on television since its broadcast on the ABC Network in January 1968.. Princess Lee Radziwell as LAURA.

Following the presentation, a fond tribute to Lee will begin with dataloungers sharing tidbits from her life such as her Secret Service nickname (Rancidass) and the night she made Julia Roberts cry at her own premiere. What a lady! What a CUNT!

Las Chicas de Oro. A tale of four flan eating septuagenarians in Little Havana.

Starring Rita Moreno and Chita Rivera.

DL Love-To-Hate Fave Meghan McCain hosts a series of her most embarrassing moments. Meghan's FAVE MELTDOWN VIDEOS!

Watch Meghan at a gang bang where all the participants, except Megs, are Democrats. Watch Meghan at a shooting range where she 'accidentally' kills 10 people. Watch Meghan give 10 blowjobs in a row to her Repub crush, Paul Ryan. Watch Meghan at the all you can eat buffet at her fave Chinese restaurant, as the owner begs her to leave. Watch Meghan scream at her local shoe repair guy because the steel shanks he added to her heels couldn't support her current 25 pound weight gain. Watch Meghan take a monstrous shit on THE VIEW stage, then throw it at the audience......

Gay Matinee Idols Though History, a film retrospective of Hollywood hearthrobs who were gay. Starting with Ramon Novarro to Rock Hudson and up to the present.

How Old Do You Think I Am ? An elder gay will ask a panel to give a frank opinion of his physical appearance. There are laughs galore, and yes - a few tears are shed.

Alternative name: I'm 55 but I've been told I look 40.

Season 1-5 of Escaping Mike-from the Palm Springs Gathering.

Privates on Parade, film clips of all the film actors who showed everything.

The Datalounge Evening News with Thomas Roberts. Heir apparent reporter Gio Benitez will soon be eclipsed by Rhonda Young, Live on the Scene. Featuring meteorologist Steve Lee's unique "3 way" weather forecasts. Sports will feature abundant clips of swimmers, divers, gymnasts and football players where onscreen banners do not obscure the goods.

r256 I wonder if the cuntier specimens here would be less so if there actually were a Datalounge Channel on which Steven Lee could host a program. I know I would watch, but I was one of his defenders in that horrid first thread.

From the archives. STRANGER THINGS. The late Huell Howser breaks into strangers home and looks at their stuff.

"Well, look at that. An arrning board! With an arrn!"

"Prison Cock Doc Block" Specially edited re-reuns of the perennial MSNBC weekend standby, hosted by Momma to feature only the hottest cons.

2AM-5AM on Sunday mornings.

The 6:00 News has been replaced with The Naked News featuring hot reporters from around the country. Every evening will feature a different reporter who will slowly remove his clothes as he reads the news. Featured spots will be naked weathermen and occasionally naked interviews with your favorite Hollywood hottie.

CSI DL: Crime Scene Investigation when the suspect is a man, specially if the perpetrator is an attractive white sociopath, the CSI DL team won't rest until they prove the man is innocent and find a way to blame the victims for their own death.

If we're going to do anything with whiny has-been Connie Francis, it would be screening Where the Boys Are or showing some you tube video of her caterwauling while the moderators mock her leaden acting skills and over emotive singing style, and then show examples of better, more accomplished performers.

A TV movie based on these two women: "Not Without My Transphobia"

Morning Show: The Breakfast Club. Chipper gays giving you just random news and even more random DYI household tips and lifestyle segments that have nothing to do with what you would expect on a gay themed TV channel. Nobody knows why that show is on, but people still watch it for some reason only to complain about it afterwards.

Hate Watch

Focus on people DL loves to hate as they talk about themselves while being shirtless. Episode One: Cock Gobbler Aaron Schock

"Let's be..." A weekly rotating roundtable of snarky DLers pretending to be varoius things found in a wide array of subjects. Let's be an episode of Designing Women, or Let's be a Jewish Delicatessen, etc.

Hosted by Andy Cohen.

[quote] Hosted by Andy Cohen.

This is FAKE NEWS! Datalounge has a strict policy of not hiring that man for any of its programming. That show you've seen must have come from Datalounge's rival channel, The Minstrel Act Channel.

After popular demand "Lip Stick Alley Cats" is back. They are sassy, they are fierce, they are brutal. They take no prisoners and are not afraid to offend ... The Datalounge viewer. Check out this highly popular amateur night comedy stand-up show on Wednesdays at 10 PM.

Mitzi Come Home.

After being kidnapped by a runaway neighbor boy, a heroic Lhasa Apso struggles to find her way back to her Daddy with fresh adventures each week. In the pilot, she meets the legendary Miss Sissy Boodles.

PRANCING PONIES! DL's legendary stans and trolls are back with a hard hitting expose of all gay celebrities in Hollyweird. Because you "just know" every male celeb is in the closet!

Hosted by Anderson Cooper and Ellen D. Footage of celebs 'caught in the act of being themselves' provided by TMZ.

New segments have been added to The Naked New in addition to the Naked Weather Forecast and the Naked Hollywood Celeb interviews there will be the Naked Sports Interviews with your favorite athletes, naked of course.

DL's BIG DICK OLYMPICS. An after-hours dick fest of DL's fave pornstars competing in a competition for 5 million dollars.

At press time the list of competitions was not available, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure what most of the competitions will be about. Stay tuned!

The annual Easter production of "Gypsy Live" starring Helen Lawson as Mama Rose.

The annual Thanksgiving production of 'Follies Live!" featuring Helen Lawson as Carlotta.

The annual Christmas Eve production of "Mame Live!" starring Helen Lawson as Mame.

The single July 4th production of "The Music Man Live!" starring Lin-Manuel Miranda was intended to be an annual production but it was not successful enough to be done again.

Below: Lawson's cherished Mame.

Mitzi the Hunted: A Very Special Episode of Mitzi Come Home

In this two-hour special, everyone's favorite Lhasa Apso runs away from Daddy when he loses her favorite bejeweled collar and replaces it with a cheap rhinestone knockoff. Alone in the park at night, Mitzi finds herself chased first by a mangy squirrel and then dive-bombed by a predatory gull. Will Mitzi the hunted ever find her way back to the safe space of her wicker basket in Daddy's boudoir?

Guest star: Mark Harmon as Joel's water polo coach

A re-imagining of "Here's Lucy" with Harvey Fierstein as "Lucy Carter" and David Hyde Pierce as "Uncle Harry."

I would watch that, R249!