New DataLounge Admissions Test

Has anyone ever gotten to the end of this new format? Is there a last page, or does it scroll back to 1997?

Which one of these IS NOT an example of an EST:

a) Recuperating Robin

b) Jodi's Wedding - WHEN WILL THE TEARS STOP?!!

c) Kelli and Nick

d) My Neighbor Is A Gargoyle

e) All of the Above

f) None Of the Above

g) Both a and b

h) Both c and d

This is what the little girl kisses after making her creepy statements

A) King Kong

B) A Doll

C) A picture of Vivian Vance

4) Sponge Bob Square Pants

Klonopin is

A) A benzodiazapene

B) A drug for panic attacks

C) The medication lost by a psychotic DL poster who tried to get a CVS tech (on DL) fired

D) Not to be taken with alcohol

E) All of the above

Which one of these sagas had the LEAST amount of threads:

a) I'm not sure what just happened but I heard a plane crashed into the World Trade Center

b) Prancing Ponies

c) The Broadway Threads

d) Footballers In Love

e) The Herbert Ross Troll

PrEP is

A) For whores and sluts

B) Going to increase the number of non-HIV STDs

C) Nothing that sex starved DLers want to hear about

D) A pill called Truvada

E) All of the above

Which one of these is/was not a real DL poster:

a) The ABC Insider

b) Blue Agave

c) Ginny in Billing

d) David E.

e) charlie

Essay question.

Who is Justin?

Whose real identity was completely uncovered on DL:

a) The Poll Troll

b) Miss Helen Bedd

c) White Belt Man

d) Cheryl

e) a and b

f) b and c

g) None of the above

When you fuck your cousin who recently got out of jail, it is important to:

A) Do a little coke beforehand

B) Use silicone based lube

C) Make sure he doesn't put his shoes on your carpet

D) Take high-resolution HDR photos with your camera

In the water I'm...

A) a horny dolphin

B) Esther Williams

C) uuuuh, Michael Phelps

D) a very skinny lady!

Dance Puppets Dance

Who said this?

Please give 10 examples of unaccaptable home decor:

*Bonus: Name 3 foods are unacceptable in an office environment:

Fill in the blanks:

Julianne Moore, _________

____? When did I eat ____?

THINK OF THE ________!!

This is why they ____ __

Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of _______, __

____!

Why is straight me so stupid?

I eat.....

Where do you keep bred?

A. Refrigerator

B. Freezer

C. Counter/Cabinet

D. Bread Box

According to Ethel Mertz, was in inappropriate subway attire?

Fank You: Cheeseburger Frosting: __________

Which one of the following IS NOT a DL Troll:

a) Herbert Ross one

b) Tax one

c) Nephew one

d) Golden Shower one

e) Shitter Licking one

f) Poll one

Spaghetti is:

A) Drained

B) Lifted out with pasta scoop and/or tongs

C) Vivian Vance

Which of these bitches was my mother?

A) Shobe

B) SS Terri

C) Libby

D) Matt H

E) David Ehrenstein

F) Ms Allegro

Mary: Diane

as

G:

a) Meth

b) LBT

c) Billing

d) M

OP is a:

A) Cunt

B) Troll

C) EST

D) Paid shill

E) All of the above

Oh, DEER

my spelling and grammar!!!

Choose the correct theater:

A. West End

B. Great White Way

C. Summer Stock

D. Legitimate

E. Broadway

F. Broadway in the 70's

If your good-looking nephew attending college in your city on a wrestling scholarship calls you at 1 a.m. and says he pulled a groin muscle and really needs a good massage because he leaves in the morning for a big tournament and your car is in the shop, do you:

1. Tell him you're sorry but it's late and he needs to call his coach in the morning and tell him he can't get on the bus.

2. Tell him to take a hot bath with some epsom salts and keep massaging himself gently until the muscle relaxes, and then wrap the affected and adjoining areas tightly and hope for the best.

3. Tell him to call his mother and ask her for her advice, because it's just not your job.

4. Tell him to pack his bag for the trip; call a taxi to pick you up; set up your massage table and set the lighting to the right mood, getting the candles out to augment things; plug your oil warmer in; take the cab to pick him up and help him back to your place; help him to relax and feel better in any way you can, because he's such a dear boy; wake him up at 7:30 with a good breakfast; work on his issues a little more, to make sure all his kinks are truly worked out (and if he seems better give him a little strenuous resistance work to make sure he's doing okay; have that pre-ordered cab take him back to the athletic department where the bus is waiting; and of course immediately post about your experience on the DL..

There is only one correct answer.

Who is Thom Bierdz and what is he infamous on DL for?

More fill in the blanks:

Just _____ copious amounts of ___

The _____ _____ ______ is an insatiable bottom!

Luise Rainer is ____ to me!

Princess ________

When will the _____ ____?!!

Just die in a _____ ____!

WILL SOMEONE JUST PLEASE ____ IN MY _____?!!

Debbie in Accounting is:

1. A whore.

2. A bitch who stole Shelly's boyfriend in Engineering.

3. A cat abuser.

4. The one who uses her fingers to poke all the food in the pot luck that she doesn't contribute to immediately after using the rest room and not washing her fat hands after taking the crap of the century.

More than one answer may be correct.

Debate topic:

Yes or No: Graxy is for Loosers.

The DL's "angry black gay" racist stalker who says all white fags should die is:

1. A member of a historically deprived minority who should be deferred to with reverence.

2. Someone who should just be ignored.

3. A seriously mentally ill asshole who shows how low the DL has gotten in its "broader audience."

4. A chubby white girl named Shalomar who posts from her 10th grade Remedial English class.

A car leaves Flyover Land at 2:00 pm going at 65 mph to travel 500 miles to Fire Island Pines, NY. At the same time a train departs WeHo at 2:00 am going at 150 mph traveling 100 miles to Palm Springs. Please answer the following: Which vehicle contains eldergays? Which one is carrying drugs? Are there any fraus traveling?

Joan Crawford's real name was:

1. Joan Crawford

2. Lucille Fay LeSueur

3. Billie Cassin

4. What do you mean "was," you idiot? She's still alive to those of us who care about great camp divas.

My friend Julie is a

a) cunt

b) MTF Transgender Fluid Queer Non-Binary Panbisexual

c) frau

d) femme lezzie into same

I love the DL Madlibs fill-in-the-blanks

R33, that's hilarious

DL Math Question - Extra Credit

(M/G)*(G/M) =

1. 0

2. M, of course.

3. Still no Oscar for a mannish no-talent.

4. Infinity.

NUTS: BOLTS

as

EARRINGS:

a) WIGS

b) LIZA

c) MARY!

d) CAFTANS

An appropriate example of BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was:

A. SALLY FIELDS IS DEAD!!!!!! not

B. LEMONADE DROPPED!!!!!

C. COLTON HAYNES CAME OUT!!!!!!!

D. An impending meteor strike on NYC as the Chinese blow up California during a tsunami would not merit such a header.

Which character has NOT been appropriated by the entire DL community:

a) Cheryl

b) M

c) Ginny in Billing

d) Dionne Warwick

e) All of the above

f) None of the above

If you fail the NCLEX, it's because you don't have a _______ heart:

A. Competitive

B. Thirsty

C. Evil

D. Enlarged

E. Kind

F. Treacherous

For extra credit: Please specify exactly WHEN the tears will stop. Show your work.

If you are over this waist size, you are morbidly obese:

A. 36

B. 34

C. 30

D. 28

Aaron Schock and his number of sexual partners

A) 1-20 B) 21-100 C) 101-2000 D) NASA is still tabulating the number

Which one of the following is a DL nickname for a TV actress/personality:

a) Stumpy

b) Teefs

c) Bangs

d) Madge

e) Babs

f) a and b

g) all of the above

h) none of the above

LOL r44!!

Tommy DiDario is:

a. A newlywed

b. A magna cum laude graduate of NYU

c. A CEO

d. A top model

e. A raving narcissist

f. All of the above

At what age is the honorific "Eldergay" conferred upon you?

A. 21

B. 25

C. 30

D. 35

This is getting good - I need to up my game

Name the Las Vegas hotel where ones shoes are most at risk of becoming damaged by human waste.

Really enjoying this thread...

Stefonknee Wolscht:

A) Just needs to pee B) Is a real woman/6 year old girl C) an unhinged psychopath D) requires a safe space and understanding from the community E) This triggers me

How many times are you permitted to take a turn about the garden?

What do Lou Pearlman, Jerry Sandusky, Bryan Singer, and Bruce Willis have in common?

a) Religious beliefs

b) Heterosexual bachelors

c) Penchant for barely legal young blondes

d) Penchant for illegal young blonds

I had a friend that used to create multiple choice tests and then he

A. Got a job for Kaplan Test Prep B. Got a boyfriend and forgot all the silliness C. Died D. Transitioned to a woman

Sorry forgot to double space.

I tried doing a Michfest one but we really need VOTN for that one

53. Where should Vicki Lawrence be fucked?

54a & 54b. Whose shitbra was is and what was its use?

55. What little bitch ate the canned frosting?

56. What did Jani Lane do just before he died?

Which of these posters is still around?

a) David E.

b) White Belt Man

c) charlie

d) Blue agave

e) Terri

f) VOTN

g) Cheryl

h) Magdalene

This flavorful herb caused quite a controversy at a certain women's music festival:

A) Dill

B) Basil

C) Green Onions

D) Cilantro

Name at least three ways Momma has used to describe the moisture content of her mussy.

63. ___________ of sizemeat, please!

You are the star of your own primetime television drama. In the main opening credits you are listed:

A. First with "Starring" above your name and the patented Pamela Sue Martin surprise/startled reaction

B. Last with "And"above your name and the signature Susan Sullivan turn to face the camera with a smile look.

C. Your name is above the title

The correct age of the 25 year old?

A.) 25

B.) 58

C.) 62

D.) Both B and C

E.) Only B

Ina Garten, Joan Steffend, Kelly Osbourne, Jaclyn Smith: Match the television personality with her unusual characteristic:

a) drunken rantings fueled by Yellow Tail

b) a shelter cat named Bootsie Gumdrops

c) inability to breath

d) uncontrollable flatulence

What's R64 - I've actually always wondered this!

Which star of a popular '70s family series is known as "America's Sweeheart?"

1. Kristy McNichol

2. Valerie Bertinelli

3. Pam Dawber

4. Susan Richardson

Hillary Clinton is not liberal enough for your taste. This makes you:

A.) A troll

B.) A Trump supporter

C.) A freeper

D.) All of the above

7. Rainbow Azure Fearlessdaughter (47-year-old fibromyalgic abuse survivor) needs to get to Michfest. Prioritize her requirements for support/assistance in descending order of urgency:

A free ride from her door to Michfest and back

Financial contributions so she can have someone make her a vaginal cape because her old one is too small

Someone to make her a vaginal cape for free because she spent her contributions on snack cakes she really needed and they're all gone

Assurances that all food in the food tent will be organic, vegan and untouched by male hands

A free ride from someone who will also let her dog ride in the front seat because otherwise Circe gets nervous

Vegan dog food for Circe, and not the cheap kind

Acceptance of her weight issues

An authentic warrior-woman-made drum for the Drumming Circle, and someone to drum it for her because her arms are so tender to the touch

No boychildren on the land

Cash to keep her part of the rent up in her absence so her roommates don't change the locks again

Assurances that Witherstare Kitchenwitch will NOT be attending this year

Unconditional acceptance of all demands

True or False:

R69 proves that the Sanders Zealots really are clueless, arrogant assholes.

Free Points - TRUE.

Take your shit elsewhere, cunt.

Legendary songbird Judy Garland had three children with very different personalities. Please identify each by his/her defining characteristic:

————— ... was molested.

————— ... overcame diversity.

————— ... likes blue.

"WW" stands for:

1. Warm and wonderful

2. Wacky and Weird

3. Worn-out and Wan

4. Wise and Wondrous

5. Wit and Wisdom

R70 Your post wounds.

And you forgot my CPAP machine.

