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Things that have been up your hole

Tell us some things that you've used to fuck yourself with that wasn't a penis or a dildo. Its anonymous, so please be honest.%0D %0D I'll start, the top of a bowling pin.

by Anonymousreply 14305/29/2015

One of those little souvenir baseball bats I bought at an Atlanta Braves game.

by Anonymousreply 107/19/2010

A thermometer when I was a baby.

by Anonymousreply 207/19/2010

The handle of a ball peen hammer, and the handle of a screwdriver (rotate it and the ridges give you a vibrator-like feeling).

Home Depot sells the best sex toys.

by Anonymousreply 307/19/2010

OP, are you the hole troll? We need a new hole presentation thread STAT. The second one is full!

by Anonymousreply 407/19/2010

[quote] Its anonymous, so please be honest.%0D %0D Actually, thanks to troll-dar, it's NOT anonymous.%0D %0D Next time you have a grudge against someone, you can follow them around the board and mock them by saying, "hey, it's the guy who shoved a bowling pin up his ass!"%0D %0D Isn't troll-dar great?

by Anonymousreply 507/19/2010

Nothing. Nothing at all.

by Anonymousreply 607/19/2010


by Anonymousreply 707/19/2010

I have BIG hopes for this thread...

by Anonymousreply 807/19/2010

Two turtle doves

by Anonymousreply 907/19/2010

We were double-penetrated by the Eiffel Tower and the Leaning Tower of Pisa in our recent travels.

by Anonymousreply 1007/19/2010

The national touring company of "Chu Chin Chow".

by Anonymousreply 1107/19/2010

A vuvuzela

by Anonymousreply 1207/19/2010

The handles of a toothbruth and a hairbrush(not at the same time)%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 1307/19/2010

My boyfriend's iPod. The Nano. Ahem.

by Anonymousreply 1407/19/2010


by Anonymousreply 1507/19/2010

Tucker Carlson's hair rollers.

by Anonymousreply 1607/19/2010

A Stretch Armstrong doll

by Anonymousreply 1707/19/2010

[quote}A Stretch Armstrong doll%0D %0D Well, Taylor, that's one way to research your roles.

by Anonymousreply 1807/19/2010

Gumby! Pokey was too....uh, pokey.

by Anonymousreply 1907/19/2010

Your daddy's dick.%0D %0D Tinymeat, by the way.

by Anonymousreply 2007/19/2010

[quote]My boyfriend's iPod. So, what was on his iPod?

by Anonymousreply 2107/19/2010

The BOTTOM of a bowling pin.

by Anonymousreply 2207/19/2010

1967 Volkswagon Beetle

by Anonymousreply 2307/19/2010

Bea Arthur's beer can cock.

by Anonymousreply 2407/19/2010

A candlestick that looks like two faces

by Anonymousreply 2507/19/2010

A set of portable computer speakers.

by Anonymousreply 2607/19/2010

CBC weathertwink Ryan Snoddon. All of him.

by Anonymousreply 2707/19/2010

lots and lots of toys, a number of dicks and a stray cucumber.

by Anonymousreply 2807/19/2010

This thread is hilarious already.

by Anonymousreply 2907/19/2010

Morning traffic

by Anonymousreply 3007/19/2010

Oscar statuette. I never realized what broad shoulders it had. And cold.

by Anonymousreply 3107/19/2010

B.D. Wong's cock.

by Anonymousreply 3207/19/2010

R31 = Gwyneth

by Anonymousreply 3307/19/2010

The United States Constitution

by Anonymousreply 3407/19/2010

Sorry, I misread the OP's post. Other than cock, nothing has been up my ass, so I will save my B.D. story for another thread.

by Anonymousreply 3507/19/2010

r27, let's move to Canada and get married!

by Anonymousreply 3607/19/2010

Dick Cheney.%0D %0D Karl Rove%0D %0D Jeff Gannon

by Anonymousreply 3707/19/2010

[quote] B.D. Wong's cock.%0D %0D Please, Mary. BD Wong is the bottomiest bottom that ever bottomed.

by Anonymousreply 3807/19/2010

The Colorado River

by Anonymousreply 3907/19/2010

Penises, fingers and sex toys. That's it, counting only things that go "up".

by Anonymousreply 4007/19/2010

An ionic breeze. That's why I am so fresh.

by Anonymousreply 4107/19/2010

A cooked Italian sausage.%0D %0D You ask, "Why was it cooked?" %0D %0D My response: So I could take a bite of the sausage and eat it when my master took the sausage out of my ass. And then after taking a bite, my master shoved the rest of the sausage back up my ass to continue fucking me with it.

by Anonymousreply 4207/19/2010

Was this on Top chef? I believe I saw that one.

by Anonymousreply 4307/19/2010

The 82nd Airborne Division.

