Finding it harder to be gay as I get older.

No. It wouldn't.

Life moght be easier, but not necessarily happier.

Sounds like you’re drowning in heteronormativity which sounds repressive. Your sexuality isn’t the problem, your location is.

I’m a year older than you and living in the city, most of my straight friends aren’t even married. Or have already gotten divorced.

You don’t seem very happy in the closet. What is that telling you?

And life would be easier if you weren’t gay but life also would be lived in the dark.

Us homos build a sense of self-awareness and seek purpose from life outside of the mindless “marry and have kids” checklist breeders follow, which also leads to unhappiness for them.

Be lucky to be gay. You might not feel it now but at 35, you could be paying for some kid you don’t want or in a marriage with a woman who hates you.

Could be much worse if you were straight!

don't waste what time you have left on this planet by being miserable. Get the fuck out of whatever podunk town you are in and move- NOW. You can figure out a way to make it happen, if you really want to.

35? Bitch, I have SHOES older than that.

You're still young. You have time to change whatever you don't like. I changed pretty much my entire life at 40.

Sitting in a dark corner clutching the hem of your dress and wishing something different would happen will get you nowhere. Make a change, get out of Podunkia, and LIVE!

One of the easiest traps for gay men to fall into is to think they should be living the same types of lives as their heterosexual contemporaries. If you fall into the trap, you're just committing yourself to a life of insecurity and misery.

Don't look at what other people are doing. Don't compare your life to anyone else's. Find out what makes you happy and pursue it. Live your life on your own terms. You're still very young. You can change course. Like some others on here have said, I think the first step you need to take is to get out of whatever repressive community you're living in. This will help you discover what really makes you tick and what makes you happy.

Do it, OP. We're rooting for you.

You would be so much happier if you lived in an urban area around other gay people, OP. Even some place like Wichita or Indianapolis would be better than a rural town.

Move.

Welcome to life as an Eldergay! You're just starting early.

You’re not finding it harder to be gay as you’re not gay. You’re hiding in the closet pretending to be a straight man and you realize you’re wasting your one and only life away.

Grow up. Take responsibility. Stop whining to strangers. Get control of your life and make choices that move you forward. Break down the closet door.

Get the hell out of Normalville. It will kill you from the inside out. Second, get some balls and be a man. You are a 35 year old nobody living in a town of nobodies who are following a map of life because they are too stupid, or afraid to be themselves. And you are just like them- married or not. The fact that you think you have little to talk about only tells me that you are living a lie. If you are that afraid to be yourself then you deserve to be alone. The many of us who live our life without fear or regret are happier people no matter our present condition because we are not afraid. Fear makes you weak and obtuse. Just ask a Trump voter. You are whining at 35 about an issue you should have faced at 25. You want to live with someone else- adopt a pet. You want to be free then free yourself by not asking why but what can be done to move forward. Or else you will be on the lost highway with the other bodies that couldn't move forward . If you are that afraid to come out then you are endangering your health and welfare for the sake of Mayberry. Dumb move.

find a therapist who treats depression for gays, you have it

God, you're exhausting.

I don’t even know that your location is the root of your problem. It’s the fact that you’re lying about who you are to everyone who is close to you. You need to start there.

I get it OP ,you are in an environment where you cant feel free to be yourself. The only thing that can change that is either moving or just coming out and let the chips fall where they may. Heres something I bet you havent thought of... they all know you are gay . You think all these years and not one girlfriend or even a date hasnt made them wonder ? I bet if you did tell them everyone would be all "Duh" . Will you lose some friends and family ? probably,but I bet you will start getting hit on . Im sure theres more than one of you there. Ultimately it doesnt matter one whit what anyone else thinks of you,its about what you think of you .

Life isn't a waiting room for something better, OP — This is all we have, and it's damn short. Move away, come out of the closet, then wonder why you didn't do that 10 years ago, and finally be free and thankful.

