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Things that have been up your hole

Tell us some things that you've used to fuck yourself with that wasn't a penis or a dildo. Its anonymous, so please be honest.%0D %0D I'll start, the top of a bowling pin.

by Anonymousreply 169January 20, 2020 6:09 AM

One of those little souvenir baseball bats I bought at an Atlanta Braves game.

by Anonymousreply 1July 19, 2010 11:10 PM

A thermometer when I was a baby.

by Anonymousreply 2July 19, 2010 11:14 PM

The handle of a ball peen hammer, and the handle of a screwdriver (rotate it and the ridges give you a vibrator-like feeling).

Home Depot sells the best sex toys.

by Anonymousreply 3July 19, 2010 11:15 PM

OP, are you the hole troll? We need a new hole presentation thread STAT. The second one is full!

by Anonymousreply 4July 19, 2010 11:15 PM

[quote] Its anonymous, so please be honest.%0D %0D Actually, thanks to troll-dar, it's NOT anonymous.%0D %0D Next time you have a grudge against someone, you can follow them around the board and mock them by saying, "hey, it's the guy who shoved a bowling pin up his ass!"%0D %0D Isn't troll-dar great?

by Anonymousreply 5July 19, 2010 11:16 PM

Nothing. Nothing at all.

by Anonymousreply 6July 19, 2010 11:18 PM

Oprah

by Anonymousreply 7July 19, 2010 11:19 PM

I have BIG hopes for this thread...

by Anonymousreply 8July 19, 2010 11:21 PM

Two turtle doves

by Anonymousreply 9July 19, 2010 11:27 PM

We were double-penetrated by the Eiffel Tower and the Leaning Tower of Pisa in our recent travels.

by Anonymousreply 10July 19, 2010 11:33 PM

The national touring company of "Chu Chin Chow".

by Anonymousreply 11July 19, 2010 11:36 PM

A vuvuzela

by Anonymousreply 12July 19, 2010 11:38 PM

The handles of a toothbruth and a hairbrush(not at the same time)%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 13July 19, 2010 11:39 PM

My boyfriend's iPod. The Nano. Ahem.

by Anonymousreply 14July 19, 2010 11:43 PM

Zucchini

by Anonymousreply 15July 19, 2010 11:44 PM

Tucker Carlson's hair rollers.

by Anonymousreply 16July 19, 2010 11:45 PM

A Stretch Armstrong doll

by Anonymousreply 17July 19, 2010 11:46 PM

[quote}A Stretch Armstrong doll%0D %0D Well, Taylor, that's one way to research your roles.

by Anonymousreply 18July 19, 2010 11:51 PM

Gumby! Pokey was too....uh, pokey.

by Anonymousreply 19July 19, 2010 11:51 PM

Your daddy's dick.%0D %0D Tinymeat, by the way.

by Anonymousreply 20July 19, 2010 11:54 PM

[quote]My boyfriend's iPod. So, what was on his iPod?

by Anonymousreply 21July 19, 2010 11:54 PM

The BOTTOM of a bowling pin.

by Anonymousreply 22July 19, 2010 11:54 PM

1967 Volkswagon Beetle

by Anonymousreply 23July 19, 2010 11:55 PM

Bea Arthur's beer can cock.

by Anonymousreply 24July 19, 2010 11:57 PM

A candlestick that looks like two faces

by Anonymousreply 25July 19, 2010 11:58 PM

A set of portable computer speakers.

by Anonymousreply 26July 20, 2010 12:01 AM

CBC weathertwink Ryan Snoddon. All of him.

by Anonymousreply 27July 20, 2010 12:04 AM

lots and lots of toys, a number of dicks and a stray cucumber.

by Anonymousreply 28July 20, 2010 12:10 AM

This thread is hilarious already.

by Anonymousreply 29July 20, 2010 12:18 AM

Morning traffic

by Anonymousreply 30July 20, 2010 12:21 AM

Oscar statuette. I never realized what broad shoulders it had. And cold.

by Anonymousreply 31July 20, 2010 12:23 AM

B.D. Wong's cock.

