Remembering Ginny in Billing

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind everybody that Jim Benson is leaving us next week, NOT Jim Bernstein.

Whoever took Jim Bernstein's orthopedic chair, please bring it back ASAP. We already located some of his office supplies, but if you have anything else you'd like to return, please contact me in order to avoid any embarrassment.

Thank you for your cooperation.

We'll be holding our annual memorial potluck for Ginny in the staff room this Friday. All proceeds will go towards the fight to end gluten intolerance. I will be bringing my Ambrosia cake as usual.

She has a strange smell and occasionally spoke in Hungarian.

Kathy, "ambrosia" does not mean "dump cake."

We raised $2,935 in Ginny's Fibromyalgia GoFundMe. Where did that money go?

Hello Kathy,

Please hold Ginny's memorial by the fridge as Vernon is running through his list of "foods that cannot be microwaved due to their smell" for the new staff members at the same time as the memorial and has booked the space in front of the microwave as a gathering point.

Gary, please tell me this presentation doesn't involve the Art Department's animation of Tammy The Stinky Tuna again. I already lived through that once.

MEMO: This is a reminder that we have implemented a "safe space" policy with regard to food triggers. Should you chose to bring an item, please remember to ensure accurate labeling of its allergens (a list can be found on the intranet home page) and labeling it according to the diet it fits (low fat, atkins, etc...). My assistant will then pre-sort the items and lay them out on the color coded table cloths, corresponding to the color you were assigned based on your allergies / needs in the fall, when we rolled out the safe space initiative.

If you have forgotten your color, added new food allergies, or changed your diet / lifestyle plan, please don't hesitate to contact me should you have any questions. Should you need to contact me for any other reason, please contact me. Should you need to contact me, please submit a request through the intranet and a ticket will be created so that we can arrange a meeting time and date. Should you receive the ticket, please provide 3 available times to speak with me.

That new girl Paige removed the macramé owl that Ginny hung in the women's restroom. She said it was a dust magnet that caused her allergies to act up. It sent Diane into a complete melt down until I sat her down to explain that Paige meant no malice. How could she know how beloved Ginny was to the rest of us girls. Besides, we just got a memo stating that the old women's room will now be a unisex bathroom. I don't think MtF transgenders appreciate fine wall art anyways.

Is Ginny black or white? I need to know.

Please do not inquire into the protected classes of our employees. We are an EEOC employer.

Should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to submit a ticket through the intranet to schedule time to talk me. Please consider the environment before printing this post. This post is confidential and intended for the recipient only.

[quote] Is Ginny black or white?

She was Lutheran. Or Episcopalian, I can't remember which.

All Company Memo: Please remember to leave the parking space to the right of visitor parking open on the day of the memorial in memory of Ginny. The only exception will be the fruit delivery van can park there in the a.m. since Friday is also the kick off of our healthy eating initiative. Mary Jo will be working reception in the morning and has been instructed to keep a look out for any violators. Once the pot luck is over, the space will again be available. A committee is being formed to decorate the spot after the fruit has been delivered. If you have any hidden artistic talents this is the time to let them shine. And if anyone with children can bring in sidewalk chalk you can drop it off in Paula's cube.

R5, Ask Kenneth or Jonathan. There's something suspicious about their cubicles. Noone else has hardwood flooring in a damned cube.

Kenneth and Jonathan have been reasonably accommodated under the ADA. Although I am not at liberty to discuss or disclose the issue, I will tell you in confidentiality that we have many allergens in the carpeting, and some individuals may have reactions. Changing their formica desks to granite was due to heat dissipation issues, as granite remains colder and can dissipate the heat of warm forearms, preventing them from accumulating moisture and interfering with their keyboard's electronic functions.

Hello everyone!!

Remember we are doing a Mexicana Fiesta pot luck tomorrow to do the planning for the memorial. Wear something sassy, and conference room 12B will be decorated by our very own Julio, with sombreros and little Chihuahua dogs! Seve layer dip for all!!