by Anonymousreply 4407/19/2010

Johnny Hazzard dildo. Cost me $60 bucks!

by Anonymousreply 4507/19/2010

Me too, r44!

by Anonymousreply 4607/19/2010

the nose of a rubber kitchen witch in a game of truth or dare in the 5th grade

by Anonymousreply 4707/19/2010

R43 made me giggle.

by Anonymousreply 4807/19/2010

I'll bet most of these posts are cut and pasted from the Michfest board.

by Anonymousreply 4907/19/2010

We've been known to host the Troups de Marines and the light and armoured calvary (all at once) in our vagine one weekend in which many cocktails and drugs were ing%C3%83%C2%A9r%C3%83%C2%A9.

by Anonymousreply 5007/19/2010

When I was a kid, I tried using hot dogs, but they just fell apart when you tried to in and out them. I also used the round knob on the gear shift of the riding lawn mower and a bedpost.

by Anonymousreply 5107/19/2010

A smarties (candy, like M&M's) container.

My only excuse, I was a teenager, it was the only thing I could find that seemed to be the "right" size to experiment with.

by Anonymousreply 5207/19/2010

Um, you're not MPC, R50. She is notoriously, stridently anti-drug.

by Anonymousreply 5307/19/2010

Has anyone ever tried a traffic cone?

by Anonymousreply 5407/19/2010

A good proportion of my weekly produce shop. I HATE zucchinis, but buy a lot of them.

by Anonymousreply 5507/19/2010

R54 - yep

by Anonymousreply 5607/19/2010

First thing ever - my family's Ban Roll On Deodorant dispenser. The old-timer cylinder-shaped ones. Little did the stinkers in my family know...

by Anonymousreply 5707/19/2010

"Stinker" being the operative word R57.

by Anonymousreply 5807/19/2010

Too bad those stinkers didn't use Tickle...the grooviest, most phallic deodorant of them all:

by Anonymousreply 5907/19/2010

Zak Spears (still the hottest daddy around!) describes what he first shoved up his hole

by Anonymousreply 6007/19/2010


by Anonymousreply 6107/19/2010


by Anonymousreply 6207/19/2010

aquarium heater, Brut aftershave bottle, Pantene shampoo bottle, and a Norelco electric (vibrating) shaver that secretes its own lube!

by Anonymousreply 6307/19/2010

Hotel size shampoo bottle (am I really the first to post this in our jet-set world?)

My entire Swatch brand wrist college....on multiple occasions.....

by Anonymousreply 6407/19/2010

This thread is worthless without pictures.

by Anonymousreply 6507/19/2010

OP you are gross. Most of you are so repulsive. Do you really need to stretch your hole that much. Ugh. That fisting shit I really don't get AT ALL. Makes me sick.

by Anonymousreply 6607/19/2010

go away, prisspot, you're not welcome

by Anonymousreply 6707/19/2010

R66's arm.

by Anonymousreply 6807/19/2010

Gummi worms when I was just a lad, then shampoo bottles, candles and brush handles.

by Anonymousreply 6907/19/2010

Does anyone know what R66 is going on about?

by Anonymousreply 7007/20/2010

she (r66) has a stick up her butt

by Anonymousreply 7107/20/2010

This is a good thread title for mashups.

Things that have been up your hole: Tucker Carlson vs Keith Olbermann

by Anonymousreply 7207/20/2010

This thread reminds me of an article in the L.A. Reader (early 80's) listing objects that one emergency room had removed from different assholes. It was an astonishing list. The one I remember cracking up about was a light bulb.

by Anonymousreply 7307/20/2010

The neck of a Budweiser beer bottle when I was 17.

I lubed it with KY first.

Boy am I lucky I didn't wind up with shattered glass up my ass.

by Anonymousreply 7407/20/2010

I've done the beer bottle before.

by Anonymousreply 7507/20/2010

cucumbers, carrots, dildos of various sizes...the usual...

by Anonymousreply 7607/20/2010

Who wanted photos?

They say this is a vibrator, but it looks more like a remote control (scroll down)

PS: This is a medical site where they show the Xrays first and then how they got it out. Maybe not for the queasy. (but you asked!)

by Anonymousreply 7707/20/2010

"...described a 50-year-old man who was seen at an emergency department for abdominal pain. (18) A physical examination revealed peritonitis and an X-ray revealed a shadow of an eel in the abdomen. After further questioning, the patient reported that he had inserted a live eel (pictured above left) into his rectum to relieve constipation. The 50 cm-long eel had perforated his rectum and was quickly removed.

(Photo. YES, of an eel. Being extracted from an asshole.)

- -

Buzzard and Waxman reported the removal of a plastic vibrator from the rectum of a 65-year-old man who had had it in his rectum for 6 months and even traveled around the world with it.