I'm truly shocked I haven't yet met a special snowflake named "Ainbow" yet, R74

72 posts to mention Lorna Luft... Wowza

According to DL, which of the following is a closet homosexual:

a) Tim Tebow

b) Taylor Lautner

c) Jake Gyleenhal

d) George Clooney

e) Hayden Christensen

f) Aaron Rodgers

g) Kevin Spacey

h) Jason Bateman

i) Lee Pace

j) Matt Damon

k)ick back and relax because this will go on for a while

l) Bradley Cooper

m) John Goodman

n) Ed Asner

o) Matthew McConaughey

p) Troy Aiken

q) Shemar Moore

r) Channing Tatum

s) Tom Cruise

t) Tom Selleck

u) John Travolta

v) Orlando Bloom

w) Jamie Foxx

x) Chris Pine

y) Henry Cavill

or could it be....

z) ALL OF THE ABOVE (except k)

lol R78, that was dedication.

Pencils - what do we use them for?

Which of these would you find in the attic of Dan Savage and Terry Miller's Seattle home?

a) Dutch Dom Master

b) Belgian Bottom Boi

c) Canadian Cum Pig

d) Australian Slut Slave

"No one cunts like Barbara Bush. NO ONE."

One of these words is incorrect. Which is it?

^^ Dialing.

How many times does one dance around the garden?

A.) Three times

B.) One time

C.) Four times

D.) Two times

Recently, a pic of DL’s oldest and most ancient serial poster and habitual self-responder to his own threads was discovered. Which obsessive thread topic(s)s is he most commonly associated with:

A)tOld And Mainly Dead Hollywood Women Of The Golden Years

B)tWhat Someone Wore The Academy Awards in 1971

C)tAnything To Do With Broadway

D)tAll The Above

Match the name with his/her/its signature color:

1. Danny Thomas

2. Shelby Eatenton

3. Aaron Schock

4. Joey Luft, the sky on 9/11, and Tommy DiDario

A. Blue

B. Turquoise

C. Brown

D. Blush and Bashful

The mysterious poster "qwerty" was deduced to be which of these 90s teen idols?

A, Elijah Wood

B. Jonathan Taylor Thomas

C. Jonathan Brandis

D. Zachery Ty Bryan

E. Devon Sawa

At what age does a respectable bottom stop bottoming because he is now too old to bottom?

A. 41

B. 30

C. 33

D. 35

M is to G as Abigail Breslin is to ________.

A. Kirsten Dunst

B. Anna Paquin

C. Saoirse Ronan

D. Dakota Fanning

What? No reference to VOTD?

You are solving the New York Times Sunday Crossword (in ink, of course), when you come to the clue for 47 Across:

"A multi-hyphenate Dunham"

Without checking the number of squares in the clue, you immediately begin writing:

a) LENA

b) LENS

c) LENSKA

d) LEANTO

Two adjectives that MUST precede any reference to Miyoshi Umeki:

1. D__I__T_

2. _L__ER-_I__E

To whom does one write to complain about "soap threads?"

1. Muriel

2. The Webmaster

3. The Editor

4. Vivian Vance

If Bai Ling is on the roof, what activity is most likely taking place?

a) Michfest

b) Christmas Eve

c) Gathering sticks

d) Crab-walking

Name DL's preferred brand of cinnamon rolls.

___'_ ____

The reaction to any Caitlyn Jenner thread is:

A) Triggering

B) Triggering

C) Triggering

D) All of the above

You are scared. To whom would you most likely blurt your desire to be held?

a) Webbie

b) Mrs Patrick Campbell

c) Bruce Vilanch

d) "David"

The picture below would best represent the OP of which threads:

A. Gio Benitez Threads 1-5

B. Any “soap opera” thread

C. Any thread listed as the “Official” thread of something

D. All the above

VOTN, VOTR, VOTA and VOTD:

Which is the acronym for a poster, and which is the acronym for a movie?

According to Dan Savage, when a lesbian is harassed by a penised transwoman for sex, the lesbian should:

A. Attempt to disengage politely.

B. Call the authorities.

C. At least have coffee with the transwoman, "because you never know."

Which adjective is most likely to modify the noun "permacum"?

a) oleaginous

b) nacreous

c) unctuous

d) capacious

SF is to LA as ______ is to The United States.

Frosted Tips are:

A) Hot on a twink

B) Acceptable if you are 58 but look 32

C) Tacky

D) Hello I am 65 and don't look a day over 29

Flip Flops

A) Acceptable summertime shoe

B) Any time it's warm outside

C) Only for the beach

D) Only for public showers

E) Tacky and trashy

Please write a detailed paragraph about the hottest serial killer including descriptive sentences and obscure adjectives. (Bonus points for not mentioning their crimes and strictly focusing on looks and body type).

Who would be most likely to buy you a Red Weirdo at the grocery store?

a) Joan Crawford

b) Bette Davis

c) Olivia de Havilland

d) Shelley Winters

Give yourself ten points for each of these names with which you were familiar BEFORE reading about them on Datalounge:

1. Dorothy Kilgallen

2. Polly Bergen

3. Agnes Moorhead

4. Farley Granger

5. Garry Moore

6. Johnnie Ray

7. Luise Rainer

8. Verna Felton

9. Charles Laughton

10. Arthur Godfrey ____________________ 20-40 points = Eldergay

50-80 points = Extreme Eldergay

90-100 points = please check your pulse

R70, Witherstare Kitchenwitch is my new soap name.

You wake up dead in a Canadian hospital. Is it because your nurse was?

A. Pondering the wage structure in Australia

B. Monitoring used textbook resale prices

C. Wondering whether Tom Hardy smells Londony or just plain English

D. Too busy finger-tracing imaginary dissection lines on your body to notice the giant air bubble he was injecting into your vein

E. All of the above

F. None of the above

What age group is it acceptable for one to wear Hollister, cargo shorts and sandals?

A.) Pre-teens and teens

B.) Twenties

C.) Thirties

D.) Fifties

Which of the following sitcom leading ladies of the seventies does nothing to ignite DL'ers passion:

a) Bea Arthur

b) Esther Rolle

c) Donna Pescow

d) Florence Henderson

e) Marilu Henner

f) Bonnie Franklin

g) Charlotte Rae

h) Linda Lavin

The man below depicts which of the following:

A. Incessant and inaccurate use of “DL Fave”

B. Irrelevant man trying to pose as numerous former posters who no longer are on this site

C. Irrelevant man trying to be an activities coordinator on an anonymous website

D. All the above

Chrysopoetics : Chrysanthemum Tran, poet :: Trigglypuff : _________

True or False: when male escort Sandy Alexander worked for Ilsa Fredericks, he only serviced lonely women. Never men. Never.

OP made a big mistake. Brenda Dickson is Ms Brenda Dickson honey. OP you need to turn in your DL card child,

Complete the Sentence:

I'm Telling you NOW, so I don't have to tell you _______

Woman is spelled:

Womyn

Womon

Womin

Nan Michigan Womyn

Which beverage is associated with a crab walk?

What are set?

Fires

Grease fires

Boundaries

Races

Name at least two theories for what became of the Springfield Three. Be specific and use details from the class screening of "Disappeared."

Name Tom Bianchi's last 8 soulmates. You have 2 minutes

Match the bitch with her arch-nemesis:

Brendad Ickson

Madbot

M

Diane

Bette Davis

Kelly Ripa

G

Rosie O'Donnell

Janbot

Deven Green

Donald Trump

Michael Strahan

Abigail

Mary

Nan Michiganwomyn

Joan Crawford

VOTN

Dakota

Which one is correct:

A. dark brown feces

B. Dark Brown Feces

C. Dark Brownfeces

D. DARK BROWN FECES

E. dark brown faeces

F. Dark Brown Faeces

2016:Music as Grim:______

True or False:

We bought a zoo!

R115, either way, it would be the wrong answer.

Find and correct the misspelled word in the following sentence:

"As a Fat womon, would I be usefull on garbage detail?"

Womon should be spelled "womyn".

R127 has me laughing like Norma when Carrie gets splashed at the prom. In slow-motion, no less.

Where do wymyn at MichFest "synchronize"?

Which 'face' came first?

1) Cane Face

2) Gay Face

3) Carb Face

(Not to get off-topic, but the "teacher" depicted in this thread's "Offsite Link" photo is packing some serious size-meat in those khakis of his . . . )

Flowers belong in the:

A. Front yard

B. Back yard

C. Who cares?

D. Fuck you!

Which should be screamed the loudest:

A) MISOGINY KILLS BABIES!!!

B) THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

C) WHEN WILL THE TEARS STOP?!!

D) WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SHIT IN MY MOUTH?!!

E) TO CONNECTICUT, ROSE!!!

You can’t help but have the same expression as seen below. You’ve probably just read a thread that contains:

A. Rapid fire responses by a poster that thinks he knows it all and wants people to be impressed

B. Rapid fire responses by a poster that thinks he knows it all and wants people to be impressed

C. Rapid fire responses by a poster that thinks he knows it all and wants people to be impressed

"Womon should be spelled "womyn"."

No. "Womon" is singular (and that's how it was spelled in the Michfester's post) and "womyn" (or "wimmin") is plural. We've been over this a million times, class.

Um, r132, done very much on purpose... You're welcome.

OMG this thread is trending so fast I know I'm missing stuff

Is a caftan made out of polyester with squirrel designs acceptable? State your reasons.

When do you "present?"

A. After Dinner B. After Introductions C. Before A Business meeting D. In The Produce Aisle at Aldi's

Squirrels. ________.

A. Pestilence

B. Wrath

C. Hung

D. Death

E. Graxy

Janet or Madonna?

Which of the following has NOT been presented:

A) Hole

B) Feet

C) Cocks

D) Small cocks

E) Taints

F) Armpits

G) Twerking asses

H) Womanly butts

I) Bubble butts

J) Copious amounts of cum

K) Eyes

When Bernadette Peters goes wild and indulges herself, she eats:

A. A salad with croutons

B. Fried Chicken

C. Scrambled egg whites with tomato sauce

D. Celery sticks with almond butter

E. Turkey meatballs

Extra credit — she judges her friend for eating:

1. A Whopper

3. Nachos

4. Mini Dove Bars

5. Cheesecake

Hypothetical: Silver screen legend Luella Lush dies. You are the fist to announce her death on DL.

Question: How do you title the thread?

Rats, I typed all the answers, double spaced, then hit the wrong key and lost them. It's going to take me all night to retype.

Only one of these items will NEVER be found in nut loaf:

A. A long silver pube

B. Celery

C. Squirrel droppings

D. Cilantro

E. Wayward gluten

F. Diva Cup spillover

G. Nuts

Raise your hand if you already knew who "Lorna Hansen Forbes" was when you read it here.

Name the resale price of a Psychology first year textbook in 2006 and 2015.

If Jesus is good go out and suck a Muslim!

One of the following never posted on DL.

A. Lulu Fong

B. Angry Brit

C. S. S. Teri

D. Pec Man

E.Shobe

When you’ve created a previous thread, such as ‘DL School,’ and it tanks, what is most likely to be the OP’s thought process?

A. Recycle the same material, title it DataLounge Admissions Test and reload the same unfunny content.

B. Cut and paste rapid fire responses from a Word document that was created days in advance

C. Insert gratuitous responses about how fast the thread is trending

D. All the above

Who is uglier, Scott Rudin or Harvey Weinstein? Which one is the bigger cunt?

Leave OP alone -- I did the DL School thread, and this one is much more fun.

1. How did Claire end up at the birthday dinner?

2. Which restaurant was rejected?

3. Which restaurant was chosen?

4. What did Claire order?

5. Where on the table did she want it placed?

6. What was Claire's mood that evening?

7. What were the two free desserts brought to the table?

8. Which dessert had Claire wanted?

9. The poster felt as though he had been [........] by the experience?

What are these and what do they do?

R1 is always:

A. right

B. funny

C. hot

D. a cunt.

What company makes Celebration Cak?

What was the name of the thread that brought us posters like JonBenet Fitzgerald Kennedy and Jonbenet Valjonbenet?