Is Ginny the unfortunate woman who met her end trapped inside the food sterilizer retort a few years ago?

From: LuAnn Feya

To: Staff_List109

CC: Alicia Polus

Re: R16 - Potluck

As Mexican foods tend to be spicy, please be sure to indicate this on your dishes to avoid triggering any IBS and/or GERD. Please avoid using chihuahua cheese, as our new analyst, Alicia, is a member of Peta. Thank you.

Attention Staff

Jenny Blathery, who replaced Ginny in Billing, which triggered her ASD (Attention Seeking Disorder) due to having to live in Ginnys shadow has selflessly volunteered to attend Ginnys memorial despite it being a huge ASD trigger. Please be forewarned that she will wear garish colours, cough loudly and sob violently as she will unintentionally try to pull focus. Please bring you empathy with you and refrain from uttering: "Oh FFS" or STFU Jenny" or "Not everything is about you".

Why did someone start a thread about me?

BCC: Lurleen Re: Mexican Potluck

Please note that none of Mexican food, with the possible exception of salsa, can be microwaved. Please see Vernon for specific details.

There is no "chihuahua cheese." It's Oaxaca cheese.

Ginny's recipes live on, so she will never be dead to me. By the way, does anyone have her tuna noodle casserole recipe? It had those French-fried onions in it, I think.

LuAnn,

First off, I know you are being b+thy because you like to pretend you're an exotic Latina lady like JoLO but we all KNOW you dye your blonde hair black and you tan once a week to look so dark...Julio's been taking feltiing classes so he is making party favors in the shape of those cutie Mexican dogs. Oh, and we're stopping at Party City for mini serapes!

Excuse me!

As the leader of the company's LICKME (Latinas In Corporate Knowledge, Mentorship and Engagement) chapter, I ask that you not use restrictive, oppressive language to describe Latina women! It wounds, and prevents us from making our most vibrant contributions at the office!

R22 serious or playing along?

Ana Maria,

I find the use of your word 'Latina' troubling as it implies one must be both assigned at birth female and Hispanic to belong to the organization. Please consider changing to a more appropriate pronoun such as XYZZZR/it/them/or ZIEEE.

Hex Drade, Non-Binary Company Ambassador

Murgatroid,

I don't have any of Ginny's delicious but healthy recipes unfortunately, however there is a container of her tuna noodle casserole (yum!) at the back of the freezer. It has GINNY written across it so obviously you can't take it, but I'm sure you can hold it up to the lights for a few seconds to see if you can work out the ingredients.

I'm crying as I invoice this!

Lurleen,

I have had it with you. Last time, your seven layer dip gave me 7 forms of gas and diarrhea. So, is it too much to ask for indications of spiciness and putridity on the dishes??

I do have some party city coupons I can leave in your cube if you want, you're welcome.

LuAnn

LuAnn, please. No blaming Lurleen.

We know you go on your little "fart walks" all the time around the office. That's why everyone was burning candles, which we had to stop doing after that whole sprinkler fiasco.

Please, see a doctor. It's not normal to toot that much.

I'm sorry but you know I also had gastric bypass. So, even two tablespoons of Lurleen's "dip" gave me moist farts. Irrregardless, I still think it is unfair you are blaming me for a medical condition. I even bought special charcoal pads for my underwear to prevent the odor, but it is very strong (especially when Mexican food is introduced to my digestive tract).

Pssst Mike, are Lurleen and LuAnn two different women? Which one gave me a handy in the warehouse office during the Chinese New Year celebrations? I think I spent the whole time calling her Leanne. Shit, now do I have to avoid eye contact with two big boned ladies from the office now?

I'll need my mobility scooter for the memorial potluck. My fibromyalgia is acting up again and I've used up all my FMLA.

I bring der Bratwurst and der Deutch potato salad.

