1:00PM - Leave 47th message for Jill Farren Phelps
1:01 - Leave 164th message for Cameron Mathison.
1:02 - Hang up on Cameron Mathison's wife for 93rd time.
1:04 - Leave 271st message for Thorsten Kaye.
1:07 - Leave 69th message for Barbara Bloom
1:08 - Leave voice mail for Lynn, calling her a backstabbing whore who will get hers when she least expects it and her kids will be left orphans.
1:11 - Leave 19th message for Jamaican guy at building next door to GL studios.
1:13 - Bitch slap a 4th grader.
1:15 - Leave 333rd message for Michael Logan to get back about hook up at TVGuide.com or will release false info about the time Logan impersonated a priest at a Catholic middle school in the mid-80's.
1:19 - Leave 46th message for John Callahan.
1:21 - Leave 77th voice mail for Lauren Koslow.
1:27 - Fart.
1:30 - Lunch.
2PM - Leave 9 posts on Jossip. Check on Lynn and Stephanie's postings. Call them ignorant dick sucking bitches with STD's for not being more convincing.
2:02 - Drink a case of Snapple, eat a gallon of Pathmark brand ice cream, and a whole cheesecake. Top it off with two Jagermeisters. And some gin.
3:03 - Check Monster.com and Jobs.com for responses to resume.
3:03:04 - Cry that no one has responded to resume. Fart. Shut off sprinkler system.
3:15 - Take a shit. Shut off sprinkler system.
3:35 - Receive restraining order from Interlink to stay away from offices in perpetuity.
3:50 - Michelle Stafford takes call after 307th voice mail. The Staff misreads caller ID and immediately hangs up.
3:52 - Storm into Blondies. Call group watching the Olympics a bunch of cornholing faggots and they should pay for watching the games on the part of the big screen tv's that are owned or eat her out.
4:20 - Check personals ad on Craigslist. No responses.
4:22 - Leave 134th message for Chris Goutman.
4:23 - Leave 92nd message for Agnes Nixon.
4:26 - Take train to Peapack, New Jersey to find Ellen Wheeler.
8:40 - Return having not found Ellen Wheeler. Call New Jersey Transit workers short dicked cunts.
9:10 - Post 16 times on Jossip.
9:21 - Receive restraining order from Mrs. Cameron Mathison, Mrs. Thorsten Kaye, and Mr. and Mr. Ricky Paull Goldin.
9:30 - Order 7 Dominoes pizzas with various toppings. Eat whole meatloaf, a tub of mashed potatoes, half gallon of gravy, three cans of tuna, a jar of grape jelly, four Pillsbury Oven Fresh microwavable biscuits, and a bottle of Jack Daniels with a splash of Coke.
9:51 - Pizzas arrive. Call delivery guy a nasty little spic who should suck on her massive titties for being late and threaten to get him fired from he only job he was qualified or would ever get if he doesn't let her suck on his Mexican cock. When informed he's Armenian, exclaim that the dick at least won't taste like tacos and chimichangas. Slam door dramatically when delivery guy leaves after turning her down.
10:01 - After polishing off pizzas, post on Jossip.
10:20 - Begin calling and leaving messages for every producer, actor, and daytime executive. For the 5th day in a row. Hope for a response.
11:41 - Phone rings. It's an automated message from ConEd to pay overdue electric bill.
11:47 - Look out window, see Armenian pizza delivery guy leaving building. Yells down to crowded street that he has a little cock and a lady like her would not have enjoyed sucking it anyway.
Midnight - Dinner.