Believe it or not, people with this affliction, at their very core, are the inverse of the narcissist. People with BPD start out 'too sensitive', too empathetic. People with borderline personality disorder empathize to the point of pain.
When the highly sensitive person grows up in a very non-validating and/or abusive environment, with a history of trauma, BPD can manifest.
In order for borderline personality to develop, an invalidating environment with and a highly sensitive person MUST BE present.
What is going on in a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer's mind and how they are acting can be two entirely different things.
To the sufferer, BPD is about deep feelings, feelings often too difficult to express, feelings that are something along the lines of this : tIf others really get to know me, they will find me rejectable and will not be able to love me; and they will leave me;
tI need to have complete control of my feelings otherwise things go completely wrong;
tI have to adapt my needs to other people's wishes, otherwise they will leave me or attack me;
tI am an evil person and I need to be punished for it;
tOther people are evil and abuse you;
tIf someone fails to keep a promise, that person can no longer be trusted;
tIf I trust someone, I run a great risk of getting hurt or disappointed;
tIf you comply with someone's request, you run the risk of losing yourself;
tIf you refuse someone's request, you run the risk of losing that person;
tI will always be alone;
tI can't manage by myself, I need someone I can fall back on;
tThere is no one who really cares about me, who will be available to help me, and whom I can fall back on;
tI don't really know what I want;
tI will never get what I want;
tI'm powerless and vulnerable and I can't protect myself;.
tI have no control of myself;
tI can't discipline myself;
tMy feelings and opinions are unfounded;
tOther people are not willing or helpful.
To the family members, BPD behavior is often very frustrating can feel unfair and punitive - something like this: t You have been viewed as overly good and then overly bad;
tYou have been the focus of unprovoked anger or hurtful actions, alternating with periods when the family member acts perfectly normal and very loving;
tThings that you have said or done have been twisted and used against you;
tYou are accused of things you never did or said?
tYou often find yourself defending and justifying your intentions;
tYou find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you are not heard;
tYou feel manipulated, controlled, and sometimes lied to.