I'll bring Ginny's famous three-ingredient chicken bake, which consists of chicken breasts, ranch dressing, and crushed barbecue potato chips. Nothing easier.

Wash your schwanz before attenting, Herr B. We can smell the stank.

Those of us who were lucky enough to receive Secret Santa gifts from Ginny should display them on the day of the memorial. I'll bring the little plaque she gave me that reads, "Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." I think of Ginny every day when I look at that little plaque in my cubicle.

I also think we should set up a scrap booking station where folks and create special memories of Ginny and great cute sayings. We can bind all the pages together and send them to her Husband. By the way, did he remarry? Did he get a lot of money in the insurance settlement?

Lurleen, as per our last memo, scrap booking must be done outside office hours. In 2015 we lost 72 billable hours to inter office scrap booking. We have now restricted scrap booking during office hours for the death of current employees and their pets ONLY. And for the record, Ginny's widower has asked us "to let it go already, it's been 5 fucking years".

This is strictly confidential, but I wish to file a bullying complaint. Could someone please tell me where the Boundaries, Bullying, Discrimination & Harrassment Policy & Procedures Documents are on the Intranet. Who do I send the report form to? Ta!

Rumor has it that Ginny was ... Lesbyterian.

Today's Hot HR Tip!

If don't want the whole office to know about a confidential bullying complaint you intend to lodge, try to avoid hitting Reply All.

You may not decide these things! You can't kill her! You can't have Ginny die!

On the intranet, click HR --> Policies and Procedures --> FAQ --> # 38 "How do I submit a complaint" --> Complaint form appears

Print the PDF out and fill it out and sign with your original signature.

Submit the PDF via interoffice-memo RED envelope - not manila. Red is confidential and urgent so jose won't read it when he gets bored.

Send to the attention of: Lynne Rumble at HR-R59

Scan a copy of the PDF for your records and encode it with a password.

Or send a blue letter.

Ginny in billing? Is that for the oldies on here? Don't get it?

Yes. You had to have been here a while.

Not for the oldies but long time DLers know who she is. Ginny threads often emphasise the ridiculousness of office politics.

Normally you people are all white noise to me. Daily, I put on my skinny jeans and earbuds, and tune everything out to drudge through my graphic design assignments to pay off college loans. But yesterday when I returned from lunch, someone's Cheeto-covered paw had greased over half my MAC screen.

I won't tolerate this. So help me God, if it happens again, every logo, poster, and graphic I produce will contain subliminal messages of gay sex. Try me.

The memorial is over at 1:00 p.m. It doesn't go on all day. While we respect your right to mourn Ginny, please remember that a memorial service is not an excuse for an extended vacation. You are expected to be back at your desk and working following the service. If this proves impossible, then we will need to reconsider whether or not activities of this kind should take place on company time.

Thank you for your cooperation and consideration

Seriously!?

Denise @ R45 - you forgot that the complaint needs to be notarized. Thank you for your cooperation.

I remember Ginny used to get so mad about that Aunt Diane!

[quote] You may not decide these things! You can't kill her! You can't have Ginny die!

(i didn't kill her, I swear! a thread a few years ago did.)

..................

The Wellness Committee will resume meetings once Chessie's cellulitis clears up, and when Gail's new hydraulic chair is delivered.

In the meantime, be sure to follow Week 4's plan for healthy eating meals, including Doritos Hummus, Bacon Burger Surprise with Low Fat Velveeta, and I Can't Believe It's Not Celery!

ALERT ALERT ALERT

We understand your distress that singer and performer Prince has PAST.

Grief counselors will be available in the corporate board room.

The office will be closed tomorrow for an official day of mourning. Ginny's anniversary memorial potluck has been rescheduled for May 16, after Fibromyalgia Awareness Day but before the Farewell Bell Ceremony for Ursula's Uterus.

Oh gawd, is Ursula's uterus leaving AGAIN?