Which "Little House on the Prairie" juvenile star became closely associated with the infamous shitbra?

a) Melissa Gilbert

b) Melissa "Little Cunt on the Prairie" Sue Anderson

c) Alison Arngrim

d) The retarded Greenbush twins

Fill in the blanks:

_____ ______, Cock Gobbler

Name the Datalounge icon below:

Cargo shorts are:

(a) hot on the right guy

(b) utilitarian

(c) so 2000s

(d) worse than Hitler

You've been asked to paint a room in which Brad Pitt can be invisible, do you use:

A. Pineapple Delight - Pittsburgh

B. Daffodil Yellow - Behr

C. Golden Treasure - Kelly-Moore

D. Top Banana - Valspar

E. Decisive Yellow - Sherwin-Williams

F. Pale Hound - Farrow & Ball

G. Butter Up - Sherwin Williams

H. Lemon Curd - Valspar

I. Dayroom Yellow - Farrow & Ball

_ l _ _ _ _ _ l _

Many of the above questions require extensive knowledge of the history of Datalounge, which a Newbie would not know, and should not be expected to know before admittance.

DL, like the JFK administration, the Davos Forum, and the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music, welcomes only The Best and the Brightest who are are ready to apply their special talents and give their (preferably Ivy League) college try to the spontaneous recreation of the sassy brilliance and insouciance that makes DL world famous.

The writers of the woefully inappropriate entry test questions:

A) are very old legacy admits whom DL regrets but can do nothing about.

B) have room temperature IQ

C) are invariably strident advocates for circumcision

D) do not lunch at the Plaza, ski in St. Moritz, and buy expensive furs everyday

E) all of the above

F) , for full-frontal and friends

Fill in the blanks:

Thug D__k

A conflict resolution facilitator is trying to cross a river. Xy is taking Rachel Wiley, a dozen cupcakes and Trigglypuff with xyr. As a member of a marginalized group, xy has the tiniest of rowboats. Xy can only take one at a time because xyr boat will sink if Trigglypuff, the cupcakes, and Rachel get in at the same time.

How does xy cross the river without the cupcakes being eaten the second xy turns xyr back?

(You can assume that Trigglypuff does not eat Rachel, or vice versa, if the facilitator is present; that neither eats the cupcakes if the facilitator is present; you can also assume that Rachel and Trigglypuff feel safe and validated and are not triggered and trying to run back to their safe space)

OP tells the truth. Lately too many TeaBaggers, SJWs, and Trans have infested Data lounge with their rightwing regressive views.

This is the only test you need to pass in order to pass DL's [bold]gold member[/bold] status. So read carefully and answer well.

[bold]A true and original DL member does not agree with the regressive Trans rhetoric because?[/bold]

A) It's Homophobic

B) It's Misogynistic

C) It's homophobic, misogynistic, and completely regressive.

[bold]How did the GOP gave birth to the Trans rhetoric?: [/bold]

A) Conservative hate filled republicans want access to women only areas in order to satisfy their twisted fetish. Pushing the aggressive Trans rhetoric allows them that opportunity.

B) They are exploiting the mentally ill on order to strip the gay community of their rights with very minimal backlash.

C) Both A and B

Essay Question :

Detail the relationship of Miss Helen Lawson Holiday Spectaculars and their cumulative effects during the Cold War era on destabilizing the world. Please explain in chronological order in regards to each Presidential Administration and her ever increasingly bizarre selection of guest stars for each annual holiday fiasco as a reflection of the morality of each period in pop culture iconography.

True of False:

Jackie is OnAssistance

Shit, I meant 'or' for R171.

I'm a Gold Star member - I know all the answers to R169

As seen from outer space, place in the correct order of flaming gayness these comparisons:

A) Liberace's picnic basket.

B) An Ungaro Spring frock.

C) A tree full of parrots.

D) A French horn.

E) Ikea on Super Bowl Sunday.

F) The Pope's shoes.

Best thread in months! Thank you all.

(And now, back to our regularly scheduled testing.)

In 2015 Datalounge was instrumental in solving a murder.

1) Describe the location and circumstances of the murder.

2) Name the victim and his profession.

3) Name the working title DL used for the prime suspect.

4) Describe the circumstances by which DL was able significantly to advance the investigation.

What is the plural of

Verification

Womon

Frau

Single Cubicle Unit

Internet

Men

Dawson's Load

Which scenario poster was NOT run out of DL by everything from EST accusations to overeager ID sleuths (right or wrong) to webmaster banishment

a) Hootie and the Facebook Snapshots

b) Doorman the Whoreman

c) Cousin Lover

d) Tennis Pro Quo

e) Jodi's Brother

f) Qweert

g) White Belt Man

LOL, I love meta DL threads.

[bold]Which Answer best describes James Franco ?[/bold]

A) Bi... but probably still a butt virgin and is afraid to come out.

B) Bi... but is only into men younger than him.

C) Bi... but he finds himself less attracted to women as he ages..

D) All of the above.

R180

The correct answer is E - none of the above. Franco is certainly bisexual, and a versatile pig with men, fucking anyone who turns him on, older, younger, top or bottom.

I have never sat through one entire episode of "Glee" in my life, Fascist!

Friends of DL are best described as

A. Grease-Burnt

B. Tasteful

C. Demonic

D. The Cuntiest Cunts Who Ever Cunted

Compare and contrast Uncle Bottom and The Nephew Troll.

Judy Garland's Corpse:

A) dressed in the gold lamé gown she wore at her Carnegie Hall concert

B) cremated in London - closed empty casket in NYC

C) Corpse in open-casket in NYC was actually the 17-year-old embalmed corpse of Eva Perón

D) Liquified naturally overnight in the London morgue, replaced by wax figure from Madame Tussauds

E) Looted by leading MTF transexuals who had masterminded the Stonewall riots, then grew disenchanted and bored when hapless cowardly homosexual late-arrivals clouded the brilliant, heroic and effective MTF leadership.

F) A and E

G) of course stands for getting a divorce

What was Nancy Davis best known for during her Hollywood years?

Rimming:

A. is a sure way to die from giardia

B. is more addictive than heroin

C. stains your teeth

D. is like durian, you love it or you hate it

E. both B and C

Truvada Whores are:

A) just sensible gals

B) trailblazers!

C) deluded and self-centred sex pigs driving up our insurance rates

D) enjoyed fresh on Friday afternoons

You have 20 seconds. Identify 50 negative attributes about the man in the photograph below.

R189 FTW.

Thanks R190. For extra credit:

1. Determine the precise ethnic origins of this man.

2. Triangulate his sizemeat based on his flaccid bulge, ethnicity, and BDF (or lack of SDF).

3. Who has had him? How much did it cost?

LOL R189!

What must one do to reach the Valley of the Dolls?

Who won the Oscar for Best Actress of 1954 and why does DL hate her?

A celebrity/politician/reality star has died and their death has been announced on DL. Invariably someone will announce out of the blue "He's fine! He sends his love!"

Who is this poster?

You have 20 more seconds. Identify 50 design flaws with the St. Regis Florence guest room depicted below.

Excellent, R195.

Put R189's hideous wildebeest in bed under that tacky half canopy and we could really take out the knives.

OMG, this thread is wonderful! I am waking up in a good mood (rare), LMAORTF - THANK you, OP!

May one ask what you do IRL? A writer? A day job that involves writing?

(and of course: Do you work in the legitimate theatre?)

Place the following DL subjects and their signature traits in the order most deserving of a grease fire.

A) David Miscavige (mental health).

B) Larry KIng (broadcasting ability).

C) Mrs Patsy Ramsey (parenting skills).

D) Barbara Bush (parenting skills, disaster empathy).

E) George W Bush (leadership).

F) Dick Cheney (humanitarianism).

G) Donald Trump (statesmanship).

H) Charlie Sheen (impulse control).

I) Rupert Murdoch (cultural advance).

In Dl's opinion, who of the following committed the greatest crime against humanity:

A. Dick Cheney

B. John Wayne Gacy

C. Janet Jackson

D. Pol Pot

E. Dustin Lance Black

Name the episode title in which:

(1) Dorothy screamed "CONDOMS, Rose, CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS!"

(2) Blanche references "Miss Ahngie Dickinson"

(3) Freida Claxton appears

(4) Dorothy re-writes Rose's resume...IN PENCIL.

Name FIVE of the hot HUNKY tennis pros that I've seduced during my long illustrious career as a tennis PAMMENTATOR. While you may include players from any ERA, you may not include BILLIE JEAN, as that was before I was a BROADcaster.

And Rabbit Turnbull can HARDLY be considered HUNKY. Chunky, yes, but not HUNKY.

[quote]May one ask what you do IRL? A writer? A day job that involves writing?

I have written some reviews, sketches/parodies and dry trade manuals, edited a lot, translated quite a bit (English-Spanish) - but I'm not a writer by trade

[quote](and of course: Do you work in the legitimate theatre?)

Yes I did. Broadway (legitimate), regional (legitimate), adult entertainment (illegitimate), Atlantic City (illegitimate), Las Vegas (way illegitimate), Cruise Ships (disgracefully illegitimate and out of territorial jurisdictions).

So I can only hope you weren't being facetious. If you were, hey it's DL, flame away! ... but put it in the form of a question.

Sorry to derail- but I concurr; this is one of the BEST threads to come on in some time

Rate the following men married to women, according to the distance from which his flames can be seen from space, using a rating of anywhere from five purses (the amount of which can fall from his mouth when he speaks) for the brightest to one purse for the dimmest.

a) Scott Hamilton

b) Todd Chrisley

c) Ron Reagan Jr.

d) Mark L. Walberg

e) Adam Shulman

Which of the following does NOT describe Mama's Mussy upon viewing cage-meat:

A. Snapping like a turtle

B. Wetter than Bangladesh in monsoon season

C. Quivering like Jell-O in an earthquake

D. Stanky as a Port Authority restroom

E. Hungrier than Gabourey Sidibe

Which of the following snack foods was not consumed by Constance McCashin while posting to Datalounge?

A. Funyuns

B. Little Debbie Nutty Bars

C. Bugles (often worn on fingertips)

D. E. L. Fudgemen

E. A quarter wedge of an apple

Which one is NOT a former DL fave?

1) Somers Farkas

2) Muffie Potter Aston

3) Daisy Kanavos

4) Simone Vanwalldingham

*** Extra credit if you can name the poster who posted regularly about these ladies.

True or FALSE: R169 is another example of what the OP deplores, and its arrogance and inhumanity are so ingrained it cannot see it.

BONUS FREE CREDIT - THE answer is true. This sort of pox is the problem, and is identical to the rest of the Rogues Gallery.

229. Who is Zombie Nippy?

230. Who is Damont?

231. On the banks of what river does the diva often re-side?

232. What brand of cigs had you better fucking bring when you visit, asshole?

Which of the following people is/are NOT the object of some troll's obsession:

a) Madonna

b) Janet Jackson

c) Dionne Warwick

d) Lady Gaga

e) Bernie Sanders

f) Gale Harold

g) Herbert Ross

h) Bea Arthur

i) Meryl Streep

j) Cheyenne Jackson

k) Gerard Piqué

l) Cristiano Ronaldo

m) Aaron Rodgers

n) Barbra Streisand

o) Flo, Mary, and Diane

p) Liza Minelli Shpeaking

q) Lorna Luft

r) Joey Luft

s) Helen Lawson

t) Jan Hooks

u) George Clooney

v) Nan Michigan Womon

w) Patsy Ramsey

x) Ackles and Padalecki

y) Elijah Wood and his hobbits

z) Marilu Henner

What's the best way to get rid of an unwanted hook-up?

a) Let him know he can't shower because you only have two towels available

b) Showing him your porcelain Barbie collection

c) Telling him you've taken pictures of your encounter that are now part of an incestuous DL narrative

d) Surprise anal!

Which Joyce is DL Royalty? Which is the cuntiest? Which is the most delusional?:

a) Elaine Joyce

b) Joyce Bulifant

c) Joyce DeWitt

Free 1st Class Hot Meals are offered:

A) to passengers flying in 1st Class

B) to Aspie Snowflakes in Economy and prone to scratching

C) to the exceedingly rare fatty who bought 2 seats and deserves a reward

D) to economy flyers sitting in front of assholes using recline blockers.

E) to any Black Lives Matter activist who asks for one

F) to Conrad Hilton Jr, who owns you

G) to Paris Hilton before she crashes in a charted Egyptian jet

H) to Steven Slater to bring to his boyfriend Ken Rochelle's junkie brother in prison

I) to mask Timothy Hutton's vile B.O.