by Anonymousreply 32July 20, 2010 12:26 AM

R31 = Gwyneth

by Anonymousreply 33July 20, 2010 12:29 AM

The United States Constitution

by Anonymousreply 34July 20, 2010 12:33 AM

Sorry, I misread the OP's post. Other than cock, nothing has been up my ass, so I will save my B.D. story for another thread.

by Anonymousreply 35July 20, 2010 12:34 AM

r27, let's move to Canada and get married!

by Anonymousreply 36July 20, 2010 12:36 AM

Dick Cheney.%0D %0D Karl Rove%0D %0D Jeff Gannon

by Anonymousreply 37July 20, 2010 12:40 AM

[quote] B.D. Wong's cock.%0D %0D Please, Mary. BD Wong is the bottomiest bottom that ever bottomed.

by Anonymousreply 38July 20, 2010 12:42 AM

The Colorado River

by Anonymousreply 39July 20, 2010 12:42 AM

Penises, fingers and sex toys. That's it, counting only things that go "up".

by Anonymousreply 40July 20, 2010 12:53 AM

An ionic breeze. That's why I am so fresh.

by Anonymousreply 41July 20, 2010 12:54 AM

A cooked Italian sausage.%0D %0D You ask, "Why was it cooked?" %0D %0D My response: So I could take a bite of the sausage and eat it when my master took the sausage out of my ass. And then after taking a bite, my master shoved the rest of the sausage back up my ass to continue fucking me with it.

by Anonymousreply 42July 20, 2010 2:21 AM

Was this on Top chef? I believe I saw that one.

by Anonymousreply 43July 20, 2010 2:26 AM

The 82nd Airborne Division.

by Anonymousreply 44July 20, 2010 2:31 AM

Johnny Hazzard dildo. Cost me $60 bucks!

by Anonymousreply 45July 20, 2010 2:32 AM

Me too, r44!

by Anonymousreply 46July 20, 2010 2:32 AM

the nose of a rubber kitchen witch in a game of truth or dare in the 5th grade

by Anonymousreply 47July 20, 2010 2:36 AM

R43 made me giggle.

by Anonymousreply 48July 20, 2010 2:36 AM

I'll bet most of these posts are cut and pasted from the Michfest board.

by Anonymousreply 49July 20, 2010 2:37 AM

We've been known to host the Troups de Marines and the light and armoured calvary (all at once) in our vagine one weekend in which many cocktails and drugs were ing%C3%83%C2%A9r%C3%83%C2%A9.

by Anonymousreply 50July 20, 2010 2:40 AM

When I was a kid, I tried using hot dogs, but they just fell apart when you tried to in and out them. I also used the round knob on the gear shift of the riding lawn mower and a bedpost.

by Anonymousreply 51July 20, 2010 2:42 AM

A smarties (candy, like M&M's) container.

My only excuse, I was a teenager, it was the only thing I could find that seemed to be the "right" size to experiment with.

by Anonymousreply 52July 20, 2010 2:44 AM

Um, you're not MPC, R50. She is notoriously, stridently anti-drug.

by Anonymousreply 53July 20, 2010 2:47 AM

Has anyone ever tried a traffic cone?

by Anonymousreply 54July 20, 2010 2:50 AM

A good proportion of my weekly produce shop. I HATE zucchinis, but buy a lot of them.

by Anonymousreply 55July 20, 2010 2:57 AM

R54 - yep

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 56July 20, 2010 3:07 AM

First thing ever - my family's Ban Roll On Deodorant dispenser. The old-timer cylinder-shaped ones. Little did the stinkers in my family know...

by Anonymousreply 57July 20, 2010 3:13 AM

"Stinker" being the operative word R57.

by Anonymousreply 58July 20, 2010 3:15 AM

Too bad those stinkers didn't use Tickle...the grooviest, most phallic deodorant of them all:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 59July 20, 2010 3:25 AM

Zak Spears (still the hottest daddy around!) describes what he first shoved up his hole

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 60July 20, 2010 3:30 AM

Colonoscope

by Anonymousreply 61July 20, 2010 3:33 AM

Amateurs.

by Anonymousreply 62July 20, 2010 3:34 AM

aquarium heater, Brut aftershave bottle, Pantene shampoo bottle, and a Norelco electric (vibrating) shaver that secretes its own lube!

by Anonymousreply 63July 20, 2010 3:37 AM

Hotel size shampoo bottle (am I really the first to post this in our jet-set world?)