Ah Ginny.

Tubby little frau of our blackened hearts.

'I Can't Believe It's Not Celery!'

I will take less than 5cm, what with my FODMAP dietary requirements.

I'm a slave to my IBS.

Who left their colostomy bag in the ladies' room?

And no, Brenda, you can't blame Bea Arthur like you did last time.

I don't remember her as I was not born yet

Lin, aka R63,

Would you please come to my office tomorrow morning at 9 am sharp? You don't need to bring anything.

From: Mckenzie Martin To: LuAnn Feya, Staff List109 CC: Alicia Polus Re: [R16] - Potluck

Come on LuLu, you hated Ginny, and Ginny hated you.

Do I really have to attend a fucking meeting and pretend to be sad this bitch died? You were at the karaoke celebration that night, too.

Don't be upset. The OP is talking about the other Ginny in Billing. The one who looked like she was "special," and it wasn't just the thick glasses and the self-snipped too-short bangs. It's not our Ginny.

Bernice,

I've spoken to Fabio, who is Mr. McWhooter's personal secretary, and he explained that we are definitely OPEN tomorrow. There will be a catered breakfast buffet (pastries, omelet station and made-to-order pancakes). This is in Conference Room 34A. Then we have Ginny's potluck. THEN in the afternoon we'll have a prayer circle/dance party in honor of Prince. Wear purple. Mr. McWhooter has approved the expense, and he's working remotely tomorrow, assisted by Fabio.

R64 sorry I won't be in as I 'm taking a personal day

I'm taking a Family Medical Day. Madysen is having recital anxiety again.

Poor Ginny, her death overshadowed by that whore mongering Prince.

Great news everyone! Fabio just contacted me that we are expanding the activities tomorrow to include a "decorate your cube" contest! The winner gets a $50 gift card to Chili's. The theme is "Honoring Ginny, Prince and celebrating LGBT diversity!" Be creative, and you may win big! There are a few secret judges who will come by at 3 PM to judge, and the awards and snack buffet will take place in the executive board room. Good luck!!

Ginny's favorite singer was Prince. If you listened closely you could hear Purple Eaun coming through the ear buds of her Walkman on Casual Fridays.

R44 I LOVE YOU.

STFU Louise. Why is everyone retconning Ginny as a Prince fan and a LGBT ally. She was a huge modern country fan, lover of every winner of American Idol, and called you guys in the art department "sissies". She aint no saint, and I am not playing reindeer games to pretend I care about this dead cunt. I'd rather work 2 extra hours.

Excuse me! As a Cunt-American I am offended at your comments!

[quote]Oh gawd, is Ursula's uterus leaving AGAIN?

Are you one of those disgusting Art Dept. guys who keep posting that NASTY cartoon of poor Ursula on the break-room frige?

Shame on you!

I'll be a bit late to the celebration/mourning/buffet as I'll be helping Shawn, the UPS guy, in the back stockroom. He needs assistance delivering a huge load.

Chet! Yesterday I was waddling through the office with a huge heavy box and you whizzed right by me without the slightest offer of assistance. Why are you always helping the big burly men with their huge loads but you ignore the ladies and their big boxes???

Carol, you've had lot of help with your big box.

Or are you forgetting when Luther and Leroy helped you last year? I never did understand why they yelled "BBW's rock" as they left the office, though.

In honor of earth day, if everyone could pick 5 weeds on their walk from the parking lot to the main building that would help defray some of our landscaping costs and would make our planet feel a little more beautiful today. There will be plastic bags available at the main gate. Please deposit your plastic bags full of debris in the regular garbage cans at the front door. Thanks

This really IS like every company I've ever worked for. Way more HR people than a company ever needed.......

So when is this bitch's memorial?

It was delayed because of that black homosexual singer croaking last week. Can we get this shit over with?

The memorial will be on as soon as Suzanne stops playing Purple Rain on repeat in her cube. That could be another week. Read your memos!