J) as "liquid meals" for Miss Lucille Ball

Identify the singing star using just these monosyllables:

a) Ri

b) Mi

c) Nip

d) Mo

e) Ga

f) Babs

g) Re

Identify the following celebrities by their DL nicknames

Nippy

Tammy

Toothy Tile

McBongo

AnnE

M

G

Madge

Jabba

Womanly Assed ----

Mrs Liam Neesen

The most brilliant poster (not in this thread) on the DL is known as:

A. R15

B. R89

C. R25

D. R3

Give three examples of the appropriate usage of the exclamation "MARY!" and explain why it was the optimal response in each instance.

Anti-microagressions are considered triggering on which campus?

A) Yale

B) Oberlin

C) Brown

D) Swarthmore

E) Columbia

F) Harvard

G) UVA

H) None of the above

I) All of the above

BONUS Points:

1) Which campus hosted Rape Mattress Girl Carrying That Weight?

2) Which campus prosecutes buyer's remorse as rape rape?

3) Which campus regrets graduating Lena Dunham?

According to DL, who is "worse than Hitler":

a) A person posting a spoiler without issuing a SPOILER ALERT, thus ruining a show's plot for some Johnny-Watch- Laters who will call him nothing short of ASSHOLE and ASSWIPE!

b) A person attaching a very dirty image without issuing a NSFW warning, thus compromising the employments of a select number of people who are goofing off at work

c) A hall monitor, whose sole purpose is to review posts and re-establish order in threads gone amok by wild posters who are more interested in leaving a mark than discussing a subject

d) Someone who has had the audacity of creating a thread about a subject already being discussed elsewhere, therefore..um...destroying ... um .. assassinating... no wait ...um ... slaughtering...oh, not really .... actually not doing that much harm other than that which could be solved by just ignoring the repetitive thread, thus allowing it to fall into DL oblivion

Maybe we should put the answers in "DL School"

Do you feel an overwhelming need to be extra cunty when you discover the chance to reply in the much coveted "R1" position?

Do you feel the need to announce when about to "IGNORE" a poster? Do you frequentl;y check your IGNORE poster to see of they are still talking about you?

Do you announce when you have "F&F" a poster? Are you surprised and shocked when you discover that your announcement has backfired and resulted an many "F&F" being fired back at you resulting in your temporary banishment?

Do you recall a time when your reputation was posted in red letters after each post you made ( talks to self, troll bait, Judy "Pills" Garland )

DL School is the study manual for this Admissions Test

Bonus Question: Which state is the town of Bumfucke located in ?

Discuss Amal Clooney in 2-4 paragraphs.

Use the formal register and include 3 arguments, concisely supported.

You may use the Internet but any paraphrasing and plagiarism will automatically disqualify your application for admission.

R221, you are BLOCKED and BANNED and your IP is being traced by INTERPOL at this very moment!

Funny that r222 had everything to do with schooling and studying for tests

Gee I wonder who will be the very first person to be done and hand in her essay for r224 - which in turn would render her eligible to come back into DL, banned name and all...

Nancy Mitford, Nancy Cunard, Nancy Reagan and Nancy Grace

Compare and contrast their camp factor using references from Susan Sontag, John Waters, Sigmund Freud and/or Jean Baudrillard.

Damn - some of these essay questions are hard!

Fill in the blanks:

Mrs. Stephen ______

_______ Allen

Mrs. "Prowler"'s first name - ______

___ ________ De Lave

______ Mary

What lies DEEP within the pussy?

A. Nature's credit card

B. Gin

C. Regret

D. A beautiful pearl

E. Not me!

R202/OP, R197 here. No, wasn't being facetious; COMPLETELY serious and complimentary. You sound great; wonder if I might have seen you performing in my AC casino-going (mainly the blackjack tables) days - but probably too long ago (most recently 1997)?

LOVE this thread;!!!

Grammar Troll Extra Credit: Please parse all questions for proper syntax, spelling, punctuation, and auto-correct ignores. Use only the replies, unaided by the block feature. Which posters wrote the same comments? Who is worse than Hitler? Support your answer with reply numbers.

R228 I'll see your Nancys and raise you Nancys Walker, Dussault, Drew , Kerrigan and a Sluggo

BREAKING NEWS NANCY DUSSAULT IS NOT DEAD !

She is alive and well at age 79 living in Pensacola , I could have sworn she died a few years ago. Who am I mixing her up with? She was also a sitcom actress , played a wife, seems to me had a very similar name ?

Anyone know the answer?

Worse than Hitler ( Ladies Edition

True or False

Linda Lavin

Patricia Heaton

Vanessa Redgrave

Bonnie Franklin

Patti Lupone

Princess Margaret

Ethel Merman

Anne Hathaway

Meryl Streep

Vivian Vance

Isabelle Sanford

Erma Bombeck

Princess Lee Radziwill

Tom and Chris each have 12 cookies. Tom eats four, and gives 3 to Dustin; Chris splits his cookies with Jack, who eats two and gives two to Tom. Dustin steals one cookie from Chris and eats it.

Whose pussy stinks?

[quote]wonder if I might have seen you performing in my AC casino-going (mainly the blackjack tables) days - but probably too long ago (most recently 1997)?

1987 was my AC year. TropWorld - Big Oldies show with a star and guest groups. We then toured with it, minus the dancers.

Fuck we've run out of Number Two pencils. What to do what to do?

Rank these First Ladies of the United States according to Icon Status on Datalounge

Florence Harding

Mary Todd Lincoln

Lou Henry Hoover

Mamie Eisenhower

Dolly Madison

Michelle Obama

Bonus Question : Who was Harriett Lane and why was her role as FLOTUS unique to the position?

R198 Please add:

J. Sandra Lee (culinary skills)

Where in the USA would long-time DLers like to know the price of gas? And who would tell them?

Which is the most tragic work of drama?

A. Lucy's "Mame"

B. Madonna's "Evita"

C. "Mommy Dearest"

D. GOOP

E. "King Lear"

OK, I'm totally lost with r242. What gets penalized less? Guessing or leaving it blank? Michfest ladies?

Situational Imagination and Creative Writing Question:

A circular lunch table seats Gore Vidal, 'Princess' Lee Radziwill, Truman Capote, Dorothy Parker, Arthur Laurents and Tallulah Bankhead.

List in order the lunchers' departure from the group through inability to sustain weapons-grade pointless bitchery, and/or through alcoholic incapacity.

Support your answer with reference to social and literary history; account for the final luncher's unapologetic victory. In conclusion, explain how considering such an event might prepare you for the Datalounge to which you seek admission.

Which version of "Who Gives A Flying Fuck?" is superior, the 1949 original or the 1962 remake? And which Ethel delivered the better version of the climactic "It takes new blood to keep the Fucks strong" speech to her grandson's fiancee, Barrymore or Merman?

Whose death reverberated the most with anguish and sadness in DL:

a) Mother Theresa

b) The 2,996 civilians and rescue staff who died in 9/11

c) Steve Jobs

d) Luise Rainer

Speaking of which -

What clip or picture does NOT get repeated exposure at DL:

A) Princess Diana dead - already shown at r247

B) Guurl Please

C) ME, OF COURSE!

Or,

D) Marilu Henner

Princess....

A) Radishwell

B) Radicchio

C) Razzmatazz

D) Radziwill

Bonus Point: is Princess of:

A) The Kingdom of Poland

B) Cuntiness

C) Opportunity

D) Delusions

R245, I would be someone who could complete this assignment, and is why I still visit DL. I honestly wish I had the time today.

Extra Credit Essay Question. With a minimum of 1,000 words and no maximum, complete the following: "SO! I was . . . " Essay will be graded on imagination, plausibility, human interest, and romantic content.

Bieber:

A) xy

B) xx

C) xxy

D) xs

E) xl

F) xxx

G) xox

Ah what the fuck r245, I'll give that one a whirl:

Capote - a mess very quickly, and lots of writers' block with years of no creative output.

Radziwill - her 85 lb. frame gets drunk with a martini-and-a-half and she's never been the sharpest tack.

Laurents - drama queen who gets really temperamental and racist after three Manhattans, plus he would be distracted by the twinkish waiter about to punch out.

Parker - clever, strong, a product of harsh prohibition hooch, but still unable to hold a candle to:

Vidal - the most evil bitches live the longest

Bankhead - never met a man , woman, dog, or horse she couldn't outfuck or outdrink under the table

Remember to add your answers to DL School!

I remember those forms. The "make a circle in the appropriate box" forms. I haven't seen one in years. Are they still used in colleges?

Sorry. It was "fill in the appropriate circle."

It was a long time ago

The best kind of deli cheese is...what?

What "gathering place" is an "insatiable bottom"?

Essay time.

Your Matt Damon obsession. Explain.

What physical trait is NOT a DL obsession?

a) Bedroom eyes

b) Womanly ass

c) Yellow skin

d) Foreskin, or lack thereof

Complete the rest of the quote and identify its source:

"The world of the heterosexual ____________."

Said by __________

In "______________"

What sports team is a DLer who knows nothing about sports more than likely to be fan of:

a) Green Bay Packers

b) New England Patriots

c) Real Madrid

d) U.S. Ice Skating Team

e) All of the above

R251 Tinymeats.

Bravo, Mr Knotes @ R255, you rose to the challenge in double-quick time. The Board however finds ambiguity in your final placings: Vidal, you persuasively state, would 'live the longest'; while Bankhead, you suggest, could drink even Vidal 'under the table.'

Thus we posit Vidal under the table at which Bankhead sits triumphant. We agree with your final lunchers, though question whether Vidal's insane competitiveness and undeniable wit would ever slump before anyone in public, let alone a woman. Then again it is perhaps conceivable, though arguable, that even he might yield to Bankhead, a true icon of camp. (Vidal would doubtless conjure a good story, maybe even a full essay - and thus the final word - from the experience.)

In conclusion the Board finds your final placings questionable - Vidal under the table hasn't technically left it, and may yet rise again - but your speed in posting, knowledge displayed and appropriate formatting are very capable. Welcome to Datalounge, Mr Knotes.

David Muir's middle name is:

A. Mary B. Jason C. Tyler D. Robert E. B & C

lol R245 is killing me. First of all - you must be a professor or teacher... I can't even handle the question as it is giving me flashbacks to grad school. Second, is your PhD in Datalounge??

DL Pre-K Gifted-Track Entry Examination, Session One.

Okay, children. Quiet now. Sit down, Felicia. Look over here, Caitlyn. Put your dress down.

Remember we have a quiz this period. Now, what is a quiz? Yes, Ian?

That's right! It is a test like big students take to see how much they have learned!

Time to start. It will be fun.

Ready? Listen carefully. Bea, place your attention here. And stop that scratching down there. Scratching won't make it go away. If anything it will make it bigger.

Now, with your crayons, draw a picture of what you think Justin Bieber's butthole looked like after another weekend with his diverse urban friends? Remember what "diverse, urban" means? That's right, Clinton. "Size meat." You get a brown star!

You have ten minutes. Ready? GO!

Complete the following.

Alexis Morell ---------- ----- ------ ----- -----------

Erica Kane ------ ------ ------ --------- -------- ---------- ---------- --------

Victoria Lord ---------- ------------- -------------- ----------- ---------

Rachel Davis ------------ ----------- ----------- -------- --------

Gayle Grinds became DL famous for her adherence to what?

a) drinking her own urine

b) watching "Three's Company" every day for 27 years

c) a frozen flagpole

d) her couch

Lightening Round

Golden Girls , Minor Guest Starring Roles Who Went on to Greater Fame:

This world famous film director once played an Elvis Impersonator in this 1p88 episode when Sophia gets married

He played one of two police officers stake out in the girls' house to investigate their neighbors, who are suspected jewel thieves.

She played Daisy, the bratty Sunshine Cadet who held Rose Nylund's teddy bear hostage in this 1987 episode titled "Old Friends.", she is now the lead singer of indie band Rilo Kiley

This future teen heartthrob and infotainment reporter charmed as a youngster that Dorothy tutors in the 1987 episode, "Dorothy's Prized Pupil."

This real life scientist and television sitcom scientist once played Sophie's double in the 1991 episode, "I Ain't Got Nobody.

What has Ethel Mertz had?