My entire Swatch brand wrist watch.....in college....on multiple occasions.....

by Anonymousreply 64July 20, 2010 3:43 AM

This thread is worthless without pictures.

by Anonymousreply 65July 20, 2010 3:56 AM

OP you are gross. Most of you are so repulsive. Do you really need to stretch your hole that much. Ugh. That fisting shit I really don't get AT ALL. Makes me sick.

by Anonymousreply 66July 20, 2010 4:21 AM

go away, prisspot, you're not welcome

by Anonymousreply 67July 20, 2010 4:46 AM

R66's arm.

by Anonymousreply 68July 20, 2010 5:31 AM

Gummi worms when I was just a lad, then shampoo bottles, candles and brush handles.

by Anonymousreply 69July 20, 2010 7:17 AM

Does anyone know what R66 is going on about?

by Anonymousreply 70July 20, 2010 12:48 PM

she (r66) has a stick up her butt

by Anonymousreply 71July 20, 2010 1:02 PM

This is a good thread title for mashups.

Things that have been up your hole: Tucker Carlson vs Keith Olbermann

by Anonymousreply 72July 20, 2010 1:37 PM

This thread reminds me of an article in the L.A. Reader (early 80's) listing objects that one emergency room had removed from different assholes. It was an astonishing list. The one I remember cracking up about was a light bulb.

by Anonymousreply 73July 20, 2010 2:09 PM

The neck of a Budweiser beer bottle when I was 17.

I lubed it with KY first.

Boy am I lucky I didn't wind up with shattered glass up my ass.

by Anonymousreply 74July 20, 2010 2:25 PM

I've done the beer bottle before.

by Anonymousreply 75July 20, 2010 3:35 PM

cucumbers, carrots, dildos of various sizes...the usual...

by Anonymousreply 76July 20, 2010 3:41 PM

Who wanted photos?

They say this is a vibrator, but it looks more like a remote control (scroll down)

PS: This is a medical site where they show the Xrays first and then how they got it out. Maybe not for the queasy. (but you asked!)

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 77July 20, 2010 3:42 PM

"...described a 50-year-old man who was seen at an emergency department for abdominal pain. (18) A physical examination revealed peritonitis and an X-ray revealed a shadow of an eel in the abdomen. After further questioning, the patient reported that he had inserted a live eel (pictured above left) into his rectum to relieve constipation. The 50 cm-long eel had perforated his rectum and was quickly removed.

(Photo. YES, of an eel. Being extracted from an asshole.)

- -

Buzzard and Waxman reported the removal of a plastic vibrator from the rectum of a 65-year-old man who had had it in his rectum for 6 months and even traveled around the world with it.

---

Graves et al. described a patient with a large peanut butter glass jar lodged in his rectum. The patient claimed that he was washing his dog in the shower when he slipped and fell on a glass jar, which then entered his rectum

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 78July 20, 2010 3:51 PM

Bowling ball

by Anonymousreply 79July 20, 2010 3:51 PM

The objects homosexuals insert into their rectum are only limited by the capacity of their rectum, not their imagination.

For instance, Cooper described a 33-year-old homosexual patient with a 14 inch-long sand-filled bicycle tube in his rectum. He and his partners regularly inserted the sand-filled tubes into each others rectum, till one day they lost a tube beyond recovery into the patient%C3%A2%C2%80%C2%99s rectum. Stephens and Taff described a homosexual who had his partner give him an enema with a concrete mix, followed by the insertion of a ping-pong ball to retain the mix. The concrete hardened and the homosexual ended up in an emergency department. The patient refused a psychiatric consultation recommended by the physician.

by Anonymousreply 80July 20, 2010 3:52 PM

I can't believe we're past 80 responses and no one has said this yet:%0D %0D A gerbil

by Anonymousreply 81July 20, 2010 3:56 PM

2 litre coke bottle

by Anonymousreply 82July 20, 2010 3:57 PM

Cock. But, no tongue or finger. %0D %0D I tongue and finger holes, not the other way around.

by Anonymousreply 83July 20, 2010 4:02 PM

Why are people always claiming a slip and fall when something is found in their rectums? The odds of that have to be about a billion to one.

by Anonymousreply 84July 20, 2010 4:14 PM

What are you? A fucking moron?