Screw Ginny and her god damn memorial. Bitch always tried to get me into trouble with management. It ain't my fault if customers don't wanna pay their bills and I get a little testy!

I have a batch of Rice Krispie bars in an airtight Tupperware container, just waiting to know when the rescheduled memorial will take place.

Oh FFS, can some tell Suzanne to stop wailing. I know she thinks she knows Prince in the "biblical" sense, but I find it very hard to believe Prince was at a country & western themed swingers party in the suburbs in 1993. Not to mention her son, Prince Jr, looks exactly like Jeff Pang in the mailroom.

R26 Chihuahua cheese? Isn't it kind of hard to milk those little dogs?

Wait! What???

Ginny come in here please, I have something to show you

Ginny is dead.

And R89 has been FIRED for misuse of company electronic property.

Ginny's dead?!?!?!?

I thought I just saw her on the third floor of the factory, back in amongst the seconds/discontinued items. She had a 2 liter Diet Coke bottle and she just finished off a tube of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.

The guys in the factory said that they have heard footsteps in that area, but no one should be up there but me. I have noticed a small cot behind shelving units. Hmmmmmm.

Let me go check it out.

That ghost story is BS!

Just a reason for Harvey to hide the fact that he's fucking Janine up there. Whore.

Great, I am going to have to work overtime and try explaining to my boss why I had to spend 4 hours cleaning up the 5th floor after someone no one had good things to say about while she was alive. I know, I've spent 15 years cleaning up after these people, and I know EVERYTHING.

I heard a rumor Ginny's twin sister Winnie starts on Monday.

Winnie is a MTF, who was born Winston. I saw the original employee files because the HR temps are too dumb to use the shredder..

Does Winnie still have the penis? Which bathroom are we going to assign it to?

Please call Winnie xie/xer, as xie prefers!

I ain't building a bathroom for this tranny. We have NO space left after last year's cubicle expansion for our "employees of size".

How is Lurleen getting away with this cultural appropriation. It's almost blackface.

Can someone please tell Estelle to change her email background?

It's impossible to read any text with horses, lightning bolts and purple rain behind it. It crashes every time I try to open it.

Also, why does she always need to tell me to have a Blessed Day?

I'll switch my email background. Do you think this is ok?

Bravo guys. I always love the Ginny in Billing stuff, and it makes me feel like I really missed something by never having had an office job.

I can jut picture every one of the above mentioned characters---the graphic artist who threatened to lace all art with subliminal gay sex imagery is my personal fave.

The threads were better when people thought beyond food and Ginny herself, but alas creativity is dying out.

these threads were better when they didn't mock a really miserable illness that already gets no respect

Does anyone know how Anna's Lyme Disease is doing?

R103 Just my opinion, but all the HR sensitivity to people's "identities" is pretty damn funny.

Who the fuck is Ginny in Billing?

Does anyone know where the request to switch cubicles form is? Martin has just returned from his gastric bypass surgery and I can't breathe from the gas. Really, I think he should be the one to move, because now I have 20 precious moments figurines to re-home and all of my 300 post-it reminders will have to be put in the new location.

I'm confused why this took place at the wrong time of year. The Ginny in billing that I'm aware of collapsed in late July 2008, was rushed to hospital, lapsed into a coma, delivered conjoined twins whilst comatose then died.

Autopsy revealed murder so all her colleagues who claimed to have visited her were under suspicion.

Who is this Ginny who must have died in April 2011?!

Memo to Ken S.....please don't bring your "famous" seafood chowder consisting of fake crab and canned corn from Aldi's. Ruth's Labradoodle "Muffin" had the runs for a week after she brought home the 4th of July leftover no one else wanted

Thank you

I don't believe Ginny in Billing died.

I think she was promoted to outside sales.

Fibromyalgia? Is that what they’re saying? Well, OK . . . I just hope they donated her liver to science.