(a) An abortion

(b) A trip to Alberquerque

(c) Sufficient

(d) Ricky Ricardo's big Cuban cock

Wait...what happened to the Princess Diana dead scream when they slowed it down and stretched it out to 30 seconds?

That still makes me laugh. Good times.

Wait, I found it.

If I were to tell you in detail about Deb Messing, which location would I NOT include?

a) an African eye-cancer clinic

b) the post-earthquake rubble in Port-au-Prince, Haiti

c) a nursing home for the elderly victims of Hurricane Katrina

d) an Contempra Inn occupied by the traumatized parents of the Sandy Hook shootings

Fill in the blanks in Bonnie Mace's tale of her oral sex adventures with Martina Navratilova:

"Martina's girl was bleeding like _____ and my face was slopping it up like Hattie McDaniel at an all you can eat jumbo fried shrimp buffet. I earned my red wings all right, the sides of my mouth to my cheeks were crimson with ______."

a) the Red Sea/rag worms

b) the Serengeti/rotted girl eggs

c) Shark Week/clotted lady creme

d) Sharon Tate/Aunt Flo's cut throat

Which of the following did Bette Davis and Joan Crawford NOT have in common?

A. Number of marriages

B. Astrological sign

C. Number of Oscar nominations

D. An affair with director Vincent Sherman

Sara twirls her vagina _______?

A. flaps

B. mustache

C. umbrella

D. cape

A DLer starts a thread to announce that I Want to Live! is airing on AMC and he wants folks to tune in so we can all have a good cry together. Response #3 will be:

a) "MARY!" b) "Oh dear" c) "Someone's bottom hungry!" d) "Yes, let's cry at what qualified for Oscar worthy until I came along." posted by M

Oh MARY! I ruined it by forgetting about the formatting.

E. You reference the Raye Birk line from the golden girls episode where he plays the surly wedding caterer

You also seem to be posting from the 90s, R279/280, when AMC showed classic movies. They don't show movies made after 1990, it seems. You should have written "TCM" (Turner Classic Movies).

I'll take a stab at R245 question A circular lunch table seats Gore Vidal, 'Princess' Lee Radziwill, Truman Capote, Dorothy Parker, Arthur Laurents and Tallulah Bankhead. List in order the lunchers' departure from the group through inability to sustain weapons-grade pointless bitchery, and/or through alcoholic incapacity.

Gore Vidal loathed Truman Capote and therefore upon seeing each other invited to the same party, each would stage a major hissy fit, and would both go flouncing off in opposite directions, thus being the first eliminated. Capote would would have arrived already drunk and an hour lkate would have been the second to go, after Gore stormed off.

Lee Radziwill her mind nor tongue as sharp as her tablemates would slink off in third position, a little wobbly at the boney knee but still upright , regardless of the remaining players inebriation or superior wit, Lee would be guarantee to leave mid -field ,well before there could be any chance of a bill being presented and talk of splitting the bill could arise. Lee avoided opening her purse at all costs, pity she did not do the same with her mouth or legs.

That leaves, Bankhead, Parker and Laurent, who settle in for the real contest of the iron clad livers . Laurents, who by now would also smell the cheque was dangerously close to being placed on the table, and also dying to see what happened when Vidal and Capote met outside, he would be the next to go.

Bankhead and Parker, would each polish off few dozen rounds of their favorite libation, each being fairly well matched in the tolerance department, it would come down to a matter of body type, Bankhead being of larger stature, and bosom compared too the fairly waif-like Parker would have the physical advantage, and given Parker uneasiness about anything sexual or god forbid Lesbian, all Bankhead would have to do is place a hand on Parker knee, tell of of her bawdy anecdotes such as " Dorothy , did I evah tell you , I was raped in our driveway when I was eleven. … You know darling, it was a terrible experience because we had all that gravel. Tell me dear have you ever been raped in a driveway?" and the poor little sex phobic thing would be off like a scared virgin at a prison rodeo.

Leaving the winner and still undisputed champion Miss Bankhead, of course she would have more stamina, as her famous quotation attests "I tell you cocaine isn’t habit-forming and I know because I’ve been taking it for years."

R282, dammit, I meant to type TCM. Another screwup. Just ignore me, I failed the admissions test.

Fill in the following Rosie O'Donnell quotes:

BITCH, WHERE'S MY _ _ _ _ _ (pharmaceutical).

Make mine Roast Beef but hold the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (condiment)

What is the correct name of the Broadway musical in which Helen Lawson plays a scrappy Asian frontier settler?

A. Heidi Ho

B. Sum Yung Ho

C. Hard Rhoda Ho

D. Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!

E. No Business Like Ho Business

Name the three actresses who played the role of "Helen Lawson".

In chronological order.

R286, that's a trick question, the show never made it out of New Haven where it has the working title of " Helen Lawson Presents GENGHIS KUNT " is set an American Theatre record for being the only show ever to close based upon the title marquee only . weeks before the first scheduled performance.

I

A rogue post has you in a state of discombobulation. Do you:

(a) declare that the poster is a Freeper, a racist or a self-hater.

(b) hitch up your muumuu, and take a brisk walk out-of-doors.

(c) Re-arrange the florist's foam and flowers.

(d) Finish off the Mimosas.

(e) Vivian Vance.

(f) All of the above.

Who am I?

A. Cheryl

B. Helen Lawson

C. Madonna

D. Hillary Clinton

This is a trick question.

When one is asked what a proper DL resident watches on Sunday evening, the correct answer is:

(A) One of those horrible shows where people live in tiny houses.

(B) The Sally Field Programme

(C) The Helen Lawson Variety Hour

(D) Sorry, miss, but I've got troubles of my own.

W&W R233

[quote]A) dressed in the gold lamé gown she wore at her Carnegie Hall concert

Judy was buried in a yellow dress. She had not worn it at her Carnegie Hall concert.

One of the questions for r293 is false. The other is incorrect. Please identify which is which.

[quote]Lightening Round

Racist.

Dawson is known primarily for:

A. Hosting a tired 70s game show

B. Advertising Maytag washing machines

C. His eponymous creek

D. His eponymous crack

E. Nomination to the US Supreme Court

Evaluation of DataLounge Draft Testing Measure (New DataLounge Admissions Test): R245

The problem posed by R245, despite the item's likely capacity to indicate a respondent's worthiness in being considered for DL admission across several domains of primary and secondary interest, lacks critical information needed to provide an appropriate response, as well as to avoid suggestions of bias or ambiguity.

What is the date of the luncheon? Or, if the testing authority intends the respondent to posit a date, the item description needs to state that this is the case.

The dynamics of such a group encounter could be developed, presented and supported only by knowing when the luncheon is to have occurred. The encounter's complexities include but are not limited to such features as the following, each of which can be indicated only when timing is defined:

1. The state of interpersonal relationships between and among the participants, which of course were highly dynamic and subject to rapid alteration. The status of paired, as well as group, relationships at the time of the event would partly determine the contours of exchanges, teaming and partnering, and loci of attack. Naturally, such teaming would mostly occur early in the encounter, before accumulations of alcohol and drug intake and encounter effects would have led to the inevitable climactic cascade of free-for-all, everyone-for-herself savagery.

2. The current degree and combinative impact of substance dependence and usage. Apart from the inherent and obvious relevance of this information, the test item specifically addresses it, which would increase respondents' reflexive inclusion of it.

3. The state of psychological well-being, distress or pathology, independent of and/or informed by current substance use and abuse patterns.

4. The position of each participant on her or his career track, which strongly correlate with individual strengths, weaknesses, and lines of attack and defense.

5. The state of personal lives (e.g. sex lives, marriages/partnering, place of residence, interior decorating projects, weight, recency of holidays)

6. Whether or not participants would be alive at the time of the event. Placement of the luncheon in a limbo of non-specific timing would tend to add an element of fantasy inimical to the desired force and froth of the group exchange.

EVALUATORS' RECOMMENDATION: The evaluation team, with agreement from the Instrumentation Committee, the Admissions Board and a plurality of Directors, recommends that a date and time of THURSDAY, MAY 3, 1962, AT 1:00 PM be specified in the test item for the group reservation, in order to facilitate equitable assessment.

Without absurdly accounting for optimal probabilities of availability among the putative participants on this date, and permitting respondents to apply creativity as to location and timeliness of arrivals, this date offers a reasonably level playing field among the parties involved. Mr. Laurent's I CAN GET IT FOR YOU WHOLESALE would have had a month to build cachet for him at this stage of his career. Ms. Bankhead's lull would be somewhat mitigated by her two appearances in the US Steel Hour's HEDDA GABLER. Her Serene Highness would be basking in the reflected glow of White House brilliance. Mr. Williams would have claimed his last Tony Award on April 29 for NIGHT OF THE IGUANA. Mr. Vidal, also enjoying the White House connection, would have been entering the serious portion of his writing career with ROMULUS. And Miss Parker, while in substantive decline, would have been reconciled with her husband for a year and at least working with him on a few projects.

The evaluators, hoping to assist the DL in its mission, welcome any questions or corrections.

Which of the following has NOT been a regular DL contributor:

1. Saint Catherine of Sienna

2. Mlle. Didi von Cuntington

3. Mrs. P. Ramsey

4. M. Milky Loads Sullivan

5. Miss D. Warwick (shit!)

Addendum to Evaluators' Recommendation for Finalization of Item:

Limitations of space prevented a description of the comparative appropriateness of the recommended luncheon date concerning Mr. Capote, who was still enjoying the success of THE INNOCENTS while expanding his social reach and reconsidering his career in the manner that eventually would lead to IN COLD BLOOD. In other words, he was at his most insufferable mid-career point at the time of the suggested luncheon, and therefore in parity with the other participants.

Thank you.

If your name ends in a vowel, you are:

A. Whorish

B. Rough trade

C. A beggar

D. Mediterranean

E. A waiter in Chelsea

F. A typist

G. Fake Irish

H. Fatherless

I. All of the above

J. Both A and E

R296 made me laugh

Upon meeting him, most people assume the average 55 year old DLers is

a) In his mid-fifties b) in his early fifties c) in his late fifties d) at least ten years younger

Extra Credit 1. The doorman in the Tale of the Muscle Slut Shirted Eldgergay And The Doorman was from what exotic locale? a) Albania b) Dominican Republic c) Moldavia d) Upstate New York

2. Name a DL obsession where gay men assume the actor is straight, but fan-fraus insist he is gay or bi.

3. Provide a timeline of John the PMBT's textbook sale saga. Explain his position on Thais and how this affected his feelings about the sale.

4. List 5 items from the Oak Toilet Seat thread that no one in NYC or LA has ever seen or heard of.

5. Provide the real name of at least two Sean Cody or Corbin Fisher models.

BONUS: The period during which even previously approved DL users were not allowed to post was known as _____________.

DL Entrance Exam

Choose ONE of the following:

1. Describe the advances in weapons technology that occurred as a result of the Great Herring War.

2. Compare and contrast the fashion of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz to that of Ennis in Brokeback Mountain.

3. Post a dick pic.

Which Cuban cock is or was most interesting? 1. Raul Esparza 2. Ricky Ricardo 3. Marco Rubio 4. Mark Cuban

Rank the following in order of the level of rage (highest to lowest) they induce in a DL regular:

a) "You are not allowed to post at this time."

b) Yet another "What is the BEST EVER single released by [some forgotten artist no one gives a fuck about anymore]?" poll.

c) The Jew-hating troll.

d) Being mistaken for the Jew-hating troll because of a sarcastic comment.

e) "[ ] is not gay. He's been married and has kids!"

f) The Haven.

Prepare an interpretative dance that encapsulates eldergays' feelings about the 1950 Best Actress Oscar race.

Hey, bros! I'm Teague Jefferson Insticator. You know...the Tidewater Insticators? My daddy is DL's main donor; I'm sure you've seen him around.

Actually, I'd like to apologize for his behavior. He's a little inquisitive when he's had a few, but he means no harm. You could answer every pop culture question he asks but I doubt he'd remember a thing five minutes later.

Anyway, dudes, I just wanted to ask you about this exam thing. It's just a technicality, right....you know, for other people? I mean, none of this really applies to [italic]me[/italic], does it?

What pranced and why?

Where does Philip live? What do we like about him?