They claim they slipped and fell on the object because of shame and embarrassment.

by Anonymousreply 85July 20, 2010 6:33 PM

This would be a great category on Jeopardy.

I'll take Things That Have Been up Your Hole for 1000, Alex.

by Anonymousreply 86July 20, 2010 7:17 PM

Sixteen Candles

by Anonymousreply 87July 20, 2010 7:19 PM

the WHOLE FUCKING BREAKFAST CLUB

by Anonymousreply 88July 20, 2010 11:37 PM

[quote]an enema with a concrete mix, followed by the insertion of a ping-pong ball to retain the mix. The concrete hardened and the homosexual ended up in an emergency department. %0D %0D No wonder we haven't heard from mhb lately.

by Anonymousreply 89July 20, 2010 11:51 PM

Anyone ever heard of the iBrator?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 90July 20, 2010 11:58 PM

An Officer and a Gentleman

by Anonymousreply 91July 21, 2010 7:26 PM

A Few Good Men

by Anonymousreply 92July 21, 2010 7:30 PM

As funny as some of this is, there is a video on (I think) Efukt where some guy is sticking a glass jar up his ass and it shatters on him. Hilarity ensues.

by Anonymousreply 93July 21, 2010 7:47 PM

It's been posted here on the DL

by Anonymousreply 94July 22, 2010 1:01 AM

"Police in Wenatchee are surprised at the amount of contraband an inmate was able to smuggle into the jail rectally. The Wenatchee World said the man internally carried a cigarette lighter, rolling papers, a baggie of tobacco the size of a golf ball, a smaller baggie of marijuana, a 1-inch smoking pipe, a bottle of tattoo ink and eight tattoo needles."

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 95July 23, 2010 4:26 PM

i once stuck a hammer up my butt.(not the handle)i'm dead serious.

by Anonymousreply 96April 27, 2011 12:49 AM

I know a lady who works in a hospital who tells us all kinds of stories, such as this one. The police brought in this skanky druggie they nabbed after she had gone on a stealing spree because she had really bad stomach cramps. As she's standing there in emerg, she bends over in pain and stuff starts falling our of her coin purse, among them a cellphone and set of car keys she had stolen. Can you imagine? Would you like your keys back? Uh... no. I'll just buy a new car, thank you.

by Anonymousreply 97April 27, 2011 12:58 AM

The entire male population of Worcester, MA.

by Anonymousreply 98April 27, 2011 2:20 AM

It's so common it's ceased to be funny, but I have seen lodged in the rectum and needing to be surgically retrieved:%0D %0D Vibrators (many, in males and females)%0D %0D a Mrs Butterworths syrup bottle (yes she was still smiling)%0D %0D a Ken doll%0D %0D a whole orange (this guy has been in several times, each time claiming to have left the offending fruit in a chair, and then he "accidentally" sits on it after having a shower - OOPS!)%0D %0D The penis ones are just as bad - many pencils, feathers etc stuck in the urethra.%0D %0D One sad case - a guy was brought in to the ER in the middle of summer wearing a coat. He stuck his dick in a 50# weight from his barbell set and it got stuck. They had to sort of filet his dick in surgery to get it out.%0D %0D I don't know if she stayed with him.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 99April 27, 2011 2:42 AM

a little light saber

by Anonymousreply 100February 27, 2013 12:23 AM

Corn. On the cob of course.

by Anonymousreply 101February 27, 2013 12:34 AM

Hand, foot, amputees stump ( leg and arm..poor unlucky bastard.) toip of a bald guys head, rubber baby doll ( come on girls THATS easy!) full rack of billiard balls, one steel bocci ball, bowling pin, louisv ille slugger baseball bat, half a football, half a rugby ball, in fact every regualtion sized sports ball smaller than soccer , basketball, or vollyball.

a yard of steel nautical chain, a dozen raw eggs which I later laid and served at brunch , all major vegetable and fruits, traffic pylons, a metal parking stanchion , various fuck machines, set a Russian nesting dolls, beach umbrella (unopened)

plus too many moire to count... plus I need to "attend" to something

by Anonymousreply 102February 27, 2013 12:41 AM

A Rubik's cube.