OP count your blessings. You could be living in Iran or Afghanistan

[quote] I never struggled with my sexuality growing up. Never felt shameful or conflicted

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you sound delusional.

This has already been asked, but why do you have to live in your town?? Move to a bigger city.

Another whiny, depressing gay. Grow up. Move to a city or just continue to be miserable. Life is way too short.

R22- Better that than me which is a whiny depressing ( but not depressed) ELDER gay.

Be the town whore. Get the men out there on the downlow and blow their minds with your oral skills as you blow their dicks. Or just come out of the closet and you’ll find life better instantly.

Is this post from 1985?

Why alway blame the sexuality? What about your own inactivity? Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.

I'm sorry to say this and it sounds cruel but your behavior is pretty bizarre. You stay in a place where you know you will not be welcome, where you cannot be yourself and then start with the woe is me bit. You sound like a not very bright 18 year old living in 1952.

Have you actually smelled a vagina, OP?

You failed by not warning your guy friends to get vasectomies

It gets harder to be everything as you get older.

You may as well lament your race or sex as lament being gay. You feel bad for yourself because you live in some shitty rural place where you think that someone 35 is old and expected to act accordingly.

Many of the best things in my life happened after I was 35, some happened after I was 55, some after 65.

Thinking that everyone around you is happier is a dangerous and unwinnable game.

OP, your sexuality is one thing that will never change, like your birthday or the fact that you were born male. You can change your lifestyle but not your sexuality. My hunch is that there are other factors like self-esteem that would even make consider renouncing your sexuality and those would be best explored in therapy. Should you decide to "leave the gay behind" and marry a woman, you would have to contend not just with your self-esteem but also with being stuck in a relationship for which you were not emotionally engineered.

This is a no brainer. OP, you are creating your own misery by not being honest, and not being your true self. Sometimes you have to grow a pair and be able to take care of yourself instead of whining. You're asserting that you're a victim, but you're actually just being selfish. Do something.

Old AA saying: Don't compare your insides to somebody else's outsides.

It gets harder to get hard as you get older. Use that dick while you can.

The best thing I can say to you OP is that you need to find a way to get out of that town and find a job in a decent sized city with a gay community. If you stay in that town you're likely to be more and more unhappy until you reach an age where it doesn't matter whether your gay or not because getting sex is no longer an issue.

What R26 said.

Seriously.

I have a few questions and I’m asking because I genuinely want to help you (assuming this isn’t a troll post).

1. Why are you still in the closet after all these years? You’re in your 30s so you are no longer dependent on your family, I hope.

2. Why do you live in such a close-minded area? Are you college educated? Do you have a career? Are you able to find a job in a bigger city with more diversity and opportunities?

I have been where you’re at, OP. I decided to finally live my life on my terms when I was about 23. Before that, I was slowly dying. I had horrific health problems. I was in my early 20s but felt like I was 80 years old. It was not worth it. You are still young enough that you can make a change in your life. It’s 2025, you can be gay and live a fulfilled life.

I have never envied straight people and the traditional, white picket fence lifestyle. It’s bullshit propaganda that was created during the 1950s. It was a lie then and it’s a lie now. The vast majority of straight couples with kids are NOT happy. Read any relationship advice subreddit on Reddit if you don’t believe me.

Finally, I’ll leave you with this: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anaïs Nin

Time to move to the big city, OP.

You should have done it the moment you turned 18.

Oh well, what’s done is done. Do it NOW.

You can always marry a portly lass

Yes - what everyone is saying.

FUCKING MOVE out of that hick town.

There are hardly any small towns suitable for gays. Lesbians seem to make a go of it for some reason. But two men? No.

MOVE. You've only got one life. MOVE.

[quote]I never struggled with my sexuality growing up. Never felt shameful or conflicted.

[quote]I’ve never had the courage to come out and live openly. I was always scared of being ostracized and losing my family and friends.

Well here's your problem. 35 is a great age to figure out what's wrong and get on a new track.

Knock up a girl, OP. Then you can have a family.