305 continued...

g) Janbot

h) "He's gay for pay."

i) The 1994 women's ice skating event at the Olympics.

Who are these fun looking people and when are you most likely to encounter them?

HINT: they are not the original data loungers.

Was Brandon's cock photo fake? Defend your answer.

Jill has had:

(a) An abortion

(b) Her period!

(c) Sissy's pizza bread

(d) The new cohost job with Kelly Ripa

The Oxford comma, good, bad, or indifferent?

R310-- you left one out:

j) Bernie is the only true progressive. If he doesn't win I'm voting for Trump.

98. What is wrong with this formula?

All Attractive Male Celebrities / Attractive Gay Male Celebrities = x.

Answer: You cannot divide by zero.

This section of the test is for only those who are serious about being certified as DL theater experts and is comprised of (primarily) essay questions. Questions are in order of easiest to most difficult. If you've previously written the response to a question, you can cite the appropriate thread and response numbers in the space for your answer.

1. Which dragon has his own dungeon?

2. Name at least 8 members of the Broadway BDC.

3. (Pop Quiz) Who is:

- FNF?

- BDJ?

- KDC?

Which woman with BDF is also circumcised?

A. Florence Welch

B. Iman

C. Chyna

D. Sandra Bernhard

How many times does 53 go into 18?

Sex in the bum? Yes or No?

Extra Credit, Herbert Ross Troll edition: can you name any of the posters on the HRT thread from their self-disclosure? Extra Extra Credit points if you can link a photo.

[quote]2. Compare and contrast the fashion of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz to that of Ennis in Brokeback Mountain.

Extra credit if you include references to Aaron Schock.

Short answer:

Describe homosexual intercourse in reference to where the man goes.

Dick Sargent: Dick York

Karen Cellini: _______

(Note that even the slightest hesitation on this question will lead to disqualification.)

The Oxford comma in R314: oh, dear.

You've entered a casino washroom in your smartest pumps. You select an empty stall, hang up your wrap and sit down. In the stall next you a great commotion is heard, followed by the sound of an opening door, and hurried footsteps. In a flash your feet are sitting in several gallons of soiled water.

Do you:

(a) scream for assistance.

(b) Wrap your shoes in toilet paper, and sob quietly.

(c) Angrily exit the stall and slap the sniggering attendant.

(d) Open the mobile version of datalounge.com

(e) Bob Carroll Jr. Madelyn Davis

(f) I've had sufficient.

(g) None of the above.

R326 never happened

Tasteful Friends Mini-Quiz: Stacked books on a lucite coffee table.

A. Casual but erudite design statement

B. An abomination unto the Lord

DL Personality Test

Your Abuela falls in the street. Do you:

a) Call 911 and prepare an elaborate scenario?

b) Slap her and delete her number from your phone?

c) Shriek at anyone who tries to help her, calling them social justice warriors and enablers?

d) Finally find out if that damn dress is white and gold or blue and black?

e) Not notice because you are looking at pictures of men presenting hole?

f) Feel guilty because she just found out you were sleeping with your cousin?

g) Post a selfie of you tanning after having seen her to a hospital?

R329

h) Make sure to remove the erotic pictures of her with Fulgencio Batista from her wallet before the paramedics arrive

R327 Yes indeed that was a true event , as we found proof from independent sources , right down to the storytellers name and hometown and what other casinos were the focus of ut's nuisance lawsuits. I would post links, but we are forbidden from speaking the name of the pooshoed profligate

Someone posts a poll asking whether DLers prefer plain or peanut M&Ms.

The Jew-Hating Troll chimes in because:

a) Jews control the world's chocolate production

b) Israeli soldiers shoot M&Ms at unarmed Palestinian children

c) Greedy Jews from Brooklyn control all the real estate in Los Angeles

d) the Jew Hating Troll doesn't need a reason and Jews just suck

But no brown M&Ms R332. Or it's breach of contract.

Identify the object on the stage in the attached photo:

A) A smashed turd

B) A cigar

C) DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, WHO'S LOOKING AT THE STAGE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIS BALLS?!?!?

D) Not enough information

Bonus: Identify the performer and create a poll related to his past hits

It looks like a Twix finger, so it must be Pete Burns. Amirite?

What do a Twix bar and Pete have in common? You can get four fingers in each of them.

You're feeling sad because grandma died. You post about it and say that you'll be making her favourite recipe. You post the recipe in case anyone else wants to try it too. You return to DL an hour later to:

A) a stream of condolence messages.

b) some condolence messages and a few kind offers by people who'll claim they will try the recipe in honor of your poor dead grandma.

C) a rant about how nana was probably an evil Christian and no doubt hated gay people. Several other people will inform you that they hated their grandma and are glad she's dead.

D) a rush of people telling you a woman responsible for the awful recipe should have died years ago. One poster calls grandma a rancid old slut who deserved a long agonising death for ever having the audacity to inflict that recipe on innocent family members. Ten other posters instantly agree with them.

E) a combination of C and D

R283, that was a masterpiece!

Please, take my credit cards!!

119. People leave the DL and never come back because:

A. They are too stupid to get it.

B. They are too smart to put up with it.

C. Too many women, freepers, Xtians, trolls, black-racist stalkers, trans-haters, and other nasty people.

D. $18 simply are too much for this garbage.

E. There are no longer enough threads such as this one because younger posters simply can't keep up because of lack of enculturation and energy and older posters have too many rent boys to keep occupied.

R338, if you can't figure out to put an R in front of a reply, (example my R119 automatically links the post to which you are referring), you're no DLer.

Memorandum re: Evaluation of DataLounge Draft Testing Measure (New DataLounge Admissions Test): R245.

The Evaluator reporting at R297 is to be thanked for his or her thorough assessment. The Board offers the following notes in response.

The burden of The Evaluation concentrates on the date of the posited luncheon. Many or most observations develop from this leading point. The dynamics created by the lunchers' professional, psychological and personal situations as mentioned in points 1-5 are precisely (and obviously) among those which candidates might be expected to consider and explore. The Evaluators are perhaps too insistent when asserting that these dynamics can be presented 'only by knowing when the luncheon is to have occurred.' R255 and R283 creditably responded to the admissions test question with impressive speed and imagination.

Regarding point 6, it is to be assumed that all six lunchers originally posited are alive, certainly at the start of the occasion. A corpse at the opening of the luncheon would reduce the element of competition to be explored by candidates. Infirmity and alcoholic exorbitance could however notionally combine to lethal effect during the luncheon, adding drama to a candidate's response, and allowing for diverting possibilities among the five survivors and witnesses. Such a response belongs in the 'Historical Counterfactual' category, but would face possible deterrence by any restriction to an exact date.

In supporting their prime recommendation by researching and ascertaining a plausible date for the putative luncheon, The Evaluators are to be commended. It is notable that in underlining good reasons for their chosen date, The Evaluators explore the participants' availability, status, and possible psychological moods in the detailed manner of a candidate strong on facts, if perhaps thereby limited in imagination, because self-limiting.

The Evaluators do however display imagination by including a luncheon guest not originally suggested in the admissions question, Tennessee Williams. Mr Williams was in fact considered by The Board for inclusion; while famously able to keep pace with dedicated drinkers, his reputation for verbal skirmish is not so established. Furthermore The Board sought to observe social convention by including three men and three women, however broadly these categories might be thought to apply.

Point 6 also refers to 'Placement of the luncheon in a limbo of non-specific timing.' Such a limbo was indeed intended in order to encourage candidates' free imaginative play. The Board considered that the six personalities and the situation set were specific enough for invention and even fantasy to be essayed, while still remaining within a working knowledge of well-known and much-discussed reputations. Again, R255 and R283 swiftly and ably took to the possibilities of a lunchtime limbo.

The Evaluators are reminded that the application question emerged from the course entitled 'Situational Imagination and Creative Writing.' Concentration on a date for the luncheon posited might plausibly be considered too literal a condition, and a restriction to imaginative response.

A broad model for the question suggested is of course the balloon debate. In debating which airborne travelers should be relieved of their position within the hot-air balloon, and in what order, few if any speakers focus on which date the balloon was set aloft: rather, the debate is set 'in a limbo of non-specific timing', which allows speakers to concentrate on the merits and demerits of characters agreed to be in the balloon. And so mutatis mutandis it was intended for the DataLounge Luncheon Party.

Although now that I type R119 that number R338, it seems you were trying to numbering your quiz question #119, though we are way over that number. Are you sure you know how this works?

Here's another question.

Which reply is never inappropriate on DL:

(a) cuntiness

(b) pointless bitchery

(c) slamming the gays

(d) all of the above

Which phrase has NOT appeared in DL threads about a certain large-mouthed, A-list actress?

A. Obnoxious cow

B. Mr. Ed territory

C. Uber-bitch

D. Trout pout

E. Seething effeminate

F. Baboon's ass on a face

G. Dumbo ears

H. None of the above

Using classic Japanese poetic form, tanka or haiku, write a series of poetry about Datalounge. Please remember, these poetic forms require more than a set of syllables; you must also use the appropriate imagery associated with said form.

You see a strange device sitting on a table. One part is connected to the other with a spiraling cord and you see a disc with holes that is labeled with numbers and letters. What is the proper instrument to operate this machine?

a) Your finger

b) A pencil

c) Your dick

d) Someone else's dick

e) Javier, your nude manservant

Jaydynn has 45 more T-cells than Jaxxon but 22 less than Rick. Who is more likely to be getting out of a sunny yellow Geo Metro with frosted tips, a puka shell necklace and a Hawaiian shirt?

[quote]Jaydynn has 45 more T-cells than Jaxxon but 22 fewer than Rick.

Fyxxed, R345.

[quote]Who is more likely to be getting out of a sunny yellow Geo Metro with frosted tips, a puka shell necklace and a Hawaiian shirt?

Guy Fieddi

You have a Motorola Razr cellphone. The most likely accident to occur while using this device is:

A. water damage

B. a Naomi Campbell-like incident

C. sending a solo jack off video to all of your contacts

D. punching and deleting the wrong trick

You access DL on a mobile device. Your fat fingertip accidentally F&Fs a poster. You:

a) Undo it quickly and hopefully before anyone notices.

b) Post in that thread with an apology.

c) Laugh.

d) Do it again to another poster. And again. And again. And become erect from the thrill.

e) c and d.

When they first came out, R348, the most likely accident to occur was getting mugged for the Razr on the Philadelphia subway system.

To applicant r350:

While that did happen to a dear friend of mine (Nathan, is that you?), yours is an incorrect answer.

Sorry, Nathan. Please answer one of the essay questions found above so that your application may be considered for the wait list.

Oh r346, I love you.

On an unsolved crime thread a poster declares she knows who the Long Island Serial Killer is. When you reply do you...

A) ask her if she was a Craigslist whore

B) reference an unsolved crime from 1912

C) agree with her that Kerry of Nassau County Crime Stoppers tip line is indeed a stupid cunt

D) complain about the thread topic

Although a singer, Celine Dion is best known on DL for being

A) a victim of a pedophile

B) from an old truck stop town known as Charlemagne

C) a mother to a son raised by Circ de Soleil

D) a casket dancer

Yet another thread has popped up and getting hits that references Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. You click on reply. How do you answer?

A) we don't want frauen here

B) go back to Celebitchy!

C) Stupid fraus! Look what you're doing

D) Zahara was never legally adopted by Brad Pitt

E) Angelina, eat a sandwich

Complete the sentence.

______'s collapse is ________!

R339, R339, R339, you typically hectoring, self-absorbed, non-competitive idiot,

The 119 in the post you cite refers to the item on the admissions test.

The world here is not about you. And, no, I hadn't bothered to finish reading the R119 post when it popped up. As I said, "non-competitive."

However, the traits you display DO show you to be the DLer, a status you would deny because you're so mirror-drunk.

This is not a test. Repeat: This is not a test.

Hot Asian Muscle Guys thread pops up. Do you?

A) scroll past it

B) open and leer

C) issue a racist statement

D) call out the rice queens

In the case of a natural disaster, the standby DL phrase "I'm crying as I type" may be altered to which of the following forms:

A. "I'm dying as I type."

B. "Oh, look, there's President Bush on a helicopter."

C. "I'm evacuating as I type."

D. The phrase must remain unchanged.

R359 D

I'm sorry, r360, that's incorrect. During Hurricane Katrina, a loyal DL correspondent was updating us from the ground when he made the now semi-obscure remark that he was "evacuating as I type." During this period of posting, it was common to type the phrase "I'm crying as I type." For a bonus point, please cite the seminal occurrence of the original phrase.