by Anonymousreply 103February 27, 2013 12:46 AM

Sharpie permanent markers, a pair of dice (which ultimately became lost).

by Anonymousreply 104February 27, 2013 12:46 AM

My older sister's toothbrush; she was such a bitch to me growing up.

by Anonymousreply 105February 27, 2013 12:48 AM

I ALWAYS LOVE CHERYL'S COMMENTS!R41

by Anonymousreply 106February 27, 2013 12:51 AM

That Zak Spears video wouldn't play.

by Anonymousreply 107February 27, 2013 1:13 AM

Well, one drunken night... Earrings... and two caftans....

Don't ask.

by Anonymousreply 108February 27, 2013 1:22 AM

Corn, R101? Corn? Now when did I have corn??

by Anonymousreply 109February 27, 2013 1:24 AM

I am 9 and my cousins hard dick

by Anonymousreply 110July 2, 2013 6:28 AM

A bottle of Goldschlager

by Anonymousreply 111July 2, 2013 7:08 AM

A kilo of cocaine wrapped in little plastic bags. I made it passed security and into the state prison. The other inmates were thrilled. And I made a ton of money.

by Anonymousreply 112July 2, 2013 7:26 AM

A sailor moon doll. My friend collected them in boxes. Super anal bout them. So I oppened ome and. Stuck it up my a"ss and fucked myself "raw. And my mom s. toothbrish

by Anonymousreply 113November 19, 2013 4:53 AM

Just poop.

by Anonymousreply 114November 19, 2013 5:00 AM

Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge... I couldn't quite get the pear tree in, but I'm working on it.

by Anonymousreply 115November 19, 2013 5:02 AM

Capitol Hill correspondent Luke Russert on the beat for the hole story.

by Anonymousreply 116November 19, 2013 5:07 AM

ArtPop

by Anonymousreply 117November 19, 2013 5:14 AM

When I was a teenager, experimenting, I would cover frozen hot dogs with Saran Wrap and lube them up with vegetable oil. Don't worry...I'd always throw the hot dog away...

by Anonymousreply 118November 19, 2013 5:37 AM

r99 Why didn't somebody just blow that erstwhile body builder, to make his dick soft?

by Anonymousreply 119November 19, 2013 10:21 AM

A condom filled with frozen water. You don't wanna know how that ended...

by Anonymousreply 120November 19, 2013 10:29 AM

A ferret ... but [italic]only[/italic] after it was made zestfully clean via a whirl in the dishwasher.

by Anonymousreply 121November 19, 2013 10:30 AM

I like a lot of stuff including a Pantene shampoo bottle or a coke

by Anonymousreply 122March 3, 2014 11:48 PM

The neck of a small vase with bumps on, hair brush handle, lip gloss tube.

by Anonymousreply 123October 29, 2014 7:50 PM

Not to get too far off topic, but what is it with putting sticks up the urethra these days? Is that new? I had to get a VD test a couple of times back in the day and by CHRIST that hurt.

What's the appeal, sluts?

by Anonymousreply 124October 29, 2014 8:00 PM

Besides the aforementioned cucumbers, brush handles, screwdriver handles and candlesticks,

Ice cubes.

Drugs.

by Anonymousreply 125October 29, 2014 8:08 PM

Ice cubes seem like a strange thing to stick up there.

by Anonymousreply 126October 30, 2014 11:04 PM

My own dick.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 127October 31, 2014 1:19 AM

Mr. Hugh Jackman's Aussie sausage.

by Anonymousreply 128October 31, 2014 1:22 AM

You are all sick, SICK FUCKS!!

by Anonymousreply 129October 31, 2014 6:43 PM

Cucumber.

by Anonymousreply 130October 31, 2014 6:47 PM

An unpeeled, green banana.

by Anonymousreply 131November 16, 2014 9:57 PM

Hee Hee!!

by Anonymousreply 132November 27, 2014 6:28 PM

A concrete dildo.

by Anonymousreply 133January 1, 2015 3:10 AM

The OP's tongue

by Anonymousreply 134January 1, 2015 4:12 AM

A 7 inch frozen turd packed in a condom.

