What can I do to get 1 -3 years in a minimum security federal prison?

This is a good question. Urinate in public across state lines? Criticize Baron Trump? Fill out your dead mother's absentee ballot in a presidential election?

As a former prosecutor and judge, I would guess your best bet is some type of white collar crime, exactly like what put Martha in the clink, but you have to have enemies who will sell you out to the man to get caught.

Martha went to jail for perjury, so maybe if you even get adjacent to the “real” criminal then you might eventually find an opportunity to lie under oath.

Your legal fees wouldn't make it worth it - let alone having it on your record.

Having any jail time of that duration seriously limits you in life.

I wouldn't have legal fees, since I would accept the time.

I hope you’re not Latinks — they’d probably rendition you to a prison in Somalia.

Brendad is that you?

The slop and spam meals are hot, yes.