As you may know, DL has historically been a much more comprehensive source of breaking information (not to be confused with threads titled BREAKING) than news outlets. See 9/11, etc.

Here's one I'd to which I'd never subject a fellow DLer, but it was put to me during my entrance exam up at Oxford. The examiner asked me to throw a chair through the window of the room and waited, without comment or clarification, for my response.

Any other Exonians on the board? How did you respond? Others, how would you've responded?

Note: This question shall not count against your admissions test score and is only included for the purpose of data collection.

Aren't you supposed to ask why he wants you to throw the chair through the window?

A Tiger kid would ask if esteemed interviewer would also like the desk to also be thrown through the window.

R362, at Baliol one was not obliged either to indulge oneself or an examiner with such silliness. The items used to establish independent thinking, self-reliance, institutional respect and creativity are rather more developed and less stuck in 1966 than your described torment was.

Finish this well loved and oft-spoken sentiment.

SHE HAS:

(a) Cooties

(b) Stated Her Boundaries

(c) No business wearing that dress

(d) Vivian Vance

A sign from this hotel nearly killed Anderson Cooper while he was reporting from Hurricane Dennis in 2005:

A, Holiday Inn

B. Ramada Inn

C. Hilton Hotel

D. Four Seasons

Unscramble the words in this sentence to create a well-known DL phrase. You have three seconds.

DON'T THEN HAVE NOW I I TELLING AM SO TO TELL YOU YOU

Chalupas

Beef Curtains

Fish sticks

Ooh, ooh, ooh, I know the answer to that one, r368: Gwyneth Paltrow!

Do I get in now?

Rape is .... A) good. B) bad

C) not rape rape

D) Vivian Vance

The question "What is it, you cunt-face?" was asked in what iconic American musical?

A. Barbara's Streisand's "Funny Lady"

B. Helen Lawson's "Sunny Lady"

C. "Rent"

D. "The Sound of Music"

E. "The Book of Mormon"

My philosophy class asked us to compare and contrast two chocolate chip cookies as a final exam.

You are traveling through the woods to Michfest. You reach a clearing and find two womyn standing there.

One is standing on a path leading to The Land. The other is standing on a path leading to Camp Trans.

One of the womyn always tells the truth and the other always lies. Both womyn know where the paths lead.

If you want to get to Michfest in time to recharge your CPAP in the DART tent, you have time for only ONE question. What do you ask to ensure you'll be on the right road?

Where are the melons I can't sit on nude?

Trevor is looking at Kevin. Kevin is looking at Stephen.

Trevor is a top. Stephen is a bottom.

Is a top looking at a bottom?

a) Definitely

b) Definitely not

c) Cannot be determined

Name the film that originated the term "Supercunt"

R377 Vivian Vance?

[bold]THE BATHHOUSE CONUNDRUM: AN ENCYCLOPEDIA BOTTOM PUZZLE[/bold]

Three sluts walk into a bathhouse during Southern Decadence and rent a room for $30.

Later the manager realizes the room should only have been $25 because of the nacreous layer of permacum on the walls. He sends the mop boy to return the money.

The mop boy cheats and tells the sluts that the room was only $9 apiece and pockets the other two dollars himself to spend on meth.

So the three sluts pay $9 apiece for the shared room and the mop boy keeps $2.

$27 + $2 = $29. What happened to the missing dollar?

Complete this sentence. "You know how ______________ fags can be."

A. Queeny

B. Picky

C. Prissy

D. Stylish

E. Kissy

F. Trendy

G. Bitchy

H. Sassy

I. Emotional

J. Dramatic

K. Sneaky

L. Fabulous

M. Vivian Vance

W&W, R377

That W&W was for R378.

Which is the more grave sin on the DL?

A. Posting something derogatory about an out actor

B. Starting a superfluous thread about a topic

Advanced Placement English Essay. In 50 to 80 lines of iambic pentameter, compose a soliloquy addressing this existential problem:

"To douche, or not to douche: that is the question."

R379 Schrödinger's cat?

Tell us how AnnE received her capital E.

In an attempt to overcome diversity, Liza spent the day organizing her unsold Home Shopping Network inventory.

One-quarter of the items were clay. Sixty percent of the remainder were scarves, and the rest were Boyfriend Blazers.

If there were 48 Boyfriend Blazers, how many pieces of unsold inventory did Liza have?

Fourth Grade Boys' "DataLounge Summer Fun Camp & Indoctrination Academy"

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock, DL-Style!

Who cuts, covers, poisons, smashes, decapitates, eats, disproves, vaporizes or crushes among among the following?

Bradley Cooper

Zac Efron

Nick Jonas

Kanye West

Zachary Quinto

Fourth Grade Boys' "DataLounge Summer Fun Camp & Indoctrination Academy"

Match the Lady Faces! (Draw Lines to Match the Description with the Face!)

Because there's a whole 'nother sex out there, boys! And they'll never let you forget it!

Cuntface Liza

Cumface Tammy Cruise

Shitface Sarah Jessica Parker

Bitchface Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall

Butterface Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

Name 5 good looking lesbians

Aaron Schock is spending a weekend on Fire Island. On Friday he gobbled 10 cocks, On Saturday around 15 and out of those 15 cocks he gobbled, 6 of them were repeat cocks from Friday night. On Sunday he gobbled 24 and about of them were previously gobbled cocks. Can you tell us how many cocks he gobbled in total and also how many sex partners he baffed off.

I am laughing so hard I can barely breathe! MORE, please; this is the best thread in AGES!!!

When were you first aware that teen singing star Shawn Mendes is a mo?

Say the phrase, "I simply love kumquat jam on a hot crumpet. It's so good," with a straight face and without using your hands.

(The successful applicate will accomplish the former, not understanding any challenge with it, and will find the latter to be impossible.)

What about Carbface, R389?

Where did the name Shobe come from?

Extra credit for R387:

What item's ownership was in dispute during the program?

Who designed it?

You only got one right r369. Getting a little ahead of ourselves aren't we?

679. Where was the sun shining everywhere when I saw your face?

680. When should one relax and not do it?

681. (a) There is nothing sadder than what (b) ever since when.

682. Maybe this time what? (1 point for each of 4 correct answers).

683. With the barometer getting low, what's it "gonna" start doing for the first time in history?

684. When do I feel like a virgin, touched for the very first time?

685. (extra point) According to Mrs. Lovett, a pussy's good for how many at the most?

What is the correct ratio of actual length of erect penis to asserted/claimed length of erect penis in the following situations?

A. Penis of sex partner you have pursued, having sex the first time and being drunk while doing it.

B. Penis of ex-boyfriend who just walked by with a twinky jock.

C. Penis of subway flasher who has such beautiful crystal green eyes you wished you had gotten off at Columbus Circle when he did.

D. Your penis, in your Grindr description.

E. Your penis, watching your new blatino husbear pull his shorts down for the first time.

It's gonna start raining men, when you hold me and you touch me for six or seven at the most.

DL ADMISSIONS TEST: SPECIAL NEEDS VERSION

(Because Everyone at the DL is a Winner! You GO!)

A. What color is the White Belt Man's belt?

B. How do you feel about your friend Julie?

C. Is the hot/young/built actor you like on television gay?

D. Is the stupid threatening black racist stalker on the DL a disgusting piece of shit?

E. What is the best kind of cheese, even if it is hard to come by?

Waaaaaaah! I had an accident!

The ghost of Jeanne Cooper occasionally visits the board to say what?

(A) Only you can prevent forest fires.

(B) Gimme a drink and raise the goddamned cue cards!

(C) I'm still dead bitches!

(D) I can't feel my face......my new one!

I love r374!!!!!!!!

Are you the Vivian Vance troll, whoever's doing this "test"?

R406 here. I hate testeses.

R407 makes so little sense, he's put his self-portrait out there for us.

I'm a Hollywood insider. I know that the actor everyone discussing and assuming is gay is in fact straight.

A) inform DL they're wrong and provide a tiny bit of inside gossip to prove my claim and watch the appreciation for the information roll in.

B) inform DL they're wrong and provide a tiny bit of inside gossip to prove my claim, then watch the speculation continue as though I haven't even posted.

C) inform DL they're wrong and provide a tiny bit of inside gossip to prove my claim then watch as the entire thread flames me, calls me a liar, a dream crusher and a delusional Frau despite being a gay man who was just telling the truth.

D) keep the info to myself, I'm not walking into that shit storm. Sure, I can hear the actor loudly fucking two young starlets in his trailer right now but DL will never get that out of me.

F) B, C, D are all plausible outcomes.

[quote]A. Barbara's Streisand's "Funny Lady"

R372, even if you got every other question on the test 100% right, we'd have to fail you for that one right there. (Oh, dear, indeed!)

R410, you DO know that that is an incorrect answer, do you not?

Name an appropriate context for the deceleration that an individual under discussion is a huge pussyhound and a big Bush supporter.

Don't embarrass yourself, R407. Your posts show you're better than that. And it looks like others have taken care of R406 for us.

However, the Admissions Board did suggest this question for the test, based on other distractive claptrap here:

The first movie Barbra Streisand directed (according to William Wyler, as he told people they had to forgive her abrasiveness during filming) was:

A. Funky Laydy

B. Phoney Girl

C. Funny Girl

D. Barbrella

E. Yentl

Did Helen Lawson direct "Sunny Lady"? I thought she only starred in it. That's all she got paid for.

R411 What I DO know is that every self-respecting gay man knows that it's BARBRA. Which is why we have to fail you.

^Someone got told.

I was molested.

Whose lives were analyzed on DL as The Most Boring Couple in America?

a) Tom and Micki Meairs

b) Rob and Heidi Beers

c) Chad and Tammi Frears

d) Dan and Cindi Spears

Who are your DL approved presidential candidates?

A. Hilary Clinton B. Hilary Clinton C. Hilary Clinton D. Hilary Clinton

DL respects everyone's right to choose (Hilary Clinton).

You're invited to a dinner party. You have to pick a trio to sit with. Pick...

1) Aunt Esther, Dr. Smith, and Suzanne Sugarbaker

2) Iola Boyland, Mother Jefferson, and Uncle Arthur

3) Endora, Wilona, and Bubba Higgins

4) Tootie, Dorothy Zbornak, and Abby Ewing

You've defied the Tasteful Friends by deep-frying in vegetable oil. You're now DEAD, DEAD to them! The oil sparks off, and you're confronted with a fearsome grease fire.

Do you::

a) Frantically search for the Calphalon lid that fits the pan. b) Order your exotic houseboy to fetch the baking soda in the guest bathroom. c) Pour out the remaining strawberry-kiwi daiquiris directly into the conflagration. d) Throw yourself on the flames. You're the PMBT, Goy, Stormfront, Trans-phobic, Womanly ass, Poll troll and you have it coming, Felicia! e) Clear your browser history, 'beginning of time' option. f) Ethel Mae Potter

R421 = Deke Arlidge

R422-stalker.

Deke Arlidge? He's UNKNOWN, UNKNOWN to me!

Who is the official portrait photographer of DL?

1) Annie Leibovitz

2) Bruce Weber

3) Denny Scott

4) Diane Arbus

Which of the following gay porn gingers have NOT bottomed?

A. Max London

B. Bennett Anthony

C. Connor Maguire

D. James Jamesson

E. Blu Kennedy

Love R424

What 1982 nominee for Best Supporting Actress rudely pissed off The Herbert Ross Troll to the point where he still despises her 25 years later?

A. Lesley Ann Warren

B. Jessica Lange

C. Teri Garr

D. Glenn Close

Extra points for knowing which of those nominees was originally favored for the prudish wife role, complete with humiliating lipstick on the nipples scene, in "Pennies From Heaven" for her movie debut (instead of the one she was nominated for, above).

Match the quote to the DL film classic

1) "I'll plant my own tree and I'll make it grow."

2) "All gay men are named Mark, Rick or Steve."

3) "He was in Luther and Nobody Loves An Albatross..."