by Anonymousreply 135January 1, 2015 4:17 AM

Each one of Ann Coulter's bestsellers.

by Anonymousreply 136January 1, 2015 4:39 AM

My head.

by Anonymousreply 137January 1, 2015 4:42 AM

All the shits I couldn't give, but then *miraculously* I could!

by Anonymousreply 138January 1, 2015 4:46 AM

Ted Haggard!

by Anonymousreply 139January 1, 2015 4:47 AM

Hillary Clinton's last book. Not sure what was more painful. Reading it or putting it up my ass.

by Anonymousreply 140January 1, 2015 5:03 AM

hole bump

by Anonymousreply 141February 26, 2015 1:26 AM

Saddle horn, yee haw. Toy dump truck, a very chic rolling pin from Williams Sonoma.

I guess this isn't a frau thread, thank god.

by Anonymousreply 142February 26, 2015 2:14 AM

I could stick up to three fat crayola markers up my vagina. Pens, razor handles, hairbrush handles. I have tried one of the handles on a bouncy ball before, but I was too tight at the time.

by Anonymousreply 143May 29, 2015 8:19 AM

Manhattan

by Anonymousreply 144January 19, 2020 3:30 AM

Suzanne Somer’s fingers. I wish I could tell you more, but her and her husband made me pinky swear not to....

by Anonymousreply 145January 19, 2020 3:41 AM

Block the bisexual R145! Blocked!

by Anonymousreply 146January 19, 2020 3:55 AM

R146 I’m making fun of the Suzanne Somers troll, dumbass.

by Anonymousreply 147January 19, 2020 3:59 AM

A white, slim line telephone with last number redial facility.

by Anonymousreply 148January 19, 2020 4:18 AM

A vagina-scented candle.

by Anonymousreply 149January 19, 2020 4:22 AM

Electric cattle prod.

by Anonymousreply 150January 19, 2020 4:24 AM

Several bakelite bangle bracelets, lamp finial, vent brush, kitchen whisk, soap on a rope, plunger handle, Qtips, bath bomb...the fizzy type.

by Anonymousreply 151January 19, 2020 4:28 AM

My broom handle.

by Anonymousreply 152January 19, 2020 4:51 AM

R151--All those at once?

Oh my.

by Anonymousreply 153January 19, 2020 4:55 AM

My best friends father.

by Anonymousreply 154January 19, 2020 4:57 AM

Machine gun airplane bullets

Grandpa was in the Air Force

by Anonymousreply 155January 19, 2020 5:13 AM

A Happy Family Pregnant Barbie

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 156January 19, 2020 10:45 PM

Tongues. Fingers. A banana, peeled.

by Anonymousreply 157January 19, 2020 11:26 PM

Corn

by Anonymousreply 158January 20, 2020 1:31 AM

A long rubber snake, I played a joke on someone.

by Anonymousreply 159January 20, 2020 1:40 AM

Cucumbers, a plastic boat oar, a plunger handle, carrots...

by Anonymousreply 160January 20, 2020 1:44 AM

Oprah’s 25 anniversary box set!

by Anonymousreply 161January 20, 2020 1:53 AM

A handheld plastic flashlight. The old school kind that took two or three D batteries. The crummy light bulb was useless anyway.

by Anonymousreply 162January 20, 2020 2:06 AM

Gerbil

by Anonymousreply 163January 20, 2020 5:29 AM

Obviously penis. Toothbrush. Corona beer bottle. Douche nozel. Fingers. Roll on deodorant container. Dildo.

by Anonymousreply 164January 20, 2020 5:32 AM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 165January 20, 2020 5:50 AM

Dido

by Anonymousreply 166January 20, 2020 6:01 AM

Beer bottle, like Holly in Trash.

Corona and Rolling Rock are optimal because they have long necks and no labels.

by Anonymousreply 167January 20, 2020 6:03 AM

R165: WTF!! KILL THAT TRANNY WITH FIRE.

by Anonymousreply 168January 20, 2020 6:04 AM

R168 I’m sorry. I saw the meme and just had to post. Gross!

by Anonymousreply 169January 20, 2020 6:09 AM
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