Graves et al. described a patient with a large peanut butter glass jar lodged in his rectum. The patient claimed that he was washing his dog in the shower when he slipped and fell on a glass jar, which then entered his rectum

by Anonymousreply 7807/20/2010

Bowling ball

by Anonymousreply 7907/20/2010

The objects homosexuals insert into their rectum are only limited by the capacity of their rectum, not their imagination.

For instance, Cooper described a 33-year-old homosexual patient with a 14 inch-long sand-filled bicycle tube in his rectum. He and his partners regularly inserted the sand-filled tubes into each others rectum, till one day they lost a tube beyond recovery into the patient%C3%A2%C2%80%C2%99s rectum. Stephens and Taff described a homosexual who had his partner give him an enema with a concrete mix, followed by the insertion of a ping-pong ball to retain the mix. The concrete hardened and the homosexual ended up in an emergency department. The patient refused a psychiatric consultation recommended by the physician.

by Anonymousreply 8007/20/2010

I can't believe we're past 80 responses and no one has said this yet:%0D %0D A gerbil

by Anonymousreply 8107/20/2010

2 litre coke bottle

by Anonymousreply 8207/20/2010

Cock. But, no tongue or finger. %0D %0D I tongue and finger holes, not the other way around.

by Anonymousreply 8307/20/2010

Why are people always claiming a slip and fall when something is found in their rectums? The odds of that have to be about a billion to one.

by Anonymousreply 8407/20/2010

What are you? A fucking moron?

They claim they slipped and fell on the object because of shame and embarrassment.

by Anonymousreply 8507/20/2010

This would be a great category on Jeopardy.

I'll take Things That Have Been up Your Hole for 1000, Alex.

by Anonymousreply 8607/20/2010

Sixteen Candles

by Anonymousreply 8707/20/2010


by Anonymousreply 8807/20/2010

[quote]an enema with a concrete mix, followed by the insertion of a ping-pong ball to retain the mix. The concrete hardened and the homosexual ended up in an emergency department. %0D %0D No wonder we haven't heard from mhb lately.

by Anonymousreply 8907/20/2010

Anyone ever heard of the iBrator?

by Anonymousreply 9007/20/2010

An Officer and a Gentleman

by Anonymousreply 9107/21/2010

A Few Good Men

by Anonymousreply 9207/21/2010

As funny as some of this is, there is a video on (I think) Efukt where some guy is sticking a glass jar up his ass and it shatters on him. Hilarity ensues.

by Anonymousreply 9307/21/2010

It's been posted here on the DL

by Anonymousreply 9407/21/2010

"Police in Wenatchee are surprised at the amount of contraband an inmate was able to smuggle into the jail rectally. The Wenatchee World said the man internally carried a cigarette lighter, rolling papers, a baggie of tobacco the size of a golf ball, a smaller baggie of marijuana, a 1-inch smoking pipe, a bottle of tattoo ink and eight tattoo needles."

by Anonymousreply 9507/23/2010

i once stuck a hammer up my butt.(not the handle)i'm dead serious.

by Anonymousreply 9604/26/2011

I know a lady who works in a hospital who tells us all kinds of stories, such as this one. The police brought in this skanky druggie they nabbed after she had gone on a stealing spree because she had really bad stomach cramps. As she's standing there in emerg, she bends over in pain and stuff starts falling our of her coin purse, among them a cellphone and set of car keys she had stolen. Can you imagine? Would you like your keys back? Uh... no. I'll just buy a new car, thank you.

by Anonymousreply 9704/26/2011

The entire male population of Worcester, MA.

by Anonymousreply 9804/26/2011

It's so common it's ceased to be funny, but I have seen lodged in the rectum and needing to be surgically retrieved:%0D %0D Vibrators (many, in males and females)%0D %0D a Mrs Butterworths syrup bottle (yes she was still smiling)%0D %0D a Ken doll%0D %0D a whole orange (this guy has been in several times, each time claiming to have left the offending fruit in a chair, and then he "accidentally" sits on it after having a shower - OOPS!)%0D %0D The penis ones are just as bad - many pencils, feathers etc stuck in the urethra.%0D %0D One sad case - a guy was brought in to the ER in the middle of summer wearing a coat. He stuck his dick in a 50# weight from his barbell set and it got stuck. They had to sort of filet his dick in surgery to get it out.%0D %0D I don't know if she stayed with him.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 9904/26/2011

a little light saber

by Anonymousreply 10002/26/2013

Corn. On the cob of course.

by Anonymousreply 10102/26/2013

Hand, foot, amputees stump ( leg and arm..poor unlucky bastard.) toip of a bald guys head, rubber baby doll ( come on girls THATS easy!) full rack of billiard balls, one steel bocci ball, bowling pin, louisv ille slugger baseball bat, half a football, half a rugby ball, in fact every regualtion sized sports ball smaller than soccer , basketball, or vollyball.