4) "I should have known you'd know where to find the boys and the booze!"

5) "Miss Fern dyes her hair."

6) "Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I LIKED it!"

7) "Which one of you bitches is my mother?"

8) "I can smell your cunt."

9) "I am not "A" Eunice Burns, I am "THE" Eunice Burns!"

10) "You'll never be anything but a common frump whose father lived over a grocery store and whose mother took in washing."

11) "Don't we have a hair across our ass this morning?"

12) "Atta girl!"

A) The Bad Seed

B) Carrie

C) Dolores Claiborne

D) Lace

E) Mildred Pierce

F) Mommie Dearest

G) Nine To Five

H) Rosemary's Baby

I) Silence of the Lambs

J) Steel Magnolias

K) Valley of the Dolls

L) What's Up Doc?

Music Appreciation:

Write a short essay discussing the evolution of the "Alice" theme song and the vocal techniques employed by singer-actress Linda Lavin.

Which of the following phrases should you take umbrage with?

A) Snackateria

B) M'shaggy DA

C) Messy Cleft Palate

D) Mos Def

E) Dirty Ol' Moosehoof

F) Fuzzy Mimosa

G) Busy Furlough

H) Huge Vagine

I) Oprah's Vajayjay

Sweet fuck, I can answer about 80% of these.

Extra Credit: Explain what makes you laugh more: Brenda Vacarro shilling for Playtex tampons, or Andrea Martin as Brenda Vacarro shilling for Playtex tampons?

Oh, dear R410. You are right about Barbra. I hang my head in shame, and guiltily admit I am not her best fan.

As a closeted politician, you know smart-casual apparel suitable for informal events means:

A) A teal belt

B) Ivory slacks

C) A gingham blouse

D) All of the above

These are all wonderful.

Who addresses the Girls Data and what sort of compliment might she pay to the Girls Data?

Fill in the blank EST entry:

My ______(service worker)________(Verb), and I said_______! (Exclamation). What should I______(action)?

You invite your friends over to you apartment for dinner. What do you serve them?

A) Chicken Cacciatore

B) Meth, because they are all too fat

C) Reheated frozen delivery pizza

D) I post on DL, I don't have any friends

What's the traditional DL two-word salutation for same-sex marriages announced in THE NEW YORK TIMES?

Denise is:

(a) a crazed dyke

(b) a womyn with strict boundaries

(c) an unstoppable womyn with a dream

(d) the screenwriter of a sapphic sequeal to Speed.

The very minimum number of loads for a cinematic weekend is:

(a) 1 and a box of Kleenex

(b) 2 and a cuddle

(c) 50

(d) How many gigabytes of camera memory do you have?

Miss Sissyboodles is:

(a) a deceased eldergay moggie

(b) North Korea's leading prostitute

(3) the code word to activate nuclear annihilation

Tammy is:

(a) A chocolate snack biscuit

(b) An aging luvvie battling mental health & filler issues

(c) A Scottish term for Highland foreskin

How does DL fave Terry Miller describe his hair:

a) "sun-kissed"

b) "bouncin and behavin"

c) "beachy"

d) "lemon-young"

Rank the following from least to most serious breach of etiquette:

A. Cradling a coffee mug with both hands.

B. Failing to provide anything other than frozen turkey meatballs for your trick's breakfast.

C. Setting up a GoFundMe to pay for your four gay wedding ceremonies in different parts of the globe.

D. Attempting to go "twice around the garden."

E. Eating someone else's clearly labeled can of frosting in the pantry.

The decor of tasteful friends does not include which items:

(a) books on chairs (b) a fisting painting by an up and coming Berlin artist (c) The Big Dick Book on a coffee table (d) Leather sheets (e) All if the above

If DL is busily dissecting the latest photos of Somers Farkas, which website likely is getting all the traffic?

Elias Koteas is known at The DL for his:

(A) Film performances

(B) Theatrical career

(C) Tumescent protuberance

(D) Ukelele playing

R421: My sides! Laughing my ass off and it almost HURTS - great post!

R434: Is the correct answer (order of least egregious to most): D, C, B, E, and A?

I'm the ever youthful Catherine Zeta-Jones. Every time you have a birthday I miraculously turn a year younger. I'm DLs very own Dorian Gray! When mentioning my correct age which of the following is most accurate:

A) Forever 21 B) 22 C)19 (we actresses always like to shave a couple of years off!) D) In Utero

I like that she's always "a dewey 39."

It's a RAVISHING 39, darling!

If you are a Norweigan Catholic being discussed at great length on DL, you are most likely:

A. Tommy DiDario

B. Guy "Strudle" Wilson

C. Carrie Bradshaw

D. Julie Olson Banning Anderson Williams

E. Goop

F. Madge

G. Cheyenne Jackson

H. Peggy Olson

I. David Tyler Muir

J. Toothy Tile

K. Chandler Massey

L. Bea Arthur

M. M

N. G

O. Vivian Leigh

P. Luise Rainer

Q. Zac Efron

R. AnnE

S. Freddie "Nerium" Smith

T. Sue Ann Nivens

U. Blanche Devereaux

V. Christine Hendricks

W. Lynda Carter

X. Vivian Vance

Y. Van Hansis

Z. Colton Haynes

DL denounces you as a sickening paedophile. The average age of your victims is:

(a) 20

(b) 21

(c) 23

(d) 25

(e) eldergay

A. new sex partner exposes his foreskin to you. As a DL eldergay you wish to:

(a) Rush him to emergency amputative surgery

(b) Harvest its stem cells

(c) Suck it until your dentures snap

(d) Wear it as a snood

While playing with your mobile phone in bed you accidently send a photo of your tumescent phallus to:

(a) everyone on your contacts

(b) the sales bottoms at Nasty Pig

(c) leading casting agents

(d) Dawson

A deliveryman arrives at the office bearing a box of Krispy Kremes. Do you:

(a) Stampede to the trough

(b) Alert Ginny in billing

(c) Remain at your desk with a carrot stick

(d) Live stream to DL

All married men:

A) Crave dick constantly

B) Want to get sucked off by the gay bro at the office

C) Hate their fat pig wives

D) Cruise the steam room for orgies

E) All of the above

F) B and C

You wake up with stabbing pains in your stomach so severe you think you may die. You go the only logical thing:

A) Go to the doctor

B) call an ambulance

C) Ring your sister the nurse who tells you to go to the hosptal pronto.

D) crawl to your iphone and ask a bunch of strangers on DL. Surely this community of vicious vipers, some of whom clearly don't know the ass from their elbow, has the answer to your medical emergency!

Jace and Zed are carpooling to the flea market to go antiquing. At the same time Uncle Bill is on a tour bus with his nephew heading to the newly opened Broadway revival of Steel Magnolias. An angry soap opera viewer mob diverts both vehicles to Dataloungeland. Which group earns the most tokens at the Chaturbate pavilion? Describe the show.

LOL R458. At least our bad medical advice is free of charge.

Which one is the top?

1) Colton Haynes

2) Chandler Massey

3) Dylan Sprayberry

4) Connor Jessup

Well, I can tell you who's not a top.

What is the correct DL term for a man's butthole?

A. Mangina

B. Puss-He

C. Brown Eye

D. Exhaust Pipe

E. Gooch

F. Manhole

G. Boy Pussy

H. Guygape

Holy shit, R454, I just choked and snorted at the same time laughing!

What definition of "hoofer" would be most acceptable to DL regulars?

1. A heavy pot smoker

2. Someone who shoes horses

3. A large-headed person

4. A Broadway tap dancer

5. A guy with a small dick

Buck Jarrett is in the hospital following an attempted suicide:

A. True

B. False

I love both R462 and R466

[bold]THE VON CUNTINGTON CONUNDRUM[/bold]

The von Cuntington sisters are meeting at a party that will be covered by New York Social Diary, but some arrivistes plan to crash the party, impersonating them.

There are only two REAL von Cuntingtons on this guest list. Which two should R. Couri Hay photograph?

a) Bebe von Cuntington

b) Cece von Cuntington

c) Didi von Cuntington

d) Fifi von Cuntington

e) Gigi von Cuntington

f) Mimi von Cuntington

g) Vivi von Cuntington

R348, None of the Above, You would be dead from embarrassment

wouldn't a std test and a list of arrests in every major gay ghetto be the more practical?

What beloved, much discussed and exhaustively analyzed annual event took place every summer near the small town of Hart, Michigan, until the trannies killed it last year ?

R463 How forgot "Wiener Wallet" and "Mussy"

Name two attractions at the Dataloungeland Theme park.

What is the historical significance of the colors red and purple?

Who was a?

Why can't you buy as much Red Dragon as you like?

Kipper or Kirker- which of these authenticated users was/is a librarian?

Who knows all about Dolly Parton's lady ham?

EXTRA CREDIT

Who do you think is prettier: Shirley Jones or Florence Henderson?

[quote]OP made a big mistake. Brenda Dickson is Ms Brenda Dickson honey. OP you need to turn in your DL card child,

You are sooooo freaking wrong it isn't even funny, r115!

As a way of preventing her from finding our threads about her via self-googling, we began calling her "Brendad Ickson", and this went on for years!

But nice try, hunty.

Brendad Ickson?!?! You're making that up!

Which of the following did Joan Fontaine NOT do before her sister Livvy D.:

1. Win an Oscar.

2. Die.

3. Get Married.

4. Muff Dive.

5. Be Born.

6. None of the above.

7. All of the above.

8. 4&5

R237 cracked me the fuck up!

Ekdergay is dumped by his partner. In what order should these next items happen:

A) Buy a cat B) Buy a caftan and a gallon of Ben & Jerry's C) Nameless bar sex in the toilets D) Join ChrisianMingle.com E) Find out if Cherl's pussy stinks F) Vote Republican

I'm a trivia question! I love you bitches! I am always and forever DL's friendly librarian.

Tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard - so many memories on this thread. This is the DL I remember - thank you OP!

Which of the following invectives are unique to DL:

A) Get some sleep, hon.

B) MARY!

C) Go back to iVillage.

D) Tinhat freeper cunt.

E) Turn in your gay card.

F) Pot meet kettle.

G) Oh, pulllease. You’re obviously a self-loathing, overweight loser with Cheeto-stained fingers who lives in his mother’s basement, while (X) has two Tony Awards.

H) Most of the above.

R481 I love your list of responses.

I have been reading, "go back to iVillage" here for almost 8 years, and I have yet to look into whether such a site truly exists.

Truth be told, when I was a noob at DL, I was TOLD to ^^^^^, but I am a quick study, so I caught on pretty quick as to what just won't fly here.

There is enough information here for an academic study of DL culture - maybe a Masters thesis or even a doctoral dissertation!

Betty Broderick is :

A. A highly regarded DL poster B. A frau of DL folklore C. A murderer D. A beloved hero for the masses E. A former Michfest coordinator

(multiple answers are accepted)

True, R482, all DL noobs are subject to an extensive hazing in what constitutes acceptable forms of bitchiness. Congrats on making it through.

r425

which one?

Lol - I never knew Didi von Cuntington had a sister!

^ Lee Radziwill is Didi's half-sister.

Finish the sentence:

I AM DR. AMY BISHOP!

____! ____! ____!

SCHOOL IS BACK IN SESSION, BITCHES!

Discuss the major events in Madonna's life and career, from origin, to her most recent, possible last gasp grasp for attention. Compare and contrast with the careers of Whitney, Celine, and Janet. Who is the greatest? Who is the least? Who still has something great ahead of her?

OMG...A much appreciated birthday gift. Thank you DL, brilliant OP. After this thread I am a DL newbie no longer. Laughing so hard...my hernia, my hernia !

I scored a solid "B" at the very least. Basic eldergay 101 special ed classes. W&W. I'm almost ready for my gay superhero cape to FLAME ON... full power.

Have you not taken care of your hernia yet AIKC? Please do so before something awful happens to you.

Awww Mom, I'm gonna R493. I promise OK? I was only joking...it hasn't really bothered me since opening night of Democratic convention. Warms my mussy Mama, that you care...Thanks Ma.

Before Wilford Brimley sits on someones face he eats ______ and _____?

Bumping this classic thread since there are so many newbies who've joined us recently and seem unaware of our glorious history.