a yard of steel nautical chain, a dozen raw eggs which I later laid and served at brunch , all major vegetable and fruits, traffic pylons, a metal parking stanchion , various fuck machines, set a Russian nesting dolls, beach umbrella (unopened)

plus too many moire to count... plus I need to "attend" to something

by Anonymousreply 10202/26/2013

A Rubik's cube.

by Anonymousreply 10302/26/2013

Sharpie permanent markers, a pair of dice (which ultimately became lost).

by Anonymousreply 10402/26/2013

My older sister's toothbrush; she was such a bitch to me growing up.

by Anonymousreply 10502/26/2013


by Anonymousreply 10602/26/2013

That Zak Spears video wouldn't play.

by Anonymousreply 10702/26/2013

Well, one drunken night... Earrings... and two caftans....

Don't ask.

by Anonymousreply 10802/26/2013

Corn, R101? Corn? Now when did I have corn??

by Anonymousreply 10902/26/2013

I am 9 and my cousins hard dick

by Anonymousreply 11007/01/2013

A bottle of Goldschlager

by Anonymousreply 11107/01/2013

A kilo of cocaine wrapped in little plastic bags. I made it passed security and into the state prison. The other inmates were thrilled. And I made a ton of money.

by Anonymousreply 11207/01/2013

A sailor moon doll. My friend collected them in boxes. Super anal bout them. So I oppened ome and. Stuck it up my a"ss and fucked myself "raw. And my mom s. toothbrish

by Anonymousreply 11311/18/2013

Just poop.

by Anonymousreply 11411/18/2013

Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge... I couldn't quite get the pear tree in, but I'm working on it.

by Anonymousreply 11511/18/2013

Capitol Hill correspondent Luke Russert on the beat for the hole story.

by Anonymousreply 11611/18/2013


by Anonymousreply 11711/18/2013

When I was a teenager, experimenting, I would cover frozen hot dogs with Saran Wrap and lube them up with vegetable oil. Don't worry...I'd always throw the hot dog away...

by Anonymousreply 11811/18/2013

r99 Why didn't somebody just blow that erstwhile body builder, to make his dick soft?

by Anonymousreply 11911/19/2013

A condom filled with frozen water. You don't wanna know how that ended...

by Anonymousreply 12011/19/2013

A ferret ... but [italic]only[/italic] after it was made zestfully clean via a whirl in the dishwasher.

by Anonymousreply 12111/19/2013

I like a lot of stuff including a Pantene shampoo bottle or a coke

by Anonymousreply 12203/03/2014

The neck of a small vase with bumps on, hair brush handle, lip gloss tube.

by Anonymousreply 12310/29/2014

Not to get too far off topic, but what is it with putting sticks up the urethra these days? Is that new? I had to get a VD test a couple of times back in the day and by CHRIST that hurt.

What's the appeal, sluts?

by Anonymousreply 12410/29/2014

Besides the aforementioned cucumbers, brush handles, screwdriver handles and candlesticks,

Ice cubes.


by Anonymousreply 12510/29/2014

Ice cubes seem like a strange thing to stick up there.

by Anonymousreply 12610/30/2014

My own dick.

by Anonymousreply 12710/30/2014

Mr. Hugh Jackman's Aussie sausage.

by Anonymousreply 12810/30/2014

You are all sick, SICK FUCKS!!

by Anonymousreply 12910/31/2014


by Anonymousreply 13010/31/2014

An unpeeled, green banana.

by Anonymousreply 13111/16/2014

Hee Hee!!

by Anonymousreply 13211/27/2014

A concrete dildo.

by Anonymousreply 13312/31/2014

The OP's tongue

by Anonymousreply 13412/31/2014

A 7 inch frozen turd packed in a condom.

by Anonymousreply 13512/31/2014

Each one of Ann Coulter's bestsellers.

by Anonymousreply 13612/31/2014

My head.

by Anonymousreply 13712/31/2014

All the shits I couldn't give, but then *miraculously* I could!

by Anonymousreply 13812/31/2014

Ted Haggard!

by Anonymousreply 13912/31/2014

Hillary Clinton's last book. Not sure what was more painful. Reading it or putting it up my ass.

by Anonymousreply 14012/31/2014

hole bump

by Anonymousreply 14102/25/2015

Saddle horn, yee haw. Toy dump truck, a very chic rolling pin from Williams Sonoma.

I guess this isn't a frau thread, thank god.

by Anonymousreply 14202/25/2015

I could stick up to three fat crayola markers up my vagina. Pens, razor handles, hairbrush handles. I have tried one of the handles on a bouncy ball before, but I was too tight at the time.

by Anonymousreply 14305/